All language subtitles for Animals.S02E09.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-QOQ_track3_eng

(theme music playing)

♪ Animals ♪

♪ Animals ♪

♪ ♪

Narrator:
Since the dawn of time,

predator and prey
have coexisted
(roars)

(cawing)
in a symbiotic
relationship...

keeping the cycle of life
progressing ever forward.

For some, it is up
to the young to learn

from their adult elders
the way of hunting.

For others, it will take
some time before they learn
to fend for themselves.

And for others more,
they themselves can be
their own worst enemy

in an ongoing quest
for survival.

And that's
where we'll begin,
on the ground floor.

(chuckles) Can I be honest
with you for a second?

You're like so fucking hot.
Like, I mean really...
(chuckles)

And I-- I really like you.
Can I kiss you? (chuckles)

Really?
(breathes excitedly) Okay.

(moaning)

Phil. Phil, check it out.
What the fuck, Mike?

Jesus Christ, knock, dude!
Ew. Were you
making out with us?

No, that's a smudge-mark thing.
Dude, what the fuck
are you wearing?

It's a snakeskin jacket.
You're not wearing that to our
date with Laura and Daphne.

You're not fucking--
I of course am wearing
this to our date.

Why do you think I got it?
Why do you have a jacket?
We don't have arms.

It's snakeskin, dude.
First of all, you're obsessed
with snakes.

We're fucking worms!
You don't look like a snake.
Yes, I am obsessed with snakes.

You look like fucking
Eddie Murphy in Delirious,
honestly.

All right, that's cool too.
I fucking love Eddie Murphy.

Are you kidding me?
Yeah, so do I.
He's the greatest.

He's fucking so funny.
Where's he been?
Where's he been?

I don't know.

It's like, "You know,
my brother."
No, don't do Eddie Murphy.

Just don't do it,
'cause-- All right?
I know, I know...

You felt it. You felt it, right?
You know why you can't do that.
I know, I know.

I gotta admit,
seeing you gesture with arms

is making me
a little jealous.

Like this?
Oh!

Hmm?
Do a thinking man.

Whoa!
Huh?

I know, right?
It's crazy.
It's cool!

Can you cross 'em?
That's tough.
Let's see.

(whooshes)
(both laugh)

Dude, I--
I love this.

I could do this--
Dude, this is crazy!

I need to go
to a wedding
or something.

Yeah. Oh my God.
I would take over
the dance floor

and just go like this.
You look good in that jacket.

Thank you.
See, now we're gonna
go on the date,

and I'm gonna be this,
and they're gonna think
I'm freaking milquetoast.

I gotta be honest,
you look a little boring.
All right. I gotta do something.

I gotta-- What do
you think if we go

into a movie outfit-changing
montage scene real quick?

Can I try on a bunch
of different outfits?
That sounds great.

Here we go!
(shouts)

♪ ♪
Tadah!

It's a straw. I just
taped it around my waist.
Dude, that's it.

That's fucking it.
I'm serious.
Are sure?

'Cause I got three
or four other ones,

No.
it's like real funny,
kind of character-based stuff.

Forget those.
The two-arm thing
right here?

This is the one. Yes!
They're actually
pretty pliable.

What do you think if we
montage into a testing out
our new arms kind of scene?

Since this one got cut short,
I think let's keep it rolling.
Let's allocate resources.

Whoa!

Oh my God.
That felt good, dude.
One more time.

(grunts)
Oh!

(grunting)
Yeah, you wanna (mutters)
at me here?

Ho! All right,
all right, all right.
(coughs)

That was cool.
What was that?

That was honestly
just instinct.
(coughs)

It looks good.
It feels right.

It fucking makes sense.
It feels real.

I feel really good
about this.

I think this date is
gonna be one of our best,

'cause there are two guys
who no worms could possibly
turn down either of us.

Hey, put 'er there.

Ooh, this feels good, too.
(laughs)

(laughs)
Holy shit.

I trust you.
It's kinda like we're
saying to each other,

"I'm not a jerk.
You're not a jerk.

