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1
00:00:06,708 --> 00:00:08,583
Guys, I'm quitting.
2
00:00:09,166 --> 00:00:10,166
Wait, what?
3
00:00:10,542 --> 00:00:13,875
♪ (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
4
00:00:14,125 --> 00:00:16,542
I'm going to have to insist
that I keep the name Pied Piper,
5
00:00:16,542 --> 00:00:17,583
and I won't budge on that.
6
00:00:17,917 --> 00:00:19,500
-(ALL MUTTERING)
-ELRICH: Who gives a shit?
7
00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:20,750
-JARED: Fine. That's fine.
-ELRICH: Terrible.
8
00:00:20,750 --> 00:00:22,333
♪ (HIP-HOP CONTINUES) ♪
9
00:00:22,333 --> 00:00:24,417
RICHARD: I needed to build
something else.
10
00:00:25,041 --> 00:00:26,417
We could build a new internet.
11
00:00:26,417 --> 00:00:28,125
You sound like a crazy person.
12
00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:30,417
Oh, my God. It's real.
13
00:00:31,375 --> 00:00:32,083
Can I just...
14
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:33,583
-Can I try something?
-Yeah.
15
00:00:34,125 --> 00:00:35,875
Whoo! (LAUGHS)
16
00:00:36,333 --> 00:00:38,000
-Okay.
-(CHUCKLES) I don't know.
17
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,333
-Whoo!
-Whoo!
18
00:00:39,583 --> 00:00:41,875
-Whoo-hoo-hoo!
-I haven't had a lot of sleep.
19
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,166
♪ (HIP-HOP CONTINUES) ♪
20
00:00:44,375 --> 00:00:46,792
(SCREAMING) Whoo! Whoo!
21
00:00:46,792 --> 00:00:48,083
(SCREAM ECHOES)
22
00:00:48,291 --> 00:00:49,458
Whoo!
23
00:00:49,458 --> 00:00:50,959
(FAINT ECHO)
24
00:00:51,458 --> 00:00:52,583
-Sorry.
-That's okay.
25
00:00:52,917 --> 00:00:55,834
♪ (HIP-HOP MUSIC ENDS) ♪
26
00:01:10,542 --> 00:01:13,417
(ominous music playing)
(thunder crashes)
27
00:01:21,917 --> 00:01:26,000
(rock music playing)
28
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,667
Red or green?
(chuckles)
29
00:01:27,667 --> 00:01:29,417
Should be pretty easy.
30
00:01:29,417 --> 00:01:30,875
Okay, so, I'll just go for it.
31
00:01:30,875 --> 00:01:32,125
(electrical zap)
(screams)
32
00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:33,959
♪ I remember one night
the kid cut off his right arm ♪
33
00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:36,625
♪ In a bid to save
a bit of power ♪
(Mike grunting)
34
00:01:37,417 --> 00:01:39,000
♪ He got 50,000 watts ♪
35
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,166
(chuckles) Oh fuck.
36
00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:42,166
(sighs)
♪ In a big acoustic tower ♪
37
00:01:42,166 --> 00:01:43,625
(coughs) Phew!
38
00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:45,834
Okay, so that one-- nuh-uh.
♪ Security's so tight tonight ♪
39
00:01:45,834 --> 00:01:47,625
This one-- mm, eh,
give it a shot.
40
00:01:47,625 --> 00:01:48,834
(electrical zap)
Ow! fuck!
41
00:01:48,834 --> 00:01:50,333
Mm-hmm.
♪ Oh they're ready
for a tussle ♪
42
00:01:50,333 --> 00:01:52,208
Okay. Triangle, square,
square, triangle.
43
00:01:52,208 --> 00:01:54,458
Oval into oval,
hexagon into hexagon.
44
00:01:54,458 --> 00:01:57,708
Parallelogram into--
well, duh-- parallelogram.
(laughs) All right.
45
00:01:57,708 --> 00:01:59,625
(snaps fingers)
♪ And so it goes
and so it goes ♪
46
00:01:59,625 --> 00:02:01,333
(clicks)
♪ And so it goes
and so it goes ♪
47
00:02:01,333 --> 00:02:06,041
(hums)
(ecstatically)
Fuck! Oh fuck.
48
00:02:06,041 --> 00:02:07,875
(stammers)
I push that one, it...
(mimics electrical zap)
49
00:02:07,875 --> 00:02:09,792
and I push
that one, it's like...
(mimics electrical zap)
50
00:02:09,792 --> 00:02:12,375
and it's like-- Wait a minute.
♪ But where it's goin'
no one knows ♪
51
00:02:12,375 --> 00:02:15,708
What if I push 'em both?
(chuckles)
52
00:02:15,708 --> 00:02:18,417
(electrical zap)
(screams) Fuck!
53
00:02:18,417 --> 00:02:20,291
(groans)
♪ In the tall buildings ♪
54
00:02:20,291 --> 00:02:22,583
(whirs)
Ow. Ow. Ow.
55
00:02:22,583 --> 00:02:24,166
♪ Worthy men
from Spain and Siam ♪
56
00:02:24,166 --> 00:02:26,750
Whoa.
(chuckles) Fuck.
♪ All day discussions ♪
57
00:02:26,750 --> 00:02:29,166
(grunting) Fuck.
Fucking button.
♪ With the Russians ♪
58
00:02:29,166 --> 00:02:31,667
Ow. Ow. Okay, easy.
Easy, easy, easy. Easy.
59
00:02:31,667 --> 00:02:33,375
(music fades)
60
00:02:33,375 --> 00:02:36,208
(coughs, sniffles)
Hey, Mikey, you home yet?
61
00:02:36,208 --> 00:02:37,834
Phil. Hey,
happy Friday, man.
62
00:02:37,834 --> 00:02:39,291
Huh?
Hey! Likewise, dude.
63
00:02:39,291 --> 00:02:41,375
Oh, do you know what?
Come here. I have
a surprise for you.
64
00:02:41,375 --> 00:02:43,208
Oh, no way.
Mike:
Yeah. How was your day?
65
00:02:43,208 --> 00:02:45,750
It was good.
They still got me
on the button game.
66
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:47,083
Oh, I remember
the buttons, sure.
67
00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:49,208
Um, Jesus, it hurts,
like, every time.
68
00:02:49,208 --> 00:02:51,500
I thought they were
gonna come fix that.
69
00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:53,041
Hi, honey. Mwah.
70
00:02:53,041 --> 00:02:55,750
Lemme just wash up real quick
and I'll be right back, okay?
71
00:02:55,750 --> 00:02:57,583
(water running)
Oh, that's good.
72
00:02:57,583 --> 00:02:59,959
Just wash
the work week off.
It's the weekend.
73
00:02:59,959 --> 00:03:01,542
Um, so, what's
this surprise you got?
74
00:03:01,542 --> 00:03:03,166
Oh my God, yeah.
Okay, all right,
close your eyes.
75
00:03:03,166 --> 00:03:04,959
Okay.
Actually, open your eyes,
I'll turn around.
76
00:03:04,959 --> 00:03:06,208
Okay, cool.
Okay. All right.
77
00:03:06,208 --> 00:03:07,667
Are they--
Are your eyes closed?
78
00:03:07,667 --> 00:03:09,750
No, my eyes are open.
I'm looking at the back
of your head.
79
00:03:09,750 --> 00:03:11,000
Sorry. Okay, here we go.
Okay, ready?
80
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,417
(wolf whistle)
What the hell?
81
00:03:12,417 --> 00:03:14,458
Ah! Right?
What is that?
82
00:03:14,458 --> 00:03:17,542
Where'd you get it from?
It's basically like a...
83
00:03:17,542 --> 00:03:19,750
a warrior face paint.
84
00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:21,417
Warrior.
I think it's like
a trophy
85
00:03:21,417 --> 00:03:23,250
for killing it
in my challenges.
86
00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:25,500
(chuckles) You know.
It's warrior face paint?
87
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:26,583
I look tough
as hell, huh?
88
00:03:26,583 --> 00:03:28,417
I know, dude.
I want some.
89
00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:31,333
The only down side is
it does make my lips
stick together a little bit.
90
00:03:31,333 --> 00:03:33,834
Wh-- I want
my lips to stick.
91
00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:35,583
I want lipstick.
92
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,625
This isn't fair, dude.
I'm just, like,
93
00:03:37,625 --> 00:03:40,041
having a little bit
of a panic attack.
No, I see that.
94
00:03:40,041 --> 00:03:42,583
Every day's the same
fucking thing here, man.
