Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Bridget here from Met Eireann.

The heatwave is still going on.

♪ I just can't hide ♪

♪ She wears your ring And tells you about her man ♪

♪ But I can't get her up ♪

♪ I'm in too deep ♪

♪ And you got miles deep In her eyes before me ♪

Come on!

♪ A little hotel And a small café ♪

♪ The rendezvous is miles away ♪

♪ I'm looking at her And thinking about you ♪

♪ And long brown hair As she walks across the floor ♪

♪ Set fire ♪ ♪ Set fire, set fire ♪

♪ Set fire to my heart ♪

♪ Making love ♪ ♪ Making love, making love ♪

♪ Making love from the start ♪

♪ She set fire ♪ ♪ Set fire, set fire ♪

♪ Set fire to my heart ♪

♪ She set fire ♪

Hello there.

This is my little brother Daniel.

In his head,

he'd like to be James Bond.

What?

What's your name?

Toyah.

Toy-ah.

Hi, I'm Daniel.

You...

You...

You...

You...

You want to go somewhere?

Come on!

You wanna get that stutter looked at.

You sound like a fucking helicopter.

Thanks.

I just thought that maybe you'd like...

maybe you wanna go...

you know, maybe we could...

Look, go away and go fuck yourself with a big pole.

♪ Set fire, set fire ♪

♪ Setting fire to my heart ♪

What if we just...

♪ Making love ♪ ♪ Making love ♪

Stepped outside, or...

Hey, Ma, your man here is annoying me.

No, I'm just, just trying...

♪ Setting fire ♪ ♪ Setting fire to my heart ♪

Did you see that?

I think I have a chance there.

That's the last time I'm listening to you.

Well, at least she spoke to you, that's progress.

Progress, yeah, to get me turfed out.

I think might be away with Ma.

You see the look she was giving me?

He's not James Bond.

He's a 19-year-old virgin with an anxiety problem,

particularly around girls he fancies.

He needs help, my help.

I'm his little sister,

though I'm more like a big sister.

Anyway, I'm stepping in.

♪ My Lady Faye What can I say? ♪

♪ My heart, it flows just like A river for you every day ♪

♪ When I first saw your eyes My heart, it went and capsized ♪

♪ My sky no longer fills With rain ♪

♪ It's shining Time and time again ♪

♪ Wherever we go I want everybody... ♪

This isn't our house.

It's our neighbor Faye McBride's place.

Faye is rich. She has endless boyfriends.

We hate Faye McBride.

♪ I want everybody To know ♪

♪ You're my lady, Faye ♪

♪ Wherever we go I want everybody to know ♪

♪ I'm your Lady Faye ♪

Daniel's the middle child.

I'm the youngest, the only girl.

You'd think I'd be spoiled.

Fat chance, not with our mother.

♪ There's treasure On the wasteland ♪

♪ Looking for the whip, man ♪

♪ Funny how they missed it ♪

I love that song, Bob, sing it again.

Bollocks!

You get everywhere.

I live here.

Everyone's gotta live somewhere.

Rory's the eldest.

He's pretty good on self-love.

If he was a hat, he'd wear himself.

The incredible Rory Buckley did it again.

Poor Danny, poor Danny!

Go home, cry. Cry to Mum, cry to Mum.

♪ Skipping along Poor little Danny ♪

♪ Crying again His virginity following him ♪

♪ Down the stairs ♪

What the...?

You have no right to assault us!

Assault, is it?

You're the one assaulting my ears.

It was a respectable volume.

This is a gross intrusion into our privacy.

Anyway, I told you to keep it down.

- No, you didn't! - Yes, I did, but did you listen?

- No, so this is what happens. - That's enough, Mum.

Look, Maeve, I'll handle it.

Mum, come on,

you've made your point. Come on.

I'm taking this to the police.

Kathleen Buckley does not give a hoot for your threats.

Look, Mum, cool it. Please, come on.

This is no way to solve a dispute between neighbors.

I don't hear anybody singing crappy Frank Sinatra, do you?

Sinatra isn't crap.

Fuck Frank Sinatra!

That's us, the Buckleys.

Two years ago, Dad was going to repaint the house,

but then Mum gone into politics.

One day, Dad went out to get a newspaper,

and we haven't seen him since.

Bob, do you have anything to say?

You wet me ukulele.

Mum, they'll call the police.

Well, let them.

These people need to learn how

to but respectful to their neighbors.

And don't expect an apology, 'cause you don't deserve one!

It's over.

Scram, Bob.

What d'you think?

Do we need to get her some help?

Nah, she's not too bad today.

What? She almost drowned them.

Well, last week she threw a plant.

I think she's mellowing.

Two years, eight months, four days.

Glad you've dropped hours and minutes.

That was just stupid.

- God, jeez, fuck! - Ah, Jesus, man!

Come on, I'm not finished.

Here, look, take this one.

Eldest, not necessarily the brightest.

Shut up, you cretin.

I'm not the one

with burned fingers.

Enjoy domestic bliss, cretins.

I bet he was adopted.

Nah, that's cruel, he's just in a hurry.

When he starts being nice, I stop being cruel.

Well?

Shoes are medium.

Well, I polished them, like, twice.

Slim jim's wonky.

Bing!

Ah, Jesus, Maeve!

Must be kinda spooky going for Dad's old job, eh?

Money isn't spooky.

Besides, we need money.

True.

So, how was last night's girl hunt?

Great, brilliant.

So, you didn't score?

Well, there was one girl, but she wasn't really my type.

Same old problem?

She said I sounded like a fucking helicopter.

Then do something about it, now.

I mean it.

Oh, no, no, don't thank me.

I knew you'd want me to come along.

I'm so glad.

I do love you.

Hello!

Today is going to be a great day.

I mean, I can feel it in the air.

Feel the air, Daniel, feel the air.

I feel it.

Fare, please.

Oh, I don't carry money.

Today is his first job interview.

That's nice.

You can have this one.

Oh, oh no,

he's going to do much better in life than you.

I really hope you get this job.

Well, I'm gonna try.

And when you do, buy a car.

This family needs a car.

A car.

But I can't drive.

That doesn't matter, I'm pretty sure I can.

A red car.

Of course, we all know about your father.

There's no news, I suppose?

No.

He was...

Sorry, is a great ship inspector.

I hope that you will follow in his footsteps.

Yeah.

As you probably know, Mr. Buckley,

a ship inspector is an important position.

We like to call it passport control for animals

traveling by ship or aircraft.

Animal customs, if you will.

Now, down to business, Mr. Buckley.

What qualities make a good ship inspector?

Well, you must...

work hard.

Yes. Go on.

It's important to be...

honest.

And a ship...

A ship...

Ah.

Do you mind if I...

Vigilant.

A ship inspector must be vigilant.

♪ Does your image ♪

♪ Lose its flavor... ♪

Well, how did it go?

It went well, I think.

Well, why wouldn't it go well? Did they mention me?

- No. - Good.

Do you think you might be seeing your brother later on?

- No, I don't think so. - Oh, Daniel, he listens to you.

That's news to me, Mum.

Rory's an artist. He's not like everybody else.

- You can say that again. - He doesn't eat.

His head is full of music and nonsense. He's my firstborn,

and he has to come home for dinner tomorrow.

Especially tomorrow, Fridays are special.

Daniel, I'm worried.

If you want me to go see him, I'll go see him.

Oh, thank you so much, I knew I could rely on you.

Well, I must dash. I've got

a Fianna Fáil committee meeting to go to.

Excuse me.

What?

Oh, I was looking to make an appointment with Mr...

It's pronounced Wolkenski.

The W is a V sound.

Oh, Wolkenski, right.

Stutter, repetitive vowel syndrome, or larynx issues?

Stutter.

No, um, maybe all of 'em?

You can't have all of them. Pick one.

Okay, a stutter.

Next Tuesday at 4:30. First lesson is free.

You discuss money with Mr. Wolkenski.

That's if he takes you on.

He's very particular.

He prefers women.

Oh, okay.

No use crying over spilled milk.

My fucking boyfriend, the love of my life,

broke it off after six and a half months.

I have to accept it.

Get on with your life, Donna!

Tell me to get on with my life.

Get on with your life.

Thanks.

I'm Donna.

Buckley, Daniel Buckley.

You'd think the wankbook would have the guts

to face me in person.

Instead, he sent me flowers.

Do you have a girlfriend?

Oh, well, not at the moment, but, you know...

Better off without.

As if a couple of flowers make everything all right.

"Thanks, Donna, for six months, ten days,

15 hours, 26 minute of your life.

We'll always be friends."

Um, no, we won't.

I mean, would you do that to your girlfriend?

Oh, well, I...

See? I knew it.

I spent hours cooking chateaubriand for his birthday,

and this is my reward from Mr. Fuckitypants McBollocks.

What's chateaubriand?

See you next Tuesday, Buckley, Daniel Buckley.

Cheerio, now.

Fucking bastard, bollocks and shit!

Fucking chateaubriand-eating bollocks!

♪ Bye-bye, baby This private guy is through ♪

♪ So long, baby, yeah ♪

♪ Here's looking at you ♪

♪ Bye-bye, baby This private guy is through ♪

♪ So long, baby, yeah ♪

♪ Here's looking at you ♪

♪ Saturday morning, I'm back ♪

♪ But you know That I'm pulling through ♪

♪ I have The king of hangovers... ♪

Now, watch the master.

They're brutal.

I like them. He's always got style.

Makes up for not being able to sing.

You free later?

Sorry, all booked up.

- How about tomorrow? - No.

You don't know what you're missing.

Life is tragic.

♪ So long, baby gal ♪

♪ Here's looking at you ♪

She's frigid, let's go.

No, it's my turn.

You'll screw up, as always.

What, like you just did?

Think you can do better?

Well, I can't do any worse.

The singer's my brother.

That's nice.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry!

Look what you've done, you wagon!

I'm so clumsy, silly me.

What are you gonna do about me new fucking denims?

Oi, oi, oi.

Ah!

Gaybags!

Listen, do you wanna go backstage after?

♪ I'm gonna do a Houdini Yeah, disappear with you ♪

So, the lyrics are based on this whole time I was doing LSD

in this Carbury parking lot.

- Oh, that's so gorge. - I was just out of my mind.

I mean, I was seeing, like, weird Peruvian pygmies,

- and stuff like that. - Oh, my God.

Look who it is, helicopter boy.

You are turning into my greatest fan.

Who's this?

Carla, this is my brother, Rory.

Storming gig. Love the hair.

Thanks.

So, how long have you two been an item?

Actually, we just met.

Well, don't believe a word my little brother tells you.

He told me you were great at singing.

Except maybe for that one.

Now, if you'll excuse us... Um, oh, hold on.

Care to join us?

That's sweet of you, but I don't do small enclosed spaces.

Oh.

What the hell are you doing with Daniel, then?

I'll catch you later.

Yeah, only if she's brain dead.

Very good, Daniel, very mature.

Is he always like that?

Just when he's awake.

I'm kinda taking care of him, so.

He sounds pretty well looked after.

Do you wanna go ahead, actually? I can follow you.

Yeah.

