Original subtitles

♪♪

Whoa!

Gweeseek!

Gweeseek, get over -- Come on.

Whoa! [ Grunts ]

Huh?

♪♪

Mr. Martin: Welcome to Polite Pines Retirement Community,

where everything is pleasant,

everyone is considerate,

and niceness is necessity.

Polite Pines, where resting in peace is a way of life.

So, what do you think?

I'm sold.

When can I move in?

Whoa, slow down.

We must first make sure that you're Polite Pines material.

Our residents are nothing less than pleasant,

courteous, and even-tempered.

That's me to a T.

Tiggy: Ahh! [ Glass breaking ]

Oh! Huh?

Uh...

It wasn't me, Mrs. G!

It was a...uh...

A dinosaur!

You think you can lie to me?

I'll teach you a lesson you'll never forget!

Temper, temper.

A lesson about lying.

It's bad.

If you lie, your nose will grow,

just like Pinocchio.

Pinnocha-who now?

You've never read the timeless tale of Pinocchio?

No, can't say I have.

Well, then, it would only be polite of me to give you this.

Enjoy. You playful scamp, you.

Gee, thanks for the homework.

Blessed are the children.

I couldn't agree more,

and your grandson is adorable.

Why, thank you.

Wait, grandson?

Yes, your grandson. How precocious.

Well, actually -- Truth be told,

I was planning on throwing your application

straight in the trash.

But after that show of grandmotherly affection,

Polite Pines welcomes you with open arms.

Hot potatoes!

In fact, why don't you come see the facilities firsthand?

I'm sure our residents will delight

in meeting your grandson.

Oh, you want me to bring Tiggy too?

That won't be a problem, will it?

Oh, of course not!

Tiggy -- my grandson -- would do anything for me,

his beloved grandmother.

Pinocchio? Blegh.

Sounds like a snooze-fest to me.

A pop-up book?

No way!

"Pinocchio is a little dancing puppet

who wants to be a real boy.

When he lies, his nose grows!"

Oh. [ Chuckles ]

Whoa, weird!

"Ah ah! Lying's not nice, Pinocchio."

A whale?

This book has everything!

[ Sniffle! ]

Pinocchio got his wish.

[ Crying ]

He's a real boy.

Let's read it again!

And there was this talking cricket,

which I was like, "weird,"

but then I remembered Boss is a dog

and you can't get him to stop talking.

Oh!

Also, Pinocchio wants to be a real boy.

Which is weird, because I always thought

it would be fun to be a puppet.

And then the whale sneezes them out of its blowhole,

which makes me wonder,

are there tiny people inside of me when I sneeze?

Because that would explain a few things. [ Groan! ]

Tiggy, listen up.

Fitting in here is very important to me,

so I need you to be on your best behavior.

Mrs. G, you don't gotta worry about nothing.

Okay, c'mon, I'm coming through. Outta the way.

Please excuse me. Thank you.

[ Gasp! ]

♪♪

Be still, my beating heart.

[ Crackle! ] Code red! Code red!

Ahh!

False alarm, Reggie. It's just an expression.

Mrs. Grendelsons,

thank you for gracing us with your presence.

And I brought my sweet little Tiggy along, too.

[ Chuckle! ] Ooh, I love this page.

Ah, I see you're still reading your Gam-Gam's book.

Gam-Gam?

You mean Mrs. G?

Mrs. G? That's rather formal.

It stands for Mrs. Grandma.

No, it doesn't. Oh, look, Tiggy.

Ahh! Your favorite, butterscotch!

[ Muffled ] I hate butterscotch!

Don't talk with your mouth full.

Best listen to your grandmother.

Grandmother? Oof!

Careful, don't want to spoil your grandson rotten.

Mister, what the higgity-heck are you talking about?

Tiggy! That language!

Hasn't your grandma taught you better manners than that?

No, she hasn't,

because she is not my grandm--

Please, excuse us.

Someone needs their mouth washed out with soap.

It's good to see punishment is still alive and well.

Isn't it, Martha?

Please, I'm sorry I put my elbows on the dinner table.

Why's that yahoo think you're my grandma?

Well, because I may have told him that.

[ Gasp! ] Mrs. G!

That's a lie!

What are you doing?

Trying to see if your nose is growing.

Stop that! I am not a Pinocchio!

Well, I like my nose just the way it is,

thank you very much.

Come on, Seek. We're done with these lies.

Ohhh...

Tiggy, wait.

It's... not a lie.

It's not?

But that would mean that --

Yes.

I am your grandmother.

You are? Uh-huh.

Come here...

grandson.

[ Laughs ]

Grandma!

How come you never told me?

It never really came up.

Huh, I guess you're right.

Well, this is just about the best day of my life!

I always wanted a grandma.

Ohh.

♪♪

Whoa, babe alert, six o'clock.

Can't let her catch me without my wig.

[ Chuckle! ] Yeah.

[ Meow! ]

Okay, uh, lemme see. Get this right --

Hey, there.

Looking good, Carl.

Ahh. Still got it.

[ Purr! ]

Mr. Martin, I would like to present to you,

my new grandmama.

New? He flatters me so.

Uh, what's that?

Ooh, may I tempt you with some grade-A caviar?

Caviar?

How indulgent. I'm starved!

Eww!

This stuff tastes like crud!

[ Spit! ] Tiggy!

What, Grandma?

Is that the polite thing to say?

Oh, sorry.

This stuff tastes like crud, please.

Tiggy, I need you to be polite and say only nice things.

But that stuff was gross.

You don't want me to lie, do you?

Well, sometimes being polite means not telling the truth.

Sounds like a lie to me.

Pinocchio says --

I don't care what Pinocchio says!

You want your grandma to be happy, don't you?

More than anything in the world.

Then thank Mr. Martin for the crud.

I mean, caviar.

Thank you, Mr. Martin.

It was very, uh...

delicious.

You're very welcome.

Mrs. Grendelsons, I think you'll fit in here just fine.

Now, shall we?

[ Groans! ]

♪ La-dee-dee, doo-doo-da ♪

Gotta fix my hair.

♪ Zub-a-dub-a-dub ♪

Ah-ha!

Does anyone want my fruit cup,

'cause I've got all the sweets I need right here.

Carl, you make my heart flutter.

Code red! Code red!

[ Zap! ] Clear!

Ahh!

And here we have a cozy corner, perfect for knitting or crochet.

Would you like a sweater?

Yes, please.

What do you think?

I love it.

[ Chuckles uncertainly ]

[ Zoop! ]

Ohh...

And we have plenty of recreational activities.

Ahh!

What a lovely hat. Wouldn't you say, Tiggy?

Yes, Grandma.

It's, uh...

the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

[ Zoop! ]

Ahhhh!

I'm sorry, Grandma! I just can't lie anymore.

I want to be a real boy!

The food here tastes like stinky, old fish eggs!

This sweater has way too many arms!

And wee-oo, wee-oo!

Here comes the fashion police,

because that is the ugliest hat I have ever seen!

[ Gasp! ]

Tiggy, you apologize!

No, he's right.

This hat is ugly!

Why didn't anyone tell me?

I got crochet and croquet confused.

I want to do the one with the mallets.

I don't understand metaphor!

I'm bald!

[ Meow! ] What the --

Hey! [ Meow! Hiss! ]

I hate caviar!

I just eat it to look fancy!

Oh, yeah?

Well, listen to this.

I tricked that child into thinking I was his grandmother!

[ Gasp! ] Wait, what?

You mean you're not my grandmother?

Nope! Isn't that a whopper?

[ Laugh! ]

[ Sobbing ]

Poor child.

That is just the cruelest thing I've ever heard.

You're history's greatest monster!

Ohhh.

I suppose this means I'm not getting into Polite Pines?

Actually, we've got a place here that's just perfect for you.

Tiggy, I am sorry I lied about being your grandmother.

Anyone would be lucky to call you their grandchild.

Don't sweat it, Mrs. G.

After your horrible lies, everyone felt so bad for me

that now it's like I have 15 grandmas.

We baked you some cookies.

Well, Tiggy, I want you to know that

I may not be your grandma,

but I am your friend, and...

Tiggy?

And what happened next?

And then Pinocchio went to this island

and all the kids were bad, so they turned into donkeys.

Oh, I hate "Pinocchio." And there was this guy

[ Zoop! ]

♪♪

♪♪

[ Meows ]

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