All language subtitles for Ten Year Old Tom s01e08.eng

[laundry machines thunking]

- High heat?
Oh, please.

No, I'd rather have it
with no heat.

Why is that an option?

- Mom?

- All it does
is make me wonder,

"Should I do with no heat?"

- Mom.
- What?

- You know how to
do laundry, right?

- Pfft, I'm a mom.
I know how to do laundry.

- My pants have been
pretty tight lately.

I think maybe you're overdrying
them by, like, a good hour.

- Tom, did you ever stop

and think maybe you're
just becoming morbidly obese?

- Mom, you know I'm not obese.

- I look into your eyes
sometimes and I think,

"Is he gonna one day

have to get airlifted
out of his own bathroom?"

- Why don't we just buy me
some new pants?

At least I'll be comfortable.

- Oh, it's that easy.

We just stroll out
of the laundry shop...

- Laundry shop?
- And we just go

and casually buy
a nice pair of Z. Cavariccis.

What is wrong with this thing?
Ugh!

This thing ate my quarter.

- You really shouldn't
be doing that here.

- Oh, please, buddy.
Get off my nuts.

- Girl, let's get some meat
on those bones.

How about a little extra cheese
on those cheese fries?

- Oh, so good.
You're the best, Lunch Lady.

- Aww, go on.
You go on now.

- Lunch lady!
Whoo!

Let me get
two foot-long chili dogs.

- Oh, God bless you, Nelson.

My little hungry,
hungry hippo over here.

- [chewing loudly]
- [laughs]

- Hi there.
- Mm.

- Can I just get
a small apple juice?

- A what now?
- Small apple juice, please.

I brown-bagged it,
so I don't need any food.

- You don't need
any--any cheese?

- Cheese on my apple juice?

- I can't get you a--a cookie?

- Just the juice,
no cheese or anything.

- [sighs] Can someone get this
idiot a small apple juice?

- I'm feeling my banter wasn't
as much fun as everyone else's.

I'm a hungry hippo.

- Tom, it was awfully nice
of you to stop by.

- All right.
You're the best, Lunch Lady.

- Okay. Bye-bye now.

- Oh, man.
- Nelson, keep walking.

- Hey, dudes.
- Don't look left.

- Hey, dudes, over here.
- Hey, Hector.

- Hey, sit down.
- Listen.

- Um...

We--we decided to move on.

We might mix up
the table arrangement.

- Yeah, we're trying to upgrade
to a cooler table.

- Guys, this is
a major betrayal.

- Hector, please.
- We have inside jokes.

- Hector.
- We already have a table name.

You know, The Three Amigos,
Plus Randy.

- No one calls us that.

- No one call--even Randy
doesn't call--look at him.

He don't even acknowledge us.

I've never seen anybody
chew applesauce before.

- Guys.

- Hector, don't make it
so dramatic.

- No. I'm not making it
dramatic, but I will say this.

You will rue the day that you
decided to abandon Hector.

[dramatic music]

- All right, fair enough.

- I think we will
take our chances.

- And then, like,
he has the nerve

to ask me for, like,
my chocolate milk.

- Hey, Dakota.

- Whoo-whoo. What's up?
What's up?

- Oh, hi, Tom.
- Hey.

- Hi, Nelson.

Everyone, this is--this is
Tom and Nelson. I know them.

- Okay.
- We thought we'd sit.

We thought
we'd join you guys.

- Uh, you want to sit here?
- Yeah.

- With us?
- I don't feel good about this.

- That is a yes.
Oh, I'm Nelson, by the way.

I'm a, what you might call
the fun one out of the duo.

You know what I'm saying?

- Yeah.
- [laughs] Whoo!

- I feel like this banter
is really flowing.

- Can I have a word, Tom?

- Oh, hey, Lunch Lady,
not a great time, actually.

- I've been thinking about
this brown-bag thing.

Are my cooking skills not up
to your standards anymore?

- Oh, no. It's not you.
You're great.

My mom just thinks, you know,

with the kind of food
they make you serve,

that you're part
of the problem.

- Oh, I'm part of the problem,
am I?

- Her words, not mine.

- I'm part of the problem?

- Tom,
why are you being so mean?

- Mean?
- Yeah. Who even is this guy?

- I said her words, not mine.
They're not my words.

- Ugh.

- Tom, I devote my whole life
to you kids.

And this is the thanks I get?
I'm going home.

- Oh, no. Please. Please.

- Now, you have some extra
cheese and it's on the house.

- Wow.
- Like I was saying,

I'm the fun one out of the duo.

I didn't even really know
this dude.

We met on the bus.

- Wait, you said what
to the lunch lady?

- I mean, I might've said
she was part of the problem

if that--that set her off.

- You said that?

- I was just repeating
what you said.

I've heard you say
things like that.

- No, no, no. Look, I said
all that behind her back.

- Look, the woman has been
working here for 20 years.

You're a human being.

Why would you wanna tear her
a new a-hole like that?

- I didn't tear anyone
a new a-hole.

I'm not even allowed
to say a-hole.

- No, you're not.
- Right? It's a forbidden word.

- It's a forbidden word.

And you're gonna get punished
for saying it just now.

- He said it.
I was repeating what he said.

- Yeah.
Well, his mom can punish him.

- My mom's dead.
- I'm sorry, Principal.

- Sorry to hear that.

- Here's how
it's gonna go down.

You're gonna walk over
to the lunch lady's house

and you're gonna
apologize in person.

- Look at you. Great parenting.
I'm impressed.

- Oh, I'm not finished.

As a reminder
of what you've done,

you can't wash the cheese
out of your hair for a month.

- All right. Is it just me,
or is that a bit much?

- Yeah, it's a bit much.

[bus horn honks]

- Whew.

Thanks for waiting.
Thank you guys.

- Man, what's up
with the big card, Tom?

- I have to apologize
to the lunch lady,

so I made an oversized card.

- Wow. Look, you got a lot
of people to sign.

- Oh, no. Those are fake.
I signed them myself.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

You didn't sign for me.
Did you?

- Yeah. You wrote,
"Thinking of you, Lunch Lady,

during these troubled times.
Signed, Sweet Nelson."

- Come on, man!
You think I talk like that?

I'd have at least
written something funny.

- She's not even gonna read it.

- This is bad for my brand
right here.

- Hey, you didn't sign for me,
did you?

- I believe I did. Yeah.

You wrote,
"Hey, ho, Lunch Lady--"

- What?
- "You da bomb.

Signed, Crazy D."

- Crazy D?
- I wrote these quickly.

I wrote these very quickly.

- Why didn't you just ask me
to sign it myself?

- Oh, I don't have time
to be going around

asking people to sign
a greeting card.

- But you had time to forge
all of our signatures.

- Tom,
what are you doing here?

- You know, I just wanted
to say sorry, clear the air.

In retrospect, you're not part
of the problem. I am.

- Damn right.
Can I--can I come in?

- Okay, fine. Come in.

- All right.
So to show how sorry I am,

and to show what
a wonderful kid I am,

I made this oversized
greeting card.

- [gasps]
Oh, my God.

- There must be like
200 signatures on that, baby.

Look at this.
- Isn't that sweet?

- Wait.
"You're the best Lunch Lady."

"Lunch Lady, come back."
"Number one Lunch Lady."

There's literally no one in
this school know my first name?

- We all know your name.
Obviously, we just--

- What is it?

- We prefer to call you
Lunch Lady is all I'm saying,

despite knowing your name.

- What's my first name?

- Pretty sure it's either Becky
or Brenda or Barb, right?

- Becky?
- Unbelievable.

Where's my ladle?

- Calm down, girl.
- No.

- See, this kid
is pushing my buttons, no.

- It's just a--baby,
it's just a greeting card.

- All right, listen,
let's all slow down.

Obviously,
they want you back.

Why don't you say yes,
but ask for,

I don't know,
a raise or something?

both: Hm.
- Now, that is a good idea.

- Right?
- It's a great idea.

- Tell the Principal
you love Tom's card,

you wanna come back,

but here's--
here are your terms.

- I might just do that.
You know, you're a good kid.

Why--why don't you
stay for dinner?

- I'd love to.
Do you have any kind of like

whole wheat sandwiches
and bananas?

- Whole wheat?
- You know what?

Let's--let's just do dinner
some other time, okay?

- I'm proud of you, buddy.
- Thanks, Mom.

- You apologized
to the Lunch Lady.

And now, I'm gonna wash
the cheese out of your hair.

- It's a big day.

And you don't wannna do this
in the tub or the shower?

- Oh, no, no, no.

I don't want cheese
in my drain.

- All right, just start
spraying me down, I guess.

[phone chimes]

- Hang on one sec. Hello?

- Hi, this is the Principal.

- Hi.
Oh, hi, Principal. Sorry.

- Listen. I just got a call
from our lunch lady

and she is making all type
of like crazy demands.

Something about the health
benefits and fair wages.

So I wanted to see
if you might be interested.

- In what?
- In being the new lunch lady.

- You want me to be
the lunch lady?

- Lunch lady? Oh, no.
We already have a lunch lady.

- I was very impressed
with you

the way you handled Tom
the other day.

That whole cheese thing,
I mean, that's real tough love.

- Thank you. I would love
to be the lunch lady.

I need the money.
I love bossing kids around.

This is perfect.

- Not qualified.
Not qualified.

- Do I need
a certification or what--

- No. Stop it.

You just stand there
with a ladle and a hairnet.

And as long as you're not
an ex-con, you're hired.

- For argument's sake,
let's say I'm not an ex-con.

Count me in.

- Oh, this is not good.

- Excuse me. Excuse me.

- What's up?

- I've been waiting for,
like, 10 minutes.

- Okay. Sorry, kid.

I mean, I just--
I just turned the oven on,

and it's, like, you expect me
to wake up at 11:00 a.m.

and get the oven going
really early or something.

It's just not gonna happen.

- What happened to the
old lunch lady? You're mean.

- When your husband runs away
to Myrtle Beach

and starts nailing a slut,

and they stay out
till 4:00 at "Da Club"

and she's grinding her butt
into his crotch,

I think you'd be mean too.

- How did you get hired here?

- Hi, kid. What?

- Here we are at the old table.
- Hey, hey.

- Sorry. Before you sit,
no room today.

- Wait, what?
- Full up.

- Whoa. Was it all small talk?
I mean, we could dial down

the Tom stuff
and dial up the Nelson stuff.

- Yeah, we can
dial down the Tom.

- Nelson, it is not you.
It's Tom's mom.

She's ruining lunch
for everyone.

- Oh, no.
She's--my mom's pretty solid.

Everyone seems to like her.

- Who? Who likes her?

- What's wrong with her,
specifically?

- She takes forever
to fulfill your order.

- Okay.

- She threw broccoli
at my face.

She could have killed me.
I could have died.

- I mean, come on.

You can't die
from broccoli wounds.

- She didn't even have the oven
on when lunch started.

- That's it?
Lazy, mean, and unprepared?

- I'm sorry, Tom.

Until you resolve this,
you can't sit with us.

- Oh, this is bad.
Look, Tom, your mom got to go.

- Go where?
- Outta here.

She's like the Fredo
of the cafeteria.

- Fredo? Who's that?
Famous lunch lady?

- [sighs]

I don't even know
why we're friends.

[bus horn honks]

- Hey, Hector, buddy.
Listen, we got a favor to ask.

- Oh, all of a sudden I'm
everybody's pal and buddy, huh?

- We're staging a coup
against my mom to get her fired

and we kind of need your help.

- Okay. Okay.
[laughs]

- Her main weakness is her
failure to wear the hairnet.

That's gonna be her downfall.

- Oh, tell me more.

- I'm gonna collect her hair--
a sample of her hair,

and then we need you
to choke on it.

- And then I'll come
and give you the Heimlich.

- Okay.

- She'll get canned, boom.
- Yeah.

- We're all heroes,
and guess what?

All three of us amigos would be
sitting at the cool table.

- Nice.

- What do you think?
What do you say?

- I like that. Yeah, I'm in.
One condition, though, guys.

I want to be
the Heimlich guy, okay?

- No.
- No. No, no.

- Absolutely not.

- You just don't look like
the kind of person that would

come in and save someone,
you look like--

- You look like
somebody that choked.

- Yeah, in a movie,
you'd be the guy

who chokes and dies
early on.

- Wait, wait, wait.
I'm not gonna die in this.

- No, that's the type.
That's the character type.

- That's your arc.
[school bell rings]

- Okay, guys, huddle up.
It's game time.

- Yes, sir.
- Here's the hair.

- Okay.
- You stuff it in your food.

When you're ready,
just work the space.

- Oh, trust me,
I'll work the space.

- Make some good sounds.
Choke it up--

- Quick--quick question, sorry.

If--if I actually choke
and die, you guys won't sit

at the cool table
without me, will you?

- It would be in poor taste,
but who knows?

- Let's cross that bridge
when we come to it.

For now, just wait
for my signal.

[tense music]

[quacking]

- Is that the signal, Tom?
- I don't know.

We didn't rehearse that.
Just start doing it.

I think that's it.

- Oops. Oops. Arghhh!

- Oh, no. Hey, hey,
Hector's choking.

I think he's choking
on my mom's hair.

- Somebody call the nurse.
- I'm choking!

[grunting]

- Guys.
Come on, pay attention here.

Our friend is--he's
literally dying.

Hector, dial it down.
No one believes it's real.

- Everybody stand back.

Hector, I'm going
to Heimlich you. Turn around.

All right. Ready?

[dramatic music]

- Oh, no. Hector.
Hector, are you dead?

- What's going on?

Why does something
always have to happen?

- Here's what we know.

Hector choked
on my mother's hair.

She failed to wear
the hairnet as instructed.

- Hang on, hang on.
Get up, Hector.

- Ah!
- Oh, wow. He's alive.

What a close call.

- Tom, is this a coup?
- Coup?

- Are you doing a coup
right now?

Are you trying to get me fired?

- What makes you even suggest
something like that?

- I guess it's mostly that
you're holding a bag that says,

"Mom's hair for the coup."

- Tom, that is a new low.

You're trying to get
your own mom fired?

- Why is everyone
looking at me?

- 'Cause you did it.
- 'Cause I did it?

'Cause I am the one
who did the whole thing?

- Who should we be looking at?
- I guess, yeah, on that level,

I don't come across
looking great.

- Who do you think you are?
- I tried to warn you guys.

- All right, guys.

Don't leave on that note.
Come on.

- Tom, listen.
You know that I love you.

- Okay.

- And as a mom,
I totally forgive you.

- Thank you.
That's a nice way to end it.

- But as a lunch lady,

I have no choice right now
but to do this.

- Oh, no.

- You're gonna thank me someday
for that.

- That was for my wife.
That's her signature move.

You really shouldn't be
ripping that off.

[tender music]

- Oh, this is actually
a nice--

nice mother-son moment.

- ♪ Remember
there's more road ♪

♪ And places to go ♪

♪ Patterns to contemplate ♪

♪ More people to fornicate ♪

♪ And remember
there's a lot of good omens ♪

♪ Supplying the proof ♪

♪ That our life
is the best joke ever told ♪

♪ Remember it's a joke
and leave it alone ♪

♪ Let go and try to be
always abiding ♪

♪ Remember if there's
one good reason for dying ♪

♪ The sweet silver lining ♪

♪ Through you she lives on ♪

♪ And therein lies a truth
we can sip when we want ♪

♪ Disciples of the flow,
we can float anywhere ♪

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