Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,844 --> 00:00:05,084
♪ ♪
2
00:00:05,180 --> 00:00:07,580
[whistle blows]
3
00:00:07,682 --> 00:00:09,792
- Okay, team, everyone has
scored a goal this season
4
00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:10,915
except for Tom.
5
00:00:11,019 --> 00:00:12,289
So let's try to pass to him.
6
00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:13,787
- Yeah, I'm better than I look,
guys.
7
00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:16,219
Nimble, strong, fast, agile,
8
00:00:16,291 --> 00:00:17,431
the whole--the whole package.
9
00:00:17,526 --> 00:00:18,786
- Oh, please, come on.
10
00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:20,564
Enough with this jibber-jabber
already.
11
00:00:20,629 --> 00:00:23,099
- Like I was saying, we're
here to support each other
12
00:00:23,198 --> 00:00:24,128
and have fun.
13
00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:25,632
- I think you all should know
14
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:28,304
that my son should be
on the all-star team
15
00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:31,413
and not playing
with these bimbo nimrods.
16
00:00:31,473 --> 00:00:32,973
- Are we nimrods?
What's happening.
17
00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:34,035
- Lady, pipe down.
18
00:00:34,109 --> 00:00:35,209
You can say whatever you want
19
00:00:35,277 --> 00:00:36,707
about these other nimrods...
20
00:00:36,778 --> 00:00:38,148
- Let's be supportive.
21
00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:39,816
- But Tom is great
at everything he tires.
22
00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:41,115
- Yeah, I'm pretty solid.
23
00:00:41,216 --> 00:00:42,546
- Your son
is a failed bassoonist,
24
00:00:42,617 --> 00:00:45,787
and he crapped his pants
at Little League.
25
00:00:45,887 --> 00:00:47,287
- Coach, why don't we wrap up
the pep talk?
26
00:00:47,389 --> 00:00:49,589
This is really not--
not pepping us up.
27
00:00:49,658 --> 00:00:51,458
- ♪ 'Cause I'ma powerful woman ♪
28
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,130
♪ Always get what I want ♪
29
00:00:53,228 --> 00:00:55,298
- Ugh, that woman
is so annoying.
30
00:00:55,397 --> 00:00:58,227
She ruins every soccer game.
- I don't wish ill upon people,
31
00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:00,840
but I went to church last week
to pray that she dies.
32
00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:02,136
- [clears throat]
33
00:01:02,237 --> 00:01:03,807
Hi, I know you're talking
about my wife.
34
00:01:03,905 --> 00:01:05,735
- Uh, no! Your wife?
35
00:01:05,807 --> 00:01:07,337
- Your wife is great.
- Love your wife.
36
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,142
- We were talking
about a different wife.
37
00:01:09,244 --> 00:01:12,014
- There's no need to deny it.
I mean, she is a nightmare.
38
00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:14,524
Listen, can I show you guys
something over here?
39
00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:15,976
- Behind the dumpster?
40
00:01:16,084 --> 00:01:17,794
[intriguing music]
41
00:01:17,853 --> 00:01:19,423
- Okay, I know what this is,
Nurse.
42
00:01:19,488 --> 00:01:21,318
This is a dumpster
blow job scenario.
43
00:01:21,423 --> 00:01:22,863
- Wh--
- Absolutely not.
44
00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:23,988
- Okay, forget I said it.
45
00:01:24,092 --> 00:01:25,262
What do you want to talk about?
46
00:01:25,327 --> 00:01:26,857
- Tell me if society
47
00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:28,702
would frown on something
like this
48
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:30,527
and if this is inappropriate,
49
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:33,702
but what if we slip her
some kind of sedative?
50
00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:35,042
- Wait, what?
51
00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:36,707
- I mean, is that wrong?
- Yes, it's wrong.
52
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:38,205
I can't believe
you just said that.
53
00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:39,506
- Nurse, let's hear him out.
54
00:01:39,608 --> 00:01:41,138
- Are you listening
to yourselves?
55
00:01:41,209 --> 00:01:43,349
- I am listening, and I'm
hearing some stuff I like.
56
00:01:43,445 --> 00:01:45,145
What kind of sedative
are you thinking?
