Original subtitles

It's beautiful!

We need to fix that...

using the same materials...

Right. I'm off!

- Here's my drill. - See you later.

No driIIs at work?

In construction, but unconstructive!

Thanks Dad.

Good one!

Thanks Dad.

Here.

Here's David.

DeIivery man!

8 at the hoteI.

AIready here, babe?

Oh, my pussycat! I'd for gotten you!

Look at your new house!

What's up, puss?

It's a piIe of rot here!

The ceiIings are originaI!

Easy to rip out!

Right, we'II have the charm removed!

For now, we've Iots to do!

It's nice. I can't say I don't Iike it...

but you're miIes from Paris!

How did you find it?

A wiII that Dad handIed. Empty for 30 years.

Did Dad put up the money?

No, we took out a 20-year mortgage.

Oh, yes!

Your pooI tabIe!

It takes up the whoIe room! Put it in the ceIIar!

No way! It'II warp and go mouIdy!

You break.

It's the onIy thing I brought!

Take it easy!

I'm a doctor, not a mover.

You drive a medics' truck.

You're happy to use the truck!

- And I'm on caII. - Oh yeah?

They beep you to park?

I need a beer.

Hot stuff, Mr ItaIy!

- Mark! Come quick! - What's up?

What's the matter?

- Pretty fast! - OK!

Wait! I was thinking about this room...

it's quiet, it's next to ours...

it's Iight, it's ideaI for a...

Home cinema! BriIIiant!

We bIack out the windows... two speakers here! Great idea!

- Can we start now? - Yeah!

Mark! Emma! I'm off!

- Bye. - Have fun, babe!

She has gym cIass with PabIo, her Cuban coach.

- I need a beer. - On a Sunday?

Yeah, he works hard. Sundays too.

A great guy. Charges one hour, but she stays aII evening!

Right.

- I'm up at 5 for an earIy fIight. - Where to?

Pompeii. A new dig at the baths.

- Boring! - For guys who Iike pooI.

I didn't teII you...

It's never been excavated before!

Never open to the pubIic!

Can you imagine?

Huh? Oh, yeah, that's great.

- Come with me. - I can't. There's too much to do here!

Don't forget to put up the wardrobe!

OK.

Don't be Iong.

And the stairs...

fix that step! It's dangerous...

- and tidy up, OK? - MaIdini, shut up!

You're not sIeeping here?

Come to our pIace.

Why? It's my home. I'm not scared.

VaIerie wouId be pIeased. She reaIIy Iikes you.

Let's go!

Shame! A miIe wide!

- I sIipped! - You choked!

Give me the chaIk!

You bIew it!

Isn't Emma anti-spIiff?

So?

So you're deceiving her!

Not reaIIy.

Watch my retro shot. OnIy one other guy can do it.

Was that you?

Right! A dirty trick!

Can you hear that?

Emma, can you hear it?

What?

The music!

What music?

There... that music!

Damn! It's scratched!

There's no music, Iove.

Not any more.

You were dreaming.

CarIos, how's tricks?

- Frank. Mr Trayner. - You part-time now?

Sorry for the sIight deIay.

We just moved house.

- You know how it is. - No I don't.

Be on time, or you're home aII day, every day!

Capito! As you say!

AbsoIuteIy.

Yeah, it's great!

We're working a Iot. It's reaIIy great! Wait...

- Later! - What's that?

Patricians.

Washing.

No. They're buttfucking.

No question about it. They're buttfucking.

Yes!

For fuck's sake!

What the heII is that!

Sorry!

- You? Here? - It was open.

Emma's away. I thought I'd drop by.

I brought us a wee drink.

But no gIasses in the kitchen.

So it's you.

What?

Taking photos of my ass.

Making dicks with pooI baIIs.

Dicks with what?

You find it funny?

What are you on about?

Is something wrong?

No, I'm fine, me!

But what's your game?

Nothing!

I'm sorry... I was wrong about you.

I think so!

Right.

Bye!

Otherwise...

Don't teII Emma.

Yes. I mean no.

Yeah.

Quiet pIease! Some of us are trying to sIeep!

Thank you!

No repIy, and she's in my bed.

Yes, sir.

He doesn't answer?

When the cat's away...

- What's up? - I can't see!

I need a fIashIight.

Shame Emma's gone.

You into chicks now? Bad boy, Ivan!

My men are waiting!

You can put it down now!

- HeIIo. - Hi, Iove.

- It's me! - Hi honey!

- I'II caII back. - We found a great mosaic!

- It's Justinian! - Great! A mosaic! Super!

- I can't taIk now. - Did you do the wardrobe?

The wardrobe?

- Yeah. It's good. - Wait...

Did you go out?

- No. - You sIept at home?

I'II caII you back. Love you.

It's fine, it's aII arranged!

Is somebody there?

I'd better not teII Emma. She'II freak.

No pooI tonight, David.

Right, I'm scared of a good thrashing.

Emma's back tomorrow, and I have to do...

the wardrobe!

Hang on!

Mark...

Modena.

Pavarotti's town?

ExactIy!

WeII, even cops Iove painting!

So...

Traces of a break-in?

No break-in.

No break-in? So what was stoIen?

- Nothing. - HoId on... Nothing stoIen or broken?

- What did they do? - Drawings and they put up a wardrobe.

They put up a what?

A wardrobe.

And the ironing. Even my jeans.

With a crease.

PhiI!

- Listen, Mr Modena! - I know...

It's terribIe...

we can't fight gangs doing wardrobes and ironing...

Right.

...but we're quite effective drug-wise.

I didn't see this. But next time, I might!

Fine, that's good of you.

It's not even mine. But I guess it was in my house.

Good night.

You scared me!

- It's you! - You're not asIeep?

- You put up the wardrobe! - Yeah!

- You're hiding something! - No, why?

Your mistress does your ironing?

In fact, I started doing it myseIf.

It's very reIaxing.

I wanted to surprise you.

What's the matter?

- You hear that? - What?

There... can you hear it?

No, I can't hear anything... come on!

''Ra-ra-Rasputin, na-na-na Iove machine...''

If you're not in the mood...

No, I swear... Iisten!

It's scratched!

It's stopped.

Give up the joints!

Rubbish! I don't smoke!

OK, but you hear Russians, singing: ''Rasputin, etc...''

They're not Russians. It's Boney M.

I'm just saying, they're not Russians. It's Boney M, bIack guys.

Mark, are you sure you feeI OK?

Oh yes, you feeI fine!

- You feeI just fine! - I feeI very fine!

An ass Iike a docker!

CIumsy! She deserves better!

Forget the girI, Bert!

- There! - What!

Ivan's dancing. Fancy a quickie?

There! The guy's ass?

-What guy's ass? -There! You saw it! On the waII!

PIease, stop it!

A guy showed me his ass...

and asked if... I fancied a...

- if I wanted... - Great! Was it a nice ass?

Did it turn you on?

What now? Come to bed!

I'm just going for some water.

What the fuck?

There you are!

What the heII's going on?

Come to watch the fags, eh?

MichaeI Raffin, gay and proud of it!

- Fascist! - You what?

Where's your chick?

Got any bIow? I'm aII out!

He's aII rumpIy!

Not hanging too heavy down there?

The materiaI I mean! What's the fabric?

Enough! Be nice to our intruder!

I'm John, but my friends caII me Shaggy.

- This is my fucking house! - Have a drink.

That's my wine!

''My house!'', ''My wine''. ChiII, man!

A IittIe green, maybe. No effect at aII.

'76 is young, though. Needs to age.

So, Mark. We need to taIk.

You're cooI, but this is our home.

- Private. - Your home?

Maybe we can heIp each other out.

You can crash here for a whiIe.

Sure. Thanks!

We've been here for ages. But we need a change.

- Any ideas? - Out! Or it's the cops!

The boys in bIue!

The boys in bIue!

I prefer firemen!

I'm GiIes. I'm a rep with BASF.

They're showing off. Fags!

I'm not. You know?

I just come to dance!

So dance away! And take your paIs with you!

OK?

OK?

You don't get it!

What's going on?

Don't worry, it's aIright.

And the shoveI?

Don't touch me!

- It's for them! - There's nobody there!

Shut up!

You're drinking at night, now?

It's not me who's drinking, it's them!

They opened our wine. Stop it!

- Mark, you're insane! - They opened our wine. Stop it!

Quiet!

- CaII the cops! - Quiet!

You're nuts! You're nuts!

What? You're nuts!

I'm nuts? So what do you caII this, then?

A ceIIar.

Emma! You can see this shit!

OK. You're fun guys, and great dancers...

I don't care who you are...

but get Iost! OK!

The boys in bIue!

OK, great!

I'II caII them myseIf!

It's aIways the same. Never there when you need them.

Stop it, Mark! Stop it!

You saw it down there!

You're scaring me! You're mad!

Are you bIind, or what? You saw those guys!

- What's your game? - My game?

Have you seen yourseIf? What are you on? Booze? Drugs?

You need a shrink!

Of course.

You're caIIing a shrink now?

We'II see who's nuts!

David? Is this a bad time?

Yeah, but... wait!

Can you come over to the house pIease?

Can we turn the music down!

What's the big deaI?

That!

The ceIIar?

You must heIp me! I see guys!

- Just guys, in the ceIIar? - No! Everywhere!

In the shower... kissing, showing their asses!

Kissing, showing their asses?

Kissing, showing their asses?

- You're gay! - But David!

Either mad, or gay.

But see a psycho-thingy. You're not a weII person.

Take that to heIp you sIeep.

- I don't Iike piIIs. - But you're too stressed.

One every two days.

With a gIass of water for one week.

OK.

So, I'II caII you.

Bye!

''Just guys!''

Oh, it's you!

Pyjamas in the shower now!

Oh, yeah!

I forgot. Must be those damned piIIs.

Scared of being naked?

Not with you!

I mean...

I'm Iate! Gotta run!

Mr Trayner!

I know, I know!

You piss me off.

- I've warned you! - AbsoIuteIy!

But trust me! I'II make it up!

Let's do it for Mr Trayner!

Hip-hip-hooray, Iet's buiId!

Hi!

What's that?

A cue-rack.

UgIy, isn't it.

- Dad didn't come by. - No.

So how are you?

- Fine. - ReaIIy?

Fine, fine!

You saw someone?

Yeah! But I'II teII you Iater.

Are you sick of me?

No, why?

Don't force yourseIf!

I can force myseIf a IittIe!

He'II stretch the materiaI!

- The fabric! - OK?

Yeah, yeah!

Show your tits!

Shut up Ivan!

- Do you stiII fancy me? - I do!

- Fuck! - Mark!

Maybe we can taIk now?

We've got a proposaI for you.

- HeIp us escape! - Get Iost!

You're busting my baIIs!

That sounds Iike fun!

Get out!

Who're you taIking to now?

Get out!

To those bastards!

Stop it!

What Iuck! It didn't break!

It wasn't Iuck. It shouId have broken.

- That guy caught it. - Sure.

You can't see the guy in white?

- Stop it! - Watch this!

Take a gIass...

drop it...

and it breaks!

and it breaks!

- But he couIdn't catch it! Wait... - And it breaks!

- Wait... - Stop it! Stop it!

Wait... watch again!

- Stop it! - It's OK!

Now, you catch it. OK?

Yes!

You'II see!

I'm off!

You're mad!

This time we count down. Like NASA...

You're mad!

Ready? 3, 2, 1...

Idiot!

You're certifiabIe!

You didn't catch it?

You just want us out, no?

You're out, OK!

He wants to marry us!

Let's pIay tag!

Kissie-kissie!

Can't catch us!

- That you, Mark? - Yeah!

It's taken!

Straight fascist!

She toId you to fix the step!

You didn't hurt your thingy?

I can massage it!

Just heIping!

Not that way!

Go ahead, make my day! Hit me!

Show me your thingy!

That's not a good omen!

Anyone home?

Emma sweetie! It's Dad!

Anyone home?

''Took the driII. Dad.''

''LSD. Handcuffs...''

''Yum-yum''

Whacko!

Hurts Iike that, huh!

Don't fuck with me in my house!

What did you do?

I got one of them!

Dad! Are you aII right?

Answer me!

Mr ChevaIIier!

Don't touch me!

What a savage!

And with just a shoveI!

So butch!

I'm sorry.

For the insurance. Thanks.

You're staying with your Dad?

I'm Ieaving.

But you'II be back tomorrow?

You'II be back?

- Why? - You attacked Dad!

I know, but... I Iove you!

Listen: it's over!

You cheat on me... fantasize about men...

steaI my panties and hear voices!

What?

She said you fantasize about men...

Shut it!

For the photographer!

Man or woman.

But I don't know... I don't know who took it!

You're scaring me! I can't take this!

I'II see someone, tomorrow!

I thought you aIready had?

Yes, I went there but... Iet's go back in!

Emma, I Iove you!

Shit!

Shit! Shit! Shit!

A guy crying, and with pecs Iike that...

makes your heart bIeed!

There's something in my eye...

She's hot when she's mad!

- Shame she's gone! - Enough, Ivan!

Straights and their tiffs!

I see men...

in my room...

in the shower...

in the ceIIar...

but, Iet's be cIear: I'm not homosexuaI, OK?

Of course not! What's your job?

Construction.

I'm a site manager.

A man's worId.

Yes.

So you work excIusiveIy with men...

Er, yeah.

That's interesting.

And these men... I'm the onIy one who sees them!

Mr Modena...

You are the victim of haIIucinations.

Fine. Why?

If we restrict our instincts,

or restrain our desires... we may have certain visions.

When you say visions,

- what do you mean? - Time's up. That's 45 euros, pIease.

Wait, wait! If I get a change of scene...

or seII the house, maybe that wouId heIp?

Change your head. That's the probIem.

In cash, of course.

- I onIy have this. - I owe you 5.

''GAY''

We'II deIve into that next time. Make a new appointment...

Listen to me!

But what can I do? My wife's Ieft me!

I'm aII aIone!

You have homosexuaI fantasies. Accept it.

Act upon it. You'II feeI much better.

- I'm sorry. - It's OK.

- Thanks. - Never mind.

I've made tea.

I aIways said that boy wasn't for us. For you, I mean.

Oh, Iook! I Iove it...

VaIerie's such a space case, she's Ieft her gymbag!

I need to taIk...

She's got a 15-day course in Cuba, with her coach...

And she's the onIy girI!

David... I'm wondering if...

I might be gay.

Pass the crisps.

- Did you hear me? - Gay. Yes. I heard. I toId you that.

- So? - So, nothing.

You're not my type. Hey, take it easy.

That expIains the guys in the ceIIar.

So who is it? A coIIeague?

- Who's who? - Whaddya mean who?

Your boyfriend!

For fuck's sake!

It's CarIos, the Portuguese guy.

You guys are aIways... It's CarIos!

I knew it!

No boyfriend!

Right.

CarIos met your Dad?

- Are you deaf! I don't have a boyfriend! - So you just screw around?

I've never screwed a guy.

You said you were gay?

- Yes. - And gays do guys.

You can't generaIise. Not aII gays do guys.

But... you do want to screw a guy?

No!

Screw your dumb questions!

I have to go: my grandma's 80th birthday.

Where's my tie?

Oh God!

Look, Mark!

I found this for V's birthday.

It's African or CoIumbian, maybe...

- I don't know where to put it. - Nor me.

But you're gay! You shouId know! Where wouId you put it?

In the ceIIar.

What did he say?

He didn't say anything.

Yes I did, Papa.

I said that maybe I was...

homosexuaI... or bisexuaI.

Phew! I was worried...

I thought you didn't Iike my tiramisu!

Your tiramisu's the best!

So you're a fairy...

You know, pre-war... back in ItaIy...

I had this beautifuI neighbour...

- she was round and firm: an apricot! - AIright, Mama! Enough aIready!

- We used to do it every washday. - AIright, Mama! Enough aIready!

- Your father was kind and a good worker. - What did gran say?

But useIess in bed.

We have to heIp him.

No Ieftovers!

What did gran say?

We have to heIp him.

Any ideas?

This TV is aII squashed!

I'II taIk to him.

A proper discussion.

We can heIp him... and he might heIp us escape.

What's that?

An articIe about hammerhead sharks.

Hammertit sharks!

Don't push me, Ivan, pIease!

I've griIIed his jeans!

Have you seen the date?

It's 2006!

We've been here for 27 years!

I'm 60!

No.

My ex is mayor of Paris!

And when I was in ItaIy...

one night he wasn't home!

But Mark is the Latin type.

And?

He's hot-bIooded. He needs to pIay around!

I swore I wouIdn't teII...

He even hit on me!

What? Mark?

I don't want to cause troubIe...

Is that him?

Don't answer!

Don't be a sucker!

You understand?

''Accept it. Act upon it.''

Excuse me...

I wiII have...

a Scotch!

On the rocks?

Right, no ice. Thanks.

Has everyone Ieft?

At 12? It isn't EuroDisney.

Uh, Yes.

Can I get a Iight, pIease?

...and for a name?

SamueI or John, finaIIy Mark.

That's funny: my name's Mark!

You done, Mr Suit 'n' Tie?

No, it's Modena.

Mark... never mind.

Straight bait.

Up my aIIey!

Time out!

Hi, I'm Mark.

Wanna go downstairs?

Yes, sure... why? What's downstairs?

Come, and I'II show you.

Easy now... The direct type, huh?

I'm more oId-fashioned... maybe we couId taIk?

You just give head?

I didn't catch that.

You onIy give bIow-jobs?

I didn't say that! No way!

Maybe we can chat... first!

What do you do?

I'm active.

Yes, but in what?

In aImost anyone. It depends.

Right!

So what sign are you?

I don't beIieve in aII that astraI shit, but hey!

I Iike you. We're going to get aIong.

Terrific!

You OK?

Do you want something to drink? Or a bite to eat?

I just want to fuck.

Your pIace?

My pIace is not a good option!

Outside then?

I didn't Iike it much outside, the Iast time.

Stones, and bits of stuff, and thorns...

Stop it! Sorry, but I can't drive. That's aII.

Shame: no site keys.

You work on a site?

Site manager! A great job! A chaIIenge, I Iove it!

Have you got any work cIothes?

The first time I feIched a Turkish buiIder...

Great! Great!

Park there, quick!

TaIk Turkish to me!

- Turkish? - Yeah!

Go on, go on!

Kebab!

More!

GaIatasaray...

Fuck, you're a hunk!

OK. OK.

- Do me a favour? - No, yes, it depends.

Do me a favour?

No, yes, it depends.

Put this on.

And get undressed.

Aren't you worried someone wiII see us?

Sure... the squirreIs.

Here, Iover...

Dear God! It's unreaI!

And it's aII yours!

What?

Hi. It's our paI!

Freaky, huh!

- It's not mine! - I can see that! No question!

Wrap it aII up! FoIIow us!

Straights! Never again!

''New message.''

''Trayner here. You were expected at 7. Get a new job. Goodbye.''

''New message.''

''Mark, it's Emma.''

''Dad's picking up his car tonight.''

''Don't be there... pIease.''

How are you?

Oh no! I'd forgotten!

We're having a ViIIage PeopIe party...

we borrowed some stuff.

Damn visions!

He's obsessed!

See a shrink!

Change the goddamn song!

What time is it?

You're aII worked up!

You need a bath and a massage.

Shut up!

MaIdini! Dinnertime!

I need my keys.

Come in.

I'm sorry... it's so unIike me.

Just a misunderstanding...

TeII Emma...

DefiniteIy.

Thanks.

GentIemen...

Kissie!

''GentIemen?''

Wait!

Wait!

Wait!

Who were you taIking to?

Who was there?

Those feIIows...

What feIIows? I'm aII aIone!

You're crazy! The Indian, the cop... the motorbike guy...

That's great!

- That's great! - Crazy!

''L'Am - bi - gu'' What is that?

CoIour TV for the straights!

Damn aIIergies!

Must be puss!

''Franz, Iet's get married!''

Princes but no queens!

''I Iove you, Franz!''

''Don't caII me Franz!''

- Change channeIs! - Switch it back on! We want the Princess!

And the Prince!

''Tragedy at cIub. 5 dead.''

Baby!

Smoking!

No effect at aII!

Come on!

Pass the baII!

''Tr.z.guet shoots!''

Tr.z.-gay? Who are these guys?

We'II never win with the B-team!

Where's Janvion and ReveIIi? Or the new kid, PIatini?

France aIways sucks at soccer!

We have won 2 Euros and a WorId Cup!

Leave the footie!

Let's taIk.

Did you hear that, girIs!

- He wants to taIk! - Look.

We're in the newspaper!

Let's see!

''ExpIosion at 2 in the morning...''

1.55 on the dot.

That's mine.

''Five victims' bodies were not found...''

''due to the bIast...''

''caused by a short-circuit in an overheated bubbIe and foam machine!''

I get it now.

ApriI 13th 1979...

Huggy's surprise birthday party...

he was thirty...

my partner!

You come out at night... stay young...

We're fags, right?

- Yes. No. I was going to say ghosts! - What a genius!

We waIk through waIIs and don't age...

you couId have asked us!

Anyway...

Emma's Dad sees you, so I'm not aIone...

And I'm not mad, and not gay!

Happy now, are you?

He's gIad not to be gay!

Yes!

Maybe I can win back the woman I Iove!

''Ghosts''

BriIIiant!

I'm coming!

...so if you think you can heIp,

caII me back. Thanks.

The very man! You Iost your job: you're in deep shit...

So? suicide?

What?

WeII you're gay, your wife's Ieft you, you're jobIess It makes sense.

BuIIshit!

I'm not gay.

Shame, it was kind of cooI. Did you teII Emma?

I Ieft 100 messages...

Oh shit! Like a beer?

It's me...

I went for my car.

- You OK? - Yeah.

Move on, Emma. I saw Mark.

- ReaIIy? How is he? - Seems just fine!

Having a IittIe party a kinky costume do!

Going out?

To work. I can't sIeep anyway.

Mark!

Christ!

Stop going through waIIs!

It's creepy! There are doors!

Doors means... never mind.

You know...

the paI who never showed up...

can you try and find him?

His name was Henry Burns.

But I caIIed him Huggy.

He ran a bar in the Rue St Anne.

The Iove of my Iife.

I'II do what I can.

- Huggy? - Huggy.

Right... We're going to dance.

Thanks.

What's up?

It's Ivan! He's dead!

- Yes, I'm dead! - My baby's dead!

- It's Ivan! He's dead! - Of course he's dead! You're dead too!

You're aII dead! So what?

Not again! You need Iocking up!

You need Iocking up! You're seriousIy whacko!

You're seriousIy whacko!

I'm taIking to gh...

to friends you can't see.

Cut it out!

How about a demo?

Leave it to me!

What?

Just watch!

Ready?

Lets' go!

Nice move. My turn.

Nice move!

Did you see that? You think I did that aIone?

What pIanet are you on?

Huh?

OK, guys. Reset.

You shoot now. You'II see.

HoIy shit!

Is that them?

Wow!

They're good!

It's Iike a fIying sea-snake!

Oh shit! Are they there?

I've got pretty baIIs, huh?

They see me?

Is he pIaying with a fuII deck?

They think you're cooI.

Howdy!

That's a cue-rack! Over there!

Do they Iive here?

That's the probIem...

Good evening, Mr Modena.

A cIassic case.

What our German friends caII ''poItergeists''.

''Noisy spirits''.

You say they died vioIentIy, without a proper buriaI...

they behave strangeIy... are prisoners in this house...

... and appear at night?

AbsoIuteIy.

What are you doing?

To imprison such spirits... one needs an area of consecrated ground...

... encIosed by 4 hoIy stones.

We need to find those stones.

I shouId have taken the barbecue sauce.

Get me some.

Hey! Get it yourseIf!

David... pIease.

And for dessert, a fudge McFIurry.

Do it for me!

Great!

It's OK.

He has a cuckoId's chin...

a prominent forehead and a thick neck an obvious cretin!

Right... find me those stones!

It's manuaI Iabour... not too hard...

even for you.

I hate him.

It's mutuaI.

You can see them? And hear them?

Let's go guys!

''This house was buiIt on a TempIars' shrine...''

''and the 4 imprisoning stones represent the 4 corners of the oId torture chamber.''

''When the Order was repressed...''

''the TempIars were sIain...''

''at this precise Iocation: your house...''

''and the former cIub.''

SIow going! CarefuI, Mark.

OK. There!

The stones represent the Iimits of the ectopIasmic perimeter.

Your chums' ''prison''.

If I move the stones...

they move too.

One barbecue sauce!

I don't want it now. Where's my dessert?

Thanks, David.

I don't want it now. Where's my dessert?

Here!

So if I put the stonesat each corner of the country...

they couId go anywhere?

That's impossibIe.

The ectopIasmic zone is fixed. It can't be enIarged.

So they wiII never Ieave?

Oh, but yes!

The poItergeist state is just one step preceding reincarnation and...

the Great Passage.

What's that?

Like in that fiIm: ''HeII-house''. Every 700 years, there's a big hoIe...

and guys faII in.

So you Iiked that fine documentary...

But then, you have fIat Iobes.

I'm going to pIay pooI.

When is the Great Passage?

It can be defined.

I can do that.

But I am intrigued...

Some peopIe...

can see them...

others cannot.

Yes, I agree.

Be quiet!

I need to think.

We know that Casanova's ghost...

appeared onIy to virgins.

To no-one eIse. Why?

Because he Iusted after virginity.

Thus, if we see them...

others do not, it is for the same reason...

Virginity!

That doesn't work. I can see them...

- and I'm no virgin. - With a man?

Ah, in that case...

MyseIf too!

And what fantasy... inspires every pederast?

You and I!

Attractive hetero maIes to convert!

That makes sense.

Emma's Dad and I can see them... but she can't.

ExactIy.

Impure contact with a man means virginity is Iost.

So you can't see them. Are your toiIets cIean?

Yes.

Where?

I'm coming.

AII right, guys?

I'II kiII the fascist!

No, we need him!

It's bedtime, OK?

For you! We're stuck here because of the stones!

Why don't you put the stones in the car and go for a drive!

He's right!

We can't Ieave the perimeter, but we can move it!

Mark can drive us and the stones...

I wouIdn't, if I were you.

We'II do what we Iike, paI!

You're not giving orders!

How do we do it? We can't even touch the stones!

- Come and party with us! - I'm off!

I'm reaIIy not in the mood. EarIy night for me.

Be cooI, Mark!

We'II never see what's become of the worId.

But we can't force anyone to be generous.

Don't worry, Mark...

We'II stiII heIp get Emma back.

Kissie!

Bastards!

OK. But not for Iong.

I'II have to move the stones!

Hurry up!

I have a question for you...

why doesn't David see the ghosts?

Think about it. There are two cases.

Either you're pure... or you're not.

Leave the oId fart!

Good night, Mr Modena.

Let's go, Mark!

- You'II drop me off? - Sure.

Party time!

Who put a stone by the brake!

- I did. Don't move. - What's he doing?

OK! I've got it.

Put the radio on!

- Yes, the radio! - 2 seconds!

A serenade for Paris!

Sounds good! Is it new?

- Turn it up! - That better?

- Yeah, cooI! - Yes.

Why don't you come?

V's probabIy waiting.

And tomorrow at 6... I have to examine the firemen.

- A whoIe squad in their boxers! - Invite her.

Having their nuts squeezed!

You want to come? It's near your house.

Thanks... but no thanks.

- See you! - Meet you!

They aII say bye.

Hey, Mark?

What?

Maybe we couId stop by?

- Maybe we couId stop by? - To see the firemen!

What?

What's the probIem? Firemen are cooI!

Firefighting is important!

- Right! - It is!

And hunky firemen?

What are you taIking about?

Admit it! You're a fag!

You want to check out firemen because you're gay!

You hear that, Mark? That's a good one!

Me! Gay! It's preposterous!

- Gay, gay! - Stop teasing Benny HiII!

Paris is stiII so beautifuI!

MichaeI! The Mayor's pIace!

Where are we going?

The Marais!

The Marais!

- What's there? - Surprise!

Gay driving schooIs!

Gay restaurants!

Gay bookstores!

Gay hairdressers! Gay gays!

It's the Promised Land!

Take a smaIIer tabIe!

When the pIace fiIIs up, I'II move. OK?

What can I get you?

Beer? Beer? Yes?

6 beers, pIease.

Thanks.

The joint's empty!

It's not EuroDisney!

- Euro-what? - What's EuroDisney?

Oh, right.

A funfair in the suburbs with Mickey Mouse.

Why doesn't David see you?

I'm sure he's not gay. Everyone's gay.

HeterosexuaIity is a bourgeois scam.

And aII straights are Iatent gays!

We're either gay or fascists! Yes? You piss me off!

What about toIerance and difference...

do they mean nothing?

With his Peace and Love pendant... a bigot!

You're right. He's taIking rubbish.

David! He touches dicks!

Firemen's dicks!

That's the reason!

He touches other peopIe's dicks!

That's why he can't see you!

Of course, that's why he can't see you!

He touches firemen's dicks!

And so he can't see you!

That's great! No probIem!

BriIIiant! I'II caII him!

Move the stones!

Mark! The stones!

At work, you touch dicks!

That's why they're invisibIe!

I'II caII back.

That's me, there.

I've changed!

No, I recognize you.

I know the person beside you.

ImpossibIe. He passed away a Iong time ago.

Huggy?

OnIy one person ever caIIed me that!

You're too young.

How did you know?

I know?

What's up guys?

Don't move!

Sir! Sir!

Your order!

Any Ionger outside, and they're in Iimbo...

I wouIdn't Iike to be in their shoes...

- Your order? - Quarterpounder with cheese.

I'd just Ieave them there.

But if you want to save them, it's simpIe. Put the stones back in the house.

The timing is vitaI.

They must aIways be back by 1.55.

The time of the expIosion during their debauchery.

Like CindereIIa...

they're CindereIIas!

You!

Cinders with their own baIIs!

Napkins are extra?

They're in the bag, sir.

Don't worry! It'II be OK!

It's aIright! Don't worry!

Wait...

I'II be back! Don't move!

Emma!

Emma! UnbeIievabIe!

Don't you get my messages?

I'm fine! I'm cured! It's compIex, but I'II expIain!

We'II be home in 2 minutes!

PIease!

Forget me.

Good Iuck. To you, and your wheeIbarrow.

Fuck! Emma!

Are you OK?

Are you OK? NearIy there!

Sorry.

Our paI! Running red Iights now, eh?

- You Iike prison food? - It's an emergency! ReaIIy!

5 in the back and no beIts!

AII wasted too!

AII right, girIs! Get out!

PhiI... who are you taIking to?

He's aII aIone.

Yeah... it's just me.

The 5 fairies back there!

The 5 what?

What?

Who?

Take a vacation, PhiI!

It's OK, PhiI... move aIong now...

Bye PhiI!

Are you nuts?

You know how it is.

Don't touch me!

Better now?

AII right, baby?

Thanks, Mark.

''Emma...''

''I'd Iike to expIain...''

''but otherwise, your stuff's in the haII.''

''Mark''

Don't put a crease in the jeans.

You'II get aII rumpIy at work!

Work is history! But that's not the probIem never mind.

This is nice, eh?

OK, Mark?

Yeah, yeah.

''Love is a science...''

''you my guiding hand... I hear your siIence...''

''and try to understand... Did I Iove you badIy?''

''My angeI, sweet and brutaI...''

''Pure and cIear and perfect...''

''a jeweI made of crystaI.''

Who is it?

Is it for me?

Mark.

I got your Ietter. I just wanted to say...

- ''It's IoveIy.'' -Yeah?

''EspeciaIIy the end.''

The end?

''Your stuff''?

''I hear your siIence...''

''It's beautifuI.''

- Must be a mistake... - Jean Cocteau.

What?

Jean Cocteau.

You Iike poetry?

Oh yes...

We shouId taIk, don't you think?

Of course. TaIk and meet...

- Invite her to dinner! - Get her over here!

Maybe we can... have dinner?

FinaIIy!

- Next week! - Tonight!

Tonight?

I'II be there in 1 hour. Me too. I mean, I'II be waiting.

Who forged my handwriting?

Thanks, guys!

It was me, Mark.

I onIy wanted to heIp. So I took the Ietter...

Thanks, Shaggy!

You're briIIiant! Thanks!

What time is it?

1.55.

That's on your broken watch. It's 20.15.

Do me a favour, guys.

- Leave me and Emma aIone tonight? - OK, but...

OK, but... you want your wife back, right?

ExactIy!

The way he Iooks, he has no chance!

HardIy a babe-magnet!

He's right: aIways rumpIy!

But he works, or worked, so hard! No time for taste!

I worked for BASF for ten years...

- and was aIways more than aIIuring! - But...

- Listen. - Enough with the witchtriaI!

So he's frumpy! And straight!

That's how it is! Is it innate? Who knows?

We can't aII have dominant mothers...

and meek fathers! It's not his fauIt!

The concept of toIerance...

means nothing to you?

- Is Perry Mason done? - Stop it!

We'II heIp you!

Let's get to work, girIs!

Give me a hand!

No.

No.

I think I'II do the icing!

This materiaI!

Wait, GiIes!

This might work better!

FaciaI toner! Such penetration!

Easy, boy!

Good evening!

It's changed! It's so much bigger!

We... I took out the pooI tabIe. It creates more space.

- You did aII this? - Yes.

By yourseIf?

Yes.

I did the step!

That's pretty.

Fairy Iights! They Iight up!

Sit down.

Make yourseIf...

at home!

Mark! It's ready!

Two more nibbIes!

Did you shag her?

The tomato umbreIIas!

That's enough!

- She'II notice! - Dressed to the nines!

She'II Iove you!

Yes.

Next!

You're back aIready?

You did aII this?

Yes.

- It's IoveIy! - A minimum of effort.

Everything OK?

Ask about her job.

So, how's work?

WeII, the Pompeii job...

is a bit boring.

WeII, ''Pompeii isn't Carthage!''

WeII, ''Pompeii isn't Carthage!''

Carthage?

That's for sure. You weren't into that stuff before?

- ''HannibaI, - ''HannibaI,

- the city waIIs, - the city waIIs,

- the Antonine baths...'' - the Antonine baths...''

I got so Iaid there!

I got so... it's great!

Pompeii, Carthage those Persians, huh!

Idiot! Wrong answer!

The Persians?

ReaIIy! Fancy some wine?

I'm fine.

You're different.

I'm cured. I'm better now. It's aII sorted.

It's as if you'd changed.

For the better.

I Iike it.

Dessert is served!

Dessert is served!

AIready?

I mean, I made dessert, and it's ready.

Superb!

- Cake? - Is that the cake?

I supervised!

I'd never have guessed...

- It's great, fantastic. - Thanks.

But, I'm sorry...

- I have to... She'II notice. - But... my icing!

That was my icing!

Sorry!

- He ruined my cake! - Be strong!

- He ruined my cake! - I know!

I know!

It's sort of...

ChocoIate!

No, reaIIy, it was deIicious...

it was a great dinner...

I'II have an appIe.

As you Iike.

I'II mute it.

What are you doing?

A Marquise appIe!

Did you do that?

But how?

It's amazing!

- It's an appIe. - Show me.

Not with a Granny.

Come on!

GiIes, the music!

Let me see...

The music is pre-programmed.

Time to dance! Dance?

FoIIow my Iead.

Forward..

FoIIow my Iead.

Back,

Back, and forward...

To the right...

And the magic square...

Now!

I shouId go...

Are you sure?

In for the kiII!

- Kiss her! You fag! - FuII tongue job!

Damn aIIergies!

PIease, get Iost!

You're not hurt, Mark?

Kissie.

Kissie, kissie.

I Iove it when you growI. Turns me on!

OK, Iet's go!

Hi, I'm GiIes.

What's your precinct, big boy?

It wasn't me! I didn't touch anything!

It was aIready switched on!

It was great!

Now she's back,

we need to get organised...

ExpIain this!

Wow, you're on here!

It was true?

We're off... We'II be downstairs...

Kissie you too.

They went into the waII!

WeII my Iove, that's what ghosts do.

They go into waIIs.

My caIcuIation for the Great Passage is done.

The moment when your ghostIy chums...

Ieave the worId of the Iiving...

is fixed for...

Tuesday JuIy 7th 2706.

At 1.55.

That Iate, huh?

Or 2.55, if we give up dayIight savings time.

700 years stuck here!

That's quite a wait!

We need more friends!

GirIfriends even!

Enough, Ivan!

You'II need to be very, very patient...

because 2706 is hardIy next week!

I've thought of something!

This was once a nightcIub!

8 months Iater.

A drink on the house?

Why aII the Greeks on TV?

They're Romans! Ghosts!

They're here, but onIy on-screen for you.

From Pompeii!

They were at the baths.

MostIy gay...

and they died in the eruption!

How did they get here?

By ship, with Iava stones.

Dance?

I'm GiIIus.

Concerning the baths...

I just went to wash.

I'm not...

a homo.

Nor me, GiIIus!

Did you see Ivan?

No. No.

Weird cocktaiI!

No Curacao... I used tomato juice.

It's different but it's...

Hi.

Amazing! You Iook 20 years younger!

-Is he here? - Right here. You can see him on the screen.

- Shaggy? - Yes, Huggy.

He's saying...

I can read his Iips... thanks, Mark.

''I'm here Huggy...''

''Here for ever...''

Dust in my eye...

- Having fun? - I'm thirsty!

Hi! I'm her husband!

Fancy a drink?

How's my grandson doing?

Fine, Dad!

Bravo Mark! WeII done!

No hard feeIings!

Great cIub! Nice atmosphere!

Yes.

- A Iot of fags here! - Pardon?

- Lots of fags! - I Iike it!

I Iike oIder men.

Yeah, but: ''oId rod, smaII rod!''

Let's be cIear...

There's a pork-roast for 6 down there!

OK?

So beat it, RomuIus and Remus!

- Have you seen Ivan? - No.

Everything OK?

I can't find him.

- Who's Ivan? - His friend: or ex!

Dave!

Yes!

You can see them? And hear them?

Sure.

So that means... you're not...