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(soft haunting piano music)

(man softly grunting) (car seat softly rubbing)

- No.

Douglas-

- I'm trying, I'm,

I'm trying...

I don't want you to think this is about you at all.

Has nothing to do about you.

Don't think about it's about you for a second.

It's not about you.

- It's kinda hard not to when...

- What can I do about it?

- I don't know, maybe that's one you can figure out.

(soft haunting piano music)

- You open up, I'll grab the bags.

- That's way too much.

- I got it.

- Just give me the chips at least, come on.

- You can have the chips,

or just take your purse or I'm not gonna carry it anymore.

- Okay.

(soft haunting piano music)

- Hey, Vee, where's my suitcase?

- [Veronica] I brought it downstairs, babe.

I had to get ready.

- Okay.

- [Veronica] Dan's gonna be here soon,

I wanted to get changed.

- Okay.

- [Veronica] You want me to bring it up?

- No, I'm good, thank you.

(soft piano music)

Yay. - Hi

- So Donna found that photo of us.

I thought we lost it.

- Which one?

- The one from the trip before last.

I was, I thought it was gone.

Just found it behind the futon.

- Oh.

- If I was gonna lift, was gonna lift

and I'm gonna finish that script on this trip,

I can just feel it.

- Hope so.

- Is it too late just to,

just to have Dan go back to Orange County?

- You wanted him to come.

- I didn't say yes.

- Yeah, you didn't say no either.

And no decision is a decision.

You don't want Pia and Dan to come up,

then you should said something.

- I said nothing about Pia.

- Oh, let me get that for you.

- That came off too adamant.

You're the only girl for me, you know that.

- Yeah, sure.

(car softly honks)

- Veronica!

Pia, ready? - Are we doing this again?

- Veronica! - Veronica!

- [Veronica] Veronica!

- Veronica!

(soft piano music)

Stop the press, hello.

Jessica Rabbit, hey.

Oh my god, you are a dream. (Veronica softly laughs)

Look at you. - Hello, Douglas.

- Smell nice.

- Pia.

- Hi! - Hey!

Hey. - Hi, sweetie, how are you?

- [Pia] Good, you?

- Come here, you douchebag, come here, missed you.

Hey, babe, babe, what I tell you?

Bitch-in-love hug.

Whoa, whoa, I'm kidding.

So what are you doing, you gonna invite us in?

This guy all of a sudden gets a hot wife

and he's got no manners.

- Was gonna help you with the bag.

- She's fine, look at her, she's hot, look.

This is for you.

We know you don't know shit about wine.

- Dan.

- He doesn't, so we picked this out for you.

- Who says I don't know shit about wine?

I know this wine.

- "Who says I don't know shit about,"

no one has to say it, Dougie.

This guy, you so cute, come on, show me the house, come on!

(cicadas softly buzzing)

- Stop.

- You can look, we know you need to watch this.

See what's happening here.

Give him the neck.

(softly kissing) - Hey, baby, we can-

- Okay, okay, you're awesome.

To you, this has been amazing.

- Yeah.

- Dougie, you've found a great one, cheers.

- You're beautifully dressed, as always.

- She is, well, I just got one question though.

Doug, when are you gonna do something

about that shit around your mouth?

- [Pia] Dan.

- What, babe, what?

It's getting out of hand, you said so in the car.

- [Pia] No, I didn't.

- Well, I happen to like it.

- Really? - Mm-hm.

- Doesn't bother you trying to

find his lips through all that shit?

- Nah, she likes the bush.

- She does?

- Yeah.

- Everyone likes a little bush nowadays, right?

- It's like a picnic, you have to

go through some bush to get there.

- He should shave the bush-

- No, bad boy. - It's better to go through.

What's goin' on?

Everyone likes a little bush, huh, babe?

- Stop it. - Actually, there's nothing,

she's clean as a.

I love you.

Hey, Dougie, you remember the Wasserman account

You remember that- - Boo!

What, what, what? - Yeah, no, we said no.

We said no- - Oh, come on, no.

- No. - Are you serious?

- We had one rule.

- What's the rule?

- [Douglas] You're such a dick, dude.

- You tell me what the rule was.

No talking shop.

- Are you serious about this? - Or just no talking, period.

- No talking?

Geez, listen, Dougie, are you sure you wanna hear this?

- You're a dick.

- Am I gonna tell the story or not?

- Carry on. - Yes!

Okay, this one Wasserman account, right?

I've been trying to land this account

for I don't know how long, it was Dougie's lead,

he couldn't land it, easy 150 grand a month, easy.

Dougie couldn't land it because

of Tim fucking McNealy, that prick, remember that guy?

- He worked at a different copier place and he's a dick.

- Yeah, well, yeah, but I thought I was telling the story.

Veer, I'm telling the story, right?

- Yes, go, go on. - Baby, babe,

can I finish the story? - You have the floor.

- Oh my gosh, keep going.

- Thank you, so, right, after you left,

Rob passed it around people's desks, didn't happen.

Landed on my desk, like a turd, what do I do?

What do I do, babe?

- I know the story, keep going.

- Yeah, I go pay Wasserman a visit, right,

every time I get there,

the jerk-off gatekeeper says he's got no time.

Every time, no time.

So I wait a couple weeks, and then, I do the unthinkable.

Can I get a drum roll, please?

I pull out the clipboard.

- [Veronica] What's with the clipboard?

- Dougie, you wanna tell 'em or should I tell 'em?

(Douglas softly mumbling) Should I tell 'em?

Let me tell 'em, let me tell, okay, okay.

One day, Doug's in some office,

some schmuck's office, I don't know who.

These people, maintenance people, walking through,

holding a clipboard, nobody says nothing, nada.

They just let 'em walk right by.

Dougie here gets the smart idea,

he goes into Office Depot, Office Depot, or was it...

- Office Max.

- Office Max, nobody stops the guy with the clipboard,

or a Mexican with the leaf blower.

- Oh, what? - I can say that joke,

because, listen, I can say that joke, I'm half Mexican.

You guys can't, you will be canceled,

I'm just stating facts.

- What about a white guy with a leaf blower?

- Yes, this also works.

Anyways, I got the clipboard, I go right past that jerk-off.

I'm in Wasserman's office

and he walks in five minutes later, right?

- No way. - Way.

And we're doing the damn thing,

three yeses, I'm in, this guy won't commit.

Whatever I do, he will not commit.

Had to give him everything, everything.

Almost had to let Pia fuck him here.

I was thinking I had to do it,

and I almost thought I was gonna do it, but,

I kid, I kid, baby.

- Aw! - Yeah.

- I would never let him do that, well-

- It's okay, maybe I wanna do it.

- Whoa, pause, babe.

(soft ominous music building)

Dougie knows though, I don't lose.

Dan Mackie never loses, never.

So, I get this bright idea,

my bulb goes off, I head down to the corner store,

I grab a deck of cards.

Next meeting, I walk in with five cards,

Ace, King, Queen, Jack, 10, all hearts.

You know what that is, tell 'em what it is.

- I don't know.

- You know, it's a royal flush, say royal-

- A flush.

- It's a royal flush, whatever, she's foreign, it's cool.

You can call on any of my guys,

anytime with this hand, now make it happen.

But each time he calls, I take

one card,

and when I finally have five cards,

I get to go all in and ask him

for one favor and he's gotta do it.

We shook on it.

It was a deal, Dougie, you remember.

So, (softly chuckling)

he used his last card on Wednesday.

Me, I asked for my favor yesterday.

I asked for his business.

And this morning,

well, this morning,

I closed that motherfucker!

(Pia speaking French) Fuck you,

Timmy Fucking McNealy

and that's how you do it.

Can I get an amen? (Pia speaking French)

Can I get an amen, amen?

- [Veronica] Amen.

(Pia speaks French)

- I'm sorry, right?

Come on, that's a power move.

Was that a Kanye move?

I'm like Kanye.

- That's, congratulations, that's huge.

- Yeah?

You sound so enthused.

- I, no, I don't mean, I mean, congrats.

- Congrats, that's huge?

Tell me you miss it, Dougie.

You miss it, right?

You, don't flip me off, you miss it.

The rush you get, the feeling of watching

you eat another cocksucker's lunch, right?

- I don't want any cocksuckers around.

- I don't know, maybe this

writing thing fills that need, I don't know.

- If I have a need to be filled, it does.

- So is that a yes?

I don't know, man.

Baby, are you seeing this?

Who does he look like?

- [Pia] Stop it.

- You know else had that look?

Gary did.

Yeah, it's that look, man, it's that hunger.

If you don't do something about it,

it's gonna eat you alive, Dougie.

- Dan.

- What, I'm just, look, all I'm saying is Doug and me,

we're like vampires.

Eat another man's lunch,

it's like blood to us.

- Dan.

- All right, all right, all right, all right.

All right, just,

I'm done.

Anyways, I need another drink because I am thirsty.

But seriously though, can you get me a drink?

Something stiff?

- Okay- I got it,

I got it. - Was it too much?

- Okay.

- I'm gonna get the vampire's blood.

- [Dan] Sorry about that.

- That was stupid.

- So, how's America's favorite tart with a heart?

- You know I hate when you call me that.

- What do you care for?

- Dan.

She doesn't like that.

- Okay, all right, all right, I'm sorry, but okay,

you gotta admit my favorite character,

Kendall James, is a steel-jawed cunt, let me finish,

hiding behind that so gorgeous

and immaculate, wonderfully deceptive

pretty case of whoever he was.

Isn't it fun being someone else for a living?

- No, it was.

Yeah.

No, it, it was.

I stepped down a few months ago.

- Stepped down?

Qu'est-ce que c'est stepped down?

You mean,

you quit?

- [Veronica] Yes.

- Oh, Dougie. (softly chuckling)

Your meal ticket here just got punched, brother.

Looks like you need to get a real job.

Can always come back with me, or copier sales, huh?

- Why did you step down?

- 15 years on the show started to get stale.

- She's all out of love, and so lost without you.

- Besides, Douglas and I are looking forward

to a normal life, normal schedule,

spending more time together.

And Douglas has been working on his writing.

- You hear that, Dougie?

You, you want a normal life?

- I have a normal life.

- That's not what I asked you, playboy.

I said do you, (ominous music building)

you want a normal life?

- I have a normal life, I like it very much, thank you.

- That's cute.

Who the hell wants a normal life?

- Normal people?

- (softly chuckling) Okay.

Okay, now I get it, I get it.

Yeah, I tried being normal once.

It was the worst 30 seconds of my fucking life.

Normal is for people without courage.

- I don't know, Dan.

My dad used to say,

"You become the price you paid to get what you want."

So, just make sure you really want it.

No matter what it is, even if it's a normal life.

- From the mouth of a babe.

- I don't think that's an expression.

- Well, I'm saying-

- For Dan, it is.

(ominous music softly building)

- Oh my god.

- See?

- Was it me, or was it 1000 times more obnoxious than usual?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

You weren't like that, right?

- I suppose we all were.

Even when we weren't, you know?

- Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I know you guys hadn't seen each other

since the funeral and everything,

and I thought it might help with your writer's block.

- Maybe it would, you know?

If I hit it to so much Dan, it might, you know?

It's just so much Dan, but, it might.

- Yeah.

- No.

- You're so much better than him.

I love you. (soft piano music)

Just two more days.

- Just two more days.

(soft blues jazz)

- Rob has been asking a lot about you lately.

You know, just figuring out (softly mumbles)

- Thank- - Hey, let's stop.

Who's selling who here, all right?

I don't lose, all right?

You're coming back to work for me.

That's it, it's a done deal, all right?

Winning and shaving, huh?

Go hand in hand.

You do it everyday, or you look like shit.

That's just, it's just the way.

It's just the way the world works, man.

Gary knew it.

Fucking Gary.

Pauline said so.

- You still talk to his wife?

- Yeah.

Gary.

"How the heaven are you?"

That's what Gary used to say when he'd walk

into a room, "How the heaven are you?"

Dumb fuckers say hell, he thought it was corny.

What I wouldn't give to like hear it again, you know?

(Dan softly humming in sleep)

(dishes loudly clattering)

(faucet loudly running)

(cookware loudly clanging)

(softly uttering gibberish)

(softly drumming hands)

(loudly drumming hands)

(softly drumming hands)

(loudly drumming hands)

Hey, hey, hey, hey, wait, wait.

Hey, listen, Veronica, Veronica,

she's a good girl, man, you're lucky you found her.

- I am.

- Me too.

- Whatever that means.

- Hey, boop. (softly laughs)

Hey, man, listen, seriously,

you, you're a good friend.

- Yeah, I love you too.

- Hey, you're a good friend, right, and,

we're brothers, we're brothers.

Sorry about your wife, man.

(dramatic music pounding)

(ominous music)

- What'd you say?

Dan, what'd you say, Dan?

Dan! Dan?

(ominous music loudly building)

(soft ominous music)

(haunting piano music)

(ominous music loudly building)

(soft ominous music)

(dramatic music loudly pounds)

- What you doing? (ominous music)

Come to bed, baby.

(soft haunting piano music)

- Vero?

Vero?

Vero?

(dramatic music loudly pounding)

(soft ominous music)

- Did I wake you?

It's been so long since you've held me like that.

I miss it.

Are you feeling okay?

- Yeah.

- You're not letting what he said get to you, are you?

He's the kinda guy who shits on you

and says, "Lucky you," 'cause he's got soap and water.

You're great here.

You're gonna get the script done.

Everything's gonna be fine.

- Okay.

Sure.

- Just one more day.

Now go take a shower, you smell like pickled ass.

- Thanks.

(shower running drowns out singing)

♪ Don't walk away

(softly humming)

Oh, yeah.

Vero?

Vero, can you get me a towel?

Our shower's acting up again.

Vee, can I get a towel?

(door loudly clatters)

Oh! Sorry.

- It's okay, do you still need a towel?

- Yeah, I didn't know it was you.

- How could you have?

Morning.

- Morning.

Vero?

Oh, she went to the general store with Dan

to get some eggs, I think.

- Eggs?

I coulda swore we picked some eggs on the way up.

- [Pia] Do you want some coffee?

I just made a fresh pot.

- Sure.

How long did they leave?

- A little while ago.

- Here you go.

- Thank you.

- So, that movie idea,

what is it about?

- The what?

Oh, the script, yeah.

To make a long story less long,

it's about a robbery and a love story that comes out of it.

- Between two of the hostages?

- No, no, no, no, between the robber and one of the hostages

but I guess you can kind of say that he's a hostage too

because the robber's holding them at gunpoint,

and the cops are holding the robber at gunpoint, so, yeah.

Anyway, it just got a bit too contrived.

- [Pia] What?

- The script.

- No, what part got contrived?

- Oh, the love story, I guess, and the,

the whole thing, really.

But mainly the love story.

Every time I tried it, I just had to like-

- Force it.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Well, you know what they say,

love is like fart.

If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

Life is very complicated.

- Yeah.

- Love shouldn't be.

- No.

- Okay, so we're starting at the money,

the woman, and getting away.

What does he really want?

- What do you mean?

- Douglas, this is a love story.

He can only have one want, one want and what.

- Well, no, no, he has to get both the woman and the money.

Otherwise it's not a happy Hollywood ending.

- Happy Hollywood ending depends

where you stop the story, Douglas.

And the story only starts

when you know what he really wants.

What he really wants will drive the story.

- Yeah, that's actually,

that's really good advice, I must say.

- It must be, if you must say.

Did you write yourself?

- No, I just know what I want.

- Hey, do you mind reading my,

my script when I'm done?

(door softly clatters) Okay.

(Douglas softly whistling)

(ominous music loudly building)

- [Dan] Whoa! Whoa!

(Dan softly laughing)

- You're so strong, oh my god, hey, hey.

(dramatic pounding drowns out Veronica)

- Let me ask you, let me ask you, are you a Kenny G fan?

- Yes.

- You like Kenny G?

- I love Kenny G.

- Are you serious?

- [Veronica] Yes!

- Oh my god, Douglas, you sandbagging son of a bitch.

You're holding out on me, huh?

I see, you're trying to keep all the good shit to yourself.

You're amazing. (Veronica loudly giggling)

Oh my God.

Your face right now, it's like you,

tickled his O-ring mid stroke.

You okay?

Okay, well this has been a good talk.

I will talk to you guys later.

See ya.

- Douglas, what was that?

Is this about last night?

(ominous music softly building)

- I don't see any eggs, Vee.

She said you're going to the store to get some eggs.

You guys having too much fun to get eggs?

- The store was closed, the hours must've changed-

- Must've, mm-hm.

You know what, let's go down there together right now,

me and you, we'll see if they have eggs.

- Okay, maybe you need- - I want eggs, I really want-

- A little space or something- - Some eggs right now.

- To do whatever it is you need to do to normalize but,

I don't know what to say to you.

(car softly honking)

- [Douglas] Hey.

- You startled me.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm going to the general store, do you want a ride?

- [Pia] No.

- Eggs.

They didn't come back with any eggs.

So I'm gonna go get some eggs.

If you...

- Open.

- Oh, shit, I'm sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- No. - Shit,

I'm sorry, yeah, perfect.

I'm sorry, I'm just really in my head right now.

(radio softly clicks) (soft moody guitar music)

(radio softly clicks)

- Learn to love the quiet.

It has so much to show you.

(birds softly chirping)

Only keep the important one.

Speak only good?

- Speak no evil.

- Sure.

- They have a,

there's a fair in the square every fall.

I won that the first time we came up here, me and Veer.

We used to come up here

as a place to escape everything.

Now it just seems like we come up here to hide.

But yeah, I guess I did, I did keep the important one.

Speak no evil.

- Only good.

- Only good, when I can.

Let's go.

(women softly chattering) - There's no way, yeah.

- [Woman] Yeah, and you didn't know about it?

- [2nd Woman] No.

- [Woman] Oh, yeah.

- [2nd Woman] My husband (women softly chattering)

- [Woman] Oh, I'm glad he let you come here.

- [Woman 2] Yes, yesterday was beautiful anyway.

- Aw, thank you. - So I can't wait

to see you again.

- Oh, you too. - Thank you so much.

Nice to see you, bye.

- Nice to see you too, bye.

- Hi. Dee Dee.

- Douglas.

And friend?

- This is Pia.

Can I call you friend?

- I don't know, can you?

Pia.

- Dee Dee.

- Close friend, she and her husband are her for,

I don't know, just to get away from the city for a bit.

- Oh, how are you liking it?

(speaking French)

- Great.

- That's French.

- Oh, well, what can I do for you two?

- Just gonna get some supplies.

Hey, Vero was here earlier,

she said you guys were closed, that,

you change your store hours?

- I was here a couple minutes late,

but the store has the same hours.

(soft ominous music) - Okay.

Okay.

- Yeah.

- We're just gonna go get the shit

that we're supposed to get.

- All right, you go ahead, hon.

(Pia speaks French)

That's a nice shirt, I like it.

- Thanks.

(soft ominous music)

Do you mind if I stop for a second?

(speaking French)

- For me, it's wheat bread, prosciutto,

and a two-minute egg.

(speaking French)

I can live without the prosciutto today.

(speaking French)

- How well do you know Dan?

- How well should I?

- You married him.

You should know him the best.

- Then that's how much I know him.

- Is that enough?

- For me it is.

The trouble you're feeling,

is about Veronica?

- Yeah.

- Is it something she's done?

Or something you think she has done?

- I don't know anymore.

- When do you?

Two things we should never get angry with,

things we can change, and the things we cannot change.

- That doesn't make any sense.

(Pia softly laughs)

- What if it wasn't us that needs to know them well?

- Oh, your egg, um-

- Two-minute egg.

- Not a word of this to Veronica, okay?

- Ooh, a secret.

(ominous music loudly building)

(music drowns out Dan) - No.

(Veronica softly giggles)

- Oh, hey, guys. - Hi.

- Hey, babe.

You good?

- Yeah.

(Douglas and Dan softly chuckle)

- All right, come on.

- I normalized, so, yay.

- Okay.

- Look, look, but I, look, I'm,

I'm sorry, dammit, okay?

I'm sorry.

Look, I don't know what I'm doing here.

I'm not the jealous type, you know that.

- "I, I, I."

You really wanna show me you care?

Think about me first, for once.

(ominous music softly distorting)

- All right, so I'm thinking about brownies,

you guys want some brownies?

- Yeah.

- [Dan] All right, babe, you're gonna cook

some brownies for us?

- [Pia] Yeah, sure.

- [Dan] Okay, come on, get over here.

She's hot, she's gonna make some brownies.

- I like this.

- Oh, thank you.

- "I, I, I."

You really wanna show me you care?

Think about me first.

- Danish? - Danish, yeah.

- She says danish, I don't understand.

Yeah, but it's good, it's a one-day trip,

wine-tasting, it's fun, it's up in Santa Ynez.

Babe, Santa Ynez?

- I don't know, baby.

- Spain.

(ominous music building and distorting)

- [Veronica] "I, I, I."

Think about me first.

- I swear to god, listen, listen, listen.

So, you remember this?

Gary comes and he kicks open the goddam door,

and he's holding his cheeks together,

he's like, "Where's the shitter, where's the shitter?"

He's gonna shit all over himself,

I promise you. - No.

- Stop the press.

Holy shit.

From a bearded clam to a Brazilian-waxed beaver, whew!

Your puss just keeps getting prettier and prettier, baby.

Come on in and sit down, come on, come on,

sit down, the new man, huh?

I saved ya some, oh my god, Hollywood, Hollywood!

Hey, man, welcome back.

You lookin' gorgeous, Tom Cruise, I like it.

You guys throw a great party.

You must excuse me, I think I've had too much of this.

There he is, there he is, Hollywood, Hollywood!

Did I put it down or did I put it down?

- You put it down.

What?

- No, man, I love you, I love ya.

I'm gonna go take a piss.

- Dan. - Thanks.

- What? - TMI.

- Listen, what I coulda said is I'm gonna take a dump,

but we just ate. - Oh, wow.

- I'm not gonna be weird.

I'll be back, you guys.

- [Veronica] Sorry, your lips,

your lipstick, I'm loving that shade.

It seems hydrating but not wet,

and your lips look so full.

- It's not a lipstick, it's a gloss.

- Oh, what brand? (phone softly vibrating)

Oh, I'm sorry, I have to take this.

Hello, this is Veronica.

- It is a lipstick, I think.

- Really?

- Now we have two secrets.

- The owner put that chair there

like six months ago, it's new.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, they made it to look old, but it's new.

- I like the, um-

- Oh.

Thanks.

Been a long time.

- Yeah? - It feels good.

- Great.

- It looks better though, right?

- Why'd you shave it?

I never told Dan I didn't like it, by the way.

- No? - No.

It looks good.

Not better, but good.

(soft music)

I think I should go.

- But do you though?

- Yeah.

- Veronica.

- [Dan] Veronica!

Veronica, Veronica!

- Here's the one I was telling you about.

- No, I couldn't.

- Yes, you could, and you should.

It's gonna look much better on you.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, your skin tone and the warmth of it, definitely.

- Okay.

- Oh, may I?

It's okay, it's okay.

Perfect, come, I have so much more to show you.

- Thanks for getting Dan to come up, by the way.

I don't know if I said that

with everything going on, it's just...

- He misses you guys, even if he won't say so.

I miss him too.

And you.

- How have things been since the funeral?

- Hard sometimes, he feels guilty, like it's his fault.

(Pia speaking foreign language)

- What?

- Beautiful, more beautiful than when,

when Lance tried to kill you at the Hollywood sign.

- Oh, on the show.

That episode was over 10 years ago, so I doubt that...

Oh my god.

- Hey, I'm making mix.

Dougie, hey!

- What's that?

- This is a, it's called liquid courage.

Little potion I'm making.

You want?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

You, you just go wait for me,

I'll be out in a second, all right?

Yo, you think I'm gonna roofie you?

Listen, if I wanted to fuck you,

I'd want you to see it coming, man.

Every inch, balls deep, leaving my DNA all over your walls.

Yeah, just go out, I'll be out in a second.

I call this A Goddam Shame.

- Why?

- I don't know, that's what it's fucking called, man.

Spiced rum, mezcal, spiced Clamato, it's genius.

Hey, what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

I take off my cleats to jump on a trampoline.

(Dan loudly laughs) Come on, bro, come on.

There was a time, man,

you woulda pissed yourself at that joke.

So, what do you think about Rob?

- Dan, I'm not going back.

- I know, I know, I know, but just, come on, just humor me.

- Better than you. (Dan loudly laughs)

- He's better than me?

Fuck you, man.

The day I take shit from this job's the day I walk away.

But seriously, man, like as a manager.

- As a manager, he's adequate.

He's a better salesman than a manager.

- I don't know, it's kind of like

that script you wrote about us, bro.

- Dan, I've already told you, it wasn't about you.

It was fiction.

- Fiction my diction, man.

- That's not even a sentence.

- Anyways, look, it doesn't matter, anyways.

So hey, you remember, you remember the circle, right?

- Yeah.

- Okay, so we're in the circle and we're talking

about this pipeline and this guy and Rob starts Jonning on

about a fucking job he's working.

- Get the fuck outta here.

- No, I'm serious, and this guy doesn't talk about shit

unless he's closing a deal and he knows he closed it.

But there Rob was, out of character,

sweating like a blind bull dyke in a fish market.

Apparently the office manager was a chink.

- No, no, no. - Mm-hm, mm-hm.

And you know what they say, chink's a jinx, Dougie.

Those slanty-eyed, abacus-loving fucks.

They see right through us, guys like you and me,

see right through us.

I'm talking about Rob, never needed advice

in the history of motherfucking advice, until he did.

Kinda like you, man.

So I'm gonna tell you what I told him.

Bail.

They can see you coming, buddy.

Doesn't matter by hook or by crook,

you ain't gonna get what you want, not the way you want it.

(soft ominous music)

Hey, what do you do when I look you in the eyes

and I tell you that I can see you coming?

(ominous music loudly building)

(Dan loudly laughs)

Your face right now, man.

Like someone took a shit in your hat.

Oh anyways, the deal Rob was working,

he lost a shirt, we all did.

But...

Some fucking guy caught up with him in the parking lot

and he just beat the fuck out of him, like fucked him up.

His eyes hanging out of his fucking head,

his nose smashed in, man, blood everywhere, fuck.

Was crazy, man.

But I guess, you know,

that's the price you pay for what you want, right?

What did that douchebag, Pakowski, say?

"Find what you love and let it kill you."

Doug, whatever it is you're chasing, I hope you love it.

Cheers to you, motherfucker.

It's A Goddam Shame.

- May I?

Do you like yourself,

who you are today?

- Kinda have to, wouldn't I?

- I mean there's...

Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

What if you spent your entire life

running away from who you were

only to realize that you were running towards it?

- I'm not the same person I was.

- No?

(soft ominous music)

So the truth is not that Dan ate your lunch

and now you want to eat me?

He shoved his cock so deep into her, you know?

The surprise in her face.

He loved it,

watching her discover every thick,

veiny inch until he exploded in her.

And she came too.

So many times.

More than with anyone else.

More than with you.

(ominous music loudly building)

She loved it.

In fact, she liked it so much that...

She only thinks of him when she's with you.

And here you are, trying so hard to make her come.

But she only comes when she's with you thinking of him.

(ominous music loudly intensifying)

- What's going on?

Dammit, Pia.

Would it matter if I said it doesn't mean anything?

No?

I mean, it's just, have you seen the cock on that guy?

(softly laughs) You have, haven't you?

Then you know

after him,

you're not enough.

- The new you is the old you

with a sensitive stomach and no fangs.

He can still bite if you want to, I know it.

Just fucking do it.

Do it.

Do it.

(soft tranquil vocal music)

(loudly descending into haunting vocals)

- Dan!

You're so good!

- Mwah! Wow.

That's all it takes to get your wife

to scream my name, Dougie?

I wish Pia were that easy.

Babe, what?

All right, well, I know this is a dangerous proposition but,

Dougie, do you wanna chose the wine?

- Sure. - Okay, stop.

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking chicken, white wine,

but that's poor critical thinking.

This is roasted chicken, it's dark meat.

So pairs red with the red.

It pairs good with the red.

Come on, chop, chop, hurry up, buddy.

- Okay.

- Why don't you bring them both?

- [Douglas] Okay.

- So, we're going to the canyons.

- Pinot grigio, please. - I think it'd be cool

if you came with us.

- I would love to go.

- Oh, top me off, buddy, thank you.

- Babe. - Thank you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Sorry about that.

- It's okay, it's okay.

He was a dunce in class.

So Dougie, what's this strip you're writing?

- Script.

- Script?

- You said strip, it's script.

- Did I say that? - Yeah.

- Well, you know what I mean, right?

All right, so Vero tells me that it's about a heist.

(Dan softly laughing)

I thought you were supposed to write what you know, man.

What the fuck do you know about a robbery?

- I guess about the same as you.

- There he is.

Okay.

All right, well,

you know, it's funny 'cause

Veronica tells me that you're in a jam

and you're stuck and you can't get out of it.

I just, you don't wanna flap your gums about it, it's fine.

I'm just, see what shakes loose, just say so.

- [Douglas] So.

- [Pia] Dan, stop it now.

- All right. - Dan-

- No, no, no, no. (Pia whispering in French)

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this guy's

rockin' is granny panties. - He doesn't wanna

talk about it. - Listen, Doug knows,

Dougie knows me.

If he wants to tell me to fuck off,

just tell me to fuck off.

- It's okay.

I can, let him talk, Pia.

So Dan, what is my jam?

And how can I fix it?

- Should I? - Yeah.

- Look, I'm just here to help, buddy.

If you don't wanna talk, you don't talk,

I just wanna help, right, Vero?

- Yeah, he really does.

- Dan wants to help me?

Dan wants to help me?

Dan wants to help me?

(Douglas softly laughing) - Yeah, I'm just,

I'm just here to help you out, buddy.

(Douglas loudly cackling)

- Dan wants to help me!

That's so awesome.

I love it, I love it, I love it.

(Douglas loudly cackling)

I'm so lucky. (softly mumbling)

(Douglas loudly cackling)

Dan wants to help me.

Dan can't even help himself.

- [Dan] Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop.

No, finish, Dan can't do what?

- Help yourself.

- [Dan] What can't I do?

- The first thing they teach you in Sales 101-

- Yes, it's three yeses-

- I'm fucking talking to you!

- [Veronica] Douglas.

- Sorry, yes, it's the three yeses.

The last thing they teach to a fucking retard

who doesn't grasp the basic rudimentary, fundamental

nuances of sales is, guess what,

those same three goddam yeses, and you know why?

Because it doesn't take intelligence.

It doesn't take skills.

It doesn't take creativity.

It doesn't take a fucking functional brain.

All you have to do is think of three things.

Three, three little things

that can make someone say yes.

And you get them in the habit of saying yes.

Like for example, is Dan a fucking idiot?

Yes.

Is Dan a piece-of-shit-motherfucking-lowe

fucking-cocksucker liar?

Yes.

Is Dan the worst salesman

in the history of motherfucking history?

Well, you guys probably don't know the answer

to this question but I'm gonna lead you

in the right direction, okay?

Follow me, the Wasserman account.

I had that lead first, right?

We can agree on that.

- That's right. - I took a run at it

and nothing clicked, so then I left the company

and did Rob give it to you, Dan?

Fuck no.

Rob wouldn't give you a fucking lead with fucking shit, man.

You fucking choke on fucking water, you fucking simp!

(ominous music softly building)

No, Rob gave it to, remember Rubin?

And then he gave it to, I think it was Scott.

And then every motherfucking hand

in that motherfucking company touched that motherfucker.

So then, Rob give it to Dan.

What could go wrong?

I mean, I've already, I don't have any expectations here.

So you got your fucking hands on it.

And you fucking hack.

You took my shit, my tools to get in

and you're luckier than a fucking dog with two dicks.

You're lucky because Wasserman came in when he did.

Look at me.

You got shit on.

That's all you did, you got shit on,

you got lucky and you didn't fuck it up, Dan!

Congratulations, Dan.

That's, I think, the truth.

If I'm not mistaken, we're all friends here, so.

- Yeah, I guess,

I guess we are friends, yeah. - Yeah,

so is Dan the worst fucking salesman

in the history of fucking salesman salesman sales,

are you a bad fucking salesman?

Yes, you are.

I stomach you because I like Pia.

And for the life of me, I can't figure out

what the fuck she sees in you.

Are you a hostage?

Tell me right now.

Blink twice for yes and once for no, just fucking blink.

I mean, literally, what do you fucking see in this guy?

Motherfucker said red.

- I'm so sorry.

- Well, you said it yourself.

He's 1000 times more obnoxious.

- So he had it coming?

You think what he did makes you even?

- Fuck even.

Just one more day, right?

- I know he can be a lot sometimes

but he's a good friend.

- He is?

A good friend?

- He drove all the way out here for you

to be here for you, can't you see that?

- Drop the act, Vero.

(soft haunting piano music)

What's that?

Why is the picture under the dresser again?

What the hell?

I'm gonna take it that wasn't lost, right?

- No.

- You wanna talk about it?

- I don't.

Normally, I'm an open book, but I just,

I can't do this right now.

- Obviously not.

You know, but this is us.

This is what we wanted.

- It's the us you wanted.

And there's nothing wrong with that

but have you ever really looked at that picture?

How happy do I look?

Or do I look like someone who's life is about to be over?

Do you know what kind of jobs aging soap actresses get?

Not the ones that are hot moms

but the ones they just age?

Trick question, they don't get any.

In that weekend,

the network randomly decided to make me the mother

of a 16-year-old.

- So?

- I don't want to be anyone's mother.

I'm Kendall fucking James.

- You're not.

- I am.

And overnight I'm 16 years older

with a life I never wanted.

And you made me celebrate it.

- When I look at that picture I see the beginning of us.

I don't see this.

All this.

That guy downstairs,

I just...

You didn't like what I did for a living and I quit my job.

You didn't like who I was as a person.

And I became this.

You don't like the way I make love.

I'm not even in my own skin anymore.

Why aren't I enough?

Why aren't I enough?

- Because I want more.

- Like Dan?

- Yeah.

Like Dan.

I told you I didn't wanna talk about this.

(soft haunting music)

- Sorry.

- Oh, it's fine.

- Didn't know you were here, I would have-

- You'd have stayed in the bedroom?

(both softly chuckle) Thirsty?

(soft muffled jazz on stereo)

- I read your script a little bit.

- Oh, yeah?

What'd you think?

- It's who you are today.

You weren't in the same when you wrote the other one.

It reads like it.

- Is that good or bad?

- It's honest.

May I?

- Oh, please.

- Hmm, it's good.

- What, the script or the?

- Okay, so, what does Jacques want?

The money, the girl, or to get away?

- Well, one doesn't work without the other, so.

- That's not true.

If that's really what he wants,

he's in a pickle.

What, it's not the way to say it?

- No, it is, it's, go on.

- Okay, so the police surrounds him

and he's got the money.

But if he takes it, he loses the girl

because she doesn't like stealing.

But in your setup he needs the money, always has.

- Yes.

- And there, the girl comes along

and he really wants her bad, infatuation?

- It's more than infatuation, I think.

- And the police threatens

to take both possibilities away.

- That's the gist, yeah.

- Okay, so for me, it's clear.

He needs to pick one.

Stability, desire, or freedom.

- How? You can't.

- Why are you so afraid to choose?

It's only the choice he's making him in that moment.

Okay, let me help you choose.

Let's try stability.

- Why stability?

- Because the cost of stability

is diminished opportunity to grow.

- Says who?

- Sheryl Sandberg, for one.

- Who's Sheryl-

- Just choose opportunity to grow.

- I'm just afraid I'm gonna make the wrong choice.

- There is no wrong choice, if it's honest.

(soft music)

Excuse me.

♪ Oh my dear please would you be mine ♪

♪ We could do what love is all about ♪

♪ Oh my dear please hold my hand ♪

♪ This is all I want, this is all I need ♪

♪ Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-Ooh

♪ Oh my dear please walk with me ♪

♪ Until the sun rises back again ♪

♪ Oh my dear please take forever ♪

♪ Time will tell what love is all about ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh (record loudly clicks) ♪

(soft ominous music)

What are you doing, Douglas?

- Making a choice.

It's not wrong if it's honest, right?

You want this too, right?

What just happened?

- You are who you were today.

- The same little guy with a,

with a sensitive stomach and dull fangs?

- You said it, not me.

(soft haunting piano music)

(haunting music softly building)

(soft dramatic orchestral music)

(birds softly chirping)

- You guys up?

- He's still sleeping.

- I'm gonna go for a run.

You wanna join?

- God no, I don't run unless I'm being chased.

- I don't think he will be up for breakfast.

- Copy that.

Surprised you're up.

- Yeah, me too.

Did you make coffee?

- I did.

- Oh, oh, you got it?

- Yep. - Thank you.

- Hey, you seen Pia?

- She went for a run.

- Dougie?

- No.

- He came to bed last night though, right?

Hey,

Are you guys okay?

- Not sure.

(soft ominous music)

- Hey. (Douglas loudly breathing)

I've been coming up here for all these years

and I've never seen this before, it's crazy, huh?

I think I know how it ends now, my story.

- Yeah?

- Yeah. - You've written it?

- No.

- So how do you know?

Things don't always go the way we want, Douglas.

- Yeah, I'm picking up this subtexty vibe

that I'm hoping is just that, a vibe.

(Pia softly mumbles in French)

Hey wait, wait, wait, wait!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait wait.

I mean, can we both agree

that I'm walking off a cliff here?

Like Wile E. Coyote and I'm looking down at the same time?

- No one asked you to do that, Douglas.

- He's, that advice!

I mean, you came on...

I'm sorry, I'm, I'm scared, Pia.

Like I don't, I'm afraid to do anything about this.

About, about anything in general.

So I do nothing, I don't do anything.

I just, that's probably why I don't do anything.

I just, I just don't do anything.

You know, life has a way of kicking your fucking teeth

down your throat, you know what I mean?

You don't know which way is up or down or sideways.

So you don't do nothing.

You just sit there, you don't do nothing.

You get to feel okay though, that whatever life gives you,

you just, you just accept it.

I mean, I haven't been doing,

haven't been doing, I've been doing nothing

since I left Barossa since I met Veronica.

But then you, you showed me.

- I didn't.

- You showed me.

- It was about the story, Douglas.

- It was about me.

The first time in a very, very, very long time,

I am going to take control of my life

and I'm gonna let,

I'm gonna hold the reigns

and I'm choosing what happens to me.

What happens next.

- Yeah?

So tell me, what happened next?

- You, I don't care about stability.

I don't care if we get away with it.

Fuck Dan, fuck Veronica.

Whatever happens happens.

As long as you're with me, I just,

I don't care what happens next.

I don't.

You're my wanton want.

- [Dan] Dougie!

- [Veronica] Douglas!

(soft ominous music)

- Stop pursuing, Douglas.

- Us, or this, or you?

Don't you want this?

Don't you want this?

You know you want this. (Pia speaking French)

(ominous music building)

(Pia softly screams)

Shut up.

(Pia loudly screaming)

- What the fuck?

- What the fuck?

(Veronica loudly screams)

- Fucker, what the fuck is wrong with you?

- You said you haven't been coming, brother.

And don't you dare fucking look at me like that.

You let that fucking shit in you!

Let him stick his shitty fucking dick in you!

- What the fuck are you talking about?

- He told me, he told me.

He told me that when he was on the couch, drunk.

"I'm such a good friend, Douglas.

"I'm sorry for fucking your wife,"

like you're still fucking Pauline.

- What do you want, man?

I'm not fucking your wife!

- [Pia] But you're still fucking Gary's?

- Pia, Pia, Pia, wait-

- Sorry. - Pia, Pia?

- It's true.

- You are right, I am not Kendall James,

because this, all of this would have never happened to her.

I mean, if it did...

- But Dan said that-

- I don't give a fuck what Dan said!

I didn't deserve this!

You are a fucking child!

Was it worth it?

All this?

Look at me.

Say it.

Say, "Yes, she was worth it." - Absolutely.

Every goddam second.

- Thank you.

I wish you the worst.

The absolute worst.

(car softly starting up)

(car softly driving away)

- It's just, okay, what if I get to Lebec?

How about to Grapevine?

What if I make it to Bakersfield?

So if I get to Bakersfield, you can get me?

No?

You know, there's a bus in a couple days.

Just forget about it and I cannot thank you for this.

All right, be well.

(soft haunting piano music)

Hey, it's me again.

I'll just take the loan ride, yeah, I'll pay for it.

Okay, great, thanks.

A minute?

I'll be downstairs, okay, bye.

- What's worse than a pile of dead babies?

The live one at the bottom trying to eat its way out.

(loudly cackling)

How the heaven are you, Dougie?

- I'm not Dougie.

And you're not you.

- And yet, here we are.

- You're not real.

- Come on, when has that ever stopped us

in this crazy tapestry of, you know.

Hey, where in Orion's Belt did I have that last?

- At the backroom, before you...

(soft music)

Why'd you do it?

- Why does anybody do anything?

'Cause it's time.

'Cause it needs doing.

When the show's over, they turn on the lights.

May I?

- Yeah.

- Just hang on.

You're good, brother.

(soft piano music)

(soft uplifting piano music)

(lightly knocking at door)

- Pia.

Pia, I'm so sorry-

- Finish that sentence and I'm out of here.

- Did you like what I-

- Did you care?

- Of course I, yeah.

No, I...

- Dan has the same pitiful look when he looks at me.

The shame of knowing that I know who you are.

That makes my pussy dry , Douglas.

- I just wanna see if you're real.

- Am I? - Yeah

(speaking French)

A sensitive stomach and dull fangs?

(speaking French)

I can't fix the man you've become, Douglas.

Only you can.

(speaking French)

"I'm sorry, Pia."

Yeah, you're sorry?

(speaking French)

You didn't happen to me, Douglas.

I happened to you.

(speaking French)

Yeah.

Sensitive stomach and dull fangs.

(speaking in French)

- I don't understand a word you just said.

- If you stop the story here,

you have your happy Hollywood ending, Douglas.

(soft music)

(soft piano music)

♪ Oh my dear please would you be mine ♪

♪ We could do what love is all about ♪

♪ Oh my dear please hold my hand ♪

♪ This is all I want, this is all I need ♪

♪ Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-Ooh

♪ Oh my dear please walk with me ♪

♪ Until the sun rises back again ♪

♪ Oh my dear please take forever ♪

♪ Time will tell what love is all about ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh, ooh-ooh ooh ♪