Original subtitles

Monsters!

Monsters, monsters!

Look there!

They're monsters...

Monsters?

Look! What is that?

What are they?

Are they monsters?

You go find out!

You go, if you

if you're such a tough guy!

Let's get 'em!

Hit the monsters!

Don't run.

Come over here.

Ah, we made it.

Finally, we made it.

Son, come here.

Start pulling out the grass.

Go on, start cleaning it out.

I can't go on, I'm too tired.

Let's take a break.

Give me a break!

You've been stopping all day.

Come on,

even a... donkey needs a break.

True, but donkey

works harder that you do!

Hey, I can work just as hard as donkey!

Not another crappy little village...

Hey, buddy.

We are hunters from Qing Yang Wei,

just passing through.

Could we trouble you for some water?

What?

We're thirsty.

You got some water?

Oh, water.

Luo Niang,

bring us some water.

So, you're hunters?

Yes.

I'm Xue Shisan.

He's Chen Liu.

I am Ma Qi.

Brother Ma,

thank you for your hospitality.

We're sorry to trouble you.

Please, drink.

Your son?

No, he is an orphan.

A bit slow.

Can't even speak.

Poor kid.

Well, he's got food in his belly and a roof over his head.

It takes a village, you know?

Chang Shou, get up.

Brother Ma Qi.

Do you want more water?

I was just wondering -

Yes.

Do you have any gold

or valuables in your house?

Pardon?

I mean to say: do you have any money?

Yes...

Give it to me.

Give it to you?

Give me your money!

What? Why?

Don't you get it?

I'm a robber.

He's awake.

You're not a hunter?

No, I'm not.

He's not a hunter?

That's correct.

So... is anyone here a hunter?

Chang Shou,

go play with grandma.

Hunting must be a tough job?

Not too bad.

Depends who we run into.

The kindness of strangers, you know...

Hey, careful! Don't run!

Listen, don't even think of

snitching to the police

after we leave.... or else!

So... you promised to anyone?

Lucky bastard.

Whoever he is.

He's from our village. Zhao Siliang

Shisan, soldiers!

How many?

Three!

Shit! I got to get out of here.

Come on! Let's go! Quick!

Anyone else home, girly?

Answer a military officer when you are asked a question!

Is anyone else home?

No.

It's nothing. Let's go.

Who else lives here?

Just my dad.

Where is your dad now?

Um...

So...

he won't be back any time soon?

Ah! Let me go! Ah!

Don't touch me!

Dad!

Help me!

Don't move, girly!

Behave!

Let go of me!

Ah! Let me go!

Luo Niang!

Ah...

Bastards!

How dare you kill

Qingyang County soldiers!

Shisan! Shisan!

Shisan, shoot 'em! Get 'em!

It's too late.

Shit! Just another broke loser!

Ma Qi, if you're gonna be rich,

you need to sell those two horses outside the village.

Sell them somewhere out of town, make a quick buck.

Are these folks looking for Ma Qi?

I think so.

Ma Qi's in the house

with his daughter.

Ah ah, get off!

We've got places to be! Get off!

They - they killed the soldiers!

Hey!

We only killed them

to save your daughter!

How could you

say something like that?

You're robbers!

You took everything from me?

Why should l believe a word you say?

We didn't take that much,

Iook there -

Look at that!

Tied to the fence!

Two horses!

A horse is worth more way

more than what we took from you!

Damn it!

Oh shit!

The Chief is here!

According to the law of Tang Dynasty,

he who commits robbery

will receive 20 blows to the back

and he who kills a soldier

will receive the penalty of death!

You've got be kidding me.

As village Chief! Ehem...

I say this as chief

of Bamboo Grove Village:

you two are the worst criminals

I have ever seen.

Where's Ying Ge?

Someone go get Ying Ge!

Yes, Chief.

Hey, hey!

Look alive!

Show some respect:

my ancestors

fought with Zhu Ge Kong Ming

all over this country.

I myself am a descendent

of the famous Zhao Zi Long.

Here comes Ying Ge.

Look! You messed with the wrong village!

Even our butcher is a fine woman!

Chief, you know,

we really only did this

only to save Ma Qi's daughter.

You know, Luo Niang!

Who?

Luo Niang!

Yes, Luo Niang!

You killed a soldier

in order to save Luo Niang?

You killed soldiers,

one after another!

Like an assembly line!

As chief of this village,

I am bound to uphold

the laws of the Tang Dynasty!

So Chief, tell me

what's more important to you -

the law or mercy?

The Law.

The Law?

More important that mercy?

Mercy?

Correct.

We were forced to kill

in order to save Luo Niang.

Our intentions could not

be more honorable!

You really should reward us but,

instead, you --

Hold on.

Can anyone tell me:

is mercy above law?

That's not for us to judge.

You are the Chief. You tell us.

Whatever the chief says is the law!

Right, it's what the Chief says

that counts.

I...

Didn't you hear what they just said?

So, what are you going to do with us?

As Chief,

I have to obey and carry out the law.

Carry out what law?

I have to carry out the law

in a just manner.

How are you going to

execute the law justly?

Lock them up tonight.

Send them to the court tomorrow morning.

An official was promoted.

He told his wife

"l have just been promoted

to a bigger job. "

The wife said, "

so I assume your you-know-what

is bigger now, too?"

His what?

This!

This?

Hush!

The official said "yes, 'that also

got bigger along with my promotion. "

Then the two got in bed -

Oh! Ah!

Afterwards, his wife wasn't impressed

and said "your you-know-what is

still the same size, you liar!"

The official said

"Oh, it's definitely bigger,

you just didn't feel the change.

My promotion effects both of us, so

your you-know-what got bigger, too!"

And then?

That's it. Idiot.

Oh ah! ah ah, ah ah -

What's with you?

I need to take a piss!

Why didn't you pee

before you were tied up?

Idiot.

I can't hold it anymore!

Stop whining, these folks

won't let you loose to pee.

You'll just have to wet your pants.

This is the only pair of pants I have!

Eh, let him go for it.

Very well. Let him go.

Quick, quickly!

It's an emergency!

You are such a doofus.

Can't you leave well enough alone?

The robbers are gone!

Doesn't matter,

they can't have run far!

They can't go too far.

The forest is full of traps!

They'll end up

wandering around in circles.

First thing tomorrow morning, we'll

go search for them in the mountains.

I'm sure we'll find them.

What if we can't find them?

We report the case first, then keep looking.

Why are you staring at me?

You never think!

You just take off running!

What are we gonna do now?

Stop stressing.

We're in the same boat!

Yeah, we're in a sinking boat!

Let me think.

Think about what? Don't freak out.

So, you got that you-know-what?

Always.

Not that, idiot.

I meant the food.

Oh, I got that, too.

Get it out.

Why?

Let me taste to see if it's still good.

I'll let you have some

if you can come up with a good plan to get us out of here.

I'm the Chief of this village!

Please!

Don't drag me!

Captain, the Chief is here.

Captain, sir!

I must level with you, my ancestor

is San Guo's Chang Shan -

Chief! Where are they?

Those two robbers?

The two robbers escaped last night and

our villagers are looking for them now.

Escaped?

The villagers

are chasing after them now.

You let them get away!

Technically, I didn't let them...

They did escape last night,

but let's see eye to eye.

You know, I'm the descendent

of San Gou's Chang Shan -

Shut up.

Even if you were

Chang Shan Zhao Zi Long himself,

you'd be of no use.

Drop it.

Just you wait till I find them!

Once I get them,

I'm going to introduce them

to my good friend, Mr. Knife.

I could tell Chen Liu was evil

the first time I saw him!

He has the eyes of a criminal.

Silang, I think Chen Liu

Iooks more upstanding than you.

How can you say that?

Open your stupid eyes

and take a good look at me,

I'm descended from

Chang Shan Zhao Zi Long -

Let me take a closer look.

I guess you do look better than him.

Let me taste it first.

My lord,

my you-know-what has gotten bigger!

Chief! Chief!

Captain, this one is all yours.

Don't move.

Where do you think you are going?

Come here!

Ying Ge! Ying Ge!

Come here.

We're waiting for you.

It's her.

Conspiring with robbers

carries the death penalty.

Dad!

Chief, say something!

Here they are!

Here they are!

We're here!

It's all your fault.

Running around this goddamn

bamboo forest in the dead of night -

You bastard!

If I hadn't saved your ass,

your head would be on a platter!

Well, now it's your head instead.

How could they get me if I had already escaped?

Where would you go?

Our secret place...

Don't you dare!

Bastard.

Hey brother,

Iet me tell you a joke.

Go ahead, I'm listening.

Come closer,

you can't hear me from there.

Don't let him speak,

every time he tells a joke

he runs away.

Hey! What are you staring at?

What?

You little rascal!

Come back!

Who'd you think you are?

Come back and clean this off!

Come back!

You killed 13 members

of the Wang family

in Qingyang County two years ago.

Captain, he is also involved.

And you also killed

a number of our soldiers yesterday.

If you're gonna kill us,

just make it quick.

An official got a promotion.

So he has a bigger thing.

his you-know-what also got bigger.

I mean the you-know-what that men have. You know?

And his wife, he told her that

her you-know-what also got bigger.

But, um, for women.

You left out something!

Ah? Left out something?

He told his wife your

you-know-what got bigger, then...

No!

What?

You left out his wife asking -

Oh. Right.

The you-know-what also got bigger.

Then his wife agreed with him

that his you-know-what got bigger,

and hers was upgraded, too.

Isn't that funny?

Dad, do something.

They are taking Luo Niang away!

I'll kill them!

Are you crazy?

Don't you want to live?

How are you going to fight them!

Go home, go home!

This is no place for a woman.

Refusing to pay taxes!

Conspiring with robbers!

Killing Soldiers!

You're asking for it!

Surround them!

Get 'em!

Get down.

Listen to me. you listen to me...

Kid, get him! Kill him now!

You guys have gone mad!

How dare you

even try to kill soldiers?

The Captain drove us to this!

You mad woman,

how dare you insult the Captain?

Captain, please leave now!

These two robbers are dangerous.

You're in cahoots with them!

That's not true!

Captain!

Take a good look, Captain.

Look,

these two robbers are so ruthless.

I've been in charge of this village

for over thirty years...

And I've never come across anyone as brutal as they are!

You old fool,

don't you want to live?

Spare me!

Please, spare me,

I have a family.

Behead him.

Chief, cheers.

I can't believe

you killed another person.

Don't you know that

we killed them to help you?

You're too weak

to stand up for yourself!

I am being patient.

There's no excuse

for being a coward.

Damn,

we've helped you for nothing!

Who asked you for help?

Hey?

I ask you?

Who asked you to help us?

I never knelt down and begged you

to kill those soldiers!

Did I send you an invitation to

kill them and then drag our villagers

up the mountains to become robbers?

No, I didn't do that.

You two heroes should know

that killing soldiers

earns the death penalty.

If there's no captain,

there comes a major.

And if there is no major,

there comes a colonel.

This is good wine.

Must have been a good year for the rice.

A drought year, perhaps

Let me go ask.

It's hard to brew wine

using this kind of rice.

A good wine like this is rare.

You're right.

This wine is brewed from rice

grown during a drought.

In fact,

there are four major difficulties

to making wine with drought rice.

Chief, what are you doing?

Getting us drunk

before sending us to court?

You'll poison us with wine

and then kill us like dogs!

Firstly,

it's hard to collect the crops.

Drought rice only grows

on mountain peaks and....

Or were you planning on

beheading us when we were drunk

and claim your reward?

...usually only one tenth

of the crop survives.

Secondly,

the brewing process is complicated.

In order to get rid of the bitter taste

tender bamboo leaves must be added.

But only during the month of June!

This then has to be steamed

nine times and braised nine times

to bring out the aroma.

Thirdly,

it's hard to get drunk with this wine.

Even eight or ten bowls

will make the drinker tipsy,

but not drunk.

Lastly,

it's hard to wake up

once you get drunk on this wine.

It's hard to get drunk,

but if you do,

you won't wake up

till three days later.

No wonder it's such a good wine.

...and you'll wake up feeling reborn.

Damn, who the hell are you? Eh?

According to the royal legal system,

the punishment for beating an official

is fifty blows on the buttocks

and then exile to the wilderness.

Where's my brother?

Guess!

You tied him to the fence?

Ma Qi!

I'm inside! I'm inside!

Dad!

What's happening?

Don't worry, your dad is okay.

No sympathy!

No shame!

Worse than pigs and dogs!

Heartless swine!

Fuck your mothers, all of you!

Shisan, you go on swearing.

I'm tired.

You've barely been cursing for an hour.

I've run out of things to curse!

Hey you! Fatty!

You can go on with your cursing,

and once the carriage is ready

we'll be sending you to

Qingyang Court to enjoy a royal meal!

Chen Liu. this is crunch time.

I have no choice

but to tell our secret...

How dare you?!

How dare you?

Listen, fatty...

Shut up!

Have you lost your mind?

Brother, if I don't tell them,

that treasure will never

see the light of day!

If you set us free, we can all

bask in the riches of our treasure!

So, can we trust you?

Don't be silly!

A man kneeling is worth

a thousand gold pieces!

You're getting a bargain here!

Ah! Are you crazy?

Take it easy.

Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

Ashamed?

What are you talking about?

Look at you, getting all worked up!

And what for?

You are shaming yourself,

you father, your mother,

and your grandmother!

Silang!

Grandma!

Grandma!

You old bastard,

Hit me with your best shot!

Robbery!

Hand your wife over!

I have no wife...

No wife?

No.

How is that possible?

Ah.... Dad!

Dad!

You bastard,

how could you do such evil things!

Dad, go back to your room!

Let me go!

I'll kill you, you bastard!

Let me go!

Hey, Iisten to me! Listen!

Listen to me!

No woman?

Who do you think you're kidding?

Get out!

Bastard! Son of bitch!

Look, for decades, we have always

followed the Chief's orders.

If you don't let him speak,

we won't know what to do.

Speak up.

Go feed the pigs.

I got no pigs.

All right. Who here has pigs?

I do.

Go help him with his pigs -

you go herd the cows.

He has no cows.

It doesn't matter!

Goddamit! Just go herd something!

Go, get out!

Everyone go to work!

What happened to you?

What happened to your face?

It looks terrible.

My lord, you shouldn't

have hung the Chief up.

Now we have no one

to give us our orders.

Nobody knows what to do

Don't be a rebel.

Shisan! Shisan!

Quick! Quick!

Easy! Easy!

Lower his legs!

Lift up his head!

Open the door quick,

open, quick, quick.

Easy, Chief,

are you alright?

Easy! Easy!

Chief, your shoes.

Hey! Enough.

How dare you!

Shisan!

Liu, let's go.

You son of a bitch!

I'm gonna kill you!

Brother Ma Qi, I'm so sorry.

Where am l?

Dad.

Who are you?

Chief, don't you recognize us?

I think so...

Maybe...

I don't know...

Should we get going?

I guess so.

So, what you are waiting for?

Sure, let's go.

What are you doing?

Are you leaving or not?

Are we going or what?

Chief, do you know who we are?

Chief, do you know who we are?

Dad!

Dad!

Cut it out, old man!

Those two bastards escaped again!

Quick, go after them!

What's going on?

You're rebelling?

Why are you running?

We're leaving,

going back home to farm.

You'd run away after committing murder?

How can you call yourself a man?

Say that again!

Maybe I will!

Shisan, tell them off!

You idiots!

Your heads are screwed on backwards!

We killed those soldiers

to protect you,

now we've got a price on our heads.

So?

And you still...

You bite the hand that feeds you!

Where's your conscience?

Who called the soldiers here in the first place?

You did!

Who saved Luo Niang

from the soldiers?

We did!

Open up your chest

and search for your heart.

No use! What hearts?

So you have a conscience,

and yet you think you can get away

with your crimes and run away!

So what!

So what?

Chen Liu!

You can either stay here

and get arrested,

or leave with your brother.

There's no use killing anyone else!

Luo Niang,

these men are dangerous.

Be careful.

Lady, watch what you say!

We're not on the run, don't you...

Don't you understand?

Even if we leave,

we will go with our heads held high!

We are not running away!

Show us the gold

before you talk about leaving!

What gold?

Have you forgotten about the gold?

Did you tell them about the gold?

Me?

You brought it up!

Impossible.

Don't speak to him,

he will repeat whatever you say.

He will repeat whatever you say.

Ah.

Ah.

Come, come, take this medicine.

Come, come, take this medicine.

This medicine may not look good...

This medicine may not look good...

Shut up and drink.

Drink.

Dad,

Dad.

Stay still.

Stay still.

Drink up.

Dad.

Be patient.

Well, there are other ladies

that aren't too bad.

You can also consider Lady Chun.

She's all right.

Uncle Chen Liu, have some water.

Thank you.

You got a man?

I keep busy in the fields.

Luo Niang, you are back?

Dad, Dad, Luo Niang's back!

Brother Ma Qi, Luo Niang is back.

Here, give it to me.

Hey, give me a bowl of water.

Dad.

Ah.

Don't let Luo Niang run around,

it's getting dark.

Uncle! Please!

Ah?

I'm just stopping by

for a bowl of water.

Ah?

I'm thirsty.

I need some water.

Another one that wants water...

We have wine.

Are you a robber?

After a long and famished journey,

my mouth is like a desert plain.

Now drunk and full,

I am as happy that I had lived one thousand summers!

Where are you from?

You speak so eloquently,

I can hardly understand you.

Where are you going?

I have heard ell that an lmmortal

Iives by the Eastern Ocean...

I shall travel east

to make his acquaintance.

He's drunk.

Tonight the moonlight is beautiful.

Let me recite a poem!

Boy!

Inscribe this for me.

I stand by my bed in the moonlight

Bright like frost

that covers the ground

Yes.

I look up and see the bright moon

I look down and long for my home.

So do l.

Sir.

Sir.

Come, let's have another drink.

May I ask,

how do you poets make a living?

You don't farm.

Don't trade.

Don't fight or rob...

I make a living by selling my poems,

body and soul.

It must be hard to make a living

by selling your body.

Agreed.

No, I don't sell my body,

I just sell my poems.

Look, the poem I just recited is

called "Thoughts on a Silent Night".

I will take this to Chang'an city

to sell to the rich nobles.

They will pay me

to write more poems.

How about you?

How do you make your living?

Hunting.

Hunting.

Then I shall

go hunting with you tomorrow.

No, you'd better leave here.

This village

is not a good place to linger.

All right then,

I shall depart

in this pleasant moonlight.

Boy, let us away!

I shall see you again.

See ya.

See ya.

Sailing with the win

traveling far away

Like a bird in the sky

Disappearing without a trace

Killing you would be easier

than killing a pig.

How do you untie this damn thing?

Chen Liu has decided to stay.

Dad.

Brother, come with me!

How can you abandon our way of life?

The treasure!

The women?

Shisan, why don't you stay with me.

Marry Ying Ge,

have some children,

raise some cows!

I'll tell you what.

You leave with me

or Luo Niang is dead.

If she dies, I'll die with her!

Then you're dead!

I've never ventured

beyond the forest.

What's the world outside like?

It's hard to describe...

Must be very interesting.

Why don't you just come with us?

I don't want to leave my home!

Let me show you something.

Shisan! Shisan!

Shisan! Shisan!

Are you all right?

Touch me again

and I will kill myself right now.

Shisan, don't kill Luo Niang,

I'll leave with you.

What are you doing here?

What's written up there?

I can't read. I dunno.

Well, then why are you

just standing there?

I thought you knew.

I know the general meaning.

What does it mean?

I can't tell you.

Silang is coming,

he should know.

He can read!

Come over here.

Buddy, take a look,

what's written up there?

The Chief is sick.

He is resting at home and

cannot be on duty for three days.

My father is not well,

and has to rest for a few days.

You idiots must stop pestering him.

Sure, sure.

Luo Niang, Luo Niang!

What's the matter?

Don't cry, Luo Niang.

That old bastard.

That old bastard?

What does it say?

Folks, leave this village at once, the

Chief has gone to report the case,

and the troops are on their way.

It'll be hell when they get here!

Chief didn't call the soldiers.

He's sick in bed!

They are here to arrest you.

Why should we run?

Shisan!

Where did you get it?

It's Chang Shan Zhao Zi Long's armor!

Hurry! Run!

Silang

Luo Niang.

Silang,

Silang

Luo Niang, Luo Niang!

Luo Niang!

The soldiers are coming!

Run!

Over here!

All villagers stay inside

and don't come out.

The soldiers are here

to arrest the robbers.

All villagers stay inside

and don't come out!

The soldiers are coming, run!

The soldiers are here

to arrest the robbers

Grandson, are you there?

I'm here!

I heard someone shouting.

It's the Chief shouting.

Grandma, be quiet

Where did the girl run to?

Oh no.

Hush.

Come over here!

Grandson,

what are you looking for?

Don't move grandma,

there are wild boars in the village.

You'd better

watch out for Chang Shou.

That kid is always running around.

Sure.

Didn't you say

there are only two robbers?

How many are there?

Just two of them.

You lie!

You are in cahoots with the robbers.

Oh no, General,

please don't joke.

Silence.

General!

Please don't,

this building has been here

for five hundred years.

Kill 'em all!

The villagers and robbers

are in it together.

Kill all the men!

Listen to me, you have to

Ieave this village at once!

Run as far as you can

and run quickly.

What about you?

Chang Shou,

stop running, okay?

Eat this. its delicious.

You're still alive?

Ah! For now... what about you?

I'm also... not dead yet...

Ying Ge. Help me!

You killed someone?

Yes, I did. What about you?

I slaughtered them like pigs.

You bastard,

how dare you humiliate me!

Dad!

Silang!

Luo Niang.

Luo Niang, Luo Niang, marry me.

What?

Marry me! Please, marry me.

This village has been here for

hundreds and thousands of years,

and now it's all gone.

But we're all still here.

If you two weren't here,

I wouldn't have called for the soldiers in the first place.

So you want to go with

this bastard Chen Liu, right?

I have already...

She's mine.

After we leave, don't send

contact the courts ever again.

But... according to Tang Dynasty law...

Didn't I tell you to run?

Run far away.

Look at you...

Shisan!

Don't talk!

Listen to me.

Don't talk!

Let me tell you...

Just don't talk, don't talk!

Liu.

Chen Liu, don't kill him,

I'll leave with you!

Stop killing!

There is no one left in this village!

No more fighting, please!

Just sit down and be good!

Chang Shou!

Chang Shou!

Shisan,

where did you hide our stuff?

Didn't you say everything is safe?

You should have told me!

I always do what you say.

How could you lie to me?

How could you trick me?

You goddamn bastard!

What game are you

playing with me?

Chang Shou,

come here,

don't stand in the rain.

Chang Shou,

I'm tired,

I must sleep now.

Good son, come and kneel

and bow to your uncle Shisan,

then we can go home.

Come over here.

Shisan, I'm coming for you.

We brew our wine

from the rice harvest.

We boil our porridge

from the rice harvest.

We plant our rice

and wait for the harvest in July.

My son turns one year old

in the cool summer harvest

My wife combs

her hair and powders

her face with yellow dust.