All language subtitles for The.Outdoorsman

[crickets chirping]

[indistinct chatter]

[woman] How can you
say that to me?

[loud bang]

[woman] Jason?

Jason, honey?

It's time to come inside.

Sweetie, we talked about this.

Sometimes mommies and daddies
have to take a break.

-Honey.
-How long?

Maybe a few months.

Maybe never.

Then I'm never coming
back inside.

[mother] Oh! Oh, come on, honey.

Come on, sweetie. Look, let's go
have some hot chocolate.

-You'll feel better.
-Okay.

But I'm going
to try again tomorrow.

I'm gonna make it all night.
Alone.

[rock music plays]

♪ Eyes wide open

♪ When you throw the sand
There was rocks ♪

♪ In your mouth and now there's rocks in your hair ♪

♪ And now moving far
to farther still ♪

♪ Why are you
mincing my words? ♪

♪ Before I know the drill

♪ The drill is like a body

♪ At the bottom of a lake

♪ With rocks and we're sinking
Just thinking what it says ♪

♪ You're taking it out
from the past ♪

♪ Where is my gusto?
Where is my mandatory poise? ♪

♪ I don't know

[man] Right, so I was a good 50
to 80 yards away from camp.

You know, just me and my rifle
in one hand,

-and flashlight in the other.
-[woman on phone] Yeah?

Yeah. So I'm in the middle of
the woods, and all of a sudden

I hear the sound of breaking
branches behind me.

So I swing around
and there he is.

Big black bear.

About ten feet tall.

So I pull out my rifle,
I'm ready to shoot,

scared shitless, and click.
Nothing.

Nothing!
Forty below, gun seizes.

-[woman] My god. Forty below?
-Yeah.

Shouldn't he have been
hibernating?

Yeah, probably. You know?

But I think he was sick.
Rabies. Schizophrenia.

-Schizophrenia?
-Bear schizophrenia.

Anyway, my mind was moving
faster and faster.

And then it hit me.
I had it right there.

"All knowledge
begins with the senses,

proceeding with understanding,
and ending with reason.

Nothing is higher than reason."

-Immanuel Kant.
-And then?

And then, well,

then I hit him in the nose
with the butt of my rifle.

He ran off into the woods
and I never saw him again.

-Wow.
-Yeah.

Yeah, wow.
That was one hell of a winter.

-Jason.
-Well, here at Random House

we're all fans of the samples
you've sent us.

Oh, thank you very much.

This project,
it's very exciting.

I have to ask,
have you met with anyone else?

I'm not gonna lie to you, Kerry.

I've met with a few people
here and there.

I'd love to lock you down.
I'm in LA next week.

Let's meet face to face,
talk about this a little more.

-Does that work for you?
-That sounds fine. Yes.

-Great.
-Great.

You excited to get back
out there?

-Oh, yeah. Where?
-In nature.

Yes. Of course. Always.

Hey, when was the last time
you've done this?

-Lived in the woods?
-Oh...

so many times
I can't even count.

Oh, okay. See you soon.

I will see you soon as well.

All right. Bye-bye.

Yes! Random House!

It's happening.
This is all coming together.

Oh, boy!

[sighs]

So, what did you
want to talk about?

Jason, sit down.

[sighs]

-I'm leaving you.
-Looks...

-more like I'm leaving you.
-I'm kicking you out.

You're kicking me out
of our apartment?

-My apartment.
-'cause of the trip?

Come on. Carol, could you just
please be supportive for once?

I have done nothing
but support you.

You-- you rework your whole
fucking life around these

stupid, hypermasculine ideals
that you get

in your big dumb head.
And I'm always there

to support you when you start,
and then you quit.

What-- when?!

Oh, okay, let me see. Um,
two years ago you were a runner.

We had to wake up at the
buttfuck of dawn

to run for two hours.
And that lasted

until you blew your knee
trying to run to Mexico.

Hey! I got pretty far.

-Then it was MMA.
-MMA is very hard, Carol!

There are still blood stains
on the floor!

Woodworking. Poker. Boating.
Hunting. Shooting ranges.

Fucking classic car restoration.

Hey, where is that '65 Impala we
were going to drive to Big Sur?

-It is in our garage.
-Does it have wheels?

-Carol, this is different. Okay?
-Does it have wheels?!

It looks cooler without wheels!

I have known you
for a very long time. Okay?

And I know that deep
in your heart

you think that you
are capable of this.

But you're not. All right?

Come on, Jason.
Snap out of it.

You have got to move on.

From what?

Is this about my dad?

What, that he's dead? Is that
what this is about? That's...

-Yeah.
-...what you wanna talk about?

Okay, fine. You know what?
Let's talk about it.

Yes. Please!
Let's talk about it.

I just need to train.

So, uh, you're really gonna go
into the wilderness for a year?

Yes.

All right.
Well, then I guess you're right.

You're leaving me.

Goodbye.

Carol...

Thank you.

So tomorrow's the big day,
right?

Yeah, I guess.

-You nervous?
-Uh... [laughs]

If it happens, great.
If not, whatever.

But you think I'll get it,
right?

[choir singing] ♪ Om...

Come on. You got it, you got it.
You got it.

You got it! Okay.

-Jason?
-Mm.

-Hi.
-Sorry I'm late.

-The traffic was oppressive.
-Oh, yes, well...

-You wanna sit there?
-Oh, thanks.

Yeah, traffic's the reason
to wait.

-[both laugh]
-Hey, guys, welcome.

-What can I get you?
-Oh, uh, you know,

I will take the braised salmon
with potatoes.

And I'd like the quinoa salad,
no tomatoes, no onions,

and an ice water, no ice.

You know what? Actually,
I'll have that. I like that.

[waiter] You got it.
I'll take these from you.

Thank you.

Well, as you know, we're so
excited about this project.

Your outdoor odyssey.

Your deal memo basically just
outlines our agreement.

Oh, perfect. Okay.
I will, uh, peruse the deets.

Well, it's a good problem to
have. That's for sure.

The business from Atlanta alone
is going to double our cashflow.

The bad news is we are gonna
have to do some reorganizing.

-Of course.
-Makes sense.

I've spoken to the VPs

and we're all in agreement
about how best to move forward.

Let me start by saying

that you're both going to be
working on Atlanta.

And that you're both going
to be promoted.

That's great!

You know, I reread "The Scent
of Fog" on the flight.

It really touched me.

There's a vibrancy
to your words.

They're rough, but sensitive.

You know,
I think about that essay

every time
I smell smoked carp.

[laughs] I thought
it was herring.

We're creating an entirely new
Division of Identity Theft

and Mona, we're promoting you
to Senior Analyst.

And Cassie, you're gonna be
Executive Director.

Wow! [laughs]

I know, it's really, really
exciting stuff.

We're sort of pre-building
the team...

Wait. So you just gave
the promotion to Cassie?

No, uh-uh.
You're both getting promoted.

But most of the time
you will be reporting to Cassie.

-That part is true.
-Mona, welcome to my team.

You see, for me it's all about
the connections

of my surroundings,
the world. You know?

Like, who made that
fantastic blazer?

Some kid in Indonesia?
I don't know.

Who made our phones?
Who made your shoes?

Who made the quinoa?

I want to be one
with the world.

And for the first time,
learn to connect.

-You see--
-Wait. What do you mean,

"the first time"?

I have done everything
you've asked me to do.

I come in early every single
day, and I bust my ass.

-I should be the director.
-Well, you're not.

Then I quit.

I just mean my first time
in Northern California.

I've obviously been
in much harsher situations.

Sure. Hey, do you
know the difference

between a hackpawn
and a pinstack?

Well, let me ask you this.

Are we talking about
a North American pinstack

or an African pinstack?

I made those words up.

Fuck.

You're not gonna quit.

-You love this job too much.
-No, I...

I need unemployment.

I need you to fire me.

Yeah, I'm not
going to fire you.

-Really?
-Mm-mm.

How about now? Huh?

-Has any of this happened?
-Uh... what do you mean?

Has any of this
actually happened?

Have you actually
escaped a bear in 40 below?

Did you gather berries
and live off rabbit meat

for weeks on end?
You fucking little shit.

No, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Okay? Look, I can do this.

That's not very professional,
is it?

How about now?

Now!

-You're acting like a child.
-Yeah, and it feels great!

I've been training.
It could be the same story.

Fuck, even better.

That was my grandfather's!

Well, you know,
that's a story I would read.

Yes.

If you didn't quit
after a week. Goodbye.

Wait, come on.

Two quinoa salads.

I'm gonna just, uh,
leave the check right here.

-Right. Thank you.
-Let me know if you need a box.

I fucking hate quinoa salad.

Okay.

You're fired.

-Thank you.
-You're really welcome.

That was...

And my people skills
are fucking amazing!

So... you're out of here, huh?

Yeah, I got fired.

Why?

My people skills.

Yeah, I could see that.
I could see that.

-Yep.
-So what are you gonna do?

Are you gonna go out
and, like, find yourself now?

Yes.

Yes, that's exactly
what I'll do.

I'm gonna go find myself.

I have to escort you off
the property now.

Yes. Okay, yep.
That's what you were doing.

I could grab that if you'd like.

No, I got it. I got it.

-Oh, hi.
-Hi.

-Nice boxes.
-Yes. Sorry, yeah. You too.

-Oh, thanks.
-Yeah.

-I'm Jason.
-Mona.

-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.

-Oh, you're friends with Blake.
-Yeah, I'm just staying

with him for a while.
I'm kinda going through this

-transition thing and...
-Oh. Sounds mysterious.

What about you?
What's this, uh...

-Oh.
-Did you rob a Staples?

-I mean...
-I, um...

-I quit.
-Oh.

I quit my job.

-Um, technically I got fired.
-Oh.

'Cause they said...
they said, "You're fired."

But I... wanted that. So...

Hey. What the fuck
are you doing here?

Oh. Hey, Blake.
Carol kicked me out.

I was wondering if maybe I could
crash or something.

-Uh, of course. Hey, Mona!
-Hey. Nice to meet you.

It's very nice meeting you.
And congratulations.

-And I'm sorry.
-Thanks.

Bummer, yeah. That sucks, huh?

Thank you, man. I just need
to stay for like a few months.

Uh, yeah, I mean come in.

-Let's talk about it.
-Okay.

[air pump whirring]

-You wanna pull this out.
-Oh. Okay.

-Damn it. Thank you.
-Mm-hm.

-All right.
-Good?

I'm gonna get a beer.
You want one?

Uh, sure.

I only have one left.
Splitskies?

-What?
-I only have one left!

-You wanna split it?
-Uh, yeah.

Yeah, that sounds good!

Cool.

-So, what happened?
-Well, you know,

I'm leaving civilization to live
in the wilderness

in three months.
And I guess she just

-couldn't wait that long.
-Good. She was kind of a cunt.

Wait, what?
I thought you two got along.

Uh... I didn't particularly
care for her.

She was bossy and shitty to you.
She was like a first wife

that you, you know,

the implication is you'd
have a second, I guess,

-is what I'm getting at.
-Yeah.

Anyway, good you got
out when you did.

Wow.

You know what you gotta do?

-Oh, here we go.
-You gotta go out...

-Oh, boy.
-...find a girl that looks

like Carol, and then fuck her.

-I'm not going to...
-No, hear me out.

You gotta be mean about it.
You gotta do it for you.

You gotta give her the business.

Get your swagger back.
You feel me?

I don't even know
what that means.

But what are you saying? Like...

not spend the night
or something?

Mm. But do it for you,
know what I mean?

Be mean about it.
Get, like, you know,

-like be the guy, you know?
-Are you sure this is all right?

Me staying here? You sure?

Yeah, I mean, the place looks
a little better already.

You have such OCD, I could
probably fire my cleaning lady.

-So...
-Thanks, man.

-I really appreciate it.
-Yeah.

[sighs]

Man!

All right.

[music plays on laptop]

[man] If you're watching
this video, it's probably

because you're having issues
with either your hiking boots

-or your running shoes...
-What are you doing?

-I'm preparing.
-By watching movies?

No. I'm reading books too.

That's not how you prepare
for this shit, man.

You don't read books.
You gotta train.

You gotta get a trainer,
you gotta do something

-about your body.
-Dude, I have a trainer.

-Who?
-You don't know him.

All right?
He's gonna get me super ripped.

Jesus. You're not gonna
last a week, my friend.

-A cowboy hat?
-Hat means bald.

-You like bald?
-No.

Oh, he's a pilot.
That's cool, right?

Pass. Who doesn't wear a shirt
in their profile picture?

Shirtless guys
have small dicks.

-What?
-How do you know that?

How many data points
do you had?

Uh, one, two... eight.

Pass. Pass.

No, why are you passing so much?

No, I need to say yes more.
I need to be more social.

Oh, don't forget,
they need to be rich.

-Why?
-Fluff and fold laundry.

Takeout dinner every night.

You no longer have a job, Mona.

Unemployment is what, like,
12 weeks?

-Six.
-You don't have a job?

Why aren't we on LinkedIn?

Oh. Oh, God.
It says he's a vampire.

Oh, my God, swipe right!
Swipe right! Do it!

-[laughter]
-You need some hobbies.

-Go where dudes go.
-No, she doesn't like

normal guys.
Hobbies won't work for her.

-That's not true!
-Aw!

-Pass.
-Why?

-No single dads.
-Yeah. No dads.

Why don't you tell us
what you're looking for, Mona.

I don't know.

Someone who is, like, odd,

but not a total freak.

