All language subtitles for Naughty.Books.2020.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Put it this way,
some of these

I do not want
to be seen by other people.

‐[WOMAN LAUGHS]
‐Um... [CHUCKLES]

You didn't get those, did you?
Those last ones?

I'm serious.
You got some of those,

‐I'm gonna kill you.
‐[WOMAN LAUGHING]

Some of these are really
too smutty for you, Vester.

Look at, um, yeah.
See, seriously.

[LAUGHS] This is embarrassing.

‐WOMAN: Why is it embarrassing?
‐I read smut.

It's my guilty pleasure.
I don't drink. I don't smoke.

I don't use drugs.
I read smut.

AIMEE GARCIA: [NARRATING]
M. J. grasped her wrist

and pinned them above her head,

pushing her hard
against the wall

before she could finish
her thought.

His lips claimed hers
in a hard, possessive kiss.

ALLISON TOLMAN: [NARRATING]
He kissed my neck

while running his hands
down my thigh.

‐[SIGHS]
‐His breath
drew in deeply.

Then out in a whisper
across my skin.

AISHA TYLER: [NARRATING]
His eyes are on fire
and he's panting.

You need to understand, Megan.

Once I make love to you,
you're mine.

TOLMAN: [NARRATING]
His lips opened hers

and their tongues tangled.

His fierce and urgent.

She shut her eyes against
the blinding yellow red
of the setting sun

streaking the sky behind him.

GARCIA: [NARRATING]
A small gasp
escaped my lips

as his warm hand palmed
my breast through soft fabric.

TOLMAN: [NARRATING]
His fingers
never stopped caressing

and rubbing her inside,

‐and she felt herself coming.
‐[WOMAN MOANS]

GARCIA: [NARRATING]
Every glance at her
triggered the memory

of her quivering beneath him.

TYLER: [NARRATING]
He moves up behind me
with a blue Tiffany box.

"I will give you the moon."

TOLMAN: [NARRATING]
She'd remember this moment
for the rest of her life.

She'd think of this night,
and feel these feelings

that are much stronger
than she'd ever have.

TYLER: [NARRATING]
He opens the box

and cradled in the velvet
is diamond...

‐TOLMAN: [NARRATING] She wanted
his affection, needed it...
‐[VOICE FADES]

The book and the phenomenon
that everybody's talking about.

Fifty Shades Of Grey or
as one happy husband called it,

"Fifty shades of yay."

ALTER: It was
an unbelievable blockbuster.

I went on to sell more than
100 million copies worldwide.

I think when
Fifty Shades came out,

it really demonstrated

this immense appetite
for erotic fiction that I think

traditional publishers maybe
weren't aware of.

And self‐published authors
were in a position

to immediately emulate that.

Essentially, it's as simple as
uploading your manuscript

from your home computer
to various sites.

I mean, Amazon
is the massive one.

Pretty quickly, it can be
formatted and sold,

and you set the price.

Suddenly you saw
just an explosion

of that type of fiction.

Previously, self‐published books
other than one or two

really didn't sell
that many copies.

These women, who were
all of a sudden

finding the Internet
to publish on,

just decided they were
going to do it that way

and sell their books
that way directly.

And then everything exploded.

REBECCA: A lot of people
were really, had no money

prior to self‐publishing,

and, you know, it was hard
to make ends meet,

hard to feed their kids,
all of that.

So I really love this movement

because I think it's made
a huge difference financially

in tons of people's lives.

They were making
seven figures left and right.

I don't know
if everybody realizes

the amount of success
that I had.

And I like that.

I like to be the...

You know, the millionaire
that nobody knows
is really a millionaire.

My husband stayed up,
checking our bank,

and he's like,
(GASPS) "Holy crap,

"It just hit.
It's real.

"It's real.
You really made this."

I went to an event
called Rock on the Range,

and I was like "Man,
there is 100,000 people."

It's hard to fathom
that this times two

has read my books.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[WOMEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

KRISTEN: I loved your books.

‐Thank you.
‐WOMAN 1: They are amazing.

‐I'm glad you liked them.
‐[INDISTINCT]

‐Can you sign this?
‐I would love to.

I'm known as the girl
that writes the dirty books.

I guess that in some ways

it is kind of taboo
what I write.

But they just found out
that I've sold a million books.

This is the fantastic
fucking CJ Roberts.

‐[MAN LAUGHING]
‐If you don't know who she is,

then you really need
to pick up her books.

CJ: My whole life
I've just been afraid

that people are not going
to accept me.

And it's because
I wasn't accepting of myself.

And I grew up Catholic,

and Hispanic and then

the culture is
very patriarchal.

Like sexuality for a woman
is very, like, taboo.

Like, "What? Women get
turned on too? [GASPS]

"What will Jesus say?"

So... [LAUGHS]
I'm like, I don't know.

I know six of them.
You can ask.

‐WOMAN 2: Thank you so much.
‐Thank you.

WOMAN 1: Oh, my God,
you are awesome.

I know.

WOMAN: Okay. Okay.

KELLI: I wanna do something,
I do it and I get it done.

I started writing about
five or six years ago

while I was working full‐time.

I started out in
the young adult world

and I'm still in that world,
um, publishing,

but I decided to try
something different last year

and write, um,
an adult erotic romance.

And, you know, you look
through the paper,

you look online, you hear,
you know,

it's all these self‐publishers
are getting all these big deals.

And it's like, "Oh."
That's kind of where I said,

"Well, you know,
this is going on.

"I don't want to miss this."

WOMAN 1: All right.

‐ALL: Whoa.
‐WOMAN 2: Oh, yeah, sugar.

Set them up in your lane.

‐Each one?
‐Yes.

[INDISTINCT]

‐WOMAN: Oh, it's coming in.
All right.
‐[CHEERING]

Ready? Go.

[WOMEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
AND HOOTING]

WOMAN 1: They just like,
take you on a whirlwind,
you know.

And you're staying up
forever to read.

I'd rather be reading smut
than doing housework.

I'd rather be reading smut
than work full‐time.

I went from reading
about two to three books
a year, and since July 2012

till July 2013,
I have read 88 books.

I would never be standing here
in front of you
two years ago and say,

"Hey, I think I want
to handcuff my husband

"and bang the shit out of him."

I mean, you would never
hear that before

as to where now, it's okay.

What good girl
doesn't want a bad man?

I mean, what good girl you know
don't want a bad man.

We want the strong man
who has a soft heart.

You know, we want
the caveman,

who would throw us over
his shoulder and just take us

and just have his way with us.
That's what we want.

Romance is not new.
The romance genre isn't new.

We're not all of the sudden
having this great like,

"Oh, we just found
the romance genre."

I think what
you're seeing right now,

is not that the genre
is becoming new.

It's that the community
is bridging together

and really embracing
each other in a way

that empowers them even more

and says, "Oh,
my story is okay to tell.

"Then how about this one?"

It's weird fads
the way the culture works

and it will be...

it's gonna be interesting
to see how it all plays out.

Awesome. Oh, my gosh.

It was like...

I kept telling Emily
and Michelle, I'm like,

you guys, believe this, like,

after all these years,
we did this.

It's like, oh, my God. So...

[WOMAN LAUGHING]

♪ This ain't no prohibition

♪ Runnin' out of ammunition

♪ Get a girl, get a girl,
get a girl a drink

♪ Whoa‐oh‐oh, can't think
when my glass is empty

♪ Good times roll on quick
I know, babe

♪ Get a girl, get a girl,
get a girl a drink

♪ We stumbled through the door

♪ Hands all over up
against the wall

♪ The girls hit the floor

♪ You talk naughty,
but I need some more

♪ 'Cause my thirst won't quench

♪ Pump the brakes
so we can hit the fridge

♪ For ol' Johnny Black

♪ And then the three of us... ♪

WOMAN 1: What are you
getting today?

WOMAN 1: Musical notes.

Nice.

[KRISTEN SPEAKING]

[WHIRRING]

[KELLI SPEAKING]

WOMAN 2:
Congratulations on that.
That's amazing.

