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1
00:00:06,667 --> 00:00:07,333
Hate to say it...
2
00:00:07,917 --> 00:00:09,625
But sometimes,
people just break.
3
00:00:09,834 --> 00:00:12,792
Welcome to a comedy show.
Welcome!
4
00:00:12,792 --> 00:00:13,959
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
5
00:00:14,417 --> 00:00:16,792
I didn't know that this thing
had a name, "depression."
6
00:00:16,792 --> 00:00:18,417
I just thought everybody
in fifth grade had
7
00:00:18,583 --> 00:00:20,917
an internal monologue
like the guy from Taxi Driver.
8
00:00:20,917 --> 00:00:22,041
(LAUGHTER)
9
00:00:22,375 --> 00:00:25,625
My shrink says to me I get
a lot of free samples.
10
00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:27,125
Now, this is perfectly legal.
11
00:00:27,125 --> 00:00:28,917
But I like that she handled it
with the tone
12
00:00:28,917 --> 00:00:30,875
of a street-level drug dealer.
I loved it.
13
00:00:30,875 --> 00:00:33,250
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
14
00:00:46,458 --> 00:00:48,667
(theme music playing)
15
00:00:51,708 --> 00:00:53,792
♪ Animals ♪
16
00:00:55,708 --> 00:00:57,458
♪ Animals ♪
17
00:01:03,291 --> 00:01:05,291
(holiday music playing)
18
00:01:07,583 --> 00:01:09,542
♪ I won't need Santa ♪
19
00:01:09,542 --> 00:01:13,125
Heya. Come on in, huh?
Hey, Merry Christmas, huh?
20
00:01:13,125 --> 00:01:15,500
Look who's here, man.
Salud.
21
00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:16,959
Hey, how's it going,
huh? Salud.
22
00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:19,625
Hey, Tony T,
it's your turn to twist...
23
00:01:19,625 --> 00:01:21,625
Hey, oh, whoa,
whoa, whoa, come on!
24
00:01:21,625 --> 00:01:25,708
Okay, Philly, explain it
to me very slowly.
25
00:01:25,708 --> 00:01:27,542
Start from the beginning.
26
00:01:27,542 --> 00:01:30,166
If I have five apples,
27
00:01:30,166 --> 00:01:31,875
then I give away
three of the apples,
28
00:01:31,875 --> 00:01:33,834
how many's left?
Wait, wait, wait.
29
00:01:33,834 --> 00:01:35,125
What?
You give away three?
30
00:01:35,125 --> 00:01:37,083
Yeah, I give
away three of 'em.
To who?
31
00:01:37,083 --> 00:01:39,041
I don't know.
It doesn't say it
in the thing.
32
00:01:39,041 --> 00:01:40,792
You're just walking around
giving people your apples?
33
00:01:40,792 --> 00:01:43,458
I think, maybe, it's just,
like, a hypothetical.
34
00:01:43,458 --> 00:01:45,875
Listen, Philly, let me tell you
something about life, okay?
35
00:01:45,875 --> 00:01:47,458
You got five apples
in your pocket... (snaps)
36
00:01:47,458 --> 00:01:49,500
...keep 'em
in your goddamn pocket.
Don't give 'em to anybody.
37
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:51,792
But, Johnny,
I think it's just--
Five, the answer's five.
38
00:01:51,792 --> 00:01:54,083
No, okay,
I'll write down five.
39
00:01:54,083 --> 00:01:55,500
(sniffs) Hey, Johnny?
40
00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:57,834
I can't wait to grows up
and be just like you.
41
00:01:57,834 --> 00:02:00,959
Whoa, whoa.
Wait, listen, kid.
We're different, okay?
42
00:02:00,959 --> 00:02:03,750
Your destiny is something
much bigger, you know.
43
00:02:03,750 --> 00:02:05,583
Going to college,
being a real man.
44
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:08,041
That's what Pop wanted,
that's what Mom wanted.
45
00:02:08,041 --> 00:02:09,708
Hey, Johnny?
Yeah?
46
00:02:09,708 --> 00:02:13,208
Is ever gonna sees Mom--
Mom and Dad again?
47
00:02:13,208 --> 00:02:15,000
Yeah, you know,
we see 'em every day.
48
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,792
I see 'em every day.
I feel 'em every day.
They're everywhere.
49
00:02:17,792 --> 00:02:19,208
They're here right now.
50
00:02:19,208 --> 00:02:20,708
I feel 'em too, Johnny.
51
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:23,667
Good. That's why you gotta
study, do your homework,
52
00:02:23,667 --> 00:02:25,375
and keep those
fucking apples in your pocket.
53
00:02:25,375 --> 00:02:27,041
(panting)
54
00:02:27,041 --> 00:02:28,750
We in big fucking
trouble, Johnny!
55
00:02:28,750 --> 00:02:30,708
They chopped my
fuckin' ear off, Johnny!
56
00:02:30,708 --> 00:02:33,166
Those motherfuckers!
They cut Mikey's fuckin' ear.
57
00:02:33,166 --> 00:02:35,083
They chopped
my goddamn ear off.
Mike, relax, all right.
58
00:02:35,083 --> 00:02:36,875
Not in front of the kid.
What the fuck are you doing?
59
00:02:36,875 --> 00:02:38,917
Is music ever gonna
sound the same, Johnny?
60
00:02:38,917 --> 00:02:40,041
Will you relax?
61
00:02:40,041 --> 00:02:41,875
Pussy, bring
him in the back.
62
00:02:41,875 --> 00:02:44,708
Pussy, get him in the back!
All right, all right.
Mikey, sit down, sit down.
63
00:02:44,708 --> 00:02:46,625
Ow, it hurts.
Michael, please.
64
00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:48,583
You got germs in
your fuckin' ear.
Don't touch it.
65
00:02:48,583 --> 00:02:50,792
No, seriously,
it fuckin' hurts.
Stop! Stop, stop, stop.
66
00:02:50,792 --> 00:02:53,083
What is the situation?
Alabaster.
67
00:02:53,083 --> 00:02:57,000
Him and his crew,
they stopped me outside
the Mulberry Bakery,
68
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,667
and I guess they heard
how much we was bringin' in.
69
00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:01,000
Hey, oh,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
70
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,417
Alabaster's crew
is in Little Italy?
71
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,333
That's what
I said, Johnny.
72
00:03:05,333 --> 00:03:07,417
They're crossing
territorial lines.
They can't do that.
73
00:03:07,417 --> 00:03:09,750
Look at what he did
to my fuckin' ear!
They're fuckin' crazy!
74
00:03:09,750 --> 00:03:12,083
Yeah, I saw the fuckin' ear.
Will you relax?
(screams)
75
00:03:12,083 --> 00:03:13,875
Mikey, shut the fuck up.
(wails)
76
00:03:13,875 --> 00:03:15,375
Sit down. Sit down.
Ow! My ear!
77
00:03:15,375 --> 00:03:16,500
All right,
all right, all right!
78
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:19,750
Listen, we need
a face-to-face, tonight.
79
00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:22,625
Their crew, our crew.
Somewhere neutral.
80
00:03:22,625 --> 00:03:25,458
Uh, Pier One, the nice one.
81
00:03:25,458 --> 00:03:28,750
Hey, Chops, let 'em know.
82
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:32,041
Sal, Tommy, come on, let's go.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
83
00:03:32,041 --> 00:03:33,959
Johnny, can I come--
Can I come with you guys?
84
00:03:33,959 --> 00:03:35,792
No, no way!
What did we just talk about?
I can help out.
85
00:03:35,792 --> 00:03:37,875
Did you listen to anything
I just said? No, it's too
dangerous.
86
00:03:37,875 --> 00:03:40,750
I do listen to you, Johnny.
Johnny, it's not dangerous.
Johnny, I'm tough, come on.
87
00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:43,291
That's it, that's it, kid.
I didn't want to do it,
now I'm gonna do it.
88
00:03:43,291 --> 00:03:46,291
I gotta put you in your place.
Not the scruff. Ow, ow!
Get off of me, Johnny!
89
00:03:46,291 --> 00:03:48,458
Now get in your
goddamn bed, let's go.