And someone who really knows how
to use Latinate plurals.

That's really important to me.

What are Latinate plurals?

It's just like the appropriate
use of plural nouns.

So, like, cactus, cacti.

Or alumnus, alumni. Or...

-What is she talking about?
-She means like mice and mouse.

No. No. That's not
the right example.

[laughter]

-[indistinct chatter]
-I love him.

-He looks like he's sweet.
-Yes, he does.

-Very sweet.
-I guess I just need

somebody who can
shut my brain off.

I'm training, okay?

I'm training and I'm gonna
get this body in shape

and you'll see. I'll be able
to live in the woods.

Do me a favor. Let me see you
just get out of that bed

in less than three seconds.

I'm not gonna play
your little games.

-All right, get up.
-What?

-Get up. Get up.
-Why?

Let's just see if you're
out of breath.

Sorry. Go ahead.

-Are you gonna push me?
-I'm not gonna push you.

-What?
-You're out of breath.

It's an air mattress, man. Okay?
You get stuck in these things.

What are you doing?

-All right.
-Sh. Listen.

Try it.

-This is ridiculous.
-Just try it.

-Fine.
-And then just be quiet.

-Taking a break? [laughs]
-Just a minute.

[grunts]

[panting]

[laughs] All right.
Do it three times?

[panting]

I mean, come on.

-I'll get you a water.
-Thank you.

[man] What are you doing,
looking to get in shape?

Yeah, I'm gonna go live
off the... off the grid

in Northern California.
I'm writing this book about it.

So I've been doing
a lot of research and,

-you know, reading and...
-You reading books...

to learn how to survive
in the wilderness?

Well, and I'm working out a lot.

Yeah. That won't last a week.

Oh, okay. Thank you.
I appreciate it.

I spent some good time
training up in the hills.

-In Northern California?
-Yeah, with SEAL Team Two.

SEAL Team Two?
Like, the Navy SEALs?

-Yeah.
-You were a Navy SEAL?

Yeah. And I was no
bugout bag either.

-Till the accident.
-Wow.

I lived in the elements!
All of them!

With nothing but
a German army knife and a...

and a... flash of tarp.

What's a German army knife?

It's like a Russian army knife,
only... only way better.

Which is even way better
than a Swiss army knife.

Hey, you don't think
there's any way I could--

Sure, man. I'll train you.

Oh, no. No, I was just thinking
maybe about the knife.

Is your heart in this or not?

Yeah, my heart is in it.

You want to die out there.

Good luck, man. That's cool.
Really, good luck.

Goddamn it.

Come back, please. All right.

All right.

Fine. You know what?
Fuck it. I'm in.

Good. Good.

I need your phone number.

'Cause I need to be able
to reach you day or night.

24 hours.

All right. Well,
do you have a pen?

I got mascara.

Um...

I think that's two loads.

Oh.

It's been a while
since I've done laundry.

Okay, well, all right.
Let me help you then.

First off, you have a lot of
colors and whites mixed in here.

And that is not a good thing.

I think it's okay.

-Okay.
-[both laugh]

-I love all colors.
-[laughs]

-Thank you for your help.
-Sure.

I have a party
to go to later in WeHo.

Yeah, well, Blake
is down in Palm Desert

for the whole weekend,
so tonight I am gonna order

some Thai food and then chill.
It's gonna be sick.

Why is Blake in Palm Desert?

Oh, just some desert party rave
thing that he goes to.

Yeah, he'll be out,
getting all messed up,

and he'll show up Sunday night
after midnight,

completely gone,
wake up the next morning,

take some pills and go to work
as if nothing happened.

-That guy's ridiculous.
-Yeah.

It's like a different girl
every week.

And we can hear it.
Jen and I have a drinking game.

He's into some sick shit.

Sometimes, he cries after.

I probably shouldn't
have told you that.

No, you definitely should
have told me that.

[chuckles]

I don't actually
have plans tonight.

I was just trying to
be impressive.

You know, if you're not doing
anything, um,

you can come over
and order some Thai food

and just chill.

-Nothing weird.
-I wasn't thinking

of anything weird
until you said it.

-Till I said it, right?
-Yeah.

-That's what I felt.
-Yeah.

Yeah. It was gross. Ugh.

All right, watch your hands.

Okay. So I'm gonna set you up.

[indistinct] All right. Now...

-I will let you do the honors.
-Oh, okay.

Push the button.

[moaning]

♪

What are you doing today?

I'm going to sign up
for a skydiving class.

And I'm gonna take
a pole dancing class.

And I'm gonna walk
to the Hollywood sign.

-And...
-Are you dying?

-What? No.
-That's so many things.

-Okay.
-Don't make a plan.

If you wanna get out there,
then get out there. You know?

If it tells you to go left,
go left.

If you feel like you need
to go right, go right.

Just get lost.

I can try.

So you asked if you could hit it
and she said yes?

-She did. She asked.
-That's weird.

That's actually very cool,
though.

[sighs] So what do I do now?

Hm.

-Wanna try this?
-What? No.

-Pilsner.
-No, no, no, no. I don't...

I'm not trying homebrewed beer,
okay? That's like...

It's the liquid version
of improv comedy.

You know? You get invited,
you have to go to the show,

the show sucks and you gotta
lie to the people

and be like, "Hey, no.
It was pretty good. Yeah."

-No.
-Don't be an asshole. Try this.

[sighs]

That's pretty good.

[phone rings]

[Blake] Phone!

Pick up your fucking phone!

-Hello?
-[Gerard] Wake up, motherfucker!

Training starts today.

[Jason groans]

Gerard, what's up, man?
How you doing? Good seeing you.

It's fucking so cold out here.

What is this, like an endurance
test or something?

-Cold training?
-Yeah, cold training.

You would have brought the heat.
No, no.

Cold training, man.
This is 52 degrees.

It's going to get
in the negative teens up north.

Shit. Shit.

Do you know how to start a fire?

I'm not bringing
a lighter or fire starter.

I'm gonna use a bow drill,
like the natives.

-So that's a no.
-No. I read a book.

All right.
We'll work on that later.

Right now, you need to learn
how to respect the cold.

You don't listen to your body,
you're dead.

A body temperature
mistake can be fatal.

Let me tell you three things
at once.

You learn to listen,
listen to learn.

The shell takes a dump
on the spirit.

It spreads its legs
like a fat fucking pizza eater.

A nothing.
A little piece of uncle.

Okay. Um, so what I gathered
is...

I have to clear my mind
so that my body

isn't physically cold.

Actually, run with that for now.

-[blows whistle]
-[music plays]

-Again.
-Hold on.

Not hold on! [blows whistle]
Again!

Jesus!

Burn the flesh off that body!
[blows whistle]

[blows whistle] Go!

[blows whistle] That's it, boy.
Shake it or break it.

-I'm done!
-I want you to go, man.

