Original subtitles

It's...t-shirt time! Time!

We're back, bitches.

♪♪

(screaming)

(all) We're in Miami!

Whoo!

(women screaming)

(Mike) We're getting the crew back together.

(all cheering)

Things have changed, but they really haven't changed.

Check out my poof, bitch. Blowouts and poofs.

Blowouts and poofs.

Get over here!

(Snooki) I'm 100% positive

that this is gonna be the wildest vacation we've ever had.

Mom's gone wild!

Best moms ever. Yes.

But there's gonna be some drama.

This is literally gonna -- ruin my marriage.

(Ronnie) They have a history together.

It is harmless fun. It is with glee.

The last -- night. Did you not say that?

Old -- gonna come up.

It's not all about you, Ron!

Okay... You narcissistic -- --!

I don't wanna talk about it, you annoying!

You're the best friend ever!

Oh, my God. You're the worst!

You got nothing, girl!

End of the -- story. Bottom line.

(Vinny) Going out in Miami

and being in a relationship is pretty hard.

(Ronnie) I got a pregnant girlfriend.

(Vinny) If Ronnie gets any closer to this girl,

he's about to have a second baby mama.

(girl laughing)

I can't explain it. Put us all together,

and it's a (bleep) show.

Yo, I wanna (bleep) pee! Oh, my God.

(JWoww) Nicole, stop.

(Mike) Not much has changed.

Yo!

We need to find Pauly, like, a nice girl.

(Pauly) I'm trying to find the right one to share my life with.

(Vinny) I can't believe Pauly's, like, gonna propose to her.

Oh, hey, boo!

What the (bleep) is that?!

(Pauly) It's about to be the craziest "Jersey Shore" you've ever seen.

(all) Family Vacation!

(screaming)

The chances of survival, it's very slim.

You think I'm a dirty little hamster?

Oh, (bleep).

♪ Get crazy, get wild ♪

Yeah, buddy!

Party's here!

The Situation is under construction.

This might not have been the best idea.

We're so classy now.

Yo, whattup, kid?

Get the frig out of here, you crazy!

♪ Gonna do something crazy ♪

(children playing)

(screams) God, you pulled my hair out!

After the "Shore," me and Jionni got married.

I always said I want to meet a tan guido

and I want to have tan babies,

and it literally happened just like that.

Stop! Give me my phone!

I got two kids, Lorenzo and Giovanna.

I'm basically just a hot mess mom.

(JWoww) The fireplace has to get done.

The TV has to get moved. The fish, don't kill them.

No, the fish will be fine.

Life after the "Shore" is crazy.

(baby crying)

I'm sorry. I know.

And a lot has changed.

I'm a mom. Two kids, Meilani and Greyson.

A husband, Roger. Love you.

And three goldfish. Like, (bleep) real in my house.

This is actually the only action

that the room gets. Hi-yah!

Since "Jersey Shore", life has been insane.

Who would've thought?

A little small town boy from Rhode Island

is out here in Las Vegas.

♪ We'll have a good time ♪

I'm telling you. I'm the number one guido,

and I still am killing it. It never fell off.

We keep bikes inside the house.

I was never allowed to keep bikes inside the house,

but now I do, 'cause I'm my own boss.

Like, I'm living the life I've always wanted to live.

No regular doors on these Lambos.

That's how I know it's mine.

"PAULYD", you know what I'm saying?

Nice watch. That (bleep) is fresh.

(Jen) Babe, come here.

(Ronnie) My life has been, uh, pretty crazy

since the show, you know?

I live in Vegas. I have a girlfriend, Jen.

Um, so I have a photographer coming in a minute

and we're gonna do a maternity shoot.

Like, pregnancy shoot?

Well, I am a soon-to-be dad, it seems.

♪♪

(Bleep).

You think you can control yourself?

Yeah, of course I can control myself, yeah. Yeah?

I'm definitely grown up. I'm definitely an adult.

As much as I make mistakes

or I might've strayed or do the wrong thing,

I always try to do the right thing.

I have a reason to control myself.

We'll see. Yeah.

We'll see.

Yeah. I'm not that stupid.

♪♪

Whoo! There's not really crazy stuff

going on in my life, but there is a change.

I do have a girlfriend, Elicea.

Go iron my clothes. No, I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. Good one.

I live in my own house now.

My mom doesn't live with me anymore.

Whaaat? What's going on here? I grew up.

Vinny, I'm here with your laundry.

Well, kinda.

I got some dirty ones for you.

My mom's doing well, in case you were wondering.

Are you putting lipstick on me?

Yeah. Ma!

She's exactly the same. She lives around the corner.

Want me to help you cut the chicken?

Still super smothering, invasive self that she is.

Elicea, you gonna be able to deal with this family?

If I can handle you, I can handle anything, you know?

That's my girl. (all laughing)

(Vinny) o the second send-off.

(all toasting)

(Paola) "Jersey Shore". Cheers.

Family dinner!

Good luck, Vin.

Vin, don't forget. You gotta be good this time,

you know what I'm saying? I'll be good. I'll be good.

(Deena) Hi! You're home!

Me and Chris got married.

I'm a little classier, but I'm still a meat ball.

But yeah, I'm really excited about going.

I mean, I'm gonna miss Chris and I'll miss you.

Just wish Dad was here. I know.

Unfortunately, my dad did pass away.

We found out he had leukemia... in November,

and he passed by June.

Losing someone that close, you just learn

to move on and live on.

But that piece will never fully be there, you know?

Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your roommates... Yeah.

for old time's sake, and you know what?

Daddy will be watching. No, I know.

He'll be like, "You crazy..."

He'll be cheering you on.

He'll be saying, "Have another drink."

(laughing) Yeah.

♪ I'm taking these shots, I'm taking these shots ♪

♪ Every night getting faded (faded) ♪

♪ Feel like we made it, I feel like we made it ♪

♪ I feel like we made it, feel like we made it ♪

(Mike) It's freezing out there, babe. Hi, baby.

You look beautiful. Thank you.

Lauren is my beautiful girlfriend.

We were college sweethearts.

She's my rock, she stayed by me through thick and thin.

The plan is, I'm gonna go down to see my roommates.

And then I'm gonna try to get you down there. Okay.

And the court situation, I'm gonna count on you

to communicate with me if the lawyer needs anything.

I'm going through a serious court case.

United States versus--

and they even have the nickname "The Situation"

on the paperwork. So crazy.

I've battled Ronnie, I've been punched in the face by JWoww,

I've took on a concrete wall in Italy.

But now, the United States versus The Situation.

That is an adversary, man, that you just don't wanna see.

I'm gonna have to call my lawyer right now, honey. Okay.

I do have court in the next couple months.

There is, um, some fear in there.

My freedom is jeopardized.

Yeah, uh, I just wanna let you guys know

some of the details of my trip.

And there's nothing that I need more

than to see my roommates and have this vacation.

All right.

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey... ♪

(Snooki) Eww, make it so sexual.

Buh-bye. What?

My husband, like, "I'm gonna bang you when I get home."

Like, calm down.

He wants to bang you like a whore?

No, I said that. Oh.

Who says that? You.

(chuckling)

You're pretty raunchy, I gotta say.

Yeah, but I work it.

No, that's not a bad thing.

It's been a long time since we've all been living

under the same roof, and we all grew up.

Take your titty out.

Sort of.

Why you wanna see my titty again?

'Cause your titty is nice.

Your titty's nice. I like your titties.

You both have nice, fake titties, okay?

Thanks, Dee.

I mean, me and the roomies always said we were gonna get together.

But I mean, it's been five years now

and we still haven't done it because like, I was pregnant,

having kids, Jenni was pregnant having kids.

And then Deena's married.

Pauly's, like, DJing everywhere,

so it's like hard to get him to settle down.

But now everyone's just kind of cruising,

so this is the perfect time.

I just can't believe we're about to go to Miami together.

I know.

(JWoww belches)

(Snooki) Yes, bitches, live! Nice.

Danny!

(Deena) Yay!

What's up, girls?

I cannot believe we're back here.

This is a family reunion.

When you think of family reunions,

your whole family has the same t-shirt on

and you're, like, so corny and stupid.

So I wanted to get t-shirts made of all of us.

You three girls are here, where's the fourth amiga?

Sam? Y e a h .

She's, like, settled down now.

She found a really good guy and she's--

(Deena) I don't think she wants to relive

the Ronnie-Sam stuff. (Danny) Oh.

I'm really sad Sam isn't, you know,

coming to Miami with us.

I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet,

but do not (bleep) with me.

I tried to get her to come so many times.

Stop! Stop it! Get out then!

How about you do you, I'll do me?

And I could tell she was just so over, you know,

living in a house with a whole bunch of people.

You will never find someone like me.

She's really happy with who she's with.

So, you know, I was like, all right, I get it.

Sam and Ron are done.

But I'm really sad she's not gonna be here,

and I hope she doesn't regret not coming.

No more tears for Sammi Sweetheart.

Cheers to how your lives turned out

by working at the Shore Store.

Thank you, Danny, for shaping our life. Thank you, Danny!

By working here, you all met husbands.

Thank you.

All right, I gotta go (bleep).

That's nice.

Actually, I don't really need to poop.

I have something else up my sleeve.

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness.

I feel like we need to bring a little Jersey to Miami.

So I'm like, Danny, bitch, we're raiding your shore house.

(gasps) Eww!

Do you remember me?

My little baby!

Eww, it's probably dirty. (retches)

Do you remember our times together?

You were such an (bleep), and now I love you.

(man) There we go.

(Mike) What up, what up, what up? Yo!

How you doing? Got my new coat on.

What's up, buddy? What is that? What is that, chinchilla?

