Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,589
CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:11,553
(theme music playing)
3
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,810
(bell ringing)
4
00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:25,108
[alarm sounding)
5
00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:30,864
(beeps)
6
00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:38,204
(playing the blues)
7
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:39,456
(jazzy solo)
8
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:48,548
(clinks)
9
00:00:58,933 --> 00:00:59,934
(horn honking)
10
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,687
(tires screeching)
11
00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:06,107
D'oh!
(screams)
12
00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,571
(yelling)
13
00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:25,502
{\an8}ANNOUNCER: Okay, FDR isin the White House,
14
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,712
{\an8}an ice cream conecosts a nickel,
15
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,048
{\an8}and a hot new tuneby Benny Goodman
16
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:31,466
{\an8}is hitting the charts.
17
00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:34,803
{\an8}-The year is 1939.
-(snoring)
18
00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:37,180
{\an8}19... 1939!
19
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,557
{\an8}Oh, my God.
I've gone back in time!
20
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:41,976
{\an8}I've got to warn everybody
about Hitler!
21
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,770
{\an8}And get to the ice cream store!
22
00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:45,688
{\an8}Hey, Homer,
what's all the hubbub?
23
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:48,108
{\an8}Let me guess-- you travel
back in time again?
24
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:50,527
{\an8}Shut up.
You haven't even been born yet.
25
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,529
{\an8}Easy, Homer,
I'll bring you back.
26
00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:54,823
{\an8}(tuning radio)
27
00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:57,033
{\an8}("The Safety Dance" playing)
28
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,786
{\an8}Oh, boy, am I glad
to see you guys.
29
00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:01,663
{\an8}MARTY:That was Men Without Hats.
30
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:05,250
{\an8}Or as they're known today...Men Without Jobs!
31
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:06,626
{\an8}(laughing)
32
00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:07,919
{\an8}BILL:Hey, don't go there, Marty.
33
00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:08,920
{\an8}MARTY:I'm not going anywhere.
34
00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:11,881
{\an8}I'm staying right hereat P. J. O'Harrigan's!
35
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,425
{\an8}We're broadcasting
live from P. J. O'H's
36
00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:15,969
{\an8}and this place
makes Animal House
37
00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:17,595
{\an8}look like
Terms of Endearment!
38
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:19,806
{\an8}We're kicking off our
35th consecutive happy hour
39
00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:20,974
{\an8}with no end in sight.
40
00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:23,309
{\an8}-So come on down.
-(cheering)
41
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:25,687
{\an8}Man, that sounds like
a swinging shindig.
42
00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:28,231
{\an8}Yeah, too bad we got
to work, huh, Homer?
43
00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,399
{\an8}Homer?
44
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:31,401
{\an8}HOMER: Woo-hoo! Let's party!
45
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:33,403
{\an8}Wake up, Homer.
46
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:34,487
{\an8}Eh?
47
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:35,905
{\an8}Come on. Move your butt.
48
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,532
{\an8}You're blocking traffic.
49
00:02:37,615 --> 00:02:38,700
{\an8}(honking horn)
50
00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:40,160
{\an8}That's no way to address
51
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,369
{\an8}Sir Drinks-A-Lot.
52
00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:43,037
{\an8}(groans)
53
00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:44,873
{\an8}Come on.
Let's get you inside
54
00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:46,624
{\an8}and scrape the gum
out of your hair.
55
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:47,876
{\an8}Okay...
56
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,294
{\an8}Hey, Marge,
57
00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:52,589
what's your
favorite radio station?
58
00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:57,343
{\an8}-Well, Marge...
-What?
59
00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:59,345
{\an8}What's your favorite
radio station?
60
00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:00,930
{\an8}Okay, Dad. We're ready.
61
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,432
Hey, that's super.
62
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:03,600
See you later.
63
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:05,894
Dad, don't you remember?
64
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,687
It's our special Saturday.
65
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,898
You agreed to spend
one Saturday a month
66
00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,316
doing something with the kids.
