Original subtitles

♪ ♪

This is me, Dick Strawbridge, my wife Angel, and our two children

in our glorious French chateau.

We haven't ever regretted what we've done.

It is so worth it.

♪ ♪

Dick: We moved here three years ago to follow our dream of

living life in our very own castle.

Angel [laughing]: Oh my God!

Dick: But it's not been easy--

I think I'm a bit too old for this.

♪ ♪

Dick:--as dozens of other Brits know only too well.

- [snap] - Oops.

The floor needs replacing as well.

[laughing]

Dick: Because it turns out, we're not the only expats who

have bought a French chateau.

Wow!

Absolutely love it!

25-year-old Bordeaux.

Motherlode!

Dick: In this series, we'll reveal how we're running our

chateau as a business--

There's not a thing about making sausages that I don't find

humorous.

I'm still finding things that I haven't seen.

Dick:--and see how these daring Brits are running theirs.

Billy: Lovely to meet you.

Dick: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

This place is done up!

Dick: As they face the ups--

He's stunning.

This is a rare moment, but I am genuinely at peace.

Dick:--and downs--

It's a lot worse than it looks.

Dick:--of their new lives in these crumbling and magnificent

buildings.

It is a bit of a fancy, living in a French chateau.

We might have a few problems on the way but that's part of life,

isn't it?

- [laughter] - Yeah.

♪ ♪

Dick: Today:

Angel: Hello!

[laughter]

Dick: Angel welcomes a fellow chateau owner to our home--

- Muah. - Muah.

Dick:--and bestows her with advice and gifts.

There you go.

You have been knighted.

[laughter]

- Can I come again, please? - Yes.

Dick: Preparations for a summer party are thrown into chaos.

The phone's already going with people asking us if we've

cancelled.

Dick: A castle's cellar's ancient secret is revealed.

A bone.

Man: Oh yeah, a finger bone, yeah

Dick: A bumper booking causes problems.

Today, we've got 14 people coming in to have 28 fried eggs.

Dick: And there's a big surprise for two chateau owners.

Nicole: Oh, look!

[bleating]

Nicole: It sounds just like a baby.

[bleating]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Dick: Chateau d'Humières is a crumbling 18th century castle

being restored by British designer Nicole--

There's bits that still need to be filled and then sanded down,

actually.

Dick:--and her Belgian architect boyfriend, Stephan.

We took on the castle because it was a great challenge.

You could call it an adventure, yeah?

Nicole: We're lucky.

Hectic, but lucky.

♪ ♪

Dick: Stephan inherited the chateau--

--located in the Pas-de-Calais region north of France,

from his mother.

I owned the castle, the chateau for a few years before I met

Nicole.

This is after the--I think after the death of my mother.

And 2015, we really started.

You came here for the first time.

That's when things properly kind of kicked off,

and decided that we'd get involved and do this together.

Dick: They want to turn this place into a B&B.

We will be renting out parts of the chateau for people

to stay in.

Stephan: Holiday rentals.

Dick: But they need to generate income to renovate it,

so are planning to open a tea room in four weeks time.

It needs to stop draining money.

Yeah.

Stephan: It needs to be self-financing.

That's our new adventure:

How to make this self-financing.

It's just off the main road and what--how many people did you

say go in, roughly?

It's about 2,800 cars passing through this village 500 metres

further a day.

♪ ♪

Dick: They were planning to lay a resin floor but discovered

there was no concrete layer under the current floor on which

to lay it.

It's not even, really, as if we can say this will be phase two

of the tea room, because that's the main entrance.

Dick: Now a revised quote has come in, including the cost of

adding a solid concrete base.

We've just had this email come through, which is like,

"Oh gosh, is it really that expensive?"

10 grand is too much.

So we won't have epoxy flooring.

That's the verdict.

It's come out of budget.

The resin floor's now out.

Dick: The flooring is only one of the jobs to get the

100-square-metre hall ready on schedule.

We've got wallpaper planned for here.

We're going to be doing painting still in here.

We've still got to get the lintel on the fireplace.

There's lots to do.

Stephan: Finish the windows, finish the walls,

finish the ceiling.

So we have four weeks to turn everything over, and to put the

flooring in here.

So we need to find a different solution.

And come up with one very quickly if we want to get it

done in time.

We also have to decide whether we're going to dig this floor up

and--

We can't.

No, and put underfloor heating on.

No, it's impossible.

Taking it out will take us a week.

Pouring in the concrete.

I mean, four days, three days--

[Stephan exhales]

--and then having it dry in two weeks time is impossible.

So it could be that actually what we opt for now maybe--

Yeah.

--is we just paint it temporarily.

Stephan: Yeah.

♪ ♪

Dick: They've got some serious thinking to do.

What can you do?

You know, you're in the middle of something.

What do you do?

Bail out halfway through that?

You can't.

You have to see it through.

Dick: So while they ponder, they tackle another job:

♪ ♪

Dick: Cleaning the façade of the chateau.

It's the first thing that visitors will see,

so it has to look great.

[motor humming]

Nicole: We'll clean up the gutter wells while we're

up here.

Oh.

- Scared of heights? - No.

No?

- Really not? - No.

- I am slightly nervous. - Nicole: Are you?

I am okay with this, because I have to.

Yeah, we reached it.

Okay, so we're going to sand the stone so we get back this

nice white--

- I like this though. - I know.

I really like that.

Stephan: I'm so sorry it has to go, it has to go.

Wait, wait.

It's really lovely there.

- It has to go. - Why?

Come on, it's not nice.

You have this nice white stone and then you just--

[Stephan laughs]

It's really beautiful.

- Oh my goodness. - Look at the colour of it.

You should like it; it's orange.

- Ah. - It's really lovely.

When are we getting--are we going to replace that soon?

No, it looks nice with that across.

Nicole: No, It doesn't.

Stephan: Of course, we'll leave it.

No, it does.

Nicole: It's got plastic there.

Just leave it, because I mean, if you like this, you just leave

it like that also there.

- Come on. - [Stephan laughs]

- It's not funny. - Love you.

But you do not see this from below.

- Yes, you do. - You don't.

Below, you only see a yellow stain.

Nicole: All right, maybe. Stephan: You think, "Hmm."

- Okay, okay. - Stephan: A little bit.

Dick: Nicole relents on the stonework's orange smudge,

but wins on replacing the plastic window.

So when's the plan to replace the glass in here?

As soon as possible, but I never had a chance to measure it.

Should we measure it now?

Let's measure it straightaway.

It's a good idea.

It's called a circle.

40 high.

My goodness, whoa.

Have to replaces this piece of it also.

Okay, let's go down; you ready?

Everything's good?

- Yeah? - [squealing]

Dick: With the window to replace, and stonework to sand

down, the work to do here is just mounting up.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Dick: Just under 80 miles northwest, at the rather more

complete Chateau des Lys, the rental season is in full swing.

Tim and Margreeth have owned the B&B for four years

after spotting it on holiday.

Tim: I thought it was the nicest place I'd ever seen.

It was unconditional.

I just fell in love with it.

We loved it and we decided on the spot to buy it,

and I think we signed two days later.

Dick: Brit Tim retired as bass guitar from the successful Dutch

band he'd been in for 26 years--

--and they moved to their new home here in the Picardie region

of France.

♪ ♪

Tim: When you've done all that, once you've had the glory of the

whole rock 'n' roll bit, what you're left with is, actually,

the nicest thing is meeting people.

With the chateau, we get great people in here.

We get some lovely, lovely guests.

Dick: They're busy during the summer months,

but they still aren't bringing in enough cash.

The chateau is--you know, costs money.

Of course it does.

Not just the cost of doing it up, but just the monthly costs.

Tim: There's quite a lot of maintenance to be done.

Dick: So their plans are to develop an upmarket

caravan site.

Last weekend, if we'd have had these things in place,

we would have earned another 1,000 euros.

Dick: And lease out their gîtes to increase their income.

Basically, it's costing them 25,000 euros which is a one-off

payment and that gives--for 25 years, that gives you five

weeks.

Dick: Meanwhile, the usual B&B business at the chateau needs to

continue and it takes up most of their time.

And right now, they're preparing for 30 guests who will be

staying over the Easter weekend.

Tim: We take Easter very seriously for a bunch of

atheists.

Lots of people coming in.

It's a full chateau and these are the last minute preps before

people turn up.

When it's Easter, you want to, you know, make it festive.

♪ ♪

Everything nice and light colours.

Just do a few things for our guests.

Dick: They've roped in daughter Donna who's visiting from

Holland to help with the decorations.

It's quite an Eastery flower arrangement.

Very Eastery colours.

Dick: And 9-year-old little brother Joe's sort of helping

out too.

Donna: You think I should put them in?

Okay, I'll put them in.

Thank you, Joe, for your help.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Dick: Before the guests arrive, Tim's checking on a bee problem.

It's been two weeks since he tried to get rid of a hive in

one of the gîte's chimneys.

Tim: I must admit, it still gives me the willies,

climbing up this ladder.

Dick: The hive was deep in the chimney and impossible to move,

so Tim had no choice but to destroy it.

Tim: In fact I'm climbing up here without any protection,

as far as, you know, beekeeping gear goes, so it does mean that

I'm fairly confident that they're not going to be alive

so--

Dick: Tim blocked the entrance to the hive and is now checking

if the bees have gone.

♪ ♪

Tim: And the first thing I see is two bees.

Score one for the bees.

They're all going in a hole.

They've made themselves a new hole.

And the hive is still there.

It's still functioning.

And the only worry is they're going to spot me and then

they're going to decide that I was the guy who ravaged their

whole existence last time, and therefore they're going to

attack me.

But you have to admire them.

It's completely brilliant.

Not as active as it was though.

It's less--definitely a lot less bees than there used to be.

I just need to get some more gunk and do it again, basically.

Dick: He has to fix the problem.

Otherwise, they won't be able to lease the gîte through their new

co-ownership scheme.

And to be honest, all I can realistically do

is keep gunking.

If I don't get rid of them, I don't know what's going to

happen.

I mean, I'm going to get rid of them.

I mean, it's--failure is not an option.

Things happen; if you're not practical and you don't see a

solution straightaway, it will be really difficult to keep this

place going.

♪ ♪

Dick: As if on cue, another problem comes up that they could

do without on Easter weekend.

Tim: The dishwasher's blown up.

It's shorting.

Everyone knows these--if you work in the hospitality

industry; you fill up your thing there, shove it on there,

close that.

Push the button and in my case: "Pop."

The whole chateau shuts down, which is my problem at the

moment.

So just to prove that, I'm going to switch it on,

and switch on there.

[laughs]

That was the sound of everything shutting down in the

whole chateau.

So I'm just going to put that back again and have a look

at it.

♪ ♪

[click]

♪ ♪

Judging by the way that keeps cutting out, I reckon some sort

of short somewhere, but I'm not sure whether I'm good enough to

find it.

Dick: And if he doesn't, that means a weekend of washing up by

hand for Tim with a house full of guests.

[chattering]

♪ ♪

Dick: Back at Chateau d'Humières:

♪ ♪

Dick: Stephan is halfway through the mammoth task of sanding

the castle's 200-square metre façade.

The stone is so soft, a little bit like the Cliffs of Dover,

so it just comes out very clean, very clear, and very white.

It's pure chalk.

Like if you would take a piece of it, you would be able to draw

on the blackboard.

But you do get a lot of satisfaction out of these

buildings.

Of course, once they get neglected for 40 or for 50 years

like this one, then catching up means putting in a lot and a lot

and a lot of effort.

♪ ♪

Dick: While Stephan continues his sanding marathon,

Nicole wants to find out more about her wallpaper.

And knows just the person to ask:

My wife Angel.

Angel: Nicole sent me a picture of her wallpaper,

and it's lovely.

She didn't know anything about it, and I sent it to a historian

who's come back only yesterday with some information,

and Nicole knows nothing about it.

So I'm really, really excited to show her.

♪ ♪

Dick: Angel's inviting Nicole to our house to share her findings.

Wow, look at this.

It's like driving into a fairy story, literally.

I feel like I'm going to be Rapunzel in the tower today.

Dying to see the inside.

♪ ♪

Dick: With a shared passion for chateaux,

Nicole and Angel should get on like a house on fire.

♪ ♪

Nicole: I love the symmetry, actually.

It's lovely, it's really lovely.

♪ ♪

Dick: This is the 1,000-year-old medieval fort,

Chateau de Brametourte.

♪ ♪

Dick: Owners Paul Hunter and Alison Ward run parts of it

as a B&B.

They're renovating the rest in between working away as IT and

HR consultants.

But they're desperate to run the chateau full-time so they can

give up their jobs.

If we've got that running enough, we can just spend the

summers doing the weddings and then enjoying the house.

And as we get older in life, that would be an absolute bliss

to not have to keep packing bags and getting on planes.

Dick: Located within sight of the Pyrenees, in the Languedoc

region of France, they've spent the last seven weeks here,

building a wedding terrace and outside kitchen

around their pool.

The first wedding of the year is the week after next,

so we're working on trying to solve a few problems in the

outdoor kitchen.

Dick: Tonight, they're holding a party to celebrate the kitchen's

grand opening.

Paul Hunter: We've got about 60 people we're expecting.

And I got a list as long as your arm of things I've got to try

and finish.

And put the electricity in here.

Get the plumbing finished.

Got the roof on.

Tidy up the marquee, put some lighting up.

Cross our fingers and hopefully we'll have a nice day for it.

Dick: Fortunately, they've got help from family and friends

from the U.K.

I come from a family of 12, so I've got nine brothers and

sisters.

They're all having children as well,

and now there's 60 of them.

Dick: Last night, Alison's eldest sister Deborah tested out

their newly completed honeymoon suite.

- Hi, Deb! - Hi Alison.

How was the night?

Deborah: The bed is the most beautiful, comfortable, oldest,

most expensive bed I've ever slept in.

[laughter]

Deborah: But yes, so the bathroom's fantastic.

I love the bathroom.

The shower is magnificent.

Do you remember the first shower?

Alison: Yes.

Deborah: You had to climb up on bricks, didn't you?

Alison: Yeah.

A wobble--[laughing]--in the shower with the hosepipe.

- That's it. - [laughter]

Dick: Deborah's been sharing the room with some small,

feathered friends.

The amazing thing about this chateau is that there was birds

nesting.

So we put a little door in each of the nest holes with a

glass frontage.

Deborah: How amazing to have peregrine chicks in your wall.

[Deborah laughs]

Dick: Back on the terrace, Paul's roped in

Alison's brother, Dominic--

- [Paul mumbles] - You get the wire.

Dick:--for some last-minute electrical work.

You're all just thinking how sexy I look in my pajamas.

[laughter]

- Are you concentrating? - Yes, I am; yes, I am.

[laughter]

Three, right.

I'm just going to turn the electricity on.

Let's check my work.

Okay.

Dick: Meanwhile, in the new outdoor kitchen,

Alison's taking charge.

Keep all the glasses up here.

But in different types, maybe wine and champagne,

and that sort of thing.

I know I'm the eldest, but she's the bossiest.

[laughs]

And there's a load of champagne glasses over where the microwave

is in the kitchen.

How's it going with the--

- Paul: One more. - Alison Ward: Oh, well done.

Good job.

Dick: With everyone pitching in, the party prep is coming

together nicely.

Woman: Do you think we've got the worst job here?

Dick: But just when everything's going well--

[thunder]

Dick--the heavens open.

♪ ♪

The phone's already going with people asking us if we've

cancelled, and we've just stopped answering it.

Dick: They can only hope the rain will stop to avoid a total

washout.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Dick: Nearly 600 miles north, Chateau des Lys is fully booked

for the weekend.

♪ ♪

[laughter]

Dick: But owner Tim still hasn't been able to find the fault in

the dishwasher which keeps shorting the electrics.

It's beyond me.

I can't do it.

Dick: So time to call a professional.

♪ ♪

Dick: And after working on it for 1.2 seconds--

Ah, yes.

[speaking in French]

♪ ♪

Paul: Okay?

Dick: The electrician's cracked it.

Formidable.

Okay, so he's saying that there's a metal plate which is

basically joining the earth to the negative and that's causing

it to trip.

And that's how easy it is.

Unless you're an idiot.

So we're going to switch it back on again and see if it works.

Ça va marcher?

[whirring]

[Paul laughs]

Brilliant!

Ha, okay.

I feel really stupid, you know.

- Merci, Monsieur. - De rien.

Thank you.

- Au revoir. - Au revoir.

♪ ♪

Dick: Now they can concentrate on the Easter Sunday

celebrations.

Alison: Okay, well done.

Dick: But come the big day, it's not long before Tim's having

another kitchen nightmare.

Tim: 22 bits of bacon we need, is that right?

Margreeth: Yes.

Dick: And is overcome by a huge breakfast order.

Tim: Panicking.

[clattering]

♪ ♪

Dick: This is our place: Chateau-de-la-Motte Husson,

based in the Pays de la Loire.

Today Nicole, a fellow chateau owner, has come here to visit my

wife, Angel, and find out about the origins of the wallpaper

she discovered in her chateau.

- Hello! - Angel, hi.

Lovely to meet you.

You're gorgeous.

- Muah. - Muah.

Dick: First though, a little tour.

Do you want to come in, have a drink, have a look around?

Thank you so much, that would be great.

I'm dying to.

So this is our humble abode.

- After you, madame. - Nicole: Thank you.

- Gorgeous entrance. - Angel: Thank you, thank you.

Yeah, it's still a work in progress.

Nicole: Lovely hallway.

Angel: Come on, let's go and see the salon.

I mean, this is--this is the salon.

This is our original plans.

Nicole: How lovely that you've got that, yeah.

This is my favourite.

Like, you know, the original little drawing of it,

and the detail.

I mean, it looks beautiful, isn't it?

Nicole: It looks like it's on tissue paper.

Yeah, it's on tracing paper, so it would be on the paper that

they would have used so, um, it's like a parchment paper.

And when we were given these, well, me and Dick, we were

just--we were blown away 'cause it's such a special thing

to have, isn't it?

Dick: Not long ago, we were where Nicole and her partner,

Stephan, are now with their chateau renovations.

Now in here, it's just--it's really, really playful.

Nicole: It's like a little mini theatre, in a way, isn't it?

[Angel laughs]

Angel: Yeah.

So we've got 47 rooms.

And they all need attention.

Right.

I have to kind of manage my frustrations of wanting

everything done continuously,

though I'm sure you're in the same boat right now, aren't you?

It's like a living thing, isn't it?

Angel: Yeah.

You're constantly looking to fill the gaps.

Angel: Yeah.

Dick: Right, now to business.

Angel: You know you sent me a picture of your beautiful

wallpaper.

Mm hmm.

Angel: I've got something to show you.

- Nicole: Okay. - Angel: So come with me.

Dick: When we moved in here, Angel found rolls of old

wallpaper in our attic.

Angel: Through here--

Dick: And she used them to turn one of the turret rooms into her

very own wallpaper museum.

♪ ♪

Angel [laughing]: This was my labour of love.

I think it is so beautiful.

- Thank you, yeah. - Really, it looks amazing.

I come in here and I always smile.

I mean, I just--I love wallpaper, but take a seat.

Let's relax.

Can I have a little snooze?

Angel [laughing]: I could have a little snooze right now.

This room, every single wallpaper here--

Nicole: Fantastic.

--has been used in the history of the house.

I mean, this is how we found it.

Oh, I see.

I mean, it's just so well preserved.

You can see these have been hand-painted.

Nicole: The colours are so vivid, aren't they?

[Angel laughs]

Nicole: It's like really bright and vivid.

That's the back hallway one.

Nicole: Isn't that a brilliant combination?

Oh, they're just great, yeah.

- Nicole: And that? - The two greens.

- Nicole: Oh my God. - Angel: Yes.

So what I'm really interested in is, like, when you did this,

did you plan out what you were going to put next to what?

No.

Nicole: You just couldn't do it.

You just couldn't.

Actually, what ended up happening is, as long as there

wasn't too much repetition, just everything went everywhere,

and it worked.

Nicole: It worked.

Dick: Nicole brings out a sample of the wallpaper from her

chateau.

She emailed Angel a photo of it a few days ago.

Angel: Wow, that's gorgeous.

I've got wallpaper envy.

[laughing]

In my pride and joy.

It's so beautiful, and orange and teal, I mean they so work,

don't they?

It's very special.

Angel: That is absolutely stunning.

Now I've got a bit of a surprise for you,

because I sent the picture you sent me to a historian.

Nicole: Great.

And he got back to me yesterday with a little bit of

information.

Ta-da!

Behind the pillow.

"Dear Angel:

Looking closely at the design from the photo,

it looks like an extremely high-quality printing,

and well worth conserving.

This was applied just prior to Revolution by the doyen of

wallpaper makers at the Jean-Baptiste Réveillon Paris

factory.

He surpassed all the other French makers at the time by

employing the finest designers and using his own paper mill to

supply the best material and use the latest methods."

To know that it's come from these kind of roots is really

exciting.

It's about finding these little nuggets in the house and then

putting your mark on it.

Dick: Angel's got another surprise.

So this is a stencil taken from the wallpaper.

Thank you, that's so brilliant!

Angel [laughing]: Do you like it?

Nicole: Yes, I mean, I love it!

Hand it over.

- Nicole: Thank you so much. - And you down there.

There you go.

- You have been knighted. - Nicole: Aw.

- Can I come again, please? -Yes.

[Angel chuckles]

Dick: Nicole can use this to replicate the original design on

the old wallpaper and print it on the walls in the tea room.

Nicole: Brilliant.

This is so cool!

I think she likes it.

[Angel laughs]

♪ ♪

Dick: It's Easter Sunday at Chateau des Lys,

and owners Tim and Margreeth are hard at work.

Okay, I think we've got about 230 eggs or something.

Dick: Whilst Margreeth hides Easter goodies in the 14-acre

gardens for the kids to hunt after breakfast--

I have to be very quiet here 'cause this is where kids are

sleeping.

Dick:--Tim is in the kitchen cooking it.

[clattering]

Last ones.

Easter Bunny is done for this year.

And that's it.

Gonna get ready for breakfast.

♪ ♪

Dick: Margreeth joins Tim in the kitchen.

They usually offer a continental breakfast, but keen cook Tim

will rustle up his famous Full English on request.

♪ ♪

Tim: We get a lot of requests for English breakfast, actually.

Which is kind of annoying, because it's quite difficult

to make.

One of the nice things of having a bed and breakfast.

Today we've got 14 people coming in to have 28 fried eggs.

That's--what is it, 32 rations of bacon?

These are hash browns, yes.

But taking it's very seriously, it's grated potato,

and the secret is to stick them in the pan and leave them alone.

[sizzling]

♪ ♪

Dick: And Tim also loves offering a taste of home:

Hot cross buns.

Not that Margreeth seems impressed by them.

I think they're a bit boring, to be honest.

I think there's loads of great stuff coming from the U.K.

Hot cross buns, maybe not one of them.

Dick: Cover your ears, Tim.

♪ ♪

Tim: 22 bits of bacon we need, is that right?

Margreeth: Yeah.

- Have you counted them? - Tim: No.

I'll just keep--I'll just keep going.

I think when everyone turns up, it will be okay and I'll chuck

a few more in.

♪ ♪

Dick: As the guests start to trickle into the dining room,

things are heating up in the kitchen.

♪ ♪

Margreeth: So you need five English breakfasts.

Tim: Yeah.

That's one child, isn't it?

- Yeah. - Okay.

Dick: And it all gets a bit much for Tim.

Tim: Panicking.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[rain falling]

Dick: At the opposite end of the country, way down south by the

Pyrenees, rain has stopped party preparation dead

at Chateau de Brametourte.

I think that's it now.

[laughs]

I don't think there's a--got a chance of that blowing over.

Dick: So Alison's turned her attention to another project.

So we're looking at the cellars underneath the kitchen.

We want to turn these into a really beautiful wine cellar.

Dick: But 400 years ago, this space had a darker purpose.

Alison: But going through to the end is the oubliette,

where prisoners used to be thrown to be forgotten about.

But also, we're told that further down here,

there's actually an entrance to an old escape tunnel that goes

under the land to the chateau in the neighbouring valley.

Dick: Alison wants to find out if the tunnel legend is true.

Alison: So that would be quite interesting to excavate.

♪ ♪

Dick: So she sent her friends, Ian and Graham, down to see if

they can drain away a buildup of water that is accrued in

front of what they believe could be the tunnel entrance.

Man 1: Found a bone.

- Man 2: Is it? - Man 1: Yeah.

A chicken bone or something like that?

Man 2: A finger bone.

Man 1: Oh yeah, or a finger bone, yeah.

That was the last prisoner.

[men laughing]

[chatter]

That could be the top of the doorway.

Alison: My God.

It's really deep so it could be a tunnel.

God!

- That goes a long way in. - Man 1: That's it.

Alison: And that--is that where you feel the end of it,

or does it go further?

Man 1: No, goes further than that.

Alison: That must be the tunnel then.

It could be a tunnel!

Dick: Maybe, but whilst the digging continues to confirm

it--

Let's go.

Dick:--upstairs in the honeymoon suite, the rain has caused

another problem for Alison.

I'm coming around.

Dick: One of the birds nesting in the wall has got trapped.

Deborah: There's a nest fallen down the side, maybe.

Alison: Yeah, when that storm blew up, it's pushed the door

out and the birds have come out through it.

They're laying there.

Deborah: We should put the birds back in then.

Alison: I know, that's why--

I got one.

Come on, good girl.

Come on.

That's it.

[Alison coughs]

So much for nature.

♪ ♪

Dick: And there's more good news outside:

The rain's have finally let up, so Alison's family are back out

doing the final prep for the party.

Woman: Going to bring in a domestic now,

over the bunting and the writing.

Too scared to put it up anywhere.

Put one piece across the wood, and put the other two inside.

Alison didn't want it inside, to be honest.

I think she wanted it all along the top, and all along the top

of there.

On top of there, outside, it's going.

- Man: Yeah. - I made a decision.

But if Alison comes along and says she doesn't like it

up there, then Ian made the decision.

[laughter]

Dick: They've now got just two hours to get the kitchen up and

running, and 60 hungry guests expected.

We can't cancel, so we're just going to push on and get as much

done as we can.

It's taking a long time just to wire these fridges in.

♪ ♪

Dick: At Chateau d'Humières:

Owner Stephan has just four weeks to transform this--

♪ ♪

Dick:--into a fully decorated, refurbished and functioning

tea room.

He's finished sanding down the outside of the chateau,

and now he's repairing the window that will sit above

the entrance.

Just tidying it up a little bit here.

More than 200 years old, so it will never be a new window,

but it doesn't have to be a new window.

It can keep the charm of just being old.

I think it's ready to put up.

Okay, here we go.

♪ ♪

Okay, Franz, if you can hand me the glass and then standing

somewhere over here.

Yeah.

Super.

Make sure it fits in here right, so try putting it like this.

♪ ♪

Okay.

Yeah.

Done.

Great, great.

That's another job done, eh?

It's coming from derelict window without any glass,

and now having a good window.

Perfect, eh?

♪ ♪

Dick: That's one job done, but still hundreds to do.

Over at our chateau,

his partner Nicole is picking my wife Angel's brains for advice

on how to run a tea room.

We're not entirely sure exactly how we're going to do it.

Dick: While they chat, Angel is showing her a recipe for a

summer drink they could sell.

This smells amazing.

Do they?

- They're amazing. - They do.

Dick: A cordial with black current, fresh from our

chateau's garden.

And you can just imagine these on your--kind of your tarts in

your tea room as well.

Having run a tea room of her own, Angel knows exactly what it

takes to get Nicole's business off the ground.

♪ ♪

Have you thought about what an average cover cost would be?

- Nope. - Okay.

I guess this is the time when you need to have your plan,

your vision, because everything you're doing will be tailored to

what the final outcome is.

Yeah.

You know, if you're doing a tea room that's open to the public,

you're going to design the room for that.

The only thing is, if you end up working and investing to create

something and then you missed the season--

Yeah, you want a return, mm hmm.

Dick: Nicole's tea room business is focused on making money

during the summer months.

You know what, you're still in the mindset of just summer

passing trade.

I don't think that's your market.

You don't want to be the destination place where

Mr. and Mrs. Smith turn up and spend 20 quid.

Dick: Instead, Angel wants Nicole to think much bigger,

and think of a year-round business.

- Events, special occasions-- - Nicole: Yeah.

- They happen all year round. - Sure.

You know what I mean?

You want to be a destination place--

Sure.

--that someone's paying a grand and you have 20 covers

a month and bring 20 grand in.

Dick: Staging events can turn a chateau from a money pit into a

pot of gold.

Angel: Watch the splatter.

Every time you have a customer, they need to pay for something

in the chateau to be renovated, okay?

Right, absolutely.

If you think about it like that--

Dick: Back to the cordial.

And after cooling, it's ready for tasting.

Service.

[laughter]

Angel: I just get a kick out of saying that.

On its way, ma'am.

[laughter]

Dick says it to me all the time.

Oh, wow.

Now, you will not pour that elegantly without getting it

everywhere.

- And that's what I thought. - Angel: Yeah.

Fab colour.

Angel: It's gorgeous, isn't it?

Cheers.

Dick: Angel has one more piece of advice for Nicole

to help her keep track of her finances.

I've got one more little thing to give you.

And it's on a serious note.

[giggling]

Because, whatever you do, you've got to make money out of it.

So I want you to have a think.

Now these three here are your costs.

You should have a third, which will be your direct cost,

a third which will be your labour and even if you do it,

you need to pay yourself, okay?

And then there should be a third what would be a profit,

and that'll go in your pocket.

You can now buy a dress or a sink.

Right.

It's always going to be a sink, isn't it?

- Angel: I know. - [laughter]

Thanks.

- It's yours. - Cheers.

We have to stick together, us mad chateau owners.

[laughter]

- Nicole: Thank you. - Angel: You're welcome.

Best of luck with everything.

Thank you so much.

- Stay in touch. - It's been a superb day.

And, you know, travel safe.

♪ ♪

Angel: Nicole's just great.

A little bit bonkers.

I just wish her all the best, you know.

She's working her socks off.

Good luck to her and Stephan.

♪ ♪

Dick: At Chateau des Lys, Tim and Margreeth are reaching

boiling point of making breakfast.

Tim: Can you get me a few of the little blue plates?

♪ ♪

Dick: 14 Full Englishes plus warm hot cross buns are giving

Tim a breakfast breakdown.

How are your hot cross buns coming on?

Tim: They are almost ready.

Margreeth: Okay, you do that.

- I'm just gonna do this first. - Margreeth: That's fine.

Otherwise, I'm doing three things at once.

'Cause things will go wrong.

See, I've just realized I forgot to put the mushrooms on.

So...

Margreeth: I think I see other people coming down now.

Tim: Okay.

[children chatting]

♪ ♪

[sizzling]

♪ ♪

So these ones are all ready to go, yeah?

Tim: Yeah, with the mushrooms, they can go.

Dick: Tim's managing to keep the wheels on,

and get the breakfasts out.

I've got four more to do and then I'm--ah!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Tim: The last egg!

Yeah!

Look at that, breakfast is done.

Yes!

It's a good feeling, actually; ha!

What time is it?

I don't know, so, that's about an hour, hour-and-a-half

for breakfast isn't it, I guess--14, was it?

14 breakfasts.

Great.

- Hot cross buns. - Hot cross buns, yeah.

Yeah.

♪ ♪

Dick: The hard part of the breakfast over, Margreeth hands

out the homemade Easter bunnies to the guests' children.

Margreeth: Do you still believe in the Easter Bunny?

Child: Yeah.

You can choose one for yourself to take home with you.

That one, okay.

Thank you.

♪ ♪

Dick: But what children really want at Easter is chocolate.

♪ ♪

[Margreeth speaking French]

♪ ♪

[children yelling]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Margreeth: Cheers!

Chin chin.

Happy Easter.

♪ ♪

[laughter]

Dick: It's been a great weekend and Tim and Margreeth are in

their element.

♪ There's a house on the hill

♪ You just come and do what you feel ♪

One of the best things about chateau life is just the

unexpected number of nice people that you meet.

♪ So come on up ♪

For me, the best thing is that every day is different.

♪ ♪

There's never a dull moment and I think that I really, really,

really like that.

[cheering]

Dick: Enjoy it while you can, Tim and Margreeth,

because you still have a lot to do to get your gîtes

and that caravan park up and running.

♪ ♪

Dick: At Chateau de Brametourte, it may have stopped raining,

but the water around what they thought is the tunnel entrance

refuses to drain away.

Man: There's no water pipes that go around there.

It looks like we're not going to be able to find the tunnel.

It's looks like the water tank level is just too high now.

Man: So the mystery continues.

♪ ♪

Dick: Paul and Alison's search for the elusive tunnel has come

to an abrupt end.

♪ ♪

With it flooding anyway, it's probably not a good idea to

try and excavate it any further.

We won't do too much more stuff down here just 'cause it's so

wet and humid.

Dick: With cash tight, locating the legendary tunnels will have

to wait until next year.

For now, there's the outside kitchen to finish.

Eh!

We have water!

Let's check and see it's not coming out of the bottom.

- Let's double check. - [laughter]

Oh [bleep]

- Paul: How stupid is that? - Man: Tighten it up.

That's it.

Dick: It's done and just in the nick of time,

as the guests start arriving for the grand opening of

Paul and Alison's wedding terrace.

It's good to test it out tonight, because we've got the

wedding party next month using it for the first time.

So this is a bit of a check to see if everything operates.

Yeah, check everything works properly.

Opening the kitchen officially and--

Woman: Woo!

I'm going to cut the ribbon.

Okay, thank you.

[cheering]

♪ ♪

Got the kitchen working.

The kitchen is amazing!

I'm so pleased to finally have something out here that our

guests can go and enjoy and relax and have family

and friends.

♪ ♪

Dick: So the new wedding terrace is a hit.

Let's hope it's a hit with the wedding guests that arrive here

for the first wedding of the season in just five weeks' time.

I'm looking forward to seeing how that goes.

It's just a shame everyone's in the kitchen.

- It's like any party, right? - [Alison laughs]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Dick: It's a glorious day at Chateau d'Humières,

and the exterior of the castle isn't looking too bad either.

[Nicole and Stephan chatting]

Dick: Stephan's finished renovating the façade,

and got Nicole's seal of approval.

Also Nicole, I did--cleaned around the window,

and put in the glass.

It looks brilliant.

Now we have to clean the second floor a little bit more,

and some more jointing on the second floor.

[exhales]

A few more shutters to be painted.

The moss has come off and it looks much better without it.

Yeah, big difference now, eh?

It looks really--it's really good.

Stephan: Yeah, it just looks cleaner.

♪ ♪

Dick: Having signed off the outside, Nicole wants to get on

with the work on the tea room interior.

Starting with testing Angel's stencil of her wallpaper design.

If I can get it off.

Forget that.

[laughing]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

See, I've gone over the edge.

♪ ♪

That would need repainting anyway.

Wow.

Nicole: It's just an experiment.

Oh, hi, Stephan.

- [laughs] - Stephan: Wow.

Well, you know, this is like work in progress, so I think--

It's great.

You know, the end result, we don't want to be seeing this

outline square.

It's quite nice, isn't it?

It's lovely.

- So it works out at seven. - Stephan: Mm hmm.

- Oh, yes. - All the way up.

And then that brings the design through into this room as well.

Stephan: Without using the colours--

Without using the colours, exactly.

Actually, it's come out quite nicely, but I'd like to try to

see what pastels--'cause I think pastels might give more of an

effect of what the original wallpaper is like.

I don't know.

But do you like it?

It's amazing.

- Cute. - Cute.

- It's not cute. - It's amazing.

♪ ♪

Dick: Stephan's on board with the stencilling.

But Nicole also needs to sell him on Angel's advice

to take the tea room plans up a notch.

The thing is about running a tea or coffee bar here--

Stephan: Mm hmm?

--the costs that are involved--

Yeah.

First of all, we don't know how much traffic we're going to get.

Stephan: Okay.

'Cause the chances are we'll be raking in peanuts that won't

really even cover our costs.

The bottom line is: If we just do a tea room,

it's not a good idea.

The big message is: Maybe think bigger.

- Use the room for other events. - Yeah?

It could be courses, it could be conferences.

I think she's right.

It's just finding the right usage of the space, eh?

Dick: So Stephan seems to like the idea of thinking bigger,

but they don't quite know what type of business to go for yet.

Either way, they'll need to find a solution for the tricky floor

problem.

You'd say, like, a tea room here?

Nicole: We haven't decided anything about the floor,

actually.

Stephan: We need to go for a cheap solution first.

It's a lot of stress getting it done in time, of course.

[bleating]

♪ ♪

Dick: But before they get any closer to a decision,

they're needed elsewhere.

[bleating]

Dick: Nicole and Stephan keep three goats at the chateau.

One of them is heavily pregnant.

Or was, by the sound of things.

Nicole: Oh look!

- Stephan: Amazing. - Nicole: Amazing.

[bleating]

Nicole [gasping]: Oh, it sounds just like a baby.

Two goats being born.

It's amazing.

All of a sudden, we hear this little "bah" sound.

And we're--Stephan charged off down here, 'cause we know that

one of the goats is pregnant and due kind of any minute.

Stephan: Really must have come out of the womb like

five minutes ago.

I think this one is a ram, but I'm not sure.

Sounds great, huh?

[bleating]

Nicole: Amazing.

He's standing up now.

Stephan: They're really best with their mama.

I'm just really glad we were here to witness this.

I can feel its little heart beat.

That's real life, isn't it?

And okay, renovating a chateau's real life too,

but sometimes you get caught up in the minutiae of the detail,

and the costings, and the stress of it,

and then you have something like that that happens,

and takes you right out of it, which is really nice.

Oh.

[bleating]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Dick: Next time:

For Nicole and Stephan, the stress of getting their chateau

ready for an opening party starts to take its toll.

Stephan's been working day and night.

Slightly worried about him actually, 'cause he's been

working so hard.

Dick: To the point of becoming dangerous.

He lost four kilos in the last two weeks.

Four kilos is quite a lot.

Dick: Tim's caravan renovation starts to take a step backwards.

Little bit of wood to be cut out and sort of put in again, but--

- [crack] - Tim: Whoops.

And the floor.

[laughing]

The floor needs replacing as well.

[laughing]

Dick: There are prenuptial jitters at Paul and Alison's

chateau.

They started all sitting down.

Not that I'm panicked or anything now.

- Oh my goodness. - Oh, yeah.

Dick: At another chateau, a mother and daughter disagree on

how to put on an event.

I would never have done a party like this, personally.

Absolutely not.

♪ ♪

It's funny.

I think you complicate your life.

A radish is a radish.

You serve the blooming radish.

It's great having my mother here.

But stress levels have risen because she's never happy

with what I'm doing.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