Original subtitles

Morning. Hello, petal.

Hi, Mum.

Happy birthday, Jamie!

Yeah!

See you later.

Take those off when you go in.

- Those socks are not regulation. Oh, morning, Jamie.

- Happy birthday. - Thanks, Mr. Masood.

Okay, you're welcome. Morning, everyone.

Come on, smile. It's not that bad. Morning.

As this is

your last ever careers lesson...

Year 11!

- Year 11, what did I just say? I don't know, miss.

I couldn't hear. It's really noisy in here.

Oi, Vicki, we still on for Friday or what?

-Becca. I need my brother, though,

- or we can't get ciggies. - Vicki!

- You having a party? Can I come? No.

Can I come? Boom! Yeah.

What? Cy, Bex, Becca, Vicki, Levi,

- all of you, quiet!

Ooh!

- Miss, a-are you stressed?

What have you got to be stressed about, miss?

Yeah, miss. What have you got to be stressed about?

- Are you getting stressed now? - Is this stressing you now?

- Are we stressing you? - Girls, don't push me.

I literally know where you live, and I will hunt you down.

- Now, shush.

As I was saying, this is your final careers lesson.

Mickey, sit down.

Pritti, you've been paying attention.

I want you to explain to the rest of the class

what I've been saying.

Miss is saying that you can't all be, like,

pop singers and movie stars

and that there's other jobs...

Like, just normal stuff and that...

And they're kind of good, too.

So having realistic expectations

about your future career potential

is what is gonna help you get a real job.

Right, so... so what do you want to be, Pritti?

A doctor, miss.

- : "A doctor, miss."

Settle down. Yes, Bex.

Miss, why does she get to be a doctor

and I have to work in a slaughterhouse?

What?

This careers brochure you gave me...

- "Your Future in Meat."

I couldn't work in a slaughterhouse, miss.

I'm a vag-etarian.

You're a... what?

You're a vag-etar... Nice. That's real nice.

Right, Denzel, Tyson,

what about you?

YouTubers. - Right.

And if that doesn't work out?

Jedis.

Right. Okay, does anyone in the entire class

have a realistic career plan, apart from Pritti?

Anyone.

Jamie.

- Jamie. - Oh, uh, me?

Sorry, miss. Away with the fairies.

- : Ooh! Shut up.

Yeah, yeah, gay kid. Ha-ha.

I was saying... careers,

realism, your future.

Discuss.

What job do you want?

I don't know, miss.

The future's just alive with enticing opportunities.

Good. See?

That is a good attitude.

It's incredibly vague, but it's good.

I love those shoes.

What?

I said nice shoes, miss.

Oh. Thank you. They're, um... they're Jimmy Choos.

- What? Come on. Class.

We have the results of your psychometric careers test here.

Go, Jamie! Go, Jamie!

It's your birthday! It's your birthday!

Go, Jamie! Go, Jamie!

Go, Jamie! Go, Jamie! Go!

What was that, Jamie?

Uh, nothing, miss.

Just daydreaming.

He's away with them fairies again, miss.

Bumming 'em over a toadstool.

Dean.

I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.

So, Jamie, you never answered the question.

What do you want to be, love?

Uh...

- a performer.

For a minute there, I had such high hopes for you.

Well, you can just join the queue

with all the movie stars and the footballers

and Sheffield's Next Top Model.

I keep telling you all over and over,

you got to keep it real.

I wish I could tell you that you're all gonna

achieve your dreams, but I'd be lying,

and that would be wrong.

That'd be cruel.

- Ta-ra, Gill. - Ta-ra, love.

Hi, Ray.

Oh, hiya.

You were busy today.

Oh, I know.

Them senior citizens are like locusts.

Here.

- The cake for Jamie's party. - Oh.

Balloons are in me new car.

Which one's your new... Oh, yeah, got it.

- Those are nice wheels. - Mm.

I had a fling with Sexy Stan, the secondhand car man.

- Did me a dirty discount.

- You lucky pup.

It's got heated seats.

They don't work, but it's got 'em.

Hey, Jamie texted Wayne.

Said he's coming.

- Oh, Ray, not today.

I said nothing.

I love Jamie's dad.

Ooh.

Careful.

I hope it goes well tonight.

How do you mean?

Oh, with your dad coming round.

When was the last time you saw him?

Oh, not that long ago.

Uh, you can come, too, if you want.

There's cake.

The icing's pink, so it's probably halal.

-I've got to babysit, or I would.

- Anyways... - Hiya.

Good luck.

He's me dad. We have met before.

I know. Shut up.

Happy birthday. Hey, 16... you're getting old.

- What's that? - You're getting old!

Hey, Dad.

Hey, Pritti. Have a good day at school?

So...

how was your singles night?

Oh, that.

Couldn't make it.

Oh, Margaret.

Get yourself out there.

You don't know what you're missing.

Trust me, I do.

Besides, it's been double shifts all week

paying for his birthday.

Plus that prom coming up.

He'll need a tux, and knowing our Jamie,

it won't just be any tux.

Who's that?

"Can't make it. Sorry."

Is that it?

Chuffing useless father.

Oh, Mags, where you going?

