Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,294 --> 00:00:06,548
CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:12,595
(theme music playing)
3
00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,853
(bell ringing)
4
00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,066
(mechanical whirring)
5
00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,031
(beeping)
6
00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:43,460
(playing the blues)
7
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,464
(tires screeching)
8
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:48,590
(clanging)
9
00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:00,477
(honking horn)
10
00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:05,315
D'oh!
11
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,233
-(screams)
-(tires screeching)
12
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,501
(crowd muttering)
13
00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:27,837
{\an8}This is Kent Brockman,
live at the Monty Burns' Casino.
14
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,757
{\an8}Moments from now, the house that
Social Security checks built
15
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:35,136
{\an8}will be demolished to make way
for a casino-themed family hotel.
16
00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,514
This must be heart-breaking for you, sir.
17
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:39,766
I'm just thinking of my employees.
18
00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:43,853
All the cardsharps,
bottom dealers and shills.
19
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,522
Where will they go?
20
00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:47,482
They're managing your chain
of nursing homes, sir.
21
00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:48,691
Excellent.
22
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,235
{\an8}Gone are such headliners as
23
00:01:50,318 --> 00:01:53,071
{\an8}Little Timmy and the Shebangs,
The Shebangs,
24
00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:55,865
{\an8}and The New Shebangs featuring Big Timmy.
25
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,493
{\an8}Remember how excited we were
when this place opened?
26
00:01:58,576 --> 00:02:00,870
{\an8}Then, a week later,
we just forgot about it.
27
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,665
{\an8}I'm surprised they bothered to move it
when they moved the town.
28
00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:04,999
{\an8}Oh, I can explain that.
29
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,417
{\an8}-You see...
-Five.
30
00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:07,502
{\an8}Four...
31
00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:09,379
{\an8}three... two...
32
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:11,840
{\an8}All right! Here comes the implosion.
33
00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:13,466
{\an8}Implosion?
34
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:14,634
{\an8}But I thought you said...
35
00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:16,427
{\an8}-(explosion)
-(crowd screaming)
36
00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,471
{\an8}Hockey pucks!
37
00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:19,806
{\an8}(laughing)
38
00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:21,808
{\an8}Don Rickles zinged you, Marge.
39
00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:25,478
{\an8}Dust!
40
00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:29,440
{\an8}Eat my dust, dust!
41
00:02:30,024 --> 00:02:31,401
{\an8}(tires screeching)
42
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:32,652
{\an8}-(thud)
-(man screams)
43
00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:34,988
{\an8}LISA: Dad, we hit Don Rickles!
44
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:36,072
{\an8}RICKLES: I'm OK.
45
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,907
{\an8}But the Puerto Rican guy's
trying to steal your hubcaps.
46
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,159
{\an8}(laughs) Just kidding.
47
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:40,827
{\an8}♪ I'm a nice guy ♪
48
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,543
{\an8}We'd better stop and get the car washed.
49
00:02:48,626 --> 00:02:49,752
{\an8}Ah, what's the rush?
50
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,004
{\an8}Might rain next week.
51
00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:52,463
{\an8}Hey, Homer.
52
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:53,965
{\an8}Car's kind of dirty.
53
00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:56,092
Really? You think I should get it washed?
54
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,177
Yeah, maybe.
55
00:02:58,344 --> 00:03:00,388
(tires screeching)
56
00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:02,307
{\an8}You listen to your friends
57
00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:03,433
{\an8}but you never listen to me.
58
00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,101
Hey, that's great.
59
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:08,605
All right, young 'uns, bath time.
60
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:11,733
Cover up your eyes and drop your britches.
61
00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:13,151
Who wants wax?
62
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:14,360
KIDS: Yay!
63
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,321
MAN: I insist you take special care
64
00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:18,865
{\an8}with my collection of valuable
and humorous bumper stickers
65
00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:20,783
{\an8}particularly this one
66
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,661
{\an8}which was given to me
by a Harrison Ford look-alike.