There's no jerks here.
Jerks on, jerks off."

Jerks off, okay? Right.
Jerks off.
Let's jerk off.

That's right.
Jerking off.
Jerking off.

Both:
We are jerking
each other off.

Narrator:
Now, follow me up the tree,

where new life
is about to blossom.

Can't wait.

(humming)
(egg cracking)

Oh, now that's clever.

Crispy maggot on the taco.
I love that texture.

Hyah! (sighs)

(clears throat)
Um, excuse me.
(humming)

Excuse me, ma'am.
Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit.

-Hi. Hi.
-Hi. Hi.

Am I in the right place?
Is this life?

Yes! Sorry, I, uh,
I wasn't expecting you
to arrive this early.

Oh, no. I think I am actually
the early one,

so don't worry about it.
Are you, um...

Mom.
I'm your mom.
Mom.

Yeah, I was gonna say, "Mom."
(both laugh)

But I didn't wanna
come on too strong.

But I did feel immediately
a kinship towards you,
Yeah.

and I like looking
in your eyes

and feel like
you're gonna take care
of me, so that's cool.

So, this is the nest,
and I've expanded it
just for your arrival.

This is really nice.
What is that,
a piece of popcorn?

The popcorn chair!
Not saying whose backyard
it came from.

(whispers)
Steve Buscemi.
Wow!

I'm gonna like life. I can tell.
I'm gonna really like this.

Hey, Mom?
Uh-huh.

I have this bubble
in my stomach,
but it's empty.

It's like a gurgling.
It doesn't feel great.

Oh! Of course you're hungry.
Just give me a second.

Okay.
Trying to get
a little saliva going.

Okay, now here,
you've just gotta sorta
tilt your head back like that.

All right, now open wide.
Here we go.
Okay.

(grunts, coughs)
Whoa! Oh God.

(straining)
What? Ah! Please don't.

What?
(coughs)
Oh fuck.

I got nothing.
That really scared me.

You know what?
It's mommy's fault.
I should've stocked up.

I'm just gonna
have to run out
and grab us a little food.

So, you stay here--
Oh shit!

We didn't name you yet.
Oh!

Do you want
to pick your name?

Like a forever name?
Yeah.

This is what people
are gonna call me?
Yeah.

Okay. That's a lot of pressure.
Um, how about...

Choo. Choo.
Chewie-choo.

Chewie, choo.
Choo, choo, choo!
Choo, choo, choo!

Chooch? Okay. How about--
Cho-choo-choo-- choo-choo!

Charly?
How about Charly?

Yeah, Charly.
Charly's a nice name.

I love that. Mix it up.
Who are we? Famous birds?

Okay, Charly, I'm gone,
you're the leader
of the nest.

So be safe and be brave,
and I love you.

Wow. Okay, that felt good.

Mama bird taking off. Pew!

Whoo!
Flying fucking rules!

Wow. I am immediately
missing her.

♪ ♪
Narrator: But what little
Choo-- Charly didn't know

was that
she was not alone.
(rustling)

Onlookers were afoot,
albeit from above.

So, then the John Turturro
character does end up

having to try the case.
You have to see it. Ooh!

Here we go! Showtime!
This is where it gets fun.

The mother bird
has left the nest,
so I go take care of her.

But while I'm doing that,
you're gonna sneak in

and you're gonna take care
of the little one. Matthew?
(game beeping)

What are you-- Matthew!
Oh, right there.
Sorry, I wasn't listening.

Starting when?
Starting whenever
you talked, I guess.

Oh. Okay, listen to me.
I'm trying to teach you

how to become
your own opossum.

Oh my God.
Can you stop saying "opossum"?
It's "possum," Dad.

It's not "possum."
You say, "Opossum."
It's--

No, you say you're a possum!
It's a show of respect.

Would you go
to church and say,
"You're a preacher"?

No, you say,
"You're an o-preacher."

(sighs)
Dad, why can't we just
do it the normal way?