I want you to go and go.
Don't stop going.

Is this what we're gonna do
all day?

Back and forth? Come on.

Wait, wait, you're going
for water? No, no.

No water now. You want water?

You gotta go up
to the big tower.

Right up there.
You gotta go right up there.

-You drank my water?
-For your own good.

You can carry it with you.
You dip it and come back.

♪

[retching]

Good.

Good.

What... How the hell
did you get up here?

I ran.

Oh. Yeah. SEAL.

[knocking on door]

It's open!

-Hey.
-Oh. Hey.

I brought some
neighborly cookies.

Oh. Thank you.
That's so nice of you.

-Oh.
-They might be a little burnt.

Well, thank you. Mm.

Well, I was actually
about to, um, smoke.

Do you smoke weed?

Yes.

-[laughs] Oh.
-What?

-Oh, my God.
-What?

-You've never smoked.
-Not for any political reason.

I'm not straight edge
or anything.

I just... have not.

Well, would you like to?

-Yes.
-Yes.

-Yeah.
-Yes. Okay.

This is exciting.
Here's what you're gonna do.

-Okay, put that in your mouth.
-Okay.

Now you have
to put your thumb here.

-There you go. Just hold that.
-Like this?

And you're gonna need
to suck in.

And I will tell you
when to let go of this.

-And then just let it in.
-Okay.

And welcome to happiness.
Ready?

Three, two, one.

Okay, give me a second here.

-Okay? I'm nervous.
-[laughs]

All right, ready?

-Let go.
-[coughs]

Don't... Oh, boy!

-Okay.
-Sorry.

No, cough, that's good.
It's good.

-Be more high.
-[coughs]

-Okay. A little less coughing.
-Sorry.

It's okay.

[clears throat]
It, uh, tastes good.

-Tastes good?
-[both laugh]

You sound like a cop.

I don't know
if I feel it yet.

Why are you, um...
what is this?

This is a 21st century
typewriter.

This is how you disconnect.

-So it's a computer.
-Mm-mm. No.

It's not a computer.
It is a typewriter.

-It has keys like a computer.
-So does typewriters.

No, typewriters have keys
like typewriters.

Okay. You know,
I'm high right now.

And you're kind of
ruining my process.

Right? I write high,
I edit sober.

More?

I'm hungry.

Okay. Well, I got you.

Oh, my gosh. I haven't had this
in like ten years.

I should probably go home.
It's probably late.

It's probably
like past midnight.

-It is 9:30.
-Oh.

-Why am I in the bathtub?
-I have no idea.

[choir sings] ♪ Om...

[whispering indistinctly]

Hello! Hi!

Hi, sorry to bother you two.
I just, uh...

Question for you.
Um, could either of you tell me

if this is wild currant?
And if so, is it ripe?

I have no idea.

Do you... are you hungry?

Oh, that's...
that's so nice. No.

I just need to know...
I just was wondering

if you knew about this berry.
One of these is... good for you.

And the other can put you
in a coma.

Do you want some chips?

-Excuse me.
-Yeah?

Could you tell me
if these are wild currants?

-What?
-I just want to know

if these are
edible wild currants.

-I've been trying to--
-Have you been eating berries?

-[scoffs] Of course not. No.
-Good.

-Are these berries edible?
-Don't eat anything!

Okay? These plants
aren't up here

for you to frickin' eat!
They're here for families,

to come and look at and enjoy,
take photos in front of them.

And then put them on their
refrigerator at home

so they look back and remember
the great time they had here.

Okay. I'm sorry. Jeez. Fine.

Are you sure, though? 'Cause if
you look at this book--

Just do me a favor real quick.
Okay?

Wanna visualize something
with me? Play a game?

Look at all these plants.
Look at them all.

And let's assume that
if you put one in your mouth,

-you're gonna die.
-I know that.

So if I eat one of these plants,
I'm gonna die.

That's what you should think.

Okay.

You're gonna do it, aren't you?

You're gonna eat 'em.

[scoffs]

No.

[Jason retching]

♪

"The key to getting
a turkey moist

is to get the juices
under the skin, not on. Under."

What the fuck does that mean?

♪ Tell me not to hurry...

[smoke detector beeping]

-Fire!
-Fuck!

♪ When you tell me just
to trust my instincts ♪

If you don't stay late,
they get mad

and think that nothing's
getting done.

And then if you do stay late,
people think that you

don't have a good
work/life balance.

Ugh! Well, the 40-hour work week
is so immoral.

40 hours? That's... that's cute.
That's like a vacation.

I had a sleeping bag
in my filing cabinet.

-That's bullshit!
-You gotta pay the bills.

Some people have
to pay the bills.

What? Is that what this is?

Like a recruiting ceremony
for Scientology or something?

Or is it Mary Kay? Please don't
tell me it's Mary Kay.

No! No, it's, actually,
it's a little too complicated

to explain in one night. So...

I'm good at getting things.

Okay. Um, well, I am gonna be
going off and...

I'm gonna live in the mountains
for a while.

-Wow. How long?
-A year.

That's not complicated.
That's pretty awesome.

Isn't that kind of thing
pretty taxing?

Well, you know, my dad used
to go all the time.

And, uh, he would take me
a few times.

You know, we would go up
into the woods,

and, uh, sleep in tents
and he'd crack open a beer

and sneak me some sips.

-Where's your dad now?
-Uh, he passed.

-I'm sorry.
-Yeah.

Actually, I have a picture
of him.

-That's him.
-Wow. Very handsome.

Yeah. Yeah, that's where
I get it from.

So you're just gonna go
look at some bears

-and then come back?
-[laughs] No.

I'm actually bringing
a journal

and I'm gonna write a book
about it.

Wow! That's intense.

Literally, 'cause you'll be
in a tent.

-[laughs]
-Right here.

A lot of my friends don't think
I can do it.

-Really?
-Yeah.

You see, I've never really
done anything

survival-y, so...

-Yeah.
-You'll be fine.

You'll be great.

No, I'm doing well, Mom.

Mm-hm.

Yeah. I'm having
dinner with a friend.

It is a she. Yes.

No, Mom. We're just...
we're just friends.

Okay? So let's... so...
settle down.

Yes, I know. I know. I will.

Okay. I really--
I have to go.

No, I know. I love you.
I have to go, though.

'Cause I'm being rude, Mother.

Okay? I need to leave
and have... dinner.

Okay? I love you.

Don't drink too much.

It's a joke, Mom.
I was doing a joke.

Okay. I have to go.

All right. I love you.

Okay.

All right. I love you.

All right, bye. Okay.

Bye. I love you. All right. Wow.

-She good?
-Hm?

It was a wrong number

Oh, wait. Wait, wait. Um...

I just started my period.

Oh. Is it, um...
is it bad?

-Have you seen The Shining?
-Ew.

What is wrong with you?

[laughs] God!

Can I stay?

Yeah.

You finding everything you need?

Uh, yeah. I'm fine.

-Firestarter, huh?
-Yeah.

Yeah, well, you know,
I could usually make a fire

using local materials, but this
is for rain emergencies.

Sure. Where are you headed?

North. The Sierra region.
You know, around those parts.

Sierras are so pretty.
Me and some of the crew here

went to Kings Canyon
last summer.

-Cool.
-Fire restrictions

-are pretty tight.
-Wow.

Little secret: not really
worried about the laws.

Okay. What kind of stove
are you using?

-Uh, no stove.
-Okay.

But you know you'll be
fined like crazy

if you get caught starting a
fire without--

I know. I'm a writer.

So I shouldn't be
worried about you, huh?

No. I'll be fine.

Okay. Sorry, I'm just trying
to help you find--

I know. That is half my fault.

-Um...
-I'll just

put that back for you.
Just these hooks.

Thank you.

You should probably push them in
a little bit more.

[sighs]

Emergency water.

[knock on door, buzzing]

Hi.

Wow! Somebody cleaned.

Is Blake okay with you
sterilizing his apartment?

Uh, I think he pretends to be.

Honestly, I actually think
it kind of pisses him off.

It looks good.

Thank you, yeah, you know,
I had to take control.

Lao Tzu and all that jazz.

So you're really going through
with all this camping stuff?

Um...

Um, an odyssey, yes.
Journey.

Camping thing...
Why are you here?

I just wanted to bring
back the rest of your stuff.

Okay, yeah. Thank you. Yes.

I wanted to talk.
You know, I just...

-Everything happened so fast.
-Well, you threw me out.

It's kind of hard
to do that any slower.

I know. I was just so confused.

Uh... you know, Carol,
I actually, I have a lot of,

uh, training and a lot
of things that I need to, um...

-Okay.
-...get done for this...

[vibrator buzzing]

Sorry. Wow. That's not...

Whoops.

Why do you have all that stuff
in your bag?

I was just on my way
to Goodwill.

-[music plays]
-[moaning]

[Jason] Oh, Jesus.

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

-[moaning]
-Fucking...

-Oh! Ouch! Jesus Christ!
-I like it rough.

[moaning, shouting
from next door]

[both] Blake.

-Jesus! Carol!
-Shh!

Can you just keep
your mouth shut?

Just give me a--

[moaning]

Oh, well, I was thinking maybe
the two of us

could go get some coffee
or something, you know?

Yeah. It's 11.
I have a hair appointment.

-Oh. Well...
-Yeah.

All right. Um...

-Can I get a kiss?
-[laughs]

-So I'll see you around.
-Yeah, definitely. Yeah.

Cool. Awesome.

Drive safe.

Drive safe?

[moans]

Shit.

Jesus. Holy shit. How do you
know where I'm staying?

Lesson two: find a truth.
Find a truth.

Is that crack?
You can't bring that here!

It's DMT.
The spirit molecule.

-Oh. Okay.
-Have you experienced it?

-Yeah. Uh... yeah. For sure.
-What?

I mean,
I've read about it in Vice.

We need to smoke it,
clear your soul

and to explore your mind.

That's your training?

DMT is about crossing
to the other side.

About finding a truth.

Do you know what truth
you're looking for?

Um... I-- Well...

I kind of wish I had a little
bit more time to prepare,

-but...
-What's your truth?

I'm sorry. I thought
if I told you the truth,

then it wouldn't come true.

-[Gerard] What?
-That's a birthday wish.

You're thinking about
a birthday wish.

-Just suck in.
-Okay. All right.

Just... okay.

Smoke it and find the truth.
All right.

The truth!

[choir singing] ♪ Om...

Okay...

Come with us, Jason. Come.

-Who are you?
-We are the Being Supreme.

Come with us. We will show you
the DNA of the universe.

We will show the answer to all.

You like sports?

Not really.

Do you train a lot of people
to live in the wilderness?

No way, man. [laughs]

So what do you do?

-I stay alive, man.
-Okay.

So he's in good hands, huh?

-Who?
-Jason.

Him.

Oh... He's got great hands.

So you slept with Carol,
and you feel guilty about it,

-because you care about Mona.
-I guess I do care about her.

But the odyssey, it's what
I've got going on right now.

Do you think she'll be upset
that you cheated on her?

Whoa, whoa, we aren't dating.

So, what's your question?

About the odyssey,
it's like John Locke said:

"On the mountain of truth
you can never climb in."

-That's Nietzsche.
-No, I think it's Locke.

We assure you it's Nietzsche.
We know all.

I'm pretty sure it's Locke.
I have my PhD in philosophy.

From Penn.

-Penn State.
-Yeah.

You tell people you went to Penn
so they think you went to UPenn.

But you went to Penn State.

-I'm not lying.
-I think we're done here.

Wait! You were going
to tell me a truth.

The truth is, Jason... quit.

You won't last a week.

[gasping]

What did you see?

Gnomes.

Uh... little gnomes.
Just they...

-They...
-Say it!

They said, um, that--
Well, they told me, um...

Ah, Jesus.

They, um, they said...

They told me not to quit.

-Huh.
-They told me to double down

and go for it.

The spirit molecule
told you a truth.

Listen. Trust me.

I will.

I'm gonna need some cash
for the drugs.

-What'd you think?
-Of what?

Breakfast. I'm trying to hit up
the top ten best brunch places

according to Yelp before
all my savings run out.

It was okay.

-So, like, three stars?
-Can I be honest with you?

I don't get the brunch craze.

You know, people wait
in line for two hours

for mimosas and French toast.

Like, come on.
Is it gonna make you fly?

Is it gonna save your marriage?

It's just breakfast.

-You okay?
-I'm fine. Yeah.

Okay.

I heard Blake
fuck this girl yesterday.

Uh, yeah, well...

That was actually,
that was me.

You fucked Blake?

[laughs] No, um,
my ex showed up.

And it was kind of like
a goodbye thing, I think.

-Oh.
-Yeah.

Is that what you
wanted to tell me?

Well, I was gonna tell you
I tried DMT, you know?

-And I saw my truth.
-Wait, wait.

You fucked your ex-girlfriend

and you weren't
gonna tell me?

-Mona, I was gonna tell you.
-Yeah.

Listen, I told you that
I wasn't looking for anything.

-Okay?
-I remember.

Come on, man, you hesitate
for a second

in nature and you're dead!
Dead!

Damn it!
Maybe it's the kindling.

-Maybe it's the wrong stuff.
-The kindling's not weak.

It's your spirit, man!
Your spirit!

It's not the kindling, is it?

I don't know, man.

All right, no one bit.

Which means there's no book.

Which means there's no odyssey.

I get it.

You're gonna let the approval

of some shitty-ass
publishing company

get between you
and fucking nature.

