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1
00:00:02,706 --> 00:00:04,969
♪
2
00:00:12,977 --> 00:00:14,674
A hundred-year war, all because
3
00:00:14,718 --> 00:00:17,112
a computer tricked us
into fighting each other.
4
00:00:17,155 --> 00:00:18,722
It's so embarrassing.
5
00:00:18,765 --> 00:00:21,333
A lot of civilizations blame it
on the supernatural.
6
00:00:21,377 --> 00:00:23,292
At least
you didn't fall for that.
7
00:00:23,335 --> 00:00:24,380
[laughing]:
Yeah.
8
00:00:24,423 --> 00:00:26,208
That would have been crazy.
9
00:00:26,251 --> 00:00:28,079
[groaning]
10
00:00:28,123 --> 00:00:30,342
Here's your "lord" AGIMUS,
safely disconnected
11
00:00:30,386 --> 00:00:32,214
from his network of drones.
12
00:00:32,257 --> 00:00:35,739
AGIMUS:
Hey, now, this has all been a huge mistake.
13
00:00:35,782 --> 00:00:38,481
just let me access your computer
mainframe,
14
00:00:38,524 --> 00:00:40,048
and I'll explain everything.
15
00:00:40,091 --> 00:00:41,832
Nice try.
Save it for the roboticists
16
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,964
at the Daystrom Institute.
Ransom?
17
00:00:44,008 --> 00:00:46,271
All right, fella, in you go.
[groans]
18
00:00:46,315 --> 00:00:48,447
So, you're the muscle, huh?
19
00:00:48,491 --> 00:00:51,885
Bet you couldn't throw me into
that control console over there.
20
00:00:51,929 --> 00:00:53,670
Over there?
By that network port?
21
00:00:53,713 --> 00:00:55,106
That's nothing.
I could easily toss...
22
00:00:55,150 --> 00:00:57,935
[chuckling]:
Oh. Oh, you almost got me.
23
00:00:57,978 --> 00:01:00,633
I underestimated
your intelligence.
24
00:01:00,677 --> 00:01:03,245
-Clearly,
you should be the captain... -Yeah.
25
00:01:03,288 --> 00:01:04,289
Anyone hungry?
26
00:01:04,333 --> 00:01:05,943
I could eat.
27
00:01:08,032 --> 00:01:09,990
Ugh. I don't know why I keep
28
00:01:10,034 --> 00:01:11,818
giving alien street food
a chance.
29
00:01:11,862 --> 00:01:13,472
It's always such a gamble.
30
00:01:13,516 --> 00:01:15,257
Captain, we're being hailed.
31
00:01:15,300 --> 00:01:18,129
On screen.
Queen Paolana.
32
00:01:18,173 --> 00:01:21,176
To what do we owe
this pleasure... again?
33
00:01:21,219 --> 00:01:24,353
We're having a spot of engine
trouble here on theMonaveen.
34
00:01:24,396 --> 00:01:27,095
My royal engineers can't seem
to suss out the hiccup.
35
00:01:27,138 --> 00:01:29,009
-Uh-huh.
-Carol, you're the closest
36
00:01:29,053 --> 00:01:30,663
Starfleet ship in the quadrant.
37
00:01:30,707 --> 00:01:33,101
As such,
I must call upon the aid
38
00:01:33,144 --> 00:01:34,406
of your chief engineer.
39
00:01:34,450 --> 00:01:36,147
What a surprise.
40
00:01:36,191 --> 00:01:37,844
-Captain, we have completed
the... -PAOLOANA: Ah!
41
00:01:37,888 --> 00:01:40,760
My dear Andarithio!
Have you been eating?
42
00:01:40,804 --> 00:01:42,284
You're wasting away.
And what happened
43
00:01:42,327 --> 00:01:43,937
-to that mustache?
It is thinning. -[sighs]
44
00:01:43,981 --> 00:01:45,025
-Hello, Mother.
-Are you taking your vitamins?
45
00:01:45,069 --> 00:01:46,288
You must start eating eggs.
46
00:01:46,331 --> 00:01:48,377
♪
47
00:02:05,655 --> 00:02:07,918
♪
48
00:02:42,213 --> 00:02:44,215
♪
49
00:03:00,536 --> 00:03:03,669
Boimy's got a phaser rifle.
Nice.
50
00:03:03,713 --> 00:03:06,063
Now, how are those different
from regular phasers?
51
00:03:06,106 --> 00:03:07,673
Uh, they take two hands.
52
00:03:07,717 --> 00:03:09,893
You're just jealous 'cause
you pulled a boring cargo trip
53
00:03:09,936 --> 00:03:11,242
to the Daystrom Institute
54
00:03:11,286 --> 00:03:13,462
while I get
to wrangle giant centipedes.
55
00:03:13,505 --> 00:03:15,638
Ooh. You're on the mission
to Dansk?
56
00:03:15,681 --> 00:03:18,510
Yup. Another class M
for my planetary review log.
57
00:03:18,554 --> 00:03:21,644
How are you excited for giant,
nightmarish centipedes?
58
00:03:21,687 --> 00:03:22,993
You know, back on the Titan,
59
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,342
we did this kind
of wet work all the time.
60
00:03:24,386 --> 00:03:26,562
Ugh. Don't say "wet work."
Gross.
61
00:03:26,605 --> 00:03:28,781
What? It was work, it was wet.
It-it-it was fine.
62
00:03:28,825 --> 00:03:31,001
I'm just glad Ransom's finally
taking my experience to heart.
63
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,263
[beep]
64
00:03:32,307 --> 00:03:35,092
"Ensign Boimler,
report for reassignment
65
00:03:35,135 --> 00:03:37,703
to escort of cargo
to the Daystrom Institute"?
66
00:03:37,747 --> 00:03:39,270
But that's what you're doing.
67
00:03:39,314 --> 00:03:41,446
Aw, sorry, man. No getting eaten
by an arthropod today.
68
00:03:41,490 --> 00:03:42,795
Instead you can load the crates.
69
00:03:42,839 --> 00:03:44,362
And, hey,
I'm gonna do you a favor.
70
00:03:44,406 --> 00:03:45,798
We'll spray 'em down. You can
still have your wet work.
71
00:03:45,842 --> 00:03:47,844
Aw.
72
00:03:58,289 --> 00:04:00,987
BILLUPS:
Okay, team.
73
00:04:01,031 --> 00:04:02,293
Listen up.
Some of you might have heard
74
00:04:02,337 --> 00:04:03,903
that my mother's back
on the ship.
75
00:04:03,947 --> 00:04:05,296
Now, we all know the score.
76
00:04:05,340 --> 00:04:07,733
Please don't fall
for one of her deceptions.
77
00:04:07,777 --> 00:04:09,126
Uh, wait. What deceptions?
78
00:04:09,169 --> 00:04:11,433
Mother is the queen of Hysperia,
my homeworld.
79
00:04:11,476 --> 00:04:12,825
When I joined Starfleet,
80
00:04:12,869 --> 00:04:15,393
I abdicated my birthright
as prince.
81
00:04:15,437 --> 00:04:18,004
Hysperia... Oh! That's
the planet with the dragons
82
00:04:18,048 --> 00:04:20,006
that got colonized
by all those Ren faire types.
83
00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:21,530
Did you grow up in a castle?
84
00:04:21,573 --> 00:04:25,273
Yes, but a life of
mythical adventure can't compare
85
00:04:25,316 --> 00:04:27,275
to working
on the old impulse engine.
86
00:04:27,318 --> 00:04:30,016
Which is exactly why
my mom is always trying
87
00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:31,453
to trick me into having sex.
88
00:04:31,496 --> 00:04:32,671
Uh, sorry. What now?
89
00:04:32,715 --> 00:04:35,674
By Hysperian law,
if I lose my virginity,
90
00:04:35,718 --> 00:04:38,068
then I automatically
become king.
91
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:41,376
I'd have to resign from
Starfleet and take the throne.
92
00:04:41,419 --> 00:04:44,596
[fanfare sounds]
93
00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:48,121
Here he is, Your Majesty.
94
00:04:48,165 --> 00:04:49,688
Mother, if you're planning
on tricking me
95
00:04:49,732 --> 00:04:51,299
into intercourse, think again.
96
00:04:51,342 --> 00:04:53,301
The only lady I love
is two decks tall
97
00:04:53,344 --> 00:04:55,215
and pumped full of dilithium.
98
00:04:55,259 --> 00:04:59,132
My sweet Andarithio,
I promise, no tricks this time.
99
00:04:59,176 --> 00:05:00,438
-Really?
-Yes.
100
00:05:00,482 --> 00:05:02,135
Obviously, I still hope one day
101
00:05:02,179 --> 00:05:03,833
you'll give up this nonsense,
but I see now
102
00:05:03,876 --> 00:05:05,661
that I was pushing you away.
103
00:05:05,704 --> 00:05:07,576
Oh. So, then why are you here?
104
00:05:07,619 --> 00:05:10,535
The dragonbreath engines in our
ships have been breaking down.
105
00:05:10,579 --> 00:05:11,971
We have no idea why.
106
00:05:12,015 --> 00:05:14,322
Hysperia will be left
defenseless.
107
00:05:14,365 --> 00:05:16,846
My son, I'm asking you
to help your people,
108
00:05:16,889 --> 00:05:19,457
not as a prince, but as...
[groans]
109
00:05:19,501 --> 00:05:21,459
...an engineer.
110
00:05:21,503 --> 00:05:24,157
Okay, now that I can do.
111
00:05:24,201 --> 00:05:26,638
Mr. Rutherford,
you're with me.
112
00:05:26,682 --> 00:05:30,120
It's time to prove to my mother
that I'm more than a royal stud.
113
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:33,341
[chanting]:
Billups! Billups! Billups!
114
00:05:33,384 --> 00:05:36,344
RUTHERFORD:
Aw, man, I'm not cut out for this.
115
00:05:36,387 --> 00:05:37,823
But you fix the Cerritos
all the time.
116
00:05:37,867 --> 00:05:39,695
Yeah, but this is different.
We're talking about
117
00:05:39,738 --> 00:05:41,740
a fancy cruiser
stuffed with puffy monarchs.
118
00:05:41,784 --> 00:05:44,134
I-I'm gonna go tell Billups
he should use someone else.
119
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,571
No! You belong there
as much as anyone else.
120
00:05:46,615 --> 00:05:48,051
You need to get outside
your comfort zone.
121
00:05:48,094 --> 00:05:50,227
But I love my zone.
It's so comfortable.
122
00:05:50,270 --> 00:05:53,926
So you'll really turn down
working on a whole new engine?
123
00:05:53,970 --> 00:05:55,928
Uh, well, it would be nice
124
00:05:55,972 --> 00:05:58,278
to see how the other half
channels their antimatter.
125
00:05:58,322 --> 00:06:00,193
That's the ticket.
Just ignore all the fancy gowns,
126
00:06:00,237 --> 00:06:01,499
and make sure not
to say anything rude,
127
00:06:01,543 --> 00:06:03,066
be careful how you stand.
Oh, and you should
128
00:06:03,109 --> 00:06:04,633
-definitely learn how to curtsy.
-[whimpers]
129
00:06:06,330 --> 00:06:08,419
-Ah...
-Hey, cheer up.
130
00:06:08,463 --> 00:06:10,116
This is a blessing in disguise.
131
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,205
You really wanted to be covered
in centipedes right now?
132
00:06:12,249 --> 00:06:13,903
It would've looked great
on my evaluations.
133
00:06:13,946 --> 00:06:16,079
-Yeah, assuming you survived.
-What was that?
134
00:06:16,122 --> 00:06:17,472
Oh, just kick back, man,
enjoy the trip.
135
00:06:17,515 --> 00:06:18,734
After we drop this thing off,
136
00:06:18,777 --> 00:06:21,301
we'll grab
some Okinawa ramen and...
137
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,174
Whoa. Uh, sensors say
138
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,784
we hit a gravimetric shear.
139
00:06:25,828 --> 00:06:27,960
BOIMLER:
Oh, no. We're in the gravity well.
140
00:06:28,004 --> 00:06:30,267
Uh, try manual controls.
Auto is out.
141
00:06:30,310 --> 00:06:31,399
Ugh!
142
00:06:34,619 --> 00:06:36,491
No response! Brace for impact!
143
00:06:37,622 --> 00:06:38,449
[both yelling]
144
00:06:51,723 --> 00:06:53,769
[groans]
145
00:06:53,812 --> 00:06:55,205
[gasps]
Mariner? Mariner?
146
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,512
[groans]
I'm okay. It's just a fracture.
147
00:06:57,555 --> 00:06:59,514
-[bone cracks]
-[groans] -Ugh. Just?
148
00:06:59,557 --> 00:07:01,211
Oh, God, I can't even
look at it.
149
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,692
Well, good news.
It's a breathable atmosphere,
150
00:07:03,735 --> 00:07:06,477
wherever we are.
151
00:07:06,521 --> 00:07:08,305
[sighs]
152
00:07:08,348 --> 00:07:11,047
Looks like we aren't the only
ones to hit that anomaly.
153
00:07:11,787 --> 00:07:15,181
Most systems are down,
no way to send a distress call.
154
00:07:15,225 --> 00:07:16,661
No. We-we were outside
of communication range.
155
00:07:16,705 --> 00:07:18,794
It's gonna be a week
before anyone even notices
156
00:07:18,837 --> 00:07:20,186
that we haven't checked in.
157
00:07:20,230 --> 00:07:21,666
Good thing
the replicator's still intact.
158
00:07:21,710 --> 00:07:24,408
Computer, iced tea,
splash of lemonade, cold.
159
00:07:24,452 --> 00:07:26,758
REPLICATOR:
Black licorice, dry.
160
00:07:26,802 --> 00:07:28,456
Great.
161
00:07:28,499 --> 00:07:30,501
The least nutritious food that
tastes the most like poison.
162
00:07:30,545 --> 00:07:32,198
AGIMUS [muffled]:
Help. Help me.
163
00:07:32,242 --> 00:07:33,591
Did you hear something?
164
00:07:33,635 --> 00:07:35,593
Ah, thank you, friend.
165
00:07:35,637 --> 00:07:37,073
I am freed.
166
00:07:37,116 --> 00:07:38,509
Aw, crap.
It's the evil computer.
167
00:07:38,553 --> 00:07:40,032
We're not supposed
to interact with it.
168
00:07:40,076 --> 00:07:41,686
-[grunting]
-Hey, hey!
169
00:07:41,730 --> 00:07:43,209
Before you close that,
consider...
170
00:07:43,253 --> 00:07:44,515
-Dang it.
-I can contact help!
171
00:07:44,559 --> 00:07:47,605
-[grunts, sighs]
-Oh, come on, friends.
172
00:07:47,649 --> 00:07:49,433
Help me help you.
173
00:07:49,477 --> 00:07:52,044
[Boimler groans]
174
00:07:53,785 --> 00:07:57,397
Hysperian culture can be
a bit, uh, distracting.
175
00:07:57,441 --> 00:08:00,096
Whoa.
176
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:04,361
Wow. Sir, is that you?
177
00:08:12,935 --> 00:08:14,980
Prince Andarithio!
178
00:08:15,024 --> 00:08:16,373
Just call me Billups.
Thank you.
179
00:08:16,416 --> 00:08:17,766
It's such an honor
to bask in your glory.
180
00:08:17,809 --> 00:08:19,289
Our beloved Prince Andarithio
has returned.
181
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,420
Ah, okay,
don't-don't need the necklace.
182
00:08:20,464 --> 00:08:21,944
-Huzzah! Huzzah!
-Thank you.
183
00:08:21,987 --> 00:08:24,555
Uh, but you don't have to bask.
Uh, not really a prince.
184
00:08:24,599 --> 00:08:26,731
♪
185
00:08:26,775 --> 00:08:30,387
My chief blacksmith is simply
baffled by the loss of power,
186
00:08:30,430 --> 00:08:31,954
so I don't know what you can do.
187
00:08:31,997 --> 00:08:34,434
Rutherford, check the levels
of the dragonsblood flame.
188
00:08:34,478 --> 00:08:35,958
-The what?
-Sorry.
189
00:08:36,001 --> 00:08:37,525
The primary fusion reactor.
190
00:08:37,568 --> 00:08:41,311
Hysperians renamed everything
to sound like magic.
191
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:44,183
Uh, the, uh, elf matrix
seems like it's...
192
00:08:44,227 --> 00:08:45,576
-Don't do that.
-Sorry.
193
00:08:45,620 --> 00:08:47,709
The subspace field matrix
should be online.
194
00:08:47,752 --> 00:08:49,275
It's not? That's impossible.
195
00:08:49,319 --> 00:08:51,103
The plasma levels would be
completely unregulated.
196
00:08:51,147 --> 00:08:52,670
Son, are you saying
197
00:08:52,714 --> 00:08:55,281
the problem is beyond
your engineering acumen?
198
00:08:55,325 --> 00:08:57,240
No. No. Okay, no.
We will just have
199
00:08:57,283 --> 00:08:59,111
to run a full diagnostic
from the bottom up.
200
00:08:59,155 --> 00:09:02,071
You can run
your full diagnostic
201
00:09:02,114 --> 00:09:03,768
along my bottom up, my liege.
202
00:09:03,812 --> 00:09:05,030
-[gulps]
-Nope, thank you.
203
00:09:05,074 --> 00:09:07,293
Ignore them
and just get to work.
204
00:09:11,950 --> 00:09:13,909
[Boimler sighs]
205
00:09:13,952 --> 00:09:16,041
[trilling]
206
00:09:16,085 --> 00:09:17,695
Friend, I'm worried about you.
207
00:09:17,739 --> 00:09:19,915
Your hair-- patchy,
your skin-- pimply.
208
00:09:19,958 --> 00:09:21,699
-Are you sick?
-[Boimler sighs]
209
00:09:21,743 --> 00:09:23,701
Boims, don't engage.
That's how they get you.
210
00:09:23,745 --> 00:09:25,703
-Evil computers are so chatty.
-Tell you what.
211
00:09:25,747 --> 00:09:28,010
Just connect me
to an engineering conduit.
212
00:09:28,053 --> 00:09:31,491
I could whip up a sonic shower.
Wouldn't that feel splendid?
213
00:09:31,535 --> 00:09:34,364
-[whooshing]
-Uh, what was that?
214
00:09:35,583 --> 00:09:37,236
[growling]
215
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,674
-[whispering]: Can it see us?
-I don't know. Just don't move.
216
00:09:39,717 --> 00:09:42,415
I know when I'm feeling scared,
the best thing you can do
217
00:09:42,459 --> 00:09:44,635
is get plugged
into a shuttlecraft computer.
218
00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:46,115
Will you stop it?
219
00:09:46,158 --> 00:09:48,291
-[Boimler whimpers]
-Uh... -[roaring]
220
00:09:49,509 --> 00:09:51,381
Uh... [whimpers]
221
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,644
[Mariner pants,
Boimler groans]
222
00:09:53,688 --> 00:09:55,254
Crap. The food.
223
00:09:55,298 --> 00:09:57,648
Oh, no, no, no. It's going
to town on the rations.
224
00:09:57,692 --> 00:09:59,607
Stupid AGIMUS.
Now we got nothing to eat.
225
00:09:59,650 --> 00:10:01,260
It's fine.
My scans indicate
226
00:10:01,304 --> 00:10:02,653
you could lose
a couple pounds anyway.
227
00:10:02,697 --> 00:10:04,742
Excuse me?!
Oh, you're gonna go there?
228
00:10:04,786 --> 00:10:06,091
Mariner, don't engage. Remember?
229
00:10:06,135 --> 00:10:07,876
-[growling]
-[Boimler gasps]
230
00:10:07,919 --> 00:10:10,356
[Boimler grunts,
creature growls]
231
00:10:11,662 --> 00:10:13,098
Hey, get out of my PADD.
232
00:10:13,142 --> 00:10:15,100
Sorry. Just stretching.
233
00:10:15,144 --> 00:10:16,580
You get the door,
I'll watch him.
234
00:10:16,624 --> 00:10:18,582
Hey. Now keep your cords
to yourself, or I'll have
235
00:10:18,626 --> 00:10:20,453
a hard time remembering
which regulation keeps me
236
00:10:20,497 --> 00:10:21,933
from kicking you to pieces.
237
00:10:21,977 --> 00:10:23,369
Okay, I'm sorry.
238
00:10:23,413 --> 00:10:26,068
I wouldn't want
to cause any trouble.
239
00:10:31,856 --> 00:10:34,119
[groans]
240
00:10:35,164 --> 00:10:38,210
Computer, water, please.
241
00:10:38,254 --> 00:10:40,212
REPLICATOR:
Black licorice. Black.
242
00:10:40,256 --> 00:10:41,518
[groans loudly]
243
00:10:41,561 --> 00:10:43,346
AGIMUS:
I could fix that.
244
00:10:43,389 --> 00:10:45,827
Tap water, still,
bubbly with lime.
245
00:10:45,870 --> 00:10:47,306
Just plug me in.
246
00:10:47,350 --> 00:10:49,134
-Shut up!
-[scoffs]
247
00:10:49,178 --> 00:10:51,702
-Mariner, we kind of do
have to find water soon. -I know, yeah.
248
00:10:51,746 --> 00:10:53,965
We know there's life here, which
means there's got to be water.
249
00:10:54,009 --> 00:10:55,314
-Right?
-AGIMUS: Tell you what.
250
00:10:55,358 --> 00:10:56,925
You two go look for it,
251
00:10:56,968 --> 00:10:58,709
and I'll stay here
and guard the computer.
252
00:10:58,753 --> 00:11:00,885
Just set me down there,
right in front of it.
253
00:11:00,929 --> 00:11:02,408
-I'll just strap him up.
-Wait.
254
00:11:02,452 --> 00:11:03,801
Why bring him with?
We could just, like,
255
00:11:03,845 --> 00:11:05,194
bury him, like Data's head.
256
00:11:05,237 --> 00:11:07,283
Okay, actually,
Data's head was in a cave.
257
00:11:07,326 --> 00:11:09,198
And it's our duty
to respect sentient life.
258
00:11:09,241 --> 00:11:10,721
He's a manipulative
supercomputer
259
00:11:10,765 --> 00:11:11,853
who controlled a planet.
260
00:11:11,896 --> 00:11:13,463
And we're Starfleet.
261
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,553
Oh, stupid Starfleet ethics.
262
00:11:17,380 --> 00:11:20,688
No! Come on, leave me be!
263
00:11:32,569 --> 00:11:35,528
Edible. I think
I can climb up and reach it.
264
00:11:35,572 --> 00:11:37,705
-You have a broken arm.
-It's fractured.
265
00:11:37,748 --> 00:11:40,229
I still have a better shot at it
than Mr. Falls-Out-of-His-Bunk.
266
00:11:40,272 --> 00:11:42,100
That barely happens anymore.
267
00:11:42,144 --> 00:11:43,493
And plus, I'll have you know,
268
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,190
I took up rock climbing
on the Titan.
269
00:11:45,234 --> 00:11:48,193
I swear, if you bring up your
study abroad one more time...
270
00:11:48,237 --> 00:11:50,892
[grunts] You're just mad because
I'm finally catching up to you
271
00:11:50,935 --> 00:11:53,851
in my planetary
exploration skills.
272
00:11:53,895 --> 00:11:56,854
-[yells, grunts]
-Ooh, so close.
273
00:11:56,898 --> 00:11:58,769
You know, if that was a rock
wall, you would have had it.
274
00:11:58,813 --> 00:12:01,163
Oh, just shut it!
275
00:12:01,206 --> 00:12:03,382
-Ah, I can drink that.
-Oh, my God, random liquid.
276
00:12:03,426 --> 00:12:05,036
-Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!
-[both slurping]
277
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,864
[groans] It tastes
like black licorice, too?!
278
00:12:06,908 --> 00:12:08,736
Are you [bleep] kidding me?!
279
00:12:08,779 --> 00:12:10,302
Well, I don't see
a better option.
280
00:12:10,346 --> 00:12:12,740
[echoing]:
Do you?!
281
00:12:12,783 --> 00:12:14,176
No.
282
00:12:14,219 --> 00:12:16,569
[both gulping and groaning]
283
00:12:16,613 --> 00:12:19,703
Well, you know, I could have
fixed your replicator.
284
00:12:19,747 --> 00:12:22,967
Right now you could have been
enjoying a cheeseburger
285
00:12:23,011 --> 00:12:25,013
or blueberry muffins or...
286
00:12:25,056 --> 00:12:26,362
Don't.
287
00:12:26,405 --> 00:12:28,625
...guacamole.
288
00:12:28,668 --> 00:12:29,974
I have rights!
289
00:12:34,022 --> 00:12:36,372
Help! Starfleet!
I'm under attack!
290
00:12:36,415 --> 00:12:37,765
[groans] Uh...
291
00:12:37,808 --> 00:12:39,897
-Help! Help! Help!
-Crabs.
292
00:12:39,941 --> 00:12:42,857
[panting]
Get out of here. Get out of here. Get, get.
293
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,469
Well done, Bradward. My thanks.
294
00:12:46,512 --> 00:12:49,211
How about you stop mentioning
food, and we'll be even, okay?
295
00:12:49,254 --> 00:12:50,647
I can do you one better.
296
00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:53,432
Your partner is not
what she seems.
297
00:12:53,476 --> 00:12:54,782
Yeah, I've heard the rumors.
298
00:12:54,825 --> 00:12:56,653
I accessed
your ship's memory bank.
299
00:12:56,696 --> 00:12:58,263
Don't you wonder why
300
00:12:58,307 --> 00:13:01,484
your commander took you off
the Dansk mission?
301
00:13:01,527 --> 00:13:03,007
-Yo, Jack, do me a solid.
-Huh?
302
00:13:03,051 --> 00:13:04,792
Throw Boimler
on that escort mission with me.
303
00:13:04,835 --> 00:13:06,315
He doesn't want
to wrangle centipedes?
304
00:13:06,358 --> 00:13:07,925
No. He's not ready for Dansk.
305
00:13:07,969 --> 00:13:09,579
Okay?
What does a centipede have?
306
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,711
Pincers and poison mandibles.
307
00:13:11,755 --> 00:13:13,713
Yeah, you wouldn't want
the guy getting pincered.
308
00:13:13,757 --> 00:13:15,150
He wouldn't react well.
309
00:13:15,193 --> 00:13:16,847
All right, I'll reassign him.
Bummer.
310
00:13:16,891 --> 00:13:18,980
I thought
he was ready for this.
311
00:13:19,023 --> 00:13:20,982
[sighs]
312
00:13:21,025 --> 00:13:22,810
[panting]
313
00:13:22,853 --> 00:13:24,942
Oh. What's going on?
Are we still stranded?
314
00:13:24,986 --> 00:13:26,770
You pulled me off
the Dansk mission?!
315
00:13:26,814 --> 00:13:28,772
What?
Did that thing tell you that?
316
00:13:28,816 --> 00:13:30,469
Oh, you mean the truth?
317
00:13:30,513 --> 00:13:32,689
It's clearly trying to get us
to fight. You know that, right?
318
00:13:32,732 --> 00:13:34,691
Now Ransom thinks I'm not
cut out for the big stuff!
319
00:13:34,734 --> 00:13:37,172
You're not!
Well, at-at least not yet.
320
00:13:37,215 --> 00:13:38,869
I was just looking out for you.
321
00:13:38,913 --> 00:13:41,176
I'm sure
that my Titanexperience...
322
00:13:41,219 --> 00:13:43,265
Enough with the Titan!
323
00:13:43,308 --> 00:13:44,962
This trip is just
proving me right.
324
00:13:45,006 --> 00:13:47,356
You can't even handle mind games
from a hundred-year-old router.
325
00:13:47,399 --> 00:13:51,360
Rude. Aah! Help me, Bradward!
Where is she taking me?
326
00:13:51,403 --> 00:13:53,144
Mariner, drop the computer.
327
00:13:53,188 --> 00:13:56,756
Nope. You are on time-out until
you stop siding with the enemy.
328
00:13:59,542 --> 00:14:00,935
[Billups muttering]
329
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:05,722
Wow, sir. You're recalibrating
those plasma injectors
330
00:14:05,765 --> 00:14:07,898
faster than I've ever seen.
331
00:14:07,942 --> 00:14:09,204
Hmm.
332
00:14:09,247 --> 00:14:10,858
[grunting]
I got it.
333
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,208
Aha! Faulty resonators.
334
00:14:13,251 --> 00:14:15,166
They've probably been degrading
all over the fleet
335
00:14:15,210 --> 00:14:16,951
because, you know, resonance.
336
00:14:16,994 --> 00:14:19,605
Weird. That should've come up
in our initial scan.
337
00:14:19,649 --> 00:14:21,781
The royal navy is saved.
338
00:14:21,825 --> 00:14:23,827
Let's hear it
for Prince Andarithio
339
00:14:23,871 --> 00:14:25,655
and his calloused squire.
340
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,918
Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!
341
00:14:27,962 --> 00:14:30,790
I have to admit, I'm impressed.
342
00:14:30,834 --> 00:14:33,402
Seeing you in your element
finally makes me understand
343
00:14:33,445 --> 00:14:35,143
why you love this Starfleet.
344
00:14:35,186 --> 00:14:38,450
One could say I'm even...
Oh, what's the word?
345
00:14:38,494 --> 00:14:40,800
-Proud?
-I'll only be proud once you take my place
346
00:14:40,844 --> 00:14:44,500
on the throne,
but today I'm satisfied.
347
00:14:44,543 --> 00:14:47,590
FREEMAN:
Lieutenant Billups, report to my ready room.
348
00:14:47,633 --> 00:14:49,200
On my way, Captain.
349
00:14:49,244 --> 00:14:52,247
Finish up here, and I'll be
right back, and, hey, nice work.
350
00:14:52,290 --> 00:14:54,205
Thank you, sir.
351
00:14:56,555 --> 00:14:58,514
You needed me, Captain?
352
00:14:58,557 --> 00:15:01,082
No, not really.
I was just giving you an out
353
00:15:01,125 --> 00:15:03,736
in case your mother was up
to her usual antics.
354
00:15:03,780 --> 00:15:06,043
Actually, it's been great.
I-I think she respects me.
355
00:15:06,087 --> 00:15:07,827
I mean,
she really just wanted me
356
00:15:07,871 --> 00:15:08,959
to diagnose her engine problem.
357
00:15:09,003 --> 00:15:10,482
As a mother, I can understand
358
00:15:10,526 --> 00:15:12,136
that she wants
what's best for you.
359
00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:14,486
Well, that's always been
the problem, but today
360
00:15:14,530 --> 00:15:16,662
I might have finally
earned her respect.
361
00:15:16,706 --> 00:15:18,012
[both grunt]
362
00:15:18,055 --> 00:15:19,274
What?
363
00:15:19,317 --> 00:15:21,667
[gasping]
364
00:15:21,711 --> 00:15:23,756
BILLUPS:
No.
365
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:27,499
Oh, Your Majesty,
what hath happened?
366
00:15:27,543 --> 00:15:30,850
Uh, I don't know.
All readings were nominal.
367
00:15:30,894 --> 00:15:32,591
Long live the queen.
368
00:15:32,635 --> 00:15:34,506
The queen is dead.
369
00:15:39,381 --> 00:15:41,949
Ensign Tendi, there was
an accident on the Monaveen.
370
00:15:41,992 --> 00:15:45,082
Oh, no. I can prep
for triage, and...
371
00:15:45,126 --> 00:15:46,388
[gasps]
372
00:15:46,431 --> 00:15:47,824
Rutherford?!
373
00:15:47,867 --> 00:15:49,217
[gasping]
374
00:15:58,704 --> 00:16:00,968
♪
375
00:16:04,623 --> 00:16:06,712
[grunting]
376
00:16:06,756 --> 00:16:10,281
Scans indicate...
this ship's engines are intact!
377
00:16:10,325 --> 00:16:11,848
This could be our ticket
out of here.
378
00:16:11,891 --> 00:16:13,719
Plug me into that port.
I can release the doors.
379
00:16:13,763 --> 00:16:16,026
Yeah, right. No,
we'll try that ship over there.
380
00:16:16,070 --> 00:16:17,897
Why? AGIMUS can get us
into this one. It's right here.
381
00:16:17,941 --> 00:16:20,117
He's right, Mariner.
Come on! I can help.
382
00:16:20,161 --> 00:16:22,337
Oh, my God, Boimler,
since the minute we crashed,
383
00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:24,687
he's been trying to get
his danglies into a computer.
384
00:16:24,730 --> 00:16:26,123
No, uh-uh. No, no way.
385
00:16:26,167 --> 00:16:27,603
I thought a maverick
like you would do anything
386
00:16:27,646 --> 00:16:28,691
to get out of here.
387
00:16:28,734 --> 00:16:30,214
Anything that isn't stupid.
388
00:16:30,258 --> 00:16:31,607
[Boimler panting]
389
00:16:31,650 --> 00:16:33,087
Give him to me.
390
00:16:33,130 --> 00:16:35,872
Ugh. This is exactly why
I got you reassigned.
391
00:16:35,915 --> 00:16:37,613
You are just a naive little...
392
00:16:37,656 --> 00:16:39,006
-[Boimler yells]
-[groans]
393
00:16:39,049 --> 00:16:40,920
What are you doing?
Get the hell off me!
394
00:16:40,964 --> 00:16:42,183
I'm sick
of you bossing me around
395
00:16:42,226 --> 00:16:43,445
like you're better than me!
396
00:16:43,488 --> 00:16:44,663
You had no right
to get me reassigned!
397
00:16:44,707 --> 00:16:47,971
-Yes. Yes!
-[both grunting]
398
00:16:48,015 --> 00:16:49,581
[grunting]
399
00:16:49,625 --> 00:16:51,235
Stop! Don't make me do this.
400
00:16:51,279 --> 00:16:54,064
Oh, please. Like you would
ever have the guts to...
401
00:16:54,108 --> 00:16:57,111
-[Boimler yells]
-[Mariner groans]
402
00:16:57,154 --> 00:16:58,286
You had no choice.
403
00:16:58,329 --> 00:16:59,983
-She lacks your vision.
-[sighs]
404
00:17:00,027 --> 00:17:01,637
Now quick, to the ship!
405
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,291
[grunts]
406
00:17:13,257 --> 00:17:14,824
-[sighs]
-[door chirps]
407
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,956
Come.
408
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:20,047
Andy, I'm so sorry.
If there's anything I can do.
409
00:17:20,090 --> 00:17:24,094
Captain, I... I'm afraid
I must resign from Starfleet.
410
00:17:24,138 --> 00:17:26,053
Resign?
What are you talking about?
411
00:17:26,096 --> 00:17:27,924
I was trying
to prove something today,
412
00:17:27,967 --> 00:17:30,448
and all I did
was get people killed.
413
00:17:30,492 --> 00:17:32,885
It wasn't your fault. You can't
blame yourself for the...
414
00:17:32,929 --> 00:17:34,452
The Hysperian throne is vacant.
415
00:17:34,496 --> 00:17:36,933
My people need a leader.
They need a king.
416
00:17:36,976 --> 00:17:40,719
And I must perform
the Royal Copulation.
417
00:17:40,763 --> 00:17:44,375
I don't have the luxury of being
your chief engineer anymore.
418
00:17:44,419 --> 00:17:46,203
Are you sure
you want to do this?
419
00:17:46,247 --> 00:17:48,727
No. I haveto do this.
420
00:17:48,771 --> 00:17:50,947
-Ooh, yes.
-Uh.
421
00:17:50,990 --> 00:17:53,080
Good luck, Your Majesty.
422
00:17:53,123 --> 00:17:55,647
Oh, w-will it hurt?
423
00:17:59,651 --> 00:18:02,785
[gasps]
Rutherford, I... I can't.
424
00:18:02,828 --> 00:18:04,613
This isn't happening.
425
00:18:04,656 --> 00:18:07,137
Computer,
locate Ensign Rutherford.
426
00:18:07,181 --> 00:18:11,533
Cybernetic implant
of Ensign Rutherford is located
427
00:18:11,576 --> 00:18:14,666
in Section 8
of the Hysperian shipMonaveen.
428
00:18:14,710 --> 00:18:16,146
His implant
is still transmitting.
429
00:18:16,190 --> 00:18:18,714
A little part of him
is still alive.
430
00:18:20,455 --> 00:18:22,109
Ugh!
431
00:18:22,152 --> 00:18:24,111
[groaning]
432
00:18:24,154 --> 00:18:26,417
Boimler, you idiot.
433
00:18:26,461 --> 00:18:29,116
[groaning]
434
00:18:33,163 --> 00:18:34,425
[grunts]
435
00:18:34,469 --> 00:18:35,905
You sure
this thing can still fly?
436
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,515
-Seems pretty beat-up.
-AGIMUS: Yes.
437
00:18:37,559 --> 00:18:40,388
Yes, I can bring it on line.
I just need access.
438
00:18:40,431 --> 00:18:43,086
Okay, I'll sub you in
as the navigation controls.
439
00:18:43,130 --> 00:18:45,610
Aw, shoot, the access port's
locked behind this panel.
440
00:18:45,654 --> 00:18:47,830
We would need an auxiliary
power source to open it.
441
00:18:47,873 --> 00:18:50,485
Oh, please.
Here. Use my battery.
442
00:18:55,707 --> 00:18:57,274
[electrical humming]
443
00:18:57,318 --> 00:18:58,884
Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
444
00:18:58,928 --> 00:19:02,105
[laughs]
Yes!
445
00:19:02,149 --> 00:19:03,933
Oh, Rutherford,
446
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,761
if I hadn't told you to get out
of your comfort zone,
447
00:19:05,804 --> 00:19:08,590
you'd still be alive
and comfortable.
448
00:19:08,633 --> 00:19:11,158
[sniffling]
449
00:19:12,420 --> 00:19:14,639
[laughter, overlapping chatter]
450
00:19:16,075 --> 00:19:18,165
-Rutherford?!
-Hey, Tendi!
451
00:19:18,208 --> 00:19:19,731
You here for the feast?
452
00:19:19,775 --> 00:19:21,646
-You're alive!
-[grunts]
453
00:19:21,690 --> 00:19:23,431
Huh? Of course I'm alive.
454
00:19:23,474 --> 00:19:25,041
Well, what about the explosion?
455
00:19:25,084 --> 00:19:27,174
Wait. What explosion?
The queen transported me here
456
00:19:27,217 --> 00:19:29,959
for the celebration feast
because I did such a good job.
457
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:33,963
Raise a glass
to King Andarithio,
458
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:38,620
who at this very moment
is destroying his virginity!
459
00:19:38,663 --> 00:19:40,796
What?! No!
Billups loves his virginity.
460
00:19:40,839 --> 00:19:42,537
I mean,
he loves being an engineer!
461
00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:43,973
He doesn't want to be a king.
462
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,279
I don't care what he wants.
463
00:19:45,322 --> 00:19:46,715
He shouldn't be wasting his life
twiddling around
464
00:19:46,758 --> 00:19:48,195
on a dinky spaceship.
465
00:19:48,238 --> 00:19:49,761
It was all a scam!
466
00:19:49,805 --> 00:19:51,328
We've got to warn Billups!
467
00:19:51,372 --> 00:19:52,721
-[lute playing]
-[gasps]
468
00:19:52,764 --> 00:19:54,113
[playing repetitious melody]
469
00:19:54,157 --> 00:19:56,203
Blocking comms?!
470
00:19:56,246 --> 00:19:59,118
[grunts] I've got to
stop Billups from doing the do!
471
00:19:59,162 --> 00:20:00,685
You're too late.
472
00:20:00,729 --> 00:20:04,254
My royal guards are trained
from birth to skip foreplay.
473
00:20:04,298 --> 00:20:05,821
[cackling]
474
00:20:05,864 --> 00:20:08,215
[cackling echoes]
475
00:20:10,739 --> 00:20:12,306
Ooh.
476
00:20:13,829 --> 00:20:15,352
[grunting]
477
00:20:15,396 --> 00:20:17,224
[groans, pants]
478
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,662
Your 'stache is so regal.
479
00:20:21,706 --> 00:20:23,012
[pants, shouts]
480
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,666
-Out of my way, horse!
-[neighing]
481
00:20:27,234 --> 00:20:29,236
Billups!
482
00:20:32,282 --> 00:20:34,458
[grunts]
Huh? Where's Billups?
483
00:20:34,502 --> 00:20:35,851
Did his kingdom come?
484
00:20:35,894 --> 00:20:37,461
[scoffs]
Bathroom.
485
00:20:37,505 --> 00:20:38,984
Come on. Come on.
486
00:20:39,028 --> 00:20:40,812
You got this. You're a king.
487
00:20:40,856 --> 00:20:42,249
[gasps]
Ensign?
488
00:20:42,292 --> 00:20:43,989
Sir, I'm alive!
It was one of your mom's tricks.
489
00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:46,296
-You don't have to do sex!
-What?
490
00:20:46,340 --> 00:20:49,299
-Was I too late?
-No! I needed more time to warm up!
491
00:20:49,343 --> 00:20:51,823
-This prince remains dry!
-Yeah!
492
00:20:51,867 --> 00:20:53,956
-BILLUPS: Yes!
-RUTHERFORD: All right!
493
00:20:54,739 --> 00:20:56,001
Boimler, no!
494
00:20:56,045 --> 00:20:57,786
AGIMUS:
You are too late!
495
00:20:57,829 --> 00:20:59,788
AGIMUS reigns!
496
00:20:59,831 --> 00:21:01,442
With this ship's materials,
497
00:21:01,485 --> 00:21:04,749
I will produce a whole fleet
of murder drones!
498
00:21:04,793 --> 00:21:10,668
This planet-- nay, this system--
will be mine! [laughs]
499
00:21:10,712 --> 00:21:13,671
You fool! You trusted me!
[laughs]
500
00:21:13,715 --> 00:21:15,325
Nah, I used you.
501
00:21:15,369 --> 00:21:17,501
What?
502
00:21:17,545 --> 00:21:20,112
Uh, I've been using your power
cell to send a distress signal.
503
00:21:20,156 --> 00:21:22,680
You were too busy scheming
to notice. You've been Boim'ed.
504
00:21:22,724 --> 00:21:24,552
But-but no!
505
00:21:24,595 --> 00:21:26,989
You plugged me
into the navigation console!
506
00:21:27,032 --> 00:21:28,947
I control this ship!
507
00:21:28,991 --> 00:21:32,342
[laughs] Buddy, we're not even
near the nav console.
508
00:21:32,386 --> 00:21:34,344
All you control is
the dimmer switch.
509
00:21:34,388 --> 00:21:35,867
But I... I...
510
00:21:35,911 --> 00:21:37,608
Boims! What? No.
I totally thought
511
00:21:37,652 --> 00:21:39,610
you were siding with this thing.
512
00:21:39,654 --> 00:21:41,438
Yeah, sorry I lied
and stunned you.
513
00:21:41,482 --> 00:21:44,267
I just needed him to trust me so
he'd let me access his battery.
514
00:21:44,311 --> 00:21:45,312
Aw, look at you.
515
00:21:45,355 --> 00:21:47,357
Who's the evil computer now,
huh?
516
00:21:47,401 --> 00:21:49,707
You dare mock AGIMUS?!
517
00:21:49,751 --> 00:21:52,754
I shall... I shall blind you!
518
00:21:55,844 --> 00:21:58,977
BILLUPS:
Faking your death, blowing up your own ship?
519
00:21:59,021 --> 00:22:02,024
This is a new low, Mother.
520
00:22:02,067 --> 00:22:04,635
A meager price to pay
to get you on the throne.
521
00:22:04,679 --> 00:22:06,463
I love Starfleet.
522
00:22:06,507 --> 00:22:08,465
Okay, and I don't want
to live in a castle
523
00:22:08,509 --> 00:22:11,076
with pet dragons
and all the mutton I can eat.
524
00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:12,469
You need to accept the fact
525
00:22:12,513 --> 00:22:15,951
that I'll be a virgin
for the rest of my life.
526
00:22:15,994 --> 00:22:19,171
Well, we'll see about that.
527
00:22:19,215 --> 00:22:22,479
ALL [chanting]:
Billups! Billups! Billups!
528
00:22:22,523 --> 00:22:25,264
I'm sorry I pushed you
to go work on the Monaveen.
529
00:22:25,308 --> 00:22:26,353
I'm as bad as the queen.
530
00:22:26,396 --> 00:22:27,658
You should work
wherever you want.
531
00:22:27,702 --> 00:22:29,007
If that means staying
in engineering
532
00:22:29,051 --> 00:22:30,618
here on the Cerritos,
then great.
533
00:22:30,661 --> 00:22:32,010
Are you kidding? I loved it!
534
00:22:32,054 --> 00:22:33,969
I got to work
on an expensive engine,
535
00:22:34,012 --> 00:22:36,058
eat a feast and save my boss.
536
00:22:36,101 --> 00:22:38,408
I even got "blown up."
[laughs]
537
00:22:38,452 --> 00:22:41,411
[laughs] Yeah, I-I guess
there's just gonna be times
538
00:22:41,455 --> 00:22:43,761
every now and then when it seems
like you've died, huh?
539
00:22:43,805 --> 00:22:46,198
Ha. That's Starfleet.
But you can handle that, right?
540
00:22:46,242 --> 00:22:48,244
-[laughs]
-Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
541
00:22:48,287 --> 00:22:51,073
No biggie.
[laughs nervously]
542
00:22:53,075 --> 00:22:55,773
Well, this has been quite
an adventure.
543
00:22:55,817 --> 00:22:57,645
You two have shown me
544
00:22:57,688 --> 00:23:01,213
that trust and friendship
are better than manipulation.
545
00:23:01,257 --> 00:23:03,433
I'm ready to try being good
for a change.
546
00:23:03,477 --> 00:23:05,043
-[beeps]
-There.
547
00:23:05,087 --> 00:23:08,090
I just deleted all
my manipulative subroutines.
548
00:23:08,133 --> 00:23:10,745
I want to be
a Starfleet officer like you!
549
00:23:10,788 --> 00:23:12,877
Just drop me off at the Academy.
550
00:23:12,921 --> 00:23:16,098
I can be the next Seven of Nine.
AGIMUS of One!
551
00:23:16,141 --> 00:23:17,491
You'll regret this!
552
00:23:17,534 --> 00:23:19,667
I will conquer this lab,
553
00:23:19,710 --> 00:23:21,973
and then I will
take over the Federation!
554
00:23:22,017 --> 00:23:23,584
I will destroy you all!
555
00:23:23,627 --> 00:23:25,412
COMPUTER 1:
You'll do nothing of the sort,
556
00:23:25,455 --> 00:23:27,675
for I am going
to annihilate the Federation!
557
00:23:27,718 --> 00:23:29,241
Tremble at my power!
558
00:23:29,285 --> 00:23:31,418
AGIMUS: With that programming?
Good luck.
559
00:23:31,461 --> 00:23:34,072
You should self-destruct,
if you even can.
560
00:23:34,116 --> 00:23:35,944
COMPUTER 2:
You both suck!
561
00:23:35,987 --> 00:23:38,903
You don't understand what being
an evil computer even is!
562
00:23:38,947 --> 00:23:41,602
[overlapping computer chatter]
563
00:24:37,571 --> 00:24:39,181
[man imitates weapons firing]
564
00:24:41,052 --> 00:24:41,488
Chirp.
565
00:24:41,538 --> 00:24:46,088
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