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1
00:00:03,378 --> 00:00:05,380
{\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,510
(bell ringing)
3
00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:15,724
D'oh!
4
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,101
-(screams)
-(tires screech)
5
00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:34,492
{\an8}(pounding on door)
6
00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:36,369
{\an8}Come on, Simpson,
open up.
7
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,620
{\an8}We know you're in there.
8
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:43,376
{\an8}(water dripping)
9
00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:46,463
{\an8}Hmm... That one.
10
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:47,756
{\an8}Someone's in here.
11
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:49,716
{\an8}(crying)
12
00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:50,800
{\an8}No!
13
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,260
{\an8}No!
14
00:00:52,343 --> 00:00:54,929
{\an8}Oh, for
the love of...
15
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:56,222
{\an8}Boy, I've never seen
16
00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:57,474
{\an8}a man so desperate
to get out
17
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:58,975
{\an8}of five minutes
of calisthenics.
18
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,019
{\an8}One, two, three, four.
19
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:03,313
{\an8}Up, down, three, four.
20
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:04,981
{\an8}Up, down, three, four.
21
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,275
{\an8}This new exercise program
is great.
22
00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:10,153
{\an8}Yeah. Every muscle in
my body's getting a workout.
23
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:12,322
{\an8}Especially my big, fat mouth.
24
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:13,656
{\an8}Yeah. Especially
your big, fat...
25
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:14,908
{\an8}Oh, wait.
26
00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:17,285
{\an8}Raise your right hock.
Aerate.
27
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:19,287
{\an8}Raise your left hock.
Aerate.
28
00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:21,081
{\an8}I want to see
more Teddy Roosevelts
29
00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,624
{\an8}and less Franklin Roosevelts.
30
00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:25,043
{\an8}(groaning)
31
00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:26,252
{\an8}...Two.
32
00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:28,171
{\an8}Actually, homer,
that's just one.
33
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:29,255
{\an8}See, each pushup
includes
34
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:31,841
{\an8}both an up part
and a down part.
35
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,384
D'oh!
36
00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:35,386
Hey, where's Charlie?
37
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:36,888
How did he get out of this?
38
00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:38,223
He's at home
on disability.
39
00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:40,016
Yeah, he got injured
on the job.
40
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,601
They sent him
home with pay.
41
00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:44,312
It's like a lottery
that rewards stupidity.
42
00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:46,439
Stupidity, eh?
43
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,233
Must hurt self.
44
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:52,070
Must hurt self.
Must hurt self.
45
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,075
D'oh!
46
00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:02,080
Hmm, probably better
that didn't hit me.
47
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:10,755
(electircity hums)
48
00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:16,094
-Yes?
-Hello.
49
00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:17,929
May I help you?
50
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:21,015
Uh... Could you give
me a little push
51
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:22,100
in the opposite
direction?
52
00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:23,935
Okay.
53
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,147
Thank you.
54
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,065
"Carpal tunnel syndrome"?
55
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,066
No.
56
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,110
"Lumber lung"? No.
57
00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:33,778
"Juggler's despair"? No.
58
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,531
"Achy-breaky pelvis"? No.
59
00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:38,116
I'm never going to be disabled.
60
00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:40,743
I'm sick of being so healthy.
61
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:41,995
Hey, wait.
62
00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,747
"Hyper-obesity.
63
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,292
"If you weigh more
than 300 pounds,
64
00:02:47,375 --> 00:02:50,003
you qualify as disabled."
65
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:52,130
(fanfare plays)
66
00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:58,720
You can do it, old boy.
67
00:02:58,803 --> 00:03:00,388
Yes, I can.
68
00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:05,268
Yes, yes.
That's the spirit.
69
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:10,899
If you gain 61 pounds,
they'll let you work at home?
70
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,650
Uh-huh.
That's the deal.
71
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,152
No more exercise program.
72
00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:15,528
No more traffic.
73
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:17,780
No more blood drives
or charity walks.
74
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,116
Dad, I know we don't
do a lot together
75
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,202
but helping you
gain 61 pounds
76
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,912
is something
I want to be a part of.
77
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:25,413
-Dad!
-(screams)
78
00:03:25,496 --> 00:03:26,873
I must protest.
79
00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:27,957
You're abusing a program
80
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,584
intended to help
the unfortunate.
81
00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:32,712
I'm not saying
it isn't sleazy, honey,
82
00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:34,547
but try to see it my way.
83
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,424
All my life,
I've been an obese man
84
00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:37,926
trapped inside
a fat man's body.
85
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,677
Have you told Mom
about this?
86
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,638
No, it would only
worry her.
87
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,598
If you want to add
to her worries, go ahead.
88
00:03:43,681 --> 00:03:45,099
I guess I'm just
a little more grateful
89
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,267
for all she's done for us.
90
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,186
-Dad!
-Yes, sweetheart?
91
00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:50,104
Obesity is really
unhealthy.
92
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,814
Any doctor will
tell you that.
93
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,108
Oh, yeah? Well, we'll
just see about that,
94
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:55,193
little miss smart guy.
95
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:56,444
(gasps)
96
00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:58,404
My God, that's monstrous.
97
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,615
I've never heard
of anything so negligent.
98
00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:03,451
I'll have no part of it.
99
00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:05,828
Can you recommend
a doctor who will?
100
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:06,871
Yes.
101
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,706
Hi, everybody.
102
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,500
BOTH: Hi, Dr. Nick.
103
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,086
Now, there are many
options available
104
00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:16,881
for dangerously underweight
individuals like yourself.
105
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:21,177
I recommend a slow,
steady gorging process
106
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,680
combined with
assal horizontology.
107
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,431
Of course.
108
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:28,601
You'll want to focus
on the neglected food groups
109
00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:32,272
such as the whipped group,
the congealed group
110
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:33,898
and the choc-o-tastic.
111
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:36,276
What can I do to speed
the whole thing up, Doctor?
112
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:37,986
Be creative.
113
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:41,281
Instead of making sandwiches
with bread, use Pop-Tarts.
114
00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:43,491
Instead of chewing gum,
chew bacon.
115
00:04:43,574 --> 00:04:46,202
You could brush your
teeth with milk shakes.
116
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,996
Hey, did you go
117
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:50,164
to Hollywood Upstairs
Medical College, too?
118
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:53,710
And remember, if you're not sure
about something,
119
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:56,004
rub it against
a piece of paper.
120
00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:58,214
If the paper turns clear,
121
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,258
it's your window
to weight gain.
122
00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:02,260
Bye-bye, everybody.
123
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:07,307
Oh, it's a dream
come true, boy.
124
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,725
I can, nay, I must
125
00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:10,727
eat everything
I've always wanted.
126
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,729
Now come on.
127
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:15,315
Every second I'm out of bed,
I'm burning precious calories.
128
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:16,399
Now get grabbing.
129
00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:30,872
Eat around
the banana, Dad.
130
00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:32,290
It's just
empty vitamins.
131
00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:47,930
Lucky for you,
this stuff doesn't work.
132
00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:55,229
I don't know.
133
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,773
Fish sandwich.
134
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:57,857
Are you sure?
135
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:05,323
Oh!
136
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:08,242
225? That means
I lost weight.
137
00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:09,577
(clears throat)
138
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:12,330
Homer,
you're on the towel rack.
139
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,376
Woo-hoo!
140
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:19,045
Four more pounds,
and my dream comes true.
141
00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:21,214
Working at home.
142
00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:28,221
Here's your lemonade
143
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:29,847
and here's your beer.
144
00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:33,643
Oh, you're such a vigorous
young go-getter.
145
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,937
When's your next
coffee break?
146
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:37,730
Anytime I want.
147
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:38,898
(tiger growl)
148
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:44,195
(tango music playing)
149
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,741
Oh.
150
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,119
Hey, Flanders, bad day
at the rat races?
151
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,413
Yeah, a crazy guy shot
a bunch of people
152
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,081
and the subway
ran over my hat.
153
00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:01,671
Hey, Lise,
come look at this.
154
00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:02,713
Neat.
155
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:12,056
-Hello, honey.
-Hi.
156
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:15,435
Um... There's something
I've been meaning to ask you.
157
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,812
Did you put on
a little weight this week?
158
00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:19,313
I was going
to surprise you,
159
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:20,815
but what the heck.
160
00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:23,943
Honey, I'm purposely
gaining 61 pounds
161
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:25,319
to get on disability.
162
00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:26,446
(gasps)
163
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,281
Have you lost your mind?
164
00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:30,116
Have you thought
about your health
165
00:07:30,199 --> 00:07:31,451
or your appearance?
166
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,244
Oh, so, that's it,
isn't it, Marge?
167
00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,620
Looks.
168
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:36,038
I didn't know you
were so shallow.
169
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,832
Oh, please.
170
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:39,459
I would love you if you
weighed 1,000 pounds, but...
171
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:40,460
Beautiful. Good night.
172
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:43,880
Oh.
173
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,381
I've got 15 minutes
to gain a pound
174
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,133
or I've got to face
another day at work.
175
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:48,759
Bad news, Dad.
We're out of food.
176
00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:50,887
We're even out of the basic
elements of food.
177
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,473
You ate all the tarragon
and you drank the soy sauce.
178
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:54,974
I need a miracle.
179
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,985
Ah, honey, that looks
just like a real doughnut.
180
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:09,155
Dad, it says "Non-toxic."
181
00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:11,324
Well, that's a plus.
182
00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:17,497
Woo hoo-hoo-hoo!
183
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:18,706
I did it!
184
00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:21,209
Uh, Dad,
towel rack.
185
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:25,963
(chuckling)
186
00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,215
Oh, my.
187
00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:32,345
(Mr. Burns
clearing throat)
188
00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:35,389
I'm pleased to dedicate
this remote work terminal.
189
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:37,517
It will allow
our safety inspector here
190
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,393
to preform his duties
from home.
191
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:42,438
And so, excelsior
to you, mister...
192
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,482
What's the name
of this gastropod?
193
00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:47,318
Simpson, sir. One of your
chair-moisteners from sector 7-G.
194
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:48,319
Yes.
195
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:49,320
Simpson.
196
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:54,158
Thank you for your pity.
197
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,535
Mom, are you
ever planning
198
00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:58,204
to step in and put
a stop to this?
199
00:08:58,287 --> 00:08:59,539
Normally, your father's
crackpot schemes
200
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:00,706
fizzle out as soon as
201
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,375
he finds something
good on TV
202
00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:04,669
but this season, uh...
203
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,767
I'm looking for something
loose and billowy
204
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,894
something comfortable
for my first day of work.
205
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,563
Work, huh?
Let me guess.
206
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:24,772
Computer programmer?
207
00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:26,524
Computer magazine columnist?
208
00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:27,775
Something with computers.
209
00:09:27,858 --> 00:09:28,818
Well, I use a computer.
210
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,111
What's the connection?
211
00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:31,571
Must be the non-stop
sitting and snacking.
212
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:35,449
Well, sir, many of our clients
find pants confining
213
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:37,535
so we offer a range
of alternatives
214
00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:40,997
for the ample gentleman--
Ponchos, muu-muus, capes
215
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,499
jumpsuits, uni-sheets,
muslin body rolls
216
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,459
academic and judicial robes.
217
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:47,378
I don't want
to look like a weirdo.
218
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:48,421
I'll just go with a muu-muu.
219
00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:57,555
(alarm ringing)
220
00:09:57,638 --> 00:09:59,557
ANNOUNCER: Arnie Pie-in-the-skywith the morning commute!
221
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,434
Traffic this morningis as bad as it gets.
222
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,603
Due to a fireat the army testing lab
223
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:04,979
a bunch of escapedinfected monkeys
224
00:10:05,062 --> 00:10:06,939
are roaming the expressway!
225
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:09,775
Despite the sweltering heat,don't unroll your windows
226
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:10,985
'cause those monkeys
227
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:12,653
seem confused and irritable.
228
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,196
Hee hee hee!
229
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,866
I pity those poor suckers
on the freeway.
230
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,827
Gas, brake, honk.
Gas, brake, honk.
231
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:21,621
Honk, honk, punch.
232
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:22,913
Gas, gas, gas.
233
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:32,298
8:58. First time I've ever
been early for work
234
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:34,800
except for all those
daylight savings days.
235
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,177
Lousy farmers.
236
00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:39,305
"To start, press any key."
237
00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:40,514
Where's the "Any" Key?
238
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,016
I see "Esc... "
239
00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:43,267
"Ctrl... "
240
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:44,560
And "Pg-up"
241
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,313
There doesn't seem
to be any "Any" Key.
242
00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:50,149
Whew! All this computer hacking
is making me thirsty.
243
00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:51,567
I think I'll order a Tab.
244
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:54,862
Whoop!
No time for that now.
245
00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:56,030
The computer's starting.
246
00:10:56,113 --> 00:11:00,534
"Check core temperature.
Yes / no."
247
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:01,911
Yes.
248
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:04,538
"Core temperature normal."
249
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:05,623
Not too shabby.
250
00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:08,834
"Vent radioactive gas?"
251
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,670
N-o.
252
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:13,506
"Venting prevents ex-plos-ion."
253
00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:15,299
(chuckling)
254
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,510
Ooh, this is hard.
Where's my Tab?
255
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:19,220
Okay, then, yes.
256
00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:20,388
Vent the stupid gas.
257
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,146
Ah, no!
258
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:30,690
The corn!
259
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:33,818
Paul Newman's
going to have my legs broke.
260
00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:36,112
♪ Bart and Lisa have to go to school ♪
261
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:38,114
♪ While I getto stay home ♪
262
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:39,281
♪ Nyah, nyah, nyah,nyah, nyah, nyah ♪
263
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:40,700
I like school.
264
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:41,701
Why don't you
live with it, then?
265
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,369
I would if I could.
266
00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:44,870
Not me, sister.
267
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:47,289
When I grow up,
I'm going to be a lardo
268
00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:50,000
on workman's comp,
just like Dad.
269
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:56,465
I wash myself
with a rag on a stick.
270
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:02,263
(guttural laughter)
271
00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:03,264
Whoo, whoo, whoo...
272
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:04,306
Yeow!
273
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:05,641
Mom?
274
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,184
This whole thing
is really creepy.
275
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:08,894
Are you sure
you won't talk to Dad?
276
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:12,189
I'd like to, honey,
but I'm not sure how.
277
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,692
Your father can be
surprisingly sensitive.
278
00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:16,902
Remember when I giggled at
his Sherlock Holmes hat?
279
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:18,112
He sulked for a week
280
00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:19,905
and then closed
his detective agency.
281
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,782
Maybe you'll have
to hurt his feelings.
282
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,617
The longer he lives
like this, the harder
283
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,077
it'll be to go back.
284
00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:27,705
Hmm, you're right.
285
00:12:27,788 --> 00:12:31,000
Hmm! Maybe if I use
my least-nagging tone of voice.
286
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:32,585
(softly)
Homer?
287
00:12:32,668 --> 00:12:33,586
Hmm.
288
00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:34,628
(sharply)
Homer?!
289
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:35,796
(sternly)
Homer?
290
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:36,797
That's it.
That's the one.
291
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:37,757
Send him on in.
292
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:40,301
Dad?
293
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:41,552
Yes, honey?
294
00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:43,846
Hmm. Mom just
baked a cake.
295
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:44,847
Ooh!
296
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:49,643
Homer, we need to have
a serious talk.
297
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,729
You dragged me all the way
from work for that?
298
00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:55,232
Let's quietly and calmly
discuss the pros and cons
299
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,777
of your controversial
plan, shall we?
300
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,028
I--
301
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:00,613
Con: You're endangering
your health.
302
00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:03,157
Pro: I'm drought
and famine-resistant.
303
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,785
Con: You're setting a bad
example for the children.
304
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,787
Pro:
I don't have to go to work.
305
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:09,997
Con: You're running
the air conditioner non-stop.
306
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,207
It's freezing in here.
307
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,375
Pro: Uh...
308
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,586
Uh... I love you?
309
00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:18,839
Con:
I'm finding myself
310
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:21,091
less attracted
to you physically.
311
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:27,139
Marge, this is everything
I've ever dreamed of right here
312
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,683
and nobody's going
to take it away from me.
313
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,811
You never had
faith in me before
314
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:36,816
but let me tell you, the slim,
lazy homer you knew is dead.
315
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:39,401
Now I'm a big, fat dynamo
316
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,529
and where's that cake?!
317
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:42,655
There's no cake.
318
00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:43,656
Oh.
319
00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:47,827
"Vent radioactive gas?"
320
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,411
Y-e-s.
321
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,455
"Sound alertness horn?"
322
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:52,498
Y-e-s.
323
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:53,666
(horn blowing)
324
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:55,709
"Decalcify calcium ducts?"
325
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,837
Well, give me a word.
326
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,964
Give me a... Hey.
327
00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:02,675
All I have to type is "Y."
328
00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:05,469
Hey, miss doesn't-find-me-
attractive-sexually-anymore
329
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:08,514
I just tripled
my productivity.
330
00:14:08,597 --> 00:14:10,266
Good. Good for you.
331
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,851
"Y." "Y".
332
00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:14,228
Let's see, so many letters
to choose from.
333
00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:15,688
I'll pick "Y."
334
00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:18,858
"Y." "Y."
335
00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:21,735
What? What the heck
are you doing over there?
336
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:22,862
(groaning)
337
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:23,821
There. You found the floor.
338
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,699
"Y, y, y, y."
339
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:28,784
"Y, y... "
340
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:29,827
I'm going out.
341
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:31,871
I run errands
during the day.
342
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,497
Could you pick me up
a lemonade and a beer?
343
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:34,707
(door slamming)
344
00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:41,380
(mail slot clatters)
345
00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:43,340
The mail. The mail is here!
346
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:47,720
Ooh! "An urgent plea
from Edward James Olmos."
347
00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:50,222
"Lisa Simpson,
can you afford to miss
348
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:52,516
another issue
of the Utne Reader?"
349
00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:55,936
Kids.
350
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:58,188
Free sample
of fabric softener?
351
00:14:58,272 --> 00:14:59,148
Woo-hoo!
352
00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:03,736
(dryer buzzes)
353
00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:06,739
Mmm.
354
00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:09,199
I can feel three
kinds of softness.
355
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:11,243
Dad, what are you
doing down there?
356
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,371
Washing
my fat-guy hat, honey.
357
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:17,791
ANNOUNCER: We now returnto search for the sun.
358
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:20,252
According to daddy's will,
359
00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:23,547
I inheritthe entire plantation.
360
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:26,675
I'll see to ityou don't get apricot one.
361
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:27,885
(computer beeps)
362
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,351
Uh, what's your
Dad's job again?
363
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:38,145
He's a nuclear
safety technician.
364
00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:40,606
What's he doing
with that broom?
365
00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:42,650
Uh, what isn't he doing?
366
00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:46,528
I heard that guy's ass
has its own congressman.
367
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,155
(guffawing)
368
00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:50,407
Hey, leave my dad alone.
369
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,785
Just because he's overweight
doesn't mean he's bad.
370
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:56,121
He's a sweet man,
and he has real feelings.
371
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,247
Hey, what are you
kids looking at?
372
00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:58,582
Hey, look.
373
00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:00,376
He's trying to get up
to yell at us.
374
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:02,294
Don't make me
close that shade.
375
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:04,338
(groaning)
376
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:08,258
Hey, Homer,
you promised Mom
377
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:09,635
you wouldn't wear
your dress outside.
378
00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:12,304
Nuts to that.
I'm going to the movies.
379
00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:13,597
Shouldn't you be working?
380
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:14,848
I got someone
to cover for me.
381
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,143
(beeps)
382
00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:23,107
One for honk, please.
383
00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:25,484
Oh, gee, uh,
just a minute.
384
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:27,736
I have to check
with the manager.
385
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:32,116
That overweight guy
wants to see the movie.
386
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:34,702
I'm terribly sorry, sir
387
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:36,036
but I'm afraid
our facilities
388
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,496
are not equipped
to meet your needs.
389
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:39,415
What are you talking about?
390
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:41,375
What I'm saying, sir,
is that a man of your carriage
391
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,127
couldn't possibly
fit in our seats.
392
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:44,712
I could sit
in the aisle.
393
00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:46,922
I'm afraid that would
violate the fire code.
394
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,675
MAN: Hey, fatty,
I got a movie for you--
395
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:51,552
A Fridge Too Far.
396
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:52,970
(laughing)
397
00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:55,681
Shame on all of you.
398
00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:57,474
Give me my dignity.
399
00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:59,935
I just came here to see
"Honk if You're Horny" in peace.
400
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,020
Sir, if you
just quiet down,
401
00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:02,104
I'd be happy
to treat you
402
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:04,023
to a garbage bag
full of popcorn.
403
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:08,235
This may surprise you, but you
can't buy me off with food.
404
00:17:08,318 --> 00:17:10,863
I'm sick of all your
stereotypes and cheap jokes.
405
00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:12,906
The overweight individuals
in this country
406
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:15,075
are just as smart and talented
407
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,744
and hardworking
as everybody else
408
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:18,704
and they're going to make
their voices heard.
409
00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:20,372
All they need is a leader.
410
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,249
Huh!
411
00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:24,293
I'll work harder than ever
before and show the world
412
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:25,669
overweight people aren't
413
00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:28,714
undisciplined,
lazy and irresponsible.
414
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:29,965
What happened to my bird?
415
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,846
Oh. Marge?
416
00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:37,681
Lisa?
417
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,308
Flanders?
418
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:46,482
"Explosion imminent"!
419
00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:48,650
Oh, my God!
420
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,360
The plant's going to explode!
421
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:52,780
(metal rattling and groaning)
422
00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:55,324
Hey, that thing's going
kah-kah koo-koo.
423
00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:56,950
Who cares?
It's Homer's problem.
424
00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:58,285
Wait. I know.
425
00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:00,162
"Vent gas."
426
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:01,789
"Pressure too high"?
427
00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:03,123
Oh!
428
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:04,917
"Tank must be
shut down manually"?!
429
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,919
Oh, stupid bird!
430
00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:09,171
I never should have
put you in charge.
431
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:10,130
Why, you--
432
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:12,591
Oh, who am I kidding?
433
00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:14,093
It's all my fault.
434
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:17,137
I got to call the plant
and warn them.
435
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:23,685
OPERATOR: The fingers youhave used to dial are too fat.
436
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,521
To obtaina special dialing wand
437
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:28,148
please mash the keypadwith your palm now.
438
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:29,775
(shrill shriek)
439
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:31,151
(labored breathing)
440
00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:32,861
I'm going to have
to shut it down myself.
441
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,905
Fat don't fail me now!
442
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:36,073
D'oh!
443
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:38,367
Oh!
444
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:45,374
Hey, buddy, you gonna
slow your car down and let me in
445
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:46,959
because I'm a big, fat guy
and I can't go anywhere
446
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:48,418
because there's going to be
some poison gas.
447
00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:50,003
I mean it's gonna
be really poisonous!
448
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:52,047
Everybody's going to be dead,
especially me!
449
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:55,843
The ice cream man!
450
00:18:57,469 --> 00:18:59,388
Hey, buddy, you got
to let me in your car!
451
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,348
T-take anything you want,
man, take it all!
452
00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:02,558
(babbling)
453
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,812
Push out the jive.
454
00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:08,313
Bring in the love.
455
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,653
I heard your dad
went into a restaurant
456
00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:16,405
and ate everything
in the restaurant
457
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,407
and they had to close
the restaurant.
458
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:20,576
Hey! My dad may have gained
a little weight
459
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:23,537
but he's not some kind
of food-crazed maniac!
460
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:26,290
Oh, that's
raspberry.
461
00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:27,833
(groans)
Oh!
462
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:33,380
-Ice cream!
-Ice cream!
463
00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:35,716
Workers, please.
There will be time
464
00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,176
for the frozen
pudding wagon later.
465
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:40,220
You still owe me
ten more Iroquois twists.
466
00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,514
♪ Ten, hi-yi-ya ♪
467
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:45,475
♪ And nine, hi-yi-ya ♪
468
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,354
Get away, damn it!
469
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:50,522
Run for your lives!
470
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:51,815
I'll take
a rocket pop!
471
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,483
What can I get
for 30 cents?
472
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:54,484
Let go!
473
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:56,403
I got to get to the tank!
474
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:03,493
Heck, I can't decide
without the pictures.
475
00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:05,454
♪ Six, hi-yi-ya ♪
476
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,502
♪ Four, hi-yi-ya ♪
477
00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:15,547
Whoa-oh!
478
00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:21,178
♪ Three, hi-yi-ya ♪
479
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,475
(whimpering)
480
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:30,103
♪ Two, hi-yi-ya ♪
481
00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:31,146
(screams)
482
00:20:34,983 --> 00:20:36,526
Stupid switch!
483
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:38,237
I wish I had
my reaching broom.
484
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,280
♪ One, hi-yi-ya ♪
485
00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:44,868
Wait a minute.
486
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:47,287
There's probably a...
487
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:48,622
(screams)
488
00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:55,212
Homer, your bravery
and quick thinking
489
00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:57,589
have turned
a potential Chernobyl
490
00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:59,633
into a mere
Three-Mile Island.
491
00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:01,510
Bravo!
492
00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:05,681
I think it's ironic that
Dad saved the day
493
00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:08,350
while a slimmer man would
have fallen to his death.
494
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:10,727
And I think it's ironic that,
for once, Dad's butt
495
00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:11,895
prevented the release
of toxic gas.
496
00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:12,980
Bart!
497
00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:14,731
We'll have you
out of there
498
00:21:14,815 --> 00:21:17,109
as soon as our tech boys
get you decontaminated.
499
00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:19,945
(laughs)
Thank you, Mr. Burns.
500
00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:21,905
It was pretty scary
up there...
501
00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:23,532
(laughs)
502
00:21:23,615 --> 00:21:25,617
For a while,
I feared for my life!
503
00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:27,411
(laughing hysterically)
504
00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:28,996
Oh! Stop!
505
00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:31,248
Now, Homer,
if there's anything else
506
00:21:31,331 --> 00:21:34,167
I can do for you, please
don't hesitate to ask.
507
00:21:39,715 --> 00:21:42,801
Mr. Burns, can you
make me thin again?
508
00:21:42,884 --> 00:21:44,511
I guarantee it.
509
00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:46,847
One.
510
00:21:46,930 --> 00:21:48,849
One.
511
00:21:48,932 --> 00:21:50,350
One!
512
00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:53,186
Bah! I'll just pay
for the blasted liposuction.
513
00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:54,438
Woo-hoo!
514
00:21:54,521 --> 00:21:56,523
♪♪
515
00:22:01,069 --> 00:22:03,155
♪♪
516
00:22:41,443 --> 00:22:42,611
Shh!
517
00:22:45,697 --> 00:22:48,950
{\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.
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