No, it's not...

It's different.

Michelangelo needed a ceiling.

The Beatles needed
a record deal.

You want to live
in the wilderness.

You don't need shit.

Oh!

Oh!

Come on!

Oh!

Okay. Come on. Come on.
You got this.

Come on.

All right, just...

Tight...

Expired? I had 0 percent
APR for years!

I'm a good customer!

I was late for one day,
and I'm punished?

Can I speak to your supervisor
or your manager or somebody?

-Literally anybody else but you.
-[knock on door]

No, don't put me on hold.

No, just leave me on the phone
and then you go get somebody.

Hello? Fuck!

[music plays on phone]

-What?
-What? Excuse me.

I just wanted to know
if you wanted to dance.

Opa!

Leave me alone.

All right, look.

I'm sorry! All right? I'm sorry
if I hurt your feelings.

I really am. But, look,
I miss hanging out with you.

I do.

And I think that the two of us
should hang out and spend some

time together before I go
off into the wilderness

and cut off all human contact.

So, please.

Can't you just hang out with me?
Spin.

Look at that.

-Is that a smile?
-No.

-Is she smiling?
-No.

Oh, my God!
The witch isn't dead!

[chuckles] So, um...

-How's life?
-Well, I'm broke.

And I don't even know
what bills I need to pay.

-And I live like this now.
-[line rings]

-[woman] Hello, Miss Harris.
-Oh.

Oh, just let me coach you
through this.

-Fine.
-No, all right?

Now, ask how she's doing.
How you doing?

How are you doing?
Is your day good?

It's okay, you know, but at
least the weather is good.

-Where is she?
-Where are you?

-Where's your call center?
-Kentucky.

Kentucky. You love Kentucky.
Exaggerate.

Oh, I love Kentucky. Yeah.
It's great. It's so... vast.

And there's lots of planes
and...

-[Jason whispering]
-...the great university.

Lots of libraries.
And ooh, Wildcats, go!

I like it too. So how can
I help you, Miss Harris?

You know this
isn't your problem.

Okay, I know this
isn't your problem.

-I know it's a headache.
-And I know it's a headache.

Is there any way
that you can help me?

Is there any way you can help
me with my APR situation?

-Please.
-Please?

I guess just this one time.

Great! Thank you.

-Can I put you on hold?
-Yeah. Sure.

-How did you do that?
-I owe a lot of money

-to many different places.
-[laughs]

Well, for someone who's gonna
be alone in the wilderness,

you're really good with people.

So, what do you say, huh?

Let's hang out again.
You know, we can go to dinner.

I could show you that dance
move. It's very easy.

Or you could teach me
to dance.

Um... uh, yeah.

Yeah, we can, um...

I have a pre-Christmas dinner
party that I'm gonna have.

All right.
What about this one?

[Mona] Sure. What is it?

-It is a, um...
-It's fine. Open it. It's wine.

All right.

Why don't you like him?

He cheated on her!
He had sex with his ex.

Mona said they weren't
together when that happened.

Look, having a boyfriend,
healthy.

Fucking random guys for fun
is healthy.

But what she's doing?
This shit, that's not healthy.

I don't think having sex with
random guys is that healthy.

No, see, that's bullshit. Why is
it to be a feminist right now

you have to completely
desexualize?

Sometimes, I like dressing hot.

Sometimes, I like having men
look at me.

And you know what?
I actually like my thigh-gap.

I think it's sexy.

So I'm just what, like,
persona non grata at HuffPo?

Hashtag women against feminism.

An odyssey, right?
Why an odyssey?

Well, it's a voyage.

Really, kind of a
self-exploration.

It's not that I'm anti-feminist.

It's just that I like to stand
for things that try

to push me out
of the feminism movement.

Blake-- it's Blake, right?
What's your perspective on this?

No, no, don't ask him. He's
just gonna say something stupid,

like, "Women be crazy,"
or whatever.

So in The Odyssey,
Odysseus was trying to find

his way back home.

But you, you're leaving home
to go live in the woods.

And then you're coming back.
So that's not an odyssey.

Well, it's an internal odyssey.

I always felt that
fourth wave feminism

was seizing an equal seat
at the table

without rejecting
femininity entirely.

I mean, Marissa Mayer. She's
wearing heels to work, right?

What about Tina Fey?
She does an AmEx commercial

and then she does
a Garnier commercial.

I don't know. I mean,
I feel like it's kinda hard

for me to chime in on this.
How can I empathize

with a woman if I'm just a man,
but...?

Then again,
that's what empathy is, huh?

[chuckles] I don't know,
it's stupid.

I'm gonna get a refill.
You girls want some Sav Blanc?

-Sure.
-Sure.

Why don't you call it
Walden Pond.

-Fuck, Into the Wild.
-Okay, Krakauer was a poser.

And a liar,
to be honest with you.

-So I--
-Okay. All right.

This isn't about Krakauer.

This is about
your pretentious experiment.

-Pretentious? [scoffs]
-A little.

Who's publishing this?

What was-- what'd you ask?

-[Mona] Okay.
-Oh!

We've got turkey,
mac and cheese,

-salad, green beans...
-Let me help you.

-Lots of stuff.
-This looks fantastic.

-Thank you.
-Awesome.

Put that there.
I will take the mac and cheese.

-This looks amazing.
-[Mona] Thank you.

Congratulations.
People don't say that enough

when it comes to food.
Congratulations.

-[Mona] Thanks.
-Getting the wine going.

-[doorbell buzzes]
-Who is that?

-It's probably Gerard.
-Who?

Gerard, your mentor.

-I invited him.
-[laughs]

-Uh, why?
-Why not?

He's, um, Jason's mentor.

Don't you want to introduce
everybody to your mentor, Jason?

-[doorbell buzzes]
-It's just,

I don't know
if we have enough food.

-You know, I didn't wanna...
-[Jen] Are you kidding?

There's gonna be
leftovers for weeks.

-[Blake] Plenty of food.
-[Jason] Okay.

Then I guess I'll go get him.
I'll go get...

-[doorbell buzzes]
-I'll go get Gerard.

Sorry. Oh. It's all right. Okay.

Gerard, it's so nice
to finally meet you.

I feel like Jason's
been hiding you.

I know. How did you guys
even meet, anyway?

I've never had a mentor.

Believe it or not,
we met at the bus stop.

Yeah, he told me
about his project. His odyssey.

I was a SEAL, so I offered
to help him prepare.

-Mm-hm.
-[Jen] That's so cool.

[Gerard] Mona,
this turkey is delicious.

Oh, thank you.
I like your... pie?

-Meat pie. Did you try it?
-Mm. Mm-hm. It's delicious.

It's so mild.

I can't stand how people
over-salt food today.

Gerard, do you have any kids?

Yeah.

I have nine children.

-Oh, my God!
-Nine! Wow!

