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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,123 --> 00:00:05,419 'The measure of a man is not in his beliefs, 2 00:00:05,443 --> 00:00:07,099 'but in his actions. 3 00:00:07,123 --> 00:00:10,619 'Who said that? Was it GK Chesterton? Never mind. 4 00:00:10,643 --> 00:00:13,739 'Whoever it was knew what they were talking about. 5 00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:15,179 'This vocation of ours, 6 00:00:15,203 --> 00:00:17,619 'it's about so much more than just preaching the word of God. 7 00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:19,859 'It's about living it. 8 00:00:19,883 --> 00:00:21,939 'It's about getting out there amongst the people. 9 00:00:21,963 --> 00:00:24,459 'Not just giving our time, we're giving ourselves. 10 00:00:24,483 --> 00:00:25,979 'What we're doing isn't important. 11 00:00:26,003 --> 00:00:28,099 'Who cares if we're sleeping, eating? 12 00:00:28,123 --> 00:00:29,699 'These people need us. 13 00:00:29,723 --> 00:00:31,979 'We can't just sit on the sidelines, praying. 14 00:00:32,003 --> 00:00:34,539 'What use is that on its own? It's no bloody use at all. 15 00:00:34,563 --> 00:00:39,739 'Our door must always be open. Day and night, night and day. 16 00:00:39,763 --> 00:00:42,339 'We have to DO as well. We have to act.' 17 00:00:42,363 --> 00:00:44,619 We are the helpers. 18 00:00:44,643 --> 00:00:48,899 Every minute of every hour of every day, it is our duty to help. 19 00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:52,379 Might I make a suggestion? Of course. 20 00:00:52,403 --> 00:00:55,363 Do you think perhaps you need a little holiday? 21 00:01:01,923 --> 00:01:03,779 [MR REEVES:] Welcome to Merries, 22 00:01:03,803 --> 00:01:07,339 where there's never a dull day and the sun always shines. 23 00:01:07,363 --> 00:01:11,899 Leave your worries far behind you and forget about everyday strife! 24 00:01:11,923 --> 00:01:14,459 We're here to put a smile on your face. 25 00:01:14,483 --> 00:01:17,299 This is your time to relax, to unwind, 26 00:01:17,323 --> 00:01:20,499 to enjoy life to the fullest. 27 00:01:20,523 --> 00:01:22,859 You can be who you please at Merries, 28 00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:24,539 so put on your glad rags, 29 00:01:24,563 --> 00:01:26,619 dust off your dancing shoes, 30 00:01:26,643 --> 00:01:30,899 and get ready to make friends and memories you'll never forget. 31 00:01:30,923 --> 00:01:34,819 I wish you and yours a truly wonderful day! 32 00:01:34,843 --> 00:01:37,019 [MOTHER:] Off you go, then. [CHILD:] Summer holiday! 33 00:01:37,043 --> 00:01:38,819 [CHILDREN WHOOP] 34 00:01:38,843 --> 00:01:42,099 I'm pretty sure hell is two hours in a car with that lot. 35 00:01:42,123 --> 00:01:44,339 Sylvia, where's my hat? 36 00:01:44,363 --> 00:01:46,043 On your head, Jack. 37 00:01:47,443 --> 00:01:50,059 I need to make a call. I didn't cancel Bible study. 38 00:01:50,083 --> 00:01:51,180 Oh, no, no, no. What? 39 00:01:51,204 --> 00:01:53,259 No talking about work. We're on holiday. 40 00:01:53,283 --> 00:01:56,099 How was the train? Busy. What have I missed? 41 00:01:56,123 --> 00:01:57,220 Will, talking about work. 42 00:01:57,244 --> 00:02:00,363 Oh, I don't talk about it that much. You're still talking about it now. 43 00:02:01,683 --> 00:02:03,779 Where's Leonard? Looking for his Gorki. 44 00:02:03,803 --> 00:02:06,043 Ooh, Sylvia, they do donkey rides. 45 00:02:06,963 --> 00:02:09,739 A-ha! Only Maxim can get me through this torment. 46 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,819 To hell with Maxim. 47 00:02:11,843 --> 00:02:14,259 We're getting drunk and going on a pedalo. 48 00:02:14,283 --> 00:02:16,499 Good Lord. 49 00:02:16,523 --> 00:02:20,363 [TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS, MAN CHUCKLES] 50 00:02:21,923 --> 00:02:24,099 Davenport party? That's us. 51 00:02:24,123 --> 00:02:26,019 [IN UNISON:] Welcome to Merries! 52 00:02:26,043 --> 00:02:28,699 I'm Roy Reeves, your most venerated host. 53 00:02:28,723 --> 00:02:32,019 This is the other half, Babs. We met at castanet class. 54 00:02:32,043 --> 00:02:34,379 Yeah, I don't know what it was - we just clicked. 55 00:02:34,403 --> 00:02:37,419 Click, click! [THEY LAUGH.] 56 00:02:37,443 --> 00:02:40,739 Sunny, would you mind showing these fine folk to their chalets, please? 57 00:02:40,763 --> 00:02:42,379 Absolutely, Mr Reeves. 58 00:02:42,403 --> 00:02:45,179 Castanet class! [HE CHUCKLES.] 59 00:02:45,203 --> 00:02:46,699 Ta-ra! 60 00:02:46,723 --> 00:02:48,779 I hope you're all ready for a merry time! 61 00:02:48,803 --> 00:02:50,139 ALL: Yes. 62 00:02:50,163 --> 00:02:52,339 Doesn't sound very merry to me. 63 00:02:52,363 --> 00:02:54,619 Are you ready for a merry time?! 64 00:02:54,643 --> 00:02:56,659 ALL: Yes! Yes! 65 00:02:56,683 --> 00:02:58,363 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 66 00:03:08,403 --> 00:03:10,243 Yay! 67 00:03:22,563 --> 00:03:23,763 Hi! 68 00:03:39,403 --> 00:03:40,923 Didn't do this at private school. 69 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,083 Oh, good one! 70 00:03:46,083 --> 00:03:48,123 [MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY] 71 00:03:57,923 --> 00:04:01,979 Sorry, we're a little delayed due to... Snoozing. 72 00:04:02,003 --> 00:04:04,323 Good to know. We'll be right behind you. 73 00:04:09,243 --> 00:04:11,883 Sorry we're late, we were... having a snooze. 74 00:04:15,963 --> 00:04:18,579 Sorry! Sorry! Having a snooze? 75 00:04:18,603 --> 00:04:20,459 If you say so. 76 00:04:20,483 --> 00:04:22,179 Jack! What? 77 00:04:22,203 --> 00:04:23,699 [THEY CHUCKLE] 78 00:04:23,723 --> 00:04:25,659 'Welcome, one and all!' 79 00:04:25,683 --> 00:04:28,059 Hope you're ready to have some fun, fun, fun tonight, 80 00:04:28,083 --> 00:04:29,939 you merry lot! 81 00:04:29,963 --> 00:04:34,459 Welcome to the stage, the one, the only, 82 00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:37,379 Merries House Band! 83 00:04:37,403 --> 00:04:39,083 [ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC] 84 00:04:42,923 --> 00:04:45,819 โ™ช When I get withdrawal It just gets me down 85 00:04:45,843 --> 00:04:48,899 โ™ช A needle and a record Is what keeps me sound... โ™ช 86 00:04:48,923 --> 00:04:51,979 Fun (!) Was there ever a more insipid word? 87 00:04:52,003 --> 00:04:54,219 You know what I hate more than fun? 88 00:04:54,243 --> 00:04:55,899 [IN UNISON:] Enforced fun. 89 00:04:55,923 --> 00:04:59,059 If someone has to tell you something's fun, it generally isn't. 90 00:04:59,083 --> 00:05:02,419 Oh, neighbours. Nice. 91 00:05:02,443 --> 00:05:06,499 I'm Sid Danker. This is my... wife, Margie. 92 00:05:06,523 --> 00:05:08,139 Nice to meet ya. Hello. 93 00:05:08,163 --> 00:05:09,499 How do you do? 94 00:05:09,523 --> 00:05:11,939 Mwah! [SID CHUCKLES.] 95 00:05:11,963 --> 00:05:14,779 You been here before? No, first time. 96 00:05:14,803 --> 00:05:18,219 Quality of guest isn't what it was. Too many Northerners. 97 00:05:18,243 --> 00:05:20,699 Is that right? [CAMERA CLICKS, LAUGHTER] 98 00:05:20,723 --> 00:05:23,259 I'll tell you what, we'll get on your table tomorrow, shall we? 99 00:05:23,283 --> 00:05:24,579 We'll have a good chinwag. 100 00:05:24,603 --> 00:05:26,539 Lovely. Yeah, lovely. 101 00:05:26,563 --> 00:05:29,443 Wouldn't that be lovely? [ALL:] Lovely. 102 00:05:45,483 --> 00:05:47,699 Scouts! I didn't cancel them. 103 00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:49,419 [ALL:] Will! 104 00:05:49,443 --> 00:05:50,843 Relax. 105 00:05:51,883 --> 00:05:53,259 Tiptoe through the roses. 106 00:05:53,283 --> 00:05:56,059 Tulips. Exactly. 107 00:05:56,083 --> 00:05:58,499 Breathe the fresh air. Look at the stars. 108 00:05:58,523 --> 00:06:00,139 Have a snooze, maybe. 109 00:06:00,163 --> 00:06:03,299 It's been a while since you had a lady friend. 110 00:06:03,323 --> 00:06:06,379 Romance, that's what you need. Find yourself a nice girl. 111 00:06:06,403 --> 00:06:08,259 All right, all right, thank you, everyone, 112 00:06:08,283 --> 00:06:10,459 for that sage and unsolicited advice. 113 00:06:10,483 --> 00:06:12,979 Photograph? Two bob for five copies. 114 00:06:13,003 --> 00:06:14,563 Oh, lovely. 115 00:06:15,603 --> 00:06:17,739 Smile. Come on. 116 00:06:17,763 --> 00:06:22,099 Say "Merries". [ALL:] Merries! 117 00:06:22,123 --> 00:06:23,939 [FLASHBULB POPS] 118 00:06:23,963 --> 00:06:25,699 [ALL CHUCKLE 119 00:06:25,723 --> 00:06:28,859 I couldn't help but overhear. 120 00:06:28,883 --> 00:06:31,083 If it's a nice girl you're looking for... 121 00:06:37,683 --> 00:06:39,019 She's not my type. 122 00:06:39,043 --> 00:06:41,179 Too attractive? 123 00:06:41,203 --> 00:06:43,059 Too friendly? 124 00:06:43,083 --> 00:06:45,443 Too uncomplicated? 125 00:06:50,123 --> 00:06:54,059 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 126 00:06:54,083 --> 00:06:56,643 โ™ช My sweet-looking woman Ever so, so keen 127 00:06:59,483 --> 00:07:02,379 โ™ช Can't get her out of my head 128 00:07:02,403 --> 00:07:04,539 โ™ช She had eyes of blue And lips of red 129 00:07:04,563 --> 00:07:07,819 โ™ช Well, I just can't get the woman Out of my head. โ™ช 130 00:07:07,843 --> 00:07:10,043 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 131 00:07:23,283 --> 00:07:27,259 The Merries House Band, everyone! Weren't they fantastic, yeah? 132 00:07:27,283 --> 00:07:30,339 Now, before we crack on, 133 00:07:30,363 --> 00:07:33,539 regulars Margie and Sid 134 00:07:33,563 --> 00:07:36,779 have been married two years today. 135 00:07:36,803 --> 00:07:38,379 Hurray! [APPLAUSE.] 136 00:07:38,403 --> 00:07:39,819 Come on, Marge, up you come. 137 00:07:39,843 --> 00:07:41,499 Up you come. 138 00:07:41,523 --> 00:07:43,363 Come on! 139 00:07:46,803 --> 00:07:49,259 Ain't she beautiful? 140 00:07:49,283 --> 00:07:52,803 Come on, give 'em a spin. Give 'em a spin. 141 00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:58,483 Happy anniversary, darling. 142 00:08:00,763 --> 00:08:02,459 You're the light of my life. 143 00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:05,379 Let's see how that light's going in a decade, eh, folks? 144 00:08:05,403 --> 00:08:07,379 [LAUGHTER] 145 00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:10,139 Margie and Sid! 146 00:08:10,163 --> 00:08:12,203 [APPLAUSE] 147 00:08:16,883 --> 00:08:19,139 For goodness' sake, Sid, do you have to make such a show? 148 00:08:19,163 --> 00:08:20,819 Everyone's staring! 149 00:08:20,843 --> 00:08:23,339 [AUDIENCE LAUGH] 150 00:08:23,363 --> 00:08:25,739 Had my cheque book stolen the other day. 151 00:08:25,763 --> 00:08:28,459 I didn't report it to the police. 152 00:08:28,483 --> 00:08:30,859 Nah, the thief spent less than the wife. 153 00:08:30,883 --> 00:08:33,179 But that is marriage for you. 154 00:08:33,203 --> 00:08:35,499 It a very expensive way of getting your laundry done... 155 00:08:35,523 --> 00:08:38,259 I'm not sure I can sit through this for the next five nights. 156 00:08:38,283 --> 00:08:40,899 Try a whole summer. It's intolerable. 157 00:08:40,923 --> 00:08:45,019 You know, marriage, it's like a deck chair, innit? 158 00:08:45,043 --> 00:08:49,019 It's ever so comfy at first, bloody impossible to get out of. 159 00:08:49,043 --> 00:08:51,499 [LAUGHTER] 160 00:08:51,523 --> 00:08:53,819 Whoa! Sid! 161 00:08:53,843 --> 00:08:56,443 [LAUGHTER DIES AWAY] 162 00:08:59,603 --> 00:09:01,683 Help me get him back to the chalet. 163 00:09:05,443 --> 00:09:07,459 Quality of guest isn't what it was. 164 00:09:07,483 --> 00:09:09,819 I've got 'em rolling in the aisles down here! 165 00:09:09,843 --> 00:09:12,179 It's not that funny, Sid. 166 00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:13,979 Now, the wife, she said... 167 00:09:14,003 --> 00:09:16,603 [MUSIC:] 'Goodnight Campers' 168 00:09:19,763 --> 00:09:21,003 Nightcap? 169 00:09:22,283 --> 00:09:24,859 I would, but I thought it might be nice 170 00:09:24,883 --> 00:09:27,539 to take in the evening air. 171 00:09:27,563 --> 00:09:29,483 Right. 172 00:09:31,123 --> 00:09:33,379 [SHARP KNOCK AT DOOR] 173 00:09:33,403 --> 00:09:36,459 [KNOCKING CONTINUES] 174 00:09:36,483 --> 00:09:38,163 That's not the knock. 175 00:09:48,923 --> 00:09:51,019 [GENTLE BREEZE] 176 00:09:51,043 --> 00:09:53,123 [OWL HOOTS] 177 00:10:09,323 --> 00:10:12,643 [BURST OF PIPED-IN MUSIC] 178 00:10:17,603 --> 00:10:19,739 Simon says touch your knees. 179 00:10:19,763 --> 00:10:21,699 Oh, they're playing Simon Says. 180 00:10:21,723 --> 00:10:23,459 Do you wanna join in? 181 00:10:23,483 --> 00:10:25,299 No? Oh. 182 00:10:25,323 --> 00:10:27,659 Simon says hop like a bunny rabbit! Hop, hop, hop. 183 00:10:27,683 --> 00:10:29,323 Good Lord. 184 00:10:31,323 --> 00:10:33,259 Oh, come on, I'm starving. 185 00:10:33,283 --> 00:10:36,699 My stomach thinks my throat's been cut. 186 00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:39,019 I know. I understand. I've been here for 25 minutes! 187 00:10:39,043 --> 00:10:41,579 This happened last year! I want a refund! 188 00:10:41,603 --> 00:10:44,379 Ladies and gentlemen, if you could just bear with us. 189 00:10:44,403 --> 00:10:47,099 Come with me now. We'll be serving breakfast as soon as we can. 190 00:10:47,123 --> 00:10:49,979 Standards have slipped. Didn't I say? 191 00:10:50,003 --> 00:10:52,363 Probably all those Northerners, eh (?) 192 00:10:53,483 --> 00:10:56,723 Oh, looks like somebody had the dodgy salmon. 193 00:10:59,563 --> 00:11:03,003 Nah, I'm on my holidays. 194 00:11:16,283 --> 00:11:18,483 Guests aren't allowed in yet. I'm a vicar. 195 00:11:58,003 --> 00:11:59,939 Wife's in a terrible state. 196 00:11:59,963 --> 00:12:01,779 It's none of my business. 197 00:12:01,803 --> 00:12:03,579 Police haven't sealed off the scene. 198 00:12:03,603 --> 00:12:07,459 My only business is relaxing with my thoughts. 199 00:12:07,483 --> 00:12:09,299 Already seen the laundry men go in. 200 00:12:09,323 --> 00:12:11,443 Guests leaving without being interviewed. 201 00:12:13,203 --> 00:12:15,003 Absolutely not. 202 00:12:17,523 --> 00:12:19,643 Absolutely bloody not. 203 00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:26,603 You might want to photograph the body before you move him. 204 00:12:28,283 --> 00:12:33,019 Detective Constable Gerry Wicks. And who the hell might you be? 205 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:35,563 Detective Inspector Keating. 206 00:12:36,963 --> 00:12:39,923 I see. Technically, "I see, sir." 207 00:12:41,563 --> 00:12:43,859 Wife says he had a dodgy ticker. 208 00:12:43,883 --> 00:12:46,619 Few too many beers, few too many ciggies. 209 00:12:46,643 --> 00:12:48,603 Hits the deck like a sack of potatoes. 210 00:12:52,083 --> 00:12:53,819 Apologies. 211 00:12:53,843 --> 00:12:55,459 It's natural causes. 212 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:57,899 I'd stake my life on it. 213 00:12:57,923 --> 00:13:01,283 Geordie, soil. 214 00:13:02,443 --> 00:13:04,403 Here, you see. 215 00:13:05,603 --> 00:13:06,859 He was dragged in. 216 00:13:06,883 --> 00:13:09,219 Lidocaine. 217 00:13:09,243 --> 00:13:11,619 Might not wanna stake your life on natural causes just yet. 218 00:13:11,643 --> 00:13:13,259 Was he taking painkillers? 219 00:13:13,283 --> 00:13:17,059 Roy had a slipped disk. It had bothered him for years. 220 00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:19,899 Was it bothering him last night? Well, I wouldn't know. 221 00:13:19,923 --> 00:13:23,339 He comes here to practise his routine after closing. 222 00:13:23,363 --> 00:13:25,819 I was in bed. 223 00:13:25,843 --> 00:13:31,843 Ah, thank you! Thank you for your concern... sir. 224 00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:35,163 I look forward to speaking again, Gerry. 225 00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:40,403 You don't mind if I call you Gerry, do you? 226 00:13:43,803 --> 00:13:46,059 If you could be as discreet as possible, 227 00:13:46,083 --> 00:13:48,419 I would really appreciate it. 228 00:13:48,443 --> 00:13:51,099 You seemed upset by your husband's jokes. 229 00:13:51,123 --> 00:13:53,299 They're terrible jokes. 230 00:13:53,323 --> 00:13:55,539 About his terrible wife. 231 00:13:55,563 --> 00:13:57,659 It's an act. It's not real. 232 00:13:57,683 --> 00:13:59,179 A little close to the knuckle. 233 00:13:59,203 --> 00:14:01,579 A joke isn't a joke if it's not close to the knuckle, 234 00:14:01,603 --> 00:14:03,163 wouldn't you say? 235 00:14:08,683 --> 00:14:09,923 [DOOR CLOSES] 236 00:14:12,363 --> 00:14:16,059 Five whole days without a carcass, is it too much to ask? 237 00:14:16,083 --> 00:14:17,579 We keep going. 238 00:14:17,603 --> 00:14:21,379 We keep giving our guests a merry old time, for Roy. 239 00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:23,419 She seems pretty stoic. 240 00:14:23,443 --> 00:14:26,939 Howdy there, fellas. Howdy, Sid. 241 00:14:26,963 --> 00:14:29,339 Is it a murder? Is it the wife? 242 00:14:29,363 --> 00:14:30,779 Sylvia! 243 00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:33,259 In my Agatha Christies, it's always the wife. 244 00:14:33,283 --> 00:14:37,179 Well, it looks like natural causes. Aw, poor chap. 245 00:14:37,203 --> 00:14:38,739 Time to join our conga line! 246 00:14:38,763 --> 00:14:41,843 Conga line, Sylvia! Ooh, I love a conga line! 247 00:14:43,043 --> 00:14:45,923 Sorry about Mr Reeves. He'd want us to enjoy ourselves. 248 00:14:48,563 --> 00:14:51,099 [MRS REEVES ON LOUDSPEAKER:] Let's make this a day to remember! 249 00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:53,923 The longest conga line yet! 250 00:14:58,363 --> 00:15:00,723 Did you hear that music blast last night? 251 00:15:02,723 --> 00:15:04,883 It was ten past midnight, I checked. 252 00:15:06,643 --> 00:15:08,179 Come and join the conga line! 253 00:15:08,203 --> 00:15:10,339 Come on, you two, no excuses! 254 00:15:10,363 --> 00:15:13,363 Because nothing says "in memoriam" like a conga line (!) 255 00:15:15,363 --> 00:15:16,739 Is that an Argus? It is. 256 00:15:16,763 --> 00:15:18,859 Bit old, but... 257 00:15:18,883 --> 00:15:21,899 I use an Argus. I've actually just had some photos accepted 258 00:15:21,923 --> 00:15:25,659 for an exhibition. Really? We'd love to take a look. 259 00:15:25,683 --> 00:15:28,339 [LOUDSPEAKER:] Calling Mr Marlowe to the conga line! 260 00:15:28,363 --> 00:15:30,579 Daniel Marlowe, hurry up! 261 00:15:30,603 --> 00:15:33,163 Duty calls. Another time, perhaps. 262 00:15:37,243 --> 00:15:40,059 Oh, Gorki. Have you read it? 263 00:15:40,083 --> 00:15:42,803 Half of it. It's quite... 264 00:15:44,923 --> 00:15:46,979 Impenetrable? Dull? 265 00:15:47,003 --> 00:15:49,659 So unbelievably dull. 266 00:15:49,683 --> 00:15:53,179 [LOUDSPEAKER:] Calling Leonard Finch to the conga line. 267 00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:56,219 Leonard Finch to the conga line. Hurry up! 268 00:15:56,243 --> 00:15:57,859 Leonard Finch. 269 00:15:57,883 --> 00:16:00,323 Bryan Stanford. 270 00:16:09,563 --> 00:16:11,803 So, he's listening to this. 271 00:16:15,563 --> 00:16:18,739 [RECORD PLAYS] 272 00:16:18,763 --> 00:16:20,619 He slumps forward... 273 00:16:20,643 --> 00:16:23,003 [MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH SPEAKERS, CRACKLES] 274 00:16:25,043 --> 00:16:26,459 [RECORD STOPS] 275 00:16:26,483 --> 00:16:29,403 OK, but then how does he end up in the ballroom? 276 00:16:42,403 --> 00:16:43,683 Geordie. 277 00:16:53,843 --> 00:16:57,339 Excuse me, guests aren't allowed in here. 278 00:16:57,363 --> 00:16:59,803 Sorry, we... we didn't realise. 279 00:17:01,083 --> 00:17:02,739 Ah, would you look at that? 280 00:17:02,763 --> 00:17:04,283 Mm-hm, fancy (!) 281 00:17:05,883 --> 00:17:09,619 This safe, where does Mr Reeves keep the key? 282 00:17:09,643 --> 00:17:11,859 You shouldn't be in here. He's a detective. 283 00:17:11,883 --> 00:17:14,459 He's just doing his job. And I'm doing mine. 284 00:17:14,483 --> 00:17:16,419 Perhaps you'd like to answer his question. 285 00:17:16,443 --> 00:17:19,283 Perhaps you'd like to obey the sign. 286 00:17:22,883 --> 00:17:25,139 Ah. Mm-hm. 287 00:17:25,163 --> 00:17:27,923 Enjoy rifling through a dead man's belongings. 288 00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,923 Does she ever stop smiling? 289 00:17:37,603 --> 00:17:39,699 Sorry, you were probably just being polite, 290 00:17:39,723 --> 00:17:41,859 saying you'd see my work. Not at all. 291 00:17:41,883 --> 00:17:44,099 Beautiful light. 292 00:17:44,123 --> 00:17:46,803 Not that I'm an aficionado. 293 00:17:49,563 --> 00:17:51,579 Firenze! Have you been? 294 00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:53,579 No. 295 00:17:53,603 --> 00:17:56,899 Me neither. I've never been anywhere. 296 00:17:56,923 --> 00:17:58,763 Thank you. 297 00:17:59,763 --> 00:18:02,179 I went to Morocco once. 298 00:18:02,203 --> 00:18:05,003 It was transcendent. 299 00:18:07,163 --> 00:18:09,419 Hard to find transcendence in this place. 300 00:18:09,443 --> 00:18:11,083 I can imagine. 301 00:18:20,723 --> 00:18:23,403 There's hours' worth of Cinefilm here. 302 00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:29,763 Oh, Margie gets about a bit. 303 00:18:30,963 --> 00:18:33,179 Not just the Northerners lowering the tone, then. 304 00:18:33,203 --> 00:18:37,643 She's no ordinary holidaymaker. She was working the camp. 305 00:18:40,763 --> 00:18:43,739 Roy sets his male guests up with Margie, takes these... 306 00:18:43,763 --> 00:18:46,283 Then what, he blackmails them? 307 00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:51,323 Not exactly the souvenir snap you'd want your wife to see, is it? 308 00:18:56,683 --> 00:18:58,499 Well, would you look at that? 309 00:18:58,523 --> 00:19:02,363 Well, that is certainly one way to meet the light of your life. 310 00:19:03,803 --> 00:19:06,083 [INSTRUCTOR:] Bodies square, please. 311 00:19:07,203 --> 00:19:08,939 Right. 312 00:19:08,963 --> 00:19:10,459 May I? 313 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,659 All right. Got my eye on you. 314 00:19:12,683 --> 00:19:15,379 Keep your hands north of the border. Sid, please! 315 00:19:15,403 --> 00:19:17,443 [SID CHUCKLES] 316 00:19:23,603 --> 00:19:25,283 So, how long you been coming here? 317 00:19:26,323 --> 00:19:30,219 I used to work here, so... Let me guess. You're a dancer. 318 00:19:30,243 --> 00:19:33,899 Dancer, singer. 319 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,619 Entertainment was something back then. 320 00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:40,099 Local paper used to say I was destined for the West End. 321 00:19:40,123 --> 00:19:41,723 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 322 00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:46,379 Is this where you and Sid met? 323 00:19:46,403 --> 00:19:49,419 Place must hold happy memories. 324 00:19:49,443 --> 00:19:53,083 I think you should concentrate on your footwork, Mr Davenport. 325 00:19:54,883 --> 00:19:57,403 Margie, we've seen the photographs. 326 00:19:58,843 --> 00:20:01,123 The ones Mr Reeves took. 327 00:20:04,323 --> 00:20:06,083 Excuse me. 328 00:20:10,203 --> 00:20:11,739 Margie? 329 00:20:11,763 --> 00:20:13,563 What did you say to her? 330 00:20:22,483 --> 00:20:24,099 What is it, my love? 331 00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:26,963 Come here. Stop fretting, Sid, please. 332 00:20:28,043 --> 00:20:29,539 I demand to know what you said to her. 333 00:20:29,563 --> 00:20:32,659 Demand? Don't be so dramatic. 334 00:20:32,683 --> 00:20:35,739 They know. About me. 335 00:20:35,763 --> 00:20:37,923 What sodding business is it of yours? 336 00:20:40,403 --> 00:20:43,483 I thought you were on your holidays? So did I, Sid. 337 00:20:44,763 --> 00:20:46,563 I saved her from that bastard. 338 00:20:47,843 --> 00:20:50,819 What matters is Margie's with me now and she's happy. 339 00:20:50,843 --> 00:20:52,739 You got nothing to be ashamed of, my love. 340 00:20:52,763 --> 00:20:55,203 Do you have to make such a song and dance, Sid? 341 00:20:59,483 --> 00:21:01,819 You must've despised him. 342 00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:04,379 Us, and anyone who met him. 343 00:21:04,403 --> 00:21:07,979 So, why come back? To rub the bastard's nose in it. 344 00:21:08,003 --> 00:21:09,979 He tried to ruin me. 345 00:21:10,003 --> 00:21:13,603 I got the girl. I got the happy ever after. 346 00:21:15,283 --> 00:21:17,363 Good riddance to him, I say. 347 00:21:22,683 --> 00:21:25,739 Do you ever feel different from other people? 348 00:21:25,763 --> 00:21:28,019 I think the more appropriate question might be, 349 00:21:28,043 --> 00:21:30,403 do I ever feel remotely the same? 350 00:21:33,203 --> 00:21:36,339 You know, I... I look around here and I see all these people smiling 351 00:21:36,363 --> 00:21:38,139 and enjoying themselves. 352 00:21:38,163 --> 00:21:41,299 All this inane bloody nonsense. 353 00:21:41,323 --> 00:21:43,979 They're just having fun. 354 00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:46,963 It is terribly inane, though, isn't it? 355 00:21:53,323 --> 00:21:57,379 Being different isn't so terribly bad. 356 00:21:57,403 --> 00:22:00,563 Better than being something you're not. 357 00:22:03,883 --> 00:22:06,059 You'll go there one day. 358 00:22:06,083 --> 00:22:09,299 Sell your photographs outside the Duomo. 359 00:22:09,323 --> 00:22:11,643 Make an absolute fortune. 360 00:22:13,203 --> 00:22:14,643 No. 361 00:22:16,843 --> 00:22:18,283 Sorry. 362 00:22:19,283 --> 00:22:22,203 No, sorry. I'm sorry. 363 00:22:39,123 --> 00:22:42,139 Bringing your wife back to the place she turned tricks. 364 00:22:42,163 --> 00:22:45,763 To show off to your blackmailer. Who says romance is dead? 365 00:22:46,963 --> 00:22:50,123 Who turned tricks? Who's a blackmailer? 366 00:22:51,283 --> 00:22:53,219 No-one. 367 00:22:53,243 --> 00:22:55,699 I've set up the projector in the main office, Inspector. 368 00:22:55,723 --> 00:22:57,379 Thank you. 369 00:22:57,403 --> 00:22:59,699 It's just a bit of film I've got to watch, Cathy. 370 00:22:59,723 --> 00:23:01,379 Natural causes, you said. 371 00:23:01,403 --> 00:23:03,899 As natural as they come. 372 00:23:03,923 --> 00:23:06,779 And Detective Wicks will be here shortly. 373 00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:08,139 Mm-hm. 374 00:23:08,163 --> 00:23:11,419 Promise me there is not a murderer on the loose. 375 00:23:11,443 --> 00:23:13,299 What about the kids?! 376 00:23:13,323 --> 00:23:15,323 Wouldn't fancy his chances against our lot. 377 00:23:16,403 --> 00:23:18,923 We don't know if it's murder. 378 00:23:20,363 --> 00:23:22,539 Not for sure. 379 00:23:22,563 --> 00:23:25,163 [SHE SIGHS] Five days, you said. 380 00:23:29,083 --> 00:23:32,219 Do you know what's worse than enforced fun? 381 00:23:32,243 --> 00:23:34,163 Someone that sulks their way through it. 382 00:23:36,163 --> 00:23:37,883 Don't be angry. 383 00:23:39,363 --> 00:23:41,539 Why would I be angry? 384 00:23:41,563 --> 00:23:45,019 I was convivial with Bryan, 385 00:23:45,043 --> 00:23:47,619 he got the wrong impression, 386 00:23:47,643 --> 00:23:49,643 and... Sir? 387 00:23:51,003 --> 00:23:53,419 And...? 388 00:23:53,443 --> 00:23:56,179 [WHISPERS:] He tried to kiss me. 389 00:23:56,203 --> 00:23:58,819 Bryan? Bryan, Bryan?! 390 00:23:58,843 --> 00:24:00,619 Shhh! 391 00:24:00,643 --> 00:24:03,819 Take it as a compliment. 392 00:24:03,843 --> 00:24:06,083 You're a handsome chap. He's a handsome chap. 393 00:24:11,803 --> 00:24:14,299 โ™ช I can't No matter how hard I try 394 00:24:14,323 --> 00:24:16,779 โ™ช So why don't you join me And face your fears? 395 00:24:16,803 --> 00:24:19,779 โ™ช Stay still, honey And I'll check your arrears 396 00:24:19,803 --> 00:24:21,619 โ™ช Pretty woman There's no turning back 397 00:24:21,643 --> 00:24:23,939 โ™ช You've got to feel it baby Like a train on a track... โ™ช 398 00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:25,140 Overdose. 399 00:24:25,164 --> 00:24:29,059 There's enough lidocaine to kill that bloody donkey out there. 400 00:24:29,083 --> 00:24:31,579 I still think there's a chance it could be natural causes. 401 00:24:31,603 --> 00:24:34,259 When was the last time you had a murder case? 402 00:24:34,283 --> 00:24:36,923 '36, I believe. 403 00:24:38,523 --> 00:24:40,083 Where were you? 404 00:24:41,883 --> 00:24:43,123 School. 405 00:24:44,163 --> 00:24:46,979 I'll look this over for you, how about that, hm? 406 00:24:47,003 --> 00:24:50,819 I doubt it'll make much difference, but if you must. 407 00:24:50,843 --> 00:24:52,539 โ™ช I need a rhythm With a stomping beat 408 00:24:52,563 --> 00:24:54,779 โ™ช It's ruling my body From my head to my feet 409 00:24:54,803 --> 00:24:57,299 โ™ช I need a small dose Just to keep me sane 410 00:24:57,323 --> 00:24:59,819 โ™ช While the rock 'n' roll music Flows to my brain 411 00:24:59,843 --> 00:25:03,939 โ™ช I can't live without it now Don't you doubt it, baby 412 00:25:03,963 --> 00:25:07,899 โ™ช Well, you may think I'm crazy But it's my desire 413 00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:09,899 โ™ช This sound Is just what gets me high 414 00:25:09,923 --> 00:25:13,019 โ™ช You can tell me to quit But I'll have to admit 415 00:25:13,043 --> 00:25:15,939 โ™ช I can't No matter how hard I try 416 00:25:15,963 --> 00:25:18,739 โ™ช So why don't you join me And face your fears... โ™ช 417 00:25:18,763 --> 00:25:21,819 Mrs Reeves. Evening, Miss Grant. 418 00:25:21,843 --> 00:25:23,459 Lovely dress. 419 00:25:23,483 --> 00:25:25,259 Were you aware of your husband's dealings? 420 00:25:25,283 --> 00:25:26,659 We having a merry old time? 421 00:25:26,683 --> 00:25:29,099 Did you know he was blackmailing the guests? 422 00:25:29,123 --> 00:25:31,779 Of course I bloody did. But you didn't stop him? 423 00:25:31,803 --> 00:25:33,899 This place was my father's. 424 00:25:33,923 --> 00:25:36,499 Then I married, and it belonged to Roy. 425 00:25:36,523 --> 00:25:38,219 He ruined it. 426 00:25:38,243 --> 00:25:40,859 That's the way it goes, isn't it? 427 00:25:40,883 --> 00:25:45,899 So, yes, I knew what he was doing. And, no, I didn't stop him. 428 00:25:45,923 --> 00:25:47,803 Does that answer your question? 429 00:25:51,883 --> 00:25:55,403 Lidocaine. Injected? 430 00:25:56,843 --> 00:25:58,459 Swelling in the throat. 431 00:25:58,483 --> 00:26:01,939 So he ingested it. With his supper, maybe? 432 00:26:01,963 --> 00:26:04,459 Starting to wish I hadn't had that hot pot. 433 00:26:04,483 --> 00:26:06,699 He was fine on stage. 434 00:26:06,723 --> 00:26:08,819 It must be someone who knew him. 435 00:26:08,843 --> 00:26:11,883 Excuse me, would you like to dance? Not now, sorry. 436 00:26:14,323 --> 00:26:16,163 Someone who knew he took lidocaine. 437 00:26:19,643 --> 00:26:21,563 What? 438 00:26:23,803 --> 00:26:25,723 You only live once. 439 00:26:33,323 --> 00:26:35,219 I think I was a little rude. 440 00:26:35,243 --> 00:26:38,539 A little? Inordinately rude. 441 00:26:38,563 --> 00:26:40,379 Extremely, supremely... 442 00:26:40,403 --> 00:26:43,939 Extraordinarily? Extraordinarily rude. 443 00:26:43,963 --> 00:26:46,003 I'd love to dance with you. 444 00:26:51,123 --> 00:26:53,163 You coming or not? 445 00:27:16,523 --> 00:27:18,723 Now who's smiling? 446 00:27:37,043 --> 00:27:39,963 [THEY CHUCKLE] 447 00:27:41,243 --> 00:27:45,059 So, tell me. Pamela. My real name's Pamela. 448 00:27:45,083 --> 00:27:48,379 Pamela's nice. Pamela's... Middle-aged with too many kids. 449 00:27:48,403 --> 00:27:50,243 Ha! And a husband she hates. 450 00:27:51,363 --> 00:27:53,699 Pamela Smith doesn't get top billing at the Palladium. 451 00:27:53,723 --> 00:27:57,179 Besides, everyone here's pretending to be someone they're not. 452 00:27:57,203 --> 00:27:59,179 I bet even you are. 453 00:27:59,203 --> 00:28:03,539 Sadly, I am deeply uncomplicated. Uh-uh. No. 454 00:28:03,563 --> 00:28:06,299 This face is hiding all sorts of secrets. 455 00:28:06,323 --> 00:28:08,459 Go on, then, try me. 456 00:28:08,483 --> 00:28:10,619 You've got a love child. 457 00:28:10,643 --> 00:28:12,779 Not that I know of. 458 00:28:12,803 --> 00:28:14,979 Doomed affair with a beautiful widow? 459 00:28:15,003 --> 00:28:16,219 Ah, if only. 460 00:28:16,243 --> 00:28:18,723 There must be something. 461 00:28:19,883 --> 00:28:22,299 I am my work. My work is me. 462 00:28:22,323 --> 00:28:24,203 That's as scandalous as it gets. 463 00:28:26,963 --> 00:28:28,483 [THEY LAUGH] 464 00:28:49,443 --> 00:28:52,259 Do you ever feel like you work because there's something missing? 465 00:28:52,283 --> 00:28:55,683 That got serious suddenly. We can do serious, can't we? 466 00:28:57,483 --> 00:29:00,699 I love what I do. I love making people happy. 467 00:29:00,723 --> 00:29:03,283 Oh, I love my job, too. I just... 468 00:29:04,523 --> 00:29:06,939 Sometimes, I feel like there must be something else. 469 00:29:06,963 --> 00:29:08,843 Like what? 470 00:29:10,003 --> 00:29:11,419 I don't know. 471 00:29:11,443 --> 00:29:13,363 Yes, you do. 472 00:29:19,563 --> 00:29:21,259 You know how this goes, right? 473 00:29:21,283 --> 00:29:24,139 We have a few nice nights, you go back to your life, 474 00:29:24,163 --> 00:29:27,379 I go back to mine, and we never see each other again. 475 00:29:27,403 --> 00:29:29,779 Mmm, it's a terrible idea (!) 476 00:29:29,803 --> 00:29:33,243 Terrible. Truly, truly awful. 477 00:29:45,763 --> 00:29:48,243 Er... I'm afraid I'm gonna have to stop you there. 478 00:30:15,363 --> 00:30:20,059 He told me he'd destroy this. He used you, like he used Margie. 479 00:30:20,083 --> 00:30:22,979 Not like Margie. I'm not cheap. 480 00:30:23,003 --> 00:30:25,683 You don't like what Roy was making you do. 481 00:30:28,403 --> 00:30:30,299 Him dying certainly put a stop to that. 482 00:30:30,323 --> 00:30:32,579 You think I killed him? 483 00:30:32,603 --> 00:30:35,459 Did you? 100 times in my head. 484 00:30:35,483 --> 00:30:37,099 But no. 485 00:30:37,123 --> 00:30:39,163 Did you sleep with them? 486 00:30:42,243 --> 00:30:44,699 [HE SCOFFS] 487 00:30:44,723 --> 00:30:46,939 Is that all this was to you? 488 00:30:46,963 --> 00:30:49,043 Just a way to blackmail me? 489 00:30:58,963 --> 00:31:01,699 Oh, this is the most uncomfortable bed I've ever slept in. 490 00:31:01,723 --> 00:31:03,459 It's cheap and it's gaudy, 491 00:31:03,483 --> 00:31:05,939 and I'd quite like Mrs C to boil these sheets. 492 00:31:05,963 --> 00:31:08,939 Doesn't seem so bad. 493 00:31:08,963 --> 00:31:11,163 [KNOCK AT DOOR, OPENS] Just a minute! 494 00:31:12,723 --> 00:31:14,763 Might I talk with you? 495 00:31:17,003 --> 00:31:18,803 Bryan. 496 00:31:33,283 --> 00:31:36,899 I never had Sunny down as a younger version of Margie. 497 00:31:36,923 --> 00:31:38,499 Are you upset? 498 00:31:38,523 --> 00:31:40,803 No. You liar. 499 00:31:42,683 --> 00:31:46,563 You're right about one thing. You do not have a type. 500 00:31:50,443 --> 00:31:52,059 From a nun to a prostitute. 501 00:31:52,083 --> 00:31:54,483 Geordie. It's almost biblical. 502 00:31:57,563 --> 00:31:59,579 It's Roy. 503 00:31:59,603 --> 00:32:02,123 Well, if he's in it, then who took it? 504 00:32:03,803 --> 00:32:05,619 [APPLAUSE] 505 00:32:05,643 --> 00:32:09,179 Thank you, contestant five. And the scores are? 506 00:32:09,203 --> 00:32:13,283 Go on, Margie, get up there. I don't want to, Sid. 507 00:32:20,523 --> 00:32:22,859 And our final pair of pins! 508 00:32:22,883 --> 00:32:24,259 Go on, Sylvia. 509 00:32:24,283 --> 00:32:27,419 Contestant number six is housekeeper to Reverend Davenport 510 00:32:27,443 --> 00:32:29,539 and his curate Mr Finch. 511 00:32:29,563 --> 00:32:33,779 What did God say after creating man? "I can do better." 512 00:32:33,803 --> 00:32:36,003 And these legs are living proof. 513 00:32:37,203 --> 00:32:39,579 Bloody hell. Higher! Higher! 514 00:32:39,603 --> 00:32:41,619 Lower! Lower! 515 00:32:41,643 --> 00:32:43,379 Thank you, contestant number six. 516 00:32:43,403 --> 00:32:45,779 And the scores are? 517 00:32:45,803 --> 00:32:47,539 Well done, Sylvia. 518 00:32:47,563 --> 00:32:50,539 And the winner is contestant number 6! 519 00:32:50,563 --> 00:32:52,059 Oh! 520 00:32:52,083 --> 00:32:53,403 [APPLAUSE] 521 00:32:56,403 --> 00:32:59,339 This might be the happiest day of my life. 522 00:32:59,363 --> 00:33:01,899 Our wedding apart, of course. 523 00:33:01,923 --> 00:33:05,043 You know they give it to the old girls out of sympathy. 524 00:33:07,283 --> 00:33:09,603 Know that from experience, Margie? 525 00:33:11,243 --> 00:33:12,763 Mrs Chapman. 526 00:33:14,523 --> 00:33:15,963 Excellent. 527 00:33:18,123 --> 00:33:20,843 A word, if you don't mind. 528 00:33:23,323 --> 00:33:26,083 Mr Reeves would set up the men with Sunny. 529 00:33:27,163 --> 00:33:29,059 I'd film them. 530 00:33:29,083 --> 00:33:30,659 In flagrante? 531 00:33:30,683 --> 00:33:33,579 No, Sunny would never go that far. 532 00:33:33,603 --> 00:33:36,563 She'd dance with them. A kiss, maybe. 533 00:33:38,763 --> 00:33:40,539 What other footage do you have? 534 00:33:40,563 --> 00:33:43,579 You were filming the night Mr Reeves died. 535 00:33:43,603 --> 00:33:46,483 Er... just his comedy routine. 536 00:33:51,403 --> 00:33:53,923 "Comedy" in inverted commas. 537 00:33:56,043 --> 00:33:57,659 Can I take this? 538 00:33:57,683 --> 00:33:59,283 Absolutely. 539 00:34:01,963 --> 00:34:05,083 You're a clergyman? That's right. 540 00:34:06,563 --> 00:34:09,299 It's a rather delicate matter. 541 00:34:09,323 --> 00:34:11,643 Anything you say will be in confidence. 542 00:34:16,083 --> 00:34:17,923 Your curate. 543 00:34:19,003 --> 00:34:22,139 I saw him with a man. 544 00:34:22,163 --> 00:34:24,283 They were in bed together. 545 00:34:26,003 --> 00:34:27,843 That can't be the case. 546 00:34:29,123 --> 00:34:31,019 Are you doubting what I saw? 547 00:34:31,043 --> 00:34:33,699 I'm doubting your reading of the situation. 548 00:34:33,723 --> 00:34:35,579 What other way is there to read it? 549 00:34:35,603 --> 00:34:37,579 I'll speak to him. I should report it. 550 00:34:37,603 --> 00:34:38,843 I'll speak to him. 551 00:34:41,083 --> 00:34:43,523 Please, just... just leave it with me. 552 00:34:47,163 --> 00:34:49,763 Action has to be taken, Mr Davenport. 553 00:34:51,323 --> 00:34:53,643 He has to be dealt with. 554 00:35:08,483 --> 00:35:11,443 [INAUDIBLE] 555 00:35:25,963 --> 00:35:28,163 Bugger. Nothing. 556 00:35:29,563 --> 00:35:31,659 Let's watch it again. 557 00:35:31,683 --> 00:35:34,459 No, no, no, you don't. 558 00:35:34,483 --> 00:35:38,499 You're gonna have dinner with me, then we're going to dance, 559 00:35:38,523 --> 00:35:40,779 before you walk me out under the stars 560 00:35:40,803 --> 00:35:43,019 to tell me that you love me. 561 00:35:43,043 --> 00:35:44,619 Understood? 562 00:35:44,643 --> 00:35:46,963 That sounds pretty comprehensive. 563 00:35:58,883 --> 00:36:00,523 He keeps staring. 564 00:36:01,883 --> 00:36:03,683 Have a drink, stop worrying. 565 00:36:09,923 --> 00:36:13,123 I'm so scared. Go on, you'll be great. 566 00:36:21,363 --> 00:36:24,219 Roy promised he'd make her a star. 567 00:36:24,243 --> 00:36:26,699 What she had to do wasn't her choice. 568 00:36:26,723 --> 00:36:28,819 Roy wasn't there when she made a play for me. 569 00:36:28,843 --> 00:36:31,003 Who said she was making a play? 570 00:36:32,163 --> 00:36:35,163 Did it ever cross your mind that it was as simple as she liked you? 571 00:36:49,803 --> 00:36:51,819 Not now, I've got butterflies enough. 572 00:36:51,843 --> 00:36:55,219 I'm sorry. You can understand why I thought what I thought. 573 00:36:55,243 --> 00:36:56,939 That I was cheap? 574 00:36:56,963 --> 00:36:59,563 That your intentions towards me were... Cheap. 575 00:37:00,803 --> 00:37:03,099 I'm not Margie. I didn't say you were. 576 00:37:03,123 --> 00:37:05,259 I didn't sleep with them. 577 00:37:05,283 --> 00:37:07,659 I'm not hitching my wagon to the first miserable old sod 578 00:37:07,683 --> 00:37:09,659 who can get me out of here. 579 00:37:09,683 --> 00:37:11,323 I liked you. 580 00:37:12,403 --> 00:37:14,043 Liked, past tense? 581 00:37:16,283 --> 00:37:18,819 [SONG ENDS, APPLAUSE] 582 00:37:18,843 --> 00:37:21,323 The Merries House Band! 583 00:37:23,643 --> 00:37:29,059 Now, please, give a very warm welcome to tonight's act, 584 00:37:29,083 --> 00:37:31,563 Miss Pamela Smith. 585 00:37:33,323 --> 00:37:35,203 We'll see. 586 00:37:40,283 --> 00:37:41,923 Thank you. Thank you. 587 00:37:42,963 --> 00:37:45,139 I've been doing some decorating recently. 588 00:37:45,163 --> 00:37:49,739 Do you know how many men it takes to wallpaper a bedroom? 589 00:37:49,763 --> 00:37:52,179 Well, depends on how thinly you slice them. 590 00:37:52,203 --> 00:37:54,323 [LAUGHTER] 591 00:38:01,563 --> 00:38:04,139 A friend of mine once said that marriage is... 592 00:38:04,163 --> 00:38:06,779 The stout. What? ..a three-ring circus. 593 00:38:06,803 --> 00:38:08,819 The lidocaine was in the stout. Engagement ring, 594 00:38:08,843 --> 00:38:11,059 wedding ring, suffering. 595 00:38:11,083 --> 00:38:13,163 [LAUGHTER] 596 00:38:17,443 --> 00:38:19,843 Right, don't take your eyes off that glass. 597 00:38:22,083 --> 00:38:24,019 Oh, bugger. No, no, no. No. 598 00:38:24,043 --> 00:38:26,243 Look how much stout's in his glass now. 599 00:38:27,683 --> 00:38:29,123 Maybe he got a top up. 600 00:38:30,443 --> 00:38:32,683 Or someone gave him that glass. 601 00:38:36,043 --> 00:38:38,899 I sometimes think wives are like ventriloquists. 602 00:38:38,923 --> 00:38:40,419 They sit there nodding 603 00:38:40,443 --> 00:38:42,179 whilst the dummy does all the talking. 604 00:38:42,203 --> 00:38:44,019 [LAUGHTER] 605 00:38:44,043 --> 00:38:47,579 You know what I mean, ladies, "Yak, yak, yak." 606 00:38:47,603 --> 00:38:49,899 Ah, my grandmother had it right. 607 00:38:49,923 --> 00:38:52,419 She buried three husbands. Three! 608 00:38:52,443 --> 00:38:54,099 Two of them were only napping. 609 00:38:54,123 --> 00:38:56,939 My granny was onto something, she really was. 610 00:38:56,963 --> 00:38:59,539 She said the quickest way to a man's heart 611 00:38:59,563 --> 00:39:01,299 was through his chest. [LAUGHTER.] 612 00:39:01,323 --> 00:39:02,779 She wasn't wrong. 613 00:39:02,803 --> 00:39:04,499 You put the lidocaine in your own drink 614 00:39:04,523 --> 00:39:06,099 and you gave it to Roy. 615 00:39:06,123 --> 00:39:07,739 I don't follow you. 616 00:39:07,763 --> 00:39:09,579 Outside. 617 00:39:09,603 --> 00:39:12,139 I have three pets, which is pretty much like having a husband. 618 00:39:12,163 --> 00:39:14,579 A dog who growls all morning, a parrot who swears all day, 619 00:39:14,603 --> 00:39:17,419 and a cat who comes home late at night! 620 00:39:17,443 --> 00:39:19,859 If your husband brings you flowers, ladies, 621 00:39:19,883 --> 00:39:22,659 and says it's for no reason, there's a reason. 622 00:39:22,683 --> 00:39:24,819 There is most definitely a reason. 623 00:39:24,843 --> 00:39:27,779 [HE REMEMBERS:] 'I'm not Margie. 624 00:39:27,803 --> 00:39:30,099 'I'm not hitching my wagon to the first miserable old sod 625 00:39:30,123 --> 00:39:32,979 'who can get me out of here.' 626 00:39:33,003 --> 00:39:35,259 'For goodness' sake, Sid, do you have to make a show? 627 00:39:35,283 --> 00:39:37,323 'Everyone's staring!' 628 00:39:50,443 --> 00:39:52,939 Roy set out to ruin you, Sid. 629 00:39:52,963 --> 00:39:56,379 You put enough lidocaine in that drink to kill him. 630 00:39:56,403 --> 00:39:59,283 That's right, isn't it? No. 631 00:40:00,563 --> 00:40:03,019 No, it isn't right. 632 00:40:03,043 --> 00:40:06,739 It's pretty insensitive to bring your wife here for your anniversary. 633 00:40:06,763 --> 00:40:09,899 A place where everyone knew about her past. 634 00:40:09,923 --> 00:40:13,123 Perhaps that was the final humiliation. 635 00:40:17,683 --> 00:40:20,043 You put the lidocaine in Sid's pint. 636 00:40:24,403 --> 00:40:27,963 And then Roy accidentally took the pint intended for your husband. 637 00:40:34,723 --> 00:40:37,819 When Sid fell, you must've thought it was all going to plan. 638 00:40:37,843 --> 00:40:40,459 But he was drunk, not poisoned. 639 00:40:40,483 --> 00:40:41,859 Sid! 640 00:40:41,883 --> 00:40:44,483 I don't understand. 641 00:40:45,683 --> 00:40:47,499 You took Sid back to your chalet. 642 00:40:47,523 --> 00:40:49,259 But he wasn't dying. SNORING. 643 00:40:49,283 --> 00:40:50,460 So you panicked. 644 00:40:50,484 --> 00:40:52,683 And then, for some reason, you went out again. 645 00:40:55,123 --> 00:40:57,179 I still had the vial on me. 646 00:40:57,203 --> 00:40:58,779 Had to get rid of it. 647 00:40:58,803 --> 00:41:01,083 Margie, my love, what are you saying? 648 00:41:02,843 --> 00:41:05,059 We know Roy was in his office because of the music. 649 00:41:05,083 --> 00:41:06,299 [BURST OF MUSIC] 650 00:41:06,323 --> 00:41:09,419 And we know he made it outside because of the mud on his shoes. 651 00:41:09,443 --> 00:41:10,659 [COUGHS] 652 00:41:10,683 --> 00:41:12,003 [GASPS] 653 00:41:17,203 --> 00:41:19,819 You knew Roy practised his routine after hours. 654 00:41:19,843 --> 00:41:22,083 So you dragged him into the ballroom. 655 00:41:23,923 --> 00:41:25,923 When I saw him, I knew. 656 00:41:29,443 --> 00:41:31,763 Knew what, Margie? 657 00:41:33,363 --> 00:41:35,403 That I'd killed the wrong man. 658 00:41:37,523 --> 00:41:39,283 You don't mean that. 659 00:41:40,243 --> 00:41:41,843 I don't understand. I don't. 660 00:41:42,803 --> 00:41:45,699 You brought me here to score points. 661 00:41:45,723 --> 00:41:47,379 How do you think that makes me feel? 662 00:41:47,403 --> 00:41:50,259 Roy was the one who humiliated you. 663 00:41:50,283 --> 00:41:53,299 You treat me like some kind of prize. 664 00:41:53,323 --> 00:41:55,939 I feel worthless, Sid. 665 00:41:55,963 --> 00:41:59,019 You were nothing but a whore when I met you. 666 00:41:59,043 --> 00:42:02,099 And you still make me feel like one. 667 00:42:02,123 --> 00:42:05,499 I saved you from the bastard. That's not enough. 668 00:42:05,523 --> 00:42:08,859 I gave you everything. Not love, Sid. 669 00:42:08,883 --> 00:42:11,523 You never gave me love. 670 00:42:27,763 --> 00:42:30,483 Even on holiday, we can't be us. 671 00:42:35,043 --> 00:42:38,299 Bryan would be a damn fool to take it any further. 672 00:42:38,323 --> 00:42:40,659 It's more than that. 673 00:42:40,683 --> 00:42:43,163 We can never be ourselves. 674 00:42:44,763 --> 00:42:47,043 I long to hold hands. 675 00:42:50,923 --> 00:42:53,899 Imagine if we could hold hands every day. 676 00:42:53,923 --> 00:42:56,283 It would become very dull, very quickly. 677 00:43:02,683 --> 00:43:04,443 Come here. 678 00:43:13,923 --> 00:43:17,483 Right now, straight to the car. Stop running, Ivy! 679 00:43:20,603 --> 00:43:23,899 Knew that Margie had a glint in her eye. Oh, that's definitive. 680 00:43:23,923 --> 00:43:26,299 I was right, though. It was the wife. 681 00:43:26,323 --> 00:43:28,782 You thought it was Roy's wife! You can't just pick any wife. 682 00:43:34,003 --> 00:43:35,379 These are yours. 683 00:43:35,403 --> 00:43:37,283 Thank you. 684 00:43:41,963 --> 00:43:43,779 I've spoken to Mr Finch. 685 00:43:43,803 --> 00:43:45,859 And? 686 00:43:45,883 --> 00:43:48,963 I'll be taking up the matter on our return. 687 00:43:50,163 --> 00:43:52,059 I felt it was my duty. 688 00:43:52,083 --> 00:43:54,819 More than that, I felt it was a moral obligation. 689 00:43:54,843 --> 00:43:57,059 I hope you understand. 690 00:43:57,083 --> 00:44:00,099 I'd appreciate it if you'd let me handle it from here. 691 00:44:00,123 --> 00:44:02,003 Of course. 692 00:44:06,483 --> 00:44:08,339 What did he want? 693 00:44:08,363 --> 00:44:10,803 Photographs. That all? 694 00:44:12,003 --> 00:44:13,579 What else would it be? 695 00:44:13,603 --> 00:44:15,579 Now, I don't know about you, 696 00:44:15,603 --> 00:44:18,083 but I am really looking forward to getting home. 697 00:44:23,843 --> 00:44:26,539 Thing about this place, everyone always leaves. 698 00:44:26,563 --> 00:44:28,459 You could leave, too. 699 00:44:28,483 --> 00:44:30,499 I'm going to. End of the season. 700 00:44:30,523 --> 00:44:32,179 You're wrong, by the way. 701 00:44:32,203 --> 00:44:34,299 I seem to be making a habit of that. 702 00:44:34,323 --> 00:44:36,659 Maybe you work because you love it, 703 00:44:36,683 --> 00:44:39,523 not because there's something missing. 704 00:44:44,283 --> 00:44:45,499 Shame. 705 00:44:45,523 --> 00:44:48,243 I think I could've fallen in love with you. 706 00:44:54,963 --> 00:44:58,619 [MRS REEVES:] Welcome to Merries, where there's never a dull day, 707 00:44:58,643 --> 00:45:00,939 and the sun always shines. 708 00:45:00,963 --> 00:45:02,739 Forget work, 709 00:45:02,763 --> 00:45:04,659 leave your worries far behind 710 00:45:04,683 --> 00:45:09,859 and get ready to make friends and memories you'll never forget. 711 00:45:09,883 --> 00:45:14,539 For those guests who are leaving us, we wish you bon voyage. 712 00:45:14,563 --> 00:45:18,139 But don't despair, it's not forever. 713 00:45:18,163 --> 00:45:23,379 Though you may be far away, no distance can keep us apart. 714 00:45:23,403 --> 00:45:27,099 We'll hold you safe in our hearts. 715 00:45:27,123 --> 00:45:31,779 And in time, we'll meet again. 716 00:45:31,803 --> 00:45:33,843 Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com 52197

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