Original subtitles

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-What a waste.

[ "Sylvia-Pizzicato"playing]

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-He -- he -- he was such a bright spark.

And [sighs] we're -- we're all in total shock.

-I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Cellphone vibrating and chiming]

Just turn that off. Sorry.

[Vibrating continues]

Florist.

So, do you have any specific requests

for Mitchell's service?

-[Crying] I never thought I'd be doing this.

He's my only son.

-Every time.

Um...

-[Exhales] -It's so tough.

All you can do is take it one day at a time.

-[Blows nose loudly]

-And today, we're going to make some arrangements

for Mitchell's service, okay?

-Okay. [Clears throat]

Ah.

-FYI, it's vegan.

-Sorry? -The banana bread --

it's vegan, no meat, no milk.

-Oh. Great. Thank you.

-To be honest, it was a little bland,

so I just added a cream cheese icing.

-Thank you.

-Yeah.

-I know everyone says that they want the funeral

to be a celebration,

but [sighs] I really want it to be...

fun, like he was.

-I-I completely understand,

but funerals are meant to be painful.

It's how we process our loss and start to move through it.

If you sidestep your emotions,

they will come out one way or another.

-No.

-Um, well,

why don't I introduce you to our celebrant, Dean?

He has a background in entertainment.

-Oh, like the movies? What's he been in?

-Bustopher Jones, "Cats."

That was in New Plymouth, so you might not have seen it.

Uh, "Whale Rider," little local film.

Yeah, I was on the beach.

Uh, 2010's "Dogs Go Whack-o for Smackos,"

radio ad, so just the voice.

Long story short, I've been in this industry

for a long time, and I'm --

-Leonie, this is my sister, Gwen.

She runs Loving Tributes with me.

-Mitch looks just like you.

-He does. -Aw.

I feel so sad, and I only just met him.

You've probably known him his whole life.

-Yeah.

-Hey, did he ever model?

-Yes, a little. -Yeah, I can see that.

Have you seen him? -Okay.

Leonie would like Mitchell's service

to be a real celebration of life, so uplifting music.

-Absolutely.

Well, I can offer "Wind Beneath my Wings."

Now, I can do that easily -- actually any song

from the "Beaches" soundtrack,

uh, "Candle in the Wind," both versions,

uh, "She's Like the Wind,"

Patrick Swayze featuring Wendy Fraser,

um, "Colors of the Wind," "Pocahontas."

-Oh. -Something more modern?

Fine, yes. Uh, Westlife, classic.

Yep, or -- okay, well, what was his favorite song?

-Uh, well, he used to play it all the time.

It was um, like, uh, the...

[Mimics bass line and drumming]

-I feel like I know that one.

-Gwen's a DJ. She could do the music.

-Oh! -Oh, no, no, no.

I'm not that experienced. -Oh, please, please!

That'll be perfect.

I-I just want something that people can dance to.

Mitch would've loved it.

-I feel like Dean's the best option.

-Doesn't want me. She's clearly made up her mind.

Fine. [Vacuum cleaner running]

-Okay. Let's see to it.

♪♪

[Door opens]

-What the fuck? -[Gasps] Sorry.

I've got to fix that latch.

DJ Gwen, huh?

Leonie really likes you.

-Yeah, everyone likes me. I'm terrific.

Can you please get out? -Even Dean likes you.

I saw you two hanging out in the staff room the other day.

-Yeah, I'm shitting.

-So, you and the staff -- are you guys, like, all amigos now?

That's Spanish. It means -- -I know it's Spanish.

I just don't know why you'd say that.

We're not doing potlucks or anything, but they're fine.

-Oh, by the way, don't take photos of the deceased,

and don't send them to me when I'm with his mum.

-He didn't even need makeup, just a light powder.

His cheekbones were amazing, and I didn't feel nauseous.

It must just be the ugly ones.

-Can you actually DJ?

-Hopefully.

Can you actually piss off? 'Cause I need to wipe.

-Wash your hands.

♪♪

Oh, uh...

Trisha, um, what are you...

-Moving the furniture out of the greeting room

for the painters.

Fumes really trigger my migraines.

-The thing is, this is a fire exit,

so this corridor needs to be clear, and --

and there's a funeral on now, so it can't really stay here.

-God, I can already feel my sciatica playing up.

-Ooh, ouch.

Better rest up when you're all done.

Or, let me guess. You're an insomniac probably.

-No.

I'm a great sleeper.

Why would you say that?

-I just was -- -I just got a new mattress.

It's memory foam, but even with the old mattress,

I never had any issues getting to sleep.

Nine hours, out like a light, just like that.

-Okay, cool.

-I don't know why you'd say something like that.

-I'm sorry. I just thought that -- hi.

-Um, they're starting to arrive. -Okay.

Well, I'd better keep moving.

Sharyn's doing something called Frog in a Pond for --

I don't even know what it is.

-It's jelly. -Hmm?

-It's the only thing my mum could swallow before she died.

-Get rid of this. Okay.

Okay.

If you want, I think there's a couple of seats.

-"Everybody Loves Raymond."

"EverybodyLoves Raymond,"

Tim from "Tool Time,"

Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor from "Tool Time,"

Tim from "Tool Time."

Ashley Olsen had an aneurysm. Ashley Olsen had an aneurysm.

[British accent] Ashley Olsen had an aneurysm.

[Normal voice] Break a leg.

Good afternoon, and thank you all for joining us today

to celebrate the life of Mitchell Stacks.

And now for something a little special --

a slideshow that Mitchell's best mate, Jasper,

has put together for us.

[ Techno music blares]

--What up, bitches?!

How's everybody feeling tonight?

Probably a little bit sad 'cause...he's dead,

but let's try and have some fun for him -- Mitch.

This is for Mitch! This is for Mitch!

♪♪

Hey-yo!

Put your hands up!

♪♪

Just if you want to.

You don't have to if you don't want to.

It's not an order. You just...

You get -- yeah?

Are you readyyyyyyyy?

Can you feel that beat?

♪♪

She can!

-[Sobbing]

Him not so much.

Go crazy!

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Feel it!

Feel it deep in your soul!

Whoo-hoo!

Simply the best!

♪♪

Let the music in!

Let it take over your body.

-[Barking] Sick Puppies!

[Barking] Sick Puppies!

-Wha, wha, wha!

Whoo-hoo!

-Okay.

♪♪

-I meant it. You were awesome.

-Thanks. It was so fun.

-Hey, have you guys seen the rings?

When did these gangs get so classy?

[Speaks indistinctly]

How much money can you put into a dog fight anyway?

-Wait, what are you talking about?

-I forgot. You were DJ-ing during the slideshow.

Turns out Hot Mitch has got a twisted secret.

[Whispering] The Sick Puppies are a dog-fighting ring.

-Get out of town! -Yes.

-Are you sure?

Is that even a thing?

I mean, these guys -- they look like real-estate agents.

-The slideshow was -- was pretty graphic.

-Oh, I can't believe I missed it.

Was he always hot, or did he grow into it?

-He was always hot.

-Do you think his mother knows?

-Well, mothers are always biased, but she had to know.

Her booze-head friends would've been allover him.

-No, about the dogs! -Oh.

-Maybe she's the one in charge.

-Oh, my God. -Yeah, don't stare.

Don't stare. Just smile, everyone.

-Okay. I have to go to the bathroom.

There is sherbet everywhere.

-Oh, I'll come. -No, you won't.

What a bunch of buttholes.

[Man coughs, other men bark in response]

Is that guy choking?

-[Coughs] [Barking continues]

-You know first aid. Help him.

-Yeah, for kids, not for criminals.

-Wow, Ellie, wow! -Clear a path.

Move! Move out of the way.

Okay. Hazards?

-Does she know what she's doing?

-No hazards. -Ambulance, please.

-Response. Can you hear me?

Are you choking?

-Obviously. -Yeah. He's choking.

Okay, stand back.

-Oh, my God! -Sharyn!

Sharyn, that is a client. -Oh, sorry, sorry.

That's for self-defense.

-Choking. -Okay.

[Grunting aggressively]

-Oh!

-[Sighs] Whoo! Okay.

Are you okay? He's fine!

Yeah, you're gonna be okay.

You just stick to the jellies from now on, mate, okay?

All right. -Whoo-hoo! Sharyn!

[Men barking]

-Everyone back to my place!

[Cheering]

Thank you for making it so special.

-Yes. -Oh!

-Ooh! -Oh!

Mitch would've loved you.

-Mm-hmm. -Mm.

-[Barking] Sick Puppies!

-Sick Puppies! -Whoo!

[Indistinct talking and laughter]

-Clean up the drawer.

Okay, first things first -- I'm gonna book us all in

for a first-aid course because that was terrifying.

-Yep. [Speaks Kiwi] for Sharyn.

-Good job, Shizzer.

-And second, I am so sorry about the gang thing.

I had no idea. Leonie seemed really normal.

-Well, I knew.

You don't say no to Westlife. That's clue number one.

-Well, what are we meant to do about the slideshow?

'Cause that was kind of evidence of a crime.

-Yeah, I found a credit card in the bathroom,

and I may have made a donation to the ESPCA

and bought myself a top.

-I also -- I may have keyed a sports car.

-Guys, those are also crimes.

Did anyone else seek revenge?

[Indistinct talking in background]

-No.

-Yeah.

I -- I sent their slideshow in to the police.

-Oh. -Oh, thank you, Beau.

-Suck-up. -Alrighty.

It's, um, pretty late, guys,

so if you need to go home, I can get it.

[Cellphone rings]

-Dean, can I get another ride with you?

-Uh, I'm still uncomfortable with what happened last time.

-Oh, well, I'll sit in the back. -Thank you.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

-How anticlimactic. [Alarm blaring]

This is the sunken treasure? One cheap ring?

-Why don't you put it on? -No!

Okay, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.

Uh, oh, uh, uh, phone!

Maybe we need to call the president.

Yes, yes.

[Alarm continues blaring]

-Ellie. -We're running out of time!

-Ellie! -What?!

-You're the sunken treasure.

-Oh. -You've torpedoed my heart.

-Oh. -You're so beautiful, Ellie.

I can't imagine my life without you.

Nothing would make me more happy than to make you my wife.

Will you marry me?

[Alarm continues blaring]

♪♪

-Oh.

Well, that's cool. Um...

I -- Yeah, I'll just clean up everything.

Sweet.

♪♪

-Supporting local content so you can see more

of New Zealand On Air.

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