All language subtitles for Kentucky.Ayahuasca.S01E07.WEBRip.x264-ION10

♪♪

♪♪

Reality was
he chose that path.

Reality was he shared it
with his little brother.

♪♪

Steve: I've been a lot
of things in my life.

I've been a bank robber
and a prisoner,

but being a shaman
is my calling.

Ayahuasca
is a schedule‐I narcotic,

the same as heroin and LSD,
but it's not a drug.

It's medicine, and in my church,
it's a sacrament.

We can do in two days

what conventional therapy
may take years to do,

but only if you are willing
to step into the pain.

♪♪

I believe America
has to become aware

that plant‐based medicine
not only exists

but is a much better option
to begin with on many things.

Ayahuasca has not been
researched in this country

because of the drug war.

Ayahuasca contains DMT,
and DMT is a schedule‐I drug,

which means that it has
a high potential for abuse

and no accepted medical use
and no accepted safety

under medical supervision.

So for example, heroin, LSD.

Marijuana is still
a schedule‐I drug federally.

Steve: What's it matter
what cures you?

What's it matter what
the government

makes a classification
on four plants put together,

or two plants or one?

Rick:
Once a drug is schedule‐I,

there's so much negative
attitude towards it

that it's very hard to legalize

without first going through
the medical route.

That's what we see
with marijuana.

Marijuana was medicalized,
and now it's becoming legalized.

Now, ayahuasca being classified
as a schedule‐I drug

I think is totally ridiculous.

I think research should be
all over it,

and I mean the universities,
not just us churches out here

working with people,
trying to help.

Rick: There's been research
in multiple countries

in South America,

and it has demonstrated
incredible medical potential.

Ayahuasca has been
studied in Brazil,

and it's shown to be
quite helpful

in the treatment of depression.

It interrupts cycles
of thinking.

Ayahuasca has been used in Peru
for the treatment of addiction,

and they've gotten
very good results.

Also for post‐traumatic
stress disorder,

obsessive compulsive disorder.

There's a lot of different uses.

So I think what
we eventually need to have

is legal access
to ayahuasca in medicine,

in religion,
and then beyond that,

in basic human rights
to explore our consciousness.

Steve:
People look at me and go,

"Oh, you're a high‐school
dropout,

convicted felon, ex‐bank robber.

What the [bleep] do you know?"

Well, this is what I know.

For 15 years,
I have done this nonstop.

I have seen
the healing firsthand.

I have documented it.

I have brought it to the people,
and that's all I can do.

I hope you guys
keep doing it.

You guys
are saving lives.

We are talking 80% success rates

with opiate addiction,
alcoholism, depression, bipolar.

I mean, the list goes on and on.

My vision for America
and ayahuasca is this ‐‐

that America on
the governmental level will

wake up and see
the benefits of ayahuasca,

see the benefits that humanity
has seen for thousands of years.

But until then, we are
going to continue

to bring this medicine
to America,

and we're going
to continue to do it

in the most legal,
safe way possible.

♪♪

♪♪

Lina:
When I was 10 years old,

someone close to the family
moved in with us

and became my rapist.

♪♪

I feel upset talking about this

because I am going to be 37
in a few days,

and it still hurts
as if it happened yesterday

or an hour ago.

And that's the shit about PTSD,

that it's like you relive it,
no matter how long it's been.

And I'm a mother.
Sometimes, I can't hide it.

I isolate myself a lot
in my room,

and my kids just
don't understand why.

My hope in going through
the ceremony

is to understand how
to live through depression,

to control my anxiety because it
really cripples me to the core,

to find a reason
to be happy again

or even feel
something close to it.

♪♪

Garrett:
My mother died in 2014.

She had a severe
drinking problem.

After she died, I had no
real passion or will to live.

I spiraled down into
a very dark place,

where I had contemplated
taking my own life.

Coming to Aya Quest, I am
dealing with that despair...

[ Sighs ]

...the suicidal thoughts,
the feeling of loneliness.

What I hope to gain
out of ayahuasca

is I don't want to feel
like I'm nothing anymore.

Come on in.

How you doing?
All right.

‐Walter.
‐Garrett.

Nice to meet you.
‐Garrett, pleasure to meet you.

‐How are ya?
‐All right.

I'm a little nervous.
‐It'll be good.

It'll be good.
Everybody comes in nervous.

I'd worry about you
if you didn't.

All right. So if you all would
like to get your stuff

and get ready
to come this way.

Come on in.

Find you a spot.

In this group, we have Garrett,
Lina, and Joe.

Joe: The drugs and alcohol
started at a really young age.

My brother and I lived
in West Palm Beach, Florida,

and that area is a very,
very well‐known place

for gang violence.

I witnessed two murders,
both of them

very, very close in front of me.

That definitely caused my
post‐traumatic stress disorder.

And by the time I was 13,

I was already buying heroin
with my brother.

After my brother died,
definitely got very depressed,

and, on top of the
post‐traumatic stress disorder

and anxiety I had,
that just made it even worse.

My main intentions
for coming here

are really just
to not be crippled

by post‐traumatic
stress disorder

and, you know,
not be crippled by my past

and by being dependent
on drugs

to try to numb
my underlying issues.

Steve:
How is everybody doing?

My name is Steven Hupp.

This is our brew right here.

I've been working with this brew
now going on 17 years.

I first heard the word
"ayahuasca" in federal prison.

I was a serial bank robber.

That's where I met
my first shaman.

He was being deported, and
that's where we crossed paths,

and, from there,
I was on fire.

Let's say, tonight,
in your first journey,

you're feeling,
out of nowhere, raw fear.

I want you to just be
the observer, and what I mean

by that is you're
not going to feed the frenzy.

You're going to just observe it.

You're going to let it
dissipate.

The key word here
that you want to remove

from your vocabulary
is "resistance."

Do not resist.

Teri:
So we're going to go ahead,

and we're going to start
with our first dose.

20 minutes after that,
we'll do a second cup.

After that, if you need more,
don't be afraid to ask.

Joe: As the ceremony was
starting, to be honest,

I was nervous as hell because
I just ‐‐ I hate throwing up,

and I just wanted
to get the cups down.

Lina: I'm feeling extremely
nervous, somewhat excited,

but definitely feel like
I'm supposed to be here.

Garrett: I was hoping
it wouldn't taste

as bad as I had heard.

I was wrong.

Steve: Ayahuasca is
a hallucinogenic tea

made with plants
from the Amazon,

and it is the strongest
psychedelic known to man.

But this isn't like LSD.

Ayahuasca is a portal
to your inner self,

your subconscious,
and through that portal,

you're going to meet
a goddess we call Mother Aya.

When your journey
first takes off,

you may feel euphoria
until, boom, the spike hits

and the purge begins.

You may laugh,
you may cry,

and you may do both
at the same time.

You may puke or shit,
but each of those purges

are a physical manifestation
of an emotional release.

That's when you truly
find healing.

Garrett: I don't feel
nauseous, per se,

I just don't like
that taste in my mouth.

The nausea is coming.

[ Laughter ]

Steve: Garrett, tell me
a little about yourself.

Garrett: Uh...

I believe I had let
my mother die.

Okay.

She was sick
with alcoholism.

She went to bed, and all I can
remember is hearing her groan

and moan in her bed,
in her bedroom.

And I remember that I decided
to not go check on her

because I thought she was
just groaning, and...

Had she groaned before?

Yeah.

I didn't know what to do.

She was always, uh...

angry any time I would try
to talk to her about it.

How long ago
was this?

It happened in 2014.

I think my parents' divorce
was the thing that started

the downward spiral.

And, as time went on,

I noticed that my mother,
she couldn't drink anything

unless it had alcohol in it.

Vodka was probably
the biggest vice that she had.

It went into every liquid that
she was drinking, unfortunately.

I tried to convince her to stop,
that she had a problem,

because I could see
how sick she was getting.

And then, the last day,
I woke up.

I let her dog out of her room,
and I just saw her.

She was just still and blue.

[ Sighs ]

I grabbed her arm.

I tried to shake her,
and she was just rigid.

[ Sighs ]

And that's when I realized
that she was dead.

[ Exhales deeply ]

Maybe I could have
done something.

I feel like I let her die.

♪♪

Well, I guarantee you
we'll work with it

through the medicine,
but, right now,

just take a deep breath

and just breathe
for a minute.

Just breathe and kind of
find your center.

And thank you for sharing.
That was a painful moment.

And I mean that.

We're going to get through this,
one minute at a time.

It's all
going to be good.

Mm‐hmm.
I promise you.

All going to be good.

Lina: So I'm teaching my [bleep]
kids how not to trust anyone

because I couldn't trust
my mother to keep me safe.

O0 C1
♪♪

♪♪

Lina: When I first took
the brew, I was very tense.

As I was looking at the cup,

that's when I heard
somebody say,

"Carolina, relax,"
and I was just like,

"Did anybody else hear that?"

And then the sense of
calming relaxation came about.

And then the tears were just
uncontrollably coming down.

[ Sobs ]

I have a history of
sexual abuse growing up.

The abuse happened up until
the point when I was 12.

When my mom was
told about the abuse,

she didn't believe me.

The only person in the world

that's supposed to
believe me didn't.

I was [bleep] 10.

I'm sorry.

From the age of 15,

my mom admitted me
to multiple psych wards.

She felt that something
was off with me.

She felt that this didn't
really happen.

I was there almost...

I want to say like
a year and eight months,

and I asked my doctor,

"What is it that I need
to do to get out of here?"

And he told me, um...

He told me that I needed
to say the abuse never happened.

So he didn't believe me either.

So I told them
that it didn't happen.

So I was discharged to my mom.

And I went back
to live with them.

So I'm teaching my [bleep] kids
how not to trust anyone

because I couldn't trust
my mother to keep me safe.

[ Sobbing ]

♪♪

This music is beautiful.

When I laid down, I felt like

I was kind of
levitating above my bed.

It was basically just
a very relaxing, calming,

warm feeling
all over my body,

and when I closed my eyes,
I was seeing an octopus.

It was kind of just
chilling there

and moving its tentacles
a little bit every now and then.

And then it disappeared.

I also saw one red snake,

and it was kind of moving
in this pattern, like...

Then there was another one that
came along, alongside of it,

and they were both kind of
moving simultaneously together,

looking across from each other.

And then Mother Ayahuasca
took me to this blissful,

amazing place.

She started pulling me
from this body and cleansing me,

and it started raining on me
with, like, pure refreshing rain

that was cleansing
my entire body.

It was just really beautiful.

Teri gave me that, so ‐‐
but if you're feeling

all right enough, then I can
give you a half cup

if you'd like.

Yes, sir.

Steve: When Garrett started
just pouring his heart out to me

when I said,
"Hello. What's your name?"

I knew this young man had a lot
of pain welled up inside of him

that he needed somebody
desperately to talk to,

and Mama Teri, she can't help

but let that mother spirit
come through,

and I knew that was going
to make him really raw

and take him right back
to the place of his mother,

but that's where we had to go
because, in his mind,

that's where
all his problems lie.

If you would just kind of
go over a little bit with,

you know,
the loss of your mom.

Had she drank all your life,
or had it...

No, it ‐‐ I mean,
it progressively got worse,

and after the divorce,
she had become more visibly ill.

[ Sighs ]
I had wished for them

to get divorced
for so long,

and it felt like
because I wanted that...

Oh, honey, no.

No.

You wishing
that had nothing...

One has absolutely nothing
to do with the other, nothing.

Completely beyond
your control.

That's like when
you're a little kid,

and you get mad
at one of your parents,

and you go, "I hate you.
I wish you'd die."

[ Sighs ]
It just feels so hard...

I know.
...to not feel like that.

She wouldn't want you
to carry that weight

that she had to carry.

She wouldn't want you
to ruin your life.

Or end it.

Would she want you
holding yourself responsible

for something you had
no control over?

No.

She didn't bring you
in this world for you

to take yourself
out, baby.

You have
a beautiful heart.

You're obviously
incredibly compassionate,

and you have something
very beautiful

and very unique that needs
to be in this world.

The world needs that cute
little laugh you got.

[ Laughs ]

Right?
Right.

Come here and give me
a hug, baby.

Give me a hug.

Garrett: When Teri
reached out to hold my hand

and reassure me and be
that mother figure for me,

it felt very calming,
very reassuring.

Her words definitely pierced
to a deeper level,

into my body, my soul,
you know,

rooting out some of those weeds
that had infested my soul.

And as soon as I felt that,
I began to purge.

As soon as I was finished
purging, I closed my eyes,

and I was in an abyss.

And in that abyss, I saw, like,
lights start to form,

and that's when
I realized, like,

these lights
weren't just lights.

They were stars,
and there were two stars

that were notably closer
than all the others,

and they kind of turned in on me
to make, like, a feminine face,

and I was resting in her hands,
and she smiled down upon me,

and in that moment, I just knew
that she was telling me

that everything
has been forgiven,

that there's nothing
to worry about anymore.

It was just a miraculously
beautiful moment.

Joe: We both took fentanyl,
and I woke up, and he didn't.

He overdosed.

O0 C1
♪♪

♪♪

Lina: I'm doing okay.

I'm still, like,
in a bit of awe, right?

I definitely feel very rested.

[ Ringing ]

Girl: Hi, Mommy.

How are you,
my beautiful princess?

‐I'm good.
‐So what's...

What's up with you?

It's going pretty good.

I'm so glad.

I miss you guys, though.
I miss you guys a lot.

I miss you, too.

Lina:
I'm a mother of two.

My son is 15,
and my daughter is 11.

My relationship with my kids
is completely different

than me and my mom.

I can't imagine my children
going through

any type of abuse that I've gone
through growing up and...

and not believing them.

My whole life is around
protecting them.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

[ Bell dings ]

‐No, no, no.
‐Over.

Over, yeah, like this.

You want to stay along the...

Oh. Gotcha.

...the round part.

[ Bell ringing ]

Going into ceremony tonight,

I definitely want to have
some closure with my brother,

who's deceased.

As my older brother,
5 years older,

he always looked after me.

My brother's last wish
was for me to be clean

and for us to have
a good life and start anew.

I ended up in the care
of my brother mostly

because my father could get
physically abusive sometimes,

so I moved out of my
parents' house with my brother.

My brother, he wanted to get out
of Florida as soon as possible,

so we moved up
to North Philadelphia.

Unfortunately, we just ended up
in an even worse environment.

There was basically just
gang members all over,

violence, drug dealing,

and my brother wasn't in a gang,

but he did sell drugs because
drug dealing was all around me.

I was basically using with him
on a daily basis.

14 until 20,
I was addicted to heroin,

Xanax, Klonopin, anything
I could get my hands on.

You know, my brother felt a
sense of responsibility for me,

so he really wanted me
to get clean,

and I had tried many rehabs
before and outpatients

and, you know,
different techniques,

yoga, meditation, et cetera,
so he decided,

"We're going to Israel
and get away from the lifestyle

that we're living in
and get clean,"

and it worked for a long time,
for like six months,

and then, like,
a lot of addicts do,

we said, you know,
"One time, we'll do it."

We both took fentanyl,
and I woke up, and he didn't.

He overdosed.

Like, my best friend that I had
in my whole life

is, you know ‐‐ only person
I trusted is gone.

I've been off of opiates
for two years,

and with the ceremony,

I really hope to forgive myself
for my brother's death.

♪♪

I'm excited about tonight.
I'm excited for all of you.

Always trust the medicine.

Always trust Mother Aya,
and you'll never go wrong.

Starting the second ceremony,
I'm excited for these people

because they're going to
reap the benefits

of all this collected energy
in this room.

All the compassion, the healing
that has happened here,

all the tears that are shed
and dripped into this carpet

is a part of this ceremony.

Within that room, I'm in flow,

and I'm in flow
with the universe,

and I'm in flow with Mother Aya,
and I'm in flow with my team,

and there is no better
feeling in the entire

[bleep] world.

[ Laughing ]

[ Laughter ]

Teri:
Laughing is a form of purging.

You know, everybody that posts
their videos on YouTube,

they want to talk about
the puking and the shitting.

Well, there's more to it
than that.

That is so awesome.

Garrett: [ Laughing ]

I know this will sound cliché,

but, I mean,
it felt pretty magical.

[ Laughing ]

♪♪

Every time I laughed,

I was melting
some of that anxiety,

some of that hatred
for myself.

Everything just felt like
how it should be.

[ Laughing ]

Steve:
You know what I feel?

That you were two addicts
bouncing around,

having a great time,

and a tragic accident
occurred.

♪♪

O0 C1
♪♪

♪♪

Steve: Joe has been through
terrible drug addiction

since he was 12 years old,

and these drug addictions
were to opiates,

so his whole system
has been turned down,

if you will ‐‐
deadened, flattened.

Steve: Here we go.
And if you would,

just sit in the chair
right by the wall.

Sure.
Thank you.

I know we got to get past
that addict's callous

around his heart and his mind,

and we got to get down to
the real root of the problem ‐‐

his brother's death.

I want you to take me
back to that day

that you walked in
and found your brother.

It was actually,
like, my money,

I bought the drugs
with that day.

Like, you know,
we'd take turns.

Pills, heroin, or just...?

We got fentanyl.

What was your brother's name?

‐Brandon.
‐Brandon, okay.

Yeah.

How old was Brandon
at this time?

He was 2‐23.

‐He was 23?
‐Yeah, yeah, he's...

And how old were you
at this time?

Around, like, 18.

Okay.
Yeah. Yeah.

Gotcha.

He o‐overdosed, like,
a bunch of times,

and I'd always revive him
a‐and get him back,

and he'd always come to.

And he told me, you know,
like,

"No matter what,
don't call the ambulance,"

and I guess I just looked
at my brother as, like,

you know, like a superhero,
you know, like,

that he could never
OD and die, um,

and I was so high.

I don't know why.

I don't know why I left him
there alone,

and when I came back,

there were people
at the gates.

Our friend said, "You know,
your ‐‐ your brother is gone."

And I said, "What?"

And he said, "He's dead."

And I just collapsed
right there,

and, like, me being
[bleep] up,

I can't ‐‐ I can't forgive
myself ever for, you know...

I feel like I killed him,
you know?

You held him down
and put the drugs in him?

No, but, I mean...

Who was older?

He was, but, you know...

No buts.
That's what is.

‐Yeah.
‐It just is.

‐Remember?
‐Yeah. Yeah.

‐No buts. Just is.
‐Yeah.

That's all I'm
pointing out ‐‐ reality.

‐True.
‐Reality was he was an adult.

‐Yeah.
‐Reality was he chose that path.

Reality was he shared it
with his little brother.

Just, like, I feel like he
was trying to get me clean,

and I wasn't into it as much
as he was originally,

and then it changed after,
you know, but...

Do you know what I feel?

That you were two addicts
bouncing around in a country,

having a great time,

and a tragic accident
occurred...

Yeah.

...that nobody meant
for to happen,

including Brandon.

Yeah.

Let me ask you something.

If Brandon was sitting here
right in front of you

right now,
what would you say to him?

[Sighs] I'd say,
"I'm sorry, man,

I left you," and, uh...

I'd probably slap him
in the face, too.

And he'd probably
backhand you right back...

‐Oh, yeah.
‐...and go, "Little brother,

you did just what
I told you."

Yeah.

"You did just what
I told you to do.

And you wouldn't have
been my little brother

if you hadn't
have done it.

And that's not
your weight to bear."

True.

"Even though I appreciate
that you love me so much

that it hurts
that I'm gone,

and the thought of totally
letting me go hurts, too,

but I'm always with you.
I'm just different."

True.

"I'm just different."

Yeah, he was, like,
my best friend

and the only person that
understood me, you know?

Brandon: I did understand
what Steve was saying,

that my brother
made his own choices,

and that I make
my own choices, too,

and, at first,
I didn't want to accept it,

when he first said it.

Just come up here and sit down.
We'll get you a cup.

‐Sure.
‐There we go.

‐Thank you.
‐Let me get your bowl.

But when I came out of the room,

Mother Aya, she said,
"You either accept it,

or you're going to stay feeling
horrible the rest of your life,

and you're going to have
a tremendous amount of pain,"

and she showed me the pain

through emotions
and through purging

and through probably
one of the worst,

painful experiences in my life.

[ People shouting indistinctly ]

[ Panting ]

But at the same time...

[ Gunshot ]

...that's what I asked for,

and that's what
I needed so much.

♪♪

[ Chuckles ]

Thank you.

She got you away
from your abuser,

no matter whether
she meant to or not.

That's what happened.

♪♪

[ Insects chirping ]

♪♪

Steve:
Lina has a very unique story,

and it's an ugly story
that only somebody

who's been incarcerated against
their will

can understand what that does
to a young person

that vulnerable who's been
raped repeatedly,

betrayed repeatedly,

and all before she
could even drive a car.

Lina, thank you
for coming out.

Please, have a seat.

And that's why she's here.

She's here to reconstruct.

She's here to rebuild her
from this day forth.

So, Lina, here we go.

Let's get this out of the way
first and foremost.

Take your time.

You know, if we could,
I'd like to start here tonight,

just you kind of telling me
a little bit more in depth

about that time
in the psychiatric hospital.

Could you describe that
to me?

I wasn't like
every other patient.

I didn't hear voices.
Right.

You know,
I didn't see things.

You weren't crazy.

No.

But you're the one
being locked up.

You're the one being judged.
You're the one being evaluated.

And there was moments
where I questioned myself, too,

"Did the abuse really happen?"

You know, I had so many people
telling me,

"No," you know,
"It's all in your head."

Not many people could
spend that long

in a psychiatric institution
and walk out

as whole as you are now,
sitting in front of me,

at 15 years old.

I've been in them places.

They are confusing, and they
are very hard to process,

and I couldn't imagine doing it
at 15 when I was the victim.

And I'm just going to
propose this

just from a different
perspective.

What I'm wanting you to do
is visualize your mother

as she was
when you were 15,

and she knew what was
going on, because,

in her heart of hearts,
I'm not saying this is for sure,

that by getting you there, she
also kept you from being abused.

♪♪

She got you away from your
abuser, however it happened,

whether she knew it or not,
what I'm saying to you,

the universe was protecting you
in a way that only it could.

I never even thought
about it that way.

I never even...

That's what happened.

No matter whether
she meant to or not,

that's what happened.

The universe has been
walking beside you

this whole way.

I believe that.

Really has.

So, see, here's the conflict
within yourself.

You're doomed to
love your mother.

We all are.

You're doomed to
love your mother.

We all are.

But you know what?
This ain't about her.

This is about you.

You're an incredibly
strong woman,

and this is about us
working on a path for Lina.

♪♪

Tonight, I want you to
find spiritual neutral

because we're going to let
Mother Aya and the universe

just kind of pull us along.

I wanted to use
the chakra table with Lina

because we really needed
to get her energy moving.

Her energy is completely
out of balance,

and we had to go ahead
and get that taken care of

while we were touching
on these other issues

because it was all woven
into one ugly rope.

This is really going to help
cleanse her energy body,

if you will ‐‐ her soul.

The on that he just turned on
is for your root chakra, okay?

That's for your grounding.

What I'm going to advise
you to do,

pull those roots up
out of the past, baby,

because they're
not serving you now.

The next thing I want you to
focus on is your throat chakra.

[ Switch clicks ]

And that's speaking
your truth ‐‐ your truth.

♪♪

You're not crazy.

Give that gift to yourself.

You've been through some shit,
and you have come through it.

Let those wounds heal.

Let those wounds heal.
Let them go.

♪♪

Lina:
The chakra table ‐‐ Oh, my God.

