All language subtitles for I Feel Bad - 01x01 - Pilot.HDTV.KILLERS.English.HI.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,489 --> 00:00:02,589 [CHEERFUL NOTES] 2 00:00:02,590 --> 00:00:05,659 [SENSUAL MUSIC] 3 00:00:06,341 --> 00:00:08,776 Here's what every woman knows: 4 00:00:08,777 --> 00:00:10,778 We feel bad about something 5 00:00:10,779 --> 00:00:13,114 almost every day. 6 00:00:13,115 --> 00:00:15,950 Like sometimes, I cheat on my husband in my sleep. 7 00:00:15,951 --> 00:00:17,151 [GROANS] Wait, babe... 8 00:00:17,152 --> 00:00:18,285 Ugh. 9 00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:19,720 Oh, sorry. 10 00:00:19,721 --> 00:00:21,322 Oh, I know that look. 11 00:00:21,323 --> 00:00:23,324 You had that dream again, didn't you? 12 00:00:23,325 --> 00:00:25,192 Yeah, I did. 13 00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:27,027 Oh, but I am so cool with it if you had 14 00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:29,296 - a good dream too, babe. - I dreamt a giant hawk 15 00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:30,331 took the baby. 16 00:00:30,332 --> 00:00:31,765 I'm gonna check on him. 17 00:00:32,868 --> 00:00:34,802 Every morning is totally nuts around here. 18 00:00:34,803 --> 00:00:36,971 My kids act like psychos, my husband can never 19 00:00:36,972 --> 00:00:39,173 find anything, and I eat expired baby food 20 00:00:39,174 --> 00:00:40,875 for breakfast. 21 00:00:40,876 --> 00:00:42,643 I never know what I'll feel bad about, 22 00:00:42,644 --> 00:00:45,079 but I know it's always just around the corner. 23 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:46,347 Hello. 24 00:00:46,348 --> 00:00:48,983 Mama's running off to work, huh? 25 00:00:48,984 --> 00:00:51,819 Fancy career lady abandoning her kids. 26 00:00:51,820 --> 00:00:53,320 Come on, Ma, you were a stay-at-home mom 27 00:00:53,321 --> 00:00:54,922 and you still screwed up Emet. 28 00:00:54,923 --> 00:00:56,690 - Right, babe? - Mm-hmm. 29 00:00:56,691 --> 00:00:58,159 I mean, let's be honest... I don't have 30 00:00:58,160 --> 00:00:59,660 a tiny nervous bald spot for nothing. 31 00:00:59,661 --> 00:01:01,262 I was a very good mother. 32 00:01:01,263 --> 00:01:03,998 It's not possible for me to have made all those healthy, 33 00:01:03,999 --> 00:01:06,167 healthy snacks and still screw you up. 34 00:01:06,168 --> 00:01:07,401 You used to throw your shoes at me. 35 00:01:07,402 --> 00:01:09,703 And you would duck like a tiger... 36 00:01:09,704 --> 00:01:12,006 because of my healthy, healthy snacks. 37 00:01:12,007 --> 00:01:14,208 Mom, I don't need to sculpt melon balls 38 00:01:14,209 --> 00:01:15,943 to connect with my kids, okay? 39 00:01:15,944 --> 00:01:17,745 I mean, I read with Louie, I go to all of Lily's 40 00:01:17,746 --> 00:01:19,880 - Quiz Bowl events... - I quit Quiz Bowl. 41 00:01:19,881 --> 00:01:22,716 My friends and I are gonna do dance team instead. 42 00:01:22,717 --> 00:01:24,885 - What do you mean? - You quit Quiz Bowl? 43 00:01:24,886 --> 00:01:26,387 - I hated it. - Well, you don't have 44 00:01:26,388 --> 00:01:28,189 to like it. You think I like everything 45 00:01:28,190 --> 00:01:30,291 - I do? - Why can't you just be happy 46 00:01:30,292 --> 00:01:31,959 I'm on the dance team? 47 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,261 I don't like dancing these days. 48 00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:36,263 All that gyrating 49 00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:37,865 and shaking. 50 00:01:37,866 --> 00:01:39,867 Okay. Yeah, let's go 51 00:01:39,868 --> 00:01:41,402 before this creeps in to your long-term memory. 52 00:01:41,403 --> 00:01:42,937 Go, go, go. 53 00:01:42,938 --> 00:01:44,705 Come on, Jakey. 54 00:01:44,706 --> 00:01:46,273 Honey! 55 00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:49,043 Grandpa and I are going to take you to our house 56 00:01:49,044 --> 00:01:51,212 - where it's clean. - I am so sorry 57 00:01:51,213 --> 00:01:53,747 we can't afford a stranger to take care of you. 58 00:01:53,748 --> 00:01:54,848 Hmm. 59 00:01:56,151 --> 00:01:57,885 Why do I even buy all this fruit? 60 00:01:57,886 --> 00:01:59,420 There you are. Let's head home, Maya. 61 00:01:59,421 --> 00:02:00,788 [GASPS] 62 00:02:00,789 --> 00:02:02,089 [BOTH SCREAM] 63 00:02:02,090 --> 00:02:03,991 - Dad, what the hell? - I'm sorry! 64 00:02:03,992 --> 00:02:05,392 I... I thought you were your mother. 65 00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:07,161 - What? - What? 66 00:02:07,162 --> 00:02:08,462 You remind me of her sometimes. 67 00:02:08,463 --> 00:02:10,497 Just in how you look and sound and act 68 00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:12,499 and where you carry your weight. 69 00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,435 [sighs] And there it is: 70 00:02:14,436 --> 00:02:16,737 My feel-bad for today. 71 00:02:16,738 --> 00:02:18,772 My dad smacked my ass because he thought 72 00:02:18,773 --> 00:02:19,907 I was my mom. 73 00:02:19,908 --> 00:02:21,242 ♪ Take, take ♪ 74 00:02:21,243 --> 00:02:23,477 ♪ Control, trol of me ♪ 75 00:02:23,478 --> 00:02:26,180 ♪ Take me, take me, take, take ♪ 76 00:02:26,181 --> 00:02:28,082 - All right. - Kids are ready to go, 77 00:02:28,083 --> 00:02:29,950 I am ready to go. Bye. 78 00:02:29,951 --> 00:02:30,985 - Okay. - Hey. Do you find 79 00:02:30,986 --> 00:02:32,486 my mother attractive? 80 00:02:32,487 --> 00:02:34,421 Is this 'cause I saw her get out of the shower 81 00:02:34,422 --> 00:02:36,090 that one time? I got Bell's palsy from that. 82 00:02:36,091 --> 00:02:37,758 Well, then how can you find me attractive? 83 00:02:37,759 --> 00:02:39,293 Because I already kind of look like her, 84 00:02:39,294 --> 00:02:40,928 and it's only gonna get worse. 85 00:02:40,929 --> 00:02:42,263 Okay, this seems like a trap. 86 00:02:42,264 --> 00:02:43,864 I mean, it's a good one, I'll give you that. 87 00:02:43,865 --> 00:02:45,132 - You know what? - What? 88 00:02:45,133 --> 00:02:46,133 You can't answer this question. 89 00:02:46,134 --> 00:02:47,501 You love me. 90 00:02:47,502 --> 00:02:49,470 I need a more objective opinion. 91 00:02:49,471 --> 00:02:52,139 Wait, so you want me to be into your mom? 92 00:02:52,140 --> 00:02:55,376 I knew exactly where to get my objective opinion: 93 00:02:55,377 --> 00:02:56,977 I love my job. 94 00:02:56,978 --> 00:02:58,879 I'm head artist at a video game company, 95 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,048 We have air hockey, hover boards, a rock wall... 96 00:03:01,049 --> 00:03:03,017 the guys say it helps their creativity. 97 00:03:03,018 --> 00:03:05,386 Anyway, I'm the only woman on my team. 98 00:03:05,387 --> 00:03:07,121 Hey, guys. That's Norman. 99 00:03:07,122 --> 00:03:08,889 He's sweet and sensitive. 100 00:03:08,890 --> 00:03:11,792 Hux is spacey, Chewey's damaged but smart, 101 00:03:11,793 --> 00:03:14,061 - and Griff is all about Griff. - ...at the same time. 102 00:03:14,062 --> 00:03:16,030 They can be weird, but we're buds 103 00:03:16,031 --> 00:03:17,998 and I can talk to them about anything. 104 00:03:17,999 --> 00:03:19,466 Since we need a female protagonist 105 00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:21,135 for the new game, I stayed up late 106 00:03:21,136 --> 00:03:22,970 sketching more empowered women for a change. 107 00:03:22,971 --> 00:03:25,005 - [ALL GROANING] - Not again. 108 00:03:25,006 --> 00:03:26,407 Just give it a shot. 109 00:03:26,408 --> 00:03:28,342 Look, check her out. She's badass, right? 110 00:03:28,343 --> 00:03:30,244 She looks like Tomb Raider's boring aunt. 111 00:03:30,245 --> 00:03:32,346 - Wow, Sasquatch. - Uh-uh. 112 00:03:32,347 --> 00:03:33,547 Okay, okay. How about her? 113 00:03:33,548 --> 00:03:35,215 Come on, you know she can fight. 114 00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:36,483 - Yeah, she's on roids. - She looks like my dad. 115 00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:38,585 I don't even know why I try. 116 00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:41,355 - Who else has something? - Uh, I got this sketch 117 00:03:41,356 --> 00:03:43,357 of a dragon destroying the Statue of Liberty. 118 00:03:43,358 --> 00:03:45,559 It's not for work but it's pretty cool. 119 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,528 - [ALL AGREEING] - Wait, really? 120 00:03:47,529 --> 00:03:49,196 That? Okay, okay. 121 00:03:49,197 --> 00:03:51,098 Sorry, just... [CLEARS THROAT] 122 00:03:51,099 --> 00:03:52,833 While we're sharing, I just want to shift 123 00:03:52,834 --> 00:03:55,002 the conversation a little bit. Something happened 124 00:03:55,003 --> 00:03:56,003 this morning, and I'm kind of in my head about it. 125 00:03:56,004 --> 00:03:57,538 So I just need you guys to be 126 00:03:57,539 --> 00:03:59,273 really honest with me, okay? 127 00:03:59,274 --> 00:04:01,408 Just tell me the truth. 128 00:04:03,011 --> 00:04:04,611 I'm still do-able, right? 129 00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:06,580 Uh... 130 00:04:06,581 --> 00:04:09,183 - What... uh... - Hypothetically speaking. 131 00:04:09,184 --> 00:04:11,518 Sorry, I'm starting to spiral. Could someone just jump in? 132 00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:13,020 Anyone, say something. 133 00:04:13,021 --> 00:04:14,588 I'm a "yes." 134 00:04:14,589 --> 00:04:17,524 - You do have a nice face. - [LAUGHS] 135 00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,393 Thank you, Norman. I appreciate the honesty. 136 00:04:19,394 --> 00:04:20,594 Yeah, but that... 137 00:04:20,595 --> 00:04:22,529 that face doesn't seem so fresh. 138 00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:25,132 - I like a fresh face. - I would like to retract 139 00:04:25,133 --> 00:04:28,202 my previous statement. I also like a fresh face. 140 00:04:28,203 --> 00:04:30,204 They're lying. 141 00:04:30,205 --> 00:04:32,206 - We'd all do you. - Interesting. 142 00:04:32,207 --> 00:04:33,874 Interesting! Okay! 143 00:04:33,875 --> 00:04:35,542 Hux, please continue. 144 00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,544 It's like pizza: even if it's not 145 00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:40,214 the greatest pizza, some pizza is better than no pizza. 146 00:04:40,215 --> 00:04:41,949 Uh-uh. No, okay, 147 00:04:41,950 --> 00:04:43,217 that analogy's flawed. 148 00:04:43,218 --> 00:04:45,152 It's more like pizza that's stale 149 00:04:45,153 --> 00:04:46,920 and fallen between the sofa cushions 150 00:04:46,921 --> 00:04:48,389 versus pizza that's hot and fresh. 151 00:04:48,390 --> 00:04:50,057 That's what you mean, right? Do we want, like, 152 00:04:50,058 --> 00:04:51,558 older sofa pizza 153 00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:53,293 that has three kids at home? 154 00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:54,928 Is it just me, or does pizza sound 155 00:04:54,929 --> 00:04:57,431 really good right now? 156 00:04:57,432 --> 00:04:59,566 Not talking about you. 157 00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:02,569 [FUNKY ELECTRONIC MUSIC] 158 00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:05,606 ♪ 159 00:05:05,607 --> 00:05:07,641 Okay, you know what? Forget looks. 160 00:05:07,642 --> 00:05:09,576 We all know that your minds are warped 161 00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:12,112 from drawing chicks with giant bowling ball boobs all day. 162 00:05:12,113 --> 00:05:13,680 By the way, if I woman had those proportions, 163 00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,582 - she'd snap in half. - Bilaterally 164 00:05:15,583 --> 00:05:17,918 - or top to bottom? - I don't know, Chewey. 165 00:05:17,919 --> 00:05:20,254 All I'm saying is having a cool, fun personality 166 00:05:20,255 --> 00:05:21,522 is way more important. 167 00:05:21,523 --> 00:05:23,123 - True. - Thank you. 168 00:05:23,124 --> 00:05:25,192 - You kind of nag sometimes. - Oh, yeah. 169 00:05:25,193 --> 00:05:27,094 - What? - And you're critical, 170 00:05:27,095 --> 00:05:30,164 which is why I, hypothetically, wouldn't do it with you. 171 00:05:30,165 --> 00:05:31,665 I mean, I can just hear it: 172 00:05:31,666 --> 00:05:34,268 "Chewey, your grunts are too feminine. 173 00:05:34,269 --> 00:05:36,937 "Chewey, how come your belly's shaped weird? 174 00:05:36,938 --> 00:05:39,706 Chewey, how can you be this sweaty already?" 175 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,208 Chewey, you're grossing me out. 176 00:05:41,209 --> 00:05:42,376 Yeah, that would be another one. 177 00:05:42,377 --> 00:05:43,444 Okay, fine. 178 00:05:43,445 --> 00:05:45,712 Maybe I have some flaws. 179 00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:48,282 Well, you guys could stand to take a look at yourselves. 180 00:05:48,283 --> 00:05:50,551 I mean, when did nerds get so damn picky? 181 00:05:50,552 --> 00:05:53,120 Nerds are cool now. We date models. 182 00:05:53,121 --> 00:05:55,222 Right, Hawking? 183 00:05:55,223 --> 00:05:56,990 Yeah. Good boy. 184 00:05:56,991 --> 00:05:58,559 Good boy. Yeah. 185 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:00,160 ♪ 186 00:06:00,161 --> 00:06:02,396 You know, at first I was like, "Who cares 187 00:06:02,397 --> 00:06:04,164 what those nerds think?" But then I thought, 188 00:06:04,165 --> 00:06:05,199 "Those guys have a point. 189 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:06,667 I can be critical and naggy." 190 00:06:06,668 --> 00:06:09,036 I mean, when Lily told me she's joining dance team 191 00:06:09,037 --> 00:06:11,138 I treated her exactly the way my mom treated me 192 00:06:11,139 --> 00:06:13,140 - when I was her age. - Crap. 193 00:06:13,141 --> 00:06:14,641 - You threw your shoe at her. - No! 194 00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:17,177 My mother's the shoe-thrower. But I did kind of crush 195 00:06:17,178 --> 00:06:19,313 her spirit and act unsupportive. 196 00:06:19,314 --> 00:06:21,148 You know what? I'm gonna support her. 197 00:06:21,149 --> 00:06:22,483 I don't have to turn into my mother. 198 00:06:22,484 --> 00:06:24,485 I'm a badass woman with a will of iron. 199 00:06:24,486 --> 00:06:26,487 You stopped yourself giving birth to a baby 200 00:06:26,488 --> 00:06:28,155 in a taxi, and you were crowning. 201 00:06:28,156 --> 00:06:29,656 Yeah, you're damn right I did, because if I wanted 202 00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,658 an Indian person to yell at me while I was giving birth 203 00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:34,495 I would have let my mom into the delivery room. 204 00:06:34,496 --> 00:06:36,230 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 205 00:06:36,231 --> 00:06:38,165 Maya. 206 00:06:38,166 --> 00:06:39,600 You look fetching. 207 00:06:39,601 --> 00:06:41,502 I'm smitten by your appearance this evening. 208 00:06:41,503 --> 00:06:43,437 What's wrong with you, man? 209 00:06:43,438 --> 00:06:45,606 Don't make me fight you for her. 210 00:06:45,607 --> 00:06:47,341 - What are you doing? - I'm addressing 211 00:06:47,342 --> 00:06:49,676 - your concern from earlier. - Don't do it like that. 212 00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,211 It's weird. 213 00:06:51,212 --> 00:06:53,680 All right, everyone, Lily is very excited. 214 00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:55,549 She wants to show us her dance routine. 215 00:06:55,550 --> 00:06:57,184 What dance? 216 00:06:57,185 --> 00:06:59,253 You were supposed to talk her out of it. 217 00:06:59,254 --> 00:07:01,221 No, Mom. Unlike you, I'm actually 218 00:07:01,222 --> 00:07:02,623 supporting my daughter 100%. 219 00:07:02,624 --> 00:07:05,259 Oh, maybe one day she'll do crystal meth. 220 00:07:05,260 --> 00:07:08,262 We can all support her. Tweaked out as a family. 221 00:07:08,263 --> 00:07:10,197 I am proud of Lily. 222 00:07:10,198 --> 00:07:12,633 She's a strong young lady who knows her mind 223 00:07:12,634 --> 00:07:15,302 - and makes good choices. - Are you guys ready? 224 00:07:15,303 --> 00:07:17,237 Yes, yes! We're so ready! 225 00:07:17,238 --> 00:07:18,739 We're ready! 226 00:07:18,740 --> 00:07:20,607 [BLACK EYED PEAS' "MY HUMPS"] 227 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:22,643 [MAN VOCALIZING BREATHILY] 228 00:07:22,644 --> 00:07:25,579 ♪ 229 00:07:25,580 --> 00:07:28,048 ♪ Don't pull on my hand, boy ♪ 230 00:07:28,049 --> 00:07:29,716 Whoo-hoo! 231 00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:32,252 ♪ I'm just trying to dance, boy ♪ 232 00:07:32,253 --> 00:07:33,720 ♪ And move my hump ♪ 233 00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:34,821 ♪ My hump, my hump, my hump ♪ 234 00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:37,224 Uh, okay. 235 00:07:37,225 --> 00:07:39,126 ♪ My lovely lady lumps ♪ 236 00:07:39,127 --> 00:07:40,661 - [MAN VOCALIZING] - ♪ My lovely lady lumps ♪ 237 00:07:40,662 --> 00:07:42,396 ♪ My lovely lady lumps 238 00:07:42,397 --> 00:07:44,431 ♪ In the back and in the front ♪ 239 00:07:44,432 --> 00:07:46,833 How am I supposed to support that? 240 00:07:49,205 --> 00:07:52,239 What the hell was that? [GIRLS CHEERING] 241 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:54,108 Where did I go wrong? Is this because I let her 242 00:07:54,109 --> 00:07:55,443 watch five minutes of "Showgirls" that one time? 243 00:07:55,444 --> 00:07:57,601 Nobody panic. I saw on "Dateline" 244 00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,102 that there's a camp for this. 245 00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:00,904 They take the child away in the middle of the night 246 00:08:00,905 --> 00:08:03,607 and bring them back completely reformed. 247 00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:05,208 I thought Lily was amazing. 248 00:08:05,209 --> 00:08:07,077 I would like to hear more about this camp. 249 00:08:07,078 --> 00:08:09,446 Camp is very expensive these days. 250 00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:11,915 Sweetie, either help me or wait in the car. 251 00:08:11,916 --> 00:08:14,084 - Car. - Lily is such 252 00:08:14,085 --> 00:08:15,886 a natural, right? I mean, when she dropped it 253 00:08:15,887 --> 00:08:18,121 - I really believed it was hot. - Was it me, 254 00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:19,756 or did it seem like the word "booty" 255 00:08:19,757 --> 00:08:21,591 was thrown around a lot in that song? 256 00:08:21,592 --> 00:08:23,593 I don't think "booty" meant booty. 257 00:08:23,594 --> 00:08:25,128 I think it was code... 258 00:08:25,129 --> 00:08:27,130 - for vagina. - I thought that too. 259 00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:28,632 You know what? I guess I just 260 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:30,233 really appreciate self-expression. 261 00:08:30,234 --> 00:08:32,436 I'm going home to take a hot bath. 262 00:08:32,437 --> 00:08:34,237 Don't get too excited, man. 263 00:08:34,238 --> 00:08:36,106 - [LAUGHS] - What? 264 00:08:36,107 --> 00:08:37,574 [DOOR CLOSES] 265 00:08:37,575 --> 00:08:38,775 Oh, my God, what was that dance? 266 00:08:38,776 --> 00:08:40,110 Oh, my God, I knew you were lying. 267 00:08:40,111 --> 00:08:42,112 - Of course I was. - That dance was very... 268 00:08:42,113 --> 00:08:43,714 - BOTH: Advanced. - I know! 269 00:08:43,715 --> 00:08:44,981 Girls mature faster these days. 270 00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:46,049 It's something to do with the hormones 271 00:08:46,050 --> 00:08:47,651 in chicken or something. 272 00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:49,119 It's why some of them get boobs so young. 273 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,654 Chicken gives you boobs? I eat chicken every day. 274 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,122 Am I gonna get chicken boobs? Maybe I can eat 275 00:08:52,123 --> 00:08:53,490 - more seafood. - Okay, David, focus. 276 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:54,791 I am focused. We're telling Lily 277 00:08:54,792 --> 00:08:56,626 that she cannot be on the dance team. 278 00:08:56,627 --> 00:08:58,495 No, no, we can't do that. No, I refuse to shame her 279 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:00,964 over something that she loves and she's excited about. 280 00:09:00,965 --> 00:09:02,933 That is what my mom did to me and it made me resent her. 281 00:09:02,934 --> 00:09:04,968 I wanna be in the delivery room when she gives birth. 282 00:09:04,969 --> 00:09:06,970 - Don't you? - Um, no. 283 00:09:06,971 --> 00:09:09,005 Look, if Lily is passionate about dance team, 284 00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:11,608 we cannot be so... so uptight and prudish. 285 00:09:11,609 --> 00:09:13,977 We have to try to understand and support her. 286 00:09:13,978 --> 00:09:15,746 Oh, and seafood? 287 00:09:15,747 --> 00:09:17,681 Full of mercury. Shrinks your testicles. 288 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:20,150 So does hearing your mom say "vagina." 289 00:09:20,151 --> 00:09:22,652 You know what? I can do this. 290 00:09:22,653 --> 00:09:24,621 I don't have to be like my mom. 291 00:09:24,622 --> 00:09:26,156 [ALL SHOUTING] I can be reasonable... 292 00:09:26,157 --> 00:09:27,657 - [CHEERING] - Rational, and even-handed. 293 00:09:27,658 --> 00:09:29,760 I think I need to sabotage my daughter. 294 00:09:29,761 --> 00:09:31,027 Well, how do you want to do it? 295 00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:33,663 Gaslighting, mind games, Coup de Main acts? 296 00:09:33,664 --> 00:09:35,165 Whoo! [ULULATING] 297 00:09:35,166 --> 00:09:37,667 Shenanigans, skullduggery, gumming up the works. 298 00:09:37,668 --> 00:09:39,269 You guys are sick. 299 00:09:39,270 --> 00:09:41,938 Mind games, I guess? Look, I just need Lily 300 00:09:41,939 --> 00:09:43,874 to hate dancing and quit without it getting traced back 301 00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:45,142 to me, because I want to watch her give birth 302 00:09:45,143 --> 00:09:47,043 - one day. - I hate to be a buzz-kill 303 00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:49,646 but shouldn't we be working on your un-bangable heroine 304 00:09:49,647 --> 00:09:51,181 for our new game? 305 00:09:51,182 --> 00:09:53,717 - [GRUNTS] - We have got to hire 306 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,886 - more women in this place. - The kind of subtle 307 00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:57,788 mental manipulation you're hoping to unleash 308 00:09:57,789 --> 00:09:59,656 on your kid is basic "Inception." 309 00:09:59,657 --> 00:10:01,191 Yep. You just, uh, plant something 310 00:10:01,192 --> 00:10:02,893 in Lily's head, and she acts on it. 311 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:05,061 For example, I had a friend at school, Teeny. 312 00:10:05,062 --> 00:10:06,696 Okay, now he was bad news. 313 00:10:06,697 --> 00:10:08,698 He drank; he smoked; 314 00:10:08,699 --> 00:10:10,300 punched a lunch lady. 315 00:10:10,301 --> 00:10:11,902 He was really cool. 316 00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:14,137 Anyway, one day my mum decides 317 00:10:14,138 --> 00:10:15,739 that she likes him. 318 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:18,041 Since then, I saw Teeny as a total loser 319 00:10:18,042 --> 00:10:20,877 - and I dropped him. - Your mom poisoned the waters 320 00:10:20,878 --> 00:10:23,146 - and got rid of Teeny. - Not quite. 321 00:10:23,147 --> 00:10:25,715 They were having sex. 322 00:10:25,716 --> 00:10:28,018 Teeny's now my stepdad. 323 00:10:28,019 --> 00:10:30,187 - That's right. - All right, I'm gonna go 324 00:10:30,188 --> 00:10:31,988 "Inception" my daughter. 325 00:10:31,989 --> 00:10:33,824 [BLACK EYED PEAS' "MY HUMPS"] 326 00:10:33,825 --> 00:10:35,692 Okay, remember: The key to inception 327 00:10:35,693 --> 00:10:38,161 is the more we're into it, the more we ruin it for Lily. 328 00:10:38,162 --> 00:10:40,897 Eventually she'll think it's uncool and want to quit. 329 00:10:40,898 --> 00:10:43,667 - Just make a big scene, okay? - Easy enough. 330 00:10:43,668 --> 00:10:46,570 [BOTH CHEERING] 331 00:10:46,571 --> 00:10:48,705 - Go, Lily! - Whoo-hoo! 332 00:10:48,706 --> 00:10:50,173 Make it happen, girl. 333 00:10:50,174 --> 00:10:51,741 Shake that booty, Lily. 334 00:10:51,742 --> 00:10:53,176 Whoo! 335 00:10:53,177 --> 00:10:54,344 God, she really is shaking that booty. 336 00:10:54,345 --> 00:10:56,746 Arms! Sashay! 337 00:10:56,747 --> 00:10:58,582 - Whoo! - Candlestick! 338 00:10:58,583 --> 00:11:00,183 - Lead pipe! - Are you just shouting 339 00:11:00,184 --> 00:11:01,585 - weapons from "Clue"? - Yeah, on "Dance Moms" 340 00:11:01,586 --> 00:11:03,286 - they just shout stuff. - Okay. 341 00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,388 - Okay. - Shake it, Professor Plum! 342 00:11:05,389 --> 00:11:07,591 - It's not working. - We need to step it up. 343 00:11:07,592 --> 00:11:09,025 Let's do our routine from college. 344 00:11:09,026 --> 00:11:10,927 Five, six, seven, eight. 345 00:11:10,928 --> 00:11:13,296 [BOTH GRUNTING MELODICALLY] 346 00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:15,098 ♪ 347 00:11:15,099 --> 00:11:17,100 BOTH: And snake, and snake, and snake. 348 00:11:17,101 --> 00:11:18,702 Kid 'n Play! 349 00:11:18,703 --> 00:11:20,403 Whoo-hoo, Lily! 350 00:11:20,404 --> 00:11:22,305 Mom, what are you doing here? 351 00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:24,074 I'm showing my support. 352 00:11:24,075 --> 00:11:26,877 It's how I used to get you to quit things I didn't like. 353 00:11:26,878 --> 00:11:28,778 Go, Lily! 354 00:11:28,779 --> 00:11:31,982 Grandma says, shake your bacon! 355 00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:33,884 Great, not only did my mom and I have 356 00:11:33,885 --> 00:11:36,219 the same diabolical plan, but Lily didn't quit. 357 00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:39,055 I forgot she actually likes me. 358 00:11:39,056 --> 00:11:40,891 Before I gave up, there was one more thing 359 00:11:40,892 --> 00:11:43,093 I could get the guys to do to fix this. 360 00:11:43,094 --> 00:11:44,928 Guys... 361 00:11:44,929 --> 00:11:47,797 - "Inception" backfired. - I'm kind of relieved. 362 00:11:47,798 --> 00:11:50,066 It was pretty anti-feminist to refuse Lily 363 00:11:50,067 --> 00:11:52,068 the dignity of her choice to dance. 364 00:11:52,069 --> 00:11:54,905 Talk about keeping women locked in a hegemonic power structure. 365 00:11:54,906 --> 00:11:56,806 Norman, I usually love discussing the finer points 366 00:11:56,807 --> 00:11:59,109 of feminism with you, but you're, uh, 367 00:11:59,110 --> 00:12:01,144 - stepping on a giant boob. - You think 368 00:12:01,145 --> 00:12:02,779 this is comfortable for me? 369 00:12:02,780 --> 00:12:05,315 I'm stuck up here and no one will help. 370 00:12:05,316 --> 00:12:07,417 Hold that thought. I have another idea, 371 00:12:07,418 --> 00:12:08,985 but I'm gonna need your assistance. 372 00:12:08,986 --> 00:12:10,820 Great. Uh, we're in. 373 00:12:10,821 --> 00:12:12,789 Wow, that was easy. 374 00:12:12,790 --> 00:12:14,758 You guys are really invested in my kid issues. 375 00:12:14,759 --> 00:12:16,993 Well, we don't really have a life. 376 00:12:16,994 --> 00:12:18,962 But I thought nerds date models now. 377 00:12:18,963 --> 00:12:19,996 Yeah, they do. 378 00:12:19,997 --> 00:12:22,799 Just not us, specifically. 379 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,801 No, I... I dated that foot model. 380 00:12:24,802 --> 00:12:25,969 Wow, that's a stretch. 381 00:12:25,970 --> 00:12:27,170 Okay, come on. 382 00:12:27,171 --> 00:12:29,039 What... hey... 383 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,373 where'd you guys go? 384 00:12:30,374 --> 00:12:32,008 I really need to pee. 385 00:12:32,009 --> 00:12:33,810 - Oh, no. - They're putting me through. 386 00:12:33,811 --> 00:12:35,478 [CLEARS THROAT] Uh, Principal Friedman, please. 387 00:12:35,479 --> 00:12:37,213 I couldn't exactly call the school and tell them 388 00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:39,950 to shut down the dance team... but Griff could. 389 00:12:39,951 --> 00:12:41,051 Principal Friedman? 390 00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:43,053 This is Mr. Wainwright. 391 00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:45,822 Sir, I'm a very concerned, very Christian parent 392 00:12:45,823 --> 00:12:47,157 of a young girl at your school. 393 00:12:47,158 --> 00:12:49,392 Now, my little sweet angel 394 00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:51,294 is on this very sexist, 395 00:12:51,295 --> 00:12:53,797 - very demeaning dance team... - Right. 396 00:12:53,798 --> 00:12:56,032 Yeah, tell me, sir, would you ever have boys doing 397 00:12:56,033 --> 00:12:58,501 these type of unlawful gyrations? 398 00:12:58,502 --> 00:13:01,371 I say shut it down, sir. 399 00:13:01,372 --> 00:13:03,073 I couldn't agree more. 400 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,508 My... my daughter's name is... 401 00:13:05,509 --> 00:13:07,510 - No video game characters, no. - Athena. 402 00:13:07,511 --> 00:13:09,346 - Annah-of-the-Shadows. - Bayonetta. 403 00:13:09,347 --> 00:13:11,081 - Xena. - Princess Peach. 404 00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,182 - Her name is... - Liz. 405 00:13:12,183 --> 00:13:13,883 Chun Li, sir. 406 00:13:13,884 --> 00:13:15,418 - Chun Li Wainwright. - "Street Fighter." 407 00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:17,053 That is just fantastic. 408 00:13:17,054 --> 00:13:18,388 We'll... we'll talk soon, okay? 409 00:13:18,389 --> 00:13:20,924 Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Bless... bless Him. 410 00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:23,193 - What? - Uh, Principal Friedman says 411 00:13:23,194 --> 00:13:24,928 he's going to take immediate action. 412 00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,730 - ALL: Yes. - All right. 413 00:13:26,731 --> 00:13:28,431 - Thank you, Griff. - That's so cool. 414 00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:29,833 You tell people you're religious, 415 00:13:29,834 --> 00:13:30,934 and they just, like, listen to you. 416 00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:32,402 [SIGHS] I'm so sorry. 417 00:13:32,403 --> 00:13:35,105 I know I've put a lot on you, 418 00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:37,073 but raising kids is hard, you know? 419 00:13:37,074 --> 00:13:38,908 You always have to be there. You have to keep 420 00:13:38,909 --> 00:13:40,910 your eye on them, always protect them. 421 00:13:40,911 --> 00:13:42,779 You can't just... you can't leave them dangling 422 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,114 without any support, you know? 423 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,082 [STAMMERING] 424 00:13:46,083 --> 00:13:47,917 Where's Norman? 425 00:13:47,918 --> 00:13:50,253 No. Is he still on the wall? 426 00:13:50,254 --> 00:13:51,888 [WHIMPERS] 427 00:13:51,889 --> 00:13:53,356 [BOTH SCREAM] 428 00:13:53,357 --> 00:13:55,091 ALL: Oh... 429 00:13:55,092 --> 00:13:56,926 Yes. 430 00:13:56,927 --> 00:13:59,395 That's why I never let go of boobs. 431 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:04,186 Hi, cute family. 432 00:14:04,187 --> 00:14:05,821 And I missed you 433 00:14:05,822 --> 00:14:07,223 - And Simone. - Oh yeah. 434 00:14:07,224 --> 00:14:09,158 I ran out of food, but your mother made me 435 00:14:09,159 --> 00:14:11,694 - curried chickpeas. - You're in a good mood. 436 00:14:11,695 --> 00:14:13,129 And now to ruin it: 437 00:14:13,130 --> 00:14:14,830 we got an email from Lily's school... 438 00:14:14,831 --> 00:14:16,198 - Mom. - What? 439 00:14:16,199 --> 00:14:17,967 Somebody called and complained and said that 440 00:14:17,968 --> 00:14:19,835 our dance team is sexist. 441 00:14:19,836 --> 00:14:21,637 Ugh, what a loser. 442 00:14:21,638 --> 00:14:24,006 - I am so sorry... - So they're adding boys! 443 00:14:24,007 --> 00:14:26,709 I get to dance with boys. 444 00:14:26,710 --> 00:14:29,879 Chun Li's parents are awesome! 445 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,914 ♪ 446 00:14:31,915 --> 00:14:33,849 ♪ I met a girl down at the disco ♪ 447 00:14:33,850 --> 00:14:35,217 ♪ She said, "Hey, hey, hey" ♪ 448 00:14:35,218 --> 00:14:36,919 I don't understand how this happened. 449 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,088 ♪ Let's spend time not money ♪ 450 00:14:39,089 --> 00:14:40,656 ♪ And mix your milk ♪ 451 00:14:40,657 --> 00:14:42,091 When's the last time you saw "Inception"? 452 00:14:42,092 --> 00:14:43,225 ♪ Milky, milky cocoa ♪ 453 00:14:43,226 --> 00:14:44,927 - What? - I've been on 454 00:14:44,928 --> 00:14:46,595 these message boards about, you know, 455 00:14:46,596 --> 00:14:48,030 like, climbers and stuff, talking to guys 456 00:14:48,031 --> 00:14:49,665 - who were up on Everest. - Mm. 457 00:14:49,666 --> 00:14:51,400 They're kind of the only ones who can relate to me 458 00:14:51,401 --> 00:14:52,902 - at this point. - [STAMMERING] 459 00:14:52,903 --> 00:14:54,737 People that have fallen off of Everest? 460 00:14:54,738 --> 00:14:56,939 Well, it's just, like, the culture of climbers 461 00:14:56,940 --> 00:14:58,908 and, like, I'm just really in the... 462 00:14:58,909 --> 00:15:00,943 - I'm into that community now. - Mm. 463 00:15:00,944 --> 00:15:02,611 Hey, I'm sorry we left you up there, okay? 464 00:15:02,612 --> 00:15:04,780 I guess drinks are on us. 465 00:15:04,781 --> 00:15:06,282 And I can't move around too well, so one of you 466 00:15:06,283 --> 00:15:08,017 has to feed me chicken wings and one of you 467 00:15:08,018 --> 00:15:09,385 - has to help me pee. - I call chicken wings. 468 00:15:09,386 --> 00:15:11,387 - I'll do pee. - Oh. 469 00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:13,789 Oh, I can't watch. 470 00:15:13,790 --> 00:15:15,124 Talk about backfiring. 471 00:15:15,125 --> 00:15:16,892 The guys have to see this. 472 00:15:16,893 --> 00:15:18,894 [PHONES CHIMING] 473 00:15:20,364 --> 00:15:21,864 ♪ And move my hump ♪ 474 00:15:21,865 --> 00:15:23,966 Oh, no. 475 00:15:23,967 --> 00:15:26,902 Oh, they've let a boy join Lily's dance team. 476 00:15:26,903 --> 00:15:28,304 Emet's just sent a video. 477 00:15:28,305 --> 00:15:30,139 Oh... okay, okay. David, I'm sorry, 478 00:15:30,140 --> 00:15:31,374 I just... I was trying to protect her 479 00:15:31,375 --> 00:15:33,309 from having to do... 480 00:15:33,310 --> 00:15:36,045 that without being the one to crush her spirit. 481 00:15:36,046 --> 00:15:37,780 Well, you know what, Emet, it didn't work. 482 00:15:37,781 --> 00:15:39,315 And now our daughter's milkshakes 483 00:15:39,316 --> 00:15:40,816 literally brought all the boys to the yard. 484 00:15:40,817 --> 00:15:43,719 - God, he's strong. - Oh, my God. 485 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,321 Oh, I do not like the way 486 00:15:45,322 --> 00:15:46,822 he's looking at her. 487 00:15:46,823 --> 00:15:49,291 This happens in schools? 488 00:15:49,292 --> 00:15:51,961 Ugh! [ALL GROAN] 489 00:15:51,962 --> 00:15:54,330 I bet Lily will fart in front of him, freak out, 490 00:15:54,331 --> 00:15:56,132 and this will solve itself. 491 00:15:56,133 --> 00:15:57,933 You should have fed her your curried chick peas. 492 00:15:57,934 --> 00:16:00,002 She would have blasted him away. 493 00:16:00,003 --> 00:16:01,670 Parenting is so emotionally draining. 494 00:16:01,671 --> 00:16:03,305 I'm exhausted from worrying about Lily. 495 00:16:03,306 --> 00:16:05,441 Can we just go five minutes without talking about the kid? 496 00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:07,810 Besides, there's a hot girl 497 00:16:07,811 --> 00:16:09,345 right over there. 498 00:16:09,346 --> 00:16:11,981 How can you tell? She's turned away. 499 00:16:11,982 --> 00:16:14,316 I sent the drone over there to check out the face. 500 00:16:14,317 --> 00:16:16,519 Oof, Hawking did good. 501 00:16:17,354 --> 00:16:19,188 Now that's a fresh face. 502 00:16:19,189 --> 00:16:20,923 Okay, okay, okay. 503 00:16:20,924 --> 00:16:22,491 I was hoping to avoid being the bad guy 504 00:16:22,492 --> 00:16:24,493 for a little longer, but obviously we have 505 00:16:24,494 --> 00:16:26,462 - to end this right now. - I know you're concerned 506 00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:28,697 about what Lily's reaction is gonna be, but if you're cool 507 00:16:28,698 --> 00:16:30,199 and you're chill... 508 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,368 it'll be nothing like the way Maya was with you. 509 00:16:32,369 --> 00:16:33,836 - You know what? I agree. - Right? 510 00:16:33,837 --> 00:16:35,471 Yes. 511 00:16:35,472 --> 00:16:37,706 Oh, my God, is he motorboating her? 512 00:16:37,707 --> 00:16:39,375 - Cool and chill! - Hi... no, no, no. 513 00:16:39,376 --> 00:16:41,710 I'm so chill. Hey, Lil, can we just, like, 514 00:16:41,711 --> 00:16:44,213 - talk for one quick sec? - Mom, we're practicing. 515 00:16:44,214 --> 00:16:46,015 Yeah, no, I know. I saw that. 516 00:16:46,016 --> 00:16:47,383 That was really neat. 517 00:16:47,384 --> 00:16:49,785 Here's a thing: Um, I am totally cool 518 00:16:49,786 --> 00:16:51,954 with self-expression... really am... I just feel like 519 00:16:51,955 --> 00:16:53,355 maybe we should have a little conversation 520 00:16:53,356 --> 00:16:55,191 about what this looks like to other people. 521 00:16:55,192 --> 00:16:56,492 I knew the mom was gonna be uptight. 522 00:16:56,493 --> 00:16:58,494 It's just dancing. 523 00:16:58,495 --> 00:17:01,397 Hey there, little "Magic Mike" wannabe. 524 00:17:01,398 --> 00:17:03,065 - Nope. - Okay. 525 00:17:03,066 --> 00:17:04,500 No, you know what? That is not just dancing. 526 00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:07,236 That was actually the most disturbing display 527 00:17:07,237 --> 00:17:09,472 of child gyrating I've seen since Sia made that little girl 528 00:17:09,473 --> 00:17:10,873 dance in a cage with Shia LaBeouf. 529 00:17:10,874 --> 00:17:12,508 And by the way, these costumes... 530 00:17:12,509 --> 00:17:14,376 Wow. [LAUGHS] 531 00:17:14,377 --> 00:17:15,911 These are exactly the kind of clothing that makes juries 532 00:17:15,912 --> 00:17:18,047 extremely unsympathetic to victims. 533 00:17:18,048 --> 00:17:20,349 Oh, so, yes, I'm all up in the tightness, 534 00:17:20,350 --> 00:17:22,184 'cause I just watched my little baby show me 535 00:17:22,185 --> 00:17:23,886 how reproduction works. 536 00:17:23,887 --> 00:17:25,221 I'm sorry, when did kids' dancing become all, 537 00:17:25,222 --> 00:17:27,056 you know, "Oh, here! Here are my legs! 538 00:17:27,057 --> 00:17:29,425 Wide open!" And I don't wanna say drop it 539 00:17:29,426 --> 00:17:31,160 like it's hot 'cause you're too young 540 00:17:31,161 --> 00:17:32,862 to be hot. 541 00:17:32,863 --> 00:17:34,330 And I don't wanna see the twerking and the working 542 00:17:34,331 --> 00:17:36,098 and the jiggling and the gyrating... 543 00:17:36,099 --> 00:17:37,766 [GASPS] - [GROANS] 544 00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:39,568 [GROANING] 545 00:17:39,569 --> 00:17:41,437 My entire childhood 546 00:17:41,438 --> 00:17:43,239 flashed before my very eyes. 547 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,074 Sweetie? 548 00:17:45,075 --> 00:17:47,076 Oh, my God. 549 00:17:47,077 --> 00:17:49,545 I just flung my shoe at a child. 550 00:17:49,546 --> 00:17:51,046 [FUNKY MUSIC] 551 00:17:51,047 --> 00:17:52,882 I really am my mother. 552 00:17:52,883 --> 00:17:54,216 ♪ Pulled up about 6:00 in the morning ♪ 553 00:17:54,217 --> 00:17:56,385 Hello, there. I see you've met Hawking, 554 00:17:56,386 --> 00:17:57,586 my drone. [LAUGHS] 555 00:17:57,587 --> 00:17:59,255 Are you guys nerds with money 556 00:17:59,256 --> 00:18:01,290 like the Facebook guy or just nerds? 557 00:18:01,291 --> 00:18:03,959 I have a decent credit limit for my age. 558 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,127 [PHONE DINGS] 559 00:18:05,128 --> 00:18:07,396 - Oh, dear. - Excuse me. 560 00:18:07,397 --> 00:18:09,131 Emet told Lily she can't do dance team. 561 00:18:09,132 --> 00:18:11,967 - It did not go down well. - Lily's gonna be so pissed. 562 00:18:11,968 --> 00:18:13,469 Well, what choice did Emet have? 563 00:18:13,470 --> 00:18:14,970 The girls are growing up 564 00:18:14,971 --> 00:18:16,238 in such an oversexualized world 565 00:18:16,239 --> 00:18:17,606 I mean, just look at our video games. 566 00:18:17,607 --> 00:18:19,208 - Yeah. - Don't look at me like 567 00:18:19,209 --> 00:18:21,110 I'm part of the problem. I care about women. 568 00:18:21,111 --> 00:18:23,979 I'm about to buy this nice lady a drink. 569 00:18:23,980 --> 00:18:26,215 What can Hawking and I get you, there, 570 00:18:26,216 --> 00:18:28,083 beautiful person? 571 00:18:28,084 --> 00:18:30,319 I guess I'll have a vodka cranberry. 572 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,554 [YELPS] 573 00:18:31,555 --> 00:18:33,422 [ALL GASP, GROAN] 574 00:18:33,423 --> 00:18:35,157 Oh, no. 575 00:18:35,158 --> 00:18:36,825 Are you okay? 576 00:18:36,826 --> 00:18:38,494 - What are you doing? - [GRUNTS] 577 00:18:38,495 --> 00:18:40,329 You're a bad person, Griff. 578 00:18:40,330 --> 00:18:42,298 I was talking to both of them. 579 00:18:42,299 --> 00:18:44,233 ♪ Hey, sexy mama, show me ♪ 580 00:18:44,234 --> 00:18:46,101 ♪ Hey, sexy mama, show me ♪ 581 00:18:46,102 --> 00:18:47,970 ♪ Hey, sexy mama, show me ♪ 582 00:18:52,175 --> 00:18:54,610 You know, at least Tucker's all right. 583 00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:57,446 The shoe bounced right off his six-pack. 584 00:18:57,447 --> 00:18:58,948 God, he's strong. 585 00:18:58,949 --> 00:19:00,583 Can't believe you embarrassed me 586 00:19:00,584 --> 00:19:02,318 in front of him. 587 00:19:02,319 --> 00:19:04,520 I held in my farts for nothing. 588 00:19:04,521 --> 00:19:07,456 That's bad. 589 00:19:07,457 --> 00:19:08,657 Who are you texting? 590 00:19:08,658 --> 00:19:10,426 Okay, that... no, that's a mean thing 591 00:19:10,427 --> 00:19:12,094 to say about your mother. 592 00:19:12,095 --> 00:19:13,929 I'm gonna put more parental controls on this. 593 00:19:13,930 --> 00:19:15,998 Will you... help me do that? 594 00:19:18,501 --> 00:19:20,169 Look, Lily, I am sorry. 595 00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:22,004 I really am. 596 00:19:23,039 --> 00:19:25,541 I think you're a great dancer. 597 00:19:26,376 --> 00:19:28,277 And I think you should keep doing it... 598 00:19:28,278 --> 00:19:30,613 just not on that dance team. 599 00:19:30,614 --> 00:19:32,014 And not like that. 600 00:19:32,015 --> 00:19:33,949 Oh, God, and not in that costume. 601 00:19:33,950 --> 00:19:36,552 I was in the yard when you went loony, Mom. 602 00:19:36,553 --> 00:19:39,488 - I know. - Okay, maybe I was turning 603 00:19:39,489 --> 00:19:41,357 into my mom a little. 604 00:19:41,358 --> 00:19:43,459 - Here's your shoe. - But at least I was trying 605 00:19:43,460 --> 00:19:45,527 to be a better version of her. Good night, Mom. 606 00:19:45,528 --> 00:19:48,163 Oh, God, are we wearing the same jean jacket? 607 00:19:48,164 --> 00:19:49,465 Right. This is the worst day 608 00:19:49,466 --> 00:19:50,666 of my life. 609 00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:52,401 [MELLOW MUSIC] 610 00:19:52,402 --> 00:19:54,303 At least my journey inspired someone else 611 00:19:54,304 --> 00:19:56,405 to be the best version of themselves, too. 612 00:19:56,406 --> 00:19:58,307 - I think that's... - Hey, guys. 613 00:19:58,308 --> 00:19:59,908 Oh, hey, Emet. 614 00:19:59,909 --> 00:20:01,410 The four of us dudes couldn't stop thinking 615 00:20:01,411 --> 00:20:03,245 - about your little girl. - That's a sentence 616 00:20:03,246 --> 00:20:05,414 - I never wanna hear. - So we took your sketches 617 00:20:05,415 --> 00:20:08,150 and managed to come up with a strong female protagonist 618 00:20:08,151 --> 00:20:10,986 for the new game. 619 00:20:10,987 --> 00:20:12,655 We thought it would be cool to make a character 620 00:20:12,656 --> 00:20:15,557 that's a role model for girls instead of... 621 00:20:15,558 --> 00:20:17,426 bowling ball boobs. 622 00:20:17,427 --> 00:20:19,728 Aww, you guys! 623 00:20:21,064 --> 00:20:23,098 Seriously, you're gonna try and pretend that's your idea? 624 00:20:23,099 --> 00:20:24,433 I've been trying to do that forever. 625 00:20:24,434 --> 00:20:26,268 Why do guys take women's stuff and pretend 626 00:20:26,269 --> 00:20:29,038 they've just brilliantly come up with it? 627 00:20:29,039 --> 00:20:32,107 Because it's been working for the last 10,000 years. 628 00:20:32,108 --> 00:20:34,443 I really do like her. 629 00:20:34,444 --> 00:20:36,078 Yeah. 630 00:20:36,079 --> 00:20:39,114 Plus she's gonna be really hot when she gets older. 631 00:20:39,115 --> 00:20:41,183 You're a bad person, Griff. 632 00:20:41,184 --> 00:20:43,085 He knows. 633 00:20:43,086 --> 00:20:44,586 ♪ 634 00:20:44,587 --> 00:20:46,522 - Hello, everyone. - Oh, hey, guys. 635 00:20:46,523 --> 00:20:49,291 I got Louie that Hot Wheels he wanted. 636 00:20:49,292 --> 00:20:50,559 - [LAUGHING] - Okay, he doesn't need 637 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:51,727 - more toys, Mom. - You don't know 638 00:20:51,728 --> 00:20:53,762 - what they need. - Oh, God. 639 00:20:53,763 --> 00:20:55,397 I need to go. Somebody take this. 640 00:20:55,398 --> 00:20:57,132 Yes, yes, yes. Hey... Dad, hey, 641 00:20:57,133 --> 00:20:59,134 I'm gonna walk Simone out. Could you watch Jake? 642 00:20:59,135 --> 00:21:01,036 Well, I was just diagnosed with cataracts 643 00:21:01,037 --> 00:21:02,404 in both eyes, so yes, 644 00:21:02,405 --> 00:21:04,606 but not very well. 645 00:21:04,607 --> 00:21:07,142 Did you hear that? My dad can't see. 646 00:21:07,143 --> 00:21:09,044 This is great. I don't look like my mom yet. 647 00:21:09,045 --> 00:21:11,080 - Amazing. - All right, baby. 648 00:21:11,081 --> 00:21:13,115 - We gotta go. - [GASPS] 649 00:21:14,484 --> 00:21:16,585 [LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC] 650 00:21:16,586 --> 00:21:18,620 What's wrong with you, man? 651 00:21:18,621 --> 00:21:20,489 I don't know. 652 00:21:20,490 --> 00:21:21,490 ♪ 653 00:21:21,491 --> 00:21:23,325 Hey. 654 00:21:23,326 --> 00:21:25,127 Well, that doesn't feel great. 655 00:21:25,525 --> 00:21:31,682 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 48039

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.