67
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,246
{\an8}(speaking in Spanish)
68
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:27,582
{\an8}(buzzing)
69
00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:33,213
-(boing)
-Oh!
70
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,051
(in English) Wow, you can't find
this stuff anywhere.
71
00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:39,594
Seals and Crofts, Pablo Cruise,
72
00:03:39,677 --> 00:03:40,678
Air Supply...
73
00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:44,349
Whoa! Loggins and Oates.
74
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,516
And it's free.
75
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,310
I've never heard of these bands, Mom.
76
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:48,728
What kind of music do they play?
77
00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:49,812
Crap rock?
78
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,648
-No...
-Wuss rock?
79
00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:52,732
That's it.
80
00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:54,442
(cash register rings)
81
00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:55,610
Ten dollars?
82
00:03:55,693 --> 00:03:58,071
What is this? A car wash for millionaires?
83
00:03:58,154 --> 00:03:59,739
Throw hot wax on him, Dad.
84
00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:01,199
Howdy, Homer.
85
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:03,243
Five dollars, please.
86
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,954
Hey! How did Churchy la Femme
get half price?
87
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,705
Senior citizens' discount.
88
00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:09,916
Pfft! Senior citizen?
89
00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:11,000
Flanders?
90
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,544
Well, we'll see about that.
91
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:16,130
{\an8}(church organ playing)
92
00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:21,052
...and once again, tithing
is ten percent off the top.
93
00:04:21,135 --> 00:04:23,721
That's gross income, not net.
94
00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:25,598
Please, people, don't force us to audit.
95
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:26,891
(grumbling)
96
00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:30,144
Now, we're going to pass this around
a second time.
97
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:31,938
Brother Ned, if you'll do the honors.
98
00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:34,107
I wouldn't do that, Reverend.
99
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:39,070
You see, "Saint Flanders"
is as crooked as you or me.
100
00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:40,947
(all gasping and muttering)
101
00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:43,950
That's right... It's my sad duty
102
00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:47,120
to rat out this man
for defrauding a car wash.
103
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:48,538
How, you ask?
104
00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:51,291
With a phony senior discount card.
105
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:52,834
(gasping and muttering)
106
00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:54,502
That's not quite true.
107
00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:56,004
Did you or did you not use
108
00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:58,298
a senior citizen discount card
at said car wash?
109
00:04:58,381 --> 00:04:59,590
Well, I did, but--
110
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,926
Now, I'm not a fancy big-city lawyer...
111
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,011
(gasping)
112
00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:07,432
...but it seems to me
that a senior citizen has to be over 55.
113
00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:08,433
Isn't that so?
114
00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:09,517
Well, yes.
115
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,269
And you are how old?
116
00:05:11,352 --> 00:05:12,353
(sighing) Oh...
117
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:15,982
I suppose, if you must know,
I'm... Well, I'm... I'm 60.
118
00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:17,942
MAN 1: God, he looks so cool.
MAN 2: He looks terrific.
119
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,444
MAN 3: He looks really young.
120
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:20,945
What's your secret, Flanders?
121
00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:23,114
Goat placenta? Monkey sweat?
122
00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:24,532
Some kind of electric hat?
123
00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:26,909
Holy water? It's holy water, right?
124
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,578
Ah! It burns!
125
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:31,539
Listen, folks. There's no magic formula.
126
00:05:31,622 --> 00:05:33,708
I just follow the three C's:
127
00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:35,418
clean living, chewing thoroughly,
128
00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:37,837
and a daily dose of Vitamin Church.
129
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:38,921
(disappointed sighs)
130
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,382
And, of course,
I resist all the major urges.
131
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:42,675
All of them?
132
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,218
You mean you've never splurged
133
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,804
and, say, eaten an entire birthday cake,
134
00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:48,598
-then blamed it on the dog?
-Huh?
135
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:51,851
You've never licked maple syrup off
your lover's stomach?
136
00:05:51,934 --> 00:05:52,894
(embarrassed groaning)
137
00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:55,563
You never snuck out of church
to break into cars?
138
00:05:55,646 --> 00:05:57,982
No, no, and double no!
139
00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,193
I haven't done any of those things, folks.
140
00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:02,320
You name it, I haven't done it.
141
00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:06,282
Geez, Flanders. You're 60 years old
and you haven't lived a day in your life.
142
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,868
Yeah. Even the Boy in the Bubble
had a deck of cards.
143
00:06:08,951 --> 00:06:10,578
(all murmuring agreement)
144
00:06:10,661 --> 00:06:11,871
-MAN: I remember that.
-Hmm.
145
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,666
Oh, can you believe it?
146
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,377
It almost seemed like those folks were...
147
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,462
were making fun of old steady Neddy.
148
00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:22,673
Well, you may be a bit cautious,
but what's wrong with that?
149
00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:24,550
Some people like chunky peanut butter,
150
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,052
-some like smooth.
-Mm-hmm.
151
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:28,096
And some people just steer clear
152
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:29,597
of that whole hornet's nest.
153
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,265
I'll stick with just plain white bread,
154
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:32,433
thank you very much, maybe with a--
155
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,311
ALL: Glass of water
on the side for dippin'.
156
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,313
(tires screeching)
157
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,398
Gosh, darn it.
158
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:42,276
Am I that pre-diddley-ictable? (sighs)
159
00:06:43,027 --> 00:06:45,738
I've wasted my whole dang diddley life.
160
00:06:46,447 --> 00:06:47,990
Hey, there!
161
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,075
("Any Way You Want It" playing)
162
00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:52,286
Look at that. Everyone's
living it up except Ned.
163
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,288
Help!
164
00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,207
We're being carjacked.
165
00:06:56,290 --> 00:06:58,209
Don't get clever, old man.
166
00:06:58,292 --> 00:07:00,086
Now, take us to DressBarn.
167
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:06,592
MAUDE: Where have you been, Neddy?
168
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:08,094
In the bathroom.
169
00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:10,304
Not trimming my mustache.
170
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:11,431
What do you think?
171
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:14,183
Do I remind you of troubled
troubadour David Crosby?
172
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,811
No. You remind me
of silly billy Ned Flanders.
173
00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:18,312
(all giggling)
174
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:20,982
Would a silly billy sit like this?
175
00:07:21,065 --> 00:07:22,108
Oh!
176
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,026
Rod, call Dr. Stein.
177
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,154
HOMER: All right, Bart!
178
00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:27,321
Fire in the hole!
179
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,032
(laughing)
180
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,784
OK, no more gasoline.
181
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:32,952
Hmm.
182
00:07:33,035 --> 00:07:35,246
(Homer humming)
183
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,249
Full power!
184
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,335
Never a dull moment, huh, Homer?
185
00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:42,420
You got that right.
186
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:43,754
Throw on the mesquite, Bart.
187
00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:45,173
Mesquite it is!
188
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,803
Here, this may sound
just a teensy bit insane
189
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,305
in the old membrane, Homer,
190
00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:55,183
but I was wondering if you could show me
how to have some fun.
191
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:58,644
Well, well, well. So, Flawless Flanders
192
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:01,147
needs help from Stinky-pants Simpson.
193
00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:02,982
(laughs) Yeah, I guess I do.
194
00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:04,984
Welly, welly, welly...
195
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:08,488
Mr. Clean wants to hang
with Dirty Dingus Magee.
196
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:09,655
How about it, Homer?
197
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:12,783
Will you teach me the secret
of your intoxicating lust for life?
198
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:14,994
Wellity, wellity, wellity...
199
00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:15,995
Stop that!
200
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:17,538
Will you help me or not?
201
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:19,999
-(can clanking)
-Let's do it.
202
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,919
-(Homer groans)
-So, what about all this meat?
203
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,795
Ah, the missus will clean that up.
204
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:27,256
Now it's Marge's time to shine.
205
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:31,427
First of all,
I get five dollars a day plus expenses.
206
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,512
Seems fair.
207
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:35,431
And I'll need your signature here...
208
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,516
here...
209
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:38,809
and... initial here.
210
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:43,814
Ha. You're not really giving my father
power of attorney, are you?
211
00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:45,066
Of course, I... (gasps)
212
00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:46,859
Oh, my stars! I can't do that.
213
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:48,778
Well, that's unfortunate.
214
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:49,862
It really is.
215
00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:50,905
(sighs)
216
00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:51,906
All right.
217
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:53,866
Congratulations.
218
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:56,744
Welcome to the Homer Simpson Program.
219
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,621
So, what happens next?
220
00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:00,623
One day soon, I will come for you...
221
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,291
and then the game will begin.
222
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,626
Could be in the middle of the night.
223
00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:06,879
It could be when you least expect it.
224
00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:09,173
Or whatever's good for you. I don't care.
225
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:10,967
OK, Homer,
226
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:11,926
I'm ready to learn.
227
00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:12,927
What's the first lesson?
228
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:15,221
Just give me the topic sentence.
229
00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:16,973
Give me that!
230
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,182
That's your problem.
231
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:20,017
You're living up here.
232
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:21,936
You got to live down here...
233
00:09:22,311 --> 00:09:24,272
in the impulse zone.
234
00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:27,108
If you want to be like me,
you got to make snap decisions.
235
00:09:27,191 --> 00:09:28,192
Like this.
236
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:29,694
-(tires screeching)
-MAN: Oh!
237
00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:31,612
We're going to break the bank
238
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:35,283
at the Monty Burns' Casino!
239
00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:36,993
Homer, they blew that up yesterday.
240
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:38,160
HOMER: Oh, yeah. Right.
241
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:39,412
-(Homer gasps)
-(Ned screams)
242
00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:41,872
Then we're going to Las Vegas.
243
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,292
Which is actually back in that direction.
244
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:45,960
-(exclaims)
-(man screams)
245
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,465
♪ Nobody's gonna take my Ned ♪
246
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:54,302
♪ Gonna teach him to have fu-un ♪
247
00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:55,886
♪ Oh, he's a Flanders machine ♪
248
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,641
That sure was a fun trip to Las Vegas.
249
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,435
Uh, too many kids.
250
00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:05,479
Ooh, it's going on 8:30.
251
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,399
I'd better call Maude
and tell her where I am.
252
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:11,360
Relax. I called her from the gas station.
253
00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:13,279
Thanks, buddy.
254
00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:14,363
(chortling)
255
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:15,448
Sucker.
256
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:22,496
(upbeat music playing)
257
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:45,311
Oh, gee, Homer, this all looks so garish.
258
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,898
-(elephant trumpeting)
-(lion roaring)
259
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,107
(gorilla shrieking)
260
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:53,152
Oh! The lights, the noise,
the letter "X"...
261
00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:55,613
It's-it's all designed
to inflame the senses!
262
00:10:55,696 --> 00:10:57,031
I'm overstimulated.
263
00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:58,532
I've got to get out of this town.
264
00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,284
I don't think so.
265
00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:04,163
I think you'll find
escape is quite impossible.
266
00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:05,373
No, I got it.
267
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:08,000
Oh. Oh. Would you like
to be in the audience
268
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:09,168
for my infomercial?
269
00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:10,169
(screaming)
270
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:16,592
Help me! My daughter's not talented!
271
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:17,927
(groans)
272
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,220
(tires screeching)
273
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:23,224
(people cheering)
274
00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:25,101
Hey! Lance Murdock!
275
00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:27,520
{\an8}(engine revving)
276
00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:28,521
If he's not careful
277
00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:30,606
his scooter could roll
right down that ramp.
278
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,108
He's a daredevil, Ned.
279
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:33,609
He laughs at death.
280
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,194
Huh! When I want to laugh
281
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:37,613
I'll take Bob Saget, thank you very much.
282
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,491
ANNOUNCER: And nowthe indestructible Lance Murdock
283
00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:44,662
will jump his SuiCycleover an audience member.
284
00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:50,418
And he'll do it while attemptingto open a locked safe on his head.
285
00:11:50,918 --> 00:11:53,003
Any volunteers?
286
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:54,672
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Pick him, pick him!
287
00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:56,090
Now, Homer, no!
288
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:57,550
I want to do something exciting,
289
00:11:57,633 --> 00:12:00,594
but I can't just go
from zero to 30 like that.
290
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:01,971
I could be killed.
291
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,556
Fine. I'll do it.
292
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:04,765
Where do you want me?
293
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,726
On the "X."
294
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:08,227
(SuiCycle engine revving)
295
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:10,396
You mean the one with the red paint?
296
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,523
Uh, yeah, paint.
297
00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:15,317
Now, it's of critical importance
that you don't--
298
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,153
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll figure it out.
299
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,821
This isn't rocket science.
300
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:22,116
Well, actually, there are several rockets
mounted to the--
301
00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:23,367
Boring.
302
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:25,786
-(drumroll)
-(crowd chattering excitedly)
303
00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:29,957
(engine roaring)
304
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:33,878
ANNOUNCER: OK, he's clearedthe ring of fire...
305
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:35,880
past the ring of ice...
306
00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:38,215
over the dog-doo stick...
307
00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:40,342
He's cracked the safe...
308
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,303
Hey, Flanders, don't spill my beer.
309
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:43,304
Oh, God, lay down!
310
00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:44,472
Lay down!
311
00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:46,223
(Lance screaming)
312
00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:48,642
Clear!
313
00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:49,810
(buzzing)
314
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:52,104
He's all right, folks!
315
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:54,482
(crowd cheering)
316
00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:56,358
Okeydoke, let's hit the tables.
317
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,862
Oh, my God, Homer,
watching you risk your life
318
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:02,823
turned my beat box
all the way up to rumba.
319
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,408
Yeah, I was praying you'd be safe,
320
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:08,204
but t-to be honest, a part of me
wanted to see you get splattered.
321
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:10,706
Oh, I see someone just had
322
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,000
-his first taste of bloodlust.
-Huh.
323
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,629
Let's see, what's Marge's birthday?
324
00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:19,089
Barney's is July 15, same as Lassie's,
325
00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:22,218
so Marge must be 50... Oh, forget it.
326
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:23,844
Flanders, what's your birthday?
327
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,471
No, leave me out of this, Homer.
328
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:28,307
Games of chance are strictly forbidden
by Deuteronomy 7...
329
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:29,892
Seven, eh?
330
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:34,522
DEALER: Seven a winner.
331
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,440
-Way to go, Flanders!
-(gasps)
332
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:38,442
The Bible's finally pulling its weight.
333
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,027
Got any more holy numbers?
334
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:41,821
Oh, I got a bunch, Homer, but...
335
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:44,114
I just don't feel right.
336
00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:47,451
Oh, Lord, what should I do?
337
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,203
DEEP VOICE: Keep gaming.
338
00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:50,246
What?
339
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:52,122
It means gambling.
340
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:53,874
Keep gambling.
341
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:55,000
Oh. Righty-o.
342
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:56,877
One betting disk, please.
343
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:59,129
"One betting disk, please."
344
00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:00,548
Watch and learn.
345
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:05,010
And 14 black.
346
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:06,971
Well, there you go.
347
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:08,722
-Now, how about a drink?
-(exclaims)
348
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,518
How do you do it, Homer?
349
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:16,313
How do you silence that little voice
that says "think"?
350
00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:17,398
You mean Lisa?
351
00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:19,483
Oh, no. I mean common sense.
352
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:20,693
Oh, that.
353
00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:23,112
That can be treated
with our good friend alcohol.
354
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:24,613
You might want to write that down.
355
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,698
Where the hell's your notebook?
356
00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:27,324
-You threw it out the--
-Never mind.
357
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,118
Just pay attention. Slave girl?
358
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,953
Oh, slave girl?
359
00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:33,747
More libations, my imperial conquerors?
360
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:35,624
-What?
-More booze.
361
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:36,959
Oh, yeah.
362
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,711
Two more of these, please.
363
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,254
And for you, Ned?
364
00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:42,006
I'll have a Shirley...
365
00:14:42,089 --> 00:14:43,757
No, a Virgin...
366
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:45,217
No, make it a children's...
367
00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:47,386
Oh! What the heck.
368
00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:48,888
You only live once.
369
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:50,389
Give me a...
370
00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:54,351
(echoing) White Wine Spritzer!
371
00:15:02,109 --> 00:15:04,612
(Homer snoring)
372
00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:06,947
(groans)
373
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:09,074
Oh, my goodness, Homer. Ugh.
374
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,534
Wake up.
375
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,870
(incoherent mumbling)
376
00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:15,205
Oh. Look at this place.
377
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:18,167
We must've really
painted the town last night.
378
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:21,503
I have a pounding headache,
my mouth tastes like vomit
379
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,255
and I don't remember a thing.
380
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,174
Welcome to my world.
381
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:27,092
Oh, I did it!
382
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:30,888
I conquered my fears
and I made up for a lot of lost living.
383
00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:33,265
And I owe it all
to the Homer Simpson Program.
384
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:34,266
The what, now?
385
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,852
WOMAN: Well, it's about time
you two woke up.
386
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,479
Well, of course... (screams)
387
00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:39,563
Who are you?
388
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:40,898
Who am I?
389
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,943
I'm Mrs. Ned Flanders.
390
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:45,027
(gasps)
391
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,362
(laughing)
392
00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,530
Hey, smooth move, Flanders.
393
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,283
And I'm Mrs. Homer Simpson.
394
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:52,868
(screams)
395
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:56,121
-Here comes that vomit again.
-Ew.
396
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:01,794
HOMER: OK.
397
00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:04,338
OK. OK. OK.
398
00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:06,674
OK. OK.
399
00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:09,885
OK.
400
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,471
OK, you're saying that
Ned and me married you two.
401
00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:14,348
Oh, yeah. We're hitched, all right.
402
00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:16,600
Till death do us part.
403
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:17,977
Mm-hmm. I'm working on that.
404
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:18,978
Ned, no!
405
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,270
Think of your wives!
406
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:21,981
Wait a minute.
407
00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:25,150
This could be some kind of scam
or possibly scamola.
408
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:27,486
We would remember if we got married.
409
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:31,323
Boy, you did have a lot to drink
last night, Homeo.
410
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:32,825
Take a look at this.
411
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:34,326
HOMER: Aw. "Precious Memories."
412
00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:41,750
"I okilly-dokilly, schmokilly" do.
413
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,920
And do you, Homer, takethis cocktail waitress you just met
414
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,588
to be your lawfully-wedded wife?
415
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,173
What did you call me?
416
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:51,552
(sighs) Do you wantto get married? Married?
417
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:54,847
(imitating Sinatra)
Sure. Sock it to me, baby!
418
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:57,516
By the power vested in meby the Chicago Outfit,
419
00:16:57,599 --> 00:17:00,394
I now pronounce you husbands and wives.
420
00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:01,770
(smooching)
421
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,941
We are so dead.
422
00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,819
Ladies, we want to do the honorable thing.
423
00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:12,573
So, breakfast is on us
with full waffle bar privileges.
424
00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:15,367
But first, I'm afraid
we have some bad news.
425
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,036
(dramatic sigh)
426
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:18,537
The waffle bar is closed.
427
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:19,788
I'm sorry, I'm so very...
428
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:23,625
Homer! The bad news, ladies,
is we already have wives.
429
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:27,421
Well, you can't be very happy with them
if you married us.
430
00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:30,591
You two fellas are the nicest husbands
we've ever had
431
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:32,509
and we're not giving you up
without a fight.
432
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:36,513
But, Ginger, honey,
I am not the catch I appear to be.
433
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:37,931
Ginger's my wife.
434
00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,183
Are you sure?
435
00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:40,392
Oh, rats.
436
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:41,894
No offense, sweetie.
437
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:47,066
Homer, why don't we go make
the girls some custom omelets?
438
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:51,070
Geez, I've never seen anyone
so whipped so fast.
439
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,196
(imitates whip cracking)
440
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:55,365
(frantic groaning)
441
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:56,742
What are we going to do, Homer?
442
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:58,660
My kids are going to be traumatized.
443
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:00,370
And then there's Maude.
444
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:01,997
And then there's Maude!
445
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,123
I don't know, Flanders.
446
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:06,210
Having two wives
could have its advantages.
447
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:12,591
Chop, chop, dig, dig,
chop, chop, dig, dig,
448
00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:14,593
chop, chop, dig, dig...
449
00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:20,057
You know, Homie, there's so much more
two wives could do for you.
450
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:22,851
I hear digging, but I don't hear chopping.
451
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,520
(gulping)
452
00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:25,729
(buzzing)
453
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,523
Ooh, a friendly bee.
454
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:28,899
Ow! (groans)
455
00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:32,569
Ow! That sting hurt so much.
456
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:33,946
We got to get out of this, Ned.
457
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:35,072
Well, do something.
458
00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:36,824
This is all your fault.
459
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:38,367
You and your stupid program.
460
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:39,535
Blame me if you must,
461
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,495
but don't ever speak ill of the program.
462
00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:42,496
The program is rock solid.
463
00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:44,748
The program is sound.
464
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:45,916
{\an8}Yoo-hoo!
465
00:18:45,999 --> 00:18:47,960
Oh, those awful women want their omelets.
466
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:49,962
(kissing)
467
00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:52,172
Oh. How are we gonna get out of this mess
468
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,424
in an honorable and decent...
469
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,009
Oh, nuts!
470
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:57,427
I don't know.
471
00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,346
Omelets have a lot of fat in them.
472
00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:01,140
Forget it. You're married.
473
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:02,516
Let yourself go.
474
00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:04,768
-(grunt)
-Hey, they're running away!
475
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:06,520
{\an8}("Viva Las Vegas" playing)
476
00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:09,523
{\an8}♪ Bright light city gonna set my soul ♪
477
00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:11,942
♪ Gonna set my soul on fire ♪
478
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:13,068
(screams)
479
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:16,405
♪ Gotta whole lotta moneythat's ready to burn ♪
480
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,949
♪ So, get those stakes up higher ♪
481
00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:21,410
♪ There's a thousand pretty women ♪
482
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,036
♪ Waitin' out there ♪
483
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,956
♪ They're all livin', the devil may care ♪
484
00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:27,916
♪ And I'm just a devilwith love to spare ♪
485
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,334
(grunting and yelling)
486
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:32,629
♪ So, viva Las Vegas ♪
487
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:35,007
♪ Viva Las Vegas... ♪
488
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,134
(groaning)
489
00:19:37,217 --> 00:19:39,928
How can a fat guy run so fast? Hey!
490
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:45,309
Yay! (kisses)
Come on, baby, show Gil a four.
491
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,519
-Craps.
-Oh, no!
492
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,813
Why did I bet the company payroll?
493
00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:52,232
Oh, Gil's in a lot of trouble.
494
00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:54,735
(giggles)
495
00:19:54,818 --> 00:19:56,028
Somebody help!
496
00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:59,072
-Our husbands are trying to ditch us!
-(people gasping)
497
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:01,283
Someone dishonoring their marriage vows?
498
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:02,701
Not in Las Vegas.
499
00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:04,494
Attention, all employees.
500
00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:06,538
We've got two runaways. Stop them.
501
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:07,789
-(panting)
-(exclaiming)
502
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:08,832
-(screams)
-Oh, no!
503
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,209
-(groaning)
-(gasps)
504
00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:12,377
(snarling)
505
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:13,712
(screams) A lion!
506
00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:16,423
(gasps) Drederick Tatum!
507
00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:18,675
Your behavior is, is unconscionable.
508
00:20:19,259 --> 00:20:20,093
(both gasp)
509
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:21,887
(screams) The Moody Blues!
510
00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:24,598
"Cold-hearted Homer, ditching his wife
511
00:20:24,681 --> 00:20:27,559
While ancient Ned runs for his life
512
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:30,312
Chips of red and blue and white
513
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:31,688
But we decide..."
514
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:34,233
Can the poems. It's ass-whupping time.
515
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:35,275
I want fatty.
516
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:36,318
(screams)
517
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:39,446
(pursuers muttering)
518
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:47,746
What if we switched wives?
519
00:20:47,829 --> 00:20:48,830
Would that help?
520
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,415
For the last time, no!
521
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:51,458
Hello!
522
00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:52,626
Our ticket to freedom.
523
00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:55,712
(engine starting)
524
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:56,713
So long, suck--
525
00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:59,883
-(everybody yelling)
-(tiger snarling)
526
00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:04,388
-(Homer and Ned whimpering)
-Get out and stay out.
527
00:21:04,471 --> 00:21:07,057
Las Vegas doesn't care for out-of-towners.
528
00:21:07,140 --> 00:21:09,309
Take your money and go someplace else.
529
00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:11,520
-ALL: Yeah.
-Why do you disrespect us?
530
00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:14,273
And don't you ever try to marry us again.
531
00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:16,733
We found some guys
who know how to treat a woman.
532
00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:18,360
-Uh...
-(smooching)
533
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:19,403
(growling)
534
00:21:19,486 --> 00:21:21,488
But, Amber, I can change!
535
00:21:21,571 --> 00:21:23,156
Will you shut up?
536
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:26,410
All right, let's get our stories straight
for Marge and Maude.
537
00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:28,328
We were out buying them fabulous gifts...
538
00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:29,413
What's the occasion?
539
00:21:29,496 --> 00:21:31,206
Because we love them, jackass.
540
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:35,377
Anyhoo, we come out of Walmart,
when suddenly 100 spaceships...
541
00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:37,170
-Homer!
-You're right, you're right.
542
00:21:37,254 --> 00:21:39,506
Fifty spaceships beamed us aboard.
543
00:21:39,589 --> 00:21:42,301
They gang-probed you
while I discovered an invention
544
00:21:42,384 --> 00:21:44,261
that blew their heads up
and saved America.
545
00:21:44,344 --> 00:21:46,805
Uh, do I have to be gang-probed?
546
00:21:46,888 --> 00:21:48,598
Would you rather tell Maude the truth?
547
00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:49,683
(Ned sighing)
548
00:21:49,766 --> 00:21:51,143
What did the aliens look like?
549
00:21:51,226 --> 00:21:52,811
Well, I only saw them from the back
550
00:21:52,894 --> 00:21:54,855
'cause they were so busy gang-probing you.
551
00:21:54,938 --> 00:21:56,106
HOMER: Well, hello, little birdie.
552
00:21:56,189 --> 00:21:57,941
-(vultures squawking angrily)
-(Homer and Ned yelling)
553
00:21:58,025 --> 00:21:59,985
HOMER: Oh, my eyes! Cover your eyes!
554
00:22:00,068 --> 00:22:02,487
("Viva Las Vegas" playing)
555
00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:04,781
♪ If I wind up broke, well ♪
556
00:22:04,865 --> 00:22:08,744
{\an8}♪ I'll always rememberthat I had a swingin' time ♪
557
00:22:09,202 --> 00:22:12,706
{\an8}♪ I'm gonna give it everything I've got ♪
558
00:22:12,789 --> 00:22:16,043
{\an8}♪ Lady Luck, please letthe dice stay hot ♪
559
00:22:16,126 --> 00:22:19,171
{\an8}♪ Let me shoot a seven with every shot ♪
560
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,632
{\an8}♪ Viva Las Vegas ♪
561
00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:25,927
{\an8}♪ Viva Las Vegas ♪
562
00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:29,222
{\an8}♪ Viva Las Vegas ♪
563
00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:32,517
{\an8}♪ Viva, viva ♪
564
00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:37,856
{\an8}♪ Las Vegas ♪
565
00:22:40,150 --> 00:22:41,902
-(murmuring)
-Shh!
566
00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:47,157
{\an8}Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services
39482
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Uighur
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof