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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,834 --> 00:00:09,083 ♪ (HIP-HOP PLAYING) ♪ 2 00:00:09,291 --> 00:00:11,542 -Guys? -He came in the back. 3 00:00:11,542 --> 00:00:12,792 Richard, we need to talk. 4 00:00:12,792 --> 00:00:14,291 Well, actually, let me just say something. 5 00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:15,917 Um, I'm quitting. 6 00:00:15,917 --> 00:00:17,125 Wait, what? 7 00:00:17,125 --> 00:00:19,208 Richard! I was waiting out front. 8 00:00:19,208 --> 00:00:20,583 They want to ambush you and replace you, 9 00:00:20,583 --> 00:00:22,041 but I had nothing to do with it. 10 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,041 ♪ (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 11 00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:26,125 RICHARD HENDRICKS: I want to build a new internet. 12 00:00:26,125 --> 00:00:28,542 You have the best technology that I've ever seen. 13 00:00:28,542 --> 00:00:29,875 You can change the world. 14 00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,166 ERLICH BACHMAN: We are not shutting down. We are so close. 15 00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:36,291 When we get in the room, I'll do all the talking. 16 00:00:36,291 --> 00:00:38,375 There's something called "mansplaining," ladies. 17 00:00:38,375 --> 00:00:40,208 -Have you heard about this? -WOMAN: We... we know what mansplaining is. 18 00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:42,208 I'm sure you think you know what it is, but-- 19 00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,834 If we have to bend a few rules here and there, 20 00:00:44,834 --> 00:00:46,041 it's all for the greater good. 21 00:00:46,041 --> 00:00:47,041 (DOORBELL RINGS) 22 00:00:47,041 --> 00:00:48,625 Richard, you are a bad guy. 23 00:00:49,834 --> 00:00:51,291 RICHARD: You all thought I was crazy. 24 00:00:51,291 --> 00:00:52,375 Turns out I'm not. 25 00:00:52,750 --> 00:00:55,250 Not crazy. Opposite, you poor idiots. 26 00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:01,125 Yep, not crazy. Opposite. 27 00:01:01,125 --> 00:01:03,166 ♪ (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS OUT) ♪ 28 00:01:16,458 --> 00:01:18,792 (theme music playing) 29 00:01:21,625 --> 00:01:23,750 ♪ Animals ♪ 30 00:01:25,625 --> 00:01:28,333 ♪ Animals ♪ 31 00:01:33,250 --> 00:01:36,625 ♪ ♪ 32 00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:42,333 (horns honking) 33 00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:58,166 (sniffs) 34 00:01:58,166 --> 00:01:59,333 (whines) 35 00:02:03,708 --> 00:02:06,083 (bell rings) 36 00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:08,542 God, dude, this fucking sucks. 37 00:02:08,542 --> 00:02:10,417 This is your fault. It's not my fucking fault, Mike. 38 00:02:10,417 --> 00:02:11,917 Phil, Mike. What? 39 00:02:11,917 --> 00:02:14,375 What you've done is absolutely unacceptable. 40 00:02:14,375 --> 00:02:16,166 You're lucky I didn't call the police. 41 00:02:16,166 --> 00:02:17,875 Simon, you're a fucking rat snitch, dude. 42 00:02:17,875 --> 00:02:19,875 You want to be our friend and you fucking come in here, 43 00:02:19,875 --> 00:02:21,000 you fucking tell on us? 44 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,583 Well, you put a marker up my butt. 45 00:02:22,583 --> 00:02:24,375 Dude, I can't believe I have to say this again. 46 00:02:24,375 --> 00:02:26,917 It was a prank. Have you ever heard of a prank before? 47 00:02:26,917 --> 00:02:28,667 Jamie Kennedy, Ashton Kutcher, 48 00:02:28,667 --> 00:02:30,083 Justin Bieber after Ashton Kutcher, 49 00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:31,458 those are all master prankers, dude. 50 00:02:31,458 --> 00:02:33,208 Hall of Fame of prankers right there. Hall of Fame. 51 00:02:33,208 --> 00:02:35,625 Technically, Simon, you shoved the marker up your own butt. 52 00:02:35,625 --> 00:02:37,959 Up your own butt. Mr. Leif, up his own butt. 53 00:02:37,959 --> 00:02:40,041 Enough. The two of you and your pranks 54 00:02:40,041 --> 00:02:43,166 have disrupted the school day countless times 55 00:02:43,166 --> 00:02:44,500 for countless students. 56 00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:45,583 You've pranked too much. 57 00:02:45,583 --> 00:02:47,333 Principal Leif, I don't know if you know this, 58 00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:48,750 but I don't have a dad. 59 00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,959 And it's hard to grow up without a male influence in your life. 60 00:02:50,959 --> 00:02:52,834 My buddy Mike, he's got a mom and a dad. So I think that 61 00:02:52,834 --> 00:02:55,000 maybe he should bear the brunt of the punishment at this time 62 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,834 because he's got a mom and a dad. Fuck you, dude. 63 00:02:56,834 --> 00:02:58,792 I got no daddy, dude. You use that excuse for everything. 64 00:02:58,792 --> 00:03:00,917 No, I don't. Principal Leif, will you be my papa? 65 00:03:00,917 --> 00:03:03,834 My mama's real pretty, You can have sex with her. Okay, enough, enough, enough. 66 00:03:03,834 --> 00:03:05,750 I'm clearly not getting through to you. 67 00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,125 So I have to issue a punishment. 68 00:03:07,125 --> 00:03:08,417 Ring the punishment bell. 69 00:03:08,417 --> 00:03:09,458 (bell dings) 70 00:03:09,458 --> 00:03:11,083 Community service all weekend. What? 71 00:03:11,083 --> 00:03:13,792 Come on. You're gonna scrub the graffiti in the back hallway. 72 00:03:13,792 --> 00:03:14,959 Bell again. (dings) 73 00:03:14,959 --> 00:03:17,708 Also, Simon gets one re-prank on Phil. 74 00:03:17,708 --> 00:03:18,959 Yes! That's just a prank law. 75 00:03:18,959 --> 00:03:20,000 No bell. 76 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,083 Now get out of my sight. 77 00:03:21,083 --> 00:03:23,250 (muttering) Fucking Principal Little Dick-- 78 00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:24,792 Principal what? I didn't say anything. 79 00:03:24,792 --> 00:03:27,000 I said Principal Leif. I heard you say Principal Little Dick. 80 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,667 Dude, just go, just go. I'm going. 81 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:29,959 Oh, Phil, one more thing. 82 00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:31,041 Yeah, Principal Leif? 83 00:03:31,041 --> 00:03:32,291 Fuck you. 84 00:03:32,291 --> 00:03:34,000 No one will believe I said it. 85 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,542 Saturday fucking community service, dude. 86 00:03:38,542 --> 00:03:41,291 I feel like I'm a goddamn drunk driver or something. 87 00:03:41,291 --> 00:03:42,417 Mm. What is that? 88 00:03:42,417 --> 00:03:43,917 Dude, check it out. Did you just draw that? 89 00:03:43,917 --> 00:03:45,583 Yeah. Yeah. Is that Saves the Day? 90 00:03:45,583 --> 00:03:47,208 I fucking love that song, dude. I do, too. 91 00:03:47,208 --> 00:03:48,583 "You Vandal"? Mmm, no. 92 00:03:48,583 --> 00:03:50,417 See, you don't even know Saves the Day that well. 93 00:03:50,417 --> 00:03:53,000 No, I know Saves the Day, dude, I just don't know words. You don't even know. 94 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,291 I get all confused when it's written down. It's weird to me. 95 00:03:55,291 --> 00:03:56,542 Ooh, Michael! 96 00:03:56,542 --> 00:03:57,959 Is that a lyric from Newsies? 97 00:03:57,959 --> 00:03:59,750 What the fuck are you doing here, Simon? 98 00:03:59,750 --> 00:04:02,458 I'm spending time with my boys, my best friends. 99 00:04:02,458 --> 00:04:05,000 Okay. Are we seriously your best friends, dude? 100 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,291 Because we don't even like you at all. No. 101 00:04:07,291 --> 00:04:10,333 That's weird, because I love you guys. 102 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,625 You're Phil and Mike, you're cool. 103 00:04:12,625 --> 00:04:14,000 You don't care about anything. 104 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,375 Simon. (burps) 105 00:04:15,375 --> 00:04:17,333 (laughs) Right, dude? (laughs) 106 00:04:17,333 --> 00:04:18,625 Sick? Sick. 107 00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:20,000 I got one. I got one. 108 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,000 (vomits) 109 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,625 Ugh. Sorry I made a mess. Simon! 110 00:04:23,625 --> 00:04:26,375 Simon, we have to fucking clean that up now, dude. What the fuck? 111 00:04:26,375 --> 00:04:28,250 I'm so sorry, guys. God, Simon. 112 00:04:28,250 --> 00:04:29,959 What can I do to be more like you guys? 113 00:04:29,959 --> 00:04:31,375 What can I do to be in the group? 114 00:04:31,375 --> 00:04:33,000 Simon, you're a dunce. 115 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,375 You're a dweeb. I'm a dinger. 116 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:36,000 Exactly, you're a dinger. You're getting it. 117 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,041 What you need is some sort of... 118 00:04:38,041 --> 00:04:39,333 currency to make up for it. 119 00:04:39,333 --> 00:04:41,583 Do you have a big house we can party at? 120 00:04:41,583 --> 00:04:44,208 A really hot sister that we could possibly make out with? 121 00:04:44,208 --> 00:04:46,959 Do you have a mom that keeps Oxycodone in her purse that she leaves around? 122 00:04:46,959 --> 00:04:48,917 These are just ideas. Do you got anything, buddy? 123 00:04:48,917 --> 00:04:50,834 Because right now, you're just not cutting it. 124 00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:52,875 Actually, um, yeah. 125 00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:55,041 I, uh, I do have something cool. 126 00:04:55,041 --> 00:04:57,208 But it's my secret. 127 00:04:57,208 --> 00:04:59,250 Hmm. So you have to promise 128 00:04:59,250 --> 00:05:01,375 on your mother's life, 'cause that's all you have, 129 00:05:01,375 --> 00:05:04,000 and both your parents' lives 'cause that's all you have, 130 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:07,291 that you're not gonna tell anyone! Whoa. 131 00:05:07,291 --> 00:05:09,875 And then I will show you the secret of a lifetime. 132 00:05:09,875 --> 00:05:12,875 And if that doesn't get me into the cool kids club, I don't know what will. 133 00:05:12,875 --> 00:05:14,083 Hmm. 134 00:05:14,083 --> 00:05:16,625 We're in. Let's do this. Let's see what you got. 135 00:05:16,625 --> 00:05:19,375 Yes! Follow me, boys. 136 00:05:19,375 --> 00:05:21,583 ♪ Follow me this way ♪ God, did you see him curtsy? 137 00:05:21,583 --> 00:05:23,417 If it's a dead little kid he's been torturing, 138 00:05:23,417 --> 00:05:25,166 I'm gonna be super pissed. 139 00:05:25,166 --> 00:05:28,750 ♪ Follow me, secret to show you ♪ Okay, no, no, no-- 140 00:05:28,750 --> 00:05:30,375 Gentlemen, prepare to be amazed. 141 00:05:30,375 --> 00:05:33,375 Again, a reminder, mum's the word on this. 142 00:05:34,875 --> 00:05:37,000 What the fuck dude? Holy shit. 143 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,125 Is that a fucking... 144 00:05:38,125 --> 00:05:39,417 human baby? 145 00:05:39,417 --> 00:05:41,917 I call him... Bebe. 146 00:05:41,917 --> 00:05:43,500 Bebe. Bebe. 147 00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:45,041 Can I-- Can I touch it? 148 00:05:45,041 --> 00:05:47,250 Yes, but please, be delicate. 149 00:05:47,250 --> 00:05:48,417 And move slowly. 150 00:05:48,417 --> 00:05:50,417 It smells so good. Careful, Phil. 151 00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:51,667 I heard they're dangerous. 152 00:05:51,667 --> 00:05:52,959 No, this one's trained. 153 00:05:52,959 --> 00:05:54,417 Watch. Bebe, ho-ho! 154 00:05:54,417 --> 00:05:56,375 (baby coos) Whoa, dude! 155 00:05:56,375 --> 00:05:58,250 Holy shit. Oh, my God. What the fuck, Simon? 156 00:05:58,250 --> 00:06:00,375 Shh, shh, shh, easy, girl. 157 00:06:00,375 --> 00:06:01,458 Easy, girl. 158 00:06:01,458 --> 00:06:03,667 He's actually a boy, but I call him a girl. 159 00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:05,125 Like my real dad did to me. 160 00:06:05,125 --> 00:06:07,417 Hmm. Check this out, he loves to be fed. 161 00:06:07,417 --> 00:06:08,583 Bebe, ho-ho! 162 00:06:08,583 --> 00:06:10,375 Whoa, dude! Wow. 163 00:06:10,375 --> 00:06:12,750 And he just eats it up. He eats it, that's incredible. 164 00:06:12,750 --> 00:06:14,250 He doesn't have any teeth or anything. 165 00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:15,875 Look, he's chewing on me. Mike: Wow. 166 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,291 Ow, it tickles. 167 00:06:17,291 --> 00:06:19,959 I'm sorry, Simon, I just want to be clear. No one knows about this? 168 00:06:19,959 --> 00:06:21,166 No, it's completely secret. 169 00:06:21,166 --> 00:06:23,417 And I thank you guys for making the promise 170 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:24,667 to keep it a secret earlier. 171 00:06:24,667 --> 00:06:26,458 Hey, Phil, can I talk to you over here. Yeah. Sure. 172 00:06:26,458 --> 00:06:28,708 I'm thinking the same exact thing you're thinking. 173 00:06:28,708 --> 00:06:30,625 You have cartoon dollar signs coming out of your eyes. 174 00:06:30,625 --> 00:06:32,417 Dude, this thing is a cash cow! 175 00:06:32,417 --> 00:06:34,083 Who wouldn't want to pay to see a human baby? 176 00:06:34,083 --> 00:06:36,375 Yes, dude, it's that Simpson's episode with the elephant, 177 00:06:36,375 --> 00:06:38,166 but we're charging to see a human baby. 178 00:06:38,166 --> 00:06:40,959 It's a modern day improvement. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 179 00:06:40,959 --> 00:06:43,875 No! We are not commercializing Bebe. 180 00:06:43,875 --> 00:06:48,000 You know, there's a lot of upkeep that takes place when caring for a Bebe. 181 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,792 You gotta feed it. You gotta clean it. You gotta care for it. 182 00:06:50,792 --> 00:06:53,458 Simon, you've been doing all that for the past few weeks, right? 183 00:06:53,458 --> 00:06:54,708 Happily so. Great. 184 00:06:54,708 --> 00:06:56,041 So you can keep doing that, 185 00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:57,458 and I'll just handle the front end of it. 186 00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,250 Yes. Correct. Lot of attention on me and the baby. 187 00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:00,708 Phil and the Baby Show, something like that. 188 00:07:00,708 --> 00:07:02,583 Yeah, I'll handle, like, the money and production. Great. 189 00:07:02,583 --> 00:07:04,333 This is fantastic. I think we figured out our roles. 190 00:07:04,333 --> 00:07:06,083 We're good. We're happy to have you aboard, Simon. 191 00:07:06,083 --> 00:07:07,208 Thank you, so much. Hey, Simon, 192 00:07:07,208 --> 00:07:08,417 hands in, buddy, huh? 193 00:07:08,417 --> 00:07:10,834 Phil and Mike, holding hands with us? Feels pretty good. 194 00:07:10,834 --> 00:07:13,166 All right. Bebe money on three. 195 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:15,000 All: One, two, three. 196 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,000 Bebe money! 197 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,458 There's that smile. 198 00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:20,125 I love you guys. I love you guys. 199 00:07:20,125 --> 00:07:22,375 Wow, so hard with the L word, dude. 200 00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:26,208 ♪ ♪ 201 00:07:33,333 --> 00:07:34,417 (coughs) 202 00:07:34,417 --> 00:07:35,500 (sniffles) 203 00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:42,875 ♪ Tom pens me a pink letter ♪ 204 00:07:42,875 --> 00:07:48,375 ♪ Says please could you lend me some Red Roulette ♪ 205 00:07:57,291 --> 00:07:59,000 (excited chattering) 206 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,708 All right, human baby up close, guys! 207 00:08:00,708 --> 00:08:03,583 Two pence, two pence. Throw the money in the hat. Throw the money in the hat. 208 00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:06,542 Andy, what's going on, man? Okay, I'm not paying. 209 00:08:06,542 --> 00:08:08,250 Oh, I'm sorry, what was that? 210 00:08:08,250 --> 00:08:10,875 I'm not gonna pay a friend to see a baby. 211 00:08:10,875 --> 00:08:12,375 Andy, breathe in deep. 212 00:08:12,375 --> 00:08:14,708 (sniffs) You smell that? It's a live human baby. 213 00:08:14,708 --> 00:08:16,041 There's nothing like that. It's alive? 214 00:08:16,041 --> 00:08:17,708 Yes. I thought it was a dead baby. 215 00:08:17,708 --> 00:08:19,708 Oh, no, we're not-- The baby's alive? 216 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,333 Yes, dude. Okay, okay, okay. 217 00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:23,417 And how much is it again? Two pence. That's all. 218 00:08:23,417 --> 00:08:25,333 Here's your fucking tuppence. There it is. 219 00:08:25,333 --> 00:08:26,875 Andy's seeing the baby. Andy! 220 00:08:26,875 --> 00:08:28,250 Andy's on board, huh? All right! 221 00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:29,708 Let me see the fucking baby. 222 00:08:29,708 --> 00:08:31,250 Phil: Is this thing on? Oh. (feedback whines) 223 00:08:31,250 --> 00:08:34,333 Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for, 224 00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:38,083 a live human baby! 225 00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:40,542 Mikey, curtain. 226 00:08:40,542 --> 00:08:42,083 (crowd gasps) 227 00:08:42,083 --> 00:08:44,083 Bebe. Bebe. 228 00:08:45,417 --> 00:08:48,542 Oh, my God... 229 00:08:48,542 --> 00:08:50,959 Oh, my God! 230 00:08:50,959 --> 00:08:52,417 Holy fucking shit! 231 00:08:52,417 --> 00:08:54,875 It's a fucking baby! It's bigger than me! 232 00:08:54,875 --> 00:08:56,875 Are you guys seeing this? Look at that! 233 00:08:56,875 --> 00:08:58,417 That thing is fucking huge! 234 00:08:58,417 --> 00:09:00,250 (laughing and applauding) 235 00:09:00,250 --> 00:09:02,834 ♪ ♪ 236 00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:05,125 (cheering) 237 00:09:08,458 --> 00:09:09,917 Bebe, save your energy now. 238 00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:11,500 We got three more shows to do, okay? 239 00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:14,208 Ol' Papa Simon gonna take care of you now, Bebe. 240 00:09:14,208 --> 00:09:16,500 Ol' Papa Simon here now to take care of you. 241 00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:19,625 (chanting) Baby! Baby! Baby! 242 00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:21,291 Show us the baby! 243 00:09:21,291 --> 00:09:24,125 (applause) (laughing) Yes! Yes! 244 00:09:24,125 --> 00:09:26,166 It's the best every time! 245 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,208 Okay, do it. Come on, now, Bebe. 246 00:09:28,208 --> 00:09:31,458 Okay, Phil, we're blowing in three. Here we go now. 247 00:09:31,458 --> 00:09:33,083 Okay, guys, ponchos up. 248 00:09:33,083 --> 00:09:34,458 Oh, no, here it comes. Here it comes. 249 00:09:34,458 --> 00:09:37,041 (sneezes) Oh! 250 00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:39,542 Yeah! Got me wet! Haha! 251 00:09:39,542 --> 00:09:40,542 All right! 252 00:09:40,542 --> 00:09:42,792 Did you get it on you? I got it on me. 253 00:09:42,792 --> 00:09:45,291 Ooh, wow, that was a wet one, Bebe. 254 00:09:45,291 --> 00:09:46,625 Let me clean you up here. 255 00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:49,291 Uh, Phil? Phil? 256 00:09:49,291 --> 00:09:50,667 Hi. Yeah, Andy, what's up, man? 257 00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,542 Sorry, just trying to break down stuff for tonight. 258 00:09:52,542 --> 00:09:53,834 No, I see that. I need to see the baby. 259 00:09:53,834 --> 00:09:55,166 Real quick, if you don't mind. Oh, but, 260 00:09:55,166 --> 00:09:56,417 you just saw the baby. Oh, I know. 261 00:09:56,417 --> 00:09:57,959 That was actually the last show of the night. 262 00:09:57,959 --> 00:09:59,834 So we're gonna break down for tomorrow. I know, I get it. 263 00:09:59,834 --> 00:10:02,166 Let me just see the baby one more time. I can't explain it, please. 264 00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:04,000 I need you to quiet down and walk away calmly. 265 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,208 Baby! Baby, it's me! Mike, get in here. 266 00:10:06,208 --> 00:10:08,250 Baby's off the clock! Baby's off the clock! Oh, my God! 267 00:10:08,250 --> 00:10:09,959 You brought this on your self, Andy. No! No! No! 268 00:10:09,959 --> 00:10:11,625 You brought this on yourself, okay? Come on! 269 00:10:11,625 --> 00:10:13,792 I hate this. I hate this, too. 270 00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:16,917 This is the fucking good life, dude. 271 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,250 I've never seen this much money before in my life. 272 00:10:19,250 --> 00:10:21,667 Think about all the shit we could buy, dude. Bills, bills, bills. 273 00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:23,917 Dude, we should get all of 311 on vinyl. 274 00:10:23,917 --> 00:10:26,208 Yes! Vinyl is like CDs, but bigger and they're harder to play, 275 00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:28,458 and like, they sounded better in the '70s or something like that. 276 00:10:28,458 --> 00:10:30,125 Right. I don't really know, but they cost a lot. 277 00:10:30,125 --> 00:10:31,500 It's gonna be sick. Cool. 278 00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,542 I'm gonna buy expensive-ass chain wallets at Rat Hot Topic. 279 00:10:33,542 --> 00:10:35,208 Dude, Zippo lighters. Zippo lighters, man! 280 00:10:35,208 --> 00:10:36,917 We could get 'em engraved with our names on 'em. 281 00:10:36,917 --> 00:10:39,250 Yeah. I'll get one that says Mike and you get one that says Phil. 282 00:10:39,250 --> 00:10:40,708 That'd be so funny and cute. Maybe. 283 00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:43,250 Well, just be sure to spend your pennies wisely, gentlemen. 284 00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:44,625 I wouldn't get too excited. 285 00:10:44,625 --> 00:10:47,250 Simon, what the fuck are you talking about, dude? 286 00:10:47,250 --> 00:10:49,291 Look at all this money. Mike and I are fucking rich. 287 00:10:49,291 --> 00:10:51,708 Well, I just want to make sure you're fiscally responsible 288 00:10:51,708 --> 00:10:54,458 because the deals you guys signed... 289 00:10:54,458 --> 00:10:56,750 Well, I've got 'em right here, actually. 290 00:10:56,750 --> 00:10:57,917 What? Let me see this. 291 00:10:57,917 --> 00:10:59,291 Mike, what are those numbers? Wait... 292 00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:00,542 Are those in our favor or his favor? 293 00:11:00,542 --> 00:11:02,792 Okay, let's see, so I get a finder's fee, 294 00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:06,708 70% overall ownership, and 55% on merchandising. 295 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:09,083 Wha-- I-- And I guess you guys get... 296 00:11:09,083 --> 00:11:10,750 a little bit less than that. 297 00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:12,375 I-- I hope there are no objections. 298 00:11:12,375 --> 00:11:14,875 My uncle's a pretty powerful rat lawyer. 299 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:17,583 And let's just say he's behind bars. 300 00:11:17,583 --> 00:11:19,000 What? What the fuck? 301 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,917 (humming) 302 00:11:20,917 --> 00:11:22,291 Okay, we're in trouble here. 303 00:11:22,291 --> 00:11:24,208 Contractually, Simon is our boss. 304 00:11:24,208 --> 00:11:27,208 Simon's my boss? But he's littler than us? 305 00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:28,583 And I'm cooler than him in school. 306 00:11:28,583 --> 00:11:30,917 He got us. Why didn't you read the freaking thing? 307 00:11:30,917 --> 00:11:32,083 You're the smart one. Aargh! 308 00:11:32,083 --> 00:11:33,583 I literally thought he wanted our autographs. 309 00:11:33,583 --> 00:11:35,583 I know, he's such a fucking nerd that I thought that too. 310 00:11:35,583 --> 00:11:37,583 Yeah. I didn't read that piece of paper. 311 00:11:37,583 --> 00:11:39,917 I don't have a dad, so I don't know how to read, okay? 312 00:11:39,917 --> 00:11:41,083 That's my problem. 313 00:11:41,083 --> 00:11:43,166 Boys, I see a lot of talking, 314 00:11:43,166 --> 00:11:44,417 not a lot of working. 315 00:11:44,417 --> 00:11:45,917 Phil, you're on diaper duty, 316 00:11:45,917 --> 00:11:48,333 and, Mike, you're on nail clipping this week. 317 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,291 That baby's butt isn't gonna clean itself. 318 00:11:50,291 --> 00:11:53,792 Trust me. (laughs) Spent a lot of time with that butthole. 319 00:11:53,792 --> 00:11:56,750 (humming) 320 00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,125 Why the hell am I on ass duty 321 00:11:58,125 --> 00:12:00,083 when Mike just gets to clip the toenails? 322 00:12:00,083 --> 00:12:01,333 This freaking sucks. 323 00:12:01,333 --> 00:12:02,625 Heh. Ass doodie. 324 00:12:02,625 --> 00:12:06,083 (whispers in Elvish) 325 00:12:06,083 --> 00:12:07,583 All right, this isn't so ba-- 326 00:12:07,583 --> 00:12:08,792 Oh, God, no! 327 00:12:10,125 --> 00:12:11,625 Fuck. 328 00:12:11,625 --> 00:12:13,792 (cheering) 329 00:12:17,333 --> 00:12:18,625 No, no, no, no, no. 330 00:12:18,625 --> 00:12:20,375 No. No, you listen to me! 331 00:12:20,375 --> 00:12:22,708 No, fuck you! I told you! 332 00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:24,792 Bebe don't do birthday parties! 333 00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:28,000 Okay, okay. You take the phone you're talking to me with 334 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:31,166 and you shove it right up your goddamn ass! 335 00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:32,500 Piece of fucking shit! 336 00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:35,542 Hey, Diane, hold my calls, okay, sweetie? 337 00:12:35,542 --> 00:12:38,083 (inhales) Ooh! 338 00:12:38,083 --> 00:12:39,208 Simon's house! 339 00:12:39,208 --> 00:12:41,500 Ooh, I'm the king of the castle, baby! 340 00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:44,166 I own rat town! Whoo! 341 00:12:44,166 --> 00:12:47,500 ♪ ♪ 342 00:12:51,333 --> 00:12:52,542 (Bebe coos, farts) 343 00:12:57,458 --> 00:12:59,750 Guys, come on, it's a human fucking baby. 344 00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:01,917 It's the seventh wonder of the fucking sewers! 