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1
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,552
? From the long, warm nights
with an ocean breeze
2
00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:13,837
? To the damp and to the rain
of London city
3
00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:18,596
? We come from the sun
to live in the cold
4
00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:22,275
? I miss my rum
I want my coconut tree
5
00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:26,031
? Don't scratch my soca
6
00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,037
? Till the party's over
7
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:34,637
? Let's keep the music sweet
8
00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:37,712
? Wind up your waist and feel the beat
? Don't scratch my soca ?
9
00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:43,396
(Rattles saucepan)
10
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:52,836
(Rattling)
11
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:55,997
- More tea?
- Yes, thank you, darling.
12
00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:57,991
It's in the pot.
13
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:01,434
- Mum.
- (All) Happy birthday!
14
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,748
Oh, thank you.
15
00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:05,149
You thought we forgot, didn't you?
But we remembered.
16
00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:07,515
Look!
17
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,672
Oh, thank you, darling. Desmond, look.
18
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:13,752
It's nice. Who is it supposed to be?
19
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:17,799
- It's Winnie Mandela.
- Oh, yes, I can see that now.
20
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:22,749
- Happy birthday, Mrs Ambrose.
- Oh, Louise, thank you. They're lovely.
21
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:26,037
- Aren't they lovely, Desmond?
- Yes, yes.
22
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:29,396
Happy birthday, Mum.
Sorry, I couldn't afford a present.
23
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,995
Aw, never mind. Thank you, anyway.
24
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,230
I'm glad
this only happens once a year.
25
00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:39,871
"Some mothers are bad,
some aren't so good
26
00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:44,397
"But my mum's wicked
in this neighbourhood
27
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,671
"Because Dad's so stingy
with his pocket money
28
00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:52,638
"Giving you this card
makes me feel funny
29
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,712
"I wanna save face
even though times are hard
30
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:58,678
"I didn't buy you a present,
I bought you a card"
31
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:02,389
Stingy? When I was your age,
I didn't even get pocket money.
32
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:06,360
- So, what's changed?
- You cheeky little...
33
00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:08,715
Aw, this is nice, isn't it, Desmond?
34
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:12,554
Me family bought me cards, and presents.
35
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:14,631
Even Louise bothered.
36
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:17,837
- What did you get Mum, Dad?
- Answer your son.
37
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,717
- Who, me?
- Yes, you.
38
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,552
Well, it's, er... private.
39
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:23,870
- What's so private about you forgetting?
- I didn't.
40
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,269
- You didn't remember.
- I did last night.
41
00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:31,036
- What about last night?
- I remembered to wrap your present.
42
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,076
- Oh...
- There you go.
43
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:39,269
- (All) Oh...
- Lovely.
44
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:41,675
Ooooh...
45
00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:45,355
- You old dog.
- (Barks)
46
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,954
- Happy birthday, Shirley!
- Many happy returns!
47
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:52,477
- Lee! Matthew!
- There you go, Shirl. Just for you.
48
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:55,916
- Oh.
- Oh, thank you, Lee.
49
00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:59,519
It's a tester.
50
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,956
No, it's not just a tester, Shirl.
It's the tester.
51
00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:06,237
Of the most expensive perfume in the world.
52
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,311
- It's not stolen, is it?
- Oh, Shirl.
53
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:11,517
- Would I give you bent gear?
- Yes.
54
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:15,479
- Oh, thank you, Lee.
- Many happy returns of the day.
55
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:18,199
- (Excited murmurs)
- Oh, for me, Matthew?
56
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,474
What is that?
57
00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:27,595
This is very nice, Matthew. Is it African?
58
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,671
This is a mark of great respect.
59
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:33,469
And it's only given to the oldest
tribeswoman of the village.
60
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:37,189
Who wants to be the oldest tribeswoman
of Peckham High Road?
61
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,589
Where's Uncle Porkpie? Why ain't he here?
62
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:43,878
- He announced he wouldn't be coming.
- He was in a right funny mood as well.
63
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,916
Do you know what's wrong with him?
64
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:50,357
Some people don't like birthdays.
Brings back too many memories.
65
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,795
He hasn't been the same since his wife left.
66
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,314
- She left him?
- It's a long story and...
67
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:58,278
And we don't want to hear about it now.
68
00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:02,433
- Because I brought together...
- In honour of Shirley Ambrose.
69
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,034
...with great difficulty, the Peckham Posse.
70
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:09,557
Yes, that famous ensemble, the P Posse,
will sing in the key of off
71
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:12,598
my latest composition, Opus 173.
72
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,511
Going at it, Matthew, boy!
73
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:18,593
? Happy birthday to you
? Cheekie-boo, cheekie-boo
74
00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,717
? Happy birthday to you
? Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo
75
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:25,789
? Happy birthday, dear Shirley
76
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,553
? Happy birthday to you ?
77
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:30,596
(Cheering)
78
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:36,798
- Just what you doing?
- I watching the news.
79
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:39,716
But you need to hear the news.
80
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:43,429
Why do I need to hear bad news
as well as see it?
81
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,079
(Whispering)
82
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:07,000
Ripped By mstoll
83
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,311
(Whispering)
84
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,356
What's the big secret?
85
00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:14,113
- (All) Nothing.
- So why are you all whispering?
86
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,156
We're not. We were just...
87
00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:18,470
- We were just debating.
- Yeah, debating.
88
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:22,599
Yeah? Usually, when you lot debate,
I can hear you halfway down the road.
89
00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:25,797
- So why are you so secretive?
- (Whispers) It's a secret debate.
90
00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:26,915
(Whispers) Yeah.
91
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:32,354
Well, instead of having a secret debate,
92
00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,556
why don't you finish your homework?
93
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,154
- He hasn't even started.
- Neither have they.
94
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:41,028
You mean, you ain't done any work yet?
Go and make a start now.
95
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,509
Why couldn't you keep your big mouth shut?
96
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:47,309
Mum, if I tell you what the secret it,
can we do it after supper?
97
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,152
No. Now.
98
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:52,277
Oh, go on.
99
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,590
You'll like it.
100
00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,519
All right. What's the secret?
101
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,830
A secret? I've come at the right time.
102
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,639
- Why don't you knock before barging in?
- Gloria!
103
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:07,998
What you fail to remember is,
not only am I now a partner in the business,
104
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,355
I happen to also be your older brother.
105
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,431
So treat me with some respect.
106
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:15,273
You're a big girl now and I'm a grown-up.
107
00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,834
Happy birthday, Mother.
108
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:23,879
Oh! Michael, they're lovely.
109
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:25,632
Beautiful. Have you eaten?
110
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:30,714
- I'm having supper with some friends.
- I'm having supper with some friends.
111
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:34,270
- Good to hear you've still got some.
- I've just come for the accounts.
112
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,033
- I've got soup. Want me to warm it up?
- No.
113
00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:40,476
- What about some fried fish?
- That's all right.
114
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,916
- Do you want to hear this secret?
- Oh, sorry. What is it?
115
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,834
At the third stroke,
it will be 6:15 precisely.
116
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,309
- That's right.
- That is not a toy, Father!
117
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:53,039
- Let's have a look.
- What do you want a thing like this for?
118
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:56,078
Tools of the trade.
The money market never closes.
119
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:59,709
It's a poser phone.
How buppies talk to each other.
120
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:04,954
Remember when we were young? We'd
tie a piece of string between two tin cans.
121
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:07,349
That's their version of that.
122
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:10,034
Yes, but I can ring anywhere in the world.
123
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,350
You can? Maybe I can ring your auntie.
124
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,749
No, you're not.
125
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:18,230
- You're not going to ring Jamaica.
- Just make me give one call.
126
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:21,153
No. It costs a fortune
to call on one of these things.
127
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:24,789
- Why have one then?
- So he can say it costs a fortune.
128
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,314
What about Mr Porkpie's party then?
129
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,710
Porkpie having a party?
How come I haven't been invited?
130
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:34,076
They'll never take you in Ml5, will they?
131
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,151
We're having a party for him next Friday.
132
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,630
I saw him in the post office
this morning. He looked sad.
133
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,598
We thought we'd sweeten him up a bit,
nice it up for him.
134
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:46,195
- I'm sure you mean well.
- I've made a list of what we need.
