Original subtitles

SAMMY: Things are shit, I admit that,

but things are going to get better, alright?

I'm gonna get the house back, and we will be happy again.

- Fuck, yes! - JIM: If that baby is mine, I need to be there.

Jim, she tricked Sammy into selling everything.

Scott, do you want him to go to the cops

and tell them you've been sleeping with his teenage daughter?

We are re-interviewing everyone.

We're gonna find Terry if it's the last goddamn thing we do.

Terry was a piece of shit.

- I killed him, Mum. - (GUNSHOT)

- Wh... where are you taking him? - I don't know!

- Hey, Sammy... - (GASPS)

What have you done?

Kids, go to your room.

Now!

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

- Is he... ? - Yes. Yes, I... I think so.

Terry.

Terry?

Tezza. Terry!

(WHISTLES) You OK, mate?

- Jim, I really think... - Have you checked his pulse?

- Look at him! - You should still take his pulse.

- YOU take his pulse! - I'm not touching a dead guy!

- Jim, I need you to help me move him. - How did this happen?

- Your stupid fuckin' gun! - Bullshit.

You can't kill someone with a slug gun.

Evidently, you can.

- Well, why did you shoot him?! - I didn't shoot him. It was Lenny!

It was Lenny, and it was an accident.

- OK? And you've gotta help me, please. - Why do you wanna move him?

Look, I'll explain everything later. But right now, I need your help.

Sammy, why haven't you called the police?

OK, Jim, we've gotta hurry.

Oh, no, no, no.

I am not getting involved in this.

There's always some... scheme with you,

isn't there, Samantha Vanessa Cooper?

That's not my middle...

OK, you know what? Fine!

Fine.

I will deal with this the way I deal everything else:

on my own.

- (SQUELCHING) - (GRUNTS)

- Oh... - (GRUNTS)

Ugh!

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

- (PANTS HEAVILY) - Alright, well...

... you seem to have this situation under control, so...

(GRUNTS)

... I'm gonna exit the room now.

(BREEZY MUSIC PLAYS)

(DIALS NUMBER)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Yes, hello. Is that Lucienti's Lasagne Palace?

Yes, I have a reservation for 7:30 for Mr Cooper,

and I just wanted to assure the best table in the room.

MAN: Well, they're all the same.

What do you mean, they're all the same?

- Every table is the same. - What?!

Oh...

Alright, well, just...

... don't put us near the shitter.

Hey, Bev.

Beverly.

Well, well, well. Beverly.

(UNDER BREATH) Fuck!

(ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYS QUIETLY)

(COUGHS)

Buongiorno.

Jim.

Thanks for meeting me. It's alright.

- You always did love lasagna. - Mmm.

- You're just like... - BOTH: Garfield.

We always could finish each other's sentences,

especially when discussing Garfield.

Yeah, so, what's up?

I just wanted to see how you are.

Well Jim, you made it very clear that we were over.

- Yeah, I know. - Then you disappeared completely.

You didn't return my calls.

You didn't respond to any of my nude Polaroids.

- I jerked off over them. - (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

It's all about the sweet talk when it suits you.

Things got really weird after you tricked Sammy

into thinking she got her house back in London.

Oh, don't be such a baby.

You wanted her out of the house, I got the job done.

This is so you.

I knew this was a mistake.

No. Bev. Please. Wait.

Bev. Wait.

When I first saw you...

... fat with child, everything changed.

I get it.

Now you think you're a dad, you can be bothered talking to me?

No, that's not it at all. I just... I miss you so much.

I mean, I think about you every day.

Then why'd you dump me?

- What do you want? - I want you.

I can't live without you.

But I can't be with you.

Jim, what's going on?

Are you in some kind of trouble?

I...

I gotta go. I'm sorry. I just...

Here, look.

Look, just order whatever you want.

What the fuck am I gonna buy with five bucks?

A slice of lasagna.

I'm pregnant! I'm eating for two!

And the second person's only, like... like, that big.

Sorry. No, you're right.

Oh, you are fucking kidding me.

I'm sorry, Bev.

(INHALES)

I... I'm sorry.

(GULLS SQUAWK, WAVES CRASH)

Whoa! You smell... fragrant.

Bit of Old Spice never hurt anybody.

You look very handsome.

Where have you been?

Lucienti's Lasagna Palace.

They do a very good lasagna.

- Did you go with anyone special? No. No, I went on my own.

Can't a man wear Old Spice and eat lasagna on his own?

Jim, who'd you meet?

Needed the coriander.

- Did you meet with Bev? - No!

Jim. She's a hustler.

If you let anything slip, she will use it against us.

That baby could be mine, alright? That's all I can think about!

- (SIGHS) - And I miss her, Mum.

Jim, did she ask you questions?

Tell me you told her nothing.

Jim!

- (KNOCK AT DOOR) - Shit!

Stay calm.

(DOOR SLIDES OPEN)

Hey, Mrs Cooper. Mind if we come in?

Sure.

Oh, pong! Who's wearing Old Mice?

Can I get either of you a cuppa?

Have you got any chocky milk? Or ham?

- Why do I feel like eating ham? - Uh, we're both fine. Thank you.

Uh, we're just following up on a few details.

Any news?

Well, Terry's a long-term missing person at this point.

Much like your husband.

- He still has missing person status? - Yeah.

We never obtained a death certificate.

Now, that must be hard, never having closure.

I have closure.

We were drunks.

When Frank went swimming that night, he could barely walk.

- You do that sort of thing a lot? - Drunk swimming?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

He was a good swimmer?

Yeah, he was an excellent swimmer.

A skilled and experienced swimmer.

So...

... what went wrong?

You ever been caught in a rip out there?

They call it the Merewether Express.

Sweep you out to sea in under a minute.

Yet he'd managed it many times before.

If you're asking me

if I drowned the love of my life for no good reason...

... the answer's no.

OK.

I think we all just need to cool down and... eat some ham.

A neighbour said they heard a gunshot

on the afternoon that Terry was last seen.

Jim, it says here that you were shooting pigeons that afternoon.

Uh, yep. (CLEARS THROAT)

They, uh, shit all over my car, so...

But you shoot pigeons often, right?

Neighbour says you help them out as well.

Yeah. Got a licence and everything.

I do it pretty cheap, too.

Oh, well, maybe you should come around to my house

and help me out with my pigeon problem.

Oh, yeah. Hey, I'll do it for a tenner!

Or 15? (CHUCKLES)

Sor... That didn't make sense.

So, uh...

... can I see it?

- See what? - Jim. The gun.

Oh, yeah. (CHUCKLES) Yep. I'll get it for you.

I'll just grab it.

OK, well, we'll bring it back once we run some checks.

Thanks for your time.

(QUIETLY) Stay away from Bev.

LENNY: Mum?

I'm here, baby.

Uh, don't... d-d-d... don't-don't-don't panic, OK?

Just-just stay in your room. I'm gonna sort this.

TESS: How long do we have to stay in here?

I don't know.

And put some music on. I don't want you listening to this.

What shall we put on?

(STRAINING) I don't know! Anything!

(THE McCOYS' 'HANG ON SLOOPY' PLAYS)

Ugh!

? Hang on, Sloopy... ?

- It doesn't feel right, Mum. - Get back in your room!

(SIGHS) Sammy, you know I hate the pigs.

Alright? I have a big problem with authority figures,

especially male ones with moustaches,

especially if their moustache is shaped like Dad's was.

Actually, anybody who looks like Dad.

But, anyway, I just... I don't understand

why we're not telling the cops.

Because Terry IS a cop!

And that makes my son a cop killer.

They're just kids! Just say it was an accident!

The police aren't gonna go...

(MIMICS WHISTLE) "Run along, kids. It was an accident. Off you go."

- What is that? - It was a baton.

Can you be serious?!

On Dynasty, Blake Carrington caught his son in a homosexual tryst

and then accidentally killed his son's lover.

- Now, he plead guilty... - OK, Jim.

Even manslaughter, Lenny's gonna go to jail. Alright?

Do you know what they will do to that kid in prison?

I mean, he can barely survive high school.

Oh, yeah, I will admit

that his thick blond hair and peaches-and-cream complexion

- could be a problem in jail. - Yeah.

- Can we come out now? - No.

LENNY: Are you calling the police?

- No! - (MUSIC STOPS)

I want to go to the police and tell them it was an accident.

OK, baby. But you saw what the law did to our family, OK?

It left us homeless.

- I cannot put you in the hands... - I'd rather just tell them, Mum.

Look, jail will follow you for life.

I saw what it did to Dad. It ruined any chance he could've had.

He's probably gonna end up with Trish.

Now, get back in your room.

Sammy, look, I love breaking the rules.

Right? I fuckin' love it.

It's the main reason why I never learnt

how to correctly use an apostrophe.

But this is crazy.

