Original subtitles

I don't know about you, but I'm the kind of person that can get

99 positive comments and then 40,000 negative ones

and only focus on those.

Why are we like that?

[music]

This is The Premise.

I hope you enjoy it and if not, I'm sure you'll know what to do.

This is, "The Commenter."

[music]

[birds chirping]

You're exactly where you're supposed to be.

Keep your eyes closed...

and focus on your breath.

No other thoughts enter your mind.

[dog barking]

The only sound you hear is the sound of your breath.

Breathe‐‐

in for four,

[wind chimes]

out for four,

and that's all you have to do.

That's all you ever have to do.

Now take your time.

And when you're ready, open your eyes.

Congratulate yourself on a meaningful practice today.

Namaste.

If you enjoyed your practice please follow me on Instagram

at craft your morning with a sip of yoga.

[camera sound]

Bang bang.

[laughs]

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm teaching Bear to play dead.

Bang, bang.

Yay. Good Bear!

With bang bang, Bear.

[laughs]

Seriously?

Why are steel‐cut oats healthier than other oats?

I mean, how do the oats even know

what they're being cut with?

I don't know, but I think you're funny.

[chuckles]

But for real, what is the difference?

Mm‐hmm.

What's this?

[chuckles]

Steel‐cut toast.

Because you are‐‐

Miss Generational Inspiration and you deserve to be

celebrating yourself and who you are.

‐ No, no, no. ‐ Absolutely...

‐ Every single day. ‐ I'm so gross and sweaty now.

Oh, it's not even a real award.

They just gave it to me for fundraising.

Shhh...

Can't I just love you?

Just listen to your toast, you are the fucking best.

[laughs]

I will see you tonight with the girls, okay?

Okay.

You go change some lives.

Have a good day.

Bye. I love you.

Je t'aime...

All right, listen up ladies.

I want you to close your eyes because

I'm about to blow your minds.

Now keep your eyes closed...

[laughs]

and I want you to try and scare yourself.

Come on try.

[chuckles]

See, being scared of yourself makes no sense.

You just have to listen to your inner voice.

Now, when you write this week's exercise,

I want you to remember that

there is no such thing as perfect.

There is only perfectly you.

Let's show our appreciation.

Huh?!

We show! (clap) our! (clap) great appreciation!

for the heroes! (clap) who help! our strength in education!

[camera sound]

[applause]

[music]

[notification sounds]

To Cleo.

[applause]

Also, to Naomi for getting into her

first choice medical school.

‐ Come on. ‐ Killing it!

[applause]

To Beth who spent all last weekend giving checkups

to rescue dogs, pro bono.

[laughter]

But, most importantly to my beautiful girlfriend Allegra or

shall I say, "Miss Generational Inspiration."

[applause]

Also, I got us a table at the Arts Alliance gala,

so we could go watch Allegra accept her award.

Who would I be without you guys?

[laughter]

Right.

Okay, hang on.

Smile like you mean it.

[camera sound]

[laughter]

Oh, I look terrible.

You look great.

[chuckles]

I really want to go to the‐‐

So, it's at the New Orleans Jazz Museum.

It's like creative black tie or whatever,

so no need to dress, you know, any fancier.

Okay, cool.

[music]

Hello.

Ah, I'm so sorry.

What?

Oh, what.

[crosstalk]

We need to go...

Avec toi?

Where?

[speaking French]

[television] Take it easy man, okay?

What are you doing, that is not his blood, that's so obvious.

You're going to have to go back to detective school

young man.

It's so dumb.

Come on.

What's happening?

She's going to get it but her partner is slowing her down,

that's really annoying.

What are you doing?

Oh, no, come on.

So, you saw it?

Yes.

Who do you think it is?

Who cares, just block them.

No, you're not supposed to block them,

that just stirs them up.

Just ignore it then.

You have the best smile.

Sometimes I worry it's like a grownup version

of a school photo.

[chuckles]

It's perfect.

I love that it's a little crooked.

It's my favorite.

I hate that there are these faceless weirdos on

the internet that try to ruin people's happiness.

It's crazy, you have like 99 beautiful, positive comments

and you choose to focus on the one negative one.

The one that's like, stupid baloney.

Don't do it.

Thank you.

I will protect you.

Check my email.

You have 22 unread messages from Dermstore.

Who gave you permission to be this beautiful?

Delete.

From Ayanna M., I love all these ideas.

Mark as unread.

Open those new messages for me.

New text from Sarah,

meeting Tinder girl after dinner, eyes emoji.

Sarah has changed the name of the group to,

excuse me, ma'am, this is a Whataburger.

[chuckles]

Check those new comments.

New comment from C101011, posing with little black kids

so everyone knows I'm a good‐‐

Am I doing this right?

These hashtags, is she teaching them to write,

or are they teaching her?

[music]

Hi.

Excuse me, we have an open‐door policy in this house.

I just need one second, sorry.

[music]

[chuckles]

That's a beautiful smile.

You have a beautiful smile, plus the light, oops...

I like that one from your account.

‐ How do I unlike it? ‐ Oh, just tap it again.

Isn't this supposed to be how I feel about the comments,

not whether you think the comments

are objectively right?

How do you feel about the comments?

That they are objectively right.

[chuckles]

That's a thought, not a feeling.

I feel...

Um...

seen‐‐

and respected.

You feel respected by these comments, these comments?

I feel like I'm being taken seriously, yes.

You have a loving partner.

You have an incredible supportive group of friends.

You have all these students that love and adore you,

yet you feel that a random stranger on the internet

is the one person telling you the truth about yourself?

Yeah.

Do you think you might be too close to all of this?

Sure, of course.

But they're not.

They're far from it, right?

If they don't know me?

Exactly.

So, I'm too close to it and they're too far from it.

Correct.

So, who am I supposed to listen to?

You listen to your heart.

I am listening to my heart but when I tell you

what my heart is saying,

you're telling me that I'm wrong.

[laughs]

You don't know the intentions of this source.

Well, what if they're good?

What if they're bad and they're still right?

People listen to all kinds of things.

Religion, horoscopes, tarot cards.

Nobody judges them.

This speaks to me.

Why can't I listen to it?

I know you feel you're struggling

but you're doing wonderful work here.

and you're exactly where you should be.

Can I have my phone back, please?

[music]

Hey!

Ooh, wow, hello.

Look at this runway model.

It's not too much?

No, we love.

No, no, never.

You look good.

What would I do without you guys?

Hi.

Ah, girl.

Do you really like it?

Listen, you were perfect and now, you're just perfecter.

Look at her.

Allegra 2.0.

That's my girl.

Look at her.

That's mine.

Oh, Okay.

What?

This...

This sleaze tilt.

If you want private phone time, no problem.

You just go like this.

This is legit.

This is sleazy.

Oh, great.

Legit. Valid.

[chuckles].

Hey, I really want to do this thing together that I read.

On Goop?

Not on Goop.

Something like Goop.

It's called a burn ceremony where you write down

all your fears and everything you want to let go of and

then you burn it in a fire together and

let go of everything.

What if I don't want to burn my fears?

Why?

Did I only choose my job

because I want to seem like a good person?

Where is this coming from?

I don't know.

Is this that troll talking?

Are you still reading that shit?

Allegra, you're literally about to get an award.

Miss Generational Inspiration.

Yeah‐‐

What is that even?

Were there other nominees?

Did I lose it last year?

Why do you let this voice get into your head?

Your life is amazing.

Everything is going so great.

They're obviously just jealous.

I know.

I know.

[music]

Hey, I don't know who you are and why you're writing to me but

I wanted to reach out and say, you're clearly in pain and

contrary to your beliefs,

I am a very happy person with a very fulfilling and

satisfying life and I hope whatever you're looking for,

you find it.

[background music]

I truly feel sorry for you.

You feel sorry for yourself, as you should.

Why are you obsessed with me?

Why are you obsessed with me?

You want me to seriously engage with that question?

I doubt you're capable of it.

Obviously, it's because I'm seeking validation.

You get validation everywhere.

You're not seeking that from me.

Think harder, if you can do it, which I don't know if you can.

Okay, I'm seeking an escape from mindless validation.

Oh, all right.

That's the intelligent Allegra I wanted to talk to.

Your life still sucks though.

You're all doing perfect.

You can do better than that.

Breathe and release anything that does not serve you.

I'm trying to see if I actually exist underneath

all this validation.

You're out of mind, by yourself.

Oh, see?

You're so much smarter when you're actually challenged.

Self‐love isn't selfish, it's important.

You know what?

Validation isn't a bad thing.

No one would ever be able to do anything worthwhile

without encouragement and support.

People would kill for friends like these,

for a partner like this, for a support system like this.

Sit, sit, sit.

Why do you care about me?

Are you someone I know?

I don't care.

It's easy to be honest when

you don't care about somebody.

And you know, unless you abandon your need for validation,

you will never become who you're supposed to become.

Allegra, we have a little trick for you.

You will never be free to be who you want to be,

who you could be.

You could be saying this to anyone.

I was bored and went back on all your posts,

way back when you wanted to be a writer.

What happened to that, Allegra?

Before you just wrote, "#Goals"

you actually had goals and wrote in full sentences.

Okay.

Every word you write, ask yourself,

"Am I full of shit?

Do I even have an inner voice or am I just

an echo chamber for other empty people?"

all of us looking for as many people as possible to say

something nice about us before we die.

Who are you posting for anyway, before I came along?

I wasn't posting for anyone.

Everybody posts for somebody,

consciously or unconsciously.

There's someone you hope sees it.

You can't post without picturing someone.

It's like coming.

[background music]

You know, what's fucked up is that

I read all these self‐help books.

That is fucked up.

That's wonderful, you're searching.

No, what's fucked up is even they'll tell you

that you're already great.

Believing in yourself is an essential part‐‐

Shouldn't there be two sections in the bookstore, like,

"How To Be A Badass Bitch" and the sequel is‐‐

"You Are A Badass Bitch".

You're funny.

Anyone ever tell you you're funny?

[chuckles]

Everyone tells me everything.

Sometimes you caption your photos like you're deathly

afraid someone's going to tell you're pathetic.

Did you realize you're not fooling anyone when you

pose in yoga gear, full makeup, and‐‐

The fact that you captioned a selfie,

"I stand with my AAPI brothers and sisters,"

kind of makes me think you don't have

any AAPI brothers and sisters.

Everyone's doing that above angle that's supposed

to be flattering‐‐

And, every time you talk about destroying capitalism you

usually buy something online later that day.

Why were you a better writer on LiveJournal at 16

than you are now?

See you Monday, Ms. Allegra.

You made me ask questions I'd never asked,

pointed out things no one had told me.

How come no one told me any of these things before,

because they couldn't see them or

because they couldn't say them?

Which is worse?

Hey, Meredith just texted and said you quit.

It's so weird that it's you who's doing this to me.

Everyone would think I'm crazy listening to some hater online.

I don't think you'd be listening to me unless you had to.

What do you mean?

You see someone rooting around in the trash,

you don't ask, "What are you looking for?"

You ask, "What did you lose?"

Mmm‐‐ toss.

Toss.

Donate?

So someone else can throw it out?

Oh, I actually like that transparent bag.

Yeah, that's legit.

I have the same one.

[music]

My love, the first time I met you,

the first‐‐

the first time I heard you speak,

I felt like I was hearing music for the first time.

Like the way it feels when you're 12 and

you hear a song that instantly makes you into an adult.

Have we been watching Garden State?

That cuts straight through everything else

right to your heart.

That one song that shows you who you are and

what you want.

You know what's funny?

You know what's funny?

Hey, you know what's funny?

You know what's funny?

You know what's funny?

[music]

It's a loser.

Who?

You know who?

It's some 300‐pound loser, sorry to fat shame,

in their mother's basement.

Sorry to income shame.

Gross, ugly, random, like‐‐

No, she isn't.

Male loser.

What the fuck?

Who do you think is sick in the head enough

to do something like this?

Don't insult her.

What?

So what?

You think it's some super hot, cool, sexy, awesome,

smart lesbian, and then what?

You're going to move in together and have babies?

Seriously?

What if she's straight?

It's not about that.

It's about being taken seriously.

It's about being challenged.

It's about being understood.

It's about being told the truth, finally.

By a stranger?

Yes.

That's fucked up.

What's fucked up is that it had to be a stranger, Beth.

All you do is gas me up.

You just tell me how perfect I am.

Is that all you're capable of,

or is that how honest you can be, which?

There's a lot I could say right now.

Oh, baby.

Lay it on me.

Tell me something mean and true.

Try.

You're not as smart as you think you are.

You have like this intellectual style.

Yeah, you're clever.

You're just‐‐ What?

So sorry.

It's just like watching a little girl play dress‐up.

I love you so much.

I love you so fucking much.

I wish I could tell you what was it like to make you happy,

but it's not.

I can't help it.

I think you're the best.

I think you're the smartest, the most beautiful,

the most exquisite person.

You're one in a million.

You're one in like 10 billion.

You want to know how many times I've played out

you leaving me for someone better than me?

All the time.

But for someone who hates you?

That's fucked up.

You can feel however you want about me.

Don't treat my love like this because that's unfair.

Please just stop punishing me for loving you.

I can't help it.

What am I doing?

Hey, hey, hey, come here.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Hey, you are the best.

It's fine.

No, it's a little burnt.

I like it when it's more golden and then it goes like this.

Okay, I am letting go of my guilt over the animals of

Hurricane Laura that I couldn't save.

I am letting go of my need for external‐‐

validation.

I am letting go of my little OCD around the house,

[laughter]

no offense to anyone who has OCD, of course.

I am letting go of the fear...

that there is...

someone I should be or something I should be doing

that isn't in the here and now.

Yes!

[laughter]

Um...

[background music]

I want to give you something.

What is this?

It's the commentor...

Um...

After I blocked them,

I hired this shady hacker to track them down and

find where they were logging in from.

So, that's their location.

Just a random person in a random office building

in Dallas.

[chuckles]

You got them blocked?

Yeah.

You did that for me?

Of course.

I'll do anything for you.

[music]

[notification sounds]

Smart people make you feel smart,

crazy people make you feel crazy.

I need to know who you are to know who I am.

[background music]

Her smile is as fake as her life.

Her smile is as fake as her life.

Her smile is as fake as her life.

[music ends]

Hey, is there a bathroom?

[screams]

I knew it, I knew it.

I knew it would be worth it.

I knew I would find you here and

I knew you weren't just a loser in a basement.

Did you ever think this would happen?

No.

Can I ask you just one question?

Okay.

What should I do with my life?

You want me, a stranger you just met in the bathroom

to tell you what to do with your life?

Yeah.

Are you listening to yourself?

That's a great question.

I just feel‐‐

I don't care what you meant, I care what I heard.

Let me just look at you.

What?

What?

You look like a troll,

like a pretty little troll.

But whatever else you think you are you're not.

Your whole life is just a sad reflection of the people you

choose to obsess over.

Thank you.

I needed to hear that.

I'm going to go now.

Okay.

I'll never forget you and um‐‐

thank you.

Fuck you.

I love you.

I love you.

[music]

I'm ready for a new job.

I don't really like kids.

I want to be a writer but I'm not that good at it.

I think I'll start a vintage store.

It's lame, but I don't care.

Beth is beautiful and sexy, but I'm sick of her.

I'm hungry.

Maybe there's a Sonic on the way back.

I love fast food on the highway, It always tastes better.

I wonder why? Huh.

That's what my inner voice sounds like.

It's a little boring.

[music]

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