Original subtitles

PRESTON: I'M PRESTON WAINWRIGHT AND THIS IS MY

MOM, AMANDA.

SHE'S A UNITED STATES POSTAL INSPECTOR, WHICH

MEANS SHE SOLVES ANY CRIME THAT USES THE MAIL.

MY DAD WAS AN INSPECTOR, TOO, ONE OF THE BEST,

UNTIL I LOST HIM AND THE USE OF MY LEGS IN A CAR

ACCIDENT.

NOW, I'M FOLLOWING MY OWN DREAM WITH AN INTERNSHIP

IN THE CRIME LAB AND THE HELP OF MY BEST FRIENDS.

TOGETHER, WE ARE THE INSPECTORS.

GEORGIA: CUSTOMS SEIZED THIS AT THE INTERNATIONAL

ENTRY UNIT AT DULLES.

PRESTON: THIS IS INCREDIBLE.

PRESTON: HOW MUCH DOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS COST

ON THE STREET?

AMANDA: WELL, EXTENSIVE POACHING HAS MADE THESE

VERY RARE, AND WITH RARITY COMES A HIGHER PRICE TAG.

BUT NO AMOUNT OF MONEY IS WORTH THE ACTUAL VALUE OF

ITS LIFE.

GEORGIA: YEAH.

YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED ELEPHANTS.

THEY'RE SUCH AN ADVANCED SPECIES.

I MEAN, THEY'RE EMPATHETIC.

THEY'RE SELF-AWARE.

THEY FEAR.

THEY LOVE.

THEY EVEN WARN EACH OTHER WHEN THEY PASS.

PRESTON: WELL, THIS ONE MUST'VE DIED DECADES AGO.

IT LOOKS AGENT.

GEORGIA: NO.

THIS ONE'S FRESH.

THEY JUST CHEMICALLY TREATED IT TO MAKE IT LOOK

OLD.

CARBON DATING TELLS US THIS TUSK WAS ON A LIVING

ELEPHANT JUST THREE YEARS AGO.

PRESTON: THREE YEARS?

ISN'T THAT A VIOLATION OF THE ENDANGERED SPECIES

ACT?

AMANDA: YES, AS WELL AS A MULTITUDE OF INTERNATIONAL

TRADE LAWS.

GREG: AND NOT TO MENTION STEWARDSHIP AND JUST BASIC

HUMANITY.

OKAY.

PRESTON, CAN YOU MAKE A NOTE ON THIS INSIGNIA.

NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT OUR FORENSICS PHOTOGRAPHER

CAPTURES EVERY INCH.

AMANDA: CUSTOMS CONFIRMED THIS TUSK WAS MAILED TO A

CYNTHIA REN,

GEORGIA: CYNTHIA REN, MS. COMMUNITY SERVICE?

AMANDA: THAT'S THE ONE.

LOOKS LIKE SHE JUST MADE OUR ENDANGERED SPECIES

LIST.

PRESTON: ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY WITH THIS?

AMANDA: OF COURSE NOAH CAN STAY HERE WHILE HIS HOUSE

GETS FUMIGATED.

COULDN'T TAKE MORE THAN A WEEK, WHERE'S THE REST OF

HIS FAMILY STAYING?

PRESTON: THEY'RE GOING TO FLORIDA.

BUT HE HAS TO STAY HERE BECAUSE WE HAVE OUR EXAMS.

AMANDA: HAPPY TO HAVE HIM.

PRESTON: GOOD.

GLAD YOU FEEL THAT WAY, BECAUSE I KIND OF ALREADY

SAID YES.

NOAH: WAINWRIGHTS, HEY.

PRESTON: HEY.

NOAH: THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I PLAN TO EARN MY KEEP.

MAYBE ONE NIGHT I COULD COOK A MEAL.

AMANDA: NO.

PRESTON: NO.

AMANDA: NO.

NO.

THAT'S OKAY.

PRESTON: IT'S GOOD.