What are you gonna do with him?

- I... I don't know. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't know.

I'll tell you why you don't know.

Because you don't know how to get rid of a body.

Bev would, but you don't.

As bad as this may seem right now,

getting caught lying and hiding it will be way worse.

- You reckon they'll believe us? - Yes.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

(QUIETLY) What are you doing, Sammy?!

- What? - Have a look at yourself!

Oh.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Um, hello. This is Jim.

Whom is this, please, speaking?

It's Chris.

Oh!

Hello, Christos.

- Is Sammy in? - Yep.

But she's doing a poo.

Oh. I don't mind waiting.

Probably gonna be in there for a while.

She hasn't been in days.

Might be a three-coiler.

- (MOUTHS SILENTLY) - I'll wait in the car.

Just send her out when she's...

... finished.

OK.

- The fuck is wrong with you?! - I'm sorry.

Go and get me a coat.

Hey. You, uh... feeling lighter?

What?

- The... You know, the... - Oh. Uh, yes. Thank you.

Um, I didn't want to leave things

the way we left it back at the office,

you know, after that big, weird speech

where you told everyone to fuck themselves.

Oh, yeah, I'm, uh, sorry about that.

And you called me a fat, delusional fuckstain.

I didn't mean it in a bad way.

If anything, I've slimmed down this summer.

Yeah, I... I couldn't agree with you more, Chris.

- Anyhoo... - What I wanted to say was,

in spite of everything,

I liked having you back.

And, for what it's worth, you give a moderately good hand job.

Although, it would've been better if you'd... looked at it.

Wow.

Well, that's...

- Thank you. - Yeah.

It's been very nice visiting home, and I wish you all the best, Chris.

- So, back to London? - Yep.

- Uh, got the tickets. - What's your strategy?

I don't need a strategy. I haven't done anything wrong.

I mean, to get your house back.

Oh. Uh, well, my lawyer admitted that he stole it, so...

So... ?

So, if he doesn't give me my mansion back, I'll go to the police.

Look, I have to go now, Chris, OK?

- And he's agreed to the deal? - No. But he will.

OK? Now, I've gotta go. Alright?

Sammy, he's not gonna agree to that deal.

Yes, he will! OK?

- Bev said he's on the ropes. - Who's Bev?

Ugh!

She was in the office when I called you a fat, delusional fuckstain.

Sammy, I'm a lawyer, and that's not a strategy.

Hey.

- What kind of lawyer? - Criminal.

Like... bad crimes?

That was my specialty.

In fact, those are the cases I preferred.

(ENGINE STARTS)

Hey, Chris...

- Yes? - You can come through now.

- You'll be on after this segment. - OK.

- (COINS JINGLE) - The phone is in the foyer.

Right.

Oh. What's the name of the host again?

- John Grant. - John Grunt?

- John GRANT. - John Grant.

Now, in the lead-up to the elections,

the topic that has been dominating conversation has been poker machines

and the new late-night gaming lounges.

Here to talk about that further with us

is our local MP, Chris George.

- Chris, welcome. - Always a pleasure to see you, John.

- My name's Daryl. - Ah, fuck...

I apologise, Daryl. This is my third interview today.

Yes, yes, you're everywhere at the moment.

Oh, I am passionate about Newcastle,

and this election is important.

- The polls must be worrying. - Nah, not at all.

Look, I've secured steel contracts.

Job growth is at an eight-year high.

Yeah, but it's the gaming lounges that have really hit a nerve.

Oh, that's what I call the vocal minority.

Look, most people have the common sense...

Well, it's hardly a minority. It's a full-scale electoral backlash.

Addiction support groups are calling this a social disaster.

(CHUCKLES) I mean, that's ridiculous.

Given that job growth is at an eight-year...

Let's hear from some of our listeners.

I've got Natasha on the line.

- Natasha, where are you calling from? - NATASHA: Kotara.

Go ahead, Natasha.

You say it's a matter of common sense,

but these lounges are designed to take your money.

My son is back living with me,

and I have to take possession of his weekly wages

so that he doesn't gamble...

Natasha, look, the guidelines are clear: to gamble responsibly.

I'm sorry about your son,

but policy can't be shaped around people like him.

"People like him"?

Uh, I mean... I mean addicts.

Oh, so if you're an addict then tough shit?

Whoa! I will remind our callers to keep the language clean.

We have another caller on the line.

We have... Belinda Carlisle.

Belinda, you there?

FIONA: (MUNCHES CHIPS) Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm here.

I'm Belinda Carlisle. (MUNCHES)

Where are you calling from?

The corridor.

We'll, go ahead, and maybe put the chips down.

- Um... - (PACKET RUSTLES)

Um... uh, I think the gaming lounges are great.

I play responsibly from time to time,

and last week I won $280.

Ah! See, people like Belinda Carlisle are the vast majority.

Look, it's patronising to suggest that anyone that uses these lounges

are helpless, broken-down addicts.

JEAN: Addiction's left me with so much anger.

I'm angry at how my alcohol addiction's

kind of wrecked all my relationships,

you know, my marriage, last boyfriend, and...

... I doubt I'll ever repair my relationship with my daughter.

Can you talk to her about it?

Nuh.

She and the kids have gone back to England...

- (DOOR BANGS) - BEV: Shit.

Sorry I'm late.

The bus service in this town is so... shit!

I mean, good luck if you actually have somewhere you need to be.

You're right. My bus didn't even show up tonight.

- What, the 207? - Yeah.

That's my route.

But I really need this meeting.

So, uh...

... do I just, uh, join in?

Yep. Uh...

Uh... no.

Everyone can join.

Nah. I can't do this if Bev's here.

Everyone is welcome. And no names, please.

- Can't we use first names? - It's anonymous.

But we know each other: I dated Jean's son, Jim.

- Again, no names. - You're my second cousin.

Look, this is Alcoholics Anonymous.

It isn't Alcoholic Nicknames or Alcoholic Relatives.

And I'm the chairperson.

Yeah, alright, Aaron. Keep your knickers on.

Continue.

Who, me?

Yeah, see? We don't know who you're talking to,

which is why people have names.

Continue.

Mmm... (CHUCKLES)

Righto, I'll talk.

I've been really stressed since I found out about the, uh...

Oh! Jean, are you gonna be a grandma?

I doubt Bev knows the answer to that question.

Hey, Anonymous. I've been doing this on my own.

I don't care who the father is.

Yeah, but you let Jim think it was his.

God, you're a con artist.

I don't need Jim, or anyone else.

- Then stay the fuck away from him. - Jim called me.

If you two don't stop using names, you're both out.

Yeah, but I'm not the one disrupting the meeting.

Oh, right. Like you should be judging anyone, Jean.

Jim told me all about you.

It was like being raised by Keith Moon.

You're both expelled from tonight's meeting.

- What?! - No. I... I need this meeting.

I was here first. I don't care.

These meetings are supportive.

Don't come back until you've settled whatever this is.

Find another support group.

YOU find another support group.

- This is mine. You find another one. - I can't!

The only other support group is sex addicts, and I know everyone there!

Out!

Yeah, alright: Aaron Gideon King.

Jesus!

Sammy, why are we taking advice from Christos Georgiadis?

Because he worked as a public prosecutor for nearly 15 years.

- I'm not getting involved. - I'm not asking you to get involved.

- I'm asking for advice. - That involves me, Sammy!

I'm an MP. People look up to me.

- I don't think they do. - No-one looks up to you, mate.

(SIGHS) Look, have you any idea the position you've put me in here?

This is a dead cop!

Sammy, we don't need him. Let's just tell the police.

Oh, yeah, don't let my experience as a police prosecutor

override Jim's experience as a what? A driving instructor?

Oh, yeah? Well, I have other experience, mate.

Last year, I was employed guarding wet concrete

outside the Downtown Video store.

Hang on, that's the one that's got all the drawings

- of penises in the concrete. - And vaginas.

Look, your big problem with going to the police and telling the truth

is that this is a domestic violence situation,

and Lenny has a very strong motive - defending the girl he loves.

That is the case I would build. And judges hate cop killers.

Alright, you're a dad. What would you do?

Yeah, what would you do?

My son did time for possession.

You should do everything in your power

to keep your son out of prison.

You've got your plane tickets out of here.

OK. So, how do we do this?

Oh, no. No more advice.

- What, that's it? - That's it.

(SIGHS) OK. Look.

You need to get your kids out there.

You need to have witnesses seeing them do something normal.

- And remember... - (POT CLATTERS)

... I was never here.

Fuckin' pot.

- (DOOR OPENS) - (SIGHS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Jim, I can't do this on my own.

But I understand if you don't wanna get involved.

I don't wanna get involved.

- Don't be a pussy! - Hey! Hey!

I'm not the one flying out of here tomorrow.

I've gotta stay and deal with this.

And this is not MY problem, they're YOUR kids!

And I am not a pussy.

And even if I am, I'm from the big cat family,

like a... jaguar, or an ocelot.

Where are you going?!

I am going to get a tarp!

Because you are gonna need something waterproof to move him!

You nup-nup!

Thank you.

OK. I need you kids outside.

Just go, and, uh, I don't know, ride your bikes.

You've gotta be seen, alright?

Jim and I are gonna take care of this.

This is wrong.

Yeah, well, you're too young to make that call.

Well, then I'll just call the police myself.

You do that and I'll kill you!

Alright, I'm gonna stop saying that.

Well, we can't just lie and pretend this never happened.

That's exactly what we're gonna do.

You put the past behind you, alright?

I'm so sorry.

- This is all my fault. - No, it's not.

- Kind of is. - Mum!

No. None of this would've happened if I hadn't picked up that gun.

You wouldn't have picked up the gun if your dad had been nice to you.

Tess is right.

Terry did this to himself.

Don't wreck your life.

Not for Dad.

OK.

Well, she just said exactly what I just said, and now you agree?

I mean, wow.

I wish something had come back about the gun.

How exciting would that have been?

Don't worry. I've got a little surprise.

Hello!

Hey!

Mr Fairbank. Emily.

Just bringing this back. It all checked out.

Oh. Bewdy. Ta.

Uh... Yep. That's her.

Oh, I'd keep it somewhere safer than that.

- Nah. - Could fall into the wrong hands.

- Could also fall on your head. - (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

Hey, Officers.

I was just on my way out.

Oh. Anywhere special?

Well, if you regard AA as special, then, yes.

Good for you.

Oh, uh, Jim. You just shot the one pigeon that day, yeah?

Columbo does that!

He's all friendly, and then he makes like he's leaving,

then he's like, turn around and goes, "Oh, one more thing."

And then he nails the person by asking, like,

"Oh, uh, you shot one pigeon that day?" (LAUGHS)

Yep.

- So, did you? - What?

Just shoot the one pigeon.

Your neighbour said they only heard one shot.

- Oh, shit, was that the surprise? - (CLEARS THROAT)

The amount of times we've had to have that damn old thing fixed...

- Yeah. - Jams a lot, 'cause it was Frank's.

- Always was a piece of garbage. - Yeah.

Oh, it didn't seem to jam when we ran the checks, but...

... maybe I've just got the magic touch, eh?

Talk soon. (CLICKS TONGUE)

We're keeping an eye on those two.

- Oh, should we tell them that? - No!

You're smoking.

There's no conclusive evidence it harms the baby.

I smoked when I was pregnant with Jim.

- So, how long? - Eight weeks.

Spring baby.

Mine were spring babies.

It's weird thinking of Jim as a baby.

What was he like?

He was smiley.

And flatulent.

Just like now.

He really broke my heart.

(SNORTS)

No, I miss him.

And not just his ability to sustain an all-night erection.

AARON: Uh, we're about to start.

And I don't want a repeat of last week from you two.

Anonymity is vital

for our members to work through the shame of alcoholism.

OK, Bev? Jean?

Uh, Aaron, you just said our names.

- You just said... - Yeah.

But, uh, both of you, and my head, are currently outside the building.

Anonymous once you're in here.

See you in there.

Hey, Jean, listen.

- I really need this meeting. - (SNORTS)

I mean, this baby's gonna be here real soon

and I don't wanna bring it into the mess I'm in.

Righto, my turn.

I'm broke.

Blew everything on the fuckin' pokies

trying to win some decent money for when the baby comes.

- Don't really have any family, so... - You're at the wrong addiction group.

It sounds like you need to be at Gambling Anonymous.

Yeah, well, I can't go back there.

I borrowed money from one of the guys in the group.

Apparently, that's a no-no.

Hey, is that a no-no here?

Because I do a percentage return on any winnings...

Absolutely no way. Nobody lend her money.

I've got no-one.

I used to think I was lucky I had no family to bug the shit out of me.

And now I'm doing this on my own.

I'll be your friend.

I doubt that will work for either of us.

Yeah. Don't.

Is that dinner?

Well, not that. Tastes like shit.

Well, Lynn made those.

Yeah, I'll just, uh... just tweak the recipe a bit.

Anyway...

... I gotta get to work.

What, now?

Yeah. I asked for extra shifts.

Think that's wise?

Don't know. Don't have much choice when you owe nine grand.

What, you blew nine grand on pokie machines?

No, I blew 15 grand.

Then I borrowed nine grand from a loan shark.

And how are you gonna pay that back?

I always find a way, Jean.

OK, ready?

(EXHALES)

(GASPS) Oh!

- I think that's normal. - That is not normal.

No, no, no, dead bodies make all sorts of sounds.

They also poo and wee can get erections.

I know, because my husband did all that

when I visited him in the morgue.

Sammy! Enough of your nonsense!

- Now, I insist you take his pulse. - You.

- You. - You.

- You! - You!

- You! - You!

- YOU! YOU! - YOU! YOU!

This is your fault!

You're the one who left the stupid gun on the couch!

They're your kids!

(SIGHS) Oh, OK.

(SIGHS) So, where are we gonna put him?

Let's take him downstairs.

- Before Mum gets home. - Yeah, exactly.

But where are we gonna put him after that?

Out there.

Yeah, take him out on your surfboard.

- Like Weekend At Bernie's. - No.

I mean, after dark when no-one's around.

Oh. I thought you meant like Weekend At Bernie's.

I know you did.

Like, surfing and keg parties and getting heaps of muff.

- No, I didn't mean that. - Do you reckon that'll work?

Dad disappeared out there. I mean...

It's perfect.

Oh...

You are gonna be in SO much trouble with Mum.

She's never gonna find out.

You just paddle him out there tonight, this'll all be fine.

- (THUNDER CRACKS, WIND HOWLS) - You'll be fine!

- No, I won't! - I actually think it's calming down!

(THUNDER BOOMS OVERHEAD)

Lightning often sounds much closer than it actually is.

No! Look at the size of that swell!

- Alright, well, what do you suggest? - We wait till it passes!

What if it doesn't pass?

It's gonna be sunrise soon! This has gotta be done now!

Sammy, I won't be able to keep on the board!

The first big wave, he'll fall off and wash up on the shore!

- (THUNDER CRACKS, WIND HOWLS) - (BREATHLESSLY) Oh, God.

Shit! Shit! What are we gonna do?

What would Chris say?

He'd say... (MIMICS CHRIS) "I'm Christos Georgiadis.

I was a massive loser in high school and my wife's a mental pig."

"Hey, Sammy, here's some money for a bribe.

How about you give me a hand job?"

- Keep your focus! - OK, OK.

I saw on World's Worst Killers

where they dissolved an entire body in acid.

Yes. That is perfect.

- Have you got any acid? - There's lemon juice in the fridge.

I don't reckon that's gonna work.

OK, we put his body inside the boot of a car,

push it into a swamp and watch it sink.

- Yes. OK. - Let's load him into your car.

No! No! No! I've gotta work in that car.

We hotwire a car and drive it into Lake Macquarie.

I don't know how to hotwire a car!

Pigs. We feed his body to pigs. They eat anything.

- Except teeth. - I don't know any pigs!

- Except Chris's wife. - (BOTH CHUCKLE)

Oh, Jim.

I think I know what to do.

Give Chris another hand job.

Oh, this is awful.

- It's fine. - No, it's not.

See that massive bar? That's Labor.

See the tiny little pissy one? That's me.

- I've got to turn this around. - Oh, relax.

Just keep pushing the positives.

We'll do a big feel-good piece.

You know, photos of you

meeting people who've won at the gaming lounges,

how winning has changed their lives.

That's a good idea, except no-one's winning.

(KNOCKING)

Post.

Great. More letters of outrage.

Someone's on the phone, wants to speak to you.

Well, who?

- You. - No.

Who wants to speak to me?

- Oh, right. Sammy's mum. - Tell her to book an appointment.

- You know, I'm busy right now. - What should I say?

To book an appointment.

- Can you do it? - What?

She's a formidable presence.

I'm in the middle of a meeting.

It's only on the phone, it won't take...

- You do it. - Alright.

Sorry. I've got to get going.

Well, let me walk you to your car.

OK. So, how's tomorrow?

- Yeah. - Shh.

Yeah. I'm really sorry. He can't talk to you right now.

Yeah, I agree.

His work attitude is slothful.

OK. It's safe to talk now.

I've never seen you like this. Who is this woman?

Jean Cooper, the mum of someone I used to employ.

Oh yes.

I interviewed her when Terry Harris first went missing.

You know, there was something about that case

that just does not add up.

Oh, come on. He's obviously gone and topped himself or done a runner.

Well, he'll never be found

as long as the local Keystone Cops are looking for him.

I'll line up that puff piece for tomorrow afternoon.

You're amazing.

I really am.

Oh...

Given that we're sleeping together, can you validate my parking?

No chance. My beautiful new car park is not going to pay for itself.

If someone heard the gunshot...

- Tell them you were shooting pigeons. - Yeah.

- What time's your flight? - 9:00pm.

Are you sure you want to leave?

I mean, you know, even though the house is rightfully mine...

... you don't have to leave.

- I've gotta go. - Yeah.

I've got to get Lenny out of here.

But staying could also be good, you know, for the kids.

I can't stay.

Too many ghosts.

Ghosts?

Events from the past.

Oh.

But, you know,

there's also plenty of good stuff here.

You know?

Plentiful beaches, vibrant nightlife

and abundant parking spaces.

Jim, you've wanted me to leave since I got here.

I'm going. I'm going to go back to London.

I'm going to claim what's mine.

And Bev spoke to Rufus. He said he's ready to give me my house back.

Um... (CLEARS THROAT)

He actually didn't say that.

What did he actually say?

He said, "Who is this?"

Beep, beep, beep...

Bev didn't actually talk to the lawyer. He hung up immediately.

And I swear I didn't know until afterwards.

That whole conversation with Rufus, that was...

- That was pretend. - Yeah.

I mean, Bev is a brilliant actress,

she's easily as good as Heather Locklear.

Why did she do this to me?

Because she thought that I wanted to get rid of you, which I did,

but not like that.

So, Rufus isn't desperate to do a deal with me.

No.

And I've sold everything that I own.

Yes.

To go back to nothing.

Correct.

(SOBS)

Ow. Ow.

Why didn't you tell me earlier?

Because I was busy helping you get rid of our neighbour's dead body.

Why are you such a...

... fucking stupid...

... failure?

- Fucken idiot. - (COUGHS)

I'm fucked, Jim.

I'm fucked.

What is going on?

Uh, Mum.

Sammy's, uh...

... menstruating.

- I am. It's real bad. - Sammy.

- She's menstruating. - I'm menstruating.

Oh, God. Look at you. You're filthy.

- Uh, we've been working on the car. - Yeah.

At 6:00 am? What is going on?

Oh, for God's sake.

You're my kids. As if I'm not going to help.

Sammy...

I don't think I can carry this on my own.

Carry what?

OK.

(POKER MACHINE CHIMES)

Mate, I really appreciate you doing this.

These new lounges are fantastic, right?

- Yeah. - Winning 12 grand at the Empress, life changing.

Mate, good on you.

I want everyone to feel that they could win big just like you.

- Can I play that machine? - Not just yet.

We're going to do the interview first,

then we're going to do photos of you playing.

I've just got a really good feeling about that machine.

Hey, tell me, what do you spend your winnings on?

- New jet ski. - Nice.

- The rest I lost gambling. - Yeah.

We'll leave that out of the interview.

I'm getting paid for this, right?

Like, you can just put the credit right in that machine.

How are we going setting up the photo?

- Ready when you are. - Chris.

Um... Mrs Cooper.

We had an appointment,

but you weren't at your office when I called in.

Yeah. How did you know I was here?

- Your secretary told me. - Fiona.

OK, is it electoral business?

No, it's more like waste disposal.

Well, can we talk about it at a better time, please?

No. Because if we don't, we'll be up to our necks in effluent.

OK, Mrs Cooper, I'll show you how to play.

I thought I was having the first go.

Shut up. Now, here we go.

- Jim wasn't home when it happened. - So?

He was at his girlfriend's, ex-girlfriend Bev's.

Yeah. Bev. Yeah, she was in my office

when Sammy called me a fat deluded fuck stain.

Yeah. And if she gets questioned,

they will know and she will know Jim wasn't at home shooting pigeons.

- Shit. - Yeah.

She's a hustler. And she's pregnant.

She's got a massive gambling debt.

If she figures out what really happened,

she'll blackmail the lot of us.

Just keep Jim away from Bev.

I'm trying, but it's not that easy.

Plus, I've got the new cop, Fairbank. He's asking questions.

- And Jim. Jim's... - Yeah. Thick as pig shit.

He's naive.

He'll blurt something out.

(MACHINE CHIMES AND DINGS)

(COINS CLATTER)

Oh, shit!

Dammit. I knew that machine was hot.

That's got to be thousands of dollars.

Let's take a photo.

You're gonna need a few bags to take all that cash home.

- You nervous about your flight? - Not really, no.

Well, you shouldn't be, because, you know,

they say you've got more chance of being killed

on the way to the airport than in the air.

- I shouldn't be leaving you. - I'll be fine.

I'll have Jim.

Jim, there's a toilet just there.

It's right over there.

You both look so English.

(CHUCKLES)

You'll be better off there.

- I don't want to go. - Me neither.

You'll be right, OK?

You'll get back there and it'll be like none of this ever happened.

I doubt that.

You think that's where they put Dad?

Out there?

I don't know.

Mum said we'd never know.

She wouldn't tell you, either?

Is that Scott?

Shit.

I know I'm not meant to come here.

Look, Dad's going to flip if he sees you.

The way that you left my house last night.

- Are you OK? - Yeah. I'm fine.

Look, it was a false alarm. Tess was being such a drama queen.

You can stay at my house. I'm not afraid of him.

No. No. No. It's OK. I promise.

Dad, he totally cooled down when I got back.

But you need to go, OK?

Alright, kids. It's time.

Here you go. For the trip.

Stay strong.

Hey...

So, uh,

you just stick to the story, OK?

He never came home.

Yeah.

You're going to be OK.

Right, Jim?

Well, a deception of this magnitude is bound to unravel.

- One can only... - Jim.

Yeah. Nah, you'll be fine.

Listen, if there's any trouble at all, we can call Chris.

- OK? He knows everything. - I'll be OK. I'll have Jim.

Arrgh! I got my finger caught in the tape deck.

Mum! Ow.

Your brother and I will hold the line here, OK?

You get your boy as far away from here as you can.

OK?

And stay gone.

We're going to be fine.

We'll just draw a line underneath all of this

and start fresh back in London.

Maybe in time we'll even start to forget.

I need a minute.

I'll write.

- Do. - OK.

Good. I...

Nice hug, Lenny. Real smooth.

Maybe next time just use that opportunity

to gently slide your hand down to the small of her back

and from there... (WHISTLES)

... straight down to party town.

I don't think it was that sort of moment, Uncle Jim.

- Thank you, Tess. - Agree to disagree.

(ENGINE STARTS)

Hey, Jim.

Can we go via Railway Street?

- Why does Mum want to see Mr Atkins? - I dunno.

They just always had... this thing.

You see, there are people in your life, kids,

you can't be with them,

but you're never really free of them either.

You just leave scuff marks on each other's souls.

Oh, fuck me, that is disgusting.

Oh my God, that is gross.

But I'm finding it very difficult to stop watching.

It's weird because they're not ugly people individually,

but that is rank.

It's like two bulldogs fighting over an oyster.

OK. Hopefully they're finished.

Oh, no. They're at it again.

- Hoi! Come on. Sammy! - (HONKS HORN)

Stop sucking face and get out of here.

- We've got to go. - (HONKS HORN REPEATEDLY)

Well, thank you for that live sex show.

The kids need new eyeballs.

Leonard...

... look after yourself, mate.

Tess...

Samantha. James.

(CLEARS THROAT)

- I hate you. - I hate you too, you stupid moll.

- OK. - OK.

What's this?

It's the money you owe.

Where'd you get this?

Hard work, savings, bit of good fortune.

You know I can't pay you back.

You don't have to. Your debts are paid.

You can go back to Gambling Anonymous.

Wow, Jean.

So what's the catch?

You stay away from Jim.

Got it?

Yeah. I got it.

You're not just a little bit curious to know if it's his?

We're done here.

OK.

Is that a bag of cash? Who is that woman?

Who? Fat chick?

She's pregnant.

So?

My sister's friend was super skinny.

And then this one day she thought she needed a massive poo.

- And guess what? - Baby came out.

No. It was a massive poo.

Was your sister's friend pregnant?

No.

So, your sister's friend has been telling a story

about this time that she thought she needed to do a shit

and she went to the bathroom and did a shit.

OK. So... ?

Has the pregnant woman been interviewed?

She looks familiar.

I can check when we get back.

Why did she just give that woman a bag stuffed with cash?

What the hell is Jean Cooper up to?

You know, lots of...

It was me that was with him when he passed away

with the mobile phone inserted in his...

Yes, OK. This is starting to ring a bell.

Bev gets the slightest hint of what's at stake here,

she will turn this around.

Doesn't look very natural.

Shit!

- Are they throwing bacon at us? - I believe they are.

We are not going back to Australia.

Fuck!