I felt, like, this vibration
coming out of the stones,

like, beaming down

and just staying in each chakra.

It was pretty intense
because it just vibrates,

and it just expands
all over your body.

And then I saw a lot
of black and gray,

and then this massive
amount of color

just gently just pushed away
the black and gray.

But for some odd reason,
I was too scared

of the bright colors coming in,

and I almost felt, like,
attached to this other darkness

that was slowly
being pushed away.

It almost feels like
I had layers

and layers of spider webs
in my face.

I couldn't recognize myself.

I was trying to understand

what was Mother Aya trying
to tell me in that message,

and I think that most of it
might have been letting go,

and I took, like,
one deep breath,

and it was gone.

It was like a first breath

because it filled me up
with so much lightness.

And then I just had to take
a moment of gratitude.

♪♪

[ Birds chirping ]

♪♪

Garrett: Honestly,
I'm going to miss this.

‐Like...
‐Yeah.

‐Yeah.
‐Yeah.

Like, this whole thing
has been so...
It was a short time.

‐Such a connection with you.
‐I know, right?

Like, who will laugh like you,
you know?

‐Oh, my God.
‐And that's the ‐‐

Y'all would have never
heard me laugh.

[ Laughter ]

When I came to Aya Quest,
I just thought

that this would be some

bullshit voodoo witchy crap,

but it's definitely real.

♪♪

I feel like I have gotten
the strength to forgive myself.

I know it's not my fault.

I still love my mother,
always will,

and I'll still miss her,

but I'm not going
to let her death

or any of this weigh me
down anymore.

Yeah, I think we should really
consider doing it annually.

I think that this whole
experience had taught me that,

although I've been
through a lot,

I haven't really been
alone in this.

There's been an unknown
divine greatness

that walks with all of us,

specifically when there
is severe trauma,

and I think that this experience
has helped me

to understand that aspect.

[ Chuckles ]

You know, it's always a pleasure
to look on a group of people

and remember what you seen
walked in

and look at what's
getting ready to walk out.

And what I see getting ready
to walk out of here

is some phenomenal people

with some phenomenal lives
ahead of them.

This concludes our ceremony.

We wish you the best,

certainly thrilled to work with
each and every one of you.

Brandon: Before coming here,

I thought Ayahuasca
was a healing tool

that would help you maybe figure
out some things in your life,

which it definitely was,
but I think it really has, like,

a life of its own,
like a spirit of its own,

you know,
and it's intelligent, um,

which is crazy.
[ Chuckles ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Garrett:
It's definitely very alive,

and it's definitely very,
very soul‐touching.

Go ahead.
Thank you so much.

‐Bye‐bye now.
‐Take care.

Be safe.

Teri:
We've seen all kinds of people

walk through this door,
from people who are

battling addiction
to depression,

anxiety, physical ailments,

you know, just
a little bit of everything,

but when they all leave,

they're all leaving better
than they came in.

♪♪

One of my mandates as a shaman
for Mother Ayahuasca

is I am her protector.

I am her guardian
in the physical realm,

and Mother is
very important to me.

She has changed my life.

She has given my life meaning.

She has given me a path
to fulfillment,

something I've never had.

And she has also allowed me
to become a better person.

And since I've been
on this path,

I work with the people I love,
and my life is bliss.

♪♪

Mother Aya knows the change
that is coming.

She has waited for this change
for millions of years.

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

I don't know why she chose
a [bleep] like me,

but I do know that
she's exactly where she belongs.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

I feel great.
I really do.

I feel like I can actually
enjoy life now.

I just can't wait to get out
in the world

and show them who I am now.

♪♪

♪♪

I'm able to find reasons
to smile more.

It's almost like I am reliving
my childhood through my kids,

and I'm glad that something

so beautiful
could come out of that.

♪♪

♪♪

I'm working a job.
I'm able to leave my house.

My relationships have gotten
so much better.

I'm able to appreciate
the small moments in life.

I still have anxiety,
but now I just can sit down

and process things,
and I look forward to my future

rather than get anxiety
and so upset about it.

♪♪