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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,917 Steve: You got to forgive yourself. 2 00:00:05,923 --> 00:00:10,183 That's not you, but you've convinced yourself you're weak, 3 00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,597 and you're not weak. 4 00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:14,385 ‐It's absolutely true. ‐You know it. 5 00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:16,559 ‐It's so stupid. ‐It ain't stupid. 6 00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:20,728 It's real. It's so real, and you're not stupid. 7 00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:24,479 You're dealing with an addiction. 8 00:00:24,483 --> 00:00:26,363 I've been a lot of things in my life. 9 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,280 I've been a bank robber and a prisoner, 10 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:33,489 but being a shaman is my calling. 11 00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:36,122 Ayahuasca is Schedule I narcotic, 12 00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:40,169 the same as heroin and LSD, but it's not a drug. 13 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:43,785 It's medicine, and in my church, it's a sacrament. 14 00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:45,504 ♪♪ 15 00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:47,304 We can do in 2 days 16 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:50,757 what conventional therapy may take years to do, 17 00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:54,049 but only if you are willing to step into the pain. 18 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:58,184 ♪♪ 19 00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:00,193 [ Country music plays ] 20 00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:03,685 ♪♪ 21 00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:07,819 ♪♪ 22 00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:11,988 Mark: You are listening to 93.9 WLX. 23 00:01:11,989 --> 00:01:13,739 I am Mark Royce, 24 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:16,580 and we are here today talking with Steve Hupp. 25 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,247 Welcome, Steve. Hi. 26 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:20,615 Steve: Well, thank you, Mark. I'm glad to be here. 27 00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:22,962 Steve is the founder and leader 28 00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:25,668 of the Aya Quest Native American Church 29 00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:28,259 located in Campbellsville, Kentucky. 30 00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:32,175 Campbellsville is a very stereotypical, 31 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:35,795 conservative place. 32 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:38,104 Woman: Do you know how many churches there are in this county? 33 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:41,178 103 ‐‐ Presbyterian, 34 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:45,114 Catholic, Christian, Episcopalians. 35 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:49,225 Woman: Have you heard of this Ayahuasca church? 36 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:52,404 I have not heard of this aska‐wa church. 37 00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:54,414 ♪♪ 38 00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:55,906 I still don't think a lot of people 39 00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:57,447 even know what ayahuasca is. 40 00:01:57,451 --> 00:02:00,001 Can you sort of explain just sort of... 41 00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:01,365 Give us a rundown. 42 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:02,751 ‐Sure. ‐What is ayahuasca? 43 00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:05,418 Ayahuasca is a natural psychedelic brew, 44 00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:07,787 and it's a chemical portal to the other side. 45 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:11,514 It's already set up to help us spiritually transition. 46 00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:15,545 Hmm. Just want to be sure 47 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:18,062 it's not like the Kool‐Aid in Jones... 48 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:20,465 Jones...Yeah. 49 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,394 I'm not building a cult. 50 00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,732 I am not here to build a compound 51 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:27,808 and load 1,000 people up who think I'm god 52 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:32,614 so I can lead them to whatever apocalypse I have in mind. 53 00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:35,531 You know, it's the other side that does the healing, you know? 54 00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:38,660 It's the other side that brought us together to this day. 55 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,739 It's the other side who has decided 56 00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:44,544 that Mother Aya needs to come into modernization. 57 00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:46,249 Well, I do not like to hear there's a place 58 00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:47,959 in Campbellsville like this. 59 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:50,379 I would say something like that is more of a cult. 60 00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:53,049 I just think it's absurd to even think about tea 61 00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:54,678 that would get you closer to God. 62 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,585 We have enough of a drug issue as it is, 63 00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:58,933 so this seems like just another problem. 64 00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:01,809 What I am building here is a mental concept. 65 00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:05,227 It is a place within our minds, and it's called peace, 66 00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:07,437 and it's a word that we haven't talked about that, 67 00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:08,977 when we do think about it, 68 00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:11,570 we've been conditioned to see hippies doing this, 69 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:13,776 and really a peace is a place of your mind 70 00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:16,447 and a place of your heart. 71 00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:19,986 My goal, at the end of the day, is to change our perspectives, 72 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:22,041 change how we look at each other, 73 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,535 and that's what I want, 74 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,617 not for the country, but for the world. 75 00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:31,879 ♪♪ 76 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,973 ♪♪ 77 00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:44,852 Margaret: I've been a compulsive binge eater for a really long time 78 00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:47,980 and kept it secret and hidden, 79 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:52,268 even from my spouse, my parents. 80 00:03:52,274 --> 00:03:54,654 It makes me feel very vulnerable and uncomfortable 81 00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:58,531 to talk about my binge eating because to me, at least, 82 00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:01,870 it seems like the amount of food that you eat is a basic thing 83 00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:04,037 that you should be able to control, 84 00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:07,405 and sometimes I can, but most times I can't. 85 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:10,674 ♪♪ 86 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,247 I guess this is my chair, right? 87 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:17,342 There have been times where 88 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,220 I just want to check out emotionally, 89 00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:22,097 and food's a great way to do that. 90 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:27,428 The main reason that I'm here today is to see 91 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:33,024 if ayahuasca can help me manage my food choices in a better way 92 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:35,613 and make choices that are good for me. 93 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:41,949 ♪♪ 94 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:47,948 Luke: At the end of 2016, I planned to take my own life. 95 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,924 I have a motorcycle, 96 00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,825 and I just planned on getting on that rocket 97 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,424 and riding it into something super solid 98 00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:58,090 and just kind of evaporating, I guess you could say. 99 00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:04,389 ♪♪ 100 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,557 My wife, the gleam in her eye 101 00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:09,306 that I saw on our wedding day was gone. 102 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:12,269 My kids did not like me. 103 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:17,940 I just felt like maybe it would be better if I'm not here. 104 00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:20,403 Some of the things that I experienced as a kid 105 00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:25,993 gave me the idea that I was kind of worthless or disposable. 106 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,872 The outlook that I have is ‐‐ is quite bleak. 107 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:31,120 I can rally myself up a lot of the time, 108 00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,542 but I don't want to have to put on a mask 109 00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:34,882 to show people the smile. 110 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,546 I want to smile from the inside. 111 00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:39,415 I want to truly feel good all the time about who I am. 112 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:42,302 ♪♪ 113 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,430 I feel grateful to be here and that potentially 114 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,807 by doing the ayahuasca ceremony, 115 00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,305 I will find the answer that will keep me 116 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:50,056 from going back down that road. 117 00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:52,518 ♪♪ 118 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,899 Teri: So how are you all this evening? 119 00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:56,856 I'm good. I'm... 120 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,357 Nervous energy is starting to well back up again. 121 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,359 That's okay. Everybody is nervous. 122 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,071 I don't care how many times you do it. 123 00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:05,031 You're still a little nervous every time you do it. 124 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,491 Steve: Come on in, and have a seat. 125 00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:08,081 How are you doing this evening? 126 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,696 ‐Good. ‐Yeah? 127 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,213 ‐A little nervous. ‐That is a popular answer. 128 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:15,205 I'm telling you. 129 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:18,168 In this group, we have Luke from Oklahoma. 130 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:20,629 We have Margaret coming from Tennessee, 131 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:23,550 and we have Gislene from Michigan. 132 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,010 All right. 133 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:27,140 We are ready to head downstairs 134 00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:28,757 and see where you all 135 00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:31,683 will be spending the next couple of days. 136 00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:33,813 Sound good? ‐Mm‐hmm. 137 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:36,400 [ Laughs ] Margaret is like, "Let's get it on." 138 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:42,028 All right. 139 00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:48,117 If you all would like to find your spot, set your stuff down. 140 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:51,536 Gislene: My depression started when I was a teenager. 141 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:54,786 I always have, like, just negative thinking 142 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:59,209 and just thinking bad things about myself all the time, 143 00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:03,050 and I did ayahuasca before about 4 months ago, 144 00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:07,588 and it started good, but it was just very hard on me. 145 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,974 Like, it was emotionally harsh. 146 00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:13,851 Physically, too, I just felt a lot of pain in my body. 147 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,810 I went there looking for purpose, 148 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,440 and then I just realized I had a lot to heal, 149 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,188 so I am doing this again 150 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,730 because I am feeling hopeful that it will change 151 00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:26,494 and make me have more acceptance of myself. 152 00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:28,618 Margaret: I already feel like I'm going to throw up, 153 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:31,235 and I haven't drank the stuff yet. 154 00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:32,792 Not everybody gets sick on our tea. 155 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,576 Yeah. 156 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,409 The way it breaks down, it's usually less than 157 00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,044 half of the people in any given group. 158 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,831 Good, I like those odds. 159 00:07:43,338 --> 00:07:45,628 Steve: How is everybody doing? 160 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,302 First, before we begin, 161 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,640 I'd like to share with you why I'm wearing these. 162 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:55,017 This right here came from a soldier from Afghanistan. 163 00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:57,516 This right here came from a person 164 00:07:57,519 --> 00:07:59,689 who was battling an opiate addiction 165 00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:01,978 who was sitting right where you are sitting, 166 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,651 and this person, who was a combat medic, 167 00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:09,611 gave me her combat medic badge as a symbol of her healing, 168 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:13,244 and she came here facing severe PTSD. 169 00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:14,543 Sitting there at that chair, 170 00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,656 that first night, they were nervous. 171 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,713 They were tense, but you know what? 172 00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:20,457 The one thing that got them through was, 173 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,418 they learned to trust the medicine. 174 00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,589 They learned to trust the process, 175 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,207 and they learned to trust something 176 00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:28,304 they didn't always understand. 177 00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:30,719 With that in mind, Nik, would you please add these 178 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:35,559 to our altar for this ceremony as symbols of the healing? 179 00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:37,637 With this group here, I knew we were facing 180 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,522 a lot more anxiety 181 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,729 than we normally do in a regular group setting. 182 00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:45,231 I needed to show them that others had sat 183 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:49,243 in that exact same seat just as nervous as them 184 00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:52,237 and come through on the other side intact. 185 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,370 One of the first questions a lot of people ask, 186 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,077 "Well, how much can I drink?" 187 00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:58,327 You can drink as much as you can hold. 188 00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:01,539 We're not going to stop you, long as you're within reason. 189 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:05,421 Teri: We'll do your first cup. We'll wait 20, 30 minutes. 190 00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:06,920 Then we'll do a second cup. 191 00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:09,091 After that, we'll wait an hour and a half. 192 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:12,430 For some people, it will take right up to 2 hours 193 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:14,927 to start feeling it. 194 00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:18,019 Steve: Teri here is one of the best dosers out here 195 00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:20,636 as far as keeping you where it's not going to become 196 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:23,693 overwhelming, too intense, and your first night, 197 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:27,568 we really want your experience to be like a warm hug. 198 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,647 Luke: For 35 years of my life, 199 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:32,412 I've been standing like a boxer in a boxing stance, you know? 200 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:35,115 I'm just tired, and I'm ready to put those defenses down 201 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,156 and become a good father, a good husband, 202 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,750 the way I know is possible 203 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:41,115 that I just can't seem to find the way to do. 204 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,750 Margaret: From what I have read on the Internet, 205 00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,712 ayahuasca could give you a perspective 206 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,592 from, apparently, a divine way 207 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:54,050 that makes you want to love yourself. 208 00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:57,642 That sounds good to me. 209 00:09:57,639 --> 00:10:00,229 Steve: Ayahuasca's a hallucinogenic tea 210 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,935 made with plants from the Amazon, 211 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,936 and it is the strongest psychedelic 212 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:08,818 known to man, but this isn't like LSD. 213 00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:11,567 Ayahuasca's a portal to your inner self, 214 00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:14,739 your subconscious, and through that portal, 215 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:18,489 you're going to meet a goddess we call Mother Aya. 216 00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:22,163 When your journey first takes off, you may feel euphoria 217 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:29,593 until, boom, the spike hits, and the purge begins. 218 00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:31,127 You may laugh. 219 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:34,551 You may cry, and you may do both at the same time. 220 00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:37,801 You may puke or shit, but each of those purges 221 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:41,524 are a physical manifestation of an emotional release. 222 00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:43,806 That's when you truly find healing. 223 00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:50,228 ‐Yeah. ‐It's okay. 224 00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:51,733 ‐Try not to. ‐Don't fight it. 225 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,244 Don't fight it. ‐Let it go. 226 00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,526 Steve: Let it go. Let it go. 227 00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:56,870 Teri: There you go. 228 00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,197 Steve: There you go. 229 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:02,201 Margaret purged quickly, but, you know, 230 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:05,003 when we poured the second cup, she was right there. 231 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,038 Boom, it was back, and you know what? 232 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,791 If you're going to cut your leg off, 233 00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,673 you don't want to do it an inch at a time. 234 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,880 You want to do it all at once, and that's exactly what she did, 235 00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:15,972 and that is pure, raw courage 236 00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:18,507 with a little bit of desperation mixed in. 237 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:22,101 ♪♪ 238 00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:26,268 I'm like a lot of Americans out there in that I'm overweight. 239 00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:28,099 I've been obese at times, 240 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:30,444 and it's been a struggle throughout my life, 241 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:35,610 but it was never, like, a health concern until I was in college. 242 00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:38,242 I went to Virginia Tech, and we had 243 00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:41,079 the best dining program in the nation when I went there, 244 00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:43,905 and it was all within walking distance, baby, 245 00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:48,832 and I gained a decent 30 pounds in my freshman year, 246 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,503 and then there was a mass shooting 247 00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:54,092 in one of the last months of the school year 248 00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:57,468 that forever changed the course and direction of my life. 249 00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:01,427 Get off the sidewalk. Get off the sidewalk. 250 00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:05,269 Our nation is shocked and saddened by the news 251 00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:07,136 of the shootings at Virginia Tech today. 252 00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:09,443 Margaret: And there were 32 people that were shot and killed 253 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:12,147 on our campus. 254 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,728 It's hard to say what I was feeling that day. 255 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,534 There was an emergency alert system that was saying, 256 00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:18,988 "A shooting has been reported on campus. 257 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:21,318 Seek shelter immediately." 258 00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:23,834 The first confirmed death I heard of 259 00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:26,116 was a fellow band member who had passed away, 260 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:29,750 and my RA had been killed. 261 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:34,709 I know I was basically just feeling shock and pretty numb. 262 00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,302 I count my lucky stars. 263 00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:38,377 I'm thankful that I'm alive today, 264 00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:41,513 but my relationship with food, with each passing year, 265 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:46,471 has become more complicated and worse. 266 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:49,314 The shooting was part of that, but there are lots 267 00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:53,110 of other things that have gone on, really. 268 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:56,316 After the shooting, there was a big sentiment of, 269 00:12:56,317 --> 00:13:00,987 "Live for 32. Live for the 32 that died." 270 00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:05,579 I still try to do that today, but so far in my life, 271 00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:07,196 I haven't really made many changes 272 00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,873 in terms of the binge eating. 273 00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,872 I'm seeking answers, 274 00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:15,344 and I hope that ayahuasca might be a piece of that puzzle. 275 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:24,138 Luke: I was surprised with how quickly I started to feel the effects, 276 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:27,177 and then the jaguar came. 277 00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:38,441 ♪♪ 278 00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:44,493 ♪♪ 279 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:47,830 Gislene, how you doing over here, sweetie? 280 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,247 ‐You doing good? ‐Just got a little cold. 281 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,116 Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. 282 00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,883 I just wanted to check how you're feeling. 283 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,625 ‐Good. ‐Yeah? 284 00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:57,796 You starting to feel it kind of kick in a little bit or... 285 00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:59,295 Yeah, yeah. 286 00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:02,467 Okay. All right. I just wanted to check. 287 00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:08,512 Gislene: The difference from my first ceremony from Florida 288 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,734 is that I felt way more comfortable here 289 00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:13,555 and more taken care of because it was a smaller group, 290 00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:16,861 and in Florida it was, like, about 30 people, 291 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,106 so they don't have the time to give you attention. 292 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,318 Growing up in Brazil was nice. 293 00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:26,742 My childhood was good, but when I started being, 294 00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:28,201 like, becoming a teenager, 295 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:31,541 then things started falling apart. 296 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,327 My parents were depressed, 297 00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:37,251 and so I would just feel depressed with them. 298 00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:38,881 I just hated myself. 299 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:42,968 I could not even look myself in the mirror. 300 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:46,085 My anxiety and depression affect my relationships 301 00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:50,434 by making me not feel secure in a relationship 302 00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:51,971 or just doubting myself. 303 00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,144 "Why is this person with me?" 304 00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:57,983 Like, I have a boyfriend now, and sometimes I find it hard 305 00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:00,110 to believe that someone really loves me. 306 00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:06,698 ♪♪ 307 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:09,737 Steve: Now, with Luke, I was watching his eyes tonight. 308 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,912 They were bouncing everywhere. 309 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,041 When I seen his eyes working like they were, 310 00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:16,368 that was telling me he was in his sweet spot. 311 00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:20,964 He was not getting overwhelmed, but he was on the edge. 312 00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:23,462 He's not asleep, and he's not awake. 313 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,384 He's kind of in between a dream state. 314 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,343 That's where the journey lies, 315 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,723 and that's exactly where we want him. 316 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,310 ♪♪ 317 00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:37,186 Luke: I was surprised with how quickly I started to feel the effects. 318 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:40,056 It was ‐‐ It was kind of neat. I immediately felt relaxed. 319 00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:43,654 I got sort of a light visual of a rattlesnake 320 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,031 kind of slither through. 321 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:48,157 I didn't see the full snake. 322 00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:52,826 And then the jaguar came, and it wasn't angry. 323 00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:55,827 It didn't...You know, there was no flashing of the teeth 324 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:58,500 or any of that, but immediately she just reached up, 325 00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:04,049 and it felt as though she kind of ripped my face off. 326 00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:06,546 It just seemed she was taking a mask off, you know, 327 00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:11,639 and left me open, and I felt, "You are now raw. 328 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:15,267 You are at your authentic level." 329 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,398 Steve: Are you ready to head upstairs there, real quick? 330 00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:22,767 ‐Mm‐hmm. ‐All right. 331 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,113 I'm going to take a bucket just in case. 332 00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:25,398 How you feeling, okay? ‐Yeah. 333 00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,241 All right. Great. 334 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,356 My first impression of Gislene, 335 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,453 I'm seeing a woman with a lot of pain, 336 00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:35,159 and I also see a person who's really reaching for progression, 337 00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:39,461 but I just sense a sadness that keeps emanating from her eyes. 338 00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,417 It was intense. 339 00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:44,167 You know, I was scared to go too hard with her on any front 340 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:46,050 because she was fragile. 341 00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:47,797 In that first conversation, 342 00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:49,878 I just wanted to make her feel comfortable with me, 343 00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:52,764 Teri, Nik, Walter and ayahuasca. 344 00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:54,182 From what I gathered, 345 00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,310 your first time taking ayahuasca, 346 00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,597 you didn't feel like they had enough people 347 00:16:58,601 --> 00:16:59,981 to take care of you. ‐Mm‐hmm. 348 00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:01,767 ‐Was that true? ‐Yes. 349 00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:04,361 Well, that's why it's one of our big concerns that, 350 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:07,777 one, we stay with small groups for safety 351 00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:11,027 but for, two, so we can give individual attention, 352 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,070 kind of like what I'm doing here with you now. 353 00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:14,534 Mm‐hmm. 354 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,453 Now then, coming into this ceremony, 355 00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:19,252 what was some of the things that we wanted to address? 356 00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:23,707 Yes, so I wanted to address healing for my depression, 357 00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,549 just shyness and not having... just wanting, like, 358 00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:28,205 to have a purpose... ‐Okay. 359 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:31,384 ...and a bigger connection to spirit. 360 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:34,764 And how long have you suffered from depression? 361 00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:38,392 Since when I was a teenager, just, like, growing up. 362 00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,231 Was there any event that triggered it, 363 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:43,016 or was it just one long bout of depression 364 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,060 from then until now? ‐Yeah. 365 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,154 It used to be way worse when I was a teenager 366 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:50,319 because, like, all the changes in my body, 367 00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,699 I just had a really hard time coping with that, 368 00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:56,117 and I just had a lot of self‐hatreds. 369 00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:58,577 ‐Right. ‐And I just wanted to, yeah, 370 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,498 to kill myself and... 371 00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:02,036 Can I ask when was the first time 372 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,959 you had serious thoughts of suicide? 373 00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:06,289 When I was 13. 374 00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:08,134 ‐When you were 13. ‐Mm‐hmm. 375 00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:12,839 When was the last time that you had them as an adult? 376 00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:17,852 When my last relationship that I had, like, not long ago... 377 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:20,767 I mean, I just hated everything about it and... 378 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,516 Now, was there ever a time in your adult life 379 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:26,479 that you would call a great period, 380 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,320 that everything was going your way? 381 00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:29,816 I know I wanted to work with the environment, 382 00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:31,897 so I got this internship, 383 00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:34,242 so everything was going great at that time. 384 00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:36,368 ‐Okay. ‐I think it was the best time. 385 00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:38,025 That was some of your best times. 386 00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:40,414 ‐Mm‐hmm. ‐So you can have good times, 387 00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:42,161 that's what I'm pointing out to you now. 388 00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:44,123 ‐Mm‐hmm. ‐And that also means 389 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,883 there's also going to be other good phases coming in your life, 390 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,416 and I just want you to think about that 391 00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:51,339 as the medicine starts to work with you. 392 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,589 Steve: I was really pleased with Gislene. 393 00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:57,221 She had a rough start going into her journey in Florida. 394 00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,009 She didn't have a good experience 395 00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:01,933 because she couldn't trust and let go. 396 00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:06,062 That's what we had to move Gislene past. 397 00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:08,522 Personally, I feel that they were out for the money. 398 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:11,072 You know, anytime you throw 30, 40, 50 people 399 00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,567 in a room to do ayahuasca, 400 00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,568 you're not there doing the healing. 401 00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:17,570 You're there whoring Mother, and when you're whoring Mother, 402 00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:20,283 you're not helping no one. 403 00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:22,414 Luke: Before I knew it, I'm on the ground 404 00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:24,661 with this grown man on my shoulders. 405 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:28,544 My stepfather was like a stepmonster, really. 406 00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:39,006 ♪♪ 407 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:45,521 ♪♪ 408 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:48,558 Luke: Last night's experience was very peaceful. 409 00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:50,692 I let go of the stress and anxiety 410 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,900 and all of those things that I came with, 411 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:55,030 and I feel really good. 412 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,407 ♪♪ 413 00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:59,945 You know, I chose this shirt because that was an intention 414 00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:02,579 that I had, to come and really realize 415 00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:04,446 that I am a beautiful person. 416 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:07,423 I am worthy, and that... And I'm wearing it today 417 00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:11,335 because, um, you know, I feel really good, so... 418 00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:20,887 I built this wall of this big man, you know, 419 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,596 but what I realize is that, that was because 420 00:20:23,597 --> 00:20:26,677 I didn't have the big man inside of me, you know? 421 00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:29,354 I didn't feel confident inside, 422 00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:32,193 so I figure if I build this exterior, 423 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:36,109 at least I would look confident. 424 00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:38,900 As a child, my parents, they separated 425 00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:43,204 when I was about 3 years old, and shortly after that, 426 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:47,200 I was introduced to both of my stepparents, 427 00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:50,424 and the cycle of abuse just sort of started happening there, 428 00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,666 you know, almost immediately, 429 00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:56,508 and that was from the age of 3 into my teen years, 430 00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:58,415 you know, off and on. 431 00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:05,514 My stepfather was like a stepmonster, really. 432 00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:09,194 There was a lot of physical abuse with him. 433 00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:12,475 You know, it almost seemed like a sick obsession 434 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,270 where, you know, choking me out 435 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,404 or beating me in front of people. 436 00:21:17,401 --> 00:21:19,531 There was one time he... 437 00:21:19,528 --> 00:21:21,448 Hmm. 438 00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:22,867 I was reading a newspaper, 439 00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:25,195 and it was one of those rants where, 440 00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,991 "What are you over there doing, faggot?" 441 00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:29,794 Whatever, and I said, "I'm reading," you know? 442 00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:31,999 "Well, I don't know what the hell you're doing that for. 443 00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:33,829 It's not going to get you anywhere in life." 444 00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:35,844 And I'm like, "I am going to make something of myself," 445 00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,706 you know? And that pissed him off, 446 00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:41,263 and before I knew it ‐‐ And there were people there. 447 00:21:41,258 --> 00:21:44,428 I'm on the ground with this grown man on my shoulders 448 00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:47,468 with his dick in my face, you know, like... 449 00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:49,313 It's just horrible, you know? 450 00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:51,018 You know, as a child, I felt like, 451 00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:54,608 "My mother's not protecting me," 452 00:21:54,605 --> 00:21:56,475 and I see how it's affecting my life. 453 00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:58,902 I see how it's affecting my relationship with my children, 454 00:21:58,901 --> 00:22:00,901 and I want to learn how to deal with that 455 00:22:00,903 --> 00:22:03,243 in a much different and more healthy way 456 00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:05,069 so that I can create a life for them 457 00:22:05,074 --> 00:22:06,954 that they're not sitting in front of a camera 458 00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:10,201 like this communicating about how they wish 459 00:22:10,204 --> 00:22:12,044 their parents had raised them different. 460 00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:16,999 ♪♪ 461 00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:22,762 ♪♪ 462 00:22:22,758 --> 00:22:24,178 ‐If you like... ‐Thank you. 463 00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:26,176 ...you may have a seat right here. 464 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:29,058 Sometimes before the ceremony, Steve will have the individuals 465 00:22:29,056 --> 00:22:32,226 prepare something to use during their journey. 466 00:22:32,226 --> 00:22:35,896 Steve has asked me to bring you here with these materials, 467 00:22:35,896 --> 00:22:38,646 and we'd like for you to make an expression of yourself. 468 00:22:38,649 --> 00:22:40,859 ‐Okay. ‐Use your imagination. 469 00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:43,700 Think about your intention for tonight's ceremony... 470 00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:46,026 ‐Mm‐hmm. ‐...and the transformation 471 00:22:46,031 --> 00:22:47,581 that you came here seeking 472 00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:49,155 and who you want to be. ‐Okay. 473 00:22:49,159 --> 00:22:51,659 ‐Okay, do you feel pretty good? ‐All right. Yeah. 474 00:22:51,662 --> 00:22:53,832 All right. Well, it's a pleasure to be working with you. 475 00:22:53,831 --> 00:22:55,291 ‐Oh, thanks. ‐I'll see you later. 476 00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:57,791 I'll get crafting. 477 00:22:57,793 --> 00:22:59,383 [ Laughs ] 478 00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:01,258 Hmm. 479 00:23:01,255 --> 00:23:03,625 Steve: Margaret is here because she's a binge eater, 480 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:07,642 that she's had a problem with her weight for a long time. 481 00:23:07,636 --> 00:23:10,216 Now, binge eaters are like any other addict. 482 00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:12,522 They're using the food to get dopamine 483 00:23:12,516 --> 00:23:14,976 because it's a feel‐good hormone. 484 00:23:14,977 --> 00:23:17,557 Dopamine is really what we're all addicted to. 485 00:23:17,563 --> 00:23:20,693 Even cocaine causes your brain to flood dopamine, 486 00:23:20,691 --> 00:23:25,071 and so does food, especially when you're hiding behind it, 487 00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:26,660 and that's what we're here to break. 488 00:23:30,743 --> 00:23:34,833 Margaret: I was trying to think about my intention and healing, 489 00:23:34,830 --> 00:23:36,830 and the first thing that really popped out to me 490 00:23:36,832 --> 00:23:38,712 was this rock, specifically. 491 00:23:38,709 --> 00:23:41,169 It looked like it had some purple in it, which is amethyst. 492 00:23:41,170 --> 00:23:42,800 It's my birth stone. 493 00:23:42,796 --> 00:23:44,466 It ‐‐ You ‐‐ It ‐‐ You can't see it 494 00:23:44,465 --> 00:23:47,925 because it's in here right now because it's me, 495 00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:50,217 and I'm trapped in a little cage 496 00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:55,350 that I made that's sort of like a snowflake that looks stupid, 497 00:23:55,351 --> 00:23:58,061 but I feel like I'm trapped. 498 00:23:58,062 --> 00:24:01,862 It feels dumb to be so emotional about something, 499 00:24:01,857 --> 00:24:06,527 but I feel like it represents what I'm looking for, 500 00:24:06,528 --> 00:24:10,658 which is freedom from this cage that I put myself in. 501 00:24:14,703 --> 00:24:19,293 ♪♪ 502 00:24:26,090 --> 00:24:28,510 Teri: Hello, everyone. 503 00:24:28,509 --> 00:24:30,719 ‐Hello, hello. ‐Hello. 504 00:24:30,719 --> 00:24:32,599 Imagine meeting like this again. 505 00:24:32,596 --> 00:24:34,426 Right? 506 00:24:34,431 --> 00:24:36,731 If you will notice, this brew is quite a bit darker... 507 00:24:36,725 --> 00:24:38,265 Quite a bit. 508 00:24:38,268 --> 00:24:40,018 ...which means it's quite a bit stronger. 509 00:24:40,020 --> 00:24:41,440 You're going to find the medicine 510 00:24:41,438 --> 00:24:43,148 is going to come faster tonight. 511 00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:45,358 The medicine is a lot stronger tonight, 512 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:48,489 so your experiences are going to be much more intense. 513 00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:51,237 You're incredibly courageous. I applaud all of you, 514 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,660 and just be ready for an intense night tonight. 515 00:24:54,660 --> 00:24:56,660 Now, when it's darker, it tastes better. 516 00:24:56,662 --> 00:24:58,542 Oh, I bet so. I bet so. 517 00:24:58,539 --> 00:25:00,919 Mm, it smells delicious. 518 00:25:02,418 --> 00:25:05,168 So brave, yet skilled at the art of deception. 519 00:25:05,170 --> 00:25:08,170 [ Laughter ] 520 00:25:11,301 --> 00:25:13,801 When I see someone take a moment before they drink, 521 00:25:13,804 --> 00:25:16,394 for me, I like to see that. 522 00:25:16,390 --> 00:25:19,730 I like to see someone pause and just kind of find 523 00:25:19,727 --> 00:25:22,857 that spiritual neutral for a moment and, you know, 524 00:25:22,855 --> 00:25:25,435 look at that cup and resonate with that cup, you know? 525 00:25:25,441 --> 00:25:27,901 That's Mother in that cup. 526 00:25:27,901 --> 00:25:30,571 I know that's hard to understand on that first night, 527 00:25:30,571 --> 00:25:32,491 but, man, by the time you get to the second night, 528 00:25:32,489 --> 00:25:34,069 you truly understand it. 529 00:25:34,074 --> 00:25:35,744 There's things happening here 530 00:25:35,743 --> 00:25:38,413 that no one can possibly tell you about. 531 00:25:38,412 --> 00:25:40,752 You just have to do to understand it, 532 00:25:40,748 --> 00:25:44,128 and that's when Mother will work her magic with you, 533 00:25:44,126 --> 00:25:47,126 is when you come with that kind of open mind‐set, 534 00:25:47,129 --> 00:25:49,839 open heart, and your knock on their door, 535 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:54,050 and you say, "Please come in, and help me any way you can." 536 00:25:54,053 --> 00:25:57,103 Margaret has to see the real Margaret, 537 00:25:57,097 --> 00:25:59,597 the Margaret that ain't going to let this shit 538 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,850 affect one more... day of her life. 539 00:26:09,068 --> 00:26:13,698 ♪♪ 540 00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:18,327 ♪♪ 541 00:26:18,327 --> 00:26:23,827 ♪♪ 542 00:26:23,832 --> 00:26:27,422 Teri: The biggest misconception about ayahuasca 543 00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:29,419 is that it's a drug. 544 00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:31,091 Um, it's not a drug. 545 00:26:31,090 --> 00:26:32,880 It's not something you do for fun. 546 00:26:32,883 --> 00:26:37,053 It's not, you know, "Hey, you know, let's go party, dude." 547 00:26:37,054 --> 00:26:39,014 It...No. 548 00:26:39,014 --> 00:26:42,604 It is a very powerful tool for helping people. 549 00:26:42,601 --> 00:26:46,941 It's a spiritual portal. 550 00:26:49,525 --> 00:26:51,145 ‐How we doing? ‐Great, doing good. 551 00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:52,441 Are you ready to come? 552 00:26:52,444 --> 00:26:54,454 ‐Sure. ‐Excellent. 553 00:26:54,446 --> 00:26:56,406 We'll get you a water, and make sure you get some shoes on. 554 00:26:56,406 --> 00:26:58,026 Okay. 555 00:26:58,033 --> 00:26:59,953 Steve: Margaret and I have a lot in common 556 00:26:59,952 --> 00:27:03,372 when it comes to our weight issues and our eating issues. 557 00:27:03,372 --> 00:27:05,462 I have had weight issues all my life, 558 00:27:05,457 --> 00:27:07,917 up and down, up and down, you know? 559 00:27:07,918 --> 00:27:10,838 I mean, that comes with my addictive personality. 560 00:27:10,838 --> 00:27:12,838 You know, there's times I binge eat. 561 00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:16,260 Even today, it'd be real easy to bust into a case of Pop‐Tarts 562 00:27:16,260 --> 00:27:19,640 and sit in front of the TV and just tear them up. 563 00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:22,098 You know, I know what it is to go through a binge 564 00:27:22,099 --> 00:27:23,979 and your self‐worth. 565 00:27:23,976 --> 00:27:26,936 You feel like shit, and physically you feel like crap, 566 00:27:26,937 --> 00:27:30,067 and, you know, that just adds to the depression. 567 00:27:30,065 --> 00:27:33,025 The key to Margaret is her inner dialogue, 568 00:27:33,026 --> 00:27:35,066 and that's why I've asked her to make an effigy 569 00:27:35,070 --> 00:27:38,370 so we both can see how she's viewing herself: 570 00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:41,905 me from the outside, her from the inside looking out, 571 00:27:41,910 --> 00:27:45,040 and I believe it's really going to help bring us together 572 00:27:45,038 --> 00:27:47,998 in tackling this problem. 573 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,340 Now then, you've got your effigy. 574 00:27:50,335 --> 00:27:52,875 Could you please describe this for me? 575 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,300 With what I had in front of me, I took some paper. 576 00:27:55,299 --> 00:27:57,889 I tried to make a little snowflake out of it, 577 00:27:57,885 --> 00:28:01,005 which turned into a cage... ‐Okay. 578 00:28:01,013 --> 00:28:04,353 ...that I put myself in and tied myself into. 579 00:28:04,349 --> 00:28:07,389 Tell me how that person got to that cage 580 00:28:07,394 --> 00:28:09,104 because that's how you feel now, 581 00:28:09,104 --> 00:28:10,944 trapped within your binge eating. 582 00:28:10,939 --> 00:28:13,859 Mm‐hmm. I absolutely do. 583 00:28:13,859 --> 00:28:18,029 I guess when I try to think back on when it started, 584 00:28:18,030 --> 00:28:20,530 the first time I ever ate an entire sleeve 585 00:28:20,532 --> 00:28:22,082 of saltine crackers... ‐Okay. 586 00:28:22,075 --> 00:28:24,035 ...that's probably where that started, 587 00:28:24,036 --> 00:28:28,416 and I just kind of got addicted to that feeling afterwards. 588 00:28:28,415 --> 00:28:31,205 And you said the key word there: addicted. 589 00:28:31,209 --> 00:28:35,459 Addiction is a strange disease model. 590 00:28:35,464 --> 00:28:38,014 You're going to have to change your approach to food, 591 00:28:38,008 --> 00:28:39,298 and you know that. ‐Yeah. 592 00:28:39,301 --> 00:28:40,801 I've known it for a long time. 593 00:28:40,802 --> 00:28:42,892 For a long time, but there's going to be a day 594 00:28:42,888 --> 00:28:45,518 where you're going to get in front of this thing 595 00:28:45,515 --> 00:28:49,015 because I sense it from you right now how bad you want it, 596 00:28:49,019 --> 00:28:51,399 but you've convinced yourself you're weak 597 00:28:51,396 --> 00:28:54,516 when you fall off the horse, and you're not weak. 598 00:28:54,524 --> 00:28:57,034 You're dealing with an addiction, 599 00:28:57,027 --> 00:28:59,397 and we're going to start over, 600 00:28:59,404 --> 00:29:02,954 and all the yesterdays don't matter no more. 601 00:29:02,950 --> 00:29:07,040 Only thing that matters is what are you going to do tomorrow 602 00:29:07,037 --> 00:29:11,497 to make Margaret everything she can be, 603 00:29:11,500 --> 00:29:14,500 the Margaret that ain't going to let this shit 604 00:29:14,503 --> 00:29:17,213 affect one more ...day of her life? 605 00:29:17,214 --> 00:29:19,174 ‐It's so stupid. ‐It ain't stupid. 606 00:29:19,174 --> 00:29:22,014 It's real. It's so real, and you're not stupid. 607 00:29:22,010 --> 00:29:23,600 Yeah. 608 00:29:23,595 --> 00:29:25,555 See, that's part of that inner dialogue 609 00:29:25,555 --> 00:29:27,925 that I want you to master and take control of, 610 00:29:27,933 --> 00:29:32,103 and it will be the hardest work of your life. 611 00:29:32,104 --> 00:29:34,944 So are you ready to throw the binge eater 612 00:29:34,940 --> 00:29:37,530 and the woman that doesn't have any faith in herself... 613 00:29:37,526 --> 00:29:39,106 ‐Absolutely. ‐...in this fire? 614 00:29:39,111 --> 00:29:41,531 I want you to really look at that and think about it, 615 00:29:41,530 --> 00:29:43,990 and when you're ready, let's burn that cage 616 00:29:43,991 --> 00:29:45,781 that is holding Margaret back. 617 00:29:45,784 --> 00:29:49,664 [ Inhales deeply ] 618 00:29:49,663 --> 00:29:51,963 [ Exhales ] 619 00:29:51,957 --> 00:29:54,837 And say goodbye to that Margaret. 620 00:29:54,835 --> 00:29:56,545 Bye. 621 00:29:56,545 --> 00:29:59,665 ♪♪ 622 00:29:59,673 --> 00:30:02,763 By burning that person in that cage, 623 00:30:02,759 --> 00:30:05,299 we destroyed what was holding her back 624 00:30:05,303 --> 00:30:08,353 and the person who thought they couldn't move forward. 625 00:30:08,348 --> 00:30:10,138 It's up to her now. 626 00:30:10,142 --> 00:30:12,482 The door is open, and she has to walk through it, 627 00:30:12,477 --> 00:30:15,357 and the path to walking through that door on that cage 628 00:30:15,355 --> 00:30:18,395 is her inner dialogue. 629 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:19,820 You feeling good? ‐Mm‐hmm. 630 00:30:19,818 --> 00:30:21,778 Okay, and we're going to go over here, 631 00:30:21,778 --> 00:30:24,568 and we're going to get into our womb of renewal. 632 00:30:24,573 --> 00:30:27,033 Give me your hand. Thank you. 633 00:30:27,034 --> 00:30:28,744 And let's just walk around this way. 634 00:30:31,371 --> 00:30:34,081 We've created a very special place for her, 635 00:30:34,082 --> 00:30:35,712 and we put her in the womb 636 00:30:35,709 --> 00:30:38,709 because we wanted her to start over. 637 00:30:38,712 --> 00:30:41,672 When we use a hammock to simulate a womb, 638 00:30:41,673 --> 00:30:43,633 you know, the womb was your first bed, 639 00:30:43,633 --> 00:30:46,973 and I wanted her to feel safe and secure, 640 00:30:46,970 --> 00:30:49,810 and I also wanted her to be reflective, 641 00:30:49,806 --> 00:30:52,766 and so by taking her back into this very beginning 642 00:30:52,768 --> 00:30:54,808 in her subconscious mind, 643 00:30:54,811 --> 00:30:57,361 we could start with a positive foundation 644 00:30:57,355 --> 00:31:00,935 to allow her to move forward the next day. 645 00:31:00,942 --> 00:31:02,902 As we're forest bathing, 646 00:31:02,903 --> 00:31:06,163 as we're feeling lights kind of come, go, 647 00:31:06,156 --> 00:31:11,076 change into warm, loving tones, these tones and these colors 648 00:31:11,078 --> 00:31:15,038 are speaking directly to our subconscious, 649 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:17,580 and as you're hearing my voice, 650 00:31:17,584 --> 00:31:19,714 you're feeling your subconscious open up 651 00:31:19,711 --> 00:31:24,171 to this newfound warmth and love for Margaret. 652 00:31:24,174 --> 00:31:30,514 And Margaret must also give that inner‐child Margaret a hug. 653 00:31:30,514 --> 00:31:32,934 Right now, I just want you to forest bathe. 654 00:31:32,933 --> 00:31:36,273 I want you to feel the energies from the Earth, 655 00:31:36,269 --> 00:31:40,439 from the air, from the insects, from the birds, 656 00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:43,280 and I just want you to be, for just a few moments. 657 00:31:45,570 --> 00:31:47,200 Just be. 658 00:31:48,824 --> 00:31:50,454 Just be. 659 00:31:53,578 --> 00:31:55,158 I remember the day of my capture, 660 00:31:55,163 --> 00:31:57,833 as 80 cops were swirling down on me. 661 00:31:57,833 --> 00:32:00,213 I can taste the gun steel in my mouth. 662 00:32:05,590 --> 00:32:10,970 ♪♪ 663 00:32:10,971 --> 00:32:17,311 ♪♪ 664 00:32:17,310 --> 00:32:20,270 Steve: When I see Luke, I seen a person 665 00:32:20,272 --> 00:32:23,862 who was holding back a lot of pain. 666 00:32:23,859 --> 00:32:26,189 I feel Luke has some serious trust issues 667 00:32:26,194 --> 00:32:28,074 that stem from his mother, 668 00:32:28,071 --> 00:32:31,071 even though his anger was projected to his stepdad, 669 00:32:31,074 --> 00:32:33,454 and that was the focal point of the anger. 670 00:32:33,451 --> 00:32:37,621 The real bitter pill was, his mother didn't protect him. 671 00:32:37,622 --> 00:32:41,462 But to live, to truly thrive, you got to make peace with it, 672 00:32:41,459 --> 00:32:44,549 and that's what I want for him. 673 00:32:44,546 --> 00:32:47,416 I know everybody has heard the saying, 674 00:32:47,424 --> 00:32:49,554 "A picture is worth 1,000 words." 675 00:32:49,551 --> 00:32:52,761 Well, under ayahuasca, it's worth 10,000 words 676 00:32:52,762 --> 00:32:55,682 because you're talking immediately to the subconscious. 677 00:32:55,682 --> 00:32:58,062 ♪♪ 678 00:32:58,059 --> 00:33:01,149 What we've decided to set up is a projection room, 679 00:33:01,146 --> 00:33:04,976 and we're going to intermingle some childhood photos 680 00:33:04,983 --> 00:33:09,323 with other photos, some good, some bad, some neutral. 681 00:33:09,321 --> 00:33:10,951 Luke, if you would do me a favor, 682 00:33:10,947 --> 00:33:12,447 just sit there at that end of the bed. 683 00:33:12,449 --> 00:33:14,529 Okay. 684 00:33:14,534 --> 00:33:17,504 Some of these images are going to put him in places 685 00:33:17,495 --> 00:33:20,665 that he hasn't wanted to go to in a long time, 686 00:33:20,665 --> 00:33:23,205 and that's exactly where I mean to take him, 687 00:33:23,210 --> 00:33:25,380 and then move him forward out of that grief, 688 00:33:25,378 --> 00:33:27,838 out of that pain. 689 00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:31,839 What is your relationship right now like with your mother? 690 00:33:31,843 --> 00:33:35,933 So the things that I find still affect me today 691 00:33:35,931 --> 00:33:39,601 are more of the mental pictures of situations 692 00:33:39,601 --> 00:33:42,521 I have seen her in, you know? ‐Mm‐hmm. 693 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,980 And situations she turned a blind eye that you were in. 694 00:33:45,982 --> 00:33:48,072 Right, and that's... 695 00:33:48,068 --> 00:33:50,858 That can be kind of tough to reconcile. 696 00:33:50,862 --> 00:33:53,742 As a parent, you know, the last thing I would ever want 697 00:33:53,740 --> 00:33:56,490 is to cause my child pain. Of course, we all do. 698 00:33:56,493 --> 00:33:58,253 It's inevitable. ‐Sure. 699 00:33:58,245 --> 00:34:01,365 And if she had issues with alcohol at that time... 700 00:34:01,373 --> 00:34:04,003 Definitely, and many other things. 701 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:05,880 Right. 702 00:34:05,877 --> 00:34:09,667 But my hope with kind of bringing that up this weekend 703 00:34:09,673 --> 00:34:11,633 is that I can completely reconcile that 704 00:34:11,633 --> 00:34:14,143 because I realize it affects my relationships 705 00:34:14,135 --> 00:34:15,925 with my children and my wife. 706 00:34:15,929 --> 00:34:17,349 Yes. 707 00:34:17,347 --> 00:34:18,847 What we've prepared for you 708 00:34:18,848 --> 00:34:21,768 is a little projection here on this sheet, 709 00:34:21,768 --> 00:34:23,978 and we're going to go through some pictures, 710 00:34:23,979 --> 00:34:26,019 and I'd like you to tell me about this picture, 711 00:34:26,022 --> 00:34:27,442 if you would. 712 00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:29,530 We were in Phoenix at that time, 713 00:34:29,526 --> 00:34:32,856 and we did not live in a good place at all. 714 00:34:32,862 --> 00:34:35,872 I was actually held up at gunpoint for a bicycle. 715 00:34:35,865 --> 00:34:39,405 Wow, and you couldn't even tell it by looking at that face. 716 00:34:39,411 --> 00:34:41,871 Well, you know, I think I've done a fairly good job 717 00:34:41,871 --> 00:34:44,291 throughout my life of putting on that mask, 718 00:34:44,291 --> 00:34:46,251 you know, of happiness, 719 00:34:46,251 --> 00:34:48,551 and that's caused a majority of my issue 720 00:34:48,545 --> 00:34:51,335 because I deal with my things in the quiet. 721 00:34:51,339 --> 00:34:52,799 Oh, my goodness. 722 00:34:52,799 --> 00:34:55,339 Tell me about the day you married your wife. 723 00:34:55,343 --> 00:34:58,313 I had never been happier in my life... 724 00:34:58,305 --> 00:35:01,885 and I lost that. 725 00:35:01,891 --> 00:35:05,101 I lost that gleam. 726 00:35:05,103 --> 00:35:07,063 Let's go to the next one. 727 00:35:07,063 --> 00:35:09,733 We kind of understand you like motorcycles. 728 00:35:09,733 --> 00:35:12,533 You know, I planned my suicide last year, 729 00:35:12,527 --> 00:35:15,277 and that was the method that I was going to use. 730 00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:16,660 Oncoming traffic? 731 00:35:16,656 --> 00:35:18,276 Something solid. 732 00:35:18,283 --> 00:35:19,953 It'd have been a good one. 733 00:35:19,951 --> 00:35:21,331 Oh, I know, dust. 734 00:35:21,328 --> 00:35:23,248 You wouldn't have known a thing. 735 00:35:23,246 --> 00:35:25,366 I am so glad that did not happen. 736 00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:27,633 ‐So is she. ‐Oh, yeah. 737 00:35:27,626 --> 00:35:28,996 That's my girl. 738 00:35:30,378 --> 00:35:33,048 [ Sighs ] 739 00:35:33,048 --> 00:35:35,048 I remember the day of my capture. 740 00:35:35,050 --> 00:35:37,590 I can taste the gun steel in my mouth, 741 00:35:37,594 --> 00:35:40,684 and like you, my child, a flash of my child 742 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:44,430 at that one moment as 80 cops were swirling down on me, 743 00:35:44,434 --> 00:35:46,394 stopped me from pulling the trigger. 744 00:35:46,394 --> 00:35:47,734 Right. 745 00:35:47,729 --> 00:35:49,769 Just like you, 746 00:35:49,773 --> 00:35:54,823 I had to hang in there for a little longer. 747 00:35:54,819 --> 00:35:58,569 You know, I look at that face right there, and, man, 748 00:35:58,573 --> 00:36:01,623 she's looking at the love of her life. 749 00:36:01,618 --> 00:36:04,248 I would do anything for her. 750 00:36:04,245 --> 00:36:05,535 And you're doing it. 751 00:36:05,538 --> 00:36:07,168 Yeah. That's right. 752 00:36:07,165 --> 00:36:09,665 You're letting go of the past so it doesn't become 753 00:36:09,668 --> 00:36:13,878 a part of her future, and that's breaking a chain. 754 00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:15,300 That's right. 755 00:36:15,298 --> 00:36:19,678 And that is a brave thing to do. 756 00:36:19,678 --> 00:36:22,008 Steve: When I looked at his eyes in that light, 757 00:36:22,013 --> 00:36:23,683 when that face of his daughter come up 758 00:36:23,682 --> 00:36:25,432 that was about to kiss him, 759 00:36:25,433 --> 00:36:27,853 all the pains of the world faded. 760 00:36:27,852 --> 00:36:29,602 Nothing else mattered. 761 00:36:29,604 --> 00:36:32,904 Arguing with Mom, Mom being an alcoholic, 762 00:36:32,899 --> 00:36:37,069 none of it mattered, and right then was his turning point, 763 00:36:37,070 --> 00:36:38,610 and I knew we had it. 764 00:36:38,613 --> 00:36:40,373 You can't give what you don't have. 765 00:36:40,365 --> 00:36:42,235 Exactly, and neither could your mother. 766 00:36:42,242 --> 00:36:43,742 I know that. 767 00:36:43,743 --> 00:36:46,123 She couldn't give what she didn't have. 768 00:36:46,121 --> 00:36:48,121 ‐Yep. ‐But she got you here alive. 769 00:36:48,123 --> 00:36:49,623 That's right. 770 00:36:49,624 --> 00:36:51,254 And that's all that... That's all she could do. 771 00:36:51,251 --> 00:36:53,001 Yeah, and that's all I need, is to be alive. 772 00:36:53,002 --> 00:36:55,092 That's all you needed to be right there. 773 00:36:55,088 --> 00:36:56,718 Yeah. 774 00:36:56,715 --> 00:36:59,505 And without all those experiences that you had, 775 00:36:59,509 --> 00:37:01,929 you wouldn't be that man looking at that child. 776 00:37:01,928 --> 00:37:03,258 Not at all. 777 00:37:03,263 --> 00:37:05,773 And that's a beautiful thing. 778 00:37:05,765 --> 00:37:10,095 Luke: When I saw the pictures of my wedding, my daughter, 779 00:37:10,103 --> 00:37:14,023 the emotion that I felt was gratitude. 780 00:37:14,023 --> 00:37:17,153 You know, Mother Ayahuasca felt like she was telling me, 781 00:37:17,152 --> 00:37:19,402 "You're on the right road." 782 00:37:19,404 --> 00:37:21,114 Let's get you another cup. 783 00:37:21,114 --> 00:37:22,874 All right. 784 00:37:22,866 --> 00:37:27,246 ♪♪ 785 00:37:27,245 --> 00:37:32,325 ♪♪ 786 00:37:32,333 --> 00:37:34,593 Immediately drinking the ayahuasca, 787 00:37:34,586 --> 00:37:35,956 it flushed my whole body. 788 00:37:35,962 --> 00:37:37,802 I felt completely relaxed. 789 00:37:40,216 --> 00:37:46,346 And then I saw sort of, like, a cement pad, if you will, 790 00:37:46,347 --> 00:37:49,557 and my wife and three kids and I placed our hands in that, 791 00:37:49,559 --> 00:37:52,849 and it sort of symbolized to me that that is a unit 792 00:37:52,854 --> 00:37:56,734 that I can fully immerse myself into and love 793 00:37:56,733 --> 00:38:01,493 without the fear of it ending or fall apart, 794 00:38:01,488 --> 00:38:03,408 and there was that dialogue 795 00:38:03,406 --> 00:38:06,366 associated with that image where she said, 796 00:38:06,367 --> 00:38:08,907 "It's okay to live in your confidence, 797 00:38:08,912 --> 00:38:10,872 and that it's simple, you know? 798 00:38:10,872 --> 00:38:14,502 You just have to keep moving in the direction you're going, 799 00:38:14,501 --> 00:38:17,171 and everything is going to be okay." 800 00:38:25,970 --> 00:38:27,850 [ Birds chirping ] 801 00:38:27,847 --> 00:38:32,807 ♪♪ 802 00:38:32,811 --> 00:38:38,861 ♪♪ 803 00:38:38,858 --> 00:38:41,818 Margaret: Last night, it was hard to have to confront the fact 804 00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:46,870 that I was not and I have not been kind to myself 805 00:38:46,866 --> 00:38:52,156 or given myself a little bit of leeway and grace. 806 00:38:52,163 --> 00:38:54,373 We worked quite extensively out there by that fire, 807 00:38:54,374 --> 00:38:56,634 and we touched a lot of deep things. 808 00:38:56,626 --> 00:38:59,706 Mm‐hmm. A lot of what you were saying 809 00:38:59,712 --> 00:39:02,302 in terms of my inner dialogue 810 00:39:02,298 --> 00:39:04,048 was really resonating with me. 811 00:39:04,050 --> 00:39:05,840 ‐Okay. ‐And that's, I guess, 812 00:39:05,844 --> 00:39:09,014 something that I hadn't really realized about myself, 813 00:39:09,013 --> 00:39:10,773 how negative I was being to myself. 814 00:39:10,765 --> 00:39:12,015 How mean you were to yourself. 815 00:39:12,016 --> 00:39:13,426 Yeah. 816 00:39:13,434 --> 00:39:16,024 A lot of people, myself included, 817 00:39:16,020 --> 00:39:18,230 aren't aware of that conversation 818 00:39:18,231 --> 00:39:20,531 that we're having every moment of the day 819 00:39:20,525 --> 00:39:23,145 that's manifesting everything around us. 820 00:39:23,152 --> 00:39:26,162 Sometimes we got to pull back and just be for a minute, 821 00:39:26,155 --> 00:39:27,365 and then reapproach. 822 00:39:27,365 --> 00:39:28,735 Mm‐hmm. 823 00:39:28,741 --> 00:39:30,031 You're a beautiful person. 824 00:39:30,034 --> 00:39:31,744 Thank you. 825 00:39:31,744 --> 00:39:34,414 Don't lose faith. You're going to do wonderful. 826 00:39:34,414 --> 00:39:37,634 I can feel it from you. I mean that. 827 00:39:37,625 --> 00:39:41,835 Today, Margaret had the first sincere smile on her face 828 00:39:41,838 --> 00:39:43,758 that I had seen since she got here. 829 00:39:43,756 --> 00:39:47,086 This was a smile of a person with a new chance 830 00:39:47,093 --> 00:39:52,023 to create a whole new her, one where she could love herself 831 00:39:52,015 --> 00:39:54,635 regardless of the numbers on the scale. 832 00:39:54,642 --> 00:39:57,772 [ Birds calling ] 833 00:39:57,770 --> 00:40:01,440 ♪♪ 834 00:40:01,441 --> 00:40:04,361 Gislene: I feel like I took a big weight out of my shoulders. 835 00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:06,740 I'm just feeling light, and my heart feels light. 836 00:40:06,738 --> 00:40:10,068 It just feels good, and I feel like I'm leaving better 837 00:40:10,074 --> 00:40:12,084 than when I came. 838 00:40:12,076 --> 00:40:14,826 My first ceremony from Florida, 839 00:40:14,829 --> 00:40:18,629 I left feeling dark and heavy and disoriented, 840 00:40:18,625 --> 00:40:20,835 and now, after the second ceremony, 841 00:40:20,835 --> 00:40:24,125 I just feel, like, peaceful and relaxed. 842 00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:26,840 Steve: Your inner dialogue is the most important thing 843 00:40:26,841 --> 00:40:29,511 you can be aware of in the next 2 weeks. 844 00:40:29,510 --> 00:40:32,470 Remember we planted a lot of seeds here. 845 00:40:32,472 --> 00:40:35,272 Watch what falls back into place. 846 00:40:35,266 --> 00:40:36,936 We're going to give you a necklace, 847 00:40:36,935 --> 00:40:40,055 and it's going to be an owl, 848 00:40:40,063 --> 00:40:43,403 and this owl is going to symbolize wisdom. 849 00:40:43,399 --> 00:40:46,689 This is one of the supreme predators of the forest. 850 00:40:46,694 --> 00:40:50,824 It is completely silent, and it rarely misses, 851 00:40:50,823 --> 00:40:52,703 and that's why we're using the owl 852 00:40:52,700 --> 00:40:55,910 as a symbol of this ceremony. 853 00:40:55,912 --> 00:40:59,422 I definitely feel an element of self‐love 854 00:40:59,415 --> 00:41:02,455 that I don't know that I've felt before. 855 00:41:02,460 --> 00:41:06,880 Just stepping into confidence is natural now. 856 00:41:06,881 --> 00:41:12,721 I'm not going to operate as that victimized child. 857 00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:15,890 All right. 858 00:41:15,890 --> 00:41:18,940 I'm going to give this to you guys in return. 859 00:41:18,935 --> 00:41:20,305 Oh, thank you, my man. 860 00:41:20,311 --> 00:41:23,441 ‐Thank you. ‐That's awesome. 861 00:41:23,439 --> 00:41:26,819 Oh, thank you so... Man, that means... 862 00:41:26,818 --> 00:41:29,238 I can't tell you what that means. Right. 863 00:41:29,237 --> 00:41:31,357 When Luke gave me his necklace, 864 00:41:31,364 --> 00:41:35,834 I looked at it, and you could tell how much it's been worn. 865 00:41:35,827 --> 00:41:37,497 So when he gave me that rock 866 00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:39,655 he brought into the ceremonial chamber 867 00:41:39,664 --> 00:41:41,584 that was going to get him through some of the... 868 00:41:41,582 --> 00:41:44,002 possibly the worst times of his life, 869 00:41:44,002 --> 00:41:48,342 this was his heart he just handed me, 870 00:41:48,339 --> 00:41:51,719 and I just made another lifetime friend. 871 00:41:51,718 --> 00:41:53,388 Thank you, Luke. 872 00:41:53,386 --> 00:41:54,926 I will treasure this forever. I mean that. 873 00:41:54,929 --> 00:41:56,179 Nice meeting you. Thank you for... 874 00:41:56,180 --> 00:41:58,220 [ Laughter ] 875 00:41:58,224 --> 00:42:00,694 I think coming to Aya Quest has kind of opened 876 00:42:00,685 --> 00:42:02,805 the door for me to start, like Steve said, 877 00:42:02,812 --> 00:42:04,482 sowing the seeds of change. 878 00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,020 Safe travels, peace of... 879 00:42:06,024 --> 00:42:11,154 Our world and our nation is sick in many ways, 880 00:42:11,154 --> 00:42:14,664 and everybody has their own hurts and their own troubles, 881 00:42:14,657 --> 00:42:16,697 and it's very clear to me that a lot of people 882 00:42:16,701 --> 00:42:18,331 don't know how to deal with that 883 00:42:18,327 --> 00:42:21,957 or even begin to know how to deal with that, 884 00:42:21,956 --> 00:42:25,416 so I am just appreciative of them being a positive force 885 00:42:25,418 --> 00:42:27,208 for change in the world 886 00:42:27,211 --> 00:42:31,761 and doing that through a nontraditional means. 887 00:42:31,758 --> 00:42:34,218 Steve: The healing here is powerful. 888 00:42:34,218 --> 00:42:36,348 People come in, and Mother Aya shows them 889 00:42:36,345 --> 00:42:39,675 a whole new clarity on their problems, 890 00:42:39,682 --> 00:42:43,602 and they leave with a brand‐new perspective on their life, 891 00:42:43,603 --> 00:42:46,113 and that cloud of depression has been lifted, 892 00:42:46,105 --> 00:42:49,025 even if only briefly for a moment. 893 00:42:49,025 --> 00:42:53,145 They realize they can live life without being depressed, 894 00:42:53,154 --> 00:42:56,784 and we can't allow anything to stop that growth 895 00:42:56,783 --> 00:42:59,743 within the United States of America. 896 00:42:59,744 --> 00:43:03,464 We change the mind‐set of this country and we change the world. 897 00:43:17,762 --> 00:43:20,102 Margaret: I actually got a new car 898 00:43:20,098 --> 00:43:23,678 and made a rule where I couldn't get fast food in the new ride. 899 00:43:23,684 --> 00:43:26,064 I had no eating in the car, no eating in the new car. 900 00:43:52,839 --> 00:43:56,629 Luke: My children, they are dealing with a different dad. 901 00:43:56,634 --> 00:43:59,894 I get to be the dad that I've always wanted to be. 902 00:43:59,887 --> 00:44:02,927 As a whole, I just find that my relationships 903 00:44:02,932 --> 00:44:03,772 are so much stronger. 67317

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