67
00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:12,859
Oh!
68
00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:14,402
Oh, quit complaining.
69
00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:16,154
It's half the work
of a divorced dad.
70
00:03:16,237 --> 00:03:19,532
Yeah, but it's twice as much
as a deadbeat dad.
71
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:20,867
Homer!
72
00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,702
They know I'm kidding.
73
00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:24,162
(both moaning)
74
00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,581
Okay, Bart,
it's your turn to pick.
75
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:29,209
Where are we headed?
Bowling? Demolition Derby?
76
00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:30,919
P. J. O'Harrigan's?
77
00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:33,171
Isn't that a funny name?
Huh? Huh?
78
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:36,216
{\an8}Hysterical. But I traded my
turn to Lisa for her dessert.
79
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:39,594
-No! We did a Lisa thing last month!
-MARGE: (grumbles)
80
00:03:39,677 --> 00:03:42,055
(laughing)
And I'm glad we did.
81
00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:43,806
But now I think
we should do something
82
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,099
normal people would like.
83
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,267
Why do you assume that I won't
84
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:47,602
pick something fun?
85
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:49,729
Let's see.
86
00:03:49,812 --> 00:03:52,023
-Oh, this looks very educational.
-Oh!
87
00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:54,359
Well, this could be
quite enlightening.
88
00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:57,362
-Oh! Oh!
-Fine. How about--
89
00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:59,239
She didn't say it yet.
90
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,199
-Go ahead, sweetie.
-The book fair?
91
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:02,575
Oh, no.
92
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,077
I'm not falling
for that again.
93
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,287
If it doesn't have
Siamese twins in a jar,
94
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:07,747
it's not a fair.
95
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:11,084
Oh, this is perfect.
96
00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:12,919
We're going to go
see Marmaduke?
97
00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:15,630
No, the Smithsonian
Traveling Exhibit.
98
00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:19,050
It encapsulates America
and makes history come alive.
99
00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:20,510
What? And Marmaduke doesn't?
100
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,804
Sorry, Dad.
My mind is made up.
101
00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:25,598
This is your fault
for trading away your turn.
102
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,225
Just for that,
no dessert tonight.
103
00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:28,226
Trade you my next turn
for your dessert.
104
00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:29,352
-Deal.
-D'oh!
105
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,147
Hey, how come the Smithsonian
106
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:36,150
needs to be sponsored
by a cell phone company?
107
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:37,568
I can answer that.
108
00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:38,945
Uncle Sam needs
to spend our tax dollars
109
00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:40,154
on the essentials.
110
00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,906
Anti-tobacco programs,
111
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,241
pro-tobacco programs,
112
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:45,451
killing wild donkeys,
and Israel.
113
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:46,953
Good old government.
114
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:48,871
Yeah, but corporate sponsorship
115
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,291
cheapens our nation's
treasures.
116
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,626
Actually, they're Omnitouch's
treasures now.
117
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,586
We bought them during
the last budget crisis.
118
00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:03,928
{\an8}(gasping) Look, they have
Lincoln's hat.
119
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,349
Thank God for grave robbers.
120
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,810
Oh, America's greatest citizen
121
00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:13,438
summed up in one piece
of clothing.
122
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,648
HOMER (gasping):
Fonzie's jacket!
123
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:17,608
Who's Fonzie?
124
00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,110
"Who's Fonzie?"
125
00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:21,029
Don't they teach you
anything in school?
126
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,947
He freed the squares.
127
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:25,241
How can they put a prop
from a TV show
128
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,493
next to the Bill of Rights?
129
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,746
So what's so great
about the Bill of Rights?
130
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:32,707
It guarantees all
of the basic freedoms.
131
00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:35,918
{\an8}Speech, religion,
the right to a speedy trial...
132
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,045
HOMER: Where?
I don't see that.
133
00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,338
(gasping) Dad!
134
00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:39,797
Don't do that!
