Original subtitles

(horse neighs)

(laughing)

(laughing louder)

(roaring with laughter)

-(splat) -(Krusty groans)

Ah, the Miracle Mile.

Where value wears a neon sombrero,

and there's not a single church or library to offend the eye.

There it is!

The chain that put the "fat"

in "fat Southern sheriffs."

I want a colossal donut

just like the one on the sign.

D'oh! Nuts.

That's false advertising.

Sorry, sir. No refunds.

I paid for a colossal donut,

and I'm going to get a colossal donut.

-You don't scare us. -(thunderclap)

(tires screech)

(thunderclap)

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Astronomers from Tacoma to Vladivostok

have just reported an ionic disturbance

in the vicinity of the Van Allen Belt.

Scientists are recommending that all necessary precautions be taken.

(snorting) Eggheads.

What do they know?

-(metal scraping) -Hee hee hee!

I got your donut, Lard Lad!

And what are you going to do about it?

(thunderclap)

-(metal creaking) -(stomping)

(Godzilla-like roar)

(thunderclap)

(Marge grunting)

Homer, where did you get that?

Get what?

That giant donut.

Well, I acquired it legally, you can be sure of that.

(cheering)

Dude, you're huge!

Yeah, let's party, baby.

(yelling)

(grumbling)

Fellas!

Where are you going at this hour?

Hey! Don't scratch up them heads!

Good morning, everybody. Panic is gripping Springfield,

as giant advertising mascots rampage through the city.

Perhaps it's part of some daring new ad campaign,

but what new product could justify such carnage?

A cleanser?

A fat-free fudge cake that doesn't let you down

in the flavor department like so many others?

(yells)

Let me go-- No, stop! Stop! No!

-(tires screeching) -(kids screaming)

Whoa. Another acid flashback.

Man, I'd hate to be driving a bus right now.

-(screaming) -(gulps)

Aw, they're not so tough.

Uh, Chief, that wasn't a monster.

That was the captain

of the high school basketball team.

Uh, yeah...

well, he was turning into a monster, though.

BART: What are you waiting for?

Wreck the school.

You know you wanna.

-Hmm. -I agree.

-Destroy the school. -Hmm.

(shouts)

(doorbell rings)

Hello? Yes? Oh.

(laughs nervously)

If you're looking for that big donut of yours,

uh, Flanders has it.

Just smash open his house.

He came to life.

Good for him.

-(glass shattering) -(rubble falling)

(approching stomps)

(doorbell)

-Help me, Lord! -I told you!

Flanders has it.

Or Moe. Go kill Moe.

-(tires screeching) -Homer, just give him the donut.

Once he has it, that'll be the end of all this horror.

Well... okay.

If it'll end horror.

(barking)

(whimpers)

Don't you ever get tired

of being wrong all the time?

Sometimes.

(Godzilla-like roar)

These monsters are destroying

everything and everyone we hold dear...

and you kids should have jackets on.

Hey, what's that in his footprint?

Hmm.

If your advertising agency

created all those giant characters,

you must know how to stop them.

Well, sir, advertising is a funny thing.

If people stop paying attention to it,

pretty soon, it goes away.

Like that old woman who couldn't find the beef?

Exactly.

If you stop paying attention to the monsters,

they'll lose their powers.

But people can't help looking at them.

They're wrecking the town.

(roaring in distance)

You know, maybe a jingle would help.

-(playing piano) -♪ Don't watch the mo-- ♪

(changes key) ♪ Don't watch the-- ♪

♪ Monsterss-s-s... ♪ (chuckles)

Well, it'll sound a lot better coming out of Paul Anka.

LISA: Hey, Springfield!

Are you suffering from the heartbreak of...

monsteritis?

Then take a tip from Mr. Paul Anka!

♪ To stop those monsters one, two, three ♪

♪ Here's a fresh new way that's trouble-free ♪

♪ It's got Paul Anka's guarantee... ♪

♪ Guarantee void in Tennessee ♪

BOTH: ♪ Just don't look, just don't look ♪

♪ Just don't look, just don't look ♪

♪ Just don't look, just don't look ♪

It worked! They're all dead!

Well, except for chubsy-ubsy over there.

(crowd clamors)

Mmm... sprinkles.

Homer, stop looking!

Don't make us poke your eyes out, Dad.

Oh!

Here comes something.

Remember the story.

We're newlyweds on our way to Earth capital.

D'oh. Shazbot!

Even as I speak, the scourge of advertising

could be heading toward your town.

Lock your doors, bar your windows,

because the next advertisement you see

could destroy your house and eat your family.

We'll be right back.

Okay boy, catch the Frisbee.

Good catch, boy.

(English accent) Thanks, Bart.

(boinging sound)

-(cash register bell dinging) -(birds chirping)

Oh, hard luck.

(stammering babble)

Ah!

Glad to rake your acquaintance.

(laughing)

(laughing louder)

(roaring with laughter)

(screams)

(sighs)

It was only a dream.

(yells)

HOMER: Bart! Is that you?

-Yes. -Take out the garbage.

And then he raked me across the chest.

And the weirdest thing was

it was that school janitor who mysteriously disappeared,

Groundskeeper Willie.

Oh, my God, Bart,

Groundskeeper Willie was in my nightmare, too,

but he got me with hedge clippers.

He ran his floor buffer over me.

(chuckling) Children, I couldn't help monitoring your conversation.

There's no mystery about Willie.

Why, he simply disappeared.

Now, let's have no more curiosity

about this bizarre cover-up.

Remember, class, the worse you do on this standardized test,

the more funding the school gets.

So don't knock yourselves out.

You have three hours to--

-Finished! -Ugh.

Then put your head down on your desk and sit quietly.

Ah... a duet of pleasures.

I am the wondrous wizard of Latin!

I am a dervish of declension and a conjuror of conjugation

with a million hit points and maximum charisma!

Ha ha! Morire: to die.

Morit: he, she or it dies!

Moris: you die.

(screams)

(chortling)

You've mastered a dead tongue, but can you handle a live one?

(choking)

(yelps)

(shrieks)

Ha ha!

Wheel him out quietly.

It's best the children don't see him.

(all screaming)

Oh, just get it out of here.

Not into the kindergarten.

(high-pitched screams)

Mom, Dad!

Martin died at school today.

Ooh.... I don't see what that has to do

with Groundskeeper Willie.

Um...

We didn't mention Groundskeeper Willie, Mom.

Mm...

Kids, it's time we told you the true story

and put your fears to rest.

It's a story of murder and revenge

from beyond the grave.

It all started on the 13th hour

of the 13th day of the 13th month.

We were there to discuss the misprinted calendars

the school had purchased.

(shuddering)

Oh, lousy Smarch weather.

"Do not touch Willie."

Good advice.

(ratcheting)

♪♪

Huh?

(screaming)

Our next budget item:

$12 for doorknob repair.

ALL: Nay.

(Willie screaming)

Recharge fire extinguishers.

This is a free service of the fire department.

-ALL: Nay. -Nay.

G-aah!

G-aah! Help!

Please help me!

Willie, please.

Mr. Van Houten has the floor.

I for one would like to see

the cafeteria menus in advance

so parents can adjust their dinner menus accordingly.

I don't like the idea of Milhouse having

two spaghetti meals in one day.

-(fire roaring) -(anguished screaming)

You'll pay for this, with your children's blood!

Oh, right. How you going to get them? "Skeleton power"?

I'll strike where you cannot protect them:

in their dreams.

Bart, don't you realize what this means?

The next time we fall asleep, we could die.

Welcome to my world.

(snoring)

(yawning)

TV ANNOUNCER: ...On this edition of Asian Market Wrap-up:

there's a volcano waiting to erupt in the Pacific rim.

Its name?

Medium-term convertible debentures.

It's no use, Bart.

We can't stay up forever.

You're right.

The only thing left to do is go into my dream

and force Willie into a final showdown.

You stay awake.

If it looks like I'm in trouble, wake me up.

Okay.

But promise you won't be grouchy.

(yawning)

Come on, Willie.

I know you're out there.

(screams)

(laughs)

The sandbox.

(grunts)

Hey, lawn boy!

You missed a spot!

When I'm done with you,

they'll have to do a compost-mortem.

Ach! Sinky sand!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh!

(gurgling)

(sighs)

Willie's gone for good.

Now I can get back to my normal dreams.

Me and Krusty winning the Super Bowl.

Bart, there's two seconds left.

Now, listen up.

It's your basic Statue of Liberty play

with one twist: you throw it to me.

Knute Rockne called it the forward pass.

Now, the clock's still running, so it's important

we start this play as quickly as possible.

(screams)

Oh, boy.

Don't dream about me no more, kid.

Help. Lisa, help!

Bart, you're in trouble! Wake up!

Wait a minute.

If you're here, then you've fallen asleep too.

I'm not asleep.

I'm just resting my eye...

Uh-oh.

Good-bye, Bart.

Good-bye, Lise.

Hope you get reincarnated as someone

who can stay awake for 15 minutes.

(gasps)

(screams)

You saved us, Maggie.

I don't know, Bart.

Something tells me Willie's still out there

and that he could come back any time in any form

and kill us in ways we can't even imagine.

Boo!

Ohh! Aah! Eeh!

Yu, um... yah!

(blubbering)

Oh!

Stop!

I left my gun on the seat!

Hey!

(panting and gasping)

Wait here, please.

Ah, jeez.

(panting and gasping)

MARGE: Homer, get ready.

Patty and Selma will be here any minute.

D'oh. Oh, no.

Better ride this one out in the closet.

Sorry, Dad. This is our spot.

Oh, yeah? Well, it's my house, so it's my spot.

Na-aw. Cause we called it.

-Did not. -Well, we're calling it now.

-You are? -'Fraid so.

They got me with legal mumbo-jumbo.

-(growling) -(doorbell rings)

MARGE: Just a second!

Doo-ooh.

Huh?

I never looked behind this what-cha-ma-call-it case before.

(laughing)

Huh? That's weird.

It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone.

How's it hanging, Marge?

Uck, I'm baking like a meat loaf under this wet wool.

Uh, may I take your coat, Aunt Selma?

Um, I would also like to take your coat.

Have we got a family activity for you.

A pillowcase full of seashells from our trip to Sulfur Bay.

You're going to help us clean and organize them.

And pry out all the dead hermit crabs.

Get a screwdriver.

(squeals)

I'll take my chances in the mystery wall.

HOMER'S BRAIN: Oh, glory of glories.

Oh, heavenly testament to the eternal majesty

of God's creation.

Holy macaroni!

(hawking)

Hey. You can just suck them out.

HOMER (reverberating voice): Hello?

Can anybody hear me?

Homer, where are you?

Uh, I'm somewhere, where I don't know where I am.

Do you see towels?

If you see towels,

you're probably in the linen closet again.

Just a second.

No. It's a place I've never been before.

Ah, the shower.

(laughing)

Hey!

I don't want to alarm you, Marge,

but I seem to be trapped in here.

We better call Ned.

He has a ladder.

What's going on here?

I'm so bulgy.

My stomach sticks way out in front and my...

(screams)

Well, as the tree said to the lumberjack,

I'm stumped.

It's like he just disappeared into fat air.

(laughing)

Hey, shut up!

Mmm...

unprocessed fish sticks.

Man,

this place looks expensive.

I feel like I'm wasting a fortune just standing here.

(humming)

Better make the most of it.

(burps)

Ow!

Watch it, coney!

(grunts)

(whistling sound)

Oops.

Do you see a light, Homer?

Yes.

Move into the light, my son.

(sizzling noise)

Ow!

Homer, this is your physician

Dr. Julius Hibbert.

Can you tell us what it's like in there?

Um... it's like, uh...

Did anyone see the movie "Tron"?

-No. -No.

-No. -No.

-No. -No.

-No. -No.

Yes.

I mean, no. No.

Well, where's my Dad?

Well, it should be obvious

to even the most dimwitted individual

who holds an advanced degree in hyperbolic topology

that Homer Simpson has stumbled into...

the third dimension.

Sorry.

Here is an ordinary square.

Whoa, whoa, slow down, egghead.

But suppose we extend the square

beyond the two dimensions of our universe

along the hypothetical "z" axis there.

(all gasping)

This forms a three-dimensional object known as a cube

or a frinkahedron in honor of its discoverer.

Hoo-hey, hoo-hey.

Help me!

Are you helping me or are you going on and on?

Oh, right.

And of course, within, we find the doomed individual.

Enough of your borax, Poindexter!

A man's life is at stake.

We need action.

Take that you lousy dimension!

Huh? Huh?

Ah!

Oh, there's so much I don't know about astrophysics.

I wish I read that book by that wheelchair guy.

(screaming)

(whimpering)

I'll save Homer.

All I needs is four stout men to work the bellows.

No, pops. It's too risky.

For all we know, there could be cubes in there

the size of gorillas and other large...

Help! I don't have much time!

That does it. I'm going in.

Bart, no!

Cool, man.

Oh, my God, I'm going to be sucked into a black hole.

I'm going to be sucked into oblivion.

I'm going to be nothing. And what's gonna be

coming out the other side, I don't know.

I'll save you, Dad.

Oh, I can't get any closer.

You'll have to jump.

Piece of cake, son.

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap

crap, crap, crap, crap...

(screaming)

Bart, what happened?

Well, we hit a little snag

when the universe sort of collapsed on itself

but Dad seemed cautiously optimistic.

Craaaap!

Homie.

Be strong, Marge.

I'm sure he's gone

to a better place.

(sizzling noise)

(Homer screaming)

D'oh!

Eww, this is the worst place yet.

Oh.

Oh, my God, look at this.

(whimpering)

Ooh, erotic cakes.

♪♪

CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.