345 00:13:01,917 --> 00:13:03,208 I'm bored with the baby. 346 00:13:03,208 --> 00:13:04,625 I hate this baby. 347 00:13:04,625 --> 00:13:05,708 Fuck your baby! 348 00:13:06,917 --> 00:13:08,834 Andy, come on, you want to see the baby, right? 349 00:13:08,834 --> 00:13:10,500 Not really. I'm not interested. 350 00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:11,875 How are you not interested? 351 00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:14,041 You were just obsessed with the baby, dude! I don't know. 352 00:13:14,041 --> 00:13:15,083 It lost its luster. 353 00:13:15,083 --> 00:13:16,750 We just need to hit our minimum for the day 354 00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:18,542 or else Simon's gonna come down on me, dude. 355 00:13:18,542 --> 00:13:20,417 Wow. Look at you. Andy, don't look at me like that. 356 00:13:20,417 --> 00:13:22,542 Don't fucking look at me like that. I gotta go. 357 00:13:22,542 --> 00:13:25,250 Dude, where are you fucking going, man? 358 00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:28,750 This... This is not fun anymore, right? 359 00:13:28,750 --> 00:13:31,250 No. Why don't we just let the baby go free? Yeah! 360 00:13:31,250 --> 00:13:34,333 I mean, this is honestly starting to feel like Blackfish or something. 361 00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:35,875 Yeah. Like Whitebaby. 362 00:13:35,875 --> 00:13:37,875 Yeah. That's actually a good one. Heh. Thanks. 363 00:13:37,875 --> 00:13:40,375 You know what? Fuck this, dude. Let's just quit. 364 00:13:40,375 --> 00:13:42,208 Bebe... (speaks Elvish) 365 00:13:42,208 --> 00:13:44,250 Hey, Simon, I gotta tell you, man. I don't think-- 366 00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:45,542 Ack! 367 00:13:45,542 --> 00:13:46,959 Oh, what the fuck? 368 00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:50,250 That was funny. I'll pay tuppence for that shit. 369 00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:53,208 Did you see that fucking pussy sucker punch me? 370 00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:55,250 Hey, hit him back! (cheering) 371 00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,125 (whistling) Whoo! 372 00:13:57,125 --> 00:14:01,667 Hey, Phil, why don't you, uh, fight the baby? 373 00:14:01,667 --> 00:14:04,083 (cheering) 374 00:14:04,083 --> 00:14:07,041 Dude, Simon, you were the one who was worried about its health before. 375 00:14:07,041 --> 00:14:09,667 We are not resorting to violence for cheap entertainment. 376 00:14:09,667 --> 00:14:11,875 Poop jokes, maybe, but not violence. Yeah. It's cheap. 377 00:14:11,875 --> 00:14:15,125 Look around, guys. Just seconds ago, they were about to walk out. 378 00:14:15,125 --> 00:14:17,750 As soon as that baby hit you, it's all eyes on us. 379 00:14:17,750 --> 00:14:19,375 No one wants this baby act anymore. 380 00:14:19,375 --> 00:14:20,917 We need to spice things up, okay? 381 00:14:20,917 --> 00:14:22,458 Or we're gonna be flat on our asses 382 00:14:22,458 --> 00:14:25,625 sucking each other off for laughs, man! What? 383 00:14:25,625 --> 00:14:28,250 Look, I got expensive habits now, 384 00:14:28,250 --> 00:14:30,333 and Daddy wants what Daddy gets. 385 00:14:30,333 --> 00:14:32,708 And if Daddy needs to open up a diamond mine to get some blood, 386 00:14:32,708 --> 00:14:34,166 he'll fuck a dead dog to do it. 387 00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:36,542 Simon, you took a turn. I kinda like him though 388 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,417 'cause he's like, dark and confident. Yeah. 389 00:14:38,417 --> 00:14:42,333 Seems to me like Phil and Mike are both pussy-ass babies themselves! 390 00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:44,583 (crowd jeering) I'm not a fucking baby. I'm not a fucking pussy. 391 00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:46,208 We're not fucking babies. Straight up, dude. 392 00:14:46,208 --> 00:14:47,542 Prove it! Fine. 393 00:14:47,542 --> 00:14:49,250 Ahem. Give me that mic. 394 00:14:49,250 --> 00:14:51,792 On Sunday night... 395 00:14:51,792 --> 00:14:55,500 I'm gonna fuck this baby up! 396 00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:58,083 (cheering) 397 00:14:58,083 --> 00:15:01,959 ♪ ♪ 398 00:15:10,583 --> 00:15:14,792 ♪ Do you find it gets a little easier ♪ 399 00:15:14,792 --> 00:15:20,708 ♪ Each time you make it disappear? ♪ 400 00:15:26,542 --> 00:15:31,208 ♪ Oh, fools, the magician bends the rules ♪ 401 00:15:31,208 --> 00:15:35,542 ♪ As the crowd watches his every move ♪ 402 00:15:37,208 --> 00:15:38,667 (whistling) 403 00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:42,291 ♪ I'm just crazy about my little tulip ♪ 404 00:15:42,291 --> 00:15:44,834 ♪ I love her so, I love her so ♪ 405 00:15:44,834 --> 00:15:47,208 (humming) 406 00:15:47,208 --> 00:15:49,000 Tulip, I'm home! 407 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,333 Ugh, it was a hell of a day at work, I'll tell you that much. 408 00:15:51,333 --> 00:15:54,333 (male) Oh, yeah, baby! Oh God. Hello? 409 00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:55,917 What is that? 410 00:15:55,917 --> 00:15:58,000 The sound of a man moaning? Oh, you're so beautiful. 411 00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,583 Hmm. Sounds like a porno movie. 412 00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:01,208 Is Tulip watching a stag film? 413 00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:02,917 You're my queen, baby. I'm your drone. Tulip? 414 00:16:02,917 --> 00:16:05,417 Oh, give me that pollen! Get it all over my legs! 415 00:16:05,417 --> 00:16:07,417 Hey! What the fuck is this?! 416 00:16:07,417 --> 00:16:09,208 Oh, shit, sorry, sorry. I got-- I got-- 417 00:16:09,208 --> 00:16:10,708 Who the fuck are you?! 418 00:16:10,708 --> 00:16:12,917 I can explain, I'm sorry! What the fuck?! 419 00:16:12,917 --> 00:16:15,291 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Okay, my name's Todd. 420 00:16:15,291 --> 00:16:16,542 I didn't know she was your flower. 421 00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:17,708 Todd? Yeah. 422 00:16:17,708 --> 00:16:19,792 From the gym? Yeah, from the gym at the hive. 423 00:16:19,792 --> 00:16:21,041 I saw you shit in the shower! 424 00:16:21,041 --> 00:16:22,417 Right. That's my thing. 425 00:16:22,417 --> 00:16:24,667 Why are you pollinating with my Tulip?! She didn't-- 426 00:16:24,667 --> 00:16:26,333 She didn't tell me she was committed, okay? 427 00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:28,750 I didn't know this was happening. Just shut up for a minute, okay? 428 00:16:28,750 --> 00:16:30,000 Can I talk to my woman? 429 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,708 Tulip, sweetie, baby. 430 00:16:31,708 --> 00:16:34,250 I thought things were going so great between us? 431 00:16:34,250 --> 00:16:36,125 You know? I-- 432 00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:38,208 I know. I know. 433 00:16:38,208 --> 00:16:39,917 And I'm working on that. 434 00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:41,875 But that's what I'm saying. 435 00:16:41,875 --> 00:16:44,417 No, no, no, you go. I don't want to interrupt. 436 00:16:46,333 --> 00:16:48,250 (sniffs) I wish I had a time machine 437 00:16:48,250 --> 00:16:49,750 and make everything right again. 438 00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:51,083 (crying) 439 00:16:51,083 --> 00:16:53,792 Listen, man, I think I'm gonna just buzz off, I'm gonna bee out. 440 00:16:53,792 --> 00:16:57,000 Hey, listen, this isn't a Jerry Seinfeld movie, okay, this is life. 441 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,125 Did he make a movie? I thought he was a TV guy? 442 00:16:59,125 --> 00:17:00,375 You didn't audition for that? 443 00:17:00,375 --> 00:17:01,959 No, I don't-- I don't audition a lot. 444 00:17:01,959 --> 00:17:04,375 I did some motion capture on that film. It was a good experience. 445 00:17:04,375 --> 00:17:05,417 Oh, wow, that's really cool. 446 00:17:05,417 --> 00:17:06,834 Mm-hmm. We improv'ed a lot, too. 447 00:17:06,834 --> 00:17:09,917 Oh, Jerry Seinfeld's one of the funniest comedians of all time. 448 00:17:09,917 --> 00:17:11,375 He's one of the greats. Yeah. 449 00:17:11,375 --> 00:17:13,250 Bee Movie, it's called. 450 00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:15,542 You know, if the circumstances were different, 451 00:17:15,542 --> 00:17:17,166 maybe I'd consider you a friend, 452 00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:18,917 but she's my flower, man! 453 00:17:18,917 --> 00:17:21,667 I thought all these flowers were fair game, man, I'm sorry. I didn't-- 454 00:17:21,667 --> 00:17:23,208 Whip it out. What? 455 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,250 You whip it out. 456 00:17:24,250 --> 00:17:25,792 Whip it out-- Oh, really? I wanna see it. 457 00:17:25,792 --> 00:17:26,959 Is that what it's coming down to? 458 00:17:26,959 --> 00:17:28,458 What do you got that I don't have, huh? 459 00:17:28,458 --> 00:17:30,125 We don't need to do this to prove anything. 460 00:17:30,125 --> 00:17:32,166 What's the matter? You're ashamed of your stinger now? 461 00:17:32,166 --> 00:17:33,458 I'm not ashamed of anything. 462 00:17:33,458 --> 00:17:34,542 Check this out. 463 00:17:34,542 --> 00:17:37,333 What are you doing? Ha! Nice and sharp, huh? 464 00:17:37,333 --> 00:17:38,458 You gotta take a chill pill. 465 00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:39,625 Come on, pull it out. Sorry. 466 00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:40,834 Come on, come on. No, man. 467 00:17:40,834 --> 00:17:42,125 It's okay. You don't have the wings? 468 00:17:42,125 --> 00:17:43,291 You don't have the wings? I'm not-- 469 00:17:43,291 --> 00:17:45,041 All right, you wanna see it? I wanna see it. 470 00:17:45,041 --> 00:17:46,917 Here you go. 471 00:17:46,917 --> 00:17:49,208 (gasps) The fuck is that, dude? 472 00:17:49,208 --> 00:17:52,250 It's a beautiful stinger, is what that is. Look at that. 473 00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:55,083 Well, I... I got nothing. 474 00:17:55,083 --> 00:17:56,458 You got nothing on that? 475 00:17:56,458 --> 00:17:58,542 I'm gonna beat the fucking shit out of you! 476 00:17:58,542 --> 00:18:00,458 Oh, yeah? Your ass is grass, 477 00:18:00,458 --> 00:18:02,083 and I'm a lawn mower, bro! 478 00:18:02,083 --> 00:18:03,125 Ooh-hoo-hoo! 479 00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,208 You son of a-- Come here! 480 00:18:05,208 --> 00:18:06,834 (both grunting) 481 00:18:09,166 --> 00:18:11,041 ♪ Stan ♪ 482 00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:16,000 ♪ You honey sucking bee ♪ 483 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,333 Oh, wow-- Hey, hey, shut up. Just listen. 484 00:18:18,333 --> 00:18:21,417 ♪ I just can't be for you ♪ 485 00:18:21,417 --> 00:18:23,000 ♪ You know? ♪ 486 00:18:24,166 --> 00:18:26,625 ♪ I gotta be true ♪ 487 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:31,041 ♪ To what I have to do ♪ 488 00:18:31,041 --> 00:18:33,291 (sniffs) That's my Tulip. 489 00:18:33,291 --> 00:18:35,083 That's... our Tulip. Our Tulip. 490 00:18:35,083 --> 00:18:37,375 ♪ But pollination ♪ 491 00:18:38,667 --> 00:18:42,917 ♪ Is bigger than me and you ♪ 492 00:18:42,917 --> 00:18:45,792 It really puts it in perspective, doesn't it? 493 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:49,792 ♪ It's a subtle vibration ♪ 494 00:18:49,792 --> 00:18:51,041 (music ends) Aah! 495 00:18:51,041 --> 00:18:52,750 He killed her! He fucking killed her! Oh, no! 496 00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:54,959 Let's sting this guy! Are you kidding me? 497 00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:57,500 If we sting this guy, it's curtains for both of us. 498 00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:58,750 I'm in. Are you? 499 00:18:58,750 --> 00:19:00,208 For Tulip. For Tulip. 500 00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:01,792 Good night, cruel world. 501 00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:03,333 Both: Kamikaze! 502 00:19:03,333 --> 00:19:04,667 ♪ ♪ 503 00:19:04,667 --> 00:19:06,875 In other news, two bees have kamikazed themselves 504 00:19:06,875 --> 00:19:08,417 in what seems to be a lovers' quarrel. 505 00:19:08,417 --> 00:19:11,083 Suffice it to say the hive will not mourn this selfish insolence. 506 00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,959 Love live the hive! All hail the hive! 507 00:19:12,959 --> 00:19:14,917 ♪ All hail the hive ♪ 508 00:19:14,917 --> 00:19:17,542 ♪ And Jerry Seinfeld ♪ 509 00:19:17,542 --> 00:19:20,875 ♪ Is our one, true god ♪ 510 00:19:20,875 --> 00:19:25,542 ♪ ♪ 511 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:31,125 ♪ Chocolate, cinnamon sugar ♪ 512 00:19:31,125 --> 00:19:32,792 Brochures! Brochures! 513 00:19:32,792 --> 00:19:36,417 Phil versus the Baby! Fresh merch right here! 514 00:19:36,417 --> 00:19:39,083 We got hats, caps, shirts, bandannas. 515 00:19:39,083 --> 00:19:41,166 We got a tuft of the baby's fucking hair! 516 00:19:41,166 --> 00:19:42,750 We got a vial of its blood! 517 00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:44,333 Look at this shark's tooth necklace, 518 00:19:44,333 --> 00:19:45,792 but that's the baby's toenail. 