All language subtitles for Escape to the Chateau S01E03.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.x264-CMYK.English

Every year, 10,000 Brits
cross the Channel

to start a new life in France.

Bonjour, Monsieur. Deux kilos
de tomates, s'il vous plait.

Engineer Dick Strawbridge
and his partner, designer Angel,

decided to join them.

I'm sure they said
that was four euros,

and they've only given me
50 cents change.

But while they thought their budget
might stretch

to a modest little farmhouse
or a gite,

Dick and Angel discovered
they could dream bigger.

Much bigger.

It's so gorgeous.

This is the story of one family's
extraordinary adventure

as they try to turn
an abandoned chateau

into a fairytale castle
in time for their wedding.

We're just excited to see
this place breathe again.

They've been through every
kind of renovation hell...

..from ploughing through
three-foot-thick walls

to plagues of flies...

This has been vacuumed
about half a dozen times.

..and mislaying their own
sewage system.

Where do our sewage pipes go?

I'm really hoping it's not just
filling up the basement somewhere.

With just a few weeks
to the wedding...

We have nearly killed ourselves.

Everyone's knackered around us.

..they still have hundreds
of jobs to complete.

Whoa!

This could get messy.

The race is on.

Dick and Angel have spent
the last eight months

restoring the 45-room
Chateau de la Motte Husson,

which sits on its own island
in the Pays de la Loire.

Their castle and 12 acres of land

cost them £280,000...

..and was irresistible - on paper.

The writing is just so delicate.
I mean, you can't read it.

You'd need a little monocle.

Built on five levels,
it has 45 rooms,

and is so big it could fit
nine British new-build houses

inside its four walls.

But they soon found out why
these historic monuments

are so cheap to buy.

They are bottomless money pits.

We're tight, with loans, with money,

and everything's expensive here.

SHE LAUGHS

Before long, their savings were sunk

into a monumental plumbing
and heating system.

First fire done. Heat!

But they've still got major works
needing urgent attention.

Oh!

That's very, very unpleasant.

It's now autumn.

They're getting married
in just a few weeks,

when 200 guests will be descending
on the chateau.

They have to speed up even more if
it's ever going to be ready in time.

Angela and I do 18, 20-hour days.

We get to bed maybe
two, three in the morning,

the kids are up at six or seven,
and that's our standard day,

because we know we've got
so much to do.

We're jiggered.

COCK CROWS

With his nuptials looming,

Dick Strawbridge has just
one thing on his mind.

Sewage.

He's been waiting for a vital report

to tell him how to dispose
of his waste.

Oooh.

Ha-hey!

This is the assainissement report,
the sewage report,

and I think we pay by weight.

Obviously it's expensive.

With a house full of guests due,
Dick has to get the system working.

Oh! Dick, what are you doing?

But all they know, from running
dye through the pipes

when they first arrived,
is that the chateau toilets

flush somewhere into the moat...

maybe.

Angela, Angela, wherefore art thou?
Oh, flushing the loo.

HE LAUGHS

There is no red dye there.

The report, which cost 500 euros,

includes plans for a whole new
septic system.

See what we're going
to do with our poo!

Under French law, they have
to make it green and clean

within 18 months of purchase,
or face prosecution.

A self-confessed scrimper,

Dick hates paying
outside contractors for anything.

They've arrived. Bonjour!

Ca va? Ca va bien. Ca va?

But the septic system is way beyond
even Dick's skill set.

A big family business down the road
are putting in our septic tank.

This week we should have our sewage,
so when we flush the loo,

it doesn't go into the moat.

That is going to be phenomenal.

It may have taken six months
to make it happen here in France,

but when it does happen,
you're really happy.

Bertrand, bonjour. Bonjour, ca va?
Ca va.

Dick is going to have to
prise open his wallet.

The job will set him back
nearly £10,000.

The 1,800 gallon tank is
standard for the building,

but there's nothing standard
about the chateau.