135
00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:42,050
-(alarm buzzing)
-(guns cocking)
136
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:44,218
Get out of
Archie Bunker's chair! Now!
137
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:47,096
Relax. I'm just boning up
on the old constitution.
138
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:50,391
Oh, you're going
to regret that, pinko.
139
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:51,893
Oh, I am so sick of people
140
00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:53,227
hiding behind
the Bill of Rights.
141
00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:55,021
Look, he got chocolate on it.
142
00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:57,732
I didn't mean to. Look...
143
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,610
Mm-hmm. You just
licked off the part
144
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,362
that forbids cruel
and unusual punishment.
145
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:03,696
(chuckling)
146
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,198
Beautiful.
147
00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:07,158
Really? That much?
148
00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:10,119
It's going to cost $10,000
to repair that document.
149
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,245
What?
150
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:13,081
Of course, Omnitouch
understands
151
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,875
that real money doesn't grow on trees.
Not these days.
152
00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:19,087
Finally, a company
that understands my needs.
153
00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:20,421
We sure do.
154
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:21,589
It's called caring.
155
00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:22,882
So, we're even then?
156
00:06:22,965 --> 00:06:24,592
Not by a long shot.
157
00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:26,719
But I have a solution
that'll work out for both of us.
158
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:27,804
Especially you.
159
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,517
I don't want
a cellular transmitter
160
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,185
sticking out of my roof.
161
00:06:34,268 --> 00:06:36,854
We prefer to think of them
as "keep in touch towers."
162
00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:39,065
It's called caring, Marge.
163
00:06:39,148 --> 00:06:40,483
Plus, you've increased
164
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:42,735
Springfield's roaming
capabilities 64%.
165
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,821
You've got to admit, Marge,
that's a lot more roaming.
166
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,073
Oh, I guess.
167
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:52,203
Hey, this is pretty
comfortable.
168
00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:54,914
That Andy Capp
was on to something.
169
00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:57,417
Ugh. That antenna is an
eyesore.
170
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,085
Just pretend it's a tree,
honey.
171
00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:02,922
Or as we say at Omnitouch,
a "progress tree."
172
00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:05,091
Yeah, well, I hope
it doesn't hum too loud
173
00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:06,592
'cause I have a ton
of homework to do
174
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:07,844
and if don't finish it by...
175
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:08,928
(screams)
176
00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:10,596
My room!
177
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,474
What? I heard a yell.
178
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:14,767
Did you touch a wire?
179
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,936
What happened to my room?
180
00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:19,063
Nothing. They just
needed a place to put
181
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:20,857
all the electronic gizmos
182
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:24,068
and I know much you like that
science-y stuff, so I decid--
183
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:27,238
You gave away my room?
184
00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:29,240
Come on, Lisa,
try and see this
185
00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:31,868
from the Omnitouch
Corporation's point of view.
186
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,161
Your father's right, Lisa.
187
00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:34,662
Cellular service is about
188
00:07:34,745 --> 00:07:36,080
communication and unity.
189
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:37,373
Community.
190
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:39,542
Hmm.
191
00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:42,378
Oh...
192
00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:52,138
I can't believe
you did this, Dad.
193
00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:54,599
Why didn't you put
that thing in your room?
194
00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,726
Hmm, that thought
never occurred to me.
195
00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:58,644
Funny how your mind works
in a crisis.
196
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,146
It's just until we pay off
197
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:02,482
Daddy's desecration
of a priceless artifact.
198
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:05,318
{\an8}I thought I'd never
have to say that again.
199
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:08,237
Uh. But where am I
supposed to live?
200
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:11,532
Lisa... what's
your favorite movie?
201
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,993
{\an8}Until you taped over it,
The Little Mermaid.
202
00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:16,454
That's right, The Odd Couple.
203
00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:17,914
So meet your comically
204
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:20,500
mismatched roommate,
Bart Simpson!
205
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,752
(hums "The Odd Couple" theme)
206
00:08:25,129 --> 00:08:27,632
I'm going to make your life
a living hell.
