All language subtitles for The Nanny S04 E20

[MUSIC PLAYING]

"Miracle soap washes away fat.

Shower and shed pounds
at the same time."

Wow, Ma, that's perfect for you.

You can use a bar of Dove
to get rid of your Dove Bar.

Ladies, tell me, what could
be
better than my new play

being nominated
for a Tony award?

Your face on my grandchild.

No. No, seriously, Sylvia,

I've been nominated
for five Tonys.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield, I'm so--

- Am I coming too?
- Of course.

--happy for you.

So, what is the play about?

"The Widower"?

Well, it's about a man

who loses the love of his life

and vows never to love again.

So he foregoes
any chance to remarry

and remains a widower
till the day he dies.

Sounds very poignant.

You need a house
to fall on you?

Ma, it's a beautiful love story.

Not even the gorgeous governess
in the third act

could turn the widower's head.

I don't know
what happened after that.

I was sobbing too violently.

So where are the children?

I sent Niles
to tell them I got five.

They're not coming down
until they know

how many
Andrew Lloyd Webber got.

Oh, good Lord.

They really think
I'm that childish?

Two.

I got five. He's got two.
I got five. He's got two.

- I'm so happy for you, Dad.
- It's so great.

- Are we gonna go
to the Tony Awards?
- Yeah.

Maxwell, why are you in here,
hugging children?

We gotta get out there
and turn it on for the
judges.

Now, what would
I look really great in?

A sealed mausoleum.

Kids, kids, I'm so excited.
The Tonys get so many stars.

Oh, I know.

Too many nominations scare me.

Can you imagine
how embarrassing it would be

to be up for five awards

and not even win one?

You know, next time you kvetch
about my therapy bills

would you remember this moment?

♪♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens ♪♪

♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪♪

♪♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪♪

♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪

♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪

♪♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing to the
Sheffield's door ♪♪

♪♪ She was there
to sell makeup,
but the father saw more ♪♪

♪♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there! ♪♪

♪♪ That's how
she became the nanny! ♪♪

♪♪ Who would have guessed that
the girl we've described ♪♪

♪♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪♪

♪♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling ♪♪

♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪

♪♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪♪

♪♪ Such joie de vivre! ♪♪

♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪

♪♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪♪

♪♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪♪

♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Fran, don't look,
but I think that's Liza

coming down the row
in front of us.

I probably
shouldn't have said that.

Oh, hello, Miss Minnelli.

Velkommen.
Welcome.

- [LIZA GASPS]
- Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

That was terrible.
Here we go.

One more time.
Oh, okay, okay.

All right. Keep moving, honey.
We can't see.

Miss-- Miss Fine!

You know what?
I'm out of control.

Here, take the camera from me.

All right. This is it.
If they start to shoot our
row

I don't want anyone making
rabbit ears

behind anyone else's heads.
Just behave yourselves.

- When did I ever do that?
- I wasn't speaking to you.

One time
at the Angela Lansbury roast.

Would you let it go?

Okay. Now, you know, Andrew
Lloyd Webber won two awards.

You've won two awards.
He's not up for anything
else.

You're not gonna hear
his name again.

MALE HOST: Now, to present
the nominees for best play:

Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber.

SIR ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER:
The nominees are:

"Saint Thomas,"
Martin Brig, producer.

"Flight of the June Bird,"
Marilyn Schank, producer.

And "The Widower," Ma--
[CLEARS THROAT]

Ma--
[COUGHS]

Ma-- Pardon me.
I'm so sorry.

[COUGHS]

Maxwell Sheffield,
you little twit!

ANDREW:
And the award goes to:

"The Widower,"
Maxwell Sheffield, producer.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. I co-produced.
I raised money.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Nanny Fine, get off me!

Sorry.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Do you think you could possibly
manage a smile for the reporters

so they don't think my butler
is a criminal on work
furlough?

Go like this:

Forgive me, sir.

But try to see your winning
an award from my point of
view.

You say,
"Welcome to my party, Senator."

And I say,
"The little ones are cheese."

That's your job.
I pay you overtime, don't I?

- What more do you want?
- Look up.

You gathered the family around
for photos backstage

then make me stand behind you

and pull your jacket in
to give you a V shape.

Good Lord.

Crinkle your forehead.

Just for once, just once,

I wish you'd behave
like a normal but--

What the hell are you doing?

Are you insane?

Would you trust me?

You've got that whole pasty,
Hugh Grant,

I-need-a-week-in-Miami look.

Maxwell, the reporters are here.

Nanny Fine, I need something
at your mother's house.

- Oh, what?
- You.

Oh!

Did you know that
we are booked through '99?

That grieving widower speech
of yours was a gold mine.

C.C., I was speaking
from the heart.

- All those years--
- Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Handy Wipe, I want you
to some scoop ashes

out of the fireplace
and put them in here.

We'll plop it on your desk
and say it's Sara

always near you, yada yada.

C.C., I will not pass off
Duraflame residue

as the mother of my children.

Maxwell, I never noticed

how long and luxurious
your lashes are.

Just send in
the reporters, would you?

All right, Niles, how do I look?

Well, you really should
switch to the waterproof.

Oh, just knock it off.

Ladies, gentlemen,
please, come this way.

Maxwell, congratulations.
"The Widower" is a hit.

Do you think the play's
touched a lot of people

because it's the true story
of you and your wife?

Well, I think people like to
see
a play they can relate to.

The widower hasn't been
with a woman

since the death of his wife.

Are you expecting us to
believe
that's true of you?

A guy like you,
with those lashes?

Let's just say I think

my memories will last me
a long time.

[DEEP VOICE]
Are you telling me
you never plan to remarry?

Well, now, that depends.

Of course,
if the right woman were to--

Miss Fine!

Ignore her.
She is just the nanny.

Any of you have children?
Because we're letting her go.

- That's your nanny?
- Hi.

I saw you at the Tonys. Nice.

So you took the whole
household.
Hey, how about a picture?

Oh, I don't really think
it's appropriate.

Get me from the left, honey.

- Nanny Fine.
- What?

This is a press conference,

not Eva Perón
on the Rainbow Tour.

Oh!

This is Maxwell's moment.

Get out of my light.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Would you get undressed
and go to bed already?

I could still get a call.

It's past midnight.
The cast party's over.

He's not inviting you.

I don't know why not.

I was the inspiration
for the character of the
butler.

He was 25 with a blond pompadour
and an impish grin.

Well, so was I,
600,000 Brillo pads ago.

Niles, you going somewhere?

Oh, I thought I'd just trot over
to the cast party and clean up.

Oh, stop it.

You can do that in the morning.

Now, Miss Fine,
you did understand

this party was for cast
and crew only, right?

I mean, you weren't expecting
to be invited, were you?

No.

Margaret? It's a little
late
for you, isn't it?

I'm home. Okay?
So lay off me.

You're like the last person
I have to answer to.

Where did that come from?

You get back down here,
young lady.

- MAGGIE: No!
- [DOOR SLAMS]

She's not gonna get away
with speaking to me like
that.

Oh, now, wait, wait. Let her
just calm down a little bit.

What do you mean, her calm
down?
What about me?

You're just gonna have
to deal with it.

Look, when I hit puberty,
my mother was a size 6.

When I hit 18, so did she.

Whatever could make her leave
and then come back home

with a completely
different personality?

Hey, I don't even
wanna think about it.

Do you read those pamphlets
they send home from school?

So what do you think?

Alcohol? Sex?

Not tonight.

I'm too distracted.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

So, you see, it's really
a typical adolescent
reaction.

Someone else is in the limelight

and they lash out
to get attention.

Yes, I see. I see.

So, what would you suggest?

Have you tried
one of those trophies

that says,
"Butler of the Year"?

Okay. I'm here.

Hello, I'm Dr. Miller.
Please, have a seat.

This is a total waste of time.

So, Margaret, your family feels
that something's bothering you.

Well, honey, just feel free
to vent your feelings.

I mean, nobody's
gonna hold it against you.

Just tell us
what's on your mind.

Okay, I hate him.

That's okay. That's okay.
Don't take it personal.

Just let her express.

I hate you too.

Open a window!

Open a window! I cannot breathe!

Look.

Look, Margaret,
if I've hurt you,

I can't do anything about it

until I know what it is
I'm supposed to have done.

Well, fine.

Here.

[BOTH GASP]

"The Nanny
and The Hunk Producer"?

"Broadway's leading
widower keeps

broad on the side for years."

You and Fran had an affair
while Mom was still alive.

You even cheated
on your honeymoon.

Look, the pictures prove it.

Margaret,
you can't believe this.

Sweetie, for this to be true,

do you know how old
I would have to be?

Yeah, 40.

[GASPS]

Oh, my God,
she's doing drugs too.

Well, the good news is

Brighton and Gracie
never even saw

that story in the tabloids.

The bad news is, I didn't know
that and I told them.

But the paper's credibility
was blown by the headline:

"Neighbors Scream Eyesore

as Barbara Eden Moves
Into Giant Bottle."

I don't know where they got
photographs from my honeymoon.

I mean, who would want
to hurt me like this

for a few thousand dollars?

Good heavens.

You got your finger caught
in John Gielgud's fly.

Trust me, if I needed money,

I wouldn't have
to make something up.

He was King Lear,
I was his dresser.

Did I say a word?

I just wanna hit something.

I mean, doesn't it
drive you crazy

people reading this stuff
and then believing it?

Look, they were accusing me
of having an affair

with a married millionaire.

In my old neighborhood,
that's a career goal.

All you have to do
is worry about Maggie.

What do you care
about the rest of the world?

Nobody but a mindless nutcase
would buy into this junk.

You were having an affair

with Mr. Sheffield
on his honeymoon?

And you're still getting
6 bucks an hour?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Who is it?

GRACE: It's me.
I'm very upset. I need to
talk.

Okay, I'm in, honey.
You can go.

Gracie...

Hey, I can't even get a Happy
Meal by myself. She owns me.

Oh, Fran, I can't believe

you'd use a little girl
to get what you want.

And it's not as easy
as it used to be.

She's much bigger
and less compelling.

Sweetie, I gotta get you
to understand--

I do understand.
I finally understand why Dad

would hire a woman off
a résumé written in
lipstick.

And she's still our nanny,

even though, like,
two of us can drive.

Sweetie, these pictures
of your father and I

on the beach
are completely fake.

Prove it.

Look at this. I'm wearing
Clinique Ivory Bisque base.

Not patented until 1987. Ha!

There's
your smoking gun, sister.

Oh, Fran,
you're wasting your breath.

Maggie, I can't believe
you would actually think I--

I'm capable
of something like this.

I'll tell you,
I'm so hurt, I--

I don't think
I could ever forgive you.

Well, Fran,
what do you expect me to think?

It's so obvious Dad
is in love with you.

I forgive.

Oh, Dad, I'm sorry.
I believe you now.

Fran explained everything,

about how you told her
you loved her

and then took it back.

After, of course, saying

she's the most beautiful woman
in the world,

and that you can't live
another day without her.

Well, did you want
your daughter back or not?

Well, Maxwell,
this is dreadful.

No, no, C.C., it's all right.

The children understand
it's a lie.

Well, Margaret was upset.

I don't give a rat's butt
about them.

Ticket sales came
to a screeching halt

- because of this rag.
- Well...

"Broadway's grieving widower
can't keep his pants on"?

[GASPS]

I look unbelievable
in this shot.

Oh, this is too much.
This-- Does this journalist

have any idea what he's doing
to people's lives?

I'm going right down there now.

What are you gonna do?
Punch him out?

Violence never solves
anything.

What do you care
what the whole world thinks?

"Forty-year-old nanny"?!
I want his blood!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You!

How can you hurt someone
like this?

How can you destroy
someone's reputation?

Yeah, 40?

Where do you come up
with this garbage?

I do a lot of research.
See that?

Apple Bears Amazing
Resemblance
to Late Funnyman, Redd Foxx.

Do you have any idea
how much pain

- you've caused
me and my family?
- Yes.

- Don't you care who you hurt?
- No.

Look, I'm warning you,
if you don't stop

this scurrilous assault
right now,

you'll be hearing
from my lawyer.

Oh, jeez,
I've never been sued before.

I'm scared.

Come on, Miss Fine, this man
obviously has no conscience

- or remorse. Let's go.
- Yeah.

Hey, pal, look,
I'm not forcing

6-year-old Malaysians
to make sequined jackets.

I write for a tabloid.

I make up stuff
only an idiot would believe.

John-John's getting a divorce?

Miss Fine.

Oh, sorry.

Look, I'm sorry
if I hurt your kids.

I'll never write
about either one of you again.

Well, thank you.

You see, you gotta open up
a mouth in this world.

We appealed to his decency
and convinced him to stop.

Well, that and the fact
it was the worst-selling
issue

in five years.

It serves him-- What?

Laid there like a lox.

Are you telling me

that the hunk producer
and the naughty nanny

didn't fly off the stands?

Stinko. A bomb.

We were embarrassed.

We're going back to Princess
Di.
She sells beautiful.

I don't understand why no one
wanted to read about us.

Oh, you don't know
how to market us.

That's your problem, mister.

You gotta appeal
to the younger demographic.

It was the 40 that killed us.

Hey, guys, it's over.
You're dullsville.

Dullsville?

You wanna see hot?

You wanna see steamy?

Get over here, Naughty Nanny.

- Is he looking at us?
- Oh, yeah.

Miss Fine, he's
just turned off the light.

He's developing the film.

Well, you see, they gave me
this little trophy

that says, "Butler of the Year."

It's nice, isn't it?

And I know I should be happy,

but I'm suffering
from tremendous guilt.

Where do you think
that comes from?

I never clean under anything.

I always lie
and say that it's decaf

because I don't feel
like making a second pot.

And during prom season,
I drive the limo for extra
cash.

Well, maybe you weren't meant
to be a butler.

I know.

I stink.

I don't deserve
to be his butler.

He's so good to me.

He's even paying
for this session.

I think we're going to have
to talk again about this.

Dee Dee, run a TRW
on Maxwell Sheffield.

But the paper lost its
credibility by the-- Was--

Okay. I know it. I know.
I know it. I know.

Okay.

Where did that come from?

You get back down here,
young lady!

Oh, no, no...

- MAGGIE: No!
- [DOOR SLAMS]

[LAUGHS]

Well, you wanted to get
your daughter back or-- Or
what?

[LAUGHS]

- What's that line?
- WOMAN: Again from the top.

"Broadway's grieving widower

can't keep his pants on"?

Oh! Heh.

What do you think
of this, Miss Fine?

Let me see.

[MUSIC PLAYING]