What's up, brother? Look at you, man.

I gotta take my glasses off and see you all shined up, man.

Look at you. You lost that baby fat.

Yeah, bro. Baby fat. (laughs)

You know what I mean? Looking good. What's going on, bro?

Since last time you saw me at the shore,

I am a completely different person than I was.

I mean, I'm super into nutrition and the way I eat.

I hear The Situation's under construction, right?

The Situation is under construction.

All right. It will take a little bit of time.

Okay, so, let's construct it.

I'm working out now, trying to get abs.

I feel the best I've ever felt, mentally, physically,

spiritually, emotionally, everything.

You look great, bro. You're like a new person.

I know that you're all into bettering yourself now

and everything. Oh, yeah, man.

We used to just look at the outside of The Situation,

now we're looking at the inside. We're going full package now.

Since the last time you've seen The Situation,

I was pretty much just a shell of the person I am today.

Today, The Situation lives with integrity.

I don't lie, I don't cheat, I don't steal,

I don't drink, I don't drug.

I'm a top mans today.

So, yo, you ready to go?

Yeah, man, I'm ready to go, man.

I'm real excited, man, 'cause I thought y'all

was gonna go without me, man, you know what I mean?

We would never go without you, bro.

You know we made this pact together.

Can't go without you. Yeah, I know, but I couldn't leave

the country and then I-- I heard.

Yeah, I couldn't leave the country, I got this little court situation.

How's that looking?

It's rough out there in the streets, you know what I mean?

Right now, I'm going through a major federal court case.

I am being accused of tax evasion,

and I'm trying to move forward.

I have respect for the system, the judge, the process,

and faith in God that I'm gonna move forward one day at a time.

I've dealt with this case for four years. Mm-hmm.

And if I gotta take my medicine or do some time,

I gotta do it, you know what I mean? Yeah.

I'm definitely afraid for Mike.

I mean, it sucks because he's in the best place of his life,

he totally changed his life around.

So I really do feel bad for him.

Like I said, yo, I'm always here for you.

Thank you, brother. And supporting you.

I don't want that happening to my friends.

Yeah, no, I know, brother.

(Deena) Can we get dinner please? (JWoww) Yes, let's go.

You guys are gonna die. Are you ready?

Why?

I stole something from the shore house.

You ready? What?

Quack, quack, quack!

Oh, my God! Stop!

No, no! (squealing)

Hi, guys, I'd like to order a cab.

Yeah!

Danny's gonna kill us, but it's (bleep) awesome.

We're gonna have the duck phone in Miami.

(Snooki quacking)

The duck phone is like our pet.

(Deena) That would look like a freaking disaster.

Like... (grunting) Eww.

Ooh, you look sexy.

No. Jenni is sexy.

Aww... Titty mama!

(laughing) Nicole!

I can do that, I'm her sister.

(Deena) Motherhood has definitely not slowed Nicole down.

I don't think Nicole will ever slow down.

Would you consider me and Nicole a sister?

Of course.

Would you consider Pauly, Ron, Vinny, and Mike brothers?

Yeah. Same.

I'm a little nervous to see Ron

because me and Ron did have a little bit of a hiccup.

When my dad passed away,

Ron didn't reach out to me at all.

My dad was, like, my best friend and everybody knew it.

It, like, really broke my heart.

Let's call Mike and see what he says.

Let's call him. It's been way too long.

(Mike, on phone) Yo.

Yay! Mike! Shh!

Oh, my God, I apologize.

I'm so sorry. Hi, Mike!

So sorry for that.

They are the absolute worst human beings.

Me? "They're"?

My roommates are crazy. Hey, Mike!

I was just getting out of the shower.

Are you so ready?

(Deena) Oh, don't be nervous. Why you nervous? Weirdo.

(JWoww) Don't be nervous. You love us.

What did they offer you? What are you doing?

(Snooki) Dude, like, prison's no joke.

Like, "Orange is the New Black." I saw that (bleep), it's scary.

I don't want him going to jail.

He is literally not gonna survive.

It's (bleep). I'm just very concerned.

What is worst case scenario for you if you're found guilty?

What? Five? Ten?

♪ I got a clique full of drug dealers ♪

You have to sum up Miami for me with single Ronnie.

Bro, I was out of control. I like single Ronnie.

Everyone likes single Ronnie. I like Miami.

(Pauly) Me and Ronnie both live in Las Vegas.

But I don't see Ronnie too much because I'm busy

doing my work DJing all over the world.

So I'm happy to get together.

Now everybody's in a different place in their life

and we're coming back together. It's gonna be dope.

Who's got kids? Who got married?

Mike's all different now.

I don't know what Mike's gonna do. I feel like...

Mike's two years sober now.

I feel like he's plotting something.

You don't trust him 'cause he's too nice. Yeah, too nice.

(Ronnie) I don't know what's gonna go on with Mike.

We had so much friction for so many years.

And now, it's like this new Mike.

I hope he stays sober, I'm not gonna lie.

But I kinda want to see him be a dick

to someone else besides me.

And then Sammi.

What, Sammi's not gonna come. Why wouldn't Sammi come?

Yeah, I-- I don't know.

I think, I'm like-- I'm still confused about it.

Is she dating somebody? What's her deal? I mean, yeah.

She's with this kid for what, eight months?

All I know is that he popped up on Instagram,

looks exactly like you. I'm like, what the...

(both laughing)

He does look like me, huh?

He does. A little bit.

(Ronnie) So once we left the shore house,

me and Sam decided we're gonna take the next step

and we moved in with each other.

'Cause we were getting towards that stage where it was like

I either have to (bleep) or get off the pot.

She gave me a timeline.

She's like, "I wanna get married in six months."

And like, I'm still trying to figure my life out. Holy (bleep).

I got cold feet, you know?

I wanted to do the right thing,

but there was a part of me that was like,

I'm not gonna do the right thing. So I didn't do it.

I ended up cheating. She found out.

I blew it, it's over.

So is there anything that you could say to her,

or maybe I could say to her, to get her to come?

There's probably one thing we could say.

What?

Now I have a baby on the way.

You what?! What?

Yeah, I'm having a kid, bro.

Get the (bleep) outta here.

What the (bleep)?

How could you have a child with somebody

that I haven't even met yet?

Holy (bleep), you're gonna be a dad.

I am. Just like you.

Wow. Who knows?

Um, I haven't told anyone yet.

Wow, congratulations.

Not the most ideal situation, but what is?

Regardless of whether you marry this girl,

whether you stay with this girl,

you need to take care of your child.

You're with that child for life. Yeah.

I'm not with the baby mother, but I'm with my daughter for life.

And that's my whole life.

I'll always be a (bleep) husband,

(bleep) boyfriend, but I'll never be a (bleep) father.

Exactly.

I mean, this is grown man (bleep).

And I have a kid too. I've been through it.

I will help him. I mean, I've seen Ronnie cry.

He's probably gonna cry again, but I got his back in this.

You know you're a dad right? Uh, so are you, right?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

What the hell happened?

Later, brother. Later.

♪ I got money on my radar Money on my radar ♪

♪ Money on my radar Money on my radar ♪

(dial tone)

(Nicole on phone) Hello?

Nicole.

Hi, Pauly!

What are you doing?

What's going on?

Please, you tell me what's going on.

Wait, so did you hear anything about, um, Sam?

Do you think she changed her mind or no?

Uh, I have not.

I haven't heard anything from her, but...

did you hear about Ronnie? Wait...

Ronnie knocked up a chick and it's not Sammie.

Oh, my God!

Do I have single Ronnie? Do I not have single Ronnie?

Like, is he single? Is he--

I don't-- that's the part I don't get yet.

Well, did you ask him?

Yeah, and he's, like, with this girl.

He's like, ehh, he's trying to do the right thing.

That's what he keeps saying, "trying to do the right thing."

So trying or doing the right thing, you know?

Yeah, if you're "trying" then he's definitely gonna hook up with other chicks.

Oh (bleep).

Come on, Ron.

Gigi, wanna come with me to Miami?

You're silly.

Sorry.

(Christopher) You might be the only person

who brings a pillow and blanket on vacation.

Well, I don't like to sleep on other people's stuff.

What're you doing? Getting ready to go.

You're getting skinnier by the day, Vinny.

That's right. Skinny Vinny.

You know what they call me, right?

Mm-mm. Keto Guido.

Long as you don't lose your butt.

You always had a beautiful butt.

Yeah, you have-- where is it, Vin?

Oh, my God, you lost your butt.

Even if the wheels fell off here,

you know I would never admit to it 'cause I'm that stubborn.

Everything's gonna be fine, I'm good.

This will be my reading material. It's two years sober.

My bags are packed, I'm ready to go.

Can't wait to see my friends. Let's do this.

Boom! Hair gel's packed.

Bye, I love you. I love you.

Be good. I will.

Don't make me come down there and get all crazy.

Oof.

(phone ringing)

Hello? Mm-hmm.

So what does that mean exactly?

I'm at the airport, I'm waiting for Deena.

And it's still early as (bleep).

(Pauly) There's my friend Ron.

And isn't he a handsome one? What's up, dude?

We're going to Miami.

We are heading to Miami.

(blows kiss)

Are you ready? I'm ready.

I like Miami.

(both laughing)

♪♪

(Mike) Yo, I actually just got off the phone--

whew-- with, uh, my guy.

And, um, I'm not gonna be able to go to Miami right now.

You're the only one that knows. Okay.

That you're not coming. Um... that I'm not coming, no.

Holy (bleep). I have to handle this court situation.

To say I'm disappointed right now is an understatement.

I was ready to go, happy to see my roommates, bags packed.

Phone call from my lawyer, everything stopped.

You know, there is a possibility that I cannot come.