Half of the septic system
needs to be located

on the other side of the moat.

To do that, a dam will have to be
built for a pipe to be laid.

Now, this is basically
a settling tank.

All of the waste is going to
fill up our big septic tank.

It will then come through our pump,
and our plan says

from this pump we are going
to go across the moat,

over to this field, and we're going
to have a sand filter.

And as it works its way down here,
down some pipes,

in there it's a little ecosystem.

It breaks it down,
bacteria breaks it down.

And what comes out of our overflow
here is basically clean water.

That clean water can then
make its way back to the moat,

because it's clean.

They'll lay the pipe across
the narrowest part of the moat,

where it's 20 feet wide,
but standing in their way

is more than a million
gallons of water

and a mass of medieval sludge...

..and the ancient foundations
of a medieval castle.

I have to admit, I actually twitch

when people start
digging up around here.

There is literally
history everywhere.

HE SPEAKS IN FRENCH

Ah, OK.

Someone has actually
found an old wall.

We know a drawbridge used to go down
over there for the entrance way

when this was a fort with a moat
all the way around it.

The big stones in there are from
the old castle that was here.

That's real medieval stuff. That's
to stop the knights getting in.

Probably to stop the English.

Sh!

Digging deeper,
Bertrand hits another snag.

As fast as he enters the hole,
it fills up again.

Not surprisingly, because we've
got the moat all around,

there's water when you dig
a very deep hole here.

The pump drains the hole
to allow them

to create an emergency
concrete base.

We're mixing concrete
in the bottom now.

Normally you add water
to your mixture of sand,

your gravel, your cement.

But all they're doing
is putting it in there

and letting the moat do the mixing.

It's happening.

While Dick grapples
with the sewage...

..Angel has taken delivery
of an unusual art installation.

It's going to be like a big
explosion of butterflies

that are going to come up
the wall and the ceiling,

and oh, it's going to look nice.

My one reservation is that,
actually, even though I've done 200,

I don't know if I've got enough.

And every one takes
about five minutes.

I'm not going to do the maths,
but you know, it's a lot of hours.

All this effort is not just
for their own nuptials.

The couple want to launch
a vintage wedding business.

The chateau has to start
paying for itself,

or their whole dream
could be short-lived.

There's that formula that
Dick and I always harp on about,

that you've either got
time or money.

SHE LAUGHS
What one have we got?

We've got neither.

And we're a bit mental, aren't we?

Angel is hoping that her own unique
approach to interior design

will appeal to potential customers.

The giraffe's not real, by the way.

But she still has to convince
her groom-to-be.

Quite a lot of things are arriving.

My pineapple light from
America has arrived.

It IS a pineapple.

It's nothing like
a sparkly chandelier.

No, I know, but I love it.

I know you don't get it, baby.

We've always worked by the rule,
"As long as we like it."

You know, it's not for everyone.

Do I like this?

Oh, yeah, we've always worked to
the rule, "As long as I like it."

SHE LAUGHS

There's two weeks to go

until Dick and Angel get married.

There are still hundreds of jobs
that need to be done.

They have to speed up.

The French team, working on
the sewage, are full steam ahead.

But over the previous months,

the couple have found it hard
to pin down French labour.

Trying to get French workers to
do stuff for us was so painful,

so slow, so expensive.

So their answer is to tap
into a whole community of British

expat builders who turn up on time
and do a full day.

We've had to get
some more labour in.

We would never ever
have got everything done.

I mean, just painting this place
is months and months.

People like Steve, a plasterer
from Bradford via Normandy,

who might give them
a fighting chance

of finishing
this mammoth task on time.

When I first came down that drive
there, I just thought, "Crikey!

"There's going to
be some work there."

The size of it...

I feel privileged to be working
on something like this that

hasn't been lived in for a long,
long time, and you're putting it

back as a family home,
the way that it was built to do.

One project at the top of
the never-ending to-do list is

the crumbling balustrade where they
want to take their wedding pictures.

As a matter of urgency, we know
we need to make this part safe

because it's a bit wobbly
and falling off the balustrade

would be a bit embarrassing
for everybody

or, if somebody walks underneath,
they'll get a rock in the head.

It doesn't sound at all funny
when you say it like that.

But finding a French builder
to fix the problem

has been predictably difficult.

I got a stonemason who quoted
3,000 euros to fix it,

1,000 euros of which was for
the hire of scaffolding for a week

so having asked him to do it
because we thought, well,

I said I'd do the scaffolding
but he can come and do it,

haven't heard from him
for three months.

Tried e-mails, phone calls
and can't afford to wait any longer,

so the bottom line is
we're doing it ourselves.

Steve, the tiling, plastering,
painting guru that we've got,

has also done some stonework,
so between the two of us,

I'm going to save 3,000 euros
and we're going to do it

in probably two days.

I think that's going to have
to come off, isn't it?

Got to come off. Got to come off.

What's interesting,
if you look inside here,

there's a piece of metal
going that way.

The iron rods that have been binding
the stonework together for 150 years

have rusted and expanded,
cracking the stone.

What they need is
some new steel rods

to link all the jigsaw pieces
together.

Dick decides to dismember
some of his old British tools.

This is not vandalism, all right?

This spanner is good metal but it's
also something for a car-boot sale

and it's imperial, which means
it doesn't fit many of the nuts

and things over here
and I've got a whole

selection of things like this
in my work box and...

Chop this up and all of a sudden
it gets repurposed and it's useful.

And what's more, it saves me money.

The spanner was made to be
unbreakable.

Even titan Dick and his
angle grinder are having trouble.

Yes!

The recycled rods are a perfect fit

and a quick-drying epoxy resin
secures them in place.

It's a type of steel
that won't rust.

Hopefully, it's going to be
there for years and years.

Dick's new steel rods are set
vertically as well as horizontally,

so when the stones are laid on top,
they will lock in securely.

It's 6pm.

Time for the septic team
to clock off.

As far as I can tell, they've come,
they've sucked, they've built,

they've...

done various bits and pieces
but I still haven't got sewage.

But there's no such reprieve
for everyone else.

The British team works
into the small hours to ensure

the chateau is ready for its first
party in nearly half a century.

HAMMERING

The days are flying by.

The expat army is working full tilt.

And Angel has her
wedding planner hat on.

Right, entranceway.

Pineapple chandelier, done.

Unicorn, side-saddle,
bit of fou-fou.

Quarter of a day.

In the kitchen,
Dick's slaving over a hot stove,

but he isn't making
pain au chocolat.

He's baking sand.

It's an ingenious trick
for the balustrade outside.

Dry sand to add to the epoxy mix
so it's this colour as opposed

to being the white mix we've got
and giving it the texture of stone.

That's what Steve said,
so I'm just agreeing with him.

It's dry in here. I'm going to leave
it here till he needs it.

It's nice and warm as well.

Right, the radiator needs
to be straightened.

Got some alligator skin
and fox heads to come in here.

All the rods that Dick's made
out of his old tools are set

in position, so the last pieces of
the jigsaw can be put back together.

Sat on there, it's sat on the pins

and that sets. It's going nowhere.

Mm-hm.

If the last one fits.
THEY CHUCKLE

OK, honeymoon suite.

This...

This still needs quite
a bit of work, but...

It's not the end of the world
if this isn't perfect.

Yesterday, I felt really panicked.

Today, I feel like
I'm in a bit of a better place.

Erm...
I think we're going to do it.

Got lot of cooking to do.

And I'm getting my legs waxed today.

BLEEP! I'm getting my legs waxed.
I better get on.

The last pieces of the balustrade
are returned to their rightful spot.

The mortar, which has been mixed
with the baked sand,

blends with the stone
and Steve fills in the cracks.

No guests will be tumbling
into the driveway now.

Right, weather forecast.

If it's like this next week,
it will be great.

Fantastic.

One week to the big party.

But the moat is proving
to be much more of a problem.

A dam that the French team
were building to hold back over

a million gallons has
just burst its banks.

It's very difficult
to stop the water.

C'est trop mou.
Trop mou. Where you...?

Voila. OK. La pelleteuse,
elle va glug-glug-glug.

La pelleteuse va glug-glug-glug.

What that basically means is

because we've got enough water to
cause an armoured knight on a horse

a problem, we've also got enough
water to cause a digger a problem.

It's turning into a bit of a major
civil engineering project.

I've got a fixed-price contract.

Thank goodness for that!

Fortunately, Jean-Bertrand
does have a plan B.

So now, they're making a dam
based on a big piece of tarp

and that basically means that
it shouldn't flow back in so easily.

The tarp will act as an extra
barrier to hold back

the medieval sludge while the trench
is drained overnight.

I think...

It will be good.

There is progress being made
inside at least.

The chateau is beginning
to show her finer side.

But Angel is having
her own sacre bleu moment.

A flower company has
reneged on its promise.

The flowers that I wanted
aren't going to arrive.

The customer service in France
is BLEEP ridiculous.

(Unbelievable.)

Angel's wedding bouquet
can't be delivered

until the day after the ceremony.

Oh, hi, I need an order that could
get somewhere tomorrow.

Is that possible
if I placed it now?

Well, to be honest,
any that you've got.

No, I fully understand that.

Would it easier if I just ordered
it on the internet and then

if it didn't come, it didn't come,
because I'm having...

Right. OK.

Meanwhile, Dick has
worries of his own.

He's nervous about the ability
of his four working toilets

to take the strain of 200 guests.

Angela got a quote for
some porta-potties,

portable loos for the wedding
and they reckoned to get

six porta-potties, I think for
three days, they quoted 1,900 euros.

It just makes you shiver,
it's just wrong, isn't it?

So if I turn this old loo
into a men's urinal,

it may just work.

A 19th-century nobleman might have
turned his nose up at a urinal,

but for modern vino-swilling Brits,
it's ideal.

CRACK!

That's not a good
sound from a joist.

I reckon...

For less than 100 euros,
one stronger on that side,

piece of wood across there...

Next time you see this,
it's going to be a pissoir.

Expat builder Jay is recruited
to install new joists.

While Dick carves out
a plywood floor.

Yay!

In theory, you could just pee here.

But I'm putting the bath in to give
the chaps something to aim at.

Trench warfare has broken out
all over.

A giant ventilation system,
which is being connected to the new

septic tank, is also proving
a stubborn project to complete.

We have to do a ventilation pipe
that goes all the way up

to the attic and, of course,
it doesn't go up the side.

That would be ugly,
so it's going up all over the place

so there is another hundred
metres of evacuation tuyau.

Sewage pipe.

The pipe is meant to trap bad smells
and release them up high,

but the route it will take
is like a map of the Paris Metro.

We've gone from the tank all the way
through the ground floor,

through the cellar, through the
back room, through the utility room,

we've gone through the backroom
which is going to be a cloakroom,

back through the kitchen,
where up to the first bathroom.

We've got another bathroom

and we've got two bits of attic
to go through, so...

It would be more fun
if there was less of it.

Hold on, hold on.

After dozens of phone calls and
e-mails, Angel is making progress.

Yeah, they look good.

If I had a preference,

I'd kind of want a muted colour
or a dusty pink.

This is good. Just don't even
complicate it,

just go for that, yeah.

Great, that's brilliant.
Thank you so much. Bye.

I think, and I don't want
to tempt fate,

but I think there is someone
in Mayenne that has them.

You know that's just wasted
an hour of my time

and I actually want to have a shower
and put some make-up on.

And feel a bit more brighter
than I do at the moment.

I've had my legs waxed.
Can you tell?

SHE LAUGHS

First time since I've been here.

One set of suppliers
who do turn up on time

are Angel's favourite faux fur
taxidermists from Cardiff.

Not content with her safari
collection of animal heads,

she's also asked them to make
a special wedding gift for Dick.

I've bought you
some plastic, darling,

so we can do some more painting.

That's going to scare
the kids silly!

That is amazing.

Can we get it up here?

Legend has it that
the region's last wolf

was shot from a window
in the chateau.

That wolf stood guard
in the stairwell.

Today, like so much of the chateau,
that myth is coming back to life.

Yeah!

Oh, my God, Dick...

I need to take a picture.

That is truly amazing.

It's a nice little touch, isn't it?
Little touch?

You are joking!

It's a bloody great wolf!

Darling, I am over the moon.

Thank you, you two,
for all your work.

Can you do that?
HE HOWLS

Are you lost, big fella?

Who is this man?

Drew! You have sprung up big time.

In the days leading
up to the wedding,

family and guests start to gather
from far-flung parts of the world.

Oh-ho! I reckon
it's Jimmy and David.

Hello, family.

It's perfect timing,

as Dick and Angel need all the help
they can get.

Right, tell me your skill sets.
Yeah. Right.

We'll fill you in
on what tasks we've got for you.

THEY LAUGH

As the chores are divvied up,

Dick's mum and his three sisters
draw the short straw.

We haven't got time to go shopping,
Angela and I,

so I'm going to send my mum
and my sisters out.

The shopping list has got
to be scaled up

and they're going to go and get
confit chicken gizzards for me.

HE LAUGHS

It's going to keep them busy.

It's a double trip, in other words?

No, it's probably not a double trip.

It's probably a monster trip,
just. Oh, good.

Well, Richard, that's something
we can do that's useful..

Get coffees. I'm going to check on
grub, cos I've got to go
and get my hair done. OK.

OK. Cups through there...

While Dick's mum and his sisters
head for the supermarche...

..the chateau quickly turns into
a forced-labour camp,

Strawbridge-style.

See the far side of the moat? Yes.

I'd like you to put four stakes
six paces apart.

Just to stop people falling
in the moat. OK, got it.

Meanwhile, Angel has roped in
some of her artist friends

to paint the old barn doors...

which will be the entranceway
to another of her flights of fancy.

This room is going to be
the adult party room.

Sophie and Sam, friends from London,

are here doing an illustration

which is going to be the fun house
for the wedding.

Arthur Donald,
what do you reckon of that? Look.

Nice!
LAUGHTER

Thank you so much.
Great job. Great job.

What does the monkey say?
HE ROARS

ADULTS LAUGH

The wedding is almost upon them.

What lies ahead, in terms
of preparation, is daunting.

But at least the French have
turned up early.

It's just turned eight o'clock. We
wait to 9.30 and hope they turn up.

Bertram's team are actually
motivated.

With a bit of luck,
six months after starting all this,

we could actually have
flushing toilets.

And the team are now coffee-d up
and ready to work.

Bonjour, Jean-Bertrand, ca va?
Bonjour.

They're not the only ones
who are up with the lark.

Angel still has a list of chores
as long as both arms,

including framing the
19th-century plans of the chateau.

OK, so we're going to have...

First floor, second floor. Yeah.

The picture will be landscaped.
Yeah. Good.

We got given the original plans
for the house

and I was so happy
with just getting these up.

It's like, you know, it is
all the finishing touches,

but that's the bit that everyone
goes, "Oh, doesn't it look great?"

Outside, the French are putting
their finishing touches

to the septic system.

The makeshift dam survived the night

and a vacuum tanker is now able
to suck up the remaining mud.

Whoa, oh-ho-ho! Jean-Bertrand!

After barrelling through the moat's
one metre-thick walls,

the team is finally able to connect
the leach field to the chateau

with a 16-metre-long plastic pipe.

The leach field is like
a tiered French slice cake,

set into a newly dug trough
with perforated piping.

A double helping of gravel.

A porous membrane.

All topped off with
a five-ton dollop of sand.

After the sewage has
travelled under the moat

and seeped through all those layers,

it ends up as clean water

which then leaches
back into the land.

This system here will be
where all of the bad stuff

comes out of the water.

It'll settle in here.

By the time it overflows,
it's going to be clean.

This time next year, there'll be
stuff growing on top of this.

This is just going to be
a green field

with a little green cap
sticking out of it.

You're never even going to know
we were here.

After six months of planning,
200 hours of work

and the small matter of
rearranging a medieval moat,

Dick's septic system graduates
to legal status

with a conformity certificate.

Au revoir. Merci. Au revoir.

We had to get it done
before the wedding

and it was a bit hit or miss,
but we got there in the end.

At last, the wedding
is coming into focus.

And Angel can switch her attentions
to the 19th-century orangery -

one of the seven outbuildings
on the 12-acre estate.

It's where their wedding feast
will take place.

So, then, that's going to go
in the middle.

I'm going to just do it like this...

which is in no order, yeah?

But I think it looks sweet. Yeah.

Great. Everyone
has their name on the napkins.

It's always the little personal
details that people remember.

Yeah, so, get 15 cake plates
out in there,

so, then, that's pretty clear,
isn't it?

See, I always get a bit
too excited at this point

and then don't have
any space for food.

Everything seems to be
coming together.

Wedding tomorrow.

The afternoon is wearing on.

So many people working really hard.

And I don't think there's a single
room where there's not activity.

People are cutting up
something in one room.

People are peeling spuds
in the other.

We've done a ridiculous amount
in a short period of time.

Even Angel's elusive flowers
have arrived.

That is not very impressive at all.

Let me take a picture of that.

I've got to say, that is...

That looks a bit naff.

And dead.

I just ordered them cos they looked
quite good online,

but it's just like ordering a
burger from a fast-food restaurant.

It looks bloody lovely online.
It turns up and it's like BEEP.

I will not use that bouquet.

A second supplier delivers
more blooms for the house,

but it's too late
for her own bouquet.

It's just, you know, half
the battle in any business is, like,

finding your suppliers,
finding good people to work with,

getting a good team together.

Trying to do that and this and the
kids and the wedding, it's just...

SHE LAUGHS

After nearly a year
of back-breaking work on the estate,

there's still a long way to go,
but phase one is almost complete.

Dick and Angel have just
one job left.

What do you want me to do?
Hold those for a second.

Yeah, I could do that.

What we're going to do... Yeah?

We hang it up there like that
in the middle. That's... OK.

I would have put it higher. These
are the bits of wood we had. OK.

I know, at this time of...
Come on, let me put it in.

Right, I need you to hold your side.

Right, we need to be below there.

Right. In here? Mm-hm.

Good. Well done.

Careful. Yeah.

That's in. Right. Stand back
and make sure it's in the middle.

It... It's fine. I knew it was.

Oh.

Done. Come on, that's virtually
in the middle. That's good.

This looks brilliant.

We live here.

It's Chateau de la Motte Husson.

We live here!

It's so cheesy, but we...

Come on. Come on, let's go.

For Dick and Angel,

transforming their 45-room chateaux
has been a true labour of love.

They've worked solidly
from the depths of winter...

I've got to say, it's a bit chilly.

..to late autumn.

DICK LAUGHS

There's a nine-foot drop...
to nothing.

16 hours a day, seven days a week.

I think he's an absolute nut job.
I think he's crazy.

I'm far too old for this.

On top of the £280,000
it cost them to buy...

BLEEP

..they've spent the best part
of £100,000

on renovations and the wedding.

That's a singing Frenchman
on my roof. He's whistling.

Shall we pretend
that we've escaped somewhere?

Whatever the setbacks,

Dick and Angel kept charging
into battle time and time again.

I think it's necessary.

What a monumental pain in the arse.

And now, at last,

they can savour the victory.

After 40 years of lying dormant,

this chateau is finally
recovering her poise.

Once upon a time,
she was damp, derelict

and falling apart at the seams.

Then two knights in shining armour
came along to rescue her.

The kitchen, or sous-sol,
was crumbling and covered in mould.

Now it has all the comfort
and elegance

of a grand country house kitchen.

Arthur and Dorothy's playroom,

with its peeling wallpaper
and wood infestation...

..is now a palace
of the imagination.

The dark and dingy grand salon
was a neglected chamber

with faulty wiring.

Now it's been returned to a state
of grace and sophistication.

And the chambre de monsieur,

with its disintegrating
plaster walls

and rotting window frames...

..has become a vast suite of rooms
fit for the newlyweds.

In fact, all the rooms are bursting
with warmth, atmosphere

and originality.

Are you happy with this place?
Yeah. I'm really happy.

This room, since we came in here -

heating... I know!

..power, lighting.
ANGEL LAUGHS

Windows. It's clean, it's painted.

I don't understand the paint.
That's your department.

And that bathroom's a nice
bathroom now, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah.

Right. The hole in the wall.

ANGEL HUMS AND LAUGHS

You should carry me over
when we get married.

Are you pleased with it? Yeah.

I think it's a lovely, lovely,
lovely, lovely room.

I had to make all of the pictures
in exact lines for you.

And just even hanging those bloody
umbrellas up there was a pain.

Baby, there's nothing you haven't
moaned at, like, honestly!

Because that's what you like to do,
just grumpy man. Ssh!

Do you remember that day
of knocking things down?

DRILLS WHIR

I think these are officially
one room.

I've got to admit, that was...

one of the highlights!

Destruction.

Do you know what
the worst thing about this is?

By the time we've, sort of,
finished your marriage

and all the rest of the stuff...

We're just going to end up putting
the kids to bed and going to sleep!

Ssh! That's the reality.

The one place that looks big to me
is out here.

It's the entrance, yeah?
The entranceway, yeah.

And who'd have thought we were
going to have two unicorns?

Me. I thought that.
Do you know what?

I love the pineapple chandelier.

I love it. I absolutely love it.

We came out here and we fell in love
with the pattern on there

and probably our biggest challenge,

the rear staircase to ceiling.

I know. That's crazy, isn't it?

Do you like...? I didn't think we
were going to get it done. No? No.

I'm really looking forward
to the wedding,

but I'm really looking forward
to living with you.

Yeah, well... I know.
We made it happen.

I love you.

It's the day of the wedding
and, for once,

the master of the house is
nowhere to be seen.

In true tradition, Dick is
staying elsewhere

until he takes his vows.

Are you comfy on that? Yeah, yeah.

What Dick has achieved this
year has been phenomenal.

I mean, the infrastructure,
the plumbing, the electrics,

the, you know, sewage,

because that is like a 20-man
job for nine months.

He has just been so incredible.

We have nearly killed ourselves.

I've nearly killed Dick.

He's wanted everything to be just
right and perfect, and so have I,

and we're really knackered.
So, I just want to, like, "Ah..."

Ah... I AM a bit knackered.

And everyone is knackered
around us...

as well.

Everyone is knackered around us.

But work cannot stop.

200 people need to be fed.

Troops of French waiters
are amassing in the courtyard,

and a handful of vintage
waitresses have been

summoned from across the Channel.

It's a chance for Angel to step up
as lady of the household.

What we're going to need,

I need you people to be on the bar
all the time,

and three people in the kitchen
all the time, washing up.

HE SPEAKS IN FRENCH

Three o'clock,
when everyone starts to arrive,

you are going to serve them the
bubbles. Yes.

Then, four o'clock, you are going to
be over in... Oh, I see.

Serving the teas. Right. Yeah?

And then the French
team are going to take over.

It's very important that we get
everybody very drunk today.

HE SPEAKS IN FRENCH

Angel is wearing multiple hats -

that of bride, wedding-planner,

and major-general in charge
of her domain.

I think that's it. That all seems
straightforward, doesn't it? Yeah.

CHURCH BELL RINGS

It's almost noon,

and three miles away in Martigne,

the wedding guests are gathering
at the town hall.

It is almost compulsory,
this kissing!

Back at the chateau,

Angel has finally switched from
wedding planner to bride-to-be,

and her father Steve prepares
to give her away.

Right. Wow, look at you.

Wow.

Ah-Ah-Ah-Atchoo!

Right, how are we doing for time,
gentlemen? Are they late? Yeah.

Do you speak French? Un petit.

Oui.

I, uh, speak, uh, little English.

Come on. I'm not going to be late
because of you!

It is exactly five years since Dick
and Angel first met.

Little did they know their dream
would come true in France.

It's right here. Left here, I mean.

CAR HORN BEEPS

Just here is lovely.

Yay! Look at this! Look at this!

Witness this beautiful lady.

Oh...

Oh!

CHEERING

Come! Whoohoo!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The civil ceremony is presided
over by the local mayor.

After just a few minutes,
Dick and Angel are man and wife.

Merci, monsieur. Thank you.

CHEERING

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

CAR HORN BEEPS

Driving back, Angel has one more DIY
emergency for Dick -

her special hold-up stockings are
being held up with...

well, bits of string.

It's just fallen down.
Where's the string?

I've been holding it up
with a garter. Where's the string?

Well, you can tie it. Have
we got a piece of rope at home? Yes.

I'll get... No, this one is fine.

CHEERING

We're married!

The guests are an amalgam of old
friends and new...

including some of the British
builders

who have worked on the estate.
That's fine, thank you.

London plumbers Lee and Kyle

know everything there is
to know about the chateau.

Mind your head.

They spent many
weeks in the bowels of the building.

This is amazing...to see
how it has transformed.

No-one knows what we know,
do they? No.

Thanks for giving us your men.
We used them enough.

A bit of a change
since the last time? Just a bit(!)

We're getting there.
You almost look human!

The menu is a mixed
platter of British

and French rustic cuisine, including
confit of gizzards

with onion marmalade,
and rabbit stew with cider.

All the produce is locally sourced,

including their own chateau-grown
quince chutney.

You may notice that we have done
a lot of work on this place.

Lots more to do. On your plate,
you've got a knife, fork and spoon.

That is
your cutlery for eight courses.

LAUGHTER

We had a choice between plaster
or buying soup spoons...

That's the facts of life.

Have a lovely meal, and I hope you
thoroughly enjoy yourselves.

But a handyman's work is never done.

And Dick's skills are called
upon once more.

Come on, Dick.

I need my glasses to do this job.

Slight issue.

The front door lock strike plate
has come loose,

potentially trapping all
the guests inside.

Just a little bit of maintenance
on the front door.

That's how you do that!

The first party to be held in the
chateau for more than 40 years

is a roaring success.

The guests are lubricated with
fizz...served in vintage teacups,

of course.

And Dick's pissoir is finally
christened.

Is that it? Hang on.

He wants us to pee in the bathtub?

I think we have to check and see
there's no towels.

After you, sir.
I've heard about the spiders.

We can have a sword fight.

THEY LAUGH

MUSIC PLAYS

CHEERING

Hallo,
and welcome to my wife and I.

We are so, so pleased to have you
here in our...HOUSE.

LAUGHTER AND CHEERING

It feels like a HOME.

CHEERING

Nine months ago, we were so naive.

We didn't know what
we were going to go through,

and we have put an awful
lot of graft into this,

and there's been a lot of people
helping us along the way,

and this place was meant to be
full of people having a good time,

and Angel and I are loving it.

Thank you so much for being
in our lives. Thank you so much.

CHEERING

Subtitles by Ericsson