Original subtitles

[crickets chirping]

[indistinct chatter]

[woman] How can you say that to me?

[loud bang]

[woman] Jason?

Jason, honey?

It's time to come inside.

Sweetie, we talked about this.

Sometimes mommies and daddies have to take a break.

-Honey. -How long?

Maybe a few months.

Maybe never.

Then I'm never coming back inside.

[mother] Oh! Oh, come on, honey.

Come on, sweetie. Look, let's go have some hot chocolate.

-You'll feel better. -Okay.

But I'm going to try again tomorrow.

I'm gonna make it all night. Alone.

[rock music plays]

♪ Eyes wide open

♪ When you throw the sand There was rocks ♪

♪ In your mouth and now there's rocks in your hair ♪

♪ And now moving far to farther still ♪

♪ Why are you mincing my words? ♪

♪ Before I know the drill

♪ The drill is like a body

♪ At the bottom of a lake

♪ With rocks and we're sinking Just thinking what it says ♪

♪ You're taking it out from the past ♪

♪ Where is my gusto? Where is my mandatory poise? ♪

♪ I don't know

[man] Right, so I was a good 50 to 80 yards away from camp.

You know, just me and my rifle in one hand,

-and flashlight in the other. -[woman on phone] Yeah?

Yeah. So I'm in the middle of the woods, and all of a sudden

I hear the sound of breaking branches behind me.

So I swing around and there he is.

Big black bear.

About ten feet tall.

So I pull out my rifle, I'm ready to shoot,

scared shitless, and click. Nothing.

Nothing! Forty below, gun seizes.

-[woman] My god. Forty below? -Yeah.

Shouldn't he have been hibernating?

Yeah, probably. You know?

But I think he was sick. Rabies. Schizophrenia.

-Schizophrenia? -Bear schizophrenia.

Anyway, my mind was moving faster and faster.

And then it hit me. I had it right there.

"All knowledge begins with the senses,

proceeding with understanding, and ending with reason.

Nothing is higher than reason."

-Immanuel Kant. -And then?

And then, well,

then I hit him in the nose with the butt of my rifle.

He ran off into the woods and I never saw him again.

-Wow. -Yeah.

Yeah, wow. That was one hell of a winter.

-Jason. -Well, here at Random House

we're all fans of the samples you've sent us.

Oh, thank you very much.

This project, it's very exciting.

I have to ask, have you met with anyone else?

I'm not gonna lie to you, Kerry.

I've met with a few people here and there.

I'd love to lock you down. I'm in LA next week.

Let's meet face to face, talk about this a little more.

-Does that work for you? -That sounds fine. Yes.

-Great. -Great.

You excited to get back out there?

-Oh, yeah. Where? -In nature.

Yes. Of course. Always.

Hey, when was the last time you've done this?

-Lived in the woods? -Oh...

so many times I can't even count.

Oh, okay. See you soon.

I will see you soon as well.

All right. Bye-bye.

Yes! Random House!

It's happening. This is all coming together.

Oh, boy!

[sighs]

So, what did you want to talk about?

Jason, sit down.

[sighs]

-I'm leaving you. -Looks...

-more like I'm leaving you. -I'm kicking you out.

You're kicking me out of our apartment?

-My apartment. -'cause of the trip?

Come on. Carol, could you just please be supportive for once?

I have done nothing but support you.

You-- you rework your whole fucking life around these

stupid, hypermasculine ideals that you get

in your big dumb head. And I'm always there

to support you when you start, and then you quit.

What-- when?!

Oh, okay, let me see. Um, two years ago you were a runner.

We had to wake up at the buttfuck of dawn

to run for two hours. And that lasted

until you blew your knee trying to run to Mexico.

Hey! I got pretty far.

-Then it was MMA. -MMA is very hard, Carol!

There are still blood stains on the floor!

Woodworking. Poker. Boating. Hunting. Shooting ranges.

Fucking classic car restoration.

Hey, where is that '65 Impala we were going to drive to Big Sur?

-It is in our garage. -Does it have wheels?

-Carol, this is different. Okay? -Does it have wheels?!

It looks cooler without wheels!

I have known you for a very long time. Okay?

And I know that deep in your heart

you think that you are capable of this.

But you're not. All right?

Come on, Jason. Snap out of it.

You have got to move on.

From what?

Is this about my dad?

What, that he's dead? Is that what this is about? That's...

-Yeah. -...what you wanna talk about?

Okay, fine. You know what? Let's talk about it.

Yes. Please! Let's talk about it.

I just need to train.

So, uh, you're really gonna go into the wilderness for a year?

Yes.

All right. Well, then I guess you're right.

You're leaving me.

Goodbye.

Carol...

Thank you.

So tomorrow's the big day, right?

Yeah, I guess.

-You nervous? -Uh... [laughs]

If it happens, great. If not, whatever.

But you think I'll get it, right?

[choir singing] ♪ Om...

Come on. You got it, you got it. You got it.

You got it! Okay.

-Jason? -Mm.

-Hi. -Sorry I'm late.

-The traffic was oppressive. -Oh, yes, well...

-You wanna sit there? -Oh, thanks.

Yeah, traffic's the reason to wait.

-[both laugh] -Hey, guys, welcome.

-What can I get you? -Oh, uh, you know,

I will take the braised salmon with potatoes.

And I'd like the quinoa salad, no tomatoes, no onions,

and an ice water, no ice.

You know what? Actually, I'll have that. I like that.

[waiter] You got it. I'll take these from you.

Thank you.

Well, as you know, we're so excited about this project.

Your outdoor odyssey.

Your deal memo basically just outlines our agreement.

Oh, perfect. Okay. I will, uh, peruse the deets.

Well, it's a good problem to have. That's for sure.

The business from Atlanta alone is going to double our cashflow.

The bad news is we are gonna have to do some reorganizing.

-Of course. -Makes sense.

I've spoken to the VPs

and we're all in agreement about how best to move forward.

Let me start by saying

that you're both going to be working on Atlanta.

And that you're both going to be promoted.

That's great!

You know, I reread "The Scent of Fog" on the flight.

It really touched me.

There's a vibrancy to your words.

They're rough, but sensitive.

You know, I think about that essay

every time I smell smoked carp.

[laughs] I thought it was herring.

We're creating an entirely new Division of Identity Theft

and Mona, we're promoting you to Senior Analyst.

And Cassie, you're gonna be Executive Director.

Wow! [laughs]

I know, it's really, really exciting stuff.

We're sort of pre-building the team...

Wait. So you just gave the promotion to Cassie?

No, uh-uh. You're both getting promoted.

But most of the time you will be reporting to Cassie.

-That part is true. -Mona, welcome to my team.

You see, for me it's all about the connections

of my surroundings, the world. You know?

Like, who made that fantastic blazer?

Some kid in Indonesia? I don't know.

Who made our phones? Who made your shoes?

Who made the quinoa?

I want to be one with the world.

And for the first time, learn to connect.

-You see-- -Wait. What do you mean,

"the first time"?

I have done everything you've asked me to do.

I come in early every single day, and I bust my ass.

-I should be the director. -Well, you're not.

Then I quit.

I just mean my first time in Northern California.

I've obviously been in much harsher situations.

Sure. Hey, do you know the difference

between a hackpawn and a pinstack?

Well, let me ask you this.

Are we talking about a North American pinstack

or an African pinstack?

I made those words up.

Fuck.

You're not gonna quit.

-You love this job too much. -No, I...

I need unemployment.

I need you to fire me.

Yeah, I'm not going to fire you.

-Really? -Mm-mm.

How about now? Huh?

-Has any of this happened? -Uh... what do you mean?

Has any of this actually happened?

Have you actually escaped a bear in 40 below?

Did you gather berries and live off rabbit meat

for weeks on end? You fucking little shit.

No, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay? Look, I can do this.

That's not very professional, is it?

How about now?

Now!

-You're acting like a child. -Yeah, and it feels great!

I've been training. It could be the same story.

Fuck, even better.

That was my grandfather's!

Well, you know, that's a story I would read.

Yes.

If you didn't quit after a week. Goodbye.

Wait, come on.

Two quinoa salads.

I'm gonna just, uh, leave the check right here.

-Right. Thank you. -Let me know if you need a box.

I fucking hate quinoa salad.

Okay.

You're fired.

-Thank you. -You're really welcome.

That was...

And my people skills are fucking amazing!

So... you're out of here, huh?

Yeah, I got fired.

Why?

My people skills.

Yeah, I could see that. I could see that.

-Yep. -So what are you gonna do?

Are you gonna go out and, like, find yourself now?

Yes.

Yes, that's exactly what I'll do.

I'm gonna go find myself.

I have to escort you off the property now.

Yes. Okay, yep. That's what you were doing.

I could grab that if you'd like.

No, I got it. I got it.

-Oh, hi. -Hi.

-Nice boxes. -Yes. Sorry, yeah. You too.

-Oh, thanks. -Yeah.

-I'm Jason. -Mona.

-Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.

-Oh, you're friends with Blake. -Yeah, I'm just staying

with him for a while. I'm kinda going through this

-transition thing and... -Oh. Sounds mysterious.

What about you? What's this, uh...

-Oh. -Did you rob a Staples?

-I mean... -I, um...

-I quit. -Oh.

I quit my job.

-Um, technically I got fired. -Oh.

'Cause they said... they said, "You're fired."

But I... wanted that. So...

Hey. What the fuck are you doing here?

Oh. Hey, Blake. Carol kicked me out.

I was wondering if maybe I could crash or something.

-Uh, of course. Hey, Mona! -Hey. Nice to meet you.

It's very nice meeting you. And congratulations.

-And I'm sorry. -Thanks.

Bummer, yeah. That sucks, huh?

Thank you, man. I just need to stay for like a few months.

Uh, yeah, I mean come in.

-Let's talk about it. -Okay.

[air pump whirring]

-You wanna pull this out. -Oh. Okay.

-Damn it. Thank you. -Mm-hm.

-All right. -Good?

I'm gonna get a beer. You want one?

Uh, sure.

I only have one left. Splitskies?

-What? -I only have one left!

-You wanna split it? -Uh, yeah.

Yeah, that sounds good!

Cool.

-So, what happened? -Well, you know,

I'm leaving civilization to live in the wilderness

in three months. And I guess she just

-couldn't wait that long. -Good. She was kind of a cunt.

Wait, what? I thought you two got along.

Uh... I didn't particularly care for her.

She was bossy and shitty to you. She was like a first wife

that you, you know,

the implication is you'd have a second, I guess,

-is what I'm getting at. -Yeah.

Anyway, good you got out when you did.

Wow.

You know what you gotta do?

-Oh, here we go. -You gotta go out...

-Oh, boy. -...find a girl that looks

like Carol, and then fuck her.

-I'm not going to... -No, hear me out.

You gotta be mean about it. You gotta do it for you.

You gotta give her the business.

Get your swagger back. You feel me?

I don't even know what that means.

But what are you saying? Like...

not spend the night or something?

Mm. But do it for you, know what I mean?

Be mean about it. Get, like, you know,

-like be the guy, you know? -Are you sure this is all right?

Me staying here? You sure?

Yeah, I mean, the place looks a little better already.

You have such OCD, I could probably fire my cleaning lady.

-So... -Thanks, man.

-I really appreciate it. -Yeah.

[sighs]

Man!

All right.

[music plays on laptop]

[man] If you're watching this video, it's probably

because you're having issues with either your hiking boots

-or your running shoes... -What are you doing?

-I'm preparing. -By watching movies?

No. I'm reading books too.

That's not how you prepare for this shit, man.

You don't read books. You gotta train.

You gotta get a trainer, you gotta do something

-about your body. -Dude, I have a trainer.

-Who? -You don't know him.

All right? He's gonna get me super ripped.

Jesus. You're not gonna last a week, my friend.

-A cowboy hat? -Hat means bald.

-You like bald? -No.

Oh, he's a pilot. That's cool, right?

Pass. Who doesn't wear a shirt in their profile picture?

Shirtless guys have small dicks.

-What? -How do you know that?

How many data points do you had?

Uh, one, two... eight.

Pass. Pass.

No, why are you passing so much?

No, I need to say yes more. I need to be more social.

Oh, don't forget, they need to be rich.

-Why? -Fluff and fold laundry.

Takeout dinner every night.

You no longer have a job, Mona.

Unemployment is what, like, 12 weeks?

-Six. -You don't have a job?

Why aren't we on LinkedIn?

Oh. Oh, God. It says he's a vampire.

Oh, my God, swipe right! Swipe right! Do it!

-[laughter] -You need some hobbies.

-Go where dudes go. -No, she doesn't like

normal guys. Hobbies won't work for her.

-That's not true! -Aw!

-Pass. -Why?

-No single dads. -Yeah. No dads.

Why don't you tell us what you're looking for, Mona.

I don't know.

Someone who is, like, odd,

but not a total freak.

And someone who really knows how to use Latinate plurals.

That's really important to me.

What are Latinate plurals?

It's just like the appropriate use of plural nouns.

So, like, cactus, cacti.

Or alumnus, alumni. Or...

-What is she talking about? -She means like mice and mouse.

No. No. That's not the right example.

[laughter]

-[indistinct chatter] -I love him.

-He looks like he's sweet. -Yes, he does.

-Very sweet. -I guess I just need

somebody who can shut my brain off.

I'm training, okay?

I'm training and I'm gonna get this body in shape

and you'll see. I'll be able to live in the woods.

Do me a favor. Let me see you just get out of that bed

in less than three seconds.

I'm not gonna play your little games.

-All right, get up. -What?

-Get up. Get up. -Why?

Let's just see if you're out of breath.

Sorry. Go ahead.

-Are you gonna push me? -I'm not gonna push you.

-What? -You're out of breath.

It's an air mattress, man. Okay? You get stuck in these things.

What are you doing?

-All right. -Sh. Listen.

Try it.

-This is ridiculous. -Just try it.

-Fine. -And then just be quiet.

-Taking a break? [laughs] -Just a minute.

[grunts]

[panting]

[laughs] All right. Do it three times?

[panting]

I mean, come on.

-I'll get you a water. -Thank you.

[man] What are you doing, looking to get in shape?

Yeah, I'm gonna go live off the... off the grid

in Northern California. I'm writing this book about it.

So I've been doing a lot of research and,

-you know, reading and... -You reading books...

to learn how to survive in the wilderness?

Well, and I'm working out a lot.

Yeah. That won't last a week.

Oh, okay. Thank you. I appreciate it.

I spent some good time training up in the hills.

-In Northern California? -Yeah, with SEAL Team Two.

SEAL Team Two? Like, the Navy SEALs?

-Yeah. -You were a Navy SEAL?

Yeah. And I was no bugout bag either.

-Till the accident. -Wow.

I lived in the elements! All of them!

With nothing but a German army knife and a...

and a... flash of tarp.

What's a German army knife?

It's like a Russian army knife, only... only way better.

Which is even way better than a Swiss army knife.

Hey, you don't think there's any way I could--

Sure, man. I'll train you.

Oh, no. No, I was just thinking maybe about the knife.

Is your heart in this or not?

Yeah, my heart is in it.

You want to die out there.

Good luck, man. That's cool. Really, good luck.

Goddamn it.

Come back, please. All right.

All right.

Fine. You know what? Fuck it. I'm in.

Good. Good.

I need your phone number.

'Cause I need to be able to reach you day or night.

24 hours.

All right. Well, do you have a pen?

I got mascara.

Um...

I think that's two loads.

Oh.

It's been a while since I've done laundry.

Okay, well, all right. Let me help you then.

First off, you have a lot of colors and whites mixed in here.

And that is not a good thing.

I think it's okay.

-Okay. -[both laugh]

-I love all colors. -[laughs]

-Thank you for your help. -Sure.

I have a party to go to later in WeHo.

Yeah, well, Blake is down in Palm Desert

for the whole weekend, so tonight I am gonna order

some Thai food and then chill. It's gonna be sick.

Why is Blake in Palm Desert?

Oh, just some desert party rave thing that he goes to.

Yeah, he'll be out, getting all messed up,

and he'll show up Sunday night after midnight,

completely gone, wake up the next morning,

take some pills and go to work as if nothing happened.

-That guy's ridiculous. -Yeah.

It's like a different girl every week.

And we can hear it. Jen and I have a drinking game.

He's into some sick shit.

Sometimes, he cries after.

I probably shouldn't have told you that.

No, you definitely should have told me that.

[chuckles]

I don't actually have plans tonight.

I was just trying to be impressive.

You know, if you're not doing anything, um,

you can come over and order some Thai food

and just chill.

-Nothing weird. -I wasn't thinking

of anything weird until you said it.

-Till I said it, right? -Yeah.

-That's what I felt. -Yeah.

Yeah. It was gross. Ugh.

All right, watch your hands.

Okay. So I'm gonna set you up.

[indistinct] All right. Now...

-I will let you do the honors. -Oh, okay.

Push the button.

[moaning]

♪

What are you doing today?

I'm going to sign up for a skydiving class.

And I'm gonna take a pole dancing class.

And I'm gonna walk to the Hollywood sign.

-And... -Are you dying?

-What? No. -That's so many things.

-Okay. -Don't make a plan.

If you wanna get out there, then get out there. You know?

If it tells you to go left, go left.

If you feel like you need to go right, go right.

Just get lost.

I can try.

So you asked if you could hit it and she said yes?

-She did. She asked. -That's weird.

That's actually very cool, though.

[sighs] So what do I do now?

Hm.

-Wanna try this? -What? No.

-Pilsner. -No, no, no, no. I don't...

I'm not trying homebrewed beer, okay? That's like...

It's the liquid version of improv comedy.

You know? You get invited, you have to go to the show,

the show sucks and you gotta lie to the people

and be like, "Hey, no. It was pretty good. Yeah."

-No. -Don't be an asshole. Try this.

[sighs]

That's pretty good.

[phone rings]

[Blake] Phone!

Pick up your fucking phone!

-Hello? -[Gerard] Wake up, motherfucker!

Training starts today.

[Jason groans]

Gerard, what's up, man? How you doing? Good seeing you.

It's fucking so cold out here.

What is this, like an endurance test or something?

-Cold training? -Yeah, cold training.

You would have brought the heat. No, no.

Cold training, man. This is 52 degrees.

It's going to get in the negative teens up north.

Shit. Shit.

Do you know how to start a fire?

I'm not bringing a lighter or fire starter.

I'm gonna use a bow drill, like the natives.

-So that's a no. -No. I read a book.

All right. We'll work on that later.

Right now, you need to learn how to respect the cold.

You don't listen to your body, you're dead.

A body temperature mistake can be fatal.

Let me tell you three things at once.

You learn to listen, listen to learn.

The shell takes a dump on the spirit.

It spreads its legs like a fat fucking pizza eater.

A nothing. A little piece of uncle.

Okay. Um, so what I gathered is...

I have to clear my mind so that my body

isn't physically cold.

Actually, run with that for now.

-[blows whistle] -[music plays]

-Again. -Hold on.

Not hold on! [blows whistle] Again!

Jesus!

Burn the flesh off that body! [blows whistle]

[blows whistle] Go!

[blows whistle] That's it, boy. Shake it or break it.

-I'm done! -I want you to go, man.

I want you to go and go. Don't stop going.

Is this what we're gonna do all day?

Back and forth? Come on.

Wait, wait, you're going for water? No, no.

No water now. You want water?

You gotta go up to the big tower.

Right up there. You gotta go right up there.

-You drank my water? -For your own good.

You can carry it with you. You dip it and come back.

♪

[retching]

Good.

Good.

What... How the hell did you get up here?

I ran.

Oh. Yeah. SEAL.

[knocking on door]

It's open!

-Hey. -Oh. Hey.

I brought some neighborly cookies.

Oh. Thank you. That's so nice of you.

-Oh. -They might be a little burnt.

Well, thank you. Mm.

Well, I was actually about to, um, smoke.

Do you smoke weed?

Yes.

-[laughs] Oh. -What?

-Oh, my God. -What?

-You've never smoked. -Not for any political reason.

I'm not straight edge or anything.

I just... have not.

Well, would you like to?

-Yes. -Yes.

-Yeah. -Yes. Okay.

This is exciting. Here's what you're gonna do.

-Okay, put that in your mouth. -Okay.

Now you have to put your thumb here.

-There you go. Just hold that. -Like this?

And you're gonna need to suck in.

And I will tell you when to let go of this.

-And then just let it in. -Okay.

And welcome to happiness. Ready?

Three, two, one.

Okay, give me a second here.

-Okay? I'm nervous. -[laughs]

All right, ready?

-Let go. -[coughs]

Don't... Oh, boy!

-Okay. -Sorry.

No, cough, that's good. It's good.

-Be more high. -[coughs]

-Okay. A little less coughing. -Sorry.

It's okay.

[clears throat] It, uh, tastes good.

-Tastes good? -[both laugh]

You sound like a cop.

I don't know if I feel it yet.

Why are you, um... what is this?

This is a 21st century typewriter.

This is how you disconnect.

-So it's a computer. -Mm-mm. No.

It's not a computer. It is a typewriter.

-It has keys like a computer. -So does typewriters.

No, typewriters have keys like typewriters.

Okay. You know, I'm high right now.

And you're kind of ruining my process.

Right? I write high, I edit sober.

More?

I'm hungry.

Okay. Well, I got you.

Oh, my gosh. I haven't had this in like ten years.

I should probably go home. It's probably late.

It's probably like past midnight.

-It is 9:30. -Oh.

-Why am I in the bathtub? -I have no idea.

[choir sings] ♪ Om...

[whispering indistinctly]

Hello! Hi!

Hi, sorry to bother you two. I just, uh...

Question for you. Um, could either of you tell me

if this is wild currant? And if so, is it ripe?

I have no idea.

Do you... are you hungry?

Oh, that's... that's so nice. No.

I just need to know... I just was wondering

if you knew about this berry. One of these is... good for you.

And the other can put you in a coma.

Do you want some chips?

-Excuse me. -Yeah?

Could you tell me if these are wild currants?

-What? -I just want to know

if these are edible wild currants.

-I've been trying to-- -Have you been eating berries?

-[scoffs] Of course not. No. -Good.

-Are these berries edible? -Don't eat anything!

Okay? These plants aren't up here

for you to frickin' eat! They're here for families,

to come and look at and enjoy, take photos in front of them.

And then put them on their refrigerator at home

so they look back and remember the great time they had here.

Okay. I'm sorry. Jeez. Fine.

Are you sure, though? 'Cause if you look at this book--

Just do me a favor real quick. Okay?

Wanna visualize something with me? Play a game?

Look at all these plants. Look at them all.

And let's assume that if you put one in your mouth,

-you're gonna die. -I know that.

So if I eat one of these plants, I'm gonna die.

That's what you should think.

Okay.

You're gonna do it, aren't you?

You're gonna eat 'em.

[scoffs]

No.

[Jason retching]

♪

"The key to getting a turkey moist

is to get the juices under the skin, not on. Under."

What the fuck does that mean?

♪ Tell me not to hurry...

[smoke detector beeping]

-Fire! -Fuck!

♪ When you tell me just to trust my instincts ♪

If you don't stay late, they get mad

and think that nothing's getting done.

And then if you do stay late, people think that you

don't have a good work/life balance.

Ugh! Well, the 40-hour work week is so immoral.

40 hours? That's... that's cute. That's like a vacation.

I had a sleeping bag in my filing cabinet.

-That's bullshit! -You gotta pay the bills.

Some people have to pay the bills.

What? Is that what this is?

Like a recruiting ceremony for Scientology or something?

Or is it Mary Kay? Please don't tell me it's Mary Kay.

No! No, it's, actually, it's a little too complicated

to explain in one night. So...

I'm good at getting things.

Okay. Um, well, I am gonna be going off and...

I'm gonna live in the mountains for a while.

-Wow. How long? -A year.

That's not complicated. That's pretty awesome.

Isn't that kind of thing pretty taxing?

Well, you know, my dad used to go all the time.

And, uh, he would take me a few times.

You know, we would go up into the woods,

and, uh, sleep in tents and he'd crack open a beer

and sneak me some sips.

-Where's your dad now? -Uh, he passed.

-I'm sorry. -Yeah.

Actually, I have a picture of him.

-That's him. -Wow. Very handsome.

Yeah. Yeah, that's where I get it from.

So you're just gonna go look at some bears

-and then come back? -[laughs] No.

I'm actually bringing a journal

and I'm gonna write a book about it.

Wow! That's intense.

Literally, 'cause you'll be in a tent.

-[laughs] -Right here.

A lot of my friends don't think I can do it.

-Really? -Yeah.

You see, I've never really done anything

survival-y, so...

-Yeah. -You'll be fine.

You'll be great.

No, I'm doing well, Mom.

Mm-hm.

Yeah. I'm having dinner with a friend.

It is a she. Yes.

No, Mom. We're just... we're just friends.

Okay? So let's... so... settle down.

Yes, I know. I know. I will.

Okay. I really-- I have to go.

No, I know. I love you. I have to go, though.

'Cause I'm being rude, Mother.

Okay? I need to leave and have... dinner.

Okay? I love you.

Don't drink too much.

It's a joke, Mom. I was doing a joke.

Okay. I have to go.

All right. I love you.

Okay.

All right. I love you.

All right, bye. Okay.

Bye. I love you. All right. Wow.

-She good? -Hm?

It was a wrong number

Oh, wait. Wait, wait. Um...

I just started my period.

Oh. Is it, um... is it bad?

-Have you seen The Shining? -Ew.

What is wrong with you?

[laughs] God!

Can I stay?

Yeah.

You finding everything you need?

Uh, yeah. I'm fine.

-Firestarter, huh? -Yeah.

Yeah, well, you know, I could usually make a fire

using local materials, but this is for rain emergencies.

Sure. Where are you headed?

North. The Sierra region. You know, around those parts.

Sierras are so pretty. Me and some of the crew here

went to Kings Canyon last summer.

-Cool. -Fire restrictions

-are pretty tight. -Wow.

Little secret: not really worried about the laws.

Okay. What kind of stove are you using?

-Uh, no stove. -Okay.

But you know you'll be fined like crazy

if you get caught starting a fire without--

I know. I'm a writer.

So I shouldn't be worried about you, huh?

No. I'll be fine.

Okay. Sorry, I'm just trying to help you find--

I know. That is half my fault.

-Um... -I'll just

put that back for you. Just these hooks.

Thank you.

You should probably push them in a little bit more.

[sighs]

Emergency water.

[knock on door, buzzing]

Hi.

Wow! Somebody cleaned.

Is Blake okay with you sterilizing his apartment?

Uh, I think he pretends to be.

Honestly, I actually think it kind of pisses him off.

It looks good.

Thank you, yeah, you know, I had to take control.

Lao Tzu and all that jazz.

So you're really going through with all this camping stuff?

Um...

Um, an odyssey, yes. Journey.

Camping thing... Why are you here?

I just wanted to bring back the rest of your stuff.

Okay, yeah. Thank you. Yes.

I wanted to talk. You know, I just...

-Everything happened so fast. -Well, you threw me out.

It's kind of hard to do that any slower.

I know. I was just so confused.

Uh... you know, Carol, I actually, I have a lot of,

uh, training and a lot of things that I need to, um...

-Okay. -...get done for this...

[vibrator buzzing]

Sorry. Wow. That's not...

Whoops.

Why do you have all that stuff in your bag?

I was just on my way to Goodwill.

-[music plays] -[moaning]

[Jason] Oh, Jesus.

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

-[moaning] -Fucking...

-Oh! Ouch! Jesus Christ! -I like it rough.

[moaning, shouting from next door]

[both] Blake.

-Jesus! Carol! -Shh!

Can you just keep your mouth shut?

Just give me a--

[moaning]

Oh, well, I was thinking maybe the two of us

could go get some coffee or something, you know?

Yeah. It's 11. I have a hair appointment.

-Oh. Well... -Yeah.

All right. Um...

-Can I get a kiss? -[laughs]

-So I'll see you around. -Yeah, definitely. Yeah.

Cool. Awesome.

Drive safe.

Drive safe?

[moans]

Shit.

Jesus. Holy shit. How do you know where I'm staying?

Lesson two: find a truth. Find a truth.

Is that crack? You can't bring that here!

It's DMT. The spirit molecule.

-Oh. Okay. -Have you experienced it?

-Yeah. Uh... yeah. For sure. -What?

I mean, I've read about it in Vice.

We need to smoke it, clear your soul

and to explore your mind.

That's your training?

DMT is about crossing to the other side.

About finding a truth.

Do you know what truth you're looking for?

Um... I-- Well...

I kind of wish I had a little bit more time to prepare,

-but... -What's your truth?

I'm sorry. I thought if I told you the truth,

then it wouldn't come true.

-[Gerard] What? -That's a birthday wish.

You're thinking about a birthday wish.

-Just suck in. -Okay. All right.

Just... okay.

Smoke it and find the truth. All right.

The truth!

[choir singing] ♪ Om...

Okay...

Come with us, Jason. Come.

-Who are you? -We are the Being Supreme.

Come with us. We will show you the DNA of the universe.

We will show the answer to all.

You like sports?

Not really.

Do you train a lot of people to live in the wilderness?

No way, man. [laughs]

So what do you do?

-I stay alive, man. -Okay.

So he's in good hands, huh?

-Who? -Jason.

Him.

Oh... He's got great hands.

So you slept with Carol, and you feel guilty about it,

-because you care about Mona. -I guess I do care about her.

But the odyssey, it's what I've got going on right now.

Do you think she'll be upset that you cheated on her?

Whoa, whoa, we aren't dating.

So, what's your question?

About the odyssey, it's like John Locke said:

"On the mountain of truth you can never climb in."

-That's Nietzsche. -No, I think it's Locke.

We assure you it's Nietzsche. We know all.

I'm pretty sure it's Locke. I have my PhD in philosophy.

From Penn.

-Penn State. -Yeah.

You tell people you went to Penn so they think you went to UPenn.

But you went to Penn State.

-I'm not lying. -I think we're done here.

Wait! You were going to tell me a truth.

The truth is, Jason... quit.

You won't last a week.

[gasping]

What did you see?

Gnomes.

Uh... little gnomes. Just they...

-They... -Say it!

They said, um, that-- Well, they told me, um...

Ah, Jesus.

They, um, they said...

They told me not to quit.

-Huh. -They told me to double down

and go for it.

The spirit molecule told you a truth.

Listen. Trust me.

I will.

I'm gonna need some cash for the drugs.

-What'd you think? -Of what?

Breakfast. I'm trying to hit up the top ten best brunch places

according to Yelp before all my savings run out.

It was okay.

-So, like, three stars? -Can I be honest with you?

I don't get the brunch craze.

You know, people wait in line for two hours

for mimosas and French toast.

Like, come on. Is it gonna make you fly?

Is it gonna save your marriage?

It's just breakfast.

-You okay? -I'm fine. Yeah.

Okay.

I heard Blake fuck this girl yesterday.

Uh, yeah, well...

That was actually, that was me.

You fucked Blake?

[laughs] No, um, my ex showed up.

And it was kind of like a goodbye thing, I think.

-Oh. -Yeah.

Is that what you wanted to tell me?

Well, I was gonna tell you I tried DMT, you know?

-And I saw my truth. -Wait, wait.

You fucked your ex-girlfriend

and you weren't gonna tell me?

-Mona, I was gonna tell you. -Yeah.

Listen, I told you that I wasn't looking for anything.

-Okay? -I remember.

Come on, man, you hesitate for a second

in nature and you're dead! Dead!

Damn it! Maybe it's the kindling.

-Maybe it's the wrong stuff. -The kindling's not weak.

It's your spirit, man! Your spirit!

It's not the kindling, is it?

I don't know, man.

All right, no one bit.

Which means there's no book.

Which means there's no odyssey.

I get it.

You're gonna let the approval

of some shitty-ass publishing company

get between you and fucking nature.

No, it's not...

It's different.

Michelangelo needed a ceiling.

The Beatles needed a record deal.

You want to live in the wilderness.

You don't need shit.

Oh!

Oh!

Come on!

Oh!

Okay. Come on. Come on. You got this.

Come on.

All right, just...

Tight...

Expired? I had 0 percent APR for years!

I'm a good customer!

I was late for one day, and I'm punished?

Can I speak to your supervisor or your manager or somebody?

-Literally anybody else but you. -[knock on door]

No, don't put me on hold.

No, just leave me on the phone and then you go get somebody.

Hello? Fuck!

[music plays on phone]

-What? -What? Excuse me.

I just wanted to know if you wanted to dance.

Opa!

Leave me alone.

All right, look.

I'm sorry! All right? I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

I really am. But, look, I miss hanging out with you.

I do.

And I think that the two of us should hang out and spend some

time together before I go off into the wilderness

and cut off all human contact.

So, please.

Can't you just hang out with me? Spin.

Look at that.

-Is that a smile? -No.

-Is she smiling? -No.

Oh, my God! The witch isn't dead!

[chuckles] So, um...

-How's life? -Well, I'm broke.

And I don't even know what bills I need to pay.

-And I live like this now. -[line rings]

-[woman] Hello, Miss Harris. -Oh.

Oh, just let me coach you through this.

-Fine. -No, all right?

Now, ask how she's doing. How you doing?

How are you doing? Is your day good?

It's okay, you know, but at least the weather is good.

-Where is she? -Where are you?

-Where's your call center? -Kentucky.

Kentucky. You love Kentucky. Exaggerate.

Oh, I love Kentucky. Yeah. It's great. It's so... vast.

And there's lots of planes and...

-[Jason whispering] -...the great university.

Lots of libraries. And ooh, Wildcats, go!

I like it too. So how can I help you, Miss Harris?

You know this isn't your problem.

Okay, I know this isn't your problem.

-I know it's a headache. -And I know it's a headache.

Is there any way that you can help me?

Is there any way you can help me with my APR situation?

-Please. -Please?

I guess just this one time.

Great! Thank you.

-Can I put you on hold? -Yeah. Sure.

-How did you do that? -I owe a lot of money

-to many different places. -[laughs]

Well, for someone who's gonna be alone in the wilderness,

you're really good with people.

So, what do you say, huh?

Let's hang out again. You know, we can go to dinner.

I could show you that dance move. It's very easy.

Or you could teach me to dance.

Um... uh, yeah.

Yeah, we can, um...

I have a pre-Christmas dinner party that I'm gonna have.

All right. What about this one?

[Mona] Sure. What is it?

-It is a, um... -It's fine. Open it. It's wine.

All right.

Why don't you like him?

He cheated on her! He had sex with his ex.

Mona said they weren't together when that happened.

Look, having a boyfriend, healthy.

Fucking random guys for fun is healthy.

But what she's doing? This shit, that's not healthy.

I don't think having sex with random guys is that healthy.

No, see, that's bullshit. Why is it to be a feminist right now

you have to completely desexualize?

Sometimes, I like dressing hot.

Sometimes, I like having men look at me.

And you know what? I actually like my thigh-gap.

I think it's sexy.

So I'm just what, like, persona non grata at HuffPo?

Hashtag women against feminism.

An odyssey, right? Why an odyssey?

Well, it's a voyage.

Really, kind of a self-exploration.

It's not that I'm anti-feminist.

It's just that I like to stand for things that try

to push me out of the feminism movement.

Blake-- it's Blake, right? What's your perspective on this?

No, no, don't ask him. He's just gonna say something stupid,

like, "Women be crazy," or whatever.

So in The Odyssey, Odysseus was trying to find

his way back home.

But you, you're leaving home to go live in the woods.

And then you're coming back. So that's not an odyssey.

Well, it's an internal odyssey.

I always felt that fourth wave feminism

was seizing an equal seat at the table

without rejecting femininity entirely.

I mean, Marissa Mayer. She's wearing heels to work, right?

What about Tina Fey? She does an AmEx commercial

and then she does a Garnier commercial.

I don't know. I mean, I feel like it's kinda hard

for me to chime in on this. How can I empathize

with a woman if I'm just a man, but...?

Then again, that's what empathy is, huh?

[chuckles] I don't know, it's stupid.

I'm gonna get a refill. You girls want some Sav Blanc?

-Sure. -Sure.

Why don't you call it Walden Pond.

-Fuck, Into the Wild. -Okay, Krakauer was a poser.

And a liar, to be honest with you.

-So I-- -Okay. All right.

This isn't about Krakauer.

This is about your pretentious experiment.

-Pretentious? [scoffs] -A little.

Who's publishing this?

What was-- what'd you ask?

-[Mona] Okay. -Oh!

We've got turkey, mac and cheese,

-salad, green beans... -Let me help you.

-Lots of stuff. -This looks fantastic.

-Thank you. -Awesome.

Put that there. I will take the mac and cheese.

-This looks amazing. -[Mona] Thank you.

Congratulations. People don't say that enough

when it comes to food. Congratulations.

-[Mona] Thanks. -Getting the wine going.

-[doorbell buzzes] -Who is that?

-It's probably Gerard. -Who?

Gerard, your mentor.

-I invited him. -[laughs]

-Uh, why? -Why not?

He's, um, Jason's mentor.

Don't you want to introduce everybody to your mentor, Jason?

-[doorbell buzzes] -It's just,

I don't know if we have enough food.

-You know, I didn't wanna... -[Jen] Are you kidding?

There's gonna be leftovers for weeks.

-[Blake] Plenty of food. -[Jason] Okay.

Then I guess I'll go get him. I'll go get...

-[doorbell buzzes] -I'll go get Gerard.

Sorry. Oh. It's all right. Okay.

Gerard, it's so nice to finally meet you.

I feel like Jason's been hiding you.

I know. How did you guys even meet, anyway?

I've never had a mentor.

Believe it or not, we met at the bus stop.

Yeah, he told me about his project. His odyssey.

I was a SEAL, so I offered to help him prepare.

-Mm-hm. -[Jen] That's so cool.

[Gerard] Mona, this turkey is delicious.

Oh, thank you. I like your... pie?

-Meat pie. Did you try it? -Mm. Mm-hm. It's delicious.

It's so mild.

I can't stand how people over-salt food today.

Gerard, do you have any kids?

Yeah.

I have nine children.

-Oh, my God! -Nine! Wow!

Two of them died.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I really had no idea.

[Gerard] I'm batting a .820.

-It's actually .777. -Really? Mona...

-.778. -Can I get a little more

of the pie, please? I cannot stop eating this.

Seriously, I'm going to put this on my blog.

-Where do you live? -I live under a bridge

across the street.

Don't you guys think we should move to dessert?

-I think... -I would actually...

I'd like some dessert, yeah.

Gerard, I need this recipe from you.

-What meat is in this? -That's dog food and potatoes.

I wanna use your shower. Can I shower?

[chuckles]

What are you doing? No. No, no, no.

You don't have to do this. You're a guest.

Sorry. [laughs]

[Jason sighs] Your friends are nice.

Yeah.

And, um, I'm really sorry about...

Oh. It's fine. Don't worry about it.

We'll talk about this party for years, thanks to you

and your "mentor."

He's actually-- he's actually a really nice guy.

-He seems nice. -And he knows his shit. Like...

No, I'm serious. Stop. [laughs] Stop.

-Well, thanks for coming. -Thank you for having me.

-It's a lot of fun. -Yeah, it was.

Mm-hm.

You sure you don't need help cleaning?

-I'm good. -Are you sure?

-Yeah. I'm good. -Really sure?

-I am. -Because I know when you say

you're good you don't mean you're good.

-No, I really am good. -What if we watch a movie?

-I'm-- No, I think... -I think we should

-watch a movie. -I think it's best

-if you go downstairs. -Really?

-Okay, yeah. -Are you sure?

-Yep. -But it's Christmas!

Oh. Looks like we got breakfast. [laughs]

Would you like to do the honors?

What?

You could strangle him or knock him in the head.

Your choice.

I have to kill him?

Oh, you could get him a job at Disneyland.

Would you like that?

Fuck.

You want to survive in the woods and you can't kill a rabbit?

I just, I didn't consider it.

Oh. Consider it!

It's you or him, man.

♪

Can you tell me more about this study?

Do you smoke pot ever?

Yes. I have.

-[speaks Spanish] -30.

I paid $80 for it.

♪

We're researching the effects of laying in bed

while smoking pot.

So that's really all you have to do.

Lay in bed and smoke pot.

Okay... Um, what's the stipend?

-Ten grand. -Okay!

-It's broken. -No, no. It's not broken.

It's in good condition. It's made a lot of toast for me.

And, uh, bagels.

And English muffins and, um...

Mostly bread products, yeah.

$25?

Yeah. Okay, yeah. Fine.

Yeah, yep. Count me in. How long?

Three months. And you can't leave.

Or get out of bed. Or stop smoking pot.

It's for NASA.

What the fuck?

Sharon?

For my whole life, if I ever wanted anything,

I set a goal and then I figured out how to reach that goal.

And then I would just get it.

So when Cassie got that promotion,

I did not know how to handle it.

Like, everything just turned upside down.

Left was right, up was down.

I get that.

I went out to go find myself.

And I think what I found

was that myself is a workaholic.

-[Sharon laughs] -I love to work.

I love having a job.

I love having money.

Fuck, I miss money.

This is 115 percent confidential.

But... it's not working out with Cassie.

Really?

She's so fantastic with our clients.

-But... -But what?

She's impossible to reach.

On the weekends, or after hours,

or during normal working business hours.

That makes sense.

Listen, I'm willing to overlook our little incident...

if you'll come back.

Back? Like, come back to work?

Yeah.

We really miss you, Mona.

We miss your relentless diligence

and your tireless efforts.

30 hours a day, eight days a week.

What do you think?

-I'll see you Monday. -Sounds good.

[sighs]

[phone chimes]

[chuckles]

Oh! Okay.

Hold on.

-Thanks for inviting me over. -You're welcome.

Oh.

-Are you sure about this? -Sure about what?

You know, I'm leaving in three weeks.

Don't be a pussy.

♪

♪ Well, the captain's too drunk to command ♪

♪ He took us out a thousand miles from land ♪

Hey. I gotta go pick up Rebecca. Okay?

Do you think I can have those back dated credit transactions

-by tomorrow? Say yes. -Yes.

-Yeah? -Yes.

-Awesome! -Definitely.

Thank you so much.

[music continues]

♪ My Bible says that I'm going to heck ♪

♪ I took his name in vain when they took me away from you ♪

♪ Abigail, my Abigail

♪ If I could sleep at sea I'd be dreaming of you ♪

♪ Abigail, my Abigail

♪ Kiss the baby good night Pray for my lost soul ♪

-You look good. -Thank you.

Hi.

-Wow. -It's a good thing I have

a English professor fetish.

It's a good thing I went to college.

♪ Sleep tonight I'll be dreaming of you ♪

♪ Abigail, my Abigail

♪ Keep the fire alive Keep the wedding bed warm ♪

♪ Abigail, my Abigail

♪ Tell the baby I miss her and I'm coming home ♪

♪

Smoking, smoking, smoking! Come on! Come on! Come on.

Come on!

Oh! [shouts, laughs]

Whoo! Yes!

Yes!

Gerard.

Gerard?

No, I'm not related to him.

No, his last name is Kinsey.

K-I-N-S-E-Y.

Kinsey, yes.

Look, then you have the wrong person.

All right? That's the wrong person.

Well... what?

No, no.

Sir, Gerard Kinsey was a war hero.

Wait, what?

-So he was never in the Army? -The Navy.

Well, he wasn't in either, but...

He was, man, he was in for two weeks and then he washed out.

-Got discharged. -Huh?

He had asthma. Adult onset asthma.

I know he had a plan for me. He did.

He just died before he had a chance

to reveal the bigger picture.

[sighs] Maybe he was gonna tell me that the truth is relative.

Wait. Are you still going?

It's just a little setback.

Your survivalism mentor,

the guy who trained you to survive,

froze to death.

In Los Angeles.

Jack Kerouac once said

that "I hope when a man dies,

not only does he live in others, but he gives them life,

and not only life, but the great consciousness of life."

Gerard, you may have lied to me,

but you gave me consciousness.

And for what it's worth,

your commitment to that lie...

was inspiring.

This is bullshit, man.

[Jason] Oh, shit!

Come on!

This is crazy. You could die.

Yeah. All right, I guess.

-Why are you doing it? -You know--

Look at me. Look at me!

I'm getting old, man.

You know, every day I look in the mirror

and I see my face, and you know what I see?

I see my dad's.

And I'm nothing compared to him.

I have to do something, I have to do something, man.

Otherwise I'm gonna end up some old sack of shit

who hasn't... who can't do anything.

And this is that?

-Yeah. -You're lying.

You're lying to yourself.

And that's fine. Everybody does it at some point in their life.

-This isn't who you are. -Who am I?

You're a writer. You're a fucking...

You're a nice guy.

You're my friend.

And I'm scared for you.

Look, if you wanna live a normal fucking life

and have two and a half babies and get a job,

I'll never make fun of you. I promise, ever.

I won't say a fucking word. You can stay on my couch

until you figure out whatever this bullshit is that you need.

And I will never say anything.

Do you think I'll last more than a week?

Yeah.

Okay, I wanna go now.

You hungry?

-Yeah. -Yeah.

I could eat.

I want... I don't care what it is,

but I want something like this...

I know exactly what I want. I don't-- I just want--

I want Mexican.

Me too.

Come with me.

What?

On the odyssey.

-Come with me. -[laughs]

I love you.

You don't have to do a thing.

I'll cook, I'll catch the food.

I'll pitch the tent. I'll start the fire.

I'm ready for this.

Um, but won't that...

defeat the purpose of being alone?

[sighs]

I love you too.

Come with me.

Stay.

[air hissing]

♪

♪ I have been floating

♪ Away

♪ My arms are getting tired

♪ Underneath

♪ I don't want to leave

♪ Not for all the gold in the sea ♪

♪ Goodbye

♪ Goodbye

♪ Go long north

♪

How's it going?

Let's see here...

Just bag it.

Yeah, so have you been up to Frostbite Falls?

I hear it's pretty nice this time of year.

What's the weather like up on them mountains?

Could you please just bag it?! Please, I'm sorry.

Just fuck!

Have a great day!

♪ Send for the captain ashore and let me go home ♪

♪ Let me go home

♪ I want to go home

♪ I feel so great but I wanna go home ♪

-♪ First mate he got drunk -[line rings]

-♪ Tore up the people's trunk -Hey, Mom.

♪ Constable had to come and take him away... ♪

Okay, kiddo. Out with it.

All right. Well, the first few days were cake.

I gathered berries, I trapped a rabbit.

I made a fire.

The first night it was actually kind of warm,

so I just pulled a sleeping bag out

and slept under the stars.

In the daytime, I didn't do much.

I walked around.

Read books.

Checked the traps.

Everything was kind of going to plan.

And it was so beautiful.

It was very beautiful.

And so boring. It was so boring.

I mean, boring.

And it rained. It just fucking rained.

It would not stop raining. It was freezing as shit.

Then I got diarrhea.

Then after a few days, this vulture landed

by the camp and started staring at me.

So I tried to shoo him away.

Then the next day I woke up and there were two of them.

And then five, and I lost it.

I just... that was that.

I failed. Just not Dad.

-What? -You are nothing

like your father! And that is a good thing.

He was a man's man.

What? Really?

Is that what you think?

I mean, what-- please explain this to me.

I want to hear it.

Okay. He was stoic. All right?

He was self-reliant.

-He could make fires, he-- -He used to leave us alone

so he could go fuck around in the woods.

He could live on his own, he was self-sufficient.

He would drive to a campground, meet his buddies,

and they would drink beer and shoot guns.

-Look at me. -[sighs]

This wilderness thing?

I think it's about time you fucking failed.

-I fail all the time. -No, you quit.

You quit before you learn things about yourself.

You play it safe.

But this time, you put it all out there.

You put all your chips on the table.

How long did you stay out there?

-Eight days. -Eight days!

That is huge!

Good job, Jay!

There it is! There it is. A smile.

-Okay. -A smile. [laughs]

-Mom of the year. -Yeah.

You fail.

And then you move on, and you learn from that.

And you fail again.

But maybe you should start thinking about

what you're gonna fail at next.

[Mona] The figures are right.

I've run the numbers a dozen times.

The numbers don't matter until the client signs off,

and if they don't commit... You know, you always do this.

You always get hung up on numbers--

-Steve. -Yes?

-We're a team. -I know.

And I would like it if you can trust me with the numbers.

I'm great at numbers.

You're great at making beautiful presentations.

You're like the Da Vinci of PowerPoint.

So what I would like is if you could put these numbers

into the greatest presentation

that corporate America has ever seen.

Can we do that?

[Steve] Yeah... What the fuck?

-Mona! -Oh.

-[Jason laughs] -Oh!

Let's take a five.

Okay! All right!

-What are you doing here? -You know this dude?

Kind of. Speak.

Fine, all right. Okay.

Look, Mona, I...

I was not meant to live in the wilderness.

-Okay? -Obviously.

What does that have to do with me?

Look, my whole life, I have tried to live up to my father

because he is a man's man. Okay?

All right? I get that. And I had this idea in my head

that I had to live that way

because that's how a man should live.

But it turns out that my father, he's a lie, too!

And I'm sick of it. I don't want to live in a lie.

So here it goes.

Hi. I'm Jason.

Okay! All right.

I'm Jason, and I like being indoors.

Okay? I like being indoors and watching documentaries

and reading books. And I like to smoke pot...

I like to smoke pot and I like to make people smile.

I like to make you smile, Mona, because I like you a lot.

Don't-- I see it right there. Right in your face!

I can see it! Look at you!

You're trying to plot this out on the graph of your life.

You're trying to see if this datum

makes any sense or reason.

What did you say?

I was just trying to explain that...

I help you shut off your brain.

No, before that. You said "datum."

Yeah, datum. You know, the singular of data.

I hate when people get that wrong.

Yeah. Me too.

-You sure? -Yeah.

♪

That one's not too bad, actually.

You know? The bottle opener is a little hard to get at,

but the blade never gets dull.

Oh, great. That's nice. And how about that red one?

-That one is shit. -Poop. Okay.

Well, oh, and what about this one?

The Transformer looking one? Star Wars.

-Yeah. -I like your taste.

That's a good one. This one's expensive,

but it's awesome, dude. This is the one I have.

-Oh. -Yeah.

And you're a camper, right? I mean, obviously.

-Oh, yeah. -You go camping a lot?

Well, I don't like to tell this story,

but, you know, I spent a week living in the wilderness.

-A week? Oh... -Mm-hm.

Like... like seven days?

-Like just... -A week and then six months.

-In the wilderness. -What?

Alone.

Me, my thoughts, my journal.

-This. -Wow!

-Yeah. -The real.

Wow. I'll take it. I'll take it. Immediately.

That's my guy. Thank you.

-♪ -[indistinct]

And too, you really wanna try...

-Yeah? -...this...

[rock music plays, indistinct singing]