519 00:19:45,792 --> 00:19:47,834 One of a kind! You want a T-shirt, kid? 520 00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:48,917 You know what? Fuck off! 521 00:19:48,917 --> 00:19:51,125 (dramatic music starts) (crowd cheers) 522 00:19:54,417 --> 00:19:56,166 Ladies and gentlemen, 523 00:19:56,166 --> 00:19:58,083 at a whopping 3.5 inches tall, 524 00:19:58,083 --> 00:19:59,625 please put your hands together 525 00:19:59,625 --> 00:20:02,250 for Phil! 526 00:20:02,250 --> 00:20:04,708 (rock music plays) (crowd booing) 527 00:20:04,708 --> 00:20:06,583 (cracking) 528 00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:12,291 (murmuring) 529 00:20:12,291 --> 00:20:14,458 And in the other corner, 530 00:20:14,458 --> 00:20:17,917 weighing in at over 400 pounds, 531 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:21,000 The Baby! 532 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,250 (speaks Elvish) 533 00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:25,291 Bebe, up-up! 534 00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:28,333 (crowd gasps) 535 00:20:28,333 --> 00:20:30,667 As the prophecies foretold... 536 00:20:30,667 --> 00:20:31,917 the baby walks. 537 00:20:31,917 --> 00:20:34,750 Oh, my God, his first steps. Aww. 538 00:20:34,750 --> 00:20:39,458 My God, it's beautiful. Such grace, such beauty. 539 00:20:39,458 --> 00:20:43,041 Yes. I'm a god now. 540 00:20:43,041 --> 00:20:45,375 (screaming) 541 00:20:45,375 --> 00:20:49,250 I am a god now! 542 00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:52,542 (people murmuring) 543 00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:57,375 Phil! You thought you could bully me? Boss me around? 544 00:20:57,375 --> 00:20:59,959 Why? Because I'm a dork? 545 00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:01,500 Because I'm a dinger? 546 00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:03,667 Well, fuck you, man! 547 00:21:03,667 --> 00:21:06,834 I just wanted to be friends. Is that so bad? 548 00:21:06,834 --> 00:21:08,000 Am I so bad? 549 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,333 It's fucking hard being a teenager. 550 00:21:10,333 --> 00:21:13,959 Growing up is hard. But instead of banding together, 551 00:21:13,959 --> 00:21:16,291 we just treat each other like shit 552 00:21:16,291 --> 00:21:18,166 just to try to get laughs. 553 00:21:18,166 --> 00:21:21,166 A marker? Up my butt? 554 00:21:21,166 --> 00:21:23,625 You know, if you'd have just let me be your friend, 555 00:21:23,625 --> 00:21:26,041 I would have shoved a lot worse things up my butt. 556 00:21:27,500 --> 00:21:29,667 We're all scared, we're all confused, 557 00:21:29,667 --> 00:21:32,291 and we are alone. 558 00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:34,041 But this ends tonight. 559 00:21:34,041 --> 00:21:36,875 This is between you and me, Phil. 560 00:21:36,875 --> 00:21:38,583 Aah! 561 00:21:38,583 --> 00:21:39,750 Oof! (bell dings) 562 00:21:39,750 --> 00:21:43,125 Haha! Come on, you guys are loving this! 563 00:21:43,125 --> 00:21:45,542 New York City! 564 00:21:45,542 --> 00:21:46,917 Is this what you wanted? 565 00:21:46,917 --> 00:21:48,375 You wanna see some blood? 566 00:21:48,375 --> 00:21:50,083 You wanna see some blood, motherfuckers? 567 00:21:50,083 --> 00:21:51,917 Yeah! (grunting) 568 00:21:53,208 --> 00:21:54,667 Yeah! 569 00:21:54,667 --> 00:21:56,250 Oh, yeah! Oh, Phil. 570 00:21:56,250 --> 00:21:58,792 Oh, look, Phil's sucking my dick. 571 00:21:58,792 --> 00:22:00,041 Oh-ho-ho! 572 00:22:00,041 --> 00:22:02,667 You like that, Phil? You shouldn't have fucked with me! 573 00:22:02,667 --> 00:22:04,667 Haha! Simon and the Baby rule! 574 00:22:04,667 --> 00:22:06,500 Ho-ho, got me out of the house tonight. 575 00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:09,041 Now I'm sucking Phil's dick. Ungh. 576 00:22:09,041 --> 00:22:11,750 Didn't see that one coming. Look at that! 577 00:22:11,750 --> 00:22:13,875 Oh, I'm so gay. 578 00:22:13,875 --> 00:22:15,917 Yeah, right. 579 00:22:15,917 --> 00:22:18,333 (sirens blaring) 580 00:22:18,333 --> 00:22:20,750 Oww. You like that? 581 00:22:20,750 --> 00:22:22,208 No, fuck off, Simon. 582 00:22:22,208 --> 00:22:24,750 I'm gonna steal Michael away from you. 583 00:22:24,750 --> 00:22:26,458 Stop! Stop fighting! 584 00:22:26,458 --> 00:22:29,959 No, he's all I have! Don't you get it, Simon? 585 00:22:29,959 --> 00:22:31,208 I'm insecure. 586 00:22:31,208 --> 00:22:33,375 Well, I have no one! 587 00:22:33,375 --> 00:22:37,291 Fuck Phil! Who's Principal Little Dick now, you little shit? 588 00:22:37,291 --> 00:22:38,667 All right, lot of eyes on me. 589 00:22:38,667 --> 00:22:40,375 Probably shouldn't be here. I'm gonna go. 590 00:22:40,375 --> 00:22:42,000 Simon, please... 591 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:45,583 I'll do anything, dude, just fucking stop, please. 592 00:22:45,583 --> 00:22:46,750 Anything? 593 00:22:46,750 --> 00:22:48,750 Yeah, dude, fucking anything. 594 00:22:52,458 --> 00:22:53,583 Oh... 595 00:22:53,583 --> 00:22:54,750 (laughs) 596 00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:57,959 I suppose I deserve this. 597 00:22:57,959 --> 00:23:00,250 Daniel, spotlight. 598 00:23:00,250 --> 00:23:01,542 I want everybody to see. 599 00:23:01,542 --> 00:23:05,458 Oh, and Phil, leave the cap on, this time. 600 00:23:05,458 --> 00:23:07,917 with the cap on it's even wider than the base. 601 00:23:07,917 --> 00:23:09,125 Ugh. 602 00:23:09,125 --> 00:23:10,792 (crowd gasps) 603 00:23:10,792 --> 00:23:13,583 It's deuce ex machine time. 604 00:23:13,583 --> 00:23:15,125 Run! 605 00:23:15,125 --> 00:23:16,583 Everybody run! Move! (all shouting) 606 00:23:16,583 --> 00:23:19,667 Women and children last! Get out of my way! 607 00:23:20,667 --> 00:23:22,083 Go, get out of here! 608 00:23:22,083 --> 00:23:24,166 Bebe! (shouts in Elvish) 609 00:23:24,166 --> 00:23:26,291 You're your own Bebe, now. 610 00:23:26,291 --> 00:23:28,542 Get out of here, go. Go on, get! 611 00:23:28,542 --> 00:23:30,125 (shouts in Elvish) 612 00:23:30,125 --> 00:23:32,375 (crying) 613 00:23:32,375 --> 00:23:33,875 (school bell rings) 614 00:23:33,875 --> 00:23:35,291 Okay, so... 615 00:23:35,291 --> 00:23:38,000 you two did absolutely no community service. 616 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,625 Well, I mean, we tried, and then we got sidetracked. 617 00:23:40,625 --> 00:23:43,834 And, Simon, you tamed a human baby 618 00:23:43,834 --> 00:23:45,041 and made it your slave, 619 00:23:45,041 --> 00:23:47,041 which is a big no-no. What? Ugh. 620 00:23:47,041 --> 00:23:48,500 But, I gotta say, 621 00:23:48,500 --> 00:23:51,250 that little show you put on was a lot of fun, boys. 622 00:23:51,250 --> 00:23:53,875 (chuckles) It was, pardon my French, 623 00:23:53,875 --> 00:23:55,333 fucking balls-out crazy. 624 00:23:55,333 --> 00:23:56,583 Ha. He cursed. 625 00:23:56,583 --> 00:23:58,708 And I don't think any of your parents would like it 626 00:23:58,708 --> 00:24:02,125 if they knew I was there, so we're all good. 627 00:24:02,125 --> 00:24:03,542 Everybody's off the hook. 628 00:24:03,542 --> 00:24:05,125 All right. Nice, dude. 629 00:24:05,125 --> 00:24:06,875 That's mighty cool of you, Principal Leif. 630 00:24:06,875 --> 00:24:08,583 Oh, get out of here, you scamps. 631 00:24:08,583 --> 00:24:10,041 All right. Thank you, Principal. 632 00:24:10,041 --> 00:24:11,500 See you, Principal Leif. 633 00:24:12,834 --> 00:24:15,250 Hey, um, I don't know what you're doing right now, 634 00:24:15,250 --> 00:24:17,667 but we have a free period, and we usually just, like, 635 00:24:17,667 --> 00:24:19,375 carve stuff into desks in the library 636 00:24:19,375 --> 00:24:21,333 if you want to come with us. Yeah, that kind of stuff. 637 00:24:21,333 --> 00:24:24,291 Gentlemen, it would be my honor. 638 00:24:24,291 --> 00:24:25,250 Cool, man. 639 00:24:25,250 --> 00:24:26,708 Oh, Phil, one more thing. 640 00:24:26,708 --> 00:24:28,583 Oh, um, I'll catch up with you guys. 641 00:24:28,583 --> 00:24:31,041 Oh, cool, yeah. Don't fill up the whole desk this time, okay? 642 00:24:31,041 --> 00:24:32,500 Okay, cool. "Fill up," like my name. 643 00:24:32,500 --> 00:24:34,208 We'll leave some space for you, Phil. 644 00:24:34,208 --> 00:24:35,542 Haha, thanks, dude. 645 00:24:35,542 --> 00:24:36,875 Hey, what's up Principal Lit-- 646 00:24:36,875 --> 00:24:38,500 I mean, Principal Leif? 647 00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:40,708 Look, Phil, this is a little delicate, 648 00:24:40,708 --> 00:24:42,917 but I'm just gonna say it. Go ahead. 649 00:24:42,917 --> 00:24:45,708 When you got in trouble, I called your mother on the telephone. 650 00:24:45,708 --> 00:24:48,959 And, um... well, we sort of hit it off. 651 00:24:48,959 --> 00:24:50,875 We went out on a few dates, 652 00:24:50,875 --> 00:24:52,208 and... What? 653 00:24:52,208 --> 00:24:54,458 Well, I asked her to marry me, Phil. 654 00:24:54,458 --> 00:24:56,458 What? We're getting married, Phil. 655 00:24:56,458 --> 00:24:59,250 My mom? I'm going to be your new dad. 656 00:24:59,250 --> 00:25:01,792 I got tickets to the triple-A ball game this weekend. 657 00:25:01,792 --> 00:25:03,291 I hope you'll come with me. 658 00:25:03,291 --> 00:25:05,917 Get some hot dogs and a coke. Really get to know each other. 659 00:25:05,917 --> 00:25:07,083 How's that sound? 660 00:25:07,083 --> 00:25:09,208 I don't know what to say, Principal Leif. 661 00:25:09,208 --> 00:25:11,250 I mean, can... 662 00:25:11,250 --> 00:25:13,208 Can I call you Daddy? 663 00:25:13,208 --> 00:25:14,875 Oh, boy. Can I hug you? 664 00:25:14,875 --> 00:25:16,917 Oh, this is brutal. What's brutal? 665 00:25:16,917 --> 00:25:18,500 Oh! Ho-ho-ho! 666 00:25:18,500 --> 00:25:19,750 Simon? What are you doing here? 667 00:25:19,750 --> 00:25:22,208 You just got re-pranked! Dude, you just got got! 668 00:25:22,208 --> 00:25:25,000 You were on the intercom, the whole school heard you! What the fuck? Did you-- 669 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,875 You thought you had a dad? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. 670 00:25:27,875 --> 00:25:29,250 Principal Leif, that was a prank? 671 00:25:29,250 --> 00:25:31,500 No, I would never marry your mother. Your mother's a dump. 672 00:25:31,500 --> 00:25:34,333 Haha! Phil thought he had a dad! 673 00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:36,667 (laughing) I fucking knew it was a joke, dude. 674 00:25:36,667 --> 00:25:37,917 You thought you had a dad. 675 00:25:37,917 --> 00:25:39,750 No, dude, it was a joke on all of you guys. 676 00:25:39,750 --> 00:25:42,083 Simon, that was hilarious, good job, dude. 677 00:25:42,083 --> 00:25:43,583 Hey, great job to you, Mike. 678 00:25:43,583 --> 00:25:45,792 Let's do our secret handshake. 679 00:25:45,792 --> 00:25:47,333 No! I'm losing Mike! 680 00:25:47,333 --> 00:25:49,542 (crying) What's happening here? 681 00:25:49,542 --> 00:25:51,458 Daddy! 682 00:25:51,458 --> 00:25:53,959 Mike: Oh... (sobbing) 683 00:25:53,959 --> 00:25:55,625 Tulip: ♪ Stan ♪ 684 00:25:57,625 --> 00:26:00,959 ♪ You honey-sucking bee ♪ 685 00:26:00,959 --> 00:26:02,333 (coos) 686 00:26:02,333 --> 00:26:05,125 Oh, Bebe, I wish you were there to see it. 687 00:26:05,125 --> 00:26:06,458 He cried like a-- 688 00:26:06,458 --> 00:26:07,917 Well, like a baby. Haha. 689 00:26:07,917 --> 00:26:10,667 And then he got mad, he spray-painted Principal Leif's car, 690 00:26:10,667 --> 00:26:12,083 and that got him a suspension. 691 00:26:12,083 --> 00:26:13,667 It's a whole thing. Yeah. 692 00:26:13,667 --> 00:26:15,959 I have a feeling he's not going to graduate with us on time. 693 00:26:15,959 --> 00:26:18,041 (door opens) Oh, shoot, your mom's coming. 694 00:26:18,041 --> 00:26:19,583 Okay, I'll talk to you later, bye. 695 00:26:20,917 --> 00:26:21,959 And remember... 696 00:26:21,959 --> 00:26:23,917 (speaks Elvish) 697 00:26:25,291 --> 00:26:29,834 Tulip: ♪ I'll always love you ♪ 698 00:26:32,250 --> 00:26:34,708 ♪ But pollination ♪ 699 00:26:36,083 --> 00:26:38,166 ♪ Is bigger ♪ 700 00:26:38,166 --> 00:26:40,375 ♪ Than me and you ♪ 701 00:26:42,250 --> 00:26:44,208 ♪ Pollination ♪ 702 00:26:45,250 --> 00:26:48,375 ♪ It's a subtle vibration ♪ 703 00:26:49,875 --> 00:26:52,125 ♪ And hey, Stan ♪ 704 00:26:53,041 --> 00:26:55,125 ♪ Don't ever ♪ 705 00:26:56,667 --> 00:27:00,166 ♪ Tell me what to do ♪ 706 00:27:04,166 --> 00:27:06,166 ♪ (MAFIA MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 707 00:27:09,125 --> 00:27:11,875 I can't wait to grows up and be just like you. 708 00:27:12,166 --> 00:27:14,708 Your destiny is something much bigger. 709 00:27:14,917 --> 00:27:16,333 Remember my face. 710 00:27:16,333 --> 00:27:17,208 (CAT GRUNTS) 711 00:27:17,834 --> 00:27:19,208 He was a brother to all of us. 712 00:27:19,208 --> 00:27:21,542 Yeah, but he was my brother, Mikey. 713 00:27:21,542 --> 00:27:22,708 That's the difference. 714 00:27:23,208 --> 00:27:25,917 New York's not some concrete jungle where dreams are made up. 715 00:27:28,291 --> 00:27:29,208 (SCREAMS) 716 00:27:29,875 --> 00:27:31,708 -(CHAIR SQUEAKING) -♪ (MAFIA MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪ 717 00:27:33,166 --> 00:27:35,000 I love spinning around in a chair. 718 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,542 -Mmm. -(CHAIR SQUEAKING) 53115

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