207
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:28,633
Uh-oh.
208
00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:30,343
(humming continues)
209
00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:34,138
Dad!
210
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:37,433
Whoa.
211
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:42,104
Okay, if you're going
to live in my room
212
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,940
you're going to obey
my rules.
213
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:46,359
One, I am Bart, thy god.
214
00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:48,861
If I am out,
the Krusty doll is thy god.
215
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,238
If the doll's with me,
216
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:51,364
you will worship
the Night-light.
217
00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:52,698
Should the Night-light
218
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:53,824
be unable to fulfill
its duties...
219
00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:55,493
-Shut up.
-You shut up.
220
00:08:55,576 --> 00:08:57,828
Oh, this is not going to work.
221
00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:58,996
No, you shut up.
222
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,623
(groaning) Oh...
223
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:01,791
(electric current crackling)
224
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:11,342
-PRINCIPAL SKINNER: Hello, Mother?
-(gasping) Maggie?
225
00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:12,969
MRS. SKINNER:Seymour, you were supposed
226
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:15,179
to call me three minutes ago.
227
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,014
Sorry, Mother, I was driving
through a tunnel
228
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:18,432
and my cell phone
wouldn't work.
229
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,643
I don't want you driving
through tunnels.
230
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:22,144
You know what that symbolizes.
231
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,939
But, Mother, it cuts 90 minutesoff my drive.
232
00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:26,482
MRS. SKINNER: No tunnels!
233
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,109
Homer, we're picking up
cell phone calls
234
00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:29,360
over the baby monitor.
235
00:09:29,443 --> 00:09:31,070
Whoo! Anything spicy?
236
00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:32,655
Oh, that's not the point.
237
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:35,157
We should report this
to an Omnitouch care rep.
238
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,159
People's privacy is at stake.
239
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,120
Great. I'm going
to eat mayonnaise.
240
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:42,790
(groans)
241
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,210
(chair squeaking)
242
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,628
Bart, stop it.
243
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,089
-Stop what?
-Squeaking that chair.
244
00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:52,008
Hey, that's what I do
in my room, Lis.
245
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,259
I squeak my chair.
246
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:54,760
-(squeaking faster)
-Argh!
247
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:57,638
Oh, quit it, quit it,
quit it, quit it!
248
00:09:57,722 --> 00:10:00,433
Well, well, if it isn't
Frick and Frack,
249
00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:02,977
Jack and Jill, Fred and Ethel,
the three...
250
00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:05,730
Dad, will you please tell Bart
to stop squeaking his chair?
251
00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:07,690
I'm trying
to do my homework.
252
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,775
Bart, stop squeaking
your chair.
253
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:12,820
If you've got to do
something, click this pen.
254
00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:13,946
(clicking)
255
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,364
No!
256
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,491
-Hey, that looks like fun.
-Race you.
257
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:19,535
You're on.
Lisa, you play winner.
258
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,120
(rapid clicking)
259
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:22,788
Come on, come on!
260
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:24,332
-I'm gaining on ya!
-(both laughing)
261
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,877
Oh, honey, you missed
a great race.
262
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:28,961
Bart was winning,
but then he said,
263
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,046
"this is stupid,"
264
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,464
and he stopped and I won.
265
00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:34,842
Dad, I am trying
to do my homework.
266
00:10:34,925 --> 00:10:37,470
Hmm. Hey, you're mad at me.
267
00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:39,138
That wasn't
your mayonnaise, was it?
268
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:42,141
Dad, why did you have
to take away my room?
269
00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:43,476
Maybe you'd feel better
270
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,311
if we watched
some TV together.
271
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,605
(groans) I just want to study.
272
00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:50,107
-That's no fun.
-It is to me.
273
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:52,109
-No, it's not.
-Dad!
274
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:55,404
Oh, here's something
you'll like--
275
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,573
"When animals attack
magicians."
276
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,241
MAN: Pick a card, any...
277
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,285
-(baboon screeches)
-(man screams)
278
00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:03,829
-(chuckling)
-That's awful.
279
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,706
-Awful entertaining.
-(stomach gurgling)
280
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:08,751
Oh, my stomach hurts.
281
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,378
Hey, it's Krusty.
282
00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,546
I need you to get meout of another jam.
283
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,049
I picked up this chick
last night.
284
00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:16,967
At least I thought
she was a chick.
285
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,678
(laughing)
286
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:21,806
Showbiz is so fascinating.
287
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:25,768
Uh, Mom,
I don't feel so good.
288
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,103
(groans)
289
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:28,312
What is it, honey?
290
00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:30,690
My tummy really hurts.
291
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:34,777
Somebody wants mommy
to change baby's diaper.
292
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:37,029
Is that somebody you, Homer?
293
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:38,823
Yes, it is.
294
00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:41,492
Okay, then you can take Lisa
to Dr. Hibbert's.
295
00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:43,661
Great. Maybe on the way back,
296
00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,579
we can swing
by the Demolition Derby
297
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,206
and have a nice talk.
298
00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:49,208
Oh, sounds great.
299
00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:50,960
-(gurgling)
-Lisa, I'm afraid
300
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:53,546
your tummy ache
may be caused by stress.
301
00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:55,214
Well, that's a relief.
302
00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:58,008
(chuckles) Yes. Anyway,
when it comes to stress,
303
00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,386
I believe laughter
is the best medicine.
304
00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:02,471
You know, before I learned
to chuckle mindlessly,
305
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,515
I was headed
for an early grave myself.
306
00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:06,976
(chuckling)
307
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,102
Give it a try, honey.
308
00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:11,063
(half-hearted chuckling)
309
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:13,149
Oh, now,
you call that chuckling?
310
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:14,608
Come on, child, force it.
311
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,610
I'm really not
the chuckling type.
312
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:19,405
It's true. I'm always making
clever noises
313
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:21,449
and she never chuckles at 'em.
314
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:24,326
Well, I could prescribe
some harsh antacids,
315
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,495
but I think Lisa
would benefit more
316
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,331
from some herbal teas
or aromatherapy.
317
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,709
Yeah, you know,
some of that all-natural stuff
318
00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:32,710
is really very...
319
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:33,794
Oh, no, you don't.
320
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,380
Screw that touchy-queery crap.
321
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:37,923
We'll take the harsh antacids.
322
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,926
Nothing's too good
for my little girl.
323
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,928
I sure settled his hash.
324
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,597
Imagine that quack
thinking you'd try
325
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,849
one of those crazy
new-age cures.
326
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,768
They're not all crazy, Dad.
327
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,103
Sure they are, honey.
328
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,564
You know, just because
you say something is crazy
329
00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:55,566
doesn't make it so,
and just because you think
330
00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,651
museums are boring
and demolition derbies are fun
331
00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,278
doesn't make that true, either!
332
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,823
I'm sorry, Lisa.
333
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:05,159
Oh, it's not your fault.
334
00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:06,994
I know we love each other, Dad,
335
00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,871
but we're two
very different people,
336
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:12,625
and, much as I hate to say it,
as time goes on,
337
00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:15,503
we'll probably just drift
further and further apart.
338
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:18,756
HOMER: Oh, Lisa, honey,
I won't ever let that happen.
339
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:21,050
Oh.
340
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,889
Dad, you don't have to go
to a new-age store just for me.
341
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:28,974
I know you think
this stuff is stupid.
342
00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,768
Nah, you must be
thinking of your mother.
343
00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:33,395
I'm always exploring
alternatives
344
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,524
and expanding my horizons
into realms of...
345
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:38,818
Can't we just go in?
346
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:39,944
(bell ringing)
347
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,489
Oh, good...
I've been meaning to buy a...
348
00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:45,866
{\an8}"dream-catcher"?
Give me a break.
349
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,743
{\an8}I just wish
you could keep an open mind
350
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,078
{\an8}about other cultures.