You go out,
something happens,
I don't know what,

and then you come back,
we eat the food,
and it's done.

Why screw up the status quo?
If you teach
an opossum to fish,

you're wasting your time,
because we don't eat fish.

Okay. (gasps)
Isn't that an expression?

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
(game beeping)

Oh, got a suppa.
Yes! These are super rare.

Okay, so we're
gonna wrap it up.

I'm gonna go take care
of the dinner sitch.

Can you make sure
to get that extra marinara
on top of it?

What's the-- The marinara?
The marinara,
the red sauce.

Oh, the red s--
the red sauce.
Okay, it's red sauce.

(mutters)
I've done a horrible job
with this boy.

(rock music playing)

♪ He waves his arms and rants ♪

♪ And cranks butts
and tells all the kids ♪

♪ To never change ♪

♪ Just keep it kinda clean ♪

(sirens blaring)

Narrator:
Why don't we check back in
on our worm pals

as they get ready
for their big date.

I'll tell you what, dude.
This thing is changing my life.

I get to brush my teeth now.
It's like I used to just rinse
my mouth out with water.

(spits)
I feel so much better.

Mikey, come on, man.
Let's get going.

This place is two feet away,
so we should start crawling now.

Cool. Do we have everything?
You have the keys, right?

(clears throat)
No, dude.
What is that?

What is what?
It's the snakeskin jacket.

No, the thing on your head!
You're not wearing
a goddamn wig, dude!

It's Jheri curls, okay?
Mike, we jerked off each other
that we wouldn't fuck this up!

I'm not going
back on the jerk off.
I'm just saying--

This date with Laura and Daphne
has to go well, dude, okay?

Just don't fuck this up, man.
Jesus. Why are you
so nervous?

We're freaking
hermaphroditic anyway.
We can't have sex.

I know we're hermaphroditic...
It's not like it's gonna
lead to anything.

but it's just like,
"What about falling in love?"

You know,
that might be cool.

Or even hanging out with someone
that's not each other.

I only hang out with you,

and frankly, I think
you might be a figment
of my fucking imagination, okay?

I'm losing my mind
under this goddamn rock.

Did you just say
I might be a figment
of your imagination?

No, dude. I-- I don't--
it's just like something that--

when I'm falling asleep
I'll think about it.

Like the fact that you
and me are the same thing,

like we're one worm,
and why would both ends
of us be cognizant?

And how would you even have
a different personality than me?
(thuds)

And sometimes I think I can read
your thoughts, and I feel like
you're just saying my thoughts,

so it's-- I don't fucking know,
but let's just go, Mike.

Mike? Mike?
(chuckles nervously)

(heart beating)
Oh shit, dude.

He fucking wasn't real,
and he fucking was-- Mike!

Oh fuck!

Narrator:
And that's when Phil knew
he was alone,

and that he'd always
been alone,

and he will always,
always, always be alone.

(laughs)
I fucking "Fight Clubbed"
you, dude.

Dude! What the Fuck, Mike!
Oh my God!

That's not fucking funny, dude!
No, it's really funny.

You were about to cry.
Oh God!

Narrator: Oh. Never mind.
I think I'm gonna fucking barf!

Mike was just joking. Okay.
What, are you
being serious?

Oh my God, that was funny!
Phil: Let's go.
We're gonna be late.

♪ ♪
(wind blowing)

(chirping)

Come on, man!
(spits)

This was one
of my best holes.

It was amok
with little bugs

and little critters,
and now, nothing.

Narrator:
As the mother bird
searches for food,

annoyingly,
predator becomes prey.

(bell tolls)
Damn!

I get it. This is why people
feed their kids garbage.

(growling)
It's convenient.

(hissing)

Oh fuck.

(growling)
All right, bring it!

Square up, bitch.
(shouts)

(video game noises)
Oh, I love you,
my little babushka.

This hurts me
more than it hurts you.

(dad hissing, growling)
Hey, Dad, can you
keep it down up there--

down there,
wherever you--
Dad? (gasps)

Die! Die!

Dad! What are
you doing? Stop!

Oh fuck!
Accept it! D-D-Die!

(crying)
Oh my God!

That's the red sauce?

That's the marinara?
(whimpers)

Holy shit! That is
an adrenaline rush.

I'll tell ya. Killing things
is better than a cup of coffee.

Is that a phrase?
That should be a phrase.

(whimpering)
I'm learning a lot
right now.

(Charly whistling)

Egg (muffled):
Hey!

Uh...
Hey, hey, hey!

Is anybody there?
Hello?

I made contact!
Who am I talking to?

Oh, my name is Charly.
I guess I'm your big sister.

Oh my God!
Yeah.

It's so nice to meet you!
Nice to--

I mean, you're
still in there, so--
I think I'm your little sister.

I don't feel
a bird penis down here.

As far as I can tell.
Hey, do you think you can
get me the fuck out of here?

Okay, well, I don't know
if I'm allowed to do that.

Maybe you could
just do it yourself?

That's how I did it.
You know what?
Fuck it.

Back up.
I'm just gonna get
a running start.

(footsteps)
Okay, I'm in my living room.
Hold on one second.

I'm in my kitchen.
Hold on.

I'm in the pantry. Okay,
I'm gonna run in from there.

Okay, one, two, three.
(panting, running)

(screams, crashes)
Oh no! Oh my God,
you did it!

Oh!
You did it, and you are
very underdeveloped.

Wow! This place
is awesome!

Yeah.
(pants)

It's so funny.
I thought you were fat
from your voice.

You had a fat voice.
Maybe you should
go back in there

just a little bit longer.
But you're not. No.
I love it out here.

Hey, how do I look?
Um...

I feel like I got big ol'
eyeballs. Is that right?
Yup.

I'm surprised
you don't tip over,
'cause your head is huge.

I feel weak.
I don't feel well.
Very top-heavy.

Hey, don't worry, Egg, okay?
Okay.

Mom's gonna be back
any minute with some food
for the both of us.

I think.
Oh! What's up?
You wanna get high?

You got that sweet hash?
(laughs)
What?

Just kidding.
Come on, man.
Loosen up!

I think we're gonna
have pretty different
friend groups.

Narrator:
Let's head underground,

where the worm date
is really heating up.

After a while,
I realized that you could
kind of parlay that

into what's known
as a CPA,

which is not
as computer-based
as I would like.

Yeah.
Are you okay?

Oh yeah, sorry. I'm just--
I think my face is asleep...

or my brain, maybe,
or something.
I hate when that happens.

Yeah. So what were
you saying about your HPV?

Yeah, no.
It was actually CPA.

It's a little bit different
than that one.
Yeah.

(whispers)
Hey, Phil, you're tanking
the date, dude.

You're bringing
everybody down.
I'm not bringing everyone down!

Phil, when you speak,
I want to shimmy out
on a wet sidewalk in the rain,

then suddenly it stops raining,
and people are like walking
on that sidewalk.

Daphne, why are you being
such a bitch to me?
That's not gonna help.

(gasps)
Do not call
my butthole a bitch.

I am an asshole.
I'm not a bitch.
Phil: I'm so sorry, Laura.

Laura, Daphne, I'm so sorry.
I don't know where
that came from.

That came from a dark place.
All right, let's do what
we came here to do,

and let's have
a fun time tonight, okay?

Does that sound cool?
I agree.
Have dinner, relax.

Laura: Sounds great.
A few glasses of wine.
Really get to know each other.

So, cocaine?
(ladies cheer)

Get that Meow Mix out, boo.
I wanna snort
some yam-yam!

I wanna toot it!
Gimme that Gucci poochie!

That's what's up!
Gucci poochie? Meow mix?

You girls are cool.
Ladies (chanting):
Snake Man! Snake Man!

Phil: Don't-- Stop that.
Snake Man! Snake Man!

I'm the Snake Man.
So, can we have
some drugs, though?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
You know what?
Let's chop this shit up.

