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1
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Slow down!
2
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Hey Daphne, guess what Eddie ate in the park today?
3
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Ooh let's see. A hot dog wrapper?
4
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No. Guess again.
5
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A cigarette butt?
No. Guess again.
6
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Apple core?
No. Guess again.
7
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Oh really, must you two play this ridiculous game?
8
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She makes some feeble stab and you say "No. Guess again."
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Then she starts flailing away with even more ludicrous answers, all the while you chanting
"Guess again", until she's gibbering like some auctioneer with a bad bladder.
10
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Then you finally reveal the answer at which point nobody even cares.
11
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I'm not sure which one of us got the worst of that, but I think it was you.
12
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Guess again.
13
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Niles.
14
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There's a half-eaten lizard in your elevator!
15
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And that's the last hint you're getting.
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Oh Frasier, I had a breakthrough today with one of my compulsive gamblers
17
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and he gave me two tickets to the racetrack on Saturday.
18
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It's a luxury box ?I though you might want to go.
19
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Oh I would love to Niles. Why don't you want to use them?
20
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Well, the jockeys if you must know.
21
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What?
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Diminutive, underweight figures in expensive silks wielding riding crops. It just reminded me too much of Maris.
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Dad, what about you? I've never known you to turn down the horses.
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Ah, sorry. I've got poker with the guys.
25
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Oh well then. I'll just call one of my friends.
26
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Jeez. This is sort of embarrassing.
27
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The first three names on my list are all back in Boston.
28
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What about someone from your wine club?
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Oh well truth be told Daphne, those people are insufferable bores unless they have a glass in their hands.
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Sherry, Niles?
Please.
31
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Oh I know. How about Ed O'Hanlon?
32
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Moved away last year.
33
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Ooh, how about Edmund Kelly? If I know old Ed he'd never leave Seattle.
34
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Indeed not. They buried him here three years ago.
35
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Dear me. Really? I'll miss him.
36
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Yes. Three years from now when you think of him again there'll be a void!
37
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My God how did this happen?
38
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I've been back here for two years and I've yet to forge any new friendships.
39
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You'd better watch it Frasier.
40
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Next thing you know you're gonna be like one of these old people who are so set in their ways
that they're only happy hanging around with people who are the same as they are.
41
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What exactly is your point Dad? That I've lost my knack for making friends?
42
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Well I hate to bring it up but you never were very good at it.
43
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It was always you and Niles ever since you were kids.
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The two of you always holed up in that damned garage ?
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at least until you burned it down.
46
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You burned down the garage?
47
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Well, between Frasier and his Bunsen burner and me and my mosquito repellent in
48
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retrospect it was unavoidable!
49
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Still, you know Dad, I did have friends in college and back in Boston.
50
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It's only since I moved to Seattle that I've started falling back on Niles.
51
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Ooh ?"falling back on Niles"?
52
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Niles, you know what I mean. Settling for what's comfortable and familiar.
53
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My God, you and I can go out together and I know what you're thinking before you even say it.
54
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Well then I'm sorry you had to hear that Frasier!
55
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You know what? This would make a wonderful topic for my show.
56
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"Making New Friends" What are we so afraid of?
57
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Why do you make everything so complicated?
58
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You wanna meet somebody new? You just walk up to him, stick out your hand and say "Hi. How you doing?"
59
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Thank you Dad. I can always count on you not to overthink something.
60
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Thanks
61
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Hey!
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MAYBE JUST A SHAMPOO AND SET
63
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So why is it we have so much trouble making friends?
64
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Is it because we've become closed off?
65
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No longer want to reach out to our fellow man?
66
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Well I'd like to think that if one of you listeners out there happened to see me on the street
you'd feel free to walk right on up to me and?
67
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Excuse me Dr. Crane, we have to stop for a very important public service announcement
68
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HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?
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You're opening yourself up to every creep out there!
70
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Oh Roz that's exactly the kind of cynicism I'm talking about.
71
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I, for one, happen to believe in the kindness of strangers.
72
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Well I believe in the strangeness of strangers!
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Three seconds.
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Hi, we're back with the topic of friendship.
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Now let's go to the switchboard. Roz, who's on line one?
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Good news Dr. Crane. It's Gerard from Stanwood. A new friend.
77
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Hello Gerard. I'm listening.
78
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Well I called for another reason Dr. Crane.
79
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But what you just said really moved me. I wish more people felt that way.
80
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Well thank you Gerard. I sense a kindred spirit.
81
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Maybe we could get together some time? Have a beer?
82
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Maybe I could you know comb your hair?
83
00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:11,933
Well thank you so much for your offer of friendship George but
84
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I really don't have five thousand dollars to invest in your French fries vending machine.
85
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And for the sake of those who do invest I suggest, Sir, that you find a better name than "The Spuddy Buddy".
86
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This is Dr. Frasier Crane wishing you all good mental health.
87
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I mean that today more than ever!
88
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I just love it when I'm right. It makes the day so good.
89
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You stacked the deck didn't you?
90
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Oh please. You should have heard some of the calls I didn't put through let alone these faxes.
91
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Read some of these. They're sick.
92
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Oh Roz my listeners are not sick?
93
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Although this one does bear watching!
94
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Here's one that has promise.
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"Dear Dr. Crane. I never thought I'd write a letter like this
96
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but I was moved by today's show.
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As a photographer I come into contact with new people on a daily basis
yet I often find it difficult to make that one on one connection.
98
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However your words offered hope and I just wanted to say thank you.
99
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Sincerely. Bob Reynolds."
100
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Doesn't sound too wacky.
101
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You know what? I think I'm going to give Mr. Bob Reynolds a call.
102
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Are you nuts?
103
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He could be a raving psychopath with a trunkful of decomposing squirrels.
104
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Oh rubbish Roz. I'm going to call him.
105
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Where did you come up with such a disgusting image?
106
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Meet Garth from Tacoma.
107
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BUTANE AND THE BEAST
108
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You're late today but I'm glad you're here. I need your help
109
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My designer is ready to mutiny if I don't pick a fabric for my new couch.
110
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Now I've brought lots of swatches so make yourself comfortable.
111
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Frankly Niles I'm not here to see you. I'm meeting a new friend.
112
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A new friend?
113
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Yes, you remember I was talking about widening my circle of friends.
114
00:07:04,815 --> 00:07:09,257
Oh I see. No more "falling back on Niles"
115
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It's not that I'm trying to replace you Niles. It's just that Bob and I?
116
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Bob? You're dumping me for someone named Bob?
117
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Niles I am not dumping you.
118
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I'm just worried that Bob might feel awkward meeting the two of us.
119
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Oh well we wouldn't want to make Bob feel uncomfortable now would we?
120
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I mean after all I've only been your brother for...38 years now.
121
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What does that mean when there's the possibility that Bob may feel awkward?
122
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There's a man over there who says he's waiting for you.
123
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No doubt the much ballyhooed Bob!
124
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Niles.
125
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Oh it's all right. It's all right. I'll go quietly.
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Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.
127
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I'll just go home to my Maris.
128
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Oh that's right!
129
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Bob?
Dr. Crane.
130
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No, please..Call me Frasier.
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Frasier then. I'm glad you called.
132
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Oh..yes..Coffee please. Well uh
133
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-So.
-So.
134
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So. Listen, thank you for your fax.
135
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I listen to your show all the time. I think you're brilliant.
136
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You're probably sick of hearing that though right?
137
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One would think but it's my cross.
138
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That's the thing I love about your show.
139
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You're not just serious. You can be funny.
140
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Well, I believe humour can be a therapeutic tool.
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Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
142
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Mark Twain. "The Mysterious Stranger". I have a first edition.
143
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I'm a collector myself.
144
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You know I was a bit trepidatious about this experiment Bob, but
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I'm feeling a real simpatico here.
Yeah, me too.
146
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I'm going to go out on a limb. What do you say once we finish these coffees we treat ourselves to a proper dinner?
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Hey that sounds great.
148
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OK. Say, what are you reading?
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It's my bible. "The Big Book of Barbecue" by Jeff Filgo.
150
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He's a Texan. Of course all Texans think they invented barbecue.
151
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Arrogant bastards!
152
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You like barbecue?
153
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Well um national holiday... 4th of July.
154
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You know the secret to good barbecue?
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Mesquite.
156
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And the secret to mesquite is you gotta soak them in water for 10 minutes.
157
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On special occasions I'll soak them in beer.
158
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Once I soaked them in Sake for that "flavour of the Far East".
159
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You know in Japan they call their barbecues "hibachis"?
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The arrogant bastards!
161
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I'm digging my own barbecue pit right now?
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my speciality is the Shian Smoky Quail.
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The trick is a high engulfing flame. Like a forest fire.
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Of course they call forest fires "nature's barbecue".
165
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You know my co-workers call me "Shish-ka-Bob"?
166
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Well Bob.
167
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Do you have any charcoal free interests?
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Yeah I'm a professional photographer.
169
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The camera never lies.
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I'm a bit of a camera buff myself.
What's your trade? Photo journalist?
171
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I take kids portraits at Value-Mart Where your dollar buys more!
172
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You know what? Why don't we talk about this over dinner?
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Right..
174
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You know, Bob, about that dinner?
175
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How about Tex-Mex?
176
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You're talking my language.
177
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:51,644
No you don't.
178
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I'm fixing you a breakfast drink with fresh fruit, yoghurt, carob, pitted prunes.
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A healthy body makes for a sunny disposition.
180
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You want sunny? Let me have my fritter.
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Oh shush.
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There we are.
183
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There just aren't enough drinks that build up a nice head of black foam!
184
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Morning.
185
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Well you were home late last night.
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I had dinner with a new friend. Bob.
187
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Oh that's right. Have a good time?
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Hardly. The man talks endlessly on subjects that are of no interest to anyone but him.
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Gee. I can't imagine what that's like.
190
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Oh Dad. He took me to this God-awful barbecue place.
191
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All they serve is huge platters of charred greasy beef.
192
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The only sound you can hear is the gnawing of meat, the smacking of lips and the clatter of bones hitting the floor.
193
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I can't take it any more. I'm having that fritter!
194
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If you don't like this man why did you have dinner with him?
195
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Well I was going to tell him that I didn't want to see him anymore but
196
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you see it's a bit more delicate than just that.
197
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The problem is he's in a wheel chair.
198
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So what? If you don't like him you don't like him.
199
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Well I know that. It's just that I'd hate to have him think it was just because of the chair.
200
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I have worked with the disabled for over 10 years now.
201
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And if it's one thing I've learned they don't want special treatment.
202
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Oh I forgot to bring in the paper.
203
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Daphne would you get it? My leg's just aching and throbbing!
204
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I'll get it.
205
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You know, Daphne, you're right?
206
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I was kind of a coward wasn't I?
207
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Well, at least I got through the evening.
208
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Here's your paper Buddy!
209
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Bob you're here. Did we have plans?
210
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No. I was in the neighbourhood. Just thought I'd stop by.
211
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Did I mention where I lived? I'm astonishingly sure I didn't.
212
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You'd be amazed what you can find out with computers today.
213
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Anyway ?brought bagels, poppy seeds, pumpernickel, rye, sesame, onion, garlic.
214
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'Cos after all breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
215
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Hey-ho you must be Martin.
216
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You're Daphne.
That's right.
217
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And you must be Bob.
218
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That's me. Bob! Same forwards as backwards.
219
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THE SQUEAKY WHEEL GIVES THE GRIEF
220
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Got some messages.
221
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Bob. Bob.
222
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And oh look here's one from Bob.
223
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2 weeks and 45 phone calls.
224
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Can't we just get an unlisted number?
225
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They sort of frown on that with call-in shows.
226
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Frasier you've got to do something about Bob.
227
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I know Roz. I'm working up to it.
228
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You know the longer you put it off the worse he's going to feel when you finally tell him.
229
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Yes I know that. I'm a psychiatrist.
230
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I'm quite capable of dealing with difficult problems in a sensitive mature fashion?
231
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Wait!
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Did you hear that?
233
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That squeak!
234
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What squeak?
235
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He's here. It's Bob!
236
00:14:25,677 --> 00:14:26,806
I don't hear anything.
237
00:14:26,806 --> 00:14:31,664
Oh that's right. Only dogs and I can hear it.
238
00:14:31,664 --> 00:14:35,048
Frasier, you're being paranoid.
239
00:14:35,048 --> 00:14:39,076
It's the sound of his chair. I'd know it anywhere.
240
00:14:40,217 --> 00:14:42,524
Oh..my god!
241
00:14:48,198 --> 00:14:49,182
Hi Bob.
242
00:14:49,182 --> 00:14:51,279
Knock Knock Roz. Frasier around?
243
00:14:51,214 --> 00:14:52,306
You just missed him.
244
00:14:52,306 --> 00:14:53,700
Too bad. I got great news.
245
00:14:53,700 --> 00:15:02,677
I checked out that vacancy in his apartment building and guess who's gonna be neighbours?
246
00:15:02,677 --> 00:15:03,706
What was that?
247
00:15:03,706 --> 00:15:09,131
Feedback. This equipment's old and pathetic!
248
00:15:09,131 --> 00:15:14,873
Well maybe I can catch Frasier back at his place correction, our place.
249
00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:18,336
Bye Bob.
Bye Roz.
250
00:15:21,685 --> 00:15:23,794
OK he's gone. You can come out now.
251
00:15:23,794 --> 00:15:27,987
No he's not. He's never really gone!
252
00:15:27,987 --> 00:15:29,936
So Bob's gonna be your new neighbour?
253
00:15:29,936 --> 00:15:34,274
Well, break out the butane there every Barbecue day!
254
00:15:34,274 --> 00:15:37,816
NO! NO! He's not going to move into my building.
255
00:15:37,816 --> 00:15:39,744
I won't allow it. I'm going to talk to him Roz.
256
00:15:39,744 --> 00:15:42,184
Listen, I could use your advice. You've broken up with a lot of people.
257
00:15:42,184 --> 00:15:44,495
What do you find to be the most effective thing to say?
258
00:15:44,495 --> 00:15:48,780
I love you and I want to have your baby.
259
00:15:48,780 --> 00:15:51,518
Good, I've got my fallback.
260
00:15:54,724 --> 00:15:56,569
Ooh Niles, Niles. I need to talk.
261
00:15:56,569 --> 00:15:58,180
Bob's meeting me here?
262
00:15:58,180 --> 00:15:59,487
This isn't my usual.
263
00:15:59,487 --> 00:16:03,196
Well it's not for you. It's for my friend.
264
00:16:04,879 --> 00:16:06,042
That man is your friend?
265
00:16:06,042 --> 00:16:10,597
Yep. We share thoughts, feelings. We talk about the arts, current events.
266
00:16:10,597 --> 00:16:13,549
Today we're just hangin'!
267
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:18,723
There you are.
Thanks.
268
00:16:18,723 --> 00:16:20,354
My pleasure.
269
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,941
You know, I can't stay long.
270
00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:28,115
I've got 4 more pools to clean today besides yours and I'm gonna to lose sunlight.
271
00:16:28,115 --> 00:16:34,467
You know, Ralph, I was thinking that in many ways my profession is a lot like yours.
272
00:16:34,467 --> 00:16:37,832
I start out skimming the surface of the human psyche.
273
00:16:37,832 --> 00:16:48,060
Then I plunge ever deeper into the murky undercurrents, adding chemicals when necessary.
274
00:16:48,060 --> 00:16:51,424
There's a lot of leaves this year!
275
00:16:53,478 --> 00:16:56,862
I'm glad you called. I was starting to get self-conscious here.
276
00:16:56,862 --> 00:17:03,095
It seems like I'm always the one calling or stopping by or suggesting dinner or movies or shopping for hats.
277
00:17:03,095 --> 00:17:07,802
Oh I got you a beaut!
278
00:17:08,473 --> 00:17:10,569
Bob. You really shouldn't have.
279
00:17:10,569 --> 00:17:13,993
I knew you'd like it, neighbour.
280
00:17:13,993 --> 00:17:17,226
About that Bob. Have you actually signed a lease yet?
281
00:17:17,226 --> 00:17:19,609
No. Why?
282
00:17:19,609 --> 00:17:21,936
Well, we need to talk.
283
00:17:21,936 --> 00:17:27,201
Whoa. If you were a woman I'd swear you were dumping me.
284
00:17:28,111 --> 00:17:29,300
Blue one's nice.
285
00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:33,805
Mmm. I'm just concerned that blue might be a bit overbearing on a couch of that size.
286
00:17:33,805 --> 00:17:38,033
Although it might complement that Killin rug I was telling you about. What do you think?
287
00:17:38,033 --> 00:17:43,039
I live in my van!
288
00:17:43,039 --> 00:17:48,222
So you'd probably go for colours that add the illusion of space?
289
00:17:48,222 --> 00:17:50,450
You know, Dr. Crane to be perfectly honest,
290
00:17:50,450 --> 00:17:56,944
when you asked if I wanted coffee ?I thought you were gonna bring me one.
291
00:17:56,944 --> 00:18:03,695
Duly noted Ralph. Next week you can go back to drinking from the hose.
292
00:18:04,755 --> 00:18:12,163
You see I just don't think there's a basis between us for a sound friendship.
293
00:18:12,163 --> 00:18:14,342
Neither of us should feel bad about it.
294
00:18:14,342 --> 00:18:17,237
That's easy for you to say. You're not the one being rejected.
295
00:18:17,237 --> 00:18:19,932
No, no. I'm not rejecting you.
296
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:23,177
Truth is you're pleasant. You're charming.
297
00:18:23,177 --> 00:18:24,931
Frasier, I'm an adult here.
298
00:18:24,931 --> 00:18:29,101
At least respect me enough to tell me what it is you don't like about me.
299
00:18:29,101 --> 00:18:30,787
Well all right, all right.
300
00:18:30,787 --> 00:18:32,465
We have absolutely nothing in common.
301
00:18:32,465 --> 00:18:36,561
You talk on endlessly about subjects that I have no interest in.
302
00:18:36,561 --> 00:18:41,394
You call me all the time. Frankly you're suffocating me!
303
00:18:41,394 --> 00:18:46,922
Wow. I don't know what to say.
304
00:18:46,922 --> 00:18:49,024
I wish you'd said something sooner.
305
00:18:49,024 --> 00:18:56,274
I wanted to. Frankly I was afraid you'd think it was because of the you know?
306
00:18:56,274 --> 00:18:58,305
The what?
307
00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:00,697
The wheelchair.
308
00:19:00,697 --> 00:19:02,034
Why would I think that?
309
00:19:02,034 --> 00:19:05,918
I don't know. I just wanted you to know that.
310
00:19:05,918 --> 00:19:08,254
I wish it did have to do with the chair.
311
00:19:08,254 --> 00:19:09,505
I beg your pardon.
312
00:19:09,505 --> 00:19:14,456
Well, if the chair were your problem that would make you a jerk.
313
00:19:14,456 --> 00:19:15,764
This way, I'm the jerk.
314
00:19:15,764 --> 00:19:17,524
Well, I wouldn't say that.
315
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:21,123
Come on, you just did. You just said I'm boring and obnoxious.
316
00:19:21,123 --> 00:19:24,983
Who knows people better than you?
317
00:19:24,983 --> 00:19:28,590
You can keep the hat.
318
00:19:29,808 --> 00:19:34,076
Bob, wait,
319
00:19:34,076 --> 00:19:38,742
please. I've got to level with you.
320
00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:44,334
Truth is I find nothing wrong with you.
321
00:19:44,334 --> 00:19:48,218
I was just ashamed to admit it.
322
00:19:48,218 --> 00:19:50,817
It is the chair.
323
00:19:50,817 --> 00:19:52,644
What?
324
00:19:52,644 --> 00:19:55,953
I think frankly that you are wonderful company.
325
00:19:55,953 --> 00:20:00,052
Wildly stimulating. Your hobbies are so fascinating.
326
00:20:00,052 --> 00:20:05,967
You have a sense of style that really, I mean, doesn't compare to anyone's.
327
00:20:05,967 --> 00:20:11,778
It's just me. I feel petty and small about it but
328
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:15,724
I can't get past the chair. I'm sorry Bob. Please.
329
00:20:15,724 --> 00:20:17,723
I'm sorry. This is goodbye.
330
00:20:17,723 --> 00:20:19,515
I don't believe this.
331
00:20:19,515 --> 00:20:21,981
You don't want to be my friend 'cos I'm in a wheelchair.
332
00:20:21,981 --> 00:20:24,028
What?
333
00:20:24,028 --> 00:20:26,578
That's the worst thing I've ever heard!
334
00:20:26,578 --> 00:20:28,241
Look. You don't understand.
335
00:20:28,241 --> 00:20:32,739
What's not to understand. You just said flat out ?my chair repulses you
336
00:20:32,739 --> 00:20:34,536
What kind of a person does that?
337
00:20:34,536 --> 00:20:39,319
I've got a birthmark on my back. I guess we can't be friends either!
338
00:20:39,319 --> 00:20:42,247
People please. Frankly this doesn't concern any of you.
339
00:20:42,247 --> 00:20:45,157
When I think about all the gifts I gave you.
340
00:20:45,157 --> 00:20:51,562
All the barbecue sauce ?Hot 'n' Spicy, Tex Mex, Mesquite, Teriyaki, Honey Mustard?
341
00:20:51,562 --> 00:20:56,004
Oh For God's sake Bob ?put a sock in it.
342
00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:58,677
We were just on our way to dinner. Would you like to join us?
343
00:20:58,677 --> 00:21:01,008
I'd love to.
344
00:21:02,504 --> 00:21:04,713
So. You guys like barbecue?
345
00:21:04,713 --> 00:21:07,273
Yeah. Who doesn't?
346
00:21:36,819 --> 00:21:40,765
Are these wing tips too busy with these pants?
347
00:21:41,340 --> 00:21:45,460
Well, yes. They're a bit frenzied. Perhaps a woven lace would tone down the glitz.
348
00:21:45,460 --> 00:21:46,968
Might have to go overseas for that.
349
00:21:46,968 --> 00:21:48,727
No, not at all. You can get them downtown.
350
00:21:48,727 --> 00:21:50,047
Well, who shops downtown anymore?
351
00:21:50,047 --> 00:21:51,274
Well I do for one?
29888
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