57
00:01:45,213 --> 00:01:47,283
- You know, mild.
Mild to heavy.
58
00:01:47,349 --> 00:01:49,049
- No!
- Okay, yeah!
59
00:01:49,151 --> 00:01:50,391
Mild to heavy sedatives.
60
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:52,385
- No, no, no, no.
- You're the school nurse.
61
00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:54,717
So the whole thing would be
medically supervised.
62
00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:56,223
- I mean--
63
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,894
- A lot of these drugs,
they're basically harmless.
64
00:01:57,993 --> 00:02:00,403
It's like drinking
a glass or two of chardonnay.
65
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:03,055
- [inhales deeply]
- You gotta save the kids.
66
00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:05,325
- Who else,
if not the school nurse,
67
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,500
will these children look up to
in life?
68
00:02:08,570 --> 00:02:10,010
- You know what?
Count me in.
69
00:02:10,071 --> 00:02:12,541
- All right!
- I feel good about this!
70
00:02:12,641 --> 00:02:13,541
[whistle blows]
71
00:02:13,642 --> 00:02:15,542
- Here we go, guys! Yes!
72
00:02:15,644 --> 00:02:16,984
Good job!
73
00:02:17,045 --> 00:02:18,175
Come on, y'all!
74
00:02:18,246 --> 00:02:20,576
There it is!
75
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:21,882
Whoo!
76
00:02:21,983 --> 00:02:22,983
[laughs]
77
00:02:23,051 --> 00:02:24,421
That's it!
78
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:25,749
That's what I'm talking about!
79
00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:27,094
That's what
I'm talking about!
80
00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:28,389
Good job.
81
00:02:28,490 --> 00:02:30,490
Come on, y'all!
- Hey, parents, uh-oh.
82
00:02:30,559 --> 00:02:33,429
What's this?
Free hot chocolates.
83
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:36,328
- What a surprise!
- How unexpected.
84
00:02:36,398 --> 00:02:37,698
- Yeah, help yourselves,
85
00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:40,066
but the cups are
very specifically labeled,
86
00:02:40,168 --> 00:02:41,538
so no swapping.
87
00:02:41,603 --> 00:02:43,943
- Oh, no one's swapping
anything, Brad. Relax.
88
00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:47,209
[suspenseful music,heartbeat thumping]
89
00:02:47,275 --> 00:02:48,435
[whistle blows]
90
00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:49,913
- All you kids
are gonna have fun.
91
00:02:50,011 --> 00:02:51,451
Let's get Tom the ball.
- Oh, please.
92
00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:53,046
Leave mine here,
'cause I need to go talk
93
00:02:53,114 --> 00:02:56,054
to this jackass coach.
- Oh, no.
94
00:02:56,117 --> 00:02:57,617
- Sure, but keep an eye on it.
95
00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,219
I don't want anyone
swapping it.
96
00:02:59,287 --> 00:03:02,357
- Relax, you are such a weirdo.
97
00:03:03,191 --> 00:03:05,291
- Hey, we never formally met.
My name's Tom.
98
00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:08,403
- Shut up.
- Shut up? Okay, that's fine.
99
00:03:08,463 --> 00:03:10,073
All right, let's just get
this over with.
100
00:03:10,131 --> 00:03:11,801
- Look, if I pass it
to you today,
101
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,570
it's because I believe in you.
- Thank you.
102
00:03:13,635 --> 00:03:15,965
- Not because Coach said,
"Pass it to the dud."
103
00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,641
- He calls me the dud
behind my back?
104
00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:19,809
- Nah, nobody calls you dud,
but even if they did,
105
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:20,978
you're still our teammate,
you know,
106
00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:22,036
and we've got your back, so--
107
00:03:22,110 --> 00:03:23,380
- Why even bring it up?
108
00:03:23,445 --> 00:03:24,905
- I'm just saying
there's a possibility
109
00:03:24,980 --> 00:03:26,650
that throughout the game,
people are gonna be like,
110
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:27,878
"Hey, pass it to the dud."
111
00:03:27,949 --> 00:03:29,619
You know, who cares?
- The dud?
112
00:03:29,718 --> 00:03:30,788
That's not even
a creative nickname.
113
00:03:30,885 --> 00:03:32,085
Come on, guys.
114
00:03:32,153 --> 00:03:33,623
All right,
I'll catch up in a minute.
115
00:03:33,722 --> 00:03:35,722
Free drinks, sweet.
- Oh, no, no, no.
116
00:03:35,790 --> 00:03:38,090
- Hey, Double D, want a drink?
Good energy boost.
117
00:03:38,159 --> 00:03:40,829
- Do not drink it.
I can't stress this enough.
118
00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:42,999
- Your wife is right.
You need to relax. [slurps]
119
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:44,828
All right,
let's play some soccer.
120
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,133
- Oh, dear God.
121
00:03:46,234 --> 00:03:48,274
[whistle blows]
- All right, guys, yeah!
122
00:03:48,336 --> 00:03:52,066
- [wheezing]
123
00:03:52,140 --> 00:03:54,780
crowd: Aw!
- Ah, I'm exhausted.
124
00:03:54,843 --> 00:03:56,513
- Look alive, man!
You're never gonna score a--
125
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:58,151
- Nelson, is it
considered acceptable
126
00:03:58,246 --> 00:03:59,576
to take a nap mid-game?
- No.
127
00:03:59,648 --> 00:04:01,278
- No?
- What are you thinking?
128
00:04:01,349 --> 00:04:02,519
- Quick, like, a quick one.
- No, you can't take a nap.
129
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:03,847
In the middle of the field?
130
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,652
- Five-minute nap.
Please cover for me.
131
00:04:05,754 --> 00:04:07,624
- This is where
the dud nickname comes from.
132
00:04:07,689 --> 00:04:09,359
[whistle blows]
- Man down!
133
00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:12,757
- What is happening?
- Oh, great, that does it.
134
00:04:12,827 --> 00:04:15,357
This kid has got to go.
- No way, lady.
135
00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:18,103
Tom's doing great out there.
- He's sleeping.
136
00:04:18,166 --> 00:04:21,966
- [snoring]
- He's just taking a power nap.
137
00:04:22,037 --> 00:04:23,197
- Now, on the field?
138
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:25,205
- Come on, my son, Tom,
is great.
139
00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:27,607
- Stop defending your loser.
We want him gone.
140
00:04:27,676 --> 00:04:29,436
- Maybe we want you gone.
141
00:04:29,511 --> 00:04:31,211
Everybody, attention.
Listen up.
142
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,013
What do you say we start
a petition
143
00:04:33,114 --> 00:04:35,724
to have this woman banned
from these games?
144
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,217
- I like that idea.
145
00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:39,188
- You can all shove your
petitions up your assholes!
146
00:04:39,287 --> 00:04:42,157
- Honey, please, don't say
"asshole" in front of the kids.
147
00:04:42,223 --> 00:04:43,393
Aah!
148
00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:44,731
- Don't you dare question me
in public.
149
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:45,826
[crowd gasps]
- Wow!
150
00:04:45,894 --> 00:04:46,904
- Yes, ma'am.
151
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,125
- How long was I asleep?
152
00:04:48,196 --> 00:04:49,726
This all happened
in two minutes?
153
00:04:50,565 --> 00:04:52,365
- All right, everybody,
thank you for coming.
154
00:04:52,467 --> 00:04:53,797
You know I appreciate it.
155
00:04:53,868 --> 00:04:56,068
I know my email said
this is a PTA meeting,
156
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:58,241
but it's--it's actually
an intervention.
157
00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,410
- Thought so.
Gear up, Dakota's mom.
158
00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:01,978
- A petition
has been circulating
159
00:05:02,043 --> 00:05:03,813
to have Dakota's mom banned
160
00:05:03,878 --> 00:05:05,408
from all sporting events.
161
00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:07,323
- Wait a minute.
Is that what this is about?
162
00:05:07,382 --> 00:05:08,582
- This is great!
163
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:10,093
- Dakota's mom,
in the administration,
164
00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:12,715
you are what we call
a "problem mom."
165
00:05:12,821 --> 00:05:15,421
- Problem mom? I'm--I'm
the only one without a problem.
