All language subtitles for Free.Guy.x2021.BDRip.XviD.AC3-EVO.v2

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

This is Free City.

Look at this guy.
He's one of the sunglasses people.

And the people who wear
sunglasses are heroes.

They have a devil-may-care
attitude and they run this town.

You are so hot.

Oh, I know.

See?
That's not even his car.

Or his wife.

For the sunglasses people,
they get to do anything they want.

They go on
all sorts of missions.

They got cool hair,
cool clothes.

I mean, laws aren't really laws to them.
They're more like mild suggestions.

Like, I don't think
he's gonna return that car.

Or that nice lady.

See what I mean? Hero.

My name is Guy,
and I live in paradise.

Good morning, Goldie.

I've lived here in Free City
my whole life.

I've got a best friend,
I've got a goldfish,

and I work at the bank.

What more could a guy want?

Sunday
should be warm and sunny

with just a scattering
of drive-bys.

Great day for the beach,
but not Hitman's Beach,

which will be mined and
sprayed with high-caliber fire

from a renegade
gunship stolen by...

And every morning,

I start my day
with the most delicious coffee

in the whole,
wide, whole world.

Medium coffee,
cream, two sugars.

You know it. Mmm.

Mmm!

That is unexpectedly hot.

Jeez, that's good.

It's like losing my virginity,
but in my mouth.

Thank you for making
this with such love.

You're welcome.

Officer Johnny!

Have a good one, Guy.

Don't have a good day,
have a great day!

Hold the fudge.

You mean to tell me that nobody snabbed
up those bad boys? Today is the day.

- Like every other day.
- I'll be back for those.

Oh! So close.

Mmm! This is the greatest
cup of coffee of all time.

I wanna write
a song about it.

I wanna dance to
that song with my body.

I love my life.

There's something about finding
your lane and just staying in it.

That's why they call 'em comfort
zones, they're so damn comfortable.

Oh, Joe!

Mondays, am I right, Joe?

- You said it, Guy.
- Yeah.

In Free City,
I have everything I need.

Don't have a good day...

have a great day.

Thank you.

Take care.

Except one thing.

Seem happy.

Oh, come on, don't worry about that, Guy.
You gonna find someone.

Oh, it's okay, Bud.

Feel like I've been looking
for her forever, you know?

Maybe it's not meant to be.

Everybody down on the ground!

- I know the woman I'm looking for.
- Oh, let me guess.

- A woman with an offbeat sense of humor.
- Sense of humor.

An obsession
with feel-good diva pop.

Diva pop. Yes, that's her.

She's rented space in my brain
and she won't move out.

And you know what?
I don't want her to.

Well, guess what?
She won't move either in or out.

You know why?
'Cause she doesn't exist.

- She's just a fantasy. It's a fantasy.
- That's cruel. You're cruel.

- You're being rotten right now. Rotten.
- I'm being real.

Nobody try to be a hero.
This will all be over soon.

So how about it?
Beers on the beach after work?

Of course we're going for
beers on the beach after work.

That makes me
so happy.

Me too.

What have you got?

Proof of a secret level.
That's what you're looking for, right?

You got a video
or a screen grab?

Nope. But I know who does.

Wanna know what I do to people
who waste my time?

Oh, wow. Ooh,
someone wants to play.

Hey, you really British,
or is that an accent filter?

'Cause maybe we
could meet up later.

I don't have a burning desire to
see your mum's basement, thanks.

Got jokes, huh?

Well, I got a map,
shows the location of his stash house.

Don't know how you'll get in, but if
you do, clip 56 might interest you.

Now, I got a question.

What's so special
about this video clip anyway?

What's special is I kill people
who ask questions about it.

Mmm, I see. Fun.
Yeah, that's fun.

Damn, girl, you're so feisty.

But seriously, is it loot
or is it just the experience?

Those are questions.

Did you see the sneakers
on that last robber?

The 2:30?

No, the 4:00.

The three-quarter high-top,
gorgeous foam soles.

I could barely feel it
when he stepped on my face.

- Oh, man.
- Wow.

Life in the big city.
Ain't nothing like it.

Give it to me!

Looks like rain.

Has anyone seen my cat?

You know something, Guy,
people say it all the time, like,

"Guy can take a shoe to the face
better than anybody I know."

I mean, when you put it on there,
you act like it's not a shoe in your face.

Don't have a good day,
have a great day.

Love that song.

That's a new one.

Hey!

That's her.

Her who?

That's my dream girl, Buddy.

She exists.

- I'm gonna go talk to her.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait, man.
She's wearing sunglasses.

So?

Whatcha mean "so?"

So, people with sunglasses
don't talk to people like us.

- You know that!
- I gotta try.

Look, Guy! Guy!

Guy! What about
beers on the beach?

Excuse me!

Hey!

Hey!

Coming soon... Free City 2!

Bigger! Badder! Radder!

Free City 2: Carnage.

Pre-order today
and get the bonus Mayhem Pack.

You done?

Sorry. Are you closing?

Yes.

We usually don't
put the chairs on the tables,

one-small-coffee-
over-four-hours girl.

You really like that game, huh?
My 12-year-old nephew's addicted.

Seems like everyone's
obsessed with it.

Oh, Free City? Ah. No.

I, uh, have a lawsuit
against the publisher

and the evidence that I need
is in the game.

- So then I had my codes...
- Oh...

I wish we weren't closing so
I could hear more about this.

Good morning, Goldie.

Medium coffee,
cream, two sugars.

Medium coffee,
cream, two sugars.

Actually, I think I'd like
to try a cappuccino today.

Ooh. "Cappuccino."
I enjoy saying that.

It's like a waterfall
made of letters.

Excuse me?

I'd like to try a cappuccino.

- Please.
- But you get a medium coffee, cream, two sugars.

That's what you get.
That's what everyone gets.

Every day. Always.

- Well, I...
- Somebody's about to get shot.

Officer Johnny.

I just thought I'd try something
different today, you know?

Whatever. Right? Yeah?

Hi.

Ha! I'm just keeping
you on your toes.

Coffee, cream,
two sugars, please.

I'm joking.

Just keeping you on your toes.
I was kidding.

He was just kidding!

Oh, you think I'd deprive myself
of your baristic artistry?

No way, no how.

Mmm. That's hot.

It's like Jesus
washed my tongue...

but right before he finished,
he finally told my dad,

"He's good enough."

Thank you so much.
Officer Johnny!

Have a good one, Guy.

Cappuccino.

Don't have a good day...

...have a great day, I guess.

Okay. Good day to you.

Everybody down on the ground!

Nobody try to be a hero.
This will all be over soon.

That's the girl.

We've been over this.

You tried to talk to her
yesterday, it didn't work.

It will never work.

She's wearing sunglasses.

We don't mess with
the sunglasses people.

Maybe I'll get
some sunglasses of my own.

What? What are you talking about?
You can't do that.

Oh, my God. What am I doing?

Hi.

What'd you say?

Hi.

I'm gonna need
your sunglasses.

Ooh. Ow.

I'm just gonna...

I'm gonna need your
sunglasses for a sec.

What the hell
do you think you're doing?

Go back to your side, man.

He's just an NPC.
Waste that mother...

Okay, just need to borrow them
for a sec, okay?

- Back off! I said, don't!
- Just real quick. Real quick.

Stop!

You broken or somethin'?

I'm the robber!

You're the guy who lies down
and takes it!

Please, just stay down!

I said, stay down!

Guy, you don't do this, man.

This isn't you.

You don't do this.

Maybe I do.

What is wrong with this...

stupid mission?

I told you to smoke his ass.

Let go!

I'll give them right back.

I said...

Guy?

He's just resting.

In pieces!

That man is dead!

He's so sleepy.

I'm just gonna
put your gun down...

right here...

for when you wake.

- Okay?
- Guy.

Guy! Where you goin'?

Excuse me.

Do you see this?

Have the quarterly reports
on my desk by Friday.

Whoo!

Oh!

Giddy up!

I feel brand new.

Loser.

What is happening?

So much money.

Hey, Mouser,
check this out.

What's up, Keys?

What am I looking at?

Okay, so this user,
he gets his glasses stolen

and then killed.