90
00:03:48,458 --> 00:03:51,333
Johnny, I'm not a little baby
anymore. You can't scruff me.
Yeah, I know, I know.
91
00:03:51,333 --> 00:03:53,000
Johnny, let me
out of the room.
Johnny, come on.
92
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,834
I'm sorry, Philly,
I can't do that.
93
00:03:54,834 --> 00:03:56,375
Let me out.
Let me out!
94
00:03:56,375 --> 00:03:59,250
Let me out!
Meow, meow, meow.
No, no way.
95
00:03:59,250 --> 00:04:01,166
I hate you, Johnny.
96
00:04:01,166 --> 00:04:04,125
I know you don't
mean that, Philly.
Go to bed.
97
00:04:04,125 --> 00:04:06,750
Come on, guys.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
98
00:04:06,750 --> 00:04:09,583
(door closes)
God! Frickin' Johnny.
99
00:04:12,041 --> 00:04:13,667
Wait a minute.
This opens...
100
00:04:14,708 --> 00:04:16,208
Oh, heh, okay.
101
00:04:16,208 --> 00:04:17,500
(panting)
102
00:04:23,417 --> 00:04:24,750
Where the fuck
are these guys?
103
00:04:24,750 --> 00:04:26,333
Did you tell 'em
the fuckin' time?
104
00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:29,333
I told them 9:00
at the good Pier One!
We're at the good Pier One!
105
00:04:29,333 --> 00:04:31,041
(creepy laughter)
Oh!
106
00:04:31,041 --> 00:04:34,166
What the fuck was that?
Shh.
Shut up, shut up.
107
00:04:34,166 --> 00:04:35,875
(maniacal laughter)
108
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:39,708
Cats and cats, please, welcome
to the neutral territory,
109
00:04:39,708 --> 00:04:42,291
Alabaster!
110
00:04:43,708 --> 00:04:45,333
(sinister chuckle)
111
00:04:45,333 --> 00:04:47,333
Ah.
112
00:04:47,333 --> 00:04:49,667
(humming)
113
00:04:49,667 --> 00:04:52,625
What the fuck is
wrong with this guy?
Very strange guy.
114
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,208
Ha ha ha, yeah.
115
00:04:54,208 --> 00:04:56,875
He's like Fred Astaire
with those moves.
It's hard to look away.
116
00:04:56,875 --> 00:05:00,208
Mike, shut up.
He's a good dancer, what
do you want me to say? Geez.
117
00:05:00,208 --> 00:05:02,375
Johnny's crew.
(sinister chuckle)
118
00:05:02,375 --> 00:05:04,333
What an ugly clowder you are.
119
00:05:04,333 --> 00:05:05,458
(chuckles)
120
00:05:05,458 --> 00:05:08,375
You guys are ugly!
You guys look like shit.
121
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:10,667
Thank you, Chuckles.
That'll do.
You're welcome.
122
00:05:10,667 --> 00:05:14,500
Listen, Alabaster.
What the fuck are
you doing in Little Italy?
123
00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:16,625
You stay in your fucking hood,
we'll stay in ours.
124
00:05:16,625 --> 00:05:18,166
You don't see us
pawing around Kip's Bay.
125
00:05:18,166 --> 00:05:21,041
Hmm, times are
a-changing, Johnny Boy.
126
00:05:21,041 --> 00:05:23,834
Alabaster's crew
is goin' big time.
(cackles)
127
00:05:23,834 --> 00:05:26,250
You think you're the first guy
who came in here
128
00:05:26,250 --> 00:05:28,208
and said something like,
"Things are changing."
129
00:05:28,208 --> 00:05:30,750
Hey, Mike, he thinks it's
really the first time
I ever heard that.
130
00:05:30,750 --> 00:05:34,125
This guy's crazy if he--
Yeah, he should probably
stick to dancing
131
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,583
'cause he's
really good at that.
132
00:05:35,583 --> 00:05:37,750
Okay, Mike, shut up.
Like, you're
actually very talented.
133
00:05:37,750 --> 00:05:39,708
And it's really good--
It's an honor to watch.
134
00:05:39,708 --> 00:05:42,250
We took
Stuyvesant Town
just last week.
135
00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:44,208
Didn't we?
(chuckles) Yeah.
136
00:05:44,208 --> 00:05:45,917
You're talking shit.
137
00:05:45,917 --> 00:05:47,291
Am I, Jonathan?
138
00:05:47,291 --> 00:05:51,083
How else did I get
Stuyvesant Tony's tooth then?
139
00:05:51,083 --> 00:05:53,750
Hmm? Did I buy it
at the gift shop?
140
00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:55,542
Hey-- Oh!
I ask you that.
141
00:05:55,542 --> 00:05:57,959
You better back
the fuck up, Alabaster.
142
00:05:57,959 --> 00:06:00,083
Or else.
Or else, what, boy?
143
00:06:00,083 --> 00:06:01,083
(glass rattles)
144
00:06:01,083 --> 00:06:02,458
Oh!
The fuck was that?
145
00:06:02,458 --> 00:06:03,708
Big Pussy:
What the fuck was that?
146
00:06:03,708 --> 00:06:05,083
(breathing heavily)
147
00:06:05,083 --> 00:06:06,083
What was that?
148
00:06:06,083 --> 00:06:07,333
What was that, seriously?
149
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:09,250
Chuckles, please
go check on that.
150
00:06:09,250 --> 00:06:12,750
Thank you. See, I just want to
make sure it's not a threat of
any kind, you know.
151
00:06:12,750 --> 00:06:15,417
(inhales deeply)
(panting)
152
00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:16,792
Hmm. (sniffing)
153
00:06:16,792 --> 00:06:18,625
How long did it take
you guys to get here?
154
00:06:18,625 --> 00:06:20,250
Mike, shut the fuck up.
Sorry, Johnny.
155
00:06:20,250 --> 00:06:21,417
(clears throat)
156
00:06:21,417 --> 00:06:23,667
Oh, it's just a bottle, man.
157
00:06:23,667 --> 00:06:25,291
Everybody, it was a bottle!
158
00:06:25,291 --> 00:06:27,166
Must have been the wind.
159
00:06:27,166 --> 00:06:30,792
Listen, Alabaster, you stay
the fuck outta Mulberry Street.
160
00:06:30,792 --> 00:06:35,166
Now, Jonathan, I'm offering
you an olive branch.
161
00:06:35,166 --> 00:06:36,708
Let's work together.
162
00:06:36,708 --> 00:06:40,166
Let us share the bakery
with you in Little Italy.
163
00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:43,083
We will be
the strongest crew
in New York.
164
00:06:43,083 --> 00:06:46,750
(sighs) What do I say?
What do I say?
I mean, you got a point.
165
00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:49,458
(inhales deeply)
How 'bout this?
166
00:06:49,458 --> 00:06:50,792
Fuck you.
167
00:06:50,792 --> 00:06:52,625
Mm-hmm.
168
00:06:52,625 --> 00:06:55,834
Yeah, I was hoping
you'd say that.
169
00:06:58,458 --> 00:06:59,708
Oh!
170
00:06:59,708 --> 00:07:01,458
(dramatic aria playing)
171
00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:07,375
Alabaster.
(chuckling)
172
00:07:09,208 --> 00:07:11,667
No!
(distorted) No!
173
00:07:11,667 --> 00:07:15,000
♪ ♪
174
00:07:16,250 --> 00:07:18,291
Johnny, no, no!
175
00:07:18,291 --> 00:07:20,500
Johnny.
You son of a bitch.
176
00:07:20,500 --> 00:07:23,458
Big Pussy:
Motherfucker.
(cackles)
177
00:07:23,458 --> 00:07:25,625
(snarling)
178
00:07:25,625 --> 00:07:27,041
Go, go, go!
179
00:07:27,041 --> 00:07:28,625
(yowling)
180
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,041
(cackling)
181
00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:34,750
Fuck you, and
fuck your mother.
182
00:07:34,750 --> 00:07:35,834
(metal clangs)
(screeches)
183
00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:38,000
And a-bubbada-bubbada-
bubbada-bubbada. Oh!
184
00:07:42,834 --> 00:07:45,000
(groans)
185
00:07:46,542 --> 00:07:47,708
Chuckles:
Oh!
186
00:07:47,708 --> 00:07:49,875
Ha-ha!
Enjoy your trip!
187
00:07:49,875 --> 00:07:51,959
(cackling)
188
00:07:51,959 --> 00:07:53,500
Aw, no one saw that.
189
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:54,625
(panting)
190
00:07:54,625 --> 00:07:56,083
Johnny! Johnny, no.
191
00:07:56,083 --> 00:07:58,208
Oh, my fucking God.
What the fuck
are you doin' here?
192
00:07:58,208 --> 00:08:00,000
I told you to stay home,
do your homework.
193
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,333
I-- I snuck out, Johnny.
194
00:08:01,333 --> 00:08:03,542
I had to see if you
were gonna be okay.
195
00:08:03,542 --> 00:08:06,000
You fucking got a tooth
in your heart, Johnny.
196
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,041
Ah, don't worry
about that, kid.
197
00:08:08,041 --> 00:08:09,208
Philly, come here.
198
00:08:09,208 --> 00:08:11,208
All you need
to know in life,
199
00:08:11,208 --> 00:08:12,291
is... (coughs)
200
00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:14,708
Nope! That's it.
I'm dead. (moans)
201
00:08:14,708 --> 00:08:16,667
No! No, Johnny!
202
00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:18,500
Johnny, no!
203
00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:22,041
Aw! Well, aren't you precious?
204
00:08:22,041 --> 00:08:23,083
(grunts)
205
00:08:29,291 --> 00:08:31,041
Remember my face.
206
00:08:31,041 --> 00:08:33,000
(sobs)
Oh, man!
207
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:37,417
(laughing)
Alabaster is terrifying!
208
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:39,750
I think we won in my opinion.
209
00:08:39,750 --> 00:08:42,792
(cackles) Yeah.
Feel me. Yeah.
210
00:08:42,792 --> 00:08:44,708
(mournful meowing)
211
00:08:44,708 --> 00:08:47,583
Big Pussy:
Oh, no, they got Johnny.
212
00:08:47,583 --> 00:08:50,000
Fuck, you motherfuckers.
213
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,834
Will you shut the fuck up?
No.
214
00:08:51,834 --> 00:08:53,667
What the fuck do you know?
No, I'm not gonna shut up!
215
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,959
Fuckin' they got Johnny!
What the fuck are
you gonna do now?
216
00:08:55,959 --> 00:08:57,333
Are you gonna
run the fuckin' crew?
217
00:08:57,333 --> 00:08:59,041
I didn't say that.
You fuckin' asshole.
218
00:08:59,041 --> 00:09:00,959
And fuck you, Big Puss.
This is bad, Mikey.
219
00:09:00,959 --> 00:09:02,291
This is real bad.
Yeah.
220
00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:03,917
We're fuckin' done,
we're fried.
All right.
221
00:09:03,917 --> 00:09:05,750
We're finished.
All right,
everybody shut up!
222
00:09:05,750 --> 00:09:08,708
Just let me think for
a goddamn second, okay?
223
00:09:08,708 --> 00:09:11,166
Oh, Johnny,
fuckin' Johnny.
224
00:09:11,166 --> 00:09:12,750
It was a neutral zone.
225
00:09:12,750 --> 00:09:14,708
Pier One was a neutral zone.
226
00:09:14,708 --> 00:09:15,834
(sobs loudly)
227
00:09:15,834 --> 00:09:17,959
Okay, all right,
come on. Come on!
228
00:09:17,959 --> 00:09:19,250
(sobbing)
229
00:09:19,250 --> 00:09:21,458
Mikey.
Don't fucking look at me!
230
00:09:21,458 --> 00:09:23,458
Fuckin' turn around!
Come on.
231
00:09:23,458 --> 00:09:24,959
Turn around.
232
00:09:24,959 --> 00:09:26,417
Okay.
233
00:09:26,417 --> 00:09:28,291
(soft crying)
234
00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:31,125
Oh, Johnny, no.
235
00:09:31,125 --> 00:09:33,500
What am I gonna do now?
236
00:09:35,417 --> 00:09:36,583
That was fun.
237
00:09:37,667 --> 00:09:39,041
(inhales deeply)
238
00:09:39,041 --> 00:09:41,667
Oh, Johnny, I miss you.
239
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:45,959
Huh?
240
00:09:45,959 --> 00:09:47,625
For Philly.
241
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:54,875
Oh, Johnny. Huh?
242
00:09:58,208 --> 00:09:59,542
Whoa.
(blade clicks)
243
00:09:59,542 --> 00:10:01,083
(gasps) Whoa.
244
00:10:01,083 --> 00:10:02,250
Whoa.
245
00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:04,417
Big Pussy:
We need to retaliate!
246
00:10:04,417 --> 00:10:06,667
Tonight!
Not fucking tomorrow!
247
00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:08,750
Not next year!
Right fucking now.
248
00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:11,583
Big Puss, if we retaliate,
everything goes out the window.
249
00:10:11,583 --> 00:10:13,083
Everything Johnny worked for.
250
00:10:13,083 --> 00:10:15,333
Blood for blood
just means more blood.
251
00:10:15,333 --> 00:10:18,500
New York's not some
concrete jungle where
dreams are made of, okay?
252
00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:20,417
Aw, come on! You kitten me?
253
00:10:20,417 --> 00:10:23,000
New York is a jungle,
and we're animals.
254
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,291
Hey, I'm not
kitten you, all right?
255
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,333
I'm talkin' serious business,
256
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,083
and you're not
takin' it seriously!
257
00:10:27,083 --> 00:10:29,375
Philly:
Let me do the hit.
258
00:10:29,375 --> 00:10:31,375
(laughter)
259
00:10:31,375 --> 00:10:33,750
Look at this fuckin' kid here,
you're a fucking comedian.
260
00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:36,083
Who we got here?
Whoopi Bol-gerg?
261
00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:39,000
Whoopi Gol-gerg?
Whoopi Bol-gerg?
262
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,542
Whoopi Bol--
263
00:10:40,542 --> 00:10:42,708
Who we got here?
Whoopi Ber-gold?
264
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,125
What's her name?
Whoopi Goldberg.
265
00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:45,291
Whoopi what?
Goldberg.
266
00:10:45,291 --> 00:10:47,625
Goldberg. Who we got here?
Whoopi Goldberg?
267
00:10:47,625 --> 00:10:49,792
They won't expects it
comin' from me.
268
00:10:49,792 --> 00:10:52,041
I'll go in there and I'll
pick 'em off one by one,
269
00:10:52,041 --> 00:10:53,959
I swear to frickin' God.
270
00:10:53,959 --> 00:10:55,250
For Johnny.
271
00:10:55,250 --> 00:10:57,375
Listen, Philly,
why don't you
go back to bed, okay?
272
00:10:57,375 --> 00:10:59,375
Why don't you go back
to bed, you big sklagoon?
273
00:10:59,375 --> 00:11:00,708
Oh! The mouth!
274
00:11:00,708 --> 00:11:02,708
Who are you to talk to me
like that, you frickin' gabagoo?
275
00:11:02,708 --> 00:11:05,583
Oh! Where'd you
learn these vile words?
276
00:11:05,583 --> 00:11:07,166
I saw it in a MAD Magazine.
277
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:09,250
Philly.
What, Mike?
278
00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:11,583
Don't do this to me, Mikey.
He was my brother.
279
00:11:11,583 --> 00:11:14,291
He's the last thing
I fuckin' had
in this whole world.
280
00:11:14,291 --> 00:11:16,166
I get it.
We all loved Johnny.
281
00:11:16,166 --> 00:11:17,333
He was a brother to all of us.
282
00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:19,708
Yeah, but he was
my brother, Mikey!
283
00:11:19,708 --> 00:11:21,041
That's the difference!
284
00:11:21,041 --> 00:11:22,166
(crying)
285
00:11:22,166 --> 00:11:23,875
You're not one of us, okay?
