Original subtitles

MALE VOICE (OS): Go on, get him out of the van! Angel! They're here.

Get down Mall cop.

MALL COP (OS): Oh god please don't kill me, I just started this job 3 days

ago. I'm just a driver!

ANGEL THUG I didn't ask for your resume.

MASK GUY Why did we take the driver?

ANGEL THUG You always want to take more than one hostage, at least

two hostages. It's a good rule of thumb, in case you have

to shoot one of them. Oh Right.. I'll show you right now...

Hahaha, you look like a hulked up Doogie Houser!

MALL COP You got what you want! You don't have to shoot anyone!

ANGEL THUG Is that so? Then this should be pretty straightforward. The code

to the case!

Wait, you know what's in the case right?

The code! Or I ventilate your kneecaps.

You paint quite a picture. 6-7-7-2.

Far out.

DIGITAL SOUNDS HEARD

Call M.A.X. Let him know we found what Lord

Menace requested.

MALE VOICE (OS) Hahahaha. In a world so filled with villainy, criminals who

think themselves above the law. The only thing standing

valiantly in the shadows, between this city and total

anarchy.

ANGEL THUG Heroes.

MALE VOICE (OS): Is justice! We are the justice Angel Gang, and when the

people cry 'Save us'! We whisper 'no problem'.

Hahahaha.

BULLETS CAN BE HEARD

Come on! Kill them all! Kill them all!

MARTIAL ARTS SFX CAN BE HEARD

SUPERHERO BLINX It's ok! The name's Blinx, come with me if you want to live.

GANGSTER VOICE (OS): There they are, over there!

BLINX You ok?

SUPERHERO NIGHTWATCHMAN You should be out there.

BLINX It's uh...

...it's too much gun fire!

That's what I thought.

Now don't start!

Brain!

Brain, we need you!

Oh thank god!

MALL COP: Oh thank you, thank you.

BRAIN: There, there ordinary citizen, no need to thank me.

Villians know when they've been out match--

I got this.

Hank wait!

MAX: Pathetic.

MAX: You're just a neutral.

Fear center of the brain is at maximum, you're not worthy.

But I sense another.

MAX: Now that I've finished the warm up, who's next?

Who might you be?

BLINX: Looking for me?

MAX: Could it be? A worthy adversary?

Maybe...

but you're gonna have to catch me first.

Hmmm. Interesting.

ANGEL THUG: Is this what Lord Menace was expecting?

MAX: We have the thorium compound. You will be handsomely rewarded.

Move your men out.

I don't take no orders from a god-damned

toaster in a straight-jacket.

MAX: Would you like to see what this toaster is capable of?

This deal's getting worse all the time.

Come on!

(Triumphant Score builds)

(Lazer sounds rise to crescendo...AND...)

INTERVIEWER: Thank you for coming in Mr. Martin.

Your resume is, adequate. We'll let you know.

JOE MARTIN: Well, that's it?

I don't understand the question.

Don't you need more background?

No.

More experience?

No.

Cuz I can go get you-

Off the record, Mr. Martin...

this is not the type of resume that's going to land

you a position with our company.

You haven't worked in 8 months.

Its not my fault, the economy is rough.

Not for us. We'll let you know.

(Country-Rock Music plays)

(Country-Rock Music plays)

(Country-Rock Music plays)

(Country-Rock Music plays)

(Country-Rock Music plays)

(MUSIC fades out)

JOE: Hey Carl.

CARL: Hey Joe, how are ya?

Muriel won't let me smoke in the house anymore.

JOE: See ya Carl.

CARL: Have a good one.

(VIDEO GAME noises heard off screen)

EMILY: Loser.

JOE: Slug.

Sarah!

Don't distract her, she's making my sandwich.

"Don't distract her, she's making my sandwich"

Weirdo.

VIDEO GAME VOICE: Head Shot!

Oh!

SARAH: Oh my god! I'm sorry baby, I didn't see you.

JOE: It's ok, it's ok it's ok! Is it ok?

SARAH: Let me get you a towel.

JOE: Is it ok?

SARAH: I think so here, we don't need you bleeding at interviews.

Let me see.

JOE It couldn't be any rougher than it was this morning.

SARAH It didn't go well?

JOE No, it was horrible.

I feel like I'm Seran-Wrap and they're just looking

right through me on to the next guy.

SARAH: Let me see,

Alright I think you're ok.

My hero.

I know.

You'll catch a break on the next one, alright?

No, that's it for today.

Actually, I got you another interview.

Muriel's son said that there's a job opening where he works.

It's decent hours, not great pay.

Where?

Just right around the corner.

Doing?

Hm?

Doing?

Management.

Of?

Tell him.

Waste.

Garbage?!

Joe, I know that it's not ideal...

JOE: Baby, I got interviews!

Interviews don't pay mortgages.

I know.

I'm supposed to be the man of the house and I

can't even buy a carton of eggs.

EMILY (in background) Joe has no huevos.

Look baby, I just don't think right now's the time for me

to look at being a garbageman.

Waste management.

I deal with enough garbage all day long.

EMILY Is my sandwich ready?

Speaking of wasted garbage.

Now's not the time for pride Joe.

Yeah Joe, when you going to stop leeching off my sister?

I don't leach off your sister!

Yes you do!

At least he tries, which is more than I can say for you.

Did you know he spent the last two days

watching Judge Judy marathons?

Baby I was exhausted!

Seriously?!

I got stress!

I've got stress!

Over what?!

Hearing you have sex in the next room!

What?!

Yeah, you have thin walls!

And seriously, what is up with the monkey noises?

You can hear that?!

Yes, I can hear that.

Baby!

I hope you freaking choke on that sandwich.

Baby!

JOE (O.S.) Uh-oh! Sad Sarah!

SARAH: Joe, no. no.

JOE: Need monkey? Sad Sarah need sexy monkey?!

Stop seriously.

JOE: What? What?

This is serious!

I know it's serious.

Why are you so serious?

We're not kids anymore!

I know we're not kids.

But I took care of us then,

and I'll take care of us now.

I know babe, but I'm the one with all the responsibility now.

Ok? And I know it's not easy

but we have to do this together.

Ok, I can't do this by myself.

We're a whole.

(Snorts, giggles)

SARAH: Really?

'Cause I said whole?

JOE Well you're the one who said it.

Oh, my god! What is wrong with you?!

Look, I want to feel like a man again, I do.

I mean, I remember the stories you used to tell me

about when your dad left, and how you took care of everyone.

And I want to do that for you.

I want to do that for us.

And you're right, you've carried this burden way too long.

Ok, you need to just go into those interviews,

and show them how amazing and confident you are, and lie.

Lie?

Not lie, not lie.

Just show them how important and good you are

because you deserve it.

Yeah, I can do that.

