All language subtitles for Doom.Patrol.S03E04.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Well, don't you look pretty
as a picture?

She-ma yisrael adonai eloheinu,
adonai echad.

What's going on? Where am I?

Mornin', sunshine.

Willoughby? What have you done?

Would you believe I just fancied
a chat with an old friend?

Hardly.

Well, before you get
all holier-than-thou

if the tables were turned,
you would've done the same thing.

Rabi Loew animated his creature
to protect his people from slaughter.

I doubt you
have such lofty intentions for me.

That hurts my feelings.

I've got loads of important shit
for us to do.

And old friends to see.

Dear God!

Poor Niles.

Whatever's happened to you?

Baphomet.

Hello, love.

I'm perfectly well.

Just lost a little weight,
that's all.

How are you?

- I...
- Well, that's great.

Listen, can I ask you something,
head to head?

What do you think of my pal,
Willoughby?

Is he the kind of chap

you could see yourself
settling down with?

Willy, how could you do this
dreadful thing to your friend?

Whatever do you mean?

I think I look top shelf.

I have no interest
in these baby games.

Don't summon me again,
unless you decide to grow up.

Baby, wait.

F**k.

I'm sorry, Willoughby,
but that was pathetic.

Even for you.

Wrong room, dickhead.

Oh, f**k me.

So, are you gonna tell us who you are

or does someone need to jam
a foot up your pee-hole?

Oh, no.

Aren't you charming?

Now, would you mind telling me

when are you expecting
Niles Caulder back?

- Well...
- Look, lady.

You're in our house.

Wearing our clothes

- and drinking our tea.
- Yeah.

Now, answer our questions.

Then, maybe
we could talk about Niles.

How were you made?

Excuse me?

Is that aluminum?

You know, how does it...
How does it stick to your face?

That is his face.

That is his face!

- Okay.
- Stop doin' that.

Okay, in a minute.

Oh, that's fascinating.

How long have you been in our house?

Well, long enough to see bandages,
over here

play dress-up with your dead bodies.

The f**k?

I was at a low point,
and I wasn't making great decisions.

Okay?

Okay, tell me, why are y'all
scratching like circus animals?

Your name. Now.
Or I'm draggin' your ass outta here.

Okay, well, tha... I'm not being coy

the truth is, I can't remember.

- Why are you looking for chief?
- Can't remember that either.

But when I think of him

I am filled with an overwhelming

and immediate urge to punch him
in the face.

- That's him.
- Yep.

Sounds about right.

Now, here's what I do know.

I seem to have travelled here
via sort of a time travel capsule.

As a result, I have a moderate

to more than-moderate degree
of memory loss.

And that I need
to find a certain Niles Caulder.

Bullshit!

There's no such thing as time travel.

'Cause if there was

a certain sixth grade assbag
named Jeremy Decker

would've never pulled
my pants down at assembly

and I never would've had the
nickname Cheeto Dick for six years.

That's what you would go back
in time and fix?

F**k, yeah!

But like I said,
time travel doesn't exist.

You were saying?

What year did you come from?

If you saw us dead

that means that you were here
at least since yesterday.

Hey, Rita?

When did your super-secret alarm
thing go off?

The day before we went
to Codsville, I think.

Which you completely ignored.

Well, the important thing is...

Oh, shut up,
she's here now, isn't she?

Right. Yes.

And now, it's time
for you all to answer my questions

starting with where is Niles Caulder?

He's deader than shit.

Goddamn, I love saying that.

I see. How long?

- 'Bout two weeks.
- Two weeks? Right.

Well, then, I shall just time travel
back to then... then.

You can do that?

And actually talk to him?

It's a time machine, dear.

So, I can, you know, travel back

and have a wee chat
with Adam and Eve, if I want to.

I don't know.

Things were a little hairy
around here two weeks ago.

Kaiju candle-demon on the loose.

You might wanna go back
a little further.

Right. Well, I shall go back
three weeks, then.

Yeah, this place was lousy
with sex ghosts around then.

- I don't recommend it.
- True.

That's right.

- Four weeks?
- No.

- Hell, no.
- No. Okay.

Well, how about fi-five?

- Hell, no.
- Nah.

Seven. What about seven?
Give me seven.

Anyone for seven?
You wanna give me seven?

- Seven, anybody?
- Think you're good.

Good. Alrighty.

Bon voyage.

Send chief our love.

Tell him I said...

He'll know what it means.

Okay, well, this is goodbye.

It has been
a truly infuriating experience

and I only hope
that in your time of need

you will be met, one day,
with the same ineptitude

and uselessness
which you have shown me here today.

I bid you adieu.

Peace.

God.

What's happening?

All right. Come on. Let's go.
Come on...

Who's good with machines?

Look, Lady, I only knew time travel
existed ten minutes ago.

Oh, thank you.

I can't fix your machine.

No, well, not with that attitude,
you can't.

What about Cliff?

He knows everything
about fixing cars.

Oh, I know more than everything.

Thing is, I don't give a shit
about any of this.

So, you kids have a party.

I'm outta here.

Wait, we're just gonna let
some crazy lady stay in our house

and put her crazy lady fingers
on all our stuff?

Because there's nothing weird
about some nutball traveling

through time to see chief?

- Yep.
- Pretty much, yeah.

We got our own crap to take care of,
remember?

We agreed to get help.

With our shit?

- You were serious about that?
- Yep.

You should be too.

Well, you should mind
your own f**king business.

Okay, fine, you...

Take me to this secret alarm.

I would like to have a look at it.

- I would be happy to...
- No.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Shall we?

Okay.

Well, I'll be back to check
on your work later.

Oh, I'm not.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Well, first my legs
started f**king up.

Then my hands started shaking
like f**king Jell-O.

I thought that it was
just shitty craftsmanship

by the shitty scientist
that built my body

but then my buddy Cyborg
scanned my shit

and said it might be
my brain that's is f**ked.

Cyborg's not really my buddy.

I don't know why I just said that.

He's more like this lesser version
of me living in my house.

Anywho, my daughter-in-law
thinks I might have Parkinson's.

But she's not a doctor.

She's a graphic designer.

But you're a doctor,
so what do you think?

Goddamn TikTokers.

I don't have time for this.

Oh, f**k me.

F**k it.

Shit.

What the hell?

Which of Niles' nonsense
are you mixed up in now?

It's a time machine.

And for some reason,
I've been tasked with fixing it.

Also, it's not Niles'.

I hope you didn't ask me
here to help.

Time travel's fringe,
experimental, dangerous.

Few human trials that I know
of have led to neurological damage

and memory loss.

Fringe and experimental?

As opposed to the body tech

which was thoroughly vetted
before you put it in my body?

I did it to save your life.

And if I'm not mistaken,
seems to have worked out okay.

"Alive" and "okay"
aren't the same thing.

You know that, right?

Maybe you'd have more body positivity

if you made better choices
for how you used your tech.

I didn't choose to put this
in my body.

You did.

What's going on here, Vic?

Where is this comin' from?

I just been wondering, is all.

If there was another choice.

If body tech was the only way
to save my life.

Okay.

Let's talk about choice.

Like your choice to abet Roni Evers
in evading authorities.

The choice that cost me my job.

What?

Technically,
I'm on administrative leave.

- But it's not looking good.
- But that's not fair.

You had nothing to do with it.

You used S.T.A.R. Lab's tech
I designed to help a murderer.

Well, she's not a bad person, Dad!

If you knew what she went through

you'd understand
where she's comin' from.

She deserved a second chance,
and I gave her one.

So, that's it?

You take zero responsibility
for your actions?

I can't believe I'd ever feel
this disappointed in you, son.

But here we are.

You wanna know why I asked you over?

Two days ago, I died.

What?

I went to the afterlife
and I talked to Mom.

It's finally happened.

Been hangin' around these nuts
so long, you done lost your mind.

No, she told me that there was
another way you could've saved me.

Yeah.

And I wanna know what it was.

Was there another way or not?

Well... we had developed a prototype.

- For synthetic skin.
- Oh, God.

So, I could've looked normal.

- It was still very...
- Experimental?

Like the cyber tech?

Just like this?

Why would you do this to me?

You couldn't do human trials

so you used your own son
as a guinea pig.

- Is that what this is?
- I cannot keep explaining myself...

Well, you can't or you won't?

Everything I did was to protect you.

I don't care what you hear.

Or who you talk to.

It won't change that.

I must apologize for my
housemates' less than-warm welcome.

It's just, most of them

are trying to move on
from Niles Caulder

so a mysterious stranger
dredgin' him back up

was is probably a bit triggering.

Oh, yeah? Why is that?

Was he a bad man?

Yes.

And no.

He was a complicated person.

Yes, well, aren't we all?

Oh, shitting hell!

Perhaps, it was completely
pointless coming here.

Well, how can you possibly know
what to look for

when you don't know
what you're looking for?

Well, the mind may forget,
but the gut may not.

It is the elephant of the body.

And it will tell me
when I'm on to something.

It just occurred to me that I...

I don't know what to call you.

Well, that makes two of us.

What about Shannon?

I've always liked that name.

Very well, Shannon it is.

Why don't you tell me,
what your name is?

It's Rita. Rita Farr.

Oh, well, Rita, I don't know
why you have attached yourself to me

like a blacklegged tick

but it is distracting
and quite bothersome.

I don't mean to be unkind,
but it's really annoying.

Well, I didn't mean to be
any of those things.

Do you have a question for me?

Or is your neediness
some kind of holistic condition?

Actually, I do.

Do I look at all familiar to you?

My body elephant
has the strongest feeling

- that we know each other.
- No one looks familiar to me.

Not even me.

Or do you... do you not know
how amnesia works?

Maybe try taking a nice,
long look at me.

For a minute.
Maybe it'll help jog something loose.

You've got a bit of schmutz
on your face there.

Hot dog!

Okay.

That's the stuff.

Well...

What you doin'?

Playing frisbee golf.

What does it look like, dipshit?

Like you're making
creepy Bob Ross fan art.

You made me feel like shit
for not honoring our stupid pact

or whatever, so, I tried
making something

out of my pain,
like Abuelita told me to.

But it didn't work.

And now,
I feel like an even bigger dick.

So, I'm gonna get high as f**k,
and then light it on fire.

- Wanna watch?
- Definitely.

Only, maybe before you flick your Bic

you might wanna, I don't know,
try talkin' to creepy Bob Ross.

- About what?
- Whatever you want.

Maybe saying some shit
you didn't get to, before he died

will give you some closure.

Who crawled up your ass
and made you Doctor Phil?

When we were in the afterlife

I got to tell off my asshole dad,
and it felt awesome.

I'm talkin' top ten best moments
of my life.

Or afterlife.

At least it was great

'til he shoved his
Grandpa of the Year mug up my butt.

Not literally.

And I got to tell Niles
to suck a bucket of vaginas

which also squeaks into my top ten.

Wait, when did that happen?

Oh, probably about sometime
after he died.

He was a ghost, and he wanted me
to burn his body

so his soul could be at peace.

But I didn't do it.

Because f**k him.

So, I could've talked to him?

That's what I'm saying.

You still can.

I'm sorry it has to end this way,
old friends.

I'd like to think
you'll do well out here.

But my guess is you'll be dead
a week after I am.

I'm in a crisis, Larry,
and I need a sympathetic ear.

Not really a good time. Okay?

There was another me at Codsville.

How do you mean?

I mean, there was another me.

As in, instead of just one of me,
there were two.

It happened right after

that ghastly red creature
started shootin'.

I almost escaped

when she shoves me back
into the lounge.

What's more, she was wearing
the exact same flight suit I found

in Shannon's time machine.

- Who's Shannon?
- Our mysterious time traveler.

It's what we're callin' her now.

- She remembered her name?
- No.

It's just what we're callin' her.

Please, Larry, try to stay focused.

And if that weren't enough

there's that strange creature
in the afterlife

who not only seemed to know me,
but to like me.

Well, I couldn't get any answers

or even a little common courtesy
out of Shannon.

So, I am left to put the pieces
together on my own.

But what does it all mean?

I mean, the two seem unrelated to me.

Larry, what if I'm a world-renowned
time traveler?

Look, after all the weird crap
we've been through

I can buy the time traveler piece.

But where do you get
"world-renowned?"

Since I am one of two
known time travelers

one could extrapolate
my elevated status.

Or maybe you're trying
to find some specialness inside you

that isn't really there.

Now, how could you say that to me?

I'm dying, Rita.

- Again?
- Yeah.

What's happening?

I've been puking out blue crap
all morning.

Since I don't eat or drink,
I don't think that's a good sign.

Oh, Larry.

Apparently, life without the Spirit
has its limits.

I think that's why he brought me
into space.

So I could see it one last time.

Anyway...

I love you too much
to not be honest during my last days.

Now, you see here,
Larry Trainor. I...

What's on your bandages?

What fresh hell is this?

You know, you... smell delicious.

Do you have ham
in your pocket or something?

Not that I'm aware of, no.

Did... did you just lick me?

Oh, sorry, I... I have no idea.

The Sisterhood of Dada presents.

Doesn't ring a bell.

Women petting cat.

Nope.

Shelley Byron as Woman.

Laura DeMille as Cat.

Not a flicker.

Larry!

Rita...

My body elephant.

Tellin' you, this is that
crazy spider lady's puke

or something. It's like a curse.

Bless you.

Oh, my... F**k!

I don't feel so good.

You don't look great, either.

Jane.

Jane?

Jane...

Everybody.

Everybody, come.

I know who I am!

I'm a bird.

And I can fly.

I think.

Brains.

- Brains?
- Brains?

What happened
to you morons this time?

- Brains.
- Brains.

- Brains.
- Brains.

Are you the one
who zombified these tits?

I don't think so.

I couldn't swear to it, though.

Who is she?

Okay. Could somebody,
tell me what's goin' on here?

- 'Cause I'm kinda...
- What happened to you lot?

Sure thing. I need an axe.

A gallon of petrol, and a match.

Got it in one, Bubba Ho-Tep.

Find me a VCR in this pit,
and all will be explained.

- Brains.
- Brains.

Is that Niles Caulder?

More or less.

Shorter than you imagined, I bet.

You're funny.

Listen up, freaks.

I got your dead leader's head.

If you want it back,
you'll come to see me.

But don't keep me waiting.

Or I will make him pay for it!

Don't do it. Don't come here.

Save yourselves.

Shut up!

I'll see you real soon.

I had Niles' head first.

Darren stole it off me,
took my coat too.

Calm your festering asses down.

You know how much arcane
mystical knowledge

is swimming around
in that man's noodle?

Better I have it
than some other crazy bastard.

Oh, right.

So you pilfered it in order
to protect it.

That's right.

Not because
its inherent magical value

would fetch a fine price?

I'm sorry who the f**k are you again?

I'm a bird.

And my name is Laura DeMille.

And that head may be the key
to unlocking my memories

so we have to rescue it.

I did have a plan.

A bloody good one.

But as per usual,
you're dumbf**kery jammed

that spanner up my ass
and now you're zombies.

Is it too much to ask for you twats

not to f**k yourself up
so spectacularly?

Well, I may have an idea there.

We just need to keep
these undead brood

from feasting on our brains
till we put it into action.

Got it covered, love.

This was in James Dean's car
the night he bit it.

Covers the smell of brains.

And the... and the hats?

Keep our heads warm.

It's cold without my coat.

Yeah.

Come on.

Look, you muppets.

Delicious brains, yummy-yummy.

Brains!

- Brain.
- Brain.

Look, I don't know you.

I'm not sure
that this plan's gonna work.

But f**k it, here.

Be very careful with that.

It's petrified dragon's piss.

Most people worry about the fire,
but it's the piss that'll get you.

Should pop his head like a balloon.

See you on the other side.

This way, Solomons Grundy.

There you are, my beauty.

Kept a serial killer diary.

I thought I smelled abominations.

Brains?

I'm so glad you sons
of bitches are here.

I've got one hell of a tale
to tell you.

It's about a man
who was on top of the world.

He had it all.

A career,
a beautiful wife and children.

A home that would make
Martha Stewart shit

through her mouth with jealousy.

Shut up, freaks!

You destroyed my life.

Goddamn it, you will listen to me.

Okay, this is... this is good.

You've a mission and a plan.

And... and you're a bird.

So you've learnt so much
about yourself so much already.

You are almost there.

You are going to... fly down there.

Like you have surely done
a thousand times before

and a place this magical
disgusting doodad thing

on that psychopath's head.

Okay.

Transform.

You probably haven't thought twice

about your little visit
to the Ant Farm

but it has haunted me
every second of every day since.

Do you have any idea
what it's like to be attacked

by hundreds of butts

who tear into every inch
of your flesh?

And then later

at dinner

at church

at my daughter's softball game.

Something happens.

And then your wife tells you
she can't stand you.

That you're not even a man anymore.

I'm sorry, what?

She wants to see the head.

My God, what's happened to you?

They're zombies, you berk.

Transform!

Trans... Oh, damn you...

Tran...

F**k me, it's a dud.

I'm going to kill you all
so f**king hard!

F**k off hard.

You were gonna try that anyway.

You know usually
when I tell that story

right when I come
to the "something happens" part

somebody usually asks me
what made my wife leave.

Come on!

Ah, f**k it.

What happened?

I'm so glad you asked.

Good shitting Christ

we're all the way
through the looking glass now.

Shit.

Ignore the butts,
ignore the zom-zombies.

Hey, yeah.

Here for the head. The head.

You will get the head.

There is no failure, only death.

And you will not die today, sister!

F**k.

F**k.

Don't worry, Tweety.

You'll get your seven minutes
in heaven.

Leg it.

What about them?

- F**k 'em.
- What?

Wait, I can save them.

You bleeding heart bastard.

Now's as good a time
as any to cut the cord.

Like you did with my daughter?

Damn you, sentimental fool.

All right, Walt Disney,
what's the plan?

Years ago, I discovered
that zombies crave human brains

because the brain produces
a rare chemical

that can actually cure
the affliction.

Unfortunately, the truth
was bastardized by filmmakers

who believed it made
for better cinema.

Thanks for the history lesson.

But my head guy in Paris
isn't taking my calls

at the moment so I've no idea
where I'm...

You want me to feed you
to that pack of morons?

They're my family.

It's all I've left to give them.

Fine.

Thing of it is...

I don't think I can.

Well, that's... it's okay, I'll...

I'll take care of him.

We've had some times, haven't we?

The best of them.

So long, you bearded twat.

I hope they choke on you.

Goodbye, Willoughby.

Baphomet really does love you.

Stop trying to smother her.

Mr. Caulder, I am,
so sorry to ask anything

of you at a time like this.

But I am in some need.

I know my name is, Laura DeMille.

And that I am associated

with the Sisterhood of Dada
and that I am bird.

And an ottoman.

The only other thing that I am aware
of is that I need to find you.

But I have no idea why.

- Do you know me?
- I know you.

All too well, I'm afraid.

Oh, I see.

Well, I gather we weren't
on friendly terms then.

Can you tell me why?

- No.
- No?

You heard me.

Yes, I... I heard you.

But why?

I'll make you a deal.

I have documents
with information about you.

Give me your word that
after you feed my head to my people

you'll stay the hell away from them.

And I'll tell you
where the documents are.

Though I must be
out of my mind to trust you.

You know I do not understand
why you have so much venom for me.

I'm not a bad person.

Am I?

I don't feel like I'm a bad person.

Surely, that's not the kind of thing
that can be erased with one's memory.

Deeds have a way of leaving a...
a in... indelible marks on the soul.

Do you agree or not?

- Brain.
- Brain.

Oh, Jane.

My dear, dear Jane.

It's okay.

I love you, Jane.

I want you to eat me.

Eat me.

Eat me.

Eat me.

Eat.

I'm telling you Chief Kincaid,
the Park Charlotte Ripper is back.

I did the autopsies
on all his victims.

This is his MO.

That's impossible, Doctor Rossiger.

So, are we like cannibals now?

- Shut the f**k up.
- Don't.

Technically since 99.9999 percent
of my body is metal

I'd have to eat Buick Skylark
to be a cannibal.

- Stop saying that word.
- Come on, man!

Stop talking.

I never stopped loving you.

Will someone at least tell me
what it tasted like?

- Enough already!
- What the hell is wrong with you?

I will stomp your brain
like jelly filled balloon.

I will say this.

The one upside to being a zombie
was that

the only thing I worried about
was finding brains.

It was sort of, I don't know...

peaceful.

Anyone feel like that?

Okay. Just throwin' it out there.

Laura DeMille is a disloyal

and self-serving cancer
to be excised.

It is my strong recommendation...

that she be terminated immediately.

Eat me.

Eat me!

What's this?

Online pharmacy.

No prescription necessary.

F**k, yeah.

What the hell?

My God.

Oh, shit.

So, what happened with Niles?

Did he give you the answers
you were looking for?

Will you be leaving us soon?

Now see here, you.

You are a guest in our home

and though you did help
save our bacon...

it doesn't give you the right
to ignore my questions.

We know each other,
I'm certain of it and...

Perhaps this isn't a good time.

I just made some oatmeal cookies.

Would you like one?

That would be nice.

Thank you.

Brains.