Ray!

Action stations!

Surprise!

OMG. Is this all for me?

- Oh!

- : Oh, look at it. - Yeah.

It's all glittery plastic. Oh, my God, I love it.

Happy birthday, love.

Thanks, Mum.

Hiya, Ray.

And another kiss from me, petal. Mwah.

So, how was school?

Mortifying.

- I'm gonna be a shelf stacker. - Oh.

Where's Dad?

Didn't you get his text?

He had to go out of town. Work emergency.

Oh. Well, never mind.

He's not forgotten you.

He popped into work, left you this.

Oh, ace. Thanks.

"Have a full-throttle birthday.

Love, Dad."

Oh, and a picture of a racing car.

He knows me so well.

50 quid, though. Thanks, Dad. You're a star.

: Oh. Anyway...

It must run in the family.

'Cause you'll be my star wearing these.

Happy birthday, love.

You didn't.

Oh, you didn't.

You did.

- These are the ones. I know.

-The ones I've been saving up for. -I know.

They're 120 quid... 120. Where'd you get money like that?

I got it. Don't you worry.

Let's just say she went without.

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Oh, me first ever heels.

Oh, they're amazing.

Woman in the shop said to me,

"Ooh, your daughter's got big feet."

I said, "They're not for me daughter.

- They're for me son."

Should've seen the look on her face.

- It's all right.

- She's down, but she's not out.

Mm... ay, Chihuahua.

Do you remember the first time

you tried my shoes on, Jamie?

He fell downstairs in them, nearly broke his nose.

I told his dad he got hit in the face with a rugby ball.

He was so proud.

Jamie?

It's just...

Well, it's a shame Dad ain't here.

Well, why don't you have a little walk in 'em?

Take 'em for a spin.

Yeah, you do that while we light cake.

Shit. Bollocks. You didn't hear me say that.

Here. Blow 'em out quick.

Wax is burning me thumbs to buggery.

Make a wish, son.

- Laters. Bye.

Come in quick and shut the door.

I've got summat to show you.

Show me what?

Shut the door.

But what if other people want to revise?

No, good point.

Okay, first of all

you've got to swear not to tell anyone.

- Tell anyone what? - Swear first,

then I'll tell you.

All right, I swear.

I'm gonna need more than that.

I swear on maths.

Right.

Done, sit down.

: Okay, okay, okay.

Close your eyes.

Is it gross?

I don't want to see it if it's got willies.

And...

open them.

Oh, my days.

Oh, they're so glamorous.

Who are they for?

Me.

You?

Do you mean to wear?

Yeah.

On your feet?

Uh, no, Pritti, I'm gonna pierce me nipples

and swing 'em round me tits.

Yeah, on me feet.

Jamie, are you saying, you...

All right, what are you saying?

You remember, right, when we were little,

and we used to play dress-up

and I'd always be pre-breakdown Britney?

Well...

for me...

that's a game I don't want to stop playing.

Dressing up as a woman?

Yeah.

Do you want to be a woman?

Uh, no. I want to be a boy.

Who sometimes wants to be a girl.

Is it... sexual?

No. It's fun.

It's wonderful.

I want to be a drag queen.

You can do that, you know.

Get instafamous, make some money.

Just not on Parsons Cross.

Why can't you do it on Parsons Cross?

Oh, 'cause this is Sheffield, not San Francisco.

I'm Jamie New not Bianca Del Rio.

So...

What do you think?

I think...

You think I'm a freak.

No, it's not...

Not a freak. I just...

I do think it's weird. Yeah.

- Chips with that? - Uh, no, thanks.

I'm watching me waist.

But I guess that's the point, in't it?

Everyone thinks I'm weird, too.

I'm a Muslim girl with a Hindu first name.

I mean, thanks, Mum.

The looks they used to gimme at mosque.

Yeah, Pritti. Me, being a drag queen,

in Sheffield, is exactly like that.

I'm just saying, that's us, in't it,

weirdos together?

I don't fit in 'cause I want to be a doctor.

You don't fit in 'cause you want to dress up.

High achiever.

High heels.

- So we're still friends, yeah?

Bezzy friends, #4eva.

Oh, thank God.

I mean, Allah, or whatever.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Bummer.

- I got a joke for you, Jamie.

- What's gay and says ow? - I don't know.

Ow! Get lost, Dean.

I've got better things to do.

Oh. And what about you?

You got better things to do,

you fat sweaty, swotty, spotty, speccy, piggy virgin?

Don't you dare call her that.

Why? It's what she is.

Just like you're a gay, gay, gay, gay,

gay, gay, gay, gay...

gay boy.

Yeah, Dean, I'm gay.

I am gay.

So if I call me gay,

then being called gay in't an insult, is it?

'Cause I am bent,

and I am queer,

and I am a faggot batty bum boy,

you tragic meathead, micro-dick scrounger,

povvo, waste of space

wanker.

- I ain't got a small dick.

That's not what Becca says.

Stuff you, Jamie New.

Oh, my days, look at you.

- You're amazing.

You're fearless.

You're Emmeline Pankhurst.

Who's she?

Oh, she were like Beyoncé back in't day.

- Shut up.

Oh, double maths.

- Kill me now. - Jamie, wait a minute.

- Why? - Just wait.

Wear these to prom.

What?

If you want to be a drag queen,

be a drag queen.

Why not come out as a drag queen at prom?

- I can't. - Jamie,

stop waiting for permission to be you.

- Jamie, you're unstoppable.

I am.

And I'm coming out as a drag queen at prom.

you've gotta grab life by the balls.

You take those balls,

you tuck 'em between your legs

and you put your best chuffing frock on.

Jamie New:

The boy so nice, he came out twice.

What is she doing here?

I need a word.

I'll be inside.

You know, sometimes...

I think I might just be the stupidest woman alive.

You see...

I allow meself to believe these ridiculous things,

like that maybe,

this time,

on his 16th birthday,

you might actually show up.

And not even a text to him to say you're sorry.

I'm sick of covering for you.

So don't do it.

What, and tell him the truth,

that his own dad doesn't want to see him?

Happy birthday, Jamie. Surprise.

It's not as if we've got anything in common.

He's...

He's...

Well, you know what he's like.

I do.

And I love him for it.

Oh, don't you just.

It was always the two of you, wasn't it?

Your little jokes, your little club.

And me as shit daddy on the sidelines.

Yeah, well, you are a shit dad.

That's 'cause that's the part you gave me.

Oh.

He don't wanna do any of the things I wanna do.

What is so wrong with a boy wanting to do boy's things, eh?

It's not fair.

We tried and tried for that baby for so long...

and you were the only one who got the kid you wanted.

Are you coming in or what?

He'll not be a minute, Cheryl.

We're just reminiscing about our love life.

What'd you have to say that for?

I'll not hear the last of it now.

Well, I've gotta hand it to her.

I could never whip you into shape like that.

She's even driving you around in your brand-new car.

You're literally in the passenger seat.

You think you know it all, don't you?

Well, I'll tell you something you don't know:

Cheryl's pregnant.

We're having a boy.

Jamie's 16.

I've done my duty.

He don't need me anymore.

Tell him the truth

and then, for Christ's sake, move on.

Here.

It's a different brand of tea.

Tell me if it tastes funny only it were 20p off.

No, it-it's lovely.

Are you revising?

Sort of.

I'm trying to find a dress

- to go with me shoes. - Oh, ey? Let me see.

No. I haven't found the right one yet.

Oh, all right, then, I'll leave you in peace.

- M-Mum? - Mm-hmm?

I've not heard from Dad since he missed me birthday.

Oh, don't blame him, love.

It's that Cheryl.

She runs him ragged.

Ta-da.

Wow.

This is it. Good luck, Jamie.

You're not coming in with me?

Some doors, Jamie,

you have to walk through on your own.

Come in if you're coming in.

Don't just linger like an old nun's fart.

Welcome to my world of wonder,

drag couturier to the stars.

Is this the Hose of Loco?

House of Loco.

House.

Oh, don't tell me.

That ruddy "U" has dropped off again.

I'll have a rummage in my cupboard,

and see if I can rustle up an upside down "N."

Originally I was going to call it "The Tuck Shop."

Think about it.

And what's your name?

Jamie.

Can I try one of these on?

Knock tha' self out, lad.

Tha tears it, tha wears it.

So, what's it for?

Fancy dress party?

Let me guess... Rocky Horror?

No.

It's for me to wear.

It's not a costume.

I want to be a drag queen.

Hmm?

How old are you, Jamie?

16. Just.

Sixteen?

Oh, they're getting younger and younger.

Whilst I just curl up here in an ossifying ball

growing ever more fabulous.

So, does she have a name?

Does who have a name?

Does your drag queen have a name?

Well, I've thought, a bit, you know,

- brainstormed and that, but... - Out with it.

Come on.

You'll never know if you don't say.

What is it?

Sandra Banana.

- : "Sandra Banana." - Oh, I know.

- Sandra Banana? - I know.

You'll have to do better than Sandra Banana.

Your name's your brand.

Take it seriously.

I mean, who's ever heard of Archibald Leach?

Who's Archibald Leach?

That's only Cary Grant's real name.

Who's Cary Grant?

Oh, bloody hell.

Come here, come here, come here.

Now listen, listen.

You need to create a persona.

Look at her.

Look at everything she is.

A goddess made flesh.

"The Warrior Queen in the Blood Red Dress.

Miss Loco Chanelle."

Warrior?

You can't just be a boy in a dress, Jamie.

A boy in a dress is something to be laughed at.

A drag queen is something to be feared.

Oh, you won't believe the power it gives you,

putting on that wig,

slipping on them heels.

You'll hold the audience in the palm of your hand.

Folks love a drag queen, but folks are terrified of 'em.

But I don't want to make people scared of me.

Shoot first, or they'll shoot you down. First rule of drag.

So why...

why do you want to be a drag queen?

I dunno, I just do.

You just do.

Oh, that's some inspiring stuff there.

Put that on a fridge magnet, why don't you?

Bloody hell.

Because I can't really ever imagine doing anything else.

Because it's all I dream of.

It's all I live for

and when I close me eyes, it's all I can see.