And that's why I have to pretty much, um,

own up to my past mistakes and try to put this behind me.

So there's a chance that you could do time

or not do time, right? Yeah.

(Vinny) Mike can possibly go to jail

while we're in Miami.

Damn, like, I didn't know, like, it was that real.

I'm hoping and praying that I can go.

Um, I'm already packed,

um, but there's a possibility, like I said,

I'm gonna call you guys and be like, yo, I can't go.

♪♪

(JWoww) It's the same as driving anywhere else.

(Nicole) Same as Jersey.

(horn blaring, tires screeching)

(Nicole and JWoww shouting)

Oh, my God. I'm gonna spew.

That's aggressive on the brake.

Well-- (tires screeching)

Ohh! Oh, my God!

We in Miami, baby. Woo-hoo! (laughing)

I love palm trees.

This is so pretty.

The water is so clear. I know.

So I'm supposed to be flying with Mike and...

Mike isn't next to me because he's not coming.

(women chattering)

(Deena) It's a mother(bleep) compound!

(women cheering)

(Deena) This is like an Italian villa.

(JWoww) This is so pretty.

Eww, we're like, rich!

(JWoww) So bougie. (Deena) This is bougie.

(Nicole) Oh, my God, it's like a castle.

(Deena) Oh, my God, this is like Italy.

We have a pool! Where?

(women screaming)

Stop it! Oh, my God!

(women chattering excitedly, cheering)

This is (bleep) awesome.

(Nicole) Our backyard is amazing.

We have an ocean view, we have a pool

so we can always like, sit out here and contemplate life.

I can't wait to pee in it!

Honey, how's this look?

You look good.

Is it-- it's, uh, just the top button, right, honey?

Yeah. Always just the top button.

(Mike) I'm on my way to court right now

and, um, it's not a great feeling.

I have no say on if I can go down to Miami.

Everything is contested.

This day right now can easily decide the rest of my life.

Let's go.

♪♪

(Ronnie) Is this it?

(Pauly) Wow, this is it.

Yo, this is it, we're here.

Row that, bitch!

(JWoww) Row! Row! (Nicole) Row that ho!

We're your new neighbors!

Okay. This is a little upgrade.

We're brand new. We're from Jersey.

Hello? Whoa! Mom?

Yeah, this is dope!

Oh, someone's here!

It's Ronnie and Pauly! It's Ronnie and Pauly! It's Ronnie and Pauly!

We got a pool, bitches!

(Ronnie) This is Miami.

The pools, Jacuzzis, backyard,

beautiful view of everything that we want.

Like, this is Miami right now.

Did you just get highlights?

You too. You like that, right? Nice frost.

Frost highlights. Looks good, right? Looks good, right?

Are you in middle school?

What, did you just get a new face?

(laughing) You're an (bleep). Dick.

Hey, listen, we back in Miami!

(all cheering)

Where is eve-- we're missing some people.

(overlapping chatter)

Vin and Mike.

I wanna check this place out.

Yeah, let's go look around. Let's go look around.

(Deena) All right, guys. We'll bring you upstairs...

You girls look hot.

You look like you haven't aged.

Ever. Thank you, though. Thank you.

Girls are looking brand new. They got some work done.

I'm talking about lip injections,

Botox, whatever you call that stuff.

They be getting it.

Sam is at the airport, she was in traffic.

I really wish she was coming.

Do you really wanna deal with that (bleep),

to be honest? (Nicole) It's over.

(overlapping chatter)

Wait, I just want to say one thing.

Sam is our friend,

so I-- I will not like anybody talking bad about her.

Same. I'm not talking bad.

If anybody talks bad about Sam, I'll be sad.

Listen, I never say anything bad about her. All right good.

She's a great woman. She's gonna make

a great mother, a great wife. (Nicole) Same.

(Pauly) Oooh! She is absolutely amazing.

He's talking about Sam, it's only been 13 seconds.

(JWoww) Seven minutes. (Ronnie) (Bleep), like,

I'm not attacking her. (Deena) I totally get it.

But I just wanted to put it out there.

(Deena) Sam's my girl, like, we talk all the time.

And I told her, like, I wasn't gonna let anybody

talk badly about her.

So, you know, I'm sticking by that.

How does it feel being the only single one?

It's kinda weird. It's kinda weird.

But Ron, Ron, this is your time to get wild. We're married.

Because once you have a child...

(overlapping chatter)

This is your time to shine, bitch.

This is my Dadchelor Party.

Literally. Go crazy, get wild,

because once you have that baby, bitch, it's done.

Ron has rules. What's your rules?

I can-- I can look.

Mm-hmm. Can't touch.

Can't touch, I can talk. (Nicole) Obviously.

That's it. (Deena) That's good.

Jen told me, "Hey, have fun.

Have a good time, enjoy yourself."

She knows my lifestyle and she knows

that there's always gonna be girls, you know?

And that's what I feel like a real relationship is-- trust.

Cheers to our kids. Yes.

'Cause we're (bleep) adults.

(Pauly) Salut!

(Nicole) Yeah, parent lives!

(Deena) Soon. Soon, all right.

Deena could be pregnant now. Right now?

Should we get you a pregnancy test? No, I'm definitely not.

No? Are you sure? (Pauly) How do you know?

Yeah, we used a condom

'cause I didn't want to have to worry about...

Ew, condom, what are you, 1990?

Because I didn't want to get--

Just tell him to pull out. A condom?

What is this (bleep)--

Ronnie, who are you talking to?!

That's what happened to you! Yeah, look at you!

Exactly! Look who's talking!

(overlapping chatter)

His couch pulls out, but he don't.

My couch pulls out, but I don't.

I do have one rule, and it's to have

a good (bleep) time regardless. (all cheer)

(Pauly) I'm a kid in a candy store in Miami,

and I know Ronnie is too.

So here we have Ronnie in a relationship,

but you're putting him in Miami?

That's like dangling a chocolate cake

in front of my face and telling me I can't eat it.

We might end up with another girl pregnant

with Ronnie's baby, you feel me? (laughing)

(sighs)

Damn. Some, like, Hollywood Hills (bleep).

Nicole, get the girls out. I wanna babysit. Oh, yeah.

Aren't they nice? They look good.

I got my boobs done. I love them.

♪♪

Yo, yo...

(all screaming)

(Pauly) It's my boyfriend! (JWoww) Wait, where's Mike?

Where's my boyfriend? Where's the other half of you?

Where's the other half?

Where's Mike?

I can wrap my hands around you now.

Why is he so skinny? God I've missed you!

Why are you so skinny? God, I've missed you!

What are you, anorexic?

Where's the rest of Vinny?

Where's the rest of Vinny? Where's Mike?

Where's Mike? Um...

(reporter) Michael Sorrentino, also known as "The Situation"

of "Jersey Shore", is in court today

where he'll be entering his plea on charges of tax evasion.

(cameras clicking)

(Vinny) I have some news for you guys.

What?

So he has, like, a big court date

for his, like, plea deal. Oh my God.

Like for whatever's going on with him. When?

Like now.

Depending on how this goes,

he might not be able to come here at all.

Oh, my God!

Holy (bleep). Are you kidding me?

Seriously?

♪♪

(Pauly) Where's Mike?

(Nicole) Where's Mike?

I have some news for you guys.

Mike picked me up today

and, um, as soon as we got to the airport, he said,

"I'm not getting on the flight with you because I have court."

Depending on how this goes,

he might not be able to come here at all.

Oh, my God! (Pauly) Holy (bleep)

Are you kidding me?

Real talk. They moved the court date,

like, for his arraignment.

Is Mike definitely not coming or no?

This is what he told me 'cause I was in the car with him today.

He's like, I'm willing to accept whatever happens to me,

which obviously could mean jail.

(Pauly) Jesus. Oh, my God.

I can't picture Mike in jail. I'm sorry, I can't picture it.

He won't make it. Oh, my God.

(Pauly) I'm really worried for my man Mike right now.

I don't wish what he's going through on anybody.

We're already missing Sam, that sucks.

(Deena) We even made him a drink! Now Mike?

Like, that's just too much.

This is 50/50 right now if he can actually make it

into this house or go to jail.

If Mike doesn't come here, it's not gonna feel the same.

(Pauly) You wanna check out the room situation?

We haven't picked yet. (Vinny) Yeah, yeah.

You got a bed, a bed, and a bed.

And a smush room.

Technically that's a smush room, if you wanna call it.

Pauly should get the smush room.

Right, I'm down with that.

Yeah, but then what-- but then where is-- where would Mike be?

Would he get his own room?

We're gonna leave Mike alone by himself?

Yeah, that is kind of (bleep) up.

I mean it is, but at the same time, like...

He didn't pay his taxes.

(laughing)

Yeah, that's his punishment. You get to sleep alone.

(Pauly) Nah, nah, nah, that's (bleep) up.

You're a savage.

I am savage. I'm ruthless.

Eww, that's so big. (sighs) Look it,

the (bleep) kitchen's already a mess.

Oh, my God.

(Deena muttering)

I (bleep) can't.

(Nicole coughing)

(JWoww laughing)

Gross. The worst.

Oh, my God, I can't eat pickles like I used to.

♪♪

It makes me feel sad that we don't have everybody here.

We're on a vacation, it's Miami.

I wanna be happy.

So I have a surprise for the house,

and I can't wait to break it out.

(Deena) Wait, he has a dead body.

(Nicole) What the (bleep) is that?

What's happening?

Is there someone in there?

Pauly, what is that? What is that?

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Is that Angelina?

That is so scary. That is so scary.

Pauly, what is it, you weirdo?

(Vinny) Is it a Christmas tree?

I feel like that's a head.

(Vinny, women screaming)

The (bleep) is that?!

Ronnie, come take a look at this, buddy.

(all screaming)

(Nicole) What the (bleep) is that?

There's a (bleep) dead body in there.

We're already criminals. That's great.

What is that? (Vinny) Yo!

(Pauly) Oh, hey, Sam.

Holy (bleep).

Oh, my...

(Pauly) Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen.

(Sammi's voice) If you're not a guido, then you can get

the (bleep) out of my face.

(all screaming)

That's so wrong.

Wait, wait, if I have sex with her, is that still cheating?

Yes.

(JWoww) Ron... (Vinny) Yo!

Come here. I got you, babe.

I've missed you. I-I-I...

She's heavy, dude.

Ron, stop. Ron, stop.

I'm just carrying her like I did...

Oh, that's (bleep)-- that's (bleep) up.

Oh, my God.

Listen. Ron, stop!

(Nicole yelling)

Ron, stop! Why is this happening?

She knew it was gonna happen.

Really, she said she's in a happy place.

(Vinny) Yo, guys, did you read the shirt?

"I'm in a really good place." (laughing)

Oh, my God!

(all laughing)

I hate you all.

(Deena) I get Pauly wanted to bring this new Sammi in as, like,

"Oh, Sammi's with us and this is great

and the entire family's here."

But come on, bitch, this thing is (bleep) weird.

It's gross. Looks like a dead body.

Get this (bleep) away from me.

I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet.

(all chuckling)

I'm not playing into this (bleep).

You are playing into it 'cause you're the only one fighting it.

Fighting what? Fighting not, like, (bleep) with this thing?

What the (bleep)?

I'm not doing anything.

You're-- you're getting defensive.

You're getting defensive.

You're getting defensive for no reason.

I said I would stick up for her

if, like, this was gonna happen.

I feel like if Sam would've came,

it would've been more positive for her.

It's her own fault.

I know. No-- So stop making it your fault.

I know. You're making it your own fault.

No, I know, but I just choose not to make fun of it.

You don't have to make fun of it,

but don't stick up for her-- So I'm just sitting here.

Don't sit here and, like, tell everyone else

to relax and like... I'm not telling anybody.

You guys can do whatever you want. Listen, don't yell, relax.

It's her own choice, it's her own life.

I know that.

(Deena) She's not here to tell her story

and now it's just gonna continuously be talked about.

I'm not trying to fight with you--

Is this our first fight? Are we trying to fight right now?

No, it's not our first fight.

Not yet. Not yet.

(JWoww) They're gonna torture this chick

this whole time we're on vacation.

Poor thing.

I love her to death, but like, if you choose not to come

on vacation with us, we are going to roast you, hard.

Sammi, why didn't you come?

There is no Sam and Ronnie right now.

I'm done with it.

(Pauly) Oh, that's why.

(Deena) I (bleep) hate you.

Ron! Stop!

♪♪

(Deena) Who wants Alka-Seltzer?

Oh, my-- Oh, (bleep).

Oh, my God, I thought that was a (bleep) person.

Sorry, Sam.

(grunting) Oh, God.

Here, let me help you.

She might not want me to touch her, but...

Sorry, Sam. Sorry about that, girl.

Holy (bleep), this thing's heavy.

Sammi, you need to go on a diet.

Start eating salads or something.

(Sammi's voice) Stop!

(laughing) Her eyeball fell out.

(Vinny) We gotta get the bags.

(Deena) I don't wanna carry my bag at all.

Thank God I got my own room.

I'm-- I'm crashing.

Oh, (bleep). (grunting)

Are you all right?

Look at this.

Thank you for your time, Dr. Steinberg.

I will see you soon.

Guys, come in the girls room!

We have surprises. We made this.

(Pauly) Oh, sick! (Vinny) Oh! That's so cool.

And then Nicole decided to steal something from the house.

'Cause I'm a criminal.

(Deena) Yep. Fact.

Why don't you show them?

(Nicole humming)

(all cheering)

(all chanting "Quack!")

You cannot have a "Jersey Shore" house

without the duck phone.

Did you miss him? I did.

I'm just relieved that Nicole's not the only one in the house

with duck phone lips.

Quack, quack, quack.

(Pauly) This is dope.

Let's go hook this duck phone up. Let's do it.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, my feet ♪

♪ Gonna keep walking gonna keep running ♪

Come alive, duck phone.

Ooh! Burgers for the boys!

(duck phone ringing) Hm?

The phone is ringing.

Oh, God. Is it? That's weird.

Hello? Mike!

Oh, (bleep).

Mike, we have a (bleep) pool.

The house is (bleep) sick.

Go sit down. (Bleep) you.

All right, love you.

(Vinny) What's the scoop?

What's the scoop, bro? How'd you make out?

(Mike) I'll be honest, when I walked into court,

I was definitely nervous. I had to do what I had to do.

I had to admit some of my mistakes

and try to move forward.

Did you-- did you plead guilty?

I did plead guilty.

He pleaded guilty, he admitted his mistakes.

(Bleep). (Deena) Oh, (bleep).

(Deena) Mike really might not be able to come.

The IRS is like the mafia, you don't (bleep) with them.

So, super (bleep).

(Mike) And then, um...

The judge, you know, she allowed me

to come down to Miami and see you guys.

Yes! Situation's coming to Miami, buddy.

(all cheering)

Thank (bleep) God, because I would've left.

Like, we can't do this without Mike, we need him.

A'ight, yo, I'll talk to you.

We'll see you soon. We're happy you're coming.

A'ight.

(all cheering)

(Deena) Mike's coming!

(Pauly) That's what's up! We're back. We are back.

♪♪

(Ronnie) Yo, let's get ready and go out.

(Deena) I'm down.

♪♪

Look, it's my keto appetizer.

(Pauly laughing) No bun.

So it's the first night on vacation.

We're going out. We finna turn up.

This is Miami and nobody's too old.

Now I'm blind. What do you think of these?

What?

Except for maybe Jenni. (chuckles)

Are those prescription or you just--

Yeah. I love them.

Don't wear those glasses.

Why?

You look like a (bleep) grandma. (hiccup)

Oh, my God. She looks alive. I'm not kidding.

I'm just worried that, like,

we're all gonna be so drunk tonight.

But this is not a good place for Sam to sleep.

Let me bring her upstairs.

I wanna be a good friend to her.

Eww, you feel weird!

Oh, my God. How heavy are you?

Stop!

Oh, my God!

I can never go out without my hair extensions.

I didn't think she'd be, like, that heavy.

She's like 200 pounds.

Oh, my God, you're so heavy!

Eww! I'm stuck.

I love to get dolled up. Oh, God, I'm stuck.

I love to look good.

(grunting) Ron!

I'm just trying to help her, but the bitch is, like, fighting me.

Ron! You're the worst!

Eww!

(grunting)

Stop! Stop...

(recording breaks)

Oh, my God! I killed her!

I killed her.

Ron!

I just fought with Sam downstairs for like an hour.

Welcome to my world.

(Vinny) Let's go!

I would just like to point out that the cab's here!

Let's do it, baby! First night out in Miami!

We're back, bitches.

We're back!

(all cheering)

Sammi, you got something to say?

(doll thuds, Nicole shouts)

Is she drunk? Night one, Miami.

(all cheering)

Let's go. Bye, Sam.

Bye, Sam. Love you.

Yeah, we'll leave her there.

I think she's tired.

I don't remember her being so quiet.

(Deena) This is my first time out in Miami.

I'm excited.

This is Candyland for me. I love Spanish girls.

I'm excited 'cause I just haven't been out in general.

Me neither, bro. I've been GTB.

Gym, tan, baby.

(JWoww) Oh, here we go.

(Deena) All right, I need a (bleep) drink.

(Nicole) Every mom needs to get out.

I never drink like this when I'm home.

I have, like, a schedule. And I feel like here,

I don't have the responsibility, which is, like, really fun.

First night in Miami!

(all cheering)

♪♪

It's, like, a weird era

where, like, everyone's almost, like, bougie.

And like, just gonna sit on the dance floor

and, like, kind of bop and sip my drink

and be almost, like, too cool

to be, like, a sweaty (bleep) mess

and, like, rip (bleep).

Like, no, that's what we're here for.

Like, we're gonna get this party started.

♪♪

I don't think anyone fist pumps anymore,

but we still do.

I will always first pump till the day I die.

Like, I'm at a Bar Mitzvah and I'm like...

Like, stop.

♪♪

(Vinny) Everyone's dance moves are still exactly the same.

Like, Pauly's still fist pumping.

(together) Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Woo!

Ronnie, 100%, still has happy feet.

(Deena) Get it, Ronnie!

The meat balls are dancing like crazy.

♪♪

(Vinny) All right, let's go to the bar.

Two vodka sodas.

I'm about to get (bleep) up tonight.

(Pauly) My man Vinny is wilin' out.

I don't know what is in his keto diet.

But all I do know is he doesn't take many carbs,

so he gets drunk fast.

We can't take him anywhere! We can't take him anywhere!

(Vinny) I haven't been out in a long time.

So I'm like, I have to beat the beat up.

I do this thing where, like, as the beat's building up,

there's like a locked door in front of me.

And like, I'm really frustrated.

Beat's building, beat's building.

I start pounding on the door.

And as soon as the beat drops...

I kick the door open and I start going in there

like a madman and (bleep) everyone in the room up.

♪♪

I feel like because I'm so close with Sam,

Ron is being super weird towards me.

Let's let it go and just have a good time here.

Why are we still talking about Sam?

He has a pregnant girlfriend at home.

And I think clearly he's still not over her.

That's not good for him.

(DJ) And everybody put your drinks in the air.

(all cheering)

Yo, so this girl is beautiful.

She's, like, my actual type.

Dark hair, light eyes,

nice body, and she can move.

We were, like, vibing hard.

But she has a friend that's standing there all awkward.

Where's Vincent?

(Vinny) Being in a relationship, I didn't know how, like,

the wingman thing was gonna go, and it's actually working out.

I'm even holding this girl's hand

while she's grinding on Pauly just to give her support

because she might hurt her back from twerking.

Can't get a (bleep) better wingman than that.

(JWoww) So Nicole went from, like, fun Nicole

to the crazy, piss-drunk, nasty Nicole.

♪♪

Oh my God!

(JWoww) I mean, she can barely stand up straight.

When her eyes start separating,

it's like the Bat signal in our house, like, wrap it up.

(shrieking)

(DJ) Everybody put your drinks in the air!

Whoo!

I just met my perfect Pauly D wifey right there,

and now we're all leaving?

Meatball problems.

(Nicole screeching)

(Vinny) Everything is right in the world.

The planets have all aligned.

Snooki can still turn the (bleep) up.

Your nipple is out. Let's go in the cab.

Right now. Let's go. I'm putting her in--

Ah! Ow! Oh, my God!

(Pauly) And...she's down.

This vacation is gonna be the biggest (bleep) show

Miami has ever seen.

Oh, my God. (Ronnie) Nicole!

Nicole!

We're done, we're done. We're up, we're going in.

(Nicole screaming)

Go. Go, go, go.

(Vinny) Get in this car, you (bleep) guido!

I'm looking around and I'm realizing that we're not these,

like, wiser, mature people.

We're still the same (bleep) show

that was around five years ago.

Ow! Oh, my God, ow! You're so aggressive.

Oh, my God, you're just so rude. Stop it.

I would've wiped that-- Don't (bleep) punch me in the face.

I'm (bleep) done.

No, don't be done. Brothers and sisters fight.

Don't slap me in the face.

Brothers and sisters fight.

I've seen it happen before, because I have a sister.

(Nicole) I have to pee. I have to pee real bad.

(JWoww) Look, look down. Look!

I don't want you to touch me.

Yo, where did my wife go? She was the hottest (bleep).

I don't know.

DJ Pauly D's type was that girl.

Like, I-- I need her to come back.

But (bleep) me, right? What do I care?

I just DJ. You know why I took that job?

'Cause it was the easiest one to spell-- D-J.

(Nicole) Are we here already?

Ow!

(Vinny) Yo, why is it so dark in here?

(Nicole) Aah!

(Deena) Wait, what? Isn't this our house?

The switches don't work.

Aw, here we go. Power's out. Nothing, just dark.

(glass shatters) (Deena) Ow! Unh!

It turned that whole house into chaos.

(Vinny) Oh, (bleep), there's glass there, be careful.

I just broke a lot of things.

(Vinny) We have six drunk guidos

with no power and no lights in the house.

(Nicole screaming) Pauly, you're stepping on me!

Sorry about that. You stepped on me!

Why are the lights out?!

(Vinny) If this night wasn't already messed up, it just got worse.

(Nicole) I'm going pee-pee.

(Pauly D) Nicole, it's too dark.

Just-- Everyone, just go away. I'm going in the pool.

(Jenni) Nicole!

I wanna (bleep) pee!

(Vinny) No, don't go in the--

(Jenni) No, let her-- let her (bleep)--

Yo, you can't do that!

Just let it happen.

(Deena) Yeah, that's fine. Pee, baby.

You pee. Love you.

(Jenni) Nicole, stop!

Oh, my God. That pool's not heated.

Oh, my God! That pool's not heated.

I'm pissing. (Deena) Do it, baby!

(Pauly D) What the (bleep)?

Yeah, some things just don't change.

Guys, this is an epic first night.

It's like when you put a tiger, like, in captivity.

It's tamer.

I need a (bleep) drink.

But take that tiger, put him in the jungle,

still gonna be a (bleep) tiger.

Take Snooki, put her in Miami, still gonna be a Snooki.

I'm gonna smoke a cigarette after that lift.

Holy (bleep). That's not a light girl.

(Pauly D) Hey, yo, Vinny,

who do you have to (bleep) around here to get a pizza?

Not you, I hope.

(knock on door) Hello! Pizza's here.

Oh, wait, we have pizza?

Thank you. Pizza's here.

Oh, my God! We have a pizza!

Pizza's here, bro.

(Deena) What's on it? Pepperoni.

Oh, I like pepperoni.

What is he doing? Are you gonna eat crust on one of them?

What the (bleep) is going on right now?

We're all enjoying our slices,

and Vin's just like picking at the pizza.

You're only just picking the cheese off?

(Deena) You're so weird.

Vinny, stop that (bleep), eat the crust.

Vin, really? You're really gonna disrespect that pie like that?

That is not the Italian way. This is pizza.

Fold it in half and stick it in your mouth.

What is wrong with this guy?

He's like a pelican just (bleep) nipping at it.

(pelican chirping) Eat the (bleep) pizza!

(Deena) Get your (bleep) together, Vin.

We eat carbs!

We're Italian! We're allowed!

You look up the most ass(bleep) way to eat a pizza

in the dictionary, it is that.

Vinny.

No, for real, like, does anybody have a dictionary?

(Ronnie) This guy eats six slices with straight pepperoni and cheese.

Yo, where's Sam?

Where is Sam? She's such a doll now.

(Sammi's Voice) The smaller the shorts, the better.

Let's get Sam over here, (bleep) it.

(Deena) No!

Stop (bleep) touching the (bleep) that looks like her.

It's just gross.

She's not (bleep) here, so who the (bleep) cares?

Ohh!

Yeah, he's, like, annoying. I don't get it.

Don't get me started.

Oh, don't get you started with what?

Don't you-- With me?

Don't get you started with me? What did I ever do to you?

(Ronnie chuckles)

Because you really did (bleep) me.

Oh, here we go. (Pauly D) Wait, what?

I was doing a countdown...

No, I was not going to go there until you just said it.

I was gonna, like, count down the days-- Wait, what?

I was gonna count down the days till it happened.

You were the one that just

(bleep) brought it up.

I don't want to bring it up

because I don't want to talk about it at all, Ron.

Okay, but...

(Deena) When my father passed away, everyone reached out to me.

Ron was the only one that never--

I didn't get a text from him, I didn't get call, nothing.

It really hurt me.

Well... the reason I didn't reach out,

the reason I didn't do that

is because I just didn't know what to say.

Like, what do I say to someone that, like,

I love no matter what, but you're the other person's best friend.

With what? With Sam?

(Ronnie) What do you want do?

Go to a funeral so you can hang out with Sam?

I knew mentally, like, I couldn't deal with that.

Well, I don't give a (bleep) about that.

Guys, let's change the subject.

Listen! Guys, let's change the subject.

Dee-- He loves you.

Come on, Dee. She always put herself between us.

It doesn't matter. She always made us choose.

It doesn't (bleep) matter what she did.

She always made you choose, and you guys always chose her.

No, no, no, no, no! You guys always chose her.

No, no, no, no, no!

Come on, Dee, you guys always chose her. No, no, no!

Regardless what she did, Ronnie,

you should've came to me as...

me and you! Me and you!

But at the time-- At the time--

It doesn't matter!

You guys were so up each other's asses that I couldn't...

Yes, me and Sam were very close.

Exactly, so I couldn't come to you knowing that, like--

No, it doesn't matter. No, you don't get that.

No, no, no!

When my dad died, it doesn't matter.

It doesn't (bleep) matter who was close.

It doesn't matter about Sam.

That has nothing to do with Sam.

So please.

You come up to me and you (bleep) tell me you're sorry.

'Cause you knew my dad.

You weren't (bleep) there. That (bleep) killed me.

♪♪

You come up to me

and you (bleep) tell me you're sorry.

'Cause you knew my dad.

You weren't (bleep) there.

That (bleep) killed me.

(Ronnie) When Deena's dad passed away,

I was in a bad place.

Me and Sam had broken up, I was going through

my own personal stuff at the time, you know.

Depression, whatever you want to call it,

and I was dealing with my own issues,

and I made a mistake by not reaching out.

I'm just sorry I couldn't be there, Dee.

(sniffs) At that point in my life,

I was not mentally, physically, anything stable.

I can't justify it. It's not an excuse or a reason.

Like, I should've been there for you, and I'm sorry.

If it would've happened now, it would've been a completely different outcome.

But it didn't, and I made a mistake, and that's what--

you know, and I'll do whatever I have to do to make it up to you.

(Deena) You know, me and Ron, we'll move past this.

I'm not one to hold grudges, and I know my dad

is up there, like, telling me, "Get over it."

I just went through a lot. I miss him.

Oh, he's watching in the good place.

Yeah. He's watching us in Heaven.

Yeah, he's in a good place.

(Deena) Yeah... thank you.

(Pauly) I know, bud.

♪ Rising about the dust ♪

(Deena) I miss my dad so much.

And I should've been there for you.

♪♪

(Nicole burps) My God.

Huh?

(Nicole) So, waking up this morning,

I was like, how did I get here?

I have no idea what happened last night.

So hung-over I want to kill myself.

Ugh, I feel like (bleep).

I'm gonna call Jionni first.

(bleep), we don't have power!

Oh, my God, the fridge is off,

so now everything's gonna be rotten.

(sighs) What the (bleep)?

Oh, my God, there's ants everywhere.

(bleep) me in the ass. Oh, my God!

We have ants! We have ants.

What are you doing? We have ants everywhere.

Eww, no, we don't. Bitch, this is a disaster.

Oh, God. How did this happen in one night?

I don't know why we can't get it together.

Oh, my God, there's ants, they're crawling on my face.

Ew. I hate my life, I hate my life.

I hate my life. Ooh!

It's crawling on my arm, it's crawling on my arm!

It's happening.

Oh, my God, I hate it.

Ugh!

God. Whew! They'll lay eggs in my ears.

Ants everywhere.

Oh, my God, you reek of alcohol.

You're rude. Come on.

I'm starving.

Oh, my God!

(screams)

Yeah, pizza!

Oh, my God, I can't believe we have a full pie

of pepperoni pizza.

I'm eating it. Ooh, jeez!

(Nicole) We don't have power,

but at least we have pizza and alcohol.

That's all we need.

I love you. You're my best friend.

(JWoww) So where are we going, guys?

Let's go to Oceans, have a bulldog. Yes.

I'm gonna pick up Mike at the airport in a couple hours.

You are? Yes! Mm-hmm.

We should roll out now and get food.

It's happening. Let's go. (bleep)!

Oh, my God, are you okay?

(bleep)!

(JWoww) We can all fit in one, though, by the way.

(Deena) They didn't want us with them?

No, no. What scums.

♪♪

I feel better already, only had one bite.

(Nicole) I'm not shaking anymore.

I can't take it with those glasses.

I-- Look at yours.

Yours is the square version of mine, same color and rim.

You're so right.

Nicole, when did you get your boobs done?

October last year. Let me see?

(laughter)

I love them.

The best decision I've ever made.

Told you. Especially after the kids.

My tits looked like ballsacks after I had the kids.

(women laughing)

What were yours like? When you have implants and have kids?

When did you get boobs, 18? Yeah.

Can you still breastfeed with them?

Um, I did for Meilani,

but then I went and had my boobs redone...

♪♪ I like this song.

...after her because she destroyed me.

("Thunder" by Imagine Dragons playing) I like the beat.

I need a drink. I need another drink.

You okay?

We're at Oceans, and I hear Lorenzo's favorite song,

and I'm like, "Oh, my God. Like, I miss him."

♪ Lightning and the thunder ♪ This is his favorite song?

♪ Thunder, feel the thunder ♪ Lighting and the thunder ♪

Oh, my God.

Sorry, I can't look at you, because if you do it,

then I'll do it.

I miss my kids. I'm sorry.

♪ Thunder, feel the thunder ♪

It's happening. Stop it.

I'm sorry.

It's a chain reaction, sorry.

Now we're all dead.

I (bleep) miss my kids, man.

(JWoww) Nicole's crying,

and I'm kinda like, trying to look away, and I'm like,

"Don't do it, don't do it, wipe your tears,"

but this is the longest I've ever been away from my kids.

25 days. I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

You okay, babe? Jenni?

I just made her upset. I didn't mean to.

(Pauly D) Damn.

♪♪

(Nicole) (bleep) miss my kids, man.

Oh, my God, don't.

I'm sorry. I just made her upset.

I didn't mean to.

What happened?

Lorenzo's favorite song came on, she got really emotional.

(Vinny) Who? Nicole.

Nicole got emotional? (Pauly and Deena) Yeah.

So why'd Jenni walk away?

(Vinny) We're, like, only like, a couple days in.

What is happening?

It's called having a family, bro.

People to worry about.

I don't know what that's like.

(Ronnie laughing)

(exhales) I'm starting to reconsider this whole thing.

(chuckles)

I miss my dog. (Ronnie laughs)

(toilet flushes)

(Nicole) You mad at me? No.

It's only day two. How are we gonna survive this?

I just gotta switch it off.

I love being here.

I love seeing my roommates,

but I get the mom guilt.

You're a mom.

How dare you drink, and act a fool, and have fun,

and go to a club, 'cause moms aren't supposed to do that.

Let's have a good time, and they'll understand.

Yeah. They're gonna watch you grow,

which is better, 'cause they can watch you

become a better person, and then, you know, you're a role model.

I know. You too.

So (bleep) emotional.

Just crying about every (bleep) thing in the world.

It's like we are on a family vacation.

Have a good time. Relax.

Good? I'm good. I'm okay.

I wish I had makeup with me.

On that note, we need to get a roommate. Where's Mike?

(Pauly D) Nicole, you have good handwriting?

Yeah. I wanna make a sign that says "Mike" for the airport.

I wanna hold it. Yeah, I can do it.

All right, perfect. You want me to do "Situation" or "Mike"?

Write it big, though. (JWoww) Say, "Mike, cabs are here."

She put a heart on the "I."

How do you spell "Situation"?

(Jenni and Vinny) T-I-O-N.

(Pauly D) I'm horrible at spelling. Perfect.

Situation. Thank you.

Situation! I'll be like this.

Ready to go? Yeah, let's do it.

All right, we're gonna go pick up Mike.

Tell Mike we are so excited,

we can't wait to see him.

So, Mike is coming back,

and it's only right that his two best boys pick him up

to complete the MVP.

Getting to rescue our boy. Yes, sir.

Feel I'm, like, breaking him out jail. I know.

Maybe that's a little too close to home, that saying for him, but...

Yep, like, hiding him out in (bleep) Miami. Yeah, exactly.

MVP, "P" being the best, "P" being the best. Hmm.

Kind of kicked him out of MVP for a little while,

but he's welcome back now because he's... Nice.

He's so nice. Yep.

♪♪

(Nicole) This place is amazing. I cannot wait to drink.

Bitch, let's live. We're in Miami.

Yes, bitches!

(Deena) I like this place.

Whoo!

I love my kids to death.

I would die for my kids, die for my husband.

Yes!

But at the same time, this is a vacation.

Yes!

I want us all to, like, have fun, rage.

And, like, make our presence here.

Bitch, we are here, and it's happening.

(Pauly D) I'm really looking forward to seeing Mike,

but I don't know how he's gonna be with all this court news.

That's the biggest burden anybody could ever have is jail time.

Just the fact that you don't know if you're gonna

go away or not, that's a lot to deal with.

♪ Hey, brother ♪

♪ There's an endless road to rediscover ♪

I mean, out of everybody in this house,

I think Mike needs this vacation more than anybody.

Yeah, I think I see him. (Vinny) I see him.

What up, what up, what up?!

I didn't think I would see you guys here.

I didn't expect to see you here, man.

What's up, man? What's up, man?

(overlapping chatter)

(Mike) I did not know Pauly and Vinny

were meeting me at the airport.

I feel like Rocky right now. I feel victorious.

M... V... P!

MVP!

(laughter and chatter)

(Mike) I got an MVP reunion.

Let the fist pumping begin.

Let's call the girls, see what they're doing.

See where they're at. They'll be happy to see you.

(cell phone dialing) Yeah, no, man, (bleep).

I was real excited to see you guys.

See where these girls are at.

Hey! (Vinny) Who is this?

Hello?

Oh, not the Clevelander.

You're at the Clevelander?

Yeah, we're gonna meet you over there.

All right, well, we're gonna come meet you.

We're gonna come meet you.

(Vinny) Just picked up our sober roommate.

Gonna go to the Clevelander with a bunch of drunk moms.

This is not gonna be pretty.

Oh, my God.

I'm in two years recovery, sober and clean,

and I'm in a family vacation with a bunch of savages.

Last time, I promise.

Your mama still live in a tent.

This is definitely a dad-chelor party for me.

I got a couple more months before this kid

comes flying out of there like a Wet 'n' Wild--

You know what I mean?

It's like, I gotta just enjoy myself and really let loose.

Ohh! (Nicole and Deena shouting)

Uh-oh. Here we go.

♪♪

Ugh! Ugh!

(Vinny) So, Michael, how was court?

(Mike and Vinnie chuckling)

Oh, man, um... What was that like?

What is it like? Um, it's a lot of pressure.

You know what I mean?

It made it easier to go through that

knowing that I had all you guys' support.

I mean, it's very weird, though, 'cause with you guys,

I feel like we did this yesterday.

Wait till you get back in the house.

Feels exactly-- It's like, holy (bleep).

I'm in the same outfit.

He is in the same outfit, you know,

and he looks the same.

I mean, I'm not gonna lie.

There are some new faces in the house.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, literally, like, new faces.

(Vinny) I don't think they're hiding it.

Nicole's face has the price tag hanging off of it.

Heh heh! Oh, that's (bleep).

(Nicole) Aah!

What is happening?!

(JWoww) Homeboy is loving these three girls right now.

I mean, I know I set this up,

but I am sure not telling his girl that.

I'm staying out of that (bleep).

(Nicole laughing)

(Deena) What is happening, though? I mean it!

Oh, my God. Where are they?

Oh, there he is.

(Mike) There's many years I wasn't my best self.

I was irresponsible, careless, selfish,

but still to this day, my friends see the best in me.

And now, after all these years and what I've been through,

I'm finally here and I'm about to start my vacation

with my best friends.

Let's do this.

(Ronnie) Listen, listen!

(all cheering)

(Mike) I've waiting for this for a long time.

The Situation has arrived.

Yay!

Mike!

♪ We'll stare down at the wonder of it all ♪

♪ And I will hold you all in it ♪

(Mike) The family is whole again.

This is where I belong.

This is my squad, and listen, we've got a good situation.

(Deena) Mike!

I've been waiting, like, four or five months

to give Mike the ultimate hug that he deserves.

The old Mike, he (bleep) sucked,

but this Mike, he just is amazing.

He really is, like, born again.

And I mean not come out of the vagina

like a baby born again,

but I mean, like, he's a new soul.

Ohh... I love this Mike.

♪♪ Yes!

(Nicole) I definitely feel like Mike is in such a good place,

so we'll give him, like, a Coke.

Not like a "coke" like a drug, like the juice.

(Nicole shouting)

♪♪

There's been so many obstacles for me to get here in Miami

with my best friends.

Now that I'm here, I'm seeing, you know,

women out there, that's tempting.

The liquor, that's tempting.

My friends are being savages.

The chances of survival of this...

it's very slim.

Oh, my God, I lost all my rings!

(Deena) Could it be in the (bleep) pool?

This wedding ring thing is setting her off.

Like, she is triggered.

(Nicole) I'm going home. (bleep) this (bleep).

Oh, God.

♪♪

Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah.

Hey, what's up?

(Mike) Walking out of the Clevelander,

mission accomplished.

The Situation is still sober,

had a great time with his roommates.

Hey, only Mike can drive.

All right, I'm gonna get into the driver's seat.

(Mike) The tables have turned,

and The Situation is now The Designation.

(JWoww) Bye!

(Ronnie) Wait, is Mike sober enough to drive?

Are you gonna stop at a stoplight

and leave the car running?

(laughs)

♪♪

(JWoww) Our house currently doesn't have power, though, so...

(Ronnie) Yeah, there's no power around.

(JWoww) Oh, my God, Ron!

(Pauly D) Smells like rotten eggs. Eww!

(JWoww) You farted.

(JWoww) Well, let's only fart in here.

(Pauly D) This is us right here.

Holy (bleep), for real? This is the crib. Wow!

We got (bleep) power!

(Deena) Lights are on!

(Nicole) My God, we can take a shower!

We can wipe our ass(bleep). I see.

(JWoww) Welcome to your new home, dear.

This is awesome.

Oh, my God, we actually got a mansion for our vacation.

Ronnie, where are you going?

I'm going to our room... to take a fat (bleep).

Holy (bleep).

(burps)

(Deena) Look at our backyard!

Can you (bleep) believe it?

This is awesome. And we got a hot tub.

And a hot tub, and we got the grill.

(Ronnie) Oh, (bleep). Oops.

So, this is your room.

Cool. And you have your own bathroom as well.

(Jenni) Oh, my God, it smells like (bleep) in here.

Nice. Ron?

(Ronnie) Yeah, can I (bleep) in peace or what?

(Deena) Oh, my God!

Holy (bleep)! (bleep) stinks.

(laughing) That's so (bleep) nasty.

You don't shut the door?! Are you pooping?

(Nicole) Is he pooping?

(Mike) He is.

Oh, my God, eww.

Living with Ron I feel like we're living with, like,

a 200-pound toddler.

You're in the dark, you weirdo!

Like, I changed Giovanna's diapers, Lorenzo's diapers,

and I can handle (bleep) pretty good.

Like, I love (bleep).

But Ron's just like-- that's alien (bleep).

Like, that's not from this Earth.

Like the (bleep) gremlin. Weirdo.

(Ronnie) Oh, (bleep). Are you kidding me?

You gotta walk down the hallway.

It's a whole hallway. I'm gonna go check it out.

Sammi's in there.

(Mike) Whoa!

(Pauly and Vinny laughing)

What the-- yo, yo?!

Oh, this is our girl Sammi.

Yo, my girl's gonna get pissed at me, man.

This is our girl Sammi.

I'm the sweetest doll you'll ever meet.

(toilet bubbling)

It's just not gonna (bleep) work, like...

(Sammi's voice) I can never go out without my hair extensions.

No (bleep) way! Oh, yeah.

Yo, this is so crazy.

Plunger's not working right now.

Gotta snake this.

What, do I call Roto-Rooter?

Hello?

Who's that? Are you alive?

(bleep) toilet's clogged.

It's a coincidence 'cause you just (bleep).

(snorting and laughing)

(bleep) all over my shoes.

Eww! Sick.

♪♪

I'm happy me and you are rooming together, brother.

I just hope you don't snore, though.

Oh, bro, I don't smoke and drink.

There's no way I'm gonna snore.

Just don't be waking up at 7:00 a.m.

doing fasted cardio in the room.

Like, go outside, please.

So, I'm rooming with Mike,

and we have a past.

Take your (bleep) the (bleep) out, bro.

Ron! Hey, Ron, now don't get involved in--

Stop, Ron!

(Ronnie) But, like, we're gonna see where it goes,

and honestly, like, I hope it goes in the right place.

I don't wanna have to put his bed on the balcony.

(Mike) The bathroom's a mess already.

What'd you do with all your stuff?

Did you bring it in there?

No, it's all in these drawers.

All right, all right, all right.

As soon as I walked into that room

where I was gonna stay with Ronnie,

I knew right away that it was a mess.

Did you clog the toilet, too?

(Ronnie) Yeah.

(Mike) He's a mess, his life is a mess,

and something's gotta change.

(chuckling) Oh, God.

Yo!

Showing me no sympathy right now.

Mess already.

♪♪

(Deena) You still smoke? (Mike) No, I don't.

So you don't do anything.

It wasn't like that right away.

At first, it just started out just drugs and alcohol

for the last two years,

and then I wanted to continue to better myself.

So then I don't drink, I don't drug, I don't smoke,

I don't lie, I don't cheat, I don't steal.

(Nicole) You're so cute.

I love him. Yeah, I love you, Mike.

(Mike) So, um... I said you're Jesus.

(Nicole) She called you Jesus.

She called me Jesus? I'm like, calm down.

No, calm down. Listen, it makes me be able

to go through some of the things I have,

that I have Lauren by my side.

She's a hot (bleep) bitch. (Mike) You know what I mean?

After those titties? I know!

All right, before I get all teary-eyed,

I'm gonna give you guys a kiss.

I'm gonna get dressed. Mmm! Love you guys.

(Nicole and Deena) We love you.

Mwah!

(Nicole) He's just such a different Mike.

He's so positive and just like a good person.

He's, like, awesome.

He's amazing.

Why can't we be like that?

I wanna be like Mike,

but that's never gonna happen.

(chuckling) I love my alcohol too much.

I'm a very nice person.

I'm not. I'm, like, the worst.

Why-- Why am I such a whore?

You're-- You're not a whore.

No, like, a mean whore. I hate everyone.

I know. (chuckles)

Cheers to that. At least I admit it.

So, Mike, I didn't like you. You were not a good person.

(Pauly D) Holy (bleep). Here we go again.

Drama, man. And this is gonna be bad.

(Nicole) Don't even go there.

So... (Nicole) Relax.

♪♪

(JWoww) What are you wearing tonight?

I'd rather just go to sleep.

(JWoww) We are currently dying right now

trying to get ready for Mike's celebratory dinner

at the Delano restaurant.

Like, really high-end.

But no exceptions.

We're going, we're rallying.

I want to make sure it's perfect for Mike.

I want to hear all about Mike's situation... literally.

Your nipple's out! Your actual whole areola's out!

Which one?

(JWoww laughing)

I'm new to these boobs, okay?

I'm new to these (bleep) boobs. I don't know how they work.

(snorts and laughs)

How do these (bleep) new tits operate?!

Should we name her?

Why are they always out? Should she be named?

'Cause she's like my new friend.

(laughing) I see her more than you.

This one, right?

It's always out, the (bleep) whore.

Like, she wants to, like, see the day.

(giggling) I hate them.

I'm returning these boobs. I don't want them. I can't--

(JWoww) You have a 30-day warranty on these.

Excuse me.

They have a mind of their own.

It's just weird. So I'm still getting used to them,

and I just need to learn from JWoww.

My whole tit was just out again.

Just gotta wait for tee-shirt time.

Damn right it's (bleep) tee-shirt time.

♪♪

(Nicole) Oh, you're getting dressed like that, bitch?

Now I gotta wear a ball gown! You look stunning.

♪♪

Fist bump, push-up, ChapStick.

Fist bump, push-up, ChapStick!

I got my second wind. Let's go.

♪ Here comes the bride, all dressed in white ♪

Shut up! Let me freaking live!

(Nicole) Deena's shaving!

Who cares? You all know I shave.

Thank the Lord!

(Mike) My God, that (bleep) doll keeps flipping me out.

(Deena) We're not bringing her to the restaurant. She looks a mess.

(belches) Excuse me. Oh, my God, I'm gross.

(all cheering)

(Pauly D) Yeah... buddy!

We got our boy back!

It feels great. We got the entire gang back.

I'm starting to realize like how special it actually is

that we all made it here and we have Mike here.

(Pauly D) Wow, we get the four boys back. Burgers for the boys.

(Mike) This is overdue.

(Pauly D) Yeah, this is overdue.

Ronnie's paying the bill and everything-- he already said it.

(all) Ooh...

Thank God Pauly gave me his card.

Oh, damn.

Oww!

Oww!

(laughing) Ow.

(Deena and Nicole) Oww!

(JWoww) Guys, we're at a fancy place. Calm down.

The Delano. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. So nice. We don't deserve to be here.

(laughing) You're hurting me.

(Nicole shrieking)

Ooh, get off my dress.

(Deena) Oh, my God. Settle, settle.

(Deena coughing)

(laughing) Ew! That sounded disgusting.

(belches) Ohh! It's bad.

(JWoww) They need to go to McDonald's.

(laughter)

You can't take the Jersey out the girls.

I couldn't ask for better (bleep) friends than you guys.

Aww, we couldn't ask for a better Mike right now.

(Deena) Cheers to Mike.

(Vinny) Wait, hold on, hold on. Give a real...

Ooh.

So we didn't know if Mike was gonna be able to come down here.

He made it.

You're an inspiration to all of us

because of what you're going through

and the way you're handling it.

You're here with us right now

during this hardest time of your life.

So cheers to you for coming here. Wow.

Yes. Cheers, Mike. (Vinny) And enjoy it!

Love you, Mike.

Love you guys.

That's good sparkling water.

That is good sparkling water, it was.

Mike, like, you were like my best friend.

And then we like totally fell off, and we were fighting.

Yep.

I didn't get-- (bleep) you.

(bleep) you, Mike. I didn't!

Mike, I'm not kidding!

We hated each other.

I couldn't even stand to look at you.

And then all of a sudden, like, you were Mike again.

So I'm grateful at the fact that we still have this relationship.

Thank you. 'Cause I love you so much.

I love you, too.

You know, we're talking about ups and downs,

and there was a point

where I actually punched you in your face.

Gonna punch me in the face?

(all) Ohh!

Face-- face-- face. See what I'm sayin'?

Back fist. And I apologize.

(Ronnie) That was awesome.

But at the end of the day, I could not be more proud

to call Michael Sorrentino my friend.

It's an honor to call you my friend now, so...

Aww... love you, too.

I love you.

So, Mike...

The problem with me and Mike was I always gave him

the benefit of the doubt.

And that's what always (bleep) me.

(Ronnie) You're in a great place,

and I respect where you've gotten to.

But... we have had more downs than ups, that's for sure.

(Pauly D) Holy (bleep), here we go again.

Drama, man. This is gonna be bad.

Since day one, we've gone at it.

We've had issues with each other.

Fighting, yelling, screaming.

(Mike) Do it!

(Sammi) Stop!

(JWoww) Come on, please. Stop.

I didn't like you.

You know, you were not a good person.

(Deena) Oh, my God, I hate him.

Buzzkill, relax over there. Oh, my God.

You're not the person that I met

when you first walked into the house.

You became something that I didn't want to be around,

I didn't want to associate myself with.

Wait a second. Are you holding grudges from 2011?

Come on, son. Get past that (bleep).

(Deena) That wasn't nice. What the hell?

That's rude. That wasn't nice.

So rude. Don't even go there.

So... (Deena) Relax.

But, after seeing you the last couple months

and talking to you,

I respect where you've gotten to

and the strength that you have.

Yeah. Very inspirational, bro.

Thank you, brother. Yes.

(Deena) Very nice.

"The Situation" tried to bang my ex-girlfriend

and ratted me out nine different times.

So that's why, like, even now,

I keep him at a distance,

and we're gonna see where it goes.

I really didn't think it was that bad between me and you.

(laughing) I really didn't.

(all laughing)

(Pauly D) If I was to make a prediction

of how this is going to go,

I'm going to predict that we're gonna be fighting.

We're gonna have to hear Jenni bitch about it,

we're gonna have to hear Snooki,

and then Ronnie may cry-- I don't know.

I thought that we always had these nice, deep conversations.

I really did.

I also predict that Deena's gonna cry.

(laughing) She always cries.

Oh, yeah, positivity! Yeah!

(Mike) Time to eat.

(Deena) Yeah, let's eat.

Uhh! Stop!

It's time to drown this bitch. I'm over her.

(both) Uhh!

(men) Ohh...

(Pauly D) Sammi!

(Mike) Looks like a dead person.

(Deena) Oh, my God!

♪♪

(Vinny) Hey, Sam.

(Pauly) Sam, you missed a good dinner.

(JWoww) Why are you rubbing her?

(Mike) I'm glad you guys worked things out.

Oh, my God. (chuckling)

(Deena) Let's get in PJs.

Yeah.

And then we're going to have a wine.

Yes!

(Nicole) I feel like me and Deena have grown up a lot

since the last time we lived together in the shore house.

Like, we don't even choke Baca anymore.

Now we choke wine and prosecco.

We're more like a classier meatball.

Cabernet. Amazing.

Oh, that's a lot of wine.

(chuckling) Whoo!

Oh. That's, like, a lot.

That is. Well, we don't have to drink it all.

Calm down. Should we go by the pool?

(Nicole) Oh, my God, I want to sit on the couch and, like, talk.

(Deena) This is like my favorite thing.

I'm like a wine "conndoisseur" now.

I'm domesticated Deena, bitches.

(belches) Excuse me.

(Mike) Yo, Ronnie was just violating

the Sammi doll just now.

(Vinny) Again? Yo!

Should we drown her? Let's do it.

Y'all is crazy. Let's drown the bitch!

Let's (bleep) drown this (bleep) doll.

(Deena) Me and Nicole hate the Sammi doll.

It just sits there,

doesn't clean the house, doesn't do anything.

So why do we need this frickin' doll here?

So we're like, "Let's get rid of it."

(Sammi's voice) Ron! Stop it!

(groans) We got this.

She's a heavy mother(bleep). Stop it! Stop!

Do you wanna go for her legs, and I'll--

Uhh! (retching noises)

I never once did anything like that to you.

Threw up in my mouth. Uhh!

(Deena) Apparently Sammi needs to lay off the carbs

because this bitch is heavy as (bleep).

We're gonna throw her right in the pool, come on.

They can't put her in the water, Sammi can't swim.

It's so heavy! Stop!

I hate this doll. You (bleep) whore.

Girl! Relax, it's dead! It's dead! She's dead!

Damn, everybody fights with Sam now.

Not just Ronnie that fights Sam.

Come on. Get this (bleep) thing out of here. Uhh!

Stop!

It's time to drown this bitch. I'm over her.

(both) Uhh!

(men) Ohh!

(Pauly D) Sammi!

(electronic croak) (Deena) Oh, my God!

You (bleep)! She's not even dying.

(Pauly D) Oh, she's a floater.

Oh, my God, it's like, why is this bitch still alive?

This bitch is still here.

Oh, my God, it looks like a dead (bleep) person.

You better be careful, like, these windows

and (bleep), someone's gonna call the cops.

(Pauly D) Man, you guys gotta dump that body.

You're gonna get caught. What do we do?

(Pauly D) Put some concrete boots on her.

(Ronnie) Yeah, tie her-- some bricks to her.

(Deena) If a helicopter went by, they would definitely think

there's a dead body in the pool.

Me and Nicole would be the worst people at hiding a murder.

(Sammi's voice, warbled) Stop!

(Nicole) She's making a noise.

Why is she still alive? My God.

Wow... Wow...

What is happening?! (Pauly D) The voice box.

(Deena) It's the voice box, it's getting crazy.

She's saying something! (gurgling)

Saying don't kill me.

(Pauly and Vinny laughing)

This doll's clearly tougher than Sammi.

The frickin' thing won't (bleep) die.

(gurgling)

(bleep). I hate her. Bye.

Yo, she is never gonna talk to any of us, ever again.

(Pauly D) Nah, we're done. Not a chance.

Maybe we should write her a note.

(all laughing) Oh, my God.

Vinnie, jump in the pool. Yeah, right.

Wait, wait, no, get away from me.

(Ronnie) You're so...

Ow! Uhh, (bleep).

Oh, my God, I lost all my rings!

Good.

What happened?! Must have... whoa...

What happened? I'm not kidding, where's my rings?

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait.

What kind of rings? The diamond one?

Yes, I'm missing the (bleep) diamond.

(Deena) Oh, my God.

Wait, the little-- the rock one?

(chuckling) Yeah...

Yes! Like the real important thing. (bleep).

All right. Could it be in the (bleep) pool?

Oh, God.

Right after Snooks threw Sammi into the pool,

she loses her ring.

I'm like, "Oh, my God, karma is not just a club."

I guess we have to just retrace steps then.

I'm gonna kill myself.

(Ronnie) It's all right. It's here, Nicole. Relax.

Oh, my God. No, I know, I know. I know.

Don't freak out. We're gonna find it.

(Ronnie) We're scrambling through the grass,

the furniture's being flipped.

We have flashlights out.

It was almost like we were looking for El Chapo.

(whimpering) For him, for him.

Ring's (bleep) huge. Where the (bleep) is it?

Oh, my God. I'm gonna kill myself.

(bleep), where's my ring? Oh, my God.

Where the (bleep) is it?

We have to find it, Ron. She's gonna lose it.

♪♪

(Nicole) I'm dying.

I'm literally dying inside.

Where the (bleep) is my wedding ring?

We are looking everywhere for this ring.

I mean, we're combing the entire backyard for two hours.

Where the (bleep) could this (bleep) ring be?

(Nicole, sobbing) The (bleep)?

Babe, it's not over here. It's somewhere else.

(sobbing continues)

I've never seen her so upset.

She's already missing her kids, she's missing her family.

She-- we have to find this ring.

Oh, my God. (crying)

(Deena) I have no idea where her ring is.

I checked so many places.

I lost my ring. Oh, my God. (sobs)

I'm so sorry, Nicole.

(sobbing)

(Nicole) I'm going home.

(bleep) lost my (bleep) wedding ring.

I'm leaving. I'm going home.

(Mike) We're still looking. Don't give up hope.

I wanna go home. (bleep) this (bleep).

(Deena) We're gonna find it, Nicole.

This wedding ring thing is setting her off.

Like, she is triggered, and she wants to go home.

We need to find this ring

because Nicole can't leave this house.

(line ringing) (sobbing) I can't believe I lost my wedding ring.

(Deena) She's calling her mom.

We have to find this (bleep).

(Andy) Hello? Hey, Dad.

Hey, honey. (bleep) lost my wedding ring.

What? I lost my wedding ring.

If it's here, we're finding it.

No, we're finding it, dude.

I wanna come home!

(wailing)

Oh, my God, how'd this happen?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Ron, what the (bleep) comes out of you?

This was (bleep) vile.

(Deena retching)

(Nicole) I'm (bleep)-- I'm upset here!

You're the best friend ever, thank you!

(Ronnie) We have so much history

that we know how to push each other's buttons.

Being an adult!

You're ruining my (bleep) marriage!

Being an adult! Jesus, you're the worst.