351
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:50,496
Other cultures are fine.
352
00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:51,872
I'm just saying
I can get along in life
353
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,208
without a... "toothbrush."
354
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:55,501
Namaste.
355
00:13:55,584 --> 00:13:57,837
And, uh, ooga-booga to you, too.
356
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,089
May I tell you
about our white-light specials?
357
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:02,967
Absolutely not.
My little girl's tummy hurts.
358
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:04,802
Do you have anything
to stop her complaining?
359
00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:06,178
Dad!
360
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:07,388
Here...
361
00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:08,973
try this wheat grass juice.
362
00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:11,725
(slurping) Blah!
363
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,435
Well, your tongue works.
364
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:14,812
Mm-hmm. Hmm...
365
00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,438
Let's try some oil of Lorenzo,
366
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:18,566
and, uh, what's keeping
Joan Rivers alive?
367
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:20,067
Fetal grindings,
368
00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:21,819
but I have a better idea.
369
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:24,655
Oh, no, no freezing.
370
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,198
No, Mr. Simpson,
371
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,868
this is
a sensory-deprivation tank.
372
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:31,495
It blocks out
all the external distractions
373
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:33,706
-that bombard our souls.
-Can you pee in it?
374
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:35,624
-I'll take two hours.
-Me, too.
375
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:39,420
You're about to take
a journey into the mind.
376
00:14:39,503 --> 00:14:41,297
You may see
and experience things
377
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,048
that are strange
and frightening,
378
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,843
but remember,
they can't physically harm you,
379
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:47,887
though they may
destroy you mentally.
380
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,013
HOMER: So what?
381
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,731
LISA:Ah, this is kind of relaxing,
382
00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:00,774
but it's so hardto turn off my brain.
383
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,651
I have to stop thinking,
384
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,862
starting... now.
385
00:15:04,945 --> 00:15:06,280
Hey, it worked.
386
00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:07,489
Oh, no, that's thinking.
387
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,826
HOMER: Boring.
388
00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:14,872
(over radio)
Lenny, how you doing? It's Moe.
389
00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:16,749
I got someclass-three gossip here.
390
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,083
LENNY: Well... dish.
391
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,460
MOE: Groundskeeper Willie,
392
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:21,003
you know,the guy in the skirt?
393
00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:22,630
He bought himselfa mail-order bride,
394
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,715
but he was too cheapto pay the C.O.D. Right?
395
00:15:24,798 --> 00:15:27,384
So she's still in the cratedown at the post office.
396
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:30,012
-You want to go...
-Ooh, this sounds juicy.
397
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:33,223
Hmm...
398
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,893
Hey, Milhouse,
want to have some fun?
399
00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:36,894
Uh...
400
00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:38,312
Okay.
401
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:44,693
{\an8}How am I supposed to
hallucinate with all these swirling colors
402
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:45,986
{\an8}distracting me?
403
00:15:47,821 --> 00:15:49,073
Hey...
404
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:51,575
Oh, it's a ball of yarn.
405
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:52,743
That's funny.
406
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,787
I feel like batting it around.
407
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,789
Wow, I have a paw!
408
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,169
Oh, my gosh.
409
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:04,421
I've entered the body
of our cat.
410
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:05,631
(sucking)
411
00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:07,508
Ah! Maggie!
412
00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:10,094
Hey, hey,
get your sticky hands off me.
413
00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:11,095
Ow!
414
00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:12,513
(hisses)
415
00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:14,640
Oh, bad cat. Leave her alone.
416
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:15,849
(grunts)
417
00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:17,059
LISA: (screams)
418
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:22,106
{\an8}Wow, my mind just created
that out of nothing.
419
00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:25,484
{\an8}This tank is releasing
the full potential of my brain.
420
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:27,152
♪ Ooh-eee ooh-ah-ah ♪
421
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,154
♪ Ting-tang,walla-walla-bing-bang ♪
422
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:30,698
♪ Ooh-eee ooh-ah-ah ♪
423
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:32,324
♪ Walla-bing-bangting-ting, too... ♪
424
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:36,829
Come on, come on,
I need some gossip here.
425
00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:38,330
Where is everybody?
426
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:40,499
Does this town
shut down at 5:00?
427
00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:42,418
Frankie, it's me, Killer.
428
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:45,170
I just busted out of prisonand the cops are after me.
429
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,756
Ooh, talk to me, baby.
430
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,926
Okay, I think I lost them.
431
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,595
-(mooing)
-Uh-oh, a cow.
432
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,014
Eat lead, bossy.
433
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,725
Listen, Tony,
I need someplace to hide.
434
00:16:57,808 --> 00:17:00,352
Oh, this place looks good--
435
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:03,689
"742 Evergreen Terrace."
436
00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:06,233
-(gasps)
-Now, to open the door
437
00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:09,778
and kill whoever's inside.
438
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,781
I'll start by turning the knob.
439
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,116
(laughing)
440
00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:15,784
Got you, Mrs...
441
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:16,994
(groans)
442
00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:18,078
Oh, my God.
443
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,748
BART: (laughing)
444
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,833
Oh, Mom, you are
a prankster's dream.
445
00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:24,043
(laughs)
446
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,878
Wow, you really
clobbered him.
447
00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:28,714
That was a horrible trick
to play on your mother.
448
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,883
Yeah, well, it serves you right
for eavesdropping.
449
00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:32,676
Hmm.
450
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:36,096
Well, I guess we both learned
a lesson...
451
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,474
But, if anybody asks,
you hit him.
452
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,350
(groaning)
453
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,811
CLERK: But you can't just
repossess our merchandise.
454
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,481
The I Ching said I had
six months till bankruptcy.
455
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:48,984
Hey, channel somebody
who gives a damn.
456
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,737
Can't we discuss this
over some sympathy tea?
457
00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:55,240
Sorry, the teas are
already on the truck.
458
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:56,617
There's only enough room
459
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,368
on the truck for this one.
460
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,329
We'll get the other one later.
461
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:01,705
(both grunting)
462
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,249
Hey... this piece of junk
463
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,418
is finally doing something.
464
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:07,753
(laughs)
465
00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:09,296
Oh, man, this is heavy!
466
00:18:09,379 --> 00:18:11,215
You should lift
with your legs.
467
00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:14,134
Yeah, aw, screw it.
I got health insurance. Oh!
468
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:22,768
Abracadabra.
469
00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:25,896
The crystal says,
"Your baby shall be a girl."
470
00:18:25,979 --> 00:18:26,897
Shut up!
471
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:28,607
(tires squealing)
472
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:29,817
(crashes)
473
00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:34,488
Whoo!
Sensory deprivation kicks ass!
474
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,076
-(brakes squealing)
-(gasping)
475
00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:40,744
Oh, Neddy, you almost hit
that coffin.
476
00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:43,956
(gasping) Leapin' Lazarus!
477
00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:46,542
Is this what passes
for eternal rest these days?
478
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:48,710
Rod, go get Daddy
his burying shovel.
479
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,003
Yay!
480
00:18:51,755 --> 00:18:53,340
You sure buried him deep,
Daddy.
481
00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:56,510
(laughing) Not so deep
the Lord can't find him...
482
00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:58,262
and judge him.
483
00:18:58,345 --> 00:19:01,056
This is the best birthday
I ever had.
484
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:06,186
Okay, I'm ready
to get out now.
485
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,522
Yoo-hoo, hippie lady.
486
00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:09,857
Hippie lady?
487
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:12,442
Hey, hippie lady!
(yelling)
488
00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:14,820
Oh! What's going on?
489
00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:18,740
(yelling)
490
00:19:19,741 --> 00:19:21,577
Oh! Ow! Oh!
491
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,329
This inner-peace stuff is tough
on the old coconut!
492
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:25,956
(grunting)
493
00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:27,958
Hippie lady,
I want to get out.
494
00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:29,168
Oh!