I don't want to be a drag queen.

I have to be one.

Bingo, poppet!

Which is why

I'm going to me school prom in drag.

Chuffing hellfire.

You don't ask much of yourself, do you, kiddo?

What if the other lads turn on you?

- Have you thought of that? - So...

you don't think I should go?

Oh, no, you have to go,

in honor of all your fallen comrades

what have come before you.

How far away's your prom?

- Six weeks. - Six weeks?

All right, well, that's tough

but not impossible.

Oh, kids today.

Well, luckily, Jamie,

you just found yourself a mentor.

Wait.

Are you a drag queen?

I was, once, Miss Loco Chanelle.

- No way. No. - Oh, yes, yes, yes.

In daylight hours,

I was the ever so humble Hugo Battersby,

but at night...

and at the right price...

Look at you.

Look at how you move.

It must've been amazing.

Don't be like that. I love you...

We were peacocks in exotic herds

Wouldn't listen to the warning words

That's the problem with such pretty birds

They always fly away

The rock star, Freddie Mercury, died last night,

the day after he announced that he had AIDS.

Someone help.

Ta-da!

Bitch is back and she's brought some flowers.

Hello, beautiful.

Just come here.

Come here, babe.

I love you.

Me friend, she's...

I'm sorry.

The drag queens in the olden days,

they weren't just queens.

They were warrior queens.

I thought I'd got it hard.

They had the whole world against them,

and they still never backed down,

and me...

I just wanna dance round and show off and be a bit famous.

Drag, it's not just a TV show, Pritti.

It's a revolution.

So go... join the revolution.

I'm not even halfway brave enough for that.

You know, some of them died.

Like literally, they died.

And the rest of 'em still kept on fighting.

And what do you think they were fighting for, Jamie?

For the future.

And that's you.

This is how you honor them.

By picking up their torch, and passing it on.

- Hugo?

: Hugo!

All right.

Let's do it.

Yes!

I mean, I'll try and squeeze you into

my oh-so-busy schedule.

Oh, hello, love.

Hiya. I'm Pritti.

Yes, you are.

This is Loco Chanelle's bloodred dress.

It don't fit me anymore, but it'd fit you.

And, uh, it's for sale.

And for only 250.

- Pounds? - I've only got 80.

Well, kiddo, nobody said being a goddess was gonna be easy.

Have you heard of Legs Eleven?

The drag night at Social Club? Course.

Drag exists on a stage.

If you want to take it out into the real world,

you've got to carry that stage with you.

That prom is a show.

- Your show.

The Jamie Show.

So you'd better be show ready.

Now, I taught them girls everything they know.

If I ask, they'll put you on

- as opening act.

Yeah. Yeah, yes, please.

Oh, my days. I mean, wow.

So, go and create her.

Remember, practice, practice, practice,

until your act, your dress and your face are flawless.

- Oh, and don't forget,

you need a name.

And, uh, take my advice.

Keep this show under wraps.

Only tell your nearest and dearest.

I promise, Hugo.

I will not let you down.

So, why is your car in for repairs?

The suspension went at the car wash.

How did your suspension go in the car wash?

No, not in the car wash.

At the car wash.

- I met a new man. - Oh.

- Ray!

You're a terror.

Soapy Dan, the car wash man.

He was ever so attentive to my bodywork.

Hmm.

Hello, old friend.

Hey.

What's he done this time?

Cheryl's pregnant.

A boy.

Where does that leave Jamie?

He wants nothing more to do with him.

He means it this time.

Well, what the hell do I do?

There's only one thing for it.

Time to tell Jamie the truth.

Oh, I know, I know, but, um...

Speak of the devil.

Mum! Mum! - Hello, love.

Get home now, quick!

- Don't talk. Just run.

Jamie?

Mom! Ray!

Guess what, guess what, guess what!

You've done your hair different?

Ha-ha. No.

I've got news.

By the way, what do you think?

Very nice.

Brings out your... eyes.

- What's your news? - Mum, Ray...

I've booked me first drag show.

- Bloody hell, how'd you do that? - Eh?

Well, I googled this drag shop for me prom dress.

- Your prom dress? - Me prom dress, yeah.

'Cause the drag show, well, it's gonna

be like a warmup for the prom.

- For the prom? - The prom.

Yeah, Mum. Keep up.

It's all about making her her, building her,

road-testing her for the prom itself.

Well, say something.

I don't know what to say.

Oh, tell me I'm stupid.

Tell me not to bother.

No, I'm not gonna say that.

I'm gonna say do it.

Just do it, just go for it, and just ruddy do it.

I've never been prouder of you, Jamie. I mean it.

- Never. - Oh, I'm doing it.

I'm really doing it.

Oh, I just need to buy this epic dress.

You asking for a handout?

Of course not.

I'm gonna earn it.

- Mum. - Hmm?

Do you think you could get us some shifts at the shop?

You can come and work for me as well.

Butter me bread cakes.

What would you say if I invited Dad to me show?

I'll ask him.

Can't hurt, can it?

Could you imagine if he were there...

seeing me?

He might actually be proud.

Right, uh, I'm gonna call Pritti.

Laters.

Laters.

Margaret.

I'm sorry, Ray.

I just couldn't break his heart.

Not today.

Hiya!

Kay Cera.

Kay Ce-what? Too confusing.

What about Lady Upsydaisy?

Too random.

Beverly... Hills.

Too geographical.

Sashay away.

"Promfabulous."

Like that's even a word.

Bex, Becca, eye shadow.

But, miss...

- Dean. - Bloody hell.

- What have I done now? - You've done nothing.

I just wanted to say good luck with your maths exam.

- Well, I'm not doing it. - Dean.

Ugh. Look, I know exams are a massive pain in the arse,

but imagine how much harder your life is gonna be

if you don't pass maths.

Miss, you're wasting your time. I'm thick.

Okay.

- What's that for? - Shake on it.

I think, if you try, you can pass maths, so...

so go on.

Just try.

All right, I'll try and pass maths.

Good.

I believe in you.

Pritti. Pritti!

Jamie?

In here, quick.

- Jamie, what are you doing? - Look.

Just look at me eyebrows.

It's like me forehead's been raped by epileptic caterpillars.

Did you do that yourself?

No, Pritti, I'm the victim of a drive-by clowning.

Yes, of course I did it meself!

- Jamie, I've got... - The show's tonight.

Help me, please.

Jamie, I've got me maths exam tomorrow.

Pritti, me eyebrows.

Jamie, I've got to pass me maths exam

so I can go to Cambridge so I can become a doctor.

Yeah, but this is important.

Pritti, please.

Give it here.

Look at me.

- What's going on in there? It's Miss Hedge.

She can't see me like this.

Hide me!

- There isn't anywhere. - Find somewhere!

What am I supposed to do, flush you?

- I'm coming in. The window.

- Give me a leggie.

Who does that backside belong to?

Me, miss.

Jamie New.

Surprise, surprise.

Pritti Pasha, I'm disappointed in you,

getting caught up in...

What is it you're doing in here?

Parkour, miss. What?

Free running. It went wrong.

Just get down.

Turn around, Jamie.

No, you're all right, miss.

Turn around and face me now!

It's for my art exam, miss.

I'm exploring gender identity.

I wanted to use a face as a canvas to make a statement.

And why aren't you doing this in the art department?

Jamie's shy.

- Oh, I am. - Mm-hmm.

Jamie, if you want to throw your future away, then...

But I'm not letting you distract her.

- Get back to your revision. - Okay.

-You know, she actually has a shot. She's got a...

Uh, I'm sorry, have you got something to say?

Yeah.

At least I've got a future.

Art exam.

Right, well, I think you should go to the art department

and finish your piece off.

I'll just wash my face off, then.

What are you talking about, Jamie?

You're Pritti's work of art.

You can't wash a work of art down the drain, Jamie.

That would be an act of vandalism.

Go as you are.

Please, miss.

Don't.

But the corridor is your catwalk, Jamie.

Your public awaits.

Miss Haylock, I hope you don't mind me leaving

this work of art in your capable hands.

What is that?

How embarrassing.

What's next, Jamie?

You gonna turn up in a dress?

Miss Haylock.

Everyone's a work of art, Jamie New,

but you are a masterpiece.

A boy in a dress, hmm.

Something to be laughed at, yeah?

Well, come along to my show tonight

at Legs Eleven, and you'll see...

A drag queen is something to be feared.

- And I am a drag queen.

Please, Pritti.

I need you.

I'm sorry.

I've asked. I've begged.

But he says no.

You're a distraction from me revision,

and I've got to stay in me room.

So climb out the window.

Yeah, I think that's

the kind of distraction he's talking about.

I've got to go. Good luck.

Oh, my God, it's Dean Paxton.

Shit.

All right, freak show.

What did you say?

I said you are a freak.

No, I'm not.

You put on a dress and a wig and makeup.

You look like a freak.

Like a dirty, ugly freak.

So, uh...

break a leg.

Ta-ra.

And how's the talentless one today?

Talentless? Talentless?

They call me the Great Wall of China

because my talent goes on and on.

They call you the Great Wall of China

'cause they can see you from space.

Oh, Harry H. Christ on a biscuit,

I'm so out of shape.

No, darling, never.

Round is a shape.

- Assholes.

Shape, shape, shapes.

Uh-oh.

And where in the name of Cher do you think you're going?

Hugo?

Who the bloody hell's Hugo?

I'm Loco Chanelle.

Now, get in here!

Now!

Good evening, goddesses.

- Oh! - Oh, there she is.

May I present...

to you the future.

The futura.

This is...

What's your drag name?

I still don't have one.

Hey, please, can I have a word in private, Hugo?

Don't mind us. We're not listening.

I screwed it.

I swear I meant to keep the show a secret,

but I blurted it out, and now they're all here from school.

Dean Paxton with a bunch of his mates.

I can't go on.

A drag queen doesn't know the meaning of the word "can't."

Just ask my seven ex-husbands.

No, I'm stupid. I'm wasting your time.

I've got no name.

I've got no tits, and I've got no eyebrows.

For God sakes, I'll do your eyebrows,

I'll make you look beautiful,

and you can borrow some tits from the tit box.

You're not listening to me.

It's Dean Paxton.

I can't go on.

Girls, a moment, please.

Oh, pretty please.

One, two, three four, get to walking.

Trot on.

I don't give a pixie's shit about Dean Paxton.

Tonight's your night.

Can you give these to Jamie New?

Who's Jamie New?

He's skinny, blond.

It's his first show.

Leave them there, love.

Crikey, Ray.

They're going to eat him alive.

He's his mother's son.

Have a bit of faith.

Look, his friends are here to support him.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi.

Jamie? Jamie New?

Flowers.

No way. That's mental.

It's from me dad.

"Sorry I can't be there,

but I know you'll do me proud."

This is for you, Dad.

This is it, Jamie. Name her now.

Who is she? Who is she?

- I don't know. - You have to know.

- I don't know! - Come on.

- What's all this been about? - I don't...

- You do. - I can't.

Say it. Say it.

It's about me.

That's it, kiddo!

Yes!

Ladies and gentlemen,

would you give a warm Legs Eleven welcome

for her premiere appearance,

her virgin unveiling,

her maiden voyage,

the soon to be legendary...

Miss Mimi Me!

Oh, my God.

- Freak! Freak show!

Oh, shut up. Hey.

Freak!

- All right, Jamie! I love you, Jamie!

That's how a legend is born.

Mwah! Mwah!

Yes!

Jamie?

What are you doing?

Jamie!

Right. Settle down, Year 11.

I want to run through the last few exams with you.

Hiya. Is everybody talking about me?

Well, I'm sorry I'm late, miss.

Must have overslept.

Late night.

No, I'm sorry, Jamie.

I'm sorry you suddenly feel the need

to be the center of attention.

I don't know what you're talking about, miss.

Miss.

You know that makeup like that is completely

against school uniform rules.

The school uniform rules for the girls, miss, yeah,

but if you check the code for the boys... and I did...

It don't say nothing about makeup at all.

Hiya, Dean.

Having a nice day so far?

Jamie, what are you doing?

Who's Jamie?

I'm Mimi Me.

Take them off.

No.

What did you just say to me?

I said, "No."

I won't take them off.

Can I remind you that I am a teacher at this school?

You don't need to remind me that, miss.

I just get a whiff of desperation, and then, oh,

- look, there you are.

You're in real trouble now. Out!

Sit down and stay there.

Hiya, gorgeous.

Freak show.

Freak show, freak show, freak show.

Like that word will ever bring me down.

'Cause I'm fabulous, Dean.

And you might be fit,

and you might be handsome,

but you're so ugly.

I'll see you at prom, Dean.

I'm picking out a dress just for you.

Break it up!

Break... break it up!

- Stop it! That's it! - The pair of you!

Get him away from me.

- Where are you going? - Home.

You've got your exam, Dean.

Screw my exams, screw you,

and screw that disgusting thing there.

'Cause if you're going in a dress,

you won't find me nowhere near that stupid prom.

- What's got into you, Jamie?

Eh? You know you can't behave like that.

A drag queen don't know the meaning of the word "can't."

Just ask me seven ex-husbands.

You, take those off.

Jamie's behavior has been

utterly unacceptable, Mrs. New.

And I don't use such strong words lightly.

It's just a bit of makeup.

Oh, Ray, please.

I work shifts. I didn't see him leave like that, but...

it's hardly the end of the world.

Well, it's the end of prom for Dean Paxton.

Who's Dean Paxton?

Dean from the drag club, eh?

The boy who had 'em all jeering.

- Oh. - He's a knob head.

Well, that's not very helpful language.

Well, he is.

Uh, I-I'd like to downplay this dialogue and say to Jamie,

I want to encourage you to uncover your individual, yeah?

I want you to interface with the true you.

But is it right you want to go to prom in a dress?

: Go on.

Yeah.

Is that a problem?

No, no, 'cause in this school,

we are, you know, promoters

of, um, freedom of expression, and, uh...

Yeah, I think what Mr. Masood is trying to say

is that there is a fine line

between individuality and disruption,

and that you need to think about how your actions

are going to affect other people.

Because not everyone is as lucky as you, Jamie.

For some of these kids, prom is...

I mean, it's their last chance to have one amazing night,

and I'm not gonna let you take that from them.

How is Jamie taking anything away from anyone?

Because some of the kids have said they're not gonna

go to prom if Jamie wears a dress.

She means Dean Paxton.

You heard what he called me.

What? What?

What did Dean Paxton call him?

Well, I don't want to repeat the word.

Well, I do. I want to hear.

I want to know what my son's being called at school.

He called him disgusting.

And-and we will deal with that.

But, Jamie, this is gonna keep happening.

Mimi Me is not a student at this school.

Jamie New is.

And if Jamie wants to come to prom, he comes as Jamie.

In a tie and-and a shirt and trousers,

like all the other boys.

I'm sorry, but your behavior today... that's...

that's just the way it has to be.

We've heard enough.

- Jamie!

Disgusting.

How could he call Mimi Me disgusting?

You know, Mimi is gorgeous, and glamorous.

Look at Miss Hedge in her knockoff Jimmy Choos.

- You know she's just jealous. - Jamie.

Calm down.

Me mum and dad'll hear you.

I'm not supposed to have boys in me room.

Oh, I'm sorry, please hold me back

whilst I try not to ravish you.

Jamie. House rules.

Come on.

Your room's so tidy.

I don't know how you do it.

I don't have as many dresses as you do.

I like your lamp.

Thanks.

Jamie, do you think...

Miss Hedge maybe has a point?

If Mimi goes to prom, it'll only be about her.

Everyone else'll be overshadowed.

No, everyone loves Mimi.

They love her on a stage...

but in real life...

she can say things that upset people.

Why does Mimi have to be part of the equation?

I'm gonna be a doctor,

but it doesn't mean I have to go everywhere

swinging my stethoscope.

'Cause without Mimi, I'm...

I'm just ugly.

Jamie...

you are stunning.

You know there's a name like Jamie in Arabic.

Jamil.

So if you were, like, Pakistani or Middle Eastern

or whatever,

we'd call you Jamil New.

And do you know what Jamil means?

It means "beautiful."

What are you doing?

Jamie.

Talk to me.

Me dad...

he caught me once, dressing up.

The look on his face,

and what he said,

has made me feel ugly my entire life.

People can change.

I mean, he sent you flowers for your show.

But he's not replying to me texts.

Well, you know, in the olden days,

people used to go and actually talk to each other.

I can't go round.

I'm scared.

You were scared to walk into that drag shop,

you were scared to step onto that stage.

What would have happened if you'd turned back then?

Everything you've achieved these past few weeks, Jamie,

has brought you here.

You can't let being scared stop you now.

If I don't say it enough,

you're the best friend a boy who sometimes wants to be a girl

could ever wish for.

- See ya.

Bye.

Hiya, Dad.

Jamie.

I can't stop, I'm off to the match.

Yeah, this'll just take a minute.

I wanted to thank you for the flowers.

What flowers?

A-At me show.

What show?

Me drag show at Social Club.

You sent me flowers to say...

What, you got on a stage at Social?

- You sent me flowers. - I sent you now't.

Why would I?

- Mum said she told you. - Yeah, well, she didn't.

I suppose she didn't tell you what I told her, neither?

I'm done with this. All of it.

I'm done with you.

No, you don't mean that.

I wanted a son so badly.

And I got you.

Who sent me the flowers, Mum?

What else was from you?

The birthday card?

The 50 quid?

: How could you?

I just wanted you to be happy.

So you lied.

- No, don't. Don't. - No, I don't want it anymore.

- I-I said... - No, no, Jamie. No!

- Get off!

You ruin everything.

Stop living your life through me.

Just 'cause you've never been anyone.

Dad.

Dad.

- We're closed!

I said we're closed!

We're chuffing well still closed.

Oh, Jamie.

I'll be honest with you, flower.

It's not your best look.

You must have known,

turning up dressed like that, to the match,

what would happen.

So... why'd you do it?

'Cause I deserved it.

Oh.

My life's a mess, Hugo.

I'm nobody.

I'm nothing.

I'm disgusting and vile and nothing.

Jamie,

never say such terrible things.

Do you hear me?

Well, that's what he thinks.

Who?

Me dad.

Oh, don't listen to him.

He's a silly, ignorant man, that's all.

And he has no power over you now.

No.

When I'm Mimi,

I can do anything.

But Jamie...

he's pathetic.

Jamie, you put grown men to shame,

do you know that?

I look at you, and this world, and how you live in it,

and how everything's changing so fast,

and I think...

what do I know anymore?

I'm so bloody old and out-of-date,

and you, you're just...

new.

I don't know what that means.

I don't know who I am.

You're 16, of course you don't.

You're still cooking.

Jamie, the final rule of drag

is that there's no such thing as rules.

Do what you need to do.

Be who you need to be.

Because if anyone can do it...

it's you.

You.

Eh.

You.

Now.

Drink it up.

Come on.

I'm sorry, Mum.

I'm all right.

It's just a stupid thing I did.

I won't be doing again.

Sit down.

I'm sorry I lied.

Why did you do it?

I didn't think it through, did I?

- Sorry. - It's all right.

I deserve it.

No, Jamie.

You don't deserve any of this.

Your dad...

Oh, what was I thinking loving a man like that, eh?

Who needs a dad anyway?

We got Ray.

She's twice the man he'll ever be.

And with bigger balls.

Mum.

Do you ever wish I were just normal?

No.

Never.

And what's normal anyway? This is normal for you.

Oh, well, if I were normal, I could go to prom.

If I was normal, Dad would've stayed.

Your dad's an idiot.

You've done nothing wrong, Jamie.

You never did.

But I am sorry.

I'm sorry for him,

because he's missing out on so much.

I mean, look at you, eh.

And you can still go to the prom, if you want.

I don't care if you go in trousers or a dress,

or wearing nothing at all, as long as you go as you.

Because whatever you do,

you are always beautiful.

Give us a love.

It's prom night tonight.

We'll see you there.

Aw, twinnies, so cute.

Oh, my God, that shade looks so lush on you.

Well, I was gonna wear blue but You're Gorgeous says "no."

Looks good.

Don't judge.

It's just one night.

This is epic.

- Evening. - What is she wearing?

Hiya, Vicki. We love what you're wearing.

Looking fine, ladies.

Boys in suits.

Check them.

Think they're all James Bond.

License To Drill, innit,

'cause I'm gonna drill me some sweet, sweet...

Shut up, Levi.

Chuffing hell.

- Pritti, you're wearing makeup. - Yeah?

- Looks lush on you. - Thanks.

Oh, my God.

Look at the makeup on it.

I thought there were only one drag queen in this school.

- What, is it contagious? - Dean,

why do you have to be such a wanker?

Why does she have to be such a waccy, spaccy virgin?

- Dean. - It's all right.

It doesn't matter.

What did it say?

I said...

it doesn't matter.

And that's the truth, Dean.

What you say, what you think,

what you do...

it doesn't matter anymore.

No, I am not a "spac,"

as you so ignorantly call it.

What I am is clever.

But if you want to turn that into an insult, then fine.

Knock yourself out.

Because tomorrow, we're done.

Exams over, school finished.

And I start getting on with the rest of my life.

But you...

tomorrow...

you're nothing.

- This school is your world.

No more big fish,

no more small pond.

You've got...

five hours left

of being someone that anybody cares about,

and that's it.

So call me spaccy, if it makes you happy,

but enjoy it while you can,

because your time's almost up.

And, yeah, I am a virgin,

and I'm proud of that, too.

Whoa, man, she totally nailed you.

Yeah, well, you haven't got a date for prom.

What are you talking about?

I'm here with him.

Jamie, you look amazing.

He looks so good.

Jamie, you're iconic.

Oh, my God, if I didn't know, I totally would.

- You made it. - Course I did.

- You look beautiful. - Thanks.

So do you.

You're enormous.

Jamie.

I thought I told you you weren't welcome dressed like that.

Uh, you told me not to come as Mimi Me, miss.

And I haven't.

This is just Jamie, in a dress.

No, this is just Jamie hijacking an event

that's meant for everyone.

I meant what I said:

Tonight is for all the students.

I'm not going to have you ruin it for them.

But he's not ruining it.

He's making it a night to remember.

- No.

No, I've made my decision.

All right, miss.

I love me dress,

and me shoes.

I've got everything I wanted, so...

I'm just gonna go home now.

: Laters, Pritti.

Are you fucking kidding me?!

After all this?

Pritti, you dropped the f-bomb.

She won't let Jamie in 'cause he's wearing a dress.

No, because rules are rules

for a reason.

There is a dress code.

Dress code says "Promfabulous."

Promfabulous.

I mean, miss, what's the problem?

I tweeted his picture and got 12 likes.

That's more than me gecko.

Let Jamie in, miss.

Please.

Ladies and gentlemen, the doors to prom hall are open.

- Everybody, in. No.

Not without Jamie.

He don't go in, we don't go in.

- I said, everybody, in. No.

Everybody, out.

: Jamie.

Jamie. Jamie.

: Jamie. Jamie. Jamie.

- Oh, you be quiet. - Jamie! Jamie! Jamie!

- Stop. Stop! Stop!

- Stop! Stop! Stop!

- Honestly, you're all mad.

And I can't tell you what this means to me,

but this is your special night, not mine.

You told me to come as the real me, miss,

and I have.

Prom... it's a fairy tale.

But this...

Me like this... is real.

- Jamie.

Just go in.

- Yes! -Yes!

Nice shoes, miss.

Nice shoes, Jamie.

Get you, leading the revolution.

: I know.

You're rubbing off.

You're like a superhero.

I'm not a superhero.

- I'm just a boy in a dress.

You will dance with me, won't ya?

Pritti, you and me... We'll be dancing forever.

- See you inside. - Okay.

You're not coming in, then?

Sod off.

So now you know what it's like.

- Being the odd one out. - Screw you, Jamie New.

Oh, come on, Dean.

I mean it.

We're never gonna see each other again, not after tonight,

so just... come in and have a dance.

Why not do one nice thing before it's all over?

- She's right, isn't she? - Who?

Your little mate in there.

Big fish, small pond... You think that's all I am?

Oh, it doesn't matter what I think.

Yes, it does.

'Cause, Sod's Law, Jamie New,

we are gonna see each other again.

And I'll be doing some shit job, if I'm lucky,

and you'll walk right past me; you won't even recognize me.

How could I not recognize you? You're Dean Paxton.

Come on.

I'll even let you have a dance with me.

Turns out I'm pretty popular at the minute.

Might help with your street cred.

Go on, be a man.

Take my hand.

- I'm not gay. - That's all right.

I'm not really a girl either. Nobody's perfect.

So, Dean Paxton,

how about it?

One last dance.

For old times' sake.

No, Dean, I'll lead.

" playing)

I'm sorry for being a dick.

It's all right.

You're only a little one.

: Oh. Thank you.

Jamie?

Jamie?

Jamie!

I know! I'm coming!

You've got to put it out before the lorry comes!

I know! I'm doing it!

- Well, shake a leg. - I am.

I'm shaking it for all of us.

He's me boy, and I love him.