286
00:11:23,875 --> 00:11:25,458
You don't belong
in the streets, Philly.
287
00:11:25,458 --> 00:11:28,458
I've been hearing
that frickin' speech
my whole life, Mikey!
288
00:11:28,458 --> 00:11:30,083
And you know what,
it changed tonight!
289
00:11:30,083 --> 00:11:33,208
Get off of me! Get--
Get the frick off of me!
290
00:11:33,208 --> 00:11:34,417
Come back! Somebody grab him.
291
00:11:34,417 --> 00:11:35,792
Phil!
Philly, get back here!
292
00:11:35,792 --> 00:11:38,083
Come back. I was just
fuckin' around, huh? Come on!
293
00:11:38,083 --> 00:11:41,417
I was just fuckin' around
with the kid, I feel bad now.
294
00:11:41,417 --> 00:11:42,917
Whoopi. I like Whoopi.
295
00:11:46,708 --> 00:11:48,208
Alabaster!
296
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,000
Alabaster, come out here.
297
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,291
(cackling) Wee.
Who's there?
298
00:11:53,291 --> 00:11:55,625
Who is that?
(cackling)
299
00:11:55,625 --> 00:11:56,750
Chuckles.
300
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,625
Oh, hey, little man.
301
00:11:58,625 --> 00:11:59,959
Look at you.
Get off me.
302
00:11:59,959 --> 00:12:01,125
Get your paws off me, mister.
303
00:12:01,125 --> 00:12:03,041
You got some spunk, man.
304
00:12:03,041 --> 00:12:04,542
I'm just gonna
keep walking, all right?
305
00:12:04,542 --> 00:12:06,500
No, no, no, no,
hold on, man.
I don't want any trouble?
306
00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:07,917
Let me at least
tell you a little joke.
307
00:12:07,917 --> 00:12:09,959
What?
Trust me, it's a good joke.
308
00:12:09,959 --> 00:12:11,542
(snickers)
I got a ton of 'em,
309
00:12:11,542 --> 00:12:13,375
but this one's special.
310
00:12:13,375 --> 00:12:14,625
What do you call...
311
00:12:14,625 --> 00:12:16,458
Back up from me, mister,
I don't want any trouble.
312
00:12:16,458 --> 00:12:18,500
Hold on, what
do you call a cat...
313
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:19,750
(chuckles)
314
00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:21,625
What do you call a cat...
315
00:12:21,625 --> 00:12:23,834
covered in red?
316
00:12:23,834 --> 00:12:25,708
(grunts)
317
00:12:25,708 --> 00:12:27,208
(gasping)
318
00:12:27,208 --> 00:12:29,500
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
319
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:30,750
Oh, fuck.
320
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,417
You stepped on my punchline.
321
00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:34,959
Oh, oh, I didn't--
You didn't let me
finish... the joke.
322
00:12:34,959 --> 00:12:38,291
'Cause I thought you were gonna
fucking kill me or something.
Eddie Meow-phy.
323
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:41,333
What are you-- what?
What do you call
a cat covered in red?
324
00:12:41,333 --> 00:12:44,333
Eddie Meow-phy, like
his outfit in Delirious.
325
00:12:44,333 --> 00:12:46,583
Oh, see,
I don't even get that.
326
00:12:46,583 --> 00:12:47,959
That's like, that's too old.
327
00:12:47,959 --> 00:12:49,542
Oh, fuck me.
I've never seen it.
328
00:12:49,542 --> 00:12:52,750
I don't really--
It's irony, because
I'm covered in blood now.
329
00:12:52,750 --> 00:12:55,750
I'm more red
than fucking Eddie Meow-phy.
330
00:12:55,750 --> 00:12:57,375
That is funny.
Do me a favor.
331
00:12:57,375 --> 00:12:58,917
I don't have much time,
I'm getting the light.
332
00:12:58,917 --> 00:13:00,583
I'm literally
getting the light.
Okay, right.
333
00:13:00,583 --> 00:13:02,750
I need you to tell
something to Alabaster.
334
00:13:02,750 --> 00:13:04,125
Okay.
(sighs)
335
00:13:04,125 --> 00:13:06,375
If you see him, you say,
336
00:13:06,375 --> 00:13:07,500
"It's been real."
337
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:08,667
Okay, sure.
338
00:13:08,667 --> 00:13:10,458
No, wait, don't say
"It's been real."
Okay.
339
00:13:10,458 --> 00:13:12,166
He'll go like--
That's too silly, yeah.
340
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:13,375
It's too stupid.
341
00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:16,208
Just say, um, uh...
"That was fun."
All right.
342
00:13:16,208 --> 00:13:18,583
Fuck, man.
Do you want me
to snap your neck or something?
343
00:13:18,583 --> 00:13:20,708
Yeah, let's just
finish this.
Go ahead.
344
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:23,583
Wow. That felt good.
345
00:13:23,583 --> 00:13:24,875
(panting)
346
00:13:24,875 --> 00:13:26,083
There he is!
Oh.
347
00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:27,792
Oh, I'm gettin'
fuckin' old here.
Philly!
348
00:13:27,792 --> 00:13:29,750
Jesus Christ, Philly,
you had us worried sick.
349
00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:31,792
This is enemy territory.
You crazy?
350
00:13:31,792 --> 00:13:33,000
You could get hurt.
351
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,333
Oh my God.
352
00:13:35,333 --> 00:13:36,875
Someone killed Chuckles.
353
00:13:36,875 --> 00:13:38,959
I killed Chuckles.
354
00:13:38,959 --> 00:13:41,458
What'd you say?
He whacked Chuckles.
355
00:13:41,458 --> 00:13:44,000
We need to expand
outside of Little Italy.
356
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,708
What?
You heard me.
357
00:13:45,708 --> 00:13:48,041
If Alabaster's crew
is expanding their territories,
358
00:13:48,041 --> 00:13:49,708
then we need
to do it too, all right?
359
00:13:49,708 --> 00:13:51,875
NoLitas run sloppy,
we'll start there.
360
00:13:51,875 --> 00:13:53,583
We'll skimp from
their garbage cans,
361
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:56,000
half a block per week,
and then double it
after six months.
362
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,708
Am I understood?
363
00:13:57,708 --> 00:13:59,083
Am I understood?
364
00:13:59,083 --> 00:14:01,708
Yeah. Yeah, that
makes sense, Philly.
365
00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:04,417
It's time for Johnny's
crew to grow up.
366
00:14:04,417 --> 00:14:06,625
Let's get
the fuck outta here.
367
00:14:06,625 --> 00:14:09,000
All right, you heard the kid.
Come on, let's go.
368
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,750
Let's go home.
369
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:12,750
♪ ♪
370
00:14:14,583 --> 00:14:16,917
(owls hooting)
371
00:14:18,250 --> 00:14:20,417
(hoots)
372
00:14:20,417 --> 00:14:21,375
Oh!
373
00:14:21,375 --> 00:14:23,291
Oh my God, there's Maria.
There she is.
374
00:14:23,291 --> 00:14:25,333
What is it, ten minutes?
I know, it's insane.
375
00:14:25,333 --> 00:14:26,750
Hoo, guys!
376
00:14:26,750 --> 00:14:28,333
Sorry, Monty.
Oh, Maria!
377
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:30,583
Maria, hi.
Hey, Danielle.
378
00:14:30,583 --> 00:14:32,417
So sorry I'm late again.
379
00:14:32,417 --> 00:14:34,041
It's just, sorta,
become a thing for me.
380
00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:35,375
It has become a thing.
381
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,291
Yeah, just show up
on time, and then,
that's gonna...
382
00:14:37,291 --> 00:14:38,458
No, absolutely,
and-- and--
383
00:14:38,458 --> 00:14:39,750
It's Christmas time!
384
00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:41,333
Let's go inside, okay?
Ah! I'm so excited.
385
00:14:41,333 --> 00:14:43,959
I want you to see
my new place, it's gorgeous.
I'm dying!
386
00:14:43,959 --> 00:14:45,375
Okay, what do you guys think?
387
00:14:45,375 --> 00:14:47,041
Ooh!
It's beautiful.
388
00:14:47,041 --> 00:14:48,667
Basically you guys know,
like, I've been very
389
00:14:48,667 --> 00:14:50,291
mid-century modern for,
like, the past few years.
390
00:14:50,291 --> 00:14:52,166
I'm asleep at the wheel
just talking about it, honestly.
391
00:14:52,166 --> 00:14:54,959
Thank you. I mean,
it's so shoved down our
throats with Mad Men,
392
00:14:54,959 --> 00:14:57,166
and, obviously,
more famously Pan Am.
Oh, yes.
393
00:14:57,166 --> 00:14:58,542
You know, so...
Yeah, of course.
394
00:14:58,542 --> 00:14:59,792
Okay, let's open presents, guys.
395
00:14:59,792 --> 00:15:01,667
Okay, I'll go first,
I'll go first.
Oh my God.
396
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:03,000
Um, Monty...
397
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,792
What?!
I am your Secret Santa.
398
00:15:04,792 --> 00:15:06,000
Again?
399
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,500
I know, I know,
it's so funny.
400
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:09,041
I feel like you always
manage it.
401
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:11,041
It's pure chance!
There's gonna be repeats.
402
00:15:11,041 --> 00:15:12,959
It's just probability,
but, um, anyway.
403
00:15:12,959 --> 00:15:14,792
Well, I'll just say
"Merry Christmas, old friend,"
404
00:15:14,792 --> 00:15:17,208
and here you go.
Oh.
405
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:19,375
Oh, my God!
406
00:15:19,375 --> 00:15:20,708
It's a Nano!
Wow, yeah.
407
00:15:20,708 --> 00:15:23,125
Wow, is that a--
an iPod Nano?
It's an iPod Nano, yeah.
408
00:15:23,125 --> 00:15:24,333
It's an iPod Nano, yeah.
Yeah.
409
00:15:24,333 --> 00:15:26,750
That's a really, um--
Is it used?
410
00:15:26,750 --> 00:15:29,333
Actually, it's not.
No, this is new,
it's still in the plastic.
411
00:15:29,333 --> 00:15:30,959
As you know, I had
a promotion this year,
412
00:15:30,959 --> 00:15:34,083
another one, which
has been huge, and so,
I thought, why not splurge.
413
00:15:34,083 --> 00:15:36,875
I could think of a reason.
It's called a limit.
A five dollar limit.
414
00:15:36,875 --> 00:15:38,500
(gasps) Oh my God,
it comes with a strap!
415
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:39,792
I bought
the strap separately.
416
00:15:39,792 --> 00:15:42,583
I also got it etched
if you turn it over.
417
00:15:42,583 --> 00:15:44,542
No!
Yes, yes.
418
00:15:44,542 --> 00:15:46,083
Oh! You know me so well.
419
00:15:46,083 --> 00:15:47,542
I love you, thank you. Mwa!
Yeah.
420
00:15:47,542 --> 00:15:49,208
Fly on.
Fly on. Um, all right.
421
00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:51,333
I will go next.
Drum roll.
422
00:15:51,333 --> 00:15:53,500
Okay.
Who's it gonna be? Let's see.
423
00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:56,583
My Secret Santa was...
424
00:15:56,583 --> 00:15:59,667
(gasps) Oh my gosh!
Monty, I'm yours?
425
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:02,667
Wait a minute.
Hold up.
Yeah?
426
00:16:02,667 --> 00:16:04,542
That wrapping is insane, Monty!
Okay, shut up!
427
00:16:04,542 --> 00:16:06,375
I did not want to call
attention to it, but thank you.
428
00:16:06,375 --> 00:16:07,708
It is really beautiful.
Thank you!
429
00:16:07,708 --> 00:16:10,458
It's made out of
old dress patterns, yeah.
430
00:16:10,458 --> 00:16:12,333
I don't want her
to open it!
431
00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:13,667
I don't want her to open it.
I know.
432
00:16:13,667 --> 00:16:15,375
I don't want to tear it.
It's too nice to tear.
433
00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:17,291
We should really
be careful to, kind of,
434
00:16:17,291 --> 00:16:18,959
let-- let the tape
lift up naturally.
435
00:16:18,959 --> 00:16:20,792
You know what you should do?
Steam it, steam it open.
436
00:16:20,792 --> 00:16:22,375
Maria, go ahead
and make a double boiler.
437
00:16:22,375 --> 00:16:24,625
Okay, I'm on it.
Maria, okay,
so just take a bigger pot,
438
00:16:24,625 --> 00:16:27,500
fill it with water,
and then take a smaller,
like even literally, a pan.
439
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,458
Put that on top of the pot,
so it's gonna boil.
440
00:16:29,458 --> 00:16:31,000
The steam's gonna
come up through the top pan.
441
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,500
Literally, hold
the present over.
And it'll--
442
00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:34,875
That's gonna release
the tape.
443
00:16:34,875 --> 00:16:36,542
No, sorry, listen,
Maria, listen.
444
00:16:36,542 --> 00:16:39,917
If you don't do that,
the tape is gonna rip off
the vintage Vogue.
445
00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:41,291
If you steam it open,
446
00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:43,834
you can preserve
the austerity of the package.
Exactly.
447
00:16:43,834 --> 00:16:45,875
Okay, okay, thank you
for steaming. Okay.
448
00:16:45,875 --> 00:16:48,500
Okay, let's open it up.
Here we go.
449
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:50,083
Oh!
(gasps)
450
00:16:50,083 --> 00:16:51,250
You got me pants.
Oh, oh!
451
00:16:51,250 --> 00:16:52,500
I know.
I'm jealous!
452
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:54,792
There, I said it!
I'm sorry, I had to be honest.
453
00:16:54,792 --> 00:16:56,250
Do not be jealous.
I'm jealous,
I'm jealous.
454
00:16:56,250 --> 00:16:59,333
Oh... (chuckles)
Oh, that's funny,
there's, um...
455
00:16:59,333 --> 00:17:01,542
The price tag's
right on there.
456
00:17:01,542 --> 00:17:03,750
Oh, shit. God.
Uh-oh, let me see,
let me see.
457
00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:05,875
Oh, no, no, you guys, no!
I didn't mean--
It's fine.
458
00:17:05,875 --> 00:17:08,166
Oh my God.
I told them at the store,
I said, "Take that off!"
459
00:17:08,166 --> 00:17:09,583
Well, that's how
much good things cost.
460
00:17:09,583 --> 00:17:11,417
She should try them on, right?
Oh my God!
461
00:17:11,417 --> 00:17:12,583
Try them on.
Try them on.
462
00:17:12,583 --> 00:17:14,458
I don't know, guys.
Try on the pants!
463
00:17:14,458 --> 00:17:15,917
Try on the pants.
Try on the pants.
464
00:17:15,917 --> 00:17:17,166
Are you sure?
Try on the pants!
465
00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:19,583
All right, hold on, hold on.
Okay.
466
00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:21,708
(squeals)
Oh my God!
467
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,792
They look amazing!
Do they?
468
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:24,792
I think this is you.
469
00:17:24,792 --> 00:17:27,000
Terrified to present
my gift, because...
470
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,834
Don't be scared, come on!
Oh, please!
471
00:17:28,834 --> 00:17:30,834
Are you kidding me?
You know I--
You could give me a can
472
00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:33,291
with a hammer inside of it,
and I would be pleased.
473
00:17:33,291 --> 00:17:35,250
Well, hammers
aren't cheap, you know.
474
00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:37,708
Uh, that would still
be too much, really,
if we're going by the rules.
475
00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:39,959
Okay, well.
Anyway, I won't
preface it too much.
476
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,291
It's kind of only
half-wrapped.
477
00:17:41,291 --> 00:17:43,250
Just tear on through.
Okay, here I go.
478
00:17:43,250 --> 00:17:44,792
Ripping through,
what's it gonna be?
479
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,708
Oh.
480
00:17:47,708 --> 00:17:49,166
Sorry, I actually just--
481
00:17:49,166 --> 00:17:51,125
I feel like I don't know
what I'm looking at.
I also--
482
00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:52,750
Nothing's coming up
for me, I'm looking at it.
483
00:17:52,750 --> 00:17:54,667
It's actually--
yeah, yeah, I see it.
484
00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:57,500
It's a special,
personalized pellet.
485
00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:59,208
Danielle spelled out in--
486
00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:01,792
Is that macaroni
or is that bone?
A little bit of both, yeah.
487
00:18:01,792 --> 00:18:04,291
Bone for the--
the strong strokes.
488
00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:05,667
Um, well, thank you.
489
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:07,333
I... suppose.
490
00:18:07,333 --> 00:18:08,875
Hey, smile.
491
00:18:08,875 --> 00:18:10,041
I'm smiling.
492
00:18:10,041 --> 00:18:11,583
Sorry, I'm sorry,
Maria, thank you.
493
00:18:11,583 --> 00:18:14,208
I can see that you
put a lot of effort into this,
494
00:18:14,208 --> 00:18:16,875
and it's a story piece.
I don't even love it
anymore, okay?
495
00:18:16,875 --> 00:18:18,583
I realize it's garbage.
Well, I love it, Maria.
496
00:18:18,583 --> 00:18:20,083
It's garbage.
I love it, Maria.
497
00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:22,417
It's your gift,
do whatever you want.
It's Christmas!
498
00:18:22,417 --> 00:18:24,250
Throw it back in my face.
Okay, Maria!
499
00:18:24,250 --> 00:18:25,500
It's Christmas!
It's Christmas!
500
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:29,166
♪ Silent night ♪
501
00:18:29,166 --> 00:18:30,875
Match this note.
(taps E note)
502
00:18:30,875 --> 00:18:35,083
♪ Holy night ♪
503
00:18:35,083 --> 00:18:36,959
(hip-hop beat)
504
00:18:36,959 --> 00:18:39,208
♪ You know we got
Mary and Joseph ♪
505
00:18:39,208 --> 00:18:40,333
♪ Joseph ♪
506
00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:42,834
♪ You know we got
Mary and Joseph ♪
Hoo!
507
00:18:42,834 --> 00:18:44,333
No, I'm not gonna join in.
♪ Joseph ♪
508
00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:46,500
♪ You know we got
Mary and Joseph ♪
509
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,041
Not that you'd want me to.
♪ Joseph now ♪
510
00:18:48,041 --> 00:18:50,125
♪ Little baby-- ♪
Come on, Maria!
♪ Jesus baby ♪
511
00:18:50,125 --> 00:18:51,708
♪ Little baby-- ♪
Maria!
♪ Little baby now ♪
512
00:18:51,708 --> 00:18:53,375
♪ Who's that baby
Jesus up here? ♪
Ow, ow!
513
00:18:53,375 --> 00:18:55,375
♪ Walking up towards me,
it's Jesus right here ♪
514
00:18:55,375 --> 00:18:58,417
(rock music playing)
515
00:18:58,417 --> 00:19:00,208
(coughs)
♪ Years ♪
516
00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:01,625
♪ Days ♪
517
00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:05,291
♪ Makes no difference
to me, babe ♪
518
00:19:05,291 --> 00:19:09,208
♪ You look exactly
the same to me ♪
519
00:19:11,542 --> 00:19:14,125
♪ Ain't no time ♪
520
00:19:14,125 --> 00:19:18,041
(growling)
♪ Crossing your legs
inside the diner ♪
521
00:19:18,041 --> 00:19:21,083
♪ Raising the coffee
to your lips ♪
522
00:19:21,083 --> 00:19:23,542
♪ The steam ♪
523
00:19:23,542 --> 00:19:24,875
(electrical whirring)
524
00:19:24,875 --> 00:19:28,166
♪ You saw the masterpiece ♪
525
00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:31,500
♪ She looks a lot like you ♪
526
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:34,750
♪ Wrapping her left arm
around your right ♪
527
00:19:34,750 --> 00:19:37,458
♪ Ready to walk
you through ♪
528
00:19:37,458 --> 00:19:40,208
♪ The night ♪
529
00:19:40,208 --> 00:19:41,750
(Italian style music playing)
530
00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:43,708
Mike:
Present day.
531
00:19:43,708 --> 00:19:45,250
It's Philly's present day.
532
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:46,667
Birthday, Philly's birthday.
533
00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:48,917
Jesus! Whatever word
you wanna use, aye maron.
534
00:19:48,917 --> 00:19:50,625
All right, I'm gettin' him,
I'm gettin' him.
535
00:19:52,166 --> 00:19:53,500
Hey, Philly.
(door closes)
536
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:54,875
It's time.
537
00:19:54,875 --> 00:19:56,166
The guys, they're, uh...
538
00:19:56,166 --> 00:19:57,625
They're waiting.
539
00:19:58,583 --> 00:20:00,625
(sighs) I don't know, Mikey.
540
00:20:00,625 --> 00:20:02,959
I don't know if
I can do it again.
541
00:20:02,959 --> 00:20:04,875
I'm not in the mood, you know.
542
00:20:04,875 --> 00:20:07,083
Also, how was my
chair spin that time?
543
00:20:07,083 --> 00:20:08,750
Honestly, it's satisfying
every time.
544
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:11,458
Can I tell you somethin'?
I love spinning around
in a chair.
545
00:20:11,458 --> 00:20:12,667
Mmm.
(chair squeaks)
546
00:20:12,667 --> 00:20:14,417
It-- it works for you.
It feels good.
547
00:20:14,417 --> 00:20:15,959
I'd just like to say
it works for you.
548
00:20:15,959 --> 00:20:17,667
All right, I'm-- I'm up,
I'm up, all right?
549
00:20:17,667 --> 00:20:19,208
There he goes,
come on, for the crew.
550
00:20:19,208 --> 00:20:21,458
For the crew! All right!
All right, here we go.
551
00:20:21,458 --> 00:20:22,500
(belches)
Oy, gefil--
552
00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:24,166
Hey, you got Tums?
I got fuckin' heartburn.
553
00:20:24,166 --> 00:20:26,959
Uh, yeah, yeah. Hmm.
Too much salted meat.
554
00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:30,166
Okay, right this way.
All right,
I'm comin', I'm coming.
555
00:20:30,166 --> 00:20:32,542
All right, are your eyes closed?
Yes, geez!
556
00:20:32,542 --> 00:20:35,166
All:
One, two, three!
557
00:20:35,166 --> 00:20:37,500
Happy Present Day!
558
00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:39,250
Birthday, sorry, birthday!
559
00:20:39,250 --> 00:20:40,291
Happy birthday!
560
00:20:40,291 --> 00:20:42,750
You bunch of schmucks!
Happy birthday, boss.
561
00:20:43,792 --> 00:20:45,875
Get off, when'd
you get in town?
This morning!
562
00:20:45,875 --> 00:20:47,542
Oh my God, you look beautiful.
563
00:20:47,542 --> 00:20:49,083
You do, you really do.
564
00:20:49,083 --> 00:20:51,333
Yeah, all right, you bunch
of fuckin' knuckleheads.
565
00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:52,708
All right, glasses up.
566
00:20:52,708 --> 00:20:54,834
Everybody put up
your fuckin' glass
for the boss, okay?
567
00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:56,333
Thank you, Michael.
568
00:20:56,333 --> 00:20:58,000
You know, we've had, uh...
569
00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,667
We've had a wild ride, right?
570
00:20:59,667 --> 00:21:02,333
Yeah, Amen.
We've had our ups,
we've had our downs.
571
00:21:02,333 --> 00:21:05,041
In fact, you know what,
let's just watch the montage.
572
00:21:05,041 --> 00:21:07,333
You know, why preface it
any more? Here we go!
573
00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:10,333
Oh! Sorry, before we start,
I would also just like to say,
574
00:21:10,333 --> 00:21:12,834
this montage would
not have been possible
575
00:21:12,834 --> 00:21:15,041
without the hard work,
dedication of Big Puss.
576
00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:17,375
Hey!
No, you deserve it, okay?
577
00:21:17,375 --> 00:21:20,166
This guy learned iMovie
specifically to do it,
all right?