AMANDA: WE'RE GOOD.

NOAH: YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

I'M BETTER AT EATING MEALS.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO PUT YOU GUYS OUT.

I CAN SLEEP IN THE GARAGE.

AMANDA : DON'T BE SILLY.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SLEEP IN THE GARAGE.

YOU'LL SLEEP IN PRESTON'S ROOM.

HERE.

LET ME GIVE YOU A HAND.

PRESTON: YEAH, MAN.

OUR HOUSE IS YOUR HOUSE.

AMANDA: WHOA!

LOOKS LIKE YOUR BACKPACK IS MOVING.

IS THERE SOMETHING ALIVE IN HERE?

PRESTON: YOU DIDN'T BRING WALLY, DID YOU?

AMANDA: WALLY?

NOAH: I COULDN'T LEAVE HIM AT THE HOUSE.

HE'D GET ALL FUMIGATED.

AMANDA: WALLY?

NOAH: I GOT TO GO BACK AND GET SOME MORE STUFF.

KEEP AN EYE ON HIM FOR ME, WILL YOU?

AMANDA: WALLY?

PRESTON: HIS PET BOA CONSTRICTOR.

[SNAKE HISSING]

AMANDA [WHISPERING] : JUST GOING TO GO WASH MY HANDS.

VERONICA: ARE WE GOING TO LET CYNTHIA REN GET AWAY

WITH KILLING INNOCENT ELEPHANTS?

CROWD: NO!

VERONICA: ARE WE GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?

CROWD: YES!

VERONICA: LET ME HEAR YOU!

LET'S SAVE THE ELEPHANTS!

YEAH!

CROWD: LET'S SAVE THE ELEPHANTS!

LET'S SAVE THE ELEPHANTS!

LET'S SAVE THE ELEPHANTS!

VERONICA: KEEP IT GOING!

CROWD: LET'S SAVE THE ELEPHANTS!

CYNTHIA: THESE PEOPLE ARE OUT HERE EVERY DAY.

AS IF THAT ISN'T BAD ENOUGH FOR BUSINESS, NOW

THIS SEARCH WARRANT?

CAN'T YOU GET RID OF THEM?

LAWYER: I'M YOUR LAWYER.

THERE'S A WARRANT AND THE WARRANT CHECKS OUT.

CYNTHIA: NO. THIS IS FOSSILIZED WALRUS.

THERE ARE NO REGULATIONS ON WALRUS.

AMANDA: PLEASE ADVISE YOUR CLIENT THAT THE SEARCH

WARRANT COVERS ALL IVORY ON THE PREMISES.

LAWYER: CYNTHIA REN IS A RESPECTED MEMBER OF THIS

COMMUNITY.

SHE IS THE CHAIRWOMAN OF THE LOCAL WOMEN'S BUSINESS

ALLIANCE, AND SHE VOLUNTEERS HER TIME AND

MONEY FOR AT-RISK YOUTH AND NUMEROUS OTHER

CHARITIES.

MITCH: OH, YEAH.

SHE'S A REAL HOMETOWN FAVORITE.

WE HAVEN'T ACCUSED YOUR CLIENT OF ANYTHING.

AMANDA: BUT THE ILLEGAL TUSK WAS ADDRESSED TO YOUR

CLIENT, AND WE TAKE THINGS LIKE THAT SERIOUSLY.

CYNTHIA: EVERYTHING I ORDER IS LEGAL.

I WAS TOLD THAT TUSK WAS OVER 100 YEARS OLD.

MITCH: WELL, THIS BRINGS UP THE ISSUE OF YOUR

SUPPLIER IN TANZANIA.

CYNTHIA: SUPPLIER?

I ORDERED THE ONE TUSK FROM THE GUY AND HE LIED

TO ME ABOUT IT.

MITCH: WELL, THIS SUPPLIER IS A KNOWN POACHER AND

POSSIBLE WAR LORD.

LAWYER: IRRELEVANT.

MY CLIENT WAS MISLED.

IT'S NOT A CRIME TO BE FOOLED.

MITCH: WELL, YOU CAN PLAY THIS HOWEVER YOU LIKE.

CYNTHIA: ANYONE CAN MAKE A MISTAKE.

I'LL BE MORE CAREFUL NEXT TIME.

MITCH: IF I MAKE A MISTAKE IN MY JOB, THERE ARE

CONSEQUENCES.

CYNTHIA: IF ANYTHING, I'M THE VICTIM.

I HAVEN'T HURT ANYONE.

MITCH: I BET IT HURT THE ELEPHANT.

CYNTHIA: I'M OUT A LOT OF MONEY AND I'LL NEVER GET

IT BACK.

AMANDA: THAT MONEY IS NOW MOST LIKELY IN THE HANDS

OF A MILITANT TRIBAL ARMY, OR A TERRORIST

ORGANIZATION.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?

MITCH: OR THE FACT THAT THESE POACHERS ARE

MURDERING PARK RANGERS WHO WERE TRYING TO PROTECT

THESE ANIMALS.

AMANDA: SURELY SOMEONE AS CARING AND ALTRUISTIC AS

YOU WOULD HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT.

CYNTHIA: EVERYTHING IN MY STORE IS LEGAL.

AMANDA: I HOPE SO.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

VERONICA: THAT'S IT.

I CAN'T ABSORB ANYMORE ANTHROPOLOGY TONIGHT.

I'VE STILL GOT A BUNCH OF SIGNS TO MAKE FOR THE

PROTEST TOMORROW ANYWAY.

YOU GUYS WILL BE THERE, RIGHT?

PRESTON: YEAH.

WE'LL BE THERE.

NOAH: IT'S A GREAT CAUSE.

WHAT WAS IT ABOUT AGAIN?

VERONICA: IT'S ABOUT THE EXTINCTION OF ELEPHANTS.

NOAH: RIGHT, AND WE'RE OPPOSED TO THAT, RIGHT?

VERONICA: I'LL SEE YOU GUYS TOMORROW.

PRESTON: VERONICA'S RIGHT.

I'M GOING TO PACK IT IN, TOO.

I WANT TO BE FRESH FOR THIS TEST.

NOAH: SOUNDS GOOD.

[PAPER SHUFFLING]

[DRAGGING ACROSS FLOOR]

PRESTON: WHAT IS THAT?

NOAH: IT'S AN AIR PURIFIER.

IT'S FOR MY ALLERGIES.

[WIND BLOWING]

PRESTON: IT SOUNDS LIKE A 747 IS LANDING ON THE

HOUSE.

HOW DO YOU SLEEP WITH THAT ON?

NOAH: EASY.

[POLKA MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY]

NOAH: VOILA, PROBLEM SOLVED.

[POLKA MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY]

NOAH [LAUGHING]: THAT'S FUNNY.

THAT'S GENIUS, RIGHT?

PRESTON: HEY.

ARE YOU EVER GOING TO GO TO SLEEP?

NOAH: OH, SORRY, DUDE.

I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS KEEPING YOU AWAKE.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

PRESTON: WHO COULD POSSIBLY BE HERE AT 12:30

IN THE MORNING?

NOAH: OH, MAN.

I FORGOT.

I'M SORRY.

I ORDERED A PIZZA.

DO YOU HAVE TWO DOLLARS FOR THE TIP?

[CHEWING ON POPCORN]

[DIGITAL BEEPS]

MR. DOWNING: IT'S NOT ENOUGH.

AMANDA: MAYBE WE OVERLOOKED SOMETHING IN

THE SEARCH.

MR. DOWNING: THEY TESTED IT ALL.

EVEN THE CHINESE WARRIOR DAGGERS ARE HUNDREDS OF

YEARS OLD.

EVERY PIECE IS LEGITIMATE.

WE CAN'T TOUCH HER.

AMANDA: WHAT ABOUT THE TUSK?

MR. DOWNING: SHE SAYS SHE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A FRESH

KILL, AND WE CAN'T PROVE OTHERWISE.

AMANDA: SHE'S LYING.

THAT WOMAN IS INVOLVED SOMEHOW.

I'M SURE OF IT, IF WE COULD JUST SET UP

SURVEILLANCE...

MR. DOWNING: AFTER A CLEAN SEARCH?

WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT AN EX-CON HERE.

CYNTHIA REN IS A PILLAR OF THE COMMUNITY.

AMANDA: YEAH.

I'VE HEARD.

I JUST DON'T BUY IT.

WHAT IF WE...

MR. DOWNING: AMANDA, I KNOW HOW HARD YOU'VE WORKED

THIS CASE, AND YOU'VE DONE EVERYTHING RIGHT.

NOW, I TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.

BUT WITHOUT MORE EVIDENCE, WE JUST DON'T HAVE MUCH TO

GO ON, AND YOU'VE GOT LOTS OF OTHER CASES THAT NEED

YOUR ATTENTION.

PRESTON: SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE BOLOGNESE?

AMANDA: HMM, MULTO BENE, DELICIOSO, MIRA GRACIE,

BELLA FACIE.

NOAH: TOTALLY.

PRESTON: SO YOU LIKE IT?

AMANDA: LOVE IT.

NOAH, WHAT DO YOU NEED?

PRESTON: HE'S LOOKING FOR KETCHUP.

NOT ON MY BOLOGNESE, MAN.

NOAH: OKAY.

OKAY.

WHAT ABOUT HOT SAUCE, HOW DO...

PRESTON: NO!

NOAH: OKAY, STRICT.

OH, BY THE WAY, YOU GUYS HAVE AN ELECTRICIAN,

RIGHT?

AMANDA: WELL, I'M SURE WE COULD GET ONE IF WE HAD

TO.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

NOAH: ONE OF THE PLUGS IN PRESTON'S ROOM IS BLOWN

OUT.

PRESTON: IT WAS WORKING FINE BEFORE YOU PLUGGED IN

YOUR LITTLE -- WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT THING?

NOAH: MY GROOMISTA 3000.

IT'S AWESOME, GOT TO LOOK SHARP, GOT TO STAY

COMPETITIVE.

AMANDA: RIGHT.

I'LL CHECK ON THAT.

[BELL DINGS]

NOAH: OH, TIME FOR ANOTHER LAUNDRY LOAD.

AMANDA [WHISPERING]: THAT'S THE FIFTH LOAD TODAY.

IS LAUNDRY A SIDE BUSINESS FOR HIM?

PRESTON: I KNOW.

HE'S DRIVING ME NUTS, TOO, ONLY FIVE MORE DAYS.

AMANDA: YEAH.

WE'LL GET THROUGH IT.

WE'VE MADE IT THROUGH WORSE.

[FOOTSTEPS]

PRESTON: I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT MR. DOWNING WANTS TO

TAKE YOU OFF THE CASE.

AMANDA: WELL, HE'S THE INSPECTOR IN CHARGE, AND

THE SEARCH OF CYNTHIA REN'S STORE WAS A BIG

DEAD-END.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE SHE'S A FENCE OR A MIDDLE MAN,

MAYBE SOMETHING MORE.

AT THE VERY LEAST, SHE'S HIDING SOMETHING.

PRESTON: YOU KNOW, VERONICA'S BEEN GOING TO

THOSE DEMONSTRATIONS.

SHE'S TELLING ME ABOUT THE POACHERS.

AMANDA: YOU KNOW, IT'S MORE THAN JUST ABOUT THE

ELEPHANTS.

THESE ARE REALLY BAD PEOPLE, PRESTON.

BUT, THERE ARE OTHER CASES I SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON.

PRESTON: WELL, IT'S LIKE DAD USED TO ALWAYS SAY.

NEVER GIVE UP.

SITUATION CAN CHANGE IN A MINUTE.

AMANDA: HE WAS RIGHT.

PRESTON: OH, HEY.

SO, VERONICA SENT ME THIS.

NOW, I KNOW YOU SAID IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT THE

ELEPHANTS.

BUT, COME ON.

AMANDA: OH, YOU'RE KILLING ME.

PRESTON: LOOK AT HIM.

AMANDA: NO.

HE'S TOO CUTE.

PRESTON: JUST LOOK AT HIM.

AMANDA: OH, I CAN'T -- OH, PLAY IT AGAIN.

PRESTON: HERE.

YOU HOLD IT.

AMANDA: NO.

OKAY.

AMANDA: THEY'RE SO LITTLE.

OH.

AMANDA: OH.

PRESTON: YOU KEEP WATCHING THAT.

AMANDA: I WILL.

OH!

NOAH: ALL RIGHT.

THERE'S NO REASON TO PANIC AND THERE'S NO REASON TO

UPSET YOUR MOM UNNECESSARILY UNTIL WE

HAVE ALL THE FACTS.

PRESTON: ALL THE FACTS?

THERE'S JUST ONE FACT.

THERE'S A BOA CONSTRICTOR ON THE LOOSE IN OUR HOUSE.

NOAH: SHHH.

OKAY.

HE KEEPS TO HIMSELF.

HE NEVER LEAVES THE BUILDING, AND, HONESTLY,

HE ALWAYS SHOWS UP IN A REASONABLE AMOUNT OF TIME.

PRESTON [WHISPERING]: WELL, HOW DO WE FIND HIM?

NOAH: CAN'T BACK THIS UP BIOLOGICALLY.

BUT IN THE PAST, HE HAS RESURFACED WHEN I PLAY

COUNTRY MUSIC AT HIGH VOLUME.

PRESTON: ALL RIGHT.

FOR THE MOMENT, I'M NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING TO

MY MOM.

BUT WE NEED TO FIND WALLY BY TOMORROW.

NOAH: OKAY.

BUT JUST REMEMBER, TO A SNAKE, THAT'S PROBABLY NOT

A REASONABLE AMOUNT OF TIME.

PRESTON [WHISPERING]: FIND THE SNAKE!

[CROWN SCREAMING]

VERONICA: GREAT SIGN, NOTHING LIKE THE SIMPLE

APPROACH.

NOAH: THANKS.

PRESTON: HEY, COME ON, NOAH.

LET'S GET A CLOSER LOOK.

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

MALE 1: YEAH, AND ALL THESE PEOPLE,,.

CYNTHIA: YEAH.

MALE 1: ...ARE YOUR FAULT.

CYNTHIA: NO.

THEY'RE NOT.

MALE 1: IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT THEY ARE HERE.

CYNTHIA: YOU DIDN'T DATE IT THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED

TO BE DATED.

ANYBODY WOULD KNOW HOW TO DO THE...

MALE 1: EVERYTHING WILL BE DONE RIGHT!

SO YOU JUST PAY ME THE MONEY THAT YOU OWE ME!

OKAY?

JUST PAY IT!

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

PRESTON: OKAY.

THAT WAS STRANGE.

NOAH: HATE IT WHEN YOU SAY THAT.

LET'S JUST GO BACK TO THE PROTEST.

PRESTON: NO.

COME ON.

PRESTON: WAIT FOR IT.

WAIT FOR IT.

[DOOR SLAMS]

PRESTON: BINGO.

PRESTON: NOW, THAT'S SUSPICIOUS.

NOAH: IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN STRANGE.

I ALMOST DIDN'T COME TO THIS TODAY, AND I

SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO MYSELF.

PRESTON: OH, THAT'S JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO

FOLLOW HIM.

NOAH: WAIT.

WE'RE FOLLOWING HIM?

PRESTON: YUP.

HEY, THAT'S A COOL NECKLACE.

WHERE CAN I GET SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

MALE 1: I MIGHT BE ABLE TO TRACK ONE DOWN FOR YOU.

PRESTON: CAN I SEE IT?

DO YOU MIND?

[RUSTLING OF NECKLACE ON SHIRT]

GEORGIA: PRESTON, CAN YOU MAKE A NOTE ON THIS

INSIGNIA?

PRESTON: YOU DID THIS?

THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.

NOAH: CAN I TRY IT ON?

MALE 1: YEAH.

THEY'RE NOT CHEAP, AND CASH ONLY.

PRESTON: ALL RIGHT.

SO HOW DO WE GET ONE?

MALE 1: WELL...

I HAVE A LITTLE STUDIO DOWNTOWN, IF YOU'RE REALLY

INTERESTED.

MALE 1: REMEMBER, CASH ONLY.

NOAH: THAT WAS INTENSE.

PRESTON: THAT WAS A GUILTY DUDE.

NOAH: I WENT TO A PROTEST AT THIS WOMAN'S STORE

TODAY AND SHE'S TALKING TO THIS GUY, AND HE'S KIND OF

SKETCHY.

HE'S WEARING THIS NECKLACE, HAS A PIECE OF

IVORY ON IT.

WHAT I NOTICED ON THE PIECE OF IVORY WAS THE

SAME DESIGN AS THE ONE FROM THE TUSK.

AMANDA: PRESTON KEITH WAINWRIGHT, YOU FOLLOWED

HIM?

PRESTON: WE WERE JUST GOING IN THE SAME

DIRECTION, MORE OR LESS.

AMANDA: YOU DIDN'T HAPPEN TO GET HIS LICENSE PLATE

NUMBER, DID YOU?

MITCH: YOU KNOW, I GUESS IF WE WERE STILL ON THIS

CASE, IF WE WERE, THEN WE'D RUN THIS GUY'S PLATE

THROUGH THE DMV.

GET A NAME.

CHECK HIM FOR PRIORS AND ANY TIES TO SMUGGLING,

RIGHT?

AMANDA: YEAH, IF WE WERE STILL ON THE CASE.

MITCH: UH-HUH.

AMANDA: ON THE OTHER HAND, THIS COULD FALL INTO THE

CATEGORY OF TYING UP LOOSE ENDS, AS WE GO THROUGH THE

PROCESS OF CLOSING OUR FILE.

MITCH: WELL, I DON'T KNOW THAT IT WOULD FALL,

NECESSARILY.

BUT IT COULD CERTAINLY SQUEEZE.

AMANDA: WELL, SQUEEZING IS NOT THE WORST OPTION.

MITCH: I THINK THAT SOMEBODY COULD DEFEND HIS

DUE DILIGENCE IN CLOSING A FILE.

AMANDA: ME?

THIS IS EITHER WE OR IT'S NOTHING.

MITCH: OH, IT'S NEVER A QUESTION, BOSS.

IT'S ALWAYS WE.

SQUEEZE AWAY.

NOAH [WHISPERING]: WALLY.

WALLY.

[SQUIRMING ON FLOOR]

PRESTON [WHISPERING]: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

NOAH [WHISPERING]: TO CATCH A SNAKE, YOU GOT TO

THINK LIKE A SNAKE.

PRESTON: COME ON, WALLY.

SHOW YOURSELF.

NOAH [WHISPERING]: ARE YOU CRAZY?

NOT SO AGGRESSIVE, YOU DON'T WANT TO SCARE HIM.

PRESTON [WHISPERING]: YEAH.

I'M REALLY NOT THAT CONCERNED ABOUT SCARING A

FIVE-FOOT BOA CONSTRICTOR.

NOAH [WHISPERING]: THEY'VE GOT FEELINGS, TOO.

PRESTON [WHISPERING]: MAYBE IF I WAS ANOTHER

CONSTRICTOR, THAT'D BE

GOOD TO KNOW.

COME ON.

JUST KEEP LOOKING QUIETLY.

I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP MY MOM.

NOAH [WHISPERING]: I FEEL YOU.

[BELL DINGS]

PRESTON [WHISPERING]: ARE YOU DOING ANOTHER LOAD

OF LAUNDRY?

NOAH: STUFF GETS DIRTY.

I DON'T WEAR ANYTHING MORE THAN ONCE.

YOU KNOW THAT.

IT'S LIKE A THING.

PRESTON: YOU HAVE A LOT OF THINGS, MAN.

NOAH [WHISPERING]: LIKE YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

PRESTON [WHISPERING]: I DIDN'T.

WE'RE KIND OF LIVING TOGETHER NOW, AND YOU GOT

STUFF PLUGGED INTO EVERY SOCKET IN MY BEDROOM.

YOU PUT KETCHUP ON EVERYTHING YOU EAT, AND

WHEN DO YOU SLEEP?

YOU NEVER SLEEP.

THAT'S OKAY AT YOUR HOUSE.

BUT IT'S NOT OKAY HERE.

NOAH [WHISPERING]: I KNOW I CAN BE A PAIN.

YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE?

PRESTON [WHISPERING]: NO.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE.

THIS IS LIKE YOUR HOUSE, TOO.

I'M JUST ASKING YOU TO BE A LITTLE...

NOAH [WHISPERING]: WALLY!

PRESTON [WHISPERING]: ...A LITTLE CONSIDERATE.

NOAH [WHISPERING]: OKAY.

I HEAR YOU BROTHER.

MITCH: YOU CAN HIRE AS MANY LAWYERS AS YOU LIKE.

BUT I ASSURE YOU.

YOU'RE NOT LOOKING REAL GOOD HERE.

A CONVICTED FELON WITH HISTORY OF SMUGGLING, AND

THIS NECKLACE WE BOUGHT AT YOUR STUDIO TIES YOU

DIRECTLY TO THE CARVING ON THE ILLEGAL TUSK.

[PLASTIC BAG CRUNCHES]

MITCH: THAT WAS CASH ONLY, RIGHT?

MALE 1: [SNIFFS SNOOTILY]

MITCH: YEAH.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

MALE1: ANYBODY COULD'VE MADE THAT CARVING.

MITCH: NOT ACCORDING TO OUR LAB.

LOOK.

YOU ARE LOOKING AT REAL PRISON TIME HERE.

HOW MUCH TIME DEPENDS UPON YOUR LEVEL OF COOPERATION.

MALE 1: [SIGHS] OKAY.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

AMANDA: IS THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU?

MR. DOWNING: YEAH.

HE'S DROPPING THE DIME.

MAKE SURE IT'S AIRTIGHT THEN GO GET HER.

LAWYER: I ASSUME YOU BROUGHT MY CLIENT IN TO

APOLOGIZE FOR THE MESS YOU MADE IN HER STORE?

IF NOT, I'M ADVISING HER TO FILE HARASSMENT CHARGES

AGAINST YOU AND THIS ENTIRE AGENCY.

MITCH: THAT'S NOT WHY WE BROUGHT HER HERE.

CYNTHIA: EVERYTHING IN MY STORE IS LEGITIMATE.

AMANDA: THAT'S TRUE.

WE JUST HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS ABOUT THE TUSK

YOU ORDERED.

CYNTHIA: [SIGHS]

I TOLD YOU PEOPLE.

MITCH: THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS FRESH.

RIGHT, WE UNDERSTAND THAT.

CYNTHIA: THEN WHY AM I HERE?

AMANDA: THE TUSK WE INTERCEPTED WAS THREE-FEET

LONG, THE WHOLE INTACT TUSK.

BUT THE ITEMS IN YOUR STORE WERE SMALLER PIECES.

WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THEM, CHACHKIES?

MITCH: TRINKETS.

AMANDA: KNICKKNACKS?

CYNTHIA: I DO NOT SELL KNICKKNACKS.

THE ART I SEE IN A WEEK IS, I'M SURE, WORTH MORE

THAN YOUR HOUSE.

MITCH: YOU KNOW, I THINK SHE'S IMPLYING THAT YOU'RE

POOR AND UNSOPHISTICATED.

AMANDA: OH, I'M PRETTY SURE SHE MEANS YOU, TOO.

MITCH: NO.

AMANDA: NOW, WHEN WE FIRST STARTED THIS INVESTIGATION

WITH FISH AND WILDLIFE, WE THOUGHT YOU WERE A MIDDLE

MAN.

BUT, WHY WOULD YOU HAVE AN ENTIRE TUSK?

LAWYER: AGAIN, WHY IS MY CLIENT HERE?

MITCH: BECAUSE SHE'S A CRIMINAL.

LAWYER: FOR THE LAST TIME, CYNTHIA REN IS NOT...

AMANDA: CYNTHIA REN IS A CRIMINAL.

AMANDA: DOES HE LOOK FAMILIAR?

THERE IS A WHOLE ILLEGAL TRADE OPERATION GOING ON

HERE, AND YOU'RE THE HEAD OF IT.

YOU IMPORT THE TUSK, CUT IT UP INTO LITTLE PIECES,

AND HAVE YOUR FLUNKY HERE TURN IT INTO...

MITCH: KNICKKNACKS.

AMANDA: EXACTLY, AND YOU THINK BECAUSE YOU

VOLUNTEER FOR A COUPLE OF ORGANIZATIONS THAT SOMEHOW

THE RULES JUST DON'T APPLY TO YOU.

CYNTHIA: SPARE ME THE HOW-COULD-YOU LECTURE.

AMANDA: HAVE IT YOUR WAY.

CYNTHIA REN, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT.

NOAH: WELL, LOOKS LIKE THAT'S IT.

THANKS FOR LETTING ME STAY, MAN.

SORRY EVERYTHING GOT CRAZY.

I'LL COME GRAB THE REST OF MY STUFF TOMORROW.

PRESTON: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

SPEAKING OF THE REST OF YOUR STUFF, WE STILL HAVE

A BOA CONSTRICTOR ON THE LOOSE.

NOAH: I'LL COME BACK EVERY DAY UNTIL WE FIND HIM.

PRESTON: GUESS THAT'S WHAT WE'LL HAVE TO DO.

NOAH: THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, BUDDY.

PRESTON: YOU'RE WELCOME HERE ANY TIME.

AMANDA: [SCREAMING]:

PRESTON & NOAH: WALLY!

AMANDA: TODAY'S EPISODE DEALT WITH ILLEGAL ITEMS

SENT THROUGH THE MAIL FROM A FOREIGN COUNTRY.

THERE'S ANOTHER MORE COMMON ITEM THAT COMES

ACROSS OUR BORDERS ALL TOO OFTEN, THE FOREIGN

LOTTERY.

IF YOU'VE EVER THOUGHT ABOUT BUYING THAT FOREIGN

LOTTERY TICKET AND WINNING MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, THINK

AGAIN.

MALE 2: IT'S ILLEGAL TO PLAY FOREIGN LOTTERIES IN

THE UNITED STATES.

UNLIKE PLAYING IN YOUR STATE'S LOTTERY, MANY

FOREIGN LOTTERY AGENTS TAKE YOUR MONEY AND DON'T

EVEN BUY THE TICKETS.

SOME SCAMMERS WILL EVEN TELL YOU YOU'VE WON AND

TRY TO CHARGE YOU A FEE TO COLLECT NONEXISTENT

WINNINGS, AND ONCE YOU PLAY, YOU'LL BE PUT ON A

LIST, AND YOU CAN COUNT ON RECEIVING MORE CHANCES TO

PLAY AND LOSE.

BE SMART.

DON'T TAKE A CHANCE ON A FOREIGN LOTTERY.

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