All language subtitles for Ten Year Old Tom s01e14.eng

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[noble music]

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- "Not great at math."

What kind of idiot
would write that?

- Look at this kid.
Going nowhere real fast.

- "Not great at math?"
I'm gonna destroy this guy.

- Hey, Randy, what's new?

How's that applesauce? Good?
- Tom.

You know I don't like
talking about applesauce.

They take an apple,
they mush it up,

they make it sauce, we eat it.
End of story.

- Sorry, Randy.
- "I'm not great at math?"

- What? What's wrong?
- Come on, Tom!

You need to run this stuff
by me first.

- I promised
my mom I'd be honest.

I thought people would
find it disarmingly charming.

- That's too honest.
Look at the posters.

People are not even
defacing the posters.

That's how bad it is.
- The reaction has been tepid.

- All right, let's not panic.

We can save this
with a good speech.

- Oh, yeah, I've got
a speech that's gonna

knock your dick off.
- Excuse me?

- Don't tell anyone
I said that.

I'm not allowed to curse.
- We just gonna let that slide.

Just run the speech by me,
baby, let's go.

- All right, it goes,
"Hi, my name is Tom,

and I apologize
for my appearance."

- Why am I friends
with this guy?

- All right, and then it
kicks into high gear.

"Sure, I'm not great at math,

"and sure,
I don't tuck in my shirts,

"but someone
has to be the treasurer.

So why not me? Vote for Tom."

- Tom, this is the worst
speech I've ever heard.

- What part don't you like?
- Hey, mind if I join you guys?

- Oh, woah,
you eat in the cafeteria?

- Technically, I never
graduated from this school,

so yes, my student ID
still works.

- You still go here?
- Yes, I'm basically enrolled.

I'm one of you.
I'm amongst my peers here.

- Don't touch me.
- Get out of my way, kid.

That's my seat.
It's been my seat for 26 years.

- I hate this. I hate you guys.

- So what are we talking about?

- Tom's running for office,

but he's not comfortable

with the concept of lying.

- You don't need to lie, Tom.

You need to learn
to stretch the truth.

- What does that mean?

- You talk in a way
that's deceiving

but not technically a lie.

- Okay?
- Let me give you an example.

You can't say something like,

"I will be a good treasurer,"
'cause you won't.

- Of course not.
I'll be the worst.

- You say, "I believe
I will be a good treasurer."

- Oh, that's good.
That is nice.

- Wow, this is like
a whole new language.

Can you help me rewrite
my speech? We've got an hour.

- Tom, I got nothing but time.

As a bus driver, I'm busy
from about 8:00 to 8:20 a.m.

and then again
from 2:00 to 2:20 p.m.

Otherwise, I'm good to go.

- So in conclusion,
as treasurer,

I will work hard
and do what's best

for the school.

And more importantly,

I am not Tom.

Thank you. Not Tom.

- Okay, he's, uh, not Tom.

- Next up for treasurer is--
and don't boo people.

Please, come on, be nice,
listen to him.

Please welcome Tom.

- This guy sounds trustworthy.

- Thank you.

Anyone who knows me
knows I'm a...

real straight shooting
son of a B.

The kinda guy
you can have a beer with

if you're old enough
to drink beer.

- Tell 'em, Tom. Preach!

- I don't know much about math,
but here's what I do know.

I believe school should be fun.

- Okay, yes,
that's interesting.

- I believe

we should have a rock climbing
wall in the gym.

How does that sound?
- Yes!

- I believe!
- What? That's so dangerous.

- I believe we should have
free gum

being shot out of a cannon...
- What?

- As we walk
to and from the bus.

That's what I believe.

- Yeah, Tom!
- I'm a believer!

- Hey, hey, hey,
come on, you guys.

- I believe we should have
an old Italian man

feeding us gelato
throughout the day.

- I hear you, baby!
- Yes, say it!

- Gelato?
- All I know is this.

I believe my name is Tom,

and I believe I'm running
for treasurer.

Thank you.
- Yeah, Tom!

- Go, Tom! Whoo!

- Gotta believe.

- All right, gang.
Well, listen.

This is our first
student council meeting.

- Woo!
- So there you go.

I like the enthusiasm.

Let's introduce
our brand-new president.

Take it away, Dakota.
- Okay, thank you.

Uh, guys,
our first order of business

is to discuss these
insane promises Tom made

to become treasurer.

- Oh, no, no,
those weren't promises.

I just listed things
I believe in.

So I think
we're good to go here.

- Good to go?
Tom, you lied to everyone.

- No, I stretched the truth.
It's very common.

- What was the truth part?

- Gelato clearly exists.

No one's disputing that,
are they?

If you're gonna be
sticklers about it,

I mean, let's just
purchase all the stuff

and be done with it, right?
Meeting adjourned.

- First of all,
you can't adjourn a meeting.

Treasurers
can't adjourn meetings.

- Oh, no,
the treasurer is all--

all powerful.
- What?

- I thought I'm the boss.
What happened?

- How would you pay
for all this stuff?

- How would I pay?
That's not my department.

- Yes, it is!
- I'm just the treasurer.

- I don't think he knows
what a treasurer does.

- I obviously know
what a treasurer is

if I ran for the job. I--
- So what is it?

- I oversee the inner workings
of the school.

- Even you know
you're full of you-know-what.

- No, okay, I have to
stop this right here.

- Not a strong first meeting.

- Tom, I worked very hard
to become class president,

and I need my first
hundred days to go well.

- Okay.
- My father is a CPA.

I want you to go to
his office tonight,

and he'll teach you his, uh,
quote, "accounting tricks."

Got it?
- Oh, no, please, no.

Anyone but your dad.
He's messed up.

You gotta admit, Dakota,
your dad is messed up.

- He's got his issues,
but when it comes to, quote,

"cooking the books," unquote,

he's the best in the biz.

- Now, listen, Tom,
right out of the gate

let's address
the elephant in the room.

I mean, I did some weird stuff
on that fishing trip.

- It was.
It was very weird.

- Trying to bang an escort
in front of a little kid.

Who does that?
- That was a lot to process.

- Peeing in a circle.
I mean, that's not for me.

- I don't know why
I went along with it.

- So Dakota tells me
you need my help.

- I do; I need to find funds
in our student council budget.

I miscalculated by,
like, 20 grand.

- Well, this should be easy.

[upbeat rap music playing]

- What's happening?

- Bang! Eight Gs just like that
out of nowhere.

- Wow.
- Depreciate some assets there,

move that over there.
Yeah, take that, number seven.

- Wow, you really
get into this, don't you?

You're taking your shirt off,
oh, my God!

- Well, it's gotta
come off, Tom,

I'm a superhuman computer.

- Feels inappropriate,
but let's keep adding.

- Yeah! Ah, fund it, baby,
fund it.

- Oh, my God.

- Yeah, feels good,
doesn't it, Tom?

- It's a little weird but--
- Yeah.

Take that down your throat,
number five.

- This is on the up and up?
We can do all this?

- We can do anything
we damn well please.

We're accountants, bitch.
- You calling me a bitch or--

- The secret is to create
a document that's so thick

no one will take the time
to read it.

And...done.
- All right, great.

Thanks for all your help.
- All right.

- The whole thing was great,
a lot of fun.

The music,
the taking the shirt off.

The whole thing
was really great.

Good news, principal.
I found the money.

- What is this?

- Feast your eyes
on the new budget.

- Okay, I gotta ask you.
How did you find this money?

- You know, I ran the numbers,
crunched the, uh, math.

It's all in the document.
Feel free to read it.

- Uh, how many pages is that?
- Exactly 1,000.

- Wow, okay.
- I just need an approval.

If you wanna read it,
that's on you.

- Well, you know what, Tom?

I trust you, it's approved.
- Amazing.

- A rock climbing wall.
Wow, Tom.

How much did this thing cost?

- Don't worry about the money.
That's my department.

- All right, everybody!
Who likes gum?

Boom!
- This is amazing!

- Bubble-licious!

- Wait, did he fly you in
from Italy?

- He doesn't speak English,
but yes, I flew him in.

That's right, rock climbing
wall compliments of Tom.

- Thank Tom, Tom the treasurer!

He got you this gum! Yeah!

- All right, enjoy, everyone.

Remember who got this for you,
Gelato Tom.

- Hey, hey, hey.
Come on in, guys.

- Hey, hi.
- Hey.

- I'm proud of you, Dakota.

You're the most
popular president

this school's ever had.

- I have to say
it was a team effort.

Tom did a great job
with the budget.

- Glad it's working out,
you know?

It's just the way I am.
I get things done,

and I deliver the goods.

- Sorry to interrupt.
We got a disaster on our hands.

- That didn't take long.

- Nelson, please,

you're not part of
the student government.

- I'm Tom's fixer.

- Yeah, he's my guy.
Is there an issue?

- Gelato guy says
his check bounced.

- Oh, no.
- Hector's on his way.

- Hector?
- Yeah, he's coming to see

the budget.
He think you lied, Tom.

- How could I lie?
It's all in the document.

- Yeah, he prepared
this big, thick document.

- Did you even
read that document?

- Oh, no, what have I done?

Fantasy football stats?
- Oh, no, don't read it.

- This is a job application?
- Stop reading that.

Don't--don't look at that.

- Leasing offers
for a Dodge Durango?

He just glued stuff together.

- That's literally
a leasing quote?

- This whole thing
is gibberish, Tom.

- There are clearly some typos.
- Tom, you're a great friend,

but I'm throwing you
to the wolves now.

- Your dad's the one
who printed it, so...

- I don't know
who you're talking about.

My dad's a chiropractor,
and I was never here.

- What is going on here?

The whole administration

is betraying
their beloved treasurer.

- Okay, listen, this looks
really bad for both of us.

There's only
one thing we can do.

- Be honest
like my mom says, right?

- No, not at all.
You go on a shredding rampage.

- Oh.
- Nelson, go distract Hector

and buy us some time.
- I'm on it.

- Tom, start shredding.

Just shred,
shred, shred, shred.

- We should lower our voices
if nothing else, right?

If you're gonna shred,

you don't scream,
"Shred, shred."

- What? Are you trying to
just be right on something?

Shred, shred, shred!

Imagine what a maniac
looks like when he shreds,

and then do that.

[percussive music]

- Yo, Hector,
could I ask you a question?

- I'm in a hurry. What?

- I was thinking,

there's not a lot
of famous Hectors, are there?

- What?
What are you talking about?

There's Hector Ballesteros,

you know,
the Colombian weightlifter.

- Nah, that don't count.
Famous weightlifter?

- Yeah, he's a big deal.

Hector Crawford,
the Australian radio producer.

- There's no such thing.
- Trust me, there are more.

I just don't have time
for this right now.

- Wait, whoa, Hector,
come back, there's a call.

There's a call for you
on my phone.

I think it's an emergency.

Hector, they need you!

- You know what, Tom?
I'm proud of you.

I mean, this is a great
life lesson in integrity.

- Integrity? I feel like
we're covering up a lie, no?

- Stop. I love that your head's

always spinning
with ideas but no.

When something is shredded,
right? You're following me?

- Yeah.
- It's like it never existed.

- What does that mean?
I don't--

- Abraham Lincoln said,

"Shredding isn't lying.
It's the absence of the truth."

- I can't imagine
Abe Lincoln had a shredder.

- Somebody said it.
- Ah-ha!

The jig is up, Tom.

I know you cooked the books,

and I wanna see this budget.

- Do you see a budget?
I don't see a budget.

- Wait a minute.
Are you shredding evidence?

- I don't think
there was a budget.

I don't know
if a budget even existed.

Who's to say?
- Wait a minute.

Isn't this the budget
right here?

- Wait, what?
- "Student council budget."

- Oh, no, don't touch that.
- Tom, please!

What have you just been
shredding this whole time?

- I was just
shredding everything

in the filing cabinets.
- Oh, my God!

Tom, you shredded
the students' master files!

- You've really gotta do
something about your voice.

It sounds too high.
- This is a disaster!

- Are those important?
- Yes, they're important.

Now every student
has to repeat fifth grade,

and you know what?
I want you to tell them.

- Okay, I'll write a speech
that'll knock your dick off.

- Woah.
- Forget--forget I said it.

That was inappropriate.

I'll just prepare some remarks.
How's that?

Hey guys, it's Tom,
your beloved treasurer,

here with another speech.

Listen, it sounds like
due to a shredding mishap

we're just gonna start
fifth grade over

so should be a fun year.

By the way,
am I still treasurer

in this scenario or no?

- No, Tom,
you're not treasurer.

You're gonna resign.
- All right, this is--

I guess this is also
my resignation speech.

So getting a lot done.

- ♪ Remember
there's more road ♪

♪ And places to go ♪

♪ And patterns to contemplate,
more people to fornicate ♪

♪ And remember there's a lot
of good omens supplying ♪

♪ The proof that our life
is the best joke ever told ♪

♪ Remember it's a joke
and leave it alone ♪

♪ Let go and try to be
always abiding ♪

♪ Remember if there's
one good reason for dying ♪

♪ The sweet silver lining,
through you, she lives on ♪

♪ And therein lies a truth
we can sip when we want ♪

♪ Disciples of the flow,
we can float anywhere ♪

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