Thank you.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[GIRL LAUGHING]

‐Here.
‐GIRL 1: Thank you, Mama.

Can you see CJ right there?

Must have been,
what, 14, maybe.

This is CJ's father
and brother, Scott.

And this is one of the few
last pictures they had together

before he passed on.

CJ: I grew up
in North Hollywood.

I'm the eldest of seven kids.

I have four brothers
and two sisters,

and I was raised
by a single mom.

At one point we were
like, 13 people

in a two bedroom apartment.

Like college wasn't a thing
that we could afford.

And, um...

I knew that if I just stuck
around the neighborhood,

I was gonna end up
hooking up with some guy

who was gonna, like,
make me pregnant,

and just suck
the life out of me.

I was like, I'm gonna
join the military,

and I'm gonna go and go
to college and see the world.

And the first time I rode
on an airplane

was on my way
to basic training.

I'm sure it made
some people nervous.

I was like, "We're gonna die."

INTERVIEWER: You were
on your way to basic training

for the Air Force?

Yeah. Yep.

CJ: For the Air Force. I know.

And I was scared
to be on the plane. [LAUGHS]

But I constantly do things
that terrify me.

And then in 2008,

I got out of the military

and I had my college degree.

I graduated with a 4.0,

and, like, I was like,
I'm gonna go out there,
I'm gonna get a job.

It's gonna be amazing.

And I couldn't get a job
answering phones.

I always wrote a lot.
I always kept a journal.

I always told little stories
about things.

I just like to write for me
and I was exploring things.

I was exploring my sexuality,

my sensuality, my relationship
with my mother and my history.

And people always ask me like,

which character
you identify with.

And I really identify with
both of my characters equally.

For me, Livi is side of me
that is more vulnerable,

softer, more curious.

And Caleb, I feel, is my more,
like, I'm on top of my stuff

because within me
there is that person,

the goal setter,
the person who's like

this will be mine
by any means necessary.

So I explored that
through my male character,

who was not afraid
of his sexuality,

who was not embarrassed,
um, by what he wanted

or his body or his goals.

Then my husband was like,

"Why don't you publish
this story?"

And I was like, "You're stupid."

Um, [LAUGHS] I was like,
who wants to read this crap?

First of all, if they read it,
they'll be like,

"You're the weirdest person
that I've ever encountered."

So I researched that
whole process,

and I did my query letters
and I sent it out,

and very promptly received like
25 to 30 rejection letters.

And he was like,
"It... it's good."

He's like, "It's good,
you should, you should
put it out there."

So as a last resort,

because at that point it was
considered vanity publishing
to be an independent.

And vanity publishing
was like, if you have to pay

for people to read your work,

then you're not a real writer.

And I put it out there

and my book ended up
being on that short list

of books to read
after you'd read
Fifty Shades of Grey.

The one thing I did always
warn people about

when they were getting ready
to read my stuff,

I was like, if you read
Fifty Shades

and you thought Christian Grey
was taking it too far,

I'm not for you. [LAUGHS]

You know, like
if you were like, "Christian!"

Like, no.

You should not touch my stuff.

I think I started telling people
I was going to publish

maybe a month
before I actually did,

and...

it was so funny because
I would say to someone,

"I'm gonna publish a book"
and they would say,

[GASPS] "Who's publishing
your book?"

And I said, Well, I'm publishing
my book and then it's like,

"Oh, like you poor thing,

"you are self‐publishing."

Um, that means
nobody else will buy it.

Before I published,

um, I lived a very simple,
middle‐class life.

You know, I worked
in a 40‐hour week job.

Um, paycheck to paycheck.

I started reading
my Mom's Harlequins

when I was in high school.

My first novel,
I wrote when I was 22,

and joined Romance Writers
of America and got involved.

I started querying
agents and publishers

and nothing came of it.
And then, you know,

got married and life takes over.

I have a cousin
who writes horror,

and in early 2012,

he had talked on social media
about self‐publishing.

And he just explained it to me.

And I said, well, writing
and publishing a book

has just been something
on my bucket list.

If I can just
publish this book,

I can just mark that
off my list

and say, I did that.

I published a book.

I figured, if 100 people
buy the book, I'll be happy.

Honestly, it sold
about 1200 copies
in the first weekend.

Roughly seven months later,
I had a deal with Pocket books

through Simon & Schuster.

That was my validation,
that said...

This is what
you should be doing.

Not living paycheck
to paycheck anymore.

[LAUGHS] And, um...

I quit my hospital job
in January of this year.

JAMIE: Come on.

[WHIMPERING]

JAMIE: Come on.

Come on.

I write young adult books under
Jamie Blair, my real name.

And then under
a pen name, Kelli Maine,

I write erotic romance books.

In my personal life, I'm not
a romantic, I'm a realist.

You know, I don't expect cards
and flowers and stuff.

If I, if I get them,
well, it's nice.

You know, but the flowers
are gonna die,

and I'm gonna throw
the card away.

I was a command center
strategist

for a telemarketing company.

So I got up and went to work
and my kids went to school

or, you know, to camp
during summer and...

you know, day camp
and my husband to his job,

and I came home and...

Did it again the next day.

A lot of times, you know,

a lot of other authors,
I've read interviews
and stuff with them and...

"I always wanted to be an author
ever since I was a little kid."

I never thought of it.

I don't know,
I just kind of started,

you know, I'll go ahead
and say this

because it's kinda embarrassing,
but... [CHUCKLES]

After I read Twilight,
I'm like,

"Well, if she can do it,
[LAUGHS] I'm gonna try it."

My young adult deal
kept getting pushed back.

I'm trying to start
a career,

but because, contractually,
I can't publish under my name

until six months after
my book comes out

and it keeps getting
pushed back.

I am, you know, well...

How am I supposed to do this?

I decided to try something
different last year

and write, um,
an adult erotic romance

just for fun to see
what would happen

for something different
that I had
complete control over

because I self‐published it

instead of going
the traditional route

through an agent, an editor
and a publishing house.

I made a pen name.
I made a blog.

I put the cover on good reads.

And it just kind of took off.

I don't know how,
I don't...

It was funny 'cause
I had a coworker at the time

and he kept looking

and, you know,
he'd look on their stuff,

and I think maybe
he brought it to my attention.

He was like,
it's number one on there.

I'm like, "Are you kidding me?"
and he's like, "No, look, look."

And I'm like, "Oh, my God."

'Cause it was me and then
all three of E. L. James books.

I'm like, "No.
This cannot be happening."

‐[LAUGHS]
‐Something's really wrong.

GLORYA: Bend over.

[WOMEN LAUGHING]

‐[CHUCKLES] That was good.
‐WOMAN 1: Oh.

[WOMEN LAUGHING]

Oh, my God.
It was a good one.

‐GLORYA: You want one too?
‐WOMAN 2: No, I'm good.

‐GLORYA: Really?
It doesn't hurt.
‐No, thanks.

‐GLORYA: Another one?
‐I'll take another.

[LAUGHS]

My name is Glorya Hidalgo.

And I own the
Bookfriends book blog.

Ow. That was a nice sting.

‐Another one?
‐Motherfucker no.

[ALL LAUGHING]

‐I love that series.
‐WOMAN 2: I love it too.

I love that series.

But have you guys
read Aurora Belle's Raw?

‐No, not yet. But I know it...
‐Okay.

‐I know it's a...
‐Well, when you do...

I don't know
the unconventionality

I guess, if that's the word...

That's what I love.

But I also love
a nice alpha story.

‐Anytime.
‐Oh, God, yes.

Isn't it every girl's fantasy
that you can break...

‐ALL: Yeah. Yeah.
‐...them and change them.

‐WOMAN 3: I think it...
‐Is it realistic?

ALL: No.

My parents didn't
talk about sex.

My mother never had
that conversation with me.

When I married my husband,
my husband said I was a prude.

So I think now...

I've read so much, I'm like,

"Oh, these women
in the books enjoy it."

‐WOMAN 4: Yeah.
‐These women
are experimenting with that.

That sounds like something
I would like to try.

Before, it would be too taboo.

Like, there's no way
I would even try that.

Now I... after I've read it
I'm like, huh...

I wouldn't mind trying that.

‐I could see that. You know.
‐WOMAN 4: Mmm‐hmm.

You know, friends
that I grew up with,

or went to high school with,

that are just, you know,
blast you on Facebook about,

"How dare you go
and see something
like this or read trash.

"Don't you know
what true literature is?"

And I'm like...

It's definitely not something
I talk with my other friends,

'cause they're like,
"What the hell are you reading?

"Are you reading just porn."
I'm just like, "It's not porn."

You hear the term that it's
like, you know soccer mom,

um, or mommy porn
or whatever that term is?

It's not for me,
about the sex at all.

It's just the emotions

that it makes the readers feel
and I think that

um, the readers are
also misunderstood

because, yeah,
they like these books.

They like the erotica,
but they also like, you know,

the other contemporary romances

that may not even
have sex in them.

So the other genres

that most people
like, only read

are mystery, science fiction
and comics.

Those genres are
overwhelmingly read by men.

And the women readers
in those genres

have frequently talked about

the sexism that they face
as readers of a genre

that they are
not supposed to enjoy.

Like, whatever that means.

And, sex is not
a big part of most mysteries.

‐I mean...
‐I don't think that's true.

Sometimes, but not...

I disagree. I think sex is
a part of every book

‐we are all reading.
‐But not like romance.

Like, I don't know.

I've read some of those books
that Dad claims are like

somehow better than our romance.

There is nothing, no.
If there's sex,

they're just as twisted,
there's dark themes.

I mean, our father was reading
J. D. Robb for years,

whose other name
is Nora Roberts.

He had no idea.

I'm very open about, you know,
the fact that,

I'm, you know,
I'm a sexual person,

and reading these types
of books,

yeah, there is
an outlet in there,

and a really good sex scene,
oh, my God, yeah.

Me and my girlfriends
talk about that.

Why even, you know...

You know, try to lie about it.
It's, you know, it's porn.

I don't consider
what I write porn.

Um, it is explicit,

but it's part of a story,

and it's different to me.

It's as...

much porn as, as...

you know, looking at artistic
naked pictures, I think.
I think it's...

[SIGHS] But on the other hand,
it is a little porn.

I guess, really, my response is
"And what's wrong with that?"

Straight white guy walks in
off the street.

"You have a whole bookstore
for romance?"

And they always couch
in some sort of, like,
business thing.

Like, does that really seem
viable to you?

It's the second part.

That we don't know
our own business

well enough to have done
the research to know

that this would exist
and survive and thrive.

The thing is that most men
cannot conceive of a space
that's not for them.

This is not for you.

DR. TANIA: Yes, they're all
about a man and a woman
getting together,

and falling in love
and presumably living
happily ever after.

But there are undercurrents
of anger and dissatisfaction

that are being expressed
through the novels.

Well, it's certainly fantasy.

I mean, 100%.
The sex is fantastic.

The men are beautiful.
In our everyday lives,

women take care of everybody.

And so to read about
a man that takes
care of his girl is sexy.

TYLER: [NARRATING]
"Open your eyes.

"I gaze up into his perfect
blue eyes,

"gazing at me
with passion and hunger.

"My breath catches
and I run my fingertips
down his cheek.

"'You are so sexy, Natalie.
I just can't seem
to stop touching you.'

"'I love you touching me.'

"'You do?'

"He caresses my face,
pushing errant strands of hair
off my cheek.

"'Yes', I whisper.

"'Your skin is so soft',
he murmurs, his fingers
still on my cheek.

"'I love your curvy body.'

"My eyes widen.

"'Don't frown.'

"He kisses me
between my eyebrows

"as if he's smoothing
the frown from my face.

"'I'm not so sure
about my curvy body.'

"It's a whispered admission
that I have never made before,
and frankly,

"I've never
felt this vulnerable.

"His blue gaze
meets mine again,
and each word is a staccato.

"'You are beautiful.'

"I close my eyes,

"but he tips my chin,
forcing me to
look at him again.

"'Thank you.'

"His lips find mine.

"Gently now, lingering
and pressing my mouth

"as if we have all the time
in the world.

"I shift my hips
and grind myself
against his thigh,

"and he groans
low in his throat.

"My blood is on fire.

"I've never wanted a man
like I want Luke.

"I want to consume him.

"I want him fast and hard
and I want him to take all day.

"I love how tender
he is with me."

PHOTOGRAPHER: Nice one.

Oh, perfect hold.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

And again.

Hold that.

DR. KATIE:
There is some sort of

really retrograde yearning

for this traditional man

who's acting
in a traditional role,

even if we don't want that
in a million ways

in our rational minds.

And I think that that's a sign
of the fact that

we are not entirely comfortable
or inhabiting our own power
with ease.

We still aren't allowed

as women to be fully
sexual creatures.

It's still the bad thing.

It's still the women's
responsibility to be virtuous
more than the man.

And when we have these books

where the male is dominating
the woman into it,

it's like, I didn't
have a choice.

[CHEERING]

He made me feel that way,
but I didn't choose
to feel that way.

I didn't seek it, so it takes
the ownership

of the slutty label that
we're going to get off of us.

And we can enjoy it
without being worried
about that stigma.

We are a society awash
in gender inequality,

racial inequality,
economic inequality,

you name it, every form
of inequality.

And I think, well,
instead of fighting it,

we've kind of sexualized
that inequality,

specifically,
the gender inequality.

And we said, "Well, it's...
this is the best it gets.

"This is it.
So let's make it fun."

We could talk about
why the books are feminists

‐till we're blue in the face.
‐Yeah.

But, they're...

written, produced, marketed
and sold by women for women.

So it's very hard for me
to understand the argument

that they somehow
are not feminist.

Oh, yeah.

WOMAN 1: Readers right now
are ravenous.

They would be thrilled
if I would release
a book a month.

Romance, I think more than
any other genre,

has the highest number of books
consumed and bought

per month, per year.

There's something about
the e‐book that made it

incredibly easy to just
binge read.

You could read
the first book and then
read the next six,

and it's that Amazon
one‐click feature.

You could see it
all over Facebook, you know,

just one click five books.
Just, you know what I mean.

And it's because
they're 99 cents, they're $1.99,
they're $2.99.

Four, five years ago,
it wasn't as easy
just to pick up a book,

get through it really fast.

Um, you had to go to a bookstore
and you know,

I think it's just
the convenience of it.

Like, I read on my phone.
I can download a book
and have it in two seconds,

and it's just made it
a lot more accessible
than sometimes even TV.

I think it's wonderful
that people are able to do this,

and being able to bypass
the publishers to get
their stuff out there.

Um, however, it's having
an effect on, on,
you know, authors.

I've been publishing
every two to four months.

This market is so saturated
right now,

that readers forget you.

It's a double‐edged sword
for writers because...

...it's great that they have
readers who are clamoring
for their work.

On the other hand, it's really
hard to write ten books a year.

K.P. SIMMON:
Because the market is changing,

we saw this huge explosion,

and now we're seeing
such a saturation.

And, uh, sustainability is an
extremely hard thing to do.

[LAUGHING]

There is no Plan B.
This just better work.

My last novel and novella
that came out in May and June,

the novella in June,

um, hasn't gone so well.

You know, what do you do now?
Do you, do you, you know...

[STUTTERS] And I have no idea.

My books have just fallen
through the cracks.

The pressure to crank out
a new book

every four to six months
has become immense.

All these medical bills
from when, uh, [SIGHS]

Rich got in his
motorcycle accident.

His shoulder still hurts.
He started riding way too early.

But, whatever.

He's stubborn. You're not gonna
stop him from doing
what he wants to do, so.

I've been waiting to like,
write a of full‐length novel
since 2013.

I put one out. That was
the last full‐length novel
that I did.

And since then,
people have been
waiting for me

‐to come out with something.
‐[MOTORBIKE ENGINE STARTS]

‐Rich?
‐GIRL 1: Hopefully.

Rich, will you take this
scooter out?

‐RICH: Whee!
‐CJ: All right.[SIGHS]

Turn sharp to the left
and back up.

Turn it hard left, hard left.

Hard left, so you can
get it out, you know.

You're gonna let her
drive that?

I was gonna ride behind her.

I'm gonna sit with her.
I'm gonna sit here...

‐That's a terrible idea.
‐Right here.

‐BOY: Let her try.
‐All right, yeah, let her try.

[MOTORBIKE ENGINE REVVING]

Okay.

Watch out for your sister.

[LAUGHS]

It's been hard to go
from writing for fun

to writing to pay my rent.

I've been given
such a tremendous opportunity

to do something like this.

Um, and to, you know, to make
a living doing something
that you love,

and I feel like
I'm squandering it

by not taking the opportunities

that could make me
a better writer.

[DOG BARKING]

Nobody in my family
can read the Taken series.

No.

Because it would be weird.

I have not read them.

‐I told them you have
no interest in reading that.
‐I gave her my word,

I would not read them.

Nope. I'm curious. But nope.

I haven't, actually, I'm not,
I'm not into, um,

even the young adult...
don't really,
but I read it, and it was good.

But, um, basically, I just read
historical romance, so, yeah.

No, haven't looked at it.
[LAUGHS]
They're on my bookshelves.

Yup.

And I had her, she signed them
for me and everything, so.

PRODUCER: Were you allowed
to read the inscription?

‐Mmm‐hmm.
‐Yes. It said, "You're not
allowed to read this book."

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I know she's, she can write
better books than that.

I shouldn't say that.

She's a better writer than that.

But, um...

I think at the time,
that was really the trend.

I don't how it is now,

but, you know, I'm kind of proud
that she jumped on board
when she did.

You know, kind of helped
her along a little bit there.

KELLI: You know, my grandma,

she's like, "What do you think
I've never read
a dirty book before?"

Like, well,
you're not reading
my dirty book.

They're looking forward
to my young adult book
coming out.

So it'll be neat
to have something
that's considered normal.

Where did you autograph it?

You should show
the picture of her.

It doesn't look anything
like me.

‐Oh, no.
‐[LAUGHS]

‐KELLI: I don't know.
‐Oh, it doesn't really.

‐Isn't it exciting?
‐Yes.

So proud.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

KELLI: I'm disappointed that
I sold my rights to something

that didn't perform better
than I think I could have
done myself.

As an author, you sell
the rights to a publisher

because you want your books
to reach readers.

And when it's not you,
it makes you think, well,

you know, I could have
priced the e‐book

a lot lower than $10
and sold more

than what they've sold.

There's transition,

and some can handle
the transition,
and some realize

"I don't think that's for me,"
something they always dreamt of.

Then they realize,
"Yeah, that's not for me."

You have so much more control
when you self‐publish.

You have control over timing,

you have control over
what exactly is in the book.

Um, there's just, you know,
you have all of your hands
in the pot.

BEA: We love Kristen so much
that her name
is on our tote bag.

LEAH: Mmm‐hmm.

It's there for a reason.

Mostly 'cause of her
own self‐publishing prowess,

and, and what she kind of
represents in the industry,

which is something
very unique and special.

She was putting out the books
she wanted to put out.

She was... they were looking
the way that she wanted
them to look,

and people really respect
that kind of control.

I think it's been an interesting
sort of power dynamic shift.

So in the past,
when a publisher would come
to an author and say,

"We want to pay you this amount
of money to buy your book."

You know, it was very rare
for people to say no,

even if it wasn't enough money.

But now, because people
have the ability to make
the money on their own,

the offer has to be something
that they really want.

Generally speaking,
if you self‐publish,

your book is almost
certainly digital.

Um, you can produce
physical books,

but it's hard to get them
into stores.

I mean,
it's virtually impossible.

KRISTEN: This book is backed
by Simon & Schuster.

So it's the first traditionally
published book

that is out there from me.

It was difficult to give up
control on things,

and to have my editor say,
"Nope, I don't like your hero.

"We're going to change it."
And I was like, "No.

"No, no, no,
we're not changing it."

Um, but it's not technically
my book.

They bought it from me,
so I had to. [LAUGHS]

DIRECTOR: So it is first thing
in the morning,

and we're pulling up
to Kristen's house.

Um, she has released
Loving Cara today,

and we're going to bring her
wine for breakfast.

Every trusty assistant
should have a key to get in.

Good morning.
Happy release day.

‐Good morning. Thank you.
‐You're supposed to be naked.

You told me.
You told me you'd be naked.

‐I am so not naked.
‐She's a liar.
She lies, people.

‐There you go, my dear.
‐Oh, my goodness.

See, if she...

...plans to get drunk
before 8:00,

she's got about three minutes.

Just gonna... why need a glass?
I mean...

Drink it right out
of the bottle.

‐That's right. Thank you.
‐You're welcome.

‐Are you excited?
‐Yes.

What are we doing today?

We're doing a Facebook party
right now.

And then?

And then we're gonna go
find the book in the store.

‐Yay.
‐Yay.

KRISTEN: So the new series
is called
Love Under the Big Sky.

It's a trilogy
that takes place in Montana.

The books will be mass market,
so they'll be in grocery stores
and WalMart and Target.

So hopefully, readers
will pick it up and then say,

"Well, what else
has she written?"

I'm glad you're having a party
for this 'cause it's a big deal.

It is a big deal. Yeah.

It doesn't really feel
real yet. Even though
I saw it in the store.

‐Will you ever feel like
it happened?
‐Probably not.

Although, I will say,
it was quite impressive

to stand in Barnes & Noble
and see my name right above
Nora Roberts' name.

‐[SIGHS]
‐That was, I think the moment

that I might have got
a little teary,

‐'cause that's it, right?
‐ASSISTANT: Yeah.

‐Right.
‐That's the dream
right here, yeah.

ASSISTANT: Oh, yeah.

The religious pressure
that we're all under,

‐I think is fascinating that...
‐Yeah.

...that you find that
because we're not,
we're not all harlots,

‐and...
‐WOMAN 4: We are not?

Speak for yourself.
I'm kidding.

‐I mean...
‐Even though we write about it,

we're not all these...
well, we have moral values,

‐and traditions and...
‐WOMAN 4: Well, let's be clear,
sex isn't bad.

‐Right, I know. An entire book
of the Bible that's just
dedicated to sex.

‐Oh, I've read that one.
‐The Old Testament.

Song of Solomon?

The Old Testament is...

[OVERLAPPING CONVERSATION]

[ALL LAUGHING]

We can write a great,
a great re‐telling
of David and...

I mean just a great...
[INDISTINCT]

But, but, right,
'cause we're not.

But we get this judgment
and I'm finding that's more
and more common with.

‐Oh, yeah.
‐Other authors
feeling that pressure.

Yeah, that's why there's a lot
of pen names and...

The biggest industry,
the biggest genre
that has sold in the industry

was, was romance.
And then the next closest genre

or category, was thrillers.

‐WOMAN 2: I was gonna say,
was it thrillers?
‐It was thrillers.

‐James Patterson for the...
‐Right. Grisham. You know,
those sort of novels.

If romance is selling
eight million,

and then the next is thriller,

then why in the heck is
Dan Brown and James Patterson,

the one getting on
Good Morning America
and the Today show,

and my romance authors
are not getting on there

when they're the ones
selling the most books.

[ALL LAUGHS]

All right, let's go party.

‐WOMAN 1: Look at everybody
wonder who she is.
‐WOMAN 2: Like, what's going on?

Who is she?
Look at her.

Hi, everybody.

Um, no, thank you all so much
for coming. I'm super excited.

Chat and, um, drink and eat
and hang out.

And drink. And, um, I will
come around to everybody

and chat and I'm gonna
sign books for you.

♪ It's half the fun
'Cause here it comes

♪ Oh here it comes
We know

♪ Oh, we'll make it!

♪ Oh

♪ The sky is our limit now

♪ We'll take this dance...

And so I can knock it
over there.

