Original subtitles

[Alarm clock beeping]

[ "Shake That Skinny Ass" playing]

-♪ I want to rest my case

♪ Upon the neon floor

[Alarm clock beeping]

♪ I wanna know something now

♪ Can you match the moon to the morning light? ♪

♪ 'Cause when the sun comes

♪ Are you still gonna be yourself? ♪

♪ I don't want nobody else

♪ Shake that skinny ass

♪ Somebody come move the table

♪ If you're ready and able

♪ Come boogie with me

♪ Come boogie with me, baby

♪ Get your body on the dance floor ♪

♪ Dance till your ass can't dance no more ♪

♪ People say funk is a dinosaur ♪

♪ But I don't care -Ahhh!

-♪ I just want to dance some more ♪

♪ Will this city girl move to the country? ♪

♪ Ooh, to the land of milk and honey? ♪

♪ Ain't nothing for you here but a suited puppeteer ♪

♪ Pushing you down a rat maze

♪ When you gonna stand up to the man? ♪

♪ Break the chains free

♪ I need to see you let your feet loose, baby ♪

♪ Cutting shapes in the rain

♪ And don't you let nobody come and stop that train ♪

♪ Come on, shake that skinny ass ♪

♪ Somebody come move the table, somebody come and move it ♪

♪ If you're ready and able

♪ Come boogie with me

♪ Come boogie with me, baby

♪ Get your body on the dance floor ♪

♪ Dance till your ass can't dance no more ♪

♪ People say funk is a dinosaur ♪

♪ But I don't care

♪ I just want to dance some more ♪

-Oh. Ah.

I just realized I forgot my shoes.

[ "Sylvia-Pizzicato"playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-I'd like to invite you all to pay your respects.

[ "Amazing Grace"playing on piano]

♪♪

-[Gasps] -[Yawns]

♪♪

-[Chuckles]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Don't give me the evils. What?

♪♪

Yeah?

-Makeup.

-What about it?

-They look very different.

-Yeah, because that one is quite natural,

and that one is a going-out look.

-She looks like It. -Oh, you mean Pennywise.

Uh, yeah, I -- yeah, I kind of see it.

-Her family were very distressed.

This is unacceptable, Gwen.

-I'm sorry, but when the hell was I supposed to learn

how to do makeup on dead old ladies?

I don't even wear makeup, and her face was --

her face was like cold clay.

It's a miracle that I didn't throw up again.

-Fair.

I get that you hate me right now.

You want to sell. I want to stay.

But I've given it some thought,

and it doesn't matter either way.

I didn't mean for that to rhyme.

-Wait, what are you talking about?

-You saw Trinity Meadows.

That's our competition.

No one's gonna buy us out

when the place looks like a dump.

-Who cares? They're just gonna bulldoze it

and turn it into apartments, anyway.

-I'm not gonna let someone bulldoze Koro's legacy.

The point is, whatever we do, this place needs work,

and if you want half, you need to pull your weight.

-Does that mean you'll treat me like your partner

rather than your slave?

-Yeah.

Now, grab that bottle of bubbly 'cause I've called a meeting.

-This is bullshit. -This is business.

I'm a businesswoman.

-Yeah. Business is booming.

♪♪

-Well done on another very special service.

Couple of things to work on, but very special.

-Aw. -Cool.

-Ah, sorry, Beau, not quite done yet.

Gwen, pass me that.

We wanted to show you our appreciation

for all your hard work and for making us feel so welcome.

-Aw!

-So we splashed out on a $14 Prosecco.

-And we have some exciting news.

We're renovating. Whoo-hoo!

-So, you're not selling? -Unclear.

-Seems like you're not on the same page.

-Exactly. -We're fine.

All you need to worry about

is having a nice glass of Sangue di Ariete.

-Well, that's good news.

Reno's well overdue,

and while you're doing that, I can take over management.

-Let's chat about that in private.

-We've got no secrets here.

It's like a family, so we can...

-We love what you do as a celebrant, Dean,

but financially it makes more sense if --

-So you're cutting my hours.

Ugh. I'm gonna be a part-timer.

-Aw, Dean, you're gonna love it.

If I wasn't part-time,

I couldn't do my stand-up paddleboarding,

my doll-making classes, my Whiz Wally's.

-Um...

I've got a couple ideas for renovations if youse want.

-Great! I'd love to hear them.

-Okay, uh...

a ball pit 'cause, you know... -Yeah.

-...funerals are pretty sad, and kids love ball pits.

-Neat. -Uh, cat.

Cat for here.

-Yeah, two so it doesn't get lonely.

-Aw. -Two cats.

-Do on-site cats. -Yeah.

-Um, a pool for when it's hot

and you want to, you know, cool down in the water.

-Obviously. -Okay.

-Write that one down. -Yeah.

-When it's hot and...a maze,

inside, outside.

Uh, special guest performance. -Oh.

-You know, if you had, like, celebrities coming in

for the microphone and stuff, yeah.

-Okay, thank you, Beau.

-Awesome. Well, any of those would improve our reviews.

-What reviews? What are the critics saying?

-Yeah, what reviews? I'll just --

We'll save that for later.

-Guys, there's this thing called the Internet.

You may have heard of it. There's lots of things on here,

including reviews of Loving Tributes.

"The whole place smelt like cabbage and chemicals."

-Oh. -"The decor was sadder

than the death of my auntie."

"The vegetarian sandwiches had chicken in them."

-It's a boot.

-Well, nothing wrong with a bit of constructive feedback.

-"This shit hole is beyond repair."

-All right! Lots to keep us busy, and it sounds like

maybe the first thing is getting an interior decorator.

Gwen, maybe you could...

-Sure. -Thank you.

-I would love to. -Thank you.

-Dean, before you go,

do you want to have a wee chat about your hour --

No, that's fine.

That's okay. It's been a long day.

♪♪

Cool.

♪♪

[Cork pops loudly]

[Gasps]

Perfect.

♪♪

[Tapping]

♪♪

-So, Trisha, what do you think?

-It feels like a death trap.

-Well, they're usually already dead when they get here.

-Well, if there was an earthquake,

you'd just be crushed.

-Okay, cool.

So, what are your thoughts on the decor?

Can you transform this place like "Queer Eye"?

-My brother had a really rough time coming out, actually.

-Oh. -Morning, there.

-This is Trisha.

Trisha is our interior decorator.

-Oh, we have an interior decorator.

Trisha, first impression?

-A little bit overbearing.

-Oh, no, I-I meant the room.

-Well, I'd need to spend a bit of time on it,

but at first glance, we're talking about

getting rid of these heavy drapes,

opening up the space a bit, fresh coat of paint,

lifting the lighting scheme,

introducing some natural elements,

getting rid of the smell.

-So, basically, we just have to change everything?

-Well, that's what my ex-husband used to say to me.

-Do you have an idea on budget?

-[Sighs]

Well, it's a lot.

-Could you be more specific?

-Not really, no.

Look, I'm already late for a custody hearing,

and I'm pretty sure my ex-husband and his new wife,

Carly, are going to win.

Here. That's awful.

-Oh, sorry, sorry. So will you just --

-I'll fax you through an invoice just as soon

as the police locate my laptop.

[Door closes]

-I found her on the supermarket notice board.

[Car horn honks]

She's very cheap.

-Thanks.

♪♪

[Chuckles]

♪♪

Mmm.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Oh!

Okay, we need a code.

-Oh, uh, have you tried the captain's log?

There's an entry on the 22nd of March.

How about 2203? That's a four-digit code.

-That's interesting, Ben. Not a clue.

-I really think you should try 2203.

Hey, isn't that the day we first met?

-I don't know, but we've got six minutes left.

Please just get your head in the game.

[Alarm blaring] -I've just got a good feeling.

-Ugh! Okay. What was it?

-Uh... -2-3...

-2-2-0-3.

[Beeping]

-Oh!

[Alarm continues blaring]

-[Laughs] -Shars!

-Oh! -No, no.

-No, but did you?

-Well, sometimes.

-Oh, Dean! Dean! [Laughs]

I don't get it.

-No, it's just like -- just what it says.

-Is it a meme? -No, Shars, no, no.

-Is it a TikTok? -It's art.

It's -- It's commentary.

See, people judge him on his looks,

but he's got dimensions.

He's got a whole inner life,

and sometimes his dog is the only one

that really understands him.

-Oh, okay.

Well, that's really lovely, Beau.

-Yeah, I don't really think about anything

when I make these, though.

-Do you get it, Gwen?

-I get that Beau smokes a lot of weed.

-No, no. Actually, weed makes me less creative.

-Had you been smoking before doing that lady's makeup?

-Touché, Dean, but no.

I was actually hungover.

That's not why I did a bad job, though.

-Ugh. When I first started here, I could never figure out

how they did those three-layer sandwiches with the crusts off.

The trick is the outside is the inside of the next one.

-Oh. -Yeah.

Don't worry, though, practice makes perfect.

-Oh, you can practice your makeup on me.

I love to be touched.

-Hmm, me too.

I mean, you can practice your makeup on me if you want.

-That's a hard no from me.

I'm the only one that touches my foundation brush.

-I have to go.

-Oh, Gwen, doll, take some "shushi."

-Sorry? -"Shushi."

It's from Japan. -No, thank you.

I've got lunch, but that looks "sho tashty."

-Why you talking funny? -No, I'm not.

I'm being dead "sherious."

I'll "shee" you guys later.

"Shank" you, Sharyn.

"Shee" ya.

-[Chuckles]

What?

Fun girl.

-♪ Yo

[ "We Rollin'"playing]

-Watch out for the bumps.

It's kind of like a roller coaster.

-♪ We just rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin' ♪

♪ We just rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin' ♪

♪ Police think it's stolen, stolen, stolen, stolen ♪

♪ Music loud, I'm rolling, I'm rolling ♪

♪ Rollin', rollin'

-Keep your mouth closed. They're out of your league.

[Piano music playing]

♪♪

-So for this look, I'm using the Hourglass bronzer.

It's great for contour,

but you can also use it as an eyeshadow.

♪♪

-Hmm. [Mutters]

♪♪

-What the... -Hello.

Hi! Hello.

Um, can I help you?

-Try and sit still.

-I'll just be one second, okay?

Hi! Who's your friend?

-Um, it's Fannie, eh?

-It's Barbara. -Barbara.

There's definitely a Fannie. It's a hard name to forget, hey?

-Excuse me, Barbara, I just need to borrow Gwen for a sec.

-Sure. -Okay.

-Why are they here?

-'Cause you told me I was shit at makeup,

so I took the initiative to source some saggy skin.

-Do you even know them? Where are they from?

-Golden Age.

-The rest home? -Yeah.

-Do they know where they are? -Yeah, yeah.

Three of them, like, begged me to come.

-Gwen, you can't just take people.

-I'm not gonna foster four old ladies.

I don't want to do that. Imagine the maintenance.

One of them -- she had all these tubes in her arms.

She just started, like, throwing them out.

[Machines beeping] Who's coming with me?

Oh, I feel like they should stay in.

No? Okay. [Alarm beeping]

Um, what about your finger thingy?

I think that's -- that's dialysis, no?

Or I'm gonna bring the chair and your jacket

'cause of hypothermia.

Also, there is a very weird smell in here.

It was a lot of beeping.

-Okay, very funny, Gwen. You're hilarious.

-No, I'm being serious. I'm actually getting better.

And she's having a lovely time, eh, Barb?

Barb? Oh, shit!

Please don't be dead.

Barb? Barb? -Is it nighttime?

-Oh, no, the -- the eyelash glue.

Oops-a-daisy. -Okay, just -- okay.

-I will have to fix that. -Okay.

You need to run these things by me.

-Well, you told me to pull my weight, so I'm trying to help.

-Oh, this is you helping. [Laughs]

-Yeah, I got here on time this morning,

and I found the, um, interior decorator lady.

-Mm-hmm. -And I'm practicing makeup,

and you're still on my balls? I can't bloody win.

-Why can't you just do things like a normal person?

-Normal? Normal like you?

'Cause, yeah, your life seems awesome, Ellie.

-Grow up, Gwen.

You still live at home with Mom! -Yeah.

-You don't even make your own lunch.

This is why you can't hold down a real job.

-Um, you got fired, you dumb fuck!

-Oh! [Grunts]

-Don't you swipe me!

Oh my God!

[Muffled] No, no, no. Let go of my face!

-No, grow up! Ow! -Ow!

-No! Don't pinch!

-You need to get a hold of yourself.

-You -- I was so calm!

-Ow! -Let go!

-Ah! -Ohhh! Okay. Ow!

-[Mutters indistinctly] -Ah!

-Why can't we just... -Ah!

[Grunts]

-Just calm down. Calm down.

Ow, ow, ow!

Who bites a person?!

-I hate this place!

♪♪

-[Chuckles]

Sisters -- we sometimes do that.

♪♪

♪♪

-Hey. -Hi.

-[Chuckles] Do you want me to let you rest in peace, or...

-No, the lid's actually way heavier than I thought,

so it's good you arrived when you did.

-Is that always happen between you guys?

-No, the knee kick was new, but Ellie's acting weird.

I mean, like, she's always had something up her ass,

but this is different.

-She and Hemi were pretty close.

He always used to talk about her.

It hasn't been that long. She's probably still grieving.

-Yeah.

-Frankie's mom, Gloria -- she would always

pick fights with me.

This one time, I got her this cookbook

'cause she said she wanted to, you know, get back into cooking.

But, like, she thought that was me just, like,

telling her that she had to cook,

like I was Jake the Muss or something.

It wasn't about the cookbook, or me.

It was about her.

And now she's gone.

-Oh my God. I'm so sorry.

I didn't...

Is she dead? -No, no, no, no.

She just lives around the corner

on Oak Street, just off Benham Road.

Anyway, we're just not together.

-Okay, I really thought that was going somewhere else.

-No. [Chuckles] No, I'm just saying, you know,

it's when you know someone's

always gonna be there, it's just...

It's easy to be a dick to them.

-But you guys aren't together.

-Yeah, but she's Frankie's mom.

I'll always be there for her.

-I'm always gonna be there for Ellie.

I just don't want to be here.

I want to go to Bali.

-Then why don't you just go?

-'Cause I don't have the money.

-Well, then, just save.

-But I'm not working. [Laughs]

-Oh. [Laughs] Okay, um...

Well, then, why don't you just, like, DJ for money?

-I'm not that good yet. -I'll bet you are.

You're good at this job. You just need to...

make yourself.

-Thanks, Beau.

I think I just need a nap, eh?

-[Chuckles] -Bye.

-Just... -Leave it. [Chuckles]

[Exhales]

Shit!

The grannies.

-Supporting local content so you can see more

of New Zealand On Air.

♪♪

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0