Original subtitles

[ Man singing in foreign language ]

- [ Gasps ] She...remembered?

-Rise and shine!

It most important day of year!

- Finally -- a real birthday for Uncle Pete.

- Is there some kind of surprise happening

for a one-year-older me?

[ Screams ]

- Not surprise.

It happen every year, second Saturday

after Old Country Easter.

- Embalming fluid held like a baby,

Baba filled with pride -- piece together the clues Pete.

[ Gasps ] Oh! Today's not --

- Fun-Con, annual Funeral Parlor Association Convention.

This Baba year to win Best Fluid.

Go load back of hearse with homemade embalmer.

- Seriously?

But it's my-- - You what? You period?

Baba need you to find cheaper coffin distributer.

- Can we please stay home?

Maybe you have some tiny candles

you'd like to put on a Scooby-Doo-themed cupcake?

- Ha! This my day.

No time for dally-dilly.

- I'd like to dilly her dally.

[ Baby crying ]

- ♪ I'm not as crazy as I used to be ♪

♪ Some of my devils up and left me free ♪

♪ To find a quiet space

♪ I'm not as out of place

♪ And I'm coming home again

♪ It's been too long a time ♪

♪ Gettin' back what's mine

♪ And I can't remember why I went away ♪

♪ But it's looking now like maybe I can stay ♪

Was that any good?

♪♪

- I forgot how fun FUN CON is! - Forget anything else?

A sibling's birthday, perhaps?

- Everybody here's horny.

You've got your plainclothes goths,

your necrophiliacs,

your quiet cape-wearers who "play" organ music,

your overly curious meek teens.

- I might be down for a fun-con-sensual experience

with a fellow meek teen,

but they'd have to be especially meek.

- Spot! Spot!

[ Engine revs ]

[ Tires screech ]

[ Cheering ]

- [ Gasps ] Sophie Bennett!

Still a sneaky thief, I see.

- Who? - Sophie create

very popular lifestyle brand, but for death.

Really made something of herself.

- You know her?!

♪♪

- A little maggot for a little lady.

- He's so squish-able. I love him.

- Can I hold him for a little, Trophy?

- Sure, Sophie.

Feel his belly.

[ Gasps ]

Sophie, give him back!

He's my maggot!

[ Sobbing ]

- Let's cremate him!

- No!

- Bye-bye.

- [ Sobbing ] I won him!

- Won what? - [ Sobs ]

We were best friends,

but she always took whatever I loved most.

As kids, it was my toys.

As teens, it was my boyfriend Lonny...

[ Gasps ] That's him! - They marry now. And rich.

- Who's the boy?

- I knew Lonny got her pregnant,

but I... didn't think they'd keep it.

[ Chuckles ] Guess they forgot to use fun-con-traception.

- Sophie good teen mom to Joey.

Never abandoned baby with grandmother.

- Actually, everything that went wrong in my life

can be traced back to Sophie.

But that ends today, my brilliant frien-emy,

'cause Trophy's come back to take you down.

- Ahh. Baba home.

Listen up.

Lots to do and only few hours to do it.

- I'll go browse coffins and meet you in the car.

I know how my face brings you bad luck.

- [ Groans ] - Trophy.

Baba need you -- - To ruin Sophie's life

like she ruined mine?

Consider it done.

- To not be messy bitch!

Stay away from Sophie's embalming fluid.

[ Psychedelic music plays ]

- Ooh.

Baba, could I go smell some candles before I start my job?

- No.

Your bad posture is like mating call to sexual deviants.

Baba tell granddaughter secret of how

to determine who molester.

- Let me guess -- you have an outrageous theory

there's absolutely zero research on.

- Old Country way never wrong!

Just hum first few bars of "Skip to My Lou."

If the suspect sings chorus,

you know you dealing with monster.

Watch.

♪ Flies in the buttermilk, shoo, fly, shoo ♪

♪ Flies in the buttermilk, shoo, fly, shoo ♪

♪ Flies in the buttermilk, shoo, fly, shoo ♪

- ♪ Skip to the Lou, my darlin'

[ Gasps ] - Help! This man is dangerous!