Couldnít do any worse could I?

My Hero.

I know.

You feel like a man to me.

Do I?

Do I?

Yes.

Do I?

Yes.

Yeah, do it again.

Yes.

Do it more.

Do it til milk comes out.

Are you thirsty? There you go, just drink it.

SARAH (V.O.) Are you sure there's nothing else in the paper from today?

JOE Yes. No baby, I --

SARAH You looked at all the jobs?

I'm looking at it right now.

SARAH Well don't feel like you have to hold back.

SARAH it's ok to exaggerate a bit on your qualifications.

SARAH Get your foot in the door.

Yes, yes, yes.

SARAH Are you even listening Joe?

You know what, let me give you a call right back.

SARAH Ok, let me know how it goes. Love you!

Ok, you too.

JOE Are you here for the interview?

WOMAN Oh, no. No.

(VOICE ON SPEAKER) Fourteenth floor. Welcome to Heroics Incorporated.

Mind your step.

(PHONE RINGS)

SECRETARY Heroics Inc. Yes sir, we still have one position available.

Tomorrow between 1 and 2?

Great, we'll see you then.

Yes, how can I help you?

JOE Hi, I'm Joe Martin, I called about the ad in the paper?

SECRETARY The 3 o'clock appointment.

Yes!

I like your look. It's different.

Very average citizen.

Thanks.

(PA SPEAKER) Mr. Simons to conference room A. Mr. Simons to conference room A.

Hey man, should I have come in a costume or something?

MAN Oh, no man, it's for the kiddos.

For the kiddos! Now it makes sense.

So you guys do this stuff for like, birthday parties and

Bar Mitzvahs and conventions

for like comic books and stuff?

Yeah. This job is a joke.

Really?

Yeah, there's no crime left in the city.

All that's left is...

a bunch of yahoos and geeks running around in spandex

trying to out-virgin each other.

I mean, you at least look like you might be normal.

Like you took your action figures out of the package

and played with them a little bit.

Maybe touched a boob.

Look at this guy...

Hey buddy what are you supposed to be? A smurf at the prom?

Oh, come on Wallace. Don't act like you donít know me man,

you think that costume fools me?

We went to elementary school together,

you used to cry every day on the playground.

I don't think I would call you for an emergency

unless you could use your

super-sissy tears to put out a fire.

Yeah go home! Go ahead man.

Go home and cry to Mom, Betsy-Wetsy, I'll be over to

beat you up and take your lunch money. Haha-Haha!

Well, I mean, I guess itís a paycheck.

My wife says I should exaggerate.

Oh, hell man. Exaggerate, put it all out there dude,

they'll eat it up. Oh yeah.

(PA SPEAKER) Mr. Garrett to conference room A.

Mr. Garrett to conference room A.

That's me.

Here, you want to finish those?

Alright, well hey, good luck man.

MAN (O.S.) You too!

DAT-MAN My name is Dat-Man.

I am the defender of old technology.

MARY/BLINX Next!

LITTLE BOY: Do you have a 401-K?

MAN: Next!

MAG-PIE I'm the Mag-Pie, and basically, I'm like Aquaman, but for birds.

MAG-PIE Do you guys want to hear my bird calls?

(Annoying BIRD NOISES)

MAN Next.

SUPERINTENDENT I'm a Super. You need a Super.

MARY/BLINX Next!

COWBOY I do own a massive collection of goats.

MIGHTY PLACEHOLDER I am the Mighty Placeholder! The hero's hero.

Next.

I'm Captain Kill Devil. Ahoy.

I am Captain Crow's-Feet.

Next!

I'm sorry, you are The Nudist?

Yeah, or I mean Glen.

But The Nudist is fine.

I just don't see how that's a super power.

(THUD OFF SCREEN)

MARY/BLINX (O.S.) Oh wow! OK.

Very impressive.

Not bad yourself.

You can go now.

THE NUDIST (O.S.) Huh?

Go Now.

THE NUDIST (O.S.) Did I get it?

Go Now!

(PA SPEAKER) Mr. Martin to conference room A.

Mr. Martin, conference room A.

Your motivation is to stay married.

MARY/BLINX What was your name again?

Joe.

MAN Just average Joe?

Mm-hmm. Yep.

I like it.

Could you tell us a little bit about yourself Joe?

Sure!

I have a passion against evil,

I actually just got back from the east coast

where I was battling my arch-nemesis The Crusher.

He threw me into a building in Manhattan

and it collapsed on top of me.

I was able to fight my way out and destroy

the two nuclear warheads that were going to destroy

life as we know it.

Or as they know it.

Where's your costume?

Oh you see, that's my trick. I like to blend in.

That way the villains, they don't see me coming

and then BAM!

I zap them with my eye lasers.

Could we get a demonstration?

Do you have a death wish?

How strong are you?

Oh, strong enough to lift about 3 school buses

over my head at the same time.

As strong as Hercules?

I'd eat Hercules for breakfast.

Come on bro!

Wow, A+ for showmanship.

Could you tell me your powers again?

Sure!

I can fly, of course, I can shoot laserbeams out of my eyes.

Oh yeah! And I'm bulletproof.

So we might as well just call you the ultimate crimefighter?

Why wouldnt you?

-Why wouldn't we? -I don't know!

Quite honestly, Joe, you're the best candidate

we've seen all day.

Yeah, all day we've had...

"my dad sent me here on a rocketship" OR

"I got bit by a radioactive whatever"

But this is bold, audacious.

Would you give me and my colleague a moment to confer?

Sure, chat away.

Hey, how'd you do that?

Congratulations!

Really?!

Yep! Welcome aboard!

No way! My wife is gonna be so excited!

You don't even know!

MARY/BLINX Let's get you over to H.R.

and get everything squared away.

Ok.

Did you say you were married?

Yeah.

You don't hear about that much in this field.

Except for the Parkers.

Well, all that's left is to get you to H.R.,

get you fitted and get you out on those streets fighting crime.

Thanks. So was it an optical illusion?

The way you moved so fast?

Oh, that's my super power.

Oh.

Wait! Did you say fighting crime?

(PA SPEAKER) Lift activated.

Transferring to main headquarters.

Please watch your hands.

JOE Hello?

(ROBOT VOICE) Phase 3 commencing.

Observe all safety procedures.

(PA SPEAKER) Transporter separation.

JOE I'm kinda in the dark here!

(PA SPEAKER) Low lights on.

Hello?

Hey, I'm looking for H.R.?

(VOICE O.S.) I am H.R.! Heinrich Rammelstein.

But you can call me...

Dr. Mystico!

I apologize for the state of my lab!

Let's get you changed.

JOE Wait, so what's phase 3?

Blue, Average Joe, blue collar. Makes sense yes?

We're going to go with a very basic look this time.

There you go.

This will do.

JOE So, do kids get to see all this back here?

Kids?!

No, this is no place for children!

Are you mad?

They could touch this and particles and molecules

would get mixed up.

And this! This hasn't been washed!

The children could come, and they could flip this

and all hell would break loo --!

(MACHINE starts to malfunction)

-- would break loose.

JOE I thought I was filling out paperwork, not briefs!

Oh you're a funny one!

Now that you've got your suit let's move on with the mission.

Mission?!

Now, exactly what do you mean by mission?

Crime fighting!

FLAMER Welcome to the party pal.

Oh boy.

BLINX Alright there's been a chemical plant break-in

that turned into a hostage situation!

Hostages?! Wait a minute.

There must be some mistake.

See you there Doc!

Are you guys real super heroes?!

I'm a pacifist.

What?!

I'm a science officer.

I don't believe in violence.

It's icky.

Hold that thought!

(LAZER AND ELECTRICAL SOUNDS)

(POLICE BAN) All units in the vicinity of Cash and Lincoln

10-89 in progress at 1988 Cash Avenue.

Be advised. Several armed gunmen have taken hostages.

Suspects are considered armed and extremely dangerous.

All units in the area respond.

HALLENBECK Captain, they're here!

CAPTAIN About time!

BLINX Hallenbeck!

HALLENBECK I made the call, but the captain is in charge.

Riggs, go get 5 more coffees!

RIGGS I'm not your secretary!

CAPTAIN Hallenbeck! I'm waiting on SWAT and you bring me

The Mighty Morphin Powder Puff Rangers?!

LARRY/FLAMER Aw, someone's still bitter cuz he didn't make the cut for hero.

BLINX Larry!

LARRY/FLAMER Not my fault he has brittle bones!

CAPTAIN I hate you Larry.

And who the hell are you?

JOE My name is Average Joe.

BLINX He's new Captain, but he checked out.

He's bulletproof and

he's got lasers that shoot out of his eyes.

Well then what the hell are you letting him stare at me for?!

I'm sorry! Jesus they're shooting at us!

There's a bunch of maniacs in there with some hostages.

They've got the place rigged to blow with a shitload of C-4.

BLINX Sounds like an A-6 scenario.

DR. MYSTICO We're going to need someone bulletproof to lead the charge.

No one knows what you're saying!

Joe, you're the only one qualified!

No, I'm not even supposed to be here!

I'm not supposed to be doing this!

CAPTAIN Listen, fly in there, disable it,

hell blow it up for all I care!

Just get it the hell out of here so we can all go home!

HALLENBECK Do what you were born to do.

Be a hero!

CAPTAIN Hold your fire! Hold your fire!

JOE Ok.

Alright.

Why?

WHY?!

Shit, shit shit!

Aaahhh!!!

BLINX That was weird.

DR. MYSTICO I'm getting massive power readings.

Who is this?

HALLENBECK Angel gang.

DR. MYSTICO Not his style.

Unless he's working for someone else.

BLINX Let's move!

NIGHTWATCHMAN Someone wake up Larry!

Let's go!

DR. MYSTICO (over radio) Mary. Mary. Come in Mary.

Mary answer your thing.

Mary it's Dr. Mystico, answer.

BLINX Doc what is it?

DR. MYSTICO We found a machine down here.

BLINX On screen.

DR. MYSTICO It doesn't look good.

Doc we don't have time for this just find the bomb.

DR. MYSTICO You find the bomb!

JOE Oh God, please don't let me die

Everythingís going to be alright, just wait.

Do what you were born to do.

I was born to run like hell.

How do you even disarm this thing?

Is it the red one?

(Girls mumble NO)

Is it the green one?!

(Girls mumble NO Louder)

You're not helping me!

In the movies it's always the green one.

(Girls voices become more frantic)

I'm sure it's always the green one.

What are you doing?!

DR. MYSTICO Are you touching the bomb?

Are you even qualified to touch the bomb?!

BLINX Are you even a real hero?

BLINX You lied?!

NIGHTWATCHMAN You mean you hired a..

Shut it Hank!

I'm Nightwatchman.

DR. MYSTICO Unbelievable!

JOE Guys, if I could just say something...

BLINX You think you could have done a better job?

JOE Guys!

DR. MYSTICO Oh, I think I could.

I think it's fairly obvious!

BLINX Oh, so you're saying I made a mistake?!

DR. MYSTICO It's VERY obvious.

BLINX I don't make mistakes!

JOE Guys, just one second!

WHAT?!

This things about to go off!

NIGHTWATCHMAN Balls!

(BOMB TICKER STARTS TO BEEP AT A RAPID RATE)

LARRY/FLAMER What happened?

BLINX I agree with you Mrs. Mayor. This is unacceptable!

But have faith, you made the right decision.

MAYOR Did I?

Your heroes cleaned up the city 10 years ago.

They did it quietly, no theatrics.

No spectacle.

I won't tolerate any mistakes Mary.

I can send you back to that crummy PR firm you came from.

Oh, and rethink the uniforms.

You look like Zoro's fat cousin.

NIGHTWATCHMAN Should we kill him?

DR. MYSTICO We took an oath.

NIGHTWATCHMAN I ain't gonna say anything.

DR. MYSTICO Mary, I recognized that device today.

If Angel is working with who I think...

We're all in great danger.

JOE So what do I do now?

So you go back to your wife,

tell her you got the job,

we'll see you in the morning.

NEWS REPORTER (ON TV) That's right Maria, it was a massive explosion

that rocked the lower east side...

SARAH Hey Babe!

JOE Hey.

SARAH You've been gone all day.

JOE Yeah, the uh....

...the interview went long.

SARAH Is that good or bad?

Bad.

Bad enough to get the job.

SARAH What?!

Baby, I got the job!

You got the job?!

JOE Baby I did!

Are you joking? You're serious?

I love you!

I love you, take your clothes off!

Ok!

ANGEL It's just us. Just, stay there.

THUG Hey boss. How'd the test go?

ANGEL Cops came.

We had to set off the bomb and ditch the device.

That sucks.

ANGEL Ok, listen here Iron-Dick.

We're risking our lives out there.

We're putting our necks out there every night

and you're going to pay me three times my price

or I'm going to tear your little ass apart.

LORD MENACE Manners Angel.

M.A.X. is an indispensable part of my plan,

whereas you have a rather expendable quality about you.

ANGEL Lord Menace, we're taking

all the risks and getting almost none of the reward.

LORD MENACE By all means, leave.

I'm sure there are plenty of other vultures in this

city who would be happy to take your place by my side.

However, if we fail to execute my plans

these heroes won't leave you with much of a feast.

You see, your business model is based on profit, greed.

I pay you well.

My plans are result based, and you haven't delivered.

My device could have been tested properly today

had you not called attention to yourselves.

Maybe, you're just feeling a little BURNED OUT.

ANGEL Whoa, whoa, ok.

Hey look, just put that away, just...

there's no need for this ok?!

I'm going to be...

No, don't shoot me!!

Aaahhhh!!

THUG Ok, im out.

LORD MENACE When the machine is capable of withstanding

the power surge, M.A.X and I will

make our final move on Heinrich and the heroes.

Soon not even time itself will be able to stop me.

I'm going to do whatever it takes to make this work.

Morning tushy.

Good Morning.

Did you make me cookies?

EMILY No, I did, because someone kept me up last night.

Yeah, that's cuz I was having sex!

I was thinking, I have teacher in service day today,

so maybe I could stay home

for a little while before you start your job.

JOE That would be amazing.

SARAH Hey, I meant to ask you, what's the job anyway?

JOE Oh...

It's nothing really.

I just uh...

...working in a lab and...

EMILY Somebody's here.

SARAH Who?

EMILY A lady that looks like she's pinching a dime between her ass

and a hunky scientist.

I'm so sorry! I'm sorry baby, that's for me.

That's for me!

I gotta go, I forgot they pick you up the first day.

I gotta go. Love you!

SARAH Love you. Good luck!

I'll take that, you choke on that!

JOE What the heck!

What are you guys even doing here? This is my freaking house.

This is my house, what are you doing here?

This is my temple of zen!

BLINX We carpool.

Oh, I guess you failed to mention that yesterday.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I fail to mention that?

I must have been distracted by a massive explosion you caused!

That's a good point. That's a good point.

So, it's usually just us.

Larry's the only one who can fly.

DR. MYSTICO Well I did offer to rectify such things.

And I'm still hungry.

Here, go nuts.

Who's that?

Oh, that's my sister-in-law, she's a handful.

I'll bet she is.

Hunky man's eating my cookie.

Who does she think she is?

Opening the door for my husband.

Jealous?

I just don't like fast women that's all.

BLINX Since you're clueless about being a super hero,

here's the brief.

Heroics Inc has wiped out crime over the last decade

and we only recently got reactivated.

DR. MYSTICO In the past 6 months, crime has gone up over 62%.

BLINX The general public doesn't know, so I'm damage control.

The fewer people that know, the better obviously.

If we go public, the mayor thinks we won't have

the support we need.

It's my job to keep us on track and covert.

Hey, so why'd you put the ad in the newspaper then?

It was for heroes to read.

LARRY/FLAMER Is that why you put it in the super secret

super hero newspaper?

BLINX I thought hiding in plain sight was best.

Besides, who took that ad seriously?

Most people thought it was for kids parties and they were easy

enough to dismiss.

JOE So, you're just saying you just made a mistake?

DR. MYSTICO Oh, would you look at that.

Hank is up early.

Does he live here?

DR. MYSTICO He never leaves.

Both of his parents were heroes.

He has a lot to live up to.

The emergency beeper please, yes? Thank you.

Always remember to bring an extra change of clothes.

JOE Hey, when do we get paid?

Every week.

Crime doesn't pay, but being a hero sure does.

BLINX Weíll send you out with Hank. Learn the ropes.

Doc will be working on your new suits.

JOE So what are his powers?

Hank doesn't have any. Both his parents were supers.

DR. MYSTICO Yes, when both parents are heroes

it usually doesn't get passed down to the kiddos.

ROBOT VOICE I apologize for being rude, Good morning Joe Martin.

What is that?

That, my chubby friend is a super computer mainframe.

ROBOT VOICE My name is LEXII.

Hi, my name's Joe Martin.

LARRY/FLAMER It can do anything that you ask it to. Ask it anything.

ANYTHING.

Well, I could use a tune up.

LEXII Ok, Joe.

LARRY That's it? That's all you got?

LEXII A local towing service has been dispatched.

LARRY Computer!

LEXII Yes Larry?

Give me a bloody mary.

LEXII Blood alcohol levels indicate that you have already had 2.

LARRY I don't care if I've already had 2.

LEXII Don't worry your AA sponsor has already been alerted...

Are you a computer or my mother?!

LEXII ...as well as your court appointed attorney.

Answer his question.

LEXII A towing service has been dispatched to your residence,

No way!

LEXII Maintenance of your vehicle has been assigned to Hank Horowitz.

LARRY I'm surprised it didn't respond with

"your car's a piece of crap"

Because your car is a piece of crap.

Welcome to the team.

JOE So you're gonna be teaching me the ropes huh?

I'm guessing there's a lot to learn.

You know I really appreciate

all the help with this tune up and everything.

I mean, I've just been out of work for so long.

Sarah and I we just really couldn't afford this.

Hey, so I guess you learned all this stuff from your dad?

I mean he was pretty good huh?

Hey did you ever think about asking Doc for

a little help in the super powers department?

He tried making me a suit once,

but I'd rather use what god gave me.

That's noble.

You know what god gave me?

Thighs that rub.

So do you think Doc's gonna give me a cool suit to wear?

I'm not gonna lie, I'm really excited about this.

I know it's just a temporary one, but it's gonna be awesome!

I mean, you know, I guess it's just one of the perks right?

You get to say cool things, like "Stop evil-doer!"

You get to wear cool outfits.

Swing from rooftops.

Hey have you guys ever thought about

doing like a slow-mo walk,

like in Armageddon where you all just kind of walk out --

NIGHTWATCHMAN You know you could die from doing this.

POLICE BAN All heroes in the downtown corridor

please respond to a 10-70.

Break in at refined metals storage unit.

Proceed with caution.

NIGHTWATCHMAN First appearance in front of your enemies is everything.

No fear.

Yeah, but I'm not ready.

No fear.

I'm not ready.

No fear!

I'm not ready.

No fear.

Stop evil doers!

It is I, the Nightwatchman.

THIEF 1 Yo, hold up.

Sarah.

Sarah!

It is also I!

Average Joe!

THIEF 1 Look at these fools.

Get the bat.

Holy crap, it's the kid!

Let's get out of here!

Impressive.

Yeah? You think so?

Cuz when we first got out here, I was kinda nervous.

Then my adrenaline was pumping and everything...

DEEP VOICE Hello Hank.

Bobby?

I'm Nightwatchman.

No, I'm Nightwatchman. We've been over this before.

KID Who's your friend?

My name's Joe, Average Joe.

NIGHTWATCHMAN Joe don't.

JOE What, he's like 5.

NIGHTWATCHMAN A very dangerous 6.

AHHHHH!!!!!

AHHHHH!!!!!

BLINX You got whipped by a kid?!

JOE He's no kid, he's Satan's minion.

He's 6.

A very dangerous 6.

So much for getting your part time job at Gymboree.

BLINX I knew I should have hired that kid when I had the chance.

6AM! Tomorrow!

Whatever.

(PHONE RINGS)

What's that?

What's that?

It's work, I got it.

It's 6am.

I know. They're calling me, I gotta go.

Good morning.

I love you.

(ROCK AND ROLL Montage Music)

MARY/BLINX (V.O.) The heart of a hero should never be in doubt.

We hold ourselves to a higher standard.

We do not allow ourselves to understand fear.

Over the next few weeks I will be slowing myself down,

not for my benefit but for yours.

So that you can see what is expected of a real hero.

If you make a great entrance, in your enemies mind,

half the battle is already won.

Make no mistake gentlemen.

My job is to break you.

To punish you.

To push you to your very limits

so that when you are faced with certain death,

you will stand strong.

Proud.

Fearless.

Like a true hero.

Let's go!

Never, under any circumstances reveal your secret identities.

Shut up Larry.

LARRY Why you always tell me to shut up?

Baby catch.

Baby catch?

Yeah, baby catch.

I'm gonna fling babies at you.

In an emergency, know your rallying points in the city.

Ready? Hut! Go! Go!

This one needs love, she's adopted!

This one's a preemie! Get your hands up!

(MONTAGE MUSIC Picks up)

(MONTAGE MUSIC Picks up)

(MONTAGE MUSIC Picks up)

(MONTAGE MUSIC Picks up)

(MONTAGE MUSIC Picks up)

(MONTAGE MUSIC Picks up)

(MONTAGE MUSIC Picks up)

(MONTAGE MUSIC Picks up)

Come on Joe!

Nothin like a baby to get you motivated.

Don't drop me!

Babies are coming in hot Joe!

This one got thrown out of a moving car!

She's covered in oil, she's slippery!

This one's got parents who are gonna miss her!

Whoo!

JOE I'm a super hero!

LARRY Wait Joe, no wait!

Noooo!

Hello Heinrich, I decided to make a video for you

with the outfit I was telling you about.

Doctor, I'm not feeling very good today,

would you like to take my temperature?

SARAH Blue!

It's blue!

-Oh crap. -Oh shit.

EMILY Oh my gosh, that's so exciting!

SARAH Is it?

EMILY Yes, I'm going to be an aunt!

Is it?!

What am I going to do?

What am I going to tell Joe?

He's gonna be excited, won't he?

But he's never here Em.

I mean this whole job thing.

You think that I want to raise this baby alone?

Wait, wait wait!

We are talking about a baby right?

What are you wearing?

MAX The test of the machine was successful.

We've waited a long time for this moment Lord Menace.

Time is a binding concept that we no longer have any use for.

MAX, I believe we should visit an old friend.

LEXII I'm sorry Heinrich.

My system shows that with the current power source,

the new Average Joe suit will not maintain plasma levels.

Suit failure at 93.7 percent.

DR. MYSTICO So then why am I getting power drains?

Would you like me to run diagnostics again?

LEXII Heinrich, your wiring is bad.

The power source is inadequate.

Maybe a flying suit is too much.

LEXII Actually, it might not be.

Theoretically your flying Average Joe suit could work.

It seems with the internal wiring and plasma emitters,

the best power source for us could be the remaining Terinium.

With the Terinium power source,

flight capability success increases to 85.2 percent.

Well beyond our acceptable 70/30 ratio.

Maybe Joe's suit is the reason we've been holding on to the

Terinium all these years, Heinrich.

LEXII Heinrich!

My systems show an unauthorized access to northwest corner 3.

Unauthorized access to main power panel.

Mary?

MAX Hello Heinrich. At last we meet.

SARAH Joe is that you?

JOE Yeah, it's me.

SARAH Close your eyes.

JOE I didn't forget our anniversary did I?

SARAH Come with me.

JOE Ok.

What are you doing?

SARAH Just a little surprise.

JOE Ok, where's Emily?

SARAH At our mom's.

JOE Oh, so a little surprise huh?

SARAH No peeking.

JOE Ok, right here?

Ok, you ready?

JOE Yeah.

SARAH I hope you like it.

JOE Baby, I love everything you do, you know that.

3...

2...

(PHONE RINGS)

JOE Oh shit, hold on.

Oh, Baby, I gotta go.

SARAH Joe, just 2 seconds!

Baby, I'm sorry, I would but this is an emergency.

SARAH It's an emergency.

Joe that is all you ever have anymore.

Baby, this is my job.

Oh, even when they call you out at 3am, that's your job?

Sarah, I don't need this from you right now.

Ok, I can't do this by myself Joe.

You have gone from one extreme to another.

I never see you anymore.

Sarah, you know that I love you,

But I have to go do this.

My hero.

I know.

(SAD DRAMATIC MUSIC Plays)

All units, all units please respond to a 10:33

Warehouse fire at city property warehouse at 10100 Riverside.

Armed suspects possibly on the scene.

Report of explosion, proceed with caution.

What the hell?

What happened?

POLICEMAN Looks like somebody paid you guys a visit.

NIGHTWATCHMAN The only one that was here was Mystico.

REPORTER (O.S.) So, you work here at these facilities?

Yes, my name is Dr. Mystico, I'm part of a superhero team,

and this here is our main headquarters.

ALL Balls!

REPORTER Sir can you tell us what happened here tonight?

It was a firefight!

REPORTER Ma'am can you tell us your name?

Do you work with this gentleman?

BLINX If you want a comment,

you'll have to go through the mayor's office.

BLINX Did anyone call Captain and Hallenbeck?

POLICEMAN Yes, they're on their way.

CAPTAIN So Doc, you're telling us this has all been the same guy?

For a while now, we have suspected a certain someone

at the heart of this crime wave.

His name...

is Lord Menace.

Look Doc, at first it was just theft

and gathering of materials and resources.

But then at the warehouse?

JOE When I was first with you guys?

DR. MYSTICO There was a machine. A time portal, but it was

missing a very important piece of the puzzle.

It required a power source of extreme magnitude.

Just like the one in your suit.

Doc, what did you do?

I think you can fly now.

WHAT?!

LARRY What?!

MAYOR You've got 30 seconds.

BLINX Mrs. Mayor.

MAYOR And you, who said you were fit to give interviews?

And to talk to my office for an official statement?

Mrs. Mayor you have every right to be upset with me.

Do I?

I left you in charge because you said you could handle it.

And it turns out you're the worst one out of

all these degenerates.

HALLENBECK Mayor, I think these guys might be on to something.

MAYOR Johnson!

You keep him on a short leash or I'll have him kicked

back to traffic duty.

Do you get me?

Yes Ma'am.

DR. MYSTICO This crime wave is only the beginning.

MAYOR That's ominous.

You know what I think?

I think this is all just a shake down.

There is no threat.

The city doesn't need you, let the real heroes handle this.

JOE Mrs. Mayor, you don't understand, I need this job.

Me and my wife...

MAYOR Go back to hiding behind desks at whatever

profession you had before this.

This project is terminated.

I'm selling it all for scrap.

You're an embarrassment to women.

LARRY I was a stripper, I can't go back to that.

(SAD DRAMATIC MUSIC Plays)

(SAD DRAMATIC MUSIC Plays)

(SAD DRAMATIC MUSIC Plays)

(SAD DRAMATIC MUSIC Plays)

DETECTIVE You did what you could.

NEWS REPORT There is no confirmation from arson investigators yet,

but reporters did manage to speak to a man calling himself

Dr. Mystico who may have been involved.

Reports on the scene were interrupted by a woman,

possibly implicating the Mayor's office as well.

For now the scene has been closed off by police

and arson investigators.

Neither the Mayor's office or SAPD has made themselves

available for comment.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC Continues)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC Continues)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC Continues)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC Continues)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC Continues)

BUSINESSWOMAN Well, it's certainly not as large as your last office, but

it's nice to have you back.

From wherever you were.

BUSINESSWOMAN (O.S.) Latte!

BOSS Oh, I like that,

I like what you just did there.

It's not your first time bringing your car in.

Monkey!

Take this nice lady's car to the back would you?

It's what I do.

Go. Go.

LORD MENACE Good news only MAX.

Otherwise, I'll turn you into a bread warmer.

MAX We still cannot find Mystico.

The Mayor's office has disbanded the heroes.

LORD MENACE Then that means they'll be lost forever.

MAX My frequency intercepted a call into a tv station.

A woman named Emily reporting that she knew

Mystico but she does not know his location.

She stated her brother-in-law works with him.

It could be the hero we heard about,

Average Joe?

LORD MENACE If that is indeed her brother-in-law,

then I would very much like to find out who is wife is.

And where we can find her.

MAX But, why Average Joe?

LORD MENACE Leverage MAX.

In times of crisis, this city needs its heroes.

If we find Average Joe, we find Mystico.

DR. MYSTICO Good morning Joe.

Wake up. Rise and shine.

It's moving day!

Unfortunately we have been politely asked to

dispose of my life's work.

But that's ok.

That's ok.

I really wanted to see this in action.

To see you in action.

Did you sleep here last night?

JOE Sarah left.

LARRY It's no sweat Joe.

Do you know what the divorce rate is for superheroes?

Me neither, I'm sure itís pretty high though.

DR. MYSTICO Who wants pancakes?

Me!

I'm wearing the shirt.

(PHONE DIAL TONE)

EMILY (O.S.) Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.

SARAH Ok, let's keep it orderly please.

Single file line, next to your bus buddy.

Quietly.

Hello?

Sarah?

You left before I had a chance to talk to you this morning.

Let me call you back Em. Ok?

I'm getting kids loaded for a field trip.

EMLY No, Sarah, look.

I think I know why Joe hasn't been around lately.

I don't have time for this.

And don't you dare take Joe's side on this.

Ok, I'm the one who's pregnant and going to have to

raise this baby on my own.

EMILY I am not taking Joe's side!

LORD MENACE Oh, this gets better and better.

...Heinrich's been real secretive about what he's doing.

But then last night on the news...

(CHILDREN SCREAMING)

SARAH Ok, I'll call you back after I'm done dealing with them.

Hey, you guys!

Sarah?

Dammit, I finally have something important to say!

You guys, off the bus right now and to the back of the line.

MAX Sarah Martin?

AAAAhh!

MAX Please put down your phone,

you have 20 seconds to comply.

Thank you.

POLICE BAN All units, all units respond to a 10-33,

armed suspect has hijacked a school bus

heading west into the downtown corridor along I-35 near BAMC.

5 hostages taken including 4 children and an adult female.

Suspect considered armed and extremely dangerous.

Proceed with caution.

RIGGS Hey!

POLICE BAN Again, all units respond to a 10-33.

RIGGS Come on, we gotta go.

Here we go!

Big moment, big moment.

HALLENBECK Ok Riggs, drive!

RIGGS I'm not your secretary!

POLICE BAN SAPD air support has been dispatched and is en route.

PILOT Copy that central, this is EagleEye.

We are airborne and en route for air support, over.

WAITRESS Do ya'll need anything else?

LARRY Aspirin. Lots of aspirin.

JOE So, you and Em?

Yeah, but she doesn't know about us,

she definitely doesn't know about Lord Menace,

so we're good.

JOE Tell me more about this Lord Menace guy.

DR. MYSTICO Lord Menace, he was...

he was my mentor.

Austria, 1850.

He was a brilliant man.

Brilliant scientist named Hans.

LARRY Hans?

That makes sense.

You see Joe, I was Hans' lab assistant for quite a few years.

We had been developing our theories

on creating new power sources,

and that's how we created these things quite by accident.

JOE What things?

The crystals. The crystals that I use to teleport.

Well, it's not necessarily teleportation, it's more of a

moving forward through time just a few moments.

You see time travel is very tricky.

It's quite easy to move forward,

but to move back...

is impossible.

But Hans was convinced otherwise.

You see time travel requires lots of energy,

so we obtained a substance called Terinium.

LARRY Terinium?

DR. MYSTICO Terinium.

And on our first experiments...

Hans wanted to keep his hands clean.

Hans free.

So wanted me to perform them.

Without telling me exactly how dangerous this was.

LARRY What a jerk!

I know!

There was an explosion.

I was lucky,

but Hans was left deformed.

Changed.

LARRY Changed to what?

To something else.

JOE What?

He decided to change his name, to Lord Menace.

Which I agree with, it sounds better, cooler, more evil...

LARRY Looks good on a poster.

It works, yes it's more marketable.

You see now, as Lord Menace he continues his reign.

Trying to go back

and change the mistakes that we have made.

LARRY Like the mistakes I made last night.

DR. MYSTICO Recreate history in his own image.

Well, what about the Terinium?

The last known Terinium on earth

is contained in your suit.

These pancakes look good don't they?

POLICE OFFICER This is 20-William-12, we have 10-6 in the area,

entering I-10 and Woodlawn,

joining pursuit of school bus.

(PHONE RINGTONE) "Hello Heinrich"

EMILY'S VOICE (SEXY) 'Hello Heinrich"

It's Emily. Stay quiet.

Hello!

EMILY (ON PHONE) Hello Heinrich.

How are you my strawberry crepe?

I don't know, why don't you look up and find out.

Shit.

What, you've never had a woman mad at you before?

EMILY What's this?

Morning Joe.

How did you find us -- ?

I tracked your phone.

You're not the only techie in this relationship.

I want to know why you were on the news last night.

And you have some explaining to do!

Where's Sarah?

EMILY Are you what I think you are?

Superheroes?!

Ha ha, that's preposterous.

EMILY Is it?!

Yes.

EMILY Is it?

Yes.

HALLENBECK Dispatch, we have a visual going east on I-10.

Standby.

This is 4-Victor-7, we just spotted

an adult female in the bus.

SARAH It's ok you guys, it's ok.

They're crossing the I-35 interchange.

HALLENBECK What the hell is that?

HALLENBECK Aaaaaahhhhhhh!

We just lost 7, we just lost unit 7.

Unit 12, be advised shots fired. Shots fired.

HALLENBECK Yeah, we saw that, thank you.

KID (O.S.) We're doomed!

It's ok you guys. It's ok.

Joe.

JOE Oh my god.

Somebody turn that up.

NEWS REPORT A squad car has lost control.

Police are continuing the pursuit,

but if the suspect at the wheel is armed...

LARRY 10 years ago I would have been all over that.

Suits in the van right?

NEWS REPORT Weíre in just as much shock

as you are right now at what just happened.

Joe.

Joe! No dont!

I gotta see this.

NEWS REPORT We're going to stay live with this video as long as we can.

Joe, no what are you doing?

You can't do this!

Actually, you look really good.

No, what am I saying, you can't do this.

You're not ready.

We're not ready.

My wife's a school teacher, Doc.

What if it was her out there?

I won't get caught. Trust me.

I mean, it's like you said,

Do what you were born to do right?

Oh, now you listen to me.

Ok Joe, you have a new advanced suit.

You just hold your arms out to glide

and the thrusters will adjust you automatically.

Alright, got it.

And the Terinium?

I'm actually kind of curious myself to see what will happen.

Doc!

You're gonna get killed.

Yeah, why aren't you up there?

My suit's at the cleaners.

Right, right.

Alright, back up, everybody back up.

JOE Here we go.

Ok Joe, just ease into the controls and-

JOE Aaahh!

Oh yeah, this should end well.

NEWS REPORT ..the horrific situation

that our city is suddenly having to witness.

DR. MYSTICO Turn that up!

I say again, suspect at the wheel

is armed and extremely dangerous.

And probably a robot.

Too fast! Too fast, too fast!

Whoah!

RIGGS Whoohoo!

HALLENBECK All units be advised, a flying man has entered the scene!

KID It's a flying man!

SARAH What?!

I can fix that.

Whoah!

Yes!

JOE I thought your suit was at the cleaners?

FLAMER Hey, it was ready a little early.

Alright, hang on.

We're going in!

POLICE BAN All units, 2 flying men have now entered the pursuit.

Hold your fire.

HALLENBECK It's Larry!

LORD MENACE MAX, pick up your visual scanning.

Everybody back off, let's give these guys some room.

MAX Bring it!

KIDS We're gonna crash!

Holy shit, we're gonna crash!

MISS!

Everybody down!

Joe! Get out!

This is the best field trip ever!

We have to get back to the office!

That was awesome!

HALLENBECK Look, there he is!

RIGGS Contact, rear!

POLICE BAN Shots fired! Shots fired!

Backup units proceed with caution, suspect is still armed!

MAX (OVER SPEAKER) I have Joe's wife Lord Menace.

LORD MENACE Return to base.

I think it's time...

...for my grand entrance.

DR. MYSTICO We're not supposed to reveal our identities!

You told a news reporter!

Nobody ever wants to talk to me!

Oh, you're so hot when you're mad!

LEXII Scanning all frequencies.

REPORTERS Mrs Mayor! Mrs. Mayor!

Can you confirm a report of a man flying over the freeway?

We are not ready to make an official statement.

In light of today's incident on the freeway,

we will be doing a complete investigation.

Now, we are committed to due process,

so please allow us to do our jobs.

Any further questions can be relayed to our media relations

Thank you.

Get Captain Johnson on the phone, now!

JOE Oh my gosh!

LARRY Ha ha ha!!

JOE We can fly!

LARRY That was amazing!

JOE That was awesome!

LARRY Hold on man, we aren't hugging.

JOE No?

LARRY No, go ahead, bring it in.

I don't care what the mayor says, she can take me to jail,

I don't even care!

Joe is that you?

Hey Doc, come in.

Yeah wasn't that awesome?

I just need to take a look at your boosters.

Sometimes things work good,

sometimes they don't work as good.

You just need to get out of that

and back into your civilian clothes.

(PHONE RINGING)

Is that a phone?

Wait, is it my cell?

Joe, it's Sarah!

Just patch it through!

Sarah?

LORD MENACE Joe Martin?

Who is this?

LORD MENACE I wanted to call and tell you what a big fan I am,

after your splendid performance today.

I made a great effort to get your attention this morning,

but you flew off before we could properly introduce ourselves.

JOE How did you get Sarah's phone?

LORD MENACE Is Heinrich with you?

I believe he calls himself Dr. Mystico?

What you failed to notice Joe,

was who was on that bus you saved today.

Turn to channel eight.

SECRETARY Mary, did you see what's going on outside?

NEWS REPORT Again, breaking news.

Gunfire has erupted downtown, as gunmen led

by two robotic looking individuals have seized control

of the Westin Center.

We've also just received a message from a man

calling himself Lord Menace,

taking responsibility for this morning's bus chase.

I guess we're not going to have time for a taco huh?

REPORTER (O.S.) Thank you Ernie.

We are here live downtown where it appears that a

mechanical device has been taken onto the streets

at Pecan, directly in front of the Westin Center.

Eye witnesses are reporting...

DUDE 1 Dude did you catch those robots destroying the city?

DUDE 2 Yeah I tweeted that 15 seconds ago.

REPORTER (O.S.) ...sort of toxic gas, but this is only a

suggestion at this point.

Neither the police office or the mayorís office are

categorizing this as an act of terrorism, but

it is confirmed that the metallic figure spotted...

JERK BOSS (O.S.) Hey, Monkey!

JERK BOSS These cars don't fix themselves.

What the hell are you doing?

Hey, Monkey I'm talking to you.

Now get out there and do your job!

Yes sir!

NEWS REPORT The mayorís office is calling for an immediate

evacuation of the downtown corridor.

CAPTAIN Keep those reporters back!

Tell them I'll talk to them later!

Hallenbeck! You alright?

HALLENBECK Well, we barely made it off the freeway alive!

CAPTAIN You're still alive and I need a tactical response.

RIGGS We don't have one yet sir.

HALLENBECK Yes we do!

Captain, we've seen this thing in action,

it's gonna take more than what our SWAT team's got.

This thing wants what Joe and Mystico have.

CAPTAIN And I want a tactical response!

Well, I guess you've already made up your mind Hallenbeck.

You screw this up and I'll have your badge.

HALLENBECK Let's call Average Joe!

This is so exciting!

RIGGS We're gonna get fired!

Joe! It's Hallenbeck.

We need you.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, we'll back you up.

We'll give you whatever you need.

I gotta go pick out a gun!

Ma'am, leave it. Come on, we gotta go. This way!

SECRETARY Miss Maddox, he says he knows you.

MARY Fine.

It's ok.

What are you doing here?

The team is gonna need us Mary.

Hank I don't have time to discuss this...

HANK So you're just going to watch this whole thing

from four blocks away?

MARY There's nothing I can do!

HANK Yes there is!

Now, you can choose to sit on your spoiled ass and do nothing,

or you can do what you were born to do.

Be a hero.

MARY I can't!

You're a coward.

NEWS REPORT This morning's freeway chase seems to be just

the tip of the iceberg. As a man calling himself Lord Menace has

taken over the streets in front of the Westin Center.

Along with members of the Angel gang,

they have taken two female hostages

and put a large mechanical device onto the streets.

The device in question did fire a beam into the skies above us

and a large cloud of light and energy is currently hovering

over the city. The only question is now, if there are in fact

superheroes in San Antonio, will they come to the rescue and stop

this apparent super villain.

JOE To the man who calls himself Lord Menace,

I have a message for you.

For far too long...

this city's heroes have been forced to sit in the shadows,

unsure of their place.

Not knowing whether or not this city that they care for

would embrace them or reject them.

Because of you,

our city now faces the greatest danger it's ever known.

But I promise you this,

not one life will be lost today.

Because guarding over this city...

...is this city's heroes.

We are your guardians.

We are your protectors.

Because the heart of a hero is never in doubt.

We do not understand fear.

And when faced with certain death...

we will stand strong....

proud....

and fearless.

We will leave no one behind.

Evacuate everyone.

And as for you Lord Menace,

I'm speaking to you not as a hero but as a husband.

You picked the wrong wife to kidnap.

Because now...

I'm going to beat the shit out of you.

MAX It has been an honor Lord Menace.

Yo Joe!

Here to save the city?

I'm here to save my marriage!

LORD MENACE Heinrich, you coward!

You left me for dead!

You were just a head!

How was I supposed to know?

LARRY I can see that. I can totally see that.

LORD MENACE Do you have any idea how long

it took me to crawl out of that wreckage?

To rebuild a new body?

Try using an Alan wrench when you're just a head!

Ok, I am genuinely sorry about that!

LORD MENACE You will be.

Give MAX the Terinium, Joe.

and your wife doesn't have to suffer.

Much.

JOE Alright, that's it!

Duck!

MAX, get me that Terinium!

MAX With pleasure.

JOE Can't you make anything that works?

I said fifty-fifty.

I heard seventy-thirty.

Here comes MAX!

Doc, how vulnerable would he be if he didn't have that Tin Man?

Extremely, he would have to fire the Terinium himself.

It's rebooting.

Can't you just teleport over there?

It's too close to the beam.

The field would neutralize and I would be burned alive.

I have an idea.

Hank! Hank!

FLAMER That's not gonna work Joe!

BLINX If you've got a better idea Larry, now's the time!

JOE Hank, you and Mary just worry about the hostage alright?

DR. MYSTICO It's still buffering, you'll be able to fly but you can't fire.

JOE Yeah, but the suit will still keep me protected right?

Seventy-thirty.

Yeah yeah right.

What will happen if we overload the grid?

Boom.

I was afraid you would say that.

Alright, if we're doing this, we're doing it as a team right?

NIGHTWATCHMAN Right.

Alright, cover fire!

DR. MYSTICO Em!

Em are you ok?

EMILY I'm fine!

DR. MYSTICO I hope this works.

JOE Look just stick to the plan ok?

Are you ready?

DR. MYSTICO Ready to kick my friend's ass!

Hans!

Heinrich!

And you are not a hugger!

HALLENBECK Hey, hi Captain!

CAPTAIN Take cover Hallenbeck.

Somebody call for backup?

Let 'em have it boys!

Sorry Hallenbeck, this was the only hero I could find.

THE NUDIST Stop evil doer! It is I! The Nudist!

Prepare to meet your doom!

MAX Get down here!

HALLENBECK We got this Captain.

CAPTAIN Hallenbeck, what the hell?!

MAX Is that all you got Neutral?

MAX!

MAX Nice try, but you are no hero.

Your mother was a hero.

Your father was a hero.

But you?

You are nothing.

You are weak.

Any last words Neutral?

My name...

is Hank!

NIGHTWATCHMAN Mary!

LORD MENACE Pawns are the way to go Heinrich.

That way you lose nothing.

MAX!!

SARAH Nice entrance!

You're pregnant?

You're a superhero?

You're pregnant?!

You're a superhero?!

We have a lot to talk about when we get home.

Yeah, we do.

God you look good in that suit.

Let's go!

Go, go!

Get somewhere safe!

Come on! Come on!

Itís nice to finally meet you Sarah!

One thing I've learned after all these years, Joe...

Time is irrelevant.

What you are willing to do for it...

means everything.

We all live in the past or present Joe.

Never in the moment.

"Now" is a primitive notion.

Heinrich thought I was afraid to get my hands dirty.

But things change, Joe.

I'm not the coward I used to be.

Holy...

Shit!

Anyone else approaches

and I kill him!

LORD MENACE I can change it all.

Be who I was meant to be.

Change history, rewrite every mistake.

No more world wars.

Right now I'm the villain Joe,

but I change history

and I'm a savior knowing what I know.

I can do it all over again,

the right way, the way it was meant to be!

I'll be damned if you're the end of me.

You want it?

Then take it!

If it means saving the lives of all these innocent people,

the life of my wife and my child...

just take it!

You really are a hero.

Now die a hero's death.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC Plays)

LORD MENACE I'll never forgive you Heinrich!

This is all because of you!

You were the coward.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC Continues)

(MUSIC SHIFTS, DRAMA TURNS TO A SENSE OF TRIUMPH)

Nooo!

Noooo!

LORD MENACE You cannot stop me!

Noo!

LORD MENACE The past is mine.

I can go back and change everything!

Think of the future we can make for ourselves.

JOE I did think about the future you son of a bitch!

And you're history!

AHHHHH!!!!!!

Sarah!

(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC RISES)

(CELEBRATORY MUSIC Plays)

MAYOR Captain Richard Johnson.

Emily Ritter.

Mrs. Sarah Martin.

Larry Leija.

Heinrich Rammelstien.

Mary Maddox.

Hank Horowitz.

And the man who protected his family,

this city,

our newest superhero and the greatest example

this city has that anyone is capable of true heroism...

Joe Martin!

Average Joe.

My hero.

I know.