Ah. Whoo!
♪ ♪

♪ Baby, hey, QT, yeah? ♪

♪ Yeah, there's
something I want to say,
I feel your hands ♪

Laura: I love
this song. Oh my God,
it makes me wet.

Phil: Do you have
any 311? Play 311!
Mike: I'm so fucked up.

Laura, you're so fucking hot.

I'm sorry about before.
I was being a fucking Ben Stein

when I should've been
a fucking Jimmy Kimmel.

Just shove your face
in my cleavage.

I love that.
(babbles)
Now you're my mommy.

I'm your little baby.
You like that when
I shake my Daphne?

You're my sister
and my butt!
Oh, this is so hot.

You're my everything!
Are you fucking kidding me?

You're me.
I love you.

I want more drugs!
I want more drugs!

Let's get more drugs!
No, let's get married.

Oh fuck! We should
get fucking married!
Right?

(cheering)
Let's get more drugs!

(crying)

Mike: Look, we just want
the drugs, and we're gonna go.

That's all!
Dude, shut the fuck up.

You better come up
with more money. You want
this Gucci pooch or not?

Y'all trying
to get this Meow Mix
or this snaggle rock?

Phil, you're the bookworm.
Figure it out.

The rest of us are idiots,
'cause we're too cool
and hot.

Y'all should've got
an education like I did.

Oh my God.
See, that's what I'm talking
about this whole time.

My CPA--
I got a CPA recently.

Oh, congratulations.
Thank you so much!

What's your name again?
Yo, my name is Worm-for-all...

Others:
Worm-for-all?
...and All-for-worm.

Oh my God.
That's really deep.

I like that.
Yeah, no, that's awesome.

That's really cool.
That's really cool.

Why are you dealing drugs?
Yeah, man.

You know, people make
their own tablecloths.

They make
their own pocket squares.

I figured I'd make
my own cocaine.

It's the Etsy economy.
It's the Etsy economy.
It's Etsy. It's Etsy.

Oh, my God, I love Etsy.
What's your Etsy name?

My Etsy name is
"You Ain't High Yet"
question mark.

See, that's a great name,
because you're thinking it.

Or you could find me
at "You Better Have All That
Money For That Schnip-Schnap."

Oh, okay.
That's a website?
That's way too many--

Or you can call me at
1-800-dot-dot-dot-meow-meow.

That is cute.
It's catchy, too.

You have a 1-800 number?
And I have an emoji.

It's a family
around a Thanksgiving turkey
doing cocaine off of it.

Yeah, right.
That's not an emoji.

You gotta get the update.
Get the update.
It's clearly an update.

(gun cocks)
How about everybody
shuts the fuck up?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Worm-for-all:
Be cool, man.

Who's that?
Who the fuck is that?

What are you doing?
I'm the ass,
motherfucker!

Oh boy.
Be cool.

Be cool? You were gonna
fuck me out of my take.

I was gonna
split it with you,
50-50, just like we said!

Bullshit. I saw the look
in your eyes. I know you.

See? This is the problem
with start-ups, you know?
There's always a frustration.

I paid for the domain names!
I got curtains
for the trailer!

Aw.
But you're never
gettin' your half!

(grunting)
Yeah, go!

Oh! Oh my God.
(gunshot)

You missed, motherfucker!
What?

Yeah!
Laura:
Oh my God!

(screaming)
(laughs)

Yeah, you piece of shit.
(Worm-for-all gurgles)

Oh God,
he shot his fucking face.
Think about it!

I want you
to taste that blood.
That was really stupid.

Yeah, you're one worm.
I think you're gonna die too.

You dum-dum.
Gimme back that Meow Mix,
that fridge dust.

Just give it to him.
Okay, here,
take the Gucci poochie.

Good, good, good, yeah.
Now I'm in charge
of this operation!

Phil: Uh-oh.
(fading)
No more 50 percent!

Oh shit.
There he goes.

That's the other half of...

Narrator:
This is why
you don't do drugs, kids.

(rock music playing)
(sirens blaring)

(coughing)

(gas hisses)

(gasps)
♪ Millions of miles away ♪

♪ From my home system ♪

♪ I call to you ♪

♪ On a sun rock,
I lay flat, and fucked ♪
(speaks indiscernibly)

♪ A tiny ember
in a galaxy of fire ♪

(men shouting)

Narrator:
Inside the treetop,

our possums are
about to reach
an impasse.

I like that word.
I think it's French?

Hey, can I get a water?

How's that
for a delicious meal? Huh?

Fresh and prepared
just how you like it.

Plenty of red sauce,
huh? Look at that.

Whoa! Matthew,
what the heck?

Don't act like you don't know
what just happened.
(dish shatters)

You pushed--
No, stop it.

You killed
that bluebird.

You didn't know
that bird.

That bird
could've had a family,
and you killed it!

You're a murderer, Dad!
A murderer!

You're calling me a murderer?
I would say, I'm a murderer!

I killed it!
(laughs) That is
your fucked-up generation!

Nobody thinks
that way anymore!
I'm sorry, but you keep saying

"a different generation."
I'm seven weeks
older than you.

We were both born
during the same season
of Better Call Saul.

We went to high school
briefly together.

I'm not that much older.
I was born when
the 6 was out

and you were born
during the release of the 6s.

I think the only difference
was the fingerprint thing,

which we couldn't use.
(sighs)

Look, I understand
your larger point,

that we might
think differently,
but again,

it's a very, very narrow
slice of experience that
we're talking about here.

We got tetanus shots
on the same day.
I mean--

I'm not gonna continue
the cycle of abuse.

Matthew.
You're playing a game
(video game noises)

where you're
capturing things constantly.
Why is this any different?

There's a huge difference, Dad.
When I capture something,
I care for it.

I feed it. I give it a home.
I give it love. I give it
a community.

I don't tear it apart,
bone by bone and take
its marinara.

Well, this is
exactly the same thing,

except you do tear it apart
and drink its blood.

I don't understand.
This is how we survive.
It's not-- God!

Again,
that's your limited mind--

Life is real.
It's not something
on a screen.

It doesn't have to be!
Okay, I'm taking the phone.

(gasps) No!
I'm taking the phone.
I am taking the phone.

You're not taking my phone, Dad!
That is the only reality
that's safe to me!

Yup, yup. Yup, yup. Okay.
Everything else
is dysfunctional!

You will get this phone back

when you go out and get
some food for yourself.

(humphs, mutters)

Narrator:
Hey, what's happening
back in the nest?

Let's go find out.

It's a TV show.
We can do that.

(both laugh)
You did that?

I did. Yeah.
You were like,
"Hey, are you Mom?"

I did. I was--
foot right in mouth.

That's so--
(coughs)

Oh God.
What happened?
Ugh.

I'm okay.
I'm just so hungry.

For one second, your humor
took me away from it,
Yeah.

but I really do need to eat.

Okay, just-- I need you
to trust me right now.

Just open your mouth.
What?

(straining)
Oh God. What's going on?

I don't know!
What are you doing?

Sorry, I'm just--
Okay, just stop trying
to barf on me, please.

Just let me die.
What?

Then you can eat me.
I'm not gonna eat you.

Listen, that shit happens
all the time.
No.

I am okay with it. It's okay.
You're not appetizing at all.

You look nothing
like Mom's barf.

You gotta do
what you gotta do.

(sighs)
I'm gonna go.
What do you mean?

I'm gonna find food,
and I'm gonna bring it
back to you.

What do you mean?
We don't know how
to fly yet.

That's okay.
I'll figure it out.
It's innate.

Maybe not day one,
but maybe I'm a champion.
(wind blowing)

Oh God. Charly,
I really don't feel
comfortable with this.

I would much rather
you just eat me right now.

I mean, how hard
can this be, you know?

Edge of the nest,
just jump off and--
Oh my God!

No way am I jum--
(screaming)

Charly!

(grunts)

(coughing) Oh God.

Egg:
Charly, are you okay?

Yeah, I think I landed weird,
but I'll be all right.

Oh, okay.
'Cause I was gonna eat you
if you were dead.

JK. But I really
would have.
All right.

Mission Food, engage.

Narrator:
On the ground,
our worm friends partake

in a rare practice known
as the inch of shame.

Inch, get it?
'Cause they're worms.

Hey, didn't I ask
for a water?

Dude, fucking Daphne
was into me, man.

Like, I know it sorta ended
on a question mark
with all of us,

but like, oh my God.
Shut up.
Shut up. Shut up.

She was fucking--
Fucking shut the fuck up,
okay, dude?

Okay. Whoa, Phil.

No! No, no! The same
exact fucking scene played out
that always plays out!

Things were going great,
and then you got us high
on cocaine,

and then
everything got ruined!
We almost died!

Oh, I'm the problem?
Yeah!

I think you're
conveniently forgetting

that you were dragging
down the entire table
the entire night!

Things were going great
with me and Laura!

You were talking about
accounting the whole night.
Fuck you.

She was looking at me!
She loves the Snake Man!
Are you kidding me?

I honestly don't want to be
worms with you anymore.

I swear to fucking God.

All right, you can't
Fight Club me two times
in one day.

That's not how it works, dude.

(whispers)
I'm not Fight-Clubbing you.
(heavy footsteps)

I'm fucking scared.
(gasps)

Phil:
Oh fuck, dude.

Charly:
Oh, here we go.

Okay, so this
is a worm.

This is what all
the hubbub was
about, huh?

Yeah. I could see
eating this.

(whispers)
What the fuck
are we gonna do?

Maybe the bird
will think I'm a snake?

(hissing)
Yeah, hiss at it.

Oh God,
it's not working!
Mike: Is it working?

Okay, maybe she'll think
we're Eddie Murphy

if I do some bits.
Do some bits.

Okay.
Do the one
about Chinese people!

Ah, that feels hard to say.
Yeah, I know it's dated.

It's dated.
Both: It's dated.

(chirps)
(both scream)

Oh, you tried
to get away,
but you can't.

I got ahold of you
with my little,
tiny feet.

(licks) Oh God!

You taste like sweat and--
is it cocaine?

All right, I got this.
I got this.

This doesn't look
appetizing at all,

but I can do this.
(hisses)

Narrator:
Prey has become
the predator.

(both scream)

(chews)
Oh God!

What is that?
What is that?
(spits)

Jesus. That does not taste good.

I mean, the texture alone--
that is tough stuff.

All right. Worm number one.

You got this, Matthew.
And five, four, three...

(Matthew growling)

(hisses)
Charly: Oh God,
you're so fierce.

(munching)
Oh, okay.
You're not a bird guy.

Mmm. That's not bad!

Oh my God.
And it's fields of them
just ready to be taken.

Wait a second.
This is in our nature.

Nature is supposed
to be consumed by nature.

(laughs)
I mean, please,
I'm gonna miss the marinara,

but I can figure
something out. (gasps)

Oh my God.
Those right there
could be croutons.

(groaning)
That thing fucking
chomped us, Mike.

Oh boy.
I brought this
upon us, man.

I fucking wished for it.
I'm sorry.

I loved being worms
with you, dude.

You're my best
fucking friend, man.

You mean it?
Yeah, dude.

(burps) Oh God.
That was a funny burp.

Hey, Phil?
Yeah, Mike?

Last night was
the best night of my life.

Me too.
(both chuckle weakly)

This is it.
I feel something, man.
(squishing)

I feel
something happening.
(grunts)

(pops) Papa?
What the?

I fucking
regenerated, dude.

Holy shit.
It's Little Phil!
I'm a fucking dad, dude!

Hey, little dude.
Invest in a 401k early.

(squishing, grunting)
(pops)

Oh my God!
A Little Mike!

Phil:
Aww, he's got your smile.

Oh my God.
We're dads.

Mike and Phil:
We're dads, dude.

I don't (long bleep)!

(Mike laughs)
You cannot say
that anymore.

You can't say
that anymore. That's--

(sighs)
Hey. What's wrong, Mike?

It's just-- I guess
that now that we're separate,

we're no longer
gonna be roommates.

I think we should
be roommates,

just now we'll
really be friends,

because we're choosing
to stay together, right?

Choosing to be friends?
Yeah.

Hey. Jerk me off.

(chuckles)
Jerk me off.

Narrator:
Birth. Regeneration.

Adaptation.
Great movie.

(blues harmonica playing)

♪ I got no sister ♪

♪ Ain't got no mom ♪

♪ I got
an undeveloped wing ♪

♪ And I'm gonna die soon ♪
(Matthew growling)

Oh my God!

(hisses)
Oh my God!

Fine. You know what?
Just eat me.

Who cares?
Get it over with!

I'm not much
to speak of,
just two eyeballs

on a bunch
of bones,
so enjoy.

(Matthew mimics
video game beeping)

Hey! It's me!
(gasps)

Both: Charly!
I'm back!

Oh my gosh!
And guess what?
I got worms.

No!
Yup.

You did it!
Yeah!

Do we pay this guy
or what's up with--

I think he just lives
on good deeds.

Oh my gosh,
thank you so much, sir,

for saving my sister.
Oh, save your breath.

He doesn't
understand words.

Oh. He's a dum-dum?
It's not all there.

Okay. Thank you!

I'm getting nothing from him.
See? Dead eyes.

Okay.
You ready for this?

I'm ready!
Okay. (munching)

Wait! Hey, hey,
don't eat it all!

(mumbles)
What? I don't understand.

Sound like-- two words.

(mumbles)
Open your mouth.

Oh yeah, you're gonna
throw up in my mouth!

Awesome.
I'm ready for it. Ah.

(puking)
Oh! Oh! That's good!

Oh! It's like a smoothie!

Is that cocaine?
Yeah.

Oh! Oh man!
I feel good!

That'll last us
for a week at least.

You are the best big sister
that this egg could ever have,

and it doesn't matter
if we don't have a mom.

Which we clearly don't.
Oh, fuck that bitch.

Oh, Charly, you know what?
What, Egg?

We're gonna be all right.

♪ ♪

Ball up!
(grunts)

Okay. Daphne.
Woo! Ow!

Great! Got it?
(grunting)

I'll be out late,
so don't wait up.

Again?
Yeah, I'm gonna cruise
with some of the owls. No big.

Hey, be careful.
Those owls grow big.
What?

A-hoot, hoot!
Who likes to party?

Egg style.

Matthew:
Thank you
so much for coming in.

And please spread the word.
It's just as good.

I'm not the kind
of father who says things
like, "I'm proud of you."

Are you saying
you're proud of me?
No, I'm not that kind of father.

Oh, I see.
But you make sacrifices
for your family,

and I've never been happier.

Yeah.
I've been happier.

Narrator:
And there we have it,

Nature.
Beautifully chaotic,

and yet
meticulously curated.

This has been
a script written
for Morgan Freeman

as performed
by Bill Callahan.

Hey, that's me!

♪ Cold-blooded old times ♪

♪ Cold-blooded old times ♪

♪ Cold-blooded old times ♪

♪ Though how can I stand ♪

♪ And laugh with the man ♪

♪ Who redefined your body? ♪

♪ How can I stand? ♪

♪ And laugh with the man ♪

♪ Who redefined your body? ♪

♪ Those cold-blooded
old times ♪

♪ Cold-blooded old times ♪

♪ Cold-blooded old times ♪

All-for-worm:
Gimme back that Meow Mix,
that fridge dust!

-Our time here is almost done.
-♪ (CLASSIC SYMPHONY PLAYS) ♪

(SHOUTING)

I'd like to leave you
with some parting thoughts.

We all want love.

To be loved. To give love.

(ALARM BLARING)

It's true what they say though.
All dogs do go to heaven.

(ALARM STOPS)

But not all men.

(SNAPS)

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)