I was taken from my home in Billings, Montana!

- I don't even know that darling. [ Siren wails ]

Can we just blame the... - Thanks, Baba.

We've been looking for Thatcher the Child Snatcher

for months.

Don't know how you do it.

- Wow! Why does that work?

- If you ever want to sleep again,

is better not to know details.

♪♪

- Mm...

- Hey, you look like a man who appreciates

the finer things in life.

- I did use a toothpick after lunch.

- Come try out the RestMaster 2000.

- Oh, this is way beyond our budget.

You see, our clients are... "of the trash."

- Ever wish you could climb back inside your mother's womb?

- Every second of my life. - I had a feeling.

Well, let me tell you --

this silk comfort foam comes close.

Jump on in there. - Oh.

Makes you wish death could arrive a little faster.

Oh, I-I better get up before I get too comfortable.

- Just take a moment with it.

This baby's air-tight.

- Uh-oh.

- Ooh, bad posture.

Easy prey.

♪♪

- Lonny?

Lonny? Lonny?

You in here?

- Wha--? - Lonny!

But I thought you loved me for my body.

- Sorry, Troph.

Sophie's hot spot has more than just great wireless.

- Sophie, how could you?

You're supposed to be my best friend.

- Exactly.

If it weren't for me, you and Lonny would still be together.

I did this for you.

- My heart is broken.

I have to go have drunk,

unprotected sex with 10 guys to dull the pain!

That'll show you!

- Uh, you're welcome!

I'm gonna keep you as my boyfriend to boss around,

but let's be clear -- I don't like you.

- So, girls, if you ever wanna talk about the circle of life

or what pajamas you're wearing, here's my, uh,

personal number.

- Oh, drat!

My flavored-condom assortment spilled everywhere!

Nom-nom-nom-nom-nom. - Trophy Fantasy?

Is that you?

[ Chuckles ] I don't believe it. - Lonny!

Ooh, what a complete surprise to see you here.

Why don't we go grab a coffee and catch up,

in the biblical sense.

- I appreciate the offer, but I'm more generically spiritual.

I gotta see where those barely legals just ran off to.

Nice catching up.

- ♪ Flies in the buttermilk, shoo, fly, shoo ♪

♪ Flies in the buttermilk, shoo, fly, shoo ♪

♪ Flies in the buttermilk, shoo, fly, shoo ♪

- ♪ Skip to my Lou, my darlin'

Damn! - I knew it!

You're a cheater and a creeper.

I'm gonna tell Sophie and destroy your marriage.

- Oh, she knows I cheat on her with very young women.

We've turned our narcissism and desire for money

into a successful lifestyle brand.

Our loveless marriage is a mutually agreed upon charade.

- I get it.

You have the perfect relationship.

Ugh. How am I supposed to get back at her now?

- [ Chuckles ] It's futile.

I mean, you could kill yourself trying --

- Been there, botched that.

- Winning's all she cares about, and Sophie always wins.

- What if Tender Endings beats her in the fluid finals?

- That would take a miracle. - Yeah?

Well my resurrected ass knows a little something about those.

- When do I get to hold the embalming fluid?

- In your dreams.

Baba have just the job for novice.

You hold sign.

Pretty good.

Just try keep it straight

and don't let crowd see too much of your calves.

Today not about you.

Today about fluid.

Step right up and sample the goods!

Only 12 ounce of Baba's Embalmer does trick

for four average adults or eight unlucky children!

Just other day, a widow say to me, "Five stars,"

after looking at dead husband face.

And as everybody know,

widows very stingy with their stars.

[ Psychedelic music plays ]

- Fresh laundry rainstorm? [ Sniffs ]

Oh, like I'm carrying a basket of clean clothes into a monsoon.

- Pumpkin Pie Afternoon.

This aroma is transcendent.

[ Sniffs ] Top note of...clove? Is that right?

- Sure. Why not.

- Mmm. This cinnamon is so warm.

What are its undertones? - Says here...

"cinnamon." - I'll take it.

- You know, you should get a wick cutter for that jar

if you don't have one already, 'cause...

- You get optimal burn time

and less sooty residue on the glass.

- I'm Annie, from Tender Endings.

You're Joey Bennett.

- Your funeral home hates my mom, right?

All the deadheads do.

It's the combination of her success and her superiority.

- My mom's not a fan, but I try to think for myself.

- Me, too.

In fact, I'm heading to the food court

to defy my mother's wishes right now.

I'm going to eat a snack loaded with artificial colors

and added sugar.

Wanna join me? - I do...

but I'm supposed to be holding a sign for my Baba.

- Sounds important. Maybe another time, then.

- You can either hold a sign

or you can recognize a sign from the universe

staring you right in the face!

Joey, actually, I'm DTF!

Down to Foodcourt!

- So that's what that means.

♪♪

- Let me out!

I can't die on my birthday.

That's a level of irony I am just not comfortable with.

Let me out!

[ Sobbing ]

Salvation!

And maybe a birthday wish?

- Is that our Petey?

- ♪ Happy birthday - ♪ Happy birthday

- No!

No!

[ Sobbing ]

This wood's not solid.

What the -- [ Screams ]

[ Gasps ] Oh, just my recurring dream.

I better pinch myself.

[ Screams ]

-Petey! Breakfast!

- Baba must have drugged my sweet cream

so she could remodel my bedroom

and change me into new pajamas without me knowing.

Aw, what a special birthday surprise!

Coming!

- I have special birthday surprise, Peter.

[ Smooches ]

- My wish from every past birthday finally came true.

♪ -Happy birthday, dear Petey

♪ Happy birthday to you!

[ Screams ]

♪♪

- Transforming your loved ones into a bio-degradable mulch

is a great alternative to toxic embalming.

Now, did everyone try a piece of the carrot cake?

- Ohh. Mmm. - Mm-hmm. This is pretty good.

- Surprise!

That's not just beta carotene you're tasting.

It's also the re-imagineered body of a man named Calvin.

- Hurry up and find her embalming fluid.

I wanna get out of here before she starts doing yoga

and making me feel bad about being poor.

[ Gasps ]

- Trophy!

I thought that was you, but I've trained my consciousness

to shut down in the presence of desperation and cheapness.

- Still taking advantage of others for your own gain, I see.

Now it's just grieving family members

instead of your best friend!

You haven't changed a bit. - Neither have you.

Maybe a few less bugs in your vagina now.

- They're called crotch beetles!

And they do my bidding.

I'm a resurrected woman with powers.

You can't hurt me anymore, Sophie.

- Trophy, Trophy, Trophy.

Why don't you use your powers to help society

instead of trying to settle petty old scores?

- Excuse me, Sophie?

I'd like my dead wife turned into a crystal

so I can feed her to dolphins after her passing.

Is that normal?

- I wouldn't call it normal.

I'd call it beautiful.

If you'll excuse me, my disciples require my energy.

But stay away from my embalming fluid!

So great seeing you.

- Oh, she loves that fluid like I loved My Little Maggot.

A true love I have never felt before or since.

I will avenge him!

♪♪

- You two lovebirds order the Cookies and Cremains?

- Ooh.

- It's okay, Joey.

One sip isn't gonna kill you.

- That's not what my mother says.

- My Baba put Dr. Pepper in my bottle when I was a baby.

She said, [As Baba] "Why not? Those teeth fall out anyway."

[ Normal voice ] You'll be fine.

- I trust you, Annie.

[ Both slurping ]

♪♪

♪ Yeah, yeah

[ Vocalizing ]

- The innards look like ravioli to me.

- That's what I always say!

- ♪ Yeah, yeah

♪♪

[ Laughs ]

- [ Vocalizing ]

- Oh, Joey.

- Annie, you're so fun!

Promise me you're not just pretending to like me

because you're a superfan of my mom's.

- Oh, Joey, promise you're not just pretending

to be a meek teen because you're a sexual predator.

- Would a sexual predator do this?

♪♪

- Meek teen!

♪♪

- [ Gasps ] I guess that was all just a dream within a dream.

I better pinch myself just to make sure.

Ouch! [ Dramatic music playing ]

Yup, it's still my birthday.

And maybe that music means Baba remembered.

Baba remembered.

Music means Baba remembered.

♪ Baba remembered

- Sweet Cream for my Birthday Boy?

[ Laughs ]

[ Baby crying ]

- [ Screams ] Ow!

- Real nice job, Annie.

Baba not remember last time she enjoy your company so much.

Get ready. Judge coming.

So?

Am I heading to fluid finals again this year?

- Word on the street is you've got it in the body-bag, Baba.

Oops, looks like your sign's crooked.

- Sorry.

That just my granddaughter's scoliosis.

Sign not crooked. Granddaughter crooked.

[ Gasps ] Annie? Annie?

Oh, no, pervert must have snatched

my very plain granddaughter.

- I'll be back in 10 minutos.

If your team isn't ready,

you'll have to forfeit your spot.

And, ma'am?

That'll be a huge hit to your dignity.

- Pervert!

Pervert, release my Annie -- now!

♪♪

- [ Chuckles ] So I never really recovered from the friendship.

It's like even though she's clearly in the wrong,

Sophie finds a way to make me feel inadequate.

[ Chuckles ] And I guess degrading sex

always makes me forget my troubles, though.

[ Chuckles ] Are you free? - Mom. Mom.

You're hitting on a dead person.

- You always focus on people's flaws, Annie.

Tony's a great listener.

- Give him back his flowers. - No!

He gave me these.

- [ Sighs ] Joey, this is my Mom.

- Hello, Mrs. Fantasy.

- It's you. Very interesting.

Annie, can I talk to you for a second?

- You were right about Fun-Con, Mom.

Everyone can find true love! - Annie, wake up!

Sophie wants to destroy me.

Of course she's trying to get to me through you.

- You're wrong.

Joey likes spending time with me.

- That doesn't make any sense!

If I know that family, all that boy wants

is to throw your maggot in the incinerator,

if you catch my drift.

Heed my warning, Annie.

Mama knows!

- [ Gasps ] Either I've gotten sucked down the Baba hole

or Old Petey accidentally wandered into

a Groundhog Day time loop!

I better pinch myself!

Ouch!

[ Screeches ]

- [ Yawns ]

[ Breathing heavily ]

- Wait, Joey...

I hate to ask, but...

my mother thinks you're only pretending to be

interested in me so your mother can ruin her life again.

That's silly, right?

- While that does sound like one of my mother's

three-dimensional manipulative chess moves,

let me assure you, I'm not using you.

We're a perfect match.

We both like scented candles, ice cream, and...

holding hands.

- I wish we could be together.

But I have this terrible feeling my mother's going to ruin it.

- I-I know we're both meek,

but since our families won't condone our relationship...

-Seating's now open

for the Embalming Fluid Finals in Hall H.

- Let's run off together.

Right after the fluid finals, though.

If I'm not there to hold the sign,

my Baba will never forgive me.

- Would you two shut the hell up?

This is a funeral!

- Funeral Plus! - I'll see you onstage.

We'll run away right after the competition.

♪♪

- Bye, Joey.

- I expected to fail at sabotaging Sophie,

but I didn't think I'd fail at getting laid, too.

Ooh, maybe I spoke too soon. - Hello.

- Want me to spit in your mouth, bitchboy?

- No, but would you mind telling me

where they're selling those giant turkey legs?

- They're over there, freak!

[ Sighs ] Geeze.

[ Gasps ]

Oh, well, well, well.

Today's not a total bust after all.

♪♪

Is that nutmeg? God damnit, that's good!

[ Slurps ]

Death powers.

He is avenged!!

Oh, that'll do it.

Now Sophie's precious embalming fluid

will fail harder than my hopes and dreams.

It's her turn to feel a lifetime of disappointment

and humiliation now.

[ Gasps ] My Little Maggot!

You're alive! Oh!

You're as squish-able as I remembered. Oh!

I never would have become the youngest stripper

in Reno history if Sophie hadn't stolen you from me!

- Oh. Hi, Annie's mom.

Y-Y-You better put that down.

My mother doesn't let anyone touch him.

- Oh, yeah? Well you better not touch Annie.

Though she is also squish-able.

- Annie and I are in love and plan to run away together!

- I see right through your meekness.

Your father stole my virginity, your mother stole my potential.

I'm not about to let you steal my daughter.

Get him, Beetles!

- Annie's mom?

Oh! [ Chuckles ] That tickles!

No! [ Muffled shouting ]

- [ Laughs ]

Who's the maggot now?

- [ Muffled scream ] - Don't worry!

I'll tell Sophie where to find you after she loses.

Or not. Because she will lose.

Won't she? Yes, she will!

Oh, yes, she will!

- Pervert! Pervert! Pervert!

- Look what I found, Baba! Remember its little belly?

- While you off reliving childhood,

your daughter missing in convention center

full of sex criminal!

Now baba worry about Annie and fluid finals.

- Oh, no! I bet Sophie got to her.

Guess Annie's probably dead by now, then. Mm.

- Sorry, Baba. I'm here.

- Your dilly dally almost cost me first victory.

Hurry, places, places!

[ Cheers and applause ]

- Good evening, and welcome to the 37th annual Fluid Finals!

Let's meet this year's challenger, Tender Endings!

They'll go head-to-head with our reigning champions...

Blissful Passings!

[ Cheers and applause ]

We've given both funeral homes

identical deceased rats to embalm.

That's right -- identical twins. Kinda sad.

But totally fair.

On my count...

One...two...dunk those rats!

[ Cheers and applause ]

- This your year to shine, old bean.

- Rest well, little prince.

[ Zen music plays ]

- Oh, it'll feel so good to finally beat her.

Sophie doesn't stand a chance.

- If I find out you did messy-bitch mischief

and interfered with purity of this contest, I end you.

- H-Have you seen Joey anywhere? - Uh, actually, I saw him

heading down to the basement with another girl.

They're a family of cheaters.

[ Chuckles ] Like mother, like son.

I hate to be right, and yet, I am.

- Oh.

♪♪

- Yes!

You see that?!

Baba is winner, baby!

[ Cheers and applause ]

- Yeah, well, not your best work, Sophie.

- I don't know what's wrong. This has never happened before.

- Shame. Terrible shame.

♪♪

[ Audience gasps ]

All: Awww!

- What?! She cheat!

- Come on! That wasn't supposed to happen!

♪♪

[ Gasps ]

- You interfere! You play dirty.

You not my daughter anymore!

- I think my choice is unanimous.

Sophie, you're the winner!

- Sophie! Sophie! Sophie!

- Well, Baba, that's the way the jalapeño popper pops.

Better luck next year.

- We go home.

- Joey Bennett, please report to the main stage.

- Forget Joey, I've lost My Little Maggot!

- Forget him, hon. He and his new floozy

are probably halfway to Mexico by now.

[ Squeak ]

- [ Gasps ] - Happy birthday, Petey!

- [ Gasps ]

- Wild ride, huh?

The lack of oxygen plus that bump on the head

is better than any drug, [Laughing] am I right?

- But I was just about to blow --

- Blow all your money? No sir!

How many of these beauties can I put you down for, huh?

- [ Sighs ]

- I have finally started to de-rat.

- You should stay rat.

- Happy Birthday Uncle Pete.

This scent's called Democratic Presidential Nominee.

Top note of never getting what you want.

Make a wish!

♪♪

- My wish came true!

I'm back in Baba's womb! - Not exactly...

but this silk comfort foam does come close.

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