All language subtitles for The Nanny s06 e02

[sighs] Darling, please,
you've kept me waiting
for 45 whole minutes.

This is torture.

[Fran] No, sweetie,
torture is five years.

Hi, hubby.

Oh, my God, you look gorgeous.

[chuckles]
Oh, I'm so glad you like it.

Now, let me just take it off.
I saved the box.
I'll return it tomorrow.

No. Darling, wait, wait.
You don't have to
do that anymore, remember?

You're a wealthy woman now.

You can buy
whatever your heart desires.

Oh, are you good in the bedroom.

Oh, sweetie, do you realize
how long I've waited
for this moment?

Making love to my husband,
in my house,

in my bedroom,

in my 20s.

-[chuckles]
-[laughs]

I'm so funny.

[Fran laughing]

Oh, Max.

Oh, Maximillian.

[loudly] Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Sheff!

Shh!

Shush?

I'm sorry, darling, but you were
getting a little too loud.

I'm too loud and now was
the time when you
chose to tell me?

Well, perhaps
I chose the wrong moment.

You think?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt
your feelings.

Well, I just wanted
our first night in the house

from the island
to be very special.

Just a little higher, honey.

You know, you're really not
getting into it, darling.

You know, that's because
I keep waiting for the shush.

-I didn't shush you.
-Yeah, but you were about to.

I had that feeling.
You were holding back.

-Any minute, there was gonna be
a big shush coming.
-Shh!

There it is! There it is.

-What are you...
What are you doing?
-You know what?

I can't be with you tonight,
because our relationship

cannot afford one more shush.

So where are you going?

I'm going home to my mother's.

Why don't you just wait
till breakfast? She'll be here.

[gasps]

You know, I cannot believe
how this evening
has just disintegrated.

Our first night here.

Boy, you know,
when we were on the island

you were really turned on
by the way I screamed.

In fact, you were so turned on,
that you screamed.

Do you remember
how we screamed together?

Do you know
how precious that is?

Darling, it was different then.
We were alone on an island.

Well, we're alone here,
except for thisyenta.

♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪

♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ 'Til her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪

♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪

♪ She was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪

♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell make-up
But the father saw more ♪

♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there ♪

♪ That's how she became ♪

♪ The Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪

♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now, the father
Finds her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪

♪ Such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She's the lady in red ♪

♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪

♪ The Nanny named Fran! ♪

[keys jingling]

I have a gun.

It's me.

And that's a lamb chop.
Now, give it to me
before someone gets hurt.

I know that trick.

What are you doing
eating baby lamb at two o'clock
in the morning anyway?

I can't take a pill
on an empty stomach.

-What are you taking pills for?
-Indigestion.

Oh, Ma, me and Max
had a horrible fight.

And it was on our first night.

When we were really together
as husband and wife

in our very own bedroom.

And I'll tell you,
just to make matters worse--

My God, these are like butter.

So, what happened?

Max thinks I'm too loud
in the bedroom.

So eat quieter food.

Oh, Ma, I think my marriage
is falling apart.

I think he's wondering
whether I'm the right person
for him or not.

I don't wanna go
on and on, but...

Did you marinate this
in zesty Italian?

Darling, if you want to
have a successful marriage,
try to adjust.

Your father likes to speak
Spanish to me in the bedroom
and it drives me crazy.

But meanwhile, I learned
how to say,
"I have a yellow pencil."

"May I have some extra cheese
on my enchilada?"

-"Where are my--"
-Ma.

I know it's very enlightening
to find out

that you can make love
and order from El Pollo Loco...

but can we please get back
to my life?

Look, if you wanna have
a good marriage,
it's about give and take.

Compromise. That's how you have
a long-lasting relationship.

Oh, Ma, you are so wise.
I love you.

And when it gets
a little heated up,
why don't you do what I do?

You stick a Hostess Sno Ball
in your mouth.

It keeps you quiet
for a good 30 seconds.

What do you do
with the rest of the time?

What rest of the time?

Oh, come on, please,
come out here and talk to me.

You've been in there forever.

All right. I'm sorry.

Do you think
I'm too old for bangs?

So, what did I do
that was so wrong, hmm?

Well, you don't
talk to me nicely.

My birthday's come and gone.

To her, Niles, to her.

Well, was she right?

-I mean,
do you think I'm uptight?
-Nope.

-I won't fire you.
-Yep.

But seriously, sir, you know,
marriage is a compromise.

Oh, yes, I know, I know.

When she's passionate,
aggressive, exciting, and I'm--

Not?

Look, would it kill you
just for once in your life
to be on my side?

You know, I'm the one
who hired you
in the first place.

I'm the one who lets
you get away with
all those little things

you think I don't know about.

Sometimes I wonder
why I bother keeping you on.

That's the passion.

That's what she wants.

That's the man
she's looking for.

[whispers] Although I could
live without him.

I was just going out
to get some fresh bagels.

Yeah. Fran, we heard
the fight last night.

It happens your voice carries.

All the way to your bedroom?

Yeah, to Michigan.

All right. Okay. It's true.

Your father and I
had a little tiff,

but I don't want you kids
to worry about it at all.

I mean, just because I spent
the night at Ma's

does not mean that we're
going to be getting a divorce.

Then why did Daddy
call his attorney?

What?

Kidding.

-Oh, Fran. Fran.
-Oh, hi, honey.

You know that pre-med student
that I told you about
that I'm madly in love with?

-Yeah.
-Well, I got a date
with him tonight.

Oh, honey, that's fabulous.

-I know, and guess what,
he's Jewish.
-Ahh!

I mean, ah.

I'm not mad
at you anymore, honey.

Where the hell is honey?

Ah...

Hi, sweetie.

What's this?

Well, darling,
I heard what you said.

Thought I'd try to be
a little more loosey-goosey.

Oh, how sweet.

But, you know, honey,

saying loosey-goosey

just means
you're not loosey-goosey.

And I want you to know
that I heard what you said too.

And, well, I'm going to try
and be a little more
[quietly] demure.

What?

Try and be a little more...
[quietly] demure.

-What?
-I'm gonna be more demure.

You know, darling,
I had a wonderful idea.

What do you say
we make arrangements
for the children tonight

-and have the whole house
to ourselves, hmm?
-Ooh!

That way, when we come back
from the business dinner,
we can party hearty.

Oh, honey.

Just a hint.

Party hearty, right up there
with loosey-goosey.

Oh, sweetie, you feel so strong.

Makes me feel so...
[quietly] demure.

-What?
-Demure.

Well, Brighton's out,
Maggie's out.

Oh, and, Val, thank you so much
for getting Gracie out
with you tonight.

Oh, honey,
it is no problem at all.
I just had to cancel a date.

Oh, no. You had to
cancel a date?

-No. I just wanted to hear
what it sounded like.
-Oh.

Oh, wow, Fran,
you look gorgeous.

Oh, thanks, honey.

Sweetie, there's the door.
Why are you walking that way?
Why you sitting down?

What are you doing?
You're making me nervous.

Fran, my new boyfriend's
coming over.

I thought you were going out.

Already he's here all the time?
Doesn't he have a home?

What, you want me to
go over to his apartment?

Can I trust you
at his apartment?

Well, you raised me.

You're going to her house.

Val's? Well, she doesn't even
have her own room.

She lives on her parents' couch.

You'll have privacy.
I just got the accordion door.

I get it. You want everybody
out of the house
so that you and Dad can...

Ugh!

Everyone's a critic.

[Niles coughing]

Niles?

What are you doing home
on your night off,
rubbing and coughing like that?

I think I'm coming down
with something.

-Oh, you know what would be
perfect for that?
-Hmm?

A night at the Waldorf Astoria.
All expenses paid.

Room service, Jacuzzi,
special movies.

Oh, I'm just feeling so awful.

I don't even think
I could make it into the taxi.

How about a limo?

Stretch?

You know, so I can lie down.

Fine. Fine.

Oh, and, Niles,
by the way, you know,

when I used to pull this act
with Mr. Sheffield,

I got per diem too.

I can assure you
this is not an act.

[whispers]
Stupid, stupid, stupid.

[both] What are you doing
all dressed up?

[both] I have
a business dinner with Max.

Didn't you assume that
he was going to be
taking his wife along?

[scoffs]
Well, it'd be pretty hard,
considering she's dead.

Oh, you meant you.

Miss Babcock, you know,
now that Max and I are married,

I think that it would really be
much better for your health

if you would just go out
and get a life.

Make friends,
meet people, move on.

No.

I want him, he's mine,
and nobody's gonna
take him from me.

And I will tell him that
to his face.

Tell me what?

-What a stunner your wife is.
-[Maxwell] Aww.

You know, she's right, darling.
You are stunning.

Very classy.

And don't think your effort
to compromise
has gone unnoticed.

Oh, sweetie, I know
how important
this evening is to you.

-Oh... Do you really?
-Yes.

Because, you know, in the past,
every time a writer's
had to choose

between me
and Andrew Lloyd Webber

-they've always chosen not me.
-Oh...

Honey, you're
a wonderful producer.

Don't doubt yourself.

And, you know,
this time Webber's out of town,

so he won't even
be at the party.

Oh, my God,
you might really have a shot.

That's why it's important
we don't take any souvenirs
from Wendell's house.

-Honey, that's why I took
my demure purse.
-Ah.

Look, I'm your wife now.

If you want conservative
and classy, you got it.

Mmm. These crab cakes
are delicious.

You know what, I'm just gonna
take a few home

so my mother
can re-create it with scrod.

-Darling.
-All right already.

I told you, sir,
the recipe would suffice.

Thank you.

Darling, I've just been
having a word
with Wendell Kent.

And at the risk
of sounding immodest...

-he loves me.
-[laughs]

Of course, he does, my darling,
and that's why
you're gonna get the job.

What's he need with that guy
who brought
CatsPhantom and Sunset?

You know what,
I'm gonna shush myself now.

Maxwell, look who I found.

Oh, Wendell, I'd like you
to meet my lovely wife.

Yes, she's already
introduced herself to me.

Oh, Wendell, you misunderstood.

No. No, Wendell,
this is my lovely wife.

-Ah!
-How do you do?

The lady who's making
every woman in the room jealous.

Is that because I'm married
to such a handsome husband?

Actually, it's the way you look
in that dress.

Especially from the back.

Stop it, you're embarrassing me.

-Now I can't even look at you.
-Oh...

Oh, honey, honey, you did it.

-Wendell wants you
to do his play.
-Yes, I know, I know, I know.

And I couldn't have done it
without you.

Ooh, I always want you
by my side. Now go.

-Why?
-Because I have to.

Well, I'll wait for you.
I just wanna powder
my nose, anyway.

Honey, it's a very classy joint.
I'd pick up the lid.

What's the matter, sweetie?

Too uptight to go
in front of me?

Me? Uptight? No. No.

Oh, good.

Oh, honey, you know,
I just wanted to say,

if ever we outgrow
the townhouse,

boy, this place is the kind of
place we should move into.
Man, it's always--

-Get out!
-Ahh!

I can't do it. I can't do it.

All right, I admit it,
I am uptight.

Now, please, I had two
very large martinis. Go.

Okay. All right.
Yes, I hear you.

Marriage is
all about compromise.

This will just be something
that you'll have to
get used to gradually.

No, never.
There are certain intimacies
that should never be shared.

But I'm your wife.

Yes, I know, darling,
and I love you very much.

But I'm English.

And in my country,
people don't go
in front of their wives.

-What's it, a law or something?
-Yes, as a matter of fact,
it is.

Why do you think Henry VIII
had so many wives?

They kept walking in on him.

You know, I'm sorry,
but this isn't as if

I was trying to invade
your space or something.

-I just wanted--
-I'm about to explode.

Oh, all right,
I'll give you your privacy.

I'm going, okay?

Hi.

Boy, you never know a person
until you go through
their medicine cabinet.

No bromo, no Tagamet,
no little soap bars
from Sheraton Hotel.

Obviously not
a Jewish household.

Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

Oh, well, this is
just ridiculous.

-Help!
-Shh!

Again you're shushing me?

I don't want anyone
finding us in here.

Do you know what
they'll think we're doing?

Tinkling?

God, that's worse than
thinking what I thought
they'd be thinking.

You know,
you either let me call for help,

or you learn how to tinkle
in front of your wife.

Those are your choices-s-s-s-s.

Oh, stop it. You're insane.

I'm insane? I can't scream,
you can't go to the bathroom
in front of your wife.

What do you want me to do?

You almost done yet?

[Maxwell]
Just one more second, darling.

Oh, honey, you should see
the master bedroom suite.

Ooh...

Oh, they have that comforter set
that I wanted

and the saleslady said
it didn't come in king.

Oh, you know, if they have
the dust ruffle too,
heads will roll... Ahh...

Wahh...

Oh, my God!

[man]
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,

we commit thy servant
Wendell Kent to you.

Honey, try and be
a little positive.

I mean, I heard that Wendell
left the rights to his plays
to his wife.

I think you still
might have a shot.

You landed on her husband
and you crushed him to death.

What kind of shot
do you think I still have?

Oh, don't be
such a negative Ned.

Meanwhile, you're here.

I don't see Andrew Lloyd Webber
paying his respects.

He doesn't have to.

His wife didn't crush
Wendell to death.

I'm sorry I crushed your writer.

It was a freak accident.
These things happen.

I'm lucky that I walked away
with just this.

It hurts much worse
than it looks.

That's the widow.

Well, move.

You know, none of this
would've happened
if we weren't

trying to change
each other so much.

-I don't know about that.
-Well, let us
just recap, shall we?

You tried to loosen up,
I tried to be demure,

and an innocent man is dead.

Now, I just say that
we learn to live with each other
exactly the way we are,

or senseless bloodshed
shall continue.

There's practically no one here.

Honey, what do you expect?
The man was hardly a saint.

I mean, he cheated on his wife,
stole money from his family--

That's the mother.

Can we go?

[Maxwell laughing]

Oh, good God.
[continues laughing]

-What's he doing?
-Oh.

He's reading the play he lost
to Andrew Lloyd Webber.

-Oy, it sounds hysterical.
-Mm-hmm.

-[Maxwell] Fran!
-Tell him I'm working.

No, you're his wife now.

Tell him I'm spending,
I'm spending.

[Maxwell] Oh, Fran,
you've gotta read this.

This... This play is hysterical.

Honey, you're happy? Why?

Because it's a drama.

I would have lost my shirt
if you hadn't fallen on Wendell.

-Really?
-Yes!

[both] May he rest in peace.

[theme music playing]

[theme music ends]