I think your book
was on the same bookshelf
as Nora Roberts.

‐I know.
‐That's like
the coolest thing ever.

‐Tell me you took a picture.
‐I did take a picture.
You wanna see it?

[BOTH LAUGH]

♪ We'll make it! ♪

DIRECTOR: So, Kelli,
you don't think
your second book sold as well?

KELLI: No, it didn't.

One of my faults is trying
to bring the more plot

over onto this side.

And it's... I don't think
it's working out for me so well.
[CHUCKLES]

Nobody wants a whole lot of plot
with their sex.

Just, you know, that's what
I'm finding out. [LAUGHS]

We don't need all that.

Twist, turns, yeah, you know,
maybe one or two,

but nothing real difficult
to follow. It's just...

I've got all my books
in boxes over here.

I should probably make them
a little prettier, I know.

This is the magnet boards.
They're like dry erase boards.

So I've got all my Taken
and Given and...

stuff just, uh, in boxes.

I know, right? I think
I've sent one out now, but...

You know, I think that
I just I do better
when I have freedom

to be creative and come up
with new things.

And I don't like doing
the same thing over and over
and over and over again.

DIRECTOR: What is the formula?

Well, there's the friends
to lovers.

There's the you know,
the billionaire,

there's the rock star,
there's the biker this,

but it's always saving the girl.
You know, sometimes

he's tortured,
the tortured hero too,
and they save each other.

But somebody's always in need
of saving and tortured,

and, you know,
emotionally crazy.

And, you know,
the magic sex happens,
and then everybody's happy,

and nobody needs
to see a psychologist.

Or, you know, it's all...
just the magic orgasm.

Magic, magic, healing power
of the billionaire's orgasm.

[LAUGHS] That's what it is.

DIRECTOR: What do you say
to people say that

people read this as a fantasy.
It's an escape.

And they do, and I know that
it's an escape,

but it's you know,
they, they live that real life.

So they just want that happiness
that, you know,

that's not who I am though,
you know.

So I have a hard time,
um, connecting with that

because that's, to me,
it's cheesy.

TOLMAN: [NARRATING]

"The club is packed.
Bodies grind together
on the dance floor.

"There's barely room to move.

"You catch my eye.

"You're alone.

"Bass pounds through my body,
rushes from my head to my toes,

"takes the same path
your eyes follow.

"Your dark eyed stares
flutter soft on my skin.

"It raises goose bumps.

"Makes me flush.

"My vodka and cranberry
soaked blood runs hot
with need.

"You smile.

"Dimples pierce your cheeks.

"Your eyes flash.
I can't resist.

"'Rach.'
Shannon grabs my arm.

"She's sweaty from dancing
and pulls her blonde hair up
off her shoulders.

"'I'm going.'

"She tilts her head
towards Sean or Shane
or Seth, I'm not sure.

"The guy she met two hours ago.

"'How am I supposed
to get home?' She drove.

"Shannon shoves her car keys
in my hand.

"'See you in the morning.'

"She winks and pushes back
through the crowd

"toward the guy whose name
starts with an S.

"When I turned from watching
Shannon go,

"you're standing
right in front of me.

"'Hi', you say.

"Familiarity strikes.

"But I don't think
I'd ever forget meeting you.

"'Hi.'

"I fall into your dark eyes
and can't get out.

"They're serious and focused
on mine.

"Looking away would be a crime.

"You ran a hand through your
wavy black‐brown hair.

"Are you nervous? I can't tell.

'"What were you drinking?'

"You tap my glass.
Empty except for melting ice.

'"Vodka and cranberry.'

"I take in a thick damp breath.

"Dancing bodies fog up the air,
make it heavy to breathe.

"You shake your beer bottle,
indicating its emptiness.

"'I'm headed to the bar.
Would you like another?'

"I have to drive
Shannon's car home.

"But I don't want to stop
talking to you.

"I nod. 'Please.

"'I'll drink slowly.

"'I'll drive even slower.'

"I follow behind you,

"taking in the view of your
incredible backside and jeans.

"A black long sleeve shirt
shifts with your strong,
wide shoulders,

"and hugs your narrow waist.

"You work out. A lot.

"The body I'm staring at
didn't come from luck
and a good gene pool.

"You glance back to make sure
I'm following.

"When a group of people
push between us,

"you reach out
and take my hand.

"My fingers curl around yours
like they're possessed."

Oh, it's in here someplace.

Ah, there it is.

I think the problem obviously,
is that I don't write romance,
I don't read romance.

I don't know
what these women like.

Um, do you write

what you just really
want to write?

And possibly have it...

die on the vine and go nowhere?

Um, or do you keep trying
to just pump out

the very commercial
romance fest stuff?

It's if you have
a competitive personality,

it's like, you know,
okay, I'm not gonna
let this beat me.

I'm not gonna let this beat me.
Even though,
you're absolutely miserable.

Like I've spent the last
couple years just
absolutely miserable

because I'm not having fun
writing anymore.

Annie, you wanna go outside?

You know, I'm trying
to figure out what's,
what do people want to read.

And how do I reach these people
and where'd they go,

and how do I get it back?

And you know, and it's just
been a constant source
of, you know, anxiety.

MAN 1: Mine goes rolling over.
Come on over here.

MAN 2: Good catch,
good catch.

Oh, careful.

MAN 1: Here, give me
your plate, Lou.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

‐MAN 3: Where is he?
‐MAN 2: His name is Juan.
And he is funnier.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Here's four plates.

[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[LAUGHTER]

CJ: I live out
in the middle of nowhere.

So, since I got out
of the military, I've just been,

you know, living there
with my husband and my kids,

and doing the whole
domestic thing,

which I never really
imagined myself doing.

Think there's probably
a good reason we're not gonna be
able to find your art supplies

'cause I bet you,
they're in the closet.

I wouldn't record my closet.

‐[LAUGHS]
‐It's very, very, very dirty...

...in here.

Oh, my God, Booba.

GIRL: I know.

‐I need to clean it.
‐What is this?

Mod Pogde.

CJ: Oh, my God, Nina.

I'm sorry, okay.

CJ: God, every picture
you see of me
when I was a baby,

I'm like wearing, like, lace.

And I hated it
'cause it was itchy.

So when I had my daughter,
I was like no baby dolls.

Anybody who gets me
anything pink will be murdered.

There will be no kitchen sets
at my house.

And, and then,
the opposite happened,

where I have the girliest,

princess, sugar cane child
that I could possibly have.

You know, I'm like,
Don't you want this truck?"

She's like, "No, but what do you
have in glitter?" [LAUGHS]

HOST: [OVER VIDEO]
Our little Miss West River

is contestant number nine,
Nina Roberts.

[WHISTLING AND CHEERING]

CJ: And then I realized
that I had to let her be that.

My mom wanted me to be glitter,
and I wasn't.

But my daughter is.
And I have to let her be that.

Like I know with
my first pageant, I'm like...

CJ: Writing can be
really lonely.

You spend a lot of time
by yourself in a room

talking to yourself.

Because I see people
having just cranking stuff out,

and I'm like, I, I just can't.

You know, things come to me
when they come to me,

and they come to me organically
and I can't help that.

When I was writing
The Dark Duet,

I slept it, like, breathed it.

It obsessed me.
My hands hurt like...

It's something that
won't leave you alone

until you're done,
until you're done.

So once, I just want
to get that going.

Is this the one of the story
you're talking about
the other night about

‐being in the room?
‐CJ: Oh, yeah. No.

‐That's just another story
that I was thinking about.
‐Oh.

‐I could tie it into this one,
I suppose.
‐Right.

Um, but, okay, so
if I were gonna do that,
what would I do?

Okay, so somebody finds a note.

Well, it works because
of the‐‐ You were
talking about it being like,

that person wakes up in a room
and there's a camera,
and they're being told.

Oh, this is like, they,
you find a note,
they're somewhere

they're not supposed to be.
They're snooping around.

And they have an hour
to meet somebody at an address.

Who snoops around?

‐Detectives snoop around.
‐Detectives.

New. The new...

‐Okay.
‐Hmm.

‐Rich?
‐Yes.

People that snoop around.

Thoughts?

‐RICH: People that snoop around?
‐Yeah.

RICH: You gotta be a little more
specific than that.

What would you, like, like,

we've got private investigators,

and busy body housewives,
people that snoop around.

RICH: Um...

‐Can I get you
to braid my hair, please?
‐CJ: Yeah.

All right, people snoop around.

‐I like the neighbor's idea.
‐BRANDON: Yeah.

Maybe somebody moves in
next door,

and like, is really weird
for whatever reason.

I haven't thought of that yet.

And...

maybe you put cameras
in your house

because you were concerned that
at some point they're going to
come over there.

And then maybe they do.
But why do they?

Ooh. Maybe you're
hiding something.

I kind of like that because
you would be paranoid,

you'd have cameras
in your house,

and if somebody did move in
next door,

and was paying
a particular amount
of attention to you,

‐you would certainly
be concerned about that.
‐BRANDON: Yeah.

Maybe like that.

What's the point
of this conversation?

I have to write
a 15,000 word story by July.

Oh, yeah.

It doesn't sound like fun.

Unless, that's what you do.

‐[LAUGHS]
‐RICH: I suppose.

I have a lot of friends that
do have the husbands
that are not supportive.

And I have some friends that
their husbands are supportive,

and some of them have been able
to make it work, and some
of them have not,

'cause just some men can't,
can't take that flip.

It was a bit
of a transition because...

I went from...

I manage movie theaters
and Blockbuster stores
and everything

to being at home.

Um, and she worked at home,

and then she became, you know,
she's successful.

So I had to, um...

be supportive
but realize that my ego

has to be in check
because I think...

I think it's hard
for a lot of guys

to like, think of their wives
as being the breadwinners,

and not themselves. So...

‐[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
‐[FOLK MUSIC PLAYING]

TOM: In our present
financial arrangement,

we don't really need
my income.

I mean, I went through
bouts of depression,

and just,
just trying to...

to come to understand the new
relationship in the way,
the way everything is working.

KRISTEN: People talk about

how they usually fight
mostly about financial things,

and that's a huge stressor
in most relationships.

We were no different.
So I thought, when the success
started happening,

that would be pretty much
taken care of
and things will be great.

And then, um,

the books started to sell,
and we, and I became
pretty successful,

and he could not deal.

To the point where it wasn't
just him being quiet about it.

It was, now we're
just gonna demean it,

and embarrass you
in front of fans,

and be a jerk pretty much.

You know, you hear all the time,
somebody will say,

"Well, he didn't hit me."

"Well, no, but called you
a fucking whore,"

like, is that worse or better...
I don't know. [LAUGHS]

I don't want either of those
things to happen to me.

So...

I think we forget that, um,

just because you're not
hurting physically
that you're not hurting.

One day I just said,
"You're not allowed to
talk to me like this anymore."

And I've not seen him
since that day.

I grabbed my computer
and my purse and I left.

Checked into a hotel.
I had no clothes.
I had no stuff.

I just packed my car
and went to Montana.

[TRAIN HORN HONKING]

I think I probably expected

to live a very similar life
to my parents

as far as being working class.
And...

Uh, I figured
I would be married
and have children, and...

um...

I think, I don't know.

I mean, I think most kids
that come from...

...small towns probably
all think the same.

I didn't expect
to move away, ever.

I didn't expect to, um...

choose a career that,
that it makes me well known

to people, and...

um...

It's definitely different
than I expected.

I just thought
I'd be a regular...
probably a mom.

I was able to get out
of that situation,

because I, um,

I was successful
with the publishing.

Uh, a few years prior,
I would not have been
able to leave.

Um, it's just too expensive.

Sorry.
What a person wants...

[SIGHS] Hold on.

[SNIFFLES]

Um...

[SNIFFLES]

Give me five.

‐CJ: What's going on?
‐NINA: [ON PHONE] I just
got home from school,

and Britney just
bailed out on Daddy.

‐So, and Daddy is sick.
‐CJ: Oh.

And I'm not supposed to be
telling you this

because he can hear me
through the air vent.

CJ: What happened?

I didn't do anything wrong,
and he just told me
to do all my chores.

But, but, I shouldn't
be telling...

WOMAN 2: He's back there?

‐NINA: I have to go.
‐Where you going, love bug?

I'm going with Daddy
to pick up Ella.

‐This son of a bitch.
‐We need to bring my baby.

‐Yeah.
‐I can be there tomorrow.

CJ: Yeah, dude,
I need you to get my baby.

‐Is he working?
‐What the hell is he
talking about?

Now he's trying to yell at me.
We're about to have a fight.

‐Don't.
‐He just texted me,

[IMITATING MAN'S VOICE]
"It'd be nice if you answer
my fucking phone calls,"

and I'm like, "Uh, first of all,
I have no missed calls
on my phone."

‐I didn't hear it ring.
‐I didn't hear it ring.

I just called him and he didn't
answer the phone.

So when he got tired of working
that job that he didn't like,

I said, "Quit." I said,
"I'm in a position right now

"where you know,
I can take care of things."

And so he quit, and then
he did not get off the ground

the things he wanted
to get off the ground.
And it was like,

the more successful I got
and the less successful he got,

the more he just resented me.

You know, little by little,
he's just not at home.

And then all of a sudden,
it's like I'm doing everything.

‐I'm...
‐You're super mom.

I'm super mom and I'm still
trying to have my career.

I'm still trying
to have my life,

and, and I couldn't do it.

I couldn't do it.

And he just took
whatever he could
from me, you know.

Now I don't have,
I haven't written a book

in like, you know, two years.

My money is spent.

KRISTEN: Release days are still
hard for me to get excited

because he made it so horrible.

There it is.

Right there.

DIRECTOR: You know,
a big reason for going
with a traditional publisher

was that you get access
to readers. New readers.

Mmm‐hmm.

Have you gotten a sense
that goal has been achieved?

Um...

Some. Not as many
as I expected.

I think I brought
more readers with me

to the new series
than the other way around.

Um...

So... I didn't see
that for myself.

I think that other authors do.

But... it wasn't my experience
that I gained a lot of new fans.

Introducing a new series
is really tricky,

because they already trust you
with what you've already done.

And I've had some success
with the Seattle stuff,

and now I'm begging people
to read something again.

It just makes my release day
a little more stressful.

Truly, the Big Sky releases
have been more stressful

than the Seattle books.

But also a Seattle,
those are me.

If they don't do well,
it's all on me
and it would suck.

But, you know...

I am representing
Simon & Schuster
and Pocket books

with The Big Sky series.

And so, for that reason too,
I want them to do very well.

And, um, I worry
that they won't.

[TYPING]

‐[CELL PHONE RINGING]
‐Oh, here's K. P.

K.P. SIMMON: [ON PHONE]
So Amazon, 118,

and Barnes & Noble is still 26.

KRISTEN: So we're not doing bad.

‐No.
‐I'd really like to get into
the top 100 today.

KRISTEN: If you get
into the top 100,

more people are gonna
see your book.

The more people that see it,
the more people
that are gonna buy it,

and click on it.
And that will keep it up there.

So, it will just keep
perpetuating sales.

And if you fall below that,

you're really sort of
in the swamp
with everybody else,

where you're sort of invisible.

‐Hello?
‐Hey, how are you?

Hi. Hi.

Hi, little doggie.

‐Hi, sweetie. Hi. Thanks.
‐Come on in.

‐You want some wine?
‐Yes, please.

KELLI: I've been told
that the readers
are going more dark.

You know, darker, dirtier.

That's what they want now.

So, um, I'm like, okay,
I can do that, you know?

So are you excited about,
um, Lilith?

Yeah, um, you know,
it's Monday,

so that'll be exciting. Um...

A little nervous.
It's different from anything
I've done before.

It's darker and dirtier
and so.

‐Psychopathic.
‐We'll see.

‐Yes, she's right. She edited.
‐Psychopathic?

Carol edited it for me.

‐Okay.
‐Yeah. I mean...

...you know, there's,
there's fear that,

um, you know,

my kids in Catholic school
will have some repercussions
if people

read this book,
'cause it's not a romance.

‐It's...
‐Right.

‐You know, it's bad stuff.
‐Mmm‐hmm.

It's about a guy,

who's in a motorcycle club
who kidnaps women,

and trains them to be sold
into the sex trade.

‐Ah!
‐In, uh, Mexican cartels.

‐[SIGHS]
‐[ALL LAUGHS]

I'm saying that with a smile.

So pushing... published
will be interesting.

‐It'll be like...
‐CAROL: See what happens.

‐Yeah, we'll see.
‐Yeah, yeah.

That's so exciting.

Yeah, it's...

Yeah, that's interesting.
It's, you know, different, so.

What do you like to write?

I like writing... I don't know.

We know that you've got
to cut your losses
at some point.

‐Mmm‐hmm.
‐Here it's not time
to cut yours.

So forget that.

‐Oh, we will see.
‐No.

I agree with her
that you need to get out there.

But here's the thing,

you're looking
at profits and losses,
you know what I mean?

If I'm spending
all this time travelling

‐and this money travelling...
‐Yeah, that's a good point.

‐...I've gotta make up for it.
‐It's like an age‐old adage.

‐You've got to...
‐What you put in,
you're gonna get out.

‐Yeah, yeah.
‐I know, but what if you
don't get it out?

WOMAN 1: You're already
in a rut.

CAROL: You've got to
spend money to make money.

I've done that.
It's not happening.

This one needs to happen.
You have to keep being
Kelli Maine,

keep making money,
keep having readers,

and then... every six months,

put out something
in young adult,

'cause that's what
makes you happiest.

You can't just write
and put books out,

you've gotta get it
into the promotion,

you've gotta get it
into the social media,

you've gotta get it in
with the bloggers,

you've gotta... there's just...

it's overwhelming.

[DIRECTOR SPEAKING]

Sometimes I regret it
because, I mean,
I can't regret it.

I have this house
because I went down there.

I have my car
because I went down there.

I mean, I've been able
to do things

because, um, you know,
I got one... I got lucky,

I got one big payday out of it.

Basically, I'm
at the point where

I need to decide,
just decide for myself

where to go from here,
which path I wanna take,

and who...
what writer I wanna be

and what I wanna write.

I think if I stop now,

it's like admitting that
I failed at this.

[KEYBOARD CLACKING]

[CHUCKLES]

[DIRECTOR SPEAKING]

Oh... good, nervous,

anxious, you know.

I think
it's the same every time,

I don't think it gets any...
any different,

you know, it's just, uh...

it's exciting,

but a little nerve‐wracking.
[LAUGHS]

[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[GIGGLES]

WOMAN 1: I'll ask you,
what do you recommend?

GLORYA: So, if you're looking
to like a dark erotic romance...

‐I read it all.
‐...CJ Roberts is your girl.

Her mind is fucking... twisted.

Like, you know, dark erotica,
dark romance,

‐the girl gets kidnapped.
‐WOMAN 1: Oh, okay.

[LAUGHING]

‐Who should
I make it out to, hon?
‐Christina.

All right, Christina...

Okay, I have an author for you.

CJ, tell her
about your books.

She likes reading true crime.
She's not a romance...

‐but tell her about Captive.
‐Oh, okay.

So, uh, kidnapping,

blood, guts, lots of sex,
and revenge!

‐[ALL LAUGHING]
‐Awesome.

CJ: I'm attracted
to power dynamics.

Like, probably because...

I have felt weak
in a lot of situations.

And, like, they said, like,
all rape fantasies anyway,

it's not about sex.
It's about power.

Growing up Catholic,
I feel like shame

and arousal
are like right in my pockets.

GARCIA: [NARRATING]
"He kissed down my chest

"holding my knees apart.

"Stop! Stop...

"The first objection was real.

"The second one...
I wasn't sure.

"His mouth latched
onto my nipple,

"to the fabric of his shirt.

"Somehow more excruciating

"because he couldn't quite
get to me.

"He sucked harder,

"making my nipple hard,

"wet and hot.

"I have sighed and groaned,
unable to resist

"tilting my head back
against the carpet,

"eyes closed,

"falling into sensations
I had never felt before.

"You don't hate me at all.

"I think you like me just fine.

"I was crying.

"But it wasn't
for the right reasons.

"I think I know
something else you might like.

"His hands and his mouth
trailed down my body.

"And though I knew
I should...

"I couldn't bring myself
to say anything against it.

"He was gonna do
what he wanted,

"whether I protested or not.

"Would it be so horrible
if I did nothing?

"Could I be held to blame?

"My eyes shot open
and I sat up...

"as soon as his hot mouth
covered my sex.

"He looked up and grabbed
the collar around my neck,

"kissing me with fury
before pushing me back down.

"Shocked...

"I twisted from side to side...

"crying and grunting."

DIRECTOR:
Is there a sense

when you're reading
these darker things,

like, oh, I shouldn't be
enjoying this, but I am?

Yeah, it's...

There is.
Because it's, like, you know,

when a character gets raped,

um, or there is
any type of abuse,

physical or anything...

For me, yeah, I do get
extremely emotional,

and think, you know,

how can I even
continue reading this?

And why am I enjoying the story?

We know that the hero
loves the woman all along,

we the readers.
Even if the heroine is confused.

And that's absolutely crucial.

Um, so that
any kind of aggression

that he, uh,
exhibits towards her

or meanness, any kind of pain
that he inflicts,

is always
in the service of love.

So I think
the business of rape fantasy,

it has to be seen as fantasy,

as something that is not, like,

what you wish would happen
directly to you.

There is this perception

that romance readers
are not able

‐to separate their worlds.
‐No. No.

We do not understand
the difference
between a book and real life.

‐Well, our tiny, tiny brains
can't do it.
‐Can't handle it.

I think what happens is that,
if you buy into that fantasy,

it puts you at risk

of being a victim
of a perpetrator.

If this is what you think
romance looks like...

Because we don't have
two brains,

one marked "fantasy,"
one marked "reality,"

you know, we process information
with the same brain

that's fantasy, that's reality,
that's imaginary,

and it all gets, sort of,
mushed up into experience.

This is an ideology,
this is patriarchy.

We need... We can do
better than this.

You know what?
We can do a hell of a lot better

than what patriarchy hands us.

To kinda try to view sex
as something that we can...

We can take away... apart

from power, aggression,
submission,

all of those questions, I just,
I... I think it's both,

um, kind of,
ridiculously utopian

and also, sort of, awful.

For me, it was like,

to overcome that
repressed sexuality

where, yeah, someone
will just barge into your life,

um, and, give you

what you didn't even know
you needed.

Um, which is, I think,
for women, a big fantasy.

Not... not the rape,
not the nonconsensual,

not really the real life
elements of these things,

but the undertone
of these things

which is...

I want... I want to be
explosive about my sexuality,

but I don't wanna
have to own it.

It is a way for us to take hold
of our sexuality,

to be able to read these books,

and have these
dark things happen.

And a lot of what we see
in our violent culture of rape,

and being cat called
and hollered and objectified...

imprints on us and is actually
what we like to see

acted out in our fantasies
where we have control of it,

and we have control
of what happens to us,

and we can change it and make it
not scary in our book.

But women that were survivors
of sexual abuse email me a lot

and they go, "You know what?
I read your stuff,
and I really loved it.

"And I just wanted to say, like,
I had this experience.

"And I have
all of these fantasies

"that I don't know
what to do with

"because it's so taboo,

"because people
are gonna shame you."

I felt like something
that was a part of me

was finally talked about.

When I started
writing this story,

I wrote it...
I wrote it for myself,

because I...

I felt, maybe, like,
a lot of people in this room,

like, there are some things
about me

that I can never share
with anyone.

And the blank page...

is my diary, it's my canvas,

it's my friend.

And I wrote that story
for myself.

Um, there's
a piece of my heart in it

and a piece of my soul.

Though, what I love
about it the most is that...

you've accepted the piece of me

I thought I couldn't share
with anybody.

[SNIFFLING] And you have
loved me for it.

And when you guys
thank me for writing,

I just say, you know what?

I don't give a shit about that.

Thanks for reading it

and just thanks for taking me
as I am and as I come.

So, that's it. I'm very proud.
Thank you.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING]

DIRECTOR: Ready for take one.

So, just walk us through
what happened.

Um... Amazon said, "Uh,
we're not gonna put this up.

"This goes against
our content guidelines."

Um... which is actually
a kind of a relief,

because I don't really wanna
put it out anyway.

I don't know.
You know, I'm kind of...

at the point now
where, maybe,
this is a good place

to just kind of...

[LAUGHING]

...ride off into the sunsets.

It's not fun, it's awful.

So, yeah,
this would probably be

a good place to just decide...

to not do this anymore.
[CHUCKLES]

I'm just done.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

KRISTEN: Last night,
it was like...

nine‐hundred and something.

And I was kind of
disappointed in that.

INTERVIEWER: What's
the Amazon ranking?

Um, let's take a look.

We're in the top‐200.

Come Away with Me
peaked at about

50, 60‐ish.

I've... I think the highest
I've been is three.

That's not gonna happen
with this book.

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

[GASPS] Number 99 on Amazon!

We broke the top‐100.

That's right. Yes!

And number 25
on Barnes & Noble.

Very nice.

My day is complete.

I can now rest easy.

I've an announcement
to make, people.

There's nothing
over here. Sorry.

‐Oh, it's real clogged up.
‐Um...

So, we already know
I'm number 84 on Amazon.

‐Right.
‐And number 21
on Barnes & Noble.

But my author rank moved up

from 43 to 40 on Amazon.

‐Yeah!
‐Yes!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I'm gonna hold the...
I'm gonna hold this.

I was
a little on edge all day

and then I saw it
hit number 99,

and I took
a very visible breath.

It was like... [SIGHING] Okay.

Everything's gonna be okay.

I remember the first time
even reading your book.

And we were sitting on a couch,
remember it was at your house.

And you had handed it to me,
it was on your Kindle.

And you were like...
"Don't read
past this amount of pages."

‐[ALL LAUGHING]
‐"Don't go far."

At that time, I was like,
"I'm fine. I can read it."

"Are you sure?
I don't want you to read this,

"and then you look at me funny.
Just... Just read a few pages."

And then by the time
she went to go
put the laundry down,

and then she came back up,
I was already on chapter two.

And then she was like,
"I told you not to
read that much.

"Don't go that far."
Then she goes, "Lemme see.
What do you think?"

‐"What do you think?"
‐[ALL LAUGHING]

They're like, "Oh, my gosh,
she's so famous."

Like, who the hell is famous?
That's not her.

‐[ALL LAUGHING]
‐Who you talking to?

I think that shit
every time I'm cleaning
the cat box at home,

‐like, I'm so famous.
I'm so famous!
‐[ALL LAUGHING]

They're like, "Your sister
is famous, dude.
She writes books."

I'm like, "So what?
Shit... She wrote a book.

"She's not famous.
She don't have
a Hollywood story."

There's so much stories
within her mind

that she just hasn't put 'em
in the right direction yet.

But when she finds it...

um, I know it's gonna be
another hit.

Like, I always tell her, I wish
I could be you when I grow up.

Because in a way,

um, I mean,
we grew up together, both of us.

I was very young when I had her,
I was only 17‐years‐old
when I became a mother.

‐WOMAN 1: [WHISPERING] 16.
‐Well, 16, and the next month
I became 17.

That even with the one book,
even if she doesn't
write another book,

even though... she's already
left a mark,

and that's how I feel,
and I'm proud as hell,
and I'll always be.

Because she left a mark.

Every time I do something
or I'm gonna, like, come up,

some shit comes along to, like,
chop my legs out from under me.

‐But I'll...
‐JULIE: Yeah, I see that.

‐...I'll get there.
‐JULIE: I see that.
And I... And I hope that, uh,

it gets out there soon.
I think it's time.

I mean, shit, me too, man.
Me too. Damn it!

ALTER: I think
after Fifty Shades,

mainstream publishing
looks at romance

and romance readers
very differently.

I think beyond even
just the publishing industry,

the effect of those books
was to show

the... the range of,
of taste that

mainstream audiences have.

It was much more
extreme and edgy

than anyone anticipated.

Nobody thought women would
go to bookstores and buy

a book about S&M,

you know, and, um,
and celebrate it.

I think because Fifty Shades...

because of the books

that were associated with it,
including mine,

I think women were like,
"Yeah, that turns me on.
I like it."

MODLESKI: Love has always
had to be there,

um, in the novels,

to legitimate

all the sex that...
that goes on,

um, however much
there happens to be

in any... in any given novel.

Um, so I think
the next step would be

and God knows
when it's gonna come,

is when women
just enjoy the sex

and forget about the love.

Maybe when my children
are grown up,

the books will be able to have
more women‐dominant

and maybe
that will be more accepted

and... and be the next phase
of things.

It's also just a function
of society,

devaluing things
that women like.

People always wanted to be
more complicated than that,

and it's really not,

where, especially
when we to try to explain, like,

it's just sexist.

It's not
that much more complicated.

It's just sexist.

They're like, oh,
there must be some other reason.

Mmm, not really.

DIRECTOR: What do you think
your life would look like now

if you had never written
Come Away with Me?

[SIGHING] Oh,
that makes me sad.

Like, the thought of that.

We can't go there right now.
[LAUGHS]

KRISTEN: I've hit
New York Times now,

which was the big goal.

But I'd love to hit
that number one slot.

I'd love to be invited
to sign books
with Nora Roberts.

It's been a wild‐ride,

but amazing.
I wouldn't change it.

Even the bad stuff,
I wouldn't have changed it.

I can't believe it's my life
most of the time.

‐I'm following you.
Let's go this way.
‐All right.

KELLI: Nothing against
the authors
that write this stuff.

They're writing things
that readers wanna read.

I'm the one that can't write
what readers wanna read
in the genre.

It's a dark place
when you realize

that it's you
that's holding yourself back.

I guess lottery winners win
one time in their life, right?

[LAUGHING] So,
that's where I'm at:

post lottery.

Well, you get to the level
of your own fucking
self‐loathing and exhaustion

and then you're like,
that's it.

Get up and do something
before I hate you forever.

So, I'm getting up,
and I'm moving

before I hate myself forever.

CJ: When I put this book out,

I didn't want anyone to know
that it was me.

I just wanted
to put it out there.

Because it was the first time
that an entire...

group of people had been like...
"I see you."

♪ I'm on my way

♪ I'm on my way

♪ I'm on my way

♪ I'm on my way

♪ You're breaking my heart

♪ Yeah, that's just what I need

♪ I got a new start

♪ Yeah, that's just what I need

♪ I'm rising above

♪ The flood under my feet

♪ I'm moving on

♪ Yeah, that's just what I need

♪ Yeah, that's just what I need

♪ I'm on my way
I'm on my way

♪ I'm on my way
I'm on my way

♪ I'm on my way
I'm on my way

♪ I'm on my way
I'm on my way

♪ Shine a light in the dark

♪ Yeah, that's just
what you need

♪ Throw open your doors

♪ Yeah, that's just
what you need

♪ Maybe you broke me in two

♪ These legs still carry me

♪ I broke out of my chains

♪ The truth gonna set me free

♪ The truth gonna set me free

♪ I'm on my way
I'm on my way

♪ I'm on my way
I'm on my way

♪ I'm on my way
I'm on my way

♪ I'm on my way
I'm on my way

[VOCALIZING]

♪ Yeah, I'm on my way!

♪ I'm on my way
I'm on my way

♪ I'm on my way

♪ I'm on my way

♪ I'm on my way

♪ Yeah, I'm on my way!

♪ I'm on my way

♪ I'm on my way, yeah!

♪ I'm layin' it down
I'm layin' it down ♪