495
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,546
(humming)
496
00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:35,340
Hmm? Look, Daddy,
a whale egg.
497
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:38,510
Oh, geez, I am so sick
of companies dumping their crud
498
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:40,095
in our ocean
without a permit.
499
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,306
It's not like
those permits are hard to get.
500
00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:44,933
You're going right back
where you came from.
501
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,186
But, Daddy,
you're on vacation.
502
00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,479
Crime doesn't take a vacation.
503
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:53,525
Hey, hey, hey, careful!
You'll pop it!
504
00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:57,404
Wow, I've been a cat,
a tree, and Cokie Roberts.
505
00:19:57,487 --> 00:19:59,364
(gasps)
It's happening again.
506
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,366
I wonder where
I'm going this time.
507
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,577
What's that? Oh, yuck!
508
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:05,329
That sandwich is full of meat!
509
00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:07,539
There's... bacon...
510
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:09,458
Canadian bacon...
511
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:11,001
Mexican bacon...
512
00:20:11,084 --> 00:20:13,253
(loudly salivating)
513
00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:18,550
LISA: (as Homer)
And a mouthwatering veal chop.
514
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:19,760
(slurping)
515
00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:22,846
Oh, no. Now I'm Dad.
516
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:26,183
Oh... and I'm
at a stupid, boring ballet.
517
00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:28,101
(yawning)
518
00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:31,021
(snoring)
519
00:20:31,104 --> 00:20:32,940
Dad! Wake up!
520
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:35,067
Your snoring is disturbing
the dancers.
521
00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:36,652
Hmm.
522
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,695
How can you embarrass me
like this?
523
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:40,280
Ooh, you won't sit
through anything
524
00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:42,199
that doesn't have car crashes.
525
00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:43,408
I'm sorry, honey.
526
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:45,827
Jeez, why's she so mad at me?
527
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,372
I only came to this dump
so I could be with her.
528
00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:50,457
And what happened
to my big sandwich?
529
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:53,126
(snoring)
530
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:55,712
(snoring)
531
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,130
(sighs)
532
00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:58,590
(groans)
533
00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:01,385
Boy... I can really be a pain
in the butt.
534
00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:04,888
-(creaking)
-Gee, I should cut Dad some slack.
535
00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:07,099
After all,
he did take me to the ballet
536
00:21:07,182 --> 00:21:09,685
and the Smithsonian Exhibit.
537
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:13,522
In fact, he takes me
lots of places he hates.
538
00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:15,399
HOMER:♪ I told the witch doctor ♪
539
00:21:15,482 --> 00:21:17,818
♪ There's tightness in my chest,bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
540
00:21:17,901 --> 00:21:21,405
♪ I told the witch doctorhe had to run a test... ♪
541
00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:22,781
Hi, sweetie.
542
00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:24,324
Hi, Dad. How was it?
543
00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,368
I went on a wild ride
544
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,328
without ever leaving
the building.
545
00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:29,663
How was yours?
546
00:21:29,746 --> 00:21:31,456
Pretty cool,
but now what do you say
547
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:34,293
we go do something
we'll both enjoy?
548
00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:35,752
Oh... like what?
549
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,462
(screeching)
550
00:21:37,546 --> 00:21:38,755
(crashing)
551
00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:41,300
Whoa, look at that car burn.
552
00:21:41,383 --> 00:21:43,343
Does it get
any better than this?
553
00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:45,345
Not to me, Dad.
554
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,681
(screeching and crashing)
555
00:21:47,764 --> 00:21:48,807
Oh!
556
00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:50,017
(laughter)
557
00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:51,018
(siren wailing)
558
00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:52,144
ANNOUNCER: (laughs)
559
00:21:52,227 --> 00:21:56,231
Here comes the ambulance.
560
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,529
(theme music playing)
561
00:22:40,776 --> 00:22:41,902
Shh.
562
00:22:45,155 --> 00:22:47,157
{\an8}Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services
39537
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Uighur
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof