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1
00:00:02,216 --> 00:00:03,416
Concede, Brighton.
2
00:00:03,450 --> 00:00:06,280
I've got you in two moves.
3
00:00:06,316 --> 00:00:08,246
You're done.
4
00:00:08,283 --> 00:00:10,433
Finished. Toast.
5
00:00:10,466 --> 00:00:12,276
[EXCLAIMING]
6
00:00:13,350 --> 00:00:15,150
Sir, when it's time
to choose
7
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:17,173
who pulls the plug
on the life support,
8
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:18,480
go with the girls.
9
00:00:20,283 --> 00:00:23,253
Ma, Jules is gonna be
here in two minutes.
10
00:00:23,283 --> 00:00:25,253
Would you stop futzing
with my skirt?
11
00:00:25,283 --> 00:00:27,663
Can you believe her?
Stop it!
12
00:00:27,100 --> 00:00:29,220
Oh, Miss Fine, she's a mother.
She's just pulling it down.
13
00:00:29,250 --> 00:00:32,350
She's my mother. She's hiking
it up.
14
00:00:32,383 --> 00:00:34,373
Oh, I get it.
15
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:38,220
Preparing the virgin for
the big sacrifice, huh?
16
00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:41,660
-Yeah, if it was 1980.
-Ma!
17
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:46,320
Meanwhile, show some
"de colla tessin".
18
00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:48,420
Stop it, Ma.
19
00:00:50,266 --> 00:00:53,496
I'm not some
over-the-hill hussy,
20
00:00:53,830 --> 00:00:54,280
desperate to...
21
00:00:54,316 --> 00:00:56,416
Oh, how's this?
22
00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:02,320
Now, aren't you glad
I forced you to go to
the Hadassah hoedown?
23
00:01:02,350 --> 00:01:03,420
Yeah.
24
00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:07,300
Yeah, I am.
25
00:01:07,333 --> 00:01:10,223
She thought that you could meet
the man of her dreams
26
00:01:10,250 --> 00:01:13,450
hanging around gay bars.
27
00:01:13,483 --> 00:01:17,223
Ma, I said Zabar's.
28
00:01:18,283 --> 00:01:20,373
I'm getting you
a Miracle-Ear.
29
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,100
[DOORBELL RINGS]
30
00:01:22,133 --> 00:01:23,253
Hurry up, Miss Fine.
31
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:25,283
You're not getting
any younger.
32
00:01:25,316 --> 00:01:28,996
I'm not the one that looks
like
Lily Munster.
33
00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:33,126
Meanwhile, I just met
the man a week ago.
34
00:01:33,166 --> 00:01:35,126
It takes a while to form
a relationship.
35
00:01:35,166 --> 00:01:37,376
I don't even know if
we're compatible.
36
00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:48,296
You know, he's a doctor.
37
00:01:48,333 --> 00:01:51,483
Ah! That explains why he's
trying to remove her tonsils.
38
00:01:53,116 --> 00:01:54,366
Oh, can you believe this?
39
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,300
Ever since The Beatles,
I've wanted to meet
40
00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:59,203
a sexy guy with an
English accent.
41
00:01:59,233 --> 00:02:02,333
Guess they're all at
the Hadassah hoedown.
42
00:02:02,366 --> 00:02:04,366
Meanwhile, you should've come.
43
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,500
There were a lot of nice girls
there for you.
44
00:02:07,830 --> 00:02:10,170
Big hair, lots of makeup,
tight clothes...
45
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:13,130
Not my style, but he
goes for that type.
46
00:02:14,283 --> 00:02:17,483
Jules, before I forget,
come for dinner Sunday.
47
00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:21,450
I'll take the plastic
off the couch.
48
00:02:21,483 --> 00:02:23,373
That sounds delicious.
49
00:02:26,466 --> 00:02:29,416
-Laugh at his jokes.
-Ow!