Rory, Mum wants you home for dinner tonight.

What's your name again?

Daniel.

Daniel, thanks for the introduction to your brother,

the big rockstar.

No problem.

Pardon?

Gosh, that stutter's desperate.

Can I have your number?

No, sorry, groover.

- Oh. - I don't have a phone.

You should really do something about that stutter.

Ciao.

Oh, wait, your bag isn't...

- Are you okay? - I'm okay.

I'm okay, I'm okay.

Ah, you poor groover.

I saved your bag.

Thanks. Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Groover, what can I do for you?

Maybe some coffee might help, or...

- Pardon? - Bandages?

Have you got any bandages at your place?

One slice of toast, come on, please?

You cheeky devil.

There you are.

Poor groover.

Thanks.

Back in a sec.

♪ See all the angels On your street ♪

♪ See all the angels On your street ♪

♪ Oh, they don't know Why they're living ♪

♪ No, they don't know Why they're living... ♪

Don't get any ideas.

You're on the couch tonight.

A woman never shares her bed on the first date.

We could cut to a second date.

Who said this was a first date?

I bought you a drink, and then you tried to kill me,

so I'd call that a first date.

You're funny, but you're not my type.

Who is your type?

I like them older and livelier.

I love to be surprised.

Well, aren't you surprised to find yourself here with me?

Yes.

There you go.

Do you have a girlfriend?

Lots, actually.

No one at the moment, but...

Did you get your heart broken?

Tell the truth, I do most of the heart breaking.

I should be careful around you.

I was just telling the truth.

Goodnight, groover.

Let yourself out in the morning.

How am I doing for a first date?

Don't know.

♪ See all the sadness In your smile ♪

Ask me on our second date.

♪ Oh, I don't know Why you're crying ♪

♪ No, I don't know Why you're crying ♪

♪ Lay it on the line ♪

♪ You'll find out soon enough ♪

♪ Give him some more time ♪

♪ Don't ask me questions ♪

♪ Don't know the answers ♪

♪ My head is filling over you ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm A million-dollar hero ♪

♪ In a five And ten cent store ♪

♪ Serving me nicely So I'll come back for more ♪

♪ But if anybody asks you ♪

♪ Have I passed along this way ♪

♪ It was just my outer... ♪

I got a new girlfriend.

Second date next week.

Get your hole, did ya?

Yeah, no.

Yeah, well, I did.

Great.

Last night was the best night of my life.

Mr. Wolkenski?

Hello?

You have a stuttering?

I do not cure the stutterings.

Oh, I thought...

You will cure your own stuttering.

Open, please, to section on domestic appliances.

Pages with wees.

Wees?

Oh.

Wacuum cleaners.

- Say, please. - Please.

No, the other one.

Louder!

Vac...

Louder!

Vac... vac....

- Say it! - Vac... vac...

- Vac... vac... - Shout it!

vac...

- Shout! - Vac... vac...

Vacuum!

So, why can't I?

Why can't you what?

The tennis club disco?

Well, we'll see, maybe when you're older.

I'm 15, that's old.

Old enough to meet boys, you mean?

Who said anything about boys?

It's just a disco.

Rory, dinner's ready!

Oh, Daniel, the best cook in Ireland.

There's lots who are better.

Well, I don't know what we'd do without you.

Well, I had a good teacher, so...

That wagon Faye and her bloody gargoyles!

They're blocking out the sun. They're killing all my plants.

It's like they're laughing at me!

Mum, they're just statues.

Plant killers.

Good evening.

Uh, yeah.

What are you wearing?

A hat.

Well, do you think you could take that stupid thing off

at the dinner table?

You look better with the hat on.

And what do you call that, then?

Style.

This family gets more interesting by the minute.

I mean, what possessed you?

He looks like a fucking Mormon!

Well, I suppose you were all gonna find out soon anyway.

Find out what?

I'm quitting the civil service,

and I'm gonna go full-time with the band.

Full-time, is it?

And who's gonna bring money into the house?

I will, Mum. Look, it'll be okay.

What am I supposed to tell your father when he comes home?

You're still singing that sad old song?

What's that supposed to mean?

Dad is never coming home.

He's either dead, or he's living with some gorgeous babe

in a galaxy far, far away.

- No, he's not! - You don't mean that.

Where is he, then?

One day he'll come home and explain everything.

Oh yes, I might've known you'd have come out

with trash talk like that.

Oh, the truth always hurts.

Well, yours does.

That's a good one,

coming from a clown with hair like an old bingo lady.

You just can't face reality.

And you can't face a mirror!

Daniel, tell him.

Well, it's not my hair.

- Make me. - Make you?

Oh, I'll make you.

I'll make you!

- It's your turn. - Hey, calm down. Come on.

You expect me to provide for you

while you waste your life, is that it?

- It's my life. - Is it? is it?

Well, I gave you that life, and this is how you repay me?

Hey!

Ah!

Ah, Daniel, the mess!

Rory?

Rory, Rory, come back!

Juice was a mistake.

Water isn't as messy.

Oh, it's not that bad.

I don't think it'll stain.

Rory, Rory, come back!

Don't worry, he'll come back.

He's gonna get cold.

Here, gies.

I'll go get him.

Thank you, Daniel.

Here, in case his new hair scares people.

Wish me luck.

Ah, for fuck's sake.

Thanks, now fuck off.

You know, I like the wig.

Well, you can keep it.

Thanks.

I was actually thinking about getting my own, maybe in pink.

Just crack on, idiot, all right?

What?

Stop. All right? Stop hiding behind your stutter.

Everyone, shut up, so little Stutter Boy

can finish his sentence.