135
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:50,558
Drinks, entertainment, decorations,
hats, party poppers, food...
136
00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,949
and money.
137
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,554
But you don't have to go mad.
138
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:59,713
Make some rum punch, play some music.
He wouldn't want anything fancy.
139
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,995
Give him a drink and anywhere is a party.
140
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:07,029
- We want to make it something special.
- Yeah, a party to remember.
141
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,588
He drink the rum,
he won't remember a thing.
142
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,992
No, we don't want any of that
old man drunken styling.
143
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,036
We want something crisp.
144
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,236
Yeah, but how are we going to afford it?
145
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:19,912
- I know how.
- You do?
146
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,197
- It'll be part of our business expansion plan.
- Business what?
147
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,236
Good PR for the shop.
148
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:28,676
We can give Uncle Porkpie
a good time and impress clients.
149
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,354
I feel an entrepreneurial opportunity coming.
150
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,158
Can we have that in English?
151
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,152
For argument's sake,
call him our oldest customer.
152
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:38,959
- I can think of an argument against that.
- You can?
153
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,793
He's not a customer.
He never has his hair cut.
154
00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:47,190
We'll offer him a free haircut. Make a fuss.
Get a photo in a local paper.
155
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:49,032
- Agreed?
- (Muttering)
156
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,634
- I'll pay for it.
- Agreed.
157
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:53,438
Say he doesn't want to come?
158
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,990
Tell him there's home cooking
and dominoes. He's bound to come.
159
00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:01,676
Could you pass me the tin cans
and a piece of string, please?
160
00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:03,432
Who are you calling?
161
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:06,910
A catering firm I know called Smarty Parties.
162
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,877
Whoo!
163
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,309
Excuse me.
164
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:18,472
(Loud chatter)
165
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:21,233
- Is everything ready?
- Yes.
166
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:27,440
You know, Michael, it's amazing,
the things you can do with a few flowers.
167
00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:33,117
Anyway, I think I've successfully managed
to transform this seedy little place
168
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,919
into something a little bit more respectable.
169
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,719
- Yes, you've done a wonderful job,
- Thank you.
170
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:42,315
- I only wish it was permanent.
- Michael, lovey.
171
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,870
Look, if you ever need
a completely new concept for the shop,
172
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:49,589
Smarty Parties also do interior designs.
173
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:51,830
Alas, I'm still trying to persuade my father
174
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:55,469
to move into the '70s, let alone the '90s.
175
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:58,518
Look, is everything OK?
176
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,716
Yes.
177
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:04,349
- Good. Go for it.
- Shoo. Don't touch it. Shoo, shoo!
178
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,396
What is this, a party or a wedding?
179
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,550
Since when has Porkpie been into flowers?
180
00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:11,279
Lee, these flowers cost me a lot of money.
181
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,193
It serves you right.
You should've come to me, mate.
182
00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:18,797
Look, are you sure you know
what you're doing, anyway?
183
00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:22,350
Oh, yeah. Me and SLR?
Whoa, we're like that.
184
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,234
- SLR, what's that?
- Er, that's...
185
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:28,709
That's single-lens reflex.
186
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,677
Oh, thank you, David Bailey.
187
00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:35,270
It's good, eh? My own recipe. Rum punch.
188
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,794
Rum punch?
189
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,633
This punch ain't got any punch.
190
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:55,839
Ah...
191
00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,955
(Coughs)
192
00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:01,519
Knockout.
193
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,709
Do you have parties like this in Africa?
194
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,678
- Yes, for funerals.
- But not surprise parties?
195
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,797
Well, the last one I went to
was for my cousin.
196
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,599
One of his wives
had hit him over the head with a saucepan.
197
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,875
He was surprised to be dead.
198
00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:29,838
- That's good.
- Right, Sean, you got the blindfold?
199
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,558
- Yes.
- You know what to do?
200
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:33,312
- Yes.
- Go.
201
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,152
Listen, everybody.
202
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:40,075
Porkpie is coming in in a minute.
Sean's gonna bring him in blindfolded,
203
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:44,472
- I wish you'd hurry. I'm starving.
- Look, I told you before. Shush.
204
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:47,552
Shh! Positions, everyone. Let's go for it.
205
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,476
After three...
206
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,713
Hang on, Porkpie.
We're not quite ready upstairs.
207
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,791
Wait there and I'll come and get you.
208
00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:05,156
- Sean, what's going on?
- All will be revealed. Uh-uh!
209
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:08,710
- You promised not to look.
- All right. Hurry up.
210
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:16,471
Surprise!
211
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:19,757
(Whooping and cheering)
212
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,716
- Surprise!
- Speech, Uncle Porkpie, speech!
213
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,950
Speech! Speech!
214
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:29,919
Well... I don't know what to say,
really and truly.
215
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,151
Say something truly and really.
216
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,076
If you want to know the truth, I can tell you.
217
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,754
(All) Yes!
218
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:42,957
Look around you. What do you see?
219
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,349
- Friends.
- (All talk at once)
220
00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,670
A lot of wasted money.
221
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:53,798
The money spent on all this
could've been spent on something better.
222
00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:01,877
- Porkpie!
- Shirley, he's better left alone.
223
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:05,236
That's what I like about Porkpie.
He certainly knows how to enjoy himself.
224
00:13:07,271 --> 00:13:09,227
Porkpie, it's me.
225
00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:12,708
Gloria.
226
00:13:15,671 --> 00:13:19,107
- Come on, open up, please.
- Me not in.
227
00:13:19,191 --> 00:13:21,751
I've come to apologise about yesterday.
228
00:13:23,191 --> 00:13:25,182
You come alone?
229
00:13:25,271 --> 00:13:27,546
Yeah, why?
230
00:13:27,631 --> 00:13:30,350
- Anybody follow you?
- No!
231
00:13:32,831 --> 00:13:34,742
(Chain rattles)
232
00:13:35,871 --> 00:13:37,463
Ah!
233
00:13:46,071 --> 00:13:47,823
Nice.
234
00:13:50,151 --> 00:13:52,506
Oh. Very nice.
235
00:13:52,591 --> 00:13:57,585
Yes, music and television is the only
thing me have to occupy me now.
236
00:13:57,671 --> 00:14:01,505
- Used to be in Dad's band, didn't you?
- That's right.
237
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:04,264
He never talks about it.
What happened to them?
238
00:14:05,031 --> 00:14:07,499
We got old.
239
00:14:07,591 --> 00:14:10,185
- Who are they?
- My daughters.
240
00:14:10,271 --> 00:14:13,263
- They're very nice.
- Are they?
241
00:14:17,431 --> 00:14:22,425
I've come to apologise for yesterday.
Must've been very embarrassing for you.
242
00:14:22,511 --> 00:14:26,663
You didn't embarrass me.
You know, what really got me...
243
00:14:26,751 --> 00:14:30,061
was the waste of it all.
244
00:14:30,151 --> 00:14:33,268
- I suppose you think I'm ungrateful.
- No.
245
00:14:33,351 --> 00:14:36,866
- I suppose they want an apology.
- You don't have to apologise.
246
00:14:36,951 --> 00:14:39,670
I wasn't going to.
247
00:14:40,511 --> 00:14:43,787
- Nice view.
- Get away from the window!
248
00:14:45,191 --> 00:14:47,580
Who's gonna see us on the seventh floor?
249
00:14:47,671 --> 00:14:50,708
Them TV detector van
can see through everything.
250
00:14:50,791 --> 00:14:53,589
They know what station you're watching.
251
00:14:53,671 --> 00:14:57,220
Them even know
when you turn off Jim Davidson.
252
00:14:57,311 --> 00:15:01,748
Don't be afraid of TV detector vans.
They're only after people that...
253
00:15:01,831 --> 00:15:05,665
- You haven't got a television licence?
- No.
254
00:15:05,751 --> 00:15:08,345
And I can't afford one, either.
255
00:15:08,431 --> 00:15:12,185
�62.50. That's not a lot of money, is it?
256
00:15:12,271 --> 00:15:15,468
But from where me sit now,
that is a lot of money.
257
00:15:15,551 --> 00:15:17,985
It's a lot more than my pension.
258
00:15:18,071 --> 00:15:19,868
It's funny.
259
00:15:19,951 --> 00:15:23,739
I work hard all my life,
and what me have to show for it?
260
00:15:23,831 --> 00:15:28,746
A flat on the seventh floor
on the worst estate in Peckham.
261
00:15:28,831 --> 00:15:33,188
I've one stereo, a TV I can't use,
a gold watch that I pawn.
262
00:15:33,271 --> 00:15:36,547
And a selection of porkpie hats.
263
00:15:38,111 --> 00:15:42,389
Why don't you give you something useful
when you retire, like money?
264
00:15:43,351 --> 00:15:45,945
Everybody gets a gold watch.
265
00:15:46,031 --> 00:15:48,625
I think they give you a gold watch
so you remember
266
00:15:48,711 --> 00:15:52,067
how precious little time you have
before you kick the bucket.
267
00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:55,507
- Don't say that, Uncle Porkpie.
- Ah, but it's true.
268
00:15:55,991 --> 00:15:58,949
So... there lies the future
269
00:15:59,031 --> 00:16:03,263
of Mr Augustus Neapolitan Cleveland Grant.
270
00:16:03,351 --> 00:16:06,707
Who has to sit here watchless, boxless
271
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:09,942
and... dropless.
272
00:16:10,711 --> 00:16:12,667
- What so funny?
- Your name.
273
00:16:12,751 --> 00:16:16,107
Augustus Neapolitan Cleveland Grant.
274
00:16:16,191 --> 00:16:18,147
Augustus?
275
00:16:18,231 --> 00:16:20,950
Neapolitan?
276
00:16:21,031 --> 00:16:23,591
Neapolitan.
277
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:27,981
- How is he?
- Well, he's all right.
278
00:16:30,551 --> 00:16:33,941
(Counts under breath)
279
00:16:34,031 --> 00:16:37,706
How much pocket money do you get?
280
00:16:37,791 --> 00:16:40,510
Not as much as you.
How much do you get?
281
00:16:40,591 --> 00:16:42,547
Not a lot.
282
00:16:44,151 --> 00:16:48,747
It's just that Porkpie needs
�62.50 for a TV licence.
283
00:16:49,911 --> 00:16:53,745
With my not a lot and your not a lot,
we don't got a lot.
284
00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:59,110
- Although Dad gave me a pay increase.
- How much?
285
00:16:59,191 --> 00:17:02,661
- 50p.
- That's not a lot.
286
00:17:05,791 --> 00:17:08,510
- Wait a minute.
- What?
287
00:17:08,591 --> 00:17:10,900
Don't worry, sis. I'll sort it out for you.
288
00:17:10,991 --> 00:17:13,710
Man's got to do what a man's got to do.
289
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:18,511
And then put five K into cocoa. Right.
290
00:17:18,591 --> 00:17:21,230
- (Knock on door)
- Come in.
291
00:17:21,311 --> 00:17:24,223
- Yes, Mandy?
- There's somebody to see you, sir.
292
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:28,145
- Show them in.
- You can come in now, Mr Ambrose.
293
00:17:29,871 --> 00:17:32,021
Er... Do take a seat.
294
00:17:33,071 --> 00:17:35,187
Bro, safe.
295
00:17:36,391 --> 00:17:39,110
Er... That'll be all, Mandy, thank you.
296
00:17:40,631 --> 00:17:42,906
- What do you want?
- Relax, bro.
297
00:17:42,991 --> 00:17:46,506
Just come to check out the scene.
298
00:17:46,591 --> 00:17:49,264
- Yes, it's nice.
- Thank you.
299
00:17:49,351 --> 00:17:52,502
It's not bad. The manager's office
is better, though.
300
00:17:52,591 --> 00:17:56,470
You know, I can just see you in there,
with your name on that door.
301
00:17:56,551 --> 00:17:58,348
- MM.
- M M?
302
00:17:58,431 --> 00:18:00,706
Michael the Manager.
303
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:04,903
- I bet the manager earns a good wage.
- Yes, he does.
304
00:18:04,991 --> 00:18:08,506
It's not a bad career to be in.
You should think about it.
305
00:18:08,591 --> 00:18:11,583
How much do assistants earn?
306
00:18:12,631 --> 00:18:14,986
Enough.
307
00:18:15,071 --> 00:18:19,110
Well, in that case, you won't mind
if I ask MM for a loan.
308
00:18:19,191 --> 00:18:22,422
- You can try.
- All right. Can I have a loan?
309
00:18:23,111 --> 00:18:26,069
Oh. Would that be a personal loan,
Mr Ambrose?
310
00:18:26,151 --> 00:18:29,427
Yeah, very personal one. From you to me.
311
00:18:29,511 --> 00:18:31,422
- Oh, yes?
- It's for a good cause.
312
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:33,581
Oh, really? And who's that? You?
313
00:18:33,671 --> 00:18:37,710
- No, not me.
- OK, Sean. How much?
314
00:18:37,791 --> 00:18:39,861
- Er... �40.
- What?
315
00:18:39,951 --> 00:18:42,545
For Porkpie.
He needs to pay his TV licence.
316
00:18:42,631 --> 00:18:46,340
After all the money I paid out for him
and he walked out.
317
00:18:46,431 --> 00:18:49,264
Now he wants me
to give him �40 for a TV licence?
318
00:18:49,351 --> 00:18:52,104
- No way.
- No, he doesn't know.
319
00:18:52,191 --> 00:18:54,341
Gloria, Louise and me are doing it
for a surprise.
320
00:18:54,431 --> 00:18:58,185
No. Not after the way he treated me
in front of all those people.
321
00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:00,341
And he hadn't even apologised.
322
00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:03,264
He didn't ask for the party.
That was your idea.
323
00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:06,707
- No.
- He would've really liked a TV licence.
324
00:19:06,791 --> 00:19:10,181
- No!
- All we need is another 40.
325
00:19:10,271 --> 00:19:12,831
Probably a weekly rent
on that phone of yours.
326
00:19:12,911 --> 00:19:14,947
So?
327
00:19:15,031 --> 00:19:17,784
OK. What about making an investment?
328
00:19:17,871 --> 00:19:20,829
- Ah. What in?
- Me.
329
00:19:31,951 --> 00:19:34,909
- (Whispers) Good job.
- I had some business to take care of.
330
00:19:34,991 --> 00:19:38,347
- I've got my �13.
- I've got my ten.
331
00:19:38,431 --> 00:19:44,142
I've got my five. Plus my 10% increase,
making a grand total of 5.50.
332
00:19:44,231 --> 00:19:47,348
�28.50. That's not gonna
get very far, is it?
333
00:19:47,431 --> 00:19:49,626
It'll buy three months' viewing time.
334
00:19:49,711 --> 00:19:52,271
Yeah, I suppose it's the thought that counts.
335
00:19:52,351 --> 00:19:57,027
- Yeah. Well. Try counting this.
- Where did you get that from?
336
00:19:57,111 --> 00:19:58,908
- Michael.
- Michael?
337
00:19:58,991 --> 00:20:01,630
Yeah, man, me and bro are like this.
338
00:20:01,711 --> 00:20:05,306
- How did you get that out of him?
- You don't know how to talk to him.
339
00:20:05,391 --> 00:20:08,189
There's a language
between a man and bank manager.
340
00:20:08,271 --> 00:20:11,741
- What did you say?
- I'd wash his car the next six months.
341
00:20:11,831 --> 00:20:14,425
- You get a kiss.
- Keep those lips to yourself.
342
00:20:14,511 --> 00:20:16,820
Now, if Louise wants to give me a kiss...
343
00:20:16,911 --> 00:20:18,344
Mwah!
344
00:20:32,711 --> 00:20:36,181
- How are you, Desmond? Shirley?
- You know how we is.
345
00:20:36,271 --> 00:20:40,469
We'll feel better when that silly
old fool Porkpie come out of hiding.
346
00:20:40,551 --> 00:20:43,224
Name that tune.
347
00:20:43,311 --> 00:20:47,384
- Buzz it.
- (? Drumbeat)
348
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:56,263
- What kind of tune is that?
- That is music from Senegal.
349
00:20:56,351 --> 00:20:59,582
Well, you can send it back.
350
00:20:59,671 --> 00:21:02,265
I'm not in the mood.
351
00:21:02,351 --> 00:21:05,671
I went to see him last night. No answer.
352
00:21:05,671 --> 00:21:09,505
- What do you think we should do?
- We should wait till he come back.
353
00:21:09,591 --> 00:21:14,142
- He's gone round there.
- Afternoon all. How goes it?
354
00:21:15,711 --> 00:21:20,307
- Yes, what's happened? Who's died?
- Nobody's seen Porkpie since the party.
355
00:21:20,391 --> 00:21:22,586
Ah. That's very interesting.
356
00:21:22,671 --> 00:21:25,902
I gave Sean �40 to go round
to help pay for his TV licence.
357
00:21:25,991 --> 00:21:27,947
- Did you?
- I hope he's all right.
358
00:21:28,031 --> 00:21:30,340
- Sean's run off with the money.
- Michael.
359
00:21:30,431 --> 00:21:33,184
How you could say a thing like that
about your brother, hm?
360
00:21:33,271 --> 00:21:37,423
If Sean say he wanted the money
for Porkpie licence, that's what he's done.
361
00:21:37,511 --> 00:21:41,220
You tell him, Mum.
Anyway, he didn't give me the money.
362
00:21:41,311 --> 00:21:44,508
I've got to clean your car
for six months, remember?
363
00:21:44,591 --> 00:21:46,468
Michael, how could you?
364
00:21:46,551 --> 00:21:49,941
Easily, he's a capitalist.
A face of capitalism has no heart.
365
00:21:50,031 --> 00:21:53,068
It's all right to be a capitalist
when you need money.
366
00:21:53,151 --> 00:21:55,591
That's the only good reason to have
a capitalist in the house.
367
00:21:55,671 --> 00:21:58,344
- You have the money, we spend it.
- Stop arguing.
368
00:21:58,431 --> 00:22:00,706
Louise, you seen Porkpie today?
369
00:22:00,791 --> 00:22:02,622
- No.
- What have you done with the money?
370
00:22:02,711 --> 00:22:04,190
- Spent it.
- On what?
371
00:22:04,271 --> 00:22:08,025
Look, we put it in an envelope
and popped it through his letter box.
372
00:22:08,111 --> 00:22:10,830
- (Grunting)
- (All) Porkpie!
373
00:22:10,911 --> 00:22:12,867
(All talk at once)
374
00:22:14,951 --> 00:22:19,263
I don't really know how to say this
because I don't like charity.
375
00:22:19,351 --> 00:22:23,185
But I want to thank you all for helping me.
376
00:22:23,271 --> 00:22:26,502
It made me realise that sometimes
you can't fight alone
377
00:22:26,591 --> 00:22:28,547
and you have to ask for help.
378
00:22:28,631 --> 00:22:32,544
So, I want to thank you
for your help and your friendship.
379
00:22:32,631 --> 00:22:36,704
I know it's a bit late
but I'd like to give this to you, Shirley.
380
00:22:36,791 --> 00:22:38,827
And say, "Happy birthday."
381
00:22:38,911 --> 00:22:41,903
Aw, thank you, Porkpie. Mwah.
382
00:22:49,271 --> 00:22:52,946
They're very nice.
383
00:22:53,031 --> 00:22:56,182
But these must've cost the earth.
I can't accept them.
384
00:22:56,271 --> 00:22:59,661
I didn't pay that much for them.
I got them from Lee.
385
00:23:05,031 --> 00:23:09,309
Oh, really? Well,
if you don't mind me asking, Porkpie,
386
00:23:09,391 --> 00:23:12,224
- how much you pay for them?
- You can't ask a man a thing like that.
387
00:23:14,071 --> 00:23:17,381
- How much?
- Excellent value, rolled gold, a pound.
388
00:23:19,591 --> 00:23:23,300
Well, it's the thought that counts,
eh, Porkpie?
389
00:23:23,391 --> 00:23:26,144
Yes, it's a nice present, Porkpie.
390
00:23:26,231 --> 00:23:27,459
Hm.
391
00:23:27,551 --> 00:23:29,906
No matter how much they cost.
392
00:23:29,991 --> 00:23:33,301
But for you, cheapskate,
it's the cost that counts.31492
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