Original subtitles

Greg, alcoholic.

Hi, Greg.

You know, I really didn't want to come today.

My whole drive here I was thinking,

"This is bullshit.

I can skip just one more day."

But that's what I got to tell myself, right?

Because those thoughts, I mean, that's--

that's my fucking disease talking,

that says that I don't need to be here,

I don't belong here, I'm not like you.

You people are fucking losers.

Natalie, breaks are seven minutes.

It's been nine already.

She was a fucking loser

who just dragged me down, right?

I was just a sucker who got caught

acting like a loser.

I don't need to be here.

I'm not like you.

And then I look in the mirror,

and I go, "Oh, shit, that fucking loser is me."

How was the mission trip?

Your mom told me it was quite an adventure.

-Nigeria, right? -Nicaragua.

Right, that's what you said.

I always get those two confused.

Well, good for you doing the Lord's work.

Must have been so depressing, though.

All those poor people.

I want to do something like that,

but I just worry about the mosquitoes.

Weren't you worried about the mosquitoes?

But, today, I know that the day I actually start

believing that I don't need this program,

that I don't need other people to help me stay sober,

that's the day that I take my next drink.

Guess who my roommate was.

-Guess. -Who?

Cassie Rubinec.

If they'd had "most likely to end up in rehab,"

like, I definitely would've voted for Cassie.

So I have to tell those thoughts that tell me

that I don't belong here, that I don't need you people

to shut the fuck up

because that is my disease talking,

and my disease is trying to fucking kill me.

And it will, I've seen it.

It does. It killed her.

My sponsor is always saying that, um,

some must die so that others may live,

and that's just some really heavy shit.

I don't know.

I'm just-- I'm just gonna keep coming back,

because I didn't end up in these rooms by accident.

Right?

None of us did.

Right?

-Nat? -Yeah.

Can I come in?

-Guess what I found? -Mm.

-Honey, don't pick. -I'm not picking.

-Now, look, it's all red. -It's fine.

What did you find, Mom?

Well, Anya needs some photographs

for her campaign, so I was going through

all our old albums and I found this.

Do you remember this?

Mm-hm.

That was your last dance concert in New York.

You were so beautiful.

Makes me wish you hadn't quit.

Yeah? You like me better with an eating disorder?

Oh, stop it.

You didn't have an eating disorder.

Okay, Mom.

How was the meeting?

It was fine.

Did you find a sponsor?

Uh, I think, yeah, maybe.

What's her name?

He. Greg.

Greg. I always liked that name.

Yeah, we'll see.

Uh, honey, we have some takeout

from that place on Main Street.

Can I-- can I bring you a tray?

No, I'm tired. I'm just gonna go to bed.

-Okay. Little soup? -No. Thanks, Mom. Good night.

-Hot tea? -No, thank you.

Okay, good night.

Ooh, I can go all night.

Wishin' that you'd know where to find me.

Ooh, I can't hide.

Wishin' that you'd know where to find me.

Feed me lines, feed me lines.

Feed me lines.

Go on, feed me lines.

Oh, hi there, do you have an appointment?

Um, hello?

Excuse me.

Can I help you?

Family dinner tonight, 5:30 at Anya's.

I can't, Mom, I've got a meeting at 6:00.

Excuse me.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

It's time.

I'm sorry?

You owe me.

Um...

I'm so sorry, we don't take walk-ins.

Um, Laurie will take you back to the desk

and make an appointment for you.

I have an appointment with her.

You want to do this in front of everybody?

I-- sorry, that took me a minute.

It was a free trial, right?

Like, it was eyebrow threading.

Let's just get you set up in the pink room, okay?

I'll be right in.

I'm ready to collect.

Yeah, no, that sounds great.

Just give me one sec.

You guys, her wristband says "Paradise Lane Nursing Home,"

so just look 'em up and see if they're missing a patient.

Okay. Do you know her?

Of course I don't know her, Mom.

She's delusional.

Can you just call them, okay, and I will keep her company.

Are you really gonna give her free threading?

Do we do that?

I know I know you, I just...

I can't place it.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

You worked for me.

Ramona's Lavender Farm.

Oh.

Right, right, right, right, right, right, right.

Okay, to be fair, that was, like, high school.

Wait, no, no, no, hold on.

It was the summer after high school

because I was saving up and I was, like...

God, somebody that I knew or did ballet with

or something, was it Caitlyn, did her aunt--

Ramona.

Ramona. There you go. I got it.

Okay.

So...

-You owe me... -I owe you.

-...and I'm here to collect. -Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Um, that was, what, that was 15 years ago?

-That's a long time. -Not to me.

Okay, well, it is to me.

And I don't really remember...

...really anything from that summer

or, like, that time of my life.

Um, honestly, I was...

I was really fucked up back then,

so I have no idea what I could owe you.

"To Eleanor Magnus,

I'm sorry I stole your money.

I promise to make it right.

IOU."

Signed Natalie Grillo.

Oh my God, this is amazing.

I don't remember signing this.

But you did.

This is so funny.

This is so-- you know what, I am really impressed

that you held on to this this whole time.

Like, you might be the first person

in the history of IOUs to actually collect on an IOU.

Are you dim?

That's the point.

Read it. IOU.

Yeah, no, I get it. I was just...

That's so funny.

Okay.

Okay, how much?

And I'm really sorry about that, by the way.

That is fucked up, but how much?

I will pay you back.

I don't want the money.

What do you want?

I want you to help me die.

Wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Read it, IOU.

Mm-hm, yeah.

No, I know what that says,

but that is not an IOU kind of thing.

Where does it say in that that you have approval--

This is not legally binding, and I was--

You know what? I was chasing my Adderall with vodka

when I signed this, like, that's just not the headspace

one should be in when promising things.

Well, that's not my problem, is it?

Wow, God, I think I'm being really cool

just offering to pay you back at all.

Are you under the impression that we're negotiating?

Okay, can we just think about this for a minute?

I have thought about this

for a long time.

You want to die?

As soon as possible.

You did the right thing, you did the right thing.

I'm very proud of you.

Hey, hey.

Did you guys call?

Yeah, they're on their way.

-She's so old, it's so sad. -Yeah, it's really sad,

she doesn't even know who she is.

God, if I ever get like that, promise me

you're just gonna take me outside and shoot me.

I could've kicked you out when I caught you,

called the cops.

Ramona wouldn't let me.

Okay, I'm trying to remember Ramona.

Was she like a real hippie with lots of freckles?

She wasn't a hippie.

She just had freckles.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, I totally remember her.

She liked you.

Never understood why.

That's where we're gonna do it.

The lavender farm.

Oh.

Yes.

Okay.

How?

Well...

I figure enough of that Addall stuff that you do.

Adderall?

Is that what you meant, Adderall?

Yeah.

Not gonna kill you.

Sorry. Big shot of heroin, that'd do it.

Okay, heroin.

Dude, I haven't done that shit in a really long time.

Okay, like, I wouldn't even know.

I'm sober.

So, another way.

-How? -I don't know.

Just not in that horrible place.

So, what, you live in, like, a nursing home?

It's not a home.

It's a torture chamber.

They pump me full of pills to keep my heart beating.

For what?

They get paid every month to keep me laying there,

dying slowly.

I want to be still

the way I want to get still.

That's all.

Ms. Magnus?

What did you do?

-I... -What did you do?

-Ms. Magnus? -What did you do?

-Hi. -No.

-It's okay. -No, please!

We're here to take you back home.

-No. -It's okay.

No! Don't touch me. No!

We're here to help you, it's all right.

No! No!

Don't let 'em do this, please!

Please, don't let them take me!

It's not gonna be okay!

Don't let them!

Young lady?

Young lady...

Would you like to share?

Young lady?

Um, yeah, sorry.

Um, I'm Natalie.

Mm, yeah, alcoholic and addict.

Hi, Natalie.

And?

Um...

I-- I don't know, I've got, like, um...

I mean, like, I think tomorrow will be, like,

uh, is it like-- I think six weeks,

something like that.

Congratulations on six weeks.

-Yeah. -Mm-hm.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Sorry, what?

You can pass if you want to.

Great, yeah.

I want to.

Okay.

Andrew.

I told you that she would be late.

This is ridiculous.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Come on, it's weird, right?

Hey, hi, Natalie!

So you found an earlier meeting, huh?

-Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Oh, happy to see you.

Okay, shoes off.

Okay, why are you freaking out?

I just had the floors redone.

Did you not see my note?

What note?

Did you lock the door?

Yes, Anya, we're safe in the suburbs.

Don't worry.

-Hi, Daddy. -Oh, hi.

-Hey. -Hi, guys.

It's so good to see you.

-How are you? -I'm good.

Hi!

-Can you say hi? -Hi, Chloe, hi.

Ooh, those look good.

Wow, she's gotten so big!

Okay, could we just-- hi.

There's some things that we need

to go over, everybody.

So, Natalie, we have all discussed this already.

Oh, this is a family meeting.

Mom, I thought you said it was a family dinner.

Oh, it i-- it's a family dinner.

-It's a family meeting. -And a dinner, Anya.

Which this pizza is getting pretty cold, everybody.

Come on, let's grab a plate.

Um, Natalie was telling me how she, uh,

she may have found a sponsor.

-Oh, that's great. -Yeah, it's hard work.

Uh, Greg?

Greg? Was that it?

I thought that women

were supposed to sponsor other women.

Well, Anya, it depends.

Well, so tell us all about him.

Actually, I don't think it's gonna work out with him.

I'm a little bit worried he might be hitting on me.

That's why women are supposed to sponsor women.

Do you want to be my sponsor, Anya?

Do you want to go and fuck yourself, Natalie?

Hey, can we try not to use F-bombs, please?

-Little ears. -I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. She's, you know...

Am I the only one eating pepperoni here?

Nat, let me fix you a plate.

-I don't eat meat, Daddy. -Still?

Haven't eaten meat since I was 13.

Oh, he knows that.

Ed, you know that.

I know that.

Did you see? We got a whole one

of just mushroom and spinach.

Great, I'm gonna get a piece in a minute, Mom.

And I have salad.

Do you want me to make you a plate?

Oh my God, Mom, she can get her own food.

Okay. Okay, Nat, so is there like a central sign-up,

or how does the sponsor thing work?

Uh, Dad, would you like to join this conversation,

or...

Ed?

Are you paying attention?

I'm listening, I'm here.

I'm finishing a message, thank you.

-Yeah, he's listening. -Okay.

So my campaign is heating up,

and I'm going to need everybody's help.

Oh, cool, I can help.

No, Natalie, I don't nee--

Okay.

I need to know that you are not gonna fuck this up.

Oh, Anya, please.

Mom, I'm serious!

How would I fuck it up?

Are you joking? Is she joking?

Let's do that, yeah.

I think what Anya is doing is huge, right,

and I'm only gonna speak for myself.

I know that I don't want to mess it up for her.

-Yeah. -And I think if we all

work together as a family to do our best,

that it would be good to know

that you're doing the same, right?

What does that mean?

-Maybe I'm not... -No, what is it?

I'm really asking. What does that mean?

Mom, go ahead, go ahead.

What?

Mom, what?

As long as you are living at home...

...and make no doubt about it,

you are welcome to live at home for however long it takes,

but, um, as long as you are living in our house...

Weekly drug tests, Natalie.

Are you kidding?

We all feel like we deserve to know

whether or not you are using or drinking.

I have not had a drink or, like, anything in, I mean...

Tomorrow is gonna be six weeks.

-That's great! -But why

isn't that enough for you?

Ugh.

Nat...

Nat, we are so proud of you.

I have to get this, okay?

Dr. Grillo.

Uh-huh.

-How long? -Seriously?

-He's on call, honey. -Oh my God.

Just tell me that you get this.

If one of those tests comes back positive,

they are gonna kick you out, Natalie,

and this time it's for real.

-Oh, Anya, please. -What?

Mom, this is what we agreed to.

Oh, no, no, I haven't agreed to anything.

Okay, but, Nat, you have nothing to hide, right?

-So what is... -Are you...

There's a clinic in the city.

It is very hush-hush.

Jeremy has some connections.

Jeremy. Is that your fuck buddy?

Jeremy, my campaign manager.

-Who you used to fuck. -Oh my God!

Natalie, that was in college.

-He's gay now. -He's gay now?

No, see, I don't think that's politically correct.

I think the LGBTQ community would argue

that he was always gay

and find that statement offensive.

So, you know, maybe I'm not the one

you need to worry about fucking up your campaign.

I also need you to start volunteering.

-Oh, you need me to start. -Just in case

someone gets wind of anything,

we can point out the contrast in your life

between then and now.

I'm already volunteering.

You are? Where?

An old person's home.

A geriatric facility.

-Which one? -Uh, it's called Paradise Lane.

Look it up.

Paradise La--

Pa--

Was that the place today with the lady?

-What lady? -There was this lady,

this homeless, yeah, crazy lady,

and she just comes waltzing into the sal--

Mom, she's not crazy and she's not homeless.

Okay, her name is Eleanor.

-So you do know her? -Yeah, okay, I...

I didn't want to make a big thing of it.

This is why we can't trust you

because you are constantly being caught in lies.

-Oh, come on, she... -Anya, stop. Okay, come on.

I just started volunteering there

when I was an inpatient, it's like this program

where you can choose where you want to do service.

It's like this huge piece of recovery.

-That's it. -That's wonderful.

Why didn't you tell us that?

I just...

Look, I didn't think you guys were gonna understand

'cause, like, you know, I've got to work every day,

but I'm supposed to go to a meeting every day.

And, you know, according to the program,

like, service is really important.

And Eleanor knows I work at Bella's.

I think she just wandered out and got lost.

You really expect us to believe that?

-Jesus Christ, Anya. -Okay, listen, you know what?

This has all been very productive, okay?

I will let Jeremy know that he can make arrangements

for the weekly drug tests.

I will tell my team that you already have

a steady volunteer position just in case anybody wants,

you know, some proof that you're no longer

a criminal and a drug addict.

-Oh, Anya. -Hmm?

Great, that was smooth enough.

Yeah. Oh, and, Nat, if you don't die

from a drug overdose, but you do die from lung cancer,

that is really gonna piss me off.

So why don't you just get a fucking nicotine patch

and cut this shit out?

-I don't smoke. -She doesn't smoke.

I don't-- I have an early morning.

She doesn't smoke.

She doesn't smoke, and I can walk on water.

Jesus.

Oh my God, she needs to get laid.

All right.

Well, I got to get Chloe back, so, um...

-Well, I've got to find your... -This was great.

Real fun.

I got to find your dad.

-Mom, she's... -You okay?

No, she's out of control.

Ed?

We have to go now, honey.

Ed?

Okay.

Fuck.

Can I help you?

Uh, yeah.

Hi, Jillian.

I'm here to see Eleanor Magnus.

-Are you family? -Yeah.

Really? I didn't think she had any family except her son.

-Are you her... -I'm her son's daughter.

I'm her-- so her granddaughter.

Wow, I did not know she had a granddaughter.

-Mm-hm. -From Midland, right?

Mm, yeah, it's a good memory.

Well, I remember thinking it was strange

he put in her a home so far away,

but who am I to judge?

When was that?

Had to have been about three years ago now.

Wow.

Yeah, no, three years, that's about right, that's...

Well, she's not the only one.

Tons of them like that.

Nobody comes to visit, not one single soul.

Anyway, what's your name?

Uh, Anya.

-Magnus? -Yeah.

Hm, I don't see your name on the visitor list.

-Really? -But I can add you.

-Okay, that'd be great. -Can I see your ID, please?

Oh, this is so stupid, but my wallet was stolen

a couple of days ago, so I don't have anything.

I don't have a bank card or...

Oh, that's okay. Let me just call your dad

-and he can verify that... -No, can you not do that?

Um...

Sorry, that's awkward, but he just doesn't know

that I'm here.

Um...

Look, I drove all the way from Midland to see her.

Please?

She's my grandmother.

Nurse?

Nurse?

-Nurse? -No, I'm not...

Let me see if I can...

-Nurse? -Um...

Oh, hey, hey, I think she might need something.

Oh, she's fine.

Nurse?

Nurse?

I'm sorry.

I want you to leave.

I panicked, I just...

Look, I didn't mean for that to happen.

You're a monster.

Okay, yeah, that's fair.

Yeah, I'm a monster, you're absolutely right.

Get out of my room.

Okay, here's the thing. I can't.

-Nurse! -Okay, first,

have you met the staff in here?

Like, good luck getting any attention from them.

Okay, and, second, I can't leave, okay, I can't

because if I leave, then all I have ever done

is just destroy everything and, like, everyone,

and I haven't followed through on anything ever,

and that just can't be my life.

It can't.

It can't.

And I do realize that...

...that killing you might not be the best example

of doing good, but I'm pretty sure

it's better than doing nothing

and, like, leaving you in here to rot.

And I might also need some urine.

-Oh, God. -Hey, look at me.

This is not-- this is not a deal-breaker.

It's not.

That is nothing

for breaking you out of here and murdering you.

Come on.

Side door.

By the trash cans.

Midnight.

What's, uh, what's going on?

Um, so, Mom, I think I found a s--

I mean, no, I know I found a sponsor.

-That's wonderful. -Yeah.

-Is it a woman? -Yes.

Good, good.

-What's her name? -Jillian.

Oh, I've always liked that name.

Yeah, yeah.

So, here's the thing, she thinks that I need

to, like, immerse myself more in the program,

and I think she's right.

Okay.

Okay, uh...

What does that mean?

Well, there's this, like, woman sobriety group

that she thinks that I should join,

that you, like, meet once a month

in, like, different places.

It's like this weekend intensive, I guess.

And this weekend they're meeting in South Haven.

So, I just thought, you know...

I mean, since the condo is there

that maybe I could just go.

You know, honey, if this were just up to me...

I mean, I...

I'm fine with you missing work,

obviously, but...

But your father and the other kids,

we agreed to these rules, honey, and we agreed

that we are going to stick to 'em

if you want to move back home.

I know, I know.

And the doctor was the one who--

who helped us with those rules.

I mean, we didn't make them up.

And you are not supposed to spend nights alone, right?

Right.

And, you know, that is why Jillian suggested

that we both stay at Campbell's.

Campbell's?

That place is so overpriced.

I know, that is why I offered up the condo

just because, you know, it's there.

So, so...

Jillian would be staying with you at the condo.

Yeah, yes.

No, I would be with sober women the whole time.

Okay, sober, Christian women.

It's a church thing.

I know.

It's good.

I, uh...

We're gonna talk about this tonight.

No, I can't, actually, that's the thing.

I'd have to leave this afternoon

because they have this welcome dinner

and this opening prayer, and it's all tonight,

and I guess if you miss that, then you can't participate.

So...

Okay. It's okay.

I'm just going to tell Jillian I can't this weekend

and, um...

Honey, just-- just wait, wait.

Uh...

It's just for this weekend, right?

Yeah.

And, like, I'll leave a urine sample behind for Anya.

Could we meet Jillian?

It's anonymous, Mom.

But maybe I could have her call you,

like, I don't know, she might be willing to do that.

-Maybe? -Okay.

Uh, that would be my stipulation.

Okay, she-- she has to call us.

Okay.

This is, uh, for an emergency.

If you need gas, no, if you need anything.

-It's fine. -You have been living

on such a tight budget lately, and, uh, just...

This is...

This is between us, okay?

Okay.

I'm gonna figure this out, Mom.

Run to the storm.

Get the wind in your hair.

Let it take you.

Whoa, oh, oh.

Run to the storm.

When the sky falls down, it will break you.

Whoa, oh, oh.

They might call you a sinner.

When the fire hails, everybody is guilty.

I'll pray for the winter.

You'll be long gone if the angels see ya.

Ooh.

Run to the storm.

Ooh.

Run to the storm.

Run to the storm, don't say no goodbyes, oh, no.

Run to the storm.

The reaper don't sleep, don't close your eyes, oh, no.

Run to the storm.

So run to the storm, don't say no goodbyes, oh, no.

Run to the storm.

Ain't nobody gonna speak, won't hear no lies no more.

Run to the storm.

So run to the storm, don't say no goodbyes, oh, no.

No goodbyes.

The reaper don't sleep, don't close your eyes, oh, no.

Okay, come on, hi.

Come on.

Oh my God.

Hey, come on, get in.

Jesus Christ.

Where are your pants?

Laundry day.

Oh my God, you're alive.

You know, I actually started to wonder if you died.

And if you had, I was gonna be super happy for you,

like, mission accomplished.

Jesus.

They keep a very tight control over my fluid intake.

That's all I could get.

Just never seen pee this orange.

No, no, no, it's good, it's good.

It's just-- it's gross, but it's good.

Oh my God, I wish I could see her face in the morning.

Okay, I would like to have this finished by tomorrow,

Sunday at the latest.

Okay, uh...

Here.

Get that thing off.

Just let me do it.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Go to the mountain, we need higher ground,

where rivers and valleys won't break us down.

Mothers and brothers all gather round,

look up to the...

So how are we gonna do this?

What?

Close my final chapter.

Oh, I don't know.

Have you thought about, like, how you want to...

I don't want any surprises.

Okay.

-I don't want to suffocate. -Uh-huh.

Or cut my wrists, anything bloody.

-Right. -And I don't want

to be in pain when it's happening.

-Okay. -Okay.

Is that it? Is that all you got?

I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Oh. Um...

I think, like, um...

I mean...

Illuminating.

Look, it's been a really long day, okay?

I mean, my homicidal instincts would be

way more impressive over coffee.

Save yourself.

Don't hide in the shadows that hit the room.

Save yourself.

Don't run in the shadows, run to the moon.

He rocks in a treetop...

Oh, make it stop.

Hoppin' and a-boppin' and a-singin' his song.

All the little birds on Jaybird Street

love to hear the robin go tweet, tweet, tweet.

Rockin' robin, oh, rockin' robin.

-Tweet, tweet. -Rock, rock, robin.

Tweet, tweet.

Oh, yeah.

What the fuck?

Those things will kill ya.

Want one?

What does that say? Trudy?

-Truly. -What does that mean?

You don't know what "truly" means?

No.

Obviously, I know what it means.

Why did you get it tattooed on your arm?

It's none of your business.

Oh my God, what's your problem?

We have no fucking plan.

I'm thinking.

Oh, shit.

-Oh, I completely forgot. -What?

Here, put it out, I need a favor.

Just put it out, please.

It's the last favor, I promise.

Please put it out, please put it out.

It's gonna be fast.

Okay, so just remember, Jillian,

and we just met yesterday, and you are very Christian.

Only idiots believe that shit.

Well, my mom believes that shit.

Well, she must have a small brain.

Can you...

Okay, okay, just please get it right, okay?

Just say that we're here and it's all good.

-And then... -What?

Okay, okay, we can kill you however you want.

-Go. -Natalie?

Uh, no, this is Jillian.

I'm Natalie's sponsor.

Yes, yes, of course!

It is so good to hear from you.

I have been calling Natalie over and over,

and it just-- it goes to voicemail.

You know, I keep telling her, "Don't let your phone die,"

but I don't know, maybe the program feels

differently about that, I just...

You know, I just always go to the worst place

when I don't hear from her.

I understand.

So, you, uh, you're at the condo.

Yes, it's beautiful.

-Such a lovely home you have. -Thank you.

I'm so glad this all worked out.

So, is Natalie there?

She's in the other room, praying.

-Really? -Really?

That's wonderful.

I know you must have been through a lot with her.

Yes. Yeah, we...

We all have.

It's been very hard, yes.

What was the hardest thing?

Well, I think the hardest part has been on her.

I can't imagine what she's going through.

I'm not an addictive person and neither is her father,

so we're just-- we're just so confused.

Anything you tell me remains between us.

It's the lies.

She lies about so many things.

Maybe not anymore.

Oh my God, that'd be wonderful for all of us, but...

The hardest part is the lies.

She's my baby.

I love her.

I want to trust her.

I want to trust her too.

You don't have to do this, you know?

Like, I mean, I sprung you.

You're out of that shithole.

I should just run off into the sunset?

You're obviously not gonna run,

but, you know, yeah.

My time is almost up

now that I've stopped taking all that crap.

I'm a dead woman walking.

God, that's a great name for a band.

Jesus.

What's wrong with you?

They say I have a big, baggy heart.

So, why don't you just wait?

I mean, if your heart is just gonna give out anyway.

Because people are saved.

The body might want to go,

but folks intervene.

They can't bear to let it happen.

So the poor old sucker ends up in intensive care

on life support.

You ever seen that up close?

Well, I have.

With Ramona.

And I'm not letting that happen to me.

Okay, um...

Well, what about your son?

I don't have a son.

Yes, you do.

-No, I don't. -Yeah...

So...

You have a son.

And I just feel like...

...like whatever your situation is with him,

like, I don't know, but I just think

that he should be me, you know?

Like, he should be the one who is with you in the end.

-Absolutely not. -Well, he should

at least get a chance to say goodbye.

He doesn't want to say goodbye.

Are you sure?

I mean, sometimes I worry that my parents think

I hate them, but I don't.

And I would be really, really hurt if they...

He lives in Midland, right?

I know he lives in Midland.

-You manipulative little shit. -That's three hours...

We are not going to Midland!

You are taking me to the farm!

Pull the trigger, draw the line.

Stay on your side, and I'll lie on mine.

Gun, gun, gun.

Whoa.

Gun, gun, gun.

Whoa.

Pull the trigger.

So what's your son's name?

Stop talking about him.

I can't even ask his name?

Henry.

I always liked that name.

So what happened with you guys?

Oh, shit, just don't say anything, okay?

I just got to deal with this.

-Hi, Mom. -Oh my goodness!

Oh! I am so glad you answered, honey.

Uh, yeah, I'm on speakerphone here with your dad.

-Hi, Nat. -Hi, Daddy.

We, uh, we wanted to just check in

and see how everything was, and, uh, is the group good?

Yeah, it's great, I'm learning a lot.

What's that noise? Are you driving?

Yeah, we're just driving to an--

It's an overnight meeting.

Um, at a church in Grand Rapids.

Well, that sounds like fun.

Yeah, it's kind of like sleep-away camp

but without the alcohol.

But with Jesus.

That's what we say.

No to alcohol, yes to Jesus.

I like the sound of that. Ooh!

So, Jillian, does this group have a name?

Oh, we don't believe in labels.

Okay, good.

Look, Nat, I have to take this call.

I'll see you soon.

Okay, honey, so I forgot to tell you,

Anya's campaign is doing a video about the family,

and they went to the nursing home

because they wanted to get a sound bite about you

and that sad, old lady you take care of.

Wait, what?

Hey, no, Mom, she is really private, okay?

That's-- can Anya not do that?

Can she just wait until I get home?

I think she's there already maybe,

but I know she tried to call you,

so don't worry about it.

Everything is gonna be fine.

Um, all right.

Okay, I love you.

Take care of each other.

Bye-bye.

Am I the sad old lady you take care of?

How sweet.

Why are we stopping?

I got to get something.

-What are you doing? -Uh, nothing.

Just hold on one minute.

-Who are you writing? -No one.

Can you just please give me a minute?

The only thing you should be focusing on right now is me.

Anything else can wait.

Okay, here's what I don't get.

Why aren't you just going to someone

who can help you die?

I mean, they have assisted suicides, right?

I told you, I am not dying in the hospital.

-Yeah. -I am dying

in the lavender farm.

All I'm saying is that the drugs exist.

Not around here they don't.

Um, Oregon.

You want to take a side trip to Oregon?

-Canada! -What?

Yeah, Canada.

Canada. I could steal them for you.

And how do you propose to get us into Canada

without passports?

I'm not.

I'm not proposing that--

Look, you know what?

We don't even need to steal them.

I don't even need to steal them because I know a guy

and he's...

He's in Canada, but I know him

because I've gotten stuff from him before

and he could just, like, meet us at the border

and get us the drugs, so that's just...

God, I mean, that's a great plan, right?

Okay.

Fine.

Call your guy.

All right, I just texted him.

That's him.

We're all good.

Good.

What are you waiting for?

Okay, here's the deal.

I will get those drugs for you, I promise, okay?

We have to drive through Midland...

-No, no. -...and see your son.

-I already said no. -We have to.

Come on, and then we could just like

-jump over to Canada. -No!

It is basically on the way.

Do not ask me again.

Look, I don't wanna have to play this card,

okay, but you need me.

Please?

And I won't back down to my father's call.

Wolves in the valley, and the furnace on.

I know...

I know.

Can I help you?

Are you Sarah?

I'm Mrs. Magnus, who are you?

I'm Eleanor,

Henry's mother.

Oh.

Does Henry know you're here-- Henry?

What are you doing here?

I came to say goodbye.

Goodbye.

What...come on.

What happened?

Exactly what I said would happen.

Now I've done what you've asked.

What?

No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

Nope, that's not happening.

No, no, no.

Who are you?

Uh, I'm a friend of your Mom's.

Okay, what do you want?

Um.

She's dying.

Hmm.

And she wants to die even faster than she's dying,

and that is really fast.

I understand.

I thought that...

...that if I got her here that you could stop her,

or that you could help her, or that...

that you'd just know what to do.

Hmm, all I can do, all anyone can do

is pray for her.

-Wait, no, no, no. -No, look.

I did my part.

I found her a home.

Um, that place that you put her, that's not a home.

If she would rather die on the streets,

that's her prerogative.

How can you...

I mean, she's your mom!

My mom died nearly six months ago,

and her name was Karen.

My father married her

when my biological mother abandoned me.

She what?

She made her choice,

and I have been living with it my whole life.

She has to live with it now.

Now please get off my property.

Canada, here we come.

Oh, shit.

-What? -Oh!

I think we're, like, out of,

-out of gas. -You've got what?

Oh, no, oh, shit, shit, shit, shit ,shit.

-You're...you're outta gas? -I mean, I don't-- I have, like--

-You ran outta gas. -Shit!

-How did ya let that happen? -I didn't let--

My car stopped working, okay?

I mean, usually there's, like, this little light that comes on

that tells me that it's getting low,

but it didn't, or, like, I didn't see it.

You didn't see it.

No.

Great, that's just great.

Hey, oh, dude, where have you been?

-I'm dying over here. -Sorry, my bad.

-Shit's been busy. -I don't, I don't give a fuck.

I just need to know if you know anybody

in eastern fucking Michigan.

No, I don't.

Fuck, fuck, okay, uh, all right, well, what are you up to?

Can you come, like, I mean, I don't give a fuck.

I will, I will do anything.

I will pay you double.

I don't care, you tell me.

Dude, what?

No.

Matt?

Fuck!

What?

Come on before he takes off, come on.

Do you know him?

How would I know him?

You want us to get into a semi with a complete stranger?

Uh, maybe he's a psycho killer,

and he'll solve our problem for us, now come on.

Ah, what a bad idea.

You are the hardest person to help, come on, this way.

He's this way.

-You okay? -Yeah.

-Uh, hi. -Hey, hi, hi.

Um, our car ran outta gas.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, I know, so we need a gas can.

And some gas.

Yeah, both would be good.

I've got a gas can.

-Really? -Yeah, where's your car?

Oh, it's just, like, a couple miles,

like, up that way.

Oh, that's easy, I can give you guys a lift.

Wow, thanks, um,

all right, just the gas then.

Here ya go.

Thanks.

So, uh, where you two headed?

We're, uh, headed to the Upper Peninsula, actually,

but sort of by way of Canada.

Whew, that is a long drive.

What's up in Canada?

Death.

Is that some kind of online thing that I don't know about?

No, just death.

Like, death, death?

Yeah, death, death.

Whose death?

My death.

Oh, your death.

Hey, so, uh, pump nine is good to go.

-Do you, uh, want me to-- -Yeah, yeah, that'd be great

so I don't soak us all

-with gasoline. -Yeah.

Although.

Thank you again so much.

My pleasure. It was nothing.

Eleanor.

My mom died about three years ago.

We all knew it was coming, but--

She was a lot like you.

She was ready, unafraid,

and I was lucky enough

to be there when she crossed over.

It was one of the true miracles of my life

being with her in that moment.

You know, I think,

I think the way we die

is just as important as how we live.

And you have to promise me to stay strong for her.

We need to give our loved ones permission to go.

They stick around for us,

so you just have to tell her everything's gonna be okay.

I'll take that.

Hey, listen, I think that we should,

uh, get a place for the night

'cause, you know, it's just late,

and, um, we're not gonna get all the way to the farm tonight.

Like, we can't, so I just think that we should

get some sleep, you know?

Get the drugs in the morning.

Well, if you think we should.

Yeah, I do.

We need a room.

Fantasy suite?

No, just, like, a regular room.

All our rooms are fantasy suites.

Okay, yeah, then, yes fantasy suite.

$67.84 with tax.

Okay, Martina, you got ID?

-I don't, I-- -We have cash.

That's $80.

20, 40, 60, 80.

Ya got five, ya got ten,

-eleven, twelve, and sixteen. -That's right, thank you.

You're trying to get us caught.

She can trace us through that card.

They can find us if you use the card.

Oh, my God.

You are so paranoid it's ridiculous.

-Really? -Mm-hmm.

There is no going to Canada, is there?

Is there?

Okay, so.

What's gonna happen to me?

You just gonna...

abandon me?

Just one more thing you didn't follow through with?

One more big lie?

God, leave me the fuck alone!

-Who can blame 'em? -Oh, don't, don't,

don't, don't.

You have no idea how fucked up everything is right now.

Okay?

Oh, you poor little thing.

You really wanna antagonize me right now?

-Yes, I do, yes, I do. -Is that what you wanna do?

-Really, why? -Yes!

Because I am so

-angry at you. -At me?

I am risking everything for you.

I mean, if this goes bad,

my family will literally cut me off.

And, like, that matters to me!

Like, you could give a fuck about your family.

You don't know anything about me and my family.

Except that you walked out on them.

Get out!

Get out!

Get the fuck outta here!

Fine.

Fuck.

Fuck!

Natalie, it's Mom.

I don't know, I just thought maybe if I called

on Dad's phone you'd answer,

but I don't know what's going on.

I don't know where you are.

I don't know--

I feel like such a fool.

No one in that nursing home's ever heard of you.

God, I have tried so hard, but this is it.

I'm, I'm, I give up.

I never thought I'd say that, but I just--

I won't do this anymore.

I love you, Natalie, I'll always love you.

And I have to-- I'm gonna say goodbye to you.

But you need to fix yourself.

And until you do,

I won't be a part of your life.

I spend days in a haze

cryin' over you, babe.

Well, those days are gone.

I hope you know I ain't lonesome no more.

I spend nights wronging rights

without you by my side.

So if you stay, I hope you know

I ain't lonesome no more.

Well, I know I'm hasty, but time is wasting.

Baby, I've gotta know.

Oh, if you hear what I'm sayin',

'cause darlin' I'll be waitin' with no tears on the floor.

If you hear, hold me close

like the way you did when I was low.

At least I'll know

that I ain't lonesome, lonesome no more.

These eyes ain't no fool.

What you do, I see right through.

Heart shinin' so pretty when broken.

On edge, don't come any closer.

Call me alley cat, you wanna take home.

Make my day, fill up my bowl.

I'm a bad dog you wanna own.

Everyone asks you where I bury my bones.

Grip, grip, I've got you in my grip.

Oh, la la, now I've gone too far.

Hey, hey, now I've got your picture.

Oh, la la, now I've gone too far.

Oh, la la, now I've gone too far.

Hey.

It's you, right?

This is crazy, I thought you guys

-would be long gone by now. -Oh, yeah, no,

we decided to get a place for the night,

-so. -Oh, that's cool,

that's very cool.

It's kinda cool.

What are you drinkin'?

Oh, PBR.

Do you want one?

You're in the spotlight.

The night is ageless.

So...

what's your thing?

My thing,

-like? -Like, I know you work

-at a gas station. -Kinda, only on the weekends.

Okay, wait, oh my--

Please tell me you're not in high school.

No, no, no, no, I'm in college, I'm 21, I'm 21.

Okay, 21 is, like, slightly better than high school,

but at least, you know,

flirting with you is not illegal.

So, cheers to that.

You're flirting with me?

Apparently not very well

-if you have to ask. -No, no, sorry, I just--

Cool.

Cool.

Okay.

Tryin' it again.

-What's your thing? -I don't know, I guess I'm,

I'm just tryin' to-- I guess the thing is, like,

-I just wanna get outta here. -You wanna get outta here, okay.

I really want to, but...

no, I just need to save money.

I just need to save up,

and make sure that I can, like, stay afloat,

and, you know, not end up falling back over here.

Yeah.

What about you, what's your thing?

I'm a dancer.

-No way! -Yeah.

Like, like a pole dancer?

No, no!

Not a pole dancer.

Well, I shouldn't say it like that.

I mean, not professionally, not a professional pole dancer.

No, I do modern dance with this company in New York.

That's where I live.

-That is so fuckin' cool. -Yeah.

Is it just like, you know, like in the movies or TV?

It is the shittiest place on Earth.

But I am madly in love with it.

So do you have anything stronger?

-Like, what? -Like,

I don't-- like, anything really.

I mean, I don't really do that much.

Like, I'm not that into, like, coke, coke, or E, or--

No, no, I know that shit's disgusting.

I just, I mean more like, um,

painkillers, or like, pills, like Xanax.

Yeah, actually, my Dad

he had this surgery for his knee,

and they gave him something for the pain,

and he didn't take any of it, so--

I don't know, I mean,

I don't know if you wanted to come back home with me.

Gettin' high just to live for the weekend.

See me live, baby.

I know what you're thinkin'.

Sure.

Knockin' at your door.

You want a winner.

Well, I'm a winner.

When you think you know, you ain't never gonna get her.

Oh, playin' in your walls.

Wait a minute, what about the pills?

I'll get 'em after, I'll get 'em after.

Get 'em now, get 'em now, get 'em now.

Get 'em now.

I'll be so much better, trust me.

Trust me, okay?

You want a winner.

-Okay. -When you think you know

you ain't ever gonna get her.

-Hey, hey. -I got something.

What, what?

Wait.

Let's take a pill together...

...and make love, come with me.

I'm okay.

No, come on, I want us to experience

this whole night together.

Do it, do it.

Okay.

-Hey, hey, hey. -What?

You're great, come here, come here.

How 'bout you close your eyes for a second?

Close your eyes for a second.

Close your eyes

Okay, okay, okay.

-All right. -Just trust me.

Trust me, there you go.

You just gotta let it kick in, okay?

Okay.

Feels good.

My mom used to do this when she tucked me in.

You're a good guy, Dillon.

You're good.

No, I'm not.

Sorry I lied to you.

I really wanna stop lying.

It's just...

I feel so trapped, you know.

I guess I just need to wake up tomorrow morning,

and just...

...decide I'm not gonna lie anymore.

If I could just tell the truth for a whole day.

Then maybe for a whole week.

Then maybe for a whole month.

Maybe for a whole year.

I could do that.

Yeah, I could do that.

What the fuck?

Oh.

Hey, Eleanor?

Eleanor?

Hey, Eleanor?

Hey.

Hey!

-Hey! -What?

You know that woman I came in with?

-Look who's back. -Do you know where she is?

I am so sorry.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

Well, like I said, I am so sorry to hear that.

I need to see Eleanor Magnus, she was admitted last night.

I'm so sorry.

I really am so--

Now, how may I help you?

I need to see Eleanor Magnus.

-Eleanor, okay. -Okay, I think she had

-a heart attack. -Eleanor, you said?

-Uh-huh. -Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

I don't see a-- what was the last name again?

-Magnus. -Magnus.

-Are you family? -I--

-Oh, fuck me. -I'm sorry?

Look, I said I wasn't gonna lie anymore, okay,

and I'm really trying not to,

so just please don't make me lie.

Just ask me something else.

-I'm sorry, I-- -Please, just anything else.

-Okay, I don't know-- -Just ask me anything.

-You can ask me anything else. -Okay, I'm sorry,

I'm afraid I don't understand

-what you're-- -Hey, that-- that is Eleanor.

-Oh, that's Eleanor. -Yes, that's Eleanor!

No, we've been trying to figure out

-who she is. -Wait, is she okay?

Uh, let's get you checked in, and you are?

-Natalie. -Okay.

Grillo.

-"l-l-o"? -Yes.

-And you said Eleanor Magnus? -Yes.

Oh, do you have her Social, off hand?

No.

Okay, she have insurance, Medicaid?

I honestly don't know.

Okay.

Uh, primary residence?

Um.

Does she have a residence?

Not really.

Is she homeless?

Yes.

-Yes! -Oh.

That is not a lie.

Sorry, I didn't mean to get that excited,

but no, yes, she's homeless.

Uh, and your relationship is?

She's my friend.

The bad news is your friend's heart

is way too weak on its own.

What we call cardiomyopathy with a-fib.

But if she sticks to a strict protocol,

she's got a good shot.

A good shot at what?

Time.

That's what it's all about.

Right.

You can go in there for a while if you want,

but let her sleep, okay?

She needs to rest.

Hey.

-Sorry. -Get the fuck off me.

Hey, don't go back to sleep.

Hey, can you just open your eyes please?

Come on.

Hey.

You're still here.

I'm just sort of sitting here trying to figure out

how I'm gonna break you out of this place.

I mean, you know, I could go get a wheelchair,

and I could just,

like, strap you into it,

and just, like, wheel you outta here,

you know, when they're all distracted.

I mean, that probably is, like, the best plan, but...

...I mean, you know, I think they have

cameras and stuff, and so...

I'm pretty sure that's kidnapping.

And then, and then they'd be looking for me,

and then they find me, and then you're dead,

and I think that,

I think that's probably murder, so...

Just sort of, you know,

going over everything in my head.

-Just trying to figure out-- -Stop.

It's over.

What are you talking about, no it's not.

-It's over -No, it's not.

-It is. -No, it is not.

Hey, I got the drugs.

-What? -Yeah.

I got the drugs.

I mean, I didn't,

I didn't get the drugs-- Fuck!

You know, this telling the truth thing is so fucking hard.

I got drugs...

...and they'll definitely do the trick.

So give 'em to me.

No!

No, you're not dying in here.

You're dying in the lavender farm.

It's where she is, right?

Ramona?

Okay.

Then that's where you have to be.

And I have to get you there.

It's the only thing in my life...

...that means anything.

Just please.

What are you doing?

No, please don't call them, please don't call them.

I will just sit here, I won't talk, okay.

I won't say anything if you don't want me to bother you.

I'm just gonna sit here with you.

Hi, Eleanor, do you need something?

I'd like to check out.

Oh, God.

Oh, okay.

I'll get the doctor.

They're not gonna let you just check out.

It will be all right.

Fuck.

You're awake.

How are you feeling?

I wanna check out.

That's not advisable, Ms. Magnus.

I wanna check out.

Now.

Wait, you can do that?

Sorry, I'm sorry, can she do that?

Of course she can,

but she'd be leaving against medical advice.

Ms. Magnus,

you have a very serious condition.

Even with treatment, it's tenuous,

and it would be unethical to allow you to leave.

But you just said she doesn't need

your permission, right?

You know what, why don't we go outside,

and let's let her get some sleep.

I don't need sleep.

I need to get the hell outta here!

You heard her.

Okay, put your head back.

Is that comfortable?

-It's cozy. -Okay.

It's good.

Okay.

Here.

I can't take it with me.

Don't spend that on drugs.

I mean, this wouldn't buy me even one drug.

I won't.

So...

that's...

$60 and 16 cents you've taken from me.

That seems right.

For everything.

Yeah.

Hold up, are you saying that I only stole $50 from you?

Only?

This whole thing started over $50?

Well, technically,

this whole thing is ending over $50.

Okay.

We are glorious, glorious

like a burnin' red sky.

And we are champions, champions.

We're gonna dance in the sun.

There are stories of us

about the fire in our eyes

and the battles we've won.

We're forever young, forever young.

Oh, we are glorious, glorious.

Oh, we are champions, champions.

When we walk into the light, I can hear the callin',

and in my heart it's like a beating drum.

When there's nothin' left to fight,

even if we're fallin',

jump in yourself, they've come to take us home.

We are glorious, glorious.

Oh, we are champions, champions.

Oh, we are young,

and we are free.

We are glorious, glorious.

Glorious!

Down there.

Okay.

All right.

Okay, hang on.

You ready?

Yes.

I don't know how long this will take.

Well, I've got nowhere to be.

Okay.

I don't want you to go.

I'm sorry, I know that that's selfish.

It's not selfish.

And you're not a monster.

-Okay. -Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

It's okay.

You can go.

Hey, um, can people get addicted to getting tattoos?

Absolutely.

Shit.

Wipe that look off of your face.

What the hell is your beef, anyway?

Oh, oh, as if I give a damn

'bout anything you think.

Check this look I got on my face.

Oh, the more I piss you off.

Oh, the less my choices cost.

Oh, so it ain't no big loss.

Oh, 'cause I'm livin' like a, livin' like a boss.

I don't fit your Midwest mold

'cause I'm of California gold.

Oh, and I don't give a damn about what you think of me.

I don't think about you that's why I'm free.

Oh, the more I piss you off,

Oh, the less my choices cost.

Oh, so it ain't no big loss.

Oh, 'cause I'm livin' like a, livin' like a boss.

Let the will to die I breathed in,

I think it's poison.

Let the will to live, yeah, pass by a door half open.

A kiss for an extra handful of almonds,

all motives to keep me inside.

Last bit of lavender picked,

there is nothing, there's nothing,

there's nothing, there's nothing,

there's nothing to hide.

Now some pray to the angels,

our spirit guides our backs.

We'll do pirouettes on train tracks

and laugh ourselves to death.

Laugh ourselves to death.

Laugh ourselves to death.

I think I spend too much time lost in thinking.

We're either running out of time,

there's only time left.

On my way out, I made a plan

to knock all the doors to say my goodbyes.

There is nothing, there's nothing,

there's nothing, there's nothing,

there's nothing, there's nothing,

there's nothing to hide.

While some pray to the angels,

our spirit guides our backs.

We'll do pirouettes on train tracks,

and laugh ourselves to death.

Laugh ourselves to death.

Laugh ourselves to death.

I don't know who you think I am,

but nice to meet you.

I was about to leave, but now I think I'll stay here.

Is this a memory that we are both making?

These are the measures we think about taking.

Now I am sleeping, so, darling, don't wake me.

There's nothing, there's nothing,

there's nothing, there's nothing to hide.

While some pray to the angels,

our spirit guides our backs.

We'll do pirouettes on train tracks,

and laugh ourselves to death.