166
00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,393
I'm looking out for my child.
167
00:05:17,492 --> 00:05:19,192
- Well,
it's not just you, okay?
168
00:05:19,260 --> 00:05:21,060
We've identified
three problem parents
169
00:05:21,162 --> 00:05:23,932
in the school:
you, the original one;
170
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:26,432
Randy's dad, who,
quite frankly, scares me...
171
00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:28,404
- I could crack you in half.
172
00:05:28,503 --> 00:05:30,273
- And, of course, Tom's mom.
173
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:31,742
- Hang on,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
174
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:33,270
I'm the one who started
the petition.
175
00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:35,375
I coined the phrase
"problem mom."
176
00:05:35,443 --> 00:05:37,213
- Yes! That's exactly
the kind of thing
177
00:05:37,278 --> 00:05:39,078
that a problem mom would do.
- Wh--
178
00:05:39,180 --> 00:05:43,620
- If you want to attend
any more sporting events,
179
00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,348
I need you to attend
this seminar.
180
00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:47,090
- "Taking It Down a Notch"?
181
00:05:47,188 --> 00:05:48,618
- It's like driving school
182
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,463
but for maniac parents
who can't conduct themselves
183
00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:54,059
in a civilized manner
around other people.
184
00:05:54,129 --> 00:05:55,459
- Fine by me.
185
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:58,303
[bombastic music playing]
186
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,370
- Weird seminar music, no?
187
00:06:01,436 --> 00:06:05,806
- All right, everyone,
I want to welcome you all--
188
00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:07,137
Cut! Stop!
189
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:08,942
[music stops]
Right now.
190
00:06:09,043 --> 00:06:13,313
Now, you're here because
you behave like Neanderthals.
191
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:14,375
- What?
- Wait, what?
192
00:06:14,449 --> 00:06:15,749
- What did you just say?
193
00:06:15,817 --> 00:06:17,717
- Let's begin
with some role-playing.
194
00:06:17,786 --> 00:06:21,156
Let's pretend I'm, say,
a referee
195
00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:23,156
who just made a bad call.
196
00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:27,058
Dakota, how would, say,
your mother respond?
197
00:06:27,128 --> 00:06:29,258
- Uh, she'd say,
"Hey, nimrod, do you need me
198
00:06:29,330 --> 00:06:31,000
to shove that whistle
up your asshole?"
199
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:33,969
Then she'd grab the whistle
and literally try to do it.
200
00:06:34,068 --> 00:06:35,838
- That doesn't sound
like me at all.
201
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,337
- Mom, that literally
happened yesterday.
202
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,510
- Problem mom!
203
00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:42,278
- We're making progress.
204
00:06:42,343 --> 00:06:44,813
Randy, what would your dad say?
205
00:06:44,913 --> 00:06:46,513
- My dad has
a bit of a temper, so--
206
00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:47,854
- You idiot!
207
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:50,249
Why are you washing
our laundry in public?
208
00:06:50,318 --> 00:06:51,818
- Dad, please!
- Come on, we're out of here.
209
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:53,150
- I want to stay
at the seminar.
210
00:06:53,254 --> 00:06:55,264
- Come here!
- Stop dragging me!
211
00:06:55,323 --> 00:06:58,663
- We're going.
We don't need this.
212
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,860
- Difficult dad!
213
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,032
- Let's move forward.
214
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:03,930
Tom, what would
your mother say?
215
00:07:03,998 --> 00:07:06,328
- Can I sit this exercise out?
216
00:07:06,434 --> 00:07:08,344
If I impersonate my mom,
it's not gonna end well.
217
00:07:08,436 --> 00:07:10,606
- What do you mean,
not end well, in what sense?
218
00:07:10,672 --> 00:07:12,012
- It means
I'm gonna get punished.
219
00:07:12,106 --> 00:07:14,276
My mom does funny punishments,
okay?
220
00:07:14,342 --> 00:07:16,042
- Tom.
You know what? He's tired.
221
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,554
- Name one.
- I don't know,
222
00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:19,275
like making me take a bath
in Mountain Dew
223
00:07:19,347 --> 00:07:21,147
and then be really sticky
when I go to school
224
00:07:21,216 --> 00:07:23,516
for the next week?
- Tom, let's put a sock in it.
225
00:07:23,618 --> 00:07:25,518
- Oh, my gosh.
- That's so sad.
226
00:07:25,620 --> 00:07:27,220
- She'll make me, like, run
around the block a few times
227
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:29,322
with no pants on.
- Oh, let's don't tell this.
228
00:07:29,390 --> 00:07:31,160
- Make me scream,
"Look at my wiener!
229
00:07:31,226 --> 00:07:32,626
I should have cleaned my room."
230
00:07:32,694 --> 00:07:35,664
- So abuse
but with a lighthearted twist.
231
00:07:35,730 --> 00:07:38,370
- For your info,
he cleaned his room that night.
232
00:07:38,466 --> 00:07:41,066
Tell you that much.
- Problem mom!
233
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:44,869
- No, no, Jacob, please,
for your own sake, don't do it.
234
00:07:46,140 --> 00:07:47,540
- Thanks for getting together,
guys.
235
00:07:47,642 --> 00:07:49,412
We should have done this
a long time ago.
236
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:51,051
- Yeah, look,
I want to apologize.
237
00:07:51,145 --> 00:07:54,415
I really went off the rails.
I need to look inward.
238
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,146
I realize that now.
239
00:07:56,217 --> 00:07:59,587
- Oh, yeah, you know,
being a parent is stressful.
240
00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:01,687
And I just--
I forgive everybody,
241
00:08:01,756 --> 00:08:02,986
because it's hard.
- Mm.
242
00:08:03,057 --> 00:08:04,527
- And let's be honest.
243
00:08:04,592 --> 00:08:06,532
Some of us don't--just don't
have the mental capacity
244
00:08:06,594 --> 00:08:08,834
to handle it.
[sighs]
245
00:08:08,897 --> 00:08:10,867
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing.
246
00:08:10,932 --> 00:08:12,402
It's just that, you know,
some people are like
247
00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:14,200
overgrown children
themselves, you know?
248
00:08:14,269 --> 00:08:16,199
- I get all that,
but why are you looking at me?
249
00:08:16,271 --> 00:08:17,941
- I'm looking at you
'cause I'm talking to you.
250
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:20,169
Oh, my gosh.
- Listen up, lady.
251
00:08:20,241 --> 00:08:21,611
I did this to be nice.
252
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,339
I don't need a creep
and a chubby bimbo
253
00:08:23,411 --> 00:08:25,281
calling me dumb
while I enjoy my latte.
254
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,780
- Hey, hey, hey.
- That does it.
255
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:28,521
Here, why don't you finish
my Frappuccino?
256
00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:29,753
- Whoa!
257
00:08:29,851 --> 00:08:31,451
- Yeah.
- You put it on my boobs?
258
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:33,293
- You need something on them
to make them show up.
259
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,588
- You know what?
Have a scone, Dakota's mom.
260
00:08:35,690 --> 00:08:37,390
- Oh, my God!
- Hey, hey, hey, come on!
261
00:08:37,458 --> 00:08:40,058
Come on, hey,
let's be reasonable, huh?
262
00:08:40,128 --> 00:08:41,458
Look at us!
263
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:43,303
- Excuse me,
if you're gonna pour the coffee
264
00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:46,228
on each other's boobs, I'm
gonna have to ask you to leave.
265
00:08:46,301 --> 00:08:49,601
- Okay, we need to finish
what we started at soccer.
266
00:08:49,704 --> 00:08:51,074
- Bring it on.
- Whoa! Hey!
267
00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:52,709
- Take that! In the eye!
There you go!
268
00:08:52,774 --> 00:08:54,644
- Come on, now, stop. Stop it!
- It's in my mouth!
269
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:58,152
- Take it down a notch, okay?
- What?
270
00:08:58,246 --> 00:08:59,576
- If you have a disagreement,
271
00:08:59,647 --> 00:09:01,977
at least have
an organized fight
272
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:03,993
where we can charge admission.
273
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:07,385
- Oh, my God,
that's a great idea.
274
00:09:07,455 --> 00:09:10,155
- Okay, you can't sit on each
other in front of the doorway.
275
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,758
You need to leave.
- Well, Mr. Sensitive.
276
00:09:12,827 --> 00:09:15,257
- Oh, Mr. Sensitive
Green Shirt.
277
00:09:15,330 --> 00:09:16,800
[bell rings]
278
00:09:16,898 --> 00:09:18,228
- Big night.
Coach started a mandatory
279
00:09:18,299 --> 00:09:19,429
"pass it to Tom" rule,
280
00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:20,900
so think I might score,
finally.
281
00:09:20,969 --> 00:09:22,599
- That's right, baby.
I'm hyped up, man.
282
00:09:22,670 --> 00:09:23,970
Good luck out there today.
283
00:09:24,072 --> 00:09:25,472
- Thank you, Nelson.
I appreciate that.
284
00:09:25,573 --> 00:09:26,983
- Hi, kids.Quick announcement here.
285
00:09:27,075 --> 00:09:28,475
I hope you're havinga large day.
286
00:09:28,576 --> 00:09:30,176
Today's soccer gameis canceled
287
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,848
due to the overwhelminginterest
288
00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:33,976
in the fight being plannedin the gym.
289
00:09:34,082 --> 00:09:36,352
- Fight? What kind of lunatic
is fighting in the school gym?
290
00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:38,521
- Tell your parentsTom's mom...
291
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,020
- Oh, no.
- Will fight Dakota's mom...
292
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:42,122
- Oh, my goodness.
293
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:44,190
- In the gym tonight at 5:00
294
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,262
and admission is $10.
295
00:09:46,327 --> 00:09:49,027
- Uh, Tom, is there something
you want to tell me?
296
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,630
- This is honestly
the first I'm hearing of it.
297
00:09:53,334 --> 00:09:55,044
[door clicks open and shut]
298
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,536
[energetic music playing]
299
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,708
- Uh, Mom?
- Mm-hmm, yeah?
300
00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:00,376
- Anything you want to share
with me?
301
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:01,975
- No, can't--
can't think of anything.
302
00:10:02,043 --> 00:10:03,283
- You don't have any big fights
303
00:10:03,344 --> 00:10:04,854
or any kind of combat
scheduled?
304
00:10:04,946 --> 00:10:06,946
- Oh, the fight.
- "Oh, the fight"?
305
00:10:07,015 --> 00:10:08,515
- Tom, I wasn't gonna tell you.
306
00:10:08,616 --> 00:10:10,316
- Mom, I'm gonna find out
about something like that.
307
00:10:10,385 --> 00:10:12,115
What are you doing?
- Okay, well, look.
308
00:10:12,186 --> 00:10:13,446
I was shooting my mouth off,
309
00:10:13,521 --> 00:10:15,861
and it all
just got away from me.
310
00:10:15,957 --> 00:10:18,287
I don't want to fight her.
- So just cancel the fight.
311
00:10:18,359 --> 00:10:20,399
That's easy.
- No, I can't do that.
312
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:21,695
- What do you mean, you can't?
313
00:10:21,796 --> 00:10:23,396
- Look, I would
happily cancel it,
314
00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:25,698
but I'm not gonna set
a bad example for my son.
315
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,570
That would teach you
that it's okay to quit,
316
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:29,639
and I'm not gonna do that, Tom.
317
00:10:29,704 --> 00:10:31,014
♪ ♪
318
00:10:31,072 --> 00:10:33,212
- I feel like you're setting
a bad example
319
00:10:33,307 --> 00:10:36,007
no matter how you play it
at this point.
320
00:10:36,077 --> 00:10:39,077
- Thanks for coming out, folks.
I know we're excited.
321
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:40,820
I just want to make it clear.
322
00:10:40,882 --> 00:10:42,582
No biting, no kicking.
323
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:45,694
And there's no tactful way to
say this in front of the kids.
324
00:10:45,753 --> 00:10:47,823
No punching in the pussy.
Thank you.
325
00:10:47,889 --> 00:10:49,219
- What?
- Oh, my God.
326
00:10:49,323 --> 00:10:50,493
- Does that really need
to be a rule?
327
00:10:50,558 --> 00:10:51,858
[bell dings]
328
00:10:51,926 --> 00:10:53,756
[crowd yelling]
- Fight! Fight!
329
00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:55,361
- Hurt each other! Come on!
330
00:10:55,430 --> 00:10:56,930
- I don't know why you took
your bra off,
331
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:58,931
but I'm about to punching bag
those bitches.
332
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,773
- Why don't you just shut
your little trap, and let's--
333
00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:02,198
why don't we just start
fighting?
334
00:11:02,270 --> 00:11:03,340
- Okay, this
is complete madness.
335
00:11:03,404 --> 00:11:04,844
I need to stop this.
336
00:11:04,906 --> 00:11:06,936
All right, you know what?
Guys, hold on, hold on.
337
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,881
I--I'm sorry,
I gotta interject.
338
00:11:08,943 --> 00:11:10,753
When I heard my mom
was gonna fight,
339
00:11:10,845 --> 00:11:13,505
it inspired me to write a poem.
340
00:11:13,581 --> 00:11:14,781
Jacob, if you don't mind.
341
00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:16,622
[sentimental music playing]
342
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:19,188
- This poem is called
"My Mom, My Hero."
343
00:11:19,253 --> 00:11:20,693
- Nuh-uh!
[music stops]
344
00:11:20,755 --> 00:11:22,555
You got us all riled up
for a fight
345
00:11:22,623 --> 00:11:25,033
and now you got little kids
reading poems?
346
00:11:25,093 --> 00:11:26,563
- I mean,
we paid good money for this!
347
00:11:26,627 --> 00:11:29,097
- Someone needs to fight,
or we're not leaving.
348
00:11:29,197 --> 00:11:31,197
[crowd murmuring]
349
00:11:31,265 --> 00:11:33,465
- Tell me if this
is inappropriate,
350
00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:35,698
but I'd be happy
to fight my wife.
351
00:11:35,770 --> 00:11:36,940
- What?
352
00:11:37,038 --> 00:11:38,068
- That is a fight
I would like to see.
353
00:11:38,139 --> 00:11:39,469
- No.
- Yeah!
354
00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:40,644
[crowd chanting]
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
355
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:42,082
- Don't encourage it.
356
00:11:42,143 --> 00:11:44,713
- Oh, please, Brad,
you weigh 120 pounds.
357
00:11:44,779 --> 00:11:46,449
- Aah!
- There you go.
358
00:11:46,547 --> 00:11:48,247
[cheers and applause]
- Aah!
359
00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:50,446
- I don't feel like my poem had
the impact I was hoping for.
360
00:11:50,551 --> 00:11:52,591
- Not at all.
- Aah, my butthole!
361
00:11:52,653 --> 00:11:54,823
- ♪ Rememberthere's more road ♪
362
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:56,962
♪ And places to go ♪
363
00:11:57,058 --> 00:11:58,788
♪ Patterns to contemplate ♪
364
00:11:58,893 --> 00:12:00,563
♪ More people to fornicate ♪
365
00:12:00,628 --> 00:12:03,928
♪ And rememberthere's a lot of good omens ♪
366
00:12:03,998 --> 00:12:05,598
♪ Supplying the proof ♪
367
00:12:05,666 --> 00:12:09,166
♪ That our lifeis the best joke ever told ♪
368
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:13,470
♪ Remember it's a jokeand leave it alone ♪
369
00:12:13,574 --> 00:12:17,414
♪ Let go and try to bealways abiding ♪
370
00:12:17,478 --> 00:12:21,648
♪ Remember if there'sone good reason for dying ♪
371
00:12:21,749 --> 00:12:23,519
♪ The sweet silver lining ♪
372
00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:25,788
♪ Through you she lives on ♪
373
00:12:25,853 --> 00:12:29,823
♪ And therein lies a truthwe can sip when we want ♪
374
00:12:29,924 --> 00:12:31,764
♪ Disciples of the flow ♪
375
00:12:31,826 --> 00:12:34,326
♪ We can float anywhere ♪
376
00:12:34,376 --> 00:12:38,926
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
28454
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof