Original subtitles

♪ What does my heart most desire? ♪

♪ What am I craving for? ♪

♪ A tune to set my feet on fire ♪

♪ And a ballroom floor ♪

♪ In the winter, in the summer ♪

♪ In the spring or fall ♪

♪ In the morning, in the evening ♪

♪ Any time at all ♪

♪ An earful of music ♪

♪ An armful of you ♪

♪ A soul full of rhythm who could ever be blue? ♪

♪ A room full of dancers ♪

♪ With still room for 2 ♪

♪ My mind full of dance time ♪

♪ And dancing with you ♪

♪ Now I don't care if the sun goes down ♪

♪ If the sky is blue or black ♪

♪ I just know I'm goin' to town ♪

♪ And I'm comin' back ♪

♪ With an earful of music ♪

♪ And an armful of you ♪

♪ A soul full of rhythm who could ever be blue? ♪

♪ An earful of music ♪

♪ And an armful of you ♪

♪ A soul full of rhythm ♪

♪ Who could ever be blue? ♪

♪ Would you like to tango? ♪

♪ Would you like to waltz? ♪

♪ Would you like to carioca? ♪

♪ Would you like to start a riot turning somersaults? ♪

♪ Would you care to shim-sham? ♪

♪ Would you like to strut? ♪

♪ I don't care what we do for I am more than satisfied ♪

♪ As long as you are by my side ♪

♪ As long as the band plays hi, hidey, hey, hey, red hot ♪

♪ I got an earful of music ♪

♪ And an armful of you ♪

♪ A soul full of red-hot rhythm ♪

♪ Who could ever be blue? ♪

♪ A room full of dancers squeeze a little room for 2 ♪

♪ My mind is full of rhythm when I'm dancing with you ♪

♪ I don't care ♪

♪ If the sky is blue, red, yellow, gray, or black ♪

♪ I just know ♪

♪ That I'm goin' to town, brother, I am comin' back ♪

♪ With an earful of music ♪

♪ And an armful of you ♪

♪ A soul full of red-hot rhythm ♪

♪ Who could ♪

♪ Ever be blue? ♪

♪ An earful of music ♪

I got to talk to you. I got news.

I thought I told you not to come here when I was workin'.

Yeah, well, you ain't workin' here anymore.

Say, what's gotten through you?

Well, I got news. Guess what I read in the paper?

I didn't know you could read.

Remember that old bird you met on the boardwalk in Atlantic city?

Who? His name was Wilson.

You know, he looked like an Airedale.

Oh, yeah. What about him?

Well, he's pushin' up the daisies. You know, dead.

Dead. I could've told you that in Atlantic city.

Yeah. Well, take a look at that.

Somethin' has got to be done.

Can you imagine that old buzzard signin' off

and leaving all that dough?

You know who he left all his money to?

Don't ask me riddles. Who?

Nobody. That means you.

Me?

Say, are you nuts as well as dumb?

It's the law. The law says

if a guy meets a dame

on the boardwalk in Atlantic city

and introduces her around as his wife,

she is his wife.

Yeah, and what kind of a law is that?

Common law.

That's what you was, his common-law wife.

Now the mug's dead, you're his widow

and the heir to $77 million.

$77 million! Where is it?

Egg-yip. Egg-yip?

E-g-y-p-t, egg-yip.

Egypt, you dope, Egypt.

Ok, but let's grab the dough.

Let's hop a train and go to egg-yip tonight.

You lame brain, you can't go by train.

Egg-yip is across the ocean.

Well, there must be some way of getting over there!

Say, what do you think?

I've dug up professor Wilson's heir!

What? There is a son.

Where did you find him?

I followed the clue that Gerald Lane, Wilson's assistant, gave us.

The boy is living on a barge in Brooklyn

with an old stevedore and his 3 sons.

Stevedore? Yes.

He's been living with them ever since professor Wilson disappeared 23 years ago.

Did you see him? Not yet.

I'm on my way to break the news to him now.

Say, you wire Gerald Lane,

and I'll have the boy sail Wednesday.

Right. I'll have Lane meet the boat at Gibraltar.

Good. Wait, bill.

You better take about $2,000 for expense money

to get young Wilson to Egypt.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

How do you do? How do you do?

Well, pardon me,

does Edward Grant Wilson Jr. Live around here?

Yes.

He lives on that barge.

Oh, thank you.

Eddie. Ok, Eddie.

Eddie, where are you?

Are you sure it's safe? It's ok.

All right, kids. Come on out.

It's all right.

Where is he? Where is he?

Where'd he go? Where'd he go?

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Nora, who was that guy?

He asked for you, Eddie. For me?

Maybe somebody complained

about your brothers beating you.

They ain't your real brothers, are they, Eddie?

No, Lenny. They're his stepbrothers.

Yes, and every chance they get, they step on me.

Look at what Oscar gave me on account of bein' jealous.

Whoa!

Jealous? Yeah, jealous of Adolph for giving me this.

Boy, that's a beauty!

I even think Oscar's is bigger than Adolph's, don't you?

Yeah. Yeah.

No, Adolph's comes clear around to the elbow.

No!

Oscar's is bigger than Adolph's!

Take it easy, you bunch of tarzans.

My brothers are gonna get just what's coming to them.

I've got something right here in my pocket,

and the next time those gorillas lay their hands on me,

it'll be just too bad.

Eddie, you mustn't!

You got a gun? No.

Knife? No.

Well, what is it?

Tell us what it is.

Take a look at this.

Build up your muscles in 20 lessons.

Learn to croon for 10 cents extra.

Come on, let's fight!

Oh, you wanna fight?

Yeah!

You can't take it, huh?

I'll show you whether you can...

If you boys wanna play, go outside!

Come in!

Oh, I beg your pardon.

Well, what is it?

My name is William Slade.

Come on, get up.

Don't lay around like that.

Can't you see we got company?

Well, what do you want? What's your business?

Why, I'm a lawyer.

A lawyer!

Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. First off,

it wasn't me or my sons.

We saw a cop get hit on the head.

We saw a crowd running, and we ran the other way.

And besides, we got an alibi.

Well, does a Mr. Edward Grant Wilson Jr. Live here?

Sure he does! What about it?

Well, I'd like to have a talk with him.

Now wait a minute.

If he's in a jam, he's on his own.

Besides, he's not my son.

He's adopted.

Oh, we don't have nothing to do with him.

You see, pop, I told you to throw him out. He's good for nothing.

Well, I... say the word, mister, and we'll kick his teeth out.

Well, gentlemen, what I came here to say is that.

Mr. Edward Grant Wilson Jr. Has inherited considerable money.

You mean dough? Yes.

How much?

Oh, about $77 million.

$77 million?

$77 million?

$77 million?

Yes, $77 million.

Say, have you got it with you?

All right. Now listen, kids,

we've got a lot of work to do today.

Are you all ready to tune up?

Yes!

Ok, toots.

♪

1, 2.

♪

Now, Lenny, don't you know that

you're 2 bars behind all the other kids?

Ha, don't worry about me.

I can catch up with them any time I like.

Now cut out the kidding and let's go.

1, 2.

♪

Gee, kids, look at that big ship.

It's got a rich cargo.

It ain't your ship and it's not mine.

Ah, but I've got a ship some place,

and it's coming in some day.

And when it does...

♪ I'll have a golden castle grand and tall ♪

♪ With 18 butlers standing in the hall ♪

♪ And Walter Disney paintings on the wall ♪

♪ When my ship comes in ♪

♪ I'll leave the choice of autos up to you ♪

♪ And if you think a big Rolls-Royce will do ♪

♪ I think I'll play it safe and order 2 ♪

♪ When my ship comes in ♪

♪ I'll buy Barnum & Bailey ♪

♪ And move 'em right next door ♪

♪ They'll give 2 performances daily ♪

♪ For the kids who never saw a show before ♪

♪ In golden chairs we'll sip our tea for 2 ♪

♪ I'll have Paul whiteman there to play for you ♪

♪ I'll have bing Crosby singing boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo ♪

♪ When my ship comes in ♪

♪ I'll buy out every ice-cream factory ♪

♪ So all the kids can come and get in free ♪

♪ And I'll throw all the spinach in the sea ♪

♪ When my ship comes in ♪

♪ I'll buy up all the public schools in sight ♪

♪ And all day long I'll have them closed up tight ♪

♪ But they'll be used as picture shows at night ♪

♪ When my ship comes in ♪

♪ I'll have suits made to measure ♪

♪ In fact, I'll buy a store ♪

♪ And can you imagine the pleasure ♪

♪ Wearing shoes that no one ever wore before? ♪

♪ I'll phone to each department store and say ♪

♪ Call up your Santa claus and raise his pay ♪

♪ And tell him we'll have Christmas every day ♪

♪ When my ship comes in ♪

Hey, Eddie!

Look, Eddie!

Come here! Come here!

Quick, Eddie, let's hide.

Eddie, wait! Eddie, come here!

Eddie, let us in. Come on, Eddie.

Ah, Eddie, open the door!

Oh, Eddie! Ed...

What's this under here?

Hey, you, where's Eddie?

I don't know.

Leave him alone, Herman, here I am.

Eddie.

I can explain everything.

Why, there's nothing to explain.

We want you to come home. We missed you.

You did?

Come on, Eddie. Why, sure we did.

Come on, Eddie.

Please, Oscar, don't hit me.

I only borrowed your shoes.

That's all right, Eddie.

Keep the shoes.

Keep 'em? Yeah!

And, Edward, I'm gonna give you my new overcoat, too.

You mean the one that's too big for you?

Oh, you'll grow into it, Eddie.

Sure, you're gonna be a big guy now.

Oh, get into this, will you, Eddie?

Oh, my.

Oh, boy, do you look good.

Eddie, you look like a million dollars.

And I'm gonna give you my blue serge pants, too.

Well, with this coat I won't need any pants.

And I'm gonna give you my new hat.

Now you got a swell outfit.

Gee, it's an all-year-round outfit.

I can wear the coat in the winter

and the hat in the summer.

Eddie, have a cigar.

Oh, but I don't smoke.

Take it. I like you.

I'll light it for you.

Oh, wait a minute. I'll light it.

Huh.

Hey, listen, you. I like Eddie,

and I'm gonna light his cigar!

Say, what's the idea?

You think you're the only one that likes Eddie?

I guess you all like me.

Hey, you shut up. We'll tell you who likes you!

Wait a minute!

You keep your paws off this kid, you understand?

Listen, lug, I'm gonna light Eddie's cigar.

Oh, you are, huh?

I'm sorry.

Are you gonna put that cigar back in Eddie's mouth?

It's all right, fellows, I'll smoke it later.

Huh, maybe you'd like to put it back yourself.

Yeah, maybe I would.

Yeah. What are you doin' there?

I like Eddie best, and I'm gonna light his cigar.

Nothing doing, we'll all light it.

Yeah. Here you are, Eddie.

Where's your cigar? You've got it.

No, he took it. I didn't take it.

Oh, he wants to play.

Here he is! That's him.

Are you Edward Grant Wilson Jr.?

Yes, sir.

Congratulations, my boy.

You have just inherited $77 million.

Radiogram, sir.

Hmm?

Oh, thank you, boy.

If this is bad news, bartender,

I'll need a little touch of somethin' to fortify my spirits,

so set me up another julep.

Let's hope it's good news, sir.

Huh, then I'll celebrate.

Eternal thunderation!

Joan! Joan!

Anything I can do, sir?

Y-y-yes. Give me whiskey, bartender.

Plain, straight whiskey. Yes, sir.

Joan! Joan!

Joan!

Uh, steward, here.

Yes, sir!

What can I do for you, sir?

Find my niece and bring her here to me at once!

Yes, sir.

Are you having a little trouble?

I'm tryin' to take a picture of myself to send to my girl.

Well, I'll take it for you.

Would you? Of course.

Now, uh, you sit up there.

Up here? Mmm-hmm.

Ready now. Hold still.

Don't move.

I won't move.

Pardon, miss larrabee?

Yes? Your uncle wants to see you at once.

Oh, thank you.

It, uh, seems important.

Oh.

Did you want me, uncle Harry?

Read that.

Oh, how perfectly wonderful.

Wonderful? By gad, child, what's wonderful about it?

Why, about Jerry getting aboard at Gibraltar.

Young lady, the purpose of this trip

is to lay claim to a treasure worth millions,

not to help along your romance

with that young whippersnapper.

But this radiogram says that the treasure belongs to someone else.

Our society financed professor Wilson's expedition to the Sahara

and I, as representative of that society,

shall claim whatever's found.

Look, Louie, look.

Hey, be careful. Keep off them maps.

What are you lookin' for?

Africa.

There it is, stupid.

It's green!

I always thought Africa was black.

No wonder Columbus had such a tough time finding it.

$77 million. You know what I'm gonna do with that dough?

I'm gonna get me yachts,

swell cars, 40 suits of clothes,

see Europe, go around...

Before you spend all the money,

take a look at this.

Wilson, Edward Grant Jr.

What do you mean, "Jr."?

A son, the old bird had a son.

You mean, he had a baby?

I'll say it slow so you can soak it up.

Mr. Wilson is dead. He left some dough.

He also left a son.

The son gets the dough, and we get the air.

You mean the son's come between us and the money we've worked for?

Exactly. Why, I got half the dough spent already.

Well, it looks as if we just came for the boat ride.

Son or no son, I'm gonna knock his ears off.

No junior is gonna horn in on our dough.

Where you goin'?

To give junior a music lesson!

Wait a minute. Wait, nothin'!

I'm gonna knock that chump off.

I'll fill junior so full of lead

he'll drown if he takes a bath!

Great idea. You knock him off,

jump in a taxi, and escape through the crowd.

Certainly. On a boat?

Oh, that's right. You can't get a taxi on a boat.

Relax. Sit down.

Rest your hands and face.

But I can't think unless I stand up.

That's fine. Sit down.

This calls for immediate action. We got to do something.

I've an idea if we can get junior

to sign his name on a piece of paper...

Come in.

Pardon me, is your name Eddie?

Yes, ma'am.

Eddie Wilson?

Yes, ma'am.

Eddie Wilson Jr.?

Yes, ma'am.

My boy, my boy, my little boy.

Don't you know me? No, ma'am.

I'm your mother.

My mother?

You mean you were married to my father?

Yes, darling.

Mama. Junior.

Kiss me, darling.

Now I know what killed father.

Sit down, mama.

I'm so happy to meet you, mother.

You're beautiful.

Yes, I know I am.

And you're so young, too.

How old are you?

I'm 19, son.

I'm 25.

You are? Yes.

25, 19.

Say, maybe I'm your mother.

Oh, there you go,

joking just like your father.

You know, you're the perfect image of your dad:

Large, sad, brown eyes.

You talk like him and you act like him.

I'll bet you even write like him.

Could papa write?

Oh, yes, junior,

and I'll bet you write exactly like him.

Junior, write something for mama.

All right, I'll get a pencil.

No, wait a minute. Here, I have a fountain pen.

Then I'll get some paper.

Oh, never mind. I have some paper, too.

What luck.

And here's a blotter, too, junior.

Mama, you don't happen to have a writing desk handy?

Oh, no, junior, mama can't think of everything.

Here, just use the table.

What will I write, mama?

Oh, just write your name, your full name, on this.

Uh-huh.

No, no, junior. Down at the bottom where it says signature.

Mama, what does it mean?

"Witness the hands and seals of the parties hereto."

Oh, pay no attention to it, Jr.

It doesn't mean a thing.

Now go on, sign your name for mama.

Oh, mama.

Oh.

I'd better clean that up.

Oh, never mind, junior, I'll wash it later.

Oh, no. How would it look for a big boy like me

to stand by and see his mother do the washing?

Oh, please, junior, first sign your name on the paper for mama.

What a mess.

I'll bet they'll charge me for the things.

Oh, pardon me, mama.

Oh, never mind, junior. I'll answer the door.

Did he sign the...

Well, well, this is a pleasure.

Junior, I want you to meet your uncle Louie.

I'm glad to meet up with you, kid.

I heard your old man talk about you an awful lot.

You, my uncle Louie?

Yeah, your uncle Louie.

Now, junior, kiss your nice uncle Louie.

Oh, shucks! Couldn't we just shake hands?

Sure. That's enough.

Kiss him, darling.

Uncle Louie,

you don't kiss like mama.

Oh, yeah?

Junior was just giving mother his autograph.

Oh, you mean in the corner where it says "signature"?

Yes, mama wants to see if I write like papa.

Now, listen, junior, make sure you put down the right name...

Come out in the hall, uncle Louie. Mama wants to talk to you.

What for?

Don't go away, junior. Mom will be right back.

Hey, did he sign the paper?

Yes.

And if you hadn't helped me, I would've had it by now.

Where is it? He's got it in his pocket.

Well, go on back and ask him for it.

I'm afraid he's liable to get wise.

Listen. You stay here and don't try to help me.

I'll get it somehow.

Now, junior.

Gee, mommy, isn't that uncle Louie a funny duck?

Oh, wait till you get to know him better. He'll kill you.

You know, I don't remember him at all.

Of course you don't remember him.

You were just a itsy-bitsy baby.

Come on, darling, now sit down on mama's lap.

Come on, Sonny, come on.

You know, mommy, I feel funny about this.

Junior, dear, where's the paper you signed for mama?

I have it right here in my pocket.

Well, then give it to mama.

No, no, mommy.

First tell me some more about daddy and you and me and uncle Louie.

Oh, well, Eddie, when you were a little baby,

we used to have such good times together.

I used to play with your little toes:

"This little piggy went to market.

This little piggy stayed home."

Gee, I... I can't remember.

Of course you can't remember, you were just a little baby.

And you weren't even born yet.

I'm... I'm all mixed up.

Yes, junior, just like your father.

Oh, mommy, forget about the paper.

Tell me some more, momsy.

Oh, then we used to play another little game called,

"tickle me, tickle me more."

"Tickle me, tickle me more." Well, what's that?

Well, it used to go like this,

you used to tickle me,

and then I used to tickle you just like this.

Now let me tickle you, mommy.

Oh, no, junior, you're not a baby anymore.

And remember when we used to play leapfrog?

"Leapfrog?"

Oh, I keep forgetting. Let's be kids again.

You leap over me, junior, and I'll leap over you!

All right. Come on.

Yoo-hoo, mama, I'm first.

Come on. Come on, all right.

Ready? Junior, come on.

Now you, ma.

All right. Here we go.

Oh!

Mommy, you're playing "tickle me, tickle me more" again.

Mama!

Oh!

Oh, I beg your pardon!

Oh, hello. I want you to meet my mother.

Your mother?

Yes.

Well, somebody should tell your father.

Wait. Miss larrabee, wait a minute.

Oh, junior, you forgot to give mama the signature.

Oh, yes. Here.

Here, mama. Miss larrabee. Joan!

Darling. Joan.

Oh, I'm so glad to see you.

Honey, it's been 2 long years.

2 years and 9 days.

And 4 hours.

And 10 minutes, if you want to be exact.

Now, as I was saying,

there was general Grant.

This is general Lee, here.

And here was the ravine.

Levine?

I knew a levine in Jersey city.

These were the Virginia levines.

Oh.

Ravine. Ravine.

Well, sir, general Lee kept on advancing

and advancing until he reached the river.

General Grant.

Kept falling back and falling back.

Yes, sir, it was a magnificent war.

Just a minute, colonel. You got my general.

Are you insinuating that I would pilfer a measly little drink?

Why, sir, I could buy you and sell you.

Yeah? And I could buy you and keep you, too.

Only you'd have to have $77 million to buy me.

Stranger, it may surprise you to know

that I've got $77 million.

You're nuts!

Well, I just got to go to Egypt to pick it up.

You mean the Wilson fortune?

Exactly, sir.

Well, listen, sourpuss, I'm the guy that's entitled to that,

and I'm the guy that's gonna get it.

If you try to horn in on that dough,

I'll shove this down your throat.

Sir, you're nothing but a low-down, conniving rapscallion.

Say that again!

A low-down, conniving rapscallion.

Wait.

Hey, what's a rapscallion?

A scoundrel, sir.

Oh.

That's different.

Oh, colonel larrabee. How are you, colonel?

Save that. Save that.

Now, I want you to tell this insolent upstart who I am.

Go on. Tell him that

I'm the head of the egyptological society of Virginia

and the only rightful claimant

to the fortune found by Edward Wilson.

But, colonel... Now, go on, tell him.

But I can't tell him that.

Well, why?

Well, I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but you're not gonna get a penny.

And that's still too much.

Do you realize it was my society that financed professor Wilson?

If your society sent professor Wilson any money after the first month,

he never received it.

See here, sir,

are you accusin' me of stealing the professor's money?

That I'm an embezzler?

Yeah, and a crook, too.

Shut up!

Listen, buddy, I'm dotty Clark's manager, and she's Wilson's widow.

This is a lot of nonsense. Wilson never had any widow...

Oh, so you're tryin' to horn in on the dough, too, huh?

Trying to Rob a poor little widow. Why, you're nothing but a... a...

A... a... a thief. Thanks.

Now look here, smart guy...

Now wait a minute. Just a minute.

Professor Wilson's last words were

that he wanted his son to get the treasure.

And it's my duty to see that he gets it.

You mean to say that I'm to be robbed, sir,

of my lawful inheritance?

No matter what you think, colonel larrabee,

you know that your claim is false.

As a matter of fact,

neither of you have any claim, and you both know it.

Gee, I'm sorry I had to run away from you before.

Come on, we've got a lot to talk about.

I think you've done enough talking.

But, Joan, darling. Hey, wait a second.

What is this all about?

I heard what you said about uncle Harry.

But, dear, you don't understand.

Your uncle's claim is false.

No, Jerry, you're wrong.

Uncle Harry sent the money

to professor Wilson every month.

Well, I'm sorry, dear, but professor Wilson never received it.

Are you insinuating that my uncle stole the money?

Well, I wouldn't exactly say that.

Oh, let's forget about it. It's not important enough to argue about.

Well, then you go to uncle Harry, apologize, and say you were wrong.

No, dear, I can't do that.

All right, then. There's nothing more to talk about.

I tell you, there ain't no justice!

What's the matter with you?

Oh, I got news.

I'm all mixed up. As a matter of fact, I'm puzzled.

That's not news. What's happened?

Remember you said there was only one guy

standin' between us and that $77 million?

Well, you was wrong.

You mean he's a phony?

No, there is 2 guys.

Colonel larrabee, an old Virginia appleknocker

from some Egypt optical company.

What?

The captain will be claimin' it next.

Oh, but I got an idea.

Oh, quit your kidding.

No, wait, this'll floor you.

Something has got to be done.

Listen, just leave the old bird to me. I'll handle him.

Yeah, you handled junior for 6 days and all we did was kiss him goodnight.

What do you want me to do? Kiss larrabee, too?

No. This time we'll do it my way.

I'll knock them both off and it's done.

I'll take care of the old guy.

You just worry about junior.

Worry about him? Huh, I'll feed him to the sharks.

I'll tie an anchor around his neck and throw him overboard.

Well, yoo-hoo, mama. Hello, uncle Louie.

Hello, junior.

Come in, junior. We were just talking about you.

Now, junior, kiss your uncle Louie.

Oh, I don't feel very well.

What's the trouble? You look pale.

I don't know. I ate so much fish,

my stomach goes in and out with the tide.

You know what's the matter with you?

You're seasick.

I am? Sure.

Come on, let's go out and get some air.

Will I see you later, mama?

Well, uh, that's up to uncle Louie.

Uncle.

Look, you know what's making you seasick?

What?

Well, you see that thing bobbing up and down out there?

You mean the equator?

Well, that's the thing that's makin' you sick.

Now look. Shut your eyes.

You feel better already, don't you?

Yeah, but I can't walk around with my eyes shut.

Oh, I'll fix that.

Wait a minute, uncle.

I'm liable to fall down and get... and get hurt.

Will you let me take care of that?

Uncle Louie, are you taking me for a ride?

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Oh, it's awful nice of you to do this for me, unkie.

What... what are you gonna do now, uncle Louie?

I don't know, but sit still.

I'll think of something.

Oh, uncle, I... I think I'll take off my blindfold.

No. No. No. No.

Not now, not now. Of all times, not now, junior.

How do you feel?

Well, I would feel better if you would push me some more.

Oh, you want to be, uh, pushed some more?

Yes, unkie.

Ok, junior.

Give me a big push.

Oh, you want a big push, huh?

Uh-huh. It's a pleasure.

Oh, uncle Louie, I think I've had enough of this.

What'll we do now?

I don't know, junior.

As a matter of fact, I'm puzzled.

Oh, I got what we'll do.

Uncle, I'll take your picture.

Huh? I'll take your picture.

No.

I'll take your picture first.

For mama? For mama.

All right.

Now back up a little bit.

Now go back a little bit further.

How is this?

That's perfect.

Only I'd go back about 5 more feet.

Is this better?

No. Further than that, junior, further.

Now just pull back a little itsy-bitsy more.

I think will do it.

How did you make out? How did I make out?

When I set my mind on something, it's in the bag.

The $77 million is ours because little junior

is now playing with the mermaids.

Uncle Louie!

Uncle Louie!

Oh, uncle Louie!

Did you get my picture before I moved?

I don't know. From the way things look,

I can't tell whether you're lovesick or seasick.

Jerry, if it makes you happier,

you can have any part of my money.

Take $10 million.

No, thanks. All right, make it $15 million.

All right, take $20 million.

I'm not gonna argue all day.

But, Eddie, it's not a question of money.

No? No.

Mr. Lane, the lady wouldn't take the note.

May I keep the quarter?

Yeah, that's all right, son.

Thank you.

Oh, I see. It's a girl, huh?

Well, look, Jerry, if she makes you unhappy,

she's not worth bothering about. Forget her.

Yeah, but it's not as easy as that.

Oh, listen, some day the right girl will come along

who'll appreciate you. A girl like my toots.

Yeah, but, Eddie, maybe you're luckier than I am.

What do you mean? Wait a minute.

There's a girl on this boat you'll be crazy about.

I want you to meet her.

She's gonna sing in the ship's concert tomorrow night. And say!

They're looking for somebody to sing with her,

a guy like you.

But I don't feel like singing.

Oh, but Jerry, I promised her I'd find somebody.

Well, couldn't you find somebody else?

Oh, but, Jerry, I do want you to meet her. She's wonderful.

She's got a nice round face

and the biggest eyes and the whitest teeth.

And when she walks...

Oh, come on, will you?

♪

Well, I've got just the fellow to sing with you.

Really? This is my pal, Jerry Lane.

Jerry, this is Joan.

What is this? Hate at first sight?

This isn't first sight.

You mean, you... You know each other?

Yes.

Oh, so she's the girl you're all broken up about.

Don't be absurd.

And he's the fellow you're so heartsick about.

Certainly not.

I don't know which one of you is the better liar.

Well, I'll see you later. Now, wait a minute.

You promised me you'd sing with her, didn't you?

Well... I won't sing with him.

Oh, but, Joan, you've got to sing with some fellow.

You don't wanna spoil the show, do you, now?

Well, ask him if he knows head on my shoulder.

She says, do you know head on her shoulder?

Tell her she knows very well I know head on her shoulder.

He says to tell you that you know very well that he knows head on your shoulder.

Tell her to move over.

He says to tell you to move over.

All right. She says, all right.

Tell him I'll start here.

She says to tell you she'll start right here.

Right. He says right.

Ask him if he's ready. She wants to know if you're ready.

Tell her I'm ready. He says to tell you he's ready.

Ready. Well, if you're both ready,

there's nothing else for me to do so I'll scram.

♪

♪ I don't envy any king's ♪

♪ Palace of gold ♪

♪ I'm content to hold ♪

♪ Your head on my shoulder ♪

Here's where you sing.

Well, go ahead.

♪♪ Every time you incline ♪

♪ Your head on my shoulder ♪

♪ For me there's no greater happiness ♪

♪ Than holding you near me ♪

♪ In all the sweetness of your caress ♪

♪ There's a heaven ♪

♪ To cheer me ♪

♪♪ Through the years we'll go along ♪

♪ Life will be sweet ♪

♪ And to make it complete ♪

♪ To make it complete ♪

♪ Your head on ♪

♪ My shoulder ♪

Don't forget, this is only a rehearsal.

♪ ...Could anyone be blue? ♪

♪ With a soul full of that red-hot rhythm ♪

♪ Rhythm ♪

♪ Who could ♪

♪ Ever be ♪

♪ Blue? ♪

♪ An earful of music ♪

Better hurry, you're on next, Mr. Wilson.

Ok, you better get my mommy ready.

This is tough to put on and take off.

You know you're lucky?

♪

♪ I want to be a minstrel man ♪

♪ I've always been a minstrel fan ♪

♪ I want to dance just like a dandy ♪

♪ And sing that song about my sugar candy ♪

♪ I've learned about those minstrel ways ♪

♪ So bring me back those minstrel days ♪

♪ And let me be a George m. Cohan ♪

♪ Make me a minstrel man ♪

♪ We've always loved ♪

♪ A minstrel man ♪

♪ He thrills us like nobody can ♪

♪ The way he dances sure is dandy ♪

♪ And sings that song about his sugar candy ♪

♪ I've learned about those minstrel days ♪

♪ So bring me back those minstrel ways ♪

♪ And let me be George m. Cohan ♪

♪♪ Make me a minstrel man ♪

♪ The way he dances sure is dandy ♪

♪ And sings that song about his sugar candy ♪

♪ I've learned about the minstrel, minstrel ways ♪

♪ So bring me back min, min, min, min, minstrel days ♪

♪ Give us a man like George m. Cohan ♪

♪ I want a minstrel man ♪

♪ We've always loved a minstrel man ♪

♪ He thrills us like nobody can ♪

♪ The way he dances sure is dandy ♪

♪ And sings that song about his sugar candy ♪

♪ We've learned to love those minstrel ways ♪

♪ So bring us back those minstrel days ♪

♪ Give us a man like George m. Cohan ♪

♪ We want a minstrel man ♪

Ladies and gentlemen,

introducing our interlocutor, Mr. Gerald Lane.

Presenting Mrs. Edward Wilson, sr.

Mr. Edward Wilson, Jr.

Ladies and gentlemen, be seated.

Mr. Interlocutor, there's a little somethin' I wanna ask you.

All right, go ahead.

Do you know the difference between a horse and a girl?

Why, no.

You certainly must have some funny dates.

If you insult me just once more,

I'll have you taken right ashore.

Oh, you make up prose, don't you?

Prose?

Why, you don't even know the difference between prose and poetry.

Who don't? You don't. Look, I'll show you.

If I said to you, "poor little Annette, she fell in the water"

"and got all wet," that would be poetry. Uh-huh.

But if I said to you, "poor little Annette,

she fell in the water and got soaked,"

that would be prose. Do you see?

Oh, that's easy, I can do that.

You can? Well, of course, look.

"Poor little Annette fell down the well.

She got to the bottom and went straight to..."

what do you want, prose or poetry?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Introducing the silver-voiced tenor,

Mr. Edward Wilson Jr., singing, Mandy.

♪ I was strollin' out one evenin' ♪

♪ By the silvery moon ♪

♪ I could hear somebody singin' ♪

♪ A familiar tune ♪

♪ So I stopped a while to listen ♪

♪ Not a word I wanted to miss ♪

♪ It was just somebody serenadin' ♪

♪ Something like this ♪

♪ My pretty Mandy ♪

♪ There's a minister handy ♪

♪ And it sure would be dandy ♪

♪ If we'd let him make a fee ♪

♪ So don't you linger ♪

♪ Here's a ring for your finger ♪

♪ Isn't it a humdinger? ♪

♪ Come along and let the wedding chimes ♪

♪ Bring happy times ♪

♪ For Mandy and me ♪

♪ Mandy, there's a minister handy ♪

♪ And it sure would be dandy ♪

♪ If we'd let him make a fee ♪

♪ So don't you linger ♪

♪ Here's a ring for your finger ♪

♪ Isn't it a humdinger? ♪

♪ Come along and let the wedding chimes ♪

♪ Bring happy times ♪

♪ For Mandy and me ♪

♪ Mandy, there's a minister handy ♪

♪ And it sure would be dandy ♪

♪ If you'd let him make a fee ♪

♪ So don't you linger ♪

♪ Here's a ring for your finger ♪

♪ Isn't it a humdinger? ♪

♪ Come along and let the wedding chimes ♪

♪ Bring happy times ♪

♪ For Mandy ♪

♪ And me ♪

♪ Night is falling on the southland ♪

♪ The stars are shining up in the sky ♪

♪ Darkies stroll along the river ♪

♪ And sing a Southern lullaby ♪

♪ Soft winds blowing through the southland ♪

♪ Are filled with romance ♪

♪ You can't deny ♪

♪ What a place to be ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ For me ♪

♪ I don't envy any king's ♪

♪ Palace of gold ♪

♪ I'm contented to hold ♪

♪ Your head on my shoulder ♪

♪ When the stars begin to shine ♪

♪ Night is divine ♪

♪ Every time I incline ♪

♪ Your head on my shoulder ♪

♪ For me ♪

♪ There's no greater happiness ♪

♪ Than holding you near me ♪

♪ In all the sweetness ♪

♪ Of your caress ♪

♪ There's a heaven to cheer me ♪

♪♪ Through the years we'll go along ♪

♪ Life will be sweet ♪

♪ And to make it complete ♪

♪ To make it complete ♪

♪ Your head on ♪

♪ My shoulder ♪

♪ Mandy ♪

♪ There's a minister handy ♪

Hey!

♪ And it sure would be dandy if we'd let him make a fee ♪

Hey, around us! ♪ So don't you linger ♪

♪ Here's a ring for your finger ♪

♪ Isn't it a humdinger? ♪

♪ Come along and let the wedding chimes ♪

♪ Bring happy times for Mandy and me ♪

♪

Don't.

Oh.

♪ Mandy ♪

♪ There's a minister handy ♪

♪ And it sure would be dandy if we'd let him make a fee ♪

♪ So don't you linger ♪

♪ Here's a ring for your finger ♪

♪ Isn't it a humdinger? ♪

♪ Come along and let the wedding chimes ♪

♪ Bring happy times for Mandy and me ♪

♪ So don't you linger ♪

♪ Here's a ring for your finger ♪

♪ Isn't it a humdinger? ♪

♪ Come along and let the wedding chimes ♪

♪ Bring happy times for Mandy ♪

♪ And me ♪

♪

Well, I've got to see about the baggage.

And a few other things.

All right, don't be long.

Remember me?

Joan, I'd like to speak to you for a minute.

There is nothing you can say that I'd care to hear.

Well, would you do me a favor?

Well, what is it?

Would you please tell your uncle for me

that I love his niece very, very much?

I'll tell my uncle,

but I don't think his niece will be interested.

We got just 24 hours, and then junior gets all the dough.

And you can get a skiff and row home.

But, brother, you'll be without me.

Now, listen, sweetheart,

I tell you I got it all fixed.

If I ever wanted a guy to live to a ripe old age,

I'd hire you to bump him off.

I'm promisin' you. Junior won't be with us long.

What are you gonna do, outlive him?

No, this'll floor you.

See them mugs over there?

Well, I've got it all fixed with those boys

to drag junior up an alley

and cut him into little itsy-bitsy pieces.

Shh.

Oh, hello, mama.

Hello, junior.

Hello, uncle Louie. Hello, junior.

We were just talkin' about you.

Yes, making plans for the day.

Don't forget to include me.

Oh, we won't forget.

Are we going places and do things?

Yes, junior. You're going places,

and uncle Louie is gonna do things.

Oh, but wait a minute.

I've got to go to this address first.

Jerry Lane wants to see me

about the treasure or something.

Oh, well, wait a minute, junior. Uncle Louie will take you.

He knows Egypt very well. Huh?

Egg-yip? Like the palm of me hand.

Leave your things with mama, junior.

Uh, you won't need 'em.

Right, mama. Here's my tennis

and here's... here's my music

and I'll give uncle Louie the bird.

No. Give it to her. Here, mom.

Goodbye, mama. Goodbye, junior.

Come on, uncle Louie. We're buddies now.

Ready. Ready. Ready.

Look, everybody.

I make big trick.

Put boy in basket, say few magic word.

Boy become dog.

Come on, junior, let's go.

No, uncle Louie, he's gonna make tricks.

I now put boy in basket.

I now change boy into dog.

Are you inside, boy?

Here I am.

Allah, abracadabra.

Presto!

Come on, let's go. This guy's a fake.

Fake?

What you mean "fake"?

You heard me the first time!

I said "fake."

Perhaps the gentleman would like

to get into the basket and see for himself?

Ah, you're screwy. Roll over.

Afraid, eh?

My uncle Louie afraid? Go on, show him.

No! Why should I get in the basket? I'm no tomato.

You see, he is afraid.

Come on, buddy, get in.

Show him you're not afraid.

Come on. Call his bluff.

Yeah, go on.

Come on, get in.

Go on. Show him you're not yellow.

Who's yellow?

Attaboy!

Ok. Give me the works.

Are you in there, uncle Louie?

Certainly! Where do you think I am?

He's there. Ready.

Ready. Ready.

Sockococo. Abracadabra.

Presto!

Uncle Louie.

Uncle Louie.

My poor uncle Louie, don't you know me?

I'm junior. I'm your nephew.

I'm sorry I let you go in the basket.

Now you're a dog.

When I'm eating strawberry shortcake and ice cream,

you'll be gnawing on a bone.

Uncle Louie!

Uncle Louie, wait!

Help! Help! A bear!

Help! Help!

Help! Help! A bear! A bear!

Help! Help! A bear! A bear!

Help! Help! A bear!

Do something! Do something!

Look out, lady, he'll bite you!

If he bites me, I'll bite him back.

He wants the frankfurter.

Let him buy his own frankfurter.

Come on, uncle Louie, we'll have dinner together.

Oh, wait. Wait, wait.

I want to thank you for saving me from that big bear.

Big bear? He's a small dog.

Oh, you were wonderful!

You not only saved my life,

but you saved my frankfurters, too.

Believe me, if I were emotional,

I'd kiss you again for what you've done.

But I'm not very affectionate,

especially with strangers.

Do you see what I mean?

Say, maybe you don't like me.

You know, I'm a daughter of a sheik.

A sheik's daughter? Yeah.

I thought there was something distinctive about you.

Oh, that must be from hanging around these camels.

So you're the daughter of a sheik? Uh-huh.

Where can I get a hold of your father?

Oh, I don't know. He's awfully ticklish.

Say, come here.

Do you wanna know somethin'?

I bet for saving my life,

my father will make you stay at the palace.

What would I do at the palace?

We'd play games and...

What kind of games?

Hula-gula.

What's hula-gula?

Well, that's something like your American ping-pong,

And it's some fun, I'll say.

You hit a little ball, and it goes under the table.

Then you hit it again, and it goes under the table again,

and then you pick it up.

Yeah, but where does the fun come in?

Under the table.

Say, don't hit me like that,

even if you are the sheik's daughter.

You know, I'm not very strong. No.

When I was born I only weighed 4 pounds.

That's nothin'.

When I was born I only weighed 8 ounces.

8 ounces? Yeah.

Did you live? Oh, sure.

You ought to see me now.

I wonder what the doctor said to your father

when you were born.

Well, why bring that up?

That's just what I thought.

Well, stupid, I can see what happened to you,

but what happened to junior?

Junior didn't get in the basket.

O sire, here is the treasure.

It is worth millions.

In all the desert there is no treasure to compare with this.

My ancestors fought, robbed, even killed to acquire it.

If necessary, I shall do the same to keep it.

Allah is just.

Yes, but Allah should have let me kill this professor Wilson.

This American dog who dared to ravage the tomb of my ancestors.

You may still have your revenge, o sheik.

I know.

Wilson's heir is coming here to claim the treasure.

And when that heir comes, it will mean death.

I have sworn it. Death to the Wilson heir!

♪

Oh, come on. Come on out, Eddie.

Don't be afraid. This is my home.

How do you like it?

Where's 3rd base?

Fanya! Fanya!

Hello. Oh, father!

My daughter, my precious daughter.

You have saved the woman I love.

You mean, that?

Someday she shall be my wife.

If any man tries to take her away from me,

he shall die.

And he'd be better off dead.

Here he is. This is my father.

How can I show my gratitude

for your wonderful bravery?

What bravery? It was nothing.

Nothing?

Father, it was terrible.

A tiger got loose at the marketplace.

It was 6 feet long and weighed 1000 pounds.

It was a small dog.

He leaped at my throat and was getting ready to mangle me

when, like a shot out of a Cannon

Eddie appeared and killed him, till he was dead.

It was a small dog.

My son, you've been through a terrible ordeal.

It's funny, I don't feel the least bit tired. Look.

It will be an honor to break bread with you tonight.

All right, we break bread.

But wait, wait!

What, more?

Yeah. Yeah.

Right after he shot the leopard,

a ferocious lion came running towards me.

I never saw such a lion.

I never heard such lyin'.

He was the largest beast I ever saw.

It was a small dog.

Tell us, daughter, what happened then?

Yes, what did happen? Yeah, tell us. What happened?

Yeah. Yeah.

Go on, tell 'em what happened to the lion. Who, me?

Yeah, you. Tell 'em what happened. Listen.

You brought him in, now you get him out.

I think it was a small dog.

What?

That's right. It was a small dog

that attracted the lion's attention.

And when the lion turned around,

he bit him. Uhm.

The dog bit the lion? No!

The lion bit the dog?

No!

No, I, uh, I bit the lion.

Yeah.

Some lyin'.

What a man! What a man!

Yeah, I'll say.

Array him in fine clothes.

Bring him rich gifts.

We must keep him here as our guest.

Yeah, my hero!

Go away, I can't talk to an idiot.

Come here, I can.

Good. Say, that's a nice little show you got here.

I wish we had seats down front.

That is not a show, Eddie, bey.

These are my wives.

All of 'em?

Certainly.

I have not so many now, a mere 125.

Just an armful.

Oh, but once I had over 200.

I know, everybody cut down during the depression.

Are they on the night shift?

No, they are late.

And that redhead there is always late.

Oh, those redheads.

I traded a very fine camel for her, too.

I certainly got cheated.

You mean, you prefer a camel to a...

Oh, Eddie, bey, she won't even kiss me.

Did the camel kiss you?

Of course not.

What are you complaining about?

Oh, thou speakest wisdom, sahib.

Tell me, do all the sheiks have as many wives as you?

No, my brother has only 30.

Only 30? Practically a bachelor.

Say, I bet when you guys get divorced,

you must spend a lot for alimony.

Allah? Allah-mony?

No. No. No.

Alimony.

What is "alimony"?

Well, in America, when you get rid of a wife,

you've still got to keep on paying her money.

Oh, but isn't that like buying oats for a dead horse?

Thou speakest a hunk of wisdom yourself, sheikie.

What are you cooking here, a beef stew?

Oh, no, this is my pipe.

Here, try it.

Gee, I never smoked a double-boiler before.

Oh, it is very simple.

See.

Now I'll try it.

Oh.

Why, you! I...

Gee, you ought to get a plumber. Your pipe is leaking.

What? Why you...

He's got some crust, some nerve, believe me.

Who's got some nerve, some crust?

Ben hamud got fresh with me.

He did?

Yeah, he asked me for a kiss.

Did you slap his face?

Certainly, as soon as he got through.

Will you do me a favor? What?

Will you go away and leave your father and me alone together?

No, I won't go until you give me somethin'.

All right. Here.

Oh!

Lollipop. Wait a minute. Wait.

You take off the paper and eat it. What?

Take off the paper and eat it.

Ah.

Now look, look!

Oh, sheik, I'm sorry.

Look what you've done to my beard.

And I was all dressed for my rendezvous.

You mean, you have a date for tonight?

Shh.

Keep this under your turban.

I am going to the village.

There is a famous dancer there. Mmm-hmm.

And you're one of her fans?

I am going there.

You look after my wives. Yeah.

I can trust you, can't I?

Oh, sheikie, you don't have to worry about me.

I've got a little girl in Brooklyn.

Oh, pretty.

Mmm.

I like her.

I will trade you a horse for her.

A horse?

How would it look, me sitting in the movies

holding hands with a horse? Oh.

Sheikie, remember you're not a kid anymore.

Not too much dancing.

O Eddie, bey.

Not a word to my wives.

I'll tell your wives you went to the pool room.

Imagine that guy, Nora, thinking I'd ever look at another girl.

I'll be true to you, toots, no matter what happens.

Uh-oh. Things are beginning to happen.

Look around, Nora.

Look what I'm up against.

It won't be my fault. Oh, Nora!

Help! Help! As you were!

Now listen to me, you girls.

I want you to hear something.

♪ I have heard the story of the glory of the orient ♪

♪ But never went for oriental charms ♪

♪ Don't you care for oriental charms? ♪

♪ Back in Brooklyn there's a belle ♪

♪ Around my heart she cast a spell ♪

♪ I won't be happy till I'm in her arms ♪

♪ He's happy in his Brooklyn baby's arms ♪

♪ And I can't forget though I'm away ♪

♪ That I used to tell her every day ♪

♪ Ok, toots, if you like me like I like you ♪

♪ We know nobody new will do it's ok, toots ♪

♪ Ok, toots, if you say yes then I say yes ♪

♪ If you say no then it's no go it's ok, toots ♪

♪ You know I'm in favor of whatever you do ♪

♪ I tasted the flavor of one kiss ♪

♪ And I knew it was ok, toots ♪

♪ If you wash dishes, I dry dishes ♪

♪ I dry dishes, I'm ambitious ♪

♪ Ok, toots ♪

♪ Ok, my little toots ♪

♪ If you do cooking, I do cooking ♪

♪ If you won't bake, I won't eat cake ♪

♪ It's ok, toots ♪

♪ Ok, toots ♪

♪ If you say cold cuts, I eat cold cuts ♪

♪ Cold or hot or just warmed over ♪

♪ Ok, toots ♪

♪ I'll bring all my dough to you ♪

♪ I'll keep every vow ♪

♪ I'll never say no to you ♪

♪ You've got a yes man now and it's ok, toots ♪

♪ If we have baby, I mind baby ♪

♪ If we have nursie, I mind nursie ♪

♪ Ok, toots ♪

♪ Ok, to-to-toots ♪

♪ If you say pictures, I say movies ♪

♪ Holding hands is nice at movies ♪

♪ Ok, toots ♪

♪ Ok, my little toots ♪

♪ If you say rumba, I try rumba ♪

♪ Though at rumba I'm a bumba ♪

♪ Ok, toots ♪

♪ When I'm on a ballroom floor ♪

♪ They push me about ♪

♪ But I'll try a ballroom floor ♪

♪ Till my feet give out ♪

♪ And it's ok, toots ♪

♪ I like the sheik, I like his daughter ♪

♪ But I'd prefer her under water ♪

♪ Ok, toots ♪

Sire! I have news.

An heir has come to claim the Wilson treasure.

Allah is good.

At last, my ancestors can be avenged.

He shall die!

♪

Welcome to my palace, o my brothers.

Sorry to bust in on you kids.

Your honor, this little gal is the widow of Edward Wilson.

What?

And as the mouthpiece for this poor, defenseless little wren,

I come to you to grab the dough

because all the boys said that you was a straight shooter.

Do I understand, sahib,

that this little lady is the only surviving relative

of the... the old gentleman who discovered the treasure?

Brother, you said it. All the rest is phonies.

Then she is the one I have been waiting for.

Hold everything. I'm coming.

What is this?

Your honor, it is my pleasure, it is my privilege,

it is my duty...

Yeah, but it's my dough.

My friends.

I am most eager to discover the real heir to the treasure.

And when I do...

What is this, a parade?

On behalf of the rightful owner,

I am here to claim the treasure found in the tomb

by professor Edward Grant Wilson.

Edward Grant Wilson!

You dare mention the name of that infidel in my presence?

On the memory of my ancestors, I have sworn it.

Death, death to the heir of Edward Grant Wilson.

Wait a minute.

You mean, whoever tries to claim the treasure

is gonna get knocked off?

He shall die.

He shall be boiled alive in castor oil.

Personally speaking, sir,

I have said from the very first,

there ain't a court in the world

that would uphold the measly little old claim I got.

Are you the heir?

Me, the heir?

Why, sir, I have to laugh.

Are you?

Who, me? No.

You lie. You all lie.

Now speak, in the name of Allah,

who is the heir of Edward Grant Wilson?

Somebody paging me? Coming.

Somebody here called for Edward Wilson?

Jerry! And Joan!

Mommy! Hello, Sonny boy.

Just a minute, o Eddie, bey.

Is your name Eddie Wilson?

Sure, that's me. Didn't you know?

I'm the son of professor Wilson.

What?

Your highness, don't believe him. He's not the son

and he's not the heir of professor Wilson.

Jerry,

I'm not the heir? No, you're not.

Tell him you're not. No. I won't. I won't.

Mama, you tell him who I am.

Junior, mama doesn't remember who you are.

But, mama, Mr. Lane says that papa wasn't my daddy.

But, junior, mama doesn't remember daddy's name.

Maybe it wasn't Wilson.

You see, you're mistaken.

Of course you are.

And I thought you two were my friends.

He's crazy, please believe me.

He's not Eddie Wilson.

Why, the boy is out of his mind, y our honor.

He didn't even know professor Wilson.

Silence!

You couldn't prove you're his son,

could you, Eddie, bey?

You think not? Every Wilson for generations

had a mole on his right elbow.

Take a look at this.

Wrong elbow.

Here you are. Here's my mole.

Who stole my mole?

Here you are. Look at that.

It means nothing. A lot of people have moles.

Of course they have. It's just an accident.

Yes. Well, here's one accident you can't laugh off.

Look at my birth certificate.

Now, give me the treasure,

and I want everything that's coming to me.

Well, son, they can't say you didn't ask for it.

I'm sorry, o Eddie, bey. I hate to lose you.

Oh, that's all right, you'll get used to it.

You know what they say, here today, gone tomorrow.

Then you'll die like a man?

Die?

Yes, I must kill you.

But... but I thought you liked me.

I do, o Eddie, bey. I'm very fond of you.

But you don't have to kill me to prove it.

An oath has been taken.

But I didn't take it. Search me.

I swore to my ancestors

that I would kill the heir of Edward Grant Wilson.

But I'm too young to die.

Nonsense. There is no way out.

What about that door? No!

Wait a minute. You can't do this.

He's an American citizen, and I demand his release.

Silence! Take him away and imprison the others.

Mama! I want my mama! I want my mama!

You can't do this.

I warn you, sir.

The state of Virginia will never stand for this.

Silence!

Keep them locked up here.

I will dispose of them later.

Well, what shall we do with the women, sire?

Oh.

I will marry them. Yes, sire.

Strip him.

What's this?

This is the way I came into the world,

and this is the way I'm going out.

Prepare him for the oil!

Sire, he'll make fine soup for your camels.

Me? Camel soup?

I'm sorry, Eddie, bey. It's an ancient custom.

Make haste.

Some salt.

Make it smelling salt.

Now some pepper.

What, no mustard?

Gesundheit!

Where are you going?

I'm going out to buy some vegetables.

I am the chef.

Sure, you're the chef, but I'm the soup.

Are you ready?

Ready or not, you're sure to be caught.

Goodbye, Eddie, bey.

This is going to upset me more than you know.

Take him up!

Oh!

♪ He floats through the air with the greatest of ease ♪

♪ The first sheik I've seen on a flying trapeze ♪

Don't bother about him. Help me! Help me!

Silence! Now you die!

Stop!

Father, you can't kill him.

No? No.

Why not?

What?

He kissed you on a camel?

O Eddie, bey, you have placed me

in a very embarrassing position.

Look at the position you got me in.

Silence.

Do you realize that according to our tribal laws,

you have committed tramafatz?

Tramafatz!

Tramafatz!

In our country, when a man commits tramafatz,

there is only one thing possible.

Marriage.

Yes.

You must marry her.

That settles it. Boys, drop me in.

No! Take him down.

Eddie, bey.

Amscray.

Well, you finally got someone to marry you,

even though it's through tramafatz.

Listen, I'll have you know that

I've been asked 1000 times to get married.

Yeah? Yeah.

Who asked you? My father.

Take the dog away. Take her away.

No, you! Me?

Prepare him for the wedding.

Bathe him, shave him, spray him

with lilac water from head to foot

and spread the news throughout the desert.

Tomorrow at high noon, a shotgun wedding.

I can hardly wait.

Are you alone? No.

You are not alone? No. You're here.

So you're gonna marry fanya?

Do you know what a wedding means?

Sure. A wedding is a funeral

where you smell your own flowers.

Your sense of smell will be cut off.

You mean, I'm going to lose my schnozzle?

You are going to lose your life now!

Please, not with a knife! Why not?

It makes such an awful mess

with blood and everything.

Besides, it's so foreign.

We Americans, we're used to being killed by a gun.

Now, if you wanted to shoot me with a gun, I wouldn't mind, see, ha.

But you have no gun. But I have!

Some surprise, isn't it?

Not only am I going to shoot you,

but so there will be no sin on my head,

you yourself will give the command to fire.

You mean I'm gonna say... Oh! I almost said it.

Don't worry, I'll make you say "fire."

No, you won't. Yes, I will.

What comes out of a stove?

Fi-fi... flames.

Yes, but what makes the flames?

Fi-fi... fuel.

You thought I was going to say "fire."

Come out and die like a man, you dog!

Oh, please, Mr. Ben Ali.

I don't wanna marry fanya, believe me.

I've got a girl in Brooklyn.

I love her and I wanna get back to her.

Do you mean that? So help me, Allah.

And if I should help you to get away,

you swear you'll never try to see fanya again?

Oh, my, yes, yes, yes.

I promise on bended elbows, yes.

Good, then come with me.

I forgot that.

Don't forget my dog biscuits.

Come!

Hey, where do you think it leads?

Maybe it leads to the wine cellar.

What difference does it make?

It couldn't be any worse than this place.

Oh, that's what you think.

I spent 3 months diggin' my way out of prison once

and come up in the warden's office.

What are you gonna do? What is this?

This is the chamber of the dead.

Chamber of the dead?

Yes.

And these mummies?

Dead.

All died standing up, huh?

Get into an empty casket and wait.

Later I'll come for you.

Empty casket? Me?

Do as you're told.

Don't forget to come for me.

Dead.

The treasure.

O spirit of the dead, the hour of vengeance is at hand.

I swore by all that is holy to kill Eddie, bey.

But in my heart there is great love for him.

O spirit of my ancestors,

if you could only speak and advise me.

What?

Do I hear a voice?

Who is talking to me?

I'm the spirit of your ancestor.

My ancestor. Allah, in heaven.

Which one?

Your uncle Benny.

Oh, yes, Ben hammad.

Your voice sounds so young.

Ben hammad died when he was 76.

Are you his spirit?

Yes. I'm the spirit of '76.

O spirit of my ancestor, art thou in pain?

Thou, too, wouldst be in pain

if the spirit of the royal crab

was crawling around your shroud.

You will rest more easily, o worthy ancestor,

after thy honor has been avenged.

And these 3 other Americans have been sacrificed.

What Americans?

The old gentleman from the south.

I beg your pardon, sir.

In behalf of the gentleman from the south,

I would just like to say that all we mummies think

he is a mighty fine fellow, too.

Us mummies was in a huddle.

And we all agree that Louie is a sweetheart, too.

And the 2 girls,

o mightiest of mighty sheiks,

what about them?

I was going to marry them.

How dare you do that?

I'll report you to the United States consul.

If all you mummies don't pipe down,

we're liable to wind up in the soup.

O spirit, speak.

What sacrifice can I make to appease thee?

There is only one way for us mummies

to rest in happiness.

Let the Americans go.

Yes.

"Let my people go."

Oh, lordy, "let my people go."

♪ Oh, lordy, let my people go ♪

♪ Let my people go ♪

♪ Oppressed so hard they could not stand ♪

♪ Let my people go ♪

I heard strange voices.

Are you in trouble, sire?

The spirits of my ancestors have spoken.

Now they sing.

Allah be praised!

And what of my people?

Your people shall be freed.

You have said a beard-full, big boy.

Sire, 'tis this mummy here who speaketh.

Allah be praised.

Take it, carry it to my throne room

set it up in state where all may see and wonder.

Phew.

Be careful, boys. Take it easy. Easy.

I'm not really dead.

Wait. You wait.

What do you want? You are to come with me.

Where are you takin' us? Out of the palace.

Sheik mulhulla has ordered

you Americans to be released.

Come.

It's a lie.

Come with me. Ben Ali wants to see you.

But I don't wanna marry fanya. Come!

Come on, you are leaving with the other Americans!

Wait, wait. Where are we going?

Do you see that plane? Yes.

That's our only means of escape.

You mean, we're going in that? No, you're going in it.

Me? I've never been in a plane in my life.

Remember, if you stay here to marry fanya, you die.

Yes, but if I go in the plane I'll die.

Fanya or the airplane?

Give my regards to fanya.

Get in!

But listen!

Get in!

Somebody left their laundry!

♪ Were you good little boys? ♪

♪ Did you mind your mothers? ♪

♪ Were you nice little girls? ♪

♪ Are you kind to your brothers? ♪

♪ Were you... ♪

♪ We want ice cream! ♪

♪ We want ice cream! ♪

♪ Did you brush your hair? ♪

♪ Did you scrub your faces? ♪

♪ Did you put your clothes in their proper places? ♪

♪ Did you... ♪

♪ We want ice cream! ♪

♪ We want ice cream! ♪

♪ Patience is a virtue that will never hurt you ♪

♪ Just another moment please and you'll be satisfied ♪

♪ In the meantime, in between time you may look inside ♪

♪ Are you perfectly contented, Mrs. Cow? ♪

♪ Now you're working on a 5-day week ♪

♪ Do you like to have us pet you? ♪

♪ Is there something we can get you? ♪

♪ If you are not satisfied just speak ♪

♪ Moo, moo, moo. ♪

♪ Would you like us to redecorate your stall? ♪

♪ Would you like a better grade of hay? ♪

♪ Is there any little favor ♪

♪ That will give your cream more flavor? ♪

♪ Is life unpleasant here in any way? ♪

♪ Moo, moo, moo. ♪

♪ We want ice cream! We want ice cream! ♪

♪ Children don't get nervous ♪

♪ We will give you service ♪

♪ When the ice cream's made ♪

♪ It will be just the kind you like ♪

♪ We have been delayed because the cows declared a strike ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh. ♪

♪ If you like ice cream ♪

♪ You'll like vanilla and we've got enough ♪

♪ Enough to fill a million tum-tum tummies ♪

♪ Now, right now, and how ♪

♪ If you like ice cream ♪

♪ You'll be in favor of a goodly share of chocolate flavor ♪

♪ And of course it's understood ♪

♪ It's good, so good ♪

♪ Open your mouth and close your eyes ♪

♪ We will give you something to make you wise ♪

♪ Strawberries of gigantic size ♪

♪ Yummy, yummy, yum ♪

♪ If you like ice cream we'll make you love it ♪

♪ This is no wild dream. There's plenty of it ♪

♪ We'll make it right, and how right now, right now ♪

♪ Ready, children, ready here's your old friend Eddie ♪

♪ Just about to open up the door as you can see ♪

♪ In the meantime, in between time I've misplaced the key! ♪

♪ We want ice cream! We want ice cream! ♪

♪ The key, the key the key, the key ♪

♪ You've torn my clothes you've wrecked my nose ♪

♪ But here's a day when anything goes ♪

♪ I'm feeling low, but here you go ♪

♪ You're going way up high ♪

♪ Going up, up, up, up ♪

♪ Maybe by and by, you'll nearly reach the sky ♪

♪ You're going higher and higher and higher ♪

♪ And now you've reached the top ♪

♪ Sip, sip, sip, sip till you get your fill of it ♪

♪ Sip, sip, sip, sip and enjoy the thrill of it ♪

♪ Yo, heave ho and another ice-cream soda ♪

♪ We want ice cream! We want ice cream! ♪

♪ We want ice cream! We want ice cream! ♪

♪ Ever since the time I was 11 ♪

♪ I made up my mind ♪

♪ My dream of heaven was an ice cream factory ♪

♪ Oh, lo! My, me! ♪

♪ So I told myself that I would get it and I kept my word ♪

♪ So give me credit for I made my dream come true ♪

♪ For you and you and you and you ♪

♪ Hail to the ice-cream king ♪

♪ With his chocolate crown and his strawberry gown ♪

♪ Hail to the ice-cream king ♪

♪ Hail! Hail! Hail! ♪

♪ I used to be as hard as nails ♪

♪ But now I'm soft as putty ♪

♪ In fact I've grown so tender ♪

♪ I'm afraid I'm slightly nutty ♪

♪ Gooey, gooey, gooey now there's uncle Louie ♪

♪ He's got berries, shooting cherries hail to Louie! ♪

♪ The same to you-ie ♪

♪ Hurray for Louie ♪

♪ He's a lot of hooey ♪

♪ Now that you've eaten to your heart's content ♪

♪ And since you know it doesn't cost a cent ♪

♪ Next time you call you'd better wear a tent ♪

♪ Since my ship came in ♪

♪ We've got our great big ice-cream factory ♪

♪ And everything is as it ought to be ♪

♪ For I have you and, sweetheart, you have me ♪

♪ Since my ship came in ♪