Original subtitles

THE SONG OF LISBON

Dialogues and Lyrics Music

Music Director

Sound track

Camera men

Starring

The 8 TOBIS disciples

Sound Recording

Laboratory work

Censored by the General Inspection of Entertainment

Lisbon City that enthrals me

City of songs

And festivity

Lisbon

Songs for all

Where birds and maidens trill

Garden-city

Kissed by the blue Tagus

In a sad endless farewell

City of Love

Beckoning and seducing us all

The sky is even deeper in hue

And the sun shines brighter

The streets seem to hum in joy

The city awakens singing

And uplifting is the melody

Of your early rising

Your charm and splendour

Are unparalleled in the world

Lisbon You are the flower of Portugal

TAILOR

You'll flunk, lazybones

You'll flunk your final exam

You'll see, Leit�o, you lazybones

You'll flunk your final exam

You'll see, lazybones You shall flunk.

5th year. Medical Practice Examination.

Sebasti�o da Costa Valente. Valente? (Valiant)

That's me.

Te�filo das Neves Claro. Claro? (White)

Here.

I'm going to this exam without a clear thought in my head.

But I see them pretty dark indeed.

May St. Francis Xavier help me.

- Vasco Leit�o. - At your command, General.

- May the gentle St. Francis help me. - Good Luck, Vasco, my lad.

So you're saying that water in the belly is Pott's Disease

and you advise an injection?!

What?! An injection?

Do you know what happens if you stick a needle in the diaphragm?

You shall not touch it!

Sorry, but if I stick a needle there, I assure you I'll touch it.

You just mentioned bicarbonate for varicose veins.

- By Jove! - Sorry! But I said benzonaphthol.

''Vasco Leit�o...

...Failed''

''Tr�s-os-Montes, 20th June,

1933. Tua.''

''My Dear Vasco,

''I hope that this letter finds you in good health.''

You said in your last letter

that you passed your exam with flying colours,

and that you are now a doctor.

And also that you have set a superb office.

Let me turn the page, sister, please.

Fortunately, our money has been put to good use.

As we know you would never deceive your aunts,

we have decided to go and celebrate your success,

and also get to know Lisbon, a city we have never seen.

Sister, please, have a heart, don't rush me.

Now, you were saying...

We can even picture

your face lighting up with joy.

''Best regards from us all.

''We shall arrive on Saturday at 12:40H.

''Your loving aunts, Efig�nia and Perp�tua Rocha.''

You scared me, man. Sit down. What do you think of this?

Such a big fib. And what a mess you're in.

Thank you.

I'm coming, I won't be a moment.

Hello, my pretty flower.

Hello, neighbour. You look very happy!

Things are going very well for me.

- Did you do your exam? - I did. I got 20.

Congratulations.

I got 20 minutes of cross-examination as if I were in Prison.

And in the end?

Failed. It has upset me so!

You haven't lost any weight over it though.

Not everyone can be as you are, Maria da Gra�a. Such a supple figure.

You're the pin-up of our neighbourhood.

From now on I shall call you the Greta Garbo of Castelinhos neighbourhood.

How nice! And what shall I call you?

Call me whatever you want. Call me something sweet.

Call me Bibi or Lulu.

Call me...

Call me whenever you like and I shall go straight to you.

Be serious.

Bye-bye. Granny's little treasure.

Well, courting the charming singer?

Then you tell me I'm your only love and that your fate is to be with me.

Don't be so mean to me.

Traitor, liar. You think you're a big lady-killer, don't you?

If what I say isn't true, let my head be chopped off.

I'm stuck.

My father's right, he says you're a liar, a cheat, a rogue and stuck up.

Stuck up? I wish. Look where the window is.

Lili, don't upset me today. I'm so sad. I failed my exam.

And on top of that my aunts from Tr�s-os-Montes are arriving,

those to whom I've told I'm already a doctor.

What a fine husband I'll have, liar and flirtatious.

Me?! Watch your mouth. You'd better not mention flirts.

- What do you mean by that? - You flirt with every boy you meet.

- It's a lie! Not with them all! - It's true.

I can even count them. Carlos is one.

Ernesto, the chemist's assistant, that hunchbacked idiot makes it two.

The other one, Juli�o, makes it 3.

Ten cadets from the military Academy makes it 13.

With Asdrubal, 14. Julio, 15.

Lu�s, 16. Here comes the guillotine!

Mr. Caetano, don't get mad at the girl.

Let her flirt with whom she pleases. Let's try the coat, I'm in a hurry.

My apologies. But a father has to watch over his daughter's happiness.

- But, Daddy... - Shut up.

And don't cry or you'll rust the pins.

You're embarrassing me in front of a customer.

Gabriel isn't a customer, he's a friend.

He's a father himself. He also has a family ''on his back''.

Look how this fits you in the back.

- Yes, but I love him. - ''I love him, I love him.''

A bohemian who will never settle down. A cheater who is not fit for you.

- How's this for a fit? - If you don't approve, I'll elope.

How dare you say that to my face?

If I catch that good-for-nothing,

I'll grab him by his collar and finish him up.

Please be careful, Caetano!

You're right. I'm sorry, Gabriel, I lost my temper.

That buccaneer is deceiving her. And this buckram isn't good either.

- Students are all penniless riffraff. - He's not penniless.

Vasco has aunts up North who will leave him everything when they die.

What are you saying? Is it anything worthwhile?

You can't imagine! One has 400,000, another 100,000 and the other 300,000.

Hold on, hold on, girl!

400, 100 and 300.

- That's 800,000 escudos! - What about checking this?

I'm checking it right here.

Dearest aunts! My dearest aunts!

Oh, my little boy! My dearest boy!

So cute! Thank you. Thank you so much.

- Dearest nephew. My dearest nephew. - Leave it there.

- Give me a hand, do. - Oh Lord, what an ordeal!

I'm going to fall. I'm not used to this contraption.

- Here are some flowers. - Thank you.

- What a joy! What a joy to see you. - Let's go.

- Oh, my bag! - And my money!

- Oh dear, I feel sick. - I'm going to faint.

Hey, Vasco! What are you doing there with those two old maids?

Leave me be. These are my aunts. They just arrived from up north.

Their bags were stolen, they fainted,

I'm flat broke and I can't take them to a hotel. I don't know what to do.

- We'll take them in the Bullfight Cab. - Are you crazy?

We drop them at some hotel. It's cheaper this way.

Are you crazy? Take them in the Bullfight Cab?!

Don't do this to me, chaps! This one is going to fall down.

This is outrageous. It's a shame. Get your hands off the old girls.

Hands off the old girls. This is outrageous. Why me?!

Hooray for Vasco's aunts! Hooray!

Keep quiet, lads. Come on, aunts.

- What is this? What's this? - It's nothing, aunt.

It's a bullfight! That's a bullfight poster I'm seeing.

It's not a bullfight. It's something else.

Don't get upset, aunt.

This is all your fault.

Stop! Stop this!

Please, stop this!

It's going to stop.

I want to get out of here!

Lads, for goodness sake! This is a family matter.

- Let me explain... - What do you want to explain? This?

There. It's all explained.

- Vasco! - Alice?

- Your father's out? I'm going in! - What if he shows up?

- Let me make the most of this moment! - Give me a kiss.

- People are looking. - Who? A busybody?

Give me a kiss...

You're sad. Did your aunts arrive?

- Yes! But things aren't going well. - Why?

I'll tell you later. Now I want a kiss, but a real one.

Let me go. Go kiss your neighbour, the singer, you rake.

Have you forgotten what you did to me this morning?

Where can I hide, Alice? Oh, dear!

Watch it, I'll fall. Where shall I go?

In here? I might not fit in here.

- Quick, quick! - Don't push me! Don't push me so!

Not under the table. He'll see me here for sure.

- In here. - Not in there either.

Why not? Where then?

Let's go in, madam. I'm sure I have something to your taste.

- Please go in. - I want something very good.

But I will not spend more than 100 escudos.

Alice, dear! How have you been?

- How are you, madam? - Well, thank you.

Have a seat, madam.

I always buy winter clothes in the summer. They're cheaper now.

Quite right. But here in my store, we have everything:

raincoats, overcoats, cloaks.

Now, I even have a second hand leather coat,

which is superb, a real bargain.

- Show me. Maybe I like it. - You'll see it's an excellent buy.

- This is something special. - Let me see the lining.

It's as good as new.

Granny, that dummy hit me.

Be quiet, boy, and behave yourself.

For you, madam, I'll make you a special price of 250 escudos.

- I can't afford it, it's too much. - What a pity. It would be a good buy.

- But it's too expensive. - Let me see if I have something else.

Something cheaper, much cheaper.

What about this one?

- No, no. It's too long for my Jorge. - Really?!

You will not leave my store without a good buy.

I hope so, but bargains only. I can't afford to spend too much.

Who knows if a shepherd's mantle would please you?

A mouse!

A mouse!! Daddy, a mouse!!

No, a mouse, no!

Please, Daddy, kill the mouse!

Dad, kill it, please.

I'm so scared, so scared!

Such fuss over a mouse. Lower your skirts. Get off there.

What the deuce! I don't want any noise in here.

- Oh, you big rascal! - Daddy, the 800 thousand!

Sorry, Mr. Caetano. I'll tidy it all up and go right away.

Don't you dare!

Get inside. Inside!

How do you dare going right away? It's a pleasure to have you in here!

My dear doctor, don't worry. Come, please.

- But I'll tidy it all up. - Don't worry.

Again?

Get inside.

Go, go.

- Thank you. - Please, doctor.

Make yourself at home.

It's a pleasure to have you in my house.

But what is this?

Vasco and the boss are bosom friends!

Come and have a look.

You see, my aunts got mad at me, as soon as they arrived.

Since I have nowhere else to go to for money,

I'm finished, disgraced, ruined.

I've even thought of telling them the whole truth.

- That I'm not a doctor... - Don't do that.

Nonsense!

Let me think.

- Sit down, please. - You first, please. I insist.

- lf you say so. May I? - After you, please.

I have an idea that might save you. No ulterior motive!

I'll tell your aunts that you're a distinguished doctor,

and that you've saved my life four or five times,

I'll congratulate them for such an educated scholar...

Which scholar?

You're the scholar. I'm speaking in your favour.

That would be a big favour. Could you do it?

They're from the country, aren't they?

I've acted in the amateur theatre.

You're my second mother, sir.

Of course, I'm doing all this unselfishly.

Sure, sure!

Now, regarding your little one, your daughter,

if you would give your permission...

My permission? Are you sure you're the aunts' only heir?

- The only one. - Let me give you a hug, my son.

Mother! I mean, father!

I've always liked you a lot.

And if I ever was rude to you, it wasn't me, it was my temper, Vasco.

And if I ever was lax in paying the bills, I apologise, Caetano.

- Where are the old ladies? - At the Metr�pole Hotel.

I'm going to speak to them now.

I shall even wear the colonel's frock-coat and that's that.

- I'll help you put it on. - Excuse me.

Yes, go right ahead.

They'll be happy to know you saved me from three appendicitis,

four typhoid fevers and a fishbone stuck in my throat...

Let's hope the words don't give you a sore throat.

- My friend, the cobbler. - My landlord.

I heard everything. Great plan to steal money from the old ladies.

- Steal? You offend me. - Don't worry, I'm not outraged.

I just want to split the money between the three of us.

You owe me a pair of shoes and three months rent.

Either we share or we abide by ethics.

Girls, don't miss the party later on.

In our street, the gayest night is St. John's night.

And I'm going with my Ant�nio, my own Ant�nio.

And I'll dance till I wear out the soles of my shoes.

You want to exploit the boy and take advantage of the situation.

- Take out the trousers! - You're right. Take off the trousers!

- Take the trousers from that drawer. - I thought you meant something else.

- No, I only want my money. - Here.

You want your money, your money.

I won't have knives pointed at anyone in my house.

- You're quite right! - That won't do.

That won't do. I agree. Those trousers won't do.

- The striped ones in the drawer. - Who's stripped of drawers?

There. Here they are.

And I agreed to talk to his aunts with no interest in mind.

He agreed to talk to my aunts with no interest, profits, or gains.

Fine! If you don't want to come to an agreement,

then you'll be hearing from me.

What are you going to do? What a fool.

Look at the lieutenant's uniform.

- Don't worry. I'll pick it up. - Thank you.

- Is it all right like this? - Yes, thank you.

Well, my son, I'm going to speak to the old ladies.

Bye-bye, my son.

Bye-bye, my father.

Bye-bye. Mind my hair.

Goodbye.

So sorry, madam.

- Bye-bye, my son. - Bye-bye, my father.

- Father. - Father!

Father in heaven, she's gorgeous.

- Carlos is a fortunate man. - He's waiting for you. Come with me.

I would. But then I might end up falling in love with you

and I would have to fight my friend Carlos in a duel.

You're a daring one. And your fianc�e?

She's in there, she cant hear us. And there's no harm in talking.

Aren't you going to dance this evening?

If you promise to dance with me I'll stay there all night.

Maria da Gra�a,

when I'm near you, my heart goes pit-a-pat.

It palpitates.

If it palpitates, it needs a change of air, at once. Let's go.

Vasco! Vasco, come here!

I want to talk to you. Come here!

Vasco! Vasco, come here!

Vasco! Come here! Wait. I want to talk to you.

Come here, Vasco. Come here, you big rake!

Out you go. From now on, don't bother to climb these stairs.

- Are we going to have a lift? - No, we have to find another house.

You're going to leave us? Are you going to move?

You don't want to get it.

Put this gentleman's furniture out on the street.

Didn't I warn you, Dr. ''Phoney''? Didn't I tell you?

I just hope it won't rain.

It would be a pity to spoil such lovely furniture.

You stingy, you pig. Littering the streets.

Snooty, how much rent do you pay?

Look at his face.

Are you spending your summer there?

Half-wit. Beat it.

It's incredible! Evicting your best tenant.

Your best customer! So stupid.

Jackass!

You're right, he's an ass. And a strong headed bear.

You had it coming, my boy, you had it coming.

Mr. Cobbler, my bed and a pair of trousers are still up there.

This?

You can hang yourself with them, you cheat.

Who is it?

The butcher. How about a steak for lunch?

I only receive my suppliers at the service door.

Penniless-wit, go pay your rent and take two witnesses along.

Mother, come here quickly.

Poor plant.

If I don't water it soon, it will wilt.

Can't you see what you're doing?

Sorry, madam. I took you for a rose.

Who's going to pay for my dress and laced skirt?

I've also skirted paying rent to that monkey for 5 months now.

Rude creature, cheeky fellow.

Here we are, at my shop.

I'll be darned!

Vasco, what are you doing in the middle of the square?

You see? No one messes with me.

And what now?

Now, either we share the old ladies' money

or I'll tell them why the furniture is in the middle of the street.

- So, this furniture is yours. - And your furniture is this junk?

Where's the money we sent you for your ''palace''?

- For your books? - Your studies?

- Your carpets! - Your curtains!

- For your comforts, yes. - Yes, your comforts!

- Did you get it? - It's a deal.

If we share the old girls' money, I'll handle the situation right away.

I'm going to tell you the whole truth. I'm not a doctor.

He's right. He's not a doctor like others.

He's a true scientist, a martyr of science.

That doesn't explain why your furniture's out here.

This martyr of science who wrought cures deemed astounding...

...sacrificed opulence for the sake of his scientific findings.

He sacrificed opulence for the sake of his scientific findings.

Even his fancy furniture he sadly had to pawn.

His own clothes followed suit 'cause to mankind he was so drawn.

His own clothes followed suit 'cause to mankind he was so drawn.

He and Sousa Martins alike have mastered all microbes

and, like Dr. Pestana, his genius no one probes.

And, like Dr. Pestana, his genius no one probes.

- Your knowledge has no price. - On your aunts you can rely.

Science and myself will thank you, if you finance your nephew

Science and myself will thank you, if you finance your nephew

- Gentlemen, where's your permit? - What permit?

- Your permit for this masquerade. - Masquerade?!

You're turning this into a carnival.

No permit, right? You're all under arrest. Let's go.

Throughout life it would seem we all have a dream,

a love dream.

It's a dream that hope excels, in our hearts it dwells,

wondrously.

I too go on dreaming and through a crowd I see me passing,

blissfully.

On the day I wed, arm in arm with my love I'll thread,

lovingly.

Gentle doves by the hundred I see flying by,

against the blue sky.

Their lily-white wings shining like the lace of my veil.

I feel it's so true that I've come to believe

that the good Lord wishes

my dream to fulfil

and that happiness I will finally feel.

It is a pleasure so rare

to build castles in the air,

to sleep and not to wake,

I wish I'd dare!

To live the false ideal

of a chimera.

To dream...

...my life away!

After we are wedded then I long for the moment when,

tenderly,

we wander hand in hand, two gentle lovers,

alone together.

In a haze of happiness, of peace and freshness,

just the two of us,

midst a tree-grove shade, a trembling kiss we exchange,

just the two of us.

The heady perfume of spring in bloom

embalms the air,

of this garden of love that in dreams I see.

And my loved one I picture there kneeling,

close beside me,

making a charming confession...

...of an eternal passion.

It is a pleasure so rare

to build castles in the air,

to sleep and not to wake,

I wish I'd dare!

To live the false ideal

of a chimera.

You're ruining Vasco's trousers, girl!

To dream...

...my life away!

- The wheel's going to turn! - It's going to turn now!

I've only two tickets left. Buy one, Mr.

Thank you, thank you.

Miss Alice, do you still have the hippopotamus?

No, I got rid of it, thank Heaven. But I've got a bear here.

Weedy, were you insinuating that I'm an hippopotamus?

What if I was? Would you slap me?

- Isn't he sweet? - The wheel's going to turn now!

Twit!

- The donkey. The donkey. - It's the donkey.

Congratulations!

Weedy, why don't you drink mineral water instead?

Brandy's not for kids, lad.

Look at him. He's got a mean look, hasn't he?

Are you feeling mean? Oh, boy, just look at him.

Slap him, man!

Lads! Neighbours! Let's have peace and harmony. You can't...

Lads, look! The fireworks! The balloon!

The brass band is playing merrily

and they all dance, right around you and me.

Look at the balloon on St. John's night.

To be able to dance at will and with whom I please,

I took my daddy's leave

and kicked out my student who got mad with it.

A basil bush I bought!

And off to the dance I go!

And dangling here I've got a dummy

looking just like the boy I fancy.

And dangling here I've got a dummy

looking just like the boy I fancy.

The brass band is playing merrily

and they all dance, right around you and me.

Look at the balloon On St. John's night.

To be able to flirt a bit I gave my girl the slip.

Let her go with whom she'll dare,

I know not who and I don't care, I got a handful of a fairer lot.

A basil bush I bought!

And off to the dance I go!

And dangling here I've got a dummy

looking just like the girl I fancy.

And dangling here I've got a dummy

looking just like the girl I fancy.

The brass band is playing merrily

and they all dance, right around you and me.

The brass band is playing merrily

and they all dance, right around you and me.

Please, leave me alone. I want nothing more to do with you.

You fool!

Sure! You're crying because of me.

Idiot! I'm crying because of the onion.

Let me say that your nephew Vasco isn't really a bad lad.

He's not bad, no, but...

What do you mean by that?

Mrs. Perp�tua, your nephew... I'd better keep my mouth shut.

Your fondness of him may perhaps be higher than he deserves.

It would be fairer to think a bit less about him...

Caetano, are my trousers ready yet?

- I told you on Wednesday. - That's today.

Up until midnight, come back then.

- I don't care about your trousers. - Rude creep!

But you were saying...

I was saying that it would be better to think less about him

and a bit more about someone who suffers because of you.

So?

Though I feel an almost maternal affection for my nephew,

it doesn't mean that I may not come to feel affection for others.

Vasco has given us many reasons to rejoice about.

He's already a famous physician, with a fine office.

We just haven't seen it yet.

And you probably never will. I'd better keep my mouth shut.

After what happened last night, don't bother to butter me up.

I came here to clear things up with you.

At the dance you only had eyes for that dimwit Weedy.

It doesn't matter, I got back at him. I slapped him in the face.

That's what I should do to you!

A slap? You?! Slap me? You rude hussy!

Daddy, Dad, come and see this!

If you shout for your father I'll break everything here!

- And I'll throw this dough at you! - Just try it!!

- You stupid! Pig! - Jackass!

- Look what you've done to me. - Idiot! Dimwit! Dumb-cluck!

- Dimwit yourself! - It's over, go back to your singer.

I will, right now! I'll never set foot in this house again!

Go back to your Weedy friend. That skinny dimwit.

I'm all dirtied up.

I'm leaving this house for good and I'll never come back.

I'll never come back.

Never again.

Goodbye forever, ungrateful woman. Goodbye.

I'm leaving for good and I'II... Curse this!

- And I'll never come back. - Go.

- Goodbye. Farewell. - You won't be missed. Brute!

Never again. You'll never see me again.

Please girls, wash my face, clean my jacket,

brush my soul, iron my heart out.

That ungrateful hussy!

How could he dare to deceive us? When I get my hands on him...

Hello! Good morning.

Good morning.

- Hello, Aunt Efig�nia. - Hello.

- Greetings, Aunt Perp�tua. - Greetings.

Give us a kiss.

They're already suspicious of him.

We need to get Vasco out of the way. This is a mine for us!

It's a fine day today, isn't it?

No, it even seems to be a bit stormy in here.

Vasco, today we've decided to give you the pleasure

of showing us your physician's office.

- Your famous office. - Yes, the physician's office.

There's no need to go there today.

Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow or in a fortnight's time...

- No, we want to see it today. - And right now!

Get me out of this mess.

- He's trying to gain time. - He's wasting his time to no avail.

- So, where is your office? - It's quite far away from here.

It's way out of town, in a place called Sete Rios, Benfica.

How do we get there? By coach, on horseback or...

It's quite far, you know?

Then take a taxi! There's one right there. Are you free?

- Yes, I am, sir. - Not you, the taxi.

- Well, aunts, maybe it's better... - Don't say anymore.

...if we leave it for... another time.

Here it is. If you please, madam.

To Benfica. Got it, mister? Benfica.

Have a nice trip, then. I'm at your service.

Stop, stop, stop.

Please, come out.

We arrived at the famous office then?

- Not yet. - Well then?

Three, please.

I have a surprise for you.

I don't have time to see the camel today.

My mind is nearly made up. I want to stop being the zoo veterinary.

It's too much work.

But at least have a look at those Guinea fowls down with pip.

I can't. I have to go and see D. Jos�'s horse. It's got bronchitis.

D. Jos�'s horse is sick?

Yes! D. Jos� of Lencastre's horse, the amateur bullfighter.

- Good afternoon then, doctor. - Good afternoon.

I couldn't let you come to Lisbon without admiring this park,

which is much nicer than the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

- Haven't you heard of them? - No, but let's not stay long.

We won't. Let's go, come on.

Please.

Thank you.

This way, aunts, this way.

You couldn't have missed this. The freaky trunks!

My straw hat! Give it back to me, you brute!

Murderer! Thief! Stealing my hat!

- Do you find it funny? - I do.

There! Do you find it funny now?

It's not fair! You'll have to pay for it!

Fiddlesticks. Hats are a dime a dozen. Let's go.

Hats are a dime a dozen.

- Tough luck. - Dimwit! Hats are a dime a dozen.

I wouldn't want that rubbish. Dimwit! Let's go and see the monkeys.

There are plenty. Hats are a dime a dozen. Dimwit!

- What are you taking my hat for? - Just kidding around, kiddie.

Hats are a dime a dozen. Dimwit!

Look, Aunt, there's a baby monkey here.

Never mind, look at the monkey. That's a wily one, right? Let's go.

Hats are a dime a dozen. Dimwit!

- Let's go see the otter. - Yes, let's go.

Let's... Hats are a dime a dozen. Dimwit!

Here's the otter, Aunts. It's an amphibious animal.

Alive it's useless, but once dead, women wear it around their necks.

The otter. What a beautiful fur! Beautiful!

- Mister, who gave you that cap? - The cap? Here. Don't mind me.

There were two otters in this cage. And that's what you'd call...

''Bi-otters''!

He's right, ''bi-otters''. That's a couple of otters.

You don't love me.

- You're the one who doesn't love me. - Yes, I do. And you?

I do too, I love you very, very much.

Let's go and see the big crocodile and I'll show you the wildebeest.

No, no more horseplay.

- We want is to see your office. - That's what's important.

If we don't go there today, we'll go some other day.

You're not too eager to take us there. Do you have an office at all?

Don't you believe me, Aunts? Don't you?

Sometimes I even wonder if you're actually a doctor.

Who put such silly notions in your heads? I'm not a doctor?

The remarks you make offend and hurt me, Aunts.

- So, I'm not a doctor? - Thank God you're still here, doctor.

See? I really am a doctor!

Doctor, one of your patients is very sick.

I need you to come with me right away,

otherwise, he may pass away.

Let's see him then. Come on.

Stay here and play with the lions. They're harmless pets.

You know, duty calls.

So, am I a doctor or not? Let's go.

- Call me doctor. - Yes, doctor.

- Louder. - Yes, doctor!

So, am I a doctor or not?

- Here's your patient. - My patient?

There's some misunderstanding here.

I'm a real good friend, I helped you earn another 20 escudos.

- 20 escudos? I don't get it. - Come, come, now.

As a veterinarian you get 20 escudos for each animal you see.

I get 20...? Yes, you're right. My mind was on something else.

We can't waste 20 escudos. Let's kill the beast. Come on.

This giraffe is very sick. Very sick.

See all those spots there? It's a liver problem. Yes, liver.

I need to see its tongue. It's dirty all right.

- Has it been eating well? - No.

From now on, only boiled water. Nothing else.

Let's put her on a strict diet. Strict!

- When do I get my 20 escudos? - You can get them at the office now.

No, not now. First, we'll go check the seal.

- But the seal is in great shape. - No, it's not, I'm the expert here.

The seal is very sick.

Unless they pay less for it because it's a seal.

No, doctor, it's the same for all.

20 escudos for each little beast we see?

Let's go see the seal. And we'll go and see all the animals.

This pigeon is neurasthenic.

He's like this since his female flew the coop and took two chicks.

- Two chicks? - She took two baby pigeons.

What he needs is entertainment. You should take him to the zoo.

And now let's go see the next one. You're a good fellow.

Say 33.

33 is not enough, he's too big.

Say 33,333.

Again.

- But where is Vasco? - Where did he go? We can't find him.

The management owes me a lot of money.

20 monkeys at 20 monkeys each, makes 400 monkeys, plus 180 monkeys.

You're quite a monkey, doctor.

My dear friend, we're all after the same thing.

Look, it's Vasco. And the Aunts are over there.

I'll make him pay for slapping me on St. John's night.

Vasco, what's the meaning of all this?

Are you a physician or veterinary? What are you doing down there?

Dear Aunts, you know, I...

Your Aunts threw you to the apes when they found out you failed your exam?

Failed!

Do they know you'll never be a doctor because you're lazy and a big liar?

This is unbelievable.

It's a lie! Let me explain everything. I'm going up there.

If I wasn't in here, I would break you in half.

You don't know who you're dealing with. He's a cunning devil.

Bye-bye, Vasco, my lad.

Hey, man, you there!

It's forbidden to sleep on garden benches.

Get a move, go.

- What's the matter with you, girl? - You're still thinking of Vasco, no?

Silly! If you mention him, she starts crying her eyes out.

- There's no joy since they broke up. - I liked this much better before.

Don't say that because it reminds me of him.

Shut up, you plump face.

Don't mention plump faces because it also reminds me of him.

What going on here? Merry-making? Get to work.

- Alice, please. - Yes, Daddy?

Undo the hem of these trousers. The customer must have grown taller.

- We must add some 8 inches. - Yes, Daddy.

Now, girls, don't forget.

Sunday we'll crown Miss Seamstress of our neighbourhood.

Besides, as president of the jury and stage director of our Academy,

I rather think that the queen will be someone from this workshop.

Mr. Caetano, is Alice also a candidate?

Why shouldn't she be? Of course she is.

- I've been teaching her some verses. - I'm terrible at reciting.

Be quiet. I'm the academy stage director.

I've taught others dumber than you and they all did well so far!

- I'll make a fool of myself. - Work and shut up!

Set an example for the others.

- I can't recite. - You're all puffed up, aren't you?

Don't mention puffed up because it reminds me of him.

Carlos...

- You, Vasco? - Carlos!

Let me greet you, Carlos.

What's happened? Have you forgotten your friend?

I was ashamed of being seen in this terrible state.

Can you believe it? My aunts have abandoned me,

influenced by the deceitful tailor and the cynical cobbler.

Worst of all, even Alice has chosen that idiot Weedy over me.

You just need to look after yourself and earn a living.

- You can't go on living like that. - No, I can't, I know.

Listen, do still have your guitar?

Yes, I do. I mean, it's pawned. Why?

I've got an idea. Come with me. You have to shave and put on a tie.

- Have you got something for me? - You'll see.

You're an angel that was sent to help me.

I look awful indeed. Excuse me.

Where are we going?

Hooray for Dr. Barbosa Gir�o Recreation Academy.

Hooray!

Tell me. Who do you vote for? Gentleman?

For the one in black.

For the one in green.

- And you, sir? - My vote is for the one in blue.

- And you? - Without any doubt, the one in red.

I'm fully informed.

First, here there's no consensus.

Second, you understand nothing of female beauty.

Old man, is there no end to this?

Show some respect for the jury, man. Damn it!

In view of the audience's impatience, I'll decide the matter myself.

Ladies and gentlemen,

on this solemn occasion, where I see, side by side,

the top trade representatives of our neighbourhood... Thank you.

The gentlemen of our industry

and the lovely faces of...

and the lovely faces of the lady members

of this recreational society,

I raise may cup...

I won't raise my cup for now,

I'll do it later on,

because we are going to begin the election for Miss Seamstress,

a humble, but honest working class... Thank you.

We shall do it with that impartiality

for which we are well known.

- The jury has decided... - The jury has decided?

The jury has decided...

...after a detailed

and most impartial analysis,

of all candidates to our Contest for Miss Seamstress...

- What a big cheat he is! - Show some respect for the Chair!

And for the table as well.

Though against my will

and thereby offending my modesty,

the jury has decided to crown Miss Seamstress of the neighbourhood,

Miss Alice Costa,

my daughter.

Play the anthem!

We shall proceed with the crowning ceremony.

- What? - The crowning ceremony.

You'll perform your job as the official photographer of our Academy.

Excuse me. My daughter...

My lad...

My daughter... Hand me the sash.

On behalf of the board...

It's inside the drawer, man!

...and in general, on behalf of the Portuguese youth,

I salute you.

A little bit of anthem, please.

Ernestina, let's go. This was all a big sham.

ALEXANDRINO'S RETREAT

Let's sit over here. This will do nicely.

Give me a cigarette.

Light, too.

I've got nothing, not even matches. May I have something to drink?

- Order whatever you want. - May I?

What about the match box?

- Didn't you light it? - No.

- Wait here, I'll be right back. - Yes, you can go.

Listen, bring me some cold drink,

because I'm thirsty.

Brandy, for instance.

Please, speak up. I'm deaf.

That's all I needed. He's deaf.

Brandy!!

Silence!

The renowned Maria Albertina will sing the Fado ''Warm Kisses''.

You kissed me upon awaking,

Oh, my love and my life,

You kissed me upon awaking,

Oh, my love and my life.

But mind, don't you go forgetting

to kiss me upon leaving.

But mind, don't you go forgetting

to kiss me upon leaving.

From my window, I can still see you

until you turn the corner.

From my window, I can still see you,

until you turn the corner.

How I yearn for that kiss

that you throw me from yonder.

How I yearn for that kiss

that you throw me from yonder.

All day long while we're apart,

I long, my beloved sweetheart,

all day long while we're apart,

I long, my beloved sweetheart,

for that warm kiss you'll give me,

when you come home to me.

For that warm kiss you'll give me,

when you come home to me.

Where's my small funnel?

Bring me another brandy.

Brandy! I heard perfectly.

Marvel of marvels!

You're my saviour, sir. You magic funnel!

Dear audience, let's begin our musical and singing evening.

My daughter, who never dreamed of being crowned,

has, for the past 2 weeks, been learning a duet to entertain you

on this memorable occasion.

The ditty's called ''The Thimble and the Needle''.

It's a song from the famous musical comedy ''The Codfish Patty''.

Here you go. ''The Thimble and the Needle''.

- Daddy, I'm shy. - Don't argue.

- Daddy, I don't want to do it. - Do you want a slap in the face?

You want a pat in the face. Please,''The Thimble and the Needle''.

Thank you.

Come here, fair needle, so diligent and so fine.

Come, give me your lips, sweet like sugar candy.

Thimble, you shan't have me, I'm crafty and cunning,

and even more looped than a crochet needle.

Come, come, come, come, my fair needle.

Go, go, go, go, my handsome thimble.

Naughty little dove, no double dealings.

Come and sew the apron trimmings...

Daddy, I warned you I couldn't sing this high pitch.

You can because your voice is strong.

...with love.

Come, come, come, come, my fair needle.

Go, go, go, go, my handsome thimble.

Naughty little sweetheart, no more wiles.

You're the loveliest, most virginal needle of Portugal!

- Cheese grater! - See, Daddy, what I have to endure?

I see the chap, and he'll regret it.

I know you don't love me, for I am not of silver made,

and that you despise me, for I am only of tin plate.

Dear thimble, don't you cry, I know you are of tin ply.

I too do my sewing

on a beggar's clothing.

Come, come, come, come, my fair needle.

Go, go, go, go, my handsome thimble.

Naughty little dove, no double dealings.

Come and sew the apron trimmings...

- This one was even worse, Daddy. - Skip the apron part and carry on.

...with love.

Come, come, come, come, my fair needle.

Go, go, go, go, my handsome thimble.

Naughty little sweetheart, no more wiles.

You're the loveliest, most virginal needle of Portugal!

Drink up. Drink, my saviour, it's good for your health.

- One more sip. - Three beers!

Three beers? I heard perfectly. Excuse me.

My friend there is a doctor and a very famous one in Lisbon.

He's a first class singer.

When we went to Brazil with the University Choir

his Fado singing was a smashing hit.

- Was he really? - He was, believe me.

He'd be the right attraction for this. You'd get a full house here.

You may be right.

Gone are the days

when carpenters, joiners and carvers sang Fado.

I'll introduce him to you. Vasco! Vasco, come here.

Who's calling me?

Carlos, how are you? Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Are there two of you? Well, that's true.

Carlos. Carlos is plural, so there are two.

- I've found you a job. - Doing what?

- You're on the brink of knowing. - I'm on for a drink? Fantastic!

- This is Mr. Alexandrino. - Pleased to meet you.

- How are you? - How do you do?

What a cute moustache to hang balloons from. A joke, sorry.

- He'll hire you to sing Fado. - To sing Fado? Me? Never!

Fado is the poison of our race! I'm against Fado!

Death to Fado singers!

Shut up, for goodness sake! I have customers here.

I don't care about them! I'm against Fado!

Kill the customers and the guitar players! Smash the guitars!

- This is outrageous, man! - We want our ''Fado'', you lunatic.

I'm a doctor. It's my duty to cure all social ailments.

There are weeks dedicated to so many things. Why not against Fado?

One for all and all against Fado! All against Fado!

Let's finish this. How many are you? How many?

Down with the Portuguese guitars! Down with the Spanish guitars!

Van in.

Van out.

My saviour, what's going on?

Are you trying to ruin me? Get out of here.

I'm against Fado!

You're throwing me out, only because I want you to.

Carlos, give me a kiss!

- I'm leaving because I want to. - Calm down, friends, calm down.

You'll pay for this.

You're doing this to me because I'm a child.

Orphaned, abandoned...

...kicked out...

...sad and alone.

We're now going to listen to some variations of Fado,

in D minor,

by the famous guitarist, our friend, the cabinet-maker.

And I'm sorry for all that.

What a dark destiny is mine,

what a vile and degrading destiny.

How I miss deep inside

my old student life.

In that brief time of love and joy, the best one for any boy,

I was a bold seducer of girls.

Cape in the air, bare-headed and debonair,

I lived carefree... And careless went on living.

I left them without much ado

and that was a piece of cake.

Until the one with the bangs

decided to take my poor heart.

Always flat broke, in tatters my robe,

shoes and socks I tore, a cane in hand roguishly I wore.

Wandering around like a playboy, at balls and dances I would enjoy,

flirting, drinking and Fado singing.

Now I look back and I recall

Those huge books I used to read

the lecturers, the university,

the table of anatomy.

GREAT ATTRACTION THE FADO SINGING DOCTOR

GREAT FADO SESSION WITH THE FAMOUS VASCO LEIT�O

AN ELEGANT EVENING THE KING OF FADO SINGERS

In Fado my faith is endless,

it bewitches, fascinates and captivates.

You'll find it's even great

to hear it on the wireless.

When it is sung with passion,

with tradition and devotion,

our Fado is wonderful and enthrals us all.

It's our most popular song, it makes us vibrate with emotion

and that's why I m a doctor and a Fado singer.

Thank you.

- Very well, doctor! - Thanks.

So, my friend?! Here we are!

You see, I was right in wanting to bring you here.

I'm so touched.

My friend Asdrubal. You're always so kind, my friend.

I sang as I always do. Ara�jo, always here so devotedly.

Dr. Vasco, please accept this token from a great admirer of yours.

Thank you, miss. Give me a kiss, you little minx.

Vasco, please, they want more Fado.

- Sing the ''double-pneumonia'' Fado. - Vasco, dear...

Go away, you cruel Aunts, away!

Now you acknowledge me because you know I do not need your money.

Thank you. Now, thank God, I can earn a living.

- I'm no heavy load on anyone. - Damnation! You're heavy!

I'm sorry, Alexandrino. Excuse me. Away!

Lads, no more Fado songs. I sang here today for the last time.

- No more ''Little Anatomy Vasco''. - No, Vasco, don't do that.

Tomorrow I'll take my exam again,

and I shall be once and for all Dr. Vasco Leit�o.

Farewell, Fado lovers of my country.

Thank you!

Thank you, my friend.

We shall miss you, man.

Let me through. You can't stop me, let me through.

Goodbye, Vasco.

Excuse me.

- Goodbye, Vasco. - It's a real pity.

Let me through, gentleman. Vasco!

My little Vasco!

What do you know about parasiticide action?

- And anti-dotal? - And anti-toxic?

It's a process through which medications do their healing process.

According to Dr. Mata, pages 129 and following, in his ''Pharmacology'' book,

third edition, 1921,

printed by the National Press at Rua Escola Polit�cnica, 111 to 119,

in Lisbon,

the plastering masses of vesicant action,

are nowadays often replaced

by the tainting-vesicant liquor of Squyal,

an ether-aseptic tincture of Brechten,

the formula for which can be found in the British Pharmacopoeia,

the 1885 edition, on pages 239 and following.

In the same case is the vesicatory liquid of Bidet, F. de Bouchardat,

1894, on page 435. But it is less applied than the former one.

The ordinary extracts are medications that result from evaporation...

That's enough. Enough. I can see that you know.

What is...?

- You first, esteemed colleague. - Please, go ahead.

One further question.

Which is the main lateral-flexor muscle

of the neck?

It's the sternocleidomastoid.

Oh, my dear boy! He even knows what the mastoid is.

The mastoid!

- Madam, what did he say? - What he said pleased me a lot.

Listen, Jo�o, what's this mastoid thing?

You're a Fado singer and you don't know?

- No, I don't. - Neither do I.

He even knows what the mastoid is! Imagine that!

What else can we ask him?

Is that you, Alice?

Everything is fine. Imagine! He even knows what the mastoid is.

Oh, bliss! Thank you, Daddy, see you later.

The mastoid! My darling Vasco!

But what is this mastoid thing?

We are satisfied.

- Very good, Vasco. - Very good.

I've been deaf for 20 years and I never heard an exam like this.

Doctor, if you want, I'll give you 300 escudos

if you sing the ''mastoid'' Fado at my place this Sunday.

- I can't, my friend. - Accept it, Doc.

You left the professors speechless.

Give him a hug.

What a touching scene.

- The aunts. - The aunts. Let them come hither.

Let the family through.

I can't forget the mastoid!

- Don't cry, ladies, don't. - I can't help it.

- It was a fine exam! - As fine as his heart.

- Thank you. - Hooray for Vasco!

I request the floor!

- Do you like to feel my hand? - I do!

- Why? - I don't know.

I request the floor!

Dammit! I request the floor!

- I'm no speaker. - Hear, hear.

The only speech I've ever made

was by the cold tomb of my friend Ernesto,

who died in his prime.

And it was made...

...between hiccups...

...that I said goodbye to a great friend,

with no disregard for Vasco there, who is also a great friend.

Hear, hear.

- I have no oratory gifts. - Hear, hear.

I have no words, I have no wine either.

- But I have something inside... - Couldn't that be air in your pipes?

What I feel inside me can only be ''sastifaction''

for this auspicious marriage celebrated today,

and that I wish there will be many more to come.

Vasco, Vasco, Vasco!

Speech, Vasco!

I request the floor.

Ladies, so lovely and charming,

for your grace and charm I thank you kindly.

Gentlemen, if you're ailing and ill

or with pneumonia afflicted treat you I sure will.

Lisbon now has in me a doctor,

besides physician, you see, I'm an inventor.

I'll be there ready to see you, to vaccinate and cure you,

to cut you and sew you up again and smilingly mitigate your pain.

My satisfaction, worth and dedication

are in this invention: the Happy Therapy medication.

To handle an emergency, I can now guarantee,

but from a contingency should you die, die laughingly.

The End