Is it a bird, is it a plane?

No, it's fucking Stutter Boy.

- It's a living. - I don't buy it.

I bet you don't stutter

when you're with your little barmaid girlie, do you?

Well, no, actually.

Doesn't matter, she won't stay long

with a stuttery dweeb like you, anyway.

I'm not a...

Fucking stuttery dweeb.

Well, at least I'm not a rockstar who...

takes the bus.

Oh!

Why don't you come back here and try that again?

She still won't let me go.

Ah, she'll come around, it's only a disco.

You'd swear I was going to an orgy.

Well, that's the week after, isn't it?

So, what's she like?

What's who like?

Your new girlfriend.

How did you know I had a new girlfriend?

Let's examine the evidence, shall we?

What evidence?

Well, you've been going around the place

humming that Flock of Seagulls shite.

Yeah, impressive, you should be in Rory's band.

Thanks, I'd rather gouge my kneecaps off with a spoon.

Is that it?

Nope, soon as I mentioned girlfriend, you went red.

No, I didn't.

I'm always a bit red anyway, so...

What's her name?

Carla.

Carla?

Yeah, Carla. What's wrong with that?

Nothing, just never met anyone called Car-Lah.

Well, you should go out more.

I'm working on it.

Car-Lah.

Carwash.

Quit it, smartarse.

Did you have sex with Carla yet?

- What? - Did ya?

What? No. No, it's not like that.

Look, Carla's a nice girl.

I make her laugh, and we make each other laugh.

Oh my God, my brother is in love.

No, I'm not.

Sure, you look a bit funny to me.

I'm going now.

Congratulations.

What?

Mr. Ship Inspector.

You did it!

Oh, I did it!

What did I tell you?

Those ship inspectors, they don't mess around.

When they want someone,

they get them.

So, does this mean you'll be leaving, too?

No, why should I do that?

Well, you'll have money and Carwash.

Carla.

You and Carla will find a place to live,

and I'll be left here to handle Mum.

Oh my God, I'll have to learn to cook!

Oh, God forbid.

Look, I've been on one date with Carla.

I'm not going anywhere.

And what would you do without me, anyways?

God knows.

And I can keep a look out for Dad at work, so...

You can get me a job, too.

I'll work weekends.

Plus, I'll probably do a better job than you anyway.

Shut up.

This is Daniel, the ship inspector.

I did tell you you were going to be traveling in style.

Daniel, this is Charles Sheridan.

Hi.

Pleased to meet ya.

I've met Rory and Maeve, of course.

Of course.

But for some reason, I never met you.

Your mum was keeping the best till last, obviously.

Obviously.

That's enough now, Maeve.

Nice to meet ya.

- Cool car. - Oh, thanks.

- Call me Chuck. - Yes, Chuck.

Like cluck, only with a H instead of an L, Chuck.

That's right, Maeve.

Chuck.

Nah, no thanks, Chuck, it's too early.

I'll have it.

Thanks, Chuck.

Life has taught me two things:

I love chocolate, and your mother is gonna be

the first woman leader of Fianna Fáil.

- Ah! - That's great, Chuck.

Oh, Charles, stop it.

It's Chuck.

And you, young lady, cool it.

Have you thought about a petition?

Hit them hard.

♪ And makes you feel so brave ♪

♪ But is it a bird? Is it a plane? ♪

♪ Oh no ♪

♪ It's John Wayne ♪

Oh, Daniel, yoo-hoo.

- What? - Come here.

Fix up that tie.

No, Mum, stop, no.

You can't go in there looking like donkey.

Yeah, it's grand. I'm going to be late, Mum.

You look very smart. Doesn't he, Charles?

- Like a shiny kettle. - Ah.

Now go in there and shine like the kettle that you are.

- I think I'm gonna get sick. - Well, swallow it, go on.

You're well able.

We love you.

Hello?

Give me your hand.

I'm glad to have you on board.

And I was glad to call your father a colleague.

Thanks.

Yeah, well, enough of that shite.

Come on, I'll show you the ropes.

You're a big-balled sort of a fella, aren't ya?

Sorry?

Balls, big balls.

You're a big-balled sort of a fella, aren't ya?

I wouldn't say that, but...

Yeah, well, take it from me, Big Balls, come on.

Come on, Big Balls!

Thanks, but I don't fancy ya.

Fare, please.

Sorry.

Take your time, now.

Hey.

Thanks.

It's the second date, remember?

It is, already?

Yeah.

Yo, what's the story?

Ah, who...

They're my clients.

Clients?

Yeah, I design stage gear.

You didn't think I was just a waitress? I have a proper job.

No, of course.

It's Paul and Geoff from the Dead Graveyards.

Their album is out next month, have you seen them?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're good.

They're really, really good.

Look, I'm busy tonight.

You do understand, you're not mad, are you?

No, no. Geez, no, I'm fine.

How about tomorrow night?

- I'm working. - The night after?

Look, maybe we should just forget this.

No, no, no, no.

Look, look, why should we deprive ourselves?

How about Wednesday?

You are very persistent, aren't you?

Well, you know what they say,

the best things in life are worth waiting for.

Okay, what do I have to lose?

I will see you on Wednesday.

Wednesday, great.

- Right, ready? - Mum!

Oh, Daniel, you're just in time.

Just in time for what?

- For justice. - Justice?

She's been like this all day.

Greetings, Dannyboy, join the revolution?

Oh, shut up, Sheridan.

Not a problem.

- Can we talk about this... - No.

Exciting times, what?

Whatever you say, Cluck.

Down with gargoyles! Down with gargoyles!

Down with gargoyles! Down with gargoyles!

Ladies, would you mind signing my petition

to help save my plants from the murderous bitch next door?

- Thank you so much. - What are you so happy about?

I don't know, I just like protests.

Down with gargoyles! Down with gargoyles!

- Thank you so much. - Thank you.

She's a bit of a slut as well,

but we must keep it to ourselves.

Right, I'll see you at mass on Sunday.

You look fantastic.

We'll have to chats then. Be safe.

You're a legend, thank you so much.

Save the plants!

Carla needs to make more time for you.

If she's more interested in work,

then you should just forget her.

Maybe she's put off by my stutter.

Then she's not up to much.

Well, I know she likes me.

What's up?

Maybe Rory's right.

I think Dad met someone else.

What makes you say that?

Before he left, he was on the phone, whispering.

Well, how do you know it was a girl?

He put the phone down when Mum came in.

Yeah, but I'd put the phone down if Mum was coming in, so...

Yeah, but I was in school, and Jonah hypnotized me,

and then I remembered everything.

All right, Jonah hypnotized you, so it must be true.

That is the last time I tell you anything.

- What? - Wheels!

What wheels?

Carla. Car-Lah.

Carla's not going out with me because I don't have a car.

Where are you going?

Maeve?

Delicious.

Delicious.

Whisper the word.

Again.

Softer.

Good.

I hate Wednesdays.

Always too much to do.

Sorry, I have to go off myself.

Wednesday can't make up its mind

whether it's a weekday or a weekend.

- Oh, I don't believe it! - Just hang on.

I'll give you a hand.

You're an angel.

My mum says I'm Speedy Gonzales.

"Darling, you can't do ten things at once,

and expect them all to work."

Hang on, are you selling this?

Why, do you know anyone who'd like to buy it?

Ah, it was a great deal.

I mean, she puts out every now and then,

but you just have to give her a bit of a kick,

- and she's flying. - You have to kick it?

Grand, now all you have to do is learn to drive.

Oh, well, I'm paying Donna for lessons, so...

Donna?

Donna.

Donna kebab.

Ah, Jesus.

Donna Kebab and Carla Carwash.

You really go for them types of names,

- don't ya? - Would you stop?

Dan, the man with the plan.

Maeve, the... rave?

Maeve the rave.

I like it.

♪ Soldier boys Need soldier toys ♪

♪ And that's the way The money goes ♪

♪ Soldier boys Need soldier toys ♪

♪ But no one takes the blame ♪

We have to be constantly on the lookout

for these little bugs.

The Colorado beetle.

Now, we're the frontline.

You remember that, now.

Without us, there'd be chaos.

Do you hear me, Big Balls?

Can I ask you something?

I'll tell you when I hear the question.

Did...

my dad ever mention anything about another woman?

Tarts.

Eat and be merry, for we have won the battle.

Your mother has an important announcement.

Is it about Dad?

No, darling, it's not.

It's about the county council elections.

Children, your mother has been chosen

as Fianna Fáil's candidate.

Now, I am going to have to rely on you.

I will need your support.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Okay.

Rory?

Fine, yeah.

Wonderful, wonderful, you make me so proud.

Now, eat up, and, um, I'll give your assignments.

- Assignments? - Assignments?

Does this mean I get off school?

Of course, this is the family elections.

Vote number one.

Give your number one to Kathleen Buckley

if you're for fairness and the environment.

Don't vote number two, Shamie "The Crack."

He can't even spell.

I'm asking people of Lennonstown to bring back The Crack.

For far too long,

Fianna Fáil have brought a stench to this community,

and Shamie "The Crack" McIntyre

will bring the craic back, believe me.

Vote for Shamie.

He's spelling it wrong.

It's C-R-A-I-C.

Vote number one, Kathleen Buckley.

Give your number one vote.

Thank you very much, great seeing ya.

Vote number one, Kathleen Buckley.

Number one, Fianna Fáil, Kathleen Buckley. Oh, yes.

I'll give these out.

Oh, hi, how are ya?

Vote number one, Kathleen Buckley.

Thank you so much, brilliant.

They've been talking about Chuck moving in.

He could become our stepdad... Stepchuck.

Oh, we'll see about that.

You're wicked!

Well, I have my moments.

Now, check this out.

Chuck, I got you this just to say thanks.

Ah, good man, Daniel.

You're welcome.

You are too good.

Do you want some?

No, I think I'm going to actually watch

my figure for the election.

Oh yeah, okay.

Would you vote number one,

Kathleen Buckley, Fianna Fáil?

Thank you so much, have a great day. Thank you.

Oh, are you all right?

Ooh, no.

Charles, what's wrong with you? Are you all right?

No.

Ah!

Maybe you should get something yellow in the car.

It might help you drive better.

Oh, thanks.

You're doing good.

Oh, thanks, and thanks for the lessons.

They're actually really fun.

My pleasure.

Well, I guess I'll see ya.

- Bye. - Bye.

Hey.

So, who's the hippie chick?

Oh, that's just Donna.

Oh, sorry, Doh-Nah.

Oh, Jesus!

Hey.

And then we went to see Flock of Seagulls.

Have you seen them?

No, not yet.

You should, they're truly immense.

I didn't even know they were playing.

Ah, little puppy dog,

don't fret.

Down, boy, stay!

Second date.

Ah, someone likes me.

What are you waiting for, groover?

Slow down, groover.

Vacuum!

Jesus, you're gonna kill us all!

You're meant to ease your foot gently onto the pedal.

"I'm going for a driving lesson," he says.

"Come along, it'll be a laugh."

You're doing really well.

Am I?

How can you tell?

You just need to learn not to rush.

Yeah, he'll make a great driver, for a Sherman tank.

Ah, no, he's doing grand.

Vote for me, Kathleen Buckley, Fianna Fáil.

Vote fair leadership.

Vote fair leadership for a new era.

I will work night and day.

I will work night and day

to make things better for everyone.

Daniel Buckley, what is that on your neck?

Did somebody take a bite outta you?

No!

Were you with that woman last night? What's-her-name?

Carla.

Carla. And did Carla have sex with you?

- Stop! - Will you answer me?

- No, of course not. - Thank God for that.

Actually, I would like to meet this Carla woman.

You can bring her for dinner.

Gargle.

Thanks for giving me an extra lesson, Mr. Wolkenski.

Gargle.

Well, it's such a big night, you know.

- I'm just glad that you... - Gargle!

No, you're too fast.

Let me show you.

Your stuttering is not an umbrella.

♪ Ella, ella, hila, hila ♪

♪ Hi, li, li La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Li, li, li, li Li, li, li, li, li ♪

♪ Li, li La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Li, li, li, li Li, li, li, li, li ♪

♪ Li, li La, la, la, la, la ♪

Oh, you poor thing!

Here you go.

Oh, thanks.

Is he always that eccentric?

He is eccentric, but he gets results.

At least, I think he does.

People just go away after a while,

and I never see them again.

Well, tonight's important, so...

Oh, you're going out?

No, my girlfriend's coming over to my house for dinner.

- Yeah. - That's nice.

What's on the menu?

Chicken à l'orange.

Do you mix a bit of sugar in?

Nope, I always use cloves.

Sugar really brings up the flavor.

Does it?

You just have to be careful not to boil it away.

Slow boil is best.

Thanks, Do you know what? I might use that.

I'll let you know how it went.

Do, I'd love to know.

Hope no one spills the gravy, or anything like that.

No, no, I'm sure it'll be fine.

I'm sure they'll get on.

Well, thanks.

Would you like a light?

What?

No, I don't smoke.

They seem to be getting on okay, don't they?

Hope they like the sugar in this.

They will. Listen, the disco.

Oh, yeah, that.

When are you going to ask?

Maybe later, Maeve.

But it's on this Friday night.

Look, maybe 14's too young.

I'm 15, and you promised!

Please, just don't bother me about this now.

- This is important! - Yeah, well, so is this.

Now, everyone, help yourselves.

Yes, help yourself, and don't worry about anybody else.

Carla designs stage clothes, did I tell yous?

Yes, Daniel, lots of times.

Oh, right, it's just such a cool job.

It must be fun getting in and out

of lots of stage clothes, is it?

It's gorge, and I love it.

Why shouldn't work be fun?

Maeve, pass the potatoes to our fun-loving guest.

Carla, you look absolutely lovely this evening.

Thank you, Rory.

Would you care for some thigh?

So, Car-Lah, how long have been called Car-Lah?

It's Carla.

My mother wanted to name me after my grandmother.

You have a grandmother?

Doesn't everyone?

And a mother and father, too, I presume?

Like most people, I do.

Wonderful, good for you.

Well, Carla, you're very welcome to our table.

It's been quite a while since we've had guests

that's not family.

Not since Jack went away.

It's been absolutely yonks.

As long as you don't count Chuck.

Yes, it's nice to be here.

How is Chuck?

Still really bad, darling.

He hasn't recovered from that gastric bug

that struck him down.

Tragic.

You'd almost think he'd been poisoned, wouldn't you?

Tell me, Carla, do you cook?

Only when I have to.

Could've guessed.

Carla, you do know that my Daniel

is a fantastic catch, don't you?

Have you tasted his cooking?

Oh, I'm just about to taste it.

Carla, do you think that 15 is old enough to go to a disco?

I went to discos when I was 13.

Now, that doesn't surprise me.

No, it wasn't exactly sex and drugs and rock and roll.

It was fairly innocent.

Well, there are always those that prey upon the innocent.

Depends on what you mean by innocent.

Carla, tell me, what are your intentions towards my son?

Intentions?

- Carla's into... - He can cook,

he has a job with prospects.

He could give some lucky girl a very easy life.

So, tell me, Car-Lah,

do you see yourself as that lucky girl?

I see myself as an independent woman

who's making her own luck.

- Do you? - Mm-hmm.

Well, let me tell you, Carla,

my boy didn't just cycle down the Liffey on a bicycle.

He's not gonna be fooled by a pointy face

and a set of pretty teeth.

Pretty teeth?

I am just saying it like it is, Daniel.

We wouldn't want some people to get the wrong impressions.

Doesn't matter how innocent they might seem.

I can assure you, I'm not getting the wrong impression,

Mrs. Buckley.

Now, why can't you try Kathleen?

Or is my first name not good enough for you?

I'm sorry, Kathleen.

You say that like you are spitting out a lump of meat,

a bit of fat.

Say it properly.

Kathleen.

No, you're saying it like you're talking to a slave.

You must think I'm some sort deserter's wife, do ya?

Why would you say that?

Say my name, you bitch!

- Mum! - I'm sorry my pronunciation

is not up to scratch.

- Look, Mum, you need... - Stay out of it, you.

Carla, say my fucking name.

- Kathleen. - All right, that's it.

I'm not gonna be insulted at my own table.

- You're coming unhinged. - No, I am saying...

You called me a bitch.

- Carlabitch. - My name is Carla.

Carlabitch.

Mum, you're being a tad unfair.

Really? What, to a hard-nosed English wagon

what is trying to steal my son?

I'm not English.

You're Fine Gael, it's the same thing!

- I'm not political. - Ha, ha! You see?

That's what they all say.

Daniel, throw this hussy out onto the street

where what you found her.

- I'm sorry, okay. - It's okay.

I've had worse in the pub.

I'd say you have.

Know what, Daniel? I'm so disappointed in you.

I really thought that my middle son had more decency

and common sense and better taste.

Well, everyone, this had just been, erm, an event.

Pleasure.

Mum.

I've got a gig, or something.

Perhaps I should go, too.

Mum, this is wrong.

Is it?

You should apologize to Carla.

Yes, or Car-Lah might never come to dinner again.

Ah, pity about her.

It's Carla, there's no "lah."

Car-Lah, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Maeve, darling, would you hand Mummy

a bit of chicken, please?

- Certainly, mother. - Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Wait, Carla, wait.

Look, let's just call it a day.

No, look, I'm sorry.

My mum's just a bit...

I can make it up to you tomorrow, if you want.

It's fine.

I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?

Whatever, Daniel.

Okay.

That girl just wasn't right for you.

Well, I should be the judge of that.

There's lots of girls out there.

I'll help you pick one after the election.

You'd be better off without her.

I don't need your help, Mum.

We all need each other's help.

Families are supposed to stick together, Daniel.

That didn't work with Dad, did it?

Why did he leave?

That girl has twisted your mind.

Take your good jacket,

in case you want to go to a fucking disco.

When are you off?

Tomorrow night, after work.

Let me guess, Carla?

Mm-hmm.

Hope she has a big place.

Shouldn't be a problem.

Psh, good luck with that.

I'll still keep an eye out for Dad.

You're exactly like Dad.

Good riddance.

♪ Love is like a hammer striking The middle of my heart ♪

♪ Sparks will fly In all directions ♪

♪ Each one vital spark ♪

♪ He looks for fun In his heaven ♪

♪ But I'm going to create hell ♪

♪ Some might say That you're an angel ♪

♪ In all that sulfuric smell ♪

I mean, people died for that fada.

Look, I'm really sorry.

Here, you, fill in the fada, will you?

- Very sorry. - What is that smell?

I don't know.

Oh, dirty bitch. Fine Gael. I should have known.

This election has been stolen from me.

I'm so sorry, there's nothing I can do.

The people have spoken.

Well, the only one I hear speaking is you.

We demand a recount.

This is blasphemy!

It's called democracy.

You bitch.

Come on.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I'm pleased to announce the final results

for the county council elections for Lennonstown,

and here they are.

I deem Shamie "The Crack" McIntyre

of Fine Gael to be elected.

- Wreck! - Vex!

Oh, I love it!

Ah, thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Brilliant, brilliant! Woo-hoo!

Get away from me, you dirty, lying, cheating loser.

She's fucking magnificent!

- Keep your hands off. - This is not over.

We will fight until justice is served.

I did not lose this election, it was stolen from me!

Come here.

Hug me tight.

No, no, tighter.

Groover.

Hey. Carla, look, I'm really sorry about what happened,

so I got you these.

I was just hoping maybe that I could...

Oh, you made us dinner?

How did you know I was gonna...

Ah!

He's what?

Gone to live with Carla.

Well, we'll see about that.

Mum!

For God's sake, Daniel.

Stop, right, just stop!

Stay down!

Carla, you coming?

I'm sorry I didn't tell you.

You're a nice guy, but...

You never really loved me, did you?

No.

I knew it.

At least you stopped stuttering, though.

♪ From my window I'm staring While my coffee goes cold ♪

♪ Look over there ♪

♪ Where? ♪ ♪ There ♪

♪ There's a lady That I used to know... ♪

I can't believe he's doing this to me!

♪ Is she really going out With him? ♪

♪ Is she really gonna take Him home tonight? ♪

♪ Is she really going out With him? ♪

♪ If my eyes don't deceive me ♪

♪ There's something Going wrong around here ♪

What?

She got a bit out of hand.

Oh, well, she didn't want you after all.

Daniel?

What?

That bastard McIntyre stole the election from me.

But I'm not really worried, I'll win the next one.

You broke my stuff.

Well, you should've been in your own home,

instead of off gallivanting.

Anyway, it doesn't matter, you're home.

No! It does matter.

I matter.

I matter.

Hello, folks.

Bridget here from Met Eireann.

Yes, the heatwave is still going on.

Kildare is boiling.

Sure, I think you could fry an egg on the roof out there.

Water levels are dropping in the canals.

'Tis worrying.

If it goes on like this for much longer,

this place could be like the Sahara.

We hope not.

Don't use any water.

Thank you.

Mrs. Buckley, I have some bad news.

Nothing.

I'm fine, thank you, I'm all right, I'm all right.

There you have it.

What did I tell you?

Maeve, Maeve!

I brought you some soup.

You should probably eat something.

Don't touch my buttons.

You can talk?

Of course I can talk.

You've been lying there for hours, so...

Have I?

I thought you were...

you know.

Well, you thought wrong.

Well, I'm glad.

I'm glad that I was wrong.

Well, it wouldn't be the first time.

Well, if you ever need me, you know where I am.

He's never coming back, is he?

I don't think so, Maeve.

Dad's dead.

Bye-bye, Pop.

Thanks for everything.

Have a nice afterlife.

Daniel?

Yeah?

Thanks for the soup.

Hey.

Oh, um...

Mr. Wolkenski's gone.

What?

He can't be gone.

He's run off with Faye McBride.

- Faye McBride? - Mm-hmm.

Wow.

I don't think he'll be coming back to work, ever.

He left you a letter.

Where did I put it?

I'll read. You'll never make out his scribble.

"Daniel, this is Zoltan Wolkenski.

You owe me 50 pounds."

Well, look, I was gonna quit anyway, so...

I'm looking for a new job.

Oh, well, I mean, you shouldn't have any trouble.

You're very good.

Thanks.

So, how did the dinner with your girlfriend go?

Oh, she's not my girlfriend anymore.

That's terrible.

Nah, but I don't think she was my girlfriend.

Well, some things are meant to be,

and some... aren't.

Listen...

Do you wanna go for a driving lesson?

I think I'm getting better.

You're ready for the test.

Do you think?

Just keep it simple and keep your eyes open.

I've been meaning to ask you something.

Sure.

It's been on my mind for ages.

Ask away.

What is chateaubriand?

Chateaubriand.

Well.

There's only one way to find out.

♪ Show me round Your pretty house ♪

It's the best thing I've ever tasted.

Well, I'll show you the recipe sometime.

So, what's for dessert?

♪ Show me round Your pretty house ♪

♪ Brought me to the pantry ♪

♪ 'Twas a map For a man of love ♪

♪ But the home of a man Who can come alive ♪

♪ Fearful start ♪

I don't know what's wrong.

Don't worry about it.

It'll be fine.

Are you upset about something?

Look, I'm gonna go.

Don't you wanna talk about it?

You're just gonna leave, just like that?

- I'll give you a call. - No, you know what?

No, it's okay, don't bother.

And don't send me fuckity flowers!

You're an idiot.

I know.

I blew it.

Well, you better fix it,

and fast.

How?

Here, have my special button.

Great.

♪ When you said We've broken through ♪

♪ I listened to you ♪

♪ But in your heart There was no pardon ♪

♪ Search all the images ♪

♪ That fracture my mind When I think of you ♪

♪ Fragmented jigsaw feeling ♪

♪ They all survived From the perfect youth ♪

♪ Emotions overload ♪

♪ My identity dies And I become you ♪

♪ Our coffee, our cigarettes ♪

♪ Our green eyeliner And your pink lipstick ♪

♪ I know it's real, baby ♪

♪ Sweet sorrow I feel When two lives collide ♪

♪ I've never known 61 days ♪

♪ To be so full Of wanted encounters ♪

♪ Secret smiles And silly conversation ♪

♪ Laughing, moving And frustrations ♪

♪ Pub crawls And parties, dinners ♪

♪ Dancing and fast footsteps ♪

♪ Knowing eye pivoting ♪

♪ Enthusiasm for a single bed ♪

♪ I know it's real, baby ♪

♪ Sweet sorrow I feel When two lives collide ♪

Maeve, I just... I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I mean, I showed her all my best dance moves.

I had all the makeup on.

- What did she say? - She didn't even say anything.

She just slammed the door in my face.

Well, you're a girl, like, you should know.

What do I do?

And don't give me a fecking button this time.

If you're truly sorry, then prove it.

Give her something sweet.

Maeve, you're a genius!

I know.

I, uh...

I made you something.

About time.

Come on, you.

It's where your father lives now.

I thought you should know.

♪ Attraction ♪

♪ To the moon ♪

♪ The moon is puce ♪

♪ The moon is puce... ♪

- Hello. - Hello.

What's this?

A thimble.

What are we gonna do?

I don't know.

Now that I've seen it, I kinda wish I didn't.

Hey, Maeve.

Hey, Jonah.

Jonah?

This job has some good points.

Jonah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah.

Stop, stop!

You look well.

Thanks.

I like your hair.

Thanks, I was worried about it.

You were right to worry.

- Sorry, how much... - Shh, I want to see this.

I feel sorry for you, kid.

You're still trying to hold it all together.

Your hair is crap.

Bye, enjoy your hairstyles!

♪ Tell me how to mind ♪

Ease your foot gently on the accelerator.

- Like this? - Yes, yeah.

Slow, slower.

Slower.

Fuckity!

There you go.

I look okay?

You look medium.

No, you look cool.

Oi, hold on.

Bing!

I'm going in.

I may be some time.

What are these?

Have you heard of Sex on the Beach?

No, I've heard about sex in the carpark.

Oh, you're a gas.

Oh, no, no, no, The Crack, The Crack, Shamie "The Crack."

Look out, he loves the election.

- Cheers! - Cheers to you, The Crack.

You're so good.

Hey, what's up? You said there was a crisis?

Faye McBride has gone too far this time.

Kathleen wants you to do something.

Shamie is for my mother, McIntyre is for the taxman,

and The Crack is for the ladies.

Sorry, it's not my problem.

We're going on holidays.

Is Daniel okay?

Yeah, he's grand.

Good.

And you?

I'm always okay.

What about you?

Are you okay?

No.

But I will be.

Jesus, what the fuck is this?

- Oh, not again! - Never been this wet!

♪ D'you read my letter? ♪

♪ I wrote a message to you ♪

♪ Just don't bother ♪

♪ 'Cause it can't say What I want it to ♪

♪ You won't let me get Too close to you again ♪

♪ I said, you won't let me get Too close to you again ♪

♪ You tossed your hair back ♪

♪ You fixed me with your smile ♪

♪ You climb my doorstep You're laughing ♪

♪ And you almost snapped The blood ♪

♪ Between desire and control ♪

♪ You turning my head ♪

♪ And you strike A chord so deep in me ♪

♪ I know it's gonna vibrate On and on and on forever ♪

♪ So, I tied a note In my pocket ♪

♪ That says I'll walk up Home alone again tonight ♪

♪ D'you read my letter? ♪

♪ I wrote a message to you ♪

♪ Well, just don't bother ♪

♪ 'Cause it can't say What I want it to ♪

♪ 'Cause you won't let me get Too close to you again ♪

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull