Original subtitles

Every year, 10,000 Brits cross the Channel

to start a new life in France.

THEY SPEAK FRENCH

Engineer Dick Strawbridge and his partner, designer Angel,

decided to join them.

That's quite a lot of garlic. SHE LAUGHS

But while they thought their budget might stretch to place by the Med,

a Parisian apartment,

or perhaps a small country cottage,

Dick and Angel discovered they could dream bigger.

Much bigger. This is truly beautiful.

This is the story of one family's extraordinary adventure,

as they turn a derelict chateau into a fairy-tale castle

in time for their wedding in less than a year.

This place is amazing.

It's so incredibly important to bring it back to life.

On the way, they will uncover some incredible secrets.

Look at all these bottles...

and they are all handmade.

They'll try to live off the land, like the locals.

Do you think a chicken knows that it can't swim? Of course it does.

And even try to talk like them.

Por la-la...

La... Join in any time, sweetheart.

Er...fumer.

But above all, they'll discover what it really means to revive

a building that's been abandoned for nearly half a century.

Look at the sewage, look at the electrics in here.

If you actually look at the lead paint,

it basically says, "Don't buy me."

The size of the task is monumental.

This is craft and construction...

This is amazing, you know.

..on the grandest of scales.

CHURCH BELL RINGS

Dick Strawbridge and his partner Angel's dream of living of France

became a reality when they bought

the 19th-century Chateau de la Motte Husson.

She's found the one she wants. We're in trouble.

Three weeks ago, they took the plunge and moved in.

We live in France. Hmm.

Their castle and 12 acres of land cost them £280,000.

On the face of it, a bargain.

It's so gorgeous.

What they got for their money was five floors,

45 rooms, six chimneys

and 16 fireplaces.

In fact, a building that could fit nine new British houses

within its four walls for the cost of just one of them.

We have a massive task ahead of us.

But at the moment, Dick and Angel, and their two young children,

are living in just five rooms with minimal facilities.

I don't care that it's falling apart and dilapidated,

and flies everywhere,

cos they're our flies.

That's very true.

Baby, I am quite a simple lady, you know.

All I wanted was a chateau(!)

Making their crumbling ruin habitable is a supersized mission

and requires a supersized budget.

Dick and Angel had just £20,000 for renovations but, before long,

18 grand vanished on plumbing and heating.

And just to up the stakes, they've set an almost impossible deadline.

They're planning their own fairy-tale wedding at the chateau...

Aw... ..in under nine months' time

and reality is hitting home.

Time's ticking.

I really didn't appreciate the enormity of the job.

With a budget almost blown, engineer Dick and designer Angel

will have to get creative with solutions

if their 45 rooms have any hope of being renovated.

The priorities are a family kitchen,

running water and heat.

But if they want to stay warm,

Dick needs to try and fix the chateau's decaying windows himself.

The detail is phenomenal -

the amount of work that's gone into them -

they're really quite special.

Having said that...

They're falling apart.

The glass is barely being held in.

Sometimes we've got no glass.

The wood is so rotten that it's on the edge of crumbling.

Every frame was crafted out of oak trees from the estate

and each window has its own unique cast iron handle,

but there's a few more than in your average house.

24, 25, 26,

27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32,

33, 34, 35, 36...

40...

That's a proper arrow slit.

Look at the angles on that. We'll keep that.

41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46,

47, 48, 49...

59...windows.

HE LAUGHS

It's just not even funny.

(Where do we start here?)

(Be careful of the floor.)

The estate was owned by the Baglioni family for over 400 years.

When they finally sold it to Dick and Angel,

they left behind a treasure trove.

And with their shoestring budget, the attic is rich pickings.

SHE LAUGHS That works.

Angel wants to incorporate as much of the chateau's history

into the restoration as she can.

It's my obsession -

finding treasures in other people's junk.

I just think it's just all so beautiful.

Ha-ha!

SHE SCREAMS

Sorry! OK, there's something living on that one.

One, two, three, woo!

SHE LAUGHS

Now, this looks like wallpaper.

But the most incredible find are cases of antique wallpaper

dating back to the 19th century.

Now, that looks like...

That looks like the paper downstairs. Wow.

There's millions of them. Gosh.

Do you know what? They just didn't know what they had.

They just did not know what they had.

This is...

This must be the architect, no?

Remarkably, the original plans of the chateau have also survived.

All of this...is the structure.

How cute. Just a little crest.

And they give a unique insight into how the Baglioni family once lived.

I'm just laughing at this cos it says,

"Chambre du madame."

And this is "chambre du monsieur."

So you would live over there and I would live over here.

Not happening.

The chateau was built as a gift

from the young Senor Baglioni to his wife.

Dick and Angel's renovation will be no less a labour of love,

except they won't be able to afford much labour.

I hate to think of the size of the army that did this. Hmm.

This is the definitive of all the work executed.

This looks like the bills. SHE LAUGHS

The accounts reveal the original owners had an army of help.

A roofer was paid around 40p a day in 1869,

a basic labourer - 25p -

and a skilled lot maker - 60p a day.

Total's nearly 50,000 francs goes to...

One million.

You think, today, if you had a plot of land,

you had the...and you were spending £1m building something... Yeah.

..you could never hope to get something as grand as this.

About a million to build it and we've got next to nothing.

We've got the skills.

You've got the skills, not me.

It's the sheer effort.

Work harder, work faster. Work faster.

To bring the chateau into the modern world,

Dick and Angel intend to open a wedding business

so the castle can pay for itself,

and first on that agenda is a showcase honeymoon suite,

which they hope will be ready for their own wedding night.

The structure of the chateau has changed little since 1869,

but Angel has some controversial plans.

Right, OK, what's going on?

So...

What would be amazing is if you came in here

and this was your wedding salon,

and there was an archway or an opening here to the bedroom

and the bathroom over there.

It's a bold vision.

On the first floor,

she wants the room surrounding the chambre du monsieur

to be conjoined for ever...

with an archway, creating a grand master bedroom with ensuite,

adjoining lounge/salon area

and a feature Rapunzel-esque sitting room

within the turret itself.

But to achieve the dream,

they need to knock through a three-foot-deep 150-year-old wall.

That is one of the biggest walls in the house. OK.

There's a fireplace in that corner next-door... Yeah.

..that's got to support the whole wall above. Right.

Yeah?

And it's not... Pretty important, isn't it?

It's quite important, yeah.

I don't know how we actually do that because...

The thing is, this is...

That's hollow in there...

going all the way up. I don't know what route it takes even.

But I think it's... I think it's necessary.

OK.

Right...

But with no budget for professional help,

it's yet another job for Dick.

Whilst he may be the engineering brains,

Angel is most certainly the boss.

When the archway comes...

When the archway comes...

HE LAUGHS

Don't go into this being grumpy.

Go into it looking like I've saved you money.

SHE LAUGHS

This is the biggest wall in the house, which is...

becoming an archway.

What a monumental pain in the arse.

Hold my hand. We're going to go for a walk.

Let's go for a walk now.

Renovation on Dick and Angel's dream chateau has only just started.

They've already had to spend most of the budget,

and the money's tight, but they could live cheaply

on their 12 acres of land if they're able to become self-sufficient.

We have here so many resources that we can use

to have a really good quality of life. Look at the fish.

The kids are going to grow up somewhere with a moat,

with woodlands, with a walled garden.

We're going to have a chance to be properly self-sufficient as well,

and then that's when the fun starts.

Dick grew up in the country, but for a city girl like Angel,

this is a whole new experience.

How many chickens are we having? 20. No!

Can you think of how many eggs? You'd be egg-bound.

But they won't drown in the moat? No, they won't.

Do you think a chicken knows it can't swim? Yes, of course it does.

Really? Yeah, of course it does. I promise you.

Their first target for the good life

is the 6,000 metre square walled garden.

It was once the centrepiece of the chateau's productivity,

with a vineyard, orchard and vegetable patch.

We will tame it.

We'll get as much food as we possibly can

because this place is meant to be lived on.

The chateau is in a part of France called Pays de la Loire,

named after the country's longest river,

flowing 630 miles from the Massif Central mountains

to the Atlantic ocean.

This is France's largest farming region.

Its produce is world-famous

and the best place to buy livestock

is the market town of St-Hilaire-du-Harcouet,

just over the border in Normandy.

There's supposed to be chickens at the market.

Shall we head on with the chickens? SHE SINGS

There we go. What's that? Cages!

Bonjour, monsieur.

God! They're so cute! It's like a pet!

HE SPEAKS FRENCH

LAUGHTER

OK. I think they've got ducks over there.

They have. Oh! They're adorable.

Are these pets or are they for eating?

No. Darling, we're in France.

I love the colour of their hair. Say Marilyn Monroe.

LAUGHTER

Right, OK. What do you fancy?

Un, deux, trois.

One, two, three.

I actually think we should take three of those as well. OK.

Coucou, la camera! Coucou!

OK. Now, I've got to tell you, I like these.

HE SPEAKS FRENCH

Nine. Whoohoo!

And do you want to get a big boy for them?

What, so they start breeding?

No. He will keep them together. To play with.

Well, that's enough. Yes, that is.

Dick's stretched his shoestring budget

to nine chickens and a cockerel,

purchased at £8.50 each.

Dick's like, "We're only having six."

I can tell he got a bit excited.

Oh, good! Very good!

We saved 50p by spending £100 nearly.

Merci! Au revoir! A bientot!

OK. Be careful.

Being self-sufficient is the ideal,

but there are some necessities you can't live without.

Dick and Angel have spent £18,000 on a heating system, but to begin with

it has to be run on small gas canisters

which only last a few hours.

BLEEP

But the ever-thrifty Dick has found a way to install a huge gas tank

without spending any more of their precious budget.

Big day.

That tank is going in under that ground over there,

so we've got a very large supply of gas.

At the minute we're using bottles and they last about...

three hours maximum,

so this is the best solution.

The splendid isolation of the chateau,

three miles from even the nearest village,

means it's eligible for a French government freebie

to help people who are nowhere near gas mains.

It's a lovely crisp morning, turn up on time, people are coming in here,

all in all, things are looking good.

The new tank holds 1,100 litres, equal to 84 bottles.

Part of the deal includes having a trench dug for the supply pipe,

but they're only contracted to dig so far.

What I didn't realise was when you get your tank put in you get

five metres of trench and that's it.

If I had known, I would have had my tank a lot closer to where it's going.

But paying for a skilled gas engineer to dig more trench

is not in Dick's budget.

So, he's doing the smart part of it and I'm doing my nabby bit.

It's got to be done. And I'm far too old for this.

C'est une jon-quee. Jonquille. Jonquille.

It's a daffodil on the side of the chateau.

Very beautiful.

Job well done.

There we are. We're cooking on gas.

But before they leave, the ever-resourceful Dick

spots another opportunity to get something for nothing.

One of the vans coming in has nudged the top of my post,

so he's going to nudge it with his digger.

The man is so delicate.

OK.

Perfect.

That saves me a lot of hassle.

Angel has also found a way to do something for nothing,

by recycling the antique wallpaper she found in the attic,

a perfect way to incorporate the history of the castle

into her vintage-themed honeymoon suite.

I did not realise how excited I would get with the wallpaper.

It's like finding a record collection or loads of old art.

I would wear that.

This is one that's in our bedroom. I love this one.

I'm quite flabbergasted with how it's kept in the attic

and the colours are so pristine.

Some pieces are by French designer Paul Dumas from the 1930s.

That's nice.

And samples of his work can be found in the V&A.

A lot of these have been hand painted as well, or hand finished.

And I don't want to chuck them away.

I need to showcase them somehow.

I want to bring it in to the fabric of this house.

I think I might have a wallpaper museum in the toilet.

It's going to look a little bit mental,

but when it has got some relevance and history I think it makes sense.

But to realise Angel's vision of linking

the rooms in the honeymoon suite,

Dick needs to knock through

a three-foot, 150-year-old structural wall.

Angela wants an arch.

Now, rock and stone above this fireplace

is supported by a lintel in the wall.

Now, and supports in triangles,

that's the way the weight gets distributed, in triangles.

Cos some of the stones here

are being supported down to

the sides, like this.

So therefore I have to put a lintel and the idea is

if something solid bedded into the wall at either side

that will support the stones above it.

Not trivial.

But Angela wants it, so she will get it.

Dick and Angel are keen to get started on their projects,

but it's not easy with two children under three.

We need to put more time in, and we don't have any.

But the cavalry in the form of Angel's parents is on its way.

Oh, dear! I've arrived!

Steve and Jenny are also taking a giant leap of faith by moving to France.

It used to be quite traditional to have generations together

for a very good reason.

Their room for now will be the grand salon on the first floor,

where guests were entertained in splendour.

It's a far cry from Benfleet in Essex.

THEY LAUGH

It's a big difference to when we did it 40-odd years ago.

With baby-sitters in place...

Ready? Yep.

..Dick and Angel can attempt to knock through the wall

in the honeymoon suite. It is going to get quite dusty.

But before starting the demolition, Dick has had to

single-handedly install the all-important weight-bearing lintel.

I know Dick was a little bit...

What's the word? Sceptical.

Sceptical whether this would...

Sceptical. I can't hear you. You've got a mask... Sceptical.

That's the word.

About this happening, but I have managed to get my own way.

It was the right thing to do, it wasn't the easiest thing to do.

Mask on. Mask on. Sorry. Ah!

MACHINE WHIRS

Can I help? Is this going to hold our weight, babe?

We're going to find out in a minute. It's quite interesting.

You stand at that end. I'll stand at this end. Are you serious?

Yes, of course I'm serious. Up you go.

OK. It doesn't feel very sturdy, babe.

It's quite stable.

Right, you need to stand over here. Don't step backwards.

That's the key thing. All right. Put it in there. Pull the trigger.

DRILL WHIRS

The chateau is not listed

so they are allowed to make changes without planning permission.

Under French law, owners volunteer to get their buildings listed

and are awarded with financial grants.

But Dick wants to do what he likes without inspectors

breathing down his neck.

Why would I want people on my island telling me what I want to do?

This is satisfying, baby.

We didn't want to be jumping through hoops in French

and as long as we're not changing the actual the actual use of

the place, as long as we're not doing drastic stuff,

we get away with blue murder cos the French are anarchists at heart.

Yay!

I think these are officially one room.

Right. The rest will fall down practically.

SHE SNEEZES

Spring has arrived at the chateau

and some residents are definitely feeling at home.

A relaxed chicken is a good laying chicken

and it's a tantalising taste

of what a fully self-sufficient life could be like.

Now, what are we looking for?

We've got eggs!

Put 'em in, put 'em in! Put them in the basket.

Oh, good boy.

In its heyday, the chateau produced more than eggs alone.

HE CHUCKLES

And a tour of the cav, or wine cellars,

gives a glimpse into just how productive it was.

I'd buy the chateau for this place.

Look at all these bottles and they're all handmade.

The estate once produced vast quantities of brandy and cider.

The local brew here is called calva. It's like an apple brandy.

I can see these bottles cleaned out, filled with calva,

cork in the top, dipped in red wax and set back on the shelf.

And I'll grudgingly work my way through. I'll get into such trouble.

When you come down to the cellar,

that's where I really see our lifestyle coming together,

which is using the land, using local ingredients,

it gets processed through the cellar. I'm very excited.

At the minute, it's a shell.

Before long, it's going to be an amazing place.

The basement kitchen is just one of three areas

Dick and Angel are hoping to renovate before their wedding,

along with the grand hallway

and the honeymoon suite.

But their dream is a long way off.

The chateau still needs basic facilities and at the moment,

only one tap can be turned on at any one time.

I'm concerned cos the idea of bringing your family into a huge

shell like this, without the warmth, without the comfort, it's wrong.

Dick makes the difficult decision to spend

the last of their budgeted money on a pressurised water tank.

Are we ready?

He's asked plumbers Lee and his son Kyle to return from London

to install it but they have to get it up to the attic first.

It's a bloody long way up with it! It's 89 steps. 89.

THEY LAUGH To be precise.

The enormity of this task is colossal.

One more twist, one more twist.

Let's just walk up this way and see what happens. Let's get on with it.

We're seasoned and experienced individuals in this trade

and I'd think twice about doing this.

Right, this will get us up to the first floor.

But he's up for it and he's really keen and he likes to learn

but I wouldn't approach this job unless I had a budget that was

colossal, that I could call in loads of people to just get on with it.

How many stairs have we done? 17. 17?

It's a money pit.

Getting the 81-kilo tank up the double revolution staircase,

designed to accommodate wide crinoline petticoats,

is the easy part.

But the servants' quarters is a different story.

Here we go...

Four flights of steep, narrow stairways to negotiate.

I've got him, I'm happy. Yeah, I'm happy.

I've got it, mate. Yeah.

Five floors up...

and the tank is finally ready for connection.

So that was, um, brute force and ignorance. Yep.

We need to open some windows up here.

Thanks, matey.

Inside the 450-litre tank is a balloon filled with air

which helps to create pressure.

The booster tank is a very simple system.

The water comes in here so we've got a big reservoir

and in this part of it is air.

That water is being pressurised which means

if you open your taps,

everybody gets the same amount of pressure cos we've got this

big reservoir being pushed down there,

so we never get to the point where we lose pressure in our taps.

I'd say that's definitely an improvement. That's quite exciting.

You can have a shower while somebody brushes their teeth.

You may take it for granted! It's quite a neat solution.

The chateau's family crest reads

"every land is a home for the brave" -

a fitting motto for Dick and Angel,

whose budget is now almost totally blown,

but lack of funds isn't stopping Angel

and her big plans for the now-interconnecting honeymoon suite.

She's recycling the antique wallpaper

she found in the attic to add a vintage touch to the turret room.

I like diamonds.

There's something a bit more Alice In Wonderland about it, isn't there?

Dick and I made the promise to one another to bring this place

back to life and for me, I'm taking, like,

everything that I think is eye candy and bringing it back to life,

stuff that's not attractive and very practical and he's bringing

that back to life and together, I can feel a bit of a pulse beating.

It needed to have something, you know, with a heart.

For Dick, restoring 59 dilapidated windows is no mean feat.

They operate on a sophisticated locking system known as cremone.

If you look here, you've got the curve going in on the female

and it sticks out in the male.

When those two come together, the male goes in like that

and it gives it rumpy-pumpy,

which means the draught doesn't come through. I like that.

But the wood on many of the windows is completely rotten

and ideally, they should be rebuilt.

This could cost over £60,000

so Dick has ambitions to make them himself.

Paying other people to work for you...

HE SIGHS

..it causes me pain.

Much better to do it yourself.

To help, he enlists Angel's dad Steve, a retired jeweller.

We just have to cut off enough and then that gives us

two straight edges.

And just to make things more difficult,

the chateau's windows are all different sizes.

This is the cut list we have and for the entrance hall,

we know we need three of them that are 50 and three that are 45.

Dick has bought timber locally and was hoping it would be cut

to size but no such luck.

I went along to the lumber yard to discover that they're

going on holiday for five weeks

so I had to very quickly buy what is basically dried oak, it's seasoned.

This is the outside of the tree - it's where all the sap rises.

No good for windows so what we have to do now is find the planks,

the bits of wood that are inside this heartwood.

What was going to be a big job has just got a lot bigger.

HE CHUCKLES

We love a challenge.

Wow. That's waste. Isn't that unbelievable? I know.

It's a job that would've been done by skilled carpenters,

not two novices feeling their way.

It doesn't like that knot at all, does it? Let's start again.

In the turret room, Angel is also having difficulties.

The further she goes around the curved walls,

the less her wallpaper pieces seem to fit.

It's all about getting them lined up.

What I should have probably done was ask Dick to do

the mathematical equations to tell me that...

I'm far too stubborn for that, I'd rather work it out the hard way.

Dick is also learning the hard way.

It's not long before he abandons the idea of making the windows

himself and settles for patching them up instead.

We have not enough time and too many windows to try and redo

so we're going to have to make some really brutal decisions.

Here's an example - a little bit rotten

but apart from a new sheet of glass in here, some new putty,

a lick of paint, you know...

This winter, it'll be great.

It's only the first year so we're repairing every window

that can be repaired as opposed to replacing it.

One window down, 58 to go.

Upstairs in the turret room, Angel has come up with a clever,

if not time-consuming, solution for her miscalculated wallpaper design.

All of the diamonds were a millimetre or two millimetres out

and, you know, it looked amazing but it looked a little bit messy.

She's using embroidered trimmings to cover all the gaps.

I'm loving this kind of braiding, I think it looks great.

I've got the floor to sort out and I want a window seat here.

Dick doesn't know, I'm going to add it to his list of things to do,

but I think it'll be quite nice to have a window seat here

cos it's a room that you can just sit out and reflect.

He'll say yes.

He always does.

Dick and Angel's small makeshift jobs can only take them so far.

Over the course of the next month,

the larger parts of the project begin to falter.

Essential electrics, plumbing and plastering still need to be done.

With their savings running dry, work starts to fall behind.

We are not made of money. It is constant expense and you know what?

Bit of a shock to Dick and I but things are expensive here,

much more than in the UK.

To make matters worse, they're let down by French suppliers.

I've waited five weeks for my double-glazed window panes

and I'm still waiting.

I'd like to put a rocket up everyone and get them to work a bit quicker.

Dick and I actually are at a point where we really do need to

sit down and work out what we're not going to do.

If their chateau is ever going to be finished, they'll need more money.

To keep the project afloat, Dick is forced to leave the chateau

and the family behind for a temporary job overseas.

With just over two months to go until the wedding,

the chateau is once again a hive of activity.

The coffers have been given a boost

and it's full speed ahead for the big day.

They now have money for further electrics...

..and plumbing to extend the heating system.

But Angel has just one thing on her mind -

the wedding invitations.

Well, I'm about to print Dick and I's wedding invitations

onto tea towels.

And I just wanted to put all the care and love

that we're going to put into our invites,

I wanted that to stay with people.

Angel's using a screen printer, handmade by Dick,

and a technique that was popular in 19th-century France.

I haven't done this before.

Undo the...

Ink is skimmed across a stencil,

which leaves an imprint on the towel.

Ohh! Oh, no!

It looks beautiful.

But look...

That's really weird.

Dick!

Look, that's really odd. Why has that happened?

The reason why you've got marks at the end is, your screen,

see these edges here? Yeah. It hasn't been covered over, has it?

Hasn't been covered over, so we need to get that taped up.

OK, let's give it another go.

Let's see what's going on now.

Yes!

Whoohoo!

That looks great, doesn't it?

It represents where we are in our life right now.

I am so, so chuffed.

But I've got about 180 to do,

and at the moment, it's a little bit slow.

SHE LAUGHS

If the chateau is to be ready in time,

it'll need more than restoration.

It's going to need furnishing as well.

Angel and Dick have come to a huge flea market

in Bagnoles-de-l'Orne, Normandy,

one of 15,000 in France.

They're big, they look good.

Yeah, but we're not at that stage yet.

I know, darling, but I'm just... Keep your eyes open.

I'm just looking for inspiration.

They have 45 rooms to furnish, but they have to start somewhere.

They're beautiful. Darling, I like them a lot,

but I know they're not going to be cheap, straightaway.

Of course they're not.

Bonjour. C'est combien pour la...?

Les deux chaises. Chaises. Deux chaises?

How much? 250 euros. For the pair? Yeah.

Those chairs don't actually look like they could take my weight.

I'd like you to sit in one. No way!

I love the fact there's bird BLEEP on them.

Go on, haggle.

200? No?

No room for haggling at all.

What do you think, Mr Shawbridge, 250? Yeah, you have them anyway.

I'm a terrible haggler. I want them.

OK.

A pair of 1950s repro Rococo chairs have taken Angel's fancy.

SHE HUMS

Merci, monsieur. Au revoir.

They'll be the centrepiece

of her vintage-inspired turret room in the honeymoon suite.

I don't think that was ridiculously excessive.

Back at the chateau,

24 units have finally arrived for the grand basement country kitchen.

Dick's to-do list is longer than his arm.

But once again, Angel has other plans for him.

I want to Dick to build a helter-skelter.

I'm going to tell him and he's going to go, "What?!"

So I just want to show him how simple I want it.

To involve the kids more in the renovations,

Angel wants to create a playroom for them,

complete with a funfair-themed helter-skelter in the middle of it.

I've done so much design stuff, and it's all been for us

and not the kids, and I'm sort of having a bit of a guilty moment.

So, Dick is now sidetracked to.

Basically, what we're saying is one octagon, another octagon,

a sheet between them. Correct.

He's managed to rope in his mate Johnny,

who's visiting from America.

It's interesting, we've got masses to do in the house

and we're building a helter-skelter. Yes.

I think I should have had you doing plumbing or electrics.

Wait a minute!

Sometimes things don't quite go according to plan.

Or sometimes you don't listen to me. Yes, that's true.

THEY LAUGH

Swelled coffers aren't dulling the imagination.

Although they can now afford to get the walls plastered

in the grand hallway, elsewhere Angel has a thrifty design idea

which will hopefully tie in with her vintage theme for the chateau.

Look at all beautiful lime-plastered walls

that I don't want to plaster over with new stuff,

because it makes it a bit too pristine.

And I've got this paint and it's got a bit of sand in it

and a bit of glitter.

I like it.

I'm not really a glittery girl, but...I'm not offended by this,

I'm quite excited by it, actually.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Angel's well-intentioned folly is coming along.

Right, next piece.

But it's taking longer than expected.

This is the bit you never see on a helter-skelter. No.

That's the magic, that's the guts, you don't want to see how the...

you know, the trick is told when the trick is sold. There you go.

Whatever that means.

It may not be eating into their budget,

but it's eating into their time.

And every diversion threatens

their rapidly approaching wedding deadline.

I'm just gone to fudge it.

That doesn't sound like it's scientific. No.

It's actually a highly scientific word - fudging it.

Yeah!

But it's not just the house that needs sorting.

Angel's father Steve is sent out to mow a path to the orangery,

which is going to be used

as the main banqueting hall for the wedding.

It's quite dense here, isn't it? My God.

Finished!

That was a job well done.

I think I worked really hard on that.

The orangery was once a symbol of success,

where vines and exotic fruits were nurtured,

tea was taken

and plays performed.

The only thing performing well in the last 50 years has been the ivy.

Well, we've been getting rid of all the ivy and all the cobwebs.

And anything that's been growing from outside to inside,

we're cutting it because it's been breaking the glass.

We're still going to leave it quite rough,

with the character it deserves, so we're not going to strip it down

and make it flat, we'll just go straight over it.

Four days later, and Dick is still building

Angel's helter-skelter for the kids playroom.

BLEEP

His friend Johnny has gone to Paris

and left him to finish the job alone.

I hate this bloody thing.

BANGING And he's still going the next day.

In hindsight, I would have put this curvy bit on first,

then cut the bits of wood to go into it,

but I've never made one of these before, so...

The helter-skelter is finally complete.

But Dick has still one more job left on Angel's wish list.

A window seat to top off the wedding suite turret room.

But with Dick occupied elsewhere, they have to pay a builder

to assemble the kitchen units to keep the project on track.

The kitchen also needs to fit into Angel's vintage theme.

So she's designed her own chateaux-inspired tiles

and plans to print all 600 of them herself.

I tried to buy them online, and they were extortionate,

really outside of our budget.

Dick said, "You're not allowed to spend £10,000 on tiles."

I've no idea why.

Angel must first print her designs onto thermal-transfer paper,

then heat-seal them onto the tiles.

So, this is the heat press. I've actually had this for years.

Not everyone has one, but as I say, they're not that expensive.

Um...and I'm just going to...

I'm just going to sandwich it...

..and wait.

There's a bit of smoke just gone off.

And I've got 600 of them to do.

And they take four minutes per press.

I need Dick to do the maths.

600.

40. I could get it done in a couple of days...

if I didn't have children.

HIGH-PITCHED WHINE

OK, let's see if this has worked.

Doesn't look too bad, does it?

Oh, damn! I've got a tiny little bit of white bleed on there.

But I'm super happy with it, I mean, it looks great.

If I do say so myself.

Only another 595 to go.

It's slow going,

but she's able to drip-feed enough to make a start on the splash backs.

It's going to look great. Hm.

We'll have this done by lunchtime.

Fingers crossed, yes. Super.

The last of Angel's 600 hand-printed tiles are positioned.

And 150 years of grime is being wiped from history.

Seven months after moving to France, their dream kitchen is ready.

And no time is wasted,

as some home-grown quinces are being turned into jam.

This morning, it's turned into a kitchen, hasn't it?

It has turned into a kitchen.

To get a job started is good - to get it finished is a miracle.

But we're running around. The house is full of energy

and we've got a kitchen that smells good. Can't be bad.

Upstairs, progress in the honeymoon suite is slower,

with three or four rooms still far from finished.

But Angel's Rococo chairs have found a home in the turret,

which is now ready, complete with a window seat made by Dick.

It's nice. And it's solid, two people can sit on it.

I love this room. I absolutely love it.

The bottom line is - you're happy they fit in here nicely.

I think the bottom line is I'm happy.

OK, which basically means everybody's happy.

For Dick and Angel, their hard work is paying off

and the dream is slowly materialising.

Is it nice?

Yeah. Is it nice?

But, with their wedding fast approaching,

there's still a long way to go

before this 45-room chateau is ready.

I can't even sit here and relax.

I look to the left and think,

there's some sort of a masonry job on that,

so that the railing doesn't fall down.

Oh, look at that window, it's so ugly and horrible,

it needs to be fixed.

Oh, man!

Next time...

That's not a good sign.

..the race to ready the chateau goes into overdrive.

It's a nice little touch, isn't it?

A little touch? You are joking!

DICK HOWLS

But Angel's wedding plans go awry.

That is not very impressive at all.

Customer service in France is BLEEP ridiculous.

Dick's having trouble with his plumbing.

Oh!

Oh, Jean-Bertrand!

This could get messy.

But, ready or not, they're getting married.

Are they late?

Come on, I'm not going to be late because of you. SHE LAUGHS

CAR HORN BEEPS

Subtitles by Ericsson