95
00:03:42,583 --> 00:03:44,208
I do the button game,
I get zapped.
96
00:03:44,208 --> 00:03:47,375
You're doing your maze thing.
It's just like,
what is this, man?
97
00:03:47,375 --> 00:03:50,250
Where are we?
What are we doing here, Mike?
98
00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:52,166
Dude, dude, dude,
just take your green pellet.
99
00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:54,458
Okay? There you go.
(gulps, sighs)
100
00:03:54,458 --> 00:03:57,375
I feel better.
(chuckles)
Those types of questions--
101
00:03:57,375 --> 00:04:00,000
it's-- it's a fool's errand
to try to answer.
102
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,417
Okay? This is our life.
103
00:04:01,417 --> 00:04:04,125
This is how it's always been
and this is how it
always will be.
104
00:04:04,125 --> 00:04:07,667
You know, I bet you
the cave rats asked
these very same questions
105
00:04:07,667 --> 00:04:10,291
when they weren't, you know,
jerking off to stars
or whatever.
106
00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:11,792
Mmm. Mm-hmm.
You know?
107
00:04:11,792 --> 00:04:14,208
Well, here, take another pill,
and let's--
No. You know what?
108
00:04:14,208 --> 00:04:16,959
I'm actually good.
Me and Lumpy are going
to dinner later
109
00:04:16,959 --> 00:04:18,500
and I don't wanna fill up.
(laughs)
110
00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:20,959
Like my name. Philip.
I love name jokes.
111
00:04:20,959 --> 00:04:23,375
That's cool. Oh, that's cool.
You guys are going to dinner?
112
00:04:23,375 --> 00:04:25,083
Yeah.
And that's just
a you-and-her thing?
113
00:04:25,083 --> 00:04:27,166
Yeah, we're not double-dating
or anything this week.
Okay.
114
00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:29,000
Yeah, yeah. Right, right.
It's just gonna be like--
115
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,458
(sniffles)
What did you say?
116
00:04:30,458 --> 00:04:33,500
I didn't. I breathed in
through my nose sharply.
(clears throat)
117
00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:36,208
If you're inviting me,
I, of course, will go.
No.
118
00:04:36,208 --> 00:04:38,542
You know Fridays
are date nights for me
and Lumpy.
119
00:04:38,542 --> 00:04:40,959
It's our one night
a week to just get out
and really enjoy--
120
00:04:40,959 --> 00:04:42,542
You guys are together
almost every night.
121
00:04:42,542 --> 00:04:44,625
I don't know how many times
I have to go over this with you.
122
00:04:44,625 --> 00:04:47,500
(slowly)
Friday nights?
Can you understand me now?
123
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:49,166
That's offensive.
(coughs)
If I just speak--
124
00:04:49,166 --> 00:04:51,041
That's an offensive accent.
What accent was I doing?
125
00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:53,917
I can't even tell, but there's
a hint of something...
It was just-- (coughs)
126
00:04:53,917 --> 00:04:55,291
...and I don't like it.
No. No, no, no.
127
00:04:55,291 --> 00:04:57,291
Can I please come?
(emphatically)
I'm not going
128
00:04:57,291 --> 00:05:00,458
over this again!
Lumpy: Boys, boys.
129
00:05:00,458 --> 00:05:04,792
Boys. Now, Philly,
I think it would be so nice
130
00:05:04,792 --> 00:05:09,291
to have Mike at dinner.
You know, we've got
plenty of pellets.
131
00:05:09,291 --> 00:05:12,041
(chuckles)
Lumpy, you keep me sane.
Do you know that?
132
00:05:12,041 --> 00:05:14,291
You're the only thing
worth living for
133
00:05:14,291 --> 00:05:16,166
in this crazy, mixed-up world.
134
00:05:16,166 --> 00:05:18,708
Mike, of course you can come.
I'm sorry.
Oh, such a good man.
135
00:05:18,708 --> 00:05:20,542
Isn't he such a good man?
A great guy.
136
00:05:20,542 --> 00:05:21,875
Great guy.
Two great people.
137
00:05:21,875 --> 00:05:24,458
(chuckles)
Our relationship is like
two spring meadows
138
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:28,083
just coming together
and causing like a valley...
Of mild arousal.
139
00:05:28,083 --> 00:05:30,667
I know. I was just
gonna say that, too.
Just mild arousal.
140
00:05:30,667 --> 00:05:34,417
(both laugh)
It-- it's pretty sick.
141
00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:36,792
What are you guys
talking about?
Nothing, Michael.
142
00:05:36,792 --> 00:05:40,417
♪ ♪
143
00:05:40,417 --> 00:05:42,125
(beeping)
144
00:05:48,834 --> 00:05:51,083
(beeps, buzzes)
145
00:05:58,417 --> 00:06:00,041
(whirs)
146
00:06:00,041 --> 00:06:01,458
(sighs)
147
00:06:02,458 --> 00:06:05,250
(chimps chattering)
(sniffles)
148
00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:08,583
(chatters)
149
00:06:10,959 --> 00:06:13,250
(slurps, chatters)
150
00:06:16,041 --> 00:06:18,458
(chuckling)
You know what, Corey?
151
00:06:18,458 --> 00:06:21,375
It was your idea to get
on this fucking monkey
in the first place.
152
00:06:21,375 --> 00:06:23,166
Ugh! Come on,
are you kidding me?
153
00:06:23,166 --> 00:06:24,625
No, that's exactly
what you said, Corey.
154
00:06:24,625 --> 00:06:26,041
You said we're gonna get
on the monkey
155
00:06:26,041 --> 00:06:28,041
and then we're gonna get
front seats at the Knicks game.
156
00:06:28,041 --> 00:06:29,417
You know what?
It was a good plan.
157
00:06:29,417 --> 00:06:31,625
Wh-wh-wh-what was the plan?
We get on the circus monkey.
158
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:34,166
And what?
The circus monkey goes
to Madison Square Garden.
159
00:06:34,166 --> 00:06:36,708
We hop off the monkey
and we've got courtside
seats for life.
160
00:06:36,708 --> 00:06:40,125
It was foolproof, you idiot.
Yeah, and then the fucking
monkey got kidnapped.
161
00:06:40,125 --> 00:06:42,375
How the fuck
was I supposed to know
it was gonna get kidnapped?
162
00:06:42,375 --> 00:06:45,542
Pass me the ball.
Can you do this?
Can you do this?
163
00:06:45,542 --> 00:06:47,333
I could do that.
No, you can't do shit.
164
00:06:47,333 --> 00:06:49,208
You got no skills
to pay the bills.
165
00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:51,500
Yeah, right, dude.
They call me Carmelo Anthony,
166
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:54,917
'cause I'm
the best Knick of all time.
Get the fuck outta here!
167
00:06:54,917 --> 00:06:57,917
What kind
of Knicks fan are you?
All right, who do you like?
168
00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:01,667
Top five Knicks of all time:
I got Patrick Ewing
at the center,
169
00:07:01,667 --> 00:07:04,417
Willis Reed-- I switch him
over to the power forward--
170
00:07:04,417 --> 00:07:06,041
Bernard King
at the small forward,
171
00:07:06,041 --> 00:07:08,125
Earl "The Pearl" Monroe
shooting guard,
172
00:07:08,125 --> 00:07:09,834
Walt "Clyde" Frazier
at the two.
173
00:07:09,834 --> 00:07:11,208
That's just my starting team.
174
00:07:11,208 --> 00:07:13,500
Off the bench! God knows what
I'm gonna do with you guys.
175
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:16,333
You know what, dude?
You and me should play
for the Knicks.
176
00:07:16,333 --> 00:07:17,500
We would be good.
Right?
177
00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:19,250
I mean,
we'd be fantastic. Quick.
178
00:07:19,250 --> 00:07:20,917
We'd be sick.
We have four arms.
179
00:07:20,917 --> 00:07:22,667
Four arms.
Check it out.
180
00:07:22,667 --> 00:07:25,917
Okay, yeah, we would have
some problems with the size.
Yeah, you are a little short.
181
00:07:25,917 --> 00:07:27,750
(stammers)
I had a little coffee
in high school.
182
00:07:27,750 --> 00:07:30,291
Okay? It stunted
my growth.
Uh, that explains it.
183
00:07:30,291 --> 00:07:34,166
But I'm like Muggsy Bogues.
He was 5'3". He was
like a little gnat.
184
00:07:34,166 --> 00:07:36,083
Gnats are smaller than us!
That's true.
185
00:07:36,083 --> 00:07:38,291
Gnats are smaller than fleas.
Wait a second.
186
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:41,917
Did we not take a left?
Jesus, everything looks
the same.
187
00:07:41,917 --> 00:07:44,041
Huh. Maybe we'll go this way.
188
00:07:44,041 --> 00:07:46,542
(rustles)
Holy shit.
189
00:07:46,542 --> 00:07:48,375
Look at fucking this.
190
00:07:48,375 --> 00:07:50,083
(heavenly choir sings)
Erik:
This is beautiful.
191
00:07:50,083 --> 00:07:51,959
Corey:
It's fucking huge!
192
00:07:51,959 --> 00:07:53,875
(snores)
(chimps chattering)
193
00:07:53,875 --> 00:07:57,375
God. Makes you think
about how much smaller
we are than this monkey.
194
00:07:57,375 --> 00:07:59,708
And then Madison Square Garden?
I bet you could fit like,
195
00:07:59,708 --> 00:08:02,875
I don't know,
50 monkeys in there.
At least 50 monkeys.
196
00:08:02,875 --> 00:08:06,291
I mean, can you imagine
how big the whole world is?
197
00:08:06,291 --> 00:08:09,542
Damn, dude.
Sometimes it's--
it's all too much.
198
00:08:09,542 --> 00:08:11,500
What do you mean, Erik?
I was just thinking--
199
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:13,875
there's this monkey,
we're in his asshole--
200
00:08:13,875 --> 00:08:18,000
does he even know we exist?
Probably not. You know?
201
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,208
But then, does God
even know we exist?
202
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:22,333
And-and--
and if he did know
we existed,
203
00:08:22,333 --> 00:08:23,667
why would
he even care
about us?
204
00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:25,834
Corey:
I don't know.
Maybe he doesn't, man.
205
00:08:25,834 --> 00:08:29,250
Maybe we're free.
Just passing through.
206
00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:32,250
A brief pause
in the great cosmic dance.
207
00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:34,917
It's like
we're between planes
of existence, you know?
208
00:08:34,917 --> 00:08:37,083
We're ephemeral.
You know what
I like about you?
209
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:39,542
You got good words, Corey.
Thanks, Erik.
210
00:08:39,542 --> 00:08:42,750
We are ephemeral.
It's like I'm only
a small reflection
211
00:08:42,750 --> 00:08:45,583
of the world I constructed.
Yeah, exactly.
212
00:08:45,583 --> 00:08:49,625
I-- I am big. I mean,
I am the second-tallest flea
on this monkey's ass.
213
00:08:49,625 --> 00:08:51,333
That's gotta stand
for something, right?
214
00:08:51,333 --> 00:08:52,583
Yeah! You're getting it!
215
00:08:52,583 --> 00:08:54,834
Erik:
Yo! I'm ephemeral!
I don't give a shit!
216
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:57,166
Corey:
There you go, Erik!
Let it out!
217
00:08:57,166 --> 00:08:58,792
Erik:
I got blood pumping
through my veins!
218
00:08:58,792 --> 00:09:01,834
I'm feeling good!
It's mostly monkey blood, too!
How you like that?
219
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:04,375
Woo! I can see it
on the Jumbotron right now.
220
00:09:04,375 --> 00:09:07,792
Erik and Corey are the two
greatest Knicks of all time!
221
00:09:07,792 --> 00:09:09,959
(crowd cheering)
There's three seconds left.
I have the ball.
222
00:09:09,959 --> 00:09:11,625
I put it behind my back!
Woo-hoo!
223
00:09:11,625 --> 00:09:13,625
Two, one!
He shoots...
224
00:09:13,625 --> 00:09:14,917
And it's good!
(buzzer sounds)
225
00:09:14,917 --> 00:09:18,583
Corey:
Yeah, yeah! Woo-hoo!
The crowd goes crazy.
226
00:09:18,583 --> 00:09:20,083
Everybody's going nuts.
Yeah!
227
00:09:20,083 --> 00:09:23,500
(kisses)
Whoa. Wh-wh-- what the--
What the fuck was that?
228
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:26,291
Oh. Uh, I thought
we were ephemeral,
229
00:09:26,291 --> 00:09:29,708
like "Who gives a shit?"
You know? I don't know.
I'm gay.
230
00:09:29,708 --> 00:09:32,625
Uh, yeah, no, I'm--
I'm gay too, but this is...
231
00:09:32,625 --> 00:09:34,959
this is
a sacred place, my friend.
You gotta earn that.
232
00:09:34,959 --> 00:09:37,291
I'm sorry.
Shit. I'm an idiot.
233
00:09:37,291 --> 00:09:39,959
Well, don't apologize.
Maybe-- maybe you try again.
234
00:09:39,959 --> 00:09:41,750
Oh.
Maybe shut
your eyes this time?
235
00:09:41,750 --> 00:09:44,250
Yeah. Sorry.
None of that tongue shit.
236
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,834
Of course.
Kiss me on the lips,
237
00:09:45,834 --> 00:09:47,917
like a gentleman.
(kisses)
238
00:09:47,917 --> 00:09:50,542
There you go.
Soft, nice.
239
00:09:50,542 --> 00:09:52,000
Hold me tight.
240
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,166
(owl hoots)
241
00:09:55,708 --> 00:09:57,291
(thunder crashes)
242
00:09:57,291 --> 00:10:00,208
(all laugh)
Phil: Anyway, we're out
to dinner with Craig and--
243
00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:01,792
What's his wife's name?
Sarah.
244
00:10:01,792 --> 00:10:03,291
Sarah, yeah.
So we--
Yes.
245
00:10:03,291 --> 00:10:05,166
Craig and Sarah?
She's just, I mean, beautiful,
246
00:10:05,166 --> 00:10:06,625
lovely, really nice.
She's so nice,
247
00:10:06,625 --> 00:10:08,708
but Craig's got
this nasally voice,
so he's like...
248
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:10,166
(nasally)
talking about everything.
249
00:10:10,166 --> 00:10:12,000
(normal voice)
The waiter comes over, right,
250
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,834
and he tells him, "I'm sorry.
I think there's a cat in here
or something."
251
00:10:14,834 --> 00:10:17,083
No, that's just Craig.
That's just Craig!
(laughs) That's Craig!
252
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:19,917
(all laughing)
Lumpy:
I love it. It's so funny.
253
00:10:19,917 --> 00:10:21,291
Oh, careful.
254
00:10:21,291 --> 00:10:23,000
Oh fuck.
Philly.
255
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,667
Philly. Philadelphia.
Philly made a spilly.
256
00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:26,875
I'm sorry, dude. I'm sorry.
Can we get
some napkins over here?
257
00:10:26,875 --> 00:10:30,458
I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry.
Baby, I think you've had
a bit too much.
258
00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:32,667
Mmm.
I think you're all mixed up.
259
00:10:32,667 --> 00:10:35,208
You know what?
We've been here a while.
Why don't we call it a night?
260
00:10:35,208 --> 00:10:38,291
No, you guys stay.
I-- I'm fucking wasted.
261
00:10:38,291 --> 00:10:40,834
You know, I know it.
Listen, I know it.
(laughs) Yes.
262
00:10:40,834 --> 00:10:42,542
Maybe you just need
a little lie down.
263
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:45,291
I love you so much, Lumpy.
(chuckles) Oh.
264
00:10:45,291 --> 00:10:47,250
Give your little baby boy
a kiss, Mommy--
265
00:10:47,250 --> 00:10:49,708
(coughs)
I mean, Lumpy.
(laughs) Yes.
266
00:10:49,708 --> 00:10:52,708
My little sweetie.
No, this is great.
I'm glad I came.
267
00:10:52,708 --> 00:10:56,834
I'm gonna
go lay my little head
on my little bed.
268
00:10:56,834 --> 00:10:58,708
That's a good idea,
probably.
Sleepy bye-byes.
269
00:10:58,708 --> 00:11:00,708
I'll be dreaming
about you...
270
00:11:00,708 --> 00:11:03,041
Oh. My darling.
...my precious Lumpy.
271
00:11:03,041 --> 00:11:05,291
The only thing
that makes life
worth living.
272
00:11:05,291 --> 00:11:07,083
Aww.
Oop! I got it.
273
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,125
I got it. Get off.
I got it. I got it.
Oh, mind-- Okay.
274
00:11:09,125 --> 00:11:11,083
All right?
Okay, see you guys later.
275
00:11:11,083 --> 00:11:13,792
Yeah, all right.
Get some sleep, okay?
Peace. Peace, Philly.
276
00:11:13,792 --> 00:11:16,625
(both laugh)
Yeah, Phil is crazy, huh?
277
00:11:16,625 --> 00:11:19,583
No, he really is.
He's absolutely mental.
278
00:11:20,667 --> 00:11:22,917
Yeah. You're not mental,
though, are you?
279
00:11:22,917 --> 00:11:24,750
(clears throat)
280
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:27,458
(whispering)
Lumpy, we can't
keep doing this.
281
00:11:27,458 --> 00:11:30,250
Oh, but why not, Mike?
I want you.
282
00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:32,542
Don't do this.
I just-- Please.
283
00:11:32,542 --> 00:11:34,500
He's right there.
284
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:37,917
(snores)
I pick the green one,
I get zapped.
285
00:11:39,125 --> 00:11:40,750
I pick the red one,
I get zapped.
286
00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:43,208
Oy vey.
It's a whole thing.
287
00:11:43,208 --> 00:11:44,542
We have to tell him.
No!
288
00:11:44,542 --> 00:11:49,333
(gasps)
No, you can't,
or all this falls apart.
289
00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:51,917
The guilt is
eating me up inside.
290
00:11:51,917 --> 00:11:54,667
I should be
eating you up outside.
291
00:11:54,667 --> 00:11:58,458
(slurps)
Oh my God.
292
00:11:58,458 --> 00:12:00,959
♪ ♪
Lumpy, what the fuck?
293
00:12:00,959 --> 00:12:03,291
(clatters)
(kissing)
294
00:12:05,708 --> 00:12:08,792
(Phil moans)
295
00:12:08,792 --> 00:12:10,333
Morning, Mikey.
Morning, Lumpy.
296
00:12:10,333 --> 00:12:11,542
Ah!
What?
297
00:12:11,542 --> 00:12:15,250
(moans)
I had the craziest dream
last night, you guys.
298
00:12:15,250 --> 00:12:17,208
These two people
just like wrestling,
299
00:12:17,208 --> 00:12:19,750
but it was also like
they were having
a lot of fun.
300
00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:22,125
So weird, dude.
(both laugh nervously)
301
00:12:22,125 --> 00:12:23,125
That's crazy.
302
00:12:23,125 --> 00:12:24,792
Phil:
Yeah, dude.
So abnormal.
303
00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:26,792
But you were asleep
for the whole night,
though, right?
304
00:12:26,792 --> 00:12:29,125
Yeah, pretty uninterrupted.
It felt good, actually.
305
00:12:29,125 --> 00:12:31,208
You needed that.
Wait a-- mmm.
306
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:33,291
Hold on a second.
Hmm? What's up?
307
00:12:33,291 --> 00:12:36,500
Why are you
stopping talking?
Umm... Lumpy.
308
00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:39,834
Mm-hmm?
What did you do last night
after I went to bed?
309
00:12:39,834 --> 00:12:41,917
Nothing.
She didn't
really do anything.
310
00:12:41,917 --> 00:12:43,583
Nothing. Yeah.
She just kind of hanging.
311
00:12:43,583 --> 00:12:45,166
So, I went to bed
and nothing happened?
312
00:12:45,166 --> 00:12:48,041
No. No. No.
No, no, I didn't.
Did you?
313
00:12:48,041 --> 00:12:49,667
I didn't. No.
Did I-- no.
I didn't see--
314
00:12:49,667 --> 00:12:51,625
Well, I can't believe this.
315
00:12:51,625 --> 00:12:53,000
Look, dude. O-okay.
316
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,333
They come in here
overnight and give Lumpy
warrior face paint.
317
00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:57,834
Mike's got warrior face paint.
318
00:12:57,834 --> 00:13:00,834
Philly's the only boy
in the apartment not getting
face paint!
319
00:13:00,834 --> 00:13:03,667
This is just rich,
you know? This--
Phil.
320
00:13:03,667 --> 00:13:05,542
(sighs)
Yeah, Mikey?
321
00:13:05,542 --> 00:13:08,000
What is it,
my best friend
in the whole world?
322
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,417
Lumpy and I are in love.
(gasps)
323
00:13:10,417 --> 00:13:13,834
What'd you say?
It's time to come clean.
324
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,375
Lumpy, is this true?
♪ ♪
325
00:13:16,375 --> 00:13:18,792
(sighs)
I-- I don't know
what to say.
326
00:13:18,792 --> 00:13:21,708
That's kind of all
I can say.
327
00:13:21,708 --> 00:13:24,625
But... Lumpy is my girlfriend.
328
00:13:24,625 --> 00:13:27,625
And-- and, Mike, you're...
(clearing throat)
329
00:13:27,625 --> 00:13:30,208
you're my best--
you're my best friend, dude.
330
00:13:30,208 --> 00:13:32,875
How could you-- ack!
How could--
331
00:13:32,875 --> 00:13:34,083
(choking)
Mike: Phil!
332
00:13:34,083 --> 00:13:35,583
Lumpy:
Oh my God.
He's trying to kill himself.
333
00:13:35,583 --> 00:13:37,583
Okay, I'm gonna
grab his legs.
I wanna die! I wanna die!
334
00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:38,750
I'm trying!
Get off of me! Go on!
335
00:13:38,750 --> 00:13:40,291
I'm not strong!
Fuck you! Fuck you!
336
00:13:40,291 --> 00:13:41,875
(grunts)
All right.
337
00:13:41,875 --> 00:13:43,542
(mumbles)
Oh, there he goes.
There he goes.
338
00:13:43,542 --> 00:13:44,583
Grab him.
I'm trying.
339
00:13:44,583 --> 00:13:46,375
Lumpy:
Phil.
Phil, what are you doing?
340
00:13:46,375 --> 00:13:47,625
(chokes, coughs)
I don't know how
341
00:13:47,625 --> 00:13:49,375
you could drown yourself
with one of those anyway.
342
00:13:49,375 --> 00:13:50,875
Okay, get him.
Keep an eye on him.
No, get off!
343
00:13:50,875 --> 00:13:53,667
I wanna fucking die.
Both:
No, no, no, no, no!
344
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,250
Ow! Shit.
345
00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:56,834
Oh God, here we go again.
(lighter clinks)
346
00:13:56,834 --> 00:13:59,750
Light myself on fucking fire!
No! Don't blow it out!
(blowing)
347
00:13:59,750 --> 00:14:01,834
Lumpy, get a blanket!
Watch me burn!
348
00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:03,792
Get off of me!
Son of a bitch.
349
00:14:03,792 --> 00:14:05,917
(grunts) Oh...
Mike:
Well, that didn't work.
350
00:14:05,917 --> 00:14:07,417
Please.
Just-- just stop.
351
00:14:07,417 --> 00:14:09,417
It's never going to work.
You're not going
to kill yourself
352
00:14:09,417 --> 00:14:11,959
by running into a wall,
okay? Just quit it.
Fuck, dude.
353
00:14:11,959 --> 00:14:13,959
Lumpy?
Yes?
354
00:14:13,959 --> 00:14:16,250
Was I not
a good boyfriend to you?
355
00:14:16,250 --> 00:14:18,458
Oh. Ohh.
356
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:21,250
That's not really the answer
I was looking for, Lumps.
You... (sighs)
357
00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:23,583
I think you just need
to eat. I think you need
to eat something.
358
00:14:23,583 --> 00:14:25,458
Exactly. Darling,
have some pellets.
359
00:14:25,458 --> 00:14:27,041
(excitedly)
That's it!
What?
360
00:14:27,041 --> 00:14:29,083
I'll go
on a hunger strike, dude.
361
00:14:29,083 --> 00:14:32,000
No. D--
If I don't eat,
then I'll die.
362
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,083
Don't do that.
You two lovebirds are gonna
have to watch me wither away!
363
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,834
(laughs maniacally)
364
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,792
♪ Lump sat alone ♪
Mike: All right,
get your hand on green. Go.
365
00:14:39,792 --> 00:14:42,500
Okay, I'm trying.
(laughs)
Where are you putting your hand?
366
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:44,959
Where do you think
I'm putting my hand?
What are you, crazy?
367
00:14:44,959 --> 00:14:46,750
Oh my God.
(Lumpy sighs)
368
00:14:46,750 --> 00:14:48,417
♪ ...into Lump's pajamas ♪
369
00:14:48,417 --> 00:14:51,125
(chanting)
♪ She totally confused
all the passing piranhas ♪
370
00:14:51,125 --> 00:14:52,667
Mike (on TV):
Nobody ever thanks
the plate guy.
371
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:54,792
Can you believe
Variety panned this?
It's really good.
372
00:14:54,792 --> 00:14:56,583
Really funny
and good. Really.
Really funny and so good.
373
00:14:56,583 --> 00:14:59,208
(chanting) I'm in space.
♪ She's lump, she's lump,
She's lump ♪
374
00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:01,333
♪ She might be dead ♪
375
00:15:03,959 --> 00:15:07,792
♪ Lump lingered
last in line for brains ♪
376
00:15:07,792 --> 00:15:11,166
♪ And the one she got was
sorta rotten and insane ♪
377
00:15:11,166 --> 00:15:12,708
I think
I'm gonna turn in.
Okay.
378
00:15:12,708 --> 00:15:14,291
Night, baby.
All right,
good night. Love you.
379
00:15:14,291 --> 00:15:15,959
Okay, love you.
(chuckles)
380
00:15:15,959 --> 00:15:18,166
(slurps)
Hmm-hmm-hmm.
(page flutters)
381
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,208
Umm... hey.
Mmm?
382
00:15:22,208 --> 00:15:24,917
Do you mind just like--
I don't--
383
00:15:24,917 --> 00:15:27,291
When you're turning the page,
it's-- it's pretty loud.
384
00:15:27,291 --> 00:15:28,834
I'm literally
just turning the page.
385
00:15:28,834 --> 00:15:31,625
It just feels like you're
actually making a point
to turn it loud.
386
00:15:31,625 --> 00:15:35,041
Hate to break it to you,
me reading is not a personal
attack on you.
387
00:15:35,041 --> 00:15:38,166
(whispers) Okay.
This is exactly what
Dr. Schumacher said.
388
00:15:38,166 --> 00:15:39,875
Mike:
Schumacher's a quack.
(Lumpy sighs)
389
00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:42,375
I don't understand
why this is a thing that is
rooted in the relationship.
390
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,333
It's always, "Oh yeah,
this thing you did
this one time."
391
00:15:44,333 --> 00:15:46,166
Why are you
being so aggressive
toward me with this?
392
00:15:46,166 --> 00:15:48,291
I'm sorry.
I'm being aggressive?
Yeah, you are.
393
00:15:48,291 --> 00:15:50,834
(arguing continues)
She could've read a magazine
right on top of my head.
394
00:15:50,834 --> 00:15:53,458
I would've been
a fucking magazine rack for her.
395
00:15:53,458 --> 00:15:55,834
I miss Lumpy's rack.
396
00:15:55,834 --> 00:16:00,417
Oh my God.
(coughs) So sad.
397
00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:02,667
Mike:
You actually make it
a loud thing somehow!
398
00:16:02,667 --> 00:16:04,959
Lumpy:
At least I'm reading,
not watching porn.
399
00:16:04,959 --> 00:16:07,125
(snoring)
Mike: Oh my God.
400
00:16:07,125 --> 00:16:09,375
♪ ♪
401
00:16:16,792 --> 00:16:19,333
Phil:
A rat in the sewer.
That's what makes sense.
402
00:16:19,333 --> 00:16:20,667
Mike:
It just feels right.
403
00:16:20,667 --> 00:16:22,625
(coughs, moans)
404
00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:24,166
Mike:
You know,
it's really good, too.
405
00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:26,542
I wasn't expecting it
to taste like this,
which was really nice.
406
00:16:26,542 --> 00:16:27,708
(grunts)
407
00:16:27,708 --> 00:16:30,250
(moaning, chewing)
408
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:32,542
(gasps) Whoa, dude.
Mike: Politically,
it makes a difference.
409
00:16:32,542 --> 00:16:34,458
What the fuck was that, man?
410
00:16:34,458 --> 00:16:36,083
You're cracking up, Philly.
411
00:16:36,083 --> 00:16:38,125
Mike: Good to take
into consideration. Oh, Phil.
(groans)
412
00:16:38,125 --> 00:16:40,542
Phil's up. Phil!
Join us for brunch.
Come on.
413
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,625
I feel weird.
Mike:
Come on.
414
00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:44,333
You can still be
on your "hunger strike"
415
00:16:44,333 --> 00:16:46,375
and hang out
with your two roomies.
Yeah.
416
00:16:46,375 --> 00:16:49,917
There he is. Welcome back.
I can actually see
your heart beating.
417
00:16:49,917 --> 00:16:52,041
I can see it
through your chest.
Mike: Wow. Look at that.
418
00:16:52,041 --> 00:16:54,500
Oh, interesting.
So, listen, I was
just telling this story.
419
00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:55,875
Yeah.
So, Lumpy and I
just had lunch
420
00:16:55,875 --> 00:16:57,166
with our friends
Craig and Sarah.
421
00:16:57,166 --> 00:16:58,917
Craig and Sarah?
So, Craig's got this...
422
00:16:58,917 --> 00:17:01,375
(nasally) nasally voice.
What the fuck, dude?
This all just happened.
423
00:17:01,375 --> 00:17:03,083
This all just happened.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
424
00:17:03,083 --> 00:17:05,500
Wait, Mike. Who is--
Who is Craig?
425
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:07,375
(normal voice) Craig?
Who actually
is Craig?
426
00:17:07,375 --> 00:17:09,792
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Craig is...
427
00:17:09,792 --> 00:17:11,875
(smacks lips)
Honey, how do we know Craig?
428
00:17:11,875 --> 00:17:14,208
(distorted)
From college.
Sarah is his wife.
429
00:17:14,208 --> 00:17:17,750
That was weird.
That was--
She knows Craig from college.
430
00:17:17,750 --> 00:17:19,583
'cause Sarah is his wife.
Well, exactly. Yeah.
431
00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:21,000
Mike.
What's confusing?
432
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,625
Can I talk to you
real quick over here?
Is that cool?
433
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,166
Why?
Just a quick talk.
434
00:17:25,166 --> 00:17:27,125
Yeah, but we're eating.
We're in the middle of eating.
435
00:17:27,125 --> 00:17:29,000
He hasn't actually had
his morning pellets.
436
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,458
I have boy problems.
It has to do with my wiener,
437
00:17:31,458 --> 00:17:32,959
and it's really personal.
Oh!
438
00:17:32,959 --> 00:17:34,875
It's super embarrassing
for me to bring it up
right now.
439
00:17:34,875 --> 00:17:36,458
Phil has these problems
all the time.
No, I know.
440
00:17:36,458 --> 00:17:38,583
Let me go bro out with him
for a little bit.
Thank you so much.
441
00:17:38,583 --> 00:17:40,291
I'll be back.
We'll be right back.
I'm so sorry.
442
00:17:40,291 --> 00:17:42,542
Okay, Mike, I need you
to listen to me, dude.
443
00:17:42,542 --> 00:17:44,792
Look, you just get
some hand sanitizer
and just douse the thing.
444
00:17:44,792 --> 00:17:48,542
No, Mike, dude,
listen to me. Craig, Sarah,
these fucking people--
445
00:17:48,542 --> 00:17:50,875
they're not real, man,
and neither is Lumpy.
446
00:17:50,875 --> 00:17:54,500
What are you talking about?
Remember what we said earlier
about this being everything?
447
00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:56,583
Uh-huh.
I don't think this
is everything, dude!
448
00:17:56,583 --> 00:18:00,375
I think there's more than that!
I-- I had a fucking vision
last night
449
00:18:00,375 --> 00:18:02,500
that we lived
in the sewers, dude.
450
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,250
I had a mom,
and you had parents,
451
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,792
and we'd listen to 311, dude,
and it was sick tight.
452
00:18:06,792 --> 00:18:09,333
Phil, you're seriously
acting crazy.
453
00:18:09,333 --> 00:18:11,834
You need to eat.
Just take a pellet.
I don't-- (gags)
454
00:18:11,834 --> 00:18:15,000
(slurring) Eat the pellet,
dude. Eat the...
Whoa!
455
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,750
(normal voice) pellet. Come on.
That's it, dude.
It's the pellets!
456
00:18:17,750 --> 00:18:20,250
They're clouding
our fucking vision, man.
That's why Lumpy--
457
00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:22,375
What are you guys
talking about?
Jesus Christ.
458
00:18:22,375 --> 00:18:23,917
Okay, stand back
from me, Lumpy.
Hey, Lumpy.
459
00:18:23,917 --> 00:18:25,834
Hi.
All right, dude?
I don't want any trouble.
460
00:18:25,834 --> 00:18:27,917
Mike, listen to me.
The pellets?
461
00:18:27,917 --> 00:18:30,041
It's like a brain wash
or something like that.
What?
462
00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:32,375
And Lumpy
wants us to eat them
because she only exists
463
00:18:32,375 --> 00:18:34,708
because we take
the pills, Mike.
That's nonsense.
464
00:18:34,708 --> 00:18:37,542
That's ridiculous.
Why would you listen to him?
Umm...
465
00:18:37,542 --> 00:18:39,000
He's crazy
and half-starved.
466
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,834
Okay, well,
that's a good point.
467
00:18:40,834 --> 00:18:43,625
That's what happens when
you don't eat the pellets!
I fucking look good, Mike.
468
00:18:43,625 --> 00:18:44,834
You get sad.
You look terrible.
469
00:18:44,834 --> 00:18:46,333
I'm not sad!
I'm the happiest
I've ever been!
470
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,792
Because I'm thinking
straight, baby!
If he's not gonna eat,
471
00:18:48,792 --> 00:18:50,708
we're gonna make him,
okay, Mikey?
472
00:18:50,708 --> 00:18:52,458
Oh shit.
Are you with me,
or are you not?
473
00:18:52,458 --> 00:18:55,000
Mikey! This is a little nuts,
Mike, don't you agree, dude?
474
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,542
Like maybe something bigger
is at work here?
475
00:18:56,542 --> 00:18:57,959
It's for his own good.
Give me the pill.
476
00:18:57,959 --> 00:18:59,667
I'm warning you, dude.
You're gonna eat this shit.
477
00:18:59,667 --> 00:19:01,542
She's freaking me out.
You'd better have an umbrella,
478
00:19:01,542 --> 00:19:03,625
'cause we're
gonna make it rain
up in this motherfucker.
479
00:19:03,625 --> 00:19:05,041
(grunts)
What the fuck?
480
00:19:05,041 --> 00:19:07,208
I gotta make
it hurt, motherfucker.
What the hell, Lumpy?
481
00:19:07,208 --> 00:19:09,333
You're insane, dude!
Not the vases!
482
00:19:09,333 --> 00:19:10,959
We got those
in Prague!
483
00:19:10,959 --> 00:19:13,750
Phil:
You broke my fricking heart,
dude. (grunts)
484
00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:15,959
I loved you, Lumpy!
(grunts)
485
00:19:15,959 --> 00:19:17,583
(rips)
(Phil shouts)
486
00:19:17,583 --> 00:19:19,000
Oh shit.
487
00:19:20,083 --> 00:19:23,083
(screaming)
What the fuck?
488
00:19:23,083 --> 00:19:26,166
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Motherfucker! You ripped
my fucking arm off!
489
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:29,375
You fucking monster.
(grunts)
490
00:19:32,291 --> 00:19:35,417
(groans, grunts)
Fucking...
491
00:19:35,417 --> 00:19:38,250
Mike:
Did you want more syrup?
(spits)
492
00:19:38,250 --> 00:19:40,125
What the fuck?
Mike:
What are you reading?
493
00:19:40,125 --> 00:19:41,583
Lumpy:
War and Peace.
Dude, seriously?
494
00:19:41,583 --> 00:19:43,458
Fucking...
I mean, it's really dull,
495
00:19:43,458 --> 00:19:46,500
but I just feel
like it's something
you should do in life.
496
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:49,750
♪ ♪
497
00:19:54,875 --> 00:19:55,959
(elevator dings)
498
00:19:57,750 --> 00:19:59,375
(beeping)
499
00:20:03,083 --> 00:20:04,583
(beeps)
500
00:20:04,583 --> 00:20:06,750
(hums, beeps)
(bubbling)
501
00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:13,083
(elevator door opens, closes)
502
00:20:13,083 --> 00:20:15,291
♪ ♪
503
00:20:15,291 --> 00:20:17,792
All:
Algae! Algae!
504
00:20:17,792 --> 00:20:19,458
(barking "algae")
505
00:20:19,458 --> 00:20:21,625
Algae.
(sighs) Algae.
506
00:20:21,625 --> 00:20:23,000
Algae.
(chuckles)
507
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,834
Algae, algae.
Algae.
508
00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:27,000
Algae?
Algae.
509
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,625
Algae, Algae. Algae!
Algae. Algae.
510
00:20:28,625 --> 00:20:30,125
(stressed) Al-gae!
Algae, algae.
511
00:20:30,125 --> 00:20:32,375
(crying)
Algae! Algae!
Algae?
512
00:20:32,375 --> 00:20:33,792
(screams)
513
00:20:33,792 --> 00:20:35,500
(spanks)
Algae.
514
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:36,708
(cries) Algae.
(laughs)
515
00:20:36,708 --> 00:20:37,959
Parents: Algae.
516
00:20:37,959 --> 00:20:39,792
♪ ♪
(passionately)
Algae. Algae.
517
00:20:39,792 --> 00:20:41,166
(door opens)
Algae? (gasps)
518
00:20:41,166 --> 00:20:42,834
(screams) Algae!
Algae, algae!
519
00:20:42,834 --> 00:20:44,417
Algae!
Algae?
520
00:20:44,417 --> 00:20:46,542
(sadly) Algae.
(clears throat)
521
00:20:46,542 --> 00:20:49,875
Algae, algae.
Algae, algae.
Algae.
522
00:20:49,875 --> 00:20:52,000
Algae, algae.
Algae, algae.
523
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,083
♪ ♪
Huh! Algae, algae?
524
00:20:54,083 --> 00:20:56,500
Algae, algae.
Algae, algae, algae.
525
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:58,458
(laughs)
Algae, algae.
Algae.
526
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:02,000
(chuckles)
Algae.
527
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,959
(sniffles)
This is good shit.
What strain is this again?
528
00:21:04,959 --> 00:21:07,000
Uh, algae?
W-- wait. What?
529
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:11,166
Uh, algae, algae.
But-- okay,
if this is algae,
530
00:21:11,166 --> 00:21:15,208
and I'm algae,
then everything is algae,
531
00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:17,000
and then nothing is algae,
532
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,125
and nothing matters!
Existence is futile!
533
00:21:20,125 --> 00:21:22,625
Life is meaningless!
(laughs)
534
00:21:22,625 --> 00:21:24,417
Algae, algae.
Shut the fuck up!
535
00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:26,417
Algae!
Stop saying "algae"!
536
00:21:26,417 --> 00:21:28,750
Fucking think
for once in your life!
537
00:21:28,750 --> 00:21:32,708
(laughing) Algae!
Wake up,
you fucking sheep!
538
00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:34,875
Mom, Dad!
Both: Algae?
539
00:21:34,875 --> 00:21:37,291
Am I alive?
Do I matter?
540
00:21:37,291 --> 00:21:40,375
Algae, algae, algae.
No! Listen to yourselves!
541
00:21:40,375 --> 00:21:42,500
You're insane!
Algae, algae!
(gasps)
542
00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:44,542
You! Say something!
Algae?
543
00:21:44,542 --> 00:21:47,208
Algae, algae, algae.
(screams)
This isn't real!
544
00:21:47,208 --> 00:21:49,291
This is a test!
There is no God!
Others: Algae, algae.
545
00:21:49,291 --> 00:21:52,000
Life is prison!
Others:
Algae, algae, algae...
546
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,959
I am insignificant.
My existence carries
no weight.
547
00:21:55,959 --> 00:22:00,500
I am ephemeral.
I am-- I am nothing.
548
00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:01,834
(barking "algae")
549
00:22:01,834 --> 00:22:04,000
Could you get
your fucking dog out of my--
Algae, algae, algae.
550
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,041
Oh. Algae, algae.
Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.
551
00:22:06,041 --> 00:22:07,959
Algae, algae, algae.
(chuckles)
552
00:22:07,959 --> 00:22:11,667
A-algae, algae.
Algae.
Algae.
553
00:22:11,667 --> 00:22:13,542
Algae, algae.
(chuckles)
Algae, algae.
554
00:22:13,542 --> 00:22:15,542
Algae, Algae.
A-algae?
555
00:22:15,542 --> 00:22:17,667
Algae, algae.
556
00:22:17,667 --> 00:22:19,750
(chattering)
557
00:22:21,083 --> 00:22:24,375
(slurring)
Lumpy, I swear
to fucking God,
558
00:22:24,375 --> 00:22:26,125
I put the toilet seat down.
559
00:22:26,125 --> 00:22:28,834
God! What, are you
on your period or something?
Listen to me, man.
560
00:22:28,834 --> 00:22:30,667
Lumpy's not real, dude!
It was a joke, Lumpy.
561
00:22:30,667 --> 00:22:32,500
She's just a side effect
of the pellets, man!
562
00:22:32,500 --> 00:22:35,333
Remember the sewers, dude!
Remember your family!
You're so sensitive.
563
00:22:35,333 --> 00:22:37,708
Having freedom!
Freedom?
564
00:22:37,708 --> 00:22:41,417
What is he saying?
Don't listen to him.
He's a gross little pervert.
565
00:22:41,417 --> 00:22:44,000
Please eat.
I-- I don't know, Lumpy.
566
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,500
I mean, I sorta--
I remember tunnels.
567
00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:48,417
You know what? You're thinking
of the tube challenge.
568
00:22:48,417 --> 00:22:51,208
The tube challenge?
You know, the challenge
with all the tubes and all the--
569
00:22:51,208 --> 00:22:52,959
You're just mixed up,
my darling.
570
00:22:52,959 --> 00:22:55,583
You're all mixed up.
All mixed up?
571
00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:57,959
Mm-hmm. All mixed up
with the tube challenge.
572
00:22:57,959 --> 00:22:59,166
♪ ♪
573
00:22:59,166 --> 00:23:00,917
(slurs)
"All Mixed Up"?
574
00:23:00,917 --> 00:23:02,917
"All Mixed Up."
575
00:23:02,917 --> 00:23:05,792
Fucking "All Mixed Up," dude.
311! That's it!
576
00:23:05,792 --> 00:23:07,959
(clears throat)
Mike, Mike, Mike!
577
00:23:07,959 --> 00:23:12,708
Huh?
♪ You've got to trust
your instinct ♪
578
00:23:12,708 --> 00:23:15,667
Mike, don't listen to him.
♪ And let go of regret ♪
579
00:23:15,667 --> 00:23:17,125
(emphatically)
Eat the pill.
580
00:23:17,125 --> 00:23:18,625
Mike, come back.
♪ You've got to bet ♪
581
00:23:18,625 --> 00:23:20,959
♪ On yourself now, star ♪
Come back to my sexiness.
582
00:23:20,959 --> 00:23:22,625
Have you forgotten
our love?
583
00:23:22,625 --> 00:23:25,083
Come back
and be with me, please.
♪ 'Cause that's your best bet ♪
584
00:23:25,083 --> 00:23:26,458
(vocalizes music)
Lumpy:
Come on!
585
00:23:26,458 --> 00:23:28,834
Both:
♪ All mixed up,
you don't know what to do ♪
586
00:23:28,834 --> 00:23:31,542
♪ Next thing, you turn around
and find the person is you ♪
587
00:23:31,542 --> 00:23:32,875
♪ Thought a freak
might be the thing ♪
588
00:23:32,875 --> 00:23:34,375
♪ But the first
could be the last ♪
589
00:23:34,375 --> 00:23:36,667
♪ So just get off
of your ass ♪
590
00:23:36,667 --> 00:23:38,583
Dude, 311!
I know. Right?
591
00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:40,625
Oh my God!
So dope, that song.
592
00:23:40,625 --> 00:23:43,000
Dude, I remember
the sewers now.
Exactly. Right?
593
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,125
Holy shit.
Wait, they kidnapped us.
What the fuck?
594
00:23:45,125 --> 00:23:47,291
Dude, let's fucking bail.
Yeah, no. Fuck this.
595
00:23:47,291 --> 00:23:48,834
Let's leave.
Let's get the fuck
outta here.
596
00:23:48,834 --> 00:23:52,583
Mike. Mikey.
Phil. Philadelphia.
597
00:23:52,583 --> 00:23:56,708
You'll die out there.
It's safe here.
598
00:23:56,708 --> 00:24:00,667
You're leaving heaven.
You're leaving perfection.
599
00:24:00,667 --> 00:24:03,000
You're telling me
you don't want it?
600
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,333
She's definitely not real.
No, she's not real at all.
601
00:24:05,333 --> 00:24:07,083
I'm still-- the pill
is still in my body...
I know.
602
00:24:07,083 --> 00:24:08,875
...so I'm still--
I'm seeing it too, actually.
603
00:24:08,875 --> 00:24:11,208
Fine, you fucking sewer rats!
(sizzling)
604
00:24:11,208 --> 00:24:16,375
Go back to where you belong!
You'll burn, you fucking
pieces of shit.
605
00:24:16,375 --> 00:24:20,542
(high-pitched)
Plague! You are a plague!
606
00:24:20,542 --> 00:24:22,708
(grunts, gasps)
607
00:24:23,959 --> 00:24:26,375
(whistles) Wow.
That was... intense.
608
00:24:26,375 --> 00:24:27,667
Yeah.
I gotta say.
609
00:24:27,667 --> 00:24:29,291
She really went for it
at the end there.
610
00:24:29,291 --> 00:24:30,792
She went very hard,
very hard about it.
611
00:24:30,792 --> 00:24:33,000
Wizard of Oz-y
sort of thing.
Oh, that's what it was.
612
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,083
Yeah, she just melted. Yeah.
It was like
a Wizard of Oz thing.
613
00:24:35,083 --> 00:24:38,375
Can you untie me
and get me some water?
Oh yeah, yeah, sorry.
614
00:24:38,375 --> 00:24:39,625
What do you want?
What did you say?
615
00:24:39,625 --> 00:24:41,083
Can you untie me
and get me some water?
616
00:24:41,083 --> 00:24:43,125
Water.
Sorry, the water part--
I was gonna untie you.
617
00:24:43,125 --> 00:24:45,041
I just didn't hear
the water part.
Got it. Water.
618
00:24:46,834 --> 00:24:49,583
Hey, man. Sorry for what
happened there before
619
00:24:49,583 --> 00:24:51,667
with me stealing Lumpy
from you and everything.
620
00:24:51,667 --> 00:24:53,250
You know what?
It's totally fine, dude.
621
00:24:53,250 --> 00:24:56,583
Now that we both realize
she was a figment of both
of our imaginations,
622
00:24:56,583 --> 00:24:58,375
I willed that
into existence as well.
623
00:24:58,375 --> 00:25:01,166
I'm just glad
we can be cool.
Yeah, I know. Bros.
624
00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:02,750
Bros. (chuckles)
So sick.
625
00:25:03,583 --> 00:25:05,083
(both snap fingers)
(grunts)
626
00:25:05,083 --> 00:25:07,917
So, this situation.
How do
we get outta here?
627
00:25:07,917 --> 00:25:11,083
Umm... okay,
here's a pitch.
Mm-hmm.
628
00:25:11,083 --> 00:25:13,250
I'll sneak through these bars
since I'm super skinny...
Uh-huh.
629
00:25:13,250 --> 00:25:15,125
...and I'll unlock it.
And then, Mike,
(door squeaks open)
630
00:25:15,125 --> 00:25:17,250
since you're good at mazes,
you can navigate us
(footsteps)
631
00:25:17,250 --> 00:25:18,667
through air-conditioning units
or whatever.
632
00:25:18,667 --> 00:25:20,375
We'll just fucking like...
(mimics kicking)
633
00:25:20,375 --> 00:25:22,834
And then we'll just like,
"Whoa!" down some fucking slide
or some shit.
634
00:25:22,834 --> 00:25:24,917
Then some guy will try
to fucking stop us.
(whistle tweets)
635
00:25:24,917 --> 00:25:28,041
(coughs) And we
fucking just swung
across this huge cavern
636
00:25:28,041 --> 00:25:30,417
with some floss or whatever.
It was like, "Skloosh!"
637
00:25:30,417 --> 00:25:33,708
Slide into first, safe, dude.
Two runs in, dude. (laughs)
638
00:25:33,708 --> 00:25:35,375
(cheering)
Reporter:
Wait, hold up.
639
00:25:35,375 --> 00:25:39,000
You mean to tell me
that all that just worked?
You just escaped?
640
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,375
Uh...
Uh, yeah.
641
00:25:40,375 --> 00:25:42,583
I mean, basically
just like that.
Yeah. Yeah. Easy-peasy.
642
00:25:42,583 --> 00:25:44,959
(chuckles)
Seems like you're skipping
over a lot of details.
643
00:25:44,959 --> 00:25:46,542
Listen, dude,
he just told you.
(chuckles)
644
00:25:46,542 --> 00:25:48,750
Fucking... (mimics kick)
and then it was all like...
(whooshes)
645
00:25:48,750 --> 00:25:50,291
The whoosh, right?
And I was like, "Whoa!"
646
00:25:50,291 --> 00:25:52,250
And then the guy was like--
Did you not hear
what Phil said?
647
00:25:52,250 --> 00:25:54,291
Am I not speaking English?
You guys need
to hear this twice?
648
00:25:54,291 --> 00:25:55,875
You guys need
to hear this again?
Jesus Christ.
649
00:25:55,875 --> 00:25:57,834
Fine, fine.
Back to this Lumpy character.
650
00:25:57,834 --> 00:26:01,375
You mean to tell me she was
made up of sawdust, chewed up
food, and your own feces?
651
00:26:01,375 --> 00:26:03,917
Yes, sir, that is correct,
but Mike and I like
to think of it--
652
00:26:03,917 --> 00:26:05,500
it's on the inside
what counts, you know?
653
00:26:05,500 --> 00:26:08,750
Which technically,
for her, would be just more
fecal matter and shit.
654
00:26:08,750 --> 00:26:10,959
It helped her stick together,
just so that's clear.
Yeah.
655
00:26:10,959 --> 00:26:12,792
Last question.
Rumors are flying.
656
00:26:12,792 --> 00:26:14,625
Did either of you two
ever find yourself
657
00:26:14,625 --> 00:26:16,417
in an intimate embrace
with Lumpy,
658
00:26:16,417 --> 00:26:17,708
the shit-pile sawdust woman?
659
00:26:17,708 --> 00:26:20,000
Hmm. How do you mean?
660
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,542
Did you ever fuck
a lump of your own shit?
661
00:26:21,542 --> 00:26:23,917
Both:
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
662
00:26:23,917 --> 00:26:27,083
Actually, funny enough,
she only did butt stuff to me.
663
00:26:27,083 --> 00:26:29,750
That's interesting.
For me, she only held me
like a baby,
664
00:26:29,750 --> 00:26:32,041
sang to me, and brushed
my hair. That sorta stuff.
Mm-hmm.
665
00:26:32,041 --> 00:26:34,166
Ah. Interesting.
So, hmm, that's interesting.
666
00:26:34,166 --> 00:26:36,667
Mom:
Okay, maybe that's enough
questions for now.
667
00:26:36,667 --> 00:26:39,792
We're all very tired.
(cheering)
668
00:26:39,792 --> 00:26:41,250
Can you two shake
each other's hands
669
00:26:41,250 --> 00:26:43,125
so I can take
a black and white photo
with a flashbulb?
670
00:26:43,125 --> 00:26:44,834
I don't see why not?
Phil:
Yeah, sure.
671
00:26:44,834 --> 00:26:47,125
If you can imagine,
it'll be right on the cover
of the newspaper.
672
00:26:47,125 --> 00:26:48,333
Uh-uh, don't smile.
(flash poofs)
673
00:26:48,333 --> 00:26:50,291
Reporter:
Pssh! And here it spins.
674
00:26:51,208 --> 00:26:52,333
(rat coughs)
675
00:26:52,333 --> 00:26:53,834
Reporter:
Any second now.
676
00:26:55,166 --> 00:26:56,834
Hmm. I don't know--
Oh, there it is.
677
00:26:58,583 --> 00:27:00,667
Ah. Feels good
to be home, huh?
678
00:27:00,667 --> 00:27:03,000
It feels good, man.
It feels good to be
on the air.
679
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,625
Well, in New York City air.
Safe and sound.
680
00:27:05,625 --> 00:27:07,041
(train rattles)
681
00:27:07,041 --> 00:27:09,708
(ominous music playing)
(coughing)
682
00:27:11,041 --> 00:27:13,708
(speaks indiscernibly)
683
00:27:13,708 --> 00:27:17,375
(speaks indiscernibly)
684
00:27:21,083 --> 00:27:23,542
(hip-hop music playing)
(cheering)
685
00:27:25,291 --> 00:27:27,667
Ice-T: ♪ Animals,
we back at it ♪
686
00:27:27,667 --> 00:27:29,834
♪ First episode,
we in with the credits ♪
687
00:27:29,834 --> 00:27:31,834
♪ Fleas on the monkey
got me feeling kinda funky ♪
688
00:27:31,834 --> 00:27:34,458
♪ Who's messing with my head?
It must be Lumpy ♪
689
00:27:34,458 --> 00:27:36,417
♪ Do the Lumpy now,
rip your arm off ♪
690
00:27:36,417 --> 00:27:38,708
♪ Scream out loud!
Scream out loud ♪
691
00:27:38,708 --> 00:27:40,750
♪ Do the Lumpy now,
rip your arm off ♪
692
00:27:40,750 --> 00:27:42,834
♪ Scream out loud!
Scream out loud ♪
693
00:27:42,834 --> 00:27:45,083
♪ What's in store
for season two? ♪
694
00:27:45,083 --> 00:27:47,083
♪ Dr. Labcoat's
a shady dude ♪
695
00:27:47,083 --> 00:27:49,417
♪ Who's gonna show up?
Will the rats ever grow up? ♪
696
00:27:49,417 --> 00:27:52,250
♪ Put your dancing shoes on,
it's time to blow up ♪
697
00:27:52,250 --> 00:27:54,333
New York City.
(people whooping)
698
00:27:54,333 --> 00:27:56,333
Let me hear it again!
Man:
Algae!
699
00:27:56,333 --> 00:27:59,458
(all chanting)
Algae, Algae, Algae!
700
00:27:59,458 --> 00:28:02,667
Algae, algae, algae!
701
00:28:02,667 --> 00:28:05,750
Algae, algae!
Ice-T:
Algae, baby.
702
00:28:05,750 --> 00:28:07,417
Phil: All right,
I'm gonna go now.
703
00:28:07,417 --> 00:28:09,041
Lemme go. I'm gonna split.
Man:
Oh yeah!
704
00:28:09,041 --> 00:28:10,542
Check. Oh.
Phil: What?
705
00:28:10,542 --> 00:28:11,625
Okay, how much time
do we have?
706
00:28:11,625 --> 00:28:13,333
Mike: What happened?
It's almost over.
707
00:28:13,333 --> 00:28:15,250
You go, you go.
No, you go.
708
00:28:15,250 --> 00:28:16,375
Do it.
No, I can't.
709
00:28:16,375 --> 00:28:17,959
Well, now you're
putting the pressure on me.
710
00:28:17,959 --> 00:28:19,291
Well, now it's almost over.
711
00:28:19,291 --> 00:28:21,041
It's basically over.
I can't. I told you--
Just go.
712
00:28:21,041 --> 00:28:23,083
We should've written it.
(sighs) Is Iced-T still here?
713
00:28:23,083 --> 00:28:24,458
Is he still here?
Oh my God.
He left but--
714
00:28:24,458 --> 00:28:27,250
Okay, well,
now the vanity cards
are up and it's over.
715
00:28:31,250 --> 00:28:32,333
JACOB: Wh-- where am I?
716
00:28:32,333 --> 00:28:34,041
(GATE RATTLING)
717
00:28:34,041 --> 00:28:35,375
BIRD:
There's no time to explain.
718
00:28:35,375 --> 00:28:37,792
We have a very big date
to get to, Jacob,
719
00:28:37,792 --> 00:28:39,542
that I personally cannot miss.
720
00:28:40,125 --> 00:28:42,000
-♪ (METAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(SCREAMS)
721
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:43,291
PIGEON: One, two.
Keep in place.
722
00:28:43,291 --> 00:28:45,125
-(BOTH SCREAMING)
-(EVIL LAUGHTER)
723
00:28:45,125 --> 00:28:47,458
COOK: This is a fairy tale land.
The keys are cookies,
724
00:28:47,458 --> 00:28:49,792
underwear is edible,
it's a weird place.
725
00:28:49,792 --> 00:28:51,750
Look at this noose.
It's just licorice.
726
00:28:51,750 --> 00:28:53,834
♪ (METAL MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
727
00:28:53,834 --> 00:28:54,792
(SPLAT)
728
00:28:55,291 --> 00:28:57,125
You know, you can't
kill yourself here,
729
00:28:57,125 --> 00:28:59,208
but the licorice is pretty good.
730
00:29:00,041 --> 00:29:02,125
♪ (TRIUMPHANT NOTE PLAYING) ♪
59324
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