Original subtitles

♪♪

- Here inside a backyard tree,

a squirrel embarks on her journey into motherhood.

This squirrel mother will raise her young son

without a male partner.

She teaches him skills of survival,

then pushes him to accept

a suitable mate of her choosing...

♪♪

...and repeat the cycle.

♪♪

[ Branches crackling ]

- [ Squawking ]

♪♪

- But things don't always go according to plan.

♪♪

- [ Wailing ]

- ♪ I'm not as crazy

♪ As I used to be

♪ Some of my devils

♪ Up and left me free

♪ To find a quiet space

♪ I'm not as out of place

♪ And I'm coming home again

♪ It's been too long a time

♪ Gettin' back what's mine

♪ And I can't remember why

♪ I went away

♪ But it's lookin', oh

♪ Like maybe

♪ I can stay

Is that any good?

♪♪

- Saturday morning.

Time to snoop through

family's trash cans.

Best way to really connect with loved ones.

Hm. Annie still trying.

Good girl.

Okay, Trophy's.

Trophy do better. Huh.

She eat a fruit.

And last, Peter's. [ Sigh ]

Boy too sensitive to throw anything away.

Wait.

Toenail clippings.

Is finally happened! [ Sigh ]

My Peter is officially man!

♪♪

Yes, Dasha, need woman with working uterus

whose spirit is already broken.

This afternoon perfect!

Okay. Bye-bye!

Peter! I thought the day would never come.

Then, today I find out

you finally ready for marriage!

- Huh? But you always say I'm not boyfriend material.

- In old country, at first sign of a man's independence,

he must marry.

This either happens

when he order his own meal

in drive-through...

- I like the way you say

"plain hamburger."

- ...sleeps alone in own bed

during thunderstorm...

- Well loud noises make me snuggly.

- ...or cuts his own toenails!

- I did do that.

My shoes were starting to hurt

and I didn't want to bother you

while you were gnawing on your breakfast jerky.

- Your bride, Svetlana, arrive this afternoon.

You marry immediately. - But, Baba,

I intend to meet the love of my life rom-com-style.

- Rom-com? - We'll lock eyes

across a crowded room. - Eyes.

- Or bump into each other at the office

- Office? - and I'll drop all my papers.

[ Gasp ] Or we'll accidentally reach for something

at the same time and --

Whoops! That's amore!

- Oops, that's a-stupid.

You have traditional old country wedding.

I go knit yak-hair vest for ceremony.

- [ Panting ]

I'll just hide in here for a few years,

until Baba can respect my wishes.

- Get out! - Oh!

Aah! Uhhh! - Shh! It's me!

I was just messing with you.

- Trophy, go hide in your own closet.

I'm gonna to need to be in here for a while.

- But your closet's the only one with a toilet.

- There's no toilet!

- Oops. - Get out of here

and let me hide in peace.

[ Crying ] Otherwise, Baba will force me

into an arranged marriage.

- Sorry, Pete, but, we all saw it coming.

She's been grooming you to be her spouse

[ Singsong ] since childhood.

- Wait, why are you hiding in here?

- No reason. Just chilling.

- Aah! - There you are, Mom.

The bird watching bus is picking us up soon.

Today we try to spot the common pigeon.

I promised. You said you would go.

- Annie, not all mommies are

[ French accent ] chaperone material.

- Actually, due to budget cuts, the school district stopped

doing background checks, so,

everyone's chaperone material now.

- Now, where do we hide?

- You know what? I have an easy-peasy idea

that can help us both.

[ Grunts ]

We'll keep this simple.

I'll just zap my spirit into this

[ Strained ] unclaimed corpse --

Susan, here -- and then pretend to be

your fiancé that you've kept secret from Baba.

[ Groaning ]

- And Susan's spirit will go into your body?

- Yeah, her dead spirit.

You'll just strap some rollerblades

on my lifeless body and send me on the bird trip.

- Please have dimples, please have dimples.

[ Ethereal tune plays ] [ Flies buzzing ]

- Ah. So, once you're inside Susan,

you and I will get married, instead,

and, since it's not your body,

it won't be weird for us to...

you know. - No! No.

It's temporary.

But that should be plenty of time

for you to introduce "Susan" to Baba

and get her to call off the wedding.

More importantly, I'll avoid

that mother-daughter pigeon thing!

Okay? Back up!

[ Spitting ]

♪♪

- [ Squeaking ] - But things don't always go

according to plan.

- [ Gasp ]

♪♪

- Oh, no!

[ Bones cracking ]

- Pretty sure Susan, here, OD'd on heroin.

But now I get what all the fuss is about.

[ Glass breaks ] - Where'd your soul land,

Mr. Whiskers?

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

- That thing is gonna ruin my manicure!

- There you are! The bus is here!

I made you that seed bark you always refuse to try.

Catch! Once you get past the first twenty bites,

you really start to crave it, right?

See ya, Pete! Just a heads-up --

that corpse isn't dead yet.

Come on.

- That squirrel's gonna be a great mom.

- I still can't believe you're actually coming.

You look excited, too, but let's not have a repeat

of my parent-teacher conferences.

No inciting violence, sex,

or violent sex, okay?

- Caw-caw, caw-caw!

- Caw-caw!

- And a caw-caw to you,

my fellow enthusiasts.

This is my mom, Trophy.

See? I told you she's real!

- Glad you could finally come!

[ Gasp ]

- -She can migrate south on me all winter long.

Am I right, Ralphie?

[ Laughs ] - [ Squeaking ]

- You've been practicing your bird calls.

Pigeon fever is contagious!

♪♪

- I've never been inside this shape before.

- I think you look cute. - Peter,

I have wedding vest for you.

Oh hoh hoh.

Holds eye contact,

doesn't cower at my scowl.

I ordered easily intimidated bride.

This not Svetlana.

Pete! Find return label. I get crate.

- Baba, I was afraid to tell you before, but I'm already engaged,

to this wonderful human woman, Susan.

We're very much in love,

so I don't need an arranged marriage.

- You keep secret from Baba?

Why?

You tell me everything.

- [ Gasp ] I do! I can't argue with that!

- We're so very much in love,

but we were afraid you'd be angry Pete chose his own wife.

- I wasn't afraid of you, Baba.

I was afraid of your reaction.

- Shut face hole!

Okay. Baba see

if you good match for Peter.

- Uh... - First test.

Why can't Peter speak, if he looking at sweet cream?

- Because Pete can't stop drinking sweet cream

until he hits 64 full ounces.

- Drinking how?

- In tiny sips,

with his eyes clenched [ Clapping] shut!

And his toes curled.

- Lucky guess.

- [ Moaning ]

- Okey-dokey, Baba be straight with you.

I think you corpse. - [ Gasp ]

The only part of me that's dead is

my ambition to lead an independent, fulfilling life.

No, thank you.

- Hmm, you seem like the perfect daughter-in-law.

Maybe too perfect!

- [ Coughing ] - Not robot.

Not marionette. Very well.

I accept this pairing.

- Great. So, Susan and I have

some fiancée-ing to go do in my room.

- No. You must go let Svetlana down in person.

You meet her in half of an hour at Fort Gator Wax Museum.

- What?! [ Clap ] Don't make me confront Svetlana

with a gallon of cream in me.

I don't want any trauma

attached to the cream! - Bye-bye!

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

[ Air brakes hiss ]

♪♪

- Gather 'round, George W. Bush Memorial High birders.

As you know, Annie Fantasy organized this watch

and she will now -- very briefly -- explain.

- Did you know pigeons mate for life? I do.

Did you know pigeons come in 28 different colored designs

and often place their beak inside their partner's beak

to reinforce their pair bond?

Separate genes control -- - Great Wikipedia

energy, Annie.

Here's a list of plumage varieties

and pigeon behaviors to look for.

Not sure how many we'll see, but remember our mantra --

"We choose to spend our time this way."

- I don't see a ring on those slightly bluish fingers.

Is there a lucky SOB at home I should know about?

[ Laughs ] That stands for spouse-of-birder.

- [ Squeaking ]

- [ Coos ]

♪♪

- Women love to be chased. Watch this.

- Dad, you promised to stop saying that

every time you see a woman running.

- [ Gasp ] I think she just spotted an ash red.

Wow! I've never seen her run toward something.

She's a real natural at this.

Coming, Mom!

♪♪

- Let's find Svetlana and let her down quick,

so we can get to the room

[ Singsong ] of wax Patrick Swayzes!

[ Bones cracking ] Aah! - Easy, there.

Gotta say, this feels pretty natural.

- [ Slap ] Still your sister! - Right.

- My liver always swells with pride,

looking at Florida's rich heritage.

♪♪

Don't look now, but I think I see el brido.

- Can you tell her, Troph?

When I get nervous, my throat closes up

and the only sound I can make is --

[ Scissors snipping ]

- ASMR scissor snipping sounds. I know.

Fine, I'll do it. Just meet me

at the Top Moments in Breastaurant History Gallery.

- Oh thank you, thank you!

- Hi, Svetlana?

So, I'm sorry to tell you this, but the marriage is off.

Mm-hmm. Well, you probably want to be alone with your thoughts,

so, safe travels, Svet-blah-blah-blah.

♪♪

- I love your pigeon passion, but in birding,

we don't get that close to the action.

It's different from cock fighting.

[ Laughs ] Mom! That tickles!

Birding really brings out your silly side.

- [ Squawk ] - What? Did you spot something?

Whoa! Mom?

- [ Squawk ] - [ Squeaking ]

- Your mom is scaring the birds.

That violates our cardinal rule!

- Don't judge, Carmen.

My mom's the best birder and parent here.

[ All gasping ] Mom, don't!

- [ Gasp ]

- Um, Annie.

Um, is your mom

number twoing in the thicket?

- I should've pointed out the restrooms back

at the info center.

- Must be all the birdseed granola bars.

They're really high in fiber.

- Welp, that's my trigger. You're sleeping

on the pull-out couch tonight, son.

- Why did you get us bunk beds, in the first place?

♪♪

- Ooh!

Whoops!

♪♪

[ Ding! ]

- Oh, excuse my pardons, please.

I so nervous.

I meet dream husband --

his name Peter -- for first time today.

- You have the deepest dimples I've ever seen!

- Sir! You mustn't say this.

I almost-married woman.

- Svetlana?!

I'm Peter!

- Peter?

[ Tender tune plays ]

- Mama, Mama. [ Speaking foreign language ] snack bar?

- [ Speaking foreign language ] snack bar.

- You have a son? - Yes, his name is Peter Jr.

- [ Gasp ] I'm his biological father?!

- How would that be possible?

- I don't know. Baba always says

the way children appear is none of my business.

- Ah, his papa die of anxiety during my childbirth.

I never thought I marry again.

But, when matchmaker called and said

wonderful man named Peter needed an old-country wife,

and my son being named Peter, I thought for myself, maybe...

- I'm like an adult version of your son,

which is every woman's greatest desire in a husband.

[ Gasp ] Is he drinking sweet cream?

-Da. This sound silly.

It is favorite, but he like to drink it really slow.

For me, the sweeter the cream, the stronger the meat.

- ♪ Oh, I'm just crazy

♪ About Swayze

♪ Oh, I'm just crazy

♪ It ain't just a phasey

- Susan?

Oh, my God!

Susan?

♪♪

- Susan?

- Patrick? - You always said I resembled

Patrick Swayze, but I don't see it.

- Susan? I mean, I'm Susan.

Who else would I be in her body?

So you and I -- Susan -- we are...

we're friends? Hmm? Mm-hmm.

- Glad you're okay.

Last time we partied, I had to leave you

at the front door of the ER.

- Um, thanks, um, but why are you desecrating

Mr. Point Break Swayze?

- Don't you remember?

I hide my illegal narcotics all around town.

Just like a squirrel.

That's why they call me Squirrel.

Come on.

- Huh, did you know this big guy's addiction

to eating human flesh didn't stop him from becoming

the mayor of Fort Meyers?

So much to learn.

Susan is smart.

- You're gonna love these, Susan.

I know a place where we can sample the goods

and have wasted sex to the "Roadhouse" soundtrack.

Just like the old days, Susan. Remember?

Just like before I took you to the ER.

- I'm going to have the time of my life.

And I owe it all to Sue.

- Phew!

Nice viewing perch.

Did you lead me up here so we could sneak

in a little mother-daughter bonding time?

- There are so many things

I've been wanting to talk with you about.

I had this dream a couple days ago

where I wore shorts to school

and things seemed to go pretty well?

Do you think my calves could handle that in real life?

Because I think clamdiggers are the best I can do right now.

- What a magical day.

I feel like we're finally connecting.

I love you, Mom.

- [ Chittering ]

- Wait a minute.

Food deposits in cheeks.

Climbing ability.

Number two'ing outside in the daytime.

[ Gasps ] You switched souls

with a squirrel to avoid my field trip!

Didn't you?

But you did send your body.

I guess that means you really do care about me.

You just misinterpret my radical acceptance

as stupidity, don't you?

Don't you? Aww.

Well, at least you didn't make me go to

another school thing alone. That's something.

- How about a ride back down the tree?

[ Laughs ]

- Dasha, arranged marriage off.

Peter already have secret fiancée who might be his sister.

I know. This Old country way,

but I always thought Petey fall in love "The Fast & The Furious"

style, where sexual tension meet illegal street racing,

resulting in makeshift family of gorgeous misfits.

Ah, oh, well. Bye-bye.

- [ Laughs ]

So, you telling me these kids get break from college,

drink malt lemonade, walk into ocean and die,

and then you make the money from their funerals?

[ Laughs ] This is the American dream.

- I know. It sounds like a fairytale, but it's true.

- Tell us more, Dada.

- [ Gasps ] - I having too much fun, Peter.

I so glad you too milky to find own wife.

- Svetlana, I need to tell you something --

[ Cellphone screaming ]

It's my mother. I should take this.

You might as well get used to her coming between us.

- Of course, my Peter.

- Baba, I'm glad you called.

About Svetlana, I think I love her.

- Baba fix.

Bring Susan home now.

Wedding need to start ASAP

because Baba go to bed in 30 minute.

- What? No, Baba, you don't under--

- Baba find Svetlana new fiancé approved by village.

Amazing man.

Lives four blocks from beach.

More hair on arms.

Matchmaker calling Svetlana now.

- Baba, wait! I love Svetlana, not Susan.

Oh, no!

- How much hair on arms? - Svetlana!

- And what about fingers?

- Oh! That's a lot better!

- Svetlana! - Thank you.

- Peter, my great day now even better.

Since you lie to me and not say you already engaged

to local woman, I get to marry man named Choad.

- Susan isn't really my fiancée.

I only told Baba she was because I wanted to find love on my own.

Then I did.

With you and Pete Jr.

Let's forget about Susan and Choad.

Call the matchmaker back.

Tell her you're going to marry me.

- Peter, oh, sweet foolish Peter.

Don't you know that love always begins by deceiving one's self,

and always ends by deceiving others.

That is what the world calls romance.

Plus, Choad has hairier arms.

You understand. - No!

No!

If I had to do it over,

I would have never gotten engaged

to my resurrected sister's spirit

inside another woman's decaying corpse.

- Like turducken. Yes, I see.

I wish you every happiness, Peter.

Go to corpse-sister Susan, work things out.

Maybe we meet again one day.

- [ Laughs ]

- We're almost at the end of the trail, everyone.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

If you'd joined loom club instead,

you would've gotten to make a potholder this afternoon.

But remember our other motto.

- No club prepares you for life's disappointments

like birding club.

[ Bird cooing ]-Shh! I hear a bird.

A living one.

Try to spot it, everybody.

- Oh, my gosh, it's a white-crested pied.

[ Gasps ] It's got a nest full of eggs!

[ Gasps ]

- Ms. Fantasy, halt!

By the order of the bird watchers!

- That's not a real thing, Ralphie.

- Your mother is going right up to the nest.

Why is she getting so close?

- Maybe we could bribe her back down.

Does anyone see any acorns?

- Don't feed her more!

We don't need to watch her poop again.

- Speak for yourself, Carmen.

- [ Chittering ]

[ Bird cooing ]

♪♪

- [ Coos romantically ]

- [ Squeaks ]

- Annie, I can't believe this.

Your mother appears to be communicating with a bird!

- That's my mom.

- Why don't you ever talk to birds?

- Baby, I can barely talk to your father.

- She's bringing down the pigeon and the nest!

- [ Gasps ]

- Oh, wow. - Amazing.

- Your mother really knows

how to spice up ornithology, Annie.

- I think the eggs are about to hatch.

Birders, get your cameras out.

♪♪

- Oh, the miracle of --

Oh!

- No one ever comes in here.

- So how hard do we like to party?

Because it's been too long for old Susan.

[ Gasps ] Foreplay.

- Oh, Susan, these will make you

hallucinate eight heads on everyone.

So it'll feel like an orgy with just the two of us.

- Oh, wait. Damn it.

I have one more stash in the "Garfield & Friends" wing.

Don't move. [ Chuckles ]

I'll be right back.

- I'm about to get high and boink might-as-well-be Patrick Swayze.

And to think I could be on a birdwatching trip!

[ Dramatic music plays ]

- No! No, no.

Time can't be up yet.

No, no, no!

♪♪

[ Alarm blaring ]

[ Keypad beeps, alarm stops ]

- Not again.

- Hey, Andre, I found that misplaced hitchhiker

from the Hall of Dangerous Situations for Women.

I'mma take her back.

- I'd better not still be on that fucking birdwatching trip!

- [ Squawks ]

[ All gasp ]

- You discovered an entirely new species, Mom.

Even if you really are a squirrel,

this is the best day we've ever had.

Thank you.

- [ Gags ]

- Shit.

Ugh!

Did I eat carbs today?

- You were a great Mom today.

- I was? Oh, fabulous.

Maybe for your choir recital

I can swap bodies with the morgue goat.

- He does love Philip Glass.

- That was just amazing, Mrs. Fantasy.

Birder of the year!

Birder of the year!

Chant with me, I'm feeling very self-conscious right now.

- Birder of the Year!

Birder of the Year! Birder of the Year!

- That's me.

- Trophy! There you are.

I think we should just get married to appease Baba.

That's what my therapist calls "exactly the problem."

- [ Chittering ]

- [ Screams ]

Okay, so maybe no s-e-x, but...

Whoa!

So...

what's your son's name?

♪♪

[ Squeaks ]

[ Thuds ]

- [ Chuckling ] - [ Moaning ]

♪♪

- ♪ Susan

♪ Looks like I'm losin'

♪ I'm losin' my mind

- ♪ I'm losin' my mind

- ♪ I'm wastin' my time

♪♪

- Cream, Mama?

- Hey, I told you, no more of that stuff.

Only freaks drink sweet cream!

- Choad, please! - You better start acting right

if you want to earn the name of Choad Jr.

- Maybe I should have married Peter.

Oh, if only his arms had more hairs.

♪♪

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