Two of them died.

Oh, I'm so sorry.
I really had no idea.

[Gerard] I'm batting a .820.

-It's actually .777.
-Really? Mona...

-.778.
-Can I get a little more

of the pie, please?
I cannot stop eating this.

Seriously, I'm going
to put this on my blog.

-Where do you live?
-I live under a bridge

across the street.

Don't you guys think
we should move to dessert?

-I think...
-I would actually...

I'd like some dessert, yeah.

Gerard, I need this recipe
from you.

-What meat is in this?
-That's dog food and potatoes.

I wanna use your shower.
Can I shower?

[chuckles]

What are you doing?
No. No, no, no.

You don't have to do this.
You're a guest.

Sorry. [laughs]

[Jason sighs]
Your friends are nice.

Yeah.

And, um, I'm really sorry
about...

Oh. It's fine.
Don't worry about it.

We'll talk about this party
for years, thanks to you

and your "mentor."

He's actually-- he's actually
a really nice guy.

-He seems nice.
-And he knows his shit. Like...

No, I'm serious. Stop.
[laughs] Stop.

-Well, thanks for coming.
-Thank you for having me.

-It's a lot of fun.
-Yeah, it was.

Mm-hm.

You sure you don't
need help cleaning?

-I'm good.
-Are you sure?

-Yeah. I'm good.
-Really sure?

-I am.
-Because I know when you say

you're good you
don't mean you're good.

-No, I really am good.
-What if we watch a movie?

-I'm-- No, I think...
-I think we should

-watch a movie.
-I think it's best

-if you go downstairs.
-Really?

-Okay, yeah.
-Are you sure?

-Yep.
-But it's Christmas!

Oh. Looks like we got breakfast.
[laughs]

Would you like
to do the honors?

What?

You could strangle him
or knock him in the head.

Your choice.

I have to kill him?

Oh, you could get him
a job at Disneyland.

Would you like that?

Fuck.

You want to survive in the woods
and you can't kill a rabbit?

I just, I didn't consider it.

Oh. Consider it!

It's you or him, man.

♪

Can you tell me more
about this study?

Do you smoke pot ever?

Yes. I have.

-[speaks Spanish]
-30.

I paid $80 for it.

♪

We're researching the effects
of laying in bed

while smoking pot.

So that's really all
you have to do.

Lay in bed and smoke pot.

Okay... Um, what's the stipend?

-Ten grand.
-Okay!

-It's broken.
-No, no. It's not broken.

It's in good condition. It's
made a lot of toast for me.

And, uh, bagels.

And English muffins
and, um...

Mostly bread products, yeah.

$25?

Yeah. Okay, yeah. Fine.

Yeah, yep. Count me in.
How long?

Three months.
And you can't leave.

Or get out of bed.
Or stop smoking pot.

It's for NASA.

What the fuck?

Sharon?

For my whole life,
if I ever wanted anything,

I set a goal and then I figured
out how to reach that goal.

And then I would just get it.

So when Cassie
got that promotion,

I did not know
how to handle it.

Like, everything just
turned upside down.

Left was right, up was down.

I get that.

I went out to go find myself.

And I think what I found

was that myself
is a workaholic.

-[Sharon laughs]
-I love to work.

I love having a job.

I love having money.

Fuck, I miss money.

This is 115 percent
confidential.

But... it's not working out
with Cassie.

Really?

She's so fantastic
with our clients.

-But...
-But what?

She's impossible to reach.

On the weekends,
or after hours,

or during normal working
business hours.

That makes sense.

Listen, I'm willing to overlook
our little incident...

if you'll come back.

Back? Like, come back to work?

Yeah.

We really miss you, Mona.

We miss your relentless
diligence

and your tireless efforts.

30 hours a day,
eight days a week.

What do you think?

-I'll see you Monday.
-Sounds good.

[sighs]

[phone chimes]

[chuckles]

Oh! Okay.

Hold on.

-Thanks for inviting me over.
-You're welcome.

Oh.

-Are you sure about this?
-Sure about what?

You know, I'm leaving
in three weeks.

Don't be a pussy.

♪

♪ Well, the captain's
too drunk to command ♪

♪ He took us out
a thousand miles from land ♪

Hey. I gotta go pick up Rebecca.
Okay?

Do you think I can have those
back dated credit transactions

-by tomorrow? Say yes.
-Yes.

-Yeah?
-Yes.

-Awesome!
-Definitely.

Thank you so much.

[music continues]

♪ My Bible says
that I'm going to heck ♪

♪ I took his name in vain when
they took me away from you ♪

♪ Abigail, my Abigail

♪ If I could sleep at sea
I'd be dreaming of you ♪

♪ Abigail, my Abigail

♪ Kiss the baby good night
Pray for my lost soul ♪

-You look good.
-Thank you.

Hi.

-Wow.
-It's a good thing I have

a English professor fetish.

It's a good thing
I went to college.

♪ Sleep tonight
I'll be dreaming of you ♪

♪ Abigail, my Abigail

♪ Keep the fire alive
Keep the wedding bed warm ♪

♪ Abigail, my Abigail

♪ Tell the baby I miss her
and I'm coming home ♪

♪

Smoking, smoking, smoking!
Come on! Come on! Come on.

Come on!

Oh! [shouts, laughs]

Whoo! Yes!

Yes!

Gerard.

Gerard?

No, I'm not related to him.

No, his last name is Kinsey.

K-I-N-S-E-Y.

Kinsey, yes.

Look, then you have
the wrong person.

All right?
That's the wrong person.

Well... what?

No, no.

Sir, Gerard Kinsey
was a war hero.

Wait, what?

-So he was never in the Army?
-The Navy.

Well, he wasn't in either,
but...

He was, man, he was in for two
weeks and then he washed out.

-Got discharged.
-Huh?

He had asthma.
Adult onset asthma.

I know he had a plan for me.
He did.

He just died
before he had a chance

to reveal the bigger picture.

[sighs] Maybe he was gonna tell
me that the truth is relative.

Wait.
Are you still going?

It's just a little setback.

Your survivalism mentor,

the guy who trained you
to survive,

froze to death.

In Los Angeles.

Jack Kerouac once said

that "I hope when a man dies,

not only does he live in others,
but he gives them life,

and not only life, but the
great consciousness of life."

Gerard, you may have lied to me,

but you gave me consciousness.

And for what it's worth,

your commitment to that lie...

was inspiring.

This is bullshit, man.

[Jason] Oh, shit!

Come on!

This is crazy. You could die.

Yeah. All right, I guess.

-Why are you doing it?
-You know--

Look at me. Look at me!

I'm getting old, man.

You know, every day I look
in the mirror

and I see my face,
and you know what I see?

I see my dad's.

And I'm nothing compared to him.

I have to do something,
I have to do something, man.

Otherwise I'm gonna end up
some old sack of shit

who hasn't...
who can't do anything.

And this is that?

-Yeah.
-You're lying.

You're lying to yourself.

And that's fine. Everybody does
it at some point in their life.

-This isn't who you are.
-Who am I?

You're a writer.
You're a fucking...

You're a nice guy.

You're my friend.

And I'm scared for you.

Look, if you wanna live
a normal fucking life

and have two and a half babies
and get a job,

I'll never make fun of you.
I promise, ever.

I won't say a fucking word.
You can stay on my couch

until you figure out whatever
this bullshit is that you need.

And I will never say anything.

Do you think I'll last
more than a week?

Yeah.

Okay, I wanna go now.

You hungry?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

I could eat.

I want...
I don't care what it is,

but I want something
like this...

I know exactly what I want.
I don't-- I just want--

I want Mexican.

Me too.

Come with me.

What?

On the odyssey.

-Come with me.
-[laughs]

I love you.

You don't have to do a thing.

I'll cook, I'll catch the food.

I'll pitch the tent.
I'll start the fire.

I'm ready for this.

Um, but won't that...

defeat the purpose
of being alone?

[sighs]

I love you too.

Come with me.

Stay.

[air hissing]

♪

♪ I have been floating

♪ Away

♪ My arms are getting tired

♪ Underneath

♪ I don't want to leave

♪ Not for all the gold
in the sea ♪

♪ Goodbye

♪ Goodbye

♪ Go long north

♪

How's it going?

Let's see here...

Just bag it.

Yeah, so have you been up
to Frostbite Falls?

I hear it's pretty nice
this time of year.

What's the weather like
up on them mountains?

Could you please just bag it?!
Please, I'm sorry.

Just fuck!

Have a great day!

♪ Send for the captain ashore
and let me go home ♪

♪ Let me go home

♪ I want to go home

♪ I feel so great
but I wanna go home ♪

-♪ First mate he got drunk
-[line rings]

-♪ Tore up the people's trunk -Hey, Mom.

♪ Constable had to come
and take him away... ♪

Okay, kiddo. Out with it.

All right. Well, the first
few days were cake.

I gathered berries,
I trapped a rabbit.

I made a fire.

The first night
it was actually kind of warm,

so I just pulled
a sleeping bag out

and slept under the stars.

In the daytime,
I didn't do much.

I walked around.

Read books.

Checked the traps.

Everything was kind of
going to plan.

And it was so beautiful.

It was very beautiful.

And so boring.
It was so boring.

I mean, boring.

And it rained.
It just fucking rained.

It would not stop raining.
It was freezing as shit.

Then I got diarrhea.

Then after a few days,
this vulture landed

by the camp and started
staring at me.

So I tried to shoo him away.

Then the next day I woke up
and there were two of them.

And then five,
and I lost it.

I just... that was that.

I failed.
Just not Dad.

-What?
-You are nothing

like your father!
And that is a good thing.

He was a man's man.

What? Really?

Is that what you think?

I mean, what--
please explain this to me.

I want to hear it.

Okay. He was stoic. All right?

He was self-reliant.

-He could make fires, he--
-He used to leave us alone

so he could go
fuck around in the woods.

He could live on his own,
he was self-sufficient.

He would drive to a
campground, meet his buddies,

and they would drink beer
and shoot guns.

-Look at me.
-[sighs]

This wilderness thing?

I think it's about time
you fucking failed.

-I fail all the time.
-No, you quit.

You quit before you learn things
about yourself.

You play it safe.

But this time,
you put it all out there.

You put all your chips
on the table.

How long did you stay out there?

-Eight days.
-Eight days!

That is huge!

Good job, Jay!

There it is! There it is.
A smile.

-Okay.
-A smile. [laughs]

-Mom of the year.
-Yeah.

You fail.

And then you move on,
and you learn from that.

And you fail again.

But maybe you should
start thinking about

what you're gonna fail at next.

[Mona] The figures are right.

I've run the numbers
a dozen times.

The numbers don't matter
until the client signs off,

and if they don't commit...
You know, you always do this.

You always get hung up
on numbers--

-Steve.
-Yes?

-We're a team.
-I know.

And I would like it if you can
trust me with the numbers.

I'm great at numbers.

You're great at making
beautiful presentations.

You're like
the Da Vinci of PowerPoint.

So what I would like is if you
could put these numbers

into the greatest presentation

that corporate America
has ever seen.

Can we do that?

[Steve] Yeah...
What the fuck?

-Mona!
-Oh.

-[Jason laughs]
-Oh!

Let's take a five.

Okay! All right!

-What are you doing here?
-You know this dude?

Kind of. Speak.

Fine, all right. Okay.

Look, Mona, I...

I was not meant
to live in the wilderness.

-Okay?
-Obviously.

What does that
have to do with me?

Look, my whole life, I have
tried to live up to my father

because he is a man's man.
Okay?

All right? I get that.
And I had this idea in my head

that I had to live that way

because that's how
a man should live.

But it turns out that my father,
he's a lie, too!

And I'm sick of it.
I don't want to live in a lie.

So here it goes.

Hi. I'm Jason.

Okay! All right.

I'm Jason,
and I like being indoors.

Okay? I like being indoors
and watching documentaries

and reading books.
And I like to smoke pot...

I like to smoke pot
and I like to make people smile.

I like to make you smile,
Mona, because I like you a lot.

Don't-- I see it right there.
Right in your face!

I can see it!
Look at you!

You're trying to plot this out
on the graph of your life.

You're trying
to see if this datum

makes any sense or reason.

What did you say?

I was just trying
to explain that...

I help you shut off your brain.

No, before that.
You said "datum."

Yeah, datum.
You know, the singular of data.

I hate when people
get that wrong.

Yeah. Me too.

-You sure?
-Yeah.

♪

That one's not too bad,
actually.

You know? The bottle opener
is a little hard to get at,

but the blade never gets dull.

Oh, great. That's nice.
And how about that red one?

-That one is shit.
-Poop. Okay.

Well, oh,
and what about this one?

The Transformer looking one?
Star Wars.

-Yeah.
-I like your taste.

That's a good one.
This one's expensive,

but it's awesome, dude.
This is the one I have.

-Oh.
-Yeah.

And you're a camper, right?
I mean, obviously.

-Oh, yeah.
-You go camping a lot?

Well, I don't like
to tell this story,

but, you know, I spent a week
living in the wilderness.

-A week? Oh...
-Mm-hm.

Like... like seven days?

-Like just...
-A week and then six months.

-In the wilderness.
-What?

Alone.

Me, my thoughts, my journal.

-This.
-Wow!

-Yeah.
-The real.

Wow. I'll take it.
I'll take it. Immediately.

That's my guy. Thank you.

-♪
-[indistinct]

And too, you really wanna try...

-Yeah?
-...this...

[rock music plays,
indistinct singing]