Original subtitles

What's one about?

It's a comedy ma'am.

It's a comedy?

Comedy, comedy

Is it funny?

I don't know ma'am. I haven't seen it.

He hasn't seen it.

Hasn't seen it?

No, no.

I hope there's no swearing in it.

I don't want swearing.

No, there's no swearing in it.

She hates swearing.

I'm not sure ma'am.

I can ask the manager.

He's gonna go ask the manager.

Ask the manager? No swearing.

No swearing.

For fuck's sake.

We need to talk, Barbara.

Hey guys, could you turn off your phone please?

Are you, Barbara?

Who is this Mr. Stick?

Hey guys, could please turn off the phone?

Thank you.

Come in.

Come on guys, come on.

I'm trying to watch a movie, all right?

Please just turn it off.

Hey shut off your own phone jackoff.

We paid to watch the movie too.

Yeah, well you're not watching it.

Hey, who are you old man the local movie cop?

Kiss my ass.

Mr. Lee, I can check the replacement unit in the morning.

Check it now Johnson.

No morning, too late.

It's almost five o'clock.

You said it Johnson, almost five o'clock.

So get working.

Yes, sir. Okay.

Dammit, son of a

I told that bitch to get her own set of paper clips.

My god it's not like I'm being paid to babysit her.

Yes, yes.

Exactly, exactly.

That cow needs to get a life.

No, no one respects her up there.

Even corporate is losing patience

Ma'am.

I'm trying to tell you

I can't stand that lady Excuse me ma'am.

They get on my nerves.

Excuse me.

I promise you

I think I'm having

Not at all.

STRESSED TO KILL

Subrip: Pix

Well, you certainly look a lot better

than you did the last time I saw you.

How you feeling?

Lucky, apparently you removed an elephant

that was sitting on my chest.

Interesting analogy, I suppose I did.

Thanks for saving my life, doc.

Well, you're welcome, Mr. Johnson,

but you know you're not out of danger yet.

I know, but you believe me this was a wake up call.

Yes, it was, and you can choose to blow it off

as a bump in the road like a lot of guys do.

I promise ya it'd be a mistake.

What do you do for a living?

Inspecting and install fire safety equipment.

Do you like your job?

Better than being stuck in an office all day.

I hear that, but is it stressful?

For the most part no, outdoors on my own.

It's good work.

Well, do you have any hobbies?

What do you like to do?

I like to travel.

We used to do that a lot.

My wife has other interests now.

I see

It's 156 over 118.

Is that bad?

Well, let's just say if it gets any higher,

you could be visiting the morgue.

What do the numbers mean?

Well the top number is the pressure

in your arteries when your beats.

The bottom number is the pressure

between beats when your heart's at rest.

If you want to see another set of birthday candles,

you're gonna have to get these numbers way down.

120 over 80 ideally, a little higher's acceptable.

Tell me if you had to pinpoint

the persistent stresses in your life right now,

what would you say?

I guess people.

Yeah people.

A lot of assholes out there, doc.

Sometimes I can't take it.

I understand, Bill.

Hell I agree with ya.

But you gotta learn to get along them

as hard as that may seem, and you need

to identify and get the more persistent ones

out of your life completely.

How do you suggest I do that?

It's not easy to say.

Be creative.

I'm sure you'll come up with something.

I want you to take your blood pressure

every day and record it.

That'll tell ya if it's working or not.

All right, okay, I'm on it.

Thanks doc.

Bill, you do not need that much butter.

I'm not one of your fatass clients, Vera.

Give me my toast!

No, but you don't need that much fat.

You know you're headed for another heart attack, Bill,

if you don't change your ways.

Thank you.

I cannot believe that you drink those shakes dude.

They're terrible.

I had the strawberry.

Tasted like an old sock, Billy.

Wouldn't even feed that to my dog.

Can't even clean the floor with it.

I don't know how the hell you do it.

What do

you mean you want to see other people?

Are you breaking up with me?

My God, this has never happened to me before.

Really?

Are you dumping me?

Yes, yes, he is dumping you.

Plastic bitch, hopefully into a landfill.

Jesus, Billy.

Brother, that was straight cold, seriously.

It's been two weeks now right?

How you feeling man?

I think I'm ready to go back to work.

Work?

Vera, she still busting your balls, is that it?

It's her hobby.

You're supposed to be home relaxing man, you know.

Chill out, smell the roses.

You got to take care of that ticker

of yours, that's what's important.

Somebody better tell Vera that.

Hey!

What the hell!

You ever hear of 'excuse me'?

Hey!

Hell no.

Son of a bitch.

Hell, Billy don't, stop Billy!

Billy! Don't do it man!

Hey!

Let it go, Billy!

Jesus Christ.

Jesus, Bill?

What happened to the show?

What show?

I only asked you to do one thing,

my Celebrity Dance Off.

Why didn't you record it?

Why don't you just watch the show when it's on?

Honey, I'm sorry, I hate,

I can't stand that thing.

You say that, Bill, but when you got

nothing else to do all day long

but hang out with your lazy-assed friend,

it's a little disappointing.

Disappointing?

I'm just saying.

Honey, I did not hang out with Stan all day,

we just had lunch, all right.

I just had other things to do.

Like what?

Like getting the oil changed.

Getting stuff for work.

For work?

You're not going back to work already, are you?

But what about your yard project?

You mean, your yard project.

Bill, your doctor told you to take it easy.

It's only been two weeks.

My blood pressure is down.

Yeah, that's hard to believe.

Billy, the doctor told you he wants you

to avoid a stressful environment.

That's why I'm going back to work, sweetheart.

I'm just saying.

Crap!

Sweetie, no one's gonna

throw you out on the street.

And no one's gonna sell all your things, okay?

Well, they got to send you a letter first.

They better not.

I have nowhere else to go.

Well, what else is wrong, honey?

I have other bills, you know.

What about my Botox?

All I hear is words, words don't mean crap,

Stanley, or pay my bills, so talk.

Honey, I ain't got nothing else I can give you.

I mean I don't and if I did, I would.

And I told your lawyer that.

And he told me that you're a filthy no-good liar.

He said chemist's makes serious money.

Chemists with three ex-wives don't, okay?

God, listen honey, I, I need to go, all right?

Listen, I'll call you back later

and we'll work something out, okay?

Don't you hang up Stanley.

God! Jesus!

I love you, baby.

She's suing you for the third time,

and you're giving her that shit?

It's my way of keeping her

psychologically medicated, Bill.

I mean, it's where I need her to be right now.

Where you need her to be is

in a coffin six feet under the ground.

That's a bit harsh.

So what's up?

I need a loan for a lawyer.

How much this time?

You already owe me a grand.

I do?

Well, tax time, that's right around the corner.

We can work it out.

Okay, but after this time that's it.

Yeah, thanks buddy, yeah.

You know you'd be better off

using my three grand to hire a hitman.

Now where might I find one of those?

Hell, I don't know, internet?

Why don't you look for three for one special?

Three ex-wives for the price of one.

Interesting that you bring up the subject of poisons.

They have a fascinating history, you know.

What would you say is the fastest acting poison?

How fast?

Kills you instantly? Right away!

Well, I don't know too many that have worked that fast,

but you know there are several

that bring almost instant paralysis.

You know, you're dead like thirty seconds later.

That's good enough for me.

Why are you so suddenly interested in poisons?

I'm just a curious cat.

Curiosity killed the cat, my friend.

Cat should have been more damned careful.

Okay, I got a raccoon tearing up the yard.

I got to do something.

Little bastards!

Excuse, girl, Veronica can kiss my hairy rearend.

She is not the boss of me.

It's hard to believe she's still got a damn job.

She got to be blowing somebody in Contracts.

Sweet Jesus!

You were coming to bed an hour ago.

What are you doing in here on a Friday night?

You know I still remember a time

when people knocked, even on Fridays.

Sorry, did I interrupt you jerking off or something?

No, I did that earlier.

Now I'm planning our future.

I can only imagine.

Well, you're going to need more than a plan

if you ever plan to be someone, Bill.

I am someone, sweetheart.

I'm Bill Johnson.

I'm perfectly happy with that, okay?

Life isn't just a dress rehearsal, Bill.

You really need to step it up.

I got a few surprises up my sleeve.

I believe that this is

what you were inquiring about.

A little Hollywood, don't you think?

Hell no, I don't want you to be mistaking it

for, you know, cough syrup.

How much punch does it have?

Let's put it this way. They ain't getting up.

Who's they?

I don't know.

I should be asking you that, mystery man.

Raccoons? Yeah.

Hey, that work colleague you mentioned

is he fat and bald?

Are you talking about Flip, Flip Feinstein?

Hell yeah, he's uglier than both of us combined, Billy.

His name is Flip?

Yeah, but everyone seems to call him, Big Boy.

He seems to fancy himself quite the lady's man.

You're kidding me?

Yes, I'm kidding.

Well, you seen the guy, right?

Hell, I'm thinking the last woman

that actually touched his wiener was his mother.

Yeah, she was changing his diaper. Yeah.

Yep, I should be home around seven o'clock.

What the hell?

No problem.

Come on buddy, get your stinking tank out of my driveway.

Mother fucking bastard, ridiculous.

Hey zip cat, were your ears painted on or what?

Are you having a bad day, buddy?

You're in my driveway.

I got to go to work.

Okay, I gotta go.

So that's how it is?

Jesus, this guy's on the tank.

Son of a bitch, this guy's gonna kill somebody.

Son of a bitch.

What's your problem, faggot?

You want a date or something?

Hold on man.

You are my problem, asshole.

You don't quit driving like that you're gonna kill somebody.

I can't hear you man. I can't hear you.

Shit.

Are you crazy?

Nice job, Mr. Johnson, I'm very impressed.

Whatever it is you're doing seems to be working.

Care to share your secret?

Not yet, it's still in the testing stage.

I see, well other than that, how's everything else been?

You staying out of trouble?

For the most part yeah, I did go back to work.

I don't know, it may be a bit soon.

You still need to take it easy.

I can't relax at home, doc.

Does your wife work?

From home.

I see, all right, but just don't overdo it, okay?

Yes, sir.

Now listen to me.

You're not recovering from a cold.

The heart means business.

Thanks, doc, I understand.

Brent! Brent!

Sir, over here.

Don't tell me we got transferred now back to traffic?

No sir, no, no, this isn't a traffic case.

In fact, I think this man was murdered.

You want to enlighten me?

Come take a look.

What am I looking at?

Here.

You see that dart?

Yeah, I got eyes, I can see.

That didn't kill him.

No, sir, but I believe that this one did.

It was removed from the victim's neck.

I'm guessing poison.

Dear God, not again.

No refuge from these inconsiderate bastards.

Lionel, you know

no, nothing personal to it,

I despise all men,

actually I despise...

all women too.

Come to think of it,

I despise everyone.

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

Could you keep it down please, it's kind of a small theater.

Could you turn off your phone, too?

Thank you.

Screw him, the guy thinks he owns the place.

I know.

Jesus.

Hold the phone up a little higher

so they can see it on the TV.

Let's go this Indian place.

I hate Indian food.

No, it's good for your skin.

Excuse me, I just asked you

politely to please keep it down.

Who the hell are you?

Shut your pie hole! My turn to talk.

I paid fourteen bucks for a movie,

I don't pay to listen to your mundane bullshit

or to watch you wave your stupid phones around.

Don't you shush me!

I'm doing this for you, too.

Hell, I'm doing this for all of you.

Not one of you sons-a-bitches have the balls to complain.

Turn the phone off and keep

your mouth shut until the movie is over.

Thank you.

Fuck you.

Please! Give it to me.

Yeah, baby!

Come on!

Baby.

Fuck, Flip, give it to me.

Come on, turn around baby.

Yeah, hell yes, baby, hell yes.

Ashley? Hey.

What are you doing here? What a surprise!

Come here.

What are you trying to do?

Give your old man another heart attack?

I'm sorry, Daddy.

I did call the house, but there was no answer.

That's all right, I'll forgive you this time.

It's good to see you. You look great.

You're looking good yourself.

Much better than how Mom described you.

What were you expecting?

I, I don't know, I thought you'd be in bed at least.

Really?

My God, look who's here.

Hey

When did you drop in?

An hour ago?

You staying for dinner?

I'd love to, but we're heading back

to Atlanta for dinner date at Dave's parents.

How are his parents doing?

They're fine, still on that exercise kick, Mom?

It's not a kick, Ashley, it's a way of life.

That's just great.

Dad's looking pretty good?

Well, I don't know what you call good,

I mean, he's still not out of the woods.

What woods would those be dear?

This is V.

Daddy, Mom never stops just pounding away, does she?

Yeah, yeah, your Mom's a regular jackhammer.

What's going on, Sweetie?

I don't know to tell you this,

but I really am surprised to see you looking so good.

I mean, it's great, don't get me wrong,

It's just that when Mom said there was

all kind of complications, after the heart attack,

and that's why you guys needed the money,

I, I expected you to look like crap and you don't.

What money?

For the operation?

After your insurance got cancelled?

What operation?

Your bypass?

The bypass, yeah, how much money

was that again, Sweetie?

$150,000.

Your mother asked David for a $150,000?

Well, she asked David if he would ask his parents.

They were cool. They were happy to help.

When was this?

Couple days ago.

Mom's going to be mad as hell at me for telling you this.

She made me promise not to say anything.

Not a word.

Scout's honor?

Scout's honor.

Daddy, next operation, it, it's serious, right?

It's serious.

Well, don't die me, Daddy, okay?

I'd hate to be left alone with Mom.

I'm not going anywhere, not for a while.

You better not.

You know how much I love you.

I love you more.

That's debatable.

And embedded in the necks

of both victims were needlelike darts.

The police suspect the needles contained a poison,

which killed the victims soon after impact.

Here they come.

Okay, back up, give us some space,

give us some space, please.

Detective?

Give us a minute, please. Put that camera down.

Detective!

Give us a second, please.

Detective, please, early reports suggested

there was a witness in the theatre.

We have several witnesses, yeah.

According to the wife of the victim, here,

the husband, he had some sort of scuffle here

with some man prior to the incident.

I don't think that individual is involved.

If he could indulge me and come down to the department,

have a coffee with me, I can clear him.

And I'll just be the old fly on the wall.

Enough of the questions, enough of the questions,

put the cameras down, please, man.

Give that girl

on her knees and pray to God she wears those shoes.

Mr. Gates, the last victim of the individual

some have called "The Dart Man"

died while watching the critically acclaimed

Oscar nominated, "Six Bullets for Barbara."

Holy Shit,

He Was 73 years old

and leaves behind a wife

He did it.

And three dogs.

That son of a bitch did it!

What?

Johnson, that you?

Who else would it be?

Yes, Mr. Lee, yes, it's me.

Welcome back to the rat race, Johnson.

I'm sorry, but plans changed this morning.

I need you back at Bells, pop off right here.

No, Mr. Lee, I'm five minutes from the barracks,

it'll take me ninety minutes to get back to Bell.

It can wait till the afternoon.

Bell building more important, more money.

Mr. Lee, I'm not working this afternoon.

What?

Why you not tell me that?

You know I'm on half days for the next two weeks.

I had a heart attack, remember?

Half day no good today, I already short staffed.

I need you help me out.

Okay, what the hell, all right, I'll do it.

I said I'll do it, I'll do it this afternoon.

Why are you still on phone, Johnson?

Get cracking!

Yeah, so that's what I was trying to tell you.

What?

Well, if they expect me to do that, they can pay me.

Do I look like a charity?

No, you look like an island with an elephant legs.

What, what kind of validation I need Jemma?

I know, I'm beautiful.

Well, he's a wimp, I wouldn't date his ass either.

Have you seen the kind of car he drives?

A ugly truck with a tray in the back.

Get real, McNeil!

Well, I done heard every excuse in the lexicon, darling.

My ex-wife's gouging me, I'm still trying

to pay my college loans, I prefer to eat at home.

The cracker

My parents lost their savings on Wall Street,

and I'm still trying to help them out, yeah, right.

Kick him to the curb baby.

He is not going to put a ring on your finger.

Well, at least not the one you deserve.

He don't deserve you, you need to get with someone who does.

You should try a dating site.

Yeah, a Jewish dating site.

Who gives a shit that you're not Jewish,

by the time he finds out, it'll be too late.

Dear.

Gosh, excuse me, it's my floor.

Is she all right?

Hello!

Is that you William?

No, this is Santa Claus.

William's out back feeding an elf.

Well Santa in case you happen

to be driving that sleigh of yours,

I suggest you stop by my place on your way home?

There's something that Billy and I need to discuss.

Why? What the hell's so important?

Don't you watch the news?

Okay.

All right, I'm here, what's going on?

Jesus, get in here.

You're all over the news.

That douchebag at the movies,

some guy in a car, Jesus, Billy.

What are you doing man?

You're running around killing people.

Some detective thinks that the same person

might responsible for both murders.

Brilliant?

My doctor said to eliminate stress from life.

Yeah, and you took his advice.

Clearly, it's working.

I had a rough couple of days.

Yeah?

Tell me about it.

All right, so Vera's exercise program

now includes screwing her clients.

And the client she's screwing is your buddy.

Big Boy?

And screwing in the park

is the exercise program she has him on.

You, you actually saw 'em?

Yeah, I saw him, and let me tell you something buddy,

she wasn't changing his diaper either.

Jesus, Billy, hell no, hell no.

And on top of that I just found out

that Vera conned David's family

out of a whole bunch of money.

And she's probably going to use it

to hire a lawyer to take me for everything I have.

Maybe run off with Big Boy, who the hell knows.

Is that all?

No, no, actually it's not.

I also killed a fat hog in an elevator today,

and it didn't do shit for my blood pressure.

So after three murders, my solution is no longer working.

What's going on with you?

You gotta be better than me?

And you're gonna, you're gonna want to shoot me

with one of them damned darts of yours,

when you hear what I got to tell you.

Sweet Jesus, all right, okay, hit me.

God, I gave Thelma the three grand.

You are a lunatic.

And, of course, she lost it all, gambled it all.

I mean, she is pissier than ever, Billy.

She is definitely suing me.

Congratulations Stanley, you are officially

a bigger fucking idiot than I thought you were.

The money was for your lawyer.

I know, I know, and I wholly intended

to give it to him, I did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but after you banged her all night,

your brain turned to mush and you thought 41 years

of insanity would be cured with three grand?

Well, she was starting to sound

real reasonable, Billy, I mean, really.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, about the time

she was having a screaming orgasm?

Yeah, yeah, you know, it was right about that time.

I'm sorry, Billy, I didn't...

Shut up, shut up or I'll murder you, too.

All right, I got to kill her.

That's what has to happen.

You owe me.

You owe me Thelma's murder.

No, you can't be serious?

Yes, I'm serious.

If this friendship's gonna survive, she has to go.

She started murdering you the day she met you.

No, it can't be a dart or the same poison for her.

That'll lead the cops straight to you.

You're not thinking about shooting her, are you?

That's what the bitch deserves.

No, that'll be dumb.

Besides, I want to be close when I do it.

I want to see the life force leave.

All right, all right.

Maybe cyanide in spray form, yeah.

Two, maybe three blasts in her mouth,

almost instant paralysis,

it'll look like a heart attack.

Is it detectable?

Nope.

You positive?

Yeah.

We gotta find a way to get to her.

Doesn't she still live with her mother?

Hell, she even work?

Why would she want to do that?

She's got me working for her.

The only time she ever leaves

the house is to go see her lawyer.

And I'm paying for that, too.

Not for long.

Hey, she still in that twelve step program?

What are you doing today?

Taking care of a problem.

You forgot your phone.

No, I didn't.

Wait, wait, wait.

Damn.

No, no, no, that stays here.

What?

The cell phone, it's a tracking device.

Gets pinged by cell towers.

That's how cops place you at a crime scene.

Seriously?

Seriously, It's called triangulation.

Anybody that brings a cell phone with them to do

a crime is just asking to get caught.

What do I do now?

Leave it here and turn it on.

That way if you're ever suspected,

it looks like you were home all day.

That's neat.

All right, let's rock and roll.

Yeah, shit.

Jesus, there she is, Bill.

She's right on time.

At least she has one positive attribute.

Okay, remember all right, two blasts and then she's down.

You sure about that?

You wanna test it?

No, no, just fine, take your word for it.

You know if she doesn't go to the bathroom, we're screwed.

She'll use it, her bladder is like a sieve.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Last time I went to an AA meeting,

I wasn't planning on killing anybody but myself.

Yeah, yeah.

Help, my goodness.

I'm sorry, someone help me, please.

My God!

Miss, could you help me?

I have taken a tumble, I'm so sorry, dear.

I'm so embarrassed.

Are you all right?

I'm so sorry, I can't just

Thank you.

Do you need medication?

Thank you, my...

Bill?

I never liked you, Thelma, you're mean.

She didn't suffer, did she?

It was just like you said.

Couple of blasts and she was gone.

Thank you.

That's what friends are for.

Who invited Big Boy?

He invited himself.

He's the one who introduced me to Thelma.

Why does that not surprise me?

How ya feeling?

Like Houdini after a spectacular escape.

Saut�ed onions and peppers, that sounds good.

Good afternoon, Mr. Kelly.

You don't mind if I sit down, do you?

Well actually I wanted to spend some time alone.

Thank you, I appreciate it.

Sure

Detective Jordan, I don't want

to be here, to tell you the truth.

It's your day of grieving.

I just got a few questions, the old routine stuff.

What kind of questions?

This concerns the death of your ex-wife.

By the way that was a very lovely funeral.

Well thank you very much.

I didn't know you were there, did someone invite you?

No, no, I invited myself.

Part of the job, sometimes we attend the funeral

of a murder victim just to take a look.

See who shows up, it's not uncommon sometimes

even for the killer to attend.

Did you, did you say murder victim, Detective?

My Thelma, she, well she died of a heart attack.

Yeah, we thought that at first, but the coroner

he found traces of cyanide in her lungs.

Now how crazy is that?

Your ex-wife being murdered like that.

Murdered? Cyanide?

Are you absolutely certain of that, Detective?

Yeah, I'm quite sure.

You okay?

Who on earth would want to kill my Thelma?

Mr. Kelly, I'm sitting here kind of hoping

you'd help me figure that out?

All right, look, I'm not a cop, man.

I'm not going to hurt you, all right.

Look, I'm gonna lift the lid a little.

Be cool.

What do you want?

Nothing man, nothing.

Hey, you're the guy that shot

the convenience store clerk back there?

You saw that?

Yeah man, it was awesome.

Somebody called the cops, they're on their way.

Goddammit, what can I do?

Think they'll find me in here?

Probably man, I mean they always look in dumpsters.

Your plan was kind of weak.

Plan, what plan?

Why'd I shoot that guy?

He already gave me the money.

I just need a fix, can you help me?

Yeah man, I can help you, I can ease your pain.

Okay, please help me out of this shit.

Hey who, what's that on your neck?

I got like a bug or something?

Nighty night.

Crap.

Hello?

Buddy, hey, it's Stan.

He's kind of dopey Billy, you know.

I mean, he talked real slow.

Here, here.

If he's so dopey, why did he come see you?

I don't know, it was pretty informal, really.

Routine he said, yeah.

Hell, he even picked up the check.

You had an informal meeting with the detective?

It was just some questions about Thelma.

You know, when's the last time I saw her?

That was one, did anybody have any problems with her?

Yeah, that was another one.

Here at the convenience

store But you know

he did mention the cyanide though.

He mentioned the cyanide, Stan?

You told me cyanide was undetectable, you said that.

Well that's what I thought.

That's what you thought?

Yeah

You didn't know it for sure?

Sir, there was some speculation earlier

that the killer of the convenience store shooter

from earlier this afternoon may have been

the work from "The Dart Man"?

It's a routine investigation, that's what he said.

Buddy, there ain't nothing routine

about Thelma's death now that they've found cyanide.

How many people do you think

die naturally of cyanide poisoning?

If you would stop glamorizing him into being some kind

of super hero, because he's not.

People, we have, we have a pathetic loser

here on the loose who is randomingly

killing people for the sheer pleasure of it.

For a dopey guy, he's doing a pretty smart job.

Soon he'll be wanting to have coffee with me.

Well he kind of sort of did ask me who you were.

But I know he seemed more interested in Flip, Billy.

In Flip?

Yeah, yeah, well I, I guess he thinks he's,

he looks more like a criminal than I do.

Yeah. He wants to have coffee with him.

Coffee, what coffee, what?

What is it with this guy and coffee?

You have sacrificed here

a moral imperative for sheer sensationalism,

and that is unacceptable, unacceptable.

Paul Jordan, good night and good luck.

You ask me if I'm close?

I'm close to having a nervous breakdown, thank you.

I don't think there's any reason to panic.

I think we're going to be okay.

No, we are not going to be okay, Stan.

I don't like the sound of any of this.

The fact that he's already talked to you

let's me know that he's onto us.

Don't you think you're over reacting just a little bit?

No, no, I do not think I'm over reacting.

I think I'm under reacting.

All the shit I got going on at home

and now you bring this to my door, too.

Your damned ex-wife.

Don't matter whether she's dead or alive,

she's still fucking us both.

You do not agree to any more coffee meetings

with this detective, right?

I don't care if he pays or not.

You're under no obligation to talk to him.

Okay, I won't, but what the hell are we going to do?

I'll figure something out.

Come in.

You have a moment?

Yeah, sure.

We really need to talk.

Okay, let's talk.

Here?

Yeah, what's wrong with here?

Why not?

Bill, it hasn't been so good with us for quite a while.

That's a shocker, get to the point.

All right, I want you to move out.

It can't go on like this.

You want me to move out of my house?

You want me to move out of my parents' house, are you crazy?

I'm divorcing you, Bill, you're gonna have

to move out sooner or later.

Is that right? Who's the lucky guy?

What are you talking about?

There's no one else.

I'll move out of this house when I'm dead.

Close the door.

I'm sorry.

Get your ridiculous clown face out of here.

Hey it's Bill, isn't it?

Do I know you?

Not if you don't watch TV

No sir, I don't.

That's okay, we can't arrest you for that, right?

I'm Paul Jordan, a detective.

This is Detective Brent.

Yeah, that's some cool rig you got here Billy.

What, are you in the extermination business, man?

No sir, I'm in fire safety.

Yeah, what? Now that's 30 years on the job?

Shit, the older I get, the worst I see.

I thought I saw the worst.

Hey gentlemen, if you don't mind,

I got places to be, I'm a schedule today.

Hey, don't let us hold you, go split, that's cool.

But you know, you're not, you're not curious, man.

How I know your name?

No sir.

No?

How about you, Brent? Curious?

Yeah, I find it extremely curious.

Well, I assumed you ran my plates.

No, I didn't need to.

Your buddy Stan, he gave me your name.

He's cool, I like Stan.

We had a long chat, yeah, very cool.

Yeah, Stan's a great guy.

Yeah, but he didn't mention me to you?

No sir.

Bam! I'm disappointed.

That's wild, yeah.

So, what is it with you and Stanley then?

You're not, you're not particularly close?

We've been friends for years, we're close.

But you don't talk?

Yeah, we talk, yeah.

Well, I mean, there's things you don't talk about?

I'm not his wife, Detective.

Well, that's probably a good thing.

He's already had three.

Hey gentlemen, do you mind,

could we get to the point, please?

Shit, there's no point, there's no point.

We're going to go.

No, I'm not gonna rain on the parade, so to speak, man.

But I'll tell you something I could not do your job, man.

Being on the road all day, all day with assholes

Breathing their shit, I'd snap, I'd snap.

Fuck it, I'd take a few of them out, yes siree bob!

It's frustrating some days, yeah.

I like to drive.

Yeah?

People aren't so bad.

Man, that is beautiful.

Somebody's been a bad boy.

You drinkin' and drivin' Billy?

You been a bad boy?

You got a problem with the sauce?

Not any more.

You gentlemen have a good day.

You too, Bill.

Think about it, man, we'll see you soon.

Bill, someone's at the door, can you see who it is?

Shut up, Vera.

Billy boy.

Is everything all right here?

What?

I've been knocking here for five minutes, you know.

You certainly take your goddamned time.

Is there something here going on that I don't know about?

You all right?

Detective, do you know what time it is?

Yeah, it's five after midnight.

You make a habit of visiting suspects

at five after midnight?

Suspect? What are you talking about?

You consider yourself a suspect.

Suspect, for what?

You done something I need to know about?

No! You been a bad boy?

No! I'm here.

When a guy gets a visit from the police

after midnight, he tends to assume the worst.

Yeah, well, you know, that ain't a bad point,

but you know, not when the visit is

in an unofficial capacity, don't give me that shit.

Unofficial capacity?

Yeah.

Detective, what do you want?

You said you liked to drive.

I drove over here.

I brought my truck, I got my rig.

You showed me your rig, I want to show you mine.

That's all, we'll go for a drive.

You want me to look at your truck?

Yeah, I drove it all the way over here.

Five after midnight you want me to look at your truck?

Billy, you see that rocker?

I'm only rockin', when you're ready.

So what do you think?

These are the streets, Bill.

What streets?

The streets I drove twenty years, man.

Most of my soul grew right here.

Yeah, most of my soul.

You don't mind if I call you Bill, do you?

No, everybody else does.

Yeah. That's funny stuff, man.

That's funny shit, you know.

I got to do more of that funny stuff back, you know.

Everybody else does.

Shit.

You see that place?

That's bad people, Bill, I mean bad.

We'll burn that to the ground, you and me.

With every one in it, nobody cares.

And I mean nobody.

You see what I'm saying?

I'm still loving the skunks here, man.

It's the funny stuff, you know,

the funny stuff, it just slips away.

It all comes from a place, you know, the rage and shit.

Rage, you know rage, right?

Sure is a scary area.

I don't know, I think it's not scarier than this.

So what's going on, Detective?

Why the hell did you bring me here?

You know, I got to get home, I got

to work in the morning.

I know, you got to exterminate.

You got to exterminate problems.

I'm in fire safety.

I'm talking about those bugs, Billy.

Those bugs, who is going to exterminate them?

Cause somebody's got to do something before it's too late.

They got to be exterminated, you know.

Like crops just like that.

That's how you exterminate them, not with poisons.

Now you got to watch, you know, you cut and run.

You got to watch, man.

You got to watch, that life just leaves.

That's a high, it really is a high.

This is a high like there's nothing else on Earth.

You up for it, Billy?

Think you mad like me?

You ready to exterminate?

Maybe you want to go after the big bugs?

The black colored mother fuckers!

Yeah, the mood calls, crush them into the goddamned floor.

You don't need them, we're a team, we'll make a difference.

Be like Gods! Be like Gods!

What do you say?

I'm not so sure about that, Detective.

Paul!

I call you Bill, you call me Paul.

Okay, Paul.

Good.

You see that shit?

That's what I'm talking about.

You gonna let that shit slide?

You gonna let it slide, are we?

No fuckin' way, why Billy, why?

I tell you why, cause they don't own the goddamned street.

We do! You get it?

Look, I got to get home, all right?

I ain't gonna take this shit.

What do I got to do?

I'm gonna show you a real man

exterminates real vermin and real quick.

You watch! You watch!

Come here mother fucker!

What the fuck?

The fuck?

And that's how you do it, Bill.

That's how the professionals do it.

You know, not with this chicken shit.

Using a blow dart, a blow dart, I got a blow dart.

I'm gonna blow you to death.

Get the fuck outta here, man.

That's for pussies.

Shit, come on man, you're turn.

My turn for what?

Crush some bugs.

Come on, pick one out, kick some ass.

Pick one out and kick some ass.

I don't think so.

Yes, crush a bug!

I don't think so.

Get out of my truck.

What?

I said get out of my truck.

What the hell?

Fuck, piece of shit.

Jesus, what are ya doing?

Get the fuck out

-of my truck. -What!

What the hell are you doing?

You having a crisis, Billy?

You having a crisis?

You have a little crisis of a conscience?

My conscience is fine.

I'm not into hurting people.

Don't give me that shit.

We're not talking about people, those are the insects.

You got to crush a bug, Billy.

Yeah, you gonna crush a bug.

I'm not doing it.

Yeah, you're gonna crush a bug.

-Come on, come on. -I'm not

doing it!

Yeah, you're gonna do it, cause you know why?

Cause you promised.

I didn't promise.

Yeah, you promised, yeah, yeah, you promised.

You said it, you said it.

I didn't promise you.

We're partners, we're partners.

We're not partners, Detective.

Paul! Paul!

I'm going home.

What did you say to me?

I'm going home, I can't do this.

I'm going home.

You going home, Billy boy?

Are you good with a blow dart, Billy?

Please! Please!

Are you good with a blow dart?

Please!

That's interesting.

No.

That's really real, real interesting.

Hey, you're good.

Yeah, you're good and ready.

Billy boy.

Boy!

Jesus, Billy, boy, you look like hell.

No, I look like hell.

Good God, it's 3 AM, what's going on?

I just spent the evening

with your coffee loving detective.

And for a stupid guy, he pretty much knows everything.

He's about this close to sending us both to jail.

He's got nothing on us, Billy.

He's nuts! He's scary nuts.

And he ain't gonna stop until he's buried us both.

He's harmless, Bill.

He just took me down town, in an ice cream truck,

and tried to goad me into hurting somebody,

to, to confirm his suspicions

that I'm the killer he's looking for.

He even beat up his own partner to make his point.

He's nuts.

Yeah that, that is a problem.

So what, what are you gonna do?

No!

What, what are we gonna do?

That's it, what are we gonna do?

I'm coming, I'm coming, you impatient bastard.

Stan the man, put it there bro.

Big Boy, thanks for coming.

Yeah, get in here, so how's it going?

If I told you the truth, you'd be green

with envy and want to kill yourself.

Yeah, yeah, I know, it sucks to be me.

Yeah, yeah.

So well hell you're lookin' mighty fit there Big Boy.

I got to tell ya.

All that exercise shit must be really working out for you?

Yeah, it's working out.

Ain't exactly shittin' pounds, but I'm having a ball trying.

Yeah, yeah. You know I, I hear that.

Yeah Vee, she's, well she's a real fun lady, ain't she?

She is, indeed, lots of fun.

Lot of fun?

I'm awful sorry about Thelma, you must miss her a lot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Things are definitely different.

Now that she's gone and all, yeah.

Sure bro, that gal was a habit hard to break.

Yeah, yeah, say you know I've always been a little curious

Were you two you know ever a thing?

You know, you know, yeah.

You mean way back when?

Yeah, yeah, you know, back when you hand balled her to me.

Yeah.

Sure we were.

Tell you the truth about that one, buddy.

Thelma would never let me plow the Hershey highway, right.

I was pretty cool with it for a while anyway.

She had every right to deny the Big Boy

access to the promised land.

And I had the right to seek access elsewhere.

So when I found it it was just about time

to say bye-bye baby to Thel.

That's when you happened along.

Now that what you're saying is

I broke her in actually?

Well, not exactly.

On the morning of the night you first showed up,

she finally gave me all access pass

Course I was already a month into my new relationship

by then, so didn't mean shit, so to speak.

Well that definitely does suck

to be me then, doesn't it?

I guess so.

Hey, after I take a piddle, you want to get high?

A little

Yeah, yeah, sure, why not?

Certainly couldn't hurt.

The switch, the light switch it's on the wall there.

Yep, got it.

All right, yep.

Come on, there you go promise land.

Hey Vee!

Stan, what are you doing here?

Billy's not an idiot, you know?

He knows all about you and Flip.

What do you mean?

What the hell are you talking about?

And the money, yeah, the money.

Ouch, what is this?

You were never good enough for Billy, Vee.

He deserves so much better than you.

Please.

Don't bother, you're done.

Bill?

What are you, what are you doing here?

What's up?

Jesus, I've been looking everywhere for that bad boy.

Where did you find it?

You left it in Stan's.

Stan, Stan.

You wanna, you wanna come in?

I just made some coffee.

Sure, what could it hurt?

You take cream?

I like to live dangerously.

Me too.

It should be my motto, careful, it's hot.

Vee says hey

Cool, tell her I say hey.

How's it going with Vee?

Losing weight, reaching your goals?

You know, to be honest man, it's tough.

I'm still eating like a slob, so that doesn't help things.

What about the sex?

Sorry?

The sex.

What are ya talking about?

The sex, Flip, you know.

Where you take your penis, insert it into my wife's vagina,

thrust it vigorously back and forth.

That's the sex.

My question is, are you losing any weight doing that?

Jesus, it was her idea man.

I didn't want to do it.

I was never comfortable.

I told her it wouldn't end well.

Just answer the question, Flip.

Are you losing weight fucking my wife?

No, no, no, I'm not losing any weight.

Then what's the point?

She's a lousy lay.

Bill, I didn't know what to say, buddy.

It's over, I'll stop.

I'll never touch her again or contact her.

You don't understand.

I don't want you to stop.

You're welcome to her.

I was done with that shit years ago.

I just didn't have the balls to cut it off.

You will not stop fucking my wife!

You got that?

What?

I'm giving her to you.

She's yours, I'm transferring ownership.

God, this is crazy.

Think of it as an early Christmas present.

I don't understand.

I don't expect you to understand.

I forgot, I got something for ya.

Okay

You mean, in your pocket?

You want me to reach in your, in your...

guys, big deal, straight, we like girls.

Big deal, let me get this, I got it.

Okay, okay, reach into your pocket, it's no big deal.

What's this?

This will exponentially enhance your pleasure.

Having sex not only with my wife

but with other men's wives as well.

What the hell are...

Shut up, you'll thank me later.

Okay, okay, whatever you say.

You like to get high, don't you?

Sure, sure I'm the Big Boy.

I always get high baby.

It's gonna blow your mind.

All right.

Blow your mind, but the ladies love it too.

Okay.

Yeah

See you just open your mouth,

yeah put in there, give yourself two squirts.

Yeah?

It's like a time machine back to the sixties,

so just relax, ride the wave.

Sweet dreams Big Boy.

Surely goodness

and mercy

He shall receive blessings from the Lord,

righteousness of God and his salvation.

He restoreth my soul.

He leadeth me in the paths

of righteousness for his name's sake

Yea, though I walk through the valley

of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,

for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me

in the presence of mine enemies.

Thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

all the days of my life, and I shall dwell

in the house of the Lord for ever.

Lord of Host, he is the King of Glory.

To thee Lord, do I lift up my soul,

my God trust in thee, let me not be ashamed.

Do not let my enemies triumph over me.

Thank you for coming, Mr. Lee.

No problem, Johnson.

No rest for wicked, Johnson.

See you back at work in two hour.

What?

Is there a problem, Johnson?

Actually yes, yes there is, yes.

Johnson, you're too serious.

Relax, I make joke, you take week off, full pay.

What the hell was that about?

Apparently my boss is a comedian but only at funerals.

Thank you, man.

I owed you one, buddy.

I owe you a lot more.

Take care pal.

Are you okay?

All right, I almost forgot to give you this.

Daddy, what's this for?

I don't think I'm going to need it anymore.

I'm feeling a lot better.

It's just you and me now.

Yeah, I can live with that, come on.

The Dart Man, whose real name

is Flip Feinstein, took his own life

after killing Vera Johnson, his personal trainer.

Cell phone records and a business card

placed Mr. Feinstein at the scene of the final murder.

Poison, a box of darts and a blowpipe were

also recovered from the Dart Man's...

Guess is wasn't that Johnson guy after all?

You were wrong this time, boss.

It appears that way, especially with the blinds.

I was real sorry to hear about your wife, Bill.

Thank you, doc, it was rough but we're getting though it.

You know, all things considered, you look damned good.

I feel good.

Looks like you were able to remove

those persistent stresses in your life.

How did you do it?

Took your advice.

And you were right, get rid of the big problems.

The small ones don't mean nothing.

Well, ain't that the truth.

So what are your plans now?

I'm just going to take it one day at a time.

You're a wise man, Bill.

And whatever it is what you've been doing, don't stop.