Original subtitles

[birds chirping]

This is me:

Dick Strawbridge, my wife Angel, and our two children in our

glorious French chateau.

We haven't ever regretted what we've done.

It is so worth it.

We moved here three years ago to follow our dream of living life

in our very own castle.

[laughing] Oh my god.

Dick: But it's not been easy--

I think I'm a bit too old for this.

--as dozens of other Brits know only too well.

Man: Oops.

Floor needs replacing as well [laughs].

Dick: Because it turns out we're not the only expats who have

bought a French chateau.

♪ ♪

Wow, absolutely love it!

Jonathan Cooke: 25-year-old Bordeaux.

Motherlode!

Dick: In this series, we'll reveal how we're running our

chateau as a business--

There's not a thing about making sausage that I don't find

humorous.

I'm still finding things that I haven't seen.

Dick:--and see how these daring Brits are running theirs--

Whoa, whoa, whoa, this place is done up.

[woman laughs]

Dick:--as they face the ups--

It's really beautiful.

This is a rare moment, but I am genuinely at peace.

Dick:--and downs--

It's a lot worse than it looks.

Dick:--of their new lives in these crumbling and magnificent

buildings.

Man: It is a bit fancy living in a French chateau.

We might have a few problems on the way, but that's part of

life, isn't it [laughs]?

Yeah.

♪ ♪

- Dick: Today: - Angelina: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Dick: A cost-saving way of making your own trailer.

Rope snapped!

Dick: Wannabe chateau owners try to find their dream home--

Johnny: Oh, babe, this is what we want, right?

Dick:--but soon find problems to bug them.

Johnny: Oh, Dick will have a field day with this.

Dick: A chateau couple dealing with a struggling business--

Jonathan: If we don't break even this year, it would be a

disaster.

Dick:--come to see Angel for some advice.

Angel: Hello!

Michael Halpin: Good to meet you, at last.

Dick: And I help to plan an ambitious building project.

So you haven't got enough to do, so you've decided to build a

bridge.

Philip Baillie-Smith: Yeah.

Are you sure you want a bridge?

[laughs]

♪ ♪

[birds chirping]

♪ ♪

Dick: British artist Johnny and television producer Ashley are

at the very beginning of their chateau adventure.

Having outgrown their little townhouse in Pézenas in the

south of France, they're looking for a chateau to run.

We wanna open up an art gallery.

Obviously I need a big workshop.

Dick: Angel and I have already given Johnny advice on the

things they should look out for when chateau shopping.

Armed with that advice, they're off to a viewing near Bordeaux.

♪ ♪

Ashley Adams: This one is huge.

They don't have a lot of pictures, but it looks like a

lot of the renovations have already been done, which, you

know, has its pluses.

But also, that could be, uh, because we really wanna make it

our own.

♪ ♪

Dick: Their budget is £320,000.

The place they're about to see is listed at £550,000 but maybe

there's a little wiggle room on the price.

♪ ♪

This is the original gatehouse.

Look, I love it.

This is gonna have killer views.

Ashley: Yeah.

♪ ♪

[birds chirping]

Ashley: Beautiful.

Johnny: I love the land already.

- Ashley: I know, it is-- - Johnny: I love it.

- Ashley: Hold on a second. - Johnny: What?

Look at the sunflowers.

Imagine sitting in those chairs looking at the sunflowers all

day?

- Johnny: Hmm, awesome. - Ashley: Nice.

♪ ♪

Dick: It's got 13 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms, a pool, and sits on 8

acres of land.

Today, Johnny and Ashley are getting a personal tour from the

owner.

- Ashley: Hi! - Tom: Hi.

Nice to meet you; I'm Ashley.

- Hi, I'm Tom. - Johnny.

Woman: Nice to meet you, hi.

Tom: Would you like to follow me?

Dick: Englishman Tom bought the chateau when it was in ruins

nearly 20 years ago.

- Wow, that's incredible. - Tom: Yeah.

Huh.

Tom: I was young enough and naive enough to take it on.

[laughter]

♪ ♪

Dick: Tom's put a huge amount of time, effort, and money into

restoring this place over the years, and it shows.

Ashley: Yeah, the kitchen's nice, I like it.

Johnny: Yeah, nice.

And it's nice that it opens up on to that--that view, yeah.

I can imagine--on to the terrace.

- Ashley: Ah, that's great. - Johnny: Yeah.

Ashley: Yeah, the views are just beautiful.

Johnny: I think it's amazing, yeah.

The view is absolutely incredible.

Johnny: It is, eh?

- Breathtaking. - Ashley: Yeah.

♪ ♪

Dick: The location's a winner, but Johnny needs to take our

advice on board and start asking some tough questions.

I see this here.

Is there a little story behind that one?

That's just a little bit of woodworm, yeah.

OK.

Termites, they're the ones you gotta be careful for.

Yeah.

♪ ♪

Dick: Spot-on, mate, you were listening.

Just remind me again how many boilers.

- Seven or eight? - Johnny: OK.

Ashley: Yeah.

Yeah, so it's one service then?

Tom: Yeah, the hot water never runs out.

Johnny: That's a huge plus point.

The house has been looked after that way when it comes to

heating boilers.

Very, very good.

We're happy.

♪ ♪

Dick: Well done, Johnny, you're doing me proud.

So you can see here in the attic, there's been a new

roof--

Johnny: OK.

- Tom:--a whole roof on. - Awesome.

Tom: So the whole thing is brand new.

Yeah.

Wow, that's great.

Dick: A leaky roof of a chateau can cost anywhere upwards of

£100,000.

So, one that's been newly refurbished like this is a real

find.

This place seems to be ticking an awful lot of boxes.

You can't get more French than this.

No, that's true, babe.

- Sunflowers, spires, steeples. - Ashley: Church.

Johnny: It's just so quiet.

- So, so peaceful. - It's really nice.

♪ ♪

Dick: But there's something nagging at Ashley.

Tom, we have a question for you.

Are there any outbuildings?

No, because I guess what happened was--there would have

been originally.

I'm assuming that when they put the two towers on,

they demolished the outbuildings and used the stone.

Well, that makes sense.

- Upcycling, right? - Exactly [chuckles].

Before we even used the term.

- Tom: Yeah. - [Johnny chuckles]

♪ ♪

Dick: The lack of extra space for Johnny's workshop and art

gallery is a real blow.

I think it's a stunning property; I think the views are

amazing; but I think the fact that it doesn't have

outbuildings is a deal-breaker.

We just gotta move forward, just keep rolling, until we do find

that one that we really connect with.

We want to find our chateau, and we will find it.

100%, we're gonna find the chateau.

Dick: Now that's what I call positive thinking.

- Johnny: Next appointment. - Dick: Good man, Johnny.

- Johnny: Come on, baby. - [Ashley chuckles]

♪ ♪

Dick: Just over 200 miles north in the Pays de la Loire region

of France sits the beautiful Chateau de Jalesnes.

This is the home of British couple Michael and Jonathan.

Five years ago, they became bored of their lives and jobs as

a buyer and a social housing manager in London.

Michael and I had gotten as far as we could with our careers.

I could predicate what every day was going to be like, and I

thought, "I don't want to be doing this for another ten

years."

I always said if I had to move anywhere to live abroad, it

would either be New Zealand or France.

New Zealand's too far, France is on the doorstep.

Jonathan: We love the French people; we love the French way

of life.

Bonjour.

I like croissants or red wine.

[Michael laughs]

Dick: So they bought this place and converted it, with the help

of investors, into 15 holiday apartments and a location for

weddings and special events.

The investors are hugely important to us, as is the bank.

Michael: The key focus of the chateau is going to be for

weddings, because we need to pay all the bills that come with

owning a place like this.

♪ ♪

Dick: But after hosting just three weddings last year,

their first year in business, it's make or break this summer.

Just to break even this year, we would need 13 weddings.

♪ ♪

Jonathan: If we don't break even this year, it would

be--[exhales]--it would be a disaster.

Dick: Angel and I also host weddings, so she's invited

Jonathan and Michael over to discuss ways of making their

weddings more profitable.

- [indicator clicking] - Jonathan: Oh, wow.

[both chuckle]

Michael: Wow, that's a chateau.

If I was gonna draw one, that's what it would look like.

- Michael: God. - Oh my goodness.

Wow.

It's even got a coat of arms above the door [chuckles].

Michael: That's a chateau and a half, isn't it?

- Angel: Hello [laughing]! - Michael: Hello, sorry!

- Good to meet you at last. - Angel.

- I'm Michael. - Hello, I'm Jonathan.

- Hi Jonathan. - Nice to meet you.

- And you too, you too. - Welcome.

This is our chateau, our home [laughs].

Love it, love it.

Now, I know that you're doing weddings, OK?

Yes.

Now, I want to sit down with you and start looking through some

of your figures--[chuckles]--

Jonathan: Mm hmm.

--but one of the things was your floristry bill, OK?

Michael: Yes.

Now I--[inaudible] but I--[laughs]--I do get a lot of

stuff from the garden.

Do you want to go and pick some stuff--

- Jonathan: Love too, yeah. - Michael: Please.

Angel: Fab, OK, follow me, follow me!

♪ ♪

Jonathan: So I wouldn't see anything in here of potential

for me at the moment, but--

Well, I--I would here.

- I see lovely ivy. - Ivy, yeah.

Yeah, and--

We normally chuck all that away.

We had it growing up the chateau, all over the place, and

we see it as the enemy now, so every piece of ivy we see is off

and straight into the bonfire.

But instead of putting it on the bonfire, you could be a bit

creative with it.

Ivy--you know something?

You buy fake ivy by the metre.

It's ridiculously expensive.

Do you fancy having a go at getting some out?

I'll give you my brave gloves.

Yeah, I have not a problem with that.

Start up here and just get your fingers under the top of it,

see, and then wiggle it down.

Angel: Wiggle it down, yeah.

Right, fabulous.

So how much do you spend on flowers for a wedding?

We had one the other day for 3,500.

Wow, that's a lot.

I'm just far too cheap.

In fairness, they're using proper bona fide flowers,

and we're using weeds out of a meadow, so you--don't

you--can't--there is a difference, isn't there, no?

Dick: It looks like Angel might struggle convincing Jonathan of

her money-saving tips.

I--I am so fine with you being a little bit skeptical at the

moment, because I feel like I want to--it's giving me a

challenge to convince you.

♪ ♪

Dick: The 17th century Chateau Bailleul has 30 rooms and its

very own chapel.

Husband and wife Philip and Angelina Baillie-Smith are

renting it as a wedding and events venue.

It's a test run before they decide whether or not to buy

their own place.

Angelina: Renting before we buy was a brilliant idea.

It just gave us the opportunity to experience without the heavy

financial input, if it didn't go well.

Dick: In just eight weeks, they host their very first paid

booking--a 50th wedding anniversary in the chateau

grounds, here in the Pays de la Loire.

Angelina: Oh my god, the sheer scale and size of it.

A lot of things to do and kind of running out of time.

♪ ♪

Dick: Clearing the 6-acre grounds isn't their only

problem.

The chateau is surrounded by a moat, and after a recent storm,

a tree has fallen into it.

The view as you come up the drive is blocked.

Dick: Phil's planning on taking out his trusty Cornish boat and

chainsawing the tree into pieces.

Philip: I haven't used this boat since it was in St. Ives

Harbour, 2005.

Might go in the water and completely sink.

I have no idea.

Must remember to put the bungs back in [laughs].

♪ ♪

- Philip: He floats. - [birds chirping]

[vehicle revving]

Dick: Phil's little boat's floating nicely.

Unfortunately, his trailer's stuck in the mud.

Now it gets really worrisome, should we say?

Um...

I might get Angelina to help me, but I'd rather she didn't see

the mess I've made.

Dick: Luckily, he's also got a van to rescue the truck and

trailer, if he can get it through the tiny gap.

Philip: And we are clear.

It is worth it in the end, despite the fact it might not

look it quite often?

♪ ♪

Philip: All right, we're moving.

Success.

And I don't have to tell Angelina that that wasn't as

easy as I'm gonna tell her it was.

[thunder rumbling]

Dick: Phil's learning that when running a chateau, it never

rains, it pours.

Philip: Angelina, come get out of the rain in the chapel!

Coming!

♪ ♪

Philip: Problem with here is if you think it's gonna take a day,

it'll take three.

There's always something that stops you here, be it time or

now the weather.

It certainly sometimes feels like someone's trying to give

you a sign.

[thunder rumbles]

Dick: Have some faith, Phil.

Have some faith.

♪ ♪

Dick: Back at our place--Chateau de la Motte Husson--Angel's

giving some advice to chateau owners Michael and Jonathan who

are facing a make-or-break year for their wedding business.

Though they don't seem convinced when it comes to her flower

tips.

In fairness, you're using weeds out of a meadow, so--

I don't think wildflowers for weddings totally work on their

own.

I mix it up.

And I buy a selection of bought flowers--

Yeah.

--and I mix it in with all of this stuff that they're selling

in the florist-they're selling weeds in the florist [laughs]!

Dick: Our flower bill for a typical wedding is about 300

euros--way cheaper than Jonathan and Michael's 3,500.

I am so fine with you being a little bit skeptical at the

moment 'cause I feel like I want to--it's giving me a challenge

to convince you, so don't rule it out yet.

No, all right.

Angel: Just stay with me, stay with me.

You're gonna be my challenge today [laughs].

If we can sell these weeds for two or three--a couple of

thousands, they're well worth it [laughs].

[Angel laughs]

♪ ♪

This is our orangery, welcome.

Cool.

Angel: I think we're gonna start by just dressing some teapots

and whist flowers.

Go for it.

♪ ♪

So how many weddings have you got in your books this year?

- Michael: Eight this year. - Jonathan: Eight.

- Michael: Eight. - That's brilliant.

That's the same as us, by the way, and that was on purpose

because that's a manageable number.

And are you making a profit with that?

Michael: We're not making a profit at the moment, partly.

To break even, we need to be around the 10 to 12

market--mark.

To make a good healthy profit, we think we need to be about 18.

Dick: That's 18 weddings a year.

We're making money on every wedding--

Right.

--but we need to do a lot more turnover.

Dick: They need to put on more weddings, or make more wedding

per wedding.

Preferably both.

Have you got all your--of your own tables and all of that kind

of stuff?

We didn't--we have brides who come to us, say things like--one

will want round tables, one will want rectangular tables, one

will want a whole string.

It's what works for us.

Some get married in the woods, some get married in the garden,

some get married in the chateau chapel.

Angel: Yeah.

They want to sleep in different places; they all want breakfast

at different times.

From my perspective, you're offering too much.

Maybe we're wrong then, because we just keep thinking people

want the choice.

They do!

And everyone's gonna want something different.

But if you don't give them a choice, they'll be exactly the

same happiness [chuckling].

I'm telling you.

♪ ♪

Dick: If they offered a simpler package with less options, we're

convinced they would spend less money and make more profit.

And they could save thousands on the flower bill, if they've got

the skills.

I feel like you're really enjoying this, Michael.

Are you enjoying it, Jonathan?

You're having a nice time?

Jonathan: It's not my forté, I have to say.

Would you leave these--

Angel: I can sense that energy.

♪ ♪

Dick: So who's the best florist:

Michael or Jonathan?

He is the most competitive person on the planet and if--

Right.

You--you get the prize because--wait a second,

Jonathan, you get the prize because this is very similar to

my style.

It's a bit wide.

I love the form of it.

But you get the most creative, um, award because--[chuckles]--

I'm glad you were lost for words.

[laughter]

Jonathan: I'm actually quite--I'm actually quite

pleased with it, so I think that--

Angel: Go on, take a picture of it.

--that sitting on a table, on its own, away from all that

clutter there--

Angel: Yeah, there we go.

Jonathan:--I think--look at that.

That's the teapot grown, and the colours, look.

I got the thing--you know--

Angel: It's so arty.

You are so arty, Jonathan [laughs].

It's great.

Dick: So has my Angel won them over with her charming flowery

teapots?

It's a joy, actually, to look at that.

Look at it.

Look at that.

- Just look at that. - [Angel laughs]

It's got personality, hasn't it?

It has.

Would you do it again?

Would we do this at the chateau?

Yeah.

I actually quite like that [chuckles].

Dick: I think they've done really well.

These were good money-saving tips, but in order to really

increase their revenue, they have to get more bookings.

Well, should we go and have a drink and then a bit of lunch?

[laughs]

Jonathan: Now you're talking.

Michael: Now you're talking my language.

- Dick: Let's hope they do. - Angel: We can celebrate.

Well done.

♪ ♪

Dick: Just 30 minutes from us at Chateau Bailleul, the sun is

out, and rookie chateau managers Phil and Angelina Baillie-Smith

are finishing off clearing up debris from the winter storms.

For obvious safety reasons, ideally you'd have professionals

for this.

Sometimes you start a job, you end up doing it for days on end,

which is quite sort of daunting and demotivating.

But once you've gone through it, it's beautiful.

I got it.

Dick: It's been four days of backbreaking work, but they're

not out of the woods yet.

Ready!

Dick: To dispose the timber, they're going to need something

much bigger than what they've got to hand.

♪ ♪

Philip: Need a decent size trailer, but it's quite

expensive: 3,500 euros..

Not spending 3,500 euros just to move some stuff.

I'm just gonna destroy a caravan instead.

♪ ♪

Dick: After picking up a caravan for free, Phil's gonna have a

crack at reverse engineering.

Philip: What I require is the chassis.

Easy way of doing this:

- Plywood side-- - Angelina: OK.

--let's hit it off the wood base.

OK, yeah.

Philip: Then we can lift it off, OK?

Yeah, a little bit worried, but I'm sure it'll be all fine.

You didn't get your hat?

Philip: I don't need a hat, nothing to damage.

Angelina: I agree.

[Philip grunts]

This is for every single time I've been delayed in traffic.

Ouch.

Philip: There you go, see?

- See it's coming off that way? - Angelina: Yes.

[Philip breathing heavily]

Angelina: Oh, yeah, yeah, I certainly do.

- Philip: There we go. - Angelina: That was quick!

Dick: Although, lifting it off may take a little longer.

Yeah, it's quite heavy.

I've got a better idea.

- Angelina: What? - Where's a rope?

♪ ♪

Dick: In engineering terms, Phil is going to apply Newton's third

law of motion using force, tension, and friction.

In layman's terms:

I'm gonna rip it off with a car.

♪ ♪

Philip: All right, I'll just open the window.

Angelina: Oh.

Philip: Air condition, the standard.

Angelina: It's very forceful.

Dick: Almost all chateau jobs require the key skill of being

resourceful.

Phil's becoming a master.

♪ ♪

Philip: You don't have to be rich to have a place like this,

but you have to think of ways to do it quicker with a tool that

doesn't cost you a vast amount of money.

And that's how you'll get by in a place like this.

We're on.

- I'm quite excited. - Philip: Right, stand back.

All right, see what happens.

- Ready? - Yes, go!

[Angelina chuckles]

♪ ♪

- [bleep] - Keep going.

Rope snapped [chuckles]!

If we try to lift the front now--

We?

[whispering] I don't think so.

Would you like a sledgehammer again?

Philip: No, I'd like to be stronger.

Hasn't gone according to plan.

Angelina: Go!

Yay!

Well done!

It looks awesome.

Well, that was simple.

Look at that.

You peel away all of the mess, what you get to--this is the

steel chassis of the caravan.

I might celebrate getting this far.

3,500 euros for a trailer or an afternoon's work destroying

something to help us do another job quicker.

♪ ♪

Dick: I admire Phil's optimism, but there's still a long way to

go before he can call this thing a trailer.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[birds chirping]

Dick: In the southwest of France, artist Johnny and

partner Ashley are back on the hunt for their dream chateau.

The last place they saw didn't have the outbuilding space that

Johnny needed for his workshop, so it's on to the next one.

♪ ♪

What the satellite's telling me, it's just up here, babe.

- Oh wait-- - Oh, I think that's it.

- Johnny: That's it, right? - Ashley: I think it is.

Oh wow.

- Johnny: First impressions? - [Ashley chuckles]

- Ashley: It's huge. - Johnny: Overgrown?

- [both laugh] - Both: Wow.

♪ ♪

Dick: This is Chateau de Lomenie.

Johnny: Oh, how nice is this?

Look.

Dick: It's on the market for just under £530,000.

£210,000 over their budget.

Johnny: Here we are, baby.

[both chuckle]

Dick: And it's only got four bedrooms.

- Bonjour. - Ashley: Bonjour.

Bonjour madame.

[speaking in French]

- Ashley? - Je suis Ashley.

- How are you? - [chuckles]

Dick: But it does come with more than 12 acres of land and

several large outbuildings.

I think it's awesome.

I really love it.

I mean, it's--it's different to what we've looked at before.

Ashley: Yeah.

Dick: And like the last place they saw, it's also got a

brand-new roof.

Shall we look at the castle first?

- [inaudible] - Ashley: OK.

OK, come.

♪ ♪

[Alvy speaking in French]

- Ashley: Oh, wow. - Alvy: Entrance, beautiful.

- Ashley: Yeah, look at--

- Mosaic floor. - Ashley: Beautiful.

Wow, stunning.

♪ ♪

Alvy: Bibliothèque?

Johnny: Oh, the library, oui?

Alvy: Right.

This is what I love, this kind of detail.

- And these are stained? - Oui.

- Oui? - Alvy: Oui.

Oui, oui.

Beautiful.

♪ ♪

Dick: They're barely through the door when Johnny's eagle eyes

spot something wrong with the living room parquet floor.

So this is crazy, baby.

I mean, it's just been shot to pieces.

And all this is hardwood.

And I can see one of the buggers here, look.

- Ashley: Oh, is it-- - Johnny: There he is.

Dick: These are the dreaded termites I warned him about that

live in the south.

They feed on cellulose, and one of their favourite places to

find it is in the deadwood used to build houses or make

furniture.

Apparently there's almost--you can draw a line through France

where north of this line, i.e., where Dick and Angel live,

they have woodworm.

The further south you go, apparently--[laughs]--we get

termites here, and it's a big, big problem.

Dick: This entire hardwood floor would need to be ripped out and

replaced.

Johnny: Although this is a pain in the butt, all these places,

we know they all need work.

They all do.

There's no getting away from it.

You know, for the budget we've got.

♪ ♪

Dick: But downstairs in the basement, there's even more

termite damage.

Johnny: Oh, Dick will have a field day with this.

Look at that.

Crumbling.

Dick: Could this end Johnny and Ashley's dream?

Damn, look at it.

♪ ♪

Dick: At Chateau Bailleul in northern France, Phil

Baillie-Smith's grinding ahead with his homemade trailer.

Philip: Just want to go and buy everything you need, rather than

making it.

But a similar size trailer I was gonna buy is 3,000--3,500

eros.

♪ ♪

Dick: All Phil needs to do is to put a base and some sides on it,

and he'll be able to clear the storm-damaged tree from the

ground.

But there's a problem.

♪ ♪

I want to eliminate flex at the front before we put the frame on

the top.

If it's not straight, it'll never tow correctly.

Dick: Like a true engineer, Phil is planning his project with a

blueprint using a felt tip pen and a paper napkin.

I'm so proud.

'Cause I don't like planning too much, on the right is current,

on the left is some strengthening bits I have to put

in, and the finished product.

Dick: With their first-ever paid booking just weeks away,

Angelina's job is to get the feel of the chateau just right.

Angelina: Our guests--Anne and Chris--will be staying here.

However, when you come in to stay in a chateau, you don't

expect to sleep on a great big pallet bet, made completely out

of pallets.

So I got a bed to replace it.

It's curved; it's split at the front; lots of detail.

It's a lot more French chateauy look to it.

♪ ♪

Dick: Angelina's got her work cut out.

Decades ago, the chateau was converted into a hotel, and the

owners didn't quite share her passion for authenticity.

Chateaux, over the years, they've all been done to

somebody else's needs, so you do need to put in the work into it

to make it pretty.

[drilling]

Angelina: Perfect, that was easy.

Dick: While Angelina creates a chateau room of her dreams,

outside, Phil's having a nightmare trying to fix his

supporting struts to the trailer.

It's not good enough [grunting].

Dick: His electric welder just isn't powerful enough to bond it

to the chassis.

Time for plan B:

Drill holes and bolt it together.

Actually, probably should have been the plan--should have been

plan A.

Dick: I'd hurry up if I were you, fella.

Angelina's nearly finished.

[drilling]

Angelina: Oops.

Dick: And the wood pile's getting bigger.

I'm on my last one, but the screw has been dethreaded, so

I've got nothing to catch him with, and I need Phil doing his

magic.

Dick: Unfortunately, Phil's got his own problems.

Drill bit snapped.

When things aren't going your way, you sometimes wonder if

it's gonna be worth it.

Dick: But she's doing a sterling job on her own.

Angelina: Put the rubber over the screw.

Hopefully that will provide a grip.

Yes, finally!

[exhales]

I'll so pleased!

♪ ♪

Hey, hon!

How are you getting on?

Good!

How's it going?

It's not going according to the original napkin plan.

I have confidence in you!

[Philip sighs]

Philip: There are many hours of my life spent in this, and lots

where I wish I just bought a trailer.

[birds chirping]

♪ ♪

[birds chirping]

Dick: At Chateau de Jalesnes, it's a big day for owners

Jonathan and Michael.

Where are they?

Michael: I think they just pulled up.

Superb.

Dick: Today, they're expecting an American couple who are

looking for the perfect location for their wedding.

If they can persuade them to book the chateau, it'll be a

massive step towards making their business profitable.

Jonathan: It's the American market for destination weddings,

has to be one of the biggest in the world.

Most Americans love France, and love chateau, love history and

things like that.

So, it's quite nerve-wracking to have them walking through the

front door.

Steph: So beautiful.

This is amazing.

♪ ♪

Hello.

Jonathan: Lovely to see you.

Steph: Lovely to see you.

Hello, good to meet you, Michael.

Good to meet you, Michael.

Lovely.

Good journey?

Wonderful journey, absolutely.

You brought the weather with you.

Thank you very much [chuckles].

Oh my gosh, the weather.

This place is amazing.

It's beautiful.

Oh my god, this place is gorgeous.

Jonathan: Because the chateau's south-facing, if the sun's out,

it's here all day, so your guests can be outside on the

terrace and pretty much get the sun all the time throughout your

event.

- Let's go in. - Dave: All right.

- After you. - OK, thank you.

Dick: The couple are considering renting the entire chateau for a

week.

♪ ♪

Let me say that a week's rental here is going to cost about

30,000 euros..

Dick: That's about £25,000.

This could be a lifesaver for Jonathan and Michael's

struggling business, so they're doing all they can to impress

these Americans.

Jonathan: This is the main entrance hall which we would use

if it was inclement outside, and you could have your--what the

French call a vin d'honneur in here, which is a really nice

place to have it.

And your guests will get this image right from the front door,

right the way through to the pool, when the pool cover's off.

And the trees in the background will be full of green.

You'll just get this great big blanket of green at the back

there.

We've got circulating air.

We can change the air in here eight times an hour, so nobody's

falling asleep during your speeches [chuckles].

Dave: Yeah, yeah.

And this is the chapel.

- Oh! - Wow, this is cool.

Steph: This is so cool.

Love it!

Stunning!

So, dancing in here is great because--

Steph: Yes, yes.

--there's nobody above you--

- Dave: Yeah. - Steph: Yes!

Jonathan:--to be disturbed by the noise that goes on to the

early hours.

Steph: It will.

Jonathan: It's a little bit like being an estate agent.

You show people around, but they never like to insult you about

your house.

There must be many house owners out there who think, "Oh yes,

they loved it, loved it.

They said they--they said they thought the kitchen was

wonderful, and they thought--oh, they loved the light in here."

And as soon as they get out, they say, "Well, I wouldn't buy

that dump if you paid me."

And so, you can never believe what people say when they come

around.

Dick: Fortunately, Jonathan has a secret weapon.

Jonathan: We are very lucky to have Janet, who's our wedding

planner, and she's now working her magic.

She's got 12-years' experience at this sort of thing.

This will be, if we get it, the 32nd wedding that she will have

done, so she knows her stuff.

We're very fortunate.

So come on, Janet, do it.

Do it for me [laughs].

Do it for us, do it for the chateau.

♪ ♪

[birds chirping]

Should we go back in and have a look at the dining room?

- Sure. - Yeah, absolutely.

♪ ♪

Jonathan: I just hope that the answer's a big yes, and it

will--it will all help us to stay here, not pack our bags and

go back to the U.K. and start working 9:00 to 5:00 again.

[chuckles]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[birds chirping]

Dick: About 100 miles north, chateau rookie Phil is finally

completing his budget trailer at Chateau Bailleul.

Philip: Essentially, I had to change plans halfway through.

I wanted sheet metal, couldn't get it in time, so as always,

time takes precedence over perfection.

[exhales]

♪ ♪

Dick: And time is running out.

As well as having to clear the grounds before the summer season

starts, there's still an estate agency business to run in

London.

Philip: Angelina is travelling back from the U.K. at the

moment, because our lives are between the two places still.

I actually told her on the phone last night that it's already

finished, and I lied.

My friends say, "Oh, you're living the chateau life," but

the reality is Angelina's gonna have done 12 hours on the ferry,

2.5-hour drive from the ferry to here.

And the second she gets here, I'm going to make her clear up

with me.

Hello.

Look at that.

- You OK? - Angelina: Mm.

Welcome home.

Ah, it looks great.

I love it.

Hang on--you just jump in and break it, why don't you?

Angelina: Way too excited.

- Philip: No! - [Angelina laughs]

♪ ♪

Dick: The trailer may have passed the jumping up and down

test, but can it survive a fully laden trip to the skip?

Angelina: Don't be Speedy Gonzales in case it falls out.

I'm not.

This is our driveway; it's fine.

Luckily, the skip isn't far away, in case it does fall

apart.

Philip: If it falls apart on the way to the skip, I'm just

dragging it to the skip and leaving it there.

It looks sturdy, to be fair.

I think you did a really, really good job.

Oh, oh, that was shaking.

Dick: I'm impressed.

This once beaten-up caravan has saved them over £2,500.

Although, Phil's now twigged how he could have been even more

efficient.

♪ ♪

Now that's what I needed to make.

I...

Dick: I don't know, he makes one trailer, and he's already

thinking about branching out.

♪ ♪

Dick: Back in the south of France, Johnny and Ashley have

been viewing a chateau to buy, and they discovered it's got

termites.

It is what it is, and that's the beauty of these places.

You never ever know what you're gonna find, good or bad.

Dick: It's not the best news, but they still have the rest of

the chateau to see, and there's some things to be happy about.

Johnny: It looks like this has been rewired at some point,

which is a thumbs-up for Johnny, yeah.

So I think that will make Dick happy.

Yeah, I get a pat on the back from him, I think.

I might have to send him an email, say, "We have a new roof;

we've got electricity done."

[laughs]

♪ ♪

Dick: He's got every right to be smug because outside there's

even more reason to be happy.

Johnny: So what we got here then?

Look, all of the heating here.

Johnny: Heating?

Dick: The whole gas central heating system is brand new.

Just look at this brass work here.

Look at how lovely that is.

I have no idea what it does--

[Ashley laughs]

--but it's screaming new, and it's screaming expensive, right?

Oui?

Dick: That's about £50,000 worth of kit.

Plus, it's got a solar hot water system that could save them

hundreds of pounds a year.

- This is incredible, babe. - Ashley: This is great.

- This really is. - Ashley: Yeah.

Dick: It's a huge bonus.

But what gets Johnny really excited is outbuildings.

What are they like?

♪ ♪

[Ashley gasps]

Oh, babe, wait till you see this one.

- Oh wow! - Ashley: Oh wow!

- [Johnny laughs] - Ashley: Fabulous.

Johnny: Woo!

Oh!

Oh, babe, this is what we want, right?

Ashley: I love this room.

Johnny: Oh, babe, this is huge.

Wow.

♪ ♪

Dick: 1,000 square metres of outbuilding.

And best of all, it's already been partially renovated,

including double-glaze windows which could cost up to £2,000 a

piece in France.

I think I like this more than the actual castle.

Johnny: This is mind-blowing.

This is amazing.

Johnny: As an artist, you can never have enough space.

You know, at the moment, I'm restricted to the scope of art I

can do--the volume of art and also the size of art that I can

do.

So this--I mean, this is just a dream for an artist.

♪ ♪

- Johnny: Wow. - Ashley: That's amazing.

Johnny: That's crazy, right, babe?

Ashley: Yeah.

♪ ♪

Dick: I think it's safe to say Johnny and Ashley have fallen

head over heels for this place.

The thing is though, it's--

I know, it's crazy because it is way out of our budget, right?

- It is way over our budget. - [both laugh]

I mean, what if we just--we offer 450,000--

Yeah.

Ashley:--but we can't go higher.

- No. - I mean--

- Johnny: OK. - --we shouldn't.

We'll put an offer in for 450,000, and we'll see how we

go from there.

Yeah.

They can only say no, right?

It's true.

♪ ♪

Dick: 450,000 euros is almost £410,000.

This offer is £90,000 over their budget, £120,000 short of the

asking price.

- I'll call the owner. - Johnny: Yeah.

Ashley: OK.

Can you try for us, s'il vous plaît?

- Oui. - Merci beaucoup.

- Merci. - Ashley: Thank you.

[Alvy speaking French]

Johnny: And tell him that we are wonderful people.

[laughter]

- Difficile. - Difficile, oui.

- The price is very difficile. - Yeah.

♪ ♪

Dick: All they can do now is wait while estate agent Alvy

submits their bid to the owner.

We maybe shouldn't have looked at a place that was way out of

our price range.

Yeah, we're just asking for trouble.

But you never know, you never know.

It's a long conversation.

- Is that a good thing? - Probably not [chuckles].

♪ ♪

- Alvy: Bon, Ashley-- - Yes.

--very difficult, but the owner will consider your offer.

Both: OK.

Please call me in four--three, four days, OK?

Ashley: Three or four days, OK.

OK, oui, oui, difficile, yeah.

Thank you though.

Thank you.

- Voilà, Ashley, au revoir. - Merci beaucoup.

Thank you so much.

♪ ♪

Dick: The offer is way below the asking price.

Will it be accepted--

[chatter]

Dick:--or will they be laughed out of town?

Let's wait and see.

- Four days, yeah. - Ashley: Four days.

- We'll wait, fingers crossed. - Johnny: I'm not sleeping.

[both laugh]

Come on.

Come on, bobo.

Let's go for a walk.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Dick: Back at Chateau de Jalesnes, it's crunch time.

American couple Steph and Dave are coming to the end of their

tour with wedding planner Janet.

Up there, we wanna have the cocktail.

Now, whether we can eat up there or not is a question.

Well, we can have a look when we go--

Dick: They're on the cusp of deciding whether to hold a

wedding and seven-day celebration here.

♪ ♪

Janet: The wedding market in France at the moment is very,

very competitive.

There are lots of chateaux and private houses in the Loire

Valley and the rest of France who offer similar services.

Well, you know, I'm--yeah, be positive, be positive.

They will love it; they'll have it; they'll take it; we will

have a week-long weeding.

It'll be a very special day.

You know, we--British organization has renowned the

world over, and we're gonna do them justice.

♪ ♪

Dick: The booking worth £25,000 would be a life-saving boost to

Jonathan and Michael's struggling business.

Everything rests on this couple.

Will they, won't they?

♪ ♪

Oh, this is definitely the place that we want to have our

wedding.

Absolutely.

Steph: With everything that's here--the swimming pool, the

grounds, places for kids to play, places for adults to

play--it's definitely the right place.

It's been great.

It'll be really, really cool.

So, the next time we'll be here, it will be for our wedding.

Yeah.

♪ ♪

They just said yes; they're gonna take it.

No.

Really?

Full chateau rental for a week.

- The whole thing? - Yeah.

[laughing]

Oh my god, brilliant.

Yes!

Well, it's what we need, isn't it?

It's just the best!

And to what's been weeks of pressure, to pull this off.

I cannot express to you how--the pressure--the pressure.

It just builds and builds and builds.

And sleepless nights.

Inside, we're shrieking.

Dick: Time to celebrate.

But Michael and Jonathan will be put to the test organizing

everything over the coming days and weeks.

This is the first full chateau rental we've had not just this

year, it's the first one we've ever had.

So to have 45 people is gonna test us.

Now is the time for the real work to start.

Everything that we've promised, we've now got to deliver.

♪ ♪

[birds chirp and squawk]

♪ ♪

Dick: At Chateau Bailleul, for Phil and Angelina, the work is

never done.

The grounds have been cleared, but now they have another

project.

♪ ♪

Angelina: This is the first time I've seen you in waders.

You look fabulous.

Something is wrong with you.

[both chuckle]

♪ ♪

Dick: They have the chance to secure a second booking, a

wedding.

But there's one condition.

♪ ♪

They want to have a particularly large marquee, and they want it

over there on this completely wasted piece of land.

Dick: The problem is there's a moat in the way.

We need to build a bridge so people can go across.

Phil has never built a bridge before.

It's sort of trial and error, and we can't do the error part

in it, so hopefully Dick will help him out with the

engineering side of things.

♪ ♪

Dick: Our place--Chateau-de-la-Motte

Husson--is about 30 minutes away from Phil and and Angelina, and

I've agreed to help them out.

I built my first bridge back in the '70s, and I'm figuring they

haven't changed much since then.

Philip sent me some pictures.

First thing that strikes me is that's quite a long way for a

bridge--a decent span.

It's a good challenge.

♪ ♪

Dick: But I'm going to need some figures.

- Angelina: Oh, almost. - Philip: Halfway across.

Angelina: Get in.

Dick: And Angelina's kindly volunteered Phil to get them for

me.

Philip: Wait.

I hope he sinks in quite deep--[laughs]--and then I'll

have to come and rescue you in a moat.

Dick: Even though the moat seems to be just up to his knees,

there are three centuries of mud in there to consider.

[Philip grunts]

Philip: It's a metre and a half of silt.

Angelina: Yes.

This is like profile picture.

[camera shutter clicks]

Dick: The width of the moat is crucial to narrow down the type

of bridge we can build.

Philip: That's the edge of the bank?

- Angelina: Yeah. - Philip: It's eight metres.

Dick: I also need to know the amount of traffic the bridge

will be taking.

Philip: I reckon we've got to build a bridge designed to take

ten people a wedding, or a lawnmower.

♪ ♪

Dick: When I said "traffic," I didn't actually mean a 300-kilo

ride-on lawnmower.

As this is going to be a lot bigger than the average DIY job,

I'd like to have a chat with Phil before I head over there.

[computer dialing]

There you go.

How we doing, Philip?

- Philip: All right. - [Dick laughs]

So you haven't got enough to do, so you've decided to build a

bridge?

Yeah, you know, I've got so much spare time, bridge is a great

idea.

Dick: I feel your pain completely, mate.

Philip: The simple basic plan was two long beams straight

across, planking across to walk across.

[Dick chuckles]

OK, first thing's first, assume there's a bridge coming toward

you now, yeah?

Philip: Yeah.

And people are actually all leaning on one side.

Philip: Yes.

That twist in the bridge, that's gonna be an issue.

Philip: Right.

The other thing is if you all march in step--you go boom,

boom--left, right, left, right, you get simple harmonic motion.

I don't know if you've seen some of the big bridges where the

wind has caused it to rock, and it rocks itself to pieces.

Philip: Yeah.

Very impressive, but very dodgy.

Are you sure you want a bridge [laughs]?

[birds chirping]

Dick: With that amount of weight, I think it's better if

we just make two smaller bridges resting on an island in the

middle.

Have you ever heard of a clapper bridge?

No.

Dick: "Clapper" is from old Saxon for "stepping stones."

Put something in the middle, give yourself an island, one

half meets in the middle, other half meets in the middle.

That means you've got a 4-metre expanse.

Philip: Yeah, yeah.

And actually, it helps me.

I've got all the granite from the dry stone walls.

- No extra cost-- - Philip: Yeah, yeah.

--and makes your life easier.

I'm for a big DIY shop for getting the necessary netting.

This isn't chicken wire; this is the big netting.

That'll just hold the stones and sink straight in.

I gotta tell you, I'm a bit jealous.

Let me know when you're ready, and I'll come and play.

- Cheers. - Dick: Catch ya later, mate.

Brilliant.

[laughs]

If it was just him going across it to cut the grass, easy.

When it comes down to guests and lots of people, gotta

over-engineer it, so that foundation in the middle, safer.

I'm looking forward to going and seeing him.

In the meantime, Phil and Angelina need to search the

chateau grounds for as much free stuff as they can find.

Angelina: That's good, isn't it?

There's lots of it.

- That's for like fences? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want it to be--I want it to be solid on its own, right.

Angelina: I think so, my dear.

- Oh! - Philip: What?

This, look.

Look, what's this?

Philip: It's an old wheelbarrow.

Angelina: It's such an awesome piece.

I think we should resurrect that.

I'm rebuilding a bridge, and now you want me to rebuild a

wheelbarrow.

At that some.

That'll be lovely.

Thank you.

Dick: It looks like they'll have to cough up the cash for the

cage, but there is free granite.

Problem is it's 200 metres away from the moat.

Angelina: Underneath all this rubble?

Philip: Look.

Angelina: Oh my god, there's so much of it.

How much will we need?

Like, how big will the box be?

- About five tonnes. - I figured.

[Philip grunts]

Philip: This isn't as simple as I thought.

It's just I don't have any idea how I can get it to the other

side.

♪ ♪

Dick: If it's any help, I know where there's on an old

wheelbarrow.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Dick: Next time:

I give Phil lessons in bridge-building.

It's not quite a bridge yet.

It's a bit wobbly and it's a bit bouncy.

You're looking a bit concerned, Phil.

Jonathan and Michael's frustrations rise when

entertaining friends at their place.

--wants to have a big breakfast.

You can't keep everybody else waiting.

♪ ♪

Dick: And Johnny and Ashley discover some of the quirks of

looking for your dream chateau.

Does he stay with the house?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