50
00:02:34,133 --> 00:02:37,333
SINGER:♪♪ She was workingin a bridal shopin Flushing, Queens ♪♪
51
00:02:37,660 --> 00:02:38,270
♪♪ 'Til her boyfriendkicked her out ♪♪
52
00:02:38,300 --> 00:02:40,130
♪♪ In one of thosecrushing scenes ♪♪
53
00:02:40,166 --> 00:02:42,176
♪♪ What was she to do?Where was she to go? ♪♪
54
00:02:42,216 --> 00:02:45,656
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
55
00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:47,400
♪♪ So over the bridgefrom Flushingto the Sheffields' door ♪♪
56
00:02:47,433 --> 00:02:50,133
♪♪ She was thereto sell makeup,but the father saw more ♪♪
57
00:02:50,166 --> 00:02:52,296
♪♪ She had style!She had flair!She was there! ♪♪
58
00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:56,153
♪♪ That's howshe became the nanny! ♪♪
59
00:02:56,183 --> 00:02:59,203
♪♪ Who would have guessedthat the girlwe've described ♪♪
60
00:02:59,233 --> 00:03:01,373
♪♪ Was just exactly whatthe doctor prescribed? ♪♪
61
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,830
♪♪ Now the fatherfinds her beguiling ♪♪
62
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,276
♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪
63
00:03:04,316 --> 00:03:05,366
♪♪ And the kidsare actually smiling ♪♪
64
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,660
♪♪ Such joie de vivre! ♪♪
65
00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:08,270
♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
66
00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:12,280
♪♪ When everybody elseis wearing tan ♪♪
67
00:03:12,316 --> 00:03:14,416
♪♪ The flashy girlfrom Flushing ♪♪
68
00:03:14,450 --> 00:03:16,450
♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪
69
00:03:22,166 --> 00:03:24,366
Oh, Maxwell, I can barely
keep my eyes open.
70
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,270
I have got to get out of here.
71
00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:31,330
C.C., do you believe in
love at first sight?
72
00:03:31,660 --> 00:03:33,000
Yes! Why?
73
00:03:33,330 --> 00:03:34,500
Miss Fine.
74
00:03:34,830 --> 00:03:35,100
No! Why?
75
00:03:35,133 --> 00:03:36,133
She met a gentleman.
76
00:03:36,166 --> 00:03:38,146
I--I--I mean, yes. Yes. Yes.
77
00:03:38,183 --> 00:03:40,503
I'll stick with yes.
78
00:03:40,830 --> 00:03:43,120
They spend every waking moment
together.
79
00:03:43,150 --> 00:03:44,250
It's just not...
80
00:03:44,283 --> 00:03:46,383
Fair, sir?
81
00:03:46,416 --> 00:03:48,276
What I was going to say
before my -
82
00:03:48,316 --> 00:03:51,366
back off - butler
interrupted was
83
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,830
she's only just
met the man.
84
00:03:53,116 --> 00:03:55,196
It's all happening so fast.
85
00:03:55,233 --> 00:03:57,283
That's why the lady is a tramp.
86
00:03:59,483 --> 00:04:01,003
Coffee?
87
00:04:01,330 --> 00:04:02,200
Yes. Please.
88
00:04:02,233 --> 00:04:03,273
[YELLS]
89
00:04:05,433 --> 00:04:08,663
Knock, knock. Mr.
Sheffield,
you wanted to see me?
90
00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:09,470
Yes, Miss Fine, Grace's
school telephoned.
91
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,660
Apparently she's coming home
with a head full
of chocolate cake.
92
00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:15,660
Oh, don't worry. That'll
come right out.
93
00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:17,320
I'll just take her to my
mother's Weight Watchers
meeting.
94
00:04:17,350 --> 00:04:19,230
[SCREAMS]
95
00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:21,416
Miss Fine, aren't you disturbed
96
00:04:21,450 --> 00:04:23,830
that there's a boy
in Grace's class
97
00:04:23,116 --> 00:04:25,156
who's pummeling her
with food every day?
98
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:28,380
No. Boys throw food to
relieve sexual tension,
99
00:04:28,416 --> 00:04:31,416
unlike girls, who just
stuff their faces.
100
00:04:32,466 --> 00:04:35,496
Please. That is such a fallacy.
101
00:04:39,250 --> 00:04:41,130
Well, if you don't
need me anymore,
102
00:04:41,166 --> 00:04:43,226
Jules is taking me
to a matinee.
103
00:04:43,266 --> 00:04:46,366
Do you want me to bring you
home some bonbons?
104
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,370
-Thought so.
-Ah, the theater.
105
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:52,470
Well, that's something you
don't
get a lot of around here.
106
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,160
What are you going to see?
107
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:55,300
Oh, I forget the title.
108
00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:57,483
It's got cleaning fluid
in it, though.
109
00:04:58,160 --> 00:04:59,430
Formula 409,
110
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,326
Comet, Lysol?
111
00:05:01,366 --> 00:05:04,826
-The Fantasticks?
-Yeah. That's it.
112
00:05:05,450 --> 00:05:07,330
You want to meet him,
Miss Babcock?
113
00:05:07,366 --> 00:05:10,276
Oh, Nanny Fine, I'd love
to meet the man
114
00:05:10,316 --> 00:05:12,096
who's taking you
away from Max...
115
00:05:12,133 --> 00:05:14,303
A million...
116
00:05:14,333 --> 00:05:16,423
Shell...
117
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,470
Oil.
118
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,330
Oh, nice save.
119
00:05:23,383 --> 00:05:25,233
Well, I'll go get him.
He's right outside.
120
00:05:25,266 --> 00:05:26,296
He's playing chess
with Brighton.
121
00:05:26,333 --> 00:05:28,403
It's so cute the way
he lets him win.
122
00:05:28,433 --> 00:05:32,663
He's going to make a great
father someday.
123
00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:35,230
Wait a minute. If Nanny Fine's
boyfriend is here,
124
00:05:35,266 --> 00:05:37,446
who's in the chicken suit
at the Padres game?
125
00:05:37,483 --> 00:05:40,283
[LAUGHING]
126
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:45,130
[EXCLAIMING]
127
00:05:45,166 --> 00:05:46,416
He's gorgeous.
128
00:05:46,450 --> 00:05:48,000
Oh, cheer up.
129
00:05:48,330 --> 00:05:50,180
Perhaps he brought
a friend for you.
130
00:05:50,216 --> 00:05:52,316
[WHISTLING]
131
00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:56,280
No.
132
00:05:58,350 --> 00:06:01,380
C.C., MD.
133
00:06:01,416 --> 00:06:03,246
M&M?
134
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:08,000
So, Jules. Had I known you were
going to the theater,
135
00:06:08,330 --> 00:06:09,370
I would have gotten you
house seats.
136
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,330
-I know the star.
-I know the producer.
137
00:06:11,660 --> 00:06:12,300
I know the director.
I know the theater owner.
138
00:06:12,333 --> 00:06:15,183
-I talk to God.
-Jules.
139
00:06:15,216 --> 00:06:18,226
Jules, put that back
in your pants.
140
00:06:18,266 --> 00:06:20,096
I can't stand to see
two grown men
141
00:06:20,133 --> 00:06:22,373
fight about who's got
the biggest connection.
142
00:06:38,216 --> 00:06:40,396
Please, Sylvia, why--why don't
you join us?
143
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:44,173
Oh, no. I--I just came over to
see how Fran's date went.
144
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:47,830
Make like I'm not even here.
145
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,130
Are you sure we can't
offer you something?
146
00:06:53,166 --> 00:06:58,656
No, thank you. I had a
Yoplait
this morning around 10:30.
147
00:06:59,316 --> 00:07:01,096
Oh.
148
00:07:01,133 --> 00:07:05,273
Such a big potato for such
a little girl.
149
00:07:07,330 --> 00:07:09,470
Look at the time.
150
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,300
They must be having a ball.
151
00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:14,303
I'm going to go
in the kitchen.
152
00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:18,103
I need a meat to wash
this down with.
153
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:22,450
I don't know about you guys,
but I like Jules.
154
00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:25,003
And he has yet to beat me
in chess.
155
00:07:25,330 --> 00:07:28,160
Oh, God, Brighton.
He throws every game.
156
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:30,180
Do you see how easy it is
to bond?
157
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:35,300
I wouldn't get too attached
to the bloke if I were you.
158
00:07:35,333 --> 00:07:39,373
We all know Miss Fine's
relationships eventually end
in disaster.
159
00:07:40,466 --> 00:07:43,996
He asked me to marry him!
160
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:45,430
Right on the money
as always, sir.
161
00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:48,826
That is so cool,
Fran.
Congratulations.
162
00:07:48,116 --> 00:07:50,216
I know! I know.
I can't believe it.
163
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:52,370
I'm so excited!
I couldn't eat a...
164
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:54,350
Oh, kielbasa.
165
00:07:54,383 --> 00:07:57,353
Sweet and sour cabbage.
Hit me again.
166
00:07:57,383 --> 00:08:00,483
Oh, such a big corn
for such a little girl.
167
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:03,100
-He asked you to marry
him?
-Uh-huh.
168
00:08:03,133 --> 00:08:04,473
You've barely known the
man
for two weeks.
169
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,370
Hmm.
170
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,120
What, you think it's
so hard to believe
171
00:08:08,150 --> 00:08:10,120
a man would fall in love
with me that fast?
172
00:08:10,150 --> 00:08:12,830
Yeah, Todd and I knew
each other three minutes
173
00:08:12,116 --> 00:08:14,246
before I got a pudding pack
right in the eye.
174
00:08:14,283 --> 00:08:15,273
There you go.
175
00:08:15,300 --> 00:08:17,350
Look, you know nothing
about this man.
176
00:08:17,383 --> 00:08:20,333
All right, so he's a doctor.
177
00:08:20,660 --> 00:08:21,380
Is he a specialist?
178
00:08:22,433 --> 00:08:26,323
You ain't just whistling
Dixie,
baby.
179
00:08:27,350 --> 00:08:29,370
Oh, God.
180
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:32,330
Oh, this is so exciting.
So, can I be a bridesmaid?
181
00:08:32,366 --> 00:08:35,316
FRAN: I know the doctor
asked me to marry him,
182
00:08:35,350 --> 00:08:39,830
but I didn't say, "Yes."
183
00:08:39,116 --> 00:08:40,226
[THUDDING]
184
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,380
This is delicious.
185
00:08:44,416 --> 00:08:46,156
SYLVIA: Why don't you grab
a knife
186
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:50,120
and stick it straight
through my heart?
187
00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:52,270
That was great. She
sounded just like...
188
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:53,400
Ma! Ma!
189
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:56,303
Ma, let go of my ankle!
190
00:08:56,333 --> 00:08:58,253
SYLVIA: You'd better run.
191
00:08:58,283 --> 00:09:00,163
FRAN: Brighton, is she taking
off her shoe?
192
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,470
BRIGHTON: No, but she's going
to hurl a corn.
193
00:09:08,416 --> 00:09:10,326
Ma,
194
00:09:10,660 --> 00:09:12,200
put down the vegetable
195
00:09:12,233 --> 00:09:14,153
and no one gets hurt.
196
00:09:18,383 --> 00:09:21,383
All right. Help me to
understand.
197
00:09:21,416 --> 00:09:23,266
Which was the biggest turn off?
198
00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:25,400
The fact that Jules
was gorgeous,
199
00:09:25,433 --> 00:09:29,503
rich, or a doctor?
200
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,100
Did I mention he was Jewish?
201
00:09:33,466 --> 00:09:37,166
Darling, I only say this
because I love you.
202
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,270
You're a glorified
cleaning girl.
203
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:46,826
This could be
your last chance.
204
00:09:46,116 --> 00:09:48,296
Oh, Ma, I didn't say, "No."
205
00:09:48,333 --> 00:09:51,233
I just said I'd think
about it.
206
00:09:52,233 --> 00:09:53,483
Okay, I did.
207
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,100
You mean, "I do."
208
00:09:56,133 --> 00:09:57,473
Yeah!
209
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,200
Ma, you may kiss the bride.
210
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:02,233
-Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
-Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
211
00:10:02,266 --> 00:10:06,296
You know, Miss Fine,
I think you're very wise
not to rush into this.
212
00:10:06,333 --> 00:10:08,373
You're far too sensible
a woman to marry a man
you've just...
213
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,160
[SHRIEKS]
214
00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:12,170
Oh, I'm sorry.
215
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:21,233
Did this fork accidentally
puncture your tuchus?
216
00:10:32,330 --> 00:10:33,220
Sweetheart, I want you to have
217
00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:35,350
the most beautiful engagement
ring that money can buy.
218
00:10:35,383 --> 00:10:37,353
Oh, Julesie.
219
00:10:37,383 --> 00:10:39,483
I don't know if I could
go through with this.
220
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,100
Getting married?
221
00:10:41,133 --> 00:10:42,203
No.
222
00:10:42,233 --> 00:10:44,153
Buying retail.
223
00:10:44,183 --> 00:10:45,473
Let's go.
224
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:49,120
Now, you know, Jules, I'm a
simple girl with simple
tastes.
225
00:10:49,150 --> 00:10:51,380
I just want a simple ring.
226
00:10:51,416 --> 00:10:53,316
That's a nice little stone.
227
00:10:53,350 --> 00:10:56,120
Madam, that's a crystal ashtray.
228
00:11:00,116 --> 00:11:02,466
I was talking about the shape,
229
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,330
like the shape of that
crystal pineapple over there.
230
00:11:05,366 --> 00:11:07,826
No. That's a ring.
231
00:11:07,116 --> 00:11:08,426
Whip it out, honey.
232
00:11:10,483 --> 00:11:13,283
-[EXCLAIMING]
You know, I think that's
a little too small.
233
00:11:13,316 --> 00:11:15,396
We don't want to see anything
less than five carats.
234
00:11:15,433 --> 00:11:19,423
Five carats? What's up, Doc?
235
00:11:19,450 --> 00:11:23,170
This one is 5.2.
236
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,330
We could take off 10%.
237
00:11:25,660 --> 00:11:28,170
That would make
the price $50,000.
238
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:29,220
Oh, a haggler.
239
00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:30,480
Now we're talking
my language.
240
00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:32,400
Offer her 10.
241
00:11:35,450 --> 00:11:37,320
-Mm.
-Hmm.
242
00:11:37,350 --> 00:11:39,200
I'm not too crazy about it.
243
00:11:39,233 --> 00:11:40,423
It's a little cloudy.
244
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:44,320
But, sir, the stone is
exquisite.
245
00:11:44,350 --> 00:11:46,450
I agree with you, honey.
246
00:11:46,483 --> 00:11:52,663
I think I preferred the one
we
saw at Van Cleef and Hormel.
247
00:11:53,466 --> 00:11:56,656
I'm sorry. This just
doesn't sparkle.
248
00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:58,160
SHOP ASSISTANT:
It sparkles plenty.
249
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,430
Take it outside in the sun.
It'll blind you, you...
250
00:12:00,466 --> 00:12:02,656
Sir.
251
00:12:04,466 --> 00:12:06,096
I'll be right back.
252
00:12:06,133 --> 00:12:08,283
I shall leave you,
my little jewel.
253
00:12:11,466 --> 00:12:13,476
WOMAN: So, when's the big event?
254
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:15,120
Well...
255
00:12:15,150 --> 00:12:17,660
If he buys this ring,
I'll tell you,
256
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,470
he could get lucky
in just a few...
257
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:24,280
Oh, you meant
the wedding date.
258
00:12:24,316 --> 00:12:28,166
Oh, actually, we haven't
talked
about setting a date yet.
259
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:31,130
-Where... Where's your
fiancé?
-Oh, I'll get him.
260
00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:32,326
Ma'am, stay where you are,
please!
261
00:12:32,366 --> 00:12:35,316
-He's probably right outside.
-Guard!
262
00:12:35,350 --> 00:12:38,230
What's the matter? He probably
went to put money in the meter.
263
00:12:38,266 --> 00:12:42,276
[GASPS] Oh, no! We don't
have a car!
264
00:12:42,316 --> 00:12:43,346
He's gone.
265
00:12:43,383 --> 00:12:45,423
I'll call the police.
You hold her.
266
00:12:45,450 --> 00:12:49,130
Oh, Jules, how could you
do this to me?
267
00:12:49,166 --> 00:12:51,216
He's a doctor. He didn't
need the money.
268
00:12:51,250 --> 00:12:55,250
Hillary's health plan
didn't go through.
269
00:12:59,150 --> 00:13:02,120
Oh, I can't believe
this is happening.
270
00:13:02,150 --> 00:13:05,180
He got along so well
with my parents.
271
00:13:05,216 --> 00:13:07,476
He wanted them
to move in with us.
272
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,370
Well, that should've
tipped me off right there.
273
00:13:12,350 --> 00:13:15,320
We've been looking for Jules
Kimball for over three years.
274
00:13:15,350 --> 00:13:19,350
Dr. Kimball is a
fugitive?
What are the odds?
275
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,660
He is not a doctor,
Miss Fine.
276
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:26,330
[GASPS] Really?
277
00:13:26,660 --> 00:13:30,400
So when he lanced my mother's
boil, it was just for fun?
278
00:13:30,433 --> 00:13:34,383
Miss Fine, I don't want to
say I told you so,
279
00:13:34,416 --> 00:13:36,346
but I never trusted the man.
280
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:40,333
You know, I can spot
a con artist a mile off.
281
00:13:40,660 --> 00:13:42,300
[SCOFFS] This from a man
who paid me time and a
half
282
00:13:42,333 --> 00:13:44,373
to work on Hebrew National Day.
283
00:13:48,266 --> 00:13:50,266
Why me?
284
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:52,320
He usually preys
on women over 30.
285
00:13:52,350 --> 00:13:54,420
You know, single, desperate,
286
00:13:54,450 --> 00:13:56,220
lonely.
287
00:13:57,333 --> 00:13:59,453
Like I said, why me?
288
00:14:05,233 --> 00:14:08,003
Oh, Miss Fine, cheer up.
289
00:14:08,330 --> 00:14:10,370
This isn't the stupidest
thing
you've ever done.
290
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,250
Well, that's true.
291
00:14:14,283 --> 00:14:16,203
The stupidest thing
I ever did
292
00:14:16,233 --> 00:14:19,133
was Windexing your Monet.
293
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:24,000
Or should I say, "Your Mon?"
294
00:14:25,233 --> 00:14:28,163
Miss Fine, this came for you.
295
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:31,420
Oh, an engagement present.
296
00:14:31,450 --> 00:14:34,230
How humiliating.
297
00:14:34,266 --> 00:14:37,316
Just put it upstairs
with the rest of them.
298
00:14:37,350 --> 00:14:39,270
[DOORBELL RINGING]
299
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:45,280
Where is she? Where's my baby?
300
00:14:45,316 --> 00:14:48,396
I rushed over as soon as they
finished my hair.
301
00:14:48,433 --> 00:14:51,273
Mommy!
302
00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:54,380
I just hope the police find
that creep before I do.
303
00:14:54,416 --> 00:14:56,396
My Francine is not desperate.
304
00:14:56,433 --> 00:14:59,333
She can have any man
she wants.
305
00:14:59,660 --> 00:15:00,200
[EXCLAIMING]
306
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:03,173
But not forever, so don't
let yourself go.
307
00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:07,830
Ma! This is all her fault.
308
00:15:07,116 --> 00:15:08,266
Ever since I was a little girl,
309
00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:10,330
she's always pushing me
to get married.
310
00:15:10,366 --> 00:15:12,366
I never pushed.
311
00:15:15,266 --> 00:15:17,476
When I was a little girl,
every affair we'd go to,
312
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:19,330
she would throw the centerpiece
at me and say,
313
00:15:19,366 --> 00:15:22,326
"Here! Think fast."
314
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:25,280
Miss Fine, I'm sure your
mother
only meant well.
315
00:15:25,316 --> 00:15:27,316
NILES: Yeah, they always do.
316
00:15:27,350 --> 00:15:29,480
Like when they stop you from
pursuing a singing career
317
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:34,660
to follow in your father's
footsteps as a subservient
slave.
318
00:15:36,660 --> 00:15:38,420
And loving every
minute of it, sir.
319
00:15:39,450 --> 00:15:41,480
Now, Sylvia, if truth be told,
320
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:43,450
I think you were a little
more
gung-ho
321
00:15:43,483 --> 00:15:45,163
about this marriage
than Miss...
322
00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:46,400
[EXCLAIMS]
323
00:15:46,433 --> 00:15:50,223
Damn. I broke my nail.
324
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:53,300
I'll leave you two alone.
325
00:15:53,333 --> 00:15:57,453
I can't believe I lost my
figure
for the likes of you.
326
00:15:57,483 --> 00:16:02,273
You lost your figure for
the likes of Winchell's, Ma.
327
00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:05,320
I have low blood sugar.
328
00:16:05,350 --> 00:16:08,480
The doctor prescribed donuts.
329
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,200
And who prescribed
the ice cream floats?
330
00:16:11,233 --> 00:16:13,403
Dr. Pepper?
331
00:16:13,433 --> 00:16:16,153
Fran, I can hear you
all the way upstairs.
332
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:18,283
Oh, her voice travels.
333
00:16:18,316 --> 00:16:21,116
Honey, I'm sorry.
Go up to your room.
334
00:16:21,150 --> 00:16:23,250
Okay, but you have some major
issues with your mother
335
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,203
stemming from your failure
336
00:16:25,233 --> 00:16:27,303
to live up to her expectations.
337
00:16:27,333 --> 00:16:29,423
Uh, come back here.
Come back here.
338
00:16:29,450 --> 00:16:32,120
Can you believe how advanced
she is?
339
00:16:32,150 --> 00:16:33,350
Boy, when I was her age,
340
00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:36,383
I was hanging bagels from my
ears, playing Princess Leia.
341
00:16:38,416 --> 00:16:40,396
I think you need
some therapy.
342
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:44,183
[BOTH] No. She'll never change.
343
00:16:44,216 --> 00:16:46,266
I meant together.
344
00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:48,200
Now, let's see.
345
00:16:48,233 --> 00:16:50,173
Who would be good for you?
346
00:16:51,250 --> 00:16:54,830
My doctor's too cerebral.
347
00:16:55,183 --> 00:16:56,373
Dr. Lehrman?
348
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:59,270
No, his couch is too itchy.
349
00:16:59,300 --> 00:17:00,300
Oh, forget it, sweetheart.
350
00:17:00,333 --> 00:17:02,153
I'm not the type of person
351
00:17:02,183 --> 00:17:04,163
that can lie on a couch
352
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:07,270
and cry and scream
about how miserable I am.
353
00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:10,220
Please! Put a Lean Cuisine
on your lap
354
00:17:10,250 --> 00:17:13,660
and 400 Almond Joy wrappers
under the cushions
355
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,280
and you'd be home.
356
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:22,250
So, ladies, what brings you
to therapy?
357
00:17:22,283 --> 00:17:25,303
Well, I came because my mother
has an obsession
358
00:17:25,333 --> 00:17:28,123
with me getting married.
359
00:17:28,150 --> 00:17:30,330
I came because my daughter
360
00:17:30,366 --> 00:17:33,266
has a delusion that I have
an obsession.
361
00:17:34,316 --> 00:17:36,446
I came because they brought me,
362
00:17:36,483 --> 00:17:40,253
and I don't know how to get
home
from here.
363
00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:47,330
Meanwhile, for 100 bucks
a session,
364
00:17:47,660 --> 00:17:51,130
she could've put out some
coffee
and some Nilla wafers.
365
00:17:51,166 --> 00:17:52,296
Ma, brush yourself off.
366
00:17:52,333 --> 00:17:54,423
You look like
a veal cutlet.
367
00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:58,130
SYLVIA: Look, at a certain
point,
368
00:17:58,166 --> 00:18:00,216
I believe a daughter
has to stop
369
00:18:00,250 --> 00:18:02,320
blaming her mother
for everything.
370
00:18:02,350 --> 00:18:05,170
This is your fault.
371
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,470
-Me?
-Yeah.
372
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,170
You're the one who kept pushing
me to have children.
373
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,400
They're nothing
but heartache.
374
00:18:10,433 --> 00:18:14,323
That's right, cookie.
It's payback time.
375
00:18:17,116 --> 00:18:20,266
THERAPIST: So, you seem to be
harboring a lot of hostility.
376
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,370
-Who?
-Who?
377
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:25,230
Don't nag the kid
all the time.
378
00:18:25,266 --> 00:18:28,246
She should get married
when she wants to.
379
00:18:28,283 --> 00:18:30,183
Not just 'cause
she got knocked up
380
00:18:30,216 --> 00:18:32,216
by the seltzer man
like I...
381
00:18:40,133 --> 00:18:42,253
Like I heard people do.
382
00:18:44,150 --> 00:18:45,380
Ma!
383
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:48,216
Is that why
I love egg cream?
384
00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:53,100
Oh, Ma. Buy your own hour.
385
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,253
This one is for me, right?
386
00:18:55,283 --> 00:18:57,133
Huh?
387
00:18:57,166 --> 00:18:59,146
Sorry. I drifted off.
388
00:18:59,183 --> 00:19:01,003
Oh, that's not your fault.
389
00:19:01,330 --> 00:19:03,250
Most people say our voices
are very soothing.
390
00:19:03,283 --> 00:19:05,153
-Yeah, I get that a lot.
-That's true.
391
00:19:05,183 --> 00:19:07,453
All the time.
392
00:19:07,483 --> 00:19:11,333
[CRYING] Franny, all I ever
wanted was for you to be happy.
393
00:19:11,366 --> 00:19:14,446
I just want you
to have a full life.
394
00:19:14,483 --> 00:19:18,253
You don't have to be married
to have a full life, Ma.
395
00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:22,283
Sure, I'd like to someday,
but if I don't,
396
00:19:22,316 --> 00:19:26,656
it doesn't mean my life
was worthless,
397
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:27,270
right?
398
00:19:29,830 --> 00:19:30,120
Right?
399
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,500
Right?
400
00:19:34,166 --> 00:19:35,326
Right.
401
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:42,000
I know you think
I'm not all there,
402
00:19:42,330 --> 00:19:43,370
but in my day
403
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:48,430
we didn't air our dirty
laundry in public.
404
00:19:48,466 --> 00:19:51,996
Welcome to the '80s!
405
00:19:58,350 --> 00:20:00,660
Hi, kids.
406
00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:02,300
Fran, whatever you do, do not
let Gracie touch this board.
407
00:20:02,333 --> 00:20:03,403
It's your move, Dad!
408
00:20:03,433 --> 00:20:07,383
Oh, you beat your father.
All right, B.
409
00:20:08,450 --> 00:20:11,130
Look what you did, Gracie.
410
00:20:13,660 --> 00:20:15,150
Oh, Fran, I have to break up
with Todd.
411
00:20:15,183 --> 00:20:16,353
I'm afraid of getting hurt.
412
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:19,383
Oh, sweetie. It's your
first crush.
413
00:20:19,416 --> 00:20:21,996
Why don't you
just enjoy it?
414
00:20:22,330 --> 00:20:24,350
No, Fran. I'm really
afraid of getting hurt.
415
00:20:24,383 --> 00:20:27,133
Those juice boxes are hard.
416
00:20:28,466 --> 00:20:32,196
All right. So you picked
the wrong guy.
417
00:20:32,233 --> 00:20:33,323
No biggie.
418
00:20:33,350 --> 00:20:37,130
Just move on with your life,
okay?
419
00:20:37,166 --> 00:20:38,346
Hope he ends up
in Attica
420
00:20:38,383 --> 00:20:41,423
with a cellmate that finds him
attractive.
421
00:20:42,433 --> 00:20:45,833
Ah! You're back, Miss
Fine.
Good.
422
00:20:45,116 --> 00:20:46,266
How did it go?
423
00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:48,220
Well, my mother's thrilled.
424
00:20:48,250 --> 00:20:49,400
She finally figured out
425
00:20:49,433 --> 00:20:52,483
why she has an unnatural
attachment to egg creams.
426
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,150
The Chinese food we're blaming
on the man
427
00:20:55,183 --> 00:20:58,323
that used to press
Grandma Yetta's blouses.
428
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:00,450
Concede, Dad.
429
00:21:00,483 --> 00:21:03,833
I've got you
in two moves.
430
00:21:03,116 --> 00:21:04,126
You're done.
431
00:21:04,166 --> 00:21:05,446
Finished. Toast.
432
00:21:05,483 --> 00:21:07,663
Ha!
433
00:21:10,216 --> 00:21:11,226
Checkmate.
434
00:21:11,266 --> 00:21:12,376
What?
435
00:21:12,416 --> 00:21:14,296
What happened to this
board?
436
00:21:14,333 --> 00:21:16,273
Oh, never leave two queens alone
together.
437
00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:18,830
They'll redecorate.
438
00:21:26,416 --> 00:21:28,266
Hmm.
439
00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:30,380
I should've never blamed
my mother, anyway.
440
00:21:30,416 --> 00:21:33,266
I should've known that guy
was out of my league.
441
00:21:33,300 --> 00:21:35,220
Oh, no, Miss Fine.
He wasn't.
442
00:21:35,250 --> 00:21:36,400
He duped you.
443
00:21:36,433 --> 00:21:38,403
Yeah, but I was ripe
for the duping.
444
00:21:38,433 --> 00:21:41,153
Once a girl's exposed
to a guy like you,
445
00:21:41,183 --> 00:21:43,003
so debonair and classy,
446
00:21:43,330 --> 00:21:45,500
there's just no going back.
447
00:21:45,830 --> 00:21:47,250
Well, I have been known
to turn a few heads.
448
00:21:47,283 --> 00:21:48,333
Oh, please.
449
00:21:48,366 --> 00:21:51,316
Miss Babcock
needs an exorcist.
450
00:21:53,150 --> 00:21:55,300
-You want to hear
something funny?
-Mm-hmm.
451
00:21:55,333 --> 00:21:57,183
The therapist said
452
00:21:57,216 --> 00:22:00,156
that I was subconsciously
avoiding a relationship.
453
00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:02,500
Oh, please. With whom?
454
00:22:02,830 --> 00:22:04,100
I know. I know.
455
00:22:04,133 --> 00:22:06,453
I mean, believe me, if
there was a guy out there,
456
00:22:06,483 --> 00:22:09,233
single, successful, attractive,
457
00:22:09,266 --> 00:22:11,326
I'd smell him a mile away.
458
00:22:11,366 --> 00:22:13,396
What's that? Aramis?
Yes.
459
00:22:13,433 --> 00:22:18,203
You know, Grace's therapist
said
exactly the same thing to me.
460
00:22:18,233 --> 00:22:20,003
Well, yeah. You.
461
00:22:20,330 --> 00:22:21,370
No, no.
Trust me, Miss Fine.
462
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,380
If I found a woman
who loved my children,
463
00:22:23,416 --> 00:22:25,346
could make me laugh
and I found attractive,
464
00:22:25,383 --> 00:22:27,473
I'd never let her get away.
Hear, hear.
465
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,430
[EXCLAIMING]
Hang on a second.
466
00:22:29,466 --> 00:22:31,426
We're stuck on each other.
467
00:22:43,183 --> 00:22:46,233
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
31980
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