Original subtitles

? Someday, someday I'll come to you ?

? On a lovely... ?

Trimming Snowball's nails is not the easiest,

so thanks again, Lara.

I mean, not what I went to vet school for,

but it's fine. I don't mind doing a one-time favour.

- This one time. - Grand.

Lara is our best and only vet, so you behave, got it?

She doesn't answer. Although can you imagine what would she say?

- Can we get on with this? - (LAUGHING)

Yeah. That does sound like her. What a diva.

No. I mean, I've got to remove a dog's spleen in 10,

- so... - Right, right. Okay.

I'll let you do your thang.

(SNOWBALL WHINING)

(GROWLING)

Oh. Don't grip her paw too tight.

Sorry. My faux pas.

In my head, "pas" was spelled P-A-W.

(GROWLING, MEOWING)

- Oh, she, uh... - Uh, I did a surgical rotation in Tonga.

So I think I can trim your cat's nails without guidance.

Absolutely.

(GROWLING)

Um, yeah.

Okay. Is there a way that you usually calm her?

- I just stroke her ears. - Okay.

- I can show you. - Oh...

Wow. That is relaxing.

NIKKI: Why did Kristian schedule me for Friday night?

I specifically told you I don't work Fridays...

This is a weird place to work.

? I don't lose my cool ?

? I love to call you up ?

? And whenever I'm with you, my baby ?

? I keep my Fahrenheit ?

? Ah-ah-ah-ah ?

? I never lose my cool ?

- Someone will be with you shortly. - Okay.

Oh, Shannon? These are the Rosarios.

Oh, nice to meet you.

Any friend of Joy's is a friend of mine.

- Who's Joy? - I'm Joy.

We're here to get Baxter.

Oh, you're adopting one of our furry friends. Congratulations.

- Joy? - Hmm?

Sorry. Just a sec.

I thought you were helping the Rosarios.

Oh. No, no, no. I deal with numbers, not animals.

The last director, Todd, was very clear about that.

"Stick to your lane, Jane."

- He called you Jane? - Only the first three years.

Well, Todd is not here anymore.

I am. And everybody's got to jump in, get their hands dirty.

Team effort.

Okay. Wow. Exciting.

Uh, just two quick questions:

are the adoption forms in the back,

and do I have to give the animals needles?

Please don't give anyone needles.

We already filled out the application.

We're just here to pick up.

- Oh, thank God. - Congratulations again.

Okay. Well... right this way.

(CHUCKLING)

Good news about the needles, huh?

(WHINING)

What a sausage party.

I know I call everything that,

but Oktoberfest is the real deal.

I'm so bloated from that salty bratwurst

I can barely get my feet in my shoes. Hold on.

One sec. (RETCHING, GASPING)

Okay. False alarm.

Ugh. I'm never drinking again.

Oh, Nikki, I try to be positive.

Oh, can you hold on one sec?

I'm kind of on my break, so...

You came to work 15 minutes ago

and drank my green tea latt�.

Well, it's called self-care, and my morale is a bit low

'cause somebody scheduled me to work Friday.

Friday is one of the weekdays in which everybody works.

That's herd mentality.

And I'm trying, okay? But my feet are swollen,

I'm exhausted, and are you wearing cologne?

It's musk.

The animals bully me less when I wear it.

It's not helping. I threw up twice this morning.

- That's what that was. - Oh, God.

And now I have to pee again. It feels like someone's sitting

on my bladder.

- This is private. - Sorry.

No, I told you. I can't drink. No.

I got to put other things ahead of partying right now.

No. Of course I can have White Claws.

It's basically fruit punch.

(LAUGHING)

Thanks for these. A lot of information here.

Shelter board meeting and you're the chair.

- Don't want you winging it. - Oh, no chance of that.

Ooh. I started moving things into the condo. So exciting.

Yeah. I noticed all the boxes in the hallway.

Hoarder alert. Sometimes I fantasize about being robbed

just so I can downsize.

Don't joke.

- I've been robbed. It's not pretty. - You've been robbed?

- Yep. - Tell me who did it

- and I'll crush him like a grape. - Oh, no thanks.

It happened, like, a million years ago.

But imagine waking up to masked intruders in your apartment.

Oh, my God. In our building? Should I buy pepper spray?

- No. Different apartment. - (SIGHING)

Hugh and I had just started dating. I was in my room

when I heard these guys downstairs whispering.

"Come on, Peaches.

Leave the Architectural Digest, Peaches."

So, I grabbed a cordless massager

Hugh had bought me and I crept downstairs.

I have never felt so wired and yet... relaxed.

- And then what happened? - I smashed Peaches over the head,

then tripped his friend with the massager's charging station.

Oh, my God.

And I Bunzed the massager for a Vitamix.

I would die for a Vitamix.

Though I'm glad you didn't have to.

Hey.

Sorry. Don't mean to bother you.

Just need some signatures on cheques.

Sure, and then I might just have to get Snowball home

before her separation anxiety kicks in.

Uh, I feel that.

My mom gives me vitamins to calm me down.

Joy, those are benzos.

I don't know vitamins by name, but they sure take the edge off.

I don't understand. I left her right here.

(MEOWING)

Ah. There she is.

- Hiya, Snowy. - Uh, that's not Snowball.

Snowball is smoky white. This cat is mascarpone, at best.

And Snowball has got Persian ears, not oval.

She probably just looks different

because you're seeing her here and not at home.

Kind of like when you see a co-worker outside of work

and you panic and pretend to be a mannequin.

Joy, which cat did you give the Rosarios today?

Baxter.

Kind of grey-white, pale green eyes,

- pointy ears. - Joy, did you give away my cat?

- Oh, my God. - Joy!

- You told me I was ready. - Her name is on her collar.

Well, then, maybe it got buried in her mascarpone fur.

It's smoky white. Oh, my God. She's probably so scared.

Of course she's scared. She thinks you abandoned her.

Okay. That's not helping. Can you just call the Rosarios, please?

I will. And I'll make sure Snowball knows this wasn't your fault.

Except the whole bringing-her-to-work part, but...

Yeah. I'm on it. I'm on it.

- (EXHALING SHARPLY) - (MEOWING)

(GRUNTING)

Hey.

Maybe you shouldn't be carrying these heavy things.

- It's fine. - Of course, I am a feminist,

and normally I would never stop you

from carrying whatever it is that you want to carry.

But just maybe not right now.

Sweet. I'm out.

No. I didn't mean leave work.

Sit down.

I know that your feet are swollen.

Well, brought it on myself.

I just couldn't resist a sausage, you know?

Ah.

- Mmm. - Colourful, but yes.

I get it that your biological clock is ticking.

- What? - I'm sorry.

I heard you on the phone with your friend before,

and I hope I didn't stress out you

or the little life that you are carrying in there.

Oh, my God.

I know that it's early

and you're probably not telling people yet,

but as your supervisor, if there is anything you need,

now I get it.

The lethargy and the mood swings

and all the time you spend in the bathroom.

Yeah. Well, that's why I needed Friday off.

For the baby.

Of course. Whatever you need, consider it done.

Appointments or whatever.

Oh, I got a ton of that pre-Lamaze natal crap coming up,

you know? Next Thursday and Friday.

Mostly right after lunch, but also first thing in the morning.

Wow. You and your partner are taking this seriously,

- which is awesome. - Well, Marko,

my baby daddy, is super-stoked.

He's all, "Oh, my God. A mini-me."

- And I'm, like, "Oh, my God. Stop." - (CHUCKLING) Yeah.

Well, it's great that you're supported.

Uh-huh. Would you mind passing me one of those blankets?

Ooh. The first semester is supposed to be the hardest,

- so I'm def going to need nappage. - Oh. Uh, sure. Now? Good.

Ooh. Ooh, mm-hmm.

NIKKI: Can you get the light on your way out?

KRISTIAN: Goodnight, you two.

Mmm.

Again, I can't stress enough how sorry we are about this.

JOY: Just a crazy mix-up.

Can't really point the finger at any one person.

You must've really missed this little guy.

Gal. But yes.

It did help to know she was in such great hands...

But he's mine.

I know how you feel, but Snowball belongs here.

You won't go home empty-handed, though.

Right, Joy?

Look who wants to go home with you.

SHANNON: Uh, twinsies, meet Baxter,

the most lovable floof in all of the land.

If they're the same, you keep him.

(CLEARING THROAT)

Sorry. Lucy is going through a tough time.

Puberty, right? Wake me when it's over.

- (MRS. ROSARIO CRYING) - I'm sorry. Was it something I said?

No. It's just, well, Lucy is not going to be around much longer.

MRS. ROSARIO: The house will be so empty.

And the thought of saying goodbye...

MR. ROSARIO: Hey. Like you said,

there'll be time for tears once she's gone.

Of course Lucy can keep Snowball.

Right, Shannon?

Or you know who's even better than Snowball?

This little guy.

"Hello. Meow. I'm your new best friend.

I want to go home with you."

(BAXTER YELPING, HISSING)

That's how he says hello, so...

Special delivery.

Oh, my God. Thank you. I'm dying here.

- I got you decaf. - (GAGGING) Why?

I wasn't sure how much caffeine you'd already had,

and you shouldn't have more than 200 milligrams a day

because of baby.

- Where'd you hear that? - Uh, my GP is actually an OB,

which is not really okay with either of us.

- Bit weird. - I could whip you up a matcha smoothie.

Half the caffeine and tastes like grass.

Sorry. I always oversell them.

It's fine. I'll just keep running on adrenaline.

Ah. That's actually worse.

- I'll get you a real coffee. - You're a gem.

- Need anything else? - A cinnamon bun, warm.

But a day old, so the flav is peaking.

- Love it. - And I'm leaving an hour early.

Oh. Uh, yeah, that's fine. We got a school group coming through.

They can help with the dogs.

Although last time, one of the kids ate all the dog food

- and threw up. - Ugh. So glad I don't have kids...

yet.

Well, text me if you need anything else.

I got my phone on full volume, just in case.

Wow. Obsessed much?

Um, if you have time,

maybe you could take a couple of the dogs for a walk?

Fresh air might do the fetus some good.

Or put crazy stress on its unformed brain.

Well, I mean, who knows your body better than you do?

- Marko does. - Fair enough.

PAUL: Hey. You got a minute?

Oh, Boss Ross at your ser-voss.

Oh, my God. I'm putting that on my business cards.

What's up?

Well, I just wanted to say how much I enjoy working with you

and what a pleasure it is to come in every day.

- Aw. Thank you, Paul. - And I quit.

- What? - It's my resignation letter.

Also my grocery list.

Actually, can I get that back when you're done?

I'm making a pretty complicated stew.

Paul, no.

I guess I can squeeze one more night out of that frozen pizza.

No, Paul. You're not quitting. What's going on?

Well, the thing is, I'm Peaches.

Okay. Let's move away from the groceries.

No. I mean, like, "Get down on the floor, you piece of crap!

This is a robbery" Peaches.

Oh, my God. L... Liam's Peaches?

Yeah. And things didn't go exactly the way he said they went.

It was less he attacks me with a massager

and more he rolls up into a sobbing baby ball.

And he doesn't know it was you?

Not yet, but he'll probably figure it out when I tell him.

Okay, but hear me out:

what if you don't tell him?

Well, I'm not really comfortable lying.

That's what old Paul would do. I'm a different person now.

Exactly. Fresh start, right?

Is it really so wrong to do what's best for yourself

even if it makes a little girl cry?

That's homophobia, Shannon. Liam's gay. Not a girl.

My point is, that night, did anybody get hurt?

- No, but... - And Liam even said

it was a million years ago.

He's over it, and it's not like you're still a thief.

You're not still a thief, are you?

- Absolutely not. - See?

No point in dredging up the past. Case closed.

Court adjourned. You can't handle the truth.

Yeah.

You're still going to tell him, aren't you?

Yeah, but that was a really good speech.

But it's the last week of the Halloween haunt.

No. I already got my sexy hygienist costume.

No. I'm not going to Wonderland alone.

You said we would do this together.

I know it's a roller-coaster ride,

but you can't back out now.

No. Don't you dare put me on hold, Marko!

Ugh. He knows how important this is to me.

Uh...

Anyway, f it.

Look. Maybe it's none of my business,

but you deserve better.

You are creating another human.

You are like an earth goddess, glowing with life

and potential and shinier hair.

Yo, you still there? You there, Nikki?

Yeah. And you know what?

Kristian's right. I am a goddess.

And my hair is looking straight wicked right now.

So, if you're not going to respect me,

then lose my number.

(CHUCKLES) Wow.

That was cool.

Yeah, well, no one's ever... Anyway, thanks.

There's that extra estrogen.

Mm-hmm.

? I want to go on an adventure ?

? Take me, I just want... ?

Yoo-hoo?

- Oh, Aunt Peggy. - Ah, hi, dear.

Nikki and I are hitting the mall to have our colours done.

- Oh. - NIKKI: You should come.

- Yeah. - You're doing your face really wrong.

I would, but I have to get Snowball home.

I made her egg, liver and psyllium p�t�,

but she's still not eating.

Does she seem off to you?

- NIKKI: Well, someone does. - Don't tease. Moms worry.

You'll know what it's like one day, when you're a... aunt.

I could be a mom.

You know, some people think I'd be a great mom.

Seriously? I know that sounded more skeptical than affirming,

- but it wasn't. - Snowball's probably just embarrassed.

Dogs sense fear. Cats sense social humiliation.

PEGGY: What happened?

Shannon crushed the dreams of a Make-a-Wish kid.

Okay. That's not true.

Well, from what Joy said, the kid was head over heels

for Snowball and you wouldn't give her up.

Well, Snowball is like my kid.

Who would just give away their kid?

- Well, your parents, for one. - Nikki...

She does make a point.

So, you would just give Nikki away?

No.

There comes a time in every girl's life

where she has to make a tough decision.

And this is yours.

See? Total mom material.

? Red hot ?

? Shine so I can see you ?

? When I'm going... ?

KRISTIAN: Sorry about the chemical smell.

I know the other day my musk was a little intense.

It's okay. I can handle it.

I read that your sensitivities can vary wildly.

What you hate one day,

- you want the next. - Uh-huh.

Stupid baby hormones, right?

Oh, and I left some antacids on your desk

to help with the nausea.

Oh, thanks. That's sweet, or whatever.

So... 'sup?

Oh, you're dirty here.

MARKO: Nikki?

Oh, no-no-no bueno. No bueno.

Don't speak fake Spanish. No one here is impressed.

- Why are you ghosting my texts? - Why do you think?

Baby, you're seriously going to ride the log flume without me?

Not to be prescriptive,

but you should probably avoid all rides right now.

Yeah, except that D-train last Friday, right? Toot-toot!

I thought you had birthing class last Friday.

- Yeah. I, uh... - Birthing class?

Oh, my God. Did the D-train make it to the station?

No, no. I'm not pregnant.

I thought I was. No, that's not true.

Look. Kristian thought I was, and I just went with it,

because it was nice to feel cared for for once.

- God, I am such an idiot. - No, you're not.

MARKO: Look. I'm sorry that you thought I didn't care.

Between clocking hours at Tech City,

DJ'ing, part-time landscapery,

I got a full bowl.

I just wanted to go to Wonderland.

Yeah, and I want to take you.

(CHUCKLING)

But I have to finish my shift first, so...

text you later.

As you wish, se�orita.

(GIGGLING)

Peace.

Ah. Sorry about that.

You got to teach people how to treat you, I guess.

Hey, I really sucked this week.

And even though most of it was based in lies,

I really appreciated your friendship.

So, I hope we can still be cool, or something.

It'll probably be "or something" for a little bit.

You looked really good cleaning those cages.

Thanks.

So, is it just me,

or did me, you and Marko have threesome energy?

I'm going to leave now.

You felt it.

Thank you for coming on such short notice.

You said it was urgent.

It's just that after a lot of journaling

and soul-searching and a few tears,

I want Lucy to have Snowball.

Really?

I saw how happy she made you, and that made me happy.

- Ugh! - It's okay, honey.

Baxter purrs before he strikes. Are you sure?

I mean, of course I'll miss her.

In some ways, Snowball is my best friend.

Well, if you're willing to just give her up,

- I mean... - Okay. You take that back.

I mean, true friendship is giving that friend away

to a new friend, if it makes that friend smile.

The new one, not the traded one,

who'll probably miss the original friend very badly.

I told you not to answer the phone.

It's very sweet of you, but I don't think we can handle

two cats after Lucy is gone.

Yeah. And it's not like Lucy can take Snowball with her.

Wow.

Can I just say you two are amazing parents?

I would be a mess if I was you.

Oh, I will be once she's gone.

- But it's only three weeks. - Three weeks? Oh, my God.

No. I meant Lucy's going to be gone for three weeks.

"Only" three weeks?

Our baby is going to sleep-away camp.

It is a very big deal.

Camp? Oh, my God. Yay.

- So fun. - I mean, I hope so.

It's a camp for kids with cancer.

- Oh. So, Lucy has cancer? - No. She's a counsellor-in-training.

The kids love her.

Yeah, of course they do. What's not to love?

We really think it's because she understands

what they're going through.

She's a cancer survivor herself.

Four years healthy.

Knock on wood.

(PHONE RINGING IN THE BACKGROUND)

I am so sorry.

I feel so bad for you, for Lucy,

for all those kids and a little bit for myself.

But if I'm being honest,

I don't think I can give up Snowball.

Does that make me a terrible person?

Maybe. We don't really know you.

MRS. ROSARIO: Lucy, dear, we're going to give Snowball back.

We should get going.

We have to go get Lucy a new sleeping bag

because Baxter clawed through the other one.

Such a character.

Ah. Baxter. Hey, buddy. Welcome back.

Joy, this is Snowball.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Whoa. Is this a shakedown, Ross?

You're already getting your place at cost.

Paul has something he would like to tell you.

Okay.

Well, um, years ago, there was an incident

that involved me and you.

Man. This is harder than I thought.

You're doing great.

You know, I had just broken up with my girlfriend at the time, and...

He's Peaches. The guy who robbed you years ago.

Oh. Wow.

And I'm very sorry.

- Okay. - Yeah.

I feel especially bad, because I know how much I terrified you.

I wasn't terrified.

I can still hear your screams echoing in my head:

"Help me, please, Mommy!"

Probably my boyfriend. Now, he was scared.

I was?

- When? - Nothing, hon.

Well, we should probably get back to unpacking our groceries

before the cr�me fra�che becomes cr�me stale.

Paul would also like to read you and Hugh

a perpetrator impact statement.

I, Paul Como, hereby acknowledge

that my behaviour affected you in the following ways:

I scared you both.

I made Hugh snot-cry like a baby.

- Sorry, when? What? - Funny story.

When you and I started dating, remember I got robbed?

- Mm-hmm. - Well, Paul was one of the robbers.

Oh.

- Yeah. - Now that I think of it,

Hugh was out of town that weekend,

so, yes, he was snot-crying at a wedding.

- Anyhoo, water under the bridge. - Okay. Well...

Yeah. It's just I heard you up in the bedroom, wailing.

Right.

I was watching Kristen Bell crying over that sloth. Hmm.

Girl, take a page out of your own book and let it go.

But why would Kristen Bell be yelling,

"Please don't kill my Lee-Lee, my one true love"?

Oh, my God. It was Daniel.

- Who's Daniel? - My ex.

Who came by totally platonically to get his stuff

- and propose. - PAUL: Wow.

I said no.

I guess I should apologize to this Daniel guy, too, now?

Yeah. Well, get the number off Liam. I'm sure he still has it.

- Oh, my God... - He's a great electrician.

Contractors are my bread and butter. Right, Ross?

We should go. I don't want to intrude.

To think I almost told my parents about you.

You haven't told your parents?

Bye.

? Let's shake it up ?

? It's kind of scary, but I'm loving the rush ?

? My heart is racing like, oh-oh-oh oh-oh ?

? 'Cause this feels like home (feels like home) ?

? Yeah, it's true ?

? Look in the mirror and I'm feeling so good ?

? Yeah, I've been searching like, oh-oh-oh oh-oh ?

? 'Cause this feels like home ?