Original subtitles

NORA: Previously on "Moonshine."

You guys are getting a divorce, aren't you?

I don't know.

Something on your mind, caller?

I need you to know that I'm not playing games.

Do you love me?

- Can you keep a secret? - (DOOR CREAKS OPEN)

Magic Mushrooms!

She kept Felicia's journals.

My daughter. My problem.

- (GASPS) - (FIRE CRACKLES)

It had to be done, Sammy.

♪

MAN'S VOICE: Take a moment to acknowledge

the present moment.

♪

Now, focus on a moment from the past

that brings up negative emotion for you.

- Breathe in. - (DEEP INHALE)

Acknowledge your pain.

Thank it.

(SCREAMS)

Breathe out.

(EMOTIONAL BREATHS)

And let it go.

(SCREAMS, PANTS)

That's it. Breathe.

Oh shit!

Find gratitude for your journey.

♪

We are pain and we are love.

(CRYING)

They are us.

(SNIFFLING) Okay.

We are eternal.

Ha! (GASPS)

Yeah.

Breathe in.

Ah! (THUDS TO GROUND)

Ow!

Breathe out.

(SCREAMS, STOMPS GROUND)

♪

(CAMERA SHUTTER SNAPS)

♪

I'm gonna need you to delete that.

Serenity is yours.

I'm gonna destroy you!

♪ It's my life, it's my life ♪

♪ It's my life, my life ♪

♪ It's my life, it's my life ♪

♪ It's my life, my life ♪

Stan's done everything he could.

Said the septic needs replacing. Roots everywhere.

It's probably the maple tree.

You know, I've always hated that thing. Blocks my view.

Yeah, well, he says we're shittin' on borrowed time.

Oh, Stan always had a way with words.

- How did you pay him? - Cabin 4.

Labour Day Weekend.

Patsy's been after him for a romantic getaway.

He loved the trade.

You guys, we can't barter with all our suppliers.

We can't afford to pay them, either.

That's what I call harshing my mellow.

And we're short-staffed

because Rhian's on strike until Lidia leaves.

This fighting between the girls has gone on long enough.

They need a good talking to.

And if I do it, somebody's going to die.

I'm gonna go see if uh,

I can catch Stan before he leaves.

You think I can broker a peace deal?

If you're gonna volunteer,

I am not gonna stand in your way.

You have a plan to fix our cash flow problem.

Yeah, maybe.

I can lay it out for you over fish and chips.

- Shore Club in 30? - Fish and chips?

Okay, but only because I'm hormonal. I need grease.

I already told you, I am not stepping foot

on The Moonshine until Lidia is gone.

Well, I just heard Lidia and Nora

planning some top-secret meeting.

I just thought you'd wanna know.

Top-secret meeting? What, are they eight?

I know, right? It's probably nothing.

- NORA: I don't care, Sammy. - Figured.

But I just thought you'd wanna witness

an epic smackdown between Lidia and Rhian.

Shore Club in 30.

You're full o' shit. Worst liar ever.

Okay, but aren't you dying to find out

why I'm full of shit?

♪

Sammy?

(DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE)

Why are you two here?

Uh, I'm here because Sammy's a terrible liar.

I came for grease.

(LOUD CLATTERING IN DISTANCE)

- Oh. Oh, no, no. - What?!

(BROOM RATTLES ON DOOR)

- You will pay for this! - Hey no!

Hey, it's an intervention, okay? The Moonshine is broke,

the only way we're gonna survive the summer is

if we work together,

which means you guys need to stop fighting.

Orders from management.

- Uh, we are management. - Senior management.

Sammy, it's me! You love me!

Let us out or I will piss in your favourite mug.

Teamwork makes the dream work!

- Sammy! - No way! You're going down!

(CAN HISSES OPEN) (POUNDING ON DOOR)

(SPRITZES, LID RATTLES)

♪

(DRAWER RASPS)

(TIMER TICKS RHYTHMICALLY)

♪

(SIGHS)

♪

♪

Ugh! (LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS)

(CAP HISSES OPEN)

Oh, my God, what?

Do you have something you wanna say to me?

The level of your betrayal is Shakespearean.

Complete with missing body parts.

What do you want me to do?

Cut off my finger so we match?

Will that be enough flesh for you?

(KNIFE UNSHEATHES)

Below the knuckle, left hand, ring finger.

Be forewarned, it will make giving my husband a hand job,

quite challenging. No grip.

- (CLAPS LIGHTLY) - Come on! Enough!

You two need to work through this. Apologize.

I have nothing to apologize for.

Um, a stolen septic truck and a six-foot graffiti

of my cooch beg to differ.

Admittedly, things got a little crazy,

but if I can look past the trailer fire...

I told you, it wasn't me. I would've finished the job!

This is pointless!

We will never be a team, Sammy!

For once, I agree with you.

When have we ever worked together?

Lust Monkey.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

Summer of '96.

♪

I was bait, Rhian was on lookout,

Nora was on provisions.

NORA: I loved that band.

RHIAN: Yeah, you and your big plan to get us in,

And yours, to get us hard lemonade, not screech.

It is not my fault that Lidia is a lightweight.

(LAUGHING)

Poor Bruce.

(VOMIT SPLATTERS)

Took me forever to make those IDs.

That was a waste of quality lamination.

Oh, please, you screwed up the easiest job of all.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

♪

Wah!

I didn't screw up.

I saved us from getting busted.

We met the band because of my concussion.

I mean, totally worth the head wound.

(CAMERA SHUTTER SNAPS)

(ROCK MUSIC)

♪

So, if we did it then, we can work together now.

So, this morning on my jog,

I cleared the cobwebs

- and came up with a new plan. - Shocking.

Private equity.

People love The Moonshine.

Shouldn't be hard to find an investor, right?

Hm, who's got that kinda money around here?

What about Duffy Corkum?

- Duffy "Skin Tag" Corkum? - Yeah!

Do you remember the erection that he got

when you saved him from drowning?

I'm pretty sure he faked it

so I'd have to give him mouth-to-mouth.

Skin Tag is filthy rich now.

He sold his wellness brand,

"Emanate," for like, $80 mil.

The $100 yoga pants?

Way to go, Duffy!

They really hold you in. I have three pair.

He has some crazy compound outside of Lunenburg,

and I'm pretty sure he is single... Lidia.

Are you suggesting I whore myself out

to an obnoxious troll,

to raise cash for The Moonshine?

Now, that is a plan I can get behind.

- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - (EXHALES)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)

♪

(CART RUMBLES, GRAVEL CRUNCHES)

♪ My girl is a strange animal ♪

♪ She never sleeps through the night ♪

♪ She gets a kick from keeping my mind full ♪

♪ And making wrongs into rights ♪

♪ She wants more, more, ooh ♪

♪ How can I give it to her more, more, more ♪

♪

♪ How can I give it to her more, more, more ♪

(EXHALES)

♪

Yeah! Not cheap!

Ooh! Hella refreshing.

(CHUCKLES)

♪

Hm?

(ROCK MUSIC STOPS)

Hello? Is someone there?

(DRAWER RASPS CLOSED)

(LIGHT RUNNING FOOTSTEPS)

- (BOTTLES CLANG) - Fresh towels!

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)

(SNIFFS)

(FOOTSTEPS THUD)

(DRAWER RASPS)

♪

This is a full conspiracy.

Every time I Google plane tickets to NYC,

they jack the prices. Can you clear the cookies

from the browser, or whatever it is that you do?

Can you respect the fact that I'm ignoring you?

It's not my fault Michael didn't tell me

where the shrooms came from,

and now you two are in some big fight.

That is not what it's about, Eleanor.

- Then what's it about? - You cleaned Uncle Ryan out.

I didn't know they were Uncle Ryan's shrooms

- 'til after I sold them. - Yes, but now you know,

and you're still keeping the money!

Look, I have to get out of here

or I will figuratively die, Finn.

Uncle Ryan can grow more mushies,

but I can't recapture these lost days of youth.

He'd understand.

Would he? Because I don't!

♪

(WATER BURBLES)

♪

♪

Don't look at me like that.

(DOOR CREAKS SHUT, KEYS JINGLE)

♪

Wake and bake, huh?

- You want? - I'm good.

I could use your help.

I am swamped with Rhian on strike, so.

I feel you, Sammy,

but what's the point in doing anything?

Life is like a beautiful sandcastle -

- one wave, and whoosh. - Nice metaphor.

Uh, well, this place is falling apart,

hence the request for help.

(SCOFFS) (WATER BURBLES)

- Give me that! - No! No! No!

Eleanor is a flight risk

and Lidia wants us to keep an eye on her.

- Can you at least do that? - Eleanor?!

She's a tornado.

She's an amazing, poetic tornado,

and you can't contain a tornado, little brother.

Not contain, um, watch.

Observe. Like a tornado hunter.

Like "Twister" 1996, Helen Hunt, Bill Paxton!

You're Paxton!

- I'm Paxton? - Yeah.

- I'm the Pax?! - Yeah!

(LAUGHS)

(CHOKES, COUGHS)

(ENGINE RUMBLES)

(SIREN WAILS)

(TIRES CRUNCH, STOPS)

I wasn't speed walking, officer, I swear.

Still gonna need to see your licence and registration.

I heard you're uh,

living at the station?

Get in. Let's talk.

Um, this is kind of awkward,

but who do I talk to about getting a restraining order.

- Uh, is it you or...? - Look,

I have made some mistakes in my life,

but I am not screwing this up again.

(BIRDS CHIRP)

I love you.

And I think that you love me, too.

Are you laying down the law, officer?

It is my job.

Wait, you're not getting all Hallmark-porn on me,

because you need a place to crash, are you?

You know,

wall yourself off behind jokes, the radio booth glass,

the hard-to-get mambo.

(SCOFFS) Nora, you're scared.

I get that. I am, too,

but please, what we have,

you know, have the balls to commit, for once.

I have balls, actually.

- Big, hairy, dangly ones. - Prove it!

I gotta go meet Lidia and Rhian.

Tomorrow night. Shore Club.

Uh...

You and your balls, you tell me how you feel.

Oh, God.

No promises. Okay?

(FOOTSTEPS THUD)

- (SIREN CHIRPS) - Be there!

Yeah, I got it.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Okay, so I told him we wanna have a Moonshine reunion.

We hit him with some good ol' Finley-Cullen sister charm,

walk him down memory lane, and then pitch him.

Bam, day saved!

So, I can leave in like 20?

Uh, no. If I have to suffer through this, so do you.

I still have no clue why he came. We were total bullies.

It's not bullying if someone sucks.

We gave that little prick the best summers of his life.

He owes us.

Well, well, well! What have we here?

Let me see. Let me see!

His acne cleared up.

♪

Aye, aye, Captain Abs!

♪

LIDIA: Permission to come aboard!

He's like Brad Pitt hot.

And not just like any Brad Pitt hot,

like "Legends of the Fall" Brad Pitt hot.

Yeah, I'm not usually into chinos,

but he's making 'em work.

RHIAN: Not my type.

NORA: Because you don't have a vagina?

What's your type, Nora? Oh, wait, it's my husband.

This is strictly a business opportunity for The Moonshine.

No, for your vagina. You could totally do that guy.

What?! Me?

No! Not gonna happen.

Lidia, when was the last time you got laid?

Oh, lemme see, it was none of your goddamn business.

(BIRDS CHIRP)

- What? - Oh, nothing.

Please, if anyone here is guilty of having a dead bedroom

- on their hands... - I'm not talking about Terry.

Are you getting some D?

If you must know,

I have taken a lover.

Oh!

I must know.

Who, and how, and do they know you have a clipboard?

All that I can say is

my lover is very detail-oriented,

and my lover is very...

Okay, you cannot say lover anymore.

Lidia, answer the question, and not in dog years.

(SIGHS) Do blowjobs count? Might've been...

(BIRDS CHIRP)

three years.

A born-again virgin. God help us!

A lot of married people don't have sex.

It's not that big of a deal.

Come on. It's perfect!

You can bang the hottest guy I've seen in real life

and get money for The Moonshine.

It's like two birds with one bone!

Oh my God, having sex with someone else?

I wouldn't even know where to start.

Duffy's just so...

he's got that V thing just above his...

Inguinal ligament.

The Lidia I knew was fearless.

Took what she wanted.

Usually in Daisy Dukes in the backseat of Cherry B.

I'm pretty sure that Lidia died in the 90s.

Well, that's too bad, because that Lidia

taught me how to give a blowjob on a banana,

and then ate it. That Lidia was fun!

Yes.

Hey! Hi!

Hey! You!

Oh, welcome back!

It's so good to see you, Duffy!

- So, you like? - I wanted a boat,

but I didn't wanna be one of those yacht douches,

so I sourced the wood from my sustainable forest project

- in Belize. - (GAGS)

Built most of my myself, by hand.

It was uh, pretty life changing.

Oh man, do I sound like a douche.

- (GIGGLES) - No, no. It's impressive.

And who doesn't like a man who's good with his hands?

Wouldn't you agree, Lidia?

Ah, man, this place has a smell.

Pine needles and sunscreen.

Hard-core boning.

I was gonna say hot dogs, but...

LIDIA: Duffy?

I just wanted to say um, upfront,

we're really sorry about how we treated you,

back in the day.

- And how we called you... - Skin Tag?

(SIGHS) We were stupid kids. I'm so sorry.

I'm not sorry. You were a dick.

People change, so I hear.

Oh, the way I remember it, it was just innocent teasing.

Uh, Nora tied you to a flagpole

before the summer jamboree, to humiliate you.

Humiliate me? I mean, come on.

It's not like you stripped me naked first.

Speaking of naked, Lidia's recently single.

(CHOKES)

Shame Nora can't provide anymore segues

because she has to go do that thing she has to do now.

Oh, yeah, that thing. That um,

also Rhian is going to help me with, to do.

What? Why the hell would I help you with anything?

Oh, right. Yeah, the thing.

Well, later, Skin T...

I mean, Duffy.

Well, I hope you don't have something to do today.

I was hoping to take a walk on the beach,

get my fill of that view again.

I mean, if you're available.

Yeah, uh, what about dinner?

I love that.

I love that, a lot.

- Hmm, seven? - Ten.

So, enjoying some quality time with all your girls home?

Fifteen, for two.

Well, you know how it is with daughters.

Being "Mother of the Year" yourself. (CHUCKLES)

Twenty.

Crystal was only ever good for two things -

lovin' the wrong man, and rehab.

Didn't get either one from me.

How's she doing these days?

Other than loving the wrong man, my son.

Go.

I don't involve her in my business

and I sure as hell don't wanna know hers.

Well, that we can agree on.

The less my girls know about our little deal, the better.

Thirty-one, for two.

But I told Sammy.

Sammy?

My health thing.

Just in case.

He can take over.

Look, I came out of retirement for Felicia,

but this is starting to feel like a risk.

We will get the shipment delivered to the buyers.

You will get your loan back, with interest.

I'll pay the summer staff.

Fix the septic.

What the hell,

maybe have enough left over for a new pair of clogs.

All under control.

(CRIBBAGE BOARD RATTLES)

Skunked ya. (CARDS FLOP)

I'd cool it on the day-drinking.

MOIRA: Shipping container of off-brand

Chinese pharmaceuticals went missing

from the port last night.

Probably a few hundred grand worth.

You doing that stupid lamebrain victory dance?

Uh, no. But just to reiterate,

you're saying I'm right.

Probably. Anyway, go to work, or whatever.

Have you gotten anywhere with crazy pants?

I, I don't think Rhian actually knows anything.

We've been spending a lot of time together

and I don't think she's lying to me.

God, are you falling for her?

What?! Pffft! No!

This keto thing is killing me!

I wanna go down on a baguette, so hard right now.

Do whatever it takes, all right? And Colin...

- Yeah? - nice work.

We might get outta this hell-hole department yet.

(BEEPS CALL OFF)

(CRICKETS CHIRP, FROGS CROAK)

- Hot dogs? - Organic.

Brioche buns, Artisanal ketchup, free-range mustard.

Bougie white trash at its finest, my friend.

Is this vacation for you, or?

Well, kind of a midlife reset.

Moonshine's the perfect place for that.

Being where all the dysfunction started,

with the people who caused it, what could go wrong?

Yeah, I limit family visits to under 24 hours.

But like some Darwinian nightmare,

they just find a way to trigger me faster.

(LAUGHS)

Moonshine was the best part of my childhood.

I even remember that dress.

Oh! (CHUCKLES)

Well, I had to dig it out of my childhood closet.

All my clothes smelled like smoke, long story.

You know, it's nice for once,

to not be drinking alone on my boat watching "Shark Tank".

You, alone?

I worked so hard to try to become someone

other than "Skin Tag" Corkum.

I sacrificed my personal life.

Ah, maybe it's just my excuse to avoid

putting myself out there and getting rejected.

I'm sorry. You do not wanna hear me

unloading my mommy issues.

You want to pitch me on investing in The Moonshine.

Um, I'm, I hope you don't think...

It's okay. Investing in companies,

making them profitable, it's kind of a hobby for me.

I mean, I'd be insulted if you didn't!

Let's go!

Okay. Here's the pitch.

The Moonshine, as a world-class resort.

But not one scrubbed of its character.

Five-star luxury meets rustic charm.

The timeless elements of our childhood summers

protected by a sustainable design.

I love that.

My design would incorporate the natural beauty

rather than compete with it.

I mean, this is the pitch.

Salt in the air, the smell of pine, the sunset.

I don't have to sell you on it; you lived it.

I want everyone who visits this place

to experience it the way we have.

I'm sorry. This is my first time pitching alone.

Um, usually my hus...

My ex, Daniel, took the lead.

Well, that's a shame. You're a natural.

I mean, you feel that, right?

♪

Yes.

♪

Oh, God.

Uh, whew!

- You okay? - No, uh...

I'm sorry, the truth is,

The Moonshine, we're practically bankrupt,

it's a disaster, I don't know what I'm doing.

(GASPS SHAKILY)

I'm not ready. You know?

S-e-x with you. It's not you.

I can't even have sex with myself lately,

it's like, dead zone.

Okay.

Uh, you enjoy the view, finish your wine.

I just gotta... go.

(DEEP EXHALE) Ooooh!

♪

No hard-core boning, then, huh?

I had a panic attack, then I ran away.

But not before telling him we were bankrupt

and that The Moonshine is a terrible investment.

- Compelling pitch. - What is wrong with me?

I feel like now is not the time to pile on.

Oh! I don't know who I am, or what I want,

or even what I'm doing here.

The only time I'm in touch with my feelings

is when I'm having a panic attack. And now, yeah,

I just wasted 20 years of my life with a man

who I'm just now realizing, didn't ever really see me.

Is that a thing?

That is the thing.

The only thing, and I've never had it.

So, if you have it with someone,

you should probably like, hang on to them?

Oh, my God. Nora,

Terry loves you, you love him.

Get on with it. You're in love.

Shut up! Maybe. I don't know.

We're supposed to talk tonight.

(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)

Rhian is smiling,

which can me one thing.

Suicide bomb. (DOOR OPENS)

Your sluttiness finally paid off.

Duffy just came by with a contract.

- For what? - He's in.

He is investing!

Looks pretty iron clad.

(LAUGHS HAPPILY) You closed, bitch!

Yeah.

This calls for an old school Lust Monkey headbanger.

- Holy shit! - Yes?

Uh, covers our debts, plus there's enough leftover

to fix the septic and get new uniforms!

- Ahhh, my God! - Yeah!

(ROCK MUSIC STARTS)

♪

Woooo!

♪

Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock!

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)

Uh, why are you creeping on me?

(SIGHS)

Sammy asked me to keep an eye on you.

You're the tornado; I'm the tornado chaser.

- Uh, okay. - (FINDERS SNAP)

Can you believe my Mom hid my passport?

It's like I'm some indentured servant.

(BIRDS CHIRP)

I hear that.

Sometimes feels like everything I do around here

is for somebody else.

Crystal's always on my ass, Rhian bosses me around,

and Dad...

I know what it's like to not be your own boss.

And I know what it feels like when no one believes in you.

Everybody believes in me. I crush life.

But I... I feel you on the boss stuff.

Thanks for understanding.

Hey, kid, if I had the courage

to stand up for myself when I was your age.

Things might be different.

I might not be karma's bitch.

- That's not true. - No, it is!

I was amazing at hacky sack.

Who knows where that coulda led?

(LIGHTER SNICKS)

(PAPER HISSES)

Maybe I can help you out.

- Help me escape? Seriously? - No, no, no, I can't do that,

but I might know where your Mom stashed your passport.

Shut up. For real?

You just wait. I got your back, kid.

(CHUCKLES)

(GRASS CRUNCHES UNDERFOOT)

(BAND PLAYS "LET GO THE LINE" BY MAX WEBSTER)

♪ Fluorescent lips on a painted face ♪

♪ I think I know what you're feeling ♪

♪

♪ This tightrope just begins to feel like home ♪

♪ When the wind comes rising from a desert storm ♪

Hey, lookin' for a drink, big shot?

I'm guessing the house wine's boxed?

- That's the best-case scenario. - I'll take a beer.

One of the perks of being related to the owners.

And uh, hey, thanks for what you're doing.

Ah, it's one of the perks of being stupid rich.

Helping out old friends.

- Old friends. - Moonshine forever.

♪

Listen, I'm sorry it didn't work out with Lids.

I know you always had a thing for her.

She really needs to get laid, like, really.

- Yeah, don't we all. - Please.

You have lady problems?

- And the bubble bursts. - That's right!

It's only the ugly rich guys that get hot chicks.

What about you? You got someone special?

There is someone who I don't hate.

Who I sometimes have sex with.

Well, I'm glad one of us is getting some.

You feel like making a mistake?

(CIGARETTES CLUNK ON TABLE)

Duffy Corkum, I am shocked and appalled.

Can I bum one?

After you hook us up with some tequila shots.

Yes. Yes! Tequila. Tequila!

We need tequila, immediately!

♪

♪ But all I know is that tonight I might ♪

♪ Let go the line

♪ Let go the line

(NORA LAUGHS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(NORA LAUGHS)

♪

Shhh-shhh!

DUFFY: I don't know what I was doing

- wasting my time with Lidia. - Uh uh.

- You were always the fun one. - (LAUGHS)

That's me. Nora the party.

Hey, um, why don't we go back to my boat?

I got a bottle of Chateau Lachrisse

worth more than your car.

No, that's sweet, but um,

I'm actually meeting someone, so I should probably go.

I did a big favour for your family.

Um...

It's time to do a favour for me.

- No. Okay? I gotta go. - Please, look,

I'm the only person you haven't slept with in Foxton.

What's one more drunk Saturday night?

No. No. Stop.

This is not... Don't. Duff!

Stop it! Stop! Goddammit!

- (THUDDING BLOW) - Ugh!

(ROCK MUSIC)

♪

♪ You know it feels right

♪ But it won't be long

♪

(SOBBING)

Nora, you okay?

Uh, I'm... yeah. Have you seen Terry?

No, not tonight. Nora?

You okay?

Sweetie, what happened?

Nora?

I would be, if this stall had any toilet paper.

(SOBBING)

(BROOM SCRATCHES, ITEMS CLATTER)

Honestly, it's just... I'm fine.

It is not a big deal.

This is the definition of a big deal.

Yeah, it's assault!

We were wasted. I was flirting.

You should be able to flirt, and drink,

and wear that hideous slutty top, without consequence.

Where'd he go? I'm gonna destroy him.

Oh, Sammy, that's so cute. What're you gonna do?

Beat him at a spelling bee?

- I can be badass. - Quit the caveman shit.

We need his money.

- Screw his money. - Before we say screw his money,

can we at least do a cost-benefit analysis, here?

No.

No one messes with a Finley-Cullen

and gets away with it.

And I have a plan.

Duff? Hey!

♪

I've been looking for you.

I wanted to talk about last night.

(SIGHS) I need to apologize.

I know I'm traditionally the lookout,

but can I hurt him, please?

I don't know what I was thinking.

No worries, I mean, I'm all about second chances.

- (STUN GUN CLICKS) - (GASPS, GRUNTS)

- (THUDS) - Oh.

Okay, so, let's say we get him back

to his boat in one piece. Then what?

(ROPE CREAKS, SEAGULLS CRY)

Ah, well, this worked out better than I thought it would!

We are stone-cold bully bitches,

- and I am good with that! - (LIDIA CHUCKLES)

This one's worth more than my car.

Why am I naked?

- Is that my wine? - Mm-hmm!

- Guys, come on, untie me. - Uh-uh.

Help! Uh, help!

Chill, chill. We'll call the Coast Guard.

After everyone gets a sneak peek of your little skin tag.

Ooh! It's like he was at the back of the line

when he was handing out penises.

Bargain bin. Big time! I mean, small!

That is small!

Okay, you know what?

The only reason I even came back here

when you called was to get laid.

And you all turned out to be a bunch of psychos.

- Hmm? Hmm, hmm, hmm! - (NORA LAUGHS)

You know, I started from nothing

and I worked my way to the top of the cut-throat world

- of yoga apparel. - (SPUTTER AND LAUGH)

Oh, you think you scare me? Laugh it up!

Ha, ha, ha! Oh, Duffy! Well, you know what?

I am gonna sue the shit out of you.

- Oh, I'm gonna raze this place. - Yeah.

- I'll sell it for parts. - Here's the thing, Duff,

the reason why you had no friends as a kid

wasn't because you were shy, awkward, rotund,

it was because you were a little asshole.

Now, you're just a big asshole

who thinks he can take whatever he wants.

But you can't.

♪

(SIGHS) Happy sails, Skin Tag!

Bye. Ooh.

(EXHALES)

Your boat sucks.

(BUTTON CLICKS, ENGINE STARTS)

Guys! Guys, come on!

(WOOD CREAKS)

Help! Help! Somebody!

(SHOUTING) Anybody!

- For the record, I was fine. - Help me!!!

And you're welcome.

It was a dick move to sleep with your husband.

Sorry.

Well, I should maybe thank you because...

- (HAPPY EXHALE) - Finish the sentence.

Because while you banged Terry,

I may have found the love of my life.

Oh! Mr. Detail-oriented.

His name is Oscar.

The nerdy lawyer guy?

Okay, you are the last person I will be taking

relationship advice from, thank you very much.

- And you are the second-last. - Fair enough.

(WAVES LAP)

- What is going on with Terry? - No idea.

We were supposed to meet up last night.

He never showed, hasn't texted me back, so, yeah.

Well, that's not like him.

I mean, I guess it is.

Because here I am.

Here we are.

In a weird way, this might be better than Lust Monkey.

That was the last time we hung out before...

Everything went to shit?

Yeah, we know, we were there.

Lidia wasn't. She was in New York.

You know I couldn't be around Mom after what happened.

I, I'm trying to make up for that.

Sorry about Terry.

No, this conversation is not happening.

Over it. Move on.

Your lips keep moving,

but all I'm hearing is more wine.

I'll have some more wine!

I think we might have some more!

- I will have more! - Thanks, Skin Tag!

(LAUGHING AND CHEERING)

- Woooo! - Happy sailing, Skin Tag!

(LAUGHING AND CHEERING)

♪

(MUSIC ENDS)

(LIGHT FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)

(DOOR OPENS)

What are you doing?

Could ask you the same question.

- Are those my chips? - Yep!

Can you take your flip-flops off of that?

That is a pashmina throw.

No problemo,

Colin!

Hidden in your boxer shorts, which is weird.

I had you pegged as a tighty-whitey kind of guy.

You know, I could have you arrested

- for breaking and entering. - I was cleaning.

I'll be honest, I didn't make it to your toilet.

Listen, (CLEARS THROAT)

Crystal,

I'm investigating something pretty big

and I'm in pretty deep,

so I was hoping you could do me a huge, huge solid

and keep my identity under your...

your bikini top.

- Sure! - Really?

Oh, that's so great of you...

But I am gonna need more than ketchup chips to keep quiet.

Okay, what're we talkin'?

Two... packs of du Mauriers.

And a two-four of Fiesta Cherry Diet Coke.

And a letter of referral for an apartment.

I am gonna need 24 hours.

And something else.

- I have a boyfriend. - Not that!

Oh.

♪

You know, it's funny you mentioned Ryan.

Did you know that I could have him arrested

for drug possession with the intent to traffic?

Oh, God! Our shrooms?

No, he got rid of all that crap today.

(LAUGHS) I know.

He also told me, a federal police officer.

And showed me his whole operation,

and you just admitted that you're in on it.

No, I didn't.

You know, I looked up your record.

Credit card fraud, DUI.

Get arrested a third time, and it's jail time, for sure.

You are a career criminal.

It's not like it's my full-time job.

No, as of now, your full-time job is informant.

The Finley-Cullens are involved in a smuggling operation,

and you're gonna help me bring them down.

Capisce?

I don't know what that means.

It's an Italian word for...

it means you're going to work for me

or you're going to jail.

♪

- (DOOR CREAKS OPEN) - KEN: Hey!

I just got off the phone with the Coast Guard.

They found uh,

Corky what's-his-ass tied to his own mast.

Oh, God!

Seems they had trouble finding his clothes.

(LAUGHING)

Means the girls are at it again.

(LAUGHS)

Maybe Lidia will stay.

Is that a bad thing?

She-she wants to make this place better.

This place is a ticking time bomb.

Bea...

(WAVES LAP GENTLY, BIRDS CHIRP)

(FOOTSTEPS THUD AWAY)

(DOOR CREAKS OPEN, SHUTS)

- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) - Knock, knock.

Not interrupting anything?

Just deep thoughts.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

I hope you meant it when you said you had

everything under control.

I got word from my guy last night,

shipment's coming in next weekend.

That's early.

Well, drug smugglers aren't great at sticking to schedules.

Go figure!

Gonna be a problem?

No.

Good.

Beauty day. (FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)

Isn't it just?

(COVER OF "CHANGES" BY DAVID BOWIE)

♪

♪

♪ Still don't know what I was waiting for ♪

♪ And my time was running wild ♪

Karma, man! The universe is my bitch!

Ha, ha!

Thank you! Thank you!

♪ Every time I thought I got it made ♪

Hey, just ran into Uncle Ryan.

It's a nice thing that you did.

You don't know it was me that gave him the cash.

Now I do.

I get why you're staying.

You'd miss me too much.

Didn't think you'd text so soon.

I felt like hurting someone.

- (BELT WHIPS) - Yeah? Me too!

(GROWLS)

Rhian, It's me! I'm grabbin' my stuff.

- Ah! Oh yeah! - Do it again.

- You're just a bad boy. - (BELT WHIPS)

- Ahhh! - Oh yeah! Harder?

- Yes! - Okay.

- Do it! - Is that too hard?

- No. - Okay, do you want it harder?

- Yeah. - (BELT WHIPS)

(OSCAR SCREAMS)

(BOTTLES RATTLE, CAP HISSES)

RHIAN: Yeah? Who's your step mommy?!

MAN'S VOICE: Have gratitude for the pain.

♪ I don't wanna be a richer man ♪

♪ Ch-ch-ch-changes ♪

♪ Turn and face the strange ♪

♪ Ch-ch-ch-changes ♪

♪ There's gonna have to be a different man ♪

♪

(TARP CRINKLES)

(DOOR CLUNKS)

(DOOR SHUTS)

♪

(HAPPY EXHALE)

♪ Time may change me ♪

♪ But I can't trace time ♪

♪ No ♪

(MUSIC STOPS)

Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com