578
00:21:20,166 --> 00:21:23,125
Thank you, Big Puss.
It doesn't go unnoticed.
Thank you, Big Puss.
579
00:21:23,125 --> 00:21:24,583
Salud.
Roll the montage.
580
00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:26,166
Here we go!
Here we go.
581
00:21:26,166 --> 00:21:29,458
♪ ♪
582
00:21:29,458 --> 00:21:32,083
I love you, honey.
Mwah!
583
00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,917
I got a surprise.
584
00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:37,333
Oh! She got a brand-new car!
Oh ho ho ho!
585
00:21:37,333 --> 00:21:39,834
These are the good times.
Happy times!
586
00:21:39,834 --> 00:21:41,041
Fun and games, huh?
587
00:21:41,041 --> 00:21:42,333
Honey, you go
wait in the car.
588
00:21:42,333 --> 00:21:43,625
You've been on
your paws all night.
589
00:21:43,625 --> 00:21:45,500
I got to go inside.
I left my Chap Stick in there.
590
00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:47,208
(explosion)
591
00:21:47,208 --> 00:21:48,875
No!
592
00:21:48,875 --> 00:21:50,708
I'm sorry for your loss, Phil.
593
00:21:50,708 --> 00:21:52,875
What do I do now?
594
00:21:52,875 --> 00:21:54,500
These are the sad times.
595
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:56,959
Get out of my way.
I'm trying to do a wheelie here.
596
00:21:56,959 --> 00:21:58,375
Another year!
597
00:21:58,375 --> 00:22:00,375
Great fuckin' montage.
598
00:22:00,375 --> 00:22:02,208
♪ ♪
599
00:22:04,417 --> 00:22:06,417
(chuckles, clears throat)
600
00:22:06,417 --> 00:22:08,291
(Irish accent)
Well, thank you
for your time, Phil,
601
00:22:08,291 --> 00:22:11,208
and we just want to
thank you again for your
contributions to the church.
602
00:22:11,208 --> 00:22:14,708
You've grown up into
such a fine, young feline.
(chuckles)
603
00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:17,250
Your brother, Johnny,
would have been proud,
may he rest in peace.
604
00:22:17,250 --> 00:22:19,166
In the name of the Father,
the Son, the Holy Spirit.
605
00:22:19,166 --> 00:22:20,708
Father Anthony,
thank you so much.
606
00:22:20,708 --> 00:22:22,583
I mean, coming from you
that means a lot.
It's very kind.
607
00:22:22,583 --> 00:22:24,708
You're not Italian,
but you're family.
That's such a--
608
00:22:24,708 --> 00:22:26,375
I know you're--
Irish or is it Scottish?
609
00:22:26,375 --> 00:22:28,750
When you walk in here,
you're Italian, okay?
610
00:22:28,750 --> 00:22:31,667
(all laughing)
611
00:22:31,667 --> 00:22:33,917
Hey-a, that's a nice-a
thing to say-a! That's-a--
612
00:22:33,917 --> 00:22:36,625
All right, we don't have
to do anything like that.
It just doesn't read, you know?
613
00:22:36,625 --> 00:22:40,166
I should be going now.
I'm visiting my sister's
congregation in Brooklyn.
614
00:22:40,166 --> 00:22:43,792
I believe I'll take a stop
at the new cronut place
in Two Bridges...
615
00:22:43,792 --> 00:22:45,834
on my way there, ha ha.
Got a sweet tooth.
Hmm.
616
00:22:45,834 --> 00:22:48,500
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
What'd you just say,
Father Anthony?
617
00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:50,333
Well, rumor has it,
there's a new bakery
618
00:22:50,333 --> 00:22:52,917
that dumps at least
three cans of cronuts a night!
619
00:22:52,917 --> 00:22:55,333
And cats are flipping
their lids over it.
It's the truth.
620
00:22:55,333 --> 00:22:58,708
Where the fuck do you
get off, Father Anthony?
Philly, hey, relax!
621
00:22:58,708 --> 00:23:00,959
Get your fucking paws off of me.
Everybody relax,
peace on Earth.
622
00:23:00,959 --> 00:23:03,542
You come into Little Italy
and you're talkin' about
another territory's trash?
623
00:23:03,542 --> 00:23:07,333
What's so wrong with our trash?
Your trash is fantastic.
I didn't mean to offend you.
624
00:23:07,333 --> 00:23:10,208
Johnny's club's zeppoles
ain't good enough
for you anymore.
625
00:23:10,208 --> 00:23:12,166
Everybody wants to move on
to the next thing!
626
00:23:12,166 --> 00:23:15,041
It's cronuts now,
and it's Swedish Fish tomorrow!
627
00:23:15,041 --> 00:23:16,500
I'm telling you!
Whoa, Philly.
628
00:23:16,500 --> 00:23:18,625
After all we've done for you,
we painted that fucking church.
629
00:23:18,625 --> 00:23:20,625
Philly, relax!
He didn't mean no harm.
I'm so sorry.
630
00:23:20,625 --> 00:23:22,834
I don't know how to paint.
I didn't mean no
harm whatsoever.
631
00:23:22,834 --> 00:23:24,291
Philly, it's Father Anthony.
632
00:23:24,291 --> 00:23:27,291
Father Anthony,
you are officially cut off
from Johnny's crew.
633
00:23:27,291 --> 00:23:29,542
You get no more
scratch from us.
Aw! Aw, no.
634
00:23:29,542 --> 00:23:32,083
Put your tail between
your legs and get the fuck
out of my office.
635
00:23:32,083 --> 00:23:34,125
I'm so sorry.
636
00:23:34,125 --> 00:23:36,792
I hope you don't go
to Hell. Goodbye.
637
00:23:36,792 --> 00:23:38,375
Was that really necessary?
638
00:23:38,375 --> 00:23:41,333
I mean, Jesus, it's not right.
That's Father Anthony.
639
00:23:41,333 --> 00:23:43,208
(snickering)
What's going on over there?
640
00:23:43,208 --> 00:23:46,333
Nothing. I'm just
thinking about something.
641
00:23:46,333 --> 00:23:48,041
Hmm.
You wanna know what?
642
00:23:48,041 --> 00:23:50,458
Yeah, I do, yes, I do.
Yes, what are you--
643
00:23:50,458 --> 00:23:51,750
If we're the first to pounce
644
00:23:51,750 --> 00:23:54,458
on that cronut situation
in Two Bridges,
645
00:23:54,458 --> 00:23:56,083
that means big money, Mikey.
646
00:23:56,083 --> 00:23:59,125
Big money! They're charging
quadruple of what we charge
for our zeppoles.
647
00:23:59,125 --> 00:24:00,708
It's out of the question,
Philly, come on!
648
00:24:00,708 --> 00:24:02,625
Mikey, we're four
neighborhoods strong now!
649
00:24:02,625 --> 00:24:04,834
Tribeca, Soho,
NoLita, Little Italy!
650
00:24:04,834 --> 00:24:07,375
If we take Two Bridges,
that means the Brooklyn connect.
651
00:24:07,375 --> 00:24:09,542
All of the boroughs
are ours after that.
652
00:24:09,542 --> 00:24:10,959
All right, you gonna
make me say his name?
653
00:24:10,959 --> 00:24:13,208
Two Bridges is Alabaster's
territory, all right?
654
00:24:13,208 --> 00:24:15,291
And going against him?
I don't know what
655
00:24:15,291 --> 00:24:18,166
that would accomplish
other than an all-out war.
656
00:24:18,166 --> 00:24:19,708
Hmm.
657
00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:21,500
Okey-doke, Michael.
658
00:24:21,500 --> 00:24:22,959
Thank you for that.
659
00:24:22,959 --> 00:24:25,875
Okay, that's good. And see,
that's talking it out.
660
00:24:25,875 --> 00:24:27,208
That comes
from talking it out.
661
00:24:27,208 --> 00:24:30,500
I think I'm all good for today,
so you're excused.
662
00:24:30,500 --> 00:24:32,000
Thank you.
663
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,000
Hmm, that's a little--
664
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:35,875
That's more quiet than usual.
665
00:24:35,875 --> 00:24:39,375
It's just, like, I feel like
we usually, you know, laugh
when I leave or something.
666
00:24:39,375 --> 00:24:41,458
Say jokes, something like that.
667
00:24:41,458 --> 00:24:43,041
Right? Philly?
668
00:24:43,041 --> 00:24:45,750
Mikey, I said you
was excused, all right?
669
00:24:45,750 --> 00:24:48,041
I wasn't asking, I was telling.
It was an order.
670
00:24:48,041 --> 00:24:50,208
Thank you so much.
671
00:24:50,208 --> 00:24:52,250
All right.
672
00:24:53,542 --> 00:24:55,041
Yes, boss.
673
00:24:55,041 --> 00:24:58,250
♪ ♪
674
00:25:08,291 --> 00:25:10,417
That feels really--
Oh, right there, right there.
675
00:25:10,417 --> 00:25:12,000
Right there?
That feel good?
676
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,000
Very nice.
Oh, you're so tense.
677
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,708
Now, go easy right
there, that's kinda--
678
00:25:15,708 --> 00:25:16,834
There's a kinda knot.
679
00:25:16,834 --> 00:25:18,875
Let me untie that for you.
Well, why don't--
680
00:25:18,875 --> 00:25:20,083
Why don't you avoid it?
681
00:25:20,083 --> 00:25:22,041
Why don't you go
around the knot?
Okay.
682
00:25:22,041 --> 00:25:25,333
That's not how it works.
You don't tell a hairdresser
how to cut your hair, right?
683
00:25:25,333 --> 00:25:29,834
Well, I do. I do tell the
hairdresser how to cut my hair.
684
00:25:29,834 --> 00:25:31,250
If I had any.
685
00:25:31,250 --> 00:25:32,708
Hey, that's true, that's true.
686
00:25:32,708 --> 00:25:35,083
That's bad.
I have a sense
of humor about myself.
687
00:25:35,083 --> 00:25:36,875
I don't take myself
too seriously at all.
688
00:25:36,875 --> 00:25:38,917
That's the way to live,
that's the way to live.
689
00:25:38,917 --> 00:25:41,458
When you gonna get up
and run away with me?
Stop it, you!
690
00:25:41,458 --> 00:25:43,834
You know I can't.
I'm finishing school, I can't.
691
00:25:43,834 --> 00:25:46,959
I know, I know.
Finish up the massage, please?
Oh, yes, sir.
692
00:25:46,959 --> 00:25:48,417
Father Anthony
(clears throat):
Pardon me?
693
00:25:48,417 --> 00:25:49,917
Should I stay
or should I go?
694
00:25:49,917 --> 00:25:51,250
Ah, you're still here.
695
00:25:51,250 --> 00:25:53,458
You know, you don't have
to do the voice with us.
696
00:25:53,458 --> 00:25:56,583
(clears throat, coughs)
God, thank God. Thank you.
697
00:25:56,583 --> 00:25:59,708
You really get lost
in the role, Gigglepuss.
698
00:25:59,708 --> 00:26:01,708
It's transformative.
Oh, I been doing this--
699
00:26:01,708 --> 00:26:04,375
This is in my bag of tricks.
Uh, you know, my
trunk of characters.
700
00:26:04,375 --> 00:26:06,458
Oh, Father Anthony was
one of your characters?
701
00:26:06,458 --> 00:26:08,250
He was my in one-man show.
702
00:26:08,250 --> 00:26:10,208
Yeah, I been doing him
for a while, but, um...
703
00:26:10,208 --> 00:26:13,041
Well, any shows you got comin'
up, I'd love to hear about it.
You just tell me.
704
00:26:13,041 --> 00:26:15,875
Well, my one-man show
closes on Friday, and I...
705
00:26:15,875 --> 00:26:17,959
I cannot make it this Friday.
No problem.
706
00:26:17,959 --> 00:26:19,500
Weekdays are hard for me.
No big whoop.
707
00:26:19,500 --> 00:26:20,959
Weekends, too.
No big whoop.
708
00:26:20,959 --> 00:26:23,750
Is Johnny's crew or Phil's crew
or whatever they're called now,
709
00:26:23,750 --> 00:26:26,000
are they gonna fall
for the Two Bridges trap?
710
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,959
Yeah, I believe so,
I think... (chuckles)
711
00:26:27,959 --> 00:26:29,625
hook, line and sinker,
as they say.
712
00:26:29,625 --> 00:26:31,583
Phil seemed pretty enticed
at the notion, you know.
713
00:26:31,583 --> 00:26:33,792
(both snickering)
714
00:26:33,792 --> 00:26:36,000
Um... (clears throat)
Yeah, I wanted to ask
you something,
715
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,834
uh, Alabaster, uh...
(clears throat)
716
00:26:37,834 --> 00:26:39,041
I want to do the hit on Phil.
717
00:26:39,041 --> 00:26:41,041
'Cause, uh, because
he killed my brother, Chuckles.
718
00:26:41,041 --> 00:26:42,583
You know, he killed
my brother, Chuckles,
719
00:26:42,583 --> 00:26:44,583
and I wanna do
the hit on him.
720
00:26:44,583 --> 00:26:45,959
Dear, Gigglepuss.
721
00:26:45,959 --> 00:26:47,625
Chuckles was
a brother to all of us.
722
00:26:47,625 --> 00:26:48,959
Yeah, I know,
may he rest in peace.
723
00:26:48,959 --> 00:26:51,959
You'll get your blood
in due time.
724
00:26:51,959 --> 00:26:53,750
In doodoo time.
725
00:26:53,750 --> 00:26:55,875
(snickering)
726
00:26:58,291 --> 00:27:00,166
(both chuckling)
727
00:27:04,166 --> 00:27:06,667
(evil laughter)
728
00:27:09,041 --> 00:27:12,083
♪ Can I get your number? ♪
729
00:27:12,083 --> 00:27:15,917
♪ Can I get you into bed? ♪
730
00:27:15,917 --> 00:27:19,625
♪ When we wake up
in the morning ♪
731
00:27:19,625 --> 00:27:22,875
♪ Will you give me
lots of head? ♪
732
00:27:23,875 --> 00:27:28,333
♪ Everybody wants to love you ♪
733
00:27:29,208 --> 00:27:31,375
♪ Everybody wants to love you ♪
734
00:27:31,375 --> 00:27:35,375
♪ Everybody wants to love you ♪
735
00:27:36,792 --> 00:27:38,583
♪ Everybody wants to love you ♪
736
00:27:38,583 --> 00:27:42,041
♪ Everybody wants to love you ♪
737
00:27:42,041 --> 00:27:45,458
♪ Will you lend me
your toothbrush ♪
738
00:27:45,458 --> 00:27:49,750
♪ Will you make me
breakfast in bed ♪
739
00:27:49,750 --> 00:27:53,000
♪ Ask me to get married ♪
740
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:56,125
♪ And then make me
breakfast again ♪
741
00:27:57,041 --> 00:28:00,917
♪ Everybody wants
to love you ♪
742
00:28:02,583 --> 00:28:04,583
♪ Everybody wants
to love you ♪
743
00:28:04,583 --> 00:28:08,125
♪ Everybody wants
to love you ♪
744
00:28:09,333 --> 00:28:12,083
♪ Everybody wants to love you ♪
745
00:28:19,417 --> 00:28:21,125
♪ (SYMPHONY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
746
00:28:23,166 --> 00:28:25,583
Tomorrow, we're taking two
bridges!
747
00:28:25,583 --> 00:28:27,583
Okay, let's get ready.
I knew this was coming.
748
00:28:27,583 --> 00:28:29,375
Alright, everybody stay focused.
Okay?
749
00:28:29,375 --> 00:28:31,333
Look! Cute scooter!
(LAUGHS)
750
00:28:31,333 --> 00:28:32,500
We're going to war.
751
00:28:32,500 --> 00:28:34,291
BOTH: Hey!
752
00:28:34,291 --> 00:28:35,708
(GROWLS)
753
00:28:35,708 --> 00:28:38,458
Oh, yeah!
57124
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