The guy was smoked
by a non-playable character.

An NPC? That's impossible.

Yeah, exactly.

Nobody can equip an NPC skin
on their avatar.

Yeah, so you just boot the trash-ass
noob and ban him for life, you're done.

I tried that, but I...

I can't trace him.

Whoever it is,
they're good.

Hmm. You gotta be better
at your job, buddy.

I'm pretty good.

I'll see you on the inside.

Select your skin.

Hey, Keys, what skin
are you going with?

The ushe. Dirty stripper cop,

big guns, bigger mustache.

Hmm. Little dirt squirrel.
I like it.

Almost scared to ask,
but what are you going with?

Uh, full body mustache, hot pink.
You should be very afraid.

I'm terrified.

Let's do this.

Seriously, man.

I'm just being honest, I think the
bunny suit is just a little much.

Excuse me?

Right.

Rabbit. Okay? My fault.

Hey, 40-year-old virgin!
Get over here!

Let's go!

Uh-huh.
Captain Khakis.

- Come here. Come on, bud.
- Go, let's go.

- Closer.
- There he is.

Blue shirt guy.

Blue shirt?

Yes.

Hello, Officer.

Rabbit.

Nice skin.

Thank you. That's sweet.

How'd you get it?

Well, uh, mostly genetics,
I think. I'm pretty lucky.

I have naturally dewy skin.

Listen up, Neutrogena.

You know you can't go around looking
like that. The rules are clear.

And another thing.

- You can't hack the NPC avatars.
- No, sir!

- It screws up the mission load...
- Screws it up!

...and it makes
the game look bad.

- Horrible!
- Yeah.

I got, like, 5% of that.

Lose the skin!

I... Lose?

How am I supposed to
get rid of my skin?

Take it off, man.

Just take it off.
What are you doing?

- What?
- Seriously.

- The whole thing. The face, the outfit.
- How?

- Everything. Ditch it.
- Take it off.

If you don't,
we're gonna kill you.

- Why?
- And we're gonna keep killing you.

Still why?

Until we do
find out who you are...

and then we're
gonna ban you for life.

Okay. No, no.
Okay, I want to comply.

I just find the order of
those threats very confusing.

- Somebody's about to get shot.
- Light him up

No.

Come on, Blue Shirt.

Oh! Didn't see that one coming.
Did you see that one coming?

Scared me a little bit.

We're coming
for you, Blue Shirt!

Coming to get ya.

We're coming to get ya.

Wait! Wait!

I can explain everything.

I found these glasses
and then I can see things now.

Things that... Whoa, whoa.
Things that aren't there.

Except they are there.

I know that sounds crazy,
but it's true!

You can run, Blue Shirt,
but you cannot hide.

Come on, Blue Shirt.
You can't escape the rabbit.

We're apex predators.

All we do is bone and brawl
and slit throats.

Too high! Too high!

Oh, you wanna play,
Blue Shirt? Watch this.

I tire of these games, Keys.
It's time I went god-mode on this beyotch.

Okay, bring it.

Oh, it's brung.
Go, go, go, go, go.

I'm so, so good at this.

Time's up, bank teller!

Nope!

I can't die!

I'm never gonna die!

Whoo!

And that was the heartbreaking
story of Blue Shirt Guy.

The end.

- Doesn't make sense.
- What?

I just checked
the server stats.

We killed Blue Shirt and the number
of players online didn't change.

It's just a glitch, man.

- It's not a big deal.
- I know, I know.

It just seems like that's something
new, you know?

Keys, I know what you're thinking, okay?
You should not talk to Antwan.

I just think it's important
to be transparent, okay?

Uh-uh. No.

Antwan is deep in the sequel launch.
He's either not gonna care

or he's gonna get pissed
and then he's gonna blame us.

So, I don't know what you haven't
figured out about the whole situation.

Also, aren't you some kinda MIT
genius, indie game designer?

What are you doing down here
dealing with complaints?

That, Mouser, is a long and pathetic
story involving failed dreams,

desperation,
and a mountain of college debt.

You do not wanna
hear about that.

You're absolutely right.

That story sounds horrible and
boring and full of white privilege.

Don't talk to Antwan.

We never dreamt
this would've happened.

I mean, Life Itself,
it's essentially a fishbowl game.

People aren't playing it,
they're watching it grow.

It's a strictly
observational experience

where computer generated
characters interact and evolve.

I thought we'd be
lucky to give it away.

That's what's so charming about Keys,
he's clueless about his own genius.

Uh, no, Millie
is the genius.

Uh, she built the AI engine
from the ground up.

So, to get a little personal,

what's the thing that
gets you up in the morning?

Medium coffee,
cream, two sugars.

What's the other thing?

Oh, yeah. An insatiable
thirst for validation.

- She's not kidding.
- I'm not.

How about you?

- Code.
- Code?

- Code.
- Code, yeah.

Here we go.

'Cause it's not just zeros and
ones, it's hidden messages.

I like to think of myself, actually,
as not a code writer, but an author.

I just use zeros and ones instead of
words 'cause words will let you down.

But zeros and ones, never.
Zeros and ones are as cool as shit.

- He's not kidding.
- I'm not.

Now, I've gotta ask.

There is a lot of chemistry
between the two of you.

- Has this evolved into more than...
- No.

- No way. No. It's strictly platonic.
- No, no, no. We're friends.

- We're like best friends.
- Friendship.

And now your game is gonna
be released by Soonami,

one of the biggest publishers
in the world.

- It's crazy, actually.
- It is, yeah.

It does seem a little bit like
an unlikely pairing, though.

Yeah, I didn't
totally get it either.

But Millie's got a real
instinct for these things...

Antwan is a genius.

He's brash and obnoxious,
but he's really good at what he does.

It's a chance for our work to
be seen by a wider audience.

- God, those two were young and dumb.
- Jeez.

So we're breaking
and entering now?

How does it feel working for a
galactic black hole of frozen shit?

You have to leave.
I can't talk to you.

Aw, shame will
have that effect.

No, Millie. I mean
I can't talk to you.

I can't even see you. I'm literally
focusing on background objects

because looking at your lips move
violates my NDA and it could get me fired.

Aw, fired by Antwan,
the guy who stole our work?

No, he bought it and
then he shelved it.

All right? You're living in the past.
You are stuck. You gotta move on.

How can I move on?

How can you?

Antwan swiped our AI engine
to use in his dumb shooter.

Did he, Millie?
Because honestly, I'm not so sure.

Our game was complex
and beautiful and interesting

and Free City, it may be popular,
but it's so idiotic, it makes me wanna cry.

Then stop defending him
and help me beat his ass.

- Millie, I'm...
- Come on, Keys, he stole from us.

And now he's lying about it

so he doesn't have to give us the credit
and the royalties that we deserve.

Millie...

I found a clue.
It's on a clip in a gamer's stash house.

All I need from you
is to get me in there.

Millie, I care about you...

but you need to leave.

Today is gonna
be different, Goldie.

What are we lookin' at?

Who are you?

Okay, okay. Okay.

We ran into each other the other day,
you were humming that great song.

Oh, yeah.

I thought you were an NPC.
How did you find me?

I waited outside
by the murder train,

then I followed you.

Shit!

Should I come with you?

Yes.

Holy hell, what just happened?

What just happened
is you almost blew my mission.

No, I mean, how did we get
from there to wherever this is?

You mean the portal gun?

Portal gun?
That sounds expensive.

Wow, you are a
special kind of noob.

Thank you. You too.

Turn around.

Okay.

Oh.

Is this the North Pole?

Listen, dude.

- Guy.
- Guy. Whatever.

Props on the NPC outfit,

but I'm busy trying to figure
out how to steal something.

Maybe I could help you.

I work alone.

You have beautiful grenades.

Besides, if you want to have any
chance of making an impact here,

you need to have
a higher level than that.

- That's tough. No.
- No.

Higher level?

Good Lord, rook.

See?

- Oh.
- That's mine.

And that's yours.

Oh... What,
is one the best or the worst?

There is literally
nothing lower.

Well, how do I get
to a higher level?

- Really?
- Really.

- You know, get stuff.
- Yeah.

- Are you kidding me right now?
- Okay.

- Experience, guns...
- Yeah.

- Put that down.
- Uh-huh.

Money. This is Free City.

You could rob a store,
carjack someone,

punch a pedestrian in the face.
You'll figure it out.

Oh, I'd never hurt innocent people.

Hmm. I've got to admit
that is kind of refreshing.

Sometimes I forget not everyone you
meet on here is a sociopathic man-child.

Thank you.

Wait. But the world
isn't that bad though, is it?

Oh! It's pretty bleak.

If you ever met the dick responsible
for this world, you'd agree.

Are we talking about God?
You've met God?

And he's a dick?

His name's Antwan, and yes,
he's an absolute troll.

Trolls exist?

Look, I don't know
if anybody does it,

but you could rack experience
points up by being a good guy.

- Like a hero.
- Ooh. Easy, tiger.

If you don't wanna shoot people,
you could steal their guns.

All that shit makes
your level go up.

Go be the good guy.

Okay. No, I'm gonna
be the great guy.

Ooh! Ooh.

Okay, well, enjoy your
lifetime supply of virginity.

Off you go.

Okay. Wait! How will I know
that I've leveled up enough?

- Uh, get over 100, then we'll talk.
- Whoa.

- Bye now.
- That's so much more than one.

- It's like 99 more...
- Bye now.

Okay.

Hi.

Thanks, Guy.

Good morning, Goldie.

Good morning, Goldie.

Good fucking morning, Goldie.

I have three words for you.
Blue Shirt Guy.

BSG is leveling up and at a
record pace by playing the hero.

It's got people all over the world
asking, "Just who is this guy?"

I don't know who this guy is,
but he's out-skilling all these players.

And here he is,
taking out Beefoven,

a level 102 from
Clan Ragnarok.

This is bullshit.
Who is this guy?

I don't know, but he's good.

Yeah, he's good.
He looks like an NPC

but he's running around,
leveling up crazy fast

by being the
freaking good guy.

"This colorful
character in the video game Free City

"has been turning heads
by being the good guy."

- Piper.
- Who is Blue Shirt Guy?

You're
absolutely right.

Blue Shirt Guy.
Who is he or she indeed?

Whoo-hoo!

There's a worldwide craze that has
captured kids' hearts-- Blue Shirt Guy!

Hello, Hinata.

You have a great outfit.

Don't have a good day,

Have a GREAT day!

Crazy awesome!!!

Well, well, well. Look who decided
to come to work today, huh?

Look, where have you been?
I've been worried sick about you...

What is this shirt?

Where's your collar at?
Where's the rest of the buttons?

And it's not tucked in.
You look sloppy.

Matter of fact, you look horrible.
Did you pick up some muscles, too?

Or is somebody outside
pumping you up?

I'm sorry that I haven't
been around, Bud.

I've been figuring
some stuff out.

Whatcha mean, "figure stuff out"?
It is nothing to figure out.

Okay? You go to bed,
you wake up,

you get some coffee,
then you come to work.

And then you repeat
the same thing tomorrow.

- The girl.
- Oh, my God.

I talked to her.
I talked to her.

- The one with the sunglasses?
- The sunglasses, yes!

I talked to one of
the sunglass people

and now I'm one of the sunglass people.

Me.

Everybody
down on the ground!

You're so hot.

What if I could tell you
that you could be more?

Your life could be fuller.

That you're free to make your
own decisions. Your own choices.

Yo, dumbass.

We are in the middle
of something.

Uh...

- That's my gun.
- Quiet time.

These puppies changed my life.
And they're gonna change yours, too.

Come on now,
you know we don't wear sunglasses.

We do now.

Mine now.

Are you kidding me?

- Put 'em on.
- No.

Life doesn't have to be something
that just happens to us. All right?

Just put the glasses on
and you're gonna see.

You're gonna see.

Come on.

I can't, okay?

I'm sorry.

I'm keeping these,
asshole mouth.

Now get out of here.
Go be nicer.

Beat it. Go, go, go.

Don't walk, run.

And you...

Ugh.

Sorry.

Um, you could do so much
better than that guy.

You could be with,
like, a good guy.

Or maybe I don't have
to be with any guy.

Right? Exactly.
Most of them are awful.

- They really are.
- Terrible.

Yeah, do whatever
you wanna do.

You're my best friend, Buddy.

And you don't
have to be scared.

If you change your mind,
I'll be around.

Yo, Keys, our
Blue Shirt Guy is everywhere.

I know.

Who is this guy?

I'm here.

I really appreciate
this, Keys.

Okay. Just to be clear,

all I'm doing right now
is opening the door.

If this clip really does prove that
Antwan reused our code illegally,

go find it and get out.

Player's doing the jewelry
store mission in midtown.

That gives you 5 minutes.

And go.

Keys, you're a goddamn genius.

Really?

I'm sitting on the toilet right
now, stealing user codes,

so I don't exactly
feel like one.

Oh, you never have.

Good thing I know better.

All right. The clip you're looking
for should be on the wall to your left.

- Thanks for the assist.
- You got it.

I hope it has the proof
you're looking for.

Keys! I need your help!

He's got that place
booby-trapped with spawn points.

Millie, I can't help you.

Blue Shirt Guy?

It's a Henley. Was that cool?
It felt really cool.

You look really pretty.
Wow, this house is so nice.

What are you doing here?

I was trying to steal a video
clip, now we're trying not to die.

Who are you talking to?

You know, that player
in the NPC skin.

Millie, there are no other
players in that house.

That actually hurt my hand.

Get down!

I'm sorry!
Oh, God!

We're doing great.

Wow!

We should definitely go!

Oh, shit!

- Is that a Glock in your pocket?
- No.

- What?
- It's two Glocks.

Oh!

I don't suppose
this thing can fly.

No.

Jump.

Wow!

Whoa!

Oh, shit.

Good morning, sheeple!

Oh, you are fired.

There is some concern with the bloody
zombies, retailers won't carry the game.

Cut it. It's out.
Never even happened. Next.

It's your lawyers.
They need to get your deposition...

Speak. Which lawsuit
are we talking about?

Millie, Millie Rusk?
No sweat.

That will never see
the inside of a courtroom...

because she's got no proof and
her ex-partner works for me.

We're golden.

Antwan, hey. You look great.

Uh, I thought you were
still at Burning Man.

Oh, does it look like
I'm still at Burning Man?

You, you, you...

No. So, shut your stupid,
bearded face and listen.

You heard about the asshole running
around in the game who looks like an NPC?

Yeah, yeah. We call him Blue Shirt Guy.
But we're gonna get rid of him.

Don't get rid of him. People like him.
It's all over social media. No.

In fact, know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna use the skin in Free City 2.

Oh, art nerds! We're gonna make some
upgrades to Blue Shirt, all right?

'Roid him out. Make him
a hitman or something.

Antwan, we're already way behind
porting over the skins from Free City 1.

Skins?
Don't even worry about that.

They won't be usable
in Free City 2.

Antwan,
you told the fans...

Free City 2 is backwards compatible.
It was in the commercial.

You said there'd be the same
characters in the sequel.

Well, here's the thing.
When I said that, I was lying.

Listen, Antwan, the game
is already buggier than ever.

I got a stack of user
complaints, like a mile high.

Look, I know it sucks.

But the IP recognition is rock hard.
Okay? So don't even worry about it.

I'm just saying,
we could make an original game.

What?

Make an original? Why would I do
that when I could make a sequel?

A sequel.

So we can make it better?

IPs and sequels,
that is the thing that people want.

- Let me ask you a question.
- Okay.

You love Kentucky
Fried Chicken, right?

- Mmm-hmm.
- No.

If you love Kentucky Fried Chicken,
and I make Kentucky Fried Chicken,

and I know that you love
Kentucky Fried Chicken,

why would I make
another restaurant called,

uh, I don't know,
"Albuquerque Boiled Turkey"?

- Okay? Makes no sense, homie.
- Mmm-hmm. No sense.

What am I gonna give you? A sequel.
Kentucky Fried Chicken-Chicken, Part Two.

Uh, yum.
Drop the deuce on him.

Come on. Come here. Come here.

I don't want you to stress

that glorious shampoo commercial
head of yours about it.

Free City 2 is gonna
be jumunjious.

That's not a word.

You sure you don't wanna
bump up to programming?

I know you got
the brains for it.

No thanks. I'm good
right where I am.

Love it. Fear of flying.
Can't say I can relate.

But all good with me if I
don't have to pay you more.

Antwan out.

Who is this guy?

Wow!

I took your advice.

I leveled up.

Impressive.

Why are you
doing all of this?

You know, I guess
I felt... trapped.

You know, in my life.

I just felt so...

Stuck.

Yeah. And then I saw you.

Then I saw you.

Who are you?

I'm Guy.

No, who are you really?

Still Guy.

All of this,
leveling up so fast.

Giving this whole
world the finger.

How are you pulling this off?

I've never given anyone
any of my fingers.

You work at Soonami, don't you?

- No.
- You've got an inside track.

- I work at the bank.
- Right. The bank.

So, you're just this incredible hacker
who happens to work at the bank.

Yes, I work at the bank.

Where did you get that skin?

It's always
sort of been there.

Why do people keep
asking me that question?

I don't know, why do they?

No, no.
Not doing that. I...

What's happening right now?

I don't know,
but I don't buy it.

No.

- Okay, fine. I'll forget it.
- Fine. Good.

- I'll let it go.
- Yes.

Great.

We all have
our secrets, I guess.

Yes, we do.

Hey.

Do you like ice cream?

I can't believe
I've never been here.

Well, it's sort of a secret.

That's why me and my buddy, Buddy,
always come here. It's quiet and safe.

Yeah, it makes sense.

No missions here.

Oh, you gotta try this.
You're gonna think I'm crazy.

This is my favorite flavor
in the whole world.

We'll take two
of the usual, please.

You got it, Guy.

It's bubble gum flavor.

You think I'm
crazy, don't you?

Guy...

Get out of my brain hole!
I love bubble gum ice cream.

No, you don't.
Are you making fun of me right now?

No! Nobody likes
bubble gum ice cream.

No, I do.

I had a relationship end
over bubble gum ice cream.

- No way. Here.
- Yeah.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Mmm.

How good is that?

You can taste it?

Taste it? It's like my tongue
had a baby with a sunrise.

- Mmm-hmm?
- Mmm.

Coffee used to be
my favorite food,

but compared to this,
it tastes like liquid suffering.

What?

Nothing. You're funny.

- I am?
- Yeah.

Weird funny.

But that's kind of my speed.

Weird funny, that's
totally my speed, too.

- Great.
- Yeah. I know a joke.

A weird funny joke.
You wanna hear it?

- Please.
- Okay.

A homosexual and a man in a wheelchair
are trying to murder a very small child...

- The cripple says to the homosexual...
- Whoa. Stop, stop.

Stop! Where did you hear that?

A robbery. The gunman
told it to the driver

who thought it was hilarious,
so I memorized it and told everyone.

Word of advice?

Don't crib your jokes
from the trolls of Free City.

Trolls?

Is that a swing set?

Holy...

Okay,
this is too weird.

Vintage Mariah, bubble gum ice
cream, and now swings?

- This is too weird.
- I thought the same thing, too.

I thought the same thing.

When I was younger,
I was obsessed with swings.

Growing up in
my family, it was...

You don't
wanna hear this. No.

Oh, I wanna hear everything.

Oh.

Growing up in my family,
it wasn't good enough to be great.

You had to win,
and that pressure, you know,

it was just constant.

But when I was in the backyard
on that little swing...

You know that moment,

that split second between
rising and falling,

when you're totally weightless,
it feels like you're free.

In love.

Free. What you said. Yeah.

I really wanna kiss you.
Is that weird?

You want to kiss me?

I wanna kiss you so badly.

You want to kiss me badly?

- No!
- No?

No, no, no, no, no.
I wanna kiss you well.

I mean, I'm an idiot,

so I say things
like an idiot sometimes.

No, you're not. You're not.

I mean, um,

uh, if you know
how to, go for it.

I know how.

Okay.

Here it goes.

That was so much
better than ice cream.

Whoa!

I think someone's
at the door.

I'll say.

Well, this was great.

- Yeah, it was.
- Let's meet up again sometime soon. Yeah?

Yes. Definitely.

Maybe in the real world.

What?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Okay. Bye.
- Okay.

Bye, Molotov.

Hey... my real name is Millie.

My real name
continues to be Guy.

Millie, open up! Millie, it's
me, it's Keys! Open up! Come on!

Millie! It's me, open up!

- What?
- You were right.

- You were right.
- Oh, come on in.

You were right.
Our code, it is in Free City

and, Millie, it works.

Yeah, I know.
But we don't have proof.

Just forget about
that for one second.

I'm saying that
our game, Life Itself,

where characters would grow
and change and feel real...

- Yeah?
- ...worked.

- Keys.
- The AI worked.

It's the reason why Free City is so
realistic and people love it so much.

And of course it doesn't
look the same.

There's no waterfalls,
there's no butterflies and unicorns,

all the characters have different skins.
Of course they do.

But the underlying code in the
game is the same. Our code.

And Guy, I mean,
he has evolved way further

than we thought
was even possible.

Wait, are you talking about
the hacker in the NPC skin?

Millie, I'm talking about the
fact that Blue Shirt Guy...

Yeah?

...is not a player.

He is an algorithm
who thinks he's alive.

I mean, hell,
technically, he is alive.

He is the first real
artificial intelligence.

- No! No.
- I know.

- No, no, no.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Guy? My Guy?
- Guy.

- One who has been...
- Your Guy?

- Holy...
- This is a good thing.

No, it's really bad.

Millie, his code, it's thousands
of times the size it should be.

We did it, Mills.

We did it. Everything that we wanted
to create, it actually happened.

Okay? Did you know that the
NPCs have private lives?

One of the baristas learned how to make
a cappuccino through trial and error.

I mean, that's really difficult.
I can't even do that.

I can't even froth my own
oat milk in the morning.

And the Bombshell
character in the game

wrote a memoir that's
a searing indictment

of gender roles,
the patriarchy...

It's a little preachy in parts,
but overall, it's pretty good.

Millie, we have
to celebrate!

- No, this can't be happening.
- What are you talking about?

- This is what we've been working for!
- No, I let him kiss me!

So, yeah.

I'm sorry, wait,
you let who kiss you?

Guy.

Guy?

The first time I kiss a
non-toxic guy in like forever

and of course
he's not even real!

Uh, there's not
a button for that.

Oh, he found the button.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- I am... I'm so confused.
- Why is it so hot?

And surprisingly
curious.

You let
an artificially intelligent

- video game character kiss you?
- Oh, okay,

can you just stop
saying it like that?

And then you
thought that would be...

Because you have
got to meet him, Keys.

He's funny, and he's sweet,
and he's so handsome.

Oh, my God,
now I'm saying it out loud.

Also, Millie, food for
thought, he's like four.

- Really? You're gonna do that?
- Really.

Wow, you just made
that really creepy.

Millie, put all that aside. Weird or
not, when people find out about this,

you could win a Nobel Prize.
Oh, God.

What?

Oh, my God,
if they see this...

- What? What is it?
- Oh!

Antwan. What else?

He's lying.
He lied about using our code,

he's been lying about the game
being backwards compatible.

I think he's lying
about Free City 1.

What are you talking about?

Look. You see? There's not
one mission, not one location...

I mean, there's not even a single
character from Free City 1 on here.

Free City 2
is not an update...

- It's a replacement.
- Exactly.

So when Free City 2
launches on Monday...

Blue Shirt Guy, all proof of our
code, everything will be deleted.

He can't do that.

I mean, this is artificial life we're
dealing with. I mean, that's insane.

We're screwed.

Maybe not.

If we can find our
original build in the game,

it'll prove that Antwan used our
code without properly licensing it.

And we just have to find it
before Free City 2 launches.

We have 48 hours.

I've looked, Keys.
You know I have.

I know you have.

But now that we both know
about Blue Shirt Guy,

maybe he can help?

That would mean
I'd have to tell him.

Millie, he's not gonna exist
once the sequel launches.

His whole world's
about to end.

Don't you think
he'd want a chance to save it?

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

- You got it.
- Guy?

Hey! Hi!

Guy, we need to talk.

What's going on with your voice?
Where's your Australian accent?

British.

I think I know an Australian
accent when I see one.

I turned off
the accent filter.

This is me.

Good.

Look, I have to tell you
something really important.

Are you married?

No.

Oh, God.

That would have been like
the worst thing ever.

Maybe not the worst thing.

Huh.

I have to show you something.

Okay.

Wow!

I always wondered
what was in here.

Tune in to the Kill Cam

for more of today's highlights

of every bloody, bullet-ridden
corner of Free City.

Has anyone
seen my cat?

Hey, that's Phyllis.
She's always losing her cats.

And there's Joe! He's
my friend, I know that guy.

I don't get it.
What is this place?

There is no easy way to say
this, but this city is a game.

There's no easy way to say
this, I know it's a game.

You taught me how to play it.
Boop-boop.

Yes,
you're right, I did.

But it's not just that it's like a game.
It is a game.

It's a video game.
And that's all it is.

So the entire world is a game?

Yes.

And we're all just
players in the game?

Not exactly.

I'm a player.

All these people here are players.
We live in the real world.

But you only exist here.

It's why you can
never leave Free City.

You're what we call an NPC.

NPC.

The policeman
and the muscular bunny rabbit,

they called me that.
What is an NPC?

- Let's take...
- Just watch.

...another look
at that leaderboard.

Everybody
get down on the ground!

Nobody try to be a hero.

This will all be over soon.

I don't understand.

You're a
non-player character.

- Non...
- A background person.

Someone designed to make the
game more fun for real people.

Wait, hold on a second.
Just stop for a second.

I wanna make sure
I'm getting this straight.

I just wanna fully
understand here.

So, I'm fake?

The entire world is fake?
I'm not even a main character,

I'm just this idiot
who's in the background?

Millie, why are you even saying this?
I love you.

You only think that because
it's in your programming.

Guy, I need
you to listen to me.

In two days,
the game is gonna shut down. For good.

When this sequel launches,
this whole city,

you, all the people in it
who aren't players,

they'll be gone forever.
You need to listen.

My whole life, I felt like
there had to be something more.

And then I saw you.

And I knew I was right.
I was right!

And for a second,
I felt amazing.

- I know.
- Except you don't know.

Because we're not the same.

Isn't that what you said?
You said that.

We're not the same.

You're real.

And I'm what? I'm what?

You're not.

You're not.

Well, I may not be real,
but for a second there...

I felt pretty alive.

It's all a lie!

Have the quarterly
reports on my desk by Friday.

Quarterly reports.
My, what specific business lingo.

Wow. Life in the big city.
Ain't nothing like it.

Until it crushes your soul.

Has anyone seen my cat?
Has anyone seen my...

Your cats?
No, Phyllis, I haven't seen them.

But here's a revolutionary idea...
close your goddamn door.

It's not like they're climbing
on top of one another,

forming a little kitty tower,
and then jimmying the locks.

They don't have
thumbs, Phyllis.

No thumbs!

Don't you get it?
Don't any of you get it?

None of this matters! None of it!
It's fake! We don't matter!

That building, that's fake!
This street...

It's fake!

That car...

Officer Johnny!

Have a good one, Guy.

Oh, hey, uh...

Come in.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Buddy,

what would you do if you found
out that you weren't real?

What do you mean?

Pretend with me.

Okay, so...

Can I pretend
I'm a ghost?

Sure.

Oh. Do I look like how I look like now?
Or whenever I die?

Like, do I have
a funeral outfit on?

- This is kind of funeral...
- Doesn't matter.

...but even though it's a
work uniform, 'cause I got a tie on.

Let's move on
from the concept, okay?

Got it.

I'm not a ghost.
I'm very disappointed,

- but I get it.
- Yeah.

I'm me, who I am right now,
and I'm just trying to help a friend.

I say, okay, so
what if I'm not real?

I'm sorry. "So what?"

Yeah. So what?

But if
you're not real,

doesn't that mean
that nothing you do matters?

What does that mean?
Look, brother, I am sitting here

with my best friend, trying to
help him get through a tough time.

Right? And even if I'm not
real, this moment is.

Right here, right now.
This moment is real.

I mean, what's more real than a person
tryin' to help someone they love?

Now, if that's not real,
I don't know what is.

Do you know the
other security guards?

I know 'em all. Why?

Hey, Buddy...

let's not have
a good day...

let's have a great day.

Guy, what are
we doin' here?

We're here to get a video
clip for my friend Millie.

Does this look intimidating?

I don't know, Guy.
How do you hold this thing?

You have
something I want.

And you're gonna hand it over.

How'd you get in here?

Easy. I know
your security guard.

Jimmy?

His name is Luigi.

So if you took some time
to learn his name...

maybe he wouldn't
turn on you so quick.

I need a video clip, and
you're gonna give it to me.

Wait a minute, are you...

Are you Blue Shirt Guy?

Yeah, maybe.

Holy shit! You're Guy!
You're Blue Shirt Guy! It's you!

- Yeah.
- I love you.

- You do?
- I mean...

I'm like a fan.
You're awesome.

You can have
anything you want.

Wait, hold on one second.

Gamers, listen up, this is
Revenjamin Buttons here.

I'm here with Guy.

The Guy, he's in my stash
house, and he's here to rob me.

Can I get a little...

- "what-what" for my followers, Guy?
- What?

Perfect. All right,
so what's happening is...

Guy's looking for a clip...

showing a walkthrough I did
to get to the secret level.

Who are you talking to?

I'm sorry.

Who am I talking to?
It's just such a classic Guy line.

Right?

You're good.
Oh, anyway...

And you, you tried to steal it
from me with that Molotov chick.

Her name's Millie.

- Yeah. Wait, who?
- Millie.

I think
it's going really well.

I know. This is literally the first
time I took my gun out the holster.

Totally. Right?

Guy, I tried to go back through,
but the glitch is patched.

And I never found it again.

So I'm the only one that ever
saw what was on the other side.

But it's all here,
check it out.

It's pretty cool actually.
It's like a whole other world.

- This is it? This is the game clip?
- Yeah, that's it.

Can you do one,
single, just one solid for me?

- One thing, I'll stop asking, okay?
- Yeah.

Just say my catchphrase.

My viewers will just banana cream sandwich
all over themselves if you say it.

I love banana
cream sandwiches.

Maybe not this
banana cream sandwich.

Yeah, this one.

Okay, perfect. Okay, so just
say, "You know what time it is?"

- You know what time it is?
- You know what time it is?

You know what time it is?

You know what time it is?

You know
what time it is?

You know
what time it is?

You know
what time it is?

It's crime o'clock,
baby. Yeah.

It's crime o'cl...

But, no, I can't
say that. That's...

Okay. It's all right.
I'll say it myself.

- All right, you know what time it is?
- No.

It's crime o'cl...
Mom!

Mom! Are you
serious with the...

vacuum right now?

You really have to do that here?
I'm saying my...

catchphrase!
Everybody's watching!

- God!
- You're 22,

living in my house,
there is no God!

Sorry, Guy.

Thank you, Mr. Buttons.
We're gonna go.

No, no, no! No,
you gotta kill me.

- I'm sorry, what?
- You gotta kill me. Please kill me.

Give it to me, Daddy.
Give it to me!

No. Please don't do that.
Please don't do that.

We're not gonna hurt anybody.
I'm a good guy.

What? What'd you say?

That's deep.

No, it's not.

That's like I can
taste you, deep.

I want your help, Buddy.
I don't have the safeword.

I know what you want.

I don't want that.

Yeah, you do.

That's touching.

- They're touching.
- Yeah.

I know what you want.

Yes, I do.

You want a little bit
of that Free City Itchy Kitty.

- No.
- Uh-huh. Yes, you do.

The way you move,
it's almost dirty.

What about a little
Thanos Glove...

into a little bit
of Thanos Snap?

- Oh. That looked like it hurt.
- Yeah, a little bit.

A little Sunday Drive.

You have
a beautiful home.

- Snakey Man? No? No Snakey Man?
- Bye, Mr. Buttons.

Come on, give me one snake!
Just come on, man.

Mom!
Do not touch that sock!

I swear to God,
if you touch that sock...

you will be in therapy
for the rest of your life!

No! That's my special sock!
Put it down!

Millie, please.

Please wake up from
your standing coma.

Look, I know this world
is just a game to you

and you can come
and go, but to me...

this place, these people,
that's all I have.

And if I can help you save it,
I wanna do that...

but you gotta wake up, please.

Millie, I'm sorry
for running away.

Guy?

Oh, that's so scary!
It's just terrifying.

I know, I know.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Look, you may have started out living
in the background, but so did I.

We're done with that.

I got you a present.

I didn't have time to wrap it.

What?

They say over a
billion NPCs are killed every year.

Now, I'm not gonna lie,
that's at least 50% my fault.

I used to shoot
all the secondary characters

when I was bored, you know?

And then, I'd
teabag 'em a little bit.

Who the hell even knows
who this Blue Shirt Guy is?

But I'll tell you this,
he's got me thinkin'

about NPCs and
how I play the game.

The game wasn't even made for someone
like this, for a player to be a good guy.

He's also a really cute guy.

And not just the face, you know,
like the whole thing.

And, honestly,
it's got me realizing...

maybe we've been thinking about
NPCs wrong this whole time.

I think Blue Shirt Guy's
like a symbol, you know?

Like, maybe people
can be whatever they want.

He's like an icon.
Is that the right word?

Like, he reminds us
of what's possible.

Also, he's like crazy hot.

Oh, my God, totally.
I'd hit those pixels hard.

We should all be
more like Blue Shirt Guy.

Maybe we just
stop the killing.

He's dead! You hear me?

The guy, put him up here.

Put him up here on the screen.
Put him on the screen.

Make me see him. There he is.

Yes. There he is,
the little do-gooder.

I thought
you liked Blue Shirt.

Don't say words to me!

People are so busy watching this
loser on Twitch and YouTube.

You know what
they're not doing, guys?

Buying Free City 2.

- Pre-sales are down 16%.
- 60.

60. That's bad.

Oh, we are 48 hours
from launch.

Yeah, he's gone viral.

Yeah, a virus that's giving me ass
and ball cancer at the same time!

Inoperable!

You know,
this whole good guy routine...

it is a bad influence,
and is bad for the franchise.

I want him gone.
I don't care who it is, boot him.

You can't.

Oh, I'm sorry, what?

You can't.

Why not?

Because he's not a hacker, Antwan.
He's an NPC.

You're tryin' to tell me
that all this shit

about a self-aware
NPC is real?

Yeah. I don't know how or
why, but he's real.

What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do?

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

What to do? What to do?
Got it.

And kip-up!

So we can't kick him
out of the game.

How do we reset his AI?
Ideas, people. Come on.

Hit me. Ideas.

You could
just reboot the server.

Keep talking.

If we reboot the server...

then he's just gonna revert back
to a regular non-player guy.

- Solution.
- Antwan.

Antwan, you're talking
about terminating...

the first confirmed
artificially intelligent

life-form right now, okay?

Honey, honey.
Shush.

He's losing me money.

So, I don't care if he's
Arnold-Frickin'- Schwarzen-Vader.

Terminate him. Reboot.

- On it.
- You can't do that.

Reboot!

Order
up and drown your bloodlust...

with a tall glass
of murder juice.

Here's this week's highlights.

He's very expressive
with his body.

Clearly.

What is that?

It's a whole new
world over there.

Some kinda paradise and shit.

Oh, my God, that's it.

It's our original build and that build
is proof our code is in the game.

You have no idea
how long I've waited for this.

I've seen this place.

What?

Yeah.

What do you mean? How could you
have possibly seen it?

Millie? Millie?

We're dark.
Free City is offline.

What is happening?

Bye-bye, Blue Shirt.

No, no, no.

It's okay. Come on.

Come on.

Come on, come on, come on.

Good morning, Goldie.

Front of warm, dry gunfire...

mixed with late
afternoon stabbings...

could leave you in the streets
wet with the blood of innocents...

by early Tuesday night.

What really is the difference between
a light roast and a dark roast?

Nobody knows.

Don't have a good day,
have a great day.

Guy, can we talk?

How does the sunglass girl
know your name?

I don't know. Keep walking.

Come on, Guy!
You know me.

You know this.

You said this clip showed
a place you'd seen before.

I need to know where.

The data's been erased,
but it's in your head.

Please try to remember.
This is really important.

Please, Guy, think.
The ice cream, the swings?

Oh, my Guy loves swings.

At Free City Harbor Park,
there's a great swing set there.

- Have you been?
- Yes.

We had bubble gum ice cream.

OMG, I love
bubble gum ice cream!

He loves the
bubble gum ice cream.

Yes, I know. We had it
together, remember?

Please, Guy,
you're all I've got.

I'm sorry, lady. I think
you have the wrong guy.

Don't have a good day,
have a great day.

Hello?

I might've found something.

I've been going through Guy's code
and there is something there...

even now, after the wipe.

What's the point?

Guy was, like, a one-in-a-billion miracle.
We can't replicate that.

I tried, okay?
You were right, it's over.

No, Millie, Millie,
you're not listening to me, all right?

A reboot, it doesn't
erase his AI coding...

you literally would have to
destroy the servers to do that.

His AI is still there,
it just needs to be accessed.

I've seen him, Keys.
He's forgotten everything.

Just look at the
trace log I sent you.

It'll explain everything.

Now, from the beginning...

Guy's behavior is much more
complex than it should be,

thanks to our code.

But he's still stuck in Free City.
He's still stuck in this life, this loop.

And then, something changes.
He comes to life. Why?

And then I remembered.

One of the characters from Life Itself
was this guy that I nicknamed Lovelorn.

And he was someone who was designed
to never meet the right person.

It was essentially the building
blocks of the character.

But he never stopped hoping that he
would meet "the girl of his dreams."

So I had to base this girl
off of someone...

and who better than the person that
I was sitting next to every day?

You.

But then, one day...

he meets you in Free City,
and once he sees you...

he can never be the same.

He was supposed to feel doomed,
but instead, he feels alive...

until eventually, he is alive.

You changed him, Millie.

You changed his code.
And I think you can do it again.

You brought him
to life, Millie.

You brought him to life.

And he was alive because
he met the one person...

Don't have a good day...

have a great day.

Thank you.

Take care.

Everybody down on the ground!

Nobody try to be a hero.
This will all be over soon.

Okay.

Everybody
except you.

Door, door, door. I got it.

Please,
I have a goldfish.

Look, I don't have long.

I just took you hostage,
so there are three badges on me.

Badges? Is that like a
Girl Scout thing? What is that?

There is something
inside you, Guy.

What? I don't want
anything inside of me.

They stuck you
in that bank and...

- expected you to just follow the rules...
- I love the bank.

...and do the same
thing every day.

You are so much
more than that.

I don't wanna be
more than that.

No, and I need you
to remember it.

Why have you been following me
and how do you know my name?

Put these on.

I don't have to do anything
that I don't wanna do.

True. The choice is totally yours.

Okay. Okay. Fine.

What is that?

What are these?
Trick glasses or something?

Listen carefully.

In 24 hours, this world,
everyone you know,

it's all gonna
disappear for good.

Can you please
just let me go?

I mean, I haven't really
even seen your face.

I mean, I've seen
the general area,

but I'm not really good
with descriptive words.

Not really good
with words in general.

- Screw it.
- What? Oh!

I remember.

Welcome back.

No. I remember everything.

Come with me.

I do this every day so much,
I'd forgotten why.

Do you see that?

Right there.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

Antwan hid our original build past
the horizon, making it invisible...

but he forgot to scrub
the reflections.

It's still out there, Guy.
We just can't see it.

If we can get there,
that is the evidence we need.

You can't go past
the water line. I tried.

We need help.

Antwan found a way
to hide it in plain sight

in the one place no one
can even get to.

I can't even believe

he's smart enough
to be this diabolical.

Keys, I need you to focus.

Okay. So, the reflection shows the
build past the southern horizon.

But the game physics won't
allow you past the beach.

But you think you can find a way
to get us past the collision mesh?

We're gonna
need a bridge.

You just get to Hitman's Beach
and I'll figure out the rest.

And, Millie?

Be careful.

Antwan may be an asshole,
but he's not stupid.

He'll figure out what you're up to and
he'll throw everything he's got at you.

You're right.

Um, hi, Millie,
and other person I can't see...

well, I have an idea.

What if he has
nothing to throw?

Everyone! Gather around!

Thank you for coming.

Now, you know me, I'm Guy.

Hi, Guy.

Hi.

What I'm about to say
may be hard to understand.

Really hard to understand.

But, are you sick
of living in the background?

Aren't you sick
of being shot at?

Enough.

- Taken hostage?
- No more.

- Run over?
- We done with that.

Robbed? Stabbed?
Used as a human shield?

We are tired of being stabbed!

- Buddy!
- Sorry.

What are you
trying to say, Guy?

I'm tryin' to say that things in
this city don't have to be this way.

Things can be different.

Different how?

- For starters, you can put your arms down.
- Yeah.

There you go. You got it. Yeah.

Keep pushing. There you go.

Breathe through it.
There you go.

Do it. Do it. Do it.

No, not gonna happen.
Nope.

That feels unnatural.

I mean, what about when
someone runs in with a gun?

Having my arms up
is just a real time saver.

Except, what if the guy
with the gun doesn't come?

- What?
- What?

There's always
a guy with a gun.

So many guys with guns.

People, what if our world
doesn't have to be so scary?

What if we can change it?

Millie! How many times a day are
the banks robbed in your world?

Hardly ever, Guy.

What about corpses, Millie?

- What?
- You see a lot of those?

How many an hour?

None per hour, Guy.

What about gun violence?

See a lot of gun violence
in your world?

Actually, that's a big problem, Guy.
It's a massive problem.

I didn't see that coming.

It's true. It really sucks.

The point is, we don't have to
be spectators to our own lives.

We can be whatever we want.

We can't all be you, Guy.

That's not true.

What's inside of me
is inside of you, too.

What?

It's inside of each and
every one of you. You're growing.

I need more in my life than drip coffee.
I want to make...

A cappuccino.

A goddamn difference
in the world.

Much, much better.

And a green tea boba.

- Holy shit!
- That's right!

You go, girl.

Oh, my God, you're amazing!

If I could just make it out
past that water...

there's a world out there
where we can be free.

Where we get to decide
who we wanna be.

Where we can matter.
But we have to fight for it.

We have to fight together.

Yeah!

You guys have always done
what's expected of you.

But that shit ends today.

Yeah!

I don't even know
what's happening right now!

But I love it!

I love it!

I love it!

I love it, too!
Come on, guys, get in here!

Huddle up! Here's what we're gonna do!
Everyone in!

Everybody get
down on the ground!

Hello?

Where the hell is everybody?

Hello?

Where are all the NPCs?

Look, I've been playing
Free City for, like, three years now.

I've never seen
anything like this.

Up until recently, I don't even know if
I'd have noticed a few NPCs going missing.

And I don't know if this is
just some whack Reddit theory...

but some people are saying that
Blue Shirt Guy isn't even a player.

- That he's actual AI.
- AI?

Actual AI. You know, alive.

It's why Blue Shirt Guy
is trending everywhere.

Antwan, if you're watching
this, please fix the game.

- And most of all, bring back Blue Shirt.
- Oh, my God. My God!

Antwan,
you should see this.

And you, you tried to steal
it from me with that Molotov chick.

- Her name's Millie.
- Who?

Millie.

Got her. Got her!
Got you! Got you!

Mouser! Put him up on the screen.
Now. Put him up.

That's it. Come on, quicker.

Yes, there he is.

He's joyriding around Free City
with some player called Molotovgirl.

AKA Millie Rusk.

Millie Rusk? Isn't that
Keys' old partner?

Yeah.

Also the one who's trying to hit
me with this bogus lawsuit...

'cause she's desperate
for a piece of Soonami Kwan.

Boot Molotovgirl now.

I'm trying. I'm trying as hard as I
can, but her account's spoofed.

This woman is exceptional.

Then kill her in the game.

"What?" Yes,
I said that. Kill her.

Throw everything at them,
all right? Five badges, G.

Yeah, just one problem.

We don't have anything.

Whatchu talking about, Willis?

We don't have any defenses.

We don't have police,
military, no nothing.

It's what I've been
trying to tell you.

It's like every
NPC went on strike.

Got a tall, half-caf,
double foam oat milk,

matcha latte with cinnamon!

- That's me.
- Hey.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Cheers.

Go get 'em, Guy!

It's like a digital walkout.

No, it's not.

They're doing this on purpose,
it's part of their plan.

You know what we're gonna do?
We're gonna kill them in the game.

Turn off respawn,
kill them dead, now.

But that means any players
who die will be done for good.

They'll freak out.

I don't care.

Sir? Sir, just to be clear,
are you telling me that it's go time?

Are you looking
for some sort of banter thing

'cause you think
we're friends now...

and we're in some sort
of gang together?

Yes. Yes, that's exactly
what I'm looking for.

Cool, we're a team.

We should come up

- with a catchphrase, okay?
- All right.

- On three. One, two, three...
- One, two, three...

Get back to work!

Someone find me Keys!

All right, people, you heard him.
It's go time!

Okay, that's not good.

He knows where we're going.

All right, I got him.
I got him. Don't worry.

Want some four wheels
to the face?

Take that. Boom!

Rabbit's coming for you.
Apex predator.

Whoa!

Here we go.
Y'all watching this?

I'm about to end this fool.

Come on, come on, come on.

Keys, if you're there,
a little help, please.

God! Okay, who did that?
Who is doing that?

Don't play with me! Seriously!
I'm under way too much pressure!

Come on!

Go, go, go!

I just checked with security.
Keys hasn't left the building.

Oh, sounds like you've
done everything possible.

Time to give up?
You wanna give up?

No, I'm sensing you
want me to keep looking.

- Go.
- I'll be back.

I have no idea where
these fools are running to.

I do. Southern shore.
Hitman's Beach.

Well, that's stupid.
There's nothing out there but water.

Game physics won't even let
you get past the shoreline.

Unless there is
something out there.

Antwan, is there
something there?

Screw it. Art nerds.

Time for Dude.

We're still working on him.

I worked on him myself.
He's perfect.

Drop in Dude now.

Just do it. He's got,
like, half a brain...

he's barely written,
but sure, start the upload.

What are we
supposed to do now?

Now Keys
finds us a bridge.

Come to collect those
knives you stabbed in my back, bro?

You've been helping Millie
Rusk this whole time.

She's looking for your build.

What build, Antwan?

It's not like you used
our code anyway, right?

And if you didn't
use our code...

then how can our original
build be in the game, right?

Or am I missing something?

Leave us.

Okay, Keys,
let's have a real talk.

If I'd put out your dumb game,
it would have bombed.

Antwan, you don't know
it would've failed.

Yeah, I do know.

I looked at the numbers,
the tracking, the focus groups.

Has it ever occurred to you that
some things matter more than numbers?

What matters more
than numbers? Money?

Yo, news flash, bro,
money is still numbers.

Nothing matters
more than numbers!

You should be thanking me!

I should be thanking you?

What about the profits
that you got from our work?

You chose your side,
little Padawan.

And now, it's time for you to take
your place next to the Emperor.

You get me, bro?

Yeah, I get you...
bro.

Which leads me to this.

Thanks, Keys.

What the hell was that?

Hey, Antwan,
things are getting hectic.

Oh, I thought you were
smarter than this, Keys.

You're obviously fired,
you know that.

And you, what is she still
doing in the game, man?

Boot everyone.

Hold up. You want me
to boot all the players?

Boot them out
of the game, now!

Cancel every player account!

And where the hell is Dude?

Security! Kick this punk out.

Guy!

- Millie!
- They're taking me out.

What's happening?

It's on you now.
Everybody's watching.

You gotta keep going.

Wait, wait, wait!
Will I see you again?

You will if you make it
across that bridge.

Show the whole world our build.
That's the proof.

You do that, Antwan is done.

I'll make it.

I'll make it.

What the hell?

What's going on?

All right, let's all remember this
moment, before we were fired.

Oh!

Wow.

Catchphrase.

Catchphrase?

What? I haven't had time
to think one up yet.

Although "catchphrase" as a catchphrase
is a pretty cool catchphrase.

Whoa.

Get up, Guy. Get up.

Oh, no, no, no.

Guy, I came to save you.

- Who is this?
- I don't know.

He's glorious.

I mean, he's just like you...

but way better.

Way, way better.

- Thank you.
- No, that's not a compliment.

I wouldn't touch him
if I were you, Buddy.

What do you mean you don't
think I should touch him?

You don't mind this, do you?

'Cause I'm your buddy, too.

Yeah, I think he's
gonna... hit you.

He punches so hard.

But yet his hands are so soft.

- Be strong.
- Okay, bye.

Hey, it's like I'm a feather to him.

Whee!

Ha-ha!

Oh...

No, no, no! No!

Get up, Guy, get up!

Playtime's over. Catchphrase.

I don't know
what that means.

Come on, man. Get up!

Get up.

There are three things
I love in life.

Kickin' ass, TBD,
third thing here.

Oof! Oh, shit!

Activate death blow.

Bye, Guy.

Oh, shit, that's a death blow.

Get up!

Mom, he's coming in
with a death blow!

Get up, Guy.

Oh.

What the shit?

That was dope.

- Hold on. Is that...
- That's a...

Yes! That's a
lightsaber, Dude.

Mm-hmm.

- Is that a lightsaber?
- It is.

Oh!

Guy!

Yes!

Yes! That's right.
Get up, Guy. Come on.

There you go.

Do you see them
all now? Yeah?

- Uh-huh.
- Yeah?

Yeah, shiny things everywhere.

Yeah, there you go. Go get it.

Just lots of little snacks.

Yeah, not a dancer. No.

Run free, better me.

Let's go.

Where are we going?

We can't let them
get across that bridge.

You wanna finish
this out with me?

Look, I don't even know what's going
on, but hell yes, I'm with you.

Ha-ha!

Let's go!

Antwan, come on, man.

What are we doing here?

Where are the servers
to Free City 1?

No. Antwan,
what the hell are you doing?

If they get past that horizon to the
build, I lose everything!

Wait, so you did
steal their code.

Welcome to
the conversation, genius.

Now, where are
those servers?

It's all of these, but hold on.
I'm trying to wrap my head around this.

All these? This one?
Right, this one?

Yeah. How did you...

Run.

Antwan!

Stop!

Officer Johnny!

- Come on!
- Come on!

Which server has the ocean
and the rest of the bridge?

I'm not gonna tell you.

You're just
gonna destroy it.

Yeah. 'Cause it's my game.

Except it's not.
It's Keys' game.

You didn't do shit.

And guess what?
Keys is my boy.

Security!

Please escort this former
employee off the premises.

He can call you
by your real name.

Guy!

- Buddy! Buddy!
- No, no! Keep going!

Go without me!

I've been scared
my whole damn life.

But I'm not scared anymore.

I'm sorry.

I'm not.

It's been the
best day of my life.

You get to that build.

You show 'em we matter.

That security guard right
there was a goddamn hero.

You did it!

Yes! Yes!

Suck it, Antwan! Whoo!

Antwan, stop!

It's over.

He made it.

Got your game's original build
out there for everyone to see.

Probably win
your lawsuit, huh?

Looks likely.

Cool.

And here's the thing, bro.
Here's the thing.

Right here, I got
everything you care about.

The sliver that's left of Free City,
all your little background friends...

including your
digital boyfriend.

Last server.

Look, I just want the world that
I built and the people in it.

What's in it for Antwan?

Everything else.

Meaning? Pretend I'm dumb.

You have the rights to our
code, keep all the profits...

just give me
what's left of Free City.

Let me build my
own world from there.

What about Free City 2?
Free City 3?

And all pursuant spin-offs?

All yours.
Just put down the axe.

You know that this is, like,
the dumbest deal

in the history of
dumb deals, right?

I mean, you're talking about
giving up millions of dollars.

Why would anyone do that?

'Cause Keys and I
made something great.

And I don't need money or
fame to prove that to myself.

I'm done playing
your game, Antwan.

It's time I played mine.

Deal?

Popping today
and not in a good way.

Sales for Free City 2
continue to slip...

with numerous reports of bugs in
the code and lagging online play.

Embattled Soonami game founder
Antwan Hovachelik

finds himself
in the crosshairs.

Crosshairs.

He's in the crosshairs and embattled.

We're too busy to gloat.

I'm a victim! I'm a victim!

Speaking of busy,
we just doubled

the amount of unique
visitors we can handle.

It's amazing.

Who'd have thought
that so many people...

would just wanna watch video game
characters instead of shoot at them?

Hmm...

Oh, yeah, we did.

Yeah.

You know,
you're pretty cute when you brag.

Antwan out!

Meanwhile,
the game Free Life

is quickly becoming
the little indie that could.

Players are swarming to this
observational, fishbowl game...

where they interact peacefully with
the one and only Blue Shirt Guy...

and is now no longer in the
background, a digital friend.

Uh, hey, Mills...

Do you wanna come
grab a coffee with me?

Actually, I'm gonna jump
back into the game.

- Oh.
- Coffee?

Okay. Yeah. Sounds good.

I'll just, uh, grab you one.

Oh, Keys, uh...

I know, medium coffee,
cream, two sugars.

Yeah.

Hi, Randy. Milton.

Hmm.

I was wondering
when I'd see you again.

Yeah, life has
been pretty crazy lately.

You should see it in here.

We're talkin' free
bubble gum ice cream for life.

Wow.

Hey, guys.

Look, Guy...

Wow, this is harder
than I thought.

Then let me do it for you.

Guy...

you are dreamy.

Your taste in blue shirts and
five-octave musical superstars...

it's deeply, deeply
attractive to me.

But I can't keep spending
all my time with you.

I created this world,
but I can't live my life in it.

See? Was that so hard?

So, what are you gonna do?

Anything I want.
Thanks to you.

I'm not stuck
in a loop anymore.

Neither are you.

I love you, Millie.

Maybe that is my programming
talking, but guess what?

Someone wrote that program.

I'm just a love letter to you.

Somewhere out there
is the author.

You brought him to life.
You brought him to life.

And he was alive because
he met the one person

he'd been waiting for
his whole life.

And I had to make it
realistic, so...

I based it off of...

you.

The woman of his dreams...

she was the same as mine.

So she liked bubble gum
ice cream and swing sets...

and she had this very cute
but oddly specific habit...

of always humming this
classic Mariah Carey track.

Like, all the time,
she would... repeat.

Finally!

Keys!

What are you...

You okay, little guy Guy?

You seem adjective.

I'm great. I'm great.
You could put me down, by the way.

Thank you. That was nice.

No, I'm great.
You're great, Dude.

I just miss my best friend.

We used to do the same walk
together every day.

Except he wore a shirt.
And could complete a full sentence.

I can bench press
a sentence.

Yeah, that's totally
not the same thing at all.

Harder laughter!

Oh...

Guy?

- Buddy!
- No!

Oh, my God! Guy!

Buddy! I thought I'd lost you!

You didn't!

One minute, I'm running on
a crazy bridge to nowhere...

thinkin' my sweet
mundane life is over.

The next minute, I'm like
in some type of flyin'...

and some like fairy dust,
pixie dust...

and then I plopped down
into this slice of heaven.

Man, I love it here.

In fact, a couple of days ago,
I rode a centaur.

Now, it might sound weird...

I took a piggyback ride on a
half-dude and a half-horse...

whatever a centaur
is, I did it.

I rode a dude, too!

Friendly gesture!

So friendly!

Come on, bring it in!

- Are we gonna hug?
- I'm coming for you!

- No, you're not. I'm coming for you.
- Yes, I am!

- You come here!
- I'm coming to you!

I'm reeling you in.
I'm reeling you in.

Buddy, I missed you!

Hey, so where's the bank?

There is no bank.

So what